March 12, 2025 • 21 mins
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back
with yet another carefully reckless episode with your girls.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Just hilarious. What do I be doing? I'll be fixing messing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Y'all already know now my girl tailor, like I said,
she's out pregnant.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I'm gonna keep giving.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Y'all weekly updates about Taylor. I don't care because that's
my baby. That is my baby, and she having a
blood bloody. So this is the second Breakfast Club baby
because I had the first one, who's Marley, and she
is six months. Yes, I know y'all be wondering how
my baby's doing. She good, She good, and she's starting
to look like me around the eyes, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Just just a check in on Marlee.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, because every time I post the picture, y'all be like, es,
Chris needs a paternity test from you.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Y'all be trying to say.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
That my baby don't look like me, and all we
got the same blood sight, like if you got the
same eyes. She's starting to have the same eyes. And
I'm not talking about the eye color, because yeah, she
got her dad's bright brownish grayish eyes whatever. I don't
even know if that's like the final color they're going
to be, because they went from gray to hazel so brown.
Now they turning gray again, or they may change colors.
(01:12):
I'm not sure, however. I mean the shape, the shape
of the eyes. My baby is starting to look like
me around the eye, you know, with the shape the
eye shape, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, whatever, So
that's why it's tailing out here, because she's dealing with
pregnancy and she's just she's getting bigger and bigger, and
I'm just going to let her little baby when it
gets here. Okay, So this is what we're doing, all right.
(01:34):
We don't have any voice memos today. We have written passages,
so bear with me. All here we go, Hey, Joss,
So I'm kind of going through it. My husband and
I have been trying to get pregnant for a year
and we're.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Starting to lose hope. Oh man, I've.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Miscarried twice and I just don't want to keep going
through the fields of not ever making it to a
full turned pregnancy. I know we're starting to wear my
husband down too. I feel the inn It's no one's fault.
I guess it's just God's timing. When my husband and
I first got married, we talked about kids and we
would adopt. We both said, yes, I want to bring
(02:11):
that back up, but it's different circumstances, and I don't
want him to feel like this is our only option
because I still have faith. I just want to see
where his head is at with it. Jess, this is
just all so overwhelming and so stressful. All I ever
wanted to do was be a mom, and I'm just nervous.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Girl. I've never really opened up that much about it.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So if you decide to read this, I really appreciate
you for listening.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
First of all, my heart goes out to you because
I do understand how you feel. I can't say I
feel how you feel because I've never struggled with that.
Like it did take a while for Chris and I
to conceive Marley. It was a period where I thought
that I couldn't conceive anymore. I didn't know if I
had messed my body up in my twenties, and that
(03:00):
as a result of that, it wasn't that easy to
conceive my daughter, and we planned her.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I wanted her, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Wanted to be able to give Chris a child. I
always wanted more children, you know, and it just took
a lot longer.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
For us to conceive Marley. You know.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I went for tests, he went for tests, and you know,
we never got to the point of blaming each other,
you know, And I'm glad you and your husband had
an understanding. I don't know if that's what's going on now,
because I know it's weighing on you both. But I'm
hoping that this is not driving you to a part
like this is not dividing your home, you know, and
the oneness that you guys have, you know, this is
(03:38):
your husband. I hope that you know this, this should
bring y'all closer together.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
You understand what I'm saying. I would want that to
be the case.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
A lot of times, a lot of couples, they don't
know how to handle these types of situations. So my
heart goes out to you and your husband. Now you've
miscarried twice, so it seems as if they you don't
have a problem conceiving, you have a problem carrying full term.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
We don't know what's going on most of the time.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
A lot of times the doctors don't even know, babes,
so like you said, and maybe it's God's timing, because
that's exactly what it ended up being in my situation,
you know, after getting tested and for all these things going,
you know, trying to figure out whether we would have
to do IVF.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And I'm like, yo, how when I've had a baby before.
