February 27, 2025 • 39 mins
The Co-MOHs go head to head! Paulina Char is here and facing off against Becca in a game of who knows Tanya best!
We go through Tanya’s work life, her love life, and the true full meaning of “Rad”!
Plus, Paulina sticks around for some Dear Banya questions!
Follow Scrubbing In on Instagram @ScrubbingInPod!
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Scrub Dub Dub in the tub, Tub Tub.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
We have our special guest from earlier this week.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
She's backing. Maybe Paulina is here. She couldn't stay away.
We didn't let her. I couldn't and we thought this
episode would be like a dear Bonnia slash game. Since
we haven't done a game in a while, Mark, I.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
Have said, I think from the very beginning when you
told us what your maids of honor were going to be,
I wanted.
Speaker 6 (00:41):
To play who knows Tanya best?
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I'm stressed.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
Oh and by the way, the answer to the question
is me because all of your questions save a few
I came up with just from my own memory. So
I win. But we're gonna see which maid of honor
knows you best. Here's how it's gonna work. I try
to keep this simple because I've made the mistake in
the past, have overcomplicated these games. I have five categories.
There are five questions in each category. They are in
order of difficulty one through five. You'll get pretty similarly. Yes,
(01:08):
you'll get a point for each one that we're not
doing five hundred, twelve hundreds, one point two point three points,
four points, five points. You cannot lose points, and you're
not gonna buzz in. You're gonna yell the answer. If
you don't, oh, I love, And if you go at
the same time, then the points will carry over to
the next question. If I determine that it's the same time,
that it's a tie, because it could be. All right,
(01:29):
so here we go. This is gonna be fun. We
have a bonus question at the end. It's very good.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Okay, so I have anything about me. I am very
competitive when it comes to games.
Speaker 6 (01:38):
I think Beca is too, and that's what I was
hoping for.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Yeah, it's on Beckatilly all right, moving back up a
little bit, just so I can make sure I don't
want her to be louder than you, because that could,
you know, change. Yeah, good, okay, we're good, all right,
all right, here we go here the category. Let me
give you the categories. You're going there's some of them
you will have to write things down.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
For oh, but not right now, now, right now, and
you let us know.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Here are the categories I will categories are family radio, love, life, favorites,
and childhood. Tanya, you may choose the first category.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Let's go radio.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Gonna go with the radio, all right, Here we go.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
For one point, Tanya's first radio job was in this city, Phoenix, Arizona.
Tucson is the correct answer. Arizona is a state. I
said city.
Speaker 6 (02:27):
That is a point.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
Rebecca hing up through my cities. For two points, what
are the reports called that Tanya does every day on
the Kiss Morning Show.
Speaker 8 (02:40):
She has to send her h every day she has
to send her answering reports.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Let me tell you, I help her out sometimes.
Speaker 9 (02:55):
All right.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Next, every morning Tanya starts her day by singing a
rendition of this her theme song when she enters the
Kiss studio.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
Correct, Bejeweled.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Every single day sings Bejeweled.
Speaker 6 (03:07):
That shoe walks in the room, the light switch thing
that's included, that's a big part of it.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
For four points, Tanya got a job at Kiss after
sending this object in the mail to then promotions director
Tim Martinez.
Speaker 6 (03:18):
Shoes. Shoes is correct?
Speaker 5 (03:20):
A shoe.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
I will accept shoes very nice.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Put your foot in the door the door.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
And the five point radio question. Here we go.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
A former boss of Tanya's once diminished her by saying
she was nothing more than this a.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Pretty pretty face.
Speaker 8 (03:35):
Nope, too happy, but a blonde blind.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
She was she was simply had nothing more than.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Blank, nothing more than yeah blank, yes, nothing, nothing more
than a voice, Nope.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Nothing more than a girl college.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
I don't think they're going to get it.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
I don't think said there. I think hint.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
Uh sure, Homer Simpson is one of these.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Cartoon nothing but a cartoon character.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Cartoon character. I gotta go back down. I got very.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Close because you did, but I came out with character.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I don't like this game.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
All right, Well on one category down, it's back in
nine Paula six so far and I'll.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Just do that. Not so bad. Plenty of time to.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
Come back next category. Because you took that category, you
can choose the next category. We have family love life
favorites and childhood love life love life.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
It is.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
This is not going to be fair because you never
mind go ahead.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
From one point, okay. In twenty twelve, Tanya made out
with this CW actor at the IHET Radio Music Festival.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Oh what's his name?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
In something call in?
Speaker 6 (04:56):
We interviewed him recently.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
What's the last name start with any hint, Colin.
Speaker 6 (05:03):
I think you should get Callin okayay, I think Paul.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I didn't get Arizonia.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
That's not a city, all right, one, Rebecca one point
for Colin Donald was the.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Man Donald I would have never gotten. I would have
gotten the last name.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
For two points. In twenty seventeen, Tany went down a
date with a guy she met at this grocery store.
I'll go tie on that one. I'll go tie on
that one. That means the two points. That means the
two points rolls over to the next one. So this
is worth five points. Number three. In twenty eighteen, Tanya
had designs on this former NFL quarterback and even started
(05:37):
texting j Allen. He ended up engaged to someone else.
In twenty nineteen, Jered golf, this is now a five
point question.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I know I know the story, Jered, that's not the
correct answer. I don't know the name. Yes, I don't
know the name.
Speaker 5 (05:59):
His first and last to start with the same initial,
but that as the final clue I will give.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I also don't know sports. So can you guess initial starts.
Speaker 7 (06:08):
The song about him?
Speaker 6 (06:09):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
One that got.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Away all right time was I don't know Tim Tebow
was the name.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Now those points now rolled over again, so that's now
a nine point questions. In twenty thirteen, Tany went on
a date, which you can watch on YouTube, with an
Olympic athlete. In what event did he compete?
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Michael Phelps? Swimming?
Speaker 6 (06:39):
I don't even try, Yes you do, huh nope?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh, swimming, nope, gymnastics.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
In what winter Olympic events? Snowboarding is the correct answer.
And you don't remember that guy? Don't you remember him?
But I don't remember his name or his Olympic name.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
But not even you know is the answer.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
Well, see that's why I win, all right, number five,
five point question, final question in Love Life. In twenty eighteen,
Tany and Ryan Seacrest concocted a plan that technical difficulties
would require that you share a microphone with this in
studio guests. Correct answer, and that's a clean sweep on
that category fifteen.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
I said, it's gonna be unfair because they have a podcast.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
Well you can catch up still Becca.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Family favorites or childhood. I'm gonna go family, all right,
Family it is. Paulina is the upper hand here, but
I don't.
Speaker 6 (07:39):
Maybe she will, I hope so it'd be good to
make it a game. Here we go.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
So far it's not going great, but you've got plenty
of time to come back.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
You know I love a comebackstraight.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
That's right? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (07:51):
For one point, Tany's parents spend multiple months every year
in Serbia.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yes, hold on a second, hold on, you need to
finish the question. Waiting for you to finish the question.
Speaker 6 (08:01):
I don't need to. If you know what you should
blurt it. Well, okay, I'm sorry, blurt away.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Okay, I'm gonna blurt. Now, finish the question, all right?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
For two points? What is Tanya's father's first name? Okay,
there we go.
Speaker 6 (08:16):
Who she comes?
Speaker 9 (08:17):
For?
Speaker 6 (08:17):
Three points?
Speaker 5 (08:18):
How many nieces and nephews does Tanya Havert.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
Marco has one kids?
Speaker 6 (08:27):
Four points?
Speaker 5 (08:29):
How did Tanya's mother get to college in Long Beach
since she didn't have a car at the time?
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Bus?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Walking, biking?
Speaker 6 (08:36):
Biking is correct?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Did you guess that? You guessed that?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
All right, write this down? Get ready to write this down.
There's the five point questions. You can each get five points.
No blurting on this one. Write it down. Spell Tanya's
complete last name. My god, I will not accept rad
I need the entire name spelled correctly, you will each
potentially get five point if you can do it.
Speaker 4 (09:01):
There's this is so wrong. I can't even explain that
to you.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
I love that we're playing who knows there veft and
last name is the sticking point.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I don't have a single I might have the three first, right,
all right?
Speaker 4 (09:15):
I think I have the first five.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Well, I don't know that we'll give any points, but
let's have Paulina go first.
Speaker 6 (09:21):
Go ahead, what can you read it? Off? Please?
Speaker 7 (09:24):
R A D I S A v I O.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
V J.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Strong and then fell apart.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
R A d I Z A B I B I see.
I knew there was a.
Speaker 9 (09:44):
J.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
Can you say it?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Some people are a say you say by Savia Beach
and you spell it R A D I S.
Speaker 6 (09:53):
A V l J E v I C l JP.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
I have the first nine, right? Wait?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
What the last three letters?
Speaker 6 (10:01):
E V I C.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I knew there was a J and.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
She did not do a good job on that one.
Speaker 6 (10:07):
All right, Well the score is currently.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
No I don't know.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Okay, great, we have two more categories.
Speaker 6 (10:14):
Becca, you may choose it is what do we have?
Speaker 5 (10:17):
We have child because she won that category childhood and favorites.
Speaker 6 (10:21):
That's all we have left.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Let's do childhood, all right.
Speaker 6 (10:24):
For one point, Tanya started a fan club in high
school called the Musical.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
John Mayor and Shakira Synergy Club.
Speaker 6 (10:30):
John Mayer and Shakira is The.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Musical Synergy Club was dedicated to which two musicians, John
Mayer and Shakira.
