LS Episode 487: F that Aunt (Feat. Jerrie Johnson)

Actress, Jerrie Johnson joins the ladies of Lip Service this week to promote the show 'Harlem,' where she stars as Tye. Jerrie opens up about this wild time her aunt betrayed her, how she has a successful polyamorous relationship, coming out to her mother, and much more. Enjoy!

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
What's up, We're back it slip service some angela Yee,
I'm g G. Maguire, I'm Jeordie George and named Jerry Johnson. Yes, man, jump.
They sound like a famous name already. It really yeah, period,
I just your name when you were born, they were like, she's.

Speaker 2 (00:17):
And the thing is, my name was supposed to be
Rashida okay, but when my my dad wasn't in the hospital,
my dad's name is Jerry. This is gonna be crazy.
I'm not even gonna tell the whole story. But my dad's
name is Jerry, and my grandfather was like, you should
name her Jerry, and so then my mom said yes
because she wanted my grandfather to approval. So then my

(00:39):
name became Jerry Johnson. And at first I was like,
I don't like this as the boy's name, and then
I was like, it's just a rich I love it.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
I like names that are like, okay, like what's another
name that could be, like, okay, Terry Jordan Jordan's. I
felt the same way.

Speaker 3 (00:56):
Yeah, I wanted something very feminine actually, you know, like
something more like looks.

Speaker 1 (01:06):
But then I really love my name. Yeah, it's amazing. Yeah,
so you know, like, you don't know who's coming that
part at all, like.

Speaker 2 (01:15):
And at the hotel they were like mister Johnson, and
I'm like, right.

Speaker 1 (01:20):
Like sorry, you know what I love when I'm at
the hotel with my boyfriend and they're like mister ye
and he's like mister ye, and I'd be like, mister y,
you better listen. This brings us to one conversation though,
changing last names, because congratulations on your engagement and you

(01:42):
proposed me. What was your heart feeling like when that happened.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
I was nervous the whole time because I'm also a perfectionist,
and so I'm like, Okay, we're gonna do it. You know,
I was planning the whole thing. And she was there,
and she's a producer, and so you can't really get
nothing as a producer. So I'm trying to produce this
proposal to a producer, and I'm just like, you know
what if she knows what's going on, is it's gonna

(02:08):
be too much Because she also is not like a
she don't always like to be in the forefront of things,
and so I was nervous. But my sister was there
and she knew what was going on, and I had
this woman that I met at this other podcast that
I did, who was from Jamaica, who like set up
a bunch of things for me, and so it was
nerve wrecking. But then when the moment happened, it was

(02:31):
just like everything okay, okay, okay, okay okay, and she
just was in tears. But then also the cameras were overwhelming,
but we had to get the pick. It was just
it was crazy, but it was it ended up being
really nice and beautiful. And then I was like, let's
stay in Jamaica for longer. So we extended the chest
and I love Jamaica.

Speaker 3 (02:50):
So we sing yeah, okay when I say slamming killed, yes,
you know, I love to take a little thigh out
than a die. You gotta remind you posts well you
reminded us.

Speaker 1 (03:11):
But congratulations, congratulations. Now last name, So did y'all have
the last name discussion?

Speaker 2 (03:17):
Yeah, she's probably gonna do a little hyphen it, you know,
but I'm gonna stay Jerry Johnson.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Yeah, professionally, all of you guys though professionally it's right.

Speaker 2 (03:27):
Yeah, and so so you know she can but like
her big thing is like produced by Dria. She usually
uses her first name mostly so changing her last name
might not like change the brand of her because it's
Dria is her brand.

Speaker 1 (03:43):
Right, Yeah, you know, it's so interesting just watching you
on Harlem. Season three. We got it, by the way,
we did get a sneaky, We got a sneaky the
first three very much.

Speaker 2 (03:55):
Yeah, it's very very three.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
Seasons one and two, you got some issues.

Speaker 3 (04:01):
Okay, So you say I was watching that therapists break
down your character.

Speaker 1 (04:09):
Wow, there was a therapist in the whole post from
seasons one and two and broke down like you know,
tied from the perspective of someone who is like got
attachment issues.

Speaker 2 (04:23):
Tell me, did you see this?

Speaker 1 (04:25):
I did that? Somebody's really like sat there and broke
it down.

Speaker 2 (04:31):
I love Island and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (04:33):
Like me really yeah, someone like saw scene and like
analyzed it was like a body language.

Speaker 1 (04:41):
Summer House, marke this vineyard she's on she's on that.

Speaker 2 (04:44):
My friend Jazzmine. I love Jazz And so I mean
I love the show by the way, you know, and
I love you.

Speaker 1 (04:51):
Oh thank you.

Speaker 2 (04:52):
I'm like, I'm fine, But also I love that you
are so honest and vulnerable and feel from the show.
And so if somebody's doing a body language test for me.
I'm like, oh, I could just be like that's just Tie,
but it's.

Speaker 1 (05:07):
Like right, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (05:10):
She was just breaking down the scene where I had
to cust Alex out and she was saying like, okay,
this is him saying and that's when you see her
go like.

Speaker 1 (05:20):
This, she's trying to hold it in.

Speaker 3 (05:21):
She's trying to be conscious and then she's like oh
and then you see the layer kind of break where
her body.

Speaker 1 (05:27):
It was very interesting and it was was it on point?

Speaker 2 (05:29):
You think?

Speaker 3 (05:30):
Yeah, okay, it was me on pointing. I've been following
her for years, so that was even better. I was like, okay,
because I know she has the teeth right, and so
you don't even realize certain things that you do when
you're even like telling a lie, or like you're trying
to hold something in, or when you're not even aware
of something subconsciously, your body's telling you all of everything
me my face will say it and plus none of

(05:52):
us lie.

Speaker 4 (05:53):
Yeah, I think that.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
So what did she say about Tie?

Speaker 1 (06:03):
So she was talking about TI's issues with commitment, and
then also what else did she say about Tie? I'm
trying to remember, like and this is just from seasons
one and two. Childhood trauma she talked about because there
was a scene where it was like kind of brought
up but not fully addressed about things in the past
and maybe Tie's grandmother, you know, having you know, it

(06:27):
was like very yeah things. I was like, oh, yeah,
that did happen.

Speaker 2 (06:30):
Yes, And for us it's like I especially season one,
I was having to build like what I thought my
backstory was until the writers unfolded to me whatever the
thing was, and so what the biggest I think the

(06:50):
biggest maybe challenge for Jerry as an actor was trying
to justify how someone without judgment could leave their family
for so long. Now my family they some raw, but

(07:12):
I would not dare you know, like my sister who's
a camera corn sometimes we don't talk for a little bit,
but then I'll say, get it together because we're blood.
And my mom, as crazy as she was like, we
weren't even allowed to I'm one of seven. We weren't
even allowed to fight or are you in public? Well so,

(07:36):
And I didn't know that that was a big thing
until I went to college and people just be saying
don't they And I'm like, now I might say that
in the house or in my mind or to my
other sibling. But I'm not say that out loud.

Speaker 1 (07:51):
I don't argue with nobody in public period at all.
I'm not even gonna The other day, I was on
the phone and somebody's walking past me screaming on the phone.
I want to be that ever, that is New York
very much. It was like, what's happening out there? Very
much in public? Yeah, I think we had to have
that's different. Yeah, that's a company.

Speaker 2 (08:13):
I don't like it. I don't like public disagreements. I
just don't think that they're necessary. I'm a very much
like keep it containing.

Speaker 1 (08:21):
The other thing that she was saying, and now I'm
remembering everything that she said. She was also talking about
and ty got money and we realized that when you
had to give, you know, the check to your ex husband,
right because he won it half or whatever, and it
was like, okay, she slid over that check. It was
like she was like I thought it was gonna be
one hundred thousand. It was like one point seven million

(08:41):
or something like whatever the number was.

