April 24, 2025 • 47 mins
Ones’s a little bit Kentucky and one’s a little bit Beverly Hills … but now they are just two valley girls. Tori welcomes Brittany Cartwright to the podcast. Brittany opens up about how difficult it is to watch the new episodes of The Valley, and how her amazing son has inspired her to use her platform to help others with children on the spectrum.
Both women share how they came to terms with their partners’ addictions, found the courage to leave, and are finding their way as single moms. Tori asks the tough question … do you believe Jax would have gone to rehab if the cameras weren’t rolling?
Two authentic females that discover a bond over hauntingly paralleled paths.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Okay, Britney cart right,
you don't know me from Jack, not your backs, I
hold up, but sarya like a good pun. But I
just want to tell you that as a woman, as
(00:30):
a human, as a fellow mom, I'm proud of you.
Thank you, and I mean that with all my heart
and soul. And we'll get into everything, but I just
I wanted to lead with that because watching you, just
like everybody else, I'm just a fan like anybody else
in the world, I see a lot of similarities between us.
(00:54):
Our stories have aligned a lot. Yeah, and I'm just
I'm proud of you and everything you're doing. I just
wanted to say that because I feel like we don't
tell people that enough and sometimes we need to hear that,
even from people.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
We don't know that that means the world to me.
And obviously I haven't met you in person, but of
course I know who you are, so that means like
that means so much to me. And yeah, it's been
a rough couple of years, but hearing stuff like that
from other women like really means the world to me,
Like it really makes a difference in my life and
(01:30):
like makes it easier to share on a public level
what I'm going through whatever. Other women like tell me
that they, you know, see what it is, and you know,
maybe I've like helped a couple of other women like
realize their toxic relationships and this and that, like it
really just like makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
So thank you. I appreciate that absolutely. Yeah, I having
been on reality for years, Yeah, I always say, uh,
we fail some so others can succeed. Lead by example,
opening our our lives and knowing that it helps others
(02:09):
out there. It does. It's a it's a beautiful thing,
not what you're going through, but inevitably. Let's talk about
a bright spot. I want to start with Cruise, right,
So wait, Cruise is four now.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, he just turned four on April twelfth, so freshly four.
I can't believe it. I mean, Tom is flying. I
cannot believe it's four years old already. But yeah, he's four,
So he's just so big.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
He's the best. Remember when you were pregnant and people said,
don't blink. They always said this to me, don't blink
because they grow so fast, And I was like, oh,
oh my god, pregnant, you seem forever, every little step
and then boom.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yes, like happens in no time. I mean the very
end of your pregnant say, like you said, it seems
like it lasts for so long and then you look
back and you're like, oh my god, that feels like
it was fever because I feel like Cruise has like
always been here, you know what I mean. I did
not think of like life before him. Now that he's
(03:15):
been here, you know, so it's just, you know, he's
just amazing. He's the thing I'm the most proud of
in my entire life. And I'm sure you feel the same.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Way I do. I do, yes, and I feel the same.
I don't remember life. I mean I remember it, yeah,
I have my like memories in my head, but I'm
like life before my kids, it felt nonexistent, and it
truly felt like, oh my gosh, this is my purpose,
(03:45):
this is it Just it changes everything. And I know,
so he just turned forward? So is he? Woy April
twelve Aries.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah he's an Aries.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Oh you got a little aries, little Aries? And what
are are you a Capricorn?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm an aquarius?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Aquarius? Oh you're an Aquarius. Oh I love you even
more now.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I know, like, okay, so I'm not like huge into
all of that, but like I'm not either.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I know why I'm but sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I look it up and everything, and like I'm just
like I've heard great things about Aries and I've heard
like I've heard both sods like crazy things and great
things about Aries, and I'm like, well, he's going to
be the great.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I only know aries women, so actually,
and I don't know if it depends in aries male
versus scenarios woman. Yeah, but he's he's yours, created by you,
so he'll be amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Hell.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And I know you just talked about his autism diagnosis,
and I wanted to ask you about that, and I think,
first of all, that's a very brave thing to share.
And I think you're reasoning because it was going to
be on the show and people would notice he wasn't
completely talking doing that. But I just I wanted to
(05:17):
ask you, what were your first signs that you start
noticing perhaps he was on the spectrum.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So whenever he was like before he started turning, before
he turned two years old, he was talking a lot more,
and he was you know, he was saying words like
of course he started with the normal mommy, daddy. He
was saying like hot Dog from Mickey Mouth's club House,
his mama or dada dada came first, boom whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We won't hold that against her.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
No now all he said his mama, So it's like okay.
But you know, he was saying a lot more words
back then, and then I noticed, like the closer he
got to that, he started regressing and stopped talking, like
almost completely. He walked early, crawled early, did all the
physical things like earlier on time, and then so it
(06:12):
was all about his speech that I started noticing. And
then he started he has stems, so so like he'll
look out the corner of his eyes sometimes, or if
he gets excited, he might like like hold his hand
really tight to his face. So I just started noticing
like little things like that. You know, a lot of
kids on the spectrum will like flap and flap their
(06:33):
hands and do different things like that. So he started
like having those stemming things. So we kind of knew
that we were going to get the autism diagnosis, Like
I was prepared for it.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But you have to do that thing with your pediatrician
where you fell out the form like at this age,
they did this and you check all the cognitive all
that way.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So he was going you know, his regular pediatrician. Everything
was like perfect, you know, health wise, completely perfect. So
then we had him meet with a developmental pediatrician and
they you know, it's a process because even to get
the appointment takes like three to four months, and then
you go in there and then they have five different
(07:15):
appointments because they don't want to just meet them the
kids one time and diagnose them, which I appreciate. So
you go into the office or you have a zoom first,
and then you go into the office and spend time
with a doctor with your kid, and then they go
to school with your kid as well, and then they
go back to the office again, and then you have
(07:35):
another zoom appointment. So you know, it's a longer process.
And whenever we finally got the diagnosis, you know, like
I said, we were prepared for it, but it just
it takes a while. And that's something like you know,
early intervention like matters big time whenever you're you know,
dealing with a kid that's on the spectrum. Because he's
(07:56):
been in speech therapy since he was two years old.
He's in occupational therapy. He has a therapeutic companion that
goes to school with him every day. But he's doing
so much better, Like whenever I talk about the stemming
and stuff, like, occupational therapy has helped him so much,
Like he hardly even does that anymore. And today he
said orange, and like they it was like, that's a
(08:19):
huge deal. So you just celebrate every single milestone and
you know, saying orange is like that's huge. So I'm
super proud of him, and I'm super excited for what's
to come because he's just he's really thriving right now
and it makes me super proud of him.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Good job, mama, because it's from my experience. I've had
a lot of friends that have children on the spectrum
and they didn't not just they recognized it but didn't
want to accept it.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Or I think that's a big issue issue is people
don't want to accept it early on, but early interview
so much because and it can make all the difference
because right now he's working on the you know, the
building blocks of his brain. So I will do whatever
I can and me coming out publicly, I feel like
can help other parents like notice these different signs and
(09:17):
different things, and I just really want to use my
platform to help because that will make the biggest difference
in a couple of years since we started him so
early and all these other things.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Of course, of course, yes, and I feel like this
generation like it's talked about so much more. I mean,
it's interesting, you're obviously way younger than me, but you know,
like growing up. But it's not like, in my opinion,
I feel like autism just come about. It was just
(09:51):
not a diagnosed condition before or being on the spectrum.
So it's I'm so I feel like we're also blessed
that people are so openly talking about it. Yes, not honestly,
when it's a reality and it's a part of life.
And I just think it. I think it's great what
(10:12):
you're doing. Thank you, and and yes you will be rewarded.
