LS Episode 482: Maneuvering Holiday's (Feat. Devyn Simone)

Matchmaking & dating expert, Devyn Simone joins the ladies of Lip Service this week to help you maneuver the holidays properly! Devyn is also Tinder's resident relationship expert and she'll help you build the perfect online profile, how to build a roster, and much more. Enjoy!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What's dev' slip service. I'm answer like, yee, I'm JJ Maguire,
I'm Jordie Jor, I'm Jazz and Brand, and I'm Devin
simooney Man. This is the perfect time of the year
for this because Devin Simone who is a match maker,
relationship expert, all of the things you know her from TV. Also,
we're so honored to have you here because this is
a stressful time for some people when it comes to

(00:24):
relationships and dating. So for clarity, who hear a single
okay two of.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Us, Yeah, we need help.

Speaker 1 (00:34):
And Devin and we do want to say congratulations because
I know you've been married for how long now.

Speaker 2 (00:38):
Like about a year and a half?

Speaker 1 (00:40):
Okay, thank you?

Speaker 2 (00:44):
Designed for myself.

Speaker 1 (00:46):
You know, sometimes people try to discredit, like if you're
not married, they'd be like, oh, how are you offering?
You know, how is that for you? Because people tend to.

Speaker 2 (00:54):
They do do that.

Speaker 3 (00:55):
And I say, you know, no one can help you
get the ring better than I can, because I've got
it multiple times your house.

Speaker 2 (01:06):
But I wanted it to be the right person.

Speaker 3 (01:08):
So I waited to actually get married and walk down
the aisle with the right person. And I waited for
my perfect person. But I think you know they're they're
good dating experts and relationship experts who were just knowledgeable
because we geek out on it.

Speaker 2 (01:22):
Like honestly, I.

Speaker 3 (01:23):
Love learning why we connect with certain people, how it
changes every year. Like to me, that's just always been fascinating.
So don't rule someone out just because they're single. But look,
if they haven't been able to hold down a relationship
for like decades, I might side eye them and not
take their advice.

Speaker 1 (01:40):
Okay, all right, well so Gigi you're single now, yes, still,
Gigi's been through a lot too, she's gotten a well.

Speaker 2 (01:49):
Yeah, she was engaged. We were engaged.

Speaker 4 (01:52):
We did see the jeweler, but I never got the ring.
It only lasted sixty five days.

Speaker 3 (01:57):
Okay, the relationship okay, so it was like fire, very
like Verry fat can happen.

Speaker 2 (02:03):
It's just as fast as that ended.

Speaker 1 (02:04):
What do you what are your thoughts about that, Devin?
If you think about somebody meeting someone, some people will
believe in love at first sight. Right, And like Gigi
got engaged very quickly, like three days she came like
I saw her, and then the next time I saw her,
she was engaged to somebody we'd never heard of. That
it was wild, But what do you think about that,

(02:25):
Like if someone comes to you like I met this person.
Three days later they're like, we're getting married.

Speaker 3 (02:29):
I think it's it's totally fine to have all the
feelings but still take your time to actually move forward,
which obviously you did and you saw some things.

Speaker 2 (02:37):
That ultimately you were like, yeah, I.

Speaker 3 (02:41):
Say, of the sparks, because sparks can lead to fire damage,
Like people are looking for that, like.

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Oh, we felt it right away.

Speaker 3 (02:48):
Yeah, but the slow burn is good too, Like that's
something that has longevity, so slow don't rule that out.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
Yeah, I think that's the lesson that I did learn.

Speaker 4 (02:57):
It's like, okay, girl, that was cute and all, but
take your time because it wasn't clearly wasn't right.

Speaker 2 (03:03):
This is a year ago.

Speaker 1 (03:04):
And sometimes it's fun too, Like feeling like you just
got head over heels into something. Maybe you're also getting
over something else, and that can also get us to
feel like this is you know, it's like a replacement situation.

Speaker 4 (03:18):
I'm enjoying being single for the most part, but I
am start.

Speaker 2 (03:22):
Getting a little like bored.

Speaker 4 (03:23):
Okay, I don't want to use the word lonely because
you know, ain't nobody going to me?

Speaker 1 (03:27):
You can call someone.

Speaker 4 (03:28):
Yeah, but I'm bored, like I want you know, I
want like the field.

Speaker 2 (03:35):
But do you are you bored?

Speaker 3 (03:36):
Like you want to winter cuddle buddy, you know someone
that's just kind of like fun and that you to
keep you occupied now or you like, I'm open because
I want something.

Speaker 2 (03:47):
I want to I want to date with the purpose.

Speaker 4 (03:49):
Okay, yeah, okay, yeah, I want to date with like
this is really going to probably end up in marriage. Okay,
So then say that, don't stand bored because even putting
that energy out there, it's like people who are going
to come and just occupy your time and not add
value to your time.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
Okay, already an I want three boyfriends a roster. I
want a roster. Three is good.

Speaker 5 (04:13):
Numbers, like, just to balance me out a little bit.
Because I was celibate for two years, so I wasn't dating.
I wasn't really doing anything for a while two years basically, And.

Speaker 2 (04:24):
What led to that chort or like I was in.

Speaker 5 (04:27):
A situationship and I felt like I kept finding myself
in situations where I was using my body in a
way that didn't feel good to me, and so I
was like, you know what, let me just cut the
shit out and take a little breather and see what.

Speaker 2 (04:41):
I've never really been that.

Speaker 5 (04:44):
Thoughty, I like that word.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
It has never really been my thing.

Speaker 5 (04:50):
And so that's what I realized about myself, is that
I get emotionally attached.

Speaker 2 (04:55):
Sometimes I could be a savage, but that's kind of
where I'm at now.

Speaker 1 (04:58):
I want diverse, but with the same people.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
I don't want to be out here Thoughty.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, but you know, a little rotation. Yeah, And that's
totally valid too.

Speaker 3 (05:09):
And I think the best step is, like for anyone,
recognizing where you are and what you're looking for and
being clear about that. Something that so Tinder just did
their year in swipe right and one of the things
that they saw even in like dating bios we're calling
it loud looking but sort of looking for was the
top ranked thing that was mentioned in profiles this year

(05:30):
versus say last year, where people are being clear about
what this is what I'm looking for, whether it's you know,
I kind of want a roster, I'm looking for something
long term, even if it's like I'm in a place
that I'm not quite sure. They're just being communicative about
that versus a year ago where situationships and ambiguity and
being like I don't really know what I want was
the thing.

Speaker 2 (05:48):
Being clear? Yeah, it's like the first step.

Speaker 1 (05:50):
Yeah, because sometimes people used to always say things like, oh, well,
you know, it'll just find you, or if you're looking
for it, it won't happen. People used to say, I
feel like that's an old school type of thing, because
now I always felt like dating, if you really know
what you want and your intentional it is like looking
for a.

Speaker 2 (06:08):
Job, that's what.

Speaker 1 (06:10):
Yeah, I tell you that. Yeah, it's like I gotta
like really be clear these You gotta leave the house
and look online. Dating is the same thing as like
applying for jobs, and you might get some rejections. You
might find some jobs, go on these interviews it doesn't
work out, or you might go and get hired.

Speaker 2 (06:27):
Yeah literally, or you might do hi, you might hire somebody.
Never been on a dating.

Speaker 1 (06:32):
It, really I think you should try. I think you
would love it.

Speaker 2 (06:35):
I mean seeking arrangements, but they don't really count. That's
a dating app. It can be I don't find anybody
at the time.

Speaker 1 (06:46):
What about being intentional about that like, I just want
somebody with a lot of money to take care of me.

Speaker 3 (06:51):
I mean again, be intentional, know yourself, know thyself, be true,
and be honest about it.

Speaker 2 (06:56):
And I think that's totally valid and fine.

Speaker 3 (06:58):
And then you can move to move in a direction
because you looking for intinctionality right now, since that's different
than Jeordie wanting a roster, you're gonna move a little
bit differently and how you're evaluating people and dating people.
So it's also why it's important to kind of like
speak it out loud and really know, like, all right,
this is where we are, and if it changes in

(07:19):
terms of what you want, that's totally okay too. But
fifty percent of new relationships they just we actually I
was just speaking with a clinical researcher, clinical psychologist, and
they found that fifty percent of relationships now begin online.
Like that it is, and people who are really imbursed
out using online Like no one's still using a rotary phone,

(07:39):
being like ah man, those cell phones, that technology, you'd
look at them like what like where you what? Ha?

