Feminist Movie Friday: Patrice

The 2024 documentary rom-com Patrice: The Movie showcased beautiful relationships and the ways systems get in the way of them when it comes to people with disability.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey, this is Annie and Samantha. Welcome stuff. I never
told your prediction by heart radio.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
And today we're featuring a delightful documentary rom com as
I call it titled Patrise, the movie I was telling
Annie because I was in charge of this outline today.
A Peek behind the curtain is everywhere. I take it
everywhere because the style is first of all, it's wonderful.

(00:39):
I had a lot of emotions, a lot of anger,
loved all the friends. Like it's a lot, so I
hope you can keep up with us and my mindset
in this movie, as in like how my mind works.
You're kind of seeing because I was. It was one
of those moments of like I wanted to talk about everything.
I had a lot of emotions. My partner and I
watched it. We both were in tears a couple of

(01:00):
times because we were kind of like frustrated with them. It's
a lot, but it is a twenty twenty four movie,
so spoiler alert in it. I guess worth the watch.
It is on Hulu. You should not a sponsor currently,
but it is again a delightful movie. Worth the watch,

(01:21):
worth getting those numbers up. I hope they get a
lot of views for this movie. This documentary was directed
by Ted Passen, who teamed up with Patricia Jetter to
tell her story with the help of her own work
and writing art and her friends. Here's a bit from
their site from is patristhemovie dot com. So Patrise' the

(01:42):
movie is part of a disability rebrand in the tradition
of films like cryptcamp Fire Through Dry Glass and I
Didn't See You There, which seek to center stories of
disabled people and move the storytelling lens from the medical
model of disability to the social model. And y'all, if
you listen to our booklot, you know what we're talking
about with that. So go back to the book club.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
Yes, it's any good one.

Speaker 2 (02:06):
It is a good one. You should also read that book.
We need to go back to our book clubs where
we were going to do actual book club style.

Speaker 1 (02:13):
We would announce the book at the end so people
could read it.

Speaker 2 (02:16):
Yeah, I feel like we need to try. We are
so bad at deciding don't write before. But anyway, yes,
we're also the same with the movies, to be fair
with that. So Patrice was the lead production designer for
this movie, by the way, and for the play portion,
which is a part of the documentary. Her artwork was
recreated by the art department as the sets, and they're

(02:38):
really good, actually really really good. And the scripts of
the movie was created out of the stories Patricia would
tell or the interviews that she had with them. They
would actually get all this down, write it up, and
then have her memorize and use that as the script,
which is phenomenal. And the movie featured a disabled actors
to portray the disabled characters throughout, which again like they

(03:00):
took a whole company and use them, and then they
also took a whole company and use children actors, child
actors for that no one, they were all protected from,
you know anything. It's actually wonderful and they do a
really good job in portraying these characters. And just as
important for them is the inclusive cast and team of course,

(03:21):
but they also made sure that accessibility was there by
hiring an accessibility coordination team, and as it should, they
said that accessibility included emotional support, so a bit more
from their site, it says accessibility also included emotional support.
A trauma informed counselor, doctor Laura Quiros, met with Patrice

(03:44):
weekly during the majority of production. As we dealt it
deeper into more difficult memories from the past. And in
that article they go on to say, our goal was
to match Patricia's generosity in sharing her story with creating
an experience that could be as healing and cathartic as possible. Well,
we hope our production can help normalize these practices in
the industry. I love that. I love that so much.

(04:10):
I love that they took that time to make sure
that all of that was available because it is. It
is a story that has a lot of trauma but
also a lot of like growth for Patrice, and she
is so kind to share those stories with us and
talk about the reality of her story. So I love
to see that this film was so aware and had

(04:34):
such an amazing practice like this, and yet it should
be normalized. Why can't it be?

Speaker 1 (04:40):
It should be?

Speaker 2 (04:41):
Should be anyway, moving on, So with that, here we
go into the plot again is a little scattered apologies,
and oddly they didn't attribute any of the actual friends
and any of the credits. So I was really good
annoyed by that situation because I'm like, why are they

(05:03):
not getting credit for being a part of this? I'm
sure they are, but IMDb didn't include them, so annoyed.
But they did have all the kids in the all
the people who portrayed some of the stories, but they
should have had some of the friends because the friends
were amazing. I loved them anyway. Going on, so we
meet Patrice and her partner Gary Wickham, who were preparing

(05:23):
for their big performance in an ice skating competition. I
don't know how to ice skate. I just want to
put that there. So I was like, what, Yeah, actually.

Speaker 1 (05:33):
I'm bad at ice skating. I feel like a horror
fied face.

Speaker 2 (05:40):
Yeah mine too, because I was like what. So they
are a big community who was a part of the
ice skating competition for I believe the Special Olympics. They
talk about their journey and they introduced us to their life.
Patresa is one of the best school crossing guards once
in the world and beloved by some many including the

(06:01):
school kids, and she loves them and she loves her job.
With them are their friends, including Elizabeth and Delaney. Elizabeth
is a real one. Delaney is too, but Elizabeth is
a real one with like her activism and her work.
I just want to put that out there. I thought,
I was like, yes, girl, let's be friends. So with
that we find out that Patrisea and Gary are in

(06:23):
love and with nothing more than being able to get
married or the very least be able to live together. Unfortunately,
listen to our past episodes, due to their disability benefits,
they are not able to get married without losing a
big chunk of it. We witness the struggle that Patrisa
and Gary are going through navigating their relationships, their job,

(06:45):
their benefits, and their social groups. Throughout this time. They
decided instead of a wedding that they would hold a
commitment ceremony, which is also risky apparently, but with that
they decided having bride. They're gonna have bride Mays, Elizabeth
and Delaney are gonna be brides Mays and groomsmen and
such a reception and an official ceremony with their friends. Unfortunately,

(07:06):
they run into a lot of challenges, including the fact
that Patricia's car pretty much falls apart. Like the dude
who was looking at her car was like, uh, I
would tell you to never use this car again because
it's going to fall apart. Literally. Yeah, it's like you
have you were going to have issues.

Speaker 1 (07:24):
Yes, he even giggles.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
A little bit. He was like, no, I wouldn't touch
this car if I was you.

