December 30, 2024 • 22 mins
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Hey y'all! Jess fixes 3 messes today and they all might be more relatable than you think! Tap in!
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects. Are we on a air? Yeah,
we're on a air. Guess what's y'all? Share? Girl? Just
hilarious and welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless episode.
(00:22):
What and Why I will be fixing your mess? Now?
We don't have any voice memos today. People starting to
get caught up because the people that they be hitting
us about be listening to y'all. So people have been
getting snatched up left and right, Like I heard you
telling just our business thinking that she could fix our
shit whole time. You know what I'm saying. I had
(00:44):
some people writing me right and say, oh my such
and such had wrote you or sent you a voice memo,
but they didn't tell you the whole story. And so
now I gotta tell you, but that person never sent it.
That was only one person that did that. Then I
had another person, and that uh said that their husband
had wrote me. It wasn't even a voice memo. They
(01:05):
just knew their story and how their significant other typed
damn Ain't that some private eye detective shit. I know
that's right, I know that's right. So I think that's
why we haven't been getting a lot of voice memos. However,
we're gonna jump into this reading right here. Jess, please
fix my mess. The backstory is so long, I don't
even know where to start, but the short version is,
I've been this guy's mistress for about ten years. God damn.
(01:29):
He has a girlfriend pretty much his wife, no kids together,
but they both have kids from different relationships. It's clear
that he's never going to leave her, and I've always
known that whatever. Fine, No, the fuck, it's not whatever. Fine, girl.
I like him and maybe even love him so much
that I'm willing to be his ride or die mistress.
It's so many things wrong with that, ridd or die mistress.
(01:53):
It's bad enough that you already a mistress, then you
his ride or die. When the fuck are we gonna
stop making ourselves available in this accessible to a man
ride or die? No, I don't even care that. It's
just the saying words whole power, and I honestly hate that.
(02:13):
I've never used that term for myself, not as a teenager,
not as a woman in my twenties, and now I'm
in my thirties. I don't think I ever wanted to
be a nigga's riddle. Die, I'm telling you, huh uh,
All right, I'm continuing. So she says, I'm so crazy
about him. I even moved into the same building as him,
which his girlfriend also lives in with him. I mean,
will due, I literally live over top of him. So
(02:36):
lately he's been busy at work and has not been
giving me any attention, which is off to me because
he always makes time for me. Paranoia got the best
of me, and thoughts of him possibly seeing someone else
came to mind. Well, how many other people he got
time to see If he lived with his girlfriend and
his other girlfriend live over top of him, what the fuck?
(02:56):
Maybe he might be seeing someone else. Girl, He might
be seeing his girlfriend, that's what the fuck happened, and
she may have found out about your little ass, and
so he need to take the attention off of y'all
real quick, cause shit getting hot. You don't understand now
if it is somebody else, what are you gonna do?
What does that make you number two or number three?
(03:18):
What does that? I mean You're not number one? Now, listen,
you don't have a problem with that. Be that as
it may. I'm here to tell you that's some bullshit.
That's wrong. I don't know how old you are. I
don't know what you're doing in your life right now,
but I mean, I can't even say that you're a
young woman. I know you've given ten years of a
one sided relationship to a man. And the reason why
(03:40):
I say it's one sided because I bet he's your
only one, but you're not his only one, and you don't.
I hate to talk to other women like this, but
wake your ass up. Do you know you're so valuable,
You're so beautiful, you deserve to be the only woman
a man is with. Do you not know that you
(04:03):
know what I'm saying. I need you to wake up here.
I would love to know how old you or I
would love for you to write me some more and
give me some more information about you, because baby, I
feel very very sorry. Actually I am very very upset
with you. I don't feel sorry for you, though, because
you willingly gave this nigga ten years of your life.
You willingly did that. I hope you ain't in your forties.
(04:26):
I hope you ain't in your thirties. Baby, I hope
you're not older than twenty five. That's what I really,
really fucking hope. And I hope this saints some old
last man who got money, because I hear this story
all too often. Baby, you can go get your own money,
or you can get you somebody your age with some
other fucking money, or you know what I'm saying. And
it's so many, so many opportunities of love for you
(04:48):
in life. And you and you're sharing willingly, sharing a
man with one, maybe two other women. That's some crazy
shit you live in. All y'all live in the same
building with Inntara, Peter and Amna going to fuck on
what is going on? I know you better not get pregnant,
and I know you better not ever think about knocking
on ay motherfucking door because guess what who ain't gonna
(05:11):
leave her? Okay, she lived with the nigga. She the
closest to the nigger than you. You still live by yourself,
so there's still hope. Because he ain't living with you. You
need to move out that goddamn building. I'll tell you that.