But you know, I was doing so much with me
traveling and be doing breakfast club and.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Then me having a still. I just it was so
much responsibility and there was a lot of stress around that,
you know, and me trying to balance work life and
mom life and trying to build my family and keep
my family together. And then you know, it was just
a lot. And I don't know what your profession is,
what your husband's profession is, and what you guys career
choices are, but it could most certainly be the stress
(04:51):
because that is the number one key to a lot
of health issues. Stress diet as well, but stress. And
a lot of people don't even know when their body
is stressed out.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
It will tell you.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And you know, even if it don't tell you right away,
you'll feel you'll start feeling certain I don't know, I
guess symptoms. I would say you know you would start
feeling that, you know, I don't know what it may
be for you. But just getting back to the initial advice,
talk to your husband, talk to him.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
That's what I want to say.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I want to say that y'all need to stand stronger
than ever now, you know, because this is not easy
for either one of you, I especially not you. You know,
you had to you had two miscarriagters. You had to
endure that and even trying again. That can be very
discouraging after losing two babies. It could absolutely be discouraging.
(05:47):
But I don't want for this to tear up a
happy home, a marriage. I do think you should revisit
the conversation that you guys talked about before with the adoption,
because you said that he was open to it, you know,
but you don't want him to feel like you're giving
up because you still have faith. Absolutely, But a woman
(06:08):
can only put our body through so much, so much more,
you know what I mean, And that can have a
big effect, of big impact on your body and on
your health as well, you know, more miscourages, and you know,
I just don't want you to feel like you have
to keep putting yourself through this when there are certainly
other alternatives, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And this is just going.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Back to that communication factor, sitting down with your husband,
because that's your husband. He understands, he's seeing you go
through it. Not only did you know he go through it,
you went through it as well. And you are the
one that was carrying the babies, you know, so he knows. Now, Guys, no,
they're not always the brightest bulbs when it comes to
you know, women's bodies or whatever. But you married him
(06:51):
for a reason. He's with you for a reason, and
y'all do everything together. Y'all can't make decisions just for
y'allselves anymore. You have to make decisions with him in mind,
but also yourself. And I think it's not giving up.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's not giving up quitting and listen up. At the
breakfast club, right we had an interview. Will Packer came up.
This was like something that he ministered to me with
and I took it as ministry. You know, he was
just talking, but I took it as ministry. He said,
quitting and giving up are two different things. Giving up
is something that I never want to do, giving up.
And I know you feel defeated. As defeated as you are,
(07:32):
you still don't want to give up because you still
want to be a mom. You still want to give
that beautiful bundle of joy to your husband. But quitting,
quitting is different, you know, quitting is realizing, Okay, maybe
this is not for me, Maybe this is going to
make things worse. I don't want to cause any more
harm to my body, which can you know, because a
lot of miscarriages can affect you, affect you a lot.
(07:57):
You know, it can affect your body and other ways
where something else goes wrong, and you know, you know,
you just don't want to sacrifice your body to the
point of no return when there are other alternatives and
one in which y'all discussed. And I think if you
just sit down and you be one hundred percent open
(08:18):
with your husband, he will.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Definitely see you know, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
So I think you should update me and just consider
the possibility of adoption again, you know, or how about
a surrogate, because you never know what you're gonna get
when you adopt, right, you know, And I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I hear a lot of.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Horror stories when it comes to adoption and you know,
things like that, because these kids they grow up and
then they do have questions where do I come from?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Who am I?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
And there's someone that actually wrote me because I've been
fixing mess for seasons.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay, if this is season four, I remember in like
season two, I believe it was either two or three.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm gonna say two because this is well before I
was pregnant, somebody had wrote me about a situation similar,
you know to what's going on, and they were going
through the same thing, you know, and they ended up
going the adoption.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Route and they adopted their child.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
And then you know, he grew up and he felt
like he didn't belong where he was, you know, he
felt like he didn't belong to them, Like he just
knew these are not my real parents.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Nobody ever told him that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Nobody ever even talked about adoption in the house, you know,
So how would he have known that, you know, but
he didn't know.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
He didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I can't remember whether it was the mom or the
dad writing me, but they were saying that they wanted
advice on whether they should help him find his real
parents or still just like, you know, they were trying
to figure out whether or not they wanted to reveal
like they were they weren't his real parents, because he
(09:56):
had started asking questions and he was just like, Yo,
I don't feel connected to y'all, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
What I mean in some type of way.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And I think that I think it was very real.
I think there's a connection at birth, right between a
mom and a child. Whether that mom is in the
child's life, proceeds to be in the child's life or not,
there will always be a connection because this person birthed you,
(10:25):
You grew into a baby in their belly. You got
shared the same heartbeat, you got shared the same blood.