You're like, I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I just want to be a positive advocate for the
autism spectrum community because I just feel like there needs
to be more of that out there, because even though
it is talked about a lot more now, there's still
a lot of people who don't really get what it
is and how broad the spectrum is and that can
cause like a lot of misinformation to get out, and
you know, I think it's important that we all talk
(10:43):
about those things. And I've already met other people, you know,
like I don't have any friends that have kids on
the spectrum, so I was I've never met anybody, you
know really, so I was just kind of like, what
do I do? You know, I was just kind of like,
I'm learning from the very beginning, and I have learned
so much over the past couple of years, and I
(11:06):
just really want to be able to like spread that information.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I found as well with different things in life that
if I didn't have friends that were going through different
things with their kids social media. Actually, you know, while
there's so many horrible things about social media, it was
such a valuable connection about things to ask questions and
(11:31):
make connections with people, you know, across the world that
are like I'm going through this, or here's an example,
or here's something you could do and try. And it's
nice to be able to have that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I mean, I've learned a lot myself from following different
like pages that talk about autism awareness and different things
like that, different moms and you know, after I came
out with a People magazine article and I, you know,
I talked about his zige. I had other like celebrities
that were reaching out to me and had been through
the same thing, and they, you know, people I can
(12:08):
learn from, like Holly pet for example, like.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Who's amazing I'm known as a favor.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yes, you know, she's been going through it. I think
her son is twenty six or twenty seven, So she's
somebody I could learn from and somebody I admire. And
I feel like the more I talk about it, the
more people like that I'm going to meet, and I'm
excited about that. To learn from other people that are
going through it.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It's so important to speak out about it and anything
your children are going through, you know, because we're all
learning on the go. There's no amal yeah, you know,
even you read stuff, you never know what's going to
happen to your own kid. And even diagnosis like ADHD
and ADD and it's just there's so many varying things
(12:55):
and it just I feel blessed personally. And Chris is
only four, but having kids that are older now that
the schools are recognizing it and working with you, I
think is a really great thing.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yes, I can say that everybody in his life loves
him so much, like all of his therapists, his teachers,
his principles hit like everybody they and I tell them
that all the time. I'm like, I can actually tell
that you really care, you know, about my son, and
that makes the biggest difference and it's important, and I
hope every kid has that same kind of experience, like
(13:33):
every kid deserves that, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Agree, Yeah, I agree. So when you found out the
diagnosis or I guess what I what I want to
ask is about co parenting, which I know is it
is not easy. I'm with you, it's a tough one.
But were you guys on the same page about that?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
There are Okay, listen, Jax loves his son. He you know,
he wants to be a great dad and he is
a great dad. But he's never a scheduled an appointment,
never hired a therapist, never hired a school, you know,
nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Adult man, they don't do that.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, exactly, so exactly. So there's that difference. So every
now and then, like if I feel like I want
him to be in this school, and he's like, well,
maybe he should be in this type of school. I'm like, well,
you haven't done any of anything, you.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Know, so it research.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yes, yeah, it gets at annoying, and that can make
co parenting like harder because I feel like I am
pulling the heavyweight, and if we disagree about something, it
like aggravates me because I'm the one that like does
all the research and I'm the one that's looking into
everything and hiring everybody and doing all the stuff. So
that could be that could be troubling, and I feel
(14:59):
like that that's probably normal, you know. But there's a difference.
Not that all dads are like that. Some dads are
hands on and do everything, but I feel like there's
a difference in moms and dads.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
For the most part, I agree with that a female
brain versus a male brain. And there are some dads that.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Are super do everything, do everything. I'm not trying to generalize,
you know, there are some of them, of.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Course, of course. I remember once I was I was
talking to a healer that sounds so like hippie dippy,
and I said, I'm just I'm frustrated because I have
to do it all. And she said, because you can, yeah,
And I went and and she said you have to
(15:48):
reposition it because you're you're feeling so angry all the time, like, well,
you know, why isn't he do this? Why isn't he
do that? And it's like sometimes they don't work that way.
And if you know that human and that's not how
their brain thinks, then you take it on because you
(16:09):
can do it all. And that helped me a little bit.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah, I mean I get I understand that because sometimes
you just like think about it too much and you
can like go to like anger or getting upset instead
of being like, you know, I would do this anyway,
you know what I mean, like even if we were
still married or whatever, like I would still be the
one doing that even if we were together. So I
try to think about it like that as well.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And I understand because I've been through it, and it
is frustrating when you're like I'm juggling everything, my plate's full,
and those are the things I feel like in general,
Dad's just it's not there. It's in our wheelhouse, yiss,
It's in our soul to kind of step up and
(16:58):
do it all.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I mean, even when we were together, I was the
one book in the flights, you know, just just like
a couple of things, hotels, stuff like that. So I
should be used to it about now.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, okay, so can we talk about Jack's Sure. You're
so open, which is what I love about you, unfiltered,
and I think it's so beautiful. So I watched episode
(17:39):
one of the Valley and it was, you know, it
was it was tough to watch and it was you know,
I think as taking myself out of it. As a
viewer and a fan, you're like, oh, you know, you're
excited and you're like, oh my gosh, all this draw.
(18:00):
I'm here for it. And like we said, you know,
it makes people feel like, oh my gosh, Okay, well
it's you know, celebrities can go through it, then we
can go through it. Normalizes life a little bit for
everybody out there. But for me, I got a little
PTSD just because I've been through it. And I'm not
(18:21):
putting myself in your shoes at all. But I was
married for twenty years.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I would never realized it was twenty years. Goodness, that's
a long time.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
This year you got out. You got out. Yeah, be
proud of yourself that you had the balls. Why do
we say balls, Well, I.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Don't know the ovaries, you had the big ovaries to say,
I don't want this, I want best for my son,
and I'm choosing to leave.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I wanted to do that. My husband isn't at it.
He's current sober and I'm proud of the work he's
doing on himself. But I've been through it, you know,
three times during our marriage and he got sober. I
(19:17):
want to rehab treatment a everything very similar. You know, alcohol, cocaine,
you know everything. I don't know the extense of what
Jax does, but an addicts and addict, you know, it
doesn't have to be drugs and alcohol.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You know of you know many things, and it's very
hard on everybody that is in the family and everybody
that loves that person, you know, of.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Course, and as they're human, you want to change them, yes, right, yes,
we want to fix and we want to heal them,
and so sometimes is just not possible. And I sorry
I'm making this about me, but I oh, I love hearing.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
That because that just makes me feel like you understand,
like the other side of it, because a lot of
people will always ask me like how proud I am
of him and stuff, and that can like bother me
sometimes because of course I am proud of him for
being sober, but like, I'm the one that has all
that emotional damage and stuff that I still have to
(20:28):
get over and it's going to take me. I have
to heal myself. So hearing that all the time, like
are you proud? Proud of him? Are you proud of him?
I'm like, oh, you know, it can be frustrating.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
And that's interesting because that's the first thing I said
about my husband. I'm proud of him, But you're right,
thank you. Fuck it, it's frustrating. Yeah, we have the
trauma that we have to work through because of it,
and having been there, I know it's annihilating to your soul. Yeah,
(21:03):
it just truly is. It breaks you down in every
way and you just pushed through because you have that
little being there that is your everything, in your why.
And yeah, it's not easy and people.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
You know, I don't think people truly understand going through
it on TV, yeah, and in the press and people
reading in the comments.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know, people would say to me, well, you chose
that life. You chose to go on a reality show
and put your life out there, so that's what you get.
And it's like, well, yeah, but I didn't. I didn't
know my life was going to fall apart. I didn't know,
you know.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I get that a lot too. A lot of times
people are like, you knew who he was, you knew
what you were getting yourself in, you knew this, you
do that, And I'm like, yeah, but like I didn't
get married thinking I was going to this is where
I would be right now, you know what I mean?
Like I am very much a caretaker and somebody who
(22:14):
does love taking care of people and does like really
want to help people. And that could be a great quality,
but it could also get you like ran over like
it did in my case.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yeah, you become literally that door, Matt. Yeah, and you
take it and take it. So episode two.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, it's a really really tough one. That's one that
should come with like a trigger warning because it's just,
you know, you'll see it shows like the morning of
whenever he finally is going to go to rehab and
now like how hard I tried and you know he
still wasn't, you know, taking things seriously, and it's just
it's really it's really hard to watch. I cried a
(22:55):
couple of times watching it. But yeah, it's a tough one.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
I'm gonna ask you a tough question. If you don't
want to answer, I understand. Do you believe that he
agreed at the time to go to rehab for the
sake of cruising you or the show was filming. Is
there any part of you that thinks like I.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Mean, I've been very very open about this, because you know,
he did Alex Bassin's podcast and he talked about that
the fact that the only reason he went to rehab
is because he looked in the back seat and he
saw cruise and he was yelling at me in front
of cruise and all that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no,
that's not true. We came home. I had to uper
separately because he was so aggressive. I called his sister,
(23:42):
I called his publicist, his manager, and Alex Baskin and
I got everybody combined, joining teams with me that he
needed to get help. I put my foot down and
I was like, if he does not go to rehab,
I'm going to have to like do something. Like the
cops were almost you see that in like episode one,
like things were thrown. It was very aggressive, it was
(24:05):
it was very hard. So the cops were going to
be called if he did not at least go and
try to get help. And I think, like one hundred
percent he wouldn't have went at that time because he
was still in denial. You know, you had to hit
your rock bottom and stuff to actually want to go
get help for yourself, and some for some reason, I
(24:27):
think that he was still not at that rock bottom,
and you'll see that on episode two. And I think
if his job wasn't on the line, he wouldn't have went.
