October 24, 2023 • 36 mins
A Library Collection shall be maintained at every unit. All Materials are Facility-Numbered Property. Corrective Action shall be taken for loss, theft, damage, or destruction of Materials, including but not limited to books, reference works, and magazines per [P#1617§5]. All overdue Materials are Contraband.
AN ALTER EGO ALTERS YOU
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Written by Anney Reese, Alexander Williams and Matthew Riddle. Starring Natalie Morales, Rachel Rosenbloom, Wilbur Fitzgerald, and Wayne Bastrup.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Thirteen Days of Halloween Penance, a co production of iHeart
three D Audio Blumhouse Television and Grim and Mild from
Aaron Yankee. Headphones recommended. Listener discretion advised.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Were there steps there before? Okay?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
So if the chapel's down there, I know I saw
somewhere around here, not here, not there.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Not there either, crazy, This place makes no sense.
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I know that's somewhere in this nonsense nightmare labyrinth.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
I saw a.
Speaker 5 (01:03):
Lovely, little, good for nothing goddamn library.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It's so dark in here.
Speaker 5 (01:11):
I wonder if they're hello, hello, ship.
Speaker 6 (01:18):
Your voice down, but there's nobody in here? Are you
the librarian?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Mira?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Mira? Hi?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Do you have resources for UH residents?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Be more specific, like legal.
Speaker 6 (01:38):
Guides, case law.
Speaker 5 (01:39):
It would be great to cross reference everything by false imprisonment. Also,
anything you have about.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
This building, where it is and who's running it. Are
we allowed to check out the books or do we
have to read them here? This is just so dark.
I'm not sure we.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
Don't have anything like that, which part none of it?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Maybe in the law library.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Where's that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Not here? What are you really looking for?
Speaker 6 (02:01):
UH?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Answers answers about my case, your case, and what is
your case? Well, I don't know exactly, but when they
brought me in and read me my file, half the
information was.
Speaker 6 (02:15):
Wrong, including my name. They arrested the wrong person. But
I can't seem to convince anyone or even get them
to tell me the reason. And I don't know how
to prove it.
Speaker 7 (02:23):
Can't seem to convince anyone. You know, it doesn't matter
if you prove it. Whatever it is you're trying to prove, no.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
One is going to believe you. No one. In the end.
Speaker 7 (02:35):
You're not even going to believe yourself.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
But I don't belong here, you and I both, So
are you gonna help me or not.
Speaker 7 (02:46):
Follow me?
Speaker 6 (02:49):
Why is it so dark in here?
Speaker 8 (02:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That is bad for old books? It degrades them?
Speaker 6 (02:56):
Is that really true?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Also? I'm sensitive to light here?
Speaker 6 (03:02):
What does it say Those Without Shadow? Published eighteen eighty three.
What's this got to do with me?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Take these two?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
The other self as an omen of death? The mirrorers?
What are these?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You said there was another you, the one that really
belongs here.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
No, that's not what I never said.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
The same thing happened to me. There's someone out there
that looks just like me.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
Sounds just like me has my memories, lives, my life.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
She took everything from me.
Speaker 7 (03:39):
When I first got here, I looked up everything I
could about my case.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I can tell you your answers are here, but your
solution is not. I understand.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
I understand everything now, but it doesn't change the fact that.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I'm in here and she's out there.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
What does it matter? You won't believe me.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Listen, If it's anything like what's happening to me, maybe
we can help each other find a way to prove
that neither of us should be here.
Speaker 7 (04:10):
Hah, you remind me of me in the early days,
the differences. I had already met her, Ah, just like
every other day. I was waiting on the train. It
was cold, raining, the train was running late. I think
(04:32):
about that a lot if it hadn't been running late.
But no, it wouldn't have mattered. I was being hunted
when I first saw.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Her across the platform.
Speaker 7 (04:46):
For a moment, I thought it was my own reflection
mirrored in the window glass, Only it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Wasn't quite right.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
Her eyes were shining like an animal in the darkness.
We got on the same train car. I tried to
stare without making it obvious, but there was something about
her that I couldn't quite make out, like a mirage
when you get too close. I tried to look at
(05:14):
her straight on. My eyes slid off like water. Then
she walked towards me. Her attention made my palm sweat,
my heart race. I thought it was attraction. Now I
wonder if it was some instinct picking up on a predator.
I don't remember who spoke first, but when we started talking,
(05:37):
it seemed like it would never stop.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
She said her name was Jade, Jade like her emerald eyes.
Her voice was intriguing, strange, constantly making adjustment sleek.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
She'd say false, false, false, that's FA's what they say.
But opposites attracting You and I are a lot alike may.
I liked her voice, I liked her looked.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Her so much. I missed my stuff.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
I thought it was a sweet story, the story of
how we met, But it was fault. We decided to
start dating on the spot. Maybe a little fast, definitely
too fast. Things had started like a story book, I
guess I got swept up in the idea of it.
(06:34):
I didn't tell anyone at first. I didn't want to
deal with their questions. They were always pushing. You know.
They never approved of anything I did. They they yes,
my family, my mother. Especially At first, our relationship was perfect.
(07:00):
We were so happy. Jade listened, you know. She wanted
to know everything about me, wanted to share everything with me.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, uh, tell me again again again.
Speaker 7 (07:16):
Other than pictures, she was shy about pictures.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Hold on, let me just gee, No, you're going to
ruin them.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
We never fought. We were always in the mood for
the exact same thing. Whenever I was trying to remember something,
she had the answer.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
When we played games together, she always anticipated my next
move as though she was reading my mind.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You she did.
Speaker 7 (07:45):
She devoted all of her attention to me, laughed when
I laughed, smiled when I smiled, and she'd get this
look in her eye when she touched me.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I love you, I love you.
Speaker 7 (08:00):
Sometimes when you're in love with someone, it's easy to
ignore the morning signs. But there were things with Jade
I just couldn't overlook. I'd wake up and she'd be
staring at me, good morning, good morning. She'd repeat things
I'd say multiple times, changing the tenor and tone until
(08:22):
she got it just right?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Say it again?
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Why?
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Because I like your voice at them?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Could you pass me that book? Eh?
Speaker 8 (08:35):
Could you pass me that book? Could you please pass
me that book? Could you please pass me that book?
Could you please pass me that book?
Speaker 6 (08:50):
What?
Speaker 7 (08:51):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Sure?
Speaker 6 (08:52):
Here?
Speaker 7 (08:55):
One of the only things we didn't agree on was food.
She never seemed to think anything I could was rich enough.
Speaker 9 (09:02):
I doused salads and dressings, dredged vegetables and butter, drown
her dinner in oil and melted cheese and gravy, and she'd.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Just push it around her plate.