Speaker 2 (07:47):
So online dating is the same thing.

Speaker 3 (07:49):
Doesn't mean it has to only be that people are
still meeting in person, but opening yourself up to that
also opens up a whole new world of possibilities.

Speaker 2 (07:58):
Right to meet your husband online.

Speaker 1 (08:01):
Very gay period.

Speaker 3 (08:02):
All the engagements came from online, So I'm just saying, well,
there's three So what made you feel like?

Speaker 1 (08:08):
Okay? Like even in his profile, what made you say
I'll go out with him?

Speaker 6 (08:13):
Ha?

Speaker 2 (08:13):
Okay?

Speaker 3 (08:14):
So so he and I met online, probably like in
twenty seventeen, So I don't know what was the math
like seven years ago, and I think it was what
he wrote was kind of witty, like funny. He was
cute in his photos, but guys also take weird photos
online too, and he's a creative advertising so even now,

(08:36):
so like once we reconnected an explant second, I like
went through his profile just for fun and I was like, ew,
I never would have swiped on this now, like your
photos are awful. So but he had at least like
two presentable ones that I was a good photo just
for people. Listen to your face a guy, especially for
men or women out at a social function is good.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
All of them.

Speaker 3 (08:56):
Can't be with your friends, but at least one maybe
where you're dressed, you're at a wedding, you were at
a friend's didn't birthday dinner or something like that with
good lighting, that's a good one. A solo shot outdoors,
just because outdoor lighting is the best natural lighting, and
studies show that that tends to do really well, like
with a lot of blue background. If you have pets,
or like a particular hobby or activity, you like one
photo that shows you doing that. You don't have to

(09:17):
be dulled up in it, but it just shows because
what you're doing is you're filling in the blanks with
your photos, right, Like, there's only so much you can
write on your profile. So instead of being like I
like to try things and I like animals, show a
picture of you with animals, or show a picture of you,
you know, doing painting or hiking or doing whatever the
thing is, and make sure you're like at least laughing

(09:38):
in one or something like just that you don't take
yourself so sick of me.

Speaker 5 (09:42):
I want you to do an audit of my I
would eating okay, And you say it doesn't really say anything.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
I'm really bad at bio.

Speaker 3 (09:50):
Wait, it isn't anything at all. Hold on, let me
see she pulls that up. Let me see what's going.

Speaker 1 (09:55):
Yeah, So whilst he's looking at that. What's some advice
you would give for somebody's bio.

Speaker 2 (09:59):
There's no ex uses. Now.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
First of all, there should be one chat GPT is
free claude AI, which I prefer. It's more conversational. You
can also use for free. You can put in some
bullet points about yourself and say, I and my name
is blah blah blah. I am thirty six, I live here,
I am trying to track this, this and this.

Speaker 2 (10:17):
I like, uh, you know dogs, I work in radio.
I da da da. My friends describe me of this.

Speaker 3 (10:25):
Write me a compelling, short, witty bio, give me some options,
and then it'll keep doing. You can even pull some
of your favorite lines from each of the options it
gives you and create to customize.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
But you don't have to do any of.

Speaker 1 (10:37):
The thinking, Okay, you're doing it's really that.

Speaker 2 (10:42):
Don't worry. I'm seeing I'm seeing.

Speaker 1 (10:43):
It all by doing it. It's so cute and dope.
I think any guy would be so excited to end
up on a date with Jordan.

Speaker 2 (10:52):
You would think so.

Speaker 5 (10:55):
So it says my job obviously, because you have to
put that in there, and then it just says about
you for your job. It says DJ, nonprofit co founder,
a music loving potato enthusiast, and then it says I'm
a straight woman interested in women and men, though I'd love.

Speaker 2 (11:13):
To connect with anyone because it has both men and women.
Did you guys feel confused by what she? I feel
like it was.

Speaker 1 (11:22):
Yeah, I didn't know she wanted to date a potato.

Speaker 2 (11:26):
I mean that it was the love of my life.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
So I didn't based. I didn't.

Speaker 6 (11:32):
It didn't match to me what you what you like,
who you are yea, who you are, and what you
say and then what you're looking for?

Speaker 2 (11:36):
To me, it didn't okay, how how would I like?
What should I shift? I actually liked your first line
a lot.

Speaker 3 (11:42):
I thought it was funny. And even if it does,
that part doesn't make sense. It stops you in your potato.
And those are all great first line, like for people
thinking what would I say to that?

Speaker 2 (11:59):
That's those are all first lines.

Speaker 3 (12:00):
It was the rest that got confusing, of like, you
literally contradict yourself because you go out a straight woman
but looking to meet anyone and so and in what
content and what capacity? Like, all of that starts to
get confusing. So I focus on one other thing about
you that is that really does show or reflect kind

(12:21):
of you or your personality.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
So leave the potato line. I think it's funny.

Speaker 3 (12:24):
But then just something about like, you know, passionate Like
you mentioned you have a nonprofit, so like passionate about
you know, whatever the causes or enjoy doing X. And
then write something that gets you excited in a potential
like partner or rostermate. So be like bonus points if
you know how to blank, or if you're good at this, or.

Speaker 2 (12:48):
You know, you might catch my eye if you do that.

Speaker 3 (12:51):
So you're kind of like teased dangling a little bit
so that they can come for it.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Okay, got it perfect?

Speaker 1 (12:56):
We like that not yeah, because and I think there's
so many things that you know, you're very close to
your father. I think that's you know, that's always a bonus.
I think it matters a lot how people interact with
like family and you know, so I always look at
that as a plus if somebody I love when people
have like great relationships with you know, I always think
it's a red flag if they don't.

Speaker 2 (13:18):
Right.

Speaker 3 (13:18):
We were talking about this today, which is funny on
the Today Show about if that's a flag or not.
I agree it's always better when they're close with their family.
But I do think you have to make space for
the fact that not everyone grew up with a supporting,
a supportive or loving you know, and so and as
we move into a place of personal growth and we
get older, and I feel like when we were younger

(13:41):
in our parents' generations, there's a little bit of toxicity
where it's like you stick beside.

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Them no matter what happened.

Speaker 3 (13:47):
And now we've come to a place that like, I
can love you, but I may need to do so
from a distance if you weren't healthy for me. So
be careful and using a broad brush to like for
anyone like fine, doubt the why behind maybe why they
have the dynamic with their family, because yeah, because my.

Speaker 1 (14:07):
Mom used to be like, the first time I heard
your father yeo was the day we got married. And
then she was like, we would the whole family when
we would come there, they would all be like, oh, man,
here he comes. So it always was kind of something
that's stuck in my head, you know, when she did
say that, sorry, Dad, I know he listens. Now I

(14:30):
want to ask you some other questions. Okay, so how
do you know when it's time to give someone a chance,
even though they may have had a rocky pass, Like
we all know the person who Maybe people are like, oh,
he was a cheater, He's always going to be a cheater.
Maybe you start dating somebody and somebody sends you a
message like, girl, he used to date my friend and
he was, you know, awful. Right, So what do you

(14:52):
do in that case, because you do want to make
sure you have your guard up a little. But at
the same time, you can't take somebody else's experience, you know,
and run with that. But then maybe you're ignoring something
that could really be like a we try to tell
you because we see it happen all the time.

Speaker 2 (15:08):
That's a really good question.

Speaker 3 (15:10):
One thing I'd say is probably look at look at
the signs outside of you. Right, So if they're saying
they're changed person, how are they moving through the world,
just in how they treat women? For example, in general,
do they seem like they're a respectful person consistently, not
only to the woman they're trying to woo in that moment,
but like in general, that's a good sign. Ask him
about ask him about his past relationships, be like, what

(15:32):
did you learn from that relationship because that helps. You're
now giving him all the tools to see where he
paces places the blame what he says about it. You know,
it's not like, well why didn't you work out with her?
Why'd you cheat on her? It's just what did you learn?
And if he's like, well, she did this, and she
did that, and she did this, and there's nobility accountability,
like but if he's like, you know what, back then,

(15:54):
I wasn't really sure because for probably most of us here,
there's someone in our past who be like, they're terrible,
you know what I mean, like they broke my heart,
they did this, or they whatever, And we had our
reasons for doing what we did, so it doesn't necessarily
make us bad.