But I'm also tell you this. I guarantee you if
you leave this man alone, he'll come crawling. He'll come crawling,
(05:31):
and you gotta be strong enough to say no. See,
he's used to you chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing.
That's why he put you on the back burner for
whenever it's convenient for him to talk to you, for
him to deal with you ten years. Girl, please leave
that motherfucker alone and still stay in the same building.
If you can't, just up and leave. So I say,
still stay in the building, but start dealing with somebody else,
(05:52):
Start having another nigga. Come over there, girl, what the fuck?
Get your mind off that shit. That man is downstairs,
not worrying about you one bit until he sees you,
until he lays his eyes on you. And he's probably
scared to death every fucking night that you're gonna knock
go on the fucking door, you know what I'm saying.
But that ain't gonna do shit, and ain't gonna do shit.
She probably she probably will be mad at them, but
(06:13):
she ain't gonna go nowhere. You just told me he
ain't never leaving her. You think she leaving him? And
do you think you the first person that he cheated with.
She probably already know he cheated, you know what I'm saying,
Or he's cheating, so you gotta be smarter than her.
You gotta be smarter than him. Get the fuck about
the situation. Update me and give me some more meat
on the bones. Let me know what you end up
coming up with. Girl. Let me know what you come
(06:36):
up with. I can't believe that if you love me,
you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Move it on, Hi there, Jess, please fix my mess.
I took a break from dating, and I decided to
cut my family completely off the beginning of this year.
I realized that I was carrying this childhood trauma for
twenty years and put it past me. When I cut
(06:57):
my family off, m I finally came to terms that
my mom will never sincerely apologize for choosing a sick
man over her daughter, and my siblings picking sides. Lately,
I've been smiling a lot, more social and the word
no has become my favorite word to say. I know
what that feel like, boll. I am in full control
(07:18):
of not letting anybody disturb my peace. I know that's right.
The minute I've recognized a red flag, that person is
getting dropped with no more warnings. Now I am ready
to start dating, but I feel like I won't be
taken seriously. Since I am not close with my family.
Do you think a man will still want a relationship
with me if the chances of meeting my family is
very slim? Thanks in advance. All right, well, baby girl,
(07:43):
It all depends on how bad your family issues has
affected you. How have they affected you. It seems like
it's a lot of family trauma there, because if you
had to cut your family completely off, who maybe it
was very unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy for you
(08:05):
as well, because you're not supposed to surround yourself with
anything but positivity and love, even if there is hardly
any around you. You have to create that space for
you to feel safe and to have a peace of mind.
If your family was interfering with that or contributing to
the wrong side of it and or even to your
well being, then I am all for your decision. But
(08:28):
family is family, you know what I'm saying. So I'm
never vouching for you to completely cut them off forever,
you know what I mean. Sometimes things just you just
have to y'all have to get to the bottom of things.
And you know you did mention that you will never
you feel like you'll never get an apology from your mother.
It's therapy, something that you guys talked about. Do you
not want to do therapy? Are you not ready? You
(08:50):
know a lot of people force therapy on people, and
people just have to go when they feel the time
is right for them, because a lot of people still
don't understand what therapy really is and how it can
actually help you more than hurt you, you know what
I'm saying, or more than exposing yourself. You really may
just may just needed somebody to talk to, to hear
(09:10):
you out and to sort things out for you. That's
that's what therapy is, help you cope, you know what
I'm saying. Not in a negative way now, Yes I
do to answer your question, Yes, I certainly do believe
that you can still find love with a good man
who you can explain this to a man with an
open mind, a man who is going to be patient
(09:32):
enough for you to explain this shit. Finally, whenever you
get the chance. You know, you don't just let anybody
into your business. That's something that you just don't go
around saying. Or I cut my family off because of
the d and because this happened, and that happened, I
don't want them to drive you away, and they make
me different, and I don't want to drive you away
(09:52):
because of something my family is making me feel and
how they're making me act, and you know I act
a certain way because I'm not comfortable around them, or that.
You know, all of that stuff can be talked about
because it's not really solely about your family when you're dating,
unless you are a person of tradition where you want
to get married, you want to bring them home to
mom and pop. You want to you know, I don't
(10:15):
know if you have siblings, but you know you want
to bring them around your grandparents. You want you want
your man to meet your cousins and you know, your
uncle and your aunts and stuff like that. If you
are a person of tradition for a family tradition more specifically,
I do understand. I understand that. But yes, yeah, just understand.
When you date, you don't date for your family. Okay.
