April 21, 2025 • 54 mins
This week Mandii & Weezy are SOLO! First the ladies deep dive into the limits of quality time with their own partner with Mandii limiting a vacation to only 4 days with a significant other or friend. After that Wolf joins the conversation by giving an insight of how a man feels when their girlfriend has a male “best friend” ,why another woman shouldn’t be cooking for a man who is in a relationship, and why the male/female dynamic in a friendship could be finicky. Then Mandii & Weezy give the breakdown on how to tell your significant other if you were in the same room with a past fling. Last but not least, the ladies go over the true difference of boundaries vs insecurities.
Help us become a New York Time's Best Seller & make sure you pre-order your copy of Mandii & Weezy’s upcoming debut book:
“No Holes Barred: A Dual Manifesto Of Sexual Exploration And Power” w/ Tempest X!
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Follow the hosts on social media Weezy @Weezywtf & Mandii B @Fullcourtpumps and follow the Decisions Decisions pages
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of
Charlamagne of God and guess what, I can't wait to
see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.
That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April
twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none
other than Decisions, Decisions, Man, DyB and Weezy. Okay, we
got the R and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine.
We got the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts,
(00:22):
we got Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be
there with her next sports podcast, and the Trap Nerds
podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's
bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with
black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep
you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you
don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your
tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
the Decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Persky.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
You definitely say to Welcome, Welcome to the new podcast
how about you want to say together the Decisions Decisions.
Hey guys, No Holds Bart is going live and tickets
are available now.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
We are so excited to be back on the road.
We've added so many new cities and don't worry. This
is not your average book tour.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
That's right, No Holds Bart Do a manifesto of sexual
exploration and power is hitting the stage. And for everyone
that's coming general admission and VIP, you do have the
opportunity to add a signed copy of the book to
your ticket.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Make sure you hurry up click the link in this bio.
We're going to see you soon.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Welcome everybody to another episode of Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I'm your girl, me and dy b I am WEEZYWTF.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
We are back for another episode and we haven't really
caught up about much, but we know Mandy got a boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I mean we've been saying that now for a while.
You know, Uh, things are good. Well, how do you
guys schedule?
Speaker 4 (01:53):
So you guys, last time I know you saw him,
we were in Denver for work.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, I'm going literally after this trip to La to
be with him for.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
One of his work things.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
And then he's already looking up flights to come to
Atlanta to spend another week with me. It's so strange
because I enjoy my space. Even in my last relationship,
I would see my partner three to four days a week.
There's not a trip I go on where I want
to be there more than four days. It doesn't matter
(02:25):
if it's international or not. Like I literally go to
Abu Dhabi for my birthday for four days. And so
I could tell he's having a thing about that because
he's like, I guess I only get to see you
for three to four days.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh love you, Mandy.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I was about to be like, can you stay one
more day so we could record I get to Las Yeah, no,
I'm leaving. I got to go back for work in Atlanta.
But I literally am.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Like, I know my capacity as a person to be
around somebody. Like it's to the point where, even when
people started staying with me when I still lived here
in New York, by after the third day, I would
get them a hotel, Like I cannot be confined in
a space with someone very long, and I'm very aware
(03:09):
of that. And so because we're now staying at each
other's place, I'm like, well, Babe, this is the capacity
I have, like vacation with your friends, for lord, No,
not for more than four days. Literally with Crystal, we
went to South Africa for four days. I lived in Asia,
I was living in Singapore, and we did each stop
at a different time. But also like in one we'd
have a villa multiple rooms, and one we'd have multiple
(03:32):
rooms if there was more than like we wouldn't stay
in the same room. Okay, well two bedroom keeps me happy. Yeah, Like, well,
I don't have another bed. My second bedroom is a
content space and luckily I have an upstairs and downstairs now.
But no, I realize like how much I need my space.
And I'm trying to talk to him because he's lived
(03:53):
with his last two exes and so he's used to
that confinement and being.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
On some I a lot of experience for being that young,
but I haven't.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So I am just like trying to tell him it's
not about you, but to me in order to.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I hate that he takes it as.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Like I'm dealing with him or putting up with him,
but I'm just fully aware that I need space from people.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Like even Rosie just.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Came and spent a couple of days in my house,
and before she came, she went and stayed with a
friend before she even came to my house because I
knew how long she was going to be in Atlanta.
And luckily I have my little discount, but I will
literally buy somebody a hotel room so that they're not
in my space. So right now, with being that, we're
commuting to see each other, and again, luckily it's been
(04:40):
every two to three weeks, so I feel lucky.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It's like baby four days. So when he comes to
Atlanta so much more, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
I don't know, I don't care, Like he literally just
booked a flight to where he's like, technically it's fine,
but it's not. So he's coming in Monday night at
like two am, so technically that's Tuesday and leaving Friday.
To him, that's a Monday through Friday. So he's sneaking
in a fifth day. But I'm like, babe, I don't
want you to take it like thing. But there's literally
(05:11):
nobody in the world like that. I want to spend
that much time with, like even my family. I'll go
to Orlando and spend one day, Like I really like
my alone time. I really like the ability to recharge
my social battery. And I'm fully self aware that I
like my space, I like my time. I like that
(05:35):
and I almost need it. It's not even that I
like it, I need it. And so that's what we're
talking about now because he's like, babe, we live like
on two different coasts, Like damn, can I see? Like
he literally wants me to go see his family in
Italy this summer, and I was like, okay, well I'll
go there for about.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Four days and you can stay longer. Stop swear to god.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
I kind of get that, you.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Like no, no, no, Like you got a lot now if
you're with his family for four days and then you
guys to do something else.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's still being with him for more, Like that is
a lot.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I need my and to me, it sounds even stranger
for me to go stay by myself longest vacation you've
never taken.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Maybe five days but.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
The partner only five days.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
No, not with a partner, even with friends.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
But I'm now even since then I have my own room,
like even Deandre's birthday, Like I could call Crystal right now,
like I kind of want to call it right now,
and like Crystal and Crystal is who travels with me everywhere.
That's the longest we've done is four days, even going
to South Africa. We did Johannesburg for two days and
Cape down for two days. Four days is like literally
(06:35):
my max to be around people before I'm like, I'm
gonna go off by myself.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I need.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
That's what Like, Vinnie and I have traveled for weeks
on end together.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Nah, I've never done that week.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
See, we like travel, I mean that's what we used
to do. We're young, laur in Europe or exploring Asia, like.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Even when I toured two weeks around.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah, we love it. But what we do is we separate.
So if we're not in separate rooms, which for most
of the time at this age now that always happens.
But yeah, he would do his own thing, I'd stay
in like I'm not and him and I And that's
why Vinny and I are such good friends. We could
be in a club, lose each other and find each
(07:15):
other and not be angry.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And you know some motherfucker, Oh yeah, no, I do
that with all Some people be like, oh well we
then and we came to g e. I've never been
like that. And maybe that's what helps.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
But you're making me think because so Frianda met somebody
and I wanted to see a photo and she's like, no,
because you and my partner are living each other's skin,
and you're gonna tell him and I have to keep
it close to the chest, that's between me and God
until it goes forward.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
And I'm like, I'm not gonna tell him.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
She's like, yes, you are. And I remember she came
back from a date and he was in the house
and we both sat there like tell us and yeah,
I think a lot of our friends feel like that
right now that we are spending a lot of time together.
And I don't know, like it's interesting because there are
two different types of people, you know, Like one of
my friends is dating someone who feels the same as
(08:03):
your partner, kind of like why can't I have more
with you when we live in two different cities, And
he's like, bro, I just it's not even about her.
I just after a few days, I'm like, ah, I
need to be alone.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's not about him.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
And I told him that, whereas my partner is like,
I'm not really feeling that.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I don't feel like my alone time is needed to recharge.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
I may need a moment of not talking or being
having some space, but I don't feel like that. Even
in Thailand we were doing we never really had a
moment where we were feeling like.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I need a night alone. But I think it's just
everyone's temperament.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Because my friend that expressed that to me was like, bro,
I feel so bad that I'm in love with her
and she thinks I don't want to be around her. However,
I will say, I said to him, how do you
then be with someone long term that completely feels invalidated
because you can't spend that much time with them?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh? No, they got to take that up with a therapist.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I'm telling him it is not about him, like and
I think that that's the problem with dating. I know,
I know you chuckled a little bit, but to be fair,
I'm very aware of Milt's issue.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
No, if you feel.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Invalidated what I'm telling you, it's not you, it's me
needing space. I'm a human being who has had a
lot of time alone, who spends a lot of time
around other people, who works a lot in a capacity
where I'm constantly around other people. I'm fully aware that
I need space. This has nothing to do with a
lack of interest to you. This has nothing to do
with my investment to you. This has nothing to do
(09:29):
with how much I like you. And it's so funny
because we both are catching ourselves with the L word
right now, and he's like, ooh, almost said it. I
was okay, baby, And we do this thing where we
kiss when we hang up, and we're both not saying it,
but I'm like, I feel so adored by this man,
like I really genuinely like him. And it's so crazy
because when we're like around each other, the PDA is crazy.
