April 23, 2025 • 13 mins
Welcome to this episode of Dear Chiquis! This week, Christina went through a recent breakup and asks me how I knew when I was ready to be in a new relationship; an anonymous listener wants to know if it’s time to forgive her sister; and K’Niya wants some tips on how to be better at socializing.
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached
my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheeky's podcast. I'm here
to give you a device on anything and everything you
need help with. Whether you're going through a breakup or
having issues with your family, or maybe you have a
question about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I
want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts
(00:39):
in my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious
issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.
All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at
the sound of the beeB.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Heye Cheeky's. I just want to start off by saying
I'm a huge fan of you and your family, and
I want to say thank you so much for having
this podcast. It's like listening to my big sister that
I never had. I had a question to ask you,
how did you know you were ready to be with Emelia.
I know, after your doors and everything, it was extremely
(01:14):
hard for you, but how did you know that it
was someone that you wanted to be with. I guess
my question in general is I recently got out of
a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and he dated five other girls
at the same time, and we all came forward together,
Me and the girls exchange stories. However, the group chat
(01:37):
and all of them wasn't the best supportive. So knowledge
I feel betrayed by him, but also by them, and
I'm just trying to navigate this whole situation of betrayal
and trust issues and try not to compare myself to
know when I'll be ready to date again. I'm lucky
that I have great friends that are supporting me and
(01:58):
helping me right now through this difficult time. But yeah,
I just would like some big sister advice. But anyways,
thanks girl, love.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
You, Oh Christina, thank you, thank you for listening. Thank
you for all those beautiful things you said. Okay, well,
first of all, thank goodness you're not with that person anymore.
Oh what a blessing. And you know what, don't even
take it personal with these girls. If they betrayed you,
if you feel like they backstabbed you, it's all good.
Wish them well to each their own good riddance, you know,
(02:27):
so just let them all go. This is the best
thing that could have happened to you. I've been there,
done that, I was in a narcissistic relationship. I was
in an emotional abusive relationship. I was in somewhat of
a loveless relationship. So I completely understand, which is why
when I met Emilio, I could say I was tainted,
I was jaded, but I was very honest with him
(02:48):
from the beginning. I said, hey, I am nowhere near
ready to be in a relationship. I am heartbroken, I
am healing, I am learning new things about myself, and
I'm still not divorced. So there it is. I laid
it all out and he took it. He said, it's okay,
it's fine. There's no reason why you need to heal
(03:09):
by yourself. Because for a long time I thought I
needed to be alone in order to heal, like I
had no business being with anyone. And Emilio was like,
very patient and said, this world is for us to
love one another and have a partner and so on
and so forth. So he kind of made me feel safe,
(03:31):
and that's how I knew, well, this is a person
I want to spend time with. For about two years,
I was back and forth. It was very difficult, and
he was very patient, and he was in a lot
of therapy, doing therapy weekly because I was still healing.
But I was very honest, So you know, in my defense,
I was honest and I was very straightforward, but he
(03:53):
was patient. I think it just takes a person that
is patient. But also, even if you don't have anyone
right now, there's don't rush into anything. Take this time
to heal, to read, you know, self help books. I
know they sound like, oh, there's such a cliche, but
honestly they help. I love anything that's going to make
my heart feel better, So meditate, go on hikes, do
(04:16):
things that make you happy, take care of your body.
All those things are going to make you feel better
about yourself. So when that person comes, you accept it
and you're more open to it. And I always tell
people this, try becoming the person that you want to retract.
So if you want a responsible person, then you need
to be responsible. If you want a healthy person, then
(04:37):
you need to be healthy first. If you don't want
someone that has addictions, then don't have addictions, you know,
So become that person you're trying to attract while you're healing.
So that is my suggestion, and that's what I did.
I was doing that a little bit right before I
met a medium and then you know, he helped me
the rest of the way. You know, but I didn't
know I was ready. I was still healing. I just
(04:59):
happened to have someone that was very patient, and because
I was honest, it worked. So if someone does happen
to come along the way and in your path, then
just be honest and say here, this is where I'm at.
And you also have to know what you won't tolerate.
You have to tell that person from the very beginning
so they know I'm not here to play games like
either you are in with your two feet and not
(05:20):
one foot in one foot out, or don't waste my time.