Speaker 2 (16:11):
It doesn't necessarily make this other person bad.

Speaker 3 (16:13):
But if they if they keep, if the way that
they speak and the way that they move outside of
how they are directly towards you is still consistent with
all the negativity you're hearing, then they probably haven't outgrown that,
and you probably you know, should look but not touched now.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
This year is wipe list in particular. Jordan and I
have a really big issue, yes with something on this list.
All right, So the years wipe is basically tender talking
about the dating transfer twenty twenty four, what's ahead for
twenty twenty five? Now one part of this seed all
over your face and said the most attractive users star
signs in twenty twenty four to men, and for some

(16:52):
reason for men and women, Capricorn was last on the list.

Speaker 2 (16:56):
We were the bottom of every zodiocracy.

Speaker 1 (16:57):
Everything else was kind of on point. But then we
saw that and it made us question.

Speaker 2 (17:01):
This wholes.

Speaker 1 (17:04):
It was given before us. Know you were and enough
gem and I was most attractive two men. We're crazy.
I like that apparently, But how important is and we're

(17:26):
not placing no importance on this particular list, but how
important do you think astrology is? And have you been
a person Devin who has been like, okay, well, oh no,
I don't date that sign.

Speaker 3 (17:39):
I've never intentionally said I don't date a sign, but
I will say in all my dating history, when I
started to look at it, there were a lot of
clusters of similar sign like a lot of people born
within the same like two or three weeks here and
the same, never intentionally, so there's got to be something
around what you're like drawn to. Now you know those persons.

(18:00):
People worked out and I ended up marrying a Gemini.
And I had been warned about what a Gemini means.
It's going on wars. And you know, while I think
that he has, like there's multiple sides to him just
in terms of like his interests, like he can you know, uh,
there's a lot that he can do. You can kind

(18:20):
of take him anywhere. He's an adaptable person.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
He's not he's you know, he's pretty straight. I'm totally
crazier than he is. And that's how people.

Speaker 3 (18:31):
But I never dated a Gemini before him and that
and he was like, he's my person through and through.

Speaker 4 (18:36):
That seems to be the cluster of what I've dated
as a Gemini, like most of my significant relationships have been.

Speaker 3 (18:44):
So maybe move away from the like experiment with out
of the cluster.

Speaker 2 (18:47):
Get yourself a Scorpio or something wild, maybe a virgo.

Speaker 4 (18:51):
I've had that I really liked.

Speaker 2 (18:56):
The guy on the top of my list right now
is just.

Speaker 4 (18:58):
Said to terrorists, the terrorists, but you know there's fiance,
so you try to move out your comfort zone.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
But you know, this Capricorn thing is still really.

Speaker 3 (19:15):
Traveling with these Listen, this is just data, So this
isn't even like, oh this is That's one of the
best things about tender right.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
It's the largest eating from the world, so the data
is speaking. Halpercorn is the most rare sign. So maybe
it's just because.

Speaker 1 (19:33):
There's yeah that you know.

Speaker 3 (19:36):
That's probably why I'm glad you guys found a way
all right now.

Speaker 1 (19:43):
Another thing we wanted to ask about is unique dates.
We were talking about this before you got here, and
I know there are some things on here. Kiss met right,
kiss met, So it's like destiny or face spontanatey. We
wanted to ask about in this room, what has been
the most unique spontaneous date that you've ever been on

(20:06):
that you can think of off the top of your head.
Maybe it did or it didn't work out, but it's
still as cute because I think people are always looking
for ideas too, something different to do. What about Let's
start with your Devin.

Speaker 3 (20:18):
Let's see my interesting because I need it. I've lived
lives before my married life, and I think one of
them is like hopped on a plane to Toronto, just
like like pack a bag, let's go spent the weekend there,
had a really great time. It was my first time,
I was like twenty one, so it was my first
time going to Toronto and then flew back the next

(20:42):
day and it was just like a vibe. And then
that same person we like went to hopped on a
plane to Barbados, and then we crashed a wedding that
Katy Perry was performing at.

Speaker 2 (20:51):
Oh wow, and it was, you know, a good question.
I don't know what it was at the time, it
was good.

Speaker 3 (20:58):
Well, so we crashed the know weren't invited to the wedding,
but it was his like people he knew were working it,
like were the security for it. However, I was recognized
as not being on the guest list. I think I
got too close to the stage and then at a
s we had to dip out of the wedding before
it was like.

Speaker 2 (21:17):
Wait a minute, I don't feel like I know this
not a hell of a performance.

Speaker 1 (21:22):
It was great.

Speaker 4 (21:22):
You no, but the whole travel, like the spontaneous travel
is definitely Gemini energy.

Speaker 2 (21:26):
But that's what I wanted from one of my boyfriends.

Speaker 1 (21:28):
But what have you had, Jodie, Joe hasn't been your
most unique spontaneous date.

Speaker 2 (21:32):
I don't know.

Speaker 5 (21:33):
I think the bathhouse one is probably It's a unique
date I went on that I can think of clearly.
None of the other ones were noticeable because I don't
even remember.

Speaker 2 (21:45):
But yeah, that was That.

Speaker 5 (21:46):
Was vibe because you're kind of really just literally stripped
down and just no makeup, just raw and like there's
no you're not allowed to have your.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Phone, so you really are just dialed in and it's
pretty intimate. Yeah, so that was That was good. It
was fun.

Speaker 1 (22:02):
Yeah, what about you jazzy jazz Jazmine brand I.

Speaker 2 (22:05):
Think salsa dancing. This guy was dating.

Speaker 6 (22:08):
We were really Yeah, this guy, I was in my twenties.
This guy we went, he took me sausa dancing. He
was like a regular black dude too. It was fun.

Speaker 3 (22:15):
Yeah, he was dance and it was fun.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
It's different.

Speaker 1 (22:22):
That's something that you would think of normally.

Speaker 4 (22:24):
What about I don't know if this really counts as
a date, but I met a guy at the airport
and we ended up being on the same flight as
that was delayed, and we like had lunch while we.

Speaker 3 (22:36):
Oh that's cute, as that's exactly it's like leaning into
the just kind of like we're here. It's it's literally
like the Hallmark movie that people say that they want
or like the meet cute. It's like leaning into the
moment and just recognizing, like being spontaneous.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
So that's exactly what that's cute.

Speaker 1 (22:55):
It made it like a fun delay.

Speaker 2 (22:56):
Yeah it was. Yeah, and we ended up going out
after that.

Speaker 3 (22:59):
It didn't really go anywhere, but but that's like creating opportunity,
that's exactly.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, I've got a few good ones. I remember one
guy took me horseback riding and to eat on the
beach in New Jersey, like on our first date, which
was nice because it's not something I would have especially,
and they look like a restaurant on the beach and
I was like, this is fun, cute, easy, and it was,
you know, and then we saying duets the whole way

(23:26):
back from the beach in the car.

Speaker 2 (23:27):
It was.

Speaker 1 (23:29):
That I want to ask, what would make you never
go out with somebody again? Like the day was that
bad that you were like.

Speaker 2 (23:37):
Needing rude to like the servertender.

Speaker 4 (23:43):
Rude or too frugal, too frugal, Yeah, like if you
were a bad tipper, But how do you know.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
Because you can't check the tip right like sometimes you could.

Speaker 6 (23:55):
Sometimes I'm just hoping that he was a good tipper,
because it's hard.

Speaker 1 (23:58):
And sometimes what I like to do if I'm not
sure is when they walk away, I throw some cash
on the table, just to leave a little extra just
in case, because I don't be knowing you don't cover
your fass. Yeah, and I also like tip really nice
and so I always like to do that just because
or I like to say I'll leave the tip. That
way I get to see the bill and lead the tip,
and then I feel more comfortable. No, I like that.

Speaker 2 (24:19):
I like that i'll leave the tip.

Speaker 3 (24:21):
I like that I'm not paying for anythingstand that fair fifty.