Speaker 1 (07:29):
And she's really, wow, this is like my life's Yeah.

Speaker 2 (07:34):
She had put a lot of money. She had already
did a little bit of a fundraiser to get this car.
She's done a lot, and she had to get it used,
like she had to get a not great one and
it only lasted her a couple of years because this
is what she could afford at the time. With that.
Of course, the economy the way it is, I get you,
it's getting a new car that's impossible. They're like, what,

(07:54):
it feels so impossible. She and Gary go to look
at actual vans that are accessible for wheelchairs and so
much more, and she discovers that the most reliable van
that she could get costs around fifty thousand dollars. Like
he was like, it's just a low fifty thousand and
I'm I guessed my heart hurt because that's definitely way

(08:15):
more than the car I just bought. I'm like what.

Speaker 1 (08:18):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (08:19):
We see her going through trying to get credit, trying
to get approvals for a huge paper, like the numbers
were like, oh my goodness. Gary was like, are you
sure you want to do this type of thing, and
we see that she does not have good enough credit.
Her credit is not good enough to get this type
of rates and cars, and there's no telling how much
the rate was. Like my mind was spending on this one.

(08:39):
Because we also know that the stipulations for their benefits
as it currently is, is that they're so strict. They
can't have a certain amount of money. They can't have
over two thousand dollars in their account. If they do,
they will they're Medicaid will go away. So having money
for cars, homes, anything along those lines are impossible for
them to do. But this is a beautiful moment. Throughout

(09:03):
through the help of her friends and online community, she
was able to raise enough money to get a reliable car.
I don't think she knew they were doing this. She
kind of sent out at like, hey, y'all, if you
can do these things, like they collect cans and they
are going through drives, they're doing all of these different
things and they're getting minimal to Elizabeth was very frustrated
by this by the way. She was like, why are

(09:24):
we doing this, You're not getting enough money. At one
point they gave like they two large trash bags and
it was sixteen dollars. Yeah, so very frustrating in every way,
but again through the help of her friends who rallied
behind her and just talked about how amazing about a
person she is and well, how she deserves this, and
how this is on lifeline because at one point she

(09:46):
thought she was going about to lose her job. She
was able to get that money she verified with the
fundraising organization. They're like congratulations, and she just goes into
like silence. It's a beautiful moment that she's able to
buy the car and she goes and gets it and
shows that all the dude comes back and gives the
car is like, you deserve this. I hope you love
this car type of thing, which also was in my head.

(10:06):
I was like, well, if she really deserved it, you
would have helped her instead of told her it was
fifty thousand dollars.

Speaker 1 (10:10):
But you know, yeah, this is also just to note,
we did talk about this on the episode we did
on marriage and disability. But you can't use GoFundMe because
that counts as income, that's right. So she had to
use a separate She had to find a separate thing
so it wouldn't register as income, right.

Speaker 2 (10:33):
Yeah. Anyway, with going on and throughout the documentary, we
actually learned Patrisa's life story and the difficulties she and
her family, specifically her mother had to struggle through in
their own relationships and in the society at large. Mother
her mother kept her out of institutions as much as
she could because she saw because she worked at one,
and she saw how awful they were. I think this
was in the seventies until there was a whole conflict

(10:55):
because Patras went to a dance and her mama did
not like this, that her mama did not trust her
because she was definitely infantalizing Paterse a lot and things
got became physical, and at that point she is in
an institution. I think she actually got into detention center.
And in this she also talks about how they kind

(11:17):
of progressed in their relationship. We understand how Patrice saw
her own childhood because this by the way, she had
this play ready to go from when she was young.
You actually see clips of her filming things, and then
you see clips of her drawings that made it into
the sets, and also her walking through the complicated relationship
with her mother, and she admits you know, these were

(11:38):
the bad things that have happened. But I know my
mom did the best she could. She didn't know what
exactly she was doing in all of this, but she
came from the era of the seventies where her dreams
were to be a ballet dancer and that never worked out. Like,
there's so much into this that that she had, and
her mother had a lot of fears for her. But
the very last day she got to it and joke

(12:00):
with her and have laughs and before she died, and
it was just like, oh my god. So a lot
of closure there. So it was beautiful and she has
a great relationship with her older sister. We see a
clip of her also during that fundraiser two. I was like, ah, tears,
I'm okay, I'm okay. We also see that friendship that
blossomed into a romance between her and Gary, as well

(12:24):
as her fighting to get the job that she loved.
She talked about the industry and how bad it was.
We're gonna talk a little bit about that, but like
she was not qualified for anything, and then all of
a sudden she's like, you know what, I want this job.
She goes to the mayor. She's like, I can't prove
to this that this was discrimination, but I'm pretty sure
it is and she was able to do it. I
loved everything about that, Like, yeah, girl, you're a fighter.

Speaker 1 (12:46):
Like didn't she like interview twenty times?

Speaker 2 (12:49):
Yeah, she interviewed so many times. And finally she was
like what why. She was like, you know what, mayor, Mayor,
I'm like, yes, advocate, she's an advocate. Also in the documentary,
we see Patrice and her friends come together to continue
to fight and advocate for the rights for the disabled community.
Patricia those out this idea. They have a whole like

(13:10):
support team meeting talking about the marriage inequality and how
this is really bad and they really just want to
be with a person that they love and they and
she goes like, we know what, why don't we go
to DC. Why don't we go to them and ask
couples and show them who we are, like how much
we love each other, and so they can see us
and know that we are here, we exist, and we
have the right to love each other. And she's like,

(13:31):
you know what, let's have our ceremony there. It was great.
So they did. They did this very thing, and in
this it was a beautiful moment. She does a whole
little ceremony for them and they all kiss and it's
such a cutie. But in all of this, Patrice and
Gary are going strong today for what I gather, and

(13:51):
though they are still fighting for equal rights for disabled people,
they're not quitting.

Speaker 1 (13:56):
You know.