Speaker 6 (10:38):
Very good.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
For two points, Tanya's first kiss was with a boy
who had this significant first name.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The heck he had this significant first name Taylor.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
No, but that's a good guess. That's a good guess. Also,
that is correct, very good.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Life only two.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
No other students named Fronco. I don't think no.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
In eighth grade, Tanya got in trouble at school for
doing this.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Throw not happy.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You got in trouble for throwing apples at people's heads.
Speaker 7 (11:18):
No, they would throw apples at my head.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Wait, what did you do in high school in eighth grade?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Eighth grade, you probably got in trouble for did you
kiss someone in school?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Cheating?
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Cheating is the correct thing.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't think the guessing shook, but my guesses have
just been what after the next?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
All right?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Number four four points. When Tanya was in high school.
She pulled her pants down in front of her mom,
her older sister, and her sister's boyfriend to show them
what assist or like.
Speaker 8 (11:52):
Angered hair, no puberty, no hair on her bruise.
Speaker 5 (12:00):
She was concerned it was a possible U t I,
but she wasn't sure. She was saying, what do you
guys think is this? Could this be a I don't know,
could this be.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
It's not.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
There's only so many things down there. Yeah, they've got
to think bigger than a pimple.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
It's not assist.
Speaker 6 (12:28):
It's not assist. It's not it might have been assessed. Yeah,
it's not the word I'm looking for. She thought it
was you know, you t I.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
It's not.
Speaker 7 (12:43):
They're not going to get it, all right.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
She thought it was a hemorrhoid.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
We just told me this story two days ago.
Speaker 6 (12:55):
All right, This one's a tough one. I don't know
if they'll get this.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
The other ones haven't been.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
For five points. Tanya's favorite teacher at Los Alamedo's High.
Speaker 6 (13:04):
School the hell.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
Music teacher. Mister is it mister.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Rodriguez, Mister Robert Close, mister mister Rogers.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Mister I actually mentioned this name earlier in the quiz
because the Kiss promotions director had the same last name
that she sent the shoe to. Mister, I'm gonave you
one more clue starts with an m mister Martinez favorite
(13:48):
in high school.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
Shout out. All right, here we go, final round.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
It's favorites, and we'll start with a one point question.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
You know, it is not.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
About the points, Paulina, it is it really is you
have us having fun?
Speaker 6 (14:05):
You have ten points? Ten points is a nice round number.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
That nine pointer really killed me anyway.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
That was tough.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
All right, get ready to blurt what is Tanya's favorite
TV show of all time?
Speaker 6 (14:18):
Friends? Is correct?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Your podcast is called Spread.
Speaker 7 (14:23):
Amongst Friends?
Speaker 6 (14:28):
What is Tanya's favorite Taylor Swift song? And Paulina, you
gotta be faster.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Honestly, I don't know Taylor Swift, so I wasn't sure
if it was like what I do tell me to
memorize this weekend. He's just not that, is it.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
You talked about it on Monday about how I.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Thought it was a ten minute and I don't know
the name of that.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Well, yeah, what is Tinya's favorite movie of all time?
Speaker 4 (14:53):
He's just not that into there.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
You go, very nice, nice?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
What is Tanya's favorite way to have her eggs prepared
sunny side up. Scrambled, correct me, no, scrambled. You both scrambled.
Did you know I did exactly the same time?
Speaker 6 (15:13):
So you both think that?
Speaker 5 (15:14):
Then apparently it was a tie nine point Final question,
that's a tough one. What is Tiny's favorite alcoholic beverage?
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Killing the rocks?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I like to Martini, like.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
Tortini, Martini. We have a winner just named it.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
I'm blaming my lock of sleep on this. My brain
slightly delayed.
Speaker 7 (15:37):
No, some of them are very hard, but like the
Leechi Martini.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Okay, but let me drink on Friday night a Leachi
Martinis vs.
Speaker 7 (15:46):
Significant Martini.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
To be honest with you, you never drink them, so
I wasn't sure if that was actually your favorite.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Oh so the only reason I don't drink them is because, No,
A lot of restaurants don't make them delicious.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
They make yeah Jim Martinez the original answer.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
She changed it this morning.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Martini with two olives, two onions and a twist.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
All of Yadigar special. Yeah, it's special, I said, all
of Yadigar. I was like, who's all of Yadagar? I
don't know didn't meet her this week.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Now, shall we take a break and come back with Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Let's let's come back with the score and some.
Speaker 9 (16:25):
Dear All right, we are back.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
We have a few Dear Bonnier questions and we thought
it would be fun to have Paulina in giving advice.
I don't know if you know this, but every week,
or almost every week, we do a Dear Bonnie episode
where people write in. We give advice, sometimes great advice,
sometimes questionable.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Hopefully they go do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Go elsewhere, to go go elsewhere to source advice. But
you'll idle, you'll add something new.
Speaker 7 (17:10):
A new perspective, new perspective.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
Let's do it all right this one, Becca, Tanya Becka.
I've been a fan of yours since your first season
of The Bachelor. We were in the same sorority, different schools.
We all rooted for you because of that and how
genuine you were, that nice Tanya. I love a full
of life you are, and you bring such warmth and
energy to the podcast. It's so fun listening to you
and learning about your experiences with love and life. I
will say, Tanya. Doing the half marathon at Disney, I
(17:34):
ran by you and pointed Tanya, I'm such a huge fan,
and then just kept running. I'm hoping I didn't scare
you too much, not at all. My question, would you
ever run a half or full marathon? If so, which one?
Thanks for all you do, love Ariel. If you're ever
in the Boston area, I teach a cycling studio part time.
Would love to have you in my class.
Speaker 7 (17:51):
Wow, thank you, I love Boston. Shout out's great. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
If I ever got the that's the that's the location,
shouldn't have Flintania Pete and the hydroflask in the car?
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Oh my gosh on one.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Of the highways or freeways and lustily.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I did no because if we literally walked onto the plane,
had we pulled over for me to go to the bathroom,
would have missed our flight.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I said, you got to find the hydro you gotta.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
Do the hydroflask. Yeah, And I was like, well, spect,
this is.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
An interesting question having here because you literally just did
the half marathon.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Sure did. Let me tell you guys, I am not
a runner. I'm really not, but I have a newfound
love for running. I have. I've told you this before.
Anyone can run after doing a half marathon, anyone can run,
and I think I'm trying to get you to do
it with me and you and Robbie. I already signed
up for another one in September. It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
What made you, as someone who's not a runner? What
made you want to do that? Because I there's no
single ounce of my soul that wants.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
To do that. I I have this. I've always had
like a weird inkling of like wanting to be a runner,
but every time I did it, I hated my life
and I thought it was a joke. Honestly, I told
a coworker joking, like we do have marathon and we
were like sure, And then I had two and a
half months to train. I think one I had like
(19:19):
this goal in mind that like if I don't like
not being good at things, so when I have, I
had to do it in order to achieve this thing
that I signed up for unpaid for. But in the process,
I like found like a total love for running.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
How many miles before you realize you loved it?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Like how the first day, like my first run, I
did two miles around like my neighborhood and I got
back and I was like, this is so fun and
By the way, I'm just as shocked as anyone else
because I don't even like walking down the block. Like
my sister can't fathom that I did this because in
New York, I'm like, where's the uber? Like I don't,
(19:59):
I don't do cardio.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I'm shocked you haven't had interest in it, because you
know you would do long runs for a long time.
Speaker 7 (20:07):
Yeah, I've ran nine miles. I have no desire.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
To be around hundreds of people sweaty running around.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
But you're not.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
You're not close enough to feel.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Anyone running these miles waking up at five am on
a Sunday like none of it, yeah, three thirty, Like,
none of it to me is something that I want
to do. If I want to run, I'm going to
go on a run around my house. Yeah, Like there,
I just there's nothing in me that wants to do that.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
See I'm the opposite. I haven't ran since because now
I'm like, oh, well, I don't have this thing that
I have to do. Yeah, I think you should do it.
It's like a weird like sense of accomplishment that I
didn't expect because any most things like do you rather.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Be my black belt in jiu jitsu than like run
a marathon. I think, do that well, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
I feel like you can. You're a natural. Very few
people can run nine miles for fun, and you were
doing that. I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I wouldn't say I was doing it for fun. I
was like super depressed, sad.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Actually, I was like, yes, but I'm saying like, very
few people can actually hit nine miles.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
With that's been really sad and I've never ran the same.
The last thing I felt to do.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
In the middle of a breakup, I'm like, I want
nothing to do with exercise for me.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I feel like running was like therapeutic. Yeah, Like I
remember when Robin and I broke up. That was all
I did was I would just like run every day,
And before I knew it was like nine miles.
Speaker 7 (21:32):
I was like, oh, dang, I.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Think that's so impressive. Anyway, I really I'm trying to
convince and Robbie to do it with you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I think if that if you can hit nine miles
and you can go.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
A lot of people by the way train up until
nine and then do the full thing the day of
so you can, you aren't working right, You're just not
They're just people do it by themselves.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
They just kind of go, well, I can't wait to
hear about that when you do it?
Speaker 9 (21:57):
Yeah yeah, no, oh.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
No, not yeah, okay, sorry, you know I'm Tanya and
hard maybe from Becca righty?
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Yes for me?
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Anonymous, Hi Becka, Tanya, Mark, and Paulina. I've been listening
to the pod for a year or so now, and
I've been catching up on episodes I missed as well,
and y'all bring so much joy and laughter to my workdays.
My friends and I just went on a Gallentine's Day
weekend trip. We're screaming Tailorwhift in the car while driving
through National Parks and made me think of you guys
and appreciate you sharing.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
All your girlhood stories.