Speaker 2 (24:26):
I'm leaving immediately. I'm not even sitting down.

Speaker 1 (24:29):
No, I'm not doing that. I'm actually saying, yeah, I
don't fifty fifty. But I might be like, well, I'll
leave the tip just because I also like really over
tip and so, and I don't know that everyone does that,
and I think some people aren't also good at the math.
I know a lot of times it'll say it on there,
but sometimes people don't be knowing, Like.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
You're trying to do that real quick, and it's dark
in their teeth and you're trying to right right. Yeah, Yeah,
I think anyone who's expecting for first dates, second date.
If you're looking if you asked the person out on
the date and then you're looking at them to go
into their wallet, that's a note for me.

Speaker 1 (25:08):
But if you're a woman and you ask the guy out.

Speaker 2 (25:10):
I still think he should be trying to.

Speaker 3 (25:13):
But I mean, I think you know, you can expect,
and I think like, look after like the third day,
I think it's and things are going well. I think
it's great for her to step up and be like,
let me get this one. Let me whether it's pay
for the cabs, whether it's pay for the activity.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
Because because it goes a long way.

Speaker 3 (25:28):
Look, i'm gonna tell you how to get a roster,
tell me and I'm gonna tell you how to get
it so that every ring that comes your way gets
bigger each time.

Speaker 2 (25:35):
Oh right, Okay, part of that goes even.

Speaker 3 (25:38):
Dudes with a ton of money, Dudes with a ton
of money but have self worth are going to be
looking for the woman who feels like she wants to
step up as a partner. So it doesn't mean they're
expecting her to be fifty to fifty, but they are
keeping like keeping tally of does she expect me to
do everything, and then you get one of two things.
The dude with self worth will leave or the dude

(25:58):
who's looking for an imbalance to power will stay. And
you don't really want that, so you contributing on date three,
even if it's just like the cab fair, Like we know,
dinner's gonna cost any more than the cab fair, but
it's showing that you're like appreciative, that you aren't looking
to solely reliance when else and it just goes so
far and like them than wanting to do ten more
because in their mind they're like, okay, cool, she's not

(26:20):
looking to just take advantage of me, like she genuinely likes.

Speaker 5 (26:23):
I feel like, I don't know if I'm ever going
to get to the point where the date thing paying
for it. But I'm like no, no, no, yeah, I'm just
more of.

Speaker 2 (26:33):
A gift giver.

Speaker 5 (26:34):
So I show my appreciation if, like on the first date,
you mentioned like a book or something like I'll bring
you the book, okay, or I've gotten men's like nice
ties or things like that, I show gratitude, and I'm
like I was born on Christmas, so yes, naturally, but
I don't know to me even friends wise, like if
I know I have more money than someone and we're

(26:56):
out to dinner, like I'm going to take care of it, right,
just know, just you don't like, well, I think it's
like a close relationships relationship. I know that reversed biology
when earlier let's go ahead, you when you do a
little something small so they could do something bigger return.

Speaker 6 (27:15):
And I was telling Angela I went on a date
at one point with this guy that had a lot
of money, and first we went to the movies and
I was like, I'm gonna go get his drinks or whatever,
because I you know whatever he goes down, and so.

Speaker 2 (27:28):
We went to dinner.

Speaker 6 (27:29):
We did stuff after that, but he was like saying, like,
no girls ever got me drinks before and made him
do his caked up and he was like I just
I said, well what I said, I was thirsty, Like
you know what am I to do? He's like, I
was like, what do women do? He's like they wait
for me to give him a card or something, and
he was like that's never happened to me, like and
I was just like, oh, it's.

Speaker 2 (27:45):
Like that was a big deal for him.

Speaker 6 (27:47):
Obviously he had it and we had dinner, and he
spent way more, but it was like a big deal
for him because I guess women.

Speaker 3 (27:53):
They have a lot of exactly and I get it
to a little thing, and I get you have your
way of doing things, but be careful letting the way
that you been doing things keep you stuck from like
advancing to other things, because she's even corroborating.

Speaker 2 (28:07):
Like do because that does not happen.

Speaker 3 (28:09):
And it may be a dude who's like even as
thoughtful as the gift is, I don't need more stuff
in my apartment in order or like I don't need more,
but you just showing that like in that moment, Oh,
I got here a little early. I got us a
round of drink, and you close out that tab, like
just get the one round to drink and close it out.
But just that I'm telling you creates a lifetime, can

(28:30):
create a lifetime of investment where they're just like cool.

Speaker 2 (28:33):
I do for her.

Speaker 3 (28:34):
I want to do for her because I feel like
she's not trying to use And.

Speaker 6 (28:39):
I also feel like it lets them know you got
it too, like like I could take I got.

Speaker 3 (28:43):
This, and it takes away that balance of power thing
right where it's like I don't have to spend it,
but I got it.

Speaker 1 (28:48):
Right right, So whatever other red flags for you guys, rudeness,
not tipping, what else? I had a guy on a
first date. He took me out and we went to
a really nice best staurant. But then he wanted to
go do karaoke. But he could sing. For real, you
don't like that, so it's like peppe, Yeah, well, first

(29:15):
karaokees for people who can't sing that it's literally held
a rap song. So look, So he was up there
and it was so funny because like we were in
Koreatown and so where they have like a bunch of
karaoke places, and so people were like watching him perform.
I was like, so then he asked me to pick
a song, so I made him do thong song because

(29:37):
I thought it would just be funny, and he was,
for real like she's got pup okay, yeah that way.
So I was like irritated by that. But the thing
that I really didn't like was he had a he
had like a nice car, and he was so pressed
about where he was going to park his car. Like

(29:57):
first he parked and then he was like walking around
the back of the car, like this car too close
to mine. I don't know, I don't want to the
car to a bigger spot. And I'll say this is ridiculous. Yeah,
because the way I am in my car, I'm like,
it's gonna get sketched up. I mean yeah. That kind
of made me feel I was just kind of irritated.
And then he sent me a long email like why
are you not you know, because I didn't communicate email.

(30:20):
But it was only one day.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
Okay, your voice.

Speaker 6 (30:25):
Was crazy to me be like what did this say?

Speaker 2 (30:27):
I can't even read along, Like what did it say?

Speaker 1 (30:29):
I'd been like, jasmon, look at this? What did he said? Wow?
I had.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
I went on a date with a guy.

Speaker 6 (30:39):
He was really frugal, which was unattractive, but also he
would park his car and places that were legal. He
take a ticket out and put it on his.

Speaker 1 (30:49):
That's a very New York things.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
I didn't like that. And then he was on your
own time.

Speaker 6 (30:53):
And he went to the super fun super he went
to the super cheap gas station.

Speaker 2 (31:00):
And it was a turn off to me, like wait, wait,
what do you mean? Like you know, okay, I live
in d C.

Speaker 6 (31:06):
Like you know, like some of the you know, that
do you guys have gas stations you can only pay cash.
This was like years ago, like like really cheat, he
had a nice car. It was just and I was
just like, why are you going to this? It was
kind of off brand sort of it bothered me. It
was a combination. And then also the last thing after that,
I was done, like I didn't want to talk anymore.

(31:26):
He kept texting me and then I wouldn't respond, and
then he sent me an unsolicited dick pic and I
remember I remember it being all these clothes around in the.

Speaker 1 (31:34):
Background like clean up. Yeah, it was just it.

Speaker 5 (31:38):
Was just a yeah, but it was so like you
don't whatt mean more?

Speaker 2 (31:44):
Let me show you by dick.

Speaker 1 (31:45):
Like feet in the picture as well.

Speaker 2 (31:48):
I don't remember.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
It's gonna make you be like, okay, I must the
work for before I was like, did shave it was?

Speaker 2 (31:59):
It was? It was I'm not gonna lie. It was
a decent dick.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
It was just take some close up. If you have
a really bad first date but you like the person, like,
let's just say you kind of mess it up, like
maybe you got messy, sloppy, drunk, embarrass yourself. Is there
a way to recover what advice would you give for that,
Devin Simone, Let's just say I was drunk, I threw up,

(32:27):
I embarrassed myself, I cursed him out, but I still
like him.