(09:50):
Like we we hug, we hold hands, we have to
wrap each other around each other, like the forehead kisses.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
The mouth kits. To me, that's not a compromise.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
My compromise is four days and I'm spending money to
come to la You spend money to come to Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
We meet in between, we make these plans.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I love the idea of missing you, but in this
space that I'm in where I'm constantly around other people,
I really wholeheartedly need my recharge, Like and I think
that's why I'm really enjoying this move right now, because
I don't have the fomo of being outside in Atlanta,
and I literally just spend time in my house.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Oh you should see, I'll be locking.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Baby laugh because like I can feel that because when
I'm in New York again.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
New York makes me la.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I don't feel like I have to be outside, and
it's constantly my mind doesn't stop. Oh you should see.
Y'all could talk about me as a cat mom. I
don't care. There's times where I'm literally at the house
and I will lock body in a room because he
just be trying to be up on me. Sometimes body
go away, now hold on, I will.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Put body in a laugh.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
When Mandy said, I guess it's more so of the
fact that I'm wondering, is it down to a tea
that you know that it is a four day thing?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, like even with traveling. Yes, Like I'm going to
Jamaica literally for Labor Day weekend. Y'all Choco blisz, get
your tickets, now join me there, And it's five to
seven days.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I'm like you, I don't know if I can't,
I can't go. That's a long trip. It's always a
long trip.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Five d like anything more than four is a long time,
even for me to be around, like Crystal, who we
have a thirteen year friendship.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
It's literally what I know.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I'm with her, and she had she had a day job,
like I traveled a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Like we even used to say there would be days
where we wouldn't see each other. Bro.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I had niggas coming in the house that she never met. Like, Bro,
how the fuck we live together this long and I
ain't never seen this thing. Anything came and knock them
down since. But I'm thinking for compromise and genuinely you
care about this person. He cares about you. Fuck the
invalidation thing and saying it's an insecurity he wants to
go on a trip with you Europe is far right.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Let's just say he's like, yo, I would.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Love to spend three days with you with my family
and three days with us on the beach like in Europe.
Like that's a long trek for both of you, especially
him being in La for him.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It's a long trek for me it's six eight hours.
But still it's a thing he wants to do with you.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Could you because you He's what Edan's making the point
of it is like you're saying it's four days, maybe
could you try to see how you can recharge yourself
while spending that much time.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
That's actually another reason. Yet you're right, that is kind
of also why I chuckled a bit because it makes
me wonder, Okay, how do we get Mandy to day five?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Right? I mean he's trying to figure it out, which
is why.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Yeah, that's I mean, I think I would be trying
to figure out how to make just day five happen.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, but I think we're we're also still so new,
like I don't want to be in a point like
I love that. Also when we're around, there's no arguments.
It's fun Like, I love that. I don't want to
get to the point where maybe he sees me so
early in my funk. I'm fully aware that I need
a break, girl, I need.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
A charge a man knowing you get in your moods. Oh,
he's a relationship, that's fine. He has seen me get
testy with like an Uber driver or him not. It's
funny because he drives in LA and I have like
a thing about I'm gonna do the Ubers because every
time in Vegas that he even ordered Uber wrong pin
drop and it was like we were waiting on a
fucking car too long.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
So I'm just like I got it.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
But to me, I mean again, I think in relationships,
I think what's important is self awareness, and I think
a lot of people lack it. I am being very
open with what I can, what I can deal with him,
what I can, what I can't.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I think you don't know. I know I'm telling no,
I know you don't know what this person. That's unfair.
It's not unfair. It's me as a person.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
It's with my exits, with my best friends, it's with
my family, it's with work, like and I think that's
another thing, Like damn, I'm saying what I know about
myself and people are like, well, maybe you don't like
I think.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
It just lacks compromise.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Seriously, I think if someone so if the shoe was
on the other foot, to know that someone couldn't try
for you.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think four days in Europe, I get what you mean.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
We have the means to bounce around and do what
we want to do, but like, not everybody bounces back
like that, like jet lag, time spent, Like maybe he
wants to show you more of what he's seen. Like
I think it's perfectly normal and okay to say, can
I get another day or two out of you and
you could learn how to recharge? If it's a hard
no for you, it's a hard note for you. But
I think being that you have someone that you know
(14:17):
really cares about you, I think he'd be more than
willing to help you find that space, like and be
open to it, like if you really need the recharge,
because there has to be at some point you learn
to recharge while around a partner, Like I think that
does have to exist.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
What does that cool down look like for you? Let's
say a four days happen and this amongst your partner
or like my friends us, let's say like four days happens.
How do you cool down? And when do you know
you're ready to see your partner again?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
I literally am home the whole day.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
Yeah, like soaking, I.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Take my nap. Like it's funny because he knows my routine.
Like when I'm home, I have a three o'clock nap.
I like having on my pods. I like if I
want to turn on a TV, I turn it on.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
I like it's a literal shut down from everyone, Like
I might be on the phone till maybe ten am.
Because I'm like a seven am riser and that's it.
Like I'm literally away from crowds and people, and I
think I think it's gotten worse because of the capacity
(15:20):
of us, even touring the live shows, the constant like
dealing with multiple teams, you know, like we're in slick
I have slack for two other businesses. Like it's a
constant thing to where I literally in order for me
to show up is my best self. It's something that
I need and to me, we'll work around it. But
that's something that I need. And I don't want to
(15:42):
get to a place where I resent somebody over compromise
or being forced to do something that I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
And I think that.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Already dealing with the long distance and us finding ways
to compromise with each other, we are like I even
told them, like moody shit, I don't really like. So
I said, hey, babe, if you realize you want a mood,
we cannot do it like I did it when like
he's a lot going on with work, and so even
before he came to Denver, I was like, if you're
(16:08):
in a mood and you're not in the best space.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I'd rather you not come to Denver.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Like, I'm also very particular with when we finally get
to see each other that we have this amazing time
together that all of the outside noise doesn't bother us
enjoying each other. And I guess that's also my view
on partnership, Like I'm looking at our partnership in relationship
as being able to exhibit and live life together and
(16:32):
make memories together. But it's also I'm not looking to cohabitate.
I'm not looking for marriage, I'm not looking for kids,
and so all of those stressors don't exist. We should
be able to like, really, you know, just enjoy each other.
I get to do that with my friends. I really
want to be able to do that with my partner.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
With you, where do you feel like your limit might be? First,
let's say if we were to like try to calculate
it both the cool down and like, let's say after it, right,
my limit.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Is actually only so with people I'm not comfortable.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
With time wise though, Like let's say she gave us
four days.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
No, she said she could be Oh no, I couldn't
be with my partner every day.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
Give me, there has to be a limit, There's no way, dog,
I'm Okay, so even though I know you're in like LEVYDW,
but still no.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Some real shit, like I'm very comfortable with him.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
You have to remember also, I lived with someone before
when I was in Mexico living with old Bay Like,
of course he's a piece of shit, but I wasn't taught.
I know how to live with someone and not paying
to have my own space. I've never lived in a
one bedroom with someone. I've never had a roommate bad
enough space, so I'm pretty good with that. I was
actually thinking of something when you were talking, because my
(17:42):
partner also told me he's never spent this much time
with someone. He's like, I really thought I needed my
loane time. But we kind of know what to do
with each other to recharge.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
He said.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
I was in a really bad mood. And don't get
me wrong, we understand when space happens. But I was
upset about something and he wanted to comfort me, and
we had plans, and he said, listen, if we were
living together already, what would you want me to do?
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Go out to sit outside? You want me to go
stuff myself in the second bedroom. You need to learn
how to be around me. I don't give a fuck, Like,
you're sitting here screaming calling me because you need me,
but you don't want me to see you like this.
I'm going to see you and show up for you.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
You need some space when we're in the house, fine,
I'll take Nina whatever, but I'm gonna see you in
every emotion. We talked about marriage and being together for
the future, like and you don't want me to see
you like this?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
That was it.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
I was like, I can, have you seen me like this?
And he was like, oh no, like this this is
what life is. This is what my partnership and me
giving myself to you is, which is the opposite of me.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So I think, but I.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Think, no one's wrong. No, no, no, I'm not saying
you're wrong at all. This is where I love that
we are different. We exist with partners that are different
or may want different things.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I do want to build on that conversation for secon. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
What's interesting about what happened was I, for a moment,
thought what he was doing was wrong. What I realized
is that that was a big step for me because
I was feeling really down, really bad, and I hadn't
gotten that vulnerable yet. What I was feeling was I
(19:14):
can never let him see me like this because he
thinks of me a certain way. So it wasn't like
just a bad day, like I need to be by
myself tonight, babe. It was like, I'm really hurting. I
think in my past relationships, I have only came to
partners when I need them. I haven't let them shown
up for me in those moments. And I realized that's
something that makes him feel like we are closer and connected,
(19:39):
knowing that we can support each other because he wants
it for me if he needs me. So it's weird
because in one way, I've definitely seen it as like
this face is good, but I also can see the
other side of hey, we have to know every facet.