Because even talks about on the show, he's like, you know,
I I'm gonna miss out on a lot of things,
and then he says, gonna miss out on cruise, and
I feel like he knew that he was going to
(24:47):
miss out of thirty days of not filming the Valley
with us, So he was so angry with me. He
even said, I'll never forgive you for this to me,
and I was like, one day you will realize that
I was the only person who loved you enough to
make you do this. And you know, we're still he
still has his issues with me about it, but he
(25:09):
is sober now after you know, he had to go
back for a second time, so like there is some
goodness that has come out of this. It's just a
journey because being sober doesn't change everything either, so it's
not Yeah, so it's a lot of ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
And I'm sure you're learning these terms as you're navigating
through it. There's a dry drunk.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
People were just recently saying that to me. That was
the first time I had heard about that, So what
is that exactly?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
So, uh, they're not drinking, they're not using, but they're
not completely working their program or their you know, mental
rehabilitation to their full tatcha. I see. I hope that
he is.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think I think with us, it's one day he's
completely fine, and then the day he is just in
a rage, and it's just like where did this come from?
Like if like he he thinks that if I'm nice
to him sometimes that we're going to be like best
friends again and we're just gonna be able to be
a big, happy family and hang out and stuff like that,
(26:24):
and then the very next day it's just like, whoosh,
who are you talking to?
Speaker 4 (26:28):
What?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
What? Guy? Like it's he's so concerned with who is
in my wife and who I'm talking to, and it's
it's just strange after we've been separated for over a
year and a half, Like, I'm not like that at all.
I don't I don't want to see it. I don't
want to hear about it. But I'm not bringing it
up constantly, you know. So there's a big difference there and.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
He using this word because it's so you just so
often narcissist, which well he is, and I feel like
that should be redefined because I feel like narcissism everyone
has a you know, it's not it doesn't have to
be a bad thing, but I feel that component doesn't change.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah. Well, even whenever he was in the first rehab facility,
they were like, you know, we can treat we can
try to treat depression, we can try to treat bipolar,
but his narcissism can't be treated. They straight up said
that to me, and I was like, okay, you know
so it's just like I I have let myself come
(27:38):
to realize that the person that I like wanted as
my husband and my wife that I really tried my
hardest to like work with and work on, and you know,
I can come out of this marriage knowing I tried
everything I possibly could and I really wanted it to work,
(27:59):
and that person just is never going to exist. So
I'm kind of like mourning the person that I thought
I was going to have in a way. It's it's
hard to explain, but I'm sure you you understand.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I completely understand that. And they say women they mourn
kind of during the marriage or relationship or while it's ending,
and men feel the grief after. Yeah, it's completely done. Yeah,
so they say, who's they. I don't know what I'm
not going to happen. I don't believe in what I
(28:35):
believe anymore. But yeah, you had that ideal and you
had you have that human. Obviously, obviously you're with ten years,
so that's a decade. That's a big part of your life.
You're formative adult years, and you know that that was
(28:58):
your human and there were parts of him. I'm sure
that you were like, Okay, I see it. There's a glimpse,
there's good moments, and that can be and sorry, I'm
like I usually do like funny podcasts, but this is
so personal to me that I really was really excited
to talk to you because it's healing me as well.
(29:21):
At the same time, because I appreciate I don't have
that many people to talk to go through similar things.
It's hard. All my friends are married with kids and
still you know, together, I'm like, okay, great, I should
to bed.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Like.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Why me? But yeah, do you feel like if he
worked on himself and became a better version, an idealer
version of what you had hoped he'd be, that you
would ever consider I know that's too soon.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I see where you're going. I think that like he's done.
There's just been too much hurt between us. Like I
don't know if I'm ever going to be able to
get over what was going on. But I will say selfishly,
there's like some part of me that's like another woman
(30:17):
would have everything that I worked so hard, you know,
and that's weird. I hate that. But it's like I.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Think that all the time.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah, and I think that would be really hard on me.
But I don't ever see us being able to like
fully get back together. Co parenting is the most important thing,
and right now that's a struggle. So eventually, like maybe
maybe that because you know, cruise is the most important,
and you know, I just hope that that can get
easier because they always say, like eighteen years, I'm like,
(30:47):
he's going to be around me for the rest of
my life. You know, it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
So it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Yeah, I love you already and slipped yep, Nope, they're
there forever is yeah in his life.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Of course, when I went through this, I I chose
to stay at the time, and we all have our
time and it's our journey, and you know when it's right.
No one else can tell us, like friends for years
you should have left, leave, leave, leave, and it's like
(31:29):
I hear you, I understand, but you know this, there's
a soul connection, there's this there's something with this person.
And I got to say when people were like, because
my husband infidelity and it was all over the press
and then he went to rehab and everyone I had
(31:52):
four kids, everyone said you should have left, you should
have left, and I'm like, thank goodness I leave because
I wouldn't have had oh my youngest who just turned
deep yep.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
And all the time about cruise, I'm like, you know, yeah,
I alack a long time ago, but thank god I
have my son. I wouldn't change it because I have
my son, you know, so I completely understand what you're saying.
And people who don't understand and who have never went
through it. They judge all they want, but they don't know,
they have no idea, And I like people like that
(32:25):
you just have to take with a grain of salt
because they have not lived it and they don't know
what it's like. So that's hard. I know, the public
aspect is like extremely tough. It has been for me.
The comments and stuff is like really hard as well.
But I just try to remember, you know, the pause.
(32:45):
I always try to focus on the positives and the
positive things that like came from that relationship, even though
the ending was terrible and everything has been really hard recently,
Like I've got Cruise, I have my house back, you know,
like I'm you know, I've thought all these like very positive,
amazing things going on in my life, and so I
just try to focus on that.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
So why when you separated did you and Cruise move
out of the house and not Jack's.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
So it things got so bad? You know, He's come
out saying now that he had a cocaine addiction. So
whenever he would have his come downs, his personality was
just insufferable, Like.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Did you know he was doing yes, but like he I.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Would be at home, like say, like I would be
in bed with Cruise. He would stay out till like
four or five in the morning and then come home
and the whole next day was just like horrible for me.
So it just started getting so bad and we had
a really really bad fight a couple of times. It's
not isolated incidents, you know, like there are many different
(33:50):
ones that let up to it, but the last one
I would.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
People see on TV is a small percentage, right.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I think the timeline is important to point out too,
because like this whole Julian thing of it all, I
was already separated for like seven or eight months at
that time, like I was, I had already left. So
by the time that he like flipped the chairs and
did all that craziness, we were already separated. I was
living in a rental house at that time. So I
(34:18):
think a lot of people think that that's the reason.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Things happened before
I was already gone. So you know, it was just
so bad, and I was like, either you leave or
me and Cruise are leaving, and he would not leave.
He said, this is my house. I'm not going anywhere.
And I think that truly, he didn't think that I
would leave, but I couldn't let Cruise go through that anymore.
(34:41):
And I was just like absolutely not, Okay, I'm out here,
and I packed up a bag and I left. And
I immediately felt like relief and a sense of peace
and almost like the veil was lifted and I could
see everything for what it was once I finally took
a step away and I stayed in a rental house
different I've moved to four different rental homes in LA
(35:03):
which is not cheap. No, So yeah, until he finally
moved out. But you'll see later on in the season
like how that went down. I don't want to talk about.
I don't want to ruin it for anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
But that was also traumatic, I understand. I mean that
guts me because I mean, you know this, you for
the sake of Cruise, he should have left. That's Cruise's home.
That's what Cruse knows. He's going through enough with his parents,
like do the right thing and move and move out.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yep. And I think another reason why he did finally
move out, you know, it's already been talked about. He
lives next door to Tom Schwartz, so like he wanted
to live that bachelor lifestyle. But also I think it's
because he knew that we were going to start filming
season two and he knew that, like the world was
going to be, like why in the hill is Brittany
(35:58):
and your son not living at your house? Because he
knows it's wrong exactly, but he it's an ego thing, Yeah,
the ego yep.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I mean, here's the thing. I'm so not judgmental because
I've been through it all and I hate when people
judge me. I feel like with the future holds, it
holds and you can forgive, but you can't forget exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
And that's I don't think that we would ever be
able to be back like you're asking earlier. It's just
I can't forget everything that's happened, Like you're going to
see this season, like there's a lot more that's gonna
come out.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
And are you okay talking you talk about in the
other cruise was in another room, chairs the table. How
bad did it get?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It got really bad. He flipped the coffee table and
my knee turned black immediately because it like flipped right
up on me. And then he threw both barstools he
broke my iPad, he broke my cell phone, he broke
my Stanley cup, he threw cruises food everywhere. I I
mean it was really bad. It was really bad and
punch holes and walls, like you know, there was just
(37:19):
it was ongoing, and I talked about it all. You'll
see it all. I know you haven't seen episode two yet,
but we you know, we talked about it even more.