Speaker 3 (32:32):
I mean, i'd say if he was smart, he probably
be like no, and not because you're not amazing, but
just this stage of where we are, that.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Is a big red flag. But if you really want
to try it would.

Speaker 3 (32:47):
Like whatever that other person's communication style is, because it's
different for different people. So like you, guys don't like
long text, Some people prefer text. Some people like a
voice note, some people like a phone call. So meet
them wherever they are are, not literally, but you know,
send them the kind of communication that they like, and
just say, look, I'd love to do over.

Speaker 2 (33:07):
I'm not I'm not usually like that one. I don't know.

Speaker 3 (33:10):
You can kind of make a joke if you want to,
like I heard the moon was purple yesterday and I
don't know, like, I am so sorry.

Speaker 2 (33:16):
I would love to.

Speaker 1 (33:16):
Take it's on brand.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
And then and then just be respectful of how long
it takes them respond, whether or not they respond.

Speaker 2 (33:33):
You know, whatever it is.

Speaker 1 (33:34):
And if they don't send a message, fuck you.

Speaker 2 (33:40):
Anyone. If they don't respond.

Speaker 1 (33:43):
Dding I was wondering, can something survive that? I know
somebody that went on a date with somebody New Year's
Eve and then got so drunk that she ended up
at his house and he's still lived with his mom
and she was shiitting and throwing up in the bathroom
and it's my I was like, is she okay?

Speaker 3 (34:02):
Now?

Speaker 1 (34:03):
He was to do that for her? I was like, dances,
you messed up?

Speaker 2 (34:06):
But why was he living with his mom?

Speaker 1 (34:08):
We were younger and maybe like early twenties. It still
was kind of like, why are you still it? But
you know New York? You know, yeah, yeah, that's New
York his mom. I guess she seemed nice if she was,
you know, checking on her yeaheah, Okay, you wake up?
Like where am I? What happened last night? All right?

Speaker 4 (34:27):
Now?

Speaker 1 (34:27):
Another thing we want to talk about is what if
you meet somebody and or your friend meets somebody they're dating,
but that person did go out with you years ago.
Let's say it didn't go anywhere, but let's just say
me and Jasmine, Right, Jasmine meets somebody, starts dating him,

(34:47):
and I'm like, ooh, I did like to him, yeah,
three years ago and you know, nothing really happened. Should
I tell her?

Speaker 3 (34:55):
I mean, that's your close friend. I think you should
be honest about it. Yeah, I think that you should
tell your close friends.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
Would that make you feel weird? Jazzmin, Like, would you
be like I can't go up?

Speaker 2 (35:04):
Yeah, it would make me feel weird because then.

Speaker 1 (35:06):
It kind of feels like I don't want to block
what she has going.

Speaker 2 (35:08):
But would you rather know or rather know?

Speaker 6 (35:10):
But I probably I wouldn't If I knew that, I
was like, oh, I don't want to talk to him
man like.

Speaker 2 (35:14):
Right, but you don't want to like get further down
the line.

Speaker 3 (35:17):
I rather just forgetting the altar and you see your
photo or something.

Speaker 2 (35:24):
It was like, well, you.

Speaker 6 (35:25):
Know, I also feel like it depends on your relationship
with Like if I wouldn't tell her because I don't know,
we're no, we're not close, I would I'll tell her.

Speaker 3 (35:33):
I wasn't you know what I mean?

Speaker 6 (35:36):
If with someone I'm not close with, I would just
buy my business.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 (35:40):
Like m.

Speaker 4 (35:42):
But if there wasn't a date and there was just
like some flirting in the d MS or him just
you know, trying to.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Like he didn't physically ever go out right, Yeah, if
it had, if it had stopped, like I just feel
it out, I wouldn't necessarily be proactive in sharing that info.
But if it ever felt like it was relevant, or
if it was like in the last six months, you know,
like hella recent versus like two years ago, he slid
in my DMS, like whatever else. I think it was
two years ago, saything, unless it explicitly came up somehow,

(36:12):
But if it was like, oh, three weeks ago, he
had just been like, yeah, three weeks.

Speaker 5 (36:18):
Ago, that happened to me, my friend had slept with
this guy that I was talking to, but I met
him through her.

Speaker 3 (36:27):
Okay, wait what happened for or like, what's the timeline
of events?

Speaker 5 (36:30):
So I actually I never knew Actually, so I think
I ever told you. So she never told me when
it happened. I don't remember, but I know it happened,
and then we met and he was interested, and like,
I hung out with him. But then I realized that
as more he became more interested that I was like,
that bothered me more than it did when we were
just meeting, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
So I yeah, I had to cut that off.

Speaker 1 (36:53):
Yeah, but she was okay with you dating him.

Speaker 2 (36:55):
Yeah she didn't care.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
Okay, yeah that happens. I've definitely been like, yeah, you
could date to him like years ago. I don't care
at all, But I do think I would feel a
little weird about it if it was the other way around.
I don't want to date somebody.

Speaker 6 (37:08):
I don't want to date anybody that my friends left with.
Oh yes, it's just I don't care how long ago.
I'm like, I'm cool, Like it's enough so I can pick.

Speaker 1 (37:16):
A new one likes with MESSI.

Speaker 5 (37:22):
Now.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
It's also holiday season, and so things are a little different.
It feels like if you bring somebody home, you know,
during this time, it feels like it's a lot more
serious than at any other time. Like if I bring
you home March eighth, it's way different than you know,
Christmas Eve or something like that. All right, so let's
talk about some of that protocol as far as dealing

(37:43):
with family dating. When do you bring somebody home? Should
you be offended if someone doesn't invite you? You know,
say you're spending the holiday by yourself, you recently started
dating somebody and they know you're alone, and they don't
invite you. You know, what type of advice would you
give for people around this time.

Speaker 3 (38:00):
It's not fully a one size fits all, but I
would say generally, if you've been dating for less than
six months, don't be super in your fields. If they
don't invite you, particularly if they're really close to your family,
that's good. Now, if y'all been dating for five years
and you note that's.

Speaker 6 (38:14):
A problem, even bringing somebody else, that's the problem.

Speaker 3 (38:25):
So not y'all bring a little junior in this. But
if it's been six months or less, then you know
it's okay. And if you look kind of go with
your gut with it. Just be respectful. If someone does
invite you to the family, be respectful. Know your family well,
like do you really want to like exposure.

Speaker 2 (38:46):
Are y'all at a place.

Speaker 3 (38:47):
Now or because it's different per family, right, Like I
had gotten to a place where Avenge, I was like,
I'm not bringing anyone home any like at this point,
I'm from Kansas City. I'm not bringing anyone home unless
I've planned to make like, unless I think I can
marry them, Like it just got to that point and
my family's accepting to anyone. Fortunately, because definitely we dated

(39:08):
all types, but that just became sort of my like
my thing. And I do say that it's nice if
you're not gonna bring them home, and particularly to the guys.
For the women, if you know, for whatever reason she's
by herself or going to kind of be with the
smaller group, if you want to plan something thoughtful for her.
So maybe you're not ready to bring her home to

(39:29):
the family, but maybe you send her flowers on Christmas
Eve or just something so that she doesn't feel alone
or he doesn't feel because I know you like to
give gifts, like just to kind of say, look, I
know we're not here and together, but I'm thinking of you.

Speaker 2 (39:42):
I think that's special.

Speaker 3 (39:43):
Also, dating this type of the holidays, whether you meet
family or not, is a really fun time to create
your own tradition.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Who knows if you'll be together next year, that doesn't matter.

Speaker 3 (39:50):
This kind of leans into that kismet thing that Tiny
was talking about, like in the moment, just like especially
like in New York. Maybe it's going to look at
the windows, or maybe it's a certain restaurant that you liked,
and it doesn't have to be a holiday themed restaurant.
It could just be whatever restaurant and maybe that's something
you start now and you create a fun memory and

(40:10):
then next year, whether you meet family or not, you
know whatever you guys said, do you go back to
that restaurant and you go back and do that thing.
Holidays are really fun for creating your own little right,
Like I.

Speaker 1 (40:20):
Went sledding one year. That was fun. Yeah, I don't
nowhere exactly right.

Speaker 2 (40:25):
Been ice skating, I've been ice skating. I've never been
Skatingpies of lip service. That's where we need to eat out.
We need to find a black own something, slope something.