Speaker 2 (08:43):
Yeah, so yeah, making it also being the person who
made it in your family, and like I know, I
can relate to that in a lot of ways because
I'm the I'm the youngest girl, but I have two
brothers under me, and I have a sister who was
in a military who is a nurse, who is doing

(09:04):
very well for herself. But most of my siblings, especially
my brothers, like I want them to do more than
what they're doing. But two of them are in prison,
and my other brother, my youngest brother, is trying to
get it together. And so it's interesting being the youngest
and being the first to do a lot of things,

(09:25):
the first to leave my mom's house to go to college,
the only one to get a master's degree in my family, Like,
there was a lot that I just had to learn
from myself. And so when people were like, oh, yeah,
like I need some money, to let me call home,
I'm like, no, when they need some money, they call me,
and I'm here, like.

Speaker 1 (09:45):
The youngest, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 (09:47):
I'm I'm looking at for every twenty one or whatever,
trying to get it together, and they're leaning on me
for this thing. So then naturally, as I got older
and I came into the industry, it feels like a
it feels like I it sometimes feels like I'm the
oldest sister, right and through experience, I have way more

(10:09):
experience than than some of most of my siblings, and
so in some aspects, like I'm able to give them
some advice, but it is for tie, like figuring out
like what does it mean to leave home and then
not come back? But what happens in those years, like

(10:30):
it gets harder to go. You know, maybe after college
you thought, Okay, after this, I'm gonna and then you
come out and you're living your life in New York
and maybe it's like, well, after I sell this company,
I'm gonna after I do this, I'm gonna after I
after I after I after, and then all.

Speaker 1 (10:45):
These years just later and you keep on pushing the bus.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Yes, yes, yeah.

Speaker 1 (10:51):
You know you went to school for creative and performing
arts from when you were in high school, so nobody
else in your family was in that field.

Speaker 2 (10:57):
My aunt was a was a perform Oh my god,
I'm like, are we going here? My aunt, whom I
loved in the door growing up, I had went to
Kappa as well, and so I felt like I was

(11:19):
maybe following in her footsteps. And she had a production company,
she has a she's a management com she's a manager,
and so I was like, oh, she wants what's best
for me. She's saved me from my mom a lot
of times. And then I was going to college and uh,

(11:44):
something shifted, and she you know, told me she was
going to assue me if I worked for anybody else,
because I signed a contract for her at sixteen, and
I'm like, wait, that was a real thing. And she
really didn't have me sign a contract, but my I
was like, girl, I got that off Google, like and
so right. And so it was like really crazy to me,

(12:07):
this switch. And there was a lot of things that happened.
But I was living with her at the time, and
I had been staying with my mom. So when I
went to college, naturally I had to go get my stuff. Child.
She didn't give me anything. I went to college with
like a backpack full of stuff all of my class.
I was working two jobs okay before that summer to

(12:28):
like get enough stuff to say in order to you know,
none of my because I was writing poetry. None of
my poetry books. That's nothing, none of the thing precisely.
But and then I was like so mad. I was
so mad, and I was mad at my family because
I'm like, is everybody so afraid of her that nobody
could go get my stuff? Like she was not, you know.

(12:51):
And so then one of my aunts was like, as
long as you want that stuff, she has power over you.
And that was my first lesson and non attachment. And
so once I released that, I was like, oh, okay,
And it was hard because I'm like, but what about
like this sweater that I got from this aunt that

(13:11):
then you know, passed away, or this vintage thing, or
like I was working, I don't I don't have nobody
to support me. I'm supporting me. And then to like
be so upset this person that I loved and trusted
and looked up to, like.

Speaker 1 (13:26):
And you're a kid, yes, like you're still a kid,
and this.

Speaker 2 (13:29):
Is my first time moving away somewhere and now I
don't have anything anything, and so shout out to me.
My boyfriend at the time, him and his mom just
kind of helped me down and she would get me
stuff when she could. She brought me a cold because
it was cold as heck at Penn State, and she
helped me down. But yeah, still to this day, I

(13:51):
haven't seen any of that stuff. And I think she
she's been trying to come back into my life.

Speaker 1 (13:57):
It's going well, and.

Speaker 2 (14:00):
That's I think. Yeah, so it's been tough. I mean,
she's probably gonna message me after this.

Speaker 1 (14:09):
Was there an apology? You can't just try to come
back and not even.

Speaker 2 (14:12):
There was a there was a there was a Four
years later, I went to my cousin's birthday and she
and my little cousin was like my little brother, and
she wouldn't even allow him to talk to me, Like
when I would come in the house and he would
try to say hi to me, to like come get myself,
she would make him not speak to me.

Speaker 1 (14:28):
I don't understand what flip that switch. It was just
that terrible.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
And that's something that I also was, like.

Speaker 3 (14:37):
People even see the potential in somebody else and what
their dream was, instead of like encouraging and aiding that process,
I feel like they become resentful sometimes.

Speaker 2 (14:49):
Yeah yeah, yeah, and so so so we I went
to this party and she had it was like an apology,
but then she immediately was like, but I have this
audition if you want to go right, which did feel
like an apology for me. It feels like you want
me to work right. And then she kept it was like,
she I didn't feel resolved in twenty twenty was the

(15:12):
year of truth and reconciliation for me. So it was like,
if you are my family member and there's something we
didn't talk about, if you are not willing to talk
about it, then you just can't be in my life.
And so she came to New York and she was like, yeah,
let's go out to dinner and da da da da da.
And so I was like, we went to dinner, and
I was like, listen, I really need to talk to

(15:34):
you about how much you hurt me. I confided in you.
I felt like you were a savior to me, and
then all of a sudden you switched into like do
what you did to me was really painful. And she
was like, well, you know, I was hurt too. I
felt like because at one point I needed her to
co sign for a loan for me, and I kept

(15:57):
asking her and kept asking her, and after a while
I figured she could and do it, which is why
she wasn't responding to me. But it wasn't a big
deal to me.

Speaker 1 (16:04):
It's like I can't tell me now right, I figured
tell me now the fast you tell me now?

Speaker 2 (16:07):
The fast I figured, and so she was like, basically,
you know, she didn't have it. She felt like everybody
was mad at her for not having it. And then
when I told her I couldn't do her fashion show,
she felt like I was trying to do stuff with
other people. But then she turned the conversation into something
else about all the people that have hurt her and

(16:32):
all this other stuff. And this is when I was like, oh,
I'm never going to this person is never going to
say to me, I fucked up and I'm sorry for that,
and that's it. It's always going to be about something yet,
and it's always gonna.

Speaker 1 (16:49):
Go through personal back to her.

Speaker 2 (16:51):
It's always going to go back to her. And so
if I want to engage in that sort of behavior,
I have to know she's never going to admit it.
And then I gave her one more chance. She was
coming to New York because my little cousins and actor
as well under her company. He was he was yeah, okay,

(17:15):
he was doing an episode of Law and Order, and
so they needed to come. They needed a place to
stay in New York. And so at the time, my
fiance still had her apartment and I had my my
condo in Harlem. So I was like, we'll stay there
and they can stay in your apartment. And she was like,
but she has to bring you your stuff. That has
to be.

Speaker 1 (17:31):
The the okay, that's there. Yeah, I'm like, I need
those poetry.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
Journals and broke in while she was.

Speaker 2 (17:43):
And she had moved, so I was like, okay. She
said she had a bin full of my stuff. So
I was like, okay, bring the mad and then you
can stay. Child. She come to the house and she
already chat chat chat chat chat, chat chat and chat
and chat chat and chat chat, and so I'm like okay,
and she was like, oh no, I brought your stuff, Jay,

(18:05):
and she pulls out a folder.

Speaker 1 (18:08):
It could have been Auntie.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
The folder has the country award prob had like these
three awards from high school, my my graduation pictures, my
sister's obituary, and a picture of me, my mom and

(18:32):
my sister and my dad when my dad was in prison.
When I was baby man, where's the sweater? Where's where's
the poetry book?