Speaker 7 (09:15):
The meat, though, she'd devour the tendons, the fat, cartilage,
the marrow. She didn't care what kind of meat. Only
the rarer the better, I'd joke. Her teeth were like
a tiger's. By then she was practically living with me.
Even scraps and leftovers weren't safe. Sometimes I'd wander into
(09:37):
the kitchen at night to find Jade digging through the trash,
or with the refrigerator door wide open, smiling at me
with meat and her teeth, eyes shining like the day
we met. It would be hard to say exactly when
things escalated. Jade was like my shadow. When I would
turn around there. She was always smiling. I had to
(10:01):
fight to find any time alone.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Ah ha, you scared me, you scared me.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
If I managed to catch her unawares, usually i'd find
her practicing things that people don't normally practice, staring into space,
shifting her face, trying on different types of smiles, using
her fingers to adjust.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
The corners of her mouth, but never in front of
the mirror.
Speaker 7 (10:28):
I'd hear her repeating things I'd said over and over,
shifting intonation and cadence.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You scared me, you scared me, You scared me, You
scare me, You scared me.
Speaker 7 (10:41):
She'd audition different laughs, too small and polite, big and boisterous,
others I don't know. Sometimes I would look at Jade
and she would just be someone else, like there were
pieces of her that changed. I swear when I met her,
her eyes had been green, but now they were brown
(11:02):
like mine.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I felt like I was losing my mind.
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Your eyes aren't brown, they're green.
Speaker 7 (11:10):
Oh, yes, of course they are. I get it mixed up.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Sometimes.
Speaker 7 (11:16):
Haven't been able to stomach seeing my reflection for a while.
Around the same time my health started to deteriorate. I
woke up one morning choking on my own tooth, another
with clumps of hair, missing, nails ripped off, scratches and bruises.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Appeared out of nowhere.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
I visited one doctor after another. No one could tell
me what was wrong with me. But I'd have these dreams,
dreams where I was staring at Jade, but she was
wearing a mask, a mask to look like me.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I'd reach up to pull the mask off, but it
would tear.
Speaker 9 (11:57):
I dig my nails in, clawing it away in shreds, and.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
When the final piece.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Came off, behind all of it, there was emptiness, a
blank face, but it would smile Jade, smile my smile, and.
Speaker 9 (12:19):
There she'd be, blank, smiling.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I was wasting away.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror, and I
was having trouble keeping things straight, like my memory was
being drained Jade, though Jade was glowing coming into focus.
One day, lying in bed, sick to my stomach, I
heard this sound from the other room, chop, chop chop.
(12:55):
I tried to ignore it, but it was insistent, giving
me such a headache.
Speaker 9 (12:59):
This chop chop chop, Can you stop?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Jade?
Speaker 7 (13:06):
Jade was in the kitchen cutting carrots are too many
for any recipe, especially when she didn't even eat carrots
and she was still cutting the knife slid through like butter,
so close to her fingers.
Speaker 6 (13:20):
That's enough.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Can you stop, Jade? Please stop? I swear, I swear.
She chopped her finger clean off. I screamed and screamed,
but she just smiled that damn smile.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I must have passed out.
Speaker 7 (13:39):
When I woke up, she had laid me in bed,
got a nice back on my head where I had
bumped it, and her finger was back like it had
never happened.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
But I know what I saw.
Speaker 6 (13:55):
Are you sure that wasn't also a dream?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
I know what I saw, all right. Then one day
I overheard Jade on the phone.
Speaker 7 (14:05):
Sorry, it's been so long, I've just been so busy.
She was talking to my mom, pretending to be me.
I know I say that every time, but I'm trying
to do better.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
She sounded just like me. But yes, happy.
Speaker 7 (14:26):
I was never happy talking to my mom. Mom was
never happy.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Talking to me.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
Yes, I will, I love you.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I miss you.
Speaker 7 (14:35):
Mom used to say in a thousand years, there would
never be someone like me that she could never love
anyone the way she loved me. But that was a lie,
just like everything else I know.
Speaker 9 (14:47):
I remember, Oh, Mom, you always say that.
Speaker 7 (14:53):
She'd said things on that call that she couldn't have that.
I never told her, I know what I you hadn't
How how.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Did she know me?
Speaker 6 (15:04):
Hey, let go on my arm.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
You're hurting me.
Speaker 10 (15:06):
The lights off?
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Turn them off?
Speaker 9 (15:12):
What was that?
Speaker 4 (15:14):
What was that? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (15:16):
What the hell was that?
Speaker 7 (15:19):
I guess I just got carried away, carried away.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Since all this happened, I've.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
I've become unwell. I I don't like people seeing me
clearly anymore. Now that something out there is wearing my face.
Speaker 9 (15:40):
My face feels.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Wrong, like it's not mine anymore.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
I don't understand. How did you end up here?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I killed my mother? Mmm? I don't look at me
like that.
Speaker 7 (15:57):
It was that things. It eroded my trust in everyone.
If she it could pretend to be me, convince everyone
else it was me, maybe it could be other people too,
isolating me more and more, wearing the mask of everyone
(16:17):
in my life.
Speaker 6 (16:18):
That's what they do, what they do?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Are you mocking me?
Speaker 7 (16:23):
So you thought your mother was Yeah, I heard this sound, thunk, dunk, dunk.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I thought it was Jade.
Speaker 7 (16:35):
I went into the kitchen to get her to stop.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
But it was my mother.
Speaker 7 (16:42):
Standing at the counter as if she'd been invited, wearing
an apron, using a meat tenderizer to pound these flank stakes.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
One of Jade's favorites.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
She seemed confused while I was there, almost like she
didn't recognize me, and Jade was nowhere to be found.
Nothing about that made sense, I thought, put this beech
Shade masquerading as my mother.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I confronted her.
Speaker 9 (17:12):
Tried to get her to show her true face.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
But she pushed.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
I told you how she always pushed, so I pushed
back hard. I'll never forget the sounder's skull made when
it cracked on the counter.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I didn't move.
Speaker 7 (17:30):
I just stared at her body with a trickle of
blood on the tile. And when I looked up, Jade
was there, standing over my mother's dead body, smiling inhuman.
For a moment, a horrible, sickening moment, I actually believed
that she was me and I was the reflection the shadow.
(17:50):
Then I grabbed the hammer from the counter and I
swung it up her face. Blood spattered teeth skittered across
the floor, skin hung from the hammer and shreds.
Speaker 9 (18:00):
Shade didn't move I just stared at me.
Speaker 10 (18:05):
I swung again and again, determined to unearth the true
face beneath. I didn't stop until I saw the phone,
But she didn't move, didn't react.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
The way she looked at me, I felt almost hypnotized.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I dropped the hammer and she laughed.