(10:35):
And this story and the fact that you ask me
that tells me that you must have feel that you
lost a relationship due to your family problems. You must
have gone through something with a family, with family and
a boyfriend or something like that. But yes, baby, all
hope is not lost for you because you're taking a
(10:56):
break away from your family, you know what I mean. Now,
you said completely off, you cut them completely off. But
I'm just gonna say a break. You know, we all
need each other. Girl. The world is so fucking nuts
and crazy right now. You have to at least give
grace to loved ones. I'm not saying be stupid and
let anybody do anything to you. I'm not saying you
should willingly take disrespect, no, but just give them grace
(11:20):
enough because people do change, and it starts with them
noticing that there was a problem that they could have created.
You know, the first part is accountability on both ends.
So yes, yes, because I felt like this was a
two part story. You told me a lot that I
want to help you fix with your family, and then
you told me some with dating. But yes, I think
(11:41):
you can. But you just update me and keep me
in the loop and everything, because I really want to
see you going to date, girl, And I see you
going to date that's kind of creepy, but I want
to know that you will get out here. You know
what I'm saying, There's nothing wrong with that. Like I said,
just make sure you keep all communication open, be honest,
and if you get serious with somebody, then that's when
(12:02):
you start thinking about sitting down with that person, telling
them all of this information, and hopefully they will still
love you for you. I don't see a reason why
man will get up and leave because you and your
family ain't saying ou to aye, you fucking with me
or you fucking with my family, you know what I mean.
Although there is a bigger picture, yes, weddings and all that,
but cross that bridge when y'all get there. You gotta
get past this first. So yes, girl, keep me updated,
(12:24):
let me know. Hold up, hold up, I know this
shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds
of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. This
is a smooth episode. And then everybody know how to
spell and y'all doing good? All right, last story. Then
I'm getting up out of here. I got a show
at TSU. Y'all at Tennessee State University tonight, y'all? All right?
(12:45):
All right, dad homecoming, yay, yay, all right. Last one, Jesz,
I need you to help me fix my mess. Shaking
my motherfucking head. I have been in an on and
off relationship with my baby daddy for the past ten years.
Everybody got this ten word today. In those ten years
of long on and offs, he has also been with
one of his baby mothers, who he's been involved with
(13:07):
for fifteen plus years. Damn, we both have known about
each other and dealt with it accordingly. Long story short,
me and him went through a rough patch for about
a year where we wasn't involved with each other. No fucking,
no chilling, just straight parenting. Not gonna lie. In that time,
I did the most. I mean, hey, I was single,
(13:29):
I didn't know how to act, and I was heartbroken
and did things I wasn't proud of. Hoh well, aha,
I see what you did this, she said, hoh well, okay,
so you went and lived your life. Okay. He was
a little hot girl, real quick, I understand, I get
the translation. Well, fast forward. He got into some legal
trouble with that same baby mother and the first person
(13:51):
he called was me, of course, And what did I do?
Drop everything and ran to him. I mean, because at
the end of the day, I still love this man.
Fast forward to the present. He hold up, did she
end the damn that? Yall? That's how she ended it?
How you gonna get me all excited for the damn
story and then stop right there, damn you. Oh my god,
(14:13):
that's some bullshit. I think she did this shit on purpose,
because how the fuck well, I'm about to give you
advice from where you began the story until now, and
then you can give me the second part, because I'm
damn sure gonna write you back and ask you what
the fuck is he doing now in the present, because
you fast forward to the present and then said he
and then stopped like he caught you about to tell
(14:35):
me his business or something, and said, bitch, give me
the phone. Shit. All right. So you've been on and
off with your baby daddy for the past ten years,
all right, But he also been dealing with one of
his other baby mothers, who obviously their child is older.
You said he been dealing with her for fifteen plus years.
I mean, I don't know if that if he had
a baby with you before her, But you come second.
(14:58):
It's basically what you're telling me. You've never been first,
is what you also are telling me, because he's never
left her alone. If it's been fifteen years for her
and ten years for you, you was the other woman,
you know, and then she could still be the other
woman as well. Shit, because what if it's a bitch
that y'all ain't find out about yet that he been
around for twenty You know what I'm saying that you
(15:21):
just never know. You said, y'all went through a rough
patch for about a year. Y'all ain't fuck y'a ain't
do nothing but just cold parent. And you said that's
when you did the most because you was heartbroken and
all of that shit. And then you was basically out
here on your sexy red shit. You know, you ain't
say you was the raw dog queen, but you out
here skiing. It's what you admitted, and it's all right.
(15:41):
A lot of women have that phase in their lives.
It could be before love, after love, all their lives.
It don't matter, you know what I'm saying. So something
you did say that I did not like. I want
women to stop fucking doing is reducing themselves. This reminds
me of what I just said to the girl with
the first story. This is again you diminishing yourself. You know,
(16:05):
you are allowing a man to have more than one woman.