But yeah, it was really scary.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Is that the first time he's done that to that extent?
Mm hmm. It was just the breaking point, yeah, right,
because your fear is, you know, could be my child next,
you know, and you don't know. And it's not that
they're a bad person and they don't care, but when
(37:50):
they're in the height of their addiction and mental and wellness,
it's just they're not thinking straight.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, like my friend how to come over,
like Jana and Jason came over and Jason like took
him to a hotel to like get away from me,
and Janet had to come over and stay the night
with me and stuff because it was I just couldn't
be by myself, you know, it was it was scary,
and he knows it he knows it. He knows he
(38:18):
messed up.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I mean more than messed up, but yeah, I mean
watching the first episode and just that's the thing he
keeps referring to is Julian and Julian buddy, Yeah, really
everything that's gone on, this is your concern.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah, And like it kind of upsets me because he
tries to like play the victim a little bit, and
that like really upsets me because I'm like, we were
already separated for like seven or eight months at that point,
you still and there was a lot of different things
that led up to us breaking up in the first place,
So like this victim mentality like really upsets me. And
you know, you can even see him be like Kristen's like, gosh,
(38:57):
I could wish I can remember exactly what Christen said,
but she's like, oh, I'm with Brittany all the time.
I see the way you talk to her, I see
the way you treat her, and you know she's going
through a lot. And his response was what about me?
And I was just like so yeah, but yeah, Kristen
(39:18):
was just like, oh my gosh, this is.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Crazy and I'm in a good place with my ex
right now, but I can't tell you how many times
in the past I heard what about me? Yeah, it's
it's it's the narcissism, it's the addiction. He's addicted to
being a victim in his mind. Yeah, and it's just yeah,
(39:42):
that's something. And it's gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Yeah, yep, all the things wrapped up in one.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
I know, such a nice package. Yep.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
But I'm going to look for all those red flags
from here on out.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Now, you won't. I hope I do up.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I've learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
My friend Jana Kramer said she had the same thing
in her past and is now with a great husband.
And she said, my picker was off. He call it
your picker, and she's like, yeah, my picker was off.
I had to re align my picker, Like sign me up.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
For real, I'll give me a new picker.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Oh my god. So maybe we can go get pickers together.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
I'm down.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
So having been through this and my kids are older now,
I'm sure you think about it that one day Cruise
will either see the show, he will see things online.
From my experience, I was going through it, I was
in it. I didn't think about that, and my kids
were really young, and then it got you know when
(40:51):
the two oldest ones. I remember, I'll never forget the
day they looked online and saw something and came up
and they said Dad cheated on you.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Oh, and like, yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
My heart sunk.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
You know, I think about that a lot more than
people know. I moved from Kentucky whenever I was twenty
six and just kind of got thrown into the reality
TV world. Never thought that this would be my life
or anything like that. But the you know, for being
on TV first, I've been on TV for seven seasons
(41:30):
now and it's like ten years of my over my life.
So a lot of people kind of like grew with me,
you know, they saw me get engaged, getting married, and
it just seemed natural that this was going to be
on you know, that Cruise was going to be part
of the show in our Lives, like The Valley was
very much a family oriented show, like that was the
(41:54):
idea from the beginning, and things just kind of like
hit the fan season one with us with Michelle and
j I see, you know, different things like that. So
I definitely didn't think it was gonna go the way
that it has. I will be broken hearted if he
comes up to me and says stuff like that, like
I can only imagine how that like riped your heart out.
But at the same time, like Shaq's is gonna have
(42:17):
to take accountability for what he's done and I don't.
I know that I'm not perfect by any means, but like,
even like I said earlier, I know I tried really
really really really really hard, so I could be proud
of myself for that, and you know, it will be
a sad day and it is very tough when you
(42:37):
think about it, but I just feel like, you know,
I agreed to do this life ten years ago, and
you know, I feel like being open is also opened
many many doors for me and also helped other women
as well. So again me always trying to focus on
the positives.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, that's just like how I am.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I'm the same, I'm the same. No, you're warrior, You're
a champion, leading the way, a trail blazer truly because
you're speaking out and you're speaking your mind and you
know what, So I did tell you that piece that
they were heartbroken. But here's the thing. The oldest ones now,
(43:19):
they know who their dad is. Yeah, yeah, they know
who I am. Yeah. Oh, and I have my faults too,
and they see it. So whoever Jack's ends up being
or is now, you know, Cruise will see that and
(43:40):
he will respect the fact that you stood up for yourself,
that you put it out there because you know what,
you have to support your kids, and you're helping women everywhere.
I tell my kids all the time. You know, they'll say,
why did you put our lives on TV? And I said, well,
(44:03):
part of me, you know one, I got to support
you guys, and that's what I fell into at the
time reality. So it just kept going, I'm helping a
lot of people by speaking my truth. And yeah, I said,
you'll you know, you'll understand, like, this is my story,
(44:26):
this is my narrative, and I want to be completely honest,
So you know, I don't want to go on a
show and then just have a version of me so
that doesn't help me or others.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yes, I'm always going to be real, open and roll.
That's just how I am, you know, So I get
what you're saying. I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Wait, do you ever feel because I felt this way
that the cameras this is going to be odd to
people listening, that the cameras were almost a safe place
when you were having fights and there's going down to
be able to speak.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Up one hundred percent. And especially like this season, a
lot of our crew that was from my Vanner Pump
Rules days, who I've known hears, they came back this season,
so it was like definitely a safe place they've known
us for so long. But also, like I always say this,
and I think that people probably think it's weird too,
(45:27):
but like having the cameras there like hold you accountable,
like you know, like I see what is happening on
the show, Like it's almost it's definitely like putting a
mirror up to yourself and it's like, Okay, I would
look ridiculous if I was to put up with that again,
you know what I mean, Like you learn from your
own mistakes because you see it and you watch it back.
(45:49):
So definitely a safe place and definitely a place where
I feel like it's definitely helped me be stronger and
to hold myself accountable in many ways.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
I completely understand it's cathartic. It's like therapy, yeah, yeah,
because I would sit in therapy for years and just
be like scared to say anything. Yeah, And then when
we did therapy be on our reality show and the
cameras were there. Somehow I felt like I'm going to
(46:19):
be okay, and yeah, and it is holding you accountable. Okay,
So Valley every Tuesday night on Bravo, next day on
Peacock and super excited to see the rest of the
season and your podcast.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yes, when reality hits, it comes out every Friday anywhere
you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I'm gonna have to have you on soon now too.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I would love I would be honored if you'l have awesome.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I would love that.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
And I got to tell you one day. It takes
a long time. So true Tory was in twenty fourteen, fifteen.
I'm now finally able to look back at it because
I wasn't for years and be like, Okay, I've learned
so much and like you said, it's holding you accountable.
(47:08):
But in the future, I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,
I came. I came out of it full circle. Yeah,
coming out of it. Yeah, we're all work in progress.
If you were beautiful inside and out, I were you,
I would love to hug you in person, and we're
gonna get our pickers on.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yes please, I'm out
Misspelling with Tory spelling and iHeartRadio podcast. Okay, Britney cart right,
you don't know me from Jack, not your backs, I
hold up, but sarya like a good pun. But I
just want to tell you that as a woman, as
(00:30):
a human, as a fellow mom, I'm proud of you.
Thank you, and I mean that with all my heart
and soul. And we'll get into everything, but I just
I wanted to lead with that because watching you, just
like everybody else, I'm just a fan like anybody else
in the world, I see a lot of similarities between us.
(00:54):
Our stories have aligned a lot. Yeah, and I'm just
I'm proud of you and everything you're doing. I just
wanted to say that because I feel like we don't
tell people that enough and sometimes we need to hear that,
even from people.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
We don't know that that means the world to me.
And obviously I haven't met you in person, but of
course I know who you are, so that means like
that means so much to me. And yeah, it's been
a rough couple of years, but hearing stuff like that
from other women like really means the world to me,
Like it really makes a difference in my life and
(01:30):
like makes it easier to share on a public level
what I'm going through whatever. Other women like tell me
that they, you know, see what it is, and you know,
maybe I've like helped a couple of other women like
realize their toxic relationships and this and that, like it
really just like makes a difference.