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Long story short, I'm living in Utah for a few
months with my best friend who's out here for clinical
for grad school. I work remote, so I decided to
join her. I'm from Minnesota. Don't worry, Mark, I'm a
huge Packer fan.
Speaker 6 (22:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 9 (22:40):
So.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
I love getting this opportunity to live somewhere cool with
so many outdoor options. I can't imagine moving back to
my suburban Midwest town in a few weeks. I love it.
Here in Utah, but I would also consider somewhere else
with similar things to do. I'm in my mid twenties.
I don't have anything tying me down. I rent, I'm
not in a relationship, but I do think it'd be
hard to move so far away from my family friends.
A lot of people where I'm from stay close to
(23:03):
home or at least a few hours away for their
whole lives, so it's not really typical with my friends
and family to be so far away. It's also different
right now because I'm my best friend here and i'd
be moving by myself instead. Mark and Becca, I know
you both moved far away from home but a somewhat
similar age. Do you have any advice on how you
came to those decisions? And once you did move away,
how hard was it to start over in a new
place without friends and family?
Speaker 6 (23:23):
Any advice?
Speaker 4 (23:25):
M I actually worked.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I mean I moved with my sister and my brother
in law, so I had I did have family. I
was nineteen when I moved, and I think it's hard.
I mean, anything new is hard, in my opinion, like
there's always an adjustment period, but I think having family
with me made the adjustment so much easier.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I'm sure do you fill out too. I had the
same experience. I'm from Miami and I moved to LA
when I was nineteen as well. Wow yeah, so oh
my gosh, eleven, ten years ago. But my sister, yeah yeah,
but my sister already lived in LA, so it made
(24:07):
the whole thing so much easier. I now, I've like
jokingly told you that I'm moving to New York and
I can't imagine moving somewhere alone, but I will say,
and it's kind of perfect that we're here. But like
I think the minute I met Tanya, everything kind of
clicked for me in LA. I think I always had
(24:27):
my sister, but then it takes a second. But then
once you find your people, everything gets easier. And I
we've cried all weekend about it, but like we're chosen family,
and I do think that it's uncomfortable, it's not easy,
but then like you find your footing, yeah, I mean,
I miss I have.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I sometimes go through the feeling of having guilt living
so far away from my parents, knowing that they're getting
older and like my nieces and nephews and not being
there for that, and that's I think something that you're
always going to wrestle with if you have a healthy,
good relationship with family or even friends that live far away.
But I think that's the joy of getting to go
visit on the holidays like you do.
Speaker 9 (25:06):
Mark.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
I was twenty six when I moved out, but I
had friends here and that helped a lot. I think
they'd be tough to not have friends someplace. But also,
but what it came down to for me was am
I going to regret staying or am I going to
regret going? And I decided that I would regret not
coming out here and giving it a shot. And I
came out here with big dreams. I achieved none of them,
(25:28):
but things have worked out great. I've still got a
great life out here, and I'm really happy that I
moved out here. So I think you gotta try it,
don't you. I think that's great.
Speaker 6 (25:36):
Well, your twenties is four or four.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
My mom is every time I'm making like a really
difficult decision, She's like, you can always go back, yeah, yeah,
like worst case scenario, you move back. You can always
like you know, get a new job, like things can
always be different. So I think, just try, yeah, just
do it, and if you also give it a second,
because when I first moved here, I was like, what
(25:59):
the hell did I do? Because I loved my family,
I love being home. I'm such a homebody. But like
three months in I was like, Okay, I like it here,
I have good people around me. I'll stay, so give
it a second. But I think, do it?
Speaker 9 (26:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (26:16):
Why not?
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Yeah? I agree.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I think I always had the mentality, specifically when I
moved from San Diego to La, which I know is
like a much smaller move, but I was very comfortable
in San Diego and I was very scared to move
to LA in the sense of it was this like new,
big place and there's so much going on. And I
remember my boss said to me, like san Diego is
(26:38):
still going to be here, Like you can always come
back to San Diego, but maybe La is where you
need to be right now. And I always kept that
in my mind of like, your family and the place
that you come from is still going to be there,
so why not go see and do something that you're
craving to do rather than staying somewhere where you feel
stagnant and never knowing anything different.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I think there's a lot of beauty in that, so I.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
Never moved far.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Like I grew up in Orange County, so it's like
an hour and a half away from where I live now.
But I feel like I moved to a totally different universe,
like completely. It's different for me though, because my family
is so like a drive so it's different.
Speaker 7 (27:15):
But I could not imagine living in the city that
I grew up in.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
I don't. Yeah, I'm from Miami. Like Miami is like
so fun and like really popping right now. But yeah,
whenever I go, I'm like, oh, Ela is my home. Yeah,
never saying ever, And I think I more think about it,
like when I have kids. Yeah, Like I can't imagine
not having my mom close by.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
That's why we got to get her to move out.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Here one day day.
Speaker 6 (27:42):
I always think it's good to see the world I do.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
It just exposed you to more people, more things, more wonderful.
My father in law, hooy I left dearly, has spent
his entire life in a one block area, Like you
can walk from what where's he grew up into the
house where he lives now. And that's great for some people. Yeah,
it sounds like from your email, you're not one of
those people.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I always say it's okay to stay.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
It's okay.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I remember no a conpost that it's okay to stay
where you where you love and and be with who
you love. And it's also okay to want to leave
and mix more different And how long do you know
that you're going to have a remote job where you
get to do that?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
You know you're an it?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
You want to scratch, scratch itratch it, Just scratch it,
scratch it?
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Is that news?
Speaker 7 (28:23):
Just scratch it, scratch it. It's a song. No, I don't.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
Love that one.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
I don't know that one either personally.
Speaker 7 (28:30):
Maybe it's a different word than yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Maybe it's just a.
Speaker 7 (28:34):
RAMI just ram it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I don't like scratch it.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I don't know I like any of that right word. Okay,
we will be right back.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
We're taking a break, all right, we are back.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Another dear Bonia.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Here comes from Lily Hi, Beca, Tanya Mark and Paulina Hi.
I've been in my third my mid thirties. I've been
very ten years before me and my husband had a
large group of friends of guys and girls. Most of
those friendships have faded, except for one male friend I've
known since I was ten. My husband's never had an
issue with this guy till a few years ago. We
were at a party together. A friend of my husband's
told him I was all over my friend, which matched
(29:25):
my husband's fears. Nothing inappropriate happened, just friendly hugs with
our other friends. But my husband is convinced I hooked
up with this friend in the past, which is not true.
Ever since, any mention of my friend turns into an
issue four days, my husband feels as disrespectful to maintain
the friendship and wants to know every time we talk
and the details of our conversations. I know the easy
(29:46):
answer is to just stop being friends if it makes
my husband uncomfortable, but part of me thinks I shouldn't
have to end a twenty year friendship over something that
isn't true. That said, this friend and I only talk
or see each other once or twice a year. What's
everyone's take and the friendship, out of respect from my
husband's feelings, should have maintained it since there is no
history there. And if I do end it, do I
just let it fizzle out or do I have a
(30:07):
direct conversation. I appreciate your perspectives.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Thank you, rough I like a friend you see twice
a year is not a really really good friend.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, it sounds like it's more of like a friend
that you like, right pick up where you left off.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
You know, you don't say.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Them a lot, and you see them once or twice
a year, like it was a it was a harm
no foul.
Speaker 7 (30:25):
I mean, in my opinion.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
In what way no harm, no foul.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
You're saying, like, say goodbye to the friendship.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
But do you need to say goodbye to it? Like
I feel like if you see someone once or twice
a year.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
I think she's asking because her husband is very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I need more details, like does she hang out with
this guy wants to like, is it in a big party?
Speaker 6 (30:42):
Do they go get coffee?
Speaker 5 (30:43):
It's she's not saying I don't have feelings for this guy.
I've never hooked up with this guy. There's nothing there.
If it was a female, this would not be an issue.
But her husband's being jealous and controlling this.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
I was gonna say, this feels a little bit like
the husband has like jealousy.
Speaker 7 (30:58):
She said somebody told her him something.
Speaker 5 (31:00):
Somebody said, hey, your wife was all over this guy.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
See that's not nice, I say, I think there's like
a few sides like did you give him a reason to.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
Feel that way? Because I feel like if he's never
had an issue, all of a sudden he doesn't have
an issue, then something might have changed.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I've been married for ten years and he was never
controlling or jealous, and then this happens.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
My suggestion is couple's therapy. Oh oh, I do? I do.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I think this is an issue that you could bring
to a professional and say I did not do anything,
but he doesn't trust me based on something that he heard.
This has just recently become a problem. This is someone
I see and talk to once or twice a year.
We've known each other forever, We've never had any we've
never crossed the physical boundary of friends.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
Like, there's nothing for him.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
To worry about, but I need to know what I
can do to make him feel more secure in this
because or is this a place where I endo friendship
that I've had?
Speaker 4 (31:51):
I agree, because I also do think that there is
a lot of value in prioritizing your relationship because like,
at the end of the day, your husband says, like
a friend that you see twice a year. But I
feel like there's a deeper trust issue here.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But if it was every time she went out and
he was like, why did you talk to that's unhealthy
and toxic. This makes me feel like he feels deeply
insecure about someone and is this a person that's worth
risking her relationship?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, her marriage? Yeah, I would go to you're married you.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
If somebody said that me, boy, your wife's all over
the sky, I'd be like, okay, like I'm not going
to buy it.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
I'm not going to believe that.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Trust your right of course, and it's there's like a
level of like yeah, but it's also if you don't
have the exact situation, it's hard to like.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I would like to think I would be totally true
because I also think I would it. I think i'd
be like.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Was all over someone? Like Yeah, if I heard those words,
I'd be like, what the hell?