You guys like you are made by this person. You
are an extension of a human being that you only
get one mother, and whether that person gives you away
(10:46):
at birth or not, you will always be connected to.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
The person that birthed you, right.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And so with that child growing up and coming to
his adopted parents, like, yo, I really really feel like
there's a disconnect between me and this family, Like where
am I from?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
And I did give them that advice. My advice to
them was yes, definitely, it's absolutely he has it's absolutely
only right that you guys go help him find his family,
especially if he's feeling a disconnect. He doesn't feel like
he belongs. And that's not because they treated him a
certain way. They gave him the best of everything, according
to them, the story that they both told me, you know,
(11:27):
because I can't remember whether it was the mom or
the dad, but the story that I got from either
one of the parents, they raised him the right way
and everything. You know, he had good schools and good
threads on his back, and he ate and what provided
water and food and everything that.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
A child will want, toys and everything.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You know, he grew up and he just still felt
like there that there's somebody that he's connected to, and
it ain't them in that house, you know. And so
they never gave me an update. But adoption can be
a little tricky. But I'm not trying to because oh lord,
you're probably gonna be like, I'm so you're totally discouraging
(12:05):
me from finding my from adopting, you know, when that
may be the only alternative that we can afford. I
don't know what you can afford. I don't know, you know,
I don't know. I do know that there are other alternatives.
But then, baby, it may just be God's timing. You know,
there's so many factors. You know, you don't know, We
(12:26):
never know. But I do think this is the time
where you and your husband does not need to divide.
Y'all need to come together and stay strong because y'all
have to make these decisions together. You know, you have
to make these decisions, not by yourself, not only for yourself,
you know, Yes, you do come first, because it is
your body that's going to house all of this. You know,
(12:47):
you're putting your body through this and it can be
very tumultuous, you know, but you're gonna need your foundation.
You're gonna need your support system, and that is your husband.
That should be your husband, you know. So just sit
down and talk to him, you know what I mean,
And just get back with me and let me know
exactly what the update is.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Oh I feel so I feel for you. I feel
for you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
My heart goes out to you and your husband, and
if nobody else told you, I love you, all right,
So we moving on. I just want to say right
because I think this episode actually speaks to a lot
of moms out there, you know, Like I said, I
was me and Chris, we didn't. I'm not going to
dam it struggling. I'm not going to label it as
(13:31):
struggling to have a baby. You know, we were struggling
for a while, you know, but it did take us
like a good six months to conceive.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And like I said, I thought it was something wrong
with me, and I thought it was something wrong with him.
I mean, he thought it was something wrong with him.
And you know, I lived wildly in my twenties. Hold up,
hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen
to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you
love me, you'll listen. Immediately, when I could not conceive,
(13:57):
I thought, you know what, I couldn't conceive right away?
I just thought back to how I treated myself in
my twenties, with all the drinking and the drugging and
the goddamn playing bees and all of that. You know,
that shit fucks you up. People were using playing bees
for contraceptives, like I mean, like for.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Birth control.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Planing bees are not birth control, and then birth control
is not even healthy for us.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
We're putting this shit in our bodies instead of just
using condoms and shit. You know. But that's a whole
other story for a whole nother time, honey.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
But what I felt was I fucked myself up so
bad that maybe this is me or and you know,
I even started thinking like maybe I'm not meant to
have anymore kids, you know, But then I'm like, no,
that wouldn't be right, because God sent me this man
after his own heart.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You know, my fiance is a very very very serious Christian.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
He he loves God, Dearly God, fair and man, to
say the least, like he we we on our first date.
He talked about him wanting to be a father and
him wanting to be a husband who takes care and
provides for his family. He wants to build an empire
and wants to create generational wealth, and he just wants children.
(15:15):
He wants to live that life that he dreamed of
living ever since he was a young boy, you know
what I mean. And even you know how he grew up,
you know, wasn't the best. You know, he was raised
by his mom and his grandparents, you know, solely his grandparents.
But it was just like he wants, he wants to
give his kids what he didn't.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Have growing up.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
And you know that's all I wanted to do even
prior to meeting him. I always wanted to give my son,
my first son, my Ashton, the life that I didn't
have growing up, you know, And that's just always what
you want to do as parents, you know what I mean.