Speaker 2 (13:56):
This film was a part of that conversation that she's
not asking for more, she's asking for.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
Equal Yeah, I mean, I think that should be a thing.
I'm with you and your partner. It's a beautiful movie.
The artistic, her artistic, The way they do the flashbacks
where it's designed as as if it's from a child's mind,
is beautiful. It's interesting, you know. I love all the

(14:29):
nerd things that.

Speaker 2 (14:30):
Were I didn't talk about it. I'm not. I'm so sorry.
There's so many wonder Woman from Star Wars, Star Wars
from Jump like there was, there's much of it.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Yes, it was a very beautiful. There's so many beautiful,
sweet relationships. A lot of the scenery was very beautiful.
But I just get I knew this stuff. Yeah, and
it's still infuriated me, Like the fact that you can't
have more than two thousand, so she couldn't even save
for a car. They couldn't even live together, not even
get married, live together, right, like it just so it

(15:04):
was one of it was a movie that was both
like a beautiful, this is amazing experience, but also my goodness, right.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Like, you don't want this to be Like I said,
they try to step away from inspiration porn. They want
to center the disabled community and actually have disabled people
represent themselves in their own stories, which is exactly right.
But at the same time, there's this level of like,
but it has to be a bit of an inspiration
because they do not have these equal rights that it

(15:34):
has to push to people to be like this, this
is inhumane. Please can you see us as human? Is
a plea And it's such a like intensely imperfect and
like irritatingly anguish, but you just like you feel like
you can't you can't do anything. It's like overwhelming level

(15:58):
of like why why why is the government like this?
Why are people so insistent on making sure people can't
be happy?

Speaker 1 (16:10):
Well, even the lawyer. At one point they go to
a lawyer and she's just like it feels like she's
near tears and says, well, the history was this, and
they're just not gonna change it. I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 (16:24):
Yeah, oh okay, so we've already kind of jumped into it,
but I'm I'm gonna name this Themes and Thoughts because
they're not themes. Okay, So we're gonna put this section
as themes and Thoughts, and we're gonna have a conversation.

(16:46):
And this is where I say, my mind was kind
of scattered because I just started typing quotes and going
through like this and this and this and this is
what I found. So hang the tight with us, listeners.
We'll get to that point. You know how I liked it,
like to expand. But of course, one of the things
that it needs to talk about the different relationships, the
number one relationship obviously because it is a rom com,

(17:09):
which I did appreciate the beginning scenes of them getting
into bed together and happy. It's just a very normal
couple times they were like but they were like, well,
I'm in bed to get turned off the light, and
I'm like, to be honest, yeah that's us. I'm like
yelling at my partner upstairs while in bed, come turn
the light off. If we didn't have Google to tell

(17:31):
us to do this, I have automated things. Then I
would have been like, the light's gonna stay on. I'm
too tired. I'm not getting up. I've done everything. But
we do have that love relationship between Patrice and Gary
who found each other who pace got friend zone first.

Speaker 1 (17:48):
I was like, what would you do? No, you don't know.

Speaker 2 (17:53):
The first and Nile and it took some time with
them growing and helping each other in times of need
like this is where we're like, I can't. They're not
necessarily limited people of disabilities. They are together and they
can function if they have the right things, as we
talked about in the book club and having partnership that

(18:13):
helps so much. And she was taking care of him
and his love grew for her. Then he's like, you
know what, you're not sleeping on the couch, come to
bed with me. I was like, I love that she
had put that in there. It was so cute.

Speaker 1 (18:31):
Yeah, I felt like it was. There were so many
moments where there were instances of people saying things that
we as society think or taboo, and one was her
best friend was like, oh I farted or something like that,
and she lowed. She thought it was great.

Speaker 2 (18:48):
They all have those moments. He talks about getting too
many onions. He's like, you know what's gonna happen?

Speaker 1 (18:53):
Yeah, But I think because as we were discussing that
in the book Club episode, there's been so much we
don't talk about these things, so that's shameful and all
that stuff, and so it was it was really refreshing
to just see people do that disability or not when
you get really comfortable with somebody, right, but I can
understand when you don't know somebody that well and they're

(19:16):
already willing to be like you know what, yeah that
it's like, Okay, we can actually talk about these things
and you won't make me feel like I am strange
because of it.

Speaker 2 (19:28):
Right, And I mean there's also this level and the
love between them is they're like they didn't know. We
loved this conversation that they had about coming together and
truly loving each other. And they have such a couple
moment in which she's in such distress because she's scared
about her losing her car, she's scared about not being
able to go back to her job. She understands like

(19:50):
she can't qualify for these loans, all these things, and
she doesn't know what to do, and he doesn't know
what to do for her, all the things that he's
doing for her, he's trying to encourage her, he's trying
to help her, and then like he turns to his
friend and he's like, you know, I feel like there's
only so much I can do and I feel helpless.
And it's the thing is like these moments where everything's

(20:10):
stressed out because of money, which hers is like tenfold
because again the level of stuff that she has to
keep in order for their benefits is kind of one
of those moments of like, yeah, this is a couple.
This is being a couple and how you're doing together
with each other and understanding sometimes you don't know what
to say, and that's okay. You're just there. When they're

(20:30):
celebrating together, when she finds out she's got she's got
that money, the way he holds on to her and
she just breaks the part into his arms, like that
is that is love. That's a partnership. It's such a
beautiful partnership. And the fact that they want to grow
old together. And then they had to kind of face
some of their own familial background when it comes to

(20:53):
like the fact that her mother really truly felt like
she could never be in a relationship, they're going to
take advantage of her, They're going to do these awful
things her, or that she can't have friends because they're
not gonna understand her, they're not gonna be her. But
she was like, wait, I can't make friends. Oh this
is yeah, I will have lots of friends. That's amazing.
And then as well as saying like for him, like
his family who all died, who all from when I

(21:16):
gathered died and he felt so alone and learning some
of their life lessons and being able to see someone
as family, you know, there's so much to that. Also
found out his dad was in the video for a
Public Enemy.

Speaker 1 (21:31):
Do you notice that?

Speaker 2 (21:34):
And like they pointed out, I was like, oh, that's him.
And then he's like, also he's a wicket and I
was like, well damn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:40):
He was real quick to bring that out.