Speaker 7 (18:25):
Under all the core I'd made of her face, of
my face, it was still my laugh. I tried to
ask her why, what had she wanted from all this
from me? But she just smiled, and the words came
spilling out of my mouth. Was it because I didn't
(18:47):
appreciate my life, didn't deserve it? Was it because she
could do it better, be a better version, or was
it just a matter of survival or.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
That she was hungry?
Speaker 7 (19:01):
She didn't answer, only smiled that blank, empty smile. I
think maybe she was just tired of being a shadow.
She reached out tenderly to hold my hands, even though
they were covered in blood. She leaned in as if
to kiss them, and then bit my finger clean off. Suddenly,
(19:27):
her whole face changed and kneaded back together, rippled and
settled until it was mine and she lunched at me.
I tried to run, to fight, but every move she
mirrored as so she could anticipate my every thought, as
though she.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Was me, but so much stronger.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
She left me there, bleeding on the floor, not sure
how long I laid there, but when they finally arrived,
they arrested me.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
I told them what happened, but they didn't believe me.
Speaker 7 (20:04):
A woman with my name had already reported my mother's murder,
alleging a stalker had been plotting to take over her life.
I tried to tell them, tell them that she was
the impostor, that it wasn't even human, but they wouldn't listen.
And then I was carted off here and they tell
me I'm not me.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
But I know it's not true. I know what happened.
Speaker 10 (20:29):
She's out there living my life and I'm still me.
I'm me, and she cannot take that away from me.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
She bit off your finger? What, just like you said?
You saw her cut off her own finger, But then
it was back like it never happened. Yes, but you
still have.
Speaker 10 (20:50):
I tell you that some monster out there took my life,
that one probably took yours too, And you want to.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Know about my fingers?
Speaker 6 (20:56):
Yes, you don't believe me either. I knew you wouldn't
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 7 (21:04):
At a certain point, what does it even matter? People
seem perfectly content to accept the reflection. Maybe she has
the better version. I killed my mother, and she would
to the funeral. She has my looks, my voice, my memories.
She may as well be me, and.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I'm the shadow.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
I avoid my own reflection now because all I see
is her fantasies about ripping off my skin and what
I'll find underneath. I can't trust anyone anymore. I'll probably
die here and no one will even know or care.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
While she thrives, I'll die a shadow.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
As for your double, I warn you, the more you
look into this, the more your mistrust will grow in
who you are what you are. So maybe it's in
your best interest to let it go, or one day
you won't recognize what you see.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
In the mirror.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Well that's the last time I'll be visiting our local library.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
But wait, how do I TV room? Okay?
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Wait room, art room?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Shit?
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Library?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Okay? This should be the cell block, and of course
it's not.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
A I hate this fucking place.
Speaker 11 (22:57):
Trouble.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Oh hi, I was you know, just walking back to
my room.
Speaker 11 (23:02):
I can show you if you don't mind waiting.
Speaker 6 (23:07):
What is this place?
Speaker 11 (23:09):
Space to get away? Cigarette?
Speaker 6 (23:13):
Wow? You can smoke in here?
Speaker 11 (23:15):
I do.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Wow, that's so good.
Speaker 11 (23:21):
It's easier to enjoy life simple pleasures when they're few
and far between. What's the book?
Speaker 6 (23:28):
Ah, something from the library? The mirrors? A secret History
of the Life of Doubles.
Speaker 11 (23:36):
Let me guess Jade gave you that?
Speaker 6 (23:39):
You mean, Mirah?
Speaker 11 (23:41):
What's the difference.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
When they brought me in you know in my file
they had me under the wrong name.
Speaker 11 (23:48):
Yeah, you've told me clerical era.
Speaker 5 (23:51):
Well that's what I thought. But I'm starting to wonder,
wonder what if it could be more than that. I
figured it was all some big mistake. It is a senseless,
life destroying, devastating mistake. But why what's behind it? Could
there really be someone out there impersonating me?
Speaker 6 (24:18):
Or I don't even know?
Speaker 11 (24:23):
Most people think the hottest part of a flame is blue,
but it's not. There's a non luminous veil around the fire.
That's all most invisible. Look right there, don't turn your
eyes away, don't blink. What do you see? Nothing even
(24:43):
though you know something's there?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (24:48):
Yeah, sorry, Am I missing something I don't know?
Speaker 11 (24:54):
Probably not? Seems like your experience is consistent with most
everyone else.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Do you see something else?
Speaker 11 (25:05):
At first I wasn't sure. Seemed like a trick of
the light, the product of an overactive imagination that it
was gesturing, beckoning, making faces at me. But the more
I looked, the cleverer things God, the more familiar the
(25:27):
face became. Took me a long time to realize, but
once I saw it, I couldn't not see it. It
was my face. It always had been.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
FRep You are tripping me out, man? Is this an
allegory for something? Did the doctor slip you some of that?
I own a god drug shit.
Speaker 8 (25:53):
You know.
Speaker 11 (25:53):
The day I graduated high school, I enlisted.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
You were in the military, Navy South Pacific.
Speaker 11 (26:00):
All I'd bring back was a sun tan, these faded tattoos,
and a shoe box full of snapshots. But I learned
something out there, something few other people knew about, especially
in those days, what nuclear energy. By the early seventies,
(26:20):
I was the peak of my career, sought after for
whatever was the biggest new project on the market. My
last job was let's just say we were adjacent to
big city millions within the EPZ. I was the plant's
chief operator, EPZ the fallout zone. The thing with nuclear
(26:44):
is how it's regulated. It's not like all infrastructure. There's
big money to be spent, big money to be made.
The oversight committees that were ostensibly set up to keep
tabs on us cronies of the power company in their pockets,
every one of them. Anyway, One day I'm in the plant,
(27:07):
I'm the control room floor, and there's an anomaly, an anomaly,
a problem in our second reactor. For some reason, it's
struggling to dissipate heat quickly enough. There's something that occurs
in those reactors called a scram. It's a shutdown, happens
(27:27):
in seconds. I initiated it.
Speaker 6 (27:33):
What was the problem hard to say.
Speaker 11 (27:37):
My suspicion is that somebody cut corners and the concentration
of boron was too low, But the data didn't add up. Normally,
after a scram, there's some decay heat and it has
to be regulated. But this was more than normal, like
five times more. Even if the rods were bad. It
(27:58):
made no sense. Regardless, we needed time to assess. We
could keep the first reactor online while we repaired the second.
But half the reactors means half the power. But the
board accused me of overreacting, and so they did it
their way, got a technician to short the alarm and
(28:19):
create a bypass on the control board to suppress the error.
Speaker 6 (28:24):
Sounds about right.