And if there's something getting in a way of that,
it can totally make you feel defeated. Like you know,
it's not easy not being able to have children, especially
(16:02):
when that's all you want, like that is your desire,
your everlasting wish is to make a family and produce,
you know, to somebody to carry on your legacy, you know,
and when that process is tainted in any way, you
start going crazy in your mind. You know, you start
thinking and you can and listen, the factors are endless.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It could be endless reasons why. You just never know.
And that's why you should also take care of yourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Definitely take care of yourself, go to the doctors, keep
up with your health, your body.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You don't know, Like, listen, I'm thirty three years old.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I remember back in the day, everybody used to say,
not even back in the day, like recently, like just
a couple of years back, people was saying, you know,
get a mammogram ladies, get your mammograms at forty and guys,
get your heart scanning your colonoska fees at forty and no,
we gotta start doing that shit in our mid twenties.
Or you know, everything is so different. They're changing the
(17:02):
shit in our food. They're putting shit in our food,
and they're putting shit in the and goddamn beverages and
snacks that we eat and everything. Like y'all don't notice
that shit is way different. Shit don't even taste the same.
No more, shit don't even taste the same. So, like
I know, I said, stress is like number one factor
of most health issues, and then I did say, diet, Yo,
(17:25):
we need to change all of that.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
We need to change our diets. We need to start fighting.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
This sounds crazy because when I first met my fiance,
he was like, yo, we gotta start farming, like you
know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Like when we made it official, he was like, yo,
we gotta buy farms.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
We gotta start like producing our own food, fruits, vegetables
and shit, like raising our own cattle and stuff like that.
Like we have to start going like fishing and cleaning
our own fish, and like we have to do that,
because they're killing us with this food, slowly but surely.
You know, why do you think our fuck kids gotta
get so many goddamn shots and shit? Why Because it's
(18:03):
just new diseases.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Popping up and shit. No, like there has been shit
changing forever.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You know, over the course of time, they change formulas
to shit, they change chemicals, they put different chemicals and
shit like in the ocean, and they start fucking.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
With certain things.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And after years and years of us consuming this shit,
it has a different effect on us.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
We start developing these health.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Issues that our generations before, our family members before, took
a while to developed, forever to developed.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And shit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Now we're getting sicker, quicker, We are dying younger, We
are developing, you know, diabetes and all these at young
ass ages, like, oh my god, so bad, you know.
So we just have to take care of ourselves. Definitely,
go get checked, Go get your heart checked, Go get
just a full body scan. I remember reporting something up
(18:58):
at Breakfast club with Laurenlae Rosa not too long ago.
Duayanne Wade. You know, he he had cancer and he
didn't even know. He just asked his dog. He went
to the doctor and he was just like, yo, check
my whole body. I want to know what's going on
with my whole body everything, like you know, and I
know people who have money have it, you know, where
they can go and get these scans and then pay
(19:21):
for this shit or whatever. But if there is any
type of way like you can look into, because there
are certain clinics and facilities that do these body scans
for free or they do take state insurance and insurance
that you know that you may feel you don't have
the best insurance.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You can get body scans for free.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
You just have to look up you know, your local
facilities that do so you know, I know there is
a place in Memphis that does. I think I think
they do something with some type of like leukemia treatments
for free and you can get a scan for free.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
You can go and get checked up for free. This
is in Memphis.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I'll do more search on it, but y'all just take
that gem I dropped, and y'all do y'all research to
like you know what I mean, definitely take care of
yourself for sure. So we're gonna end this episode on
that note. Love you guys, take care of yourselves and
catch you next week anyway,
Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects. And just like that, we're back
with yet another carefully reckless episode with your girls.
Speaker 2 (00:18):
Just hilarious. What do I be doing? I'll be fixing messing.
Speaker 1 (00:21):
Y'all already know now my girl tailor, like I said,
she's out pregnant.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
I'm gonna keep giving.
Speaker 1 (00:25):
Y'all weekly updates about Taylor. I don't care because that's
my baby. That is my baby, and she having a
blood bloody. So this is the second Breakfast Club baby
because I had the first one, who's Marley, and she
is six months. Yes, I know y'all be wondering how
my baby's doing. She good, She good, and she's starting
to look like me around the eyes, y'all.
Speaker 2 (00:42):
Just just a check in on Marlee.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Yeah, because every time I post the picture, y'all be like, es,
Chris needs a paternity test from you.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Y'all be trying to say.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
That my baby don't look like me, and all we
got the same blood sight, like if you got the
same eyes. She's starting to have the same eyes. And
I'm not talking about the eye color, because yeah, she
got her dad's bright brownish grayish eyes whatever. I don't
even know if that's like the final color they're going
to be, because they went from gray to hazel so brown.