And what I mean by allowing him because you can't
make him choose you and only you. You know what
I'm saying, He dealing with y'all for convenience. Like when
it comes to his convenience, he probably beefing with the
other biby mother. So that's why he fucking called you. Yeah,
he beefing with her shit. Yeah, of course he gonna
(16:28):
call you. And if he was beefing with you and
he got into some legal trouble behind you, he would
call her. Do you not see? Sister, Sister, Tiya and Tamara?
Do you not see? That's what y'all are in his eyes,
twin baby mamas, because y'all both do the same shit
for him. That's exactly what y'all are. And that's some bullshit.
(16:48):
And sometimes it takes for me to repeat your mess
back to you for you to fix it your damn self.
That's crazy. I know your baby daddy, you won't always
have to deal with him being around, in him being
in your life because he is the father of your
child or children, you know what I'm saying. However, he's
(17:11):
never going to choose only you. I don't care how
many kids you lay down and have with them. He's
not gonna ever only choose you. You know why, because
you're never going to demand that. You don't demand that
respect from him. You just sat here and told me
that you and the other baby mother knew that he
was dealing with both of y'all at the same time.
Y'all just both accepted it and handled him accordingly. That
(17:33):
basically mean y'all went along with it. That's all probably
gave him a little bit of lip and a little
bit of tantrum, and you know, did whatever y'all thought
was gonna hurt his feelings. But baby, if y'all still
at the end of the day laying down with him
and still jumping when he's say, jump, or doing things
for him, or sleeping with him when it's convenient or whatever,
or when you know he's mad and beefing with the
(17:55):
other one, that's when he over there with you. You know,
it doesn't matter. All three of y'all may as well
be in a polyamorous relationship. You know, I know you're
not attracted to her. I don't know, but I'm gonna
just say that. But that polyamorous thing was literally just me,
you know, being sarcastic. But that's what that is. You
already know. I mean, well, It's an open relationship, ain't it, y'all?
(18:16):
Just both still mad about each other. When you feel
that he favors her more, you get upset. You just
said you do the fucking most, and you go out
and you start hoing, you know what I mean. Common
denominator is him. Get rid of him, Learn how to
co parent without co fucking him. Learn how to co
parent without still being his doormat. Learn how to do that.
A lot of women do this shit too often, you know,
(18:40):
more often than not. I can't stand it. Know you're
fucking worth and that's so cliche, but I'm never gonna
stop saying it to women, because you need to know.
If you don't know, do shit to increase and to
promote self love for yourself. You need to love yourself.
I'm not saying you hate yourself, but you damn sure
don't love yourself more than you love that man. I'm
(19:01):
gonna tell you that because you dropped everything and ran
and he called you because he needed you, Because he
needed you, that's probably the only time he call you
when he needs you for something. And yes, it feels
good to be needed. It feels good until you need
the same motherfucker. That needed you. You understand what I'm saying.
It feels good until a motherfucker keep needing you and
(19:23):
you're not getting anything back, not even love and honesty
like that type of shit. You know what I'm saying, loyalty, faithfulness,
all of that shit. Compliments, back rubs and talking about
no judgment. He makes you feel good. It's only you
and him when y'all together, it's only about you. It's
(19:43):
about you when y'all ain't together. That's what the fuck
you want. That's what every woman wants. I don't give
a fuck who turns their head away and who driving
in a car listening to this shit right now disagreeing
with me. Every woman want that. I'm not a man,
so I can't speak for them. But listen, everyone want
that shit, whether you want it from another woman or
from a man, or from a group of people. That's
(20:04):
what the fuck you want a group of people at
one time, you know what I'm saying. Because everybody like
different shit. They got different purposes. But everybody wants to
be loved. That's one thing we all have in common.
Everybody wants to be loved. Okay, So I think you
should pay attention to who you are. You know what
I'm saying, because another man could be making you the
(20:27):
happiest woman that you've ever been, you know what I'm saying,
and you could be making the right man the happiest
man that he's ever been. So update me, girl. I
need to know what the fast forward was looking like.
I need to know what today is looking like, so
I can give you further advice if you come back,
(20:47):
if you come back, because sometimes I fix somebody mess
and I gave it to him to blunting and they
be like, fuck Jess, I ain't talking back guard, but
that's the risk that you run when you let me
all in your business. This. I'm not in your business
just to tell everybody what the fuck you're going through.
I'm literally here to help fix your mess. We just
got listeners because I'm telling you ain't the only one
(21:09):
going through what you sent me. So that's why we
do this shit. That's why people listen. You know what
I'm saying. But guess what. We've come to the end
of this episode, and I know y'all gonna be looking
forward to the next week's one because that's when we'll
be able to pick up with his last story left off. Okay, okay,
so in my deepest paying voice next week, y'all Can't
(22:41):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Welcome to Can't Fully Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
and the Black Effects. Are we on a air? Yeah,
we're on a air. Guess what's y'all? Share? Girl? Just
hilarious and welcome back to yet another carefully Reckless episode.