So that is my suggestion. Sorry, very long response, but
I thought it was very important that you knew all
of this. And thank you for your question, Christina. I
appreciate it and I'm wishing you all the best. All right,
next question guys from an anonymous listener. Let's see what
they gotta say.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Hi, Cheeky's since I was sixteen years old, I haven't
had a relationship or plan on having a relationship with
my older sister. I am now twenty five. I was
sexually abused by her at six years old and was
sexually assaulted by her friend's husband at fifteen while she
left me alone upstairs to party downstairs at her friend's house. Wow,
all's babysitting her children, my niece and my nephew and
(06:03):
two other children. I stopped having a relationship with her
because she hasn't apologized sincerely about any of the abuse
or recognized that she did anything wrong. Even my own
parents have said I should be the bigger person and
forgive her and move on to have a relationship with her,
because she's my sister. She has always been a lying, manipulative,
(06:25):
and narcissistic person. I don't think she'll ever change or
see that she did anything wrong. What would you do
if you were in my place? Would you move on
and forgive her?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
My goodness, bab I'm so sorry all of that happened
to you. Ah. Look, they say blood is thicker than water,
but I say we choose who we want our family
to be. If your sister has not accepted, he has
not apologized sincerely, and it sounds like your mom is
(06:57):
kind of enabling that behavior, then in my opinion, it's
okay to make and create distance between you and your sister,
it's that healthy for you. It's not going to help
your healing process and your healing journey. I think you
should forgive her, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness,
But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship
(07:18):
with her, And that doesn't mean that you're going to
forget everything she did. I think forgiveness is for you.
It's to liberate you and not carrying that around. I
forgave my dad for sexually abusing me way before he
even asked me to forgive him. I chose that. I said,
you know what, your sister has demons that she's fighting,
(07:39):
that she has to fight the things that she needs
to heal. Only she knows deep down inside why she
did what she did and why she acts the way
she acts, and she has things. I'm not saying she's
a bad person, but she has things that she has
to work through and you have to just understand that.
But that does not mean that you have to have
a relationship with her because she hasn't accepted and that
doesn't feel good. If someone doesn't validate you and you
(08:00):
don't feel vindicated, you're just enabling their behavior and that's
not okay. So I'm okay with you. I, as your
big sister, give you permission to not talk to her.
It's okay. She's not a person that is going to
bring the best out in you. If anything, she's gonna
make you upset. It's going to bother you, especially if
she hasn't apologized and accepted that she did something wrong.
(08:25):
Not okay with that, It's not okay. And boundaries are
good and they're healthy. So that is my opinion, and
I'm so sorry. I wish your sister was a better sister,
and one day she will realize, and hopefully it's not
too late when she realizes what she did. But don't
close the door all the way. I would say, you know,
have hope that she'll come around and apologize and become
(08:48):
a better person all around, not only for you, but
for her children, for herself. Let's pray for her. Let's
send her love and light. Love and light to your sister,
sending you a big hug. Okay, guys, let's go with
(09:08):
Hopefully I'm pronouncing your name correctly, Kania.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Hi Cheeky's First, I want to say I've been a
huge fan of you for a long time. You your
whole family and everyone. And my question is I have
a hard time socializing, and I think that comes from
a lot of things, like I don't know what to
say or how to react to conversations. So what do
(09:34):
you think is the biggest piece of advice with socializing Kania?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Okay, I totally understand that. I used to deal with
this with my brother, my little brother, Johnny, and now
he's a little better. He would always say, I'm so antisocial.
I feel so weird around people if I'm afraid of
sounding dumb. And I think that comes from being in
your head too much. You think a little too much,
(10:02):
and I think we all do. I definitely overanalyze a
lot of things. But I think once you get to
a point where you like completely accept yourself and love yourself,
and you're just like, this is who I am. I
like myself, you are not worried about sounding dumb or
like faking the funk. You know, because sometimes when you
(10:25):
are in a group of people and they're talking about
something that you may not even know what they're talking about.
I used to feel the same way. To be honest,
I'd be like I don't even know, like sometimes about
politics or cause I tend to forget things, and I
don't know a lot about a lot of things, you know,
So I used to just pretend or stay quiet, and
(10:47):
now what I do is, oh what does that mean?