Speaker 1 (18:40):
Journeys? And when I don't bring it to you?

Speaker 2 (18:44):
And he was like that's why I was looking at him.
And he's eighteen now, so he was young right. So
he so I'm like, and my fiance, who's my girlfriend,
she is like this, she's seeming standing at the door,
right because that's her place, right, and she's like, you
didn't do actually what you and you could say to me,

(19:04):
I actually don't have as much of it as I
said I had, and I don't know where it is.

Speaker 5 (19:08):
And she couldn't say that, no, this is the folder
and this is what I got, and this is be
happy with.

Speaker 2 (19:13):
This, right, and didn't even say like that it gave
me the folder as if it was the been like,
didn't say.

Speaker 1 (19:21):
Happy with what I got? Right, here's your contract.

Speaker 3 (19:25):
But you know what, That's what I like about the
show is that I feel like you guys do a
really good job amongst your friends and amongst the relationships
about taking accountability, and you guys are very good about
being like, ooh, I fucked up. Yes I'm sorry. I
see what you're saying. Yes, I'm sorry, girl, right.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
And I think because I in my lifetime, especially with
my family, nobody has ever taken accountability, I'm so sensitive
to taking accountability. So sometimes I think I overtake accountability
because I like know that feeling somebody overcompensated. Sometimes I'm like, oh, yeah,

(20:05):
like my mom is my mom has never and ever
apologized to me. My dad has never apologized to me,
So it just feels.

Speaker 1 (20:15):
Like I don't know if anybody in my family's ever
apologized for anything. I literally just very team I. But
I literally just left my.

Speaker 5 (20:22):
Therapists and we were having a conversation about my parents,
and we literally just talked about conversations that we wish
we had that we never did, and accountability, apologies, just
speaking on things that were kind of like sensitive was
definitely the topic that we just talked about. So I'm
immediately drawn back to that conversation. But it sucks because

(20:43):
at this point in my life, my parents are no
longer here, so it's too late for me to have
these conversations. So that went on to me saying like, Okay,
I need to be better as a parent and make
sure that these conversations I had with my daughter because
one day it's going to be too late and I
don't want her to feel how I feel in this moment.
But that's crazy that this is what this conversation. I
literally like left there and came here.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (21:05):
Yeah, we don't have.

Speaker 1 (21:06):
It's so real.

Speaker 2 (21:07):
It's the culture of I'm gonna speak for my family
being from North Philly, it's we don't talk about it.
Even me trying to like get my family history, trying
to archive some of our stuff, and I can't even
talk to get it my aunts and uncles about my
grandmother is too painful for them, or like what happened?

(21:30):
I have this half memory of this thing happening. What
was that? People don't want to talk about it. They
don't want to go there, and I have to respect that,
like I until I can maybe provide the resources for
their care. After I open that can of worms. I
can't push for that can of worms.

Speaker 1 (21:49):
Okay, I get it because people have to do the
work on this.

Speaker 5 (21:54):
Because when you knocked that one dimino over, who knows
how long it's gonna keep goings.

Speaker 1 (22:00):
Did they feel like when you they found out that
you were engaged to a woman, did that matter to them? No?

Speaker 2 (22:05):
I don't care about that kind of stuff. But my
mom was alive and I told her I was I
was gay my first year of college. My second year
of college, she said, girl, just mad. First of all,
she said, don't say you gay, just say you like
women and then wowed me to marry a rich Italian woman.

Speaker 1 (22:28):
She said, don't say you just say you like.

Speaker 2 (22:32):
But I don't like men. Yeah, it's interesting, it's just singing.
And I've said since I'm like, oh, I'm a little
bit more like pan and fluid than just like liking women. Right,
But at the time it was confusing to me that
it was like But then I went actually, I went
to a juvenile detention center in Cleveland to speak to

(22:56):
the kids and one of the girls was, right, so
are you guy in real life? Right around so fast?
And was like, that's not politically correct. You gotta ask
her if she bye, I was.

Speaker 1 (23:11):
That's politically correct oriented?

Speaker 2 (23:13):
She was like, ask her. She like both. So it
was interesting and it's a it's a cultural thing, but
it's also like access to information. I'm sure my mom
was very sexually liberated. I'm sure she has moments with women.
I'm sure you know that that we didn't necessarily know
about her. Maybe we did know about it, we didn't
know that that was that.

Speaker 3 (23:34):
But but that's a funny reaction, like friends love you,
but you know, yeah, don't say that, Yeah, there you are,
rich Italian woman.

Speaker 1 (23:46):
Why Italian. I'm y because becausin Philly, the Italians got money.

Speaker 2 (23:50):
Right, No Italian?

Speaker 4 (23:53):
But we know, we know about the Italian work at
night Street, and we know about them big houses with
the rooftops. About to tell her daughter marry a Richtian
because she got a girlfriend.

Speaker 3 (24:07):
Right now, when your daughter told you that, how was
that for you? What she didn't really tell me? It
was kind of like, what's understanding? Gott to be explained? Okay, Yeah,
Like there was never really a time she's my girlfriend. Well,
there was a she was in a relationship from high
school with a guy and then they had a girlfriend,

(24:28):
and then when that ended, she moved on to only
having it. But her and him are really good friends still,
like they're really close and they have the same friend
group and everything. But yeah, she has a girlfriend.

Speaker 5 (24:38):
So she would just like be on the phone and
FaceTime and all of that, and the girl's number was
saved her phone, like baby or whatever.

Speaker 1 (24:45):
And then she brought her over for Thanksgiving. M hm.
And that's it. You have to say.

Speaker 5 (24:49):
It's like, yeah, like you kind of already know.

Speaker 1 (24:52):
She don't give a ship. She just loved her daughter.
I said, it's my little baby. Yeah, now listen. I
love the fact that your character on the show is
in tech right, which I think is great making a
lot of money, but also very sexually liberated, just able
to do whatever you want, you know. But it feels

(25:13):
like and just like the therapist saying, maybe some trauma
because of having a lack of commitment, do you think
that that indicates there's an issue if somebody can do
these things but want no attachments.

Speaker 2 (25:26):
I think it's I think it's yes, Anne, because as
an Aquarius, as a as a poly person, there is
a lot of moments where I'm like, I wish that
there were more people who were wanting to have sex
with me with no strings attached.

Speaker 1 (25:42):
But as guys, like, people really don't think that we
can do that.

Speaker 2 (25:45):
And hold on.

Speaker 1 (25:47):
They can't. As much as that claim they can, they
really can't.

Speaker 2 (25:50):
I be like, I don't want anything, and they're like,
let's go to Cameroon and get married, and I'm like, no, bro,
I don't want anything. That's what I'm saying to you.
So for me that is tough, and for for me
with women, it's hard. It's I have to be I
feel like I have to be more intentional because I
don't want to play with a woman's we have emotions, Yeah,

(26:14):
I don't want to, you know. And so I feel
like there is a way to desire it without wanting
strings attached, and it not be attached to some trauma
that you had about commitment. But there's also a way
to run from intimacy that can feel like, oh, if
we get intimate, then I might have to get vulnerable,

(26:36):
and I'm afraid of vulnerability because of my attachment style,
and so I don't want to go that far. Where
I feel like I can be it can be casual
and intimate intimate at the same time without it being serious,
like without it being like we're going to get.

Speaker 1 (26:51):
Married, Like you can be so respectful of me and
care about me as as but also understand do your thing,
which is what Megan Good's character is trying to do.

Speaker 5 (27:05):
I love meel down, but she didn't get on My
Nurse in season one because she represents a large population.

Speaker 1 (27:13):
That's why I have a friend. Every single morning on
my way to work, I'm on the phone with her.
This guy be dogging her so bad, like it's so bad.
He'll do things like he'll say things to her like well,
I don't want to be in a relation. He'll go
on vacations with other women and lie to her and
act like he was at home, like he does the
worst stuff, and she's like, I'm not messing with him anymore.