Now they turning gray again, or they may change colors.
(01:12):
I'm not sure, however. I mean the shape, the shape
of the eyes. My baby is starting to look like
me around the eye, you know, with the shape the
eye shape, you know what I'm saying. Anyway, whatever, So
that's why it's tailing out here, because she's dealing with
pregnancy and she's just she's getting bigger and bigger, and
I'm just going to let her little baby when it
gets here. Okay, So this is what we're doing, all right.
(01:34):
We don't have any voice memos today. We have written passages,
so bear with me. All here we go, Hey, Joss,
So I'm kind of going through it. My husband and
I have been trying to get pregnant for a year
and we're.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Starting to lose hope. Oh man, I've.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Miscarried twice and I just don't want to keep going
through the fields of not ever making it to a
full turned pregnancy. I know we're starting to wear my
husband down too. I feel the inn It's no one's fault.
I guess it's just God's timing. When my husband and
I first got married, we talked about kids and we
would adopt. We both said, yes, I want to bring
(02:11):
that back up, but it's different circumstances, and I don't
want him to feel like this is our only option
because I still have faith. I just want to see
where his head is at with it. Jess, this is
just all so overwhelming and so stressful. All I ever
wanted to do was be a mom, and I'm just nervous.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
Girl. I've never really opened up that much about it.
Speaker 1 (02:32):
So if you decide to read this, I really appreciate
you for listening.
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Absolutely.
Speaker 1 (02:37):
First of all, my heart goes out to you because
I do understand how you feel. I can't say I
feel how you feel because I've never struggled with that.
Like it did take a while for Chris and I
to conceive Marley. It was a period where I thought
that I couldn't conceive anymore. I didn't know if I
had messed my body up in my twenties, and that
(03:00):
as a result of that, it wasn't that easy to
conceive my daughter, and we planned her.
Speaker 2 (03:04):
I wanted her, you know, I.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Wanted to be able to give Chris a child. I
always wanted more children, you know, and it just took
a lot longer.
Speaker 2 (03:14):
For us to conceive Marley. You know.
Speaker 1 (03:17):
I went for tests, he went for tests, and you know,
we never got to the point of blaming each other,
you know, And I'm glad you and your husband had
an understanding. I don't know if that's what's going on now,
because I know it's weighing on you both. But I'm
hoping that this is not driving you to a part
like this is not dividing your home, you know, and
the oneness that you guys have, you know, this is
(03:38):
your husband. I hope that you know this, this should
bring y'all closer together.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
You understand what I'm saying. I would want that to
be the case.
Speaker 1 (03:46):
A lot of times, a lot of couples, they don't
know how to handle these types of situations. So my
heart goes out to you and your husband. Now you've
miscarried twice, so it seems as if they you don't
have a problem conceiving, you have a problem carrying full term.
Speaker 2 (04:02):
We don't know what's going on most of the time.
Speaker 1 (04:05):
A lot of times the doctors don't even know, babes,
so like you said, and maybe it's God's timing, because
that's exactly what it ended up being in my situation,
you know, after getting tested and for all these things going,
you know, trying to figure out whether we would have
to do IVF.
Speaker 2 (04:20):
And I'm like, yo, how when I've had a baby before.
But you know, I was doing so much with me
traveling and be doing breakfast club and.
Speaker 1 (04:27):
Then me having a still. I just it was so
much responsibility and there was a lot of stress around that,
you know, and me trying to balance work life and
mom life and trying to build my family and keep
my family together. And then you know, it was just
a lot. And I don't know what your profession is,
what your husband's profession is, and what you guys career
choices are, but it could most certainly be the stress
(04:51):
because that is the number one key to a lot
of health issues. Stress diet as well, but stress. And
a lot of people don't even know when their body
is stressed out.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
It will tell you.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
And you know, even if it don't tell you right away,
you'll feel you'll start feeling certain I don't know, I
guess symptoms. I would say you know you would start
feeling that, you know, I don't know what it may
be for you. But just getting back to the initial advice,
talk to your husband, talk to him.
Speaker 2 (05:24):
That's what I want to say.