Speaker 4 (32:51):
I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
No, I'm not. I'm never super.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
Jealous, but I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 7 (32:56):
Yeah, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Take much to im eazy breezy. Tell him not.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
Yea, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
So I feel like it's not black or white for
me in this situation.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
I agree. I will say like I think if my
partner was fighting me on keeping them in their life,
it would make me even like the trust issues would
be even more exaggerated. But so I mean less to
you than this person twice a year, which is where
he's probably like, what the hell I'm telling you. I
(33:30):
don't like this person, I don't like you being there?
Why not let it go? Like if that were me,
I take it all back, I would lose my mind.
I take everything I just out of back and I
just put myself in her shoes and his shoes.
Speaker 7 (33:44):
Yeah, and I would lose my mind.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Sorry, Mark, this guy controlled.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
But there's truth to that. There is truth to that,
because you do have to trust who you're with. But
there's definitely something I think it makes question all on him, correct,
I'm questioning if the all overness actually happened.
Speaker 6 (34:11):
Him to trust Lily. She says, nothing happened.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
If they've been friends forever and that's just how they interacted,
and then someone saw it and they're like, hey, bro,
like your wife was all over this guy, and in
her mind, she's like, I've been like that with Timmy
since I was ten.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Well, right, because different people have different Like when my
wife and I started dating. It was weird for her
that because I was I did a lot of improv
and theater and stuff, and it's a very huggy community.
Everybody hugs everybody, and that's not where.
Speaker 6 (34:35):
She comes from.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
She's like, that's weird that he's talking all these women.
Took her a minute to get over that. So maybe
it's just that's the relationship she has with this guy.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
They hug. I don't know. I still don't like it.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
But let's say you guys. Let's say you guys. She
duved I sits down with her husband. They talk it out.
She says, Okay, I love you. I don't want you
to be insecure. I'm going to let this go with
this guy. Does she talk to the guy or does
she just let it fizzle?
Speaker 4 (34:56):
I would let it.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
That's why I think you talked to therapists and say, hey,
should I Is it worth? How do I need to
have a conversation or is it just something that because
here's the thing. If the guy comes around and he's like.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
What's going on?
Speaker 6 (35:07):
That's weird?
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Yeah, it's weird. Why are you being weird?
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Why haven't we talked? Then she has I mean in
my mind of a friendship of twenty years, I'd at
least want to say, hey, I'm in a place where
I don't have the capacity to be the friend you
know to you and it I don't know, how do
you hate it?
Speaker 4 (35:22):
I just don't think we know enough. Yeah, because I do,
I don't know if I'm totally trusting that nothing's happened,
if at all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Because we're I think also having healthy boundaries is very important.
I remember in the early like two years of my
relationship with Robbie, there was a specific woman that was
laying it on thick with him, and she would just
lay it on thick trying to get back together with him.
And this is someone that he would have to communicate with,
and so I was like, this is a boundary that
like you cannot cross for me. And so we had
(35:52):
to like figure out these these boundaries. And he was
like respectful of that, you know, because it was like
it wasn't appropriate when you're in a relationship with somebody
and your partner's uncomfortable, we.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
Don't know that anything inappropriate is happening.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Though, I think it's a little different, but I agree
with you. I think boundaries, and I think prioritizing your
relationship is important.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
But she said, didn't she say that he gets upset
if his name is brought up. Yeah, it's a trigger like.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
This man like there's something missing here because I don't.
You don't get triggered unless something happened or maybe it
wasn't with this guy, but maybe something has happened with
someone else.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Okay, here's the other thing, his trust. Regardless of if
we think it's right or wrong, He's feeling insecure. So
I think she needs to go, Okay, you're my partner,
you're my husband. I'm going to make sure that you
feel safe. What can I do on my end to
make sure that you feel safe? Which is like if
they are texting or have a phone call. I do
think it's respectful to be like, hey, I talked to
(36:47):
so and so today.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
This is what we talked about.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Because if he just hears his name, he's automatically he's
like making up stories in his head, and so he's
already feeling like I agree with that. So I think
it's just asking him what can I do to make
you feel safer?
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Is it not having a friendship with this person?
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Is it.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Is there something else that I can do that when
I talk about him, I can reassure you.
Speaker 4 (37:07):
Like what I had to have that conversation. There was
one X that I don't know why triggered me. I
don't nothing ever happened. I was just like, I don't
like you being around them, but I'm not. I don't
want to be controlling. So I was like, I just
ask that if you were to run into them, you
tell me. I don't want to find out the social
(37:29):
media through Instagram. I don't want to know. A week later,
I just asked that if they're in the same room
as you, you let me know. And it did make
me feel better because I's okay, he's like understanding, but yeah,
some people just trigger you.
Speaker 7 (37:41):
Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
The best.
Speaker 5 (37:46):
I don't know I passed on that.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
No, I think we actually gave her some good insight
that maybe shouldn't think about.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Okay, that's true, I do good also the self reflection.
We're done.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
We're done.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
No, Holena, Do you have any parting words for the scrubbers,
any words of wisdom that you want to partake give.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
Out, share, partake to share advice on what life.
Speaker 6 (38:11):
There happiness, the wedding just a few weeks away.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Actually this is so random, but I was having a
conversation with someone recently, and I think, be grateful. I
think live life with a lot of gratitude. I think
we're missing a lot of that recently, just in life,
in the workplace, in your personal life. Walk around with
a little bit more gratitude.
Speaker 7 (38:38):
Yeah, Perspective is everything.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Perspective is everything. So true. I love that. Nothing more
needs to be said. I love you, guys, No notes,
no notes? Next up?
Speaker 7 (38:49):
Do you want to come back next week?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I'll just leap seconds. We'll have you back after the wedding. Yes,
recap oh.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yes, yes, yes, get rid of me?
Speaker 2 (38:59):
No no, no, everyone's say good bye to Paulina. We
love you, love you.
Speaker 6 (39:04):
Sorry about the game.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
Whatever, I wasn't gonna bring it up. Final scores.
Speaker 6 (39:10):
Thirty four to thirteen.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Triggers.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
We love you, somebody love you.
Scrubbing In with Becca Tilly and Tanya rap An iHeartRadio podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
Hello everybody, we are scrubbing in.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
Scrub Dub Dub in the tub, Tub Tub.
Speaker 4 (00:18):
We have our special guest from earlier this week.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
She's backing. Maybe Paulina is here. She couldn't stay away.
We didn't let her. I couldn't and we thought this
episode would be like a dear Bonnia slash game. Since
we haven't done a game in a while, Mark, I.
Speaker 5 (00:37):
Have said, I think from the very beginning when you
told us what your maids of honor were going to be,
I wanted.
Speaker 6 (00:41):
To play who knows Tanya best?
Speaker 4 (00:44):
I'm stressed.
Speaker 5 (00:45):
Oh and by the way, the answer to the question
is me because all of your questions save a few
I came up with just from my own memory. So
I win. But we're gonna see which maid of honor
knows you best. Here's how it's gonna work. I try
to keep this simple because I've made the mistake in
the past, have overcomplicated these games. I have five categories.
There are five questions in each category. They are in
order of difficulty one through five. You'll get pretty similarly. Yes,
(01:08):
you'll get a point for each one that we're not
doing five hundred, twelve hundreds, one point two point three points,
four points, five points. You cannot lose points, and you're
not gonna buzz in. You're gonna yell the answer. If
you don't, oh, I love, And if you go at
the same time, then the points will carry over to
the next question. If I determine that it's the same time,
that it's a tie, because it could be. All right,
(01:29):
so here we go. This is gonna be fun. We
have a bonus question at the end. It's very good.
Speaker 4 (01:34):
Okay, so I have anything about me. I am very
competitive when it comes to games.
Speaker 6 (01:38):
I think Beca is too, and that's what I was
hoping for.
Speaker 5 (01:41):
Yeah, it's on Beckatilly all right, moving back up a
little bit, just so I can make sure I don't
want her to be louder than you, because that could,
you know, change. Yeah, good, okay, we're good, all right,
all right, here we go here the category. Let me
give you the categories. You're going there's some of them
you will have to write things down.
Speaker 4 (01:55):
For oh, but not right now, now, right now, and
you let us know.
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Here are the categories I will categories are family radio, love, life, favorites,
and childhood. Tanya, you may choose the first category.
Speaker 7 (02:09):
Let's go radio.
Speaker 6 (02:11):
Gonna go with the radio, all right, Here we go.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
For one point, Tanya's first radio job was in this city, Phoenix, Arizona.
Tucson is the correct answer. Arizona is a state. I
said city.
Speaker 6 (02:27):
That is a point.
Speaker 5 (02:27):
Rebecca hing up through my cities. For two points, what
are the reports called that Tanya does every day on
the Kiss Morning Show.
Speaker 8 (02:40):
She has to send her h every day she has
to send her answering reports.
Speaker 2 (02:51):
Let me tell you, I help her out sometimes.
Speaker 9 (02:55):
All right.
Speaker 5 (02:55):
Next, every morning Tanya starts her day by singing a
rendition of this her theme song when she enters the
Kiss studio.
Speaker 6 (03:03):
Correct, Bejeweled.
Speaker 5 (03:04):
Every single day sings Bejeweled.
Speaker 6 (03:07):
That shoe walks in the room, the light switch thing
that's included, that's a big part of it.
Speaker 5 (03:11):
For four points, Tanya got a job at Kiss after
sending this object in the mail to then promotions director
Tim Martinez.