I ask questions and I don't care if I sound
dumb or they think that I don't know about things,
like I'm like, well, it's better to ask a question
and just say straight up like, oh, I don't know,
you know? Can you explain that? Can you elaborate? You know?
And that's how you start a conversation, and then they'll
go and tell you hey, and they'll explain it, hopefully.
(11:09):
So I think it's all about getting out of your
head and just being unapologetically yourself. I think that helps
a lot, and just saying well, it's okay not to
know everything, it's okay not to be like everyone else.
I think it's just mainly getting out of our own
head that gets in our way, and I think that'll
(11:30):
definitely help a lot. So hopefully that made sense, and
hopefully that helps you. And thank you so much for
your question, and just don't worry. Don't worry so much,
just shake it off and start a conversation. And if
you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable and you
never know like if you just take the risk of
talking to someone, it will open up another world for you.
(11:52):
So do it unapologetically and do it even if you're scared.
Do it scared. It's gonna be fine, I promise you.
And before I let you go, Knia, look, trust me,
We're not the only ones and you're not the only
one that feels that way. I think we are all
in our head a lot. We all overthink, we all overanalyze.
(12:13):
We all feel a little shy or intimidated in a
new crowd or around people that we're not used to.
So just know you're not alone in that. And just
people know and have worked through it. And all you
have to do is just work through it and it'll
be fine. You'll see. Just try it, all right, guys,
So this one was just three questions, but don't worry,
we have more of Dear Cheeky's for you very soon.
(12:35):
Thank you all for your questions, Thank you for taking
the time. I hope that my advice helped. Please keep
us updated. I'd like to know what's going on, if
my advice helped or not. And if you have a question,
please leave your question at speakpipe dot com, slash Cheekys
and Jail podcast. Okay, I love you, I appreciate you,
and I will see you here. I'll be waiting for
you and your question.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Love ya.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Microldura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.
Hello, everyone, it's your big sister Cheeky's and you've reached
my personal voicemailbox for the Dear Cheeky's podcast. I'm here
to give you a device on anything and everything you
need help with. Whether you're going through a breakup or
having issues with your family, or maybe you have a
question about my personal life. Whatever the case is, I
want to hear from you. Remember these are my thoughts
(00:39):
in my opinions, and if you're suffering from a serious
issue or hardship, you should seek help from a qualified professional.
All right, now, go ahead and leave your message at
the sound of the beeB.
Speaker 2 (00:51):
Heye Cheeky's. I just want to start off by saying
I'm a huge fan of you and your family, and
I want to say thank you so much for having
this podcast. It's like listening to my big sister that
I never had. I had a question to ask you,
how did you know you were ready to be with Emelia.
I know, after your doors and everything, it was extremely
(01:14):
hard for you, but how did you know that it
was someone that you wanted to be with. I guess
my question in general is I recently got out of
a narcissistic, abusive relationship, and he dated five other girls
at the same time, and we all came forward together,
Me and the girls exchange stories. However, the group chat
(01:37):
and all of them wasn't the best supportive. So knowledge
I feel betrayed by him, but also by them, and
I'm just trying to navigate this whole situation of betrayal
and trust issues and try not to compare myself to
know when I'll be ready to date again. I'm lucky
that I have great friends that are supporting me and
(01:58):
helping me right now through this difficult time. But yeah,
I just would like some big sister advice. But anyways,
thanks girl, love.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
You, Oh Christina, thank you, thank you for listening. Thank
you for all those beautiful things you said. Okay, well,
first of all, thank goodness you're not with that person anymore.
Oh what a blessing. And you know what, don't even
take it personal with these girls. If they betrayed you,
if you feel like they backstabbed you, it's all good.