Speaker 1 (01:49):
So thank you. I appreciate that absolutely. Yeah, I having
been on reality for years, Yeah, I always say, uh,
we fail some so others can succeed. Lead by example,
opening our our lives and knowing that it helps others
(02:09):
out there. It does. It's a it's a beautiful thing,
not what you're going through, but inevitably. Let's talk about
a bright spot. I want to start with Cruise, right,
So wait, Cruise is four now.
Speaker 2 (02:27):
Yeah, he just turned four on April twelfth, so freshly four.
I can't believe it. I mean, Tom is flying. I
cannot believe it's four years old already. But yeah, he's four,
So he's just so big.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
He's the best. Remember when you were pregnant and people said,
don't blink. They always said this to me, don't blink
because they grow so fast, And I was like, oh,
oh my god, pregnant, you seem forever, every little step
and then boom.
Speaker 2 (02:54):
Yes, like happens in no time. I mean the very
end of your pregnant say, like you said, it seems
like it lasts for so long and then you look
back and you're like, oh my god, that feels like
it was fever because I feel like Cruise has like
always been here, you know what I mean. I did
not think of like life before him. Now that he's
(03:15):
been here, you know, so it's just, you know, he's
just amazing. He's the thing I'm the most proud of
in my entire life. And I'm sure you feel the same.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
Way I do. I do, yes, and I feel the same.
I don't remember life. I mean I remember it, yeah,
I have my like memories in my head, but I'm
like life before my kids, it felt nonexistent, and it
truly felt like, oh my gosh, this is my purpose,
(03:45):
this is it Just it changes everything. And I know,
so he just turned forward? So is he? Woy April
twelve Aries.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah he's an Aries.
Speaker 1 (03:57):
Oh you got a little aries, little Aries? And what
are are you a Capricorn?
Speaker 2 (04:05):
I'm an aquarius?
Speaker 1 (04:06):
Aquarius? Oh you're an Aquarius. Oh I love you even
more now.
Speaker 2 (04:13):
I know, like, okay, so I'm not like huge into
all of that, but like I'm not either.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
I know why I'm but sometimes.
Speaker 2 (04:22):
I look it up and everything, and like I'm just
like I've heard great things about Aries and I've heard
like I've heard both sods like crazy things and great
things about Aries, and I'm like, well, he's going to
be the great.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I only know aries women, so actually,
and I don't know if it depends in aries male
versus scenarios woman. Yeah, but he's he's yours, created by you,
so he'll be amazing.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
Hell.
Speaker 1 (04:51):
And I know you just talked about his autism diagnosis,
and I wanted to ask you about that, and I think,
first of all, that's a very brave thing to share.
And I think you're reasoning because it was going to
be on the show and people would notice he wasn't
completely talking doing that. But I just I wanted to
(05:17):
ask you, what were your first signs that you start
noticing perhaps he was on the spectrum.
Speaker 2 (05:25):
So whenever he was like before he started turning, before
he turned two years old, he was talking a lot more,
and he was you know, he was saying words like
of course he started with the normal mommy, daddy. He
was saying like hot Dog from Mickey Mouth's club House,
his mama or dada dada came first, boom whatever.
Speaker 1 (05:48):
We won't hold that against her.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
No now all he said his mama, So it's like okay.
But you know, he was saying a lot more words
back then, and then I noticed, like the closer he
got to that, he started regressing and stopped talking, like
almost completely. He walked early, crawled early, did all the
physical things like earlier on time, and then so it
(06:12):
was all about his speech that I started noticing. And
then he started he has stems, so so like he'll
look out the corner of his eyes sometimes, or if
he gets excited, he might like like hold his hand
really tight to his face. So I just started noticing
like little things like that. You know, a lot of
kids on the spectrum will like flap and flap their
(06:33):
hands and do different things like that. So he started
like having those stemming things. So we kind of knew
that we were going to get the autism diagnosis, Like
I was prepared for it.
Speaker 1 (06:44):
But you have to do that thing with your pediatrician
where you fell out the form like at this age,
they did this and you check all the cognitive all
that way.
Speaker 2 (06:55):
So he was going you know, his regular pediatrician. Everything
was like perfect, you know, health wise, completely perfect. So
then we had him meet with a developmental pediatrician and
they you know, it's a process because even to get
the appointment takes like three to four months, and then
you go in there and then they have five different
(07:15):
appointments because they don't want to just meet them the
kids one time and diagnose them, which I appreciate. So
you go into the office or you have a zoom first,
and then you go into the office and spend time
with a doctor with your kid, and then they go
to school with your kid as well, and then they
go back to the office again, and then you have
(07:35):
another zoom appointment. So you know, it's a longer process.
And whenever we finally got the diagnosis, you know, like
I said, we were prepared for it, but it just
it takes a while. And that's something like you know,
early intervention like matters big time whenever you're you know,
dealing with a kid that's on the spectrum. Because he's
(07:56):
been in speech therapy since he was two years old.
He's in occupational therapy. He has a therapeutic companion that
goes to school with him every day. But he's doing
so much better, Like whenever I talk about the stemming
and stuff, like, occupational therapy has helped him so much,
Like he hardly even does that anymore. And today he
said orange, and like they it was like, that's a
(08:19):
huge deal. So you just celebrate every single milestone and
you know, saying orange is like that's huge. So I'm
super proud of him, and I'm super excited for what's
to come because he's just he's really thriving right now
and it makes me super proud of him.
Speaker 1 (08:35):
Good job, mama, because it's from my experience. I've had
a lot of friends that have children on the spectrum
and they didn't not just they recognized it but didn't
want to accept it.
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Or I think that's a big issue issue is people
don't want to accept it early on, but early interview
so much because and it can make all the difference
because right now he's working on the you know, the
building blocks of his brain. So I will do whatever
I can and me coming out publicly, I feel like
can help other parents like notice these different signs and
(09:17):
different things, and I just really want to use my
platform to help because that will make the biggest difference
in a couple of years since we started him so
early and all these other things.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
Of course, of course, yes, and I feel like this
generation like it's talked about so much more. I mean,
it's interesting, you're obviously way younger than me, but you know,
like growing up. But it's not like, in my opinion,
I feel like autism just come about. It was just
(09:51):
not a diagnosed condition before or being on the spectrum.
So it's I'm so I feel like we're also blessed
that people are so openly talking about it. Yes, not honestly,
when it's a reality and it's a part of life.
And I just think it. I think it's great what
(10:12):
you're doing. Thank you, and and yes you will be rewarded.
You're like, I'm waiting for it. I'm waiting for it.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I just want to be a positive advocate for the
autism spectrum community because I just feel like there needs
to be more of that out there, because even though
it is talked about a lot more now, there's still
a lot of people who don't really get what it
is and how broad the spectrum is and that can
cause like a lot of misinformation to get out, and
you know, I think it's important that we all talk
(10:43):
about those things. And I've already met other people, you know,
like I don't have any friends that have kids on
the spectrum, so I was I've never met anybody, you
know really, so I was just kind of like, what
do I do? You know, I was just kind of like,
I'm learning from the very beginning, and I have learned
so much over the past couple of years, and I
(11:06):
just really want to be able to like spread that information.
Speaker 1 (11:10):
I found as well with different things in life that
if I didn't have friends that were going through different
things with their kids social media. Actually, you know, while
there's so many horrible things about social media, it was
such a valuable connection about things to ask questions and
(11:31):
make connections with people, you know, across the world that
are like I'm going through this, or here's an example,
or here's something you could do and try. And it's
nice to be able to have that. Yeah.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
I mean, I've learned a lot myself from following different
like pages that talk about autism awareness and different things
like that, different moms and you know, after I came
out with a People magazine article and I, you know,
I talked about his zige. I had other like celebrities
that were reaching out to me and had been through
the same thing, and they, you know, people I can
(12:08):
learn from, like Holly pet for example, like.
Speaker 1 (12:11):
Who's amazing I'm known as a favor.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Yes, you know, she's been going through it. I think
her son is twenty six or twenty seven, So she's
somebody I could learn from and somebody I admire. And
I feel like the more I talk about it, the
more people like that I'm going to meet, and I'm
excited about that. To learn from other people that are
going through it.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
It's so important to speak out about it and anything
your children are going through, you know, because we're all
learning on the go. There's no amal yeah, you know,
even you read stuff, you never know what's going to
happen to your own kid. And even diagnosis like ADHD
and ADD and it's just there's so many varying things
(12:55):
and it just I feel blessed personally. And Chris is
only four, but having kids that are older now that
the schools are recognizing it and working with you, I
think is a really great thing.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
Yes, I can say that everybody in his life loves
him so much, like all of his therapists, his teachers,
his principles hit like everybody they and I tell them
that all the time. I'm like, I can actually tell
that you really care, you know, about my son, and
that makes the biggest difference and it's important, and I
hope every kid has that same kind of experience, like
(13:33):
every kid deserves that, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Agree, Yeah, I agree. So when you found out the
diagnosis or I guess what I what I want to
ask is about co parenting, which I know is it
is not easy. I'm with you, it's a tough one.