Speaker 6 (03:18):
Shoes. Shoes is correct?
Speaker 5 (03:20):
A shoe.
Speaker 6 (03:21):
I will accept shoes very nice.
Speaker 4 (03:23):
Put your foot in the door the door.
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
And the five point radio question. Here we go.
Speaker 5 (03:29):
A former boss of Tanya's once diminished her by saying
she was nothing more than this a.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
Pretty pretty face.
Speaker 8 (03:35):
Nope, too happy, but a blonde blind.
Speaker 4 (03:43):
She was she was simply had nothing more than.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
Blank, nothing more than yeah blank, yes, nothing, nothing more
than a voice, Nope.
Speaker 2 (03:54):
Nothing more than a girl college.
Speaker 7 (03:58):
I don't think they're going to get it.
Speaker 6 (03:59):
I don't think said there. I think hint.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
Uh sure, Homer Simpson is one of these.
Speaker 2 (04:11):
Cartoon nothing but a cartoon character.
Speaker 6 (04:13):
Cartoon character. I gotta go back down. I got very.
Speaker 2 (04:19):
Close because you did, but I came out with character.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
I don't like this game.
Speaker 5 (04:25):
All right, Well on one category down, it's back in
nine Paula six so far and I'll.
Speaker 6 (04:30):
Just do that. Not so bad. Plenty of time to.
Speaker 5 (04:32):
Come back next category. Because you took that category, you
can choose the next category. We have family love life
favorites and childhood love life love life.
Speaker 6 (04:42):
It is.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
This is not going to be fair because you never
mind go ahead.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
From one point, okay. In twenty twelve, Tanya made out
with this CW actor at the IHET Radio Music Festival.
Speaker 4 (04:51):
Oh what's his name?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
In something call in?
Speaker 6 (04:56):
We interviewed him recently.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
What's the last name start with any hint, Colin.
Speaker 6 (05:03):
I think you should get Callin okayay, I think Paul.
Speaker 4 (05:06):
I didn't get Arizonia.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
That's not a city, all right, one, Rebecca one point
for Colin Donald was the.
Speaker 4 (05:13):
Man Donald I would have never gotten. I would have
gotten the last name.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
For two points. In twenty seventeen, Tany went down a
date with a guy she met at this grocery store.
I'll go tie on that one. I'll go tie on
that one. That means the two points. That means the
two points rolls over to the next one. So this
is worth five points. Number three. In twenty eighteen, Tanya
had designs on this former NFL quarterback and even started
(05:37):
texting j Allen. He ended up engaged to someone else.
In twenty nineteen, Jered golf, this is now a five
point question.
Speaker 4 (05:48):
I know I know the story, Jered, that's not the
correct answer. I don't know the name. Yes, I don't
know the name.
Speaker 5 (05:59):
His first and last to start with the same initial,
but that as the final clue I will give.
Speaker 4 (06:02):
I also don't know sports. So can you guess initial starts.
Speaker 7 (06:08):
The song about him?
Speaker 6 (06:09):
Yes?
Speaker 7 (06:10):
One that got.
Speaker 6 (06:11):
Away all right time was I don't know Tim Tebow
was the name.
Speaker 5 (06:24):
Now those points now rolled over again, so that's now
a nine point questions. In twenty thirteen, Tany went on
a date, which you can watch on YouTube, with an
Olympic athlete. In what event did he compete?
Speaker 4 (06:37):
Michael Phelps? Swimming?
Speaker 6 (06:39):
I don't even try, Yes you do, huh nope?
Speaker 2 (06:42):
Oh, swimming, nope, gymnastics.
Speaker 5 (06:45):
In what winter Olympic events? Snowboarding is the correct answer.
And you don't remember that guy? Don't you remember him?
But I don't remember his name or his Olympic name.
Speaker 4 (06:58):
But not even you know is the answer.
Speaker 5 (07:01):
Well, see that's why I win, all right, number five,
five point question, final question in Love Life. In twenty eighteen,
Tany and Ryan Seacrest concocted a plan that technical difficulties
would require that you share a microphone with this in
studio guests. Correct answer, and that's a clean sweep on
that category fifteen.
Speaker 4 (07:21):
I said, it's gonna be unfair because they have a podcast.
Speaker 6 (07:24):
Well you can catch up still Becca.
Speaker 1 (07:28):
Family favorites or childhood. I'm gonna go family, all right,
Family it is. Paulina is the upper hand here, but
I don't.
Speaker 6 (07:39):
Maybe she will, I hope so it'd be good to
make it a game. Here we go.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
So far it's not going great, but you've got plenty
of time to come back.
Speaker 4 (07:48):
You know I love a comebackstraight.
Speaker 6 (07:49):
That's right? Yeah?
Speaker 5 (07:51):
For one point, Tany's parents spend multiple months every year
in Serbia.
Speaker 4 (07:55):
Yes, hold on a second, hold on, you need to
finish the question. Waiting for you to finish the question.
Speaker 6 (08:01):
I don't need to. If you know what you should
blurt it. Well, okay, I'm sorry, blurt away.
Speaker 4 (08:07):
Okay, I'm gonna blurt. Now, finish the question, all right?
Speaker 5 (08:11):
For two points? What is Tanya's father's first name? Okay,
there we go.
Speaker 6 (08:16):
Who she comes?
Speaker 9 (08:17):
For?
Speaker 6 (08:17):
Three points?
Speaker 5 (08:18):
How many nieces and nephews does Tanya Havert.
Speaker 4 (08:25):
Marco has one kids?
Speaker 6 (08:27):
Four points?
Speaker 5 (08:29):
How did Tanya's mother get to college in Long Beach
since she didn't have a car at the time?
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Bus?
Speaker 2 (08:35):
Walking, biking?
Speaker 6 (08:36):
Biking is correct?
Speaker 4 (08:40):
Did you guess that? You guessed that?
Speaker 5 (08:42):
All right, write this down? Get ready to write this down.
There's the five point questions. You can each get five points.
No blurting on this one. Write it down. Spell Tanya's
complete last name. My god, I will not accept rad
I need the entire name spelled correctly, you will each
potentially get five point if you can do it.
Speaker 4 (09:01):
There's this is so wrong. I can't even explain that
to you.
Speaker 5 (09:08):
I love that we're playing who knows there veft and
last name is the sticking point.
Speaker 2 (09:12):
I don't have a single I might have the three first, right,
all right?
Speaker 4 (09:15):
I think I have the first five.
Speaker 5 (09:17):
Well, I don't know that we'll give any points, but
let's have Paulina go first.
Speaker 6 (09:21):
Go ahead, what can you read it? Off? Please?
Speaker 7 (09:24):
R A D I S A v I O.
Speaker 5 (09:26):
V J.
Speaker 6 (09:32):
Strong and then fell apart.
Speaker 4 (09:34):
R A d I Z A B I B I see.
I knew there was a.
Speaker 9 (09:44):
J.
Speaker 6 (09:45):
Can you say it?
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Some people are a say you say by Savia Beach
and you spell it R A D I S.
Speaker 6 (09:53):
A V l J E v I C l JP.
Speaker 4 (09:58):
I have the first nine, right? Wait?
Speaker 2 (09:59):
What the last three letters?
Speaker 6 (10:01):
E V I C.
Speaker 4 (10:02):
I knew there was a J and.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
She did not do a good job on that one.
Speaker 6 (10:07):
All right, Well the score is currently.
Speaker 4 (10:09):
No I don't know.
Speaker 5 (10:10):
Okay, great, we have two more categories.
Speaker 6 (10:14):
Becca, you may choose it is what do we have?
Speaker 5 (10:17):
We have child because she won that category childhood and favorites.
Speaker 6 (10:21):
That's all we have left.
Speaker 4 (10:22):
Let's do childhood, all right.
Speaker 6 (10:24):
For one point, Tanya started a fan club in high
school called the Musical.
Speaker 2 (10:28):
John Mayor and Shakira Synergy Club.
Speaker 6 (10:30):
John Mayer and Shakira is The.
Speaker 5 (10:34):
Musical Synergy Club was dedicated to which two musicians, John
Mayer and Shakira.
Speaker 6 (10:38):
Very good.
Speaker 5 (10:39):
For two points, Tanya's first kiss was with a boy
who had this significant first name.
Speaker 2 (10:47):
The heck he had this significant first name Taylor.
Speaker 6 (10:51):
No, but that's a good guess. That's a good guess. Also,
that is correct, very good.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Life only two.
Speaker 6 (11:04):
No other students named Fronco. I don't think no.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
No.
Speaker 5 (11:07):
In eighth grade, Tanya got in trouble at school for
doing this.
Speaker 6 (11:11):
Throw not happy.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
You got in trouble for throwing apples at people's heads.
Speaker 7 (11:18):
No, they would throw apples at my head.
Speaker 4 (11:20):
Wait, what did you do in high school in eighth grade?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
Eighth grade, you probably got in trouble for did you
kiss someone in school?
Speaker 4 (11:29):
Cheating?
Speaker 6 (11:30):
Cheating is the correct thing.
Speaker 5 (11:33):
Let me tell you.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
I don't think the guessing shook, but my guesses have
just been what after the next?
Speaker 4 (11:41):
All right?
Speaker 5 (11:42):
Number four four points. When Tanya was in high school.
She pulled her pants down in front of her mom,
her older sister, and her sister's boyfriend to show them
what assist or like.
Speaker 8 (11:52):
Angered hair, no puberty, no hair on her bruise.
Speaker 5 (12:00):
She was concerned it was a possible U t I,
but she wasn't sure. She was saying, what do you
guys think is this? Could this be a I don't know,
could this be.