Wish them well to each their own good riddance, you know,
(02:27):
so just let them all go. This is the best
thing that could have happened to you. I've been there,
done that, I was in a narcissistic relationship. I was
in an emotional abusive relationship. I was in somewhat of
a loveless relationship. So I completely understand, which is why
when I met Emilio, I could say I was tainted,
I was jaded, but I was very honest with him
(02:48):
from the beginning. I said, hey, I am nowhere near
ready to be in a relationship. I am heartbroken, I
am healing, I am learning new things about myself, and
I'm still not divorced. So there it is. I laid
it all out and he took it. He said, it's okay,
it's fine. There's no reason why you need to heal
(03:09):
by yourself. Because for a long time I thought I
needed to be alone in order to heal, like I
had no business being with anyone. And Emilio was like,
very patient and said, this world is for us to
love one another and have a partner and so on
and so forth. So he kind of made me feel safe,
(03:31):
and that's how I knew, well, this is a person
I want to spend time with. For about two years,
I was back and forth. It was very difficult, and
he was very patient, and he was in a lot
of therapy, doing therapy weekly because I was still healing.
But I was very honest, So you know, in my defense,
I was honest and I was very straightforward, but he
(03:53):
was patient. I think it just takes a person that
is patient. But also, even if you don't have anyone
right now, there's don't rush into anything. Take this time
to heal, to read, you know, self help books. I
know they sound like, oh, there's such a cliche, but
honestly they help. I love anything that's going to make
my heart feel better, So meditate, go on hikes, do
(04:16):
things that make you happy, take care of your body.
All those things are going to make you feel better
about yourself. So when that person comes, you accept it
and you're more open to it. And I always tell
people this, try becoming the person that you want to retract.
So if you want a responsible person, then you need
to be responsible. If you want a healthy person, then
(04:37):
you need to be healthy first. If you don't want
someone that has addictions, then don't have addictions, you know,
So become that person you're trying to attract while you're healing.
So that is my suggestion, and that's what I did.
I was doing that a little bit right before I
met a medium and then you know, he helped me
the rest of the way. You know, but I didn't
know I was ready. I was still healing. I just
(04:59):
happened to have someone that was very patient, and because
I was honest, it worked. So if someone does happen
to come along the way and in your path, then
just be honest and say here, this is where I'm at.
And you also have to know what you won't tolerate.
You have to tell that person from the very beginning
so they know I'm not here to play games like
either you are in with your two feet and not
(05:20):
one foot in one foot out, or don't waste my time.
So that is my suggestion. Sorry, very long response, but
I thought it was very important that you knew all
of this. And thank you for your question, Christina. I
appreciate it and I'm wishing you all the best. All right,
next question guys from an anonymous listener. Let's see what
they gotta say.
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Hi, Cheeky's since I was sixteen years old, I haven't
had a relationship or plan on having a relationship with
my older sister. I am now twenty five. I was
sexually abused by her at six years old and was
sexually assaulted by her friend's husband at fifteen while she
left me alone upstairs to party downstairs at her friend's house. Wow,
all's babysitting her children, my niece and my nephew and
(06:03):
two other children. I stopped having a relationship with her
because she hasn't apologized sincerely about any of the abuse
or recognized that she did anything wrong. Even my own
parents have said I should be the bigger person and
forgive her and move on to have a relationship with her,
because she's my sister. She has always been a lying, manipulative,
(06:25):
and narcissistic person. I don't think she'll ever change or
see that she did anything wrong. What would you do
if you were in my place? Would you move on
and forgive her?
Speaker 2 (06:36):
Oh?
Speaker 1 (06:36):
My goodness, bab I'm so sorry all of that happened
to you. Ah. Look, they say blood is thicker than water,
but I say we choose who we want our family
to be. If your sister has not accepted, he has
not apologized sincerely, and it sounds like your mom is
(06:57):
kind of enabling that behavior, then in my opinion, it's
okay to make and create distance between you and your sister,
it's that healthy for you. It's not going to help
your healing process and your healing journey. I think you
should forgive her, even if she doesn't ask for forgiveness,
But that doesn't mean you have to have a relationship
(07:18):
with her, And that doesn't mean that you're going to
forget everything she did. I think forgiveness is for you.
It's to liberate you and not carrying that around. I
forgave my dad for sexually abusing me way before he
even asked me to forgive him. I chose that. I said,
you know what, your sister has demons that she's fighting,
(07:39):
that she has to fight the things that she needs
to heal. Only she knows deep down inside why she
did what she did and why she acts the way
she acts, and she has things. I'm not saying she's
a bad person, but she has things that she has
to work through and you have to just understand that.