And it's crazy because Brion did and I go back
and forth about this a lot. She's who I've talked
(20:00):
a lot about this relationship with. I guess she's seen
it the most hands on, and she's like, Damn, I
don't know if I ever want to be as in
love with someone as the two of you are. Because
I would never let my man know I was hurting
like this. I would never let him know I was
feeling ugly or fat or just making shit up right now?
Feeling fat, feeling down about myself. I don't know if
I would ever let a man see that. And I'm like,
(20:22):
I can't believe I did let a man see that.
On the contrary, we had this conversation in front of
him and he was like, I wouldn't be with a
woman if I couldn't understand her completely and fully, I
would hate for her to have these dark thoughts about
herself or something that's going on and I can't see
it for you?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Who am I to you?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Then?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Is there another friend that's doing this? Is there a
place I can't meet?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:45):
How is it possible that you're hurting this bad if
I'm the closest person to you and I can't help you?
And we talked a lot about that, because when no
Hole's Barred, I was writing it the depression chapter set
in and he's like, have you ever been depressed? With
Obay said his name. I was like a little bit,
and he's like he couldn't see it or read it,
And how is it that you thought you were in
(21:06):
love with someone and you couldn't open up to them,
like I'm hurting I feel like this He's like, you're
telling me you ran in the car to get on
the phone with a therapist and had a man with
you that loves you, and you didn't say it out loud,
And you know what's crazy?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That showed me.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
I may not have been that in love because I
could tell a.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Friend easy when I need some help.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
But for some reason, in romantic relationships, that vulnerability looks different.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It's weird.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I even on the opposite sense of that, had the conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I think we actually had this conversation on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Like I would go to Crystal or Ish or Carla
or my therapist with things. I have zero expectations of
my partner being somebody to see, feel.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Hear everything that I'm going through.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I don't put that emphasis on a romantic partner to
be someone to be able to receive or take in
all of my feelings of everything that I'm doing. I
think literally, I'll text my therapist and be like, oh shit,
something's bothered me, and it's something that I may never
even tell my partner because he's not a podcaster. We
(22:18):
even talk about how we're in completely different industries. I
think that where I'm at and maybe I'm leaning more
towards this polly like way of thinking. I have zero
desire for my partner to feel or have the expect
or the expectations of taking me on fully with every feeling,
(22:42):
every issue in my life, every element of my life,
because again, he's my romantic partner. How we exist is
so different than my than my relationship with my therapist,
than my relationship with my mom, than my relationship with
Crystal and all of my other best friends.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
I think we do need to obviously still keep your
friendships and shit. I think in this particular conversation I'm having,
it's more so the vulnerability. It's not like, tell me everything,
but I need to know when you're going through it
and when there's pain there, because I haven't done that before.
Like I did not like to show my worse self
(23:17):
in a relationship because I never felt like it would
be conducive to.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
How they view me.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Kind of like me looking raggedy, Like I don't want
you to see me looking raggedy, but maybe you know
what exists without making whatever it might be. I think
like that was a very interesting turning point in learning
that I'm with someone that wants to be with me
for the long haul because you're carrying in a different way.
I also understand because if I found out my partner
(23:43):
was able to come to other people about things that
they couldn't come to with me, not work issues, like
a podcast thing, something that was deep and serious to them,
that would hurt.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I don't know if that would hurt me. I think
that's the crazy thing. Me and him are having these
conversations a lot about what it looks like like he
has a female best friend. We actually just had this
conversation recently and he was like, I kind of feel
like you're not as invested or don't care like I'm
having to try to see what would you not allow,
(24:14):
like because just with with anything like what she looked
like his best friend is gorgeous doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
I have I have a lot of I have a
lot of male best friends.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
And what I'm realizing is he has the confusion with
my response to a lot of things. And he's like,
oh my god, Like I went to my best friend's play,
then dropped her best friend off at home and met
her family and we all hung out and ate dinner
before the play, and he was like, you asked me
how the play was you asked me how the dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Was, and that's it.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
He's like, I counted, if I shared that same story
with any of my exes, I would have, oh hell,
would have broke loose because what do you mean you
dropped off another woman home? What do you mean you
met your female best friends? He was like, I actually
wasn't allowed to have my best friend around in my
last relationship, wow, because she was a woman. And so
he's like, I had this conversation with my mom trying
(25:13):
to figure out what the line is, because you don't
show up with jealousy and rage and arguments over things
that in my past relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Same too. Well, but that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And I told him, I said, there's no way I
would show up that way because when I'm out with Keith,
or I'm on the phone with Ish, or I'm like
literally my homeboy side came over my house the other
day for game night.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I said, Babe, I'm around a lot of men.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I said, there's no way I could show up that
way because I in no way would expect your behavior
to be that way with me.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Wolf just because you're home Teppye.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
So my partner has told me this is the first
time he's ever been around a woman that's had so
many men around. And now you know my homeboys are
his andre whatever, even my gay male friends.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I'm bringing this up because when Bree found out my
male friends were hanging or maybe one needed to stay
over because I have a two bedterman New York, She's like,
there should be no male female friendship, Like the fuck
that's way too close. Do you think a woman having
close male friends is something you could deal with or
something that's respectful to a long term relationship?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Not?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Hey, Ed, and you're on camera? Are you not on
camera because you laughing? Oh? You ain't no camera, That's
why you're laughing.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
Okay, because we have different male friendships and pretty much
running our shit the same.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I want to know what you.
Speaker 6 (26:39):
Think it got to be, like absolutely no chance humanly
possible that there's like some intimacy or like thoughts about
each other. It got to be one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
How do you ever know that though?
Speaker 4 (26:50):
And I see this is the conversation Eddon's pointed at
me because my man is.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Like all of them niggas want to fuck you. I believe.
I don't believe, no man, it wouldn't take it.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
If you want to suck they dick, if you one
to fuck him, it would They're not your brother.
Speaker 7 (27:03):
It's gonna take some interrogation, you know what I mean.
It's gonna take the terrogation you would terrogate in the
male front, interrogating everything, asking her, what have y'all been through?
What type of have y'all sleep in the same bed?
Like certain things are like good q's and be like
it's something going on right here, Like y'all sleeping in
the same bed once before.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
That's a red flag.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
For me sleeping in the same bed together. But if
there was no sex, nigga, maybe.
Speaker 7 (27:25):
We had to keep bed Thigg's cuddled before some shit liked.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Is different than just laying in.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
Alex and I had to share a bed and it
was awful. We were in Soho house in Israel. They
had no two beds, and he was like, I'm gonna
get the pillow. Good bitch, ain't no what you want
me to do. But I remember it being weird, and
I was single at the time, and I remember when he.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Called his girl.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
I was like, I can't believe this bitch knows I'm
right here, Like is he insane, and she's very secure
because it wouldn't be me.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
You ain't about to sit up in the motherfucking bed
with your female rest friend.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
You Hi, Nigga's interesting? What a contrast?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
No, I think there needs to be boundaries.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Number one, Oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
My partner told me when we first met, like, what
the fuck are you going to dinner with niggas?
Speaker 3 (28:07):
For what I go to dinners? I was like, I'm
so confused. I thought this was normal.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Now I see now, I think what's happened now is
He's just like maybe because he has a relationship with
these men, but also I'm bouncing around different cities. I'm
catching my homeboys wherever, Like we're talking about work whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
I get it. But he's like, how the fuck would
you feel about me taking a bit?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
My boyfriend facetimed me he went over his best friend's
house and she was cooking. She was cooking a lot
of food, and he went over and her homegirls was
there and I'm.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
On face side, it was just them. He's gone, that's
his best.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Friend, right, I have. I have male best friends, so
I like to do it for people. I used to
cook for Alex when we were both single. I'm gonna
be honest. This is someone I own a business with
and I've been friends with a long time.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I can understand if I was making a meal for Alex,
how that would make my part.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
Few right now?
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yes, now, in his mind, Alex and I are always
gonna talk about work when we're around each other. Now
it's just turned into that. But I'm trying to think
what if it was Andre?
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Now I feel like hypocritical because I'm like, because I
do think it's kind of creepy.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Why are if Andre?
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Because and Andre is the close meal front I have
that I don't have networking or work relationships, right, Andre
comes over just for me to cook for him?