Speaker 1 (05:26):
I want to say that y'all need to stand stronger
than ever now, you know, because this is not easy
for either one of you, I especially not you. You know,
you had to you had two miscarriagters. You had to
endure that and even trying again. That can be very
discouraging after losing two babies. It could absolutely be discouraging.
(05:47):
But I don't want for this to tear up a
happy home, a marriage. I do think you should revisit
the conversation that you guys talked about before with the adoption,
because you said that he was open to it, you know,
but you don't want him to feel like you're giving
up because you still have faith. Absolutely, But a woman
(06:08):
can only put our body through so much, so much more,
you know what I mean, And that can have a
big effect, of big impact on your body and on
your health as well, you know, more miscourages, and you know,
I just don't want you to feel like you have
to keep putting yourself through this when there are certainly
other alternatives, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
And this is just going.
Speaker 1 (06:30):
Back to that communication factor, sitting down with your husband,
because that's your husband. He understands, he's seeing you go
through it. Not only did you know he go through it,
you went through it as well. And you are the
one that was carrying the babies, you know, so he knows. Now, Guys, no,
they're not always the brightest bulbs when it comes to
you know, women's bodies or whatever. But you married him
(06:51):
for a reason. He's with you for a reason, and
y'all do everything together. Y'all can't make decisions just for
y'allselves anymore. You have to make decisions with him in mind,
but also yourself. And I think it's not giving up.
Speaker 2 (07:04):
If you love me, you'll listen to this commercial and
then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
It's not giving up quitting and listen up. At the
breakfast club, right we had an interview. Will Packer came up.
This was like something that he ministered to me with
and I took it as ministry. You know, he was
just talking, but I took it as ministry. He said,
quitting and giving up are two different things. Giving up
is something that I never want to do, giving up.
And I know you feel defeated. As defeated as you are,
(07:32):
you still don't want to give up because you still
want to be a mom. You still want to give
that beautiful bundle of joy to your husband. But quitting,
quitting is different, you know, quitting is realizing, Okay, maybe
this is not for me, Maybe this is going to
make things worse. I don't want to cause any more
harm to my body, which can you know, because a
lot of miscarriages can affect you, affect you a lot.
(07:57):
You know, it can affect your body and other ways
where something else goes wrong, and you know, you know,
you just don't want to sacrifice your body to the
point of no return when there are other alternatives and
one in which y'all discussed. And I think if you
just sit down and you be one hundred percent open
(08:18):
with your husband, he will.
Speaker 2 (08:20):
Definitely see you know, I think.
Speaker 1 (08:22):
So I think you should update me and just consider
the possibility of adoption again, you know, or how about
a surrogate, because you never know what you're gonna get
when you adopt, right, you know, And I don't know.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
I hear a lot of.
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Horror stories when it comes to adoption and you know,
things like that, because these kids they grow up and
then they do have questions where do I come from?
Speaker 2 (08:44):
Who am I?
Speaker 1 (08:45):
And there's someone that actually wrote me because I've been
fixing mess for seasons.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
Okay, if this is season four, I remember in like
season two, I believe it was either two or three.
Speaker 1 (08:55):
I'm gonna say two because this is well before I
was pregnant, somebody had wrote me about a situation similar,
you know to what's going on, and they were going
through the same thing, you know, and they ended up
going the adoption.
Speaker 2 (09:10):
Route and they adopted their child.
Speaker 1 (09:12):
And then you know, he grew up and he felt
like he didn't belong where he was, you know, he
felt like he didn't belong to them, Like he just
knew these are not my real parents.
Speaker 2 (09:23):
Nobody ever told him that.
Speaker 1 (09:25):
Nobody ever even talked about adoption in the house, you know,
So how would he have known that, you know, but
he didn't know.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
He didn't know that.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
I can't remember whether it was the mom or the
dad writing me, but they were saying that they wanted
advice on whether they should help him find his real
parents or still just like, you know, they were trying
to figure out whether or not they wanted to reveal
like they were they weren't his real parents, because he
(09:56):
had started asking questions and he was just like, Yo,
I don't feel connected to y'all, you know.
Speaker 2 (10:01):
What I mean in some type of way.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And I think that I think it was very real.
I think there's a connection at birth, right between a
mom and a child. Whether that mom is in the
child's life, proceeds to be in the child's life or not,
there will always be a connection because this person birthed you,
(10:25):
You grew into a baby in their belly. You got
shared the same heartbeat, you got shared the same blood.