(27:34):
And then the next time she's like, well he did
say he didn't want I'm like, girl, and you're right.
So that's a real like you cannot force anybody, So
I've given up. And every day she's like, I'm not
talking to him because he told me that he didn't
want to be in a relationship with me, and he
thinks that I'm boring because you know, I'm tired every
night because I work so much and I'm not spontaneous,

(27:55):
and I'm like, okay, tomorrow she'll be like, well he
came over, you know, and no attachment side.

Speaker 2 (28:02):
Yes that I want. I want you to I want
love from you by any means necessary, and so I'm
willing to be in this fight or fond relationship that
we have where we're either so far apart and you're
doing your own thing because you want to. But then
when you are ready to come back to me, I'm
not gonna make you make up for the time. I'm

(28:24):
just gonna go straight into fawning for you so that
I can have this little semblance of crumbs.

Speaker 1 (28:29):
I mean, it's.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
Not the crumb. We all guilty. They know I've never
scraped to anybody.

Speaker 3 (28:36):
Now saying have we all been guilty of? Like going
back to somebody that we know is like, I'm the
captain of the committee. But I finally let go, y'all
you said that before, But yeah I did for two years, but.

Speaker 1 (28:49):
Now I'm letting go.

Speaker 2 (28:51):
Wait, hold on, you finally let go? And then you
did it for two years.

Speaker 5 (28:54):
And we would go back when I went back after
the two years? Yes, what what was the what what
made I believed your last time?

Speaker 1 (29:01):
You know, it's just the convenience, the comfortability, you know
the fact that I know what it's going to be
better and different, got engaged to someone else and everything.

Speaker 2 (29:11):
And then went back and went back. Yeah.

Speaker 5 (29:13):
Yeah, but now it's over again for good. And if
I had it to this person, I hate his thinking
good he's listen. He I blocked him on cash ap.
Now if I don't want him to send me no money, then.

Speaker 1 (29:26):
You know I blocked him on cash app. Yeah, there's
still Zell. There's still PayPal.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
If you get that clever, it might be well.

Speaker 1 (29:36):
When he was sending the money, he was sending it
on cash app. So I just blocked what we was.
You know, have you ever blocked anybody?

Speaker 3 (29:42):
Oh?

Speaker 2 (29:43):
In general?

Speaker 1 (29:43):
Yes, girl, he blocked on everything, my phone, my Instagram,
my cash. He blocked you on everything I blocked.

Speaker 2 (29:50):
I blocked before because you know, you know, I get
down when it gets down, Yeah, and so it's hard
for people to then go on to something else because
of what I can ask, you know, And so when
it gets when, it's like I would have liked to
be friends with all of my exes, well not all

(30:12):
of them, a lot of my exes. After whereas I
know people we are like, yeah, I'm friends with all
my I'm like, yeah, I would have liked to, But
it feels for me if there's some lingering, like if
I like, when I'm done, I'm done, right, But if
there's lingering on your end, I don't want you to
think that this friendship is actually a way for you
to get get back in.

Speaker 1 (30:32):
I'm just cordial. I'm not friends.

Speaker 2 (30:35):
Yeah I can't. But I so I had to block
an ex who was like really on them, and I
blocked my niece and I didn't know that I blocked
her until this Thanksgiving when I was like, oh my god,
I'm calling this group message. I said, that's did you
block me? Like your number is not coming up? And
she said no, no, no I did and I didn't,
and then I was like oh, and it was like

(30:56):
a big thing. And then I was like, oh, I
blocked you and yeah, but yeah, yeah, but I just
love it. No. I love my niece. I love my
niece to death. And she's figuring it out. She's twenty
years old. She is.

Speaker 1 (31:14):
It sounds like y'all need a family reality show.

Speaker 2 (31:16):
Oh and you know sometimes I think about that and
I'm like it would be so messy and trashy that
I would just be like this. They wouldn.

Speaker 1 (31:28):
TV cameras.

Speaker 2 (31:31):
I would have to say, y'all get me out of here. Okay. Yeah,
I have some crazy Oh my god, it's it's actually
quite crazy.

Speaker 1 (31:38):
And yeah, I said, enjoyed, and you blocked somebody.

Speaker 2 (31:40):
My block list is crazy.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Really, I've blocked probably like two hundred people.

Speaker 2 (31:45):
Wow.

Speaker 3 (31:45):
I don't play about My block.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Game is like my phone or on social media, all
of the above.

Speaker 2 (31:50):
And I got everybody else media.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
Stay blocked. A couple of y'all learn that the hard way. Yeah,
you stay block, eye block you on everything?

Speaker 2 (31:57):
What's that?

Speaker 1 (31:58):
Thenmo cash up everything.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
You will never hear from me.

Speaker 1 (32:00):
Acount. I'm like, list do not answer.

Speaker 5 (32:05):
Yeah, yeah, and I would just store your number under
DNA so it will be like forty people on the
DNA and I don't.

Speaker 1 (32:09):
Really know who you are. I didn't answer it.

Speaker 2 (32:12):
I blocked somebody on Instagram recently because this woman came
and says she wanted to uh, she's been wanting. She
does home the core. No, I'm not gonna put her
name out there, but I was like, oh my god,
you know, like I loved her stuff, you know whatever.
And she's a part of the community, so I was
like cool. She was like, oh, you're moving into a

(32:35):
new new building. Let's really get serious about this. Let
me design your home. And she was like, this is
how much I'm gonna charge you. Let's get it together.
She came to the house, she bought a lampshade and
she was like okay, and I was like, I would
love for it to be done by March, and so
I pay her all of the money in evance and

(32:55):
then I didn't hear from her baby, and I was messaging.
I was writing her on email. Then her email start
Then it was like, Hi, I am her assistant, you
can now message me. I'm like, but where I didn't
give you? It was like, but I've been messaging her.
Then it was like she was in Germany somewhere. Now

(33:16):
she was just at my house last week. She didn't
say she was going in Germany, right, And then she
was sending me these mock ups. That was like, no,
this isn't going to be it. But it was like
getting closer to that date, I'm like, she hasn't sent
me anything. She I told her what my budget was.
She sending me this weird stuff. That's like it just
was like but she wasn't responding. So I was like, okay,

(33:39):
let's just like we can sever this relationship.

Speaker 1 (33:42):
Just send me my money back, like I've had so
many issues.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
She did not.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
Wow, I've had so many issues with interior designers. Let
me tell you I have when that never gave me anything.
It was supposed to be like a lighting plan, all
this stuff, never sent it. It was supposed to be
a whole spec of everything, never sent. That never sent
anything was rude and then tried to sue me after

(34:05):
I paid you so much money and then turned around
and sue me. People are crazy, like I don't have
all the evidence of like the emails, the payments.

Speaker 2 (34:13):
You.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Yeah, but it's just annoying. And my attorney was telling
me that it's really difficult because especially with interior design,
and they could put a lean on your house. So
if they even just sue you. And he went through
the same thing where he hired somebody, they didn't do
what they were supposed to do, fire the person, and
then the person sued and put a lean and he
was trying to get like equity out of his home

(34:36):
for something and ended up just having to pay because
it wouldn't be good to have. It's just a lot. Wow. Yeah,
it's crazy business because it's.

Speaker 2 (34:45):
Also like you would go to me for this. I know, right,
you're doing my own little d I wives.

Speaker 1 (34:50):
I loved Let me tell you something. I love it,
and I want to tell you, like, that's why you
can't be paying people money upfront. That's a lesson though.
I had to learn that too. You got to be
like you get this percentage when you start, you get
this percentage.

Speaker 3 (35:03):
When this is accomplished the same way the editor going
to tell Camil about them chapters gonna get.

Speaker 2 (35:07):
This, And then because you will, because one hundred percent
of my money went to you go on to Germany, and.