Speaker 4 (12:18):
It's not.
Speaker 5 (12:20):
There's only so many things down there. Yeah, they've got
to think bigger than a pimple.
Speaker 4 (12:27):
It's not assist.
Speaker 6 (12:28):
It's not assist. It's not it might have been assessed. Yeah,
it's not the word I'm looking for. She thought it
was you know, you t I.
Speaker 4 (12:42):
It's not.
Speaker 7 (12:43):
They're not going to get it, all right.
Speaker 5 (12:44):
She thought it was a hemorrhoid.
Speaker 7 (12:48):
We just told me this story two days ago.
Speaker 6 (12:55):
All right, This one's a tough one. I don't know
if they'll get this.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
The other ones haven't been.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
For five points. Tanya's favorite teacher at Los Alamedo's High.
Speaker 6 (13:04):
School the hell.
Speaker 4 (13:08):
Music teacher. Mister is it mister.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Rodriguez, Mister Robert Close, mister mister Rogers.
Speaker 5 (13:21):
Mister I actually mentioned this name earlier in the quiz
because the Kiss promotions director had the same last name
that she sent the shoe to. Mister, I'm gonave you
one more clue starts with an m mister Martinez favorite
(13:48):
in high school.
Speaker 6 (13:50):
Shout out. All right, here we go, final round.
Speaker 5 (13:54):
It's favorites, and we'll start with a one point question.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
You know, it is not.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
About the points, Paulina, it is it really is you
have us having fun?
Speaker 6 (14:05):
You have ten points? Ten points is a nice round number.
Speaker 4 (14:09):
That nine pointer really killed me anyway.
Speaker 6 (14:11):
That was tough.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
All right, get ready to blurt what is Tanya's favorite
TV show of all time?
Speaker 6 (14:18):
Friends? Is correct?
Speaker 4 (14:20):
Your podcast is called Spread.
Speaker 7 (14:23):
Amongst Friends?
Speaker 6 (14:28):
What is Tanya's favorite Taylor Swift song? And Paulina, you
gotta be faster.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Honestly, I don't know Taylor Swift, so I wasn't sure
if it was like what I do tell me to
memorize this weekend. He's just not that, is it.
Speaker 5 (14:44):
You talked about it on Monday about how I.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
Thought it was a ten minute and I don't know
the name of that.
Speaker 5 (14:49):
Well, yeah, what is Tinya's favorite movie of all time?
Speaker 4 (14:53):
He's just not that into there.
Speaker 6 (14:54):
You go, very nice, nice?
Speaker 5 (14:57):
What is Tanya's favorite way to have her eggs prepared
sunny side up. Scrambled, correct me, no, scrambled. You both scrambled.
Did you know I did exactly the same time?
Speaker 6 (15:13):
So you both think that?
Speaker 5 (15:14):
Then apparently it was a tie nine point Final question,
that's a tough one. What is Tiny's favorite alcoholic beverage?
Speaker 2 (15:23):
Killing the rocks?
Speaker 4 (15:24):
I like to Martini, like.
Speaker 6 (15:25):
Tortini, Martini. We have a winner just named it.
Speaker 4 (15:32):
I'm blaming my lock of sleep on this. My brain
slightly delayed.
Speaker 7 (15:37):
No, some of them are very hard, but like the
Leechi Martini.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Okay, but let me drink on Friday night a Leachi
Martinis vs.
Speaker 7 (15:46):
Significant Martini.
Speaker 4 (15:49):
To be honest with you, you never drink them, so
I wasn't sure if that was actually your favorite.
Speaker 3 (15:55):
Oh so the only reason I don't drink them is because, No,
A lot of restaurants don't make them delicious.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
They make yeah Jim Martinez the original answer.
Speaker 6 (16:04):
She changed it this morning.
Speaker 7 (16:07):
Martini with two olives, two onions and a twist.
Speaker 4 (16:09):
All of Yadigar special. Yeah, it's special, I said, all
of Yadigar. I was like, who's all of Yadagar? I
don't know didn't meet her this week.
Speaker 6 (16:19):
Now, shall we take a break and come back with Yeah.
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Let's let's come back with the score and some.
Speaker 9 (16:25):
Dear All right, we are back.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
We have a few Dear Bonnier questions and we thought
it would be fun to have Paulina in giving advice.
I don't know if you know this, but every week,
or almost every week, we do a Dear Bonnie episode
where people write in. We give advice, sometimes great advice,
sometimes questionable.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
Hopefully they go do.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Go elsewhere, to go go elsewhere to source advice. But
you'll idle, you'll add something new.
Speaker 7 (17:10):
A new perspective, new perspective.
Speaker 5 (17:12):
Let's do it all right this one, Becca, Tanya Becka.
I've been a fan of yours since your first season
of The Bachelor. We were in the same sorority, different schools.
We all rooted for you because of that and how
genuine you were, that nice Tanya. I love a full
of life you are, and you bring such warmth and
energy to the podcast. It's so fun listening to you
and learning about your experiences with love and life. I
will say, Tanya. Doing the half marathon at Disney, I
(17:34):
ran by you and pointed Tanya, I'm such a huge fan,
and then just kept running. I'm hoping I didn't scare
you too much, not at all. My question, would you
ever run a half or full marathon? If so, which one?
Thanks for all you do, love Ariel. If you're ever
in the Boston area, I teach a cycling studio part time.
Would love to have you in my class.
Speaker 7 (17:51):
Wow, thank you, I love Boston. Shout out's great. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:56):
If I ever got the that's the that's the location,
shouldn't have Flintania Pete and the hydroflask in the car?
Speaker 6 (18:03):
Oh my gosh on one.
Speaker 2 (18:05):
Of the highways or freeways and lustily.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
I did no because if we literally walked onto the plane,
had we pulled over for me to go to the bathroom,
would have missed our flight.
Speaker 2 (18:16):
I said, you got to find the hydro you gotta.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
Do the hydroflask. Yeah, And I was like, well, spect,
this is.
Speaker 2 (18:21):
An interesting question having here because you literally just did
the half marathon.
Speaker 4 (18:25):
Sure did. Let me tell you guys, I am not
a runner. I'm really not, but I have a newfound
love for running. I have. I've told you this before.
Anyone can run after doing a half marathon, anyone can run,
and I think I'm trying to get you to do
it with me and you and Robbie. I already signed
up for another one in September. It's so fun.
Speaker 2 (18:48):
What made you, as someone who's not a runner? What
made you want to do that? Because I there's no
single ounce of my soul that wants.
Speaker 4 (18:58):
To do that. I I have this. I've always had
like a weird inkling of like wanting to be a runner,
but every time I did it, I hated my life
and I thought it was a joke. Honestly, I told
a coworker joking, like we do have marathon and we
were like sure, And then I had two and a
half months to train. I think one I had like
(19:19):
this goal in mind that like if I don't like
not being good at things, so when I have, I
had to do it in order to achieve this thing
that I signed up for unpaid for. But in the process,
I like found like a total love for running.
Speaker 2 (19:34):
How many miles before you realize you loved it?
Speaker 4 (19:36):
Like how the first day, like my first run, I
did two miles around like my neighborhood and I got
back and I was like, this is so fun and
By the way, I'm just as shocked as anyone else
because I don't even like walking down the block. Like
my sister can't fathom that I did this because in
New York, I'm like, where's the uber? Like I don't,
(19:59):
I don't do cardio.
Speaker 2 (20:01):
I'm shocked you haven't had interest in it, because you
know you would do long runs for a long time.
Speaker 7 (20:07):
Yeah, I've ran nine miles. I have no desire.
Speaker 3 (20:12):
To be around hundreds of people sweaty running around.
Speaker 6 (20:17):
But you're not.
Speaker 4 (20:17):
You're not close enough to feel.
Speaker 3 (20:19):
Anyone running these miles waking up at five am on
a Sunday like none of it, yeah, three thirty, Like,
none of it to me is something that I want
to do. If I want to run, I'm going to
go on a run around my house. Yeah, Like there,
I just there's nothing in me that wants to do that.
Speaker 4 (20:34):
See I'm the opposite. I haven't ran since because now
I'm like, oh, well, I don't have this thing that
I have to do. Yeah, I think you should do it.
It's like a weird like sense of accomplishment that I
didn't expect because any most things like do you rather.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Be my black belt in jiu jitsu than like run
a marathon. I think, do that well, I don't know.
Speaker 4 (20:56):
I feel like you can. You're a natural. Very few
people can run nine miles for fun, and you were
doing that. I wasn't.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
I wouldn't say I was doing it for fun. I
was like super depressed, sad.
Speaker 4 (21:07):
Actually, I was like, yes, but I'm saying like, very
few people can actually hit nine miles.
Speaker 2 (21:14):
With that's been really sad and I've never ran the same.
The last thing I felt to do.
Speaker 4 (21:19):
In the middle of a breakup, I'm like, I want
nothing to do with exercise for me.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
I feel like running was like therapeutic. Yeah, Like I
remember when Robin and I broke up. That was all
I did was I would just like run every day,
And before I knew it was like nine miles.
Speaker 7 (21:32):
I was like, oh, dang, I.
Speaker 4 (21:33):
Think that's so impressive. Anyway, I really I'm trying to
convince and Robbie to do it with you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
I think if that if you can hit nine miles
and you can go.
Speaker 4 (21:41):
A lot of people by the way train up until
nine and then do the full thing the day of
so you can, you aren't working right, You're just not
They're just people do it by themselves.
Speaker 2 (21:52):
They just kind of go, well, I can't wait to
hear about that when you do it?
Speaker 9 (21:57):
Yeah yeah, no, oh.