Speaker 5 (29:24):
Now, But y'all closed though, I know, see that's different.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
That's what I'm okay.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
See, this is the thing if a stranger cooked, if
my girl cooked the cook cooked the meal for another dude,
I don't really know like that, I'm like, what the
fuck it is like one of her bestest friends. I'd
be like, okay, cool, it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Now my girl.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
I can only imagine if she someone cooked the meal
for me in either sense, I could see that, but.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Can you see your girl? Can you have an old man?
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Man did, and I was like, okay, babe, good because
you're cooking looks like dog food.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
So I hope you get that.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Well, let me tell you, like, I think it's the thing,
the only thing, and this is fucked up.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I really believe this, and I'm lucky that in these.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Two male relationships it's not the case. However it was
the case in other ones. It's it never happened to
me with al or Andre. But there's always one that
if something was a little different, they would do it.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
So the question is, are you allowed to cook for
another person?
Speaker 7 (30:19):
No?
Speaker 4 (30:19):
No, no, do y' all believe that in a male and
female dynamic there's always one who feels like.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
I mean, I'm not gonna lie that me and him
just it's funny because where I don't exhibit jealousy at all,
he kind of does. I was telling him a story
about I'm not gonna say which person, but someone in
a sex club has made me squirt before, right, And
I was just at a sex club in Atlanta and
(30:44):
they were there, and my homegirl got to experience the
magical fingers, and so.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
I'm feeling so you can't say magical fings, magical fingers
if I was your man hearing this and I just
heard my girl talk about magical fingers sperm.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Anyway, Anyway, what's crazy is so I'm telling him that,
you know, I h and he was like, we're gonna
put a pin in this because I fell away. What
do you mean you were just in the room with
someone who had fingered you before And I was like yeah,
and I said, and when he fingered me, nigga, it
(31:21):
was with and with the permission of my ex boyfriend
in a sex club.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
I'm your relationship today as it stands. Can you get
could you have gotten fingered by him?
Speaker 5 (31:31):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I'm not gonna lie, and maybe y'all hear more of
it on Patreon. I literally went out the other night
and literally text him sub drunk, babe, what's our boundaries again?
Because I want to eat pussy tonight and I literally
fucked someone like the girl and well, no, no, no, right now,
it's just women. He's even said, Babe, if we have
so much time apart and you have the urge, I
(31:54):
would want you to share with me that urge to
see a man, because I'll probably try.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
To book the next flight out.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
But if we're in a space where like he's looking
at a role right now, that might take him to
Europe for months, and I.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Can't get to Europe because maybe we're on tour.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I let him know, we'll have that conversation, but you
could have sex, and maybe if.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm in the need, I'm gonna need some too.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Do you think he has the same sexual appetite of
like wanting to fuck other people.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
No, he's told me he doesn't. Okay, that's on him.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
I like, I mean, I like women, which is why,
like I did, I hit him up and was like, babe,
I really want to like be with a woman today.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
But right now he doesn't want you to sex with
other men.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
No, no, no, no, no no, But I don't need to,
like even the way he's like the flowers.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
You don't need to have sex with other women.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
I just want to say that, Well, no, he ain't
got a pussy, so I'm completely different. Like sex and
intimacy with a woman is way different than a man,
which is why I've said we are non monogamous. And
an element of that is because when and if I
have the desire to be with a woman, I don't
want that cage.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
The way I just love that shit though, yeah, I
think the real.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
No, they also love it when it's when they could
be a part of it, mind you. I also so
he asked me about the like, so, baby, did you
get pussy last night? I said yeah. He was like, oh,
tell me about her. I said, it was my friend
and me and her just went and got food.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
The other night. And so even him, he's like, oh,
she was really touchy on you.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
But I'm like, nigga, you know, we funk. So that's
my friend. He's having to get used.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
To the fact that, well, I've fucked quite a bit
of my friends. Like he's about to meet one in La.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Baby, we've had sex before, like and so now he's like,
I want to know who you've had sex with before,
even if I meet them.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
And I said, okay, oh I think that's a good rule. Yeah,
I think that's fine. Girl.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
We just went out to some I'm a piano party
of love little house, and I'm like it was so funny.
I was like, Damn, that girl looks so cute and familiar.
I thought she was like and certain. So he's looking
at very and I'm like what's wrong? Oh is that
the bitch fucking in the parking lot that one time?
And then a second later I'm like, oh, I went
out with that n again. He's like, who the fuck
are we?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Bro? We just thinkas we can't.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Go nowhere, And I love having that, but I will
say I like knowing I don't want to be around
no bitch. I'm saying, what's up to because I'm a
cool ass bitch. Bro, you told me you was fucking
a bitch last week when I was out of town.
As long as I know, I'm okay, I'm very very comfortable.
The sneakiness is what I can't do knowing that I
could be around somebody that you are keep You're holding
(34:35):
this from so you I don't know.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Man, what it's a good time to tell your said
partner about this. By the way, what do you mean.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
If we're in a space, Let's just say we go
out to a restaurant, bar.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Do I tell them?
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Because I've had scenarios like this before where you got
it before too. Oh yeah, okay, yeah, So I've had
a partner and then she was around on the girl
that yeah, you don't let me with and then so okay,
so okay, so I got to do it there. Yes, ah,
oh you should.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Have seen the way me and me and my boyfriend
just been telling stories and I brought up somebody and
he was like.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Ah, that's relationship with that person. So then he brings
someone else up and.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I had to be like, you remember how you were
weird about me because they were celebrities. So I was like, ah,
you want to know how it was weird? I brought
up that girl. Oh I'm adjacent tip.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Oh yeah, that guy that you just mentioned. We kind
of fucked. And it's so funny because he was like,
I'm actually kind of shocked. I mean we kind of fucked.
I kind of kind of let him put it in.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Yeah, we kind of it was only like a two
time thing. And here he goes because you know, he
was like, would you really have space?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
You said, what would you want to know if you
were in the same space or would you want to
know later?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Do you mean in the same space or one of
his work events.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
Let's say there's a colleague he slept with, or a
woman that's in the field, whatever, would you want to
know if you guys are around her all night? Or
would you want to know later. Do you have a
boundary that you know yet let me know and changes anything. No,
I'm saying, Mandy, but when would you feel weird if
he told you the next day, next week?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I was there three to three. I mean, it depends
if we are talking to each other.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
If it's a woman who's just in the room that
I don't have a connection with, that she comes up
and you know, I'm introduced to her at that moment.
When she leaves us, maybe tell me because now I've been.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
You want to know in the place. Yeah, that's the point.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
If she's just in the room, So MACI, you point
out everybody that you've fucked in the room.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
If I like, I might not have.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Even seen there shouldn't be that many people in the room.
But I will say I've never seen him ignore someone
he slept with. Generally speaking, he'll tell me, oh that
girl over there, and he'll always say hello.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh, I ain't gonna hold you whole niggas. Hey, if
you see me with a nigga, do not come up
and speak to me. Do not disrespect We are not together.
If I am with another nigga, I'm not gonna lie.
I think it's petty and disrespectful. What if we fucked
before and I'm outside with another nigga.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Do not text me, d M me or I mean,
that's weird, text me say you saw me in the room. Okay,
that's kind of why I have the funk out of here.
That's weird.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
It's weird like the dude texting her job.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
You know, I saw you, but i've seen you which
happened and say hello?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
No?
Speaker 5 (37:14):
No, no, even I was in Nobu.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
I was in Nobu before I got with my boyfriend. Nope,
you're saying, don't say hello hello, I say hello fu. No,
Why why you want to know?
Speaker 3 (37:26):
If across the room and you see me on a
dat or with somebody and all we did was fun.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Let's be very clear, y'all know a bitch only got walk.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I fucked and you see me out with another nigga,
do not make yourself be known. Do not come and
say hi. Keep your ass across the room. I mean,
if I don't want to be here, you got me
fucked up. There's no reason if all we did was fuck,
which again, y'all know I got one x everybody else
situationships fuck boys, do not come.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And speak to me another saying nothing.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
So no, if I see a man from across the
room that I slept with, who is clearly out with
another woman, I'm making my way to go over there
to say hi.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
I mean, I say hi. I'm not gonna. I'm saying,
don't get a close proximity like at the bar. I'm
not gonna not like no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
That's why I just think that I distinctively said, if
we are across the room, there's no reason for you
to make your way to come say hi.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
So I guess I wouldn't do this.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
I have a thing of I'm pretty okay with coexisting
with people are fucked.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Oh me too, We can coexist if I am there
with another man, do not come in and introduce yourself.
Speaker 5 (38:36):
So you guys are too completely different personalities, clearly, what
would be the how do I say it to you?
Right and we're in the I'm in the vicinity of
a woman that I've comunicated with, and I'm with you
right now.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I fucked her.
Speaker 5 (38:50):
That sounds a little too easy, and I don't want
to fall into that.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Tib I don't well to me.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
To me, it depends your expectations. If you've already had
the previous conversation. Literally bring up baby. You know you
remember how we said if we were in a space,
you would want to know if I had sex with
anyone in the room. Well, the girl over there, it
was years ago. You don't have to worry about it.