(00:22):
What and Why I will be fixing your mess? Now?
We don't have any voice memos today. People starting to
get caught up because the people that they be hitting
us about be listening to y'all. So people have been
getting snatched up left and right, Like I heard you
telling just our business thinking that she could fix our
shit whole time. You know what I'm saying. I had
(00:44):
some people writing me right and say, oh my such
and such had wrote you or sent you a voice memo,
but they didn't tell you the whole story. And so
now I gotta tell you, but that person never sent it.
That was only one person that did that. Then I
had another person, and that uh said that their husband
had wrote me. It wasn't even a voice memo. They
(01:05):
just knew their story and how their significant other typed
damn Ain't that some private eye detective shit. I know
that's right, I know that's right. So I think that's
why we haven't been getting a lot of voice memos. However,
we're gonna jump into this reading right here. Jess, please
fix my mess. The backstory is so long, I don't
even know where to start, but the short version is,
I've been this guy's mistress for about ten years. God damn.
(01:29):
He has a girlfriend pretty much his wife, no kids together,
but they both have kids from different relationships. It's clear
that he's never going to leave her, and I've always
known that whatever. Fine, No, the fuck, it's not whatever. Fine, girl.
I like him and maybe even love him so much
that I'm willing to be his ride or die mistress.
It's so many things wrong with that, ridd or die mistress.
(01:53):
It's bad enough that you already a mistress, then you
his ride or die. When the fuck are we gonna
stop making ourselves available in this accessible to a man
ride or die? No, I don't even care that. It's
just the saying words whole power, and I honestly hate that.
(02:13):
I've never used that term for myself, not as a teenager,
not as a woman in my twenties, and now I'm
in my thirties. I don't think I ever wanted to
be a nigga's riddle. Die, I'm telling you, huh uh,
All right, I'm continuing. So she says, I'm so crazy
about him. I even moved into the same building as him,
which his girlfriend also lives in with him. I mean,
will due, I literally live over top of him. So
(02:36):
lately he's been busy at work and has not been
giving me any attention, which is off to me because
he always makes time for me. Paranoia got the best
of me, and thoughts of him possibly seeing someone else
came to mind. Well, how many other people he got
time to see If he lived with his girlfriend and
his other girlfriend live over top of him, what the fuck?
(02:56):
Maybe he might be seeing someone else. Girl, He might
be seeing his girlfriend, that's what the fuck happened, and
she may have found out about your little ass, and
so he need to take the attention off of y'all
real quick, cause shit getting hot. You don't understand now
if it is somebody else, what are you gonna do?
What does that make you number two or number three?
(03:18):
What does that? I mean You're not number one? Now, listen,
you don't have a problem with that. Be that as
it may. I'm here to tell you that's some bullshit.
That's wrong. I don't know how old you are. I
don't know what you're doing in your life right now,
but I mean, I can't even say that you're a
young woman. I know you've given ten years of a
one sided relationship to a man. And the reason why
(03:40):
I say it's one sided because I bet he's your
only one, but you're not his only one, and you don't.
I hate to talk to other women like this, but
wake your ass up. Do you know you're so valuable,
You're so beautiful, you deserve to be the only woman
a man is with. Do you not know that you
(04:03):
know what I'm saying. I need you to wake up here.
I would love to know how old you or I
would love for you to write me some more and
give me some more information about you, because baby, I
feel very very sorry. Actually I am very very upset
with you. I don't feel sorry for you, though, because
you willingly gave this nigga ten years of your life.
You willingly did that. I hope you ain't in your forties.
(04:26):
I hope you ain't in your thirties. Baby, I hope
you're not older than twenty five. That's what I really,
really fucking hope. And I hope this saints some old
last man who got money, because I hear this story
all too often. Baby, you can go get your own money,
or you can get you somebody your age with some
other fucking money, or you know what I'm saying. And
it's so many, so many opportunities of love for you
(04:48):
in life. And you and you're sharing willingly, sharing a
man with one, maybe two other women. That's some crazy
shit you live in. All y'all live in the same
building with Inntara, Peter and Amna going to fuck on
what is going on? I know you better not get pregnant,
and I know you better not ever think about knocking
on ay motherfucking door because guess what who ain't gonna
(05:11):
leave her? Okay, she lived with the nigga. She the
closest to the nigger than you. You still live by yourself,
so there's still hope. Because he ain't living with you. You
need to move out that goddamn building. I'll tell you that.
But I'm also tell you this. I guarantee you if
you leave this man alone, he'll come crawling. He'll come crawling,
(05:31):
and you gotta be strong enough to say no. See,
he's used to you chasing and chasing and chasing and chasing.