Speaker 2 (21:44):
But I think that's honesty, and like, because she is
a black woman, he's like, I have to let these
like my parents would not like her, but I know
that's their prejudice. And I was like, yeah, well you
know what, at least you know, yeah, at least you
know maybe you have some baggage with that, So good
on you. So there's like just some honest conversations in that.
So they really were adorable and wonderful trying to figure

(22:05):
this out. He was absolutely one hundred and ten thousand
percent behind her, you know, which often happens in her
activism right there, but like she was doing work and
he was proud, and I love love seeing a man
support his girl.

Speaker 1 (22:20):
I also love in the beginning, it opens, as mentioned,
with an ice skating scene and she's kind of ironing
her outfit, her wonder woman outfit, and he's like, so,
I'm supposed to spin here, and he's like kind of
correcting him. But it's it's it's very it's a sweet

(22:40):
moment because he does he goes out and does it,
but it's kind of this like joking moment between them
where he's he's he wants to go support her, He's
going to go do it, yeah, but he's kind of like,
so reminded, what is happening?

Speaker 2 (22:56):
When are we do it? Yeah? Of course she's in
charge of all the things.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Okah.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
That's the other part that it's very religional, and we
talk about these things as if it's bigger. We're not
trying to say, oh, are thank you. It's literally like no,
they're showing us this is their normal life and the
things that are holding them back are literally what governments
are not providing. Yeah, which would give them.

Speaker 1 (23:20):
Money if she could have saved the money.

Speaker 2 (23:22):
She loves her job, she wants to keep her job,
but she also makes you to have to make sure
she can't make over a certain amount to actually provide
for them. Because health care. Annie and I just talked
about our healthcare. We as people who are seen as
able bodied and pay their bills a lot. It pays
a lot of money in our insurants a lot. Only

(23:45):
we have so much debt already in the amount of
what we just for a regular doctor visit.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
M yeah, it's absurd.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
So I cannot imagine if you did not have this benefits.
And I thought I had to have medicine on a
constant or equipment on it constant, which I sudn't mind well.

Speaker 1 (24:02):
And also like somebody, I mean somebody has already made
the comment to me, well, your insurance is going to
go up from just this one thing.

Speaker 2 (24:15):
Right, And I was like.

Speaker 1 (24:18):
Okay, so, I I mean, yes, it's not. They were
living perfectly fine. The government was putting in all of
these obstacles to keep them from living. It's just to me,
it sounds so absurd. Yeah, they just want.

Speaker 2 (24:40):
To live together, and what would be the status quo life,
Like what people want us to do.

Speaker 1 (24:44):
They even say at one point, like what changes if
they get married? Why is it It's not like their disabilities.

Speaker 2 (24:51):
Changed, right, They can't change exactly, Why taking it away? Right? Okay,
So when we say this, and and that's what's kind
of the point of the movie is like, know, the
only things that are holding ours bag is not out disabilities.
It's the fact that again we're not being treated as
human and provided the adequate care, which should be automatic.

(25:13):
Anyway back to but the friendships. Oh, I adored these friendships.
I adored these friendships. And there was a moment where
we are introduced to Elizabeth, who has been diagnosed with autism,
and she talks about, you know, her life and what
that looks like and having a lot of sensory things
and being very aware, very self aware of how she
functions and what she needs to do for those diagnoses.

(25:36):
She talked about the fact that in her childhood she
was diagnosed with bipolar and they wanted to institutionalize her,
but the parents were like, no, who are not doing
that and was able to get a better diagnosis. So
she was really talking about how her parents helped her
out with all of that. And I'm telling you, she
was a real one the things that she was saying.
She was fighting and arguing like and I get it

(25:58):
because I get to this point in that same realm
of like, Okay, this doesn't make sense, this is injustice
that why would they do this? It just could not
grasp why things would be the way it was. And
I love that. We did have a moment in which
Elizabeth was very supportive of Patrice, especially with the car

(26:19):
stuff and understanding this is really important. This is something
that is going to make a break a lot of
her life decisions and a lot of the things that
she depends on. And at one point Patrice calls her
and talks to her and she's like, I'm so sorry
for making you do this. I know you that you
don't want to do this. Are we okay? And Elizabeth

(26:41):
is like, what, Yeah, I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed by like
having to touch sticky stuff and having to deal with this,
but and I'm frustrated that you can't get money and
that the people are holding you back and the government.
I'm holding you back. I'm not mad at you. And
she has this quote that says, and this is what
Elizabeth said. She says, there shouldn't be contingencies and friendships

(27:03):
and oh my god, Elizabeth, why I did this is
kind of what I did. I was like, oh my god.
And at one point Patrice explains, you know, I've been
really scarred by pastoral relationships and that she's been told
that she's been she's too needy, and so she was
so scared that she was going to lose Elizabeth because
she thought she was being too needy. Why that moment

(27:28):
broke me a little bit.

Speaker 1 (27:30):
Yeah, I feel that.

Speaker 2 (27:31):
I feel that I too.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
I also have to say I loved I feel like
you don't. At least in my experience, you don't too
often get a realistic depiction of somebody who has that
type of autism. And they really showed it. And I'm
glad that they did. Because people have these sensory issues,

(27:56):
they have to go in the dark of whatever it is,
and that that's another thing that I think a lot
of people, able bottomed people misunderstand right, is they think
disability looks this one way. So I'm glad I really
appreciated that they showed that.