Speaker 11 (28:26):
You want to know how many contamination events the world
has seen?
Speaker 6 (28:31):
Yeah, so do I.
Speaker 11 (28:33):
Someone here probably knows, and I can tell you it's
more than just three.
Speaker 6 (28:38):
Mile Island, Fukushima, Chernobyl.
Speaker 11 (28:41):
Sellafield, Gray's Wall, Frenchtown, like Homing. The number of times
we've come face to face with disastrous staggering, and almost
always it was due to someone's greed. A month after
the anomaly occurred, we were given a work order to
stall an experimental new condenser, told it would increase power
(29:04):
output in additional two point two percent. I knew the
system was unstable. I knew we didn't know enough to
go toying with untested tech. But I had seen the
guys who stood in the way of progress, and I
was thinking about my career, my pension, my legacy, my
own greed. So we got the condenser in line and
(29:30):
turn the system on. Piece by piece, water is led
into the containment building. Steamlines are clear, turbines are moving free,
all systems are go, So we dropped the control rods
and introduced the beryllium and boloonium. Immediate alpha decay from
the polonium hits the beryllium. Beryllium releases neutrons. Neutrons hit
(29:53):
the uranium, and we've got vision. And that's when it happens.
The anomaly.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
It's back.
Speaker 11 (30:08):
It never left, but now it's worse, so much worse.
Every panel of the control room lit up all at once.
We couldn't know if we could trust what we were seeing.
After they'd fucked around with the alarm, and I was
certain we were approaching a criticality failure. The RHR flooded
the containment with extra coolant, ramped up the vent fans,
had the new condenser, removing a ton of heat, but
(30:30):
to no avail. I tried to scram the reactor again,
but something was wrong. Half the control rods didn't move,
Something was stuck. Someone would have to go down there.
You me and a technician name of Harry Marx, twenty
year veteran, best in the biz. There was no time
(30:53):
to lose, so we suited up and headed into the
containment structure. Our handheld Geiger counters were saturated and said
it's completely useless. We could make it fifteen minutes at
the absolute maximum, even with the suits. One minute too
long was a death sentence. Harry went to work on
the RHR unit, making sure it was functioning at full capacity.
(31:15):
I had to deal with a control rod mechanism near
the side of the suppression pool tank. Through the window
of my hazmat, I looked into that abyss and saw
something I shouldn't have. As if my eyes could make
out the microscopic the heavens and the full electromagnetic spectrum
in between. The atom split, the energy surged, and in
(31:40):
the heat, the gesture, the beckoning, the face, my face.
I was in there. I had always been there, but
this time, for the first time, I was seeing myself
not from the outside in, but inside out. I had
(32:02):
been trapped all this time. I had been trapped inside
and now finally I could set myself free. I needed
to be free. As I saw it in the moment,
I had no other option.
Speaker 8 (32:20):
What what are you doing?
Speaker 11 (32:34):
Five seats That was my exposure. I should have been dead,
Burns all over my body, scarring in my lungs. Harry
was not so lucky. They escorted him out in a
lead body bag and I was hauled away. Here. I
(32:54):
spend the rest of eternity reflecting on what I had
done and what I had said.
Speaker 6 (33:02):
But was there a breach? Did it contaminate the area?
Speaker 11 (33:06):
I wouldn't know. I've been cut off from the outside
world ever since. But if you ever heard about it
in the news, I'd say they contained it or covered
it up. My point is none of us really know
what we are capable of when we are faced with
(33:28):
something extraordinary. I know there is more than one of me.
I believe there are reflections of all of us, and
if you find one, when those mirror images meet, the
results can be devastating. So you tell me you're wondering
(33:56):
if you have a double running around. That's what you're thinking,
isn't it. Maybe I'm saying they may be closer than
you think. The smarter, safer decision don't look at all.
Speaker 6 (34:22):
Oh yea, I I'm sick.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Thirteen Days of Halloween penance starring Natalie Morales, Episode six
Defense written by Annie Reese, Alexander Williams, and Matthew Riddle.
Editing and sound design by Rima Ilkali, featuring the voices
of Rachel Rosenbloom, Wilber Fitzgerald and Wayne Bastra. Directed by
Alexander Williams. Executive producers Aaron Mankey, Noah Feinberg, Chris Dicky,
(35:03):
Matt Frederick and Alexander Williams. Supervising producers Trevor Young and
Josh Thain. Producers Jesse funk, Rima Ilkali, Noami Griffin, Chandler
Mays and Casby Bias. Script editing by Lauren Vogelbaum. Story
consultants Ben Bolan and Matthew Riddle. Casting by Sunday Bowling
CSA and Meg Mormon CSA. Production coordinator Wayna Calderon. Production
(35:28):
assistants Jenna Johnson and Winona Lowe. Theme music by Rose
Aserti with vocals by Anna Humbler, recorded at This Is
Sound Design Studios in Burbank, California. Engineered by Ross aeronos
Special thanks to Romelia Osorio, Nathan Rule, Glenn Nishida, and
Rob Mosca. Thirteen Days of Halloween was created by Matt
(35:50):
Frederick and Alexander Williams and is a production of iHeart Podcasts,
Blumhouse Television, and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Makey. Learn
more about the show at Grimm and Slash thirteen days
and find more podcasts from iHeartRadio by visiting the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
(36:10):
Happy Halloween,
Thirteen Days of Halloween Penance, a co production of iHeart
three D Audio Blumhouse Television and Grim and Mild from
Aaron Yankee. Headphones recommended. Listener discretion advised.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
Were there steps there before? Okay?
Speaker 3 (00:30):
So if the chapel's down there, I know I saw
somewhere around here, not here, not there.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Not there either, crazy, This place makes no sense.
Speaker 5 (00:57):
I know that's somewhere in this nonsense nightmare labyrinth.
Speaker 6 (01:02):
I saw a.
Speaker 5 (01:03):
Lovely, little, good for nothing goddamn library.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
It's so dark in here.
Speaker 5 (01:11):
I wonder if they're hello, hello, ship.
Speaker 6 (01:18):
Your voice down, but there's nobody in here? Are you
the librarian?
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Mira?
Speaker 3 (01:25):
Mira? Hi?
Speaker 6 (01:27):
Do you have resources for UH residents?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
Be more specific, like legal.
Speaker 6 (01:38):
Guides, case law.
Speaker 5 (01:39):
It would be great to cross reference everything by false imprisonment. Also,
anything you have about.
Speaker 6 (01:44):
This building, where it is and who's running it. Are
we allowed to check out the books or do we
have to read them here? This is just so dark.
I'm not sure we.
Speaker 7 (01:51):
Don't have anything like that, which part none of it?
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Maybe in the law library.