We don't even talk any I just want to tell you.
But I mean, even if it was, well, it wouldn't
have been last week. This is you're in a relationship.
You've discussed these boundaries right then it becomes that. But again,
(39:19):
you've had the conversation, so you preface it with the
same way I did.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Babe, what was our boundary again? About women? You want
to know before or after?
Speaker 3 (39:27):
That's literally what I text them while I was out
and he was like, Babe, you about to and I said, yeah,
I really want some tonight And I told.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Him about it the next day.
Speaker 5 (39:34):
This is my son high school ish. But now, what
if you didn't fuck her, what if you made out
with her before made out date?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
You could say we dated. I mean that's a loose turn.
Speaker 7 (39:42):
Now.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I still had those warnings.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
There was a DJ that I really wanted to go see,
and he was like, just letting you know, my finger
popping and some shit, and I was like, oh, so
then I'm not buying tickets.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
You get them.
Speaker 5 (39:53):
Oh that's great, get a bitch aspire.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I don't give a fuck. We still go.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
I don't know, I feel it's like this, right, I'm
speaking from a slight place of privilege in this moment
because of the status of my relationship. However, I've definitely
been in scenarios where I wasn't in a committed relationship.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
I was just dating and I felt like not as secure.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
When someone makes you feel secure, it's easy to feel easy,
breezy about other women. Men make women feel invalidated a
lot of the time about their place in their life
or whatever, or just feeling like their eyes are on
other women, whatever the case may be. So it does
take a lot of confidence to get there. So I
don't know if everyone can feel that in this particular moment.
(40:43):
Who's listening if it happens, But what I would say
definitely talking about respect and how you'll be treated in
those spaces. That's happened to me a lot. I've always
thought to myself, Oh my god, what if we're at
a show in this Nikka fucked one of the people
in the audience, right, How would that make me feel?
Speaker 2 (40:58):
What do we do?
Speaker 4 (40:58):
How do we carry it on? Especially being that he's
fucked women I'm fans of. That's kind of weird. But
also at the same time, it's not you guys are
hot people. Of course you fuck some model bitches out here, duh.
So I think it's really just like, how will we
conduct ourselves in these spaces?
Speaker 2 (41:13):
What will we do?
Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's also not the conducting in space. I think what
I'm realizing with my partner now is the unhealthy level
of toxicity that exists in relationships in terms of, oh,
you only think I care if I showcase jealousy, You
only think I care if I'm arguing with you about this,
(41:35):
and that like the fact that he's like, baby, you
don't get mad at me when I'm doing things that
other women have got mad about, and I'm like, babe,
you have to realize like that those were women who
led with their insecurity or brought their traumas into a relationship.
That just because I'm not getting upset doesn't mean I
(41:58):
care less for you.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
That's not true.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Woman is upset about him eating at his best friend's house,
that doesn't mean she's insecure.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Well to me, if it's if it's a woman, it
could be a trauma because maybe an ex fucked their
last you know, his last one.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
But you can have a boundary without being insecure.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
To me, though, the element of platonic friendships being a
quote unquote boundary for people, I do think that that
is a toxic, insecure tit.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
People should people are allowed to have.
Speaker 4 (42:27):
We are so far on the non ethical, non monogamy scale.
I think we forget normal, possible, regular boundaries for some.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
But I think a lot of but normally maybe no,
they don't.
Speaker 4 (42:40):
People can have boundaries and they're not labeled as insecure.
For example, you know your person has a platonic friend cool.
Maybe the boundaries being in the home. Maybe you just
don't want your man going to that woman's home and
her coming into his. That's totally fine as a boundary.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
I don't have that one. It needed to you.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
But that doesn't make some insecure because they have that boundary.
The levels of respect that people have for each other
or want for themselves doesn't make them insecure. Because I
want my man and I to talk openly about sex
or right now we're monogamish.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
That doesn't make me insecure.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
I think insecure is one of the words that have
such a negative connotation, that there's insecurities we all hold.
If the insecurity is because this person is of the
opposite sex, where is that stemming from that? You have
no problem with him going over his boy's house. I
think when I bring up the insecurity, it is the
lack of trust and the inability to view. Let me finish,
(43:36):
because if the only difference is this person can't do
this with a female friend but he could do it
with a male friend, there's an insecurity or lack of trust.
I'll use that since there's such a stigma around the
word insecure.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
But I think that when we act as though.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
People of opposite genders can't hold these platonic relationships, or
you don't trust your partner to not slide, or the
woman's a slide if they can do something with their
male friends that they're not allowed to do with their
female friends. I say, and this is my opinion alone. Again,
everyone has one an opinion and an asshole. You could
disagree with me here, but I'm not wrong.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You're not wrong.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I believe and I perceive it to be an insecurity
if the boundaries are only associated to friends of the opposite.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
So then since you consider it a lack of trust,
can he sleep over?
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Then?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Can he go on vacation with her? No?
Speaker 4 (44:26):
No, no, Because to your point, if going in the
home is the insecurity boundary, then where do you draw
a line? Because if you have none, then you have none.
But I actually think that's really unfair to say, because yes,
there needs to be boundaries.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
I agree with boundaries in a relationship. I agree with that,
So I'm not disagreeing with that.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
Or how come a boundary for what I want within
a platonic friendship is lacked? Is me lacking trust in you?
Or being insecure? That's a boundary. A boundary is not
an insecurity No.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
There's not.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
But again, when you're in a romantic relationship, you also
and everything is customizable, so boundaries don't necessarily aren't necessarily
an umbrella over a.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Friendship or relationship.
Speaker 4 (45:10):
Should your line be what is he not allowed to
do with his platonic friend?
Speaker 3 (45:13):
Oh, go on an international trip with just him Andre
and we're friends?
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So did you do that? Did you do that while
you were in a relationship? I went to South Africa
with him and his own boy. So that's a group setting.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
We literally just a group setting to me, is fine
if someone else will be there.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
We literally just had this conversation.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
He's like, Babe, if if my best friend I won't
say her name, wanted me to join her an Antiga
because you're going to Dreamville, could I do it?
Speaker 2 (45:41):
I said, Well, who else is going to be there?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
I said, if it's a group thing, if it's a
birthday trip, if her, if her friends are going to
be there, go so they can go to Miami, but
they can't go to Antigua. Like no, it's literally an
international trip, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
So they can go to Miami together.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Like we're all walking the carpet together with him, and
like a boundary would be like no, she can't walk
the carpet with you because I'm there, and I don't
why actually that we're going to be there together.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
I think you haven't been put into place yet to
feel uncomfortable. But you are really expressing boundaries like no,
but I think it's surmisable but right, But what you're
saying could be an insecurity then to your point, your insecurity,
you have a lack of trust international. No, it's just
something you don't like because you can feel disrespected, whereas
other people can feel that alone in a home with someone.
(46:24):
The way that you can feel respected in your relationship
doesn't necessarily mean it's an insecurity. And you're saying that
there's a buzzword on the insecurity, But if.
Speaker 3 (46:33):
There's also a buzzword on lack of trust, again, that's
not good.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
But both things can exist both.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Like I'm fine with saying, as a human being we
have insecurities, I'm fine with as a human being saying
when we're in relationships there may be elements of lack
of trust because in different scenarios you may be tested differently.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
I don't have a problem with her cooking for you.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Do I want y'all to be five days getting drunk
together on an island together.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
No, And I as a human being can.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Express and admit that maybe that comes from my mind
working and feeling like this whole trip may not be innocent.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
So no, that would be a boundary of an insecurity.
Always got a meal to make it a trip to
go on?
Speaker 5 (47:15):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (47:15):
No, now, Wolf, I'm a gonna throw it to you.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
What do you think would be a boundary or something
you may have within platonic friendships, just to hear from
a man's perspective, because again, Mandy and I are, I
feel like really loose with our boundaries, nigga.
Speaker 6 (47:34):
Lunch a boundary that I would have for platonic friends
in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Your girl has a guy best friend, what are they
allowed to do or not do? He's got tickets to
a game?
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Okay, I got one for you. I got one for
you right now.
Speaker 6 (47:50):
If y'all hanging out, I would feel most comfortable if
you let me know before I would feel you know,
I don't want to put too much your tape around
this one, but like I don't want to hear like
oh me and Joseph when it had drinks, you know
what I mean? Like I would prefer you let me know.
I just feel more included, you know what I mean?
Something like that. But I've dealt with that in a relationship.