Speaker 2 (28:13):
Yeah, I mean, she definitely had a moment where she
was like this too much is too loud, and she
was getting anxious and over the top that she had
to remove herself and go quiet in the room. And
she kind of explains it and she wasn't kind of
annoyed that she had to be in the dark room
by herself in a time that had to that was
to celebrate and plan for her best friend. But she
handled that well. She knew it, she knew what she

(28:34):
got and to that point, we have a conversation with
her and patrise again and Patresea's like, hey, I will
never put that put you in that position again. You're
worth doing these that she changes for. I'm so thankful
for you. We're good. Oh my godh god, this is actual.
There's the amount of communication that was happening. Was a

(28:55):
joy again, Elizabeth. I loved Elizabeth and that friend ship.
We're talking little because she's in and out, she's all
through this thing. But of course we also see the
difficulties with family. I kind of talked we kind of
talked about it at the beginning, about the relationship between
Patrese and Gary, and just also her relationship with her mother,
and she talks, she goes to real in depth about

(29:17):
the things that they went through, being really having derogatory
terms being yelled at her by her mom. She was
kind of surprised and couldn't figure out why that was
happening in some of the times, as well as her
relationship with her sister and you know, like wishing she
could be like her sister and could be around her
sister more. Then again, we hear Gary's relationship with his family. Again,

(29:41):
I think it was a little more complicated as well,
a lot of things, but he really loved them and
they really cared for him and was there for him.
I cannot imagine losing your family or entire family, yeah,
in that way, but there was so much to that,
and then having their chosen family, like having of the
friend groups that really rally for them, the coming around,

(30:03):
eating the fruitcakes and all the all the stuff. I
love friendships of course. Like also we talk about like
the independence when it comes to this conversation about disabled
people's and again it makes it really hard for them
to be independent, not because they can't, it's because of
the like the roadblocks the government puts up, the society

(30:26):
puts up than anything else. She has a conversation about
her owning her first home when she was actually like
declared independent from her mother, which her mother kind of
fought her on, but she won that, and then with
that she was able to get a home because there
was a program I believe before the bush here and
then the Bush was like, yeah, these rights.

Speaker 1 (30:52):
No take back my Yeah that's not what I meant.

Speaker 2 (30:56):
Anyway, But before then she did. She was on that program,
was able to get the house, and she was so excited.
Everything was so great up until more roadblocks, and then
she needed to get a job in order to get
all these things because yes, the disability checks, surprise, they're
not enough for someone to truly live. Literally. We have
a moment of Gary being like, I paid all my bills,

(31:18):
I have fifty eight dollars. Okay, now I need the internet.
I got twenty dollars. I was like, oh my god,
And she was actually really happy about that.

Speaker 1 (31:27):
Yeah, and they're trying to put together this commitment ceremony,
which we were all excited for because they have such
this beautiful relationship. I hear this fifty eight dollars number
and then the car breaks down, and it's just like.

Speaker 2 (31:43):
Another why I have the memories of like having the
three jobs, living paycheck to paycheck and the anxiety that
just rows into my chest hearing those numbers. H and
I get it. And I was doing pretty good, doing
pretty good, and she's like, we do and I was like, yeah,

(32:07):
but back but trying to find independence. She does talk
about I love some of the things that she did
the minute she moved out, including she talks about I
had ice cream at four thirty am because I could.
I had ice cream for breakfast because I could, Like,
I had loud music on, I had friends over, Like
all of these things were quite like, Yeah, that's that

(32:27):
feeling of independence at first. Their moments where I'm like,
I'm an adult. I'm gonna eat cereal for dinner. No
one can tell me squat, I'm gonna eat ice cream
for lunch. I've done this y'all recently.

Speaker 1 (32:41):
You know. It's a very I think a lot of
us can relate to this. When you move out and
you're like, you know what I'm gonna do and then
about a year later, you're like, uh.

Speaker 2 (32:54):
I can't live like this. She does talk about the
fact that she knew she had to get a job.
She was borrowing money. People are telling her, this is
what you chose, You got to do these things. So

(33:15):
she does. And this is what we were talked about earlier
when she was trying to get the school crossing guard
job and they kept selling her no, and other jobs
and they kept telling her no. She finally settled to
what was called a sheltered workshop, which I'm not gonna lie.
I don't think I knew much about this, which is
really unfortunate because my whole like grad paper was about

(33:37):
child labor, but it was international, so that's bad on me.
But sheltered workshops essentially they just hire you for minial
jobs with giving you pennies based on how much you do. Yeah,
and she called the sweatshops and I was like, you
know what, Yeah, you're not wrong.

Speaker 1 (33:57):
She was assembling American flags well, by.

Speaker 2 (34:00):
The way, yes, and the holidays or the big days
and a big push. And she talked about how some
days she would have fifty one dollars for a check
in some days it's seventy seven cents. I was like
what and the mh yeah. Yeah, so she didn't talk
about that. And then again her advocating for herself and

(34:21):
being able to be like, you know what, it's time,
Why can't I be a crossing guard? Let me do this.

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Because it says specifically in the thing like no qualifications necessary.
There was like something in there that she was like
because they always asked her are you qualified, and she'd
be like, well, that's no qualifications necessary? Right, get out
why she went.

Speaker 2 (34:42):
To the mayor you tell you. Here's the thing on
top of that too, though we talked we do talk
about job applications and we need to have more conversations
about there's about no experience needed, but then five years
of experience, but they want you to be newly graduated
and how does that happen?

Speaker 1 (34:56):
Yeah, that whole process. We need to rethink that.

Speaker 2 (35:00):
I think what people are because people are real tired
of these people having too much power. Yeah, anyway, moving on,
of course, another part of this is the marriage equality,
which we have been talking a lot about recently, started
last year when the listener kind of brought it to
our attention and thank you very much, and Andy did

(35:20):
a full episode, and we're back to it again talking
about Lori Long and the acts that they are trying
to push and with that, of course, this was a
big part of that conversation about to normalize disabled people
or people with disabilities wanting to be in loving relationships
like anybody else. Like that doesn't make sense that being

(35:42):
married should cost you benefits as in fact a lot
like people were getting married with children are getting a
lot of benefits, a lot more benefits than not. So
I feel like, do we understand those differences? Yes, So
it talks about one of the commons. One of the
quotes they say in this it feels like they punish

(36:02):
you for feeling the feelings everybody else feels. And I
believe that was Gary who talks about this. It's like
it is, it's a punishment for a feeling which is
encouraged otherwise. Like literally that's a whole objective for a
project twenty twenty five.

Speaker 1 (36:19):
Yep.

Speaker 2 (36:21):
But we know, but we know, but we know when
it comes to white supremacy, what this looks like, white
patriarchal supremacy and what this is about, because they do
they are purposely punishing it, especially with this new bill
that We've talked about a little bit earlier with them
cutting Medicaid and a lot of benefits. Snap SSI all

(36:42):
this and this whole new label in THEIRS. They suddenly
co opt it and say, if you're able bodied, and
they get to decide who's able bodied as a reminder, yep,
but if you're able bodied and enable to get a
certain amount, I think that again, you still cut your benefits.