That's why he put you on the back burner for
whenever it's convenient for him to talk to you, for
him to deal with you ten years. Girl, please leave
that motherfucker alone and still stay in the same building.
If you can't, just up and leave. So I say,
still stay in the building, but start dealing with somebody else,
(05:52):
Start having another nigga. Come over there, girl, what the fuck?
Get your mind off that shit. That man is downstairs,
not worrying about you one bit until he sees you,
until he lays his eyes on you. And he's probably
scared to death every fucking night that you're gonna knock
go on the fucking door, you know what I'm saying.
But that ain't gonna do shit, and ain't gonna do shit.
She probably she probably will be mad at them, but
(06:13):
she ain't gonna go nowhere. You just told me he
ain't never leaving her. You think she leaving him? And
do you think you the first person that he cheated with.
She probably already know he cheated, you know what I'm saying,
Or he's cheating, so you gotta be smarter than her.
You gotta be smarter than him. Get the fuck about
the situation. Update me and give me some more meat
on the bones. Let me know what you end up
coming up with. Girl. Let me know what you come
(06:36):
up with. I can't believe that if you love me,
you'll listen to this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Move it on, Hi there, Jess, please fix my mess.
I took a break from dating, and I decided to
cut my family completely off the beginning of this year.
I realized that I was carrying this childhood trauma for
twenty years and put it past me. When I cut
(06:57):
my family off, m I finally came to terms that
my mom will never sincerely apologize for choosing a sick
man over her daughter, and my siblings picking sides. Lately,
I've been smiling a lot, more social and the word
no has become my favorite word to say. I know
what that feel like, boll. I am in full control
(07:18):
of not letting anybody disturb my peace. I know that's right.
The minute I've recognized a red flag, that person is
getting dropped with no more warnings. Now I am ready
to start dating, but I feel like I won't be
taken seriously. Since I am not close with my family.
Do you think a man will still want a relationship
with me if the chances of meeting my family is
very slim? Thanks in advance. All right, well, baby girl,
(07:43):
It all depends on how bad your family issues has
affected you. How have they affected you. It seems like
it's a lot of family trauma there, because if you
had to cut your family completely off, who maybe it
was very unhealthy for you and mentally unhealthy for you
(08:05):
as well, because you're not supposed to surround yourself with
anything but positivity and love, even if there is hardly
any around you. You have to create that space for
you to feel safe and to have a peace of mind.
If your family was interfering with that or contributing to
the wrong side of it and or even to your
well being, then I am all for your decision. But
(08:28):
family is family, you know what I'm saying. So I'm
never vouching for you to completely cut them off forever,
you know what I mean. Sometimes things just you just
have to y'all have to get to the bottom of things.
And you know you did mention that you will never
you feel like you'll never get an apology from your mother.
It's therapy, something that you guys talked about. Do you
not want to do therapy? Are you not ready? You
(08:50):
know a lot of people force therapy on people, and
people just have to go when they feel the time
is right for them, because a lot of people still
don't understand what therapy really is and how it can
actually help you more than hurt you, you know what
I'm saying, or more than exposing yourself. You really may
just may just needed somebody to talk to, to hear
(09:10):
you out and to sort things out for you. That's
that's what therapy is, help you cope, you know what
I'm saying. Not in a negative way now, Yes I
do to answer your question, Yes, I certainly do believe
that you can still find love with a good man
who you can explain this to a man with an
open mind, a man who is going to be patient
(09:32):
enough for you to explain this shit. Finally, whenever you
get the chance. You know, you don't just let anybody
into your business. That's something that you just don't go
around saying. Or I cut my family off because of
the d and because this happened, and that happened, I
don't want them to drive you away, and they make
me different, and I don't want to drive you away
(09:52):
because of something my family is making me feel and
how they're making me act, and you know I act
a certain way because I'm not comfortable around them, or that.
You know, all of that stuff can be talked about
because it's not really solely about your family when you're dating,
unless you are a person of tradition where you want
to get married, you want to bring them home to
mom and pop. You want to you know, I don't
(10:15):
know if you have siblings, but you know you want
to bring them around your grandparents. You want you want
your man to meet your cousins and you know, your
uncle and your aunts and stuff like that. If you
are a person of tradition for a family tradition more specifically,
I do understand. I understand that. But yes, yeah, just understand.
When you date, you don't date for your family. Okay.
(10:35):
And this story and the fact that you ask me
that tells me that you must have feel that you
lost a relationship due to your family problems. You must
have gone through something with a family, with family and
a boyfriend or something like that. But yes, baby, all
hope is not lost for you because you're taking a
(10:56):
break away from your family, you know what I mean. Now,
you said completely off, you cut them completely off. But
I'm just gonna say a break. You know, we all
need each other. Girl. The world is so fucking nuts
and crazy right now. You have to at least give
grace to loved ones. I'm not saying be stupid and
let anybody do anything to you. I'm not saying you
should willingly take disrespect, no, but just give them grace
(11:20):
enough because people do change, and it starts with them
noticing that there was a problem that they could have created.