Speaker 6 (01:56):
Where's that?
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Not here? What are you really looking for?
Speaker 6 (02:01):
UH?
Speaker 5 (02:01):
Answers answers about my case, your case, and what is
your case? Well, I don't know exactly, but when they
brought me in and read me my file, half the
information was.
Speaker 6 (02:15):
Wrong, including my name. They arrested the wrong person. But
I can't seem to convince anyone or even get them
to tell me the reason. And I don't know how
to prove it.
Speaker 7 (02:23):
Can't seem to convince anyone. You know, it doesn't matter
if you prove it. Whatever it is you're trying to prove, no.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
One is going to believe you. No one. In the end.
Speaker 7 (02:35):
You're not even going to believe yourself.
Speaker 5 (02:37):
But I don't belong here, you and I both, So
are you gonna help me or not.
Speaker 7 (02:46):
Follow me?
Speaker 6 (02:49):
Why is it so dark in here?
Speaker 8 (02:52):
Right?
Speaker 2 (02:52):
That is bad for old books? It degrades them?
Speaker 6 (02:56):
Is that really true?
Speaker 2 (02:58):
Also? I'm sensitive to light here?
Speaker 6 (03:02):
What does it say Those Without Shadow? Published eighteen eighty three.
What's this got to do with me?
Speaker 2 (03:12):
Take these two?
Speaker 5 (03:14):
The other self as an omen of death? The mirrorers?
What are these?
Speaker 2 (03:20):
You said there was another you, the one that really
belongs here.
Speaker 6 (03:24):
No, that's not what I never said.
Speaker 2 (03:26):
The same thing happened to me. There's someone out there
that looks just like me.
Speaker 7 (03:31):
Sounds just like me has my memories, lives, my life.
Speaker 2 (03:36):
She took everything from me.
Speaker 7 (03:39):
When I first got here, I looked up everything I
could about my case.
Speaker 2 (03:44):
I can tell you your answers are here, but your
solution is not. I understand.
Speaker 7 (03:51):
I understand everything now, but it doesn't change the fact that.
Speaker 2 (03:56):
I'm in here and she's out there.
Speaker 6 (04:00):
What happened?
Speaker 2 (04:01):
What does it matter? You won't believe me.
Speaker 5 (04:05):
Listen, If it's anything like what's happening to me, maybe
we can help each other find a way to prove
that neither of us should be here.
Speaker 7 (04:10):
Hah, you remind me of me in the early days,
the differences. I had already met her, Ah, just like
every other day. I was waiting on the train. It
was cold, raining, the train was running late. I think
(04:32):
about that a lot if it hadn't been running late.
But no, it wouldn't have mattered. I was being hunted
when I first saw.
Speaker 2 (04:44):
Her across the platform.
Speaker 7 (04:46):
For a moment, I thought it was my own reflection
mirrored in the window glass, Only it.
Speaker 2 (04:52):
Wasn't quite right.
Speaker 7 (04:53):
Her eyes were shining like an animal in the darkness.
We got on the same train car. I tried to
stare without making it obvious, but there was something about
her that I couldn't quite make out, like a mirage
when you get too close. I tried to look at
(05:14):
her straight on. My eyes slid off like water. Then
she walked towards me. Her attention made my palm sweat,
my heart race. I thought it was attraction. Now I
wonder if it was some instinct picking up on a predator.
I don't remember who spoke first, but when we started talking,
(05:37):
it seemed like it would never stop.
Speaker 2 (05:40):
She said her name was Jade, Jade like her emerald eyes.
Her voice was intriguing, strange, constantly making adjustment sleek.
Speaker 7 (05:53):
She'd say false, false, false, that's FA's what they say.
But opposites attracting You and I are a lot alike may.
I liked her voice, I liked her looked.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
Her so much. I missed my stuff.
Speaker 7 (06:13):
I thought it was a sweet story, the story of
how we met, But it was fault. We decided to
start dating on the spot. Maybe a little fast, definitely
too fast. Things had started like a story book, I
guess I got swept up in the idea of it.
(06:34):
I didn't tell anyone at first. I didn't want to
deal with their questions. They were always pushing. You know.
They never approved of anything I did. They they yes,
my family, my mother. Especially At first, our relationship was perfect.
(07:00):
We were so happy. Jade listened, you know. She wanted
to know everything about me, wanted to share everything with me.
Speaker 2 (07:10):
Yeah, uh, tell me again again again.
Speaker 7 (07:16):
Other than pictures, she was shy about pictures.
Speaker 2 (07:19):
Hold on, let me just gee, No, you're going to
ruin them.
Speaker 7 (07:23):
We never fought. We were always in the mood for
the exact same thing. Whenever I was trying to remember something,
she had the answer.
Speaker 2 (07:32):
That's what I was going to say.
Speaker 7 (07:34):
When we played games together, she always anticipated my next
move as though she was reading my mind.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
You she did.
Speaker 7 (07:45):
She devoted all of her attention to me, laughed when
I laughed, smiled when I smiled, and she'd get this
look in her eye when she touched me.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
I love you, I love you.
Speaker 7 (08:00):
Sometimes when you're in love with someone, it's easy to
ignore the morning signs. But there were things with Jade
I just couldn't overlook. I'd wake up and she'd be
staring at me, good morning, good morning. She'd repeat things
I'd say multiple times, changing the tenor and tone until
(08:22):
she got it just right?
Speaker 2 (08:24):
Say it again?
Speaker 6 (08:26):
Why?
Speaker 7 (08:27):
Because I like your voice at them?
Speaker 2 (08:31):
Could you pass me that book? Eh?
Speaker 8 (08:35):
Could you pass me that book? Could you please pass
me that book? Could you please pass me that book?
Could you please pass me that book?
Speaker 6 (08:50):
What?
Speaker 7 (08:51):
Oh?
Speaker 4 (08:52):
Sure?
Speaker 6 (08:52):
Here?
Speaker 7 (08:55):
One of the only things we didn't agree on was food.
She never seemed to think anything I could was rich enough.
Speaker 9 (09:02):
I doused salads and dressings, dredged vegetables and butter, drown
her dinner in oil and melted cheese and gravy, and she'd.
Speaker 2 (09:11):
Just push it around her plate.
Speaker 7 (09:15):
The meat, though, she'd devour the tendons, the fat, cartilage,
the marrow. She didn't care what kind of meat. Only
the rarer the better, I'd joke. Her teeth were like
a tiger's. By then she was practically living with me.
Even scraps and leftovers weren't safe. Sometimes I'd wander into
(09:37):
the kitchen at night to find Jade digging through the trash,
or with the refrigerator door wide open, smiling at me
with meat and her teeth, eyes shining like the day
we met. It would be hard to say exactly when
things escalated. Jade was like my shadow. When I would
turn around there. She was always smiling. I had to
(10:01):
fight to find any time alone.