Speaker 1 (37:02):
Yeah, they just don't want to help you at all.

Speaker 2 (37:04):
Honestly, thank youlushits. But with that they do a lot.
They're doing a lot of active activism, and I'm sure
they're still out and doing more activism. They talk about
how this is again Elizabeth, Elizabeth, I know you probably
don't listen to this, but I'm a fan.

Speaker 1 (37:22):
I love you.

Speaker 2 (37:24):
So she says, it's dehumanizing enable as you're a human being.
Like she's so angry about what is happening. This is
when they're sitting there talking with a lawyer, She's like,
this is a ridiculous, and she goes on and the
lawyers trying to like interject, but Elizabeth has to make
our point about the humanizing and how this is so
ablest and how those that they are human beings that

(37:46):
are in love, they want to be together. Why do
they have to be punished. This should not be a thing.
We should be able to do what we need to
do in order to just live our regular lives with joy,
freedom and independence. And she just loses it, like she
doesn't love. She says it very articulately and just keep going.
And I'm like, yes, yes, Elizabeth. I love that she

(38:07):
comes in and just advocates, because it was like, I'm not
really interested in relationships. All of the sensory stuff says
no to this. I'm cool, I'm cool without it. But
they need this, they want to be happy. I don't
understand why they can't.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
She's yeah, it's great.

Speaker 2 (38:24):
She's a real one.

Speaker 1 (38:25):
You can tell, like she's kind of coming from that
very logical. This just doesn't make it.

Speaker 2 (38:32):
I'm with it.

Speaker 1 (38:33):
I'm with her. It doesn't. She's completely correct, But yeah,
she she was a great she was a great advocate.

Speaker 2 (38:43):
Yeah, they had had so much time for her, like
to be able to explain everything because yes, she's like,
this is not rational. Mm hmm, this is inhumane. Disability
rights are human rights. And they kept saying this as
their chance that it's absolutely true. Of course, Again, they
did the plan trip were the couples to d C.
They're asking for the repeal of the marriage penalty. Again,

(39:06):
they did the performance marriage ceremonies, by the way, and
Lori Long was there. She had a small snippet where
she did get got on the stage and spoke. I
have a feeling I think this is maybe the same
one that she had helped organize as well. I think
she was a part of that because I remember they
said they did an a whole uh ceremony too, but

(39:27):
she it was her.

Speaker 1 (39:27):
I was like, hey, that's her.

Speaker 2 (39:29):
I don't think they ever say her name, but I
went and looked it up. I'm like, I'm pretty sure
that's Lori Long right there. Yes, girl. And just a
side note, this movie actually garnered an attention and a
statement from the Social Security Administration, So I thought this
was interesting. This is for released on September twenty twenty four,

(39:49):
so it's pre pre bad times, y'all pretty bad time anyway.
So this is what they said, all of us at
the Social Security Administration want to recognize Patrice Jeter, Gary Wickham,
and everyone involved in the PATRISEA movie, a documentary that
focuses on the couple's concerns about losing their disability benefits
if they got married, and they go on to say,
our agency stands ready to assist Congress as it works

(40:12):
to address outdated laws and to strengthen programs like the
Supplemental Security Income as a SI that serves millions of
people with disabilities throughout the country. Enacted fifty years ago,
the SSI program provides payments to people with disabilities and
older adults who have limited income and resources. In that statement,
if you want to go back and look at it,
he does go on to talk about how outdated it is,

(40:33):
and he does talk about how it hadn't changed and
so other belief since the eighties, and that it is
time for change. But he also says, but we can't
do that. It has to be Congress.

Speaker 1 (40:44):
Yeah, now that.

Speaker 2 (40:45):
Those tween twenty five they went the opposite direction, they
sure did, they sure did. So I hate this, but
I thought it was interesting that it made such an
impact that the Social Security administrations look like, ah, we
need we need to go ahead and say some.

Speaker 1 (40:58):
That somebody says something, let me go ahead.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
And say something. And it was the person in charge
at the time it was credited to him. But anyway,
Also we have an appearance with Jimmy Panetta who was
also talking to Elizabeth, and Elizabeth wasn't having it.

Speaker 1 (41:13):
Yeah, he was basically kind of being very diplomatic, and
she was like, no.

Speaker 2 (41:18):
No, sir, I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna tell them.
It's not gonna fly of her.

Speaker 1 (41:26):
Again.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Yeah, I love Patrice and Gary, but I also am
a huge fan of Elizabeth. I'm like, yes in that
of course. There was a lot of hardships that we
talked about before the car, the benefits itself, just in
general helping with friends. I love that when she did
get the car, though, she takes them all for a cruise.

Speaker 1 (41:48):
Yeah. Yeah, that was quality that.

Speaker 2 (41:53):
Was red with her Dice and the America Girl. Yeah, I
love again talked about the ability to the possibility that
she would lose her job, even though she was like,
can you do can I get a location closer to me?
Which they were like, there's no available ability, And there's
so much to that that I'm like, oh, but I understand,

(42:14):
like this is kind of the priority, but they really
weren't able to work with her willing. I don't know
she did not throw them under the bus. It did
not seem in her way that she was trying to
or saying that they did. So I don't know for sure,
I decide, I though.

Speaker 1 (42:31):
Yeah, it just felt like she was such a popular
she was a really popular crossing guard, and so it
just felt I don't doubt that. Maybe it was true,
but it just felt like you can't help her out somehow.

Speaker 2 (42:44):
Right, Like there was a bit side I also again
with the dealerships and car people doing car salesman things
like we got you a really good deal. Don't get
me wrong, I know they're expensive to have, but we
also know how much interest and how much they get
in profit. It so also side eye yeah to them anyway, Yeah,

(43:07):
hurt my stomach. Right again, the likelihood of losing benefits.
I don't think we need to. I want to reiterate
how unbelievable that is in this whole level. Like Jimmy
Panetti talking about how this is how they cut costs.
They said, that's too expensive to cover all people disabilities.
Understanding that, yes, they are as we say. If you

(43:28):
go back to the book club, as Emily says in
her book, that they are the largest minority group. Sure.