But were you guys on the same page about that?
Speaker 2 (14:00):
There are Okay, listen, Jax loves his son. He you know,
he wants to be a great dad and he is
a great dad. But he's never a scheduled an appointment,
never hired a therapist, never hired a school, you know,
nothing like that.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Adult man, they don't do that.
Speaker 2 (14:20):
Yeah, exactly, so exactly. So there's that difference. So every
now and then, like if I feel like I want
him to be in this school, and he's like, well,
maybe he should be in this type of school. I'm like, well,
you haven't done any of anything, you.
Speaker 1 (14:36):
Know, so it research.
Speaker 2 (14:37):
Yes, yeah, it gets at annoying, and that can make
co parenting like harder because I feel like I am
pulling the heavyweight, and if we disagree about something, it
like aggravates me because I'm the one that like does
all the research and I'm the one that's looking into
everything and hiring everybody and doing all the stuff. So
that could be that could be troubling, and I feel
(14:59):
like that that's probably normal, you know. But there's a difference.
Not that all dads are like that. Some dads are
hands on and do everything, but I feel like there's
a difference in moms and dads.
Speaker 1 (15:13):
For the most part, I agree with that a female
brain versus a male brain. And there are some dads that.
Speaker 2 (15:19):
Are super do everything, do everything. I'm not trying to generalize,
you know, there are some of them, of.
Speaker 1 (15:25):
Course, of course. I remember once I was I was
talking to a healer that sounds so like hippie dippy,
and I said, I'm just I'm frustrated because I have
to do it all. And she said, because you can, yeah,
And I went and and she said you have to
(15:48):
reposition it because you're you're feeling so angry all the time, like, well,
you know, why isn't he do this? Why isn't he
do that? And it's like sometimes they don't work that way.
And if you know that human and that's not how
their brain thinks, then you take it on because you
(16:09):
can do it all. And that helped me a little bit.
Speaker 2 (16:15):
Yeah, I mean I get I understand that because sometimes
you just like think about it too much and you
can like go to like anger or getting upset instead
of being like, you know, I would do this anyway,
you know what I mean, like even if we were
still married or whatever, like I would still be the
one doing that even if we were together. So I
try to think about it like that as well.
Speaker 1 (16:37):
And I understand because I've been through it, and it
is frustrating when you're like I'm juggling everything, my plate's full,
and those are the things I feel like in general,
Dad's just it's not there. It's in our wheelhouse, yiss,
It's in our soul to kind of step up and
(16:58):
do it all.
Speaker 2 (16:59):
I mean, even when we were together, I was the
one book in the flights, you know, just just like
a couple of things, hotels, stuff like that. So I
should be used to it about now.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
Yeah, okay, so can we talk about Jack's Sure. You're
so open, which is what I love about you, unfiltered,
and I think it's so beautiful. So I watched episode
(17:39):
one of the Valley and it was, you know, it
was it was tough to watch and it was you know,
I think as taking myself out of it. As a
viewer and a fan, you're like, oh, you know, you're
excited and you're like, oh my gosh, all this draw.
(18:00):
I'm here for it. And like we said, you know,
it makes people feel like, oh my gosh, Okay, well
it's you know, celebrities can go through it, then we
can go through it. Normalizes life a little bit for
everybody out there. But for me, I got a little
PTSD just because I've been through it. And I'm not
(18:21):
putting myself in your shoes at all. But I was
married for twenty years.
Speaker 2 (18:27):
I would never realized it was twenty years. Goodness, that's
a long time.
Speaker 1 (18:31):
This year you got out. You got out. Yeah, be
proud of yourself that you had the balls. Why do
we say balls, Well, I.
Speaker 2 (18:41):
Don't know the ovaries, you had the big ovaries to say,
I don't want this, I want best for my son,
and I'm choosing to leave.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
I wanted to do that. My husband isn't at it.
He's current sober and I'm proud of the work he's
doing on himself. But I've been through it, you know,
three times during our marriage and he got sober. I
(19:17):
want to rehab treatment a everything very similar. You know, alcohol, cocaine,
you know everything. I don't know the extense of what
Jax does, but an addicts and addict, you know, it
doesn't have to be drugs and alcohol.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
You know of you know many things, and it's very
hard on everybody that is in the family and everybody
that loves that person, you know, of.
Speaker 1 (19:45):
Course, and as they're human, you want to change them, yes, right, yes,
we want to fix and we want to heal them,
and so sometimes is just not possible. And I sorry
I'm making this about me, but I oh, I love hearing.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
That because that just makes me feel like you understand,
like the other side of it, because a lot of
people will always ask me like how proud I am
of him and stuff, and that can like bother me
sometimes because of course I am proud of him for
being sober, but like, I'm the one that has all
that emotional damage and stuff that I still have to
(20:28):
get over and it's going to take me. I have
to heal myself. So hearing that all the time, like
are you proud? Proud of him? Are you proud of him?
I'm like, oh, you know, it can be frustrating.
Speaker 1 (20:38):
And that's interesting because that's the first thing I said
about my husband. I'm proud of him, But you're right,
thank you. Fuck it, it's frustrating. Yeah, we have the
trauma that we have to work through because of it,
and having been there, I know it's annihilating to your soul. Yeah,
(21:03):
it just truly is. It breaks you down in every
way and you just pushed through because you have that
little being there that is your everything, in your why.
And yeah, it's not easy and people.
Speaker 3 (21:23):
You know, I don't think people truly understand going through
it on TV, yeah, and in the press and people
reading in the comments.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know, people would say to me, well, you chose
that life. You chose to go on a reality show
and put your life out there, so that's what you get.
And it's like, well, yeah, but I didn't. I didn't
know my life was going to fall apart. I didn't know,
you know.
Speaker 2 (21:53):
I get that a lot too. A lot of times
people are like, you knew who he was, you knew
what you were getting yourself in, you knew this, you
do that, And I'm like, yeah, but like I didn't
get married thinking I was going to this is where
I would be right now, you know what I mean?
Like I am very much a caretaker and somebody who
(22:14):
does love taking care of people and does like really
want to help people. And that could be a great quality,
but it could also get you like ran over like
it did in my case.
Speaker 1 (22:25):
Yeah, you become literally that door, Matt. Yeah, and you
take it and take it. So episode two.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Yeah, it's a really really tough one. That's one that
should come with like a trigger warning because it's just,
you know, you'll see it shows like the morning of
whenever he finally is going to go to rehab and
now like how hard I tried and you know he
still wasn't, you know, taking things seriously, and it's just
it's really it's really hard to watch. I cried a
(22:55):
couple of times watching it. But yeah, it's a tough one.
Speaker 1 (23:01):
I'm gonna ask you a tough question. If you don't
want to answer, I understand. Do you believe that he
agreed at the time to go to rehab for the
sake of cruising you or the show was filming. Is
there any part of you that thinks like I.
Speaker 2 (23:20):
Mean, I've been very very open about this, because you know,
he did Alex Bassin's podcast and he talked about that
the fact that the only reason he went to rehab
is because he looked in the back seat and he
saw cruise and he was yelling at me in front
of cruise and all that. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no,
that's not true. We came home. I had to uper
separately because he was so aggressive. I called his sister,
(23:42):
I called his publicist, his manager, and Alex Baskin and
I got everybody combined, joining teams with me that he
needed to get help. I put my foot down and
I was like, if he does not go to rehab,
I'm going to have to like do something. Like the
cops were almost you see that in like episode one,
like things were thrown. It was very aggressive, it was
(24:05):
it was very hard. So the cops were going to
be called if he did not at least go and
try to get help. And I think, like one hundred
percent he wouldn't have went at that time because he
was still in denial. You know, you had to hit
your rock bottom and stuff to actually want to go
get help for yourself, and some for some reason, I
(24:27):
think that he was still not at that rock bottom,
and you'll see that on episode two. And I think
if his job wasn't on the line, he wouldn't have went.
Because even talks about on the show, he's like, you know,
I I'm gonna miss out on a lot of things,
and then he says, gonna miss out on cruise, and
I feel like he knew that he was going to
(24:47):
miss out of thirty days of not filming the Valley
with us, So he was so angry with me. He
even said, I'll never forgive you for this to me,
and I was like, one day you will realize that
I was the only person who loved you enough to
make you do this. And you know, we're still he
still has his issues with me about it, but he
(25:09):
is sober now after you know, he had to go
back for a second time, so like there is some
goodness that has come out of this. It's just a
journey because being sober doesn't change everything either, so it's
not Yeah, so it's a lot of ups and downs.