You know, the first part is accountability on both ends.
So yes, yes, because I felt like this was a
two part story. You told me a lot that I
want to help you fix with your family, and then
you told me some with dating. But yes, I think
(11:41):
you can. But you just update me and keep me
in the loop and everything, because I really want to
see you going to date, girl, And I see you
going to date that's kind of creepy, but I want
to know that you will get out here. You know
what I'm saying, There's nothing wrong with that. Like I said,
just make sure you keep all communication open, be honest,
and if you get serious with somebody, then that's when
(12:02):
you start thinking about sitting down with that person, telling
them all of this information, and hopefully they will still
love you for you. I don't see a reason why
man will get up and leave because you and your
family ain't saying ou to aye, you fucking with me
or you fucking with my family, you know what I mean.
Although there is a bigger picture, yes, weddings and all that,
but cross that bridge when y'all get there. You gotta
get past this first. So yes, girl, keep me updated,
(12:24):
let me know. Hold up, hold up, I know this
shit getting good, but listen to just a couple seconds
of a commercial. If you love me, you'll listen. This
is a smooth episode. And then everybody know how to
spell and y'all doing good? All right, last story. Then
I'm getting up out of here. I got a show
at TSU. Y'all at Tennessee State University tonight, y'all? All right?
(12:45):
All right, dad homecoming, yay, yay, all right. Last one, Jesz,
I need you to help me fix my mess. Shaking
my motherfucking head. I have been in an on and
off relationship with my baby daddy for the past ten years.
Everybody got this ten word today. In those ten years
of long on and offs, he has also been with
one of his baby mothers, who he's been involved with
(13:07):
for fifteen plus years. Damn, we both have known about
each other and dealt with it accordingly. Long story short,
me and him went through a rough patch for about
a year where we wasn't involved with each other. No fucking,
no chilling, just straight parenting. Not gonna lie. In that time,
I did the most. I mean, hey, I was single,
(13:29):
I didn't know how to act, and I was heartbroken
and did things I wasn't proud of. Hoh well, aha,
I see what you did this, she said, hoh well, okay,
so you went and lived your life. Okay. He was
a little hot girl, real quick, I understand, I get
the translation. Well, fast forward. He got into some legal
trouble with that same baby mother and the first person
(13:51):
he called was me, of course, And what did I do?
Drop everything and ran to him. I mean, because at
the end of the day, I still love this man.
Fast forward to the present. He hold up, did she
end the damn that? Yall? That's how she ended it?
How you gonna get me all excited for the damn
story and then stop right there, damn you. Oh my god,
(14:13):
that's some bullshit. I think she did this shit on purpose,
because how the fuck well, I'm about to give you
advice from where you began the story until now, and
then you can give me the second part, because I'm
damn sure gonna write you back and ask you what
the fuck is he doing now in the present, because
you fast forward to the present and then said he
and then stopped like he caught you about to tell
(14:35):
me his business or something, and said, bitch, give me
the phone. Shit. All right. So you've been on and
off with your baby daddy for the past ten years,
all right, But he also been dealing with one of
his other baby mothers, who obviously their child is older.
You said he been dealing with her for fifteen plus years.
I mean, I don't know if that if he had
a baby with you before her, But you come second.
(14:58):
It's basically what you're telling me. You've never been first,
is what you also are telling me, because he's never
left her alone. If it's been fifteen years for her
and ten years for you, you was the other woman,
you know, and then she could still be the other
woman as well. Shit, because what if it's a bitch
that y'all ain't find out about yet that he been
around for twenty You know what I'm saying that you
(15:21):
just never know. You said, y'all went through a rough
patch for about a year. Y'all ain't fuck y'a ain't
do nothing but just cold parent. And you said that's
when you did the most because you was heartbroken and
all of that shit. And then you was basically out
here on your sexy red shit. You know, you ain't
say you was the raw dog queen, but you out
here skiing. It's what you admitted, and it's all right.
(15:41):
A lot of women have that phase in their lives.
It could be before love, after love, all their lives.
It don't matter, you know what I'm saying. So something
you did say that I did not like. I want
women to stop fucking doing is reducing themselves. This reminds
me of what I just said to the girl with
the first story. This is again you diminishing yourself. You know,
(16:05):
you are allowing a man to have more than one woman.