Speaker 1 (35:13):
I know it did, and we still because you're like,
I'm not gonna say the name, even though it's a
real factual story. Yeah, I'm not gonna say the person.

Speaker 2 (35:20):
And then you have a house up state. I do,
and that person probably stayed at the house up set.

Speaker 1 (35:25):
That's not I know you're talking about you talk about it.
We're gonna talk about it. We're gonna talk about it.

Speaker 3 (35:32):
You paid trip to this, oh, proby, you didn't pay
for it?

Speaker 2 (35:37):
Yeah, Angela paid for it. Everybody's paying for everything. Wow,
all of our things are paid for.

Speaker 1 (35:44):
I didn't hear about this Germany trip though, but you know.
But anyway, so, do you know when the wedding is
gonna be.

Speaker 2 (35:51):
No, we're figuring it out because we were supposed to
be moving to l A. Oh that's right at the
top of February, and so it's like, what even is
the state of la you know, And so it feels
like I've been feeling like there's something that for me
to create right and I'm like, New York is just

(36:13):
not that place right now, or at least the city
is not. It just feels too like heavy, too fast.
And being from Philly, I went to grad school in
San Francisco, and I feel like I got the most
healing from leaving and going somewhere where I can get
my thoughts together. I feel like I've gotten back to
the you know, the monkey mind that I don't really

(36:35):
like now that I know what the other side looks like,
and so it feels a little bit tough to know
that I'm not, like, this is not my favorite place
and to be here. And so I was like last
year in October, I was like, I'm moving to I'm
moving back to LA at the top of the year,
and I'm like making all these plans and all this
stuff and child's going on there.

Speaker 1 (36:56):
It's awful.

Speaker 3 (36:57):
Yes, it's the weekend, like packing up Bucks is to
sense stuff. But what they said is nice, And somebody
was telling me this. They said that the line for
people who want to donate is like way longer than
the line of people who you know right now. So
it's nice to see people like in a tragedy like this,
just coming together, you know, being supportive to other out.

Speaker 1 (37:19):
But it's awful, and I.

Speaker 2 (37:20):
Hope it teaches us that we we all we got
really and that there's we can't really depend on maybe
people in office or whoever. We feel like people get
titles and then it's like, oh, I'm putting all of
my hope in this person's title. It's like, no, Actually,
there's so much that we can do as a collective,
as a community, as people, so much more than what

(37:43):
we can do just waiting on somebody to hopefully do
the thing that we hope is right right.

Speaker 1 (37:49):
Oh my gosh, when I tell you, I just like
all weekend, I was so destryed. I was thinking about
even like my house and how I built that, you know,
and put everything owned into it. And I was like
I was trying to and I didn't want to do
this because it's awful to think about, but I was
trying to visualize, like what if everything I had just
you know, yeah, was gone. I can and it's awful

(38:12):
that some people are like not caring. They'd be like, oh,
too bad, you lost your.

Speaker 5 (38:20):
It's not.

Speaker 1 (38:22):
Even memory.

Speaker 5 (38:24):
Like Ricky Lake when she told talked about her house
and she's like, you know, we we were engaged here,
we were married here.

Speaker 1 (38:30):
This was our forever home. This was our sanctuary. Like
this is our place.

Speaker 5 (38:33):
We don't have that for the house. We don't have
place anymore. We don't have more peace of mind and
this piece of you know, our heaven on earth, forever
heaven on earth, we don't have that anymore.

Speaker 1 (38:44):
Like that's what makes it.

Speaker 3 (38:45):
Just like you know, from a mental so many things
can't be here. Yeah, and the mental standple and you
and you and everything and we're people.

Speaker 2 (38:53):
Like one of my best friends in grad school is
dan Aykroyd's daughter and they have they had this beautiful
home in the Pacific Policies. Now, if it wasn't for him,
I would not have been able to go home on
winter vacation. Or he just was so kind. He was like,
does she need a way to get home? He was
buying me plane tickets to go home, and he was like,

(39:14):
maybe she can come stop at the house.

Speaker 1 (39:16):
And then before she's amazing, and so I went.

Speaker 2 (39:18):
To the Pacific Policades in this house that is truly
their sanctuary, and their mom was telling me about like
how she knew that that home was theirs, the signs
that she got from her ancestors, from her grandmother, the
stuff that she saw there, and you could tell how
precious this place was. And so to think that, and

(39:41):
when I was there, because she kept telling me, you know, Jerry,
when we're at home, we never leave the house. And
I'm like, okay, whatever it is in La and the house.
And so to think that a place like that that
has brought so many people together is gone. And if
somebody was to say, well, you know, they're rich, so
they it's like, no, it's not even about that money.

(40:02):
And she talks, she tells the story about how when
they bought the house, she was like begging him to
buy the house and he was like, he didn't think
that it was a good investment, and he was like, okay,
she wanted.

Speaker 5 (40:14):
So he took.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
She took. He took all his money out of stocks
to buy the house, and the next day the stock
market crash. Oh my god. And so it's like, you
think about the home, but the stories in the home,
the manifestations in the home, the things that have happened
in the home, and.

Speaker 5 (40:32):
So you there has to be some level of empathy
for that time. So many people, so many people who
have that same Yes.

Speaker 1 (40:40):
Now, my best friend lives she's from Philly, from Mount Airy. Yeah,
so she lives out there with her family, and she
had to vacate the house. You know, the kids are
really frightened, but people were kids. Yeah, and she doesn't
even know if her house is still you know, people
don't know. I couldn't imagine the other part, like you
don't even know what happened. And then people know are

(41:01):
in this air. You don't know how that's going to
affect you. Lated people that have bad cuffs, they're skinning itches,
they're having all kinds of issues because of all the smoke, yes,
and all the it's.

Speaker 2 (41:10):
Like there's fires, but there are things that are not
supposed to be burned that's now burning in the fires.
The yeah, and so the toxins from that times three
thousand homes that are you know what I mean, there's
so many.

Speaker 1 (41:23):
Different And that's somebody else was talking to me about
how they're there. But they're staying because of the looting, right,
because they have to have people there to watch for
the houses that are still there, to make sure that
nobody is breaking in and looting and stealing things. It's
a lot. You don't have a different angles, So what
do you what are you gonna do now? If you're
not moving there? Have you decided an alternate plan?

Speaker 2 (41:44):
Well, I'm thinking about it, but I still feel like
I'm also in a person that gets activated, that always
wants to help people. I still feel called there in
some sense, maybe to advocate for them not making malible
Olympic City. I don't know. I just feel like something
the Olympics is happening in twenty twenty eight, I'm like,
what are they about to do with all of this space?

(42:05):
Like I just start to think about like where will
people go? And so I want to, you know, protect
my health but also like be a helpful source to people.
And so yeah, I've been thinking, like I always think about, like,
oh do I go back to San Francisco because I
think that San Francisco.

Speaker 1 (42:24):
It feels like when I can tell that when you
said it earlier, Oh my god. And you're in the
middle of a fast just so people who are listening,
yeah and watching, know that what does it fast do
for you?

Speaker 2 (42:36):
Well, one, I just released my fasting guide because I've
been fasting for the past nine years. Not all nine years,
but at the top of each year, I fast in
order to like really get the signs, like clear signs.
I feel like I we all are connected to source, right,
but some of our connections are clogged. And so the

(42:57):
way that I declogged that connection is by fasting. And
so it started off with a Daniel fast and then
I became alkaline for two years, and I did a
raw fast juice cleanse, and now I'm a full liquid
forty day fast. I'm like thirty something days in. But
for me, it makes the signs that I'm getting from

(43:18):
the universe undeniable, okay, and I like for it to
be undeniable. And sometimes like we like to fight with
spirit when he say leave that nigga, and you like, yeah,
but he just sent me three hundred dollars on cash
ever or seven thousand dollars or whatever, and he's just
got a you know, but he's talking to me nice
and it's and it's like, you know.