Speaker 2 (10:02):
Ah ha, you scared me, you scared me.
Speaker 7 (10:07):
If I managed to catch her unawares, usually i'd find
her practicing things that people don't normally practice, staring into space,
shifting her face, trying on different types of smiles, using
her fingers to adjust.
Speaker 2 (10:23):
The corners of her mouth, but never in front of
the mirror.
Speaker 7 (10:28):
I'd hear her repeating things I'd said over and over,
shifting intonation and cadence.
Speaker 2 (10:33):
You scared me, you scared me, You scared me, You
scare me, You scared me.
Speaker 7 (10:41):
She'd audition different laughs, too small and polite, big and boisterous,
others I don't know. Sometimes I would look at Jade
and she would just be someone else, like there were
pieces of her that changed. I swear when I met her,
her eyes had been green, but now they were brown
(11:02):
like mine.
Speaker 2 (11:04):
I felt like I was losing my mind.
Speaker 6 (11:07):
Your eyes aren't brown, they're green.
Speaker 7 (11:10):
Oh, yes, of course they are. I get it mixed up.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
Sometimes.
Speaker 7 (11:16):
Haven't been able to stomach seeing my reflection for a while.
Around the same time my health started to deteriorate. I
woke up one morning choking on my own tooth, another
with clumps of hair, missing, nails ripped off, scratches and bruises.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Appeared out of nowhere.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
I visited one doctor after another. No one could tell
me what was wrong with me. But I'd have these dreams,
dreams where I was staring at Jade, but she was
wearing a mask, a mask to look like me.
Speaker 2 (11:53):
I'd reach up to pull the mask off, but it
would tear.
Speaker 9 (11:57):
I dig my nails in, clawing it away in shreds, and.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
When the final piece.
Speaker 7 (12:03):
Came off, behind all of it, there was emptiness, a
blank face, but it would smile Jade, smile my smile, and.
Speaker 9 (12:19):
There she'd be, blank, smiling.
Speaker 2 (12:27):
I was wasting away.
Speaker 7 (12:29):
I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror, and I
was having trouble keeping things straight, like my memory was
being drained Jade, though Jade was glowing coming into focus.
One day, lying in bed, sick to my stomach, I
heard this sound from the other room, chop, chop chop.
(12:55):
I tried to ignore it, but it was insistent, giving
me such a headache.
Speaker 9 (12:59):
This chop chop chop, Can you stop?
Speaker 4 (13:04):
Jade?
Speaker 7 (13:06):
Jade was in the kitchen cutting carrots are too many
for any recipe, especially when she didn't even eat carrots
and she was still cutting the knife slid through like butter,
so close to her fingers.
Speaker 6 (13:20):
That's enough.
Speaker 10 (13:21):
Can you stop, Jade? Please stop? I swear, I swear.
She chopped her finger clean off. I screamed and screamed,
but she just smiled that damn smile.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
I must have passed out.
Speaker 7 (13:39):
When I woke up, she had laid me in bed,
got a nice back on my head where I had
bumped it, and her finger was back like it had
never happened.
Speaker 2 (13:50):
But I know what I saw.
Speaker 6 (13:55):
Are you sure that wasn't also a dream?
Speaker 2 (13:57):
I know what I saw, all right. Then one day
I overheard Jade on the phone.
Speaker 7 (14:05):
Sorry, it's been so long, I've just been so busy.
She was talking to my mom, pretending to be me.
I know I say that every time, but I'm trying
to do better.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
She sounded just like me. But yes, happy.
Speaker 7 (14:26):
I was never happy talking to my mom. Mom was
never happy.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
Talking to me.
Speaker 7 (14:30):
Yes, I will, I love you.
Speaker 2 (14:33):
I miss you.
Speaker 7 (14:35):
Mom used to say in a thousand years, there would
never be someone like me that she could never love
anyone the way she loved me. But that was a lie,
just like everything else I know.
Speaker 9 (14:47):
I remember, Oh, Mom, you always say that.
Speaker 7 (14:53):
She'd said things on that call that she couldn't have that.
I never told her, I know what I you hadn't
How how.
Speaker 2 (15:02):
Did she know me?
Speaker 6 (15:04):
Hey, let go on my arm.
Speaker 4 (15:05):
You're hurting me.
Speaker 10 (15:06):
The lights off?
Speaker 4 (15:08):
Turn them off?
Speaker 9 (15:12):
What was that?
Speaker 4 (15:14):
What was that? Yeah?
Speaker 6 (15:16):
What the hell was that?
Speaker 7 (15:19):
I guess I just got carried away, carried away.
Speaker 2 (15:25):
Since all this happened, I've.
Speaker 7 (15:28):
I've become unwell. I I don't like people seeing me
clearly anymore. Now that something out there is wearing my face.
Speaker 9 (15:40):
My face feels.
Speaker 2 (15:43):
Wrong, like it's not mine anymore.
Speaker 6 (15:48):
I don't understand. How did you end up here?
Speaker 2 (15:52):
I killed my mother? Mmm? I don't look at me
like that.
Speaker 7 (15:57):
It was that things. It eroded my trust in everyone.
If she it could pretend to be me, convince everyone
else it was me, maybe it could be other people too,
isolating me more and more, wearing the mask of everyone
(16:17):
in my life.
Speaker 6 (16:18):
That's what they do, what they do?
Speaker 2 (16:22):
Are you mocking me?
Speaker 7 (16:23):
So you thought your mother was Yeah, I heard this sound, thunk, dunk, dunk.
Speaker 2 (16:33):
I thought it was Jade.
Speaker 7 (16:35):
I went into the kitchen to get her to stop.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
But it was my mother.
Speaker 7 (16:42):
Standing at the counter as if she'd been invited, wearing
an apron, using a meat tenderizer to pound these flank stakes.
Speaker 2 (16:51):
One of Jade's favorites.
Speaker 7 (16:53):
She seemed confused while I was there, almost like she
didn't recognize me, and Jade was nowhere to be found.
Nothing about that made sense, I thought, put this beech
Shade masquerading as my mother.
Speaker 2 (17:10):
I confronted her.
Speaker 9 (17:12):
Tried to get her to show her true face.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
But she pushed.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
I told you how she always pushed, so I pushed
back hard. I'll never forget the sounder's skull made when
it cracked on the counter.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
I didn't move.
Speaker 7 (17:30):
I just stared at her body with a trickle of
blood on the tile. And when I looked up, Jade
was there, standing over my mother's dead body, smiling inhuman.
For a moment, a horrible, sickening moment, I actually believed
that she was me and I was the reflection the shadow.