Speaker 1 (25:26):
And I'm sure you're learning these terms as you're navigating
through it. There's a dry drunk.
Speaker 2 (25:34):
People were just recently saying that to me. That was
the first time I had heard about that, So what
is that exactly?
Speaker 1 (25:40):
So, uh, they're not drinking, they're not using, but they're
not completely working their program or their you know, mental
rehabilitation to their full tatcha. I see. I hope that
he is.
Speaker 2 (26:01):
I think I think with us, it's one day he's
completely fine, and then the day he is just in
a rage, and it's just like where did this come from?
Like if like he he thinks that if I'm nice
to him sometimes that we're going to be like best
friends again and we're just gonna be able to be
a big, happy family and hang out and stuff like that,
(26:24):
and then the very next day it's just like, whoosh,
who are you talking to?
Speaker 4 (26:28):
What?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
What? Guy? Like it's he's so concerned with who is
in my wife and who I'm talking to, and it's
it's just strange after we've been separated for over a
year and a half, Like, I'm not like that at all.
I don't I don't want to see it. I don't
want to hear about it. But I'm not bringing it
up constantly, you know. So there's a big difference there and.
Speaker 1 (26:48):
He using this word because it's so you just so
often narcissist, which well he is, and I feel like
that should be redefined because I feel like narcissism everyone
has a you know, it's not it doesn't have to
be a bad thing, but I feel that component doesn't change.
Speaker 2 (27:14):
Yeah. Well, even whenever he was in the first rehab facility,
they were like, you know, we can treat we can
try to treat depression, we can try to treat bipolar,
but his narcissism can't be treated. They straight up said
that to me, and I was like, okay, you know
so it's just like I I have let myself come
(27:38):
to realize that the person that I like wanted as
my husband and my wife that I really tried my
hardest to like work with and work on, and you know,
I can come out of this marriage knowing I tried
everything I possibly could and I really wanted it to work,
(27:59):
and that person just is never going to exist. So
I'm kind of like mourning the person that I thought
I was going to have in a way. It's it's
hard to explain, but I'm sure you you understand.
Speaker 1 (28:12):
I completely understand that. And they say women they mourn
kind of during the marriage or relationship or while it's ending,
and men feel the grief after. Yeah, it's completely done. Yeah,
so they say, who's they. I don't know what I'm
not going to happen. I don't believe in what I
(28:35):
believe anymore. But yeah, you had that ideal and you
had you have that human. Obviously, obviously you're with ten years,
so that's a decade. That's a big part of your life.
You're formative adult years, and you know that that was
(28:58):
your human and there were parts of him. I'm sure
that you were like, Okay, I see it. There's a glimpse,
there's good moments, and that can be and sorry, I'm
like I usually do like funny podcasts, but this is
so personal to me that I really was really excited
to talk to you because it's healing me as well.
(29:21):
At the same time, because I appreciate I don't have
that many people to talk to go through similar things.
It's hard. All my friends are married with kids and
still you know, together, I'm like, okay, great, I should
to bed.
Speaker 4 (29:35):
Like.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Why me? But yeah, do you feel like if he
worked on himself and became a better version, an idealer
version of what you had hoped he'd be, that you
would ever consider I know that's too soon.
Speaker 2 (29:57):
I see where you're going. I think that like he's done.
There's just been too much hurt between us. Like I
don't know if I'm ever going to be able to
get over what was going on. But I will say selfishly,
there's like some part of me that's like another woman
(30:17):
would have everything that I worked so hard, you know,
and that's weird. I hate that. But it's like I.
Speaker 1 (30:24):
Think that all the time.
Speaker 2 (30:25):
Yeah, and I think that would be really hard on me.
But I don't ever see us being able to like
fully get back together. Co parenting is the most important thing,
and right now that's a struggle. So eventually, like maybe
maybe that because you know, cruise is the most important,
and you know, I just hope that that can get
easier because they always say, like eighteen years, I'm like,
(30:47):
he's going to be around me for the rest of
my life. You know, it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 1 (30:51):
So it's not going anywhere.
Speaker 4 (30:55):
Yeah, I love you already and slipped yep, Nope, they're
there forever is yeah in his life.
Speaker 1 (31:09):
Of course, when I went through this, I I chose
to stay at the time, and we all have our
time and it's our journey, and you know when it's right.
No one else can tell us, like friends for years
you should have left, leave, leave, leave, and it's like
(31:29):
I hear you, I understand, but you know this, there's
a soul connection, there's this there's something with this person.
And I got to say when people were like, because
my husband infidelity and it was all over the press
and then he went to rehab and everyone I had
(31:52):
four kids, everyone said you should have left, you should
have left, and I'm like, thank goodness I leave because
I wouldn't have had oh my youngest who just turned
deep yep.
Speaker 2 (32:03):
And all the time about cruise, I'm like, you know, yeah,
I alack a long time ago, but thank god I
have my son. I wouldn't change it because I have
my son, you know, so I completely understand what you're saying.
And people who don't understand and who have never went
through it. They judge all they want, but they don't know,
they have no idea, And I like people like that
(32:25):
you just have to take with a grain of salt
because they have not lived it and they don't know
what it's like. So that's hard. I know, the public
aspect is like extremely tough. It has been for me.
The comments and stuff is like really hard as well.
But I just try to remember, you know, the pause.
(32:45):
I always try to focus on the positives and the
positive things that like came from that relationship, even though
the ending was terrible and everything has been really hard recently,
Like I've got Cruise, I have my house back, you know,
like I'm you know, I've thought all these like very positive,
amazing things going on in my life, and so I
just try to focus on that.
Speaker 1 (33:06):
So why when you separated did you and Cruise move
out of the house and not Jack's.
Speaker 2 (33:12):
So it things got so bad? You know, He's come
out saying now that he had a cocaine addiction. So
whenever he would have his come downs, his personality was
just insufferable, Like.
Speaker 1 (33:23):
Did you know he was doing yes, but like he I.
Speaker 2 (33:27):
Would be at home, like say, like I would be
in bed with Cruise. He would stay out till like
four or five in the morning and then come home
and the whole next day was just like horrible for me.
So it just started getting so bad and we had
a really really bad fight a couple of times. It's
not isolated incidents, you know, like there are many different
(33:50):
ones that let up to it, but the last one
I would.
Speaker 1 (33:53):
People see on TV is a small percentage, right.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
I think the timeline is important to point out too,
because like this whole Julian thing of it all, I
was already separated for like seven or eight months at
that time, like I was, I had already left. So
by the time that he like flipped the chairs and
did all that craziness, we were already separated. I was
living in a rental house at that time. So I
(34:18):
think a lot of people think that that's the reason.
I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. Things happened before
I was already gone. So you know, it was just
so bad, and I was like, either you leave or
me and Cruise are leaving, and he would not leave.
He said, this is my house. I'm not going anywhere.
And I think that truly, he didn't think that I
would leave, but I couldn't let Cruise go through that anymore.
(34:41):
And I was just like absolutely not, Okay, I'm out here,
and I packed up a bag and I left. And
I immediately felt like relief and a sense of peace
and almost like the veil was lifted and I could
see everything for what it was once I finally took
a step away and I stayed in a rental house
different I've moved to four different rental homes in LA
(35:03):
which is not cheap. No, So yeah, until he finally
moved out. But you'll see later on in the season
like how that went down. I don't want to talk about.
I don't want to ruin it for anybody.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
But that was also traumatic, I understand. I mean that
guts me because I mean, you know this, you for
the sake of Cruise, he should have left. That's Cruise's home.
That's what Cruse knows. He's going through enough with his parents,
like do the right thing and move and move out.
Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yep. And I think another reason why he did finally
move out, you know, it's already been talked about. He
lives next door to Tom Schwartz, so like he wanted
to live that bachelor lifestyle. But also I think it's
because he knew that we were going to start filming
season two and he knew that, like the world was
going to be, like why in the hill is Brittany
(35:58):
and your son not living at your house? Because he
knows it's wrong exactly, but he it's an ego thing, Yeah,
the ego yep.
Speaker 1 (36:09):
I mean, here's the thing. I'm so not judgmental because
I've been through it all and I hate when people
judge me. I feel like with the future holds, it
holds and you can forgive, but you can't forget exactly.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
And that's I don't think that we would ever be
able to be back like you're asking earlier. It's just
I can't forget everything that's happened, Like you're going to
see this season, like there's a lot more that's gonna
come out.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
And are you okay talking you talk about in the
other cruise was in another room, chairs the table. How
bad did it get?