Speaker 1 (43:35):
Well, also does they make the point that it's more
expensive if they're institutionalized or hospital right?

Speaker 2 (43:42):
Also, like that's the other conversation is like how much
money do we really need to help other people's wars?

Speaker 1 (43:47):
Ye? Yes, of course.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
There's how much money do we need to put in
creating new detention centers that are privately owned?

Speaker 1 (44:01):
Yeah? Yeah, exactly. I mean that's the thing is like,
it's not that it's not even that much money.

Speaker 2 (44:08):
It's not it's not are you kidding me, it's not anyway,
But all of that is that the level of ridiculousness
in this and to the point that we talked about
in our feminists or activists around the world where the
SSI worker or ss A Social Security office worker was like, no,

(44:28):
you wouldn't lose your benefits, that's silly, and then coming
back and we're like, oh yeah you would, my bad,
Like it's so unbelievable that you would automatically assume that
wouldn't be a thing, right because also because it's not
that much to begin with, as you said, any anyway,
and we're moving on, but also the theme our thought
to this was like the self sufficiency that the really

(44:49):
seeking to show that they're okay, but they can take
care of themselves and even if they need some help,
that's just some help. They're still self sufficient in any ways.
And that's what needs to be understood that if we
normalize this, it wouldn't be a wow thing, or it
wouldn't be an inspirational thing, or it wouldn't be a
fight in anything, and like it just should just be.

(45:10):
And like I loved how Patrice talked immediately about the
fact that she loved her trains, that she could draw,
She's already written her biography play wise, this is what
this was. She already had her own children's show. Like,
there are so many things.

Speaker 1 (45:26):
I just want to reiterate. Her fashion. Yes, oh my gosh, iconic.
When she did the commitment ceremony.

Speaker 2 (45:35):
I was like, that dress was gorgeous, gorgeous, and she's
just a very you can tell she's got all these hobbies,
she's got this flair.

Speaker 1 (45:45):
That train village, Oh my goodness, that.

Speaker 2 (45:48):
Was professional and like level of war. Yes, it looked
to the palisades. Look, what is this? All functions ain't working?
Like all of that to say is like they she
is fine, she is self sufficient. She cooks for herself,

(46:11):
she cooks for her man, she cooks for her friends.
Her man knows how to take care of themselves. He
has like figured it that all out. And we didn't
talk about this in Emily's but Emily talks about how
she puts on her jacket, which is a little different
and a little more difficult and will takes a little
more time, but she's done it for so long that
she's fine, and she likes to do it on her own.
She doesn't need help. And that's that same level like

(46:32):
they have it like adapted to how they need to,
much like myself in any ways, on some things, when
I'm hurting to get out of bed, I have to
roll and I'm okay with that. I figured it out, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (46:44):
I said, I try to have my good ear on
one side. I figured it out, you know.

Speaker 2 (46:48):
Figured it like this is self sufficiency.

Speaker 1 (46:52):
Mm hmm.

Speaker 2 (46:53):
Did you just need to have accessibility?

Speaker 1 (46:56):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (46:56):
I think that's going to be our thing for the
rest of his life. And also like when they do
ask for help, they they will ask for help. Gary
and she are a team. Yes, she made sure that

(47:18):
she had things that were able to give him accessibility
to everything. Like, I love that partnership in itself, Like
that's that conversation that we need to have when Elizabeth
needed it takes time away. She did. She knew she
needed gloves to be able to work with her. She did,
like all of these things. She needed to work some
things out. She let it out and Buttressa's like okay, okay,

(47:42):
I love that. Yeah, and then uh yeah. At this
point when we were talking about the fundraisers too, again
the self sufficiency like this is great and all I'm
getting money like this in all and again Elizabeth says this,
there's so many she just killed it. She says disabled
people shouldn't have to fundraise to get their knees met.
It just means the system's broken. Well, I think we've

(48:06):
said that a lot about like fundraisers for doctor's bills
and medications, and like why are people having the fundraise?
Why is the insurance that we're already paying not covering it.
Why are the government who are selling us that we
need to be healthy and provide these things for you
not covering it? Why are you putting extra money in
taxes that are going to things that we don't want

(48:28):
it to go to. Is that it's to our care.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Yeah. Well, and as mentioned too, it was just going
to count towards their income of thing, just go fund me.

Speaker 2 (48:42):
That Dutch and that would have absolutely crashed all of
our disabilities because like it's not a constant thing, that's
not I'm sorry, fifty thousand dollars barely makes a year
to do anything.

Speaker 1 (48:58):
Yeah. I only laughed because recently a friend of mine
was telling me, like, remember when you would hear a
thousand dollars and you would think, oh wow, I've won
so much money. And now that's like, where is that
gonna get me? Like, I won't say no to it.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
Right, that's like pay a minute and a half or
a part if I had to get a new one, right. Yeah.
And on top of that, of course, we have to
talk about community. The way they rallied behind her for
the van, the way the community came together to do
the disability activism in DC. The community that comes together
as a support group to talk about these frustrations, Like

(49:35):
I loved every bit of that, and how important that
is still not big enough. It should be bigger. The
community that is that when they come to rally, they
really do rally.

Speaker 1 (49:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (49:47):
The community that helped put the ceremony together commitment ceremony,
and so excited to do so. The community, like she
came together to help the skating community because they needed
someone older to help out. I'm like, they really have
been supporting each other. They really do support each other.

Speaker 1 (50:06):
Yes, which is something we've talked about several times, just
in terms of any kind of intersectional issue. But I
know when it comes to people with disabilities, that community
focus is so important because it shouldn't be oh, this

(50:26):
person is such a pain. It should be like, this
person is part of my community, and so I will
help them because I want to, and they'll help me
when I need it, Like that whole thing. Instead of
viewing it as a lot of our government would like
us to view it as you know, they're mooching off
the system or something. It's instead like, na, some people

(50:52):
we just need help sometimes, let's help each other out.

Speaker 2 (50:55):
Also, that's what the government is supposed to be. It's
not mooching off the system. They're already supposed to be
doing these.