(17:50):
Then I grabbed the hammer from the counter and I
swung it up her face. Blood spattered teeth skittered across
the floor, skin hung from the hammer and shreds.
Speaker 9 (18:00):
Shade didn't move I just stared at me.
Speaker 10 (18:05):
I swung again and again, determined to unearth the true
face beneath. I didn't stop until I saw the phone,
But she didn't move, didn't react.
Speaker 7 (18:17):
The way she looked at me, I felt almost hypnotized.
Speaker 2 (18:22):
I dropped the hammer and she laughed.
Speaker 7 (18:25):
Under all the core I'd made of her face, of
my face, it was still my laugh. I tried to
ask her why, what had she wanted from all this
from me? But she just smiled, and the words came
spilling out of my mouth. Was it because I didn't
(18:47):
appreciate my life, didn't deserve it? Was it because she
could do it better, be a better version, or was
it just a matter of survival or.
Speaker 2 (18:58):
That she was hungry?
Speaker 7 (19:01):
She didn't answer, only smiled that blank, empty smile. I
think maybe she was just tired of being a shadow.
She reached out tenderly to hold my hands, even though
they were covered in blood. She leaned in as if
to kiss them, and then bit my finger clean off. Suddenly,
(19:27):
her whole face changed and kneaded back together, rippled and
settled until it was mine and she lunched at me.
I tried to run, to fight, but every move she
mirrored as so she could anticipate my every thought, as
though she.
Speaker 2 (19:43):
Was me, but so much stronger.
Speaker 7 (19:48):
She left me there, bleeding on the floor, not sure
how long I laid there, but when they finally arrived,
they arrested me.
Speaker 2 (20:00):
I told them what happened, but they didn't believe me.
Speaker 7 (20:04):
A woman with my name had already reported my mother's murder,
alleging a stalker had been plotting to take over her life.
I tried to tell them, tell them that she was
the impostor, that it wasn't even human, but they wouldn't listen.
And then I was carted off here and they tell
me I'm not me.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
But I know it's not true. I know what happened.
Speaker 10 (20:29):
She's out there living my life and I'm still me.
I'm me, and she cannot take that away from me.
Speaker 5 (20:38):
She bit off your finger? What, just like you said?
You saw her cut off her own finger, But then
it was back like it never happened. Yes, but you
still have.
Speaker 10 (20:50):
I tell you that some monster out there took my life,
that one probably took yours too, And you want to.
Speaker 2 (20:53):
Know about my fingers?
Speaker 6 (20:56):
Yes, you don't believe me either. I knew you wouldn't
I'm not saying that.
Speaker 7 (21:04):
At a certain point, what does it even matter? People
seem perfectly content to accept the reflection. Maybe she has
the better version. I killed my mother, and she would
to the funeral. She has my looks, my voice, my memories.
She may as well be me, and.
Speaker 2 (21:25):
I'm the shadow.
Speaker 7 (21:29):
I avoid my own reflection now because all I see
is her fantasies about ripping off my skin and what
I'll find underneath. I can't trust anyone anymore. I'll probably
die here and no one will even know or care.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
While she thrives, I'll die a shadow.
Speaker 7 (21:50):
As for your double, I warn you, the more you
look into this, the more your mistrust will grow in
who you are what you are. So maybe it's in
your best interest to let it go, or one day
you won't recognize what you see.
Speaker 2 (22:08):
In the mirror.
Speaker 5 (22:21):
Well that's the last time I'll be visiting our local library.
Speaker 6 (22:27):
But wait, how do I TV room? Okay?
Speaker 5 (22:37):
Wait room, art room?
Speaker 3 (22:43):
Shit?
Speaker 7 (22:44):
Library?
Speaker 6 (22:45):
Okay? This should be the cell block, and of course
it's not.
Speaker 4 (22:52):
A I hate this fucking place.
Speaker 11 (22:57):
Trouble.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Oh hi, I was you know, just walking back to
my room.
Speaker 11 (23:02):
I can show you if you don't mind waiting.
Speaker 6 (23:07):
What is this place?
Speaker 11 (23:09):
Space to get away? Cigarette?
Speaker 6 (23:13):
Wow? You can smoke in here?
Speaker 11 (23:15):
I do.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Wow, that's so good.
Speaker 11 (23:21):
It's easier to enjoy life simple pleasures when they're few
and far between. What's the book?
Speaker 6 (23:28):
Ah, something from the library? The mirrors? A secret History
of the Life of Doubles.
Speaker 11 (23:36):
Let me guess Jade gave you that?
Speaker 6 (23:39):
You mean, Mirah?
Speaker 11 (23:41):
What's the difference.
Speaker 6 (23:43):
When they brought me in you know in my file
they had me under the wrong name.
Speaker 11 (23:48):
Yeah, you've told me clerical era.
Speaker 5 (23:51):
Well that's what I thought. But I'm starting to wonder,
wonder what if it could be more than that. I
figured it was all some big mistake. It is a senseless,
life destroying, devastating mistake. But why what's behind it? Could
there really be someone out there impersonating me?
Speaker 6 (24:18):
Or I don't even know?
Speaker 11 (24:23):
Most people think the hottest part of a flame is blue,
but it's not. There's a non luminous veil around the fire.
That's all most invisible. Look right there, don't turn your
eyes away, don't blink. What do you see? Nothing even
(24:43):
though you know something's there?
Speaker 2 (24:47):
Uh?
Speaker 6 (24:48):
Yeah, sorry, Am I missing something I don't know?
Speaker 11 (24:54):
Probably not? Seems like your experience is consistent with most
everyone else.
Speaker 2 (25:02):
Do you see something else?
Speaker 11 (25:05):
At first I wasn't sure. Seemed like a trick of
the light, the product of an overactive imagination that it
was gesturing, beckoning, making faces at me. But the more
I looked, the cleverer things God, the more familiar the
(25:27):
face became. Took me a long time to realize, but
once I saw it, I couldn't not see it. It
was my face. It always had been.
Speaker 6 (25:43):
FRep You are tripping me out, man? Is this an
allegory for something? Did the doctor slip you some of that?
I own a god drug shit.
Speaker 8 (25:53):
You know.
Speaker 11 (25:53):
The day I graduated high school, I enlisted.
Speaker 6 (25:56):
You were in the military, Navy South Pacific.
Speaker 11 (26:00):
All I'd bring back was a sun tan, these faded tattoos,
and a shoe box full of snapshots. But I learned
something out there, something few other people knew about, especially
in those days, what nuclear energy. By the early seventies,
(26:20):
I was the peak of my career, sought after for
whatever was the biggest new project on the market. My
last job was let's just say we were adjacent to
big city millions within the EPZ. I was the plant's
chief operator, EPZ the fallout zone. The thing with nuclear
(26:44):
is how it's regulated. It's not like all infrastructure. There's
big money to be spent, big money to be made.