You guys like you are made by this person. You
are an extension of a human being that you only
get one mother, and whether that person gives you away
(10:46):
at birth or not, you will always be connected to.
Speaker 2 (10:48):
The person that birthed you, right.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
And so with that child growing up and coming to
his adopted parents, like, yo, I really really feel like
there's a disconnect between me and this family, Like where
am I from?
Speaker 2 (11:04):
You know?
Speaker 1 (11:05):
And I did give them that advice. My advice to
them was yes, definitely, it's absolutely he has it's absolutely
only right that you guys go help him find his family,
especially if he's feeling a disconnect. He doesn't feel like
he belongs. And that's not because they treated him a
certain way. They gave him the best of everything, according
to them, the story that they both told me, you know,
(11:27):
because I can't remember whether it was the mom or
the dad, but the story that I got from either
one of the parents, they raised him the right way
and everything. You know, he had good schools and good
threads on his back, and he ate and what provided
water and food and everything that.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
A child will want, toys and everything.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
You know, he grew up and he just still felt
like there that there's somebody that he's connected to, and
it ain't them in that house, you know. And so
they never gave me an update. But adoption can be
a little tricky. But I'm not trying to because oh lord,
you're probably gonna be like, I'm so you're totally discouraging
(12:05):
me from finding my from adopting, you know, when that
may be the only alternative that we can afford. I
don't know what you can afford. I don't know, you know,
I don't know. I do know that there are other alternatives.
But then, baby, it may just be God's timing. You know,
there's so many factors. You know, you don't know, We
(12:26):
never know. But I do think this is the time
where you and your husband does not need to divide.
Y'all need to come together and stay strong because y'all
have to make these decisions together. You know, you have
to make these decisions, not by yourself, not only for yourself,
you know, Yes, you do come first, because it is
your body that's going to house all of this. You know,
(12:47):
you're putting your body through this and it can be
very tumultuous, you know, but you're gonna need your foundation.
You're gonna need your support system, and that is your husband.
That should be your husband, you know. So just sit
down and talk to him, you know what I mean,
And just get back with me and let me know
exactly what the update is.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
Oh I feel so I feel for you. I feel
for you.
Speaker 1 (13:09):
My heart goes out to you and your husband, and
if nobody else told you, I love you, all right,
So we moving on. I just want to say right
because I think this episode actually speaks to a lot
of moms out there, you know, Like I said, I
was me and Chris, we didn't. I'm not going to
dam it struggling. I'm not going to label it as
(13:31):
struggling to have a baby. You know, we were struggling
for a while, you know, but it did take us
like a good six months to conceive.
Speaker 2 (13:37):
You know.
Speaker 1 (13:37):
And like I said, I thought it was something wrong
with me, and I thought it was something wrong with him.
I mean, he thought it was something wrong with him.
And you know, I lived wildly in my twenties. Hold up,
hold up, I know this shit getting good, But listen
to just a couple seconds of a commercial. If you
love me, you'll listen. Immediately, when I could not conceive,
(13:57):
I thought, you know what, I couldn't conceive right away?
I just thought back to how I treated myself in
my twenties, with all the drinking and the drugging and
the goddamn playing bees and all of that. You know,
that shit fucks you up. People were using playing bees
for contraceptives, like I mean, like for.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Birth control.
Speaker 1 (14:17):
Planing bees are not birth control, and then birth control
is not even healthy for us.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
We're putting this shit in our bodies instead of just
using condoms and shit. You know. But that's a whole
other story for a whole nother time, honey.
Speaker 1 (14:28):
But what I felt was I fucked myself up so
bad that maybe this is me or and you know,
I even started thinking like maybe I'm not meant to
have anymore kids, you know, But then I'm like, no,
that wouldn't be right, because God sent me this man
after his own heart.
Speaker 2 (14:47):
You know, my fiance is a very very very serious Christian.
Speaker 1 (14:54):
He he loves God, Dearly God, fair and man, to
say the least, like he we we on our first date.
He talked about him wanting to be a father and
him wanting to be a husband who takes care and
provides for his family. He wants to build an empire
and wants to create generational wealth, and he just wants children.
(15:15):
He wants to live that life that he dreamed of
living ever since he was a young boy, you know
what I mean. And even you know how he grew up,
you know, wasn't the best. You know, he was raised
by his mom and his grandparents, you know, solely his grandparents.