Speaker 3 (43:39):
What I mean?

Speaker 2 (43:40):
And I have I have I have a history of
women in my family. There is some like energy with
like men, like I don't know what the hexes or whatever,
and it causes sickness, like being with the wrong guys,
I think, or the wrong people in general can make
us sick and or being around the wrong people. And

(44:01):
I remember one time I fast. I was fast thing
and I you know, used to like to be outside.
And during this fast, I was like, oh, I want
to go very internal. I want to spend time alone.
And it was in San Francisco and I was getting
all of it, and I was like doing energetic cord
cutting ceremonies, like whatever chords are still attached to my

(44:22):
energy or benefiting from my energy, God, please cut them down.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
And instantly I like that.

Speaker 2 (44:27):
I was receiving text messages are you mad at me? Hey,
I haven't heard from you, because the people who are
still clicked into your energy that you.

Speaker 6 (44:35):
Didn't cut that chord, and they feel it. If you
ever do that with an ass and cut the cord, watch.

Speaker 2 (44:46):
Them try to reach out to you. There's some Mariam
has and I have some cord cutting meditations and you
can just visualize like yes, because when people when you
meet people, it's like a I was thinking about octopus,
but it's like, you know, people snap onto your energy
and sometimes it can be good.

Speaker 5 (45:05):
Right.

Speaker 2 (45:05):
Sometimes you have like a past life connection or we
think about soulmates, right, that core connection lightens us up, right,
because it's something that was meant to be, say, right,
And we can have soulmates and friends or partners. But
then sometimes you have energy leeches that come in and
they want to be around you, and they like what
you got and they like how you look. Let me

(45:26):
take your pictures, let me be your photographer for free,
let me do your house at a discounted rate, right,
you know, and they snap onto your energy. I'm like,
I shouldn't have let that woman in my house, but
I didn't know at the time, right, you know.

Speaker 1 (45:40):
So because we want to believe the best. Yeah, I
think that's the thing. I never want to feel so
jaded that I don't believe that people have good intentions.
But people don't have good intentions all the time.

Speaker 2 (45:49):
Yes, people, you know. Yes, And so for me, when
I'm fasting, it's like the veil is off, I'm seeing Everything's.

Speaker 1 (46:00):
Give you a lot of clarity that saying does give you,
like that clarity where you can when you're not faint,
where you can see things like very clearly, and you
can just you know, feel everything and you think.

Speaker 2 (46:12):
And for me, I'm like dang, what's been in this
food I've been eating? You know in fact that I
remember when I was alkaline. I had I was alkaline
for two years and I had alcohol like wine by accident,
and I felt the sugar rush through my veins in
a way that I have never felt before. And so

(46:35):
I always think too like twenty twenty four was hard.
I felt like I was. I was.

Speaker 1 (46:40):
I was like.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Celebrating more but eating more, and I'm like, well, what
am I compensating for? I'm over eating. I don't do that.
I'm eating stuff that I don't usually eat what I
don't do that, And so fast thing helps me to
be like, listen, this is what happened. This is what happened.
This is what happened, This is what happened. This is
what we need to process, and this is what you
need to let go of if you want to ascend
to the next level that you saying that you want
to ascend to, this is what you need to do.

Speaker 1 (47:02):
Clear now, Listen, when I did the two week fast,
we weren't allowed to have we weren't well, we weren't
supposed to have sex either.

Speaker 2 (47:09):
Now did you palli.

Speaker 1 (47:15):
Or twice?

Speaker 2 (47:16):
Right?

Speaker 1 (47:17):
But so what about abstaining from sex? Have you ever
done that? I see a lot of people talking about
that recently, Like who was it just I was I
was just talking about well, obviously Lenny Kravitz said that
he did pretty V and b Simone. It was somebody
else that we recently reported was Oh Redman said that
after his divorce, going through this bad divorce, he abstained

(47:40):
from sex. So have you ever practiced abstinence?

Speaker 2 (47:43):
Yes? When I actually when I became alkaline, I was like, actually,
I'm going to date myself and I'm not going to
have sex. And when I tell you, I was so clear,
I was so alive, I was so in like because
I'm because also sex connects.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
You to people's energy deposits.

Speaker 2 (48:02):
Yes, yeah, I think my fiance two years nice. It's
just a different thing because also then you realize when
you're out, am I out because I want to I
want to do something? Or am I out because I
want to be? And so your intentions have to be
clearer because it's like, oh, at the end of the night,

(48:23):
nothing's going to happen. So I'm actually just moving how
I want to move. I'm not going to be here
till two am. Trying to see if I'm.

Speaker 1 (48:32):
Not doing let out right, let's say what we're doing exactly.
How important is sex to you in your relationship? You know,
some people I think as we get older, when I
was younger, maybe it was more important. I think my
boyfriend would say it's extremely important. But like for you,
if you had to say on percentage wise, like what
if the sex wasn't amazing, could you still be in
a relationship, could you still be with somebody? Like what's

(48:55):
the importance of it?

Speaker 2 (48:56):
I think sex is extremely poortant, but I think it's
the kind of sex Like I'm a sensual person, so
and I and I'm a pleasure seeker. Maybe pleasure is
like my thing that I'm you know that I love.
I'm always like, what is pleasurable to me? I want
to feel what's pleasurable and so pleasurable relationships things can

(49:18):
be pleasurable and intimate in a way that is sexy.
That like just like just having sex. To have sex
for me is like not necessarily anything, But there's something
about having pleasurable sex, intentional sex, tantric sex that I'm like, oh,

(49:40):
we are tapping into another level because for me, that
sort of pleasure center, my kundalini. That's where my creativity
comes from. So I'm always down handling. Now, Yes, that's
that root shot, that's that. Yeah, you're labunda.

Speaker 1 (49:58):
I'm not using that. Listen, get with his kundalini before
you try anything else.

Speaker 3 (50:07):
It kind of sounded like that Italian woman's pasta for
a second, and.

Speaker 2 (50:10):
It probably was.

Speaker 1 (50:13):
Because even I would say this, when you do a
detox or fast right, it is the reason they tell us.
They told me to like abstain during that is because
you're supposed to be like detoxing things and you don't
want nobody, like, you know, getting their detox. I guess
your detox stuff all over them. I don't know what
there is for him.

Speaker 2 (50:31):
Injecting his Shuggary kool aid inside, but some people will
tell you if you want to get pregnant, to do
a detox because it kind of clears the path. Oh nobody, don't.

Speaker 1 (50:44):
Listen. I heard you say Polly earlier.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
Maybe, Oh my gosh, how long were you guys together,
you and Drea before you guys got engaged, before you propose?
And how did you know that this was your person for.

Speaker 2 (51:05):
Like a year and some change. But I went to
uh to Loom by myself. I like visited a friend
and then I was like, oh, I need to have
a moment by myself, and I did some shrooms and
I like I had on these Gucci slides that I
had broke. I had twisted my ankle in d r
N and I was after that exactly, and so I'm

(51:27):
walking down this uh, I'm walking down this, this, this, this,
this the beach, and spirit just said let them go,
so I like let them go into the water. And
now I'm walking barefoot and I'm like having these downloads
from from from doing this plant medicine, and it just
was like, oh, this is what I am supposed to do.

(51:50):
And now I also am a person that believes and
sometimes like we're supposed to do stuff that we don't
have fully have the language for, even if it's like
just to just unlock this thing, right or just to
unlock whatever the thing is, right, But I'm hearing this
is what you are, like, this is your person, right,
and so I'm like, oh, okay, interesting. And so then

(52:12):
I started thinking about this trip to Jamaica that we
were already taken in all of this, and it became
clear to me that like, oh, this this meet and
this person, the way that we line up, the way
that we the way that we think is so in sync,
the way that we are so in sync, Like like
she is my best friend first to me.

Speaker 1 (52:32):
She is always said that's the most important thing.