Speaker 1 (40:41):
Now, what if your person you're dating gets you a
gift and you don't like it.

Speaker 3 (40:45):
Oh, I got this necklace one time, and my best
friend knew I was getting, Like I didn't know, but
he had like asked her or something, and I think
she tried to warn them, but by the time she
responded to his message, she'd already purchased it, because.

Speaker 2 (40:58):
Like it took a while.

Speaker 3 (41:00):
Oh gosh. When I saw it and he put it
on my neck, I felt it. I felt like it
was burning.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
And it was tried. It was burned.

Speaker 2 (41:12):
And then I like went in my room and cried
or like, and then eventually I did.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
I was just like, and what's sad is he got
like roped in by the sales because he tried to
explain what the two hearts meant, and I was like,
that's what they say on the like.

Speaker 2 (41:26):
Jewelers, because yeah, yeah.

Speaker 6 (41:29):
You're the expert. But I feel like you just got
to eat it sometimes just like okay, thank you, thank.

Speaker 2 (41:33):
You for me, and just so I used to do that.

Speaker 1 (41:36):
She cried.

Speaker 2 (41:36):
Though here's the thing, she's dramatic.

Speaker 3 (41:40):
It was burning and it was just like, let me
take it off once experts that I actually didn't like
it because initially, when he gave it, I was like,
thank you, it's so sweet.

Speaker 2 (41:51):
Blah blah blah.

Speaker 3 (41:52):
But if you've been together for a while, we want
to and my gift was great, then I got him.

Speaker 2 (41:58):
It just hated.

Speaker 1 (41:59):
That's to that thought, listeners, because you feel like somebody
should know you enough to know what you're gonna like for.

Speaker 2 (42:05):
A while, not initially, not yet if it's initially.

Speaker 3 (42:07):
But I also think actually, even as uncomfortable, it feels
like always be gracious and grateful, but it is actually
better to be honest because if you guys do enter
into a long term relationship. You're setting that standard and
you don't want him to think you like precious moment
stalls because he got you one.

Speaker 2 (42:24):
Then and then years later he's you're pissed because you
got all because you I mean saying with like the
names in bed and likeah.

Speaker 3 (42:38):
Also, you know, most guys will get comfortable, so they'll
be like, oh, she liked this. Be honest, but be
gracious and recognize that they tried right. So you're just like, oh,
my gosh, I really appreciate this so much.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
I know you may not know this.

Speaker 3 (42:53):
It's the reason why earlier I mentioned I designed my
engagement ring, so getting engaged was a surprise, but the
reason I designed it was intentional because because my now
husband knows me, and he knew fairly early on that
I'm pretty picky about the jewelry that I wear.

Speaker 2 (43:06):
Hints the neckle. He wasn't the one who got me
the necklace that, but.

Speaker 1 (43:09):
Yeah, you know, he knew that story and it just
has enough.

Speaker 3 (43:18):
So he was like, look, that's gonna be one of
the biggest things I ever get.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
I want it to be something you love.

Speaker 3 (43:24):
He's like, I want to surprise you, but he also
knows I like to research things. So he was like, well,
what if we did it this way? Would you want
to design your own? Like you picked the designer you
you know, do whatever, And then he'd get the ring.
I wouldn't know when he got it. I wouldn't know
when it was done, and then he'd propose in his
own way, in his own time, in his own But

(43:45):
that part of that happened. And it's the ring of
my dreams and it's one of one and there's little
hidden details in it, like it's everything to me and
I love it. I named her Betty after Betty White
Beau's like saying, you're ready white die. But it's because
I was honest from the jump. Whereas when I had
been proposed to you before, I didn't like the ring.

Speaker 1 (44:03):
How many times you been proposed to him?

Speaker 2 (44:05):
Only three?

Speaker 1 (44:05):
Okay, did you keep crazy? None of them?

Speaker 3 (44:08):
Because that goes back to that showing like it goes
back to paying for something on the third date. I
was never with you for the money. This spas I
also got me. I can take care of me. And
then also this is no longer mine because this relationship
is in mind like it's not what I want.

Speaker 1 (44:25):
So like some of you're proposed to me once and
he he would tell me to just keep the ring
because I said no right away. He didn't want to die.
I don't want it, did you?

Speaker 2 (44:34):
I mean, did you keep it?

Speaker 1 (44:35):
I don't know where it is at this point, but
it was a long time ago, but it was like
a surprise.

Speaker 2 (44:40):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (44:41):
And I was like, I'll tell you this, and the
manager of the restaurant was like, how did it go?
He was like not good?

Speaker 2 (44:50):
Did you guys break up?

Speaker 1 (44:51):
Saying yeah, I never haven't seen him since home.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
Were you guys together before?

Speaker 1 (44:56):
He Here's the thing, like I I was a lot younger,
and I don't even know why he did that. And
he told me he said his friend was like, yeah,
you should just go for it. Like I was like,
why would he tell you that? It was so embarrassing,
And then I was like here he was like, no,
keep it. I don't even want to see it.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
So you didn't even open the box.

Speaker 1 (45:18):
Not had it. It was in the middle of the
dessert cake. And then it was at a Mexican restaurant
and it said what.

Speaker 2 (45:26):
Did you say?

Speaker 4 (45:27):
So on the first of all, I didn't know what
the cake said because I said, well, you marry me
and his family it said well no because it was
like in script.

Speaker 1 (45:34):
And I was like, what's going on in here? And
it said would you if marry me? Because I don't know.
They just wrote it wrong so many signs I literally know,
and so I was like, are you proposing to me?
And he was like, oh my god. And it was.
And I was embarrassed because we're like at a nice restaurant.

(45:56):
And it was funny because when we came in, they
were like rose petals on the table, so I was like, wow,
they really go out all, you know. It was just
like they think it was inside of like a thing.
And then they pulled the top. Yes, and there was
a ring in the middle of the.

Speaker 2 (46:15):
Later.

Speaker 1 (46:16):
No, I couldn't because I was so caught off guard.
It wasn't like we had ever talked about this or
anything was leading up to it. It just came out
of nowhere.

Speaker 3 (46:23):
Which is a good key. That is a good no
and point proposals being a surprise.

Speaker 1 (46:28):
Didn't say yes and then say no, there's a.

Speaker 2 (46:30):
Whole bunch of people around.

Speaker 3 (46:31):
I would.

Speaker 1 (46:31):
I didn't know these people.

Speaker 6 (46:32):
That's that's a fact.

Speaker 3 (46:33):
And this is before social media, right, social media right now,
how was it?

Speaker 6 (46:42):
He was like, no, just think if somebody had their
just all these people there thoughtful, but like I would
say yes, and then I would say no later.

Speaker 2 (46:51):
But then that like makes it harder and stickier, and.

Speaker 3 (46:54):
Like say no one for all these people, yes, oh
my god, and then dip you know, hard it is
to change our minds later.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Okay, Like Devin Howard, was I for you did to
break off your several.

Speaker 3 (47:06):
Cag not only two, only too?

Speaker 4 (47:13):
You know?

Speaker 3 (47:13):
It was it was hard and the second one that
was working off we called off the wedding. Part of
it was COVID related, like we the dress, the venue,
the saved the dates. Well yeah, yeah, yeah, it was
like literally we were supposed to get married the year
of like the pandemic, and it had been booked the
year before. And so that part was really because it

(47:35):
was like people I bought.

Speaker 1 (47:37):
Tickets tickets the pandemic.

Speaker 3 (47:41):
Well one they waited too late to cancel, but they
did take a couple of trips to Egypt and then
that's how they got pregnant.

Speaker 2 (47:47):
My nephew was born, my little Okay, so it but
but yeah, like so that was hard.

Speaker 3 (47:53):
How did I look the one that gave the necklace,
and I just was like we were kind of dragging
our feet and planning. I think it just didn't sit
right and and look also low key a lot of prayer,
Like just in general, it's like we're humans. We're gonna
do things that feel good. Sometimes don't feel good. Sometimes
I like to just do a blanket prayer of like
save me from the things that aren't meant for me,

(48:13):
like let me get all the blessings you have in
store for me, and don't let me stand in my
own way. And so it just kind of led to
a conversation that I was like and I couldn't get
the ring off fast.