But it was just like he wants, he wants to
give his kids what he didn't.
Speaker 2 (15:37):
Have growing up.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
And you know that's all I wanted to do even
prior to meeting him. I always wanted to give my son,
my first son, my Ashton, the life that I didn't
have growing up, you know, And that's just always what
you want to do as parents, you know what I mean.
And if there's something getting in a way of that,
it can totally make you feel defeated. Like you know,
it's not easy not being able to have children, especially
(16:02):
when that's all you want, like that is your desire,
your everlasting wish is to make a family and produce,
you know, to somebody to carry on your legacy, you know,
and when that process is tainted in any way, you
start going crazy in your mind. You know, you start
thinking and you can and listen, the factors are endless.
Speaker 2 (16:25):
It could be endless reasons why. You just never know.
And that's why you should also take care of yourselves.
Speaker 1 (16:31):
Definitely take care of yourself, go to the doctors, keep
up with your health, your body.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
You don't know, Like, listen, I'm thirty three years old.
Speaker 1 (16:40):
I remember back in the day, everybody used to say,
not even back in the day, like recently, like just
a couple of years back, people was saying, you know,
get a mammogram ladies, get your mammograms at forty and guys,
get your heart scanning your colonoska fees at forty and no,
we gotta start doing that shit in our mid twenties.
Or you know, everything is so different. They're changing the
(17:02):
shit in our food. They're putting shit in our food,
and they're putting shit in the and goddamn beverages and
snacks that we eat and everything. Like y'all don't notice
that shit is way different. Shit don't even taste the same.
No more, shit don't even taste the same. So, like
I know, I said, stress is like number one factor
of most health issues, and then I did say, diet, Yo,
(17:25):
we need to change all of that.
Speaker 2 (17:27):
We need to change our diets. We need to start fighting.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
This sounds crazy because when I first met my fiance,
he was like, yo, we gotta start farming, like you
know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (17:37):
Like when we made it official, he was like, yo,
we gotta buy farms.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
We gotta start like producing our own food, fruits, vegetables
and shit, like raising our own cattle and stuff like that.
Like we have to start going like fishing and cleaning
our own fish, and like we have to do that,
because they're killing us with this food, slowly but surely.
You know, why do you think our fuck kids gotta
get so many goddamn shots and shit? Why Because it's
(18:03):
just new diseases.
Speaker 2 (18:04):
Popping up and shit. No, like there has been shit
changing forever.
Speaker 1 (18:09):
You know, over the course of time, they change formulas
to shit, they change chemicals, they put different chemicals and
shit like in the ocean, and they start fucking.
Speaker 2 (18:17):
With certain things.
Speaker 1 (18:17):
And after years and years of us consuming this shit,
it has a different effect on us.
Speaker 2 (18:23):
We start developing these health.
Speaker 1 (18:24):
Issues that our generations before, our family members before, took
a while to developed, forever to developed.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And shit, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Now we're getting sicker, quicker, We are dying younger, We
are developing, you know, diabetes and all these at young
ass ages, like, oh my god, so bad, you know.
So we just have to take care of ourselves. Definitely,
go get checked, Go get your heart checked, Go get
just a full body scan. I remember reporting something up
(18:58):
at Breakfast club with Laurenlae Rosa not too long ago.
Duayanne Wade. You know, he he had cancer and he
didn't even know. He just asked his dog. He went
to the doctor and he was just like, yo, check
my whole body. I want to know what's going on
with my whole body everything, like you know, and I
know people who have money have it, you know, where
they can go and get these scans and then pay
(19:21):
for this shit or whatever. But if there is any
type of way like you can look into, because there
are certain clinics and facilities that do these body scans
for free or they do take state insurance and insurance
that you know that you may feel you don't have
the best insurance.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
You can get body scans for free.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
You just have to look up you know, your local
facilities that do so you know, I know there is
a place in Memphis that does. I think I think
they do something with some type of like leukemia treatments
for free and you can get a scan for free.
Speaker 2 (19:55):
You can go and get checked up for free. This
is in Memphis.
Speaker 1 (19:59):
I'll do more search on it, but y'all just take
that gem I dropped, and y'all do y'all research to
like you know what I mean, definitely take care of
yourself for sure. So we're gonna end this episode on
that note. Love you guys, take care of yourselves and
catch you next week anyway,
Host
Jess Hilarious
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