Speaker 2 (52:35):
Oh my god, we can just hang out, hang out,
hang out. And if she was here right now, it
would we would just be like it's like sick. And
my family loves her and it feels like she is
a she's a natural addition, you know. And so and
so I was like, Okay, then I'm going to to

(52:55):
to do this. And so it's interesting too as a
poly person, sometimes people don't think that like poly people
want to settle down or poly people want to whatever.
But I feel like it is important for me to
have a core, to have like a home space that
that is really important and to and to be okay
with how things change and shift, to know that like

(53:18):
my forever is my quest for my pleasure. That's the
thing that I'm really committed to forever. And so and
this is so pleasurable right now, This is so beautiful
right now. And so and I love that, you know,
and I and I am a fan of of of that,
and I'm a fan and I love love, you know,
and and I'm so in love with with how smart

(53:42):
she is and and how dedicated she is to the
people around her and how she can just elevate an
idea like that.

Speaker 1 (53:51):
So what are the rules when it comes to your
poly relationship? Like, what do you guys when you discuss this?
How does this work?

Speaker 2 (53:57):
So we have agreements and as long, and it's important
when niggas just be like, yeah, well I'm polly. If
if you say show me your agreements and he don't
have no agreement or agreement, that means he doing what
he wants exactly, because agreements sets up expectations. So I
can't say like if we if you do something and

(54:20):
you come and tell me, but we don't have any agreements,
I could just be like, well, I don't understand why
you're mad, right, there's no accountability there.

Speaker 1 (54:27):
We said we agreed to have this and souse, it's
different than an open relationship, right.

Speaker 2 (54:32):
And so for me when I came into it, and
I think it was like maybe in twenty twenty, I
was like taking this energy is sovereignty course, and I
decided that I was going to make a a a
poly framework for myself that was going to be this

(54:54):
is like, this is this is how I am as
a lover. These are my love languages, this is my
hout ability methods, this is my communication style. It has
all of this in this packet, right, Because I was
dating and women were like, well, y is poly because
you want to have that, and yeah, it was so
many misconsumptions. So I'm like, if you want to know why,
here's the packet. If it's not in the package precisely, yes,

(55:18):
and that's my burg Yes, it's like very it has
to be that because I don't like to repeat myself either.
And so while I'm dating, I'm like, oh my god,
I'm having these same conversations. Let me put it right.
And so then you can say, oh, actually I don't

(55:39):
like that stuff, so I'm not gonna date you. Right,
we know we can cut out that for everybody to
come with that, right, And so or I love this,
this is where I fit in or how I want
to engage, And so I already had this poly framework
or this love framework that that I sent to her,
and so she already knew kind of sort of like

(56:00):
baseline of where we were coming from. And then I
was like, okay, and she's not inherently an open person.
She would consider herself maybe a monogamous person who's trying
out openness, right, And so I was like, you know,
before we get married, I would like for us to
be in practice of polyamory just so we can know,

(56:21):
like if this is gonna work, you know, because I
love you and you're my friend. But I also have
spent a lot of years like being like, well, I
guess I'm being polyshamed people being like well, you know,
listening to what people who are not of my experience
have had, right, you know, And so I'm like, no, actually,
I am a radical lover and these are the reasons why.

(56:44):
And as a relationship anarchist and an anarchist in my
real life, if I'm as a queer, non binary person
pushing up against the patriarchy in these ways, I also
have to in my relationship styles. And so for me
in years thinking about like what are the scripts that
I learned and who am I? And if those things

(57:06):
don't line up, then I'm at dissonance with myself. And
a lot of what I was doing was things that
I learned, like there were times where I was like,
I felt dirty having sex with men because my boyfriend
of the longest time like treated me like a Barbie
doll because like he was the one of the only
people that I had been with, and so I was like, oh, well,

(57:27):
this is how it should be right. And then I
was like, no, I'm trying to be not how I
was supposed to be right. But I had to figure
out what I liked. I had to like explore for.

Speaker 1 (57:43):
Myself and more people should.

Speaker 3 (57:45):
I feel like there's a misconception of the queer community
where mostly coming from heterosexual people, that queer people are promiscuous,
fast or slut whatever the word is. And I really
feel like the difference is is you guys are way
more willing to have the conversation about what you're honestly
feeling about things. I feel like heterosexual couples do not

(58:08):
want to talk about what they really want. That's why
these men are going to dominatrix and doing weird Yeah,
only fans paying on these women's bills and then want
to be mad on the other turn that you're paying
every two million dollars whatever it is, but then don't
want you to do it, but I don't want to
talk to you about the fact that they like they
like it, and they want you to be conservative, but
we're not gonna be to which one is it right?

Speaker 1 (58:30):
So what the girls is right?

Speaker 2 (58:32):
And so for me, I'm like, I could live in
the imaginary worlds of like, oh you have to be
like or I can figure out what I like and
tell people that I like it, because then I've been
in a lot of situations where people want you to
do something, but they actually don't know what it is
that they want you to do because they haven't explored themselves.
I'm not in the business of trying to figure out

(58:53):
what you want.

Speaker 1 (58:55):
I know what I want.

Speaker 2 (58:56):
If you don't even have a baseline, now there's stuff
that we can explore together, but if you don't even
know at a base level what you want, is harder
for me to engage. And so then for me, I
mean when we got into a relationship, I had a
girlfriend and and then I was dating my fiance who's
my now my fiance and my girlfriend they planned my

(59:17):
birthday together. It was beautiful, it was wonderful, and they
were in communication.

Speaker 1 (59:22):
Your girlfriend and your your ex girlfriend and your fiance
planned your.

Speaker 2 (59:25):
Birthday, yes, and it was nice and it was for me,
It's like that's the sort of like I'm also I
love open communication, Like if if if I'm dating this person,
and I'm dating this person, I want you to know
each other so that y'all know that these people have
good intentions.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
Guys, don't try this at home. Not don't listen to
Jerry and you go home and be like, hey, you
me him.

Speaker 2 (59:53):
Child. But for me, I it's like it's helpful. And
you could say, actually I don't don't want to know,
and that's fine.

Speaker 4 (01:00:01):
Some people don't have conversation, and yeah, the communication is
the key precisely.

Speaker 1 (01:00:07):
So birthday coming up? What are your plans? Who's playing
in this birthday?

Speaker 2 (01:00:11):
Turn thirty? I'm turning thirty one, thirty one? Yes, I'm like,
who is playing this birthday? So I didn't have it
at my uh my friend's arena has this beautiful shop.

Speaker 1 (01:00:24):
In that very stylish Yeah, I love her. I randomly
happened to be in Saint Martin with her for New
Year's Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
She was just telling me about that.

Speaker 1 (01:00:36):
Amazing yes, and so she is so fly.

Speaker 2 (01:00:38):
She opened up this what do you call it? This, this, this,
this where you could go and get styled, you know,
at this beautiful I think it was this Winnie Harlowe's
house that she sold, okay, and so it's it's gorgeous.
She wants to have events there, and so I was like, oh,
I definitely can have my birthday. But now with the fires,
I'm like, you know, I don't know, and it's it's

(01:00:59):
a tough thing to navigate, even just with promoting this show.
How do I show that like I am very empathetic
to as a person who has experienced multiple house fires,
empathetic to what is happening, and also like celebrate that
I'm making it to thirty one, or celebrating that that

(01:01:20):
season three is dropping and it's our final season. So
it's an interesting balance.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
Well, you know, I think that people do always need
an escape from every day thinking about or experiencing what
they're experiencing. And Harlem is show that is so well
written and so well done and by the way, so
sad that is the last season. I was like, what
do we have, right, you know, But like I said,

(01:01:45):
we got the first couple of episodes, so we feel
good about it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:48):
Yes, hopefully there's a movie, if anybody else let go
because the.