Speaker 1 (51:00):
That's what.

Speaker 2 (51:01):
This is not. What do you think?

Speaker 1 (51:05):
Yeah? Yeah, but the community, it is very lovely. I do.
I am very glad they put in the point though,
that like, it shouldn't be this way about the fundraiser
because so many I feel like, of the kind of
inspiration porn things are like, oh, the community came together
and it's great, and it is, but also.

Speaker 2 (51:26):
Well, it's also been an excuse with much of the conservatives.
This includes because I think of my family in this way,
but like that with the community is supposed hit. Yeah, it's
not the government's job, but yes it is.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yes it is.

Speaker 2 (51:39):
And then on top of that being like but the church,
and like the church does yeah, they've done nothing except
really helped themselves. Maybe.

Speaker 1 (51:49):
Yeah. I have a friend of mine's dad is like
one of the most conservative people I've ever met, and
he at one time made a big show of giving
someone an unhoused person I don't know, like twenty bucks

(52:09):
I don't know, and he was like, see now I
know it went right to him, and if I gave
it to the government, I would never know. And I
was like, well, okay, sure, but that's problem twenty bucks.
What is we going to do.

Speaker 2 (52:28):
I have a feeling he's the same person who'd be like, no,
they're going to use it on drugs.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
Yeah, he was really just trying to show me up.
He was, He does that all the time anyway.

Speaker 2 (52:42):
I mean to be fair, I want to stop giving
to the government too, because I know they don't do
You're not wrong, but we should hold the government an accountable.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
Right and also your twenty dollars is just not going
to do it. Sorry, we need another system.

Speaker 2 (52:55):
What are we doing with it? Okay? Moving on again.
Working around the system was not necessarily a theme there,
but I was like they were doing trying to do
what they could, talking about how they had to do
these things so what they can continue to qualify and
many people be like that's scheming and like what just
like what what do you? What do you The fact

(53:18):
that they have to do this is already that's the
that's the problem. Yeah, that's the problem, not that they
they're doing it, but they have to mm hmm. And
I feel like again Elizabeth really killing out with those things,
like what is the problem like that? I think so
so many people are just like, you know what, Okay,
we gotta do what we gotta do, and they're just

(53:39):
used to We're just used to it and it shouldn't
be it shouldn't be that way.

Speaker 1 (53:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (53:45):
And then lastly, because I think like it's good to
know because they were trying to stay away from it.
And I think they do a good job about the
inspiration porn about as Emily from Domestifying Disability talks about
like pity porn, and how they really took this made
sure that Patrice was the center of the story and
she was telling the story and that she was protected.

(54:07):
And I think that's that's something that's so important because
we've normalized inspiration porn in order to get people to
care instead of making it understand No, but that's not
what we should have to do. You should care immediately,
and these stories should tell you what we're trying to
do and whose story we're trying to center and why

(54:30):
it needs to be. And I think that's that they
did a great job. Again, there's a lot of things,
of course, with different programs like this that we don't
have the authorities to say this is good, this is bad.
It's a good representation. We get like other people's opinions
who are in that community to let us know what
it is like. We let them dictate with this. But

(54:50):
I know this was really celebrated for the work, especially
again the way they brought in the different types of
care and normalizing care for the actors themselves, the type
of actors that they brought in to be a part
of the show or the movie. I think that's so important.
I did look up to see how much Patrice made

(55:10):
and how much everybody made. I couldn't get that information.
I did think. I think she got like I saw
a number of twenty thousand at one point, and I
could be wrong. And then of course she's credited as
a writer in here and a creator in here, so
I think she'll get more and more money. Documentaries are
really kind of iffy, I know that. Yeah, with like
money making and all that they do have. They ha

(55:33):
merch for the movie, specifically to the movie, and like
going to organizations that are actually affiliated with this. So
I did see that some of that. I believe it
was under the Philadelphia film Ooh yeah, I'm so sorry.
You may be able to just find it on their
site in general, which is again put the www. Patrisethemovie

(55:57):
dot com. But they have a lot of different reasons,
and yes, you can do a lot of activity and fundraising.
Help Hope Love is one of the fundraisers they have
on their nonprofit and that's I think that's how she
actually got her van. That's organization organization she used. They

(56:17):
also give you information about the disability language, as we've
talked about previously. It's a really great site, so you
should go and look up. They also have a apparently
John Oliver did an episode about disability benefits with Patrese.

Speaker 1 (56:32):
Did you know that? Yes, I don't think.

Speaker 2 (56:34):
Okay, that was when.

Speaker 1 (56:35):
That was when I was paranoid, not paranoid, but I
was like, they keep doing episodes soon after we do
episodes and someone listening to our show, which I'm sure
it was just like the zeitgeist.

Speaker 2 (56:48):
To us. Yeah, yeah, if they do another episode, we know.

Speaker 1 (56:55):
But yes, so you can numerous numerous examples that you can.

Speaker 2 (57:00):
Go to her site. You can get marched there. Yes,
they have wonderful march. Oh it's okay one with them
as a cartoon being married. I might have to get
that shirt and different things. So you should go and
look that up for yourself. Again, it's www. Dot patresethemovie
dot com. Also, again you should go watch the movie.

Speaker 1 (57:21):
Yeah, it's really really good.

Speaker 2 (57:22):
It's so good. It made me laugh, it made me cry.

Speaker 1 (57:28):
And visually very I loved the visuals of it. I
thought it was fantastic, but yes, clearly it brought up
a lot of thoughts. It's so relevant right now and
even previously, but right now especially, so go check it out.
If you have any thoughts about it, please let us know.

(57:50):
You can email us at Hello at Stuffnever Told You
dot com. You can find us on Blue Sky, at
momsa podcast, are on Instagram and TikTok at stuff I
Never Told You on YouTube, and we have a book
you can get wherever you get your books. Thanks as
always too our super producer Christina, our executive Prisina, and
your contributor Joey. Thank you and thanks to you for
listening Steffan Never Told his production of iHeart Radio. For

(58:11):
more podcasts from my Heart Radio, you can check out
the heart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen
to your favorite shows.