And what I mean by allowing him because you can't
make him choose you and only you. You know what
I'm saying, He dealing with y'all for convenience. Like when
it comes to his convenience, he probably beefing with the
other biby mother. So that's why he fucking called you. Yeah,
he beefing with her shit. Yeah, of course he gonna
(16:28):
call you. And if he was beefing with you and
he got into some legal trouble behind you, he would
call her. Do you not see? Sister, Sister, Tiya and Tamara?
Do you not see? That's what y'all are in his eyes,
twin baby mamas, because y'all both do the same shit
for him. That's exactly what y'all are. And that's some bullshit.
(16:48):
And sometimes it takes for me to repeat your mess
back to you for you to fix it your damn self.
That's crazy. I know your baby daddy, you won't always
have to deal with him being around, in him being
in your life because he is the father of your
child or children, you know what I'm saying. However, he's
(17:11):
never going to choose only you. I don't care how
many kids you lay down and have with them. He's
not gonna ever only choose you. You know why, because
you're never going to demand that. You don't demand that
respect from him. You just sat here and told me
that you and the other baby mother knew that he
was dealing with both of y'all at the same time.
Y'all just both accepted it and handled him accordingly. That
(17:33):
basically mean y'all went along with it. That's all probably
gave him a little bit of lip and a little
bit of tantrum, and you know, did whatever y'all thought
was gonna hurt his feelings. But baby, if y'all still
at the end of the day laying down with him
and still jumping when he's say, jump, or doing things
for him, or sleeping with him when it's convenient or whatever,
or when you know he's mad and beefing with the
(17:55):
other one, that's when he over there with you. You know,
it doesn't matter. All three of y'all may as well
be in a polyamorous relationship. You know, I know you're
not attracted to her. I don't know, but I'm gonna
just say that. But that polyamorous thing was literally just me,
you know, being sarcastic. But that's what that is. You
already know. I mean, well, It's an open relationship, ain't it, y'all?
(18:16):
Just both still mad about each other. When you feel
that he favors her more, you get upset. You just
said you do the fucking most, and you go out
and you start hoing, you know what I mean. Common
denominator is him. Get rid of him, Learn how to
co parent without co fucking him. Learn how to co
parent without still being his doormat. Learn how to do that.
A lot of women do this shit too often, you know,
(18:40):
more often than not. I can't stand it. Know you're
fucking worth and that's so cliche, but I'm never gonna
stop saying it to women, because you need to know.
If you don't know, do shit to increase and to
promote self love for yourself. You need to love yourself.
I'm not saying you hate yourself, but you damn sure
don't love yourself more than you love that man. I'm
(19:01):
gonna tell you that because you dropped everything and ran
and he called you because he needed you, Because he
needed you, that's probably the only time he call you
when he needs you for something. And yes, it feels
good to be needed. It feels good until you need
the same motherfucker. That needed you. You understand what I'm saying.
It feels good until a motherfucker keep needing you and
(19:23):
you're not getting anything back, not even love and honesty
like that type of shit. You know what I'm saying, loyalty, faithfulness,
all of that shit. Compliments, back rubs and talking about
no judgment. He makes you feel good. It's only you
and him when y'all together, it's only about you. It's
(19:43):
about you when y'all ain't together. That's what the fuck
you want. That's what every woman wants. I don't give
a fuck who turns their head away and who driving
in a car listening to this shit right now disagreeing
with me. Every woman want that. I'm not a man,
so I can't speak for them. But listen, everyone want
that shit, whether you want it from another woman or
from a man, or from a group of people. That's
(20:04):
what the fuck you want a group of people at
one time, you know what I'm saying. Because everybody like
different shit. They got different purposes. But everybody wants to
be loved. That's one thing we all have in common.
Everybody wants to be loved. Okay, So I think you
should pay attention to who you are. You know what
I'm saying, because another man could be making you the
(20:27):
happiest woman that you've ever been, you know what I'm saying,
and you could be making the right man the happiest
man that he's ever been. So update me, girl. I
need to know what the fast forward was looking like.
I need to know what today is looking like, so
I can give you further advice if you come back,
(20:47):
if you come back, because sometimes I fix somebody mess
and I gave it to him to blunting and they
be like, fuck Jess, I ain't talking back guard, but
that's the risk that you run when you let me
all in your business. This. I'm not in your business
just to tell everybody what the fuck you're going through.
I'm literally here to help fix your mess. We just
got listeners because I'm telling you ain't the only one
(21:09):
going through what you sent me. So that's why we
do this shit. That's why people listen. You know what
I'm saying. But guess what. We've come to the end
of this episode, and I know y'all gonna be looking
forward to the next week's one because that's when we'll
be able to pick up with his last story left off. Okay, okay,
so in my deepest paying voice next week, y'all Can't
(22:41):
Fully Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The
Black Effect. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app,
Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.
Host
Jess Hilarious
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