I've dealt with that in a relationship before, where the
(48:13):
nigga came and told me like, hey, yo, like we're
gonna all get drinks later today, And I was like,
what you're talking about, Oh, what you're talking about? And
I felt dumb, you know what I mean. And I
didn't have a problem with him, but it was just
like in the way I like to run my relationships,
like come and make sure I'm comfortable with that first,
because I would absolutely do the same thing to you.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
What's crazy about that is, though it's the simple thing
of I mean, communication is key. We've been saying that
since probably the beginning of time on this podcast, but
people have in telling sometimes their partner what they're gonna do,
a lot of times we perceive that it's going to
be an argument before we even do it, so we
(48:50):
don't feel the need to communicate it because we don't
want the argument or we don't want the conflict, when
in reality, so much can be resolved if you just
communicate that this is what you're about to do.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
I also think like a lot of people don't. Yeah,
they're not leaving a space for you to communicate that.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
I remember the first time my partner told me about
sex with someone else, so I was I told him
I want to know before and it was a I
think I was away and he sent me a message
about it. I said, Okay, maybe i'll talk to you later,
and he called me later that night and we started
talking normal and he's like, Okay, no, and you're gonna
(49:26):
ask me like when a we gonna do this?
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Like it was it was weird. It was it was like.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
Kind of uncomfortable because it's such a new thing, Like
how do you learn each other's boundaries? How do you
learn what to do? How do you learn how to
tell someone you're gonna fuck someone else?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Like?
Speaker 3 (49:41):
And I honestly think the uncomfortability for him was probably
why you an't really doing it, because it's.
Speaker 4 (49:46):
Just like, damn, this is something that maybe I don't enjoy,
Like maybe I can't really handle how this feels. Maybe
it does feel like a cheat, because that is one
of my rules. I want to know before, just like
a platonic friend hangout right. I think being the open
space for wanting to be told about news is what
all of us need to do. Ladies, if you have
(50:07):
a friend, if you have a guy who wants to
hang with his homegirl but ends up telling you later,
I totally agreeab Wolf, I agree, let me know before, Like,
but then when he tells you, you're like, oh.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You gonna be an average again?
Speaker 3 (50:18):
I mean, ob, he's not even I don't normally tell
him everything before, but if he calls me, I'd pick
up like, hey, babe, this is who I'm with, and
I introduce and I'd be like, this is my boyfriend,
like like my boyfriend has met almost from there, everyone
on FaceTime gets so annoyed with that.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
I know he would be like, bitch, on the fuck
about that, nigga, get on the god to be a phone.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
I called you.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
It's so crazy because it's different strokes. I could see
if I'm sitting with a dude and I answer my.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Call, Hey, this is my friend Mark. He works at Netflix.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
We just got to drink together, he'd be like, okay, bitch,
I'm calling you. Get back on this phone. Like I
wouldn't like him introduce me to know bitch either. That
wouldn't make me feel good.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
I mean, but to me, it takes the guard down
of it being something. I mean, you just said you
have to tell him when you're with a platonic friend.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I'm saying that. I didn't say I have to. I
said I would like that. Oh well, while I'm out.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
I'm not telling anybody my everyday move because sometimes shit
is last minute and I'm not asking for permission, and
I'm not. So if I'm out and you call me, hey, babe,
I'm out. This is my friend right now, this is so,
and so I'll call you when I get home. Muh
like to me, I would appreciate that even from him,
because now, okay, there's nothing to hide.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
You know exactly what I'm doing. I'll hit you when
I leave them. Host don't want to suck that dick.
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
I don't give fuck that hole can sit here and
be like, oh man, when you come to LA, I'll
make you fucking curry chicken too, bitch.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Put it up your asshole. I don't give a fuck.
Them hoes be sneaking, they be lying. Any niggas be lying,
and that is why you need to buy no host barn.
Speaker 4 (51:45):
We're gonna tell you all what what to do and
where we learn from our mistakes. I hope you guys
really enjoyed this episode. I kind of loved talking about
this because.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
Even though we have so much of the same like
cause I'm the same way right, go out with your
homegrowl fuga, we have so much of the same ethical
nominogamy ideals, but very different structures and rules around what
makes us feel safe and comfortable.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
In a relationship.
Speaker 4 (52:09):
Absolutely, it's so interchangeable, like I don't know, I just
I've told you recently and I've said it a few
times on Horrible. I hate the recent E and M
talk because I really don't think people know what they're doing.
I don't think they know how to express what they want,
how they feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (52:25):
I think that everybody's just kind of seeing what fits.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I mean, I'm also with someone who has never even
thought to be in it. He's he's very monogamous, and
he's open to figuring out how my mind works and
how to feel safer in expressing things that in previous
relationships he didn't have the autonomy too. And I love
it for us, like I'm excited about us exploring these
(52:50):
things together exploring. But again, I think it's also very
again customizable. He's probably not someone that will feel as
comfortable in a sex club is my previous partner, And
that's fine because I've also been to three sex clubs
since we've been together, and I've got to express and
tell him all the things and he's like, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
If I would like that, but I like it's very
would enjoy it. Seems like he loves he would hate it. No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (53:15):
I think when you care about someone very much, you
enjoy watching them have a great time. And I think
that when he sees how comfortable you can be.
Speaker 3 (53:22):
It reminds me of the conversation with King Noir. He
said he hated pretty Ricky. If you got a friend
that you want to go enjoy pretty Ricky with go
enjoy it. And I'm gonna try to say, bitch, I
am pretty Ricky. I wouldn't even want to bring my
man into a space where he could ruin it for me,
because I know how even I describe it, he seems
so uninterested.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
You don't have to come back. This is something that
I had don tour. Probably not. Why would they not?
You're not gonna bring in then, I don't know, probably
doubt it. You never bring up baby day.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I'm surprised because he came to Denver, yep, and you
didn't read him there where it's meet your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (54:00):
No, but wouldn't Colly wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
Meet your boyfriend. I'm keeping him very sunder I did it.
I didn't say you were begging. I'm just saying where
we're at, We're gonna I'm gonna keep him very very
opposite of my business and work outside of this premiere.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
We're agreeing to do the same.
Speaker 4 (54:17):
Well, y'all go ahead and check us out on patreon
dot com, backslash Horrible Decisions, and we will see you
next week.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
That's right. Bye ah,
Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of
Charlamagne of God and guess what, I can't wait to
see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.
That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April
twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none
other than Decisions, Decisions, Man, DyB and Weezy. Okay, we
got the R and B Money podcast with taking Jay Valentine.
We got the Women of All Podcasts with Saray Jake Roberts,
(00:22):
we got Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be
there with her next sports podcast, and the Trap Nerds
podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's
bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with
black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep
you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you
don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your
tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Welcome to Decisions Decisions. I don't think you should say
the Decisions. It sounded like you was talking to Persky.
Speaker 3 (00:52):
You definitely say to Welcome, Welcome to the new podcast
how about you want to say together the Decisions Decisions.
Hey guys, No Holds Bart is going live and tickets
are available now.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
We are so excited to be back on the road.
We've added so many new cities and don't worry. This
is not your average book tour.
Speaker 3 (01:10):
That's right, No Holds Bart Do a manifesto of sexual
exploration and power is hitting the stage. And for everyone
that's coming general admission and VIP, you do have the
opportunity to add a signed copy of the book to
your ticket.
Speaker 4 (01:25):
Make sure you hurry up click the link in this bio.
We're going to see you soon.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
Welcome everybody to another episode of Decisions Decisions.
Speaker 2 (01:34):
I'm your girl, me and dy b I am WEEZYWTF.
Speaker 4 (01:38):
We are back for another episode and we haven't really
caught up about much, but we know Mandy got a boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (01:45):
I mean we've been saying that now for a while.
You know, Uh, things are good. Well, how do you
guys schedule?
Speaker 4 (01:53):
So you guys, last time I know you saw him,
we were in Denver for work.
Speaker 3 (01:57):
Yeah, I'm going literally after this trip to La to
be with him for.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
One of his work things.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
And then he's already looking up flights to come to
Atlanta to spend another week with me. It's so strange
because I enjoy my space. Even in my last relationship,
I would see my partner three to four days a week.
There's not a trip I go on where I want
to be there more than four days. It doesn't matter
(02:25):
if it's international or not. Like I literally go to
Abu Dhabi for my birthday for four days. And so
I could tell he's having a thing about that because
he's like, I guess I only get to see you
for three to four days.
Speaker 2 (02:37):
Oh love you, Mandy.
Speaker 4 (02:37):
I was about to be like, can you stay one
more day so we could record I get to Las Yeah, no,
I'm leaving. I got to go back for work in Atlanta.
But I literally am.
Speaker 3 (02:47):
Like, I know my capacity as a person to be
around somebody. Like it's to the point where, even when
people started staying with me when I still lived here
in New York, by after the third day, I would
get them a hotel, Like I cannot be confined in
a space with someone very long, and I'm very aware
(03:09):
of that. And so because we're now staying at each
other's place, I'm like, well, Babe, this is the capacity
I have, like vacation with your friends, for lord, No,
not for more than four days. Literally with Crystal, we
went to South Africa for four days. I lived in Asia,
I was living in Singapore, and we did each stop
at a different time. But also like in one we'd
have a villa multiple rooms, and one we'd have multiple
(03:32):
rooms if there was more than like we wouldn't stay
in the same room. Okay, well two bedroom keeps me happy. Yeah, Like, well,
I don't have another bed. My second bedroom is a
content space and luckily I have an upstairs and downstairs now.