Speaker 5 (22:00):
No, not yeah, okay, sorry, you know I'm Tanya and
hard maybe from Becca righty?
Speaker 4 (22:06):
Yes for me?
Speaker 5 (22:09):
Anonymous, Hi Becka, Tanya, Mark, and Paulina. I've been listening
to the pod for a year or so now, and
I've been catching up on episodes I missed as well,
and y'all bring so much joy and laughter to my workdays.
My friends and I just went on a Gallentine's Day
weekend trip. We're screaming Tailorwhift in the car while driving
through National Parks and made me think of you guys
and appreciate you sharing.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
All your girlhood stories.
Speaker 5 (22:29):
Long story short, I'm living in Utah for a few
months with my best friend who's out here for clinical
for grad school. I work remote, so I decided to
join her. I'm from Minnesota. Don't worry, Mark, I'm a
huge Packer fan.
Speaker 6 (22:39):
Thank you.
Speaker 9 (22:40):
So.
Speaker 5 (22:40):
I love getting this opportunity to live somewhere cool with
so many outdoor options. I can't imagine moving back to
my suburban Midwest town in a few weeks. I love it.
Here in Utah, but I would also consider somewhere else
with similar things to do. I'm in my mid twenties.
I don't have anything tying me down. I rent, I'm
not in a relationship, but I do think it'd be
hard to move so far away from my family friends.
A lot of people where I'm from stay close to
(23:03):
home or at least a few hours away for their
whole lives, so it's not really typical with my friends
and family to be so far away. It's also different
right now because I'm my best friend here and i'd
be moving by myself instead. Mark and Becca, I know
you both moved far away from home but a somewhat
similar age. Do you have any advice on how you
came to those decisions? And once you did move away,
how hard was it to start over in a new
place without friends and family?
Speaker 6 (23:23):
Any advice?
Speaker 4 (23:25):
M I actually worked.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
I mean I moved with my sister and my brother
in law, so I had I did have family. I
was nineteen when I moved, and I think it's hard.
I mean, anything new is hard, in my opinion, like
there's always an adjustment period, but I think having family
with me made the adjustment so much easier.
Speaker 4 (23:45):
I'm sure do you fill out too. I had the
same experience. I'm from Miami and I moved to LA
when I was nineteen as well. Wow yeah, so oh
my gosh, eleven, ten years ago. But my sister, yeah yeah,
but my sister already lived in LA, so it made
(24:07):
the whole thing so much easier. I now, I've like
jokingly told you that I'm moving to New York and
I can't imagine moving somewhere alone, but I will say,
and it's kind of perfect that we're here. But like
I think the minute I met Tanya, everything kind of
clicked for me in LA. I think I always had
(24:27):
my sister, but then it takes a second. But then
once you find your people, everything gets easier. And I
we've cried all weekend about it, but like we're chosen family,
and I do think that it's uncomfortable, it's not easy,
but then like you find your footing, yeah, I mean,
I miss I have.
Speaker 2 (24:46):
I sometimes go through the feeling of having guilt living
so far away from my parents, knowing that they're getting
older and like my nieces and nephews and not being
there for that, and that's I think something that you're
always going to wrestle with if you have a healthy,
good relationship with family or even friends that live far away.
But I think that's the joy of getting to go
visit on the holidays like you do.
Speaker 9 (25:06):
Mark.
Speaker 5 (25:07):
I was twenty six when I moved out, but I
had friends here and that helped a lot. I think
they'd be tough to not have friends someplace. But also,
but what it came down to for me was am
I going to regret staying or am I going to
regret going? And I decided that I would regret not
coming out here and giving it a shot. And I
came out here with big dreams. I achieved none of them,
(25:28):
but things have worked out great. I've still got a
great life out here, and I'm really happy that I
moved out here. So I think you gotta try it,
don't you. I think that's great.
Speaker 6 (25:36):
Well, your twenties is four or four.
Speaker 4 (25:38):
My mom is every time I'm making like a really
difficult decision, She's like, you can always go back, yeah, yeah,
like worst case scenario, you move back. You can always
like you know, get a new job, like things can
always be different. So I think, just try, yeah, just
do it, and if you also give it a second,
because when I first moved here, I was like, what
(25:59):
the hell did I do? Because I loved my family,
I love being home. I'm such a homebody. But like
three months in I was like, Okay, I like it here,
I have good people around me. I'll stay, so give
it a second. But I think, do it?
Speaker 9 (26:15):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (26:16):
Why not?
Speaker 4 (26:16):
Yeah? I agree.
Speaker 2 (26:18):
I think I always had the mentality, specifically when I
moved from San Diego to La, which I know is
like a much smaller move, but I was very comfortable
in San Diego and I was very scared to move
to LA in the sense of it was this like new,
big place and there's so much going on. And I
remember my boss said to me, like san Diego is
(26:38):
still going to be here, Like you can always come
back to San Diego, but maybe La is where you
need to be right now. And I always kept that
in my mind of like, your family and the place
that you come from is still going to be there,
so why not go see and do something that you're
craving to do rather than staying somewhere where you feel
stagnant and never knowing anything different.
Speaker 4 (26:57):
I think there's a lot of beauty in that, so I.
Speaker 7 (27:00):
Never moved far.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
Like I grew up in Orange County, so it's like
an hour and a half away from where I live now.
But I feel like I moved to a totally different universe,
like completely. It's different for me though, because my family
is so like a drive so it's different.
Speaker 7 (27:15):
But I could not imagine living in the city that
I grew up in.
Speaker 4 (27:20):
I don't. Yeah, I'm from Miami. Like Miami is like
so fun and like really popping right now. But yeah,
whenever I go, I'm like, oh, Ela is my home. Yeah,
never saying ever, And I think I more think about it,
like when I have kids. Yeah, Like I can't imagine
not having my mom close by.
Speaker 7 (27:39):
That's why we got to get her to move out.
Speaker 4 (27:40):
Here one day day.
Speaker 6 (27:42):
I always think it's good to see the world I do.
Speaker 5 (27:46):
It just exposed you to more people, more things, more wonderful.
My father in law, hooy I left dearly, has spent
his entire life in a one block area, Like you
can walk from what where's he grew up into the
house where he lives now. And that's great for some people. Yeah,
it sounds like from your email, you're not one of
those people.
Speaker 2 (28:01):
I always say it's okay to stay.
Speaker 4 (28:02):
It's okay.
Speaker 2 (28:03):
I remember no a conpost that it's okay to stay
where you where you love and and be with who
you love. And it's also okay to want to leave
and mix more different And how long do you know
that you're going to have a remote job where you
get to do that?
Speaker 4 (28:14):
You know you're an it?
Speaker 3 (28:15):
You want to scratch, scratch itratch it, Just scratch it,
scratch it?
Speaker 4 (28:22):
Is that news?
Speaker 7 (28:23):
Just scratch it, scratch it. It's a song. No, I don't.
Speaker 6 (28:28):
Love that one.
Speaker 4 (28:28):
I don't know that one either personally.
Speaker 7 (28:30):
Maybe it's a different word than yeah.
Speaker 4 (28:31):
Maybe it's just a.
Speaker 7 (28:34):
RAMI just ram it.
Speaker 2 (28:36):
I don't like scratch it.
Speaker 4 (28:39):
I don't know I like any of that right word. Okay,
we will be right back.
Speaker 2 (28:44):
We're taking a break, all right, we are back.
Speaker 4 (29:02):
Another dear Bonia.
Speaker 5 (29:03):
Here comes from Lily Hi, Beca, Tanya Mark and Paulina Hi.
I've been in my third my mid thirties. I've been
very ten years before me and my husband had a
large group of friends of guys and girls. Most of
those friendships have faded, except for one male friend I've
known since I was ten. My husband's never had an
issue with this guy till a few years ago. We
were at a party together. A friend of my husband's
told him I was all over my friend, which matched
(29:25):
my husband's fears. Nothing inappropriate happened, just friendly hugs with
our other friends. But my husband is convinced I hooked
up with this friend in the past, which is not true.
Ever since, any mention of my friend turns into an
issue four days, my husband feels as disrespectful to maintain
the friendship and wants to know every time we talk
and the details of our conversations. I know the easy
(29:46):
answer is to just stop being friends if it makes
my husband uncomfortable, but part of me thinks I shouldn't
have to end a twenty year friendship over something that
isn't true. That said, this friend and I only talk
or see each other once or twice a year. What's
everyone's take and the friendship, out of respect from my
husband's feelings, should have maintained it since there is no
history there. And if I do end it, do I
just let it fizzle out or do I have a
(30:07):
direct conversation. I appreciate your perspectives.
Speaker 3 (30:09):
Thank you, rough I like a friend you see twice
a year is not a really really good friend.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Yeah, it sounds like it's more of like a friend
that you like, right pick up where you left off.
Speaker 4 (30:20):
You know, you don't say.
Speaker 3 (30:21):
Them a lot, and you see them once or twice
a year, like it was a it was a harm
no foul.
Speaker 7 (30:25):
I mean, in my opinion.
Speaker 4 (30:27):
In what way no harm, no foul.
Speaker 2 (30:28):
You're saying, like, say goodbye to the friendship.
Speaker 3 (30:31):
But do you need to say goodbye to it? Like
I feel like if you see someone once or twice
a year.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
I think she's asking because her husband is very uncomfortable.
Speaker 3 (30:38):
I need more details, like does she hang out with
this guy wants to like, is it in a big party?
Speaker 6 (30:42):
Do they go get coffee?
Speaker 5 (30:43):
It's she's not saying I don't have feelings for this guy.
I've never hooked up with this guy. There's nothing there.