Speaker 6 (48:22):
It was both times sort of like yeah, no, I
was me and the guy I was engaged to. We're
planning a destination wedding and we called it oft and
some people already bought their tickets and stuff.

Speaker 3 (48:34):
Did they get their money? Like, I don't know, she said,
I don't know. She's like, not my problem.

Speaker 2 (48:43):
I was lovely younger.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
I wasn't consider did you get gifts and stuff? Like
what happens to the gifts if we have registering at
the wedding. Yeah, there's a bridal shower gifts shower.

Speaker 3 (48:58):
Yet my aunt did buy us this really nice hand
and he actually loved that panting used it all the time.
And when we broke up, I took that pant, even
though pant and all the spices. I my aunt was like,
let him keep the pant, I'll get you another one.
I was like, no, it's the principal, and so I
just took the pant. I still have never used it,
but they don't make it anymore. So I'm glad that,

(49:19):
thank you, because I really don't. But I thought there
too that because it's good not stick.

Speaker 1 (49:27):
Was it the necklace? Guy?

Speaker 2 (49:29):
Get engaged in?

Speaker 3 (49:30):
Guy?

Speaker 2 (49:31):
What did that ring look like?

Speaker 3 (49:33):
So that one was smaller and it was round with
a simple band, and it wasn't me.

Speaker 2 (49:37):
It just wasn't me.

Speaker 3 (49:40):
Then the next one was an heirloom and it was emeralds.

Speaker 2 (49:43):
It was his grandmother's ring. That was bigger, more me.

Speaker 3 (49:48):
And then this one I designed from scratch. It has
our initials and Morse code and diamonds hidden in the band,
and I picked the designer who I'm now friends with,
so it's me.

Speaker 1 (50:00):
So yeah, that was okay. You know, they always say,
did you get engaged? On a holiday like during okay,
because people always say, yeah, it's nothing right birthday.

Speaker 2 (50:11):
I think it's fine.

Speaker 3 (50:12):
My mother doesn't believe in that, but I think it's
perfectly fine. You guys do what's special for the two
of you, you know what I mean, Like, I don't
think that that's yeah, okay, I think.

Speaker 1 (50:23):
It's for legal purposes. I think it's for legal purposes
because no, because they do say, like if you give somebody,
if you propose on a holiday, they get to keep
it because because it's a gift, legally they can keep it.

Speaker 3 (50:37):
It's but I look state by state because I know
some states regardless, it's considered a gift though on the premise.

Speaker 1 (50:43):
Of getting married.

Speaker 3 (50:45):
Yeah, and so if you don't get married, like in
New York State, you have to give it back like
it's yours.

Speaker 2 (50:50):
Once you're legally married, it's yours to keep married.

Speaker 1 (50:53):
Because I know they said Christmas, Valentine's Day, your birthday,
They're like, it was a gift, and so I don't know,
so just something.

Speaker 3 (51:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:02):
Now, another thing that people talk about is gift giving
at different stages in a relationship. Some people feel like
I've heard guys say I don't want to go too
big too early, because then the expectations are too high
to keep on trying to like keep up, yeah, upstage
what you did previously. So, Devin, what are your thoughts
as far as you know? Of course, we always want

(51:22):
to give thoughtful gifts, but sometimes should we be raining
it in earlier on?

Speaker 3 (51:27):
I think if you're just leading with thoughtful, I do
think it's smart to kind of look at the long term,
which is like if I can see myself with this
person for five years, Like can I sustain this? Because
you don't want to love bomb, which is where you
do it all up front and then you're left kind
of like there's nothing else I can do. But I
think leave it thoughtful. Know that thoughtful doesn't have to
be super expensive. It can be, but it doesn't have

(51:48):
to be. And make sure you're not trying to overcompensate,
because sometimes the people who come out really hot and strong,
particularly guys, they're actually trying to like overcompensate for some
other pops wear.

Speaker 1 (52:02):
Wearing.

Speaker 2 (52:03):
If you're doing it.

Speaker 3 (52:04):
Genuinely to see that person happy and like to just
have joy, you're not You're not doing it to necessarily
flex on everyone else you're literally just trying to put
a smile on that other person's face. And I think
if you lead with that intenctionality, like you'll be good
every time. But that's also why being honest it's important
because if they're trying to do that for you and
they think you like this because you smiled at it,
and you hate it, it's.

Speaker 2 (52:26):
Gonna be much harder to rein in over time.

Speaker 4 (52:28):
I had a guy give me the same thing three
times in the row, and after the third one, I
was like, Okay, I don't want this again.

Speaker 2 (52:34):
But it was a different like color.

Speaker 4 (52:36):
It was different colors, but it was the same gift birthday,
just it was the first one was just because the
second one was Valentine's but the same thing for my birthday.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
I was like, I like this, but.

Speaker 1 (52:46):
Please give me a little work creative.

Speaker 2 (52:48):
It was those flowers on the box and I'm like, because.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
If it was like a different Rolex it in the market. Yeah,
And it was like.

Speaker 4 (53:04):
They got bigger and they were a different color, but
it's like they last forever and I don't want to
just throw.

Speaker 1 (53:09):
It away from you.

Speaker 2 (53:15):
I took it.

Speaker 4 (53:16):
I don't think he took it well though, because I
never got another gift from him.

Speaker 1 (53:20):
That was the end of that. Well, at least you
need to get more flowers in the now. Okay, let
me ask you this. Let's just say it's Christmas time,
and let's say you buy your significant other and amazing gift,
but then find out right afterward that they were cheating
on you.

Speaker 2 (53:37):
That happened to me? Did you do I got him
a go pro for Christmas? What's that?

Speaker 1 (53:41):
That's the camera?

Speaker 5 (53:42):
Yeah, the little cameras and I never saw him again?

Speaker 3 (53:47):
Wait wait wait wait yeah, wait, okay, you got him
a gift, my gift, and then did you find out
he was cheating?

Speaker 2 (53:54):
Or like I found out? Maybe?

Speaker 5 (53:56):
So my birthday is Christmas, so right, you gotta would
give your birthday birthday freaking little cat?

Speaker 2 (54:04):
No, please, I'll tell you.

Speaker 4 (54:06):
You got him the little thing that he could wear
it up here and everything he got me that he
got you that like you know what I mean with
the little rim and everything, and then he got me
like a little like bathroom body works that you buy
your your elderly aunt at the you know what I'm
talking about?

Speaker 1 (54:21):
Want to check out? Right, okay?

Speaker 3 (54:25):
Right?

Speaker 5 (54:26):
And he was like, okay, great, great, great, and then
it was two years and he went out to dinner
with someone else and like didn't wish me happy, like whatever,
and I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 (54:38):
And we broke up over the phone. I never saw
it again. A couple. You guys, we were together on
and off for like eight years.

Speaker 1 (54:44):
Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, you see me right, and
even worse if he was posting video from the GoPro like,
oh yeah, was the next.

Speaker 6 (54:59):
Nerve.

Speaker 1 (55:00):
Wow, Listen, that's so funny because I dated a guy
and I bought him a camcorder for his birthday and
then we broke up soon after. But you know what
I did. I didn't tell him. I knew he was cheating.
I borrowed it back and then broke up. Oh, I like,
I still have and that camp quarder is so old

(55:20):
and I still have it. But if you see on
any of my shaky videos from lip service that were
in black and white back in the day, I was like, oh,
and I strategically smart did not say anything until I said,
can I borrow the camera?

Speaker 2 (55:36):
See? I would not have had the restraint. But that's good. Yes,
I'm a capricorn.

Speaker 4 (55:40):
Yeah, I want to say one thing about Angela she
can definitely be strategic.

Speaker 3 (55:43):
That was I never gave a gift, and that happened.
But a dude in college that we were dating, we
actually lived together. At that point I found out he
was cheating. This is back on AOL and a messenger
like and that was a thing. So I figured out
a software. This is gonna make me sound crazy, it's fine.
I figured out a software thanks to my mother that
you can and saw that would track all the messages
that were happening.

Speaker 2 (56:03):
So I had done that when he was.

Speaker 3 (56:04):
Out of town because I suspected something, so he went
to work.