But no, I realize like how much I need my space.
And I'm trying to talk to him because he's lived
(03:53):
with his last two exes and so he's used to
that confinement and being.
Speaker 2 (03:59):
On some I a lot of experience for being that young,
but I haven't.
Speaker 3 (04:02):
So I am just like trying to tell him it's
not about you, but to me in order to.
Speaker 2 (04:10):
I hate that he takes it as.
Speaker 3 (04:12):
Like I'm dealing with him or putting up with him,
but I'm just fully aware that I need space from people.
Speaker 2 (04:18):
Like even Rosie just.
Speaker 3 (04:20):
Came and spent a couple of days in my house,
and before she came, she went and stayed with a
friend before she even came to my house because I
knew how long she was going to be in Atlanta.
And luckily I have my little discount, but I will
literally buy somebody a hotel room so that they're not
in my space. So right now, with being that, we're
commuting to see each other, and again, luckily it's been
(04:40):
every two to three weeks, so I feel lucky.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
It's like baby four days. So when he comes to
Atlanta so much more, I don't know.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
I don't know, I don't care, Like he literally just
booked a flight to where he's like, technically it's fine,
but it's not. So he's coming in Monday night at
like two am, so technically that's Tuesday and leaving Friday.
To him, that's a Monday through Friday. So he's sneaking
in a fifth day. But I'm like, babe, I don't
want you to take it like thing. But there's literally
(05:11):
nobody in the world like that. I want to spend
that much time with, like even my family. I'll go
to Orlando and spend one day, Like I really like
my alone time. I really like the ability to recharge
my social battery. And I'm fully self aware that I
like my space, I like my time. I like that
(05:35):
and I almost need it. It's not even that I
like it, I need it. And so that's what we're
talking about now because he's like, babe, we live like
on two different coasts, Like damn, can I see? Like
he literally wants me to go see his family in
Italy this summer, and I was like, okay, well I'll
go there for about.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
Four days and you can stay longer. Stop swear to god.
Speaker 5 (05:54):
I kind of get that, you.
Speaker 1 (05:55):
Know what I mean?
Speaker 4 (05:56):
Like no, no, no, Like you got a lot now if
you're with his family for four days and then you
guys to do something else.
Speaker 2 (06:00):
That's still being with him for more, Like that is
a lot.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
I need my and to me, it sounds even stranger
for me to go stay by myself longest vacation you've
never taken.
Speaker 2 (06:11):
Maybe five days but.
Speaker 5 (06:12):
The partner only five days.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
No, not with a partner, even with friends.
Speaker 3 (06:15):
But I'm now even since then I have my own room,
like even Deandre's birthday, Like I could call Crystal right now,
like I kind of want to call it right now,
and like Crystal and Crystal is who travels with me everywhere.
That's the longest we've done is four days, even going
to South Africa. We did Johannesburg for two days and
Cape down for two days. Four days is like literally
(06:35):
my max to be around people before I'm like, I'm
gonna go off by myself.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I need.
Speaker 4 (06:41):
That's what Like, Vinnie and I have traveled for weeks
on end together.
Speaker 2 (06:44):
Nah, I've never done that week.
Speaker 4 (06:45):
See, we like travel, I mean that's what we used
to do. We're young, laur in Europe or exploring Asia, like.
Speaker 2 (06:52):
Even when I toured two weeks around.
Speaker 4 (06:54):
Yeah, we love it. But what we do is we separate.
So if we're not in separate rooms, which for most
of the time at this age now that always happens.
But yeah, he would do his own thing, I'd stay
in like I'm not and him and I And that's
why Vinny and I are such good friends. We could
be in a club, lose each other and find each
(07:15):
other and not be angry.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
And you know some motherfucker, Oh yeah, no, I do
that with all Some people be like, oh well we
then and we came to g e. I've never been
like that. And maybe that's what helps.
Speaker 4 (07:24):
But you're making me think because so Frianda met somebody
and I wanted to see a photo and she's like, no,
because you and my partner are living each other's skin,
and you're gonna tell him and I have to keep
it close to the chest, that's between me and God
until it goes forward.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
And I'm like, I'm not gonna tell him.
Speaker 4 (07:41):
She's like, yes, you are. And I remember she came
back from a date and he was in the house
and we both sat there like tell us and yeah,
I think a lot of our friends feel like that
right now that we are spending a lot of time together.
And I don't know, like it's interesting because there are
two different types of people, you know, Like one of
my friends is dating someone who feels the same as
(08:03):
your partner, kind of like why can't I have more
with you when we live in two different cities, And
he's like, bro, I just it's not even about her.
I just after a few days, I'm like, ah, I
need to be alone.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It's not about him.
Speaker 4 (08:14):
And I told him that, whereas my partner is like,
I'm not really feeling that.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
I don't feel like my alone time is needed to recharge.
Speaker 4 (08:22):
I may need a moment of not talking or being
having some space, but I don't feel like that. Even
in Thailand we were doing we never really had a
moment where we were feeling like.
Speaker 2 (08:31):
I need a night alone. But I think it's just
everyone's temperament.
Speaker 4 (08:35):
Because my friend that expressed that to me was like, bro,
I feel so bad that I'm in love with her
and she thinks I don't want to be around her. However,
I will say, I said to him, how do you
then be with someone long term that completely feels invalidated
because you can't spend that much time with them?
Speaker 2 (08:56):
Oh? No, they got to take that up with a therapist.
Speaker 3 (08:58):
I'm telling him it is not about him, like and
I think that that's the problem with dating. I know,
I know you chuckled a little bit, but to be fair,
I'm very aware of Milt's issue.
Speaker 2 (09:07):
No, if you feel.
Speaker 3 (09:09):
Invalidated what I'm telling you, it's not you, it's me
needing space. I'm a human being who has had a
lot of time alone, who spends a lot of time
around other people, who works a lot in a capacity
where I'm constantly around other people. I'm fully aware that
I need space. This has nothing to do with a
lack of interest to you. This has nothing to do
with my investment to you. This has nothing to do
(09:29):
with how much I like you. And it's so funny
because we both are catching ourselves with the L word
right now, and he's like, ooh, almost said it. I
was okay, baby, And we do this thing where we
kiss when we hang up, and we're both not saying it,
but I'm like, I feel so adored by this man,
like I really genuinely like him. And it's so crazy
because when we're like around each other, the PDA is crazy.
(09:50):
Like we we hug, we hold hands, we have to
wrap each other around each other, like the forehead kisses.
Speaker 2 (09:56):
The mouth kits. To me, that's not a compromise.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
My compromise is four days and I'm spending money to
come to la You spend money to come to Atlanta.
Speaker 2 (10:06):
We meet in between, we make these plans.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
I love the idea of missing you, but in this
space that I'm in where I'm constantly around other people,
I really wholeheartedly need my recharge, Like and I think
that's why I'm really enjoying this move right now, because
I don't have the fomo of being outside in Atlanta,
and I literally just spend time in my house.
Speaker 2 (10:29):
Oh you should see, I'll be locking.
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Baby laugh because like I can feel that because when
I'm in New York again.
Speaker 2 (10:34):
New York makes me la.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
I don't feel like I have to be outside, and
it's constantly my mind doesn't stop. Oh you should see.
Y'all could talk about me as a cat mom. I
don't care. There's times where I'm literally at the house
and I will lock body in a room because he
just be trying to be up on me. Sometimes body
go away, now hold on, I will.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Put body in a laugh.
Speaker 5 (10:55):
When Mandy said, I guess it's more so of the
fact that I'm wondering, is it down to a tea
that you know that it is a four day thing?
Speaker 3 (11:03):
Yeah, like even with traveling. Yes, Like I'm going to
Jamaica literally for Labor Day weekend. Y'all Choco blisz, get
your tickets, now join me there, And it's five to
seven days.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
And I'm like you, I don't know if I can't,
I can't go. That's a long trip. It's always a
long trip.
Speaker 3 (11:21):
Five d like anything more than four is a long time,
even for me to be around, like Crystal, who we
have a thirteen year friendship.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
It's literally what I know.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
I'm with her, and she had she had a day job,
like I traveled a lot.
Speaker 2 (11:34):
Like we even used to say there would be days
where we wouldn't see each other. Bro.
Speaker 3 (11:38):
I had niggas coming in the house that she never met. Like, Bro,
how the fuck we live together this long and I
ain't never seen this thing. Anything came and knock them
down since. But I'm thinking for compromise and genuinely you
care about this person. He cares about you. Fuck the
invalidation thing and saying it's an insecurity he wants to
go on a trip with you Europe is far right.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Let's just say he's like, yo, I would.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Love to spend three days with you with my family
and three days with us on the beach like in Europe.
