Professor Pasternak Says You’re Not Graduating

Jessica's mom is so paranoid about her grades that she asked Skeery to call from the school's office, with a little credit issue.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Elvis Duran, The Elvis Duran phone tap.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, Jessica, say good morning to Scary.

Speaker 3 (00:05):
Kay, Gary, you want to play a phone tap on
your mom? Absolutely, because he's still paranoid about my grades
and about school that.

Speaker 1 (00:15):
I just think it would be great just to screw
with her with this.

Speaker 3 (00:17):
She knows that you're on the Dean's list, an honor student,
and you're graduating all the way this semester. Absolutely. Yeah,
So how about we put a crimp in those plans
and tell her that you're missing a couple of credits.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
That's great, here we go, I'll start.

Speaker 1 (00:32):
May I help you?

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Oh? Yes, I'm looking for Marie Alexander.

Speaker 3 (00:36):
Please, Yes, this is Hill. My name is Professor Pasternak.
Here exist Aarphanius College. Yes, your daughter is supposed to
be graduating with one hundred and twenty eight credits, right,
she fell three credits short. Are you aware of this?

Speaker 1 (00:51):
She did call someone last week from the house. She
spoke to a gentleman and he said that she had
made up three credits.

Speaker 2 (01:01):
Okay, I have no record of that, but there's no
way she can march in June.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
I am so upset. You have no idea we have
we have a hall for the for the graduation and everything.

Speaker 3 (01:14):
That's that's jumping the gun a little bit. Well, you
can have a celebration anyway.

Speaker 1 (01:19):
Let me try to get in contact with her.

Speaker 2 (01:21):
Okay, yes, thank you. Yeah, don't answer the phone.

Speaker 1 (01:24):
Okay, Oh, was you calling me right now?

Speaker 2 (01:26):
I'm gonna call her right back.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Okay, can I help you? Did you call me? Yeah,
Professor Pasternak? Uh huh, Well he just called me to
tell me you're not graduating college. Okay. I didn't want
to tell you just yet, and I didn't think they
call you so fast. What are you gonna do, Jessica?
I just I was gonna take it in the summer
at Jessica, we have a whole we have everything. I said,

(01:50):
an idiot, This man just called me. I'm mortified. Good.
I think you should have stayed home once in a
while and did the paper. Is the way you're supposed
to do them, and I wouldn't be getting phone calls
like this at work. Are you mad at me right now? Jessica?
I'm mortified, Hello.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
Miss Alexander. Yes, Professor Pasternak.

Speaker 1 (02:18):
I'm going for a hard time right now. She told
me she tried to hide it from me as long
as possible because she didn't want to hurt me.

Speaker 3 (02:26):
Yes, they do that all the time. What about some
of the behavioral issues? What behavioral She was caught relieving
herself in the bushes on the main quad.

Speaker 1 (02:38):
Excuse me?

Speaker 2 (02:39):
Did she tell you about that?

Speaker 1 (02:41):
No?

Speaker 3 (02:42):
Okay, I really thought there was a more open line
of communication between you.

Speaker 2 (02:48):
And your daughter.

Speaker 1 (02:49):
I'm trembling, trembling.

Speaker 3 (02:52):
Yeah, hold on a second, let me see if I
can conference her in here. You guys need to have
more conversation. Jessica, are you there? I have your mother
on the line.

Speaker 1 (03:01):
Jessica, I'm ready to puke up my my. What did
we eat? I don't even know what we ate? I
had a taco bell. I'm a shaking. I'm really sorry, Jessica.
What real, Jessica squid? I mean that this is fake, scary?

Speaker 2 (03:19):
She's phone tapping you.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Oh my god. I hate everybody.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
No, you don't.

Speaker 3 (03:27):
I do hate you.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
I don't even know you when I hate you. See
Elvis Duran's phone tap.

Speaker 2 (03:34):
This phone table was pre recorded with permission granted by
all participants. The Elvis Duran phone tap only on Elvis
Duran in the morning show