Speaker 2 (56:08):
I opened the messages, saw.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
That he was having conversations when I had been out
of town, like basically saying he was single.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
But we lived together.

Speaker 3 (56:17):
So that night when he was worked at the club
again I was in college, but that's your first. I
printed them all out. I got super cute, went to
the club, told him he led, put him in an envelope,
told him I had forgotten something in his car, so
I asked to borrow his keys. I went and took
his keys like I left the room. I took his

(56:38):
house keys off the key ring so he wouldn't be
able to get into the house. This gave him his
key ring back, pretending that nothing.

Speaker 2 (56:46):
There was a lot of keys on it, so he
didn't notice when I were handed.

Speaker 3 (56:49):
Him the envelope. He opened it there in the club.
He freaked out and tried to deny it, but it
was like right there.

Speaker 2 (56:54):
I left.

Speaker 3 (56:56):
I then went home that night, and he tried to
get in the house and was sitting in his are
crying to let me for me to let him into
the house, and you get in the house, you had
to go sleep at his parents house.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
I'm like, now you can explain to your parents why why.

Speaker 1 (57:07):
You're there for what you did.

Speaker 2 (57:11):
But we're friends now, it's fine.

Speaker 1 (57:13):
You became friends with people still after like like he's
he was dumb, but like right, it's like you dropped
the ball right, fumbled in for the rest of his
life and you really like something satisfyingly evil about still
being friends with somebody who wronged you. Yeah, because you're
successful in doing well. It's kind of the kay, you know,

(57:35):
but like like, hey, how goes it?

Speaker 2 (57:40):
Like goes it? So now you know, if Angel ever goes.

Speaker 1 (57:47):
Exactly exactly, I'd be like with.

Speaker 3 (57:49):
Him, you were both young and dunks. You're in college.
I genuinely wish him like I care about him as
a human. But yeah, I mean I know that, like.

Speaker 1 (57:57):
You were crying, and that he still watches literally.

Speaker 2 (57:59):
I'm fabulous, Like I know that, but I wish them
alt person.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
But also I am quite proud that I held restraint
and didn't like I played it cool and like he
didn't know until he.

Speaker 2 (58:09):
Got home that he wasn't going to.

Speaker 1 (58:11):
Be and it's so hard to not burst.

Speaker 2 (58:14):
I'll be calling like, oh I can't.

Speaker 1 (58:16):
I found out my ex cheated on me on his
birthday and he was on his way to my house
to come get me. He left his Gmail open on
my laptop and I was going to look up like
the restaurant we were that I was taking him to
and I and I was like, oh, his Gmail just
popped up, and I was like should I look? And
then I said, God said yeah, because he would have
did that. Listen says I'm trying to show you something,

(58:41):
and I've seen.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
A lot when the sign is fine.

Speaker 1 (58:43):
And then even after that, like he was on his
way it was his literally his birthday, and I was like, man,
do I say something today like it's his birthday? Wonder
and then I was like, I tried not to. And
then he called me. He was like, all right. I
was like, I don't think I'm gonna be able to
make it. He was like, what what happened? What's the matter?
I was like, I just don't feel good. And then
I just sent him all of the messages and and

(59:07):
that was it. That was that, and that was on that,
so you know, and now he's listening to Yeah, now
he's like, oh my god, I'm telling that story. I've changed.
But listen, Devin. I would love for you, and I
know you're super busy. I know you have your own
show with your own friends. Okay, but we did love

(59:30):
having you up here.

Speaker 2 (59:31):
Thank you for having you. Guys are amazing and it
was fun.

Speaker 1 (59:34):
You gave us such great, practical, reasonable information. But I'm
so happy to know you're a little crazy too.

Speaker 2 (59:39):
Yeah. Do you know my family? You know, look, keep
it being a little crazy.

Speaker 3 (59:49):
It's a little unpredictab. I think them being a smige
scared of you. Okay, I think it's healthy, just this
smidge and not like a violent way.

Speaker 2 (59:57):
But just that I can't know if she's going to
go their way.

Speaker 3 (01:00:03):
I think that's I think I like to keep my
husband on his toes. Okay, good, I tell you a
stun gun story. That's next time you work too.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
No, but no, And I saw you the other night
at the Tender Year and Swipe event where you gave
us a lot of great statistics and numbers. But you
know she's not just giving us practical advice. It's actually research, right,
So these are real things. So make sure you check
out the Tender Year and Swipe report so you can
see everything from the lingo to the cities people moving

(01:00:36):
places to date to because that one was wrong. I
don't know who, but you know, there's not a lot
of capricorns, so I can understand why numbers wise that
didn't work out in our favor.

Speaker 2 (01:00:48):
Whatever makes them feel. We support support.

Speaker 1 (01:00:50):
You, but I do really appreciate you. I love what
you do, and we've worked together years and years and
years and years ago in the past, but I know
we'll be doing a lot more.

Speaker 2 (01:00:58):
So sure.

Speaker 3 (01:00:59):
I love seeing you in and you guys are all
amazing and this podcast is so fun, so yeah, definitely
watching a fan.

Speaker 1 (01:01:06):
And Jordan's once some definitely wants to work on like
her profile, so.

Speaker 5 (01:01:10):
Yeah, and any potentially men that you want to throw.

Speaker 3 (01:01:16):
Yeah, I'm available. Okay, we teach you the database. Yeah,
but you definitely should. We'll look at your we'll look
at your profile. You definitely should be on Tinder. And
you travel a lot, don't you. You know Tinder has
a passport feature. I'm just saying, and dating in America
is not necessarily the same as it is in other
countries and cultures, like, so you set that passport feature

(01:01:37):
to be at another country that you're in, which means,
from the comfort of your couch, you can be swiping
and matching with quts in other areas like in Turkey.

Speaker 4 (01:01:45):
Given show, just give them all And I'm gonna I'm
going to get on it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:54):
Yeah, I am going to.

Speaker 3 (01:01:58):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:01:58):
In fact, this would be an amazing experiment for us
to kind of track what's going on.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
I'm going to do it.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
I've never been on a dating I love it ever,
I love it and look and just like, I just
want to preface it too, because like there's literally millions
of people on dating apps, right, like hundreds of millions
of people. So just like there are thousands, thousands of restaurants,
you're not gonna like them all. And that's okay, but
it doesn't mean eating is bad. Right, you don't go, oh,
I'm never eating again.

Speaker 1 (01:02:22):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (01:02:25):
Literally you you don't rule.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
It out because you know there were a couple bad,
so like just go in with that mindset though, but
know that they're just like your favorite, Like there's some
really good ones and there are still some really good
people that have a lot going for them that are.

Speaker 1 (01:02:43):
On and if nothing else, you'll get some great females.
And they say Chick fil A is.

Speaker 3 (01:02:50):
The number one, number one. Yet don't go there, Please don't,
don't don't go there.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
I would be impressed. Okay, all right, all right, well
thank you so long. I'm totally kidding.

Speaker 3 (01:03:05):
We already heard the things that made her mad, like
a karaoke bar and singing thong song.

Speaker 1 (01:03:09):
Too well, I think like you sing and do karaoke,
especially on our first day, that's so whacked. So if
we can't sing, then that's perfect.

Speaker 6 (01:03:16):
You don't like people that can sing and do karaoke, period,
It doesn't matter for it's the first day, Like why that?

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
Yeah, she just like it at all.

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
Go get your deal, you know what I mean. I
don't want to be.

Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
Part of that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:29):
Get a deal Tomato, tomato being here and trying to
like because it's like trying to show up, you know
what I mean.

Speaker 1 (01:03:47):
Go sing on a cruise.

Speaker 2 (01:03:49):
Okay, Angela, all right, wedding singer.

Speaker 1 (01:03:54):
But that's all I have to say. All right, but again, Devin,
Devin Samel, make sure you guys follow her great information.
Can people contact you too?

Speaker 3 (01:04:01):
Yeah, if you want to be If you want dating
tips advice, you can hit me up on IG. You
can go to my website devintimone dot com. If you
want to be in a free matchmaking database, you can
do that too. If you want me to look at
your h profile photos and evaluate those if you if
I see your.

Speaker 1 (01:04:17):
DM, I'll respond okay, we love that.

Speaker 2 (01:04:20):
Yes, all right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
As lift service, you