The oversight committees that were ostensibly set up to keep
tabs on us cronies of the power company in their pockets,
every one of them. Anyway, One day I'm in the plant,
(27:07):
I'm the control room floor, and there's an anomaly, an anomaly,
a problem in our second reactor. For some reason, it's
struggling to dissipate heat quickly enough. There's something that occurs
in those reactors called a scram. It's a shutdown, happens
(27:27):
in seconds. I initiated it.
Speaker 6 (27:33):
What was the problem hard to say.
Speaker 11 (27:37):
My suspicion is that somebody cut corners and the concentration
of boron was too low, But the data didn't add up. Normally,
after a scram, there's some decay heat and it has
to be regulated. But this was more than normal, like
five times more. Even if the rods were bad. It
(27:58):
made no sense. Regardless, we needed time to assess. We
could keep the first reactor online while we repaired the second.
But half the reactors means half the power. But the
board accused me of overreacting, and so they did it
their way, got a technician to short the alarm and
(28:19):
create a bypass on the control board to suppress the error.
Speaker 6 (28:24):
Sounds about right.
Speaker 11 (28:26):
You want to know how many contamination events the world
has seen?
Speaker 6 (28:31):
Yeah, so do I.
Speaker 11 (28:33):
Someone here probably knows, and I can tell you it's
more than just three.
Speaker 6 (28:38):
Mile Island, Fukushima, Chernobyl.
Speaker 11 (28:41):
Sellafield, Gray's Wall, Frenchtown, like Homing. The number of times
we've come face to face with disastrous staggering, and almost
always it was due to someone's greed. A month after
the anomaly occurred, we were given a work order to
stall an experimental new condenser, told it would increase power
(29:04):
output in additional two point two percent. I knew the
system was unstable. I knew we didn't know enough to
go toying with untested tech. But I had seen the
guys who stood in the way of progress, and I
was thinking about my career, my pension, my legacy, my
own greed. So we got the condenser in line and
(29:30):
turn the system on. Piece by piece, water is led
into the containment building. Steamlines are clear, turbines are moving free,
all systems are go, So we dropped the control rods
and introduced the beryllium and boloonium. Immediate alpha decay from
the polonium hits the beryllium. Beryllium releases neutrons. Neutrons hit
(29:53):
the uranium, and we've got vision. And that's when it happens.
The anomaly.
Speaker 6 (30:06):
It's back.
Speaker 11 (30:08):
It never left, but now it's worse, so much worse.
Every panel of the control room lit up all at once.
We couldn't know if we could trust what we were seeing.
After they'd fucked around with the alarm, and I was
certain we were approaching a criticality failure. The RHR flooded
the containment with extra coolant, ramped up the vent fans,
had the new condenser, removing a ton of heat, but
(30:30):
to no avail. I tried to scram the reactor again,
but something was wrong. Half the control rods didn't move,
Something was stuck. Someone would have to go down there.
You me and a technician name of Harry Marx, twenty
year veteran, best in the biz. There was no time
(30:53):
to lose, so we suited up and headed into the
containment structure. Our handheld Geiger counters were saturated and said
it's completely useless. We could make it fifteen minutes at
the absolute maximum, even with the suits. One minute too
long was a death sentence. Harry went to work on
the RHR unit, making sure it was functioning at full capacity.
(31:15):
I had to deal with a control rod mechanism near
the side of the suppression pool tank. Through the window
of my hazmat, I looked into that abyss and saw
something I shouldn't have. As if my eyes could make
out the microscopic the heavens and the full electromagnetic spectrum
in between. The atom split, the energy surged, and in
(31:40):
the heat, the gesture, the beckoning, the face, my face.
I was in there. I had always been there, but
this time, for the first time, I was seeing myself
not from the outside in, but inside out. I had
(32:02):
been trapped all this time. I had been trapped inside
and now finally I could set myself free. I needed
to be free. As I saw it in the moment,
I had no other option.
Speaker 8 (32:20):
What what are you doing?
Speaker 11 (32:34):
Five seats That was my exposure. I should have been dead,
Burns all over my body, scarring in my lungs. Harry
was not so lucky. They escorted him out in a
lead body bag and I was hauled away. Here. I
(32:54):
spend the rest of eternity reflecting on what I had
done and what I had said.
Speaker 6 (33:02):
But was there a breach? Did it contaminate the area?
Speaker 11 (33:06):
I wouldn't know. I've been cut off from the outside
world ever since. But if you ever heard about it
in the news, I'd say they contained it or covered
it up. My point is none of us really know
what we are capable of when we are faced with
(33:28):
something extraordinary. I know there is more than one of me.
I believe there are reflections of all of us, and
if you find one, when those mirror images meet, the
results can be devastating. So you tell me you're wondering
(33:56):
if you have a double running around. That's what you're thinking,
isn't it. Maybe I'm saying they may be closer than
you think. The smarter, safer decision don't look at all.
Speaker 6 (34:22):
Oh yea, I I'm sick.
Speaker 1 (34:38):
Thirteen Days of Halloween penance starring Natalie Morales, Episode six
Defense written by Annie Reese, Alexander Williams, and Matthew Riddle.
Editing and sound design by Rima Ilkali, featuring the voices
of Rachel Rosenbloom, Wilber Fitzgerald and Wayne Bastra. Directed by
Alexander Williams. Executive producers Aaron Mankey, Noah Feinberg, Chris Dicky,
(35:03):
Matt Frederick and Alexander Williams. Supervising producers Trevor Young and
Josh Thain. Producers Jesse funk, Rima Ilkali, Noami Griffin, Chandler
Mays and Casby Bias. Script editing by Lauren Vogelbaum. Story
consultants Ben Bolan and Matthew Riddle. Casting by Sunday Bowling
CSA and Meg Mormon CSA. Production coordinator Wayna Calderon. Production
(35:28):
assistants Jenna Johnson and Winona Lowe. Theme music by Rose
Aserti with vocals by Anna Humbler, recorded at This Is
Sound Design Studios in Burbank, California. Engineered by Ross aeronos
Special thanks to Romelia Osorio, Nathan Rule, Glenn Nishida, and
Rob Mosca. Thirteen Days of Halloween was created by Matt
(35:50):
Frederick and Alexander Williams and is a production of iHeart Podcasts,
Blumhouse Television, and Grimm and Mild from Aaron Makey. Learn
more about the show at Grimm and Slash thirteen days
and find more podcasts from iHeartRadio by visiting the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
(36:10):
Happy Halloween,
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