Speaker 1 (01:01:52):
Cliffhanger last season, somebody was pregnant. We're not going to
give that away, but that was the cliffhanger seen that
last season. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but definitely make sure you
let people know. I mean, we appreciate you for coming through.
I had, we had such an amazing conversation with you.
I'm gonna talk to you some more after this, because absolutely,
because there's some things they need to be ex question.

Speaker 5 (01:02:16):
Yeah, I'm so excited about what's next with this, with
the season because I'm three c three episodes in, I'm
like and now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:24):
Because they gave us.

Speaker 2 (01:02:28):
Oh my god. Yeah yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:02:29):
But what about you personally now that this is the
last season, you know, you have a lot going on,
and it feels like you'll be able to do kind
of what you want. What is that like now?

Speaker 2 (01:02:39):
Yeah? I have been Actually I wrote this one woman's
show called What We Lost in the Fire about the
fire that I had when I was thirteen where my
house burned down and the reason why it was unsolvegable
was because there was no water in the holes because
in Philly in the summertime, and right and so but

(01:03:04):
the but the but the But the play is really
about about generational trauma and how I want to be
the end of this, like how I can heal my
family line and so like finding that trauma, that that
trauma source and burning it because because fire can also
be renewal, it.

Speaker 1 (01:03:23):
Can be about I tell Marlon Wayne saying that it was.

Speaker 2 (01:03:25):
Right about about a new beginning and then what happens
after the fire and so and but in my mind,
it's like an interactive space. It happens in like maybe
a warehouse or a museum where you're interacting with my
family line before you get into the show. And the
show is like a ritual, like a fire ritual for

(01:03:46):
people to be able to release their stuff as well.
And so so that's what I'm that's amazing. I learn
that some funding comes through.

Speaker 1 (01:03:55):
I can see I already have a space in mind
in New York because I go to there, I go
to plays all the time out here. I would love
to see that. Yes, yeah, and I think you know,
given what has happened, Yeah, it can be very much.

Speaker 3 (01:04:08):
Yeah, I mean not even now, but even down the
line as people start to really process what's going on,
look back.

Speaker 2 (01:04:15):
And I wanted to be the first player art Bosele.

Speaker 1 (01:04:18):
Oh, now okay, okay?

Speaker 3 (01:04:21):
Which one Miamiam? Or there's three of them on Miami?
What's the old more so there's the one in not Japan,
Germ and then maybe it is Tokyo. It's not the one,
but there's three.

Speaker 1 (01:04:41):
Well, I would go I would love to be all
of it, but Miami would be a good Yeah, I
think so that would They would love that?

Speaker 2 (01:04:48):
Yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (01:04:49):
That that's much something like that as much needed. I
could see them doing that at like you know, they
do events at mansions and stuff like that that they
ran out there. I think they could see that, yes,
and then break give them right, Well, thank you so much.
We appreciate your openness honestly, like great conversation. This felt
like it could have been a one woman show, like

(01:05:10):
because we just love hearing you tub But wait before
we go, can we address something?

Speaker 2 (01:05:16):
Oh?

Speaker 5 (01:05:17):
Because this is by this is bothering me because I
don't like being accused of being shape.

Speaker 1 (01:05:24):
I know you may not know anything about this, but
a couple of we had an episode on there was
a two different podcasts, My Expert Opinion, Math, Haffa and
Field and Bag for You, and they used hone used
to be on Matthoffice podcast My Expert Opinion, and so
we had them on lip Service, had bag Fuel on
lip Service and then Matt Haffa showed up and it

(01:05:47):
turned into like a little screaming and people thought we
were being messy.

Speaker 5 (01:05:49):
People thought we set them up. We lined them up,
did not allowed him to ambush the show. And it
was not that by It was not a.

Speaker 1 (01:05:57):
Jerry Springer situation. And just to put it to rest,
Kim Osario was guest hosting. As you can see on
the second episode, she's on My Expert Opinion, So I
guess you know, she probably mentioned. She did mention to
Math that she was coming and that badfew was doing
the first episode, I purposely didn't have her on there
because I knew she was on the other show. But
that's my friend, and you know then right when we

(01:06:18):
were starting the episode, she told me Math wants to
bring you a gift. I didn't know if they were
going to run into each other, but I also know
they have seen each other in public previously. Spoken was
supposed to go to eat, were supposed to whatever tuck.
They have a business dispute.

Speaker 2 (01:06:33):
They're not no.

Speaker 1 (01:06:37):
Nobody nobody's about to fight. It's no conversation. So everybody
that's like somebody could have got killed and d.

Speaker 5 (01:06:44):
D like the grown mens in their mind, they're doing
things pieces on this whole thing, and they're painting us
in the show and a whole out to be like
the bad guy in this whole situation, even though some
people enjoy even though a lot of people enjoyed it,
and s O and Heine can definitely understand what happened.

Speaker 1 (01:07:02):
It was going, Yeah, he wasn't answered they wanted. They
were okay with him sitting down. He wasn't even going
to but they had a conversation and you know, talked
about some things. Everybody there were other names mentioned. People
reached out to me to tell me, like the real
stories behind the scenes. So hopefully they all get back
together and listen.

Speaker 5 (01:07:18):
We were able to have something happen in a safe
space and the talk was had and it was all
just very random, but it happened, and it's something that
needed to happen.

Speaker 1 (01:07:29):
And people thought we had an action mic like it
was planned. We had action mike because we had another episode.

Speaker 5 (01:07:33):
We had a second episode, so that's what we's like,
we need to address them.

Speaker 1 (01:07:43):
Have you ever done ayahuasca since you talked about being
into loom.

Speaker 2 (01:07:46):
And I want to so bad, Yes, but I have to.
I'm like I've been. I've been like, okay, yeah, if
you want me to do this, I need to find
the right shaman. Yeah, you know what does it?

Speaker 1 (01:07:58):
If you like Chelsea Handler, she was so doing that.
She did a whole Netflix special on Chelsea on Drugs
with ayahuasca and she was like, let's do it, but
we all did it. I'll do it and talking about
we talked about it with else.

Speaker 2 (01:08:10):
I'm like, let's do it. Let's do a trip where
do Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:08:14):
I would love that. I want to do it so bad.
Let's I am. I'm just scared because they say sometimes
people like ship on themselves.

Speaker 2 (01:08:19):
Yeah, that's what you're scared about.

Speaker 1 (01:08:22):
That goes every time. That's the one thing I cared about.

Speaker 2 (01:08:27):
But the yeah, before every day like.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
To day sometimes, Yeah, I'm nervous, But you know what,
you only could say that because you're doing your detox
and stuff, so you know you're not going to problem like, oh.

Speaker 2 (01:08:42):
This whatever lump of whatever I had inside me that
needs to come out coming out.

Speaker 1 (01:08:47):
I did my first Kolonic. That was interesting, love clon.

Speaker 2 (01:08:52):
I did not need were you were you on to
sit down?

Speaker 6 (01:08:54):
One?

Speaker 2 (01:08:55):
What do you mean so you lay down? Yeah? Yes,
But my myklonic woman who's here in New York Coop,
I love her. She said that there is a way
to sit down and they leave you in the room.
In the room, Oh wow, no sitting.

Speaker 1 (01:09:12):
They had me laying I was she left the room.
I was kind of like laying half up.

Speaker 2 (01:09:16):
No. No, I just don't like the leaving you in
the room thing. I think that that's just traumatizing.

Speaker 1 (01:09:22):
We rather to be alone every time be alone, and
I don't want every time I've done In conversation she
has like, yeah, that's it, you come check, that's it.
I don't need you see, like, you know that's crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:09:40):
She was like you had a lot of times.

Speaker 1 (01:09:41):
I was like, you know what, yeah, or maybe a
again then we can do I us ship everywhere. It
may might not happen, but anyway, again, thank you so much.
And Harlem season three, the final season. I can't wait
to see where you're character goes on here, you know,

(01:10:02):
because we live for this character. She got money, all right,
it's lift service