But that does not mean that you have to have
a relationship with her because she hasn't accepted and that
doesn't feel good. If someone doesn't validate you and you
(08:00):
don't feel vindicated, you're just enabling their behavior and that's
not okay. So I'm okay with you. I, as your
big sister, give you permission to not talk to her.
It's okay. She's not a person that is going to
bring the best out in you. If anything, she's gonna
make you upset. It's going to bother you, especially if
she hasn't apologized and accepted that she did something wrong.
(08:25):
Not okay with that, It's not okay. And boundaries are
good and they're healthy. So that is my opinion, and
I'm so sorry. I wish your sister was a better sister,
and one day she will realize, and hopefully it's not
too late when she realizes what she did. But don't
close the door all the way. I would say, you know,
have hope that she'll come around and apologize and become
(08:48):
a better person all around, not only for you, but
for her children, for herself. Let's pray for her. Let's
send her love and light. Love and light to your sister,
sending you a big hug. Okay, guys, let's go with
(09:08):
Hopefully I'm pronouncing your name correctly, Kania.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
Hi Cheeky's First, I want to say I've been a
huge fan of you for a long time. You your
whole family and everyone. And my question is I have
a hard time socializing, and I think that comes from
a lot of things, like I don't know what to
say or how to react to conversations. So what do
(09:34):
you think is the biggest piece of advice with socializing Kania?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Okay, I totally understand that. I used to deal with
this with my brother, my little brother, Johnny, and now
he's a little better. He would always say, I'm so antisocial.
I feel so weird around people if I'm afraid of
sounding dumb. And I think that comes from being in
your head too much. You think a little too much,
(10:02):
and I think we all do. I definitely overanalyze a
lot of things. But I think once you get to
a point where you like completely accept yourself and love yourself,
and you're just like, this is who I am. I
like myself, you are not worried about sounding dumb or
like faking the funk. You know, because sometimes when you
(10:25):
are in a group of people and they're talking about
something that you may not even know what they're talking about.
I used to feel the same way. To be honest,
I'd be like I don't even know, like sometimes about
politics or cause I tend to forget things, and I
don't know a lot about a lot of things, you know,
So I used to just pretend or stay quiet, and
(10:47):
now what I do is, oh what does that mean?
I ask questions and I don't care if I sound
dumb or they think that I don't know about things,
like I'm like, well, it's better to ask a question
and just say straight up like, oh, I don't know,
you know? Can you explain that? Can you elaborate? You know?
And that's how you start a conversation, and then they'll
go and tell you hey, and they'll explain it, hopefully.
(11:09):
So I think it's all about getting out of your
head and just being unapologetically yourself. I think that helps
a lot, and just saying well, it's okay not to
know everything, it's okay not to be like everyone else.
I think it's just mainly getting out of our own
head that gets in our way, and I think that'll
(11:30):
definitely help a lot. So hopefully that made sense, and
hopefully that helps you. And thank you so much for
your question, and just don't worry. Don't worry so much,
just shake it off and start a conversation. And if
you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel comfortable and you
never know like if you just take the risk of
talking to someone, it will open up another world for you.
(11:52):
So do it unapologetically and do it even if you're scared.
Do it scared. It's gonna be fine, I promise you.
And before I let you go, Knia, look, trust me,
We're not the only ones and you're not the only
one that feels that way. I think we are all
in our head a lot. We all overthink, we all overanalyze.
(12:13):
We all feel a little shy or intimidated in a
new crowd or around people that we're not used to.
So just know you're not alone in that. And just
people know and have worked through it. And all you
have to do is just work through it and it'll
be fine. You'll see. Just try it, all right, guys,
So this one was just three questions, but don't worry,
we have more of Dear Cheeky's for you very soon.
(12:35):
Thank you all for your questions, Thank you for taking
the time. I hope that my advice helped. Please keep
us updated. I'd like to know what's going on, if
my advice helped or not. And if you have a question,
please leave your question at speakpipe dot com, slash Cheekys
and Jail podcast. Okay, I love you, I appreciate you,
and I will see you here. I'll be waiting for
you and your question.
Speaker 3 (12:55):
Love ya.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
This is a production of iHeartRadio and the Microldura podcast Network.
Follow us on Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow
me Cheeky's That's c h i q u i s.
For more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,
or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast.
Host
Chiquis
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