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It got really bad. He flipped the coffee table and
my knee turned black immediately because it like flipped right
up on me. And then he threw both barstools he
broke my iPad, he broke my cell phone, he broke
my Stanley cup, he threw cruises food everywhere. I I
mean it was really bad. It was really bad and
punch holes and walls, like you know, there was just
(37:19):
it was ongoing, and I talked about it all. You'll
see it all. I know you haven't seen episode two yet,
but we you know, we talked about it even more.
But yeah, it was really scary.
Speaker 1 (37:29):
Is that the first time he's done that to that extent?
Mm hmm. It was just the breaking point, yeah, right,
because your fear is, you know, could be my child next,
you know, and you don't know. And it's not that
they're a bad person and they don't care, but when
(37:50):
they're in the height of their addiction and mental and wellness,
it's just they're not thinking straight.
Speaker 2 (37:57):
Yeah, exactly, exactly, like my friend how to come over,
like Jana and Jason came over and Jason like took
him to a hotel to like get away from me,
and Janet had to come over and stay the night
with me and stuff because it was I just couldn't
be by myself, you know, it was it was scary,
and he knows it he knows it. He knows he
(38:18):
messed up.
Speaker 1 (38:19):
I mean more than messed up, but yeah, I mean
watching the first episode and just that's the thing he
keeps referring to is Julian and Julian buddy, Yeah, really
everything that's gone on, this is your concern.
Speaker 2 (38:33):
Yeah, And like it kind of upsets me because he
tries to like play the victim a little bit, and
that like really upsets me because I'm like, we were
already separated for like seven or eight months at that point,
you still and there was a lot of different things
that led up to us breaking up in the first place,
So like this victim mentality like really upsets me. And
you know, you can even see him be like Kristen's like, gosh,
(38:57):
I could wish I can remember exactly what Christen said,
but she's like, oh, I'm with Brittany all the time.
I see the way you talk to her, I see
the way you treat her, and you know she's going
through a lot. And his response was what about me?
And I was just like so yeah, but yeah, Kristen
(39:18):
was just like, oh my gosh, this is.
Speaker 1 (39:20):
Crazy and I'm in a good place with my ex
right now, but I can't tell you how many times
in the past I heard what about me? Yeah, it's
it's it's the narcissism, it's the addiction. He's addicted to
being a victim in his mind. Yeah, and it's just yeah,
(39:42):
that's something. And it's gaslighting.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Yeah, yep, all the things wrapped up in one.
Speaker 1 (39:49):
I know, such a nice package. Yep.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
But I'm going to look for all those red flags
from here on out.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Now, you won't. I hope I do up.
Speaker 2 (40:00):
I've learned my lesson.
Speaker 1 (40:03):
My friend Jana Kramer said she had the same thing
in her past and is now with a great husband.
And she said, my picker was off. He call it
your picker, and she's like, yeah, my picker was off.
I had to re align my picker, Like sign me up.
Speaker 2 (40:20):
For real, I'll give me a new picker.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
Oh my god. So maybe we can go get pickers together.
Speaker 2 (40:26):
I'm down.
Speaker 1 (40:30):
So having been through this and my kids are older now,
I'm sure you think about it that one day Cruise
will either see the show, he will see things online.
From my experience, I was going through it, I was
in it. I didn't think about that, and my kids
were really young, and then it got you know when
(40:51):
the two oldest ones. I remember, I'll never forget the
day they looked online and saw something and came up
and they said Dad cheated on you.
Speaker 2 (41:02):
Oh, and like, yeah, that's tough.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
My heart sunk.
Speaker 2 (41:09):
You know, I think about that a lot more than
people know. I moved from Kentucky whenever I was twenty
six and just kind of got thrown into the reality
TV world. Never thought that this would be my life
or anything like that. But the you know, for being
on TV first, I've been on TV for seven seasons
(41:30):
now and it's like ten years of my over my life.
So a lot of people kind of like grew with me,
you know, they saw me get engaged, getting married, and
it just seemed natural that this was going to be
on you know, that Cruise was going to be part
of the show in our Lives, like The Valley was
very much a family oriented show, like that was the
(41:54):
idea from the beginning, and things just kind of like
hit the fan season one with us with Michelle and
j I see, you know, different things like that. So
I definitely didn't think it was gonna go the way
that it has. I will be broken hearted if he
comes up to me and says stuff like that, like
I can only imagine how that like riped your heart out.
But at the same time, like Shaq's is gonna have
(42:17):
to take accountability for what he's done and I don't.
I know that I'm not perfect by any means, but like,
even like I said earlier, I know I tried really
really really really really hard, so I could be proud
of myself for that, and you know, it will be
a sad day and it is very tough when you
(42:37):
think about it, but I just feel like, you know,
I agreed to do this life ten years ago, and
you know, I feel like being open is also opened
many many doors for me and also helped other women
as well. So again me always trying to focus on
the positives.
Speaker 1 (42:54):
Of course.
Speaker 2 (42:55):
Yeah, that's just like how I am.
Speaker 1 (42:57):
I'm the same, I'm the same. No, you're warrior, You're
a champion, leading the way, a trail blazer truly because
you're speaking out and you're speaking your mind and you
know what, So I did tell you that piece that
they were heartbroken. But here's the thing. The oldest ones now,
(43:19):
they know who their dad is. Yeah, yeah, they know
who I am. Yeah. Oh, and I have my faults too,
and they see it. So whoever Jack's ends up being
or is now, you know, Cruise will see that and
(43:40):
he will respect the fact that you stood up for yourself,
that you put it out there because you know what,
you have to support your kids, and you're helping women everywhere.
I tell my kids all the time. You know, they'll say,
why did you put our lives on TV? And I said, well,
(44:03):
part of me, you know one, I got to support
you guys, and that's what I fell into at the
time reality. So it just kept going, I'm helping a
lot of people by speaking my truth. And yeah, I said,
you'll you know, you'll understand, like, this is my story,
(44:26):
this is my narrative, and I want to be completely honest,
So you know, I don't want to go on a
show and then just have a version of me so
that doesn't help me or others.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
Yes, I'm always going to be real, open and roll.
That's just how I am, you know, So I get
what you're saying. I completely agree.
Speaker 1 (44:47):
Wait, do you ever feel because I felt this way
that the cameras this is going to be odd to
people listening, that the cameras were almost a safe place
when you were having fights and there's going down to
be able to speak.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Up one hundred percent. And especially like this season, a
lot of our crew that was from my Vanner Pump
Rules days, who I've known hears, they came back this season,
so it was like definitely a safe place they've known
us for so long. But also, like I always say this,
and I think that people probably think it's weird too,
(45:27):
but like having the cameras there like hold you accountable,
like you know, like I see what is happening on
the show, Like it's almost it's definitely like putting a
mirror up to yourself and it's like, Okay, I would
look ridiculous if I was to put up with that again,
you know what I mean, Like you learn from your
own mistakes because you see it and you watch it back.
(45:49):
So definitely a safe place and definitely a place where
I feel like it's definitely helped me be stronger and
to hold myself accountable in many ways.
Speaker 1 (45:59):
I completely understand it's cathartic. It's like therapy, yeah, yeah,
because I would sit in therapy for years and just
be like scared to say anything. Yeah, And then when
we did therapy be on our reality show and the
cameras were there. Somehow I felt like I'm going to
(46:19):
be okay, and yeah, and it is holding you accountable. Okay,
So Valley every Tuesday night on Bravo, next day on
Peacock and super excited to see the rest of the
season and your podcast.
Speaker 2 (46:35):
Yes, when reality hits, it comes out every Friday anywhere
you get your podcast.
Speaker 1 (46:40):
Beautiful, beautiful.
Speaker 2 (46:41):
I'm gonna have to have you on soon now too.
Speaker 1 (46:43):
I would love I would be honored if you'l have awesome.
Speaker 2 (46:46):
I would love that.
Speaker 1 (46:47):
And I got to tell you one day. It takes
a long time. So true Tory was in twenty fourteen, fifteen.
I'm now finally able to look back at it because
I wasn't for years and be like, Okay, I've learned
so much and like you said, it's holding you accountable.
(47:08):
But in the future, I'm like, oh my gosh, Okay,
I came. I came out of it full circle. Yeah,
coming out of it. Yeah, we're all work in progress.
If you were beautiful inside and out, I were you,
I would love to hug you in person, and we're
gonna get our pickers on.
Speaker 2 (47:29):
Yes please, I'm out
Hosts And Creators
Tori Spelling
Jennie Garth
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