If it was a female, this would not be an issue.
But her husband's being jealous and controlling this.
Speaker 4 (30:53):
I was gonna say, this feels a little bit like
the husband has like jealousy.
Speaker 7 (30:58):
She said somebody told her him something.
Speaker 5 (31:00):
Somebody said, hey, your wife was all over this guy.
Speaker 3 (31:03):
See that's not nice, I say, I think there's like
a few sides like did you give him a reason to.
Speaker 4 (31:10):
Feel that way? Because I feel like if he's never
had an issue, all of a sudden he doesn't have
an issue, then something might have changed.
Speaker 3 (31:15):
I've been married for ten years and he was never
controlling or jealous, and then this happens.
Speaker 4 (31:19):
My suggestion is couple's therapy. Oh oh, I do? I do.
Speaker 2 (31:23):
I think this is an issue that you could bring
to a professional and say I did not do anything,
but he doesn't trust me based on something that he heard.
This has just recently become a problem. This is someone
I see and talk to once or twice a year.
We've known each other forever, We've never had any we've
never crossed the physical boundary of friends.
Speaker 4 (31:42):
Like, there's nothing for him.
Speaker 2 (31:43):
To worry about, but I need to know what I
can do to make him feel more secure in this
because or is this a place where I endo friendship
that I've had?
Speaker 4 (31:51):
I agree, because I also do think that there is
a lot of value in prioritizing your relationship because like,
at the end of the day, your husband says, like
a friend that you see twice a year. But I
feel like there's a deeper trust issue here.
Speaker 2 (32:06):
But if it was every time she went out and
he was like, why did you talk to that's unhealthy
and toxic. This makes me feel like he feels deeply
insecure about someone and is this a person that's worth
risking her relationship?
Speaker 4 (32:22):
Yeah, her marriage? Yeah, I would go to you're married you.
Speaker 5 (32:28):
If somebody said that me, boy, your wife's all over
the sky, I'd be like, okay, like I'm not going
to buy it.
Speaker 6 (32:32):
I'm not going to believe that.
Speaker 4 (32:34):
Trust your right of course, and it's there's like a
level of like yeah, but it's also if you don't
have the exact situation, it's hard to like.
Speaker 2 (32:41):
I would like to think I would be totally true
because I also think I would it. I think i'd
be like.
Speaker 3 (32:47):
Was all over someone? Like Yeah, if I heard those words,
I'd be like, what the hell?
Speaker 4 (32:51):
I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
No, I'm not. I'm never super.
Speaker 4 (32:55):
Jealous, but I'm not easy breezy.
Speaker 7 (32:56):
Yeah, it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (32:58):
Take much to im eazy breezy. Tell him not.
Speaker 7 (33:03):
Yea, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (33:04):
So I feel like it's not black or white for
me in this situation.
Speaker 4 (33:08):
I agree. I will say like I think if my
partner was fighting me on keeping them in their life,
it would make me even like the trust issues would
be even more exaggerated. But so I mean less to
you than this person twice a year, which is where
he's probably like, what the hell I'm telling you. I
(33:30):
don't like this person, I don't like you being there?
Why not let it go? Like if that were me,
I take it all back, I would lose my mind.
I take everything I just out of back and I
just put myself in her shoes and his shoes.
Speaker 7 (33:44):
Yeah, and I would lose my mind.
Speaker 4 (33:46):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (33:47):
Sorry, Mark, this guy controlled.
Speaker 4 (33:53):
But there's truth to that. There is truth to that,
because you do have to trust who you're with. But
there's definitely something I think it makes question all on him, correct,
I'm questioning if the all overness actually happened.
Speaker 6 (34:11):
Him to trust Lily. She says, nothing happened.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
If they've been friends forever and that's just how they interacted,
and then someone saw it and they're like, hey, bro,
like your wife was all over this guy, and in
her mind, she's like, I've been like that with Timmy
since I was ten.
Speaker 5 (34:25):
Well, right, because different people have different Like when my
wife and I started dating. It was weird for her
that because I was I did a lot of improv
and theater and stuff, and it's a very huggy community.
Everybody hugs everybody, and that's not where.
Speaker 6 (34:35):
She comes from.
Speaker 5 (34:35):
She's like, that's weird that he's talking all these women.
Took her a minute to get over that. So maybe
it's just that's the relationship she has with this guy.
Speaker 6 (34:41):
They hug. I don't know. I still don't like it.
Speaker 5 (34:43):
But let's say you guys. Let's say you guys. She
duved I sits down with her husband. They talk it out.
She says, Okay, I love you. I don't want you
to be insecure. I'm going to let this go with
this guy. Does she talk to the guy or does
she just let it fizzle?
Speaker 4 (34:56):
I would let it.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
That's why I think you talked to therapists and say, hey,
should I Is it worth? How do I need to
have a conversation or is it just something that because
here's the thing. If the guy comes around and he's like.
Speaker 4 (35:06):
What's going on?
Speaker 6 (35:07):
That's weird?
Speaker 4 (35:07):
Yeah, it's weird. Why are you being weird?
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Why haven't we talked? Then she has I mean in
my mind of a friendship of twenty years, I'd at
least want to say, hey, I'm in a place where
I don't have the capacity to be the friend you
know to you and it I don't know, how do
you hate it?
Speaker 4 (35:22):
I just don't think we know enough. Yeah, because I do,
I don't know if I'm totally trusting that nothing's happened,
if at all of a sudden.
Speaker 3 (35:29):
Because we're I think also having healthy boundaries is very important.
I remember in the early like two years of my
relationship with Robbie, there was a specific woman that was
laying it on thick with him, and she would just
lay it on thick trying to get back together with him.
And this is someone that he would have to communicate with,
and so I was like, this is a boundary that
like you cannot cross for me. And so we had
(35:52):
to like figure out these these boundaries. And he was
like respectful of that, you know, because it was like
it wasn't appropriate when you're in a relationship with somebody
and your partner's uncomfortable, we.
Speaker 6 (36:01):
Don't know that anything inappropriate is happening.
Speaker 4 (36:03):
Though, I think it's a little different, but I agree
with you. I think boundaries, and I think prioritizing your
relationship is important.
Speaker 2 (36:09):
But she said, didn't she say that he gets upset
if his name is brought up. Yeah, it's a trigger like.
Speaker 4 (36:15):
This man like there's something missing here because I don't.
You don't get triggered unless something happened or maybe it
wasn't with this guy, but maybe something has happened with
someone else.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Okay, here's the other thing, his trust. Regardless of if
we think it's right or wrong, He's feeling insecure. So
I think she needs to go, Okay, you're my partner,
you're my husband. I'm going to make sure that you
feel safe. What can I do on my end to
make sure that you feel safe? Which is like if
they are texting or have a phone call. I do
think it's respectful to be like, hey, I talked to
(36:47):
so and so today.
Speaker 4 (36:48):
This is what we talked about.
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Because if he just hears his name, he's automatically he's
like making up stories in his head, and so he's
already feeling like I agree with that. So I think
it's just asking him what can I do to make
you feel safer?
Speaker 4 (37:01):
Is it?
Speaker 2 (37:01):
Is it not having a friendship with this person?
Speaker 4 (37:03):
Is it.
Speaker 2 (37:03):
Is there something else that I can do that when
I talk about him, I can reassure you.
Speaker 4 (37:07):
Like what I had to have that conversation. There was
one X that I don't know why triggered me. I
don't nothing ever happened. I was just like, I don't
like you being around them, but I'm not. I don't
want to be controlling. So I was like, I just
ask that if you were to run into them, you
tell me. I don't want to find out the social
(37:29):
media through Instagram. I don't want to know. A week later,
I just asked that if they're in the same room
as you, you let me know. And it did make
me feel better because I's okay, he's like understanding, but yeah,
some people just trigger you.
Speaker 7 (37:41):
Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 4 (37:45):
The best.
Speaker 5 (37:46):
I don't know I passed on that.
Speaker 3 (37:49):
No, I think we actually gave her some good insight
that maybe shouldn't think about.
Speaker 4 (37:52):
Okay, that's true, I do good also the self reflection.
We're done.
Speaker 6 (37:58):
We're done.
Speaker 3 (37:59):
No, Holena, Do you have any parting words for the scrubbers,
any words of wisdom that you want to partake give.
Speaker 7 (38:06):
Out, share, partake to share advice on what life.
Speaker 6 (38:11):
There happiness, the wedding just a few weeks away.
Speaker 4 (38:19):
Actually this is so random, but I was having a
conversation with someone recently, and I think, be grateful. I
think live life with a lot of gratitude. I think
we're missing a lot of that recently, just in life,
in the workplace, in your personal life. Walk around with
a little bit more gratitude.
Speaker 7 (38:38):
Yeah, Perspective is everything.
Speaker 4 (38:40):
Perspective is everything. So true. I love that. Nothing more
needs to be said. I love you, guys, No notes,
no notes? Next up?
Speaker 7 (38:49):
Do you want to come back next week?
Speaker 2 (38:52):
I'll just leap seconds. We'll have you back after the wedding. Yes,
recap oh.
Speaker 4 (38:56):
Yes, yes, yes, get rid of me?
Speaker 2 (38:59):
No no, no, everyone's say good bye to Paulina. We
love you, love you.
Speaker 6 (39:04):
Sorry about the game.
Speaker 4 (39:06):
Whatever, I wasn't gonna bring it up. Final scores.
Speaker 6 (39:10):
Thirty four to thirteen.
Speaker 4 (39:13):
Triggers.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
We love you, somebody love you.
Hosts And Creators
Tanya Rad
Rebecca Tilley
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