Like that's a long trek for both of you, especially
him being in La for him.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
It's a long trek for me it's six eight hours.
But still it's a thing he wants to do with you.
Speaker 4 (12:12):
Could you because you He's what Edan's making the point
of it is like you're saying it's four days, maybe
could you try to see how you can recharge yourself
while spending that much time.
Speaker 5 (12:22):
That's actually another reason. Yet you're right, that is kind
of also why I chuckled a bit because it makes
me wonder, Okay, how do we get Mandy to day five?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Right? I mean he's trying to figure it out, which
is why.
Speaker 5 (12:32):
Yeah, that's I mean, I think I would be trying
to figure out how to make just day five happen.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Yeah, but I think we're we're also still so new,
like I don't want to be in a point like
I love that. Also when we're around, there's no arguments.
It's fun Like, I love that. I don't want to
get to the point where maybe he sees me so
early in my funk. I'm fully aware that I need
a break, girl, I need.
Speaker 4 (12:55):
A charge a man knowing you get in your moods. Oh,
he's a relationship, that's fine. He has seen me get
testy with like an Uber driver or him not. It's
funny because he drives in LA and I have like
a thing about I'm gonna do the Ubers because every
time in Vegas that he even ordered Uber wrong pin
drop and it was like we were waiting on a
fucking car too long.
Speaker 2 (13:15):
So I'm just like I got it.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
But to me, I mean again, I think in relationships,
I think what's important is self awareness, and I think
a lot of people lack it. I am being very
open with what I can, what I can deal with him,
what I can, what I can't.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I think you don't know. I know I'm telling no,
I know you don't know what this person. That's unfair.
It's not unfair. It's me as a person.
Speaker 3 (13:36):
It's with my exits, with my best friends, it's with
my family, it's with work, like and I think that's
another thing, Like damn, I'm saying what I know about
myself and people are like, well, maybe you don't like
I think.
Speaker 2 (13:47):
It just lacks compromise.
Speaker 4 (13:48):
Seriously, I think if someone so if the shoe was
on the other foot, to know that someone couldn't try
for you.
Speaker 2 (13:54):
I think four days in Europe, I get what you mean.
Speaker 4 (13:57):
We have the means to bounce around and do what
we want to do, but like, not everybody bounces back
like that, like jet lag, time spent, Like maybe he
wants to show you more of what he's seen. Like
I think it's perfectly normal and okay to say, can
I get another day or two out of you and
you could learn how to recharge? If it's a hard
no for you, it's a hard note for you. But
I think being that you have someone that you know
(14:17):
really cares about you, I think he'd be more than
willing to help you find that space, like and be
open to it, like if you really need the recharge,
because there has to be at some point you learn
to recharge while around a partner, Like I think that
does have to exist.
Speaker 5 (14:31):
What does that cool down look like for you? Let's
say a four days happen and this amongst your partner
or like my friends us, let's say like four days happens.
How do you cool down? And when do you know
you're ready to see your partner again?
Speaker 2 (14:44):
I literally am home the whole day.
Speaker 5 (14:47):
Yeah, like soaking, I.
Speaker 3 (14:48):
Take my nap. Like it's funny because he knows my routine.
Like when I'm home, I have a three o'clock nap.
I like having on my pods. I like if I
want to turn on a TV, I turn it on.
Speaker 2 (14:59):
Sometimes.
Speaker 3 (14:59):
I like it's a literal shut down from everyone, Like
I might be on the phone till maybe ten am.
Because I'm like a seven am riser and that's it.
Like I'm literally away from crowds and people, and I
think I think it's gotten worse because of the capacity
(15:20):
of us, even touring the live shows, the constant like
dealing with multiple teams, you know, like we're in slick
I have slack for two other businesses. Like it's a
constant thing to where I literally in order for me
to show up is my best self. It's something that
I need and to me, we'll work around it. But
that's something that I need. And I don't want to
(15:42):
get to a place where I resent somebody over compromise
or being forced to do something that I don't want to.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
And I think that.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Already dealing with the long distance and us finding ways
to compromise with each other, we are like I even
told them, like moody shit, I don't really like. So
I said, hey, babe, if you realize you want a mood,
we cannot do it like I did it when like
he's a lot going on with work, and so even
before he came to Denver, I was like, if you're
(16:08):
in a mood and you're not in the best space.
Speaker 2 (16:10):
I'd rather you not come to Denver.
Speaker 3 (16:12):
Like, I'm also very particular with when we finally get
to see each other that we have this amazing time
together that all of the outside noise doesn't bother us
enjoying each other. And I guess that's also my view
on partnership, Like I'm looking at our partnership in relationship
as being able to exhibit and live life together and
(16:32):
make memories together. But it's also I'm not looking to cohabitate.
I'm not looking for marriage, I'm not looking for kids,
and so all of those stressors don't exist. We should
be able to like, really, you know, just enjoy each other.
I get to do that with my friends. I really
want to be able to do that with my partner.
Speaker 5 (16:51):
With you, where do you feel like your limit might be? First,
let's say if we were to like try to calculate
it both the cool down and like, let's say after it, right,
my limit.
Speaker 4 (16:58):
Is actually only so with people I'm not comfortable.
Speaker 5 (17:01):
With time wise though, Like let's say she gave us
four days.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
No, she said she could be Oh no, I couldn't
be with my partner every day.
Speaker 5 (17:07):
Give me, there has to be a limit, There's no way, dog,
I'm Okay, so even though I know you're in like LEVYDW,
but still no.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
Some real shit, like I'm very comfortable with him.
Speaker 4 (17:19):
You have to remember also, I lived with someone before
when I was in Mexico living with old Bay Like,
of course he's a piece of shit, but I wasn't taught.
I know how to live with someone and not paying
to have my own space. I've never lived in a
one bedroom with someone. I've never had a roommate bad
enough space, so I'm pretty good with that. I was
actually thinking of something when you were talking, because my
(17:42):
partner also told me he's never spent this much time
with someone. He's like, I really thought I needed my
loane time. But we kind of know what to do
with each other to recharge.
Speaker 2 (17:50):
He said.
Speaker 4 (17:52):
I was in a really bad mood. And don't get
me wrong, we understand when space happens. But I was
upset about something and he wanted to comfort me, and
we had plans, and he said, listen, if we were
living together already, what would you want me to do?
Speaker 3 (18:05):
Go out to sit outside? You want me to go
stuff myself in the second bedroom. You need to learn
how to be around me. I don't give a fuck, Like,
you're sitting here screaming calling me because you need me,
but you don't want me to see you like this.
I'm going to see you and show up for you.
Speaker 4 (18:17):
You need some space when we're in the house, fine,
I'll take Nina whatever, but I'm gonna see you in
every emotion. We talked about marriage and being together for
the future, like and you don't want me to see
you like this?
Speaker 2 (18:29):
That was it.
Speaker 4 (18:30):
I was like, I can, have you seen me like this?
And he was like, oh no, like this this is
what life is. This is what my partnership and me
giving myself to you is, which is the opposite of me.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
So I think, but I.
Speaker 3 (18:41):
Think, no one's wrong. No, no, no, I'm not saying
you're wrong at all. This is where I love that
we are different. We exist with partners that are different
or may want different things.
Speaker 2 (18:49):
I do want to build on that conversation for secon. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (18:51):
What's interesting about what happened was I, for a moment,
thought what he was doing was wrong. What I realized
is that that was a big step for me because
I was feeling really down, really bad, and I hadn't
gotten that vulnerable yet. What I was feeling was I
(19:14):
can never let him see me like this because he
thinks of me a certain way. So it wasn't like
just a bad day, like I need to be by
myself tonight, babe. It was like, I'm really hurting. I
think in my past relationships, I have only came to
partners when I need them. I haven't let them shown
up for me in those moments. And I realized that's
something that makes him feel like we are closer and connected,
(19:39):
knowing that we can support each other because he wants
it for me if he needs me. So it's weird
because in one way, I've definitely seen it as like
this face is good, but I also can see the
other side of hey, we have to know every facet.
And it's crazy because Brion did and I go back
and forth about this a lot. She's who I've talked
(20:00):
a lot about this relationship with. I guess she's seen
it the most hands on, and she's like, Damn, I
don't know if I ever want to be as in
love with someone as the two of you are. Because
I would never let my man know I was hurting
like this. I would never let him know I was
feeling ugly or fat or just making shit up right now?
Feeling fat, feeling down about myself. I don't know if
I would ever let a man see that. And I'm like,
(20:22):
I can't believe I did let a man see that.
On the contrary, we had this conversation in front of
him and he was like, I wouldn't be with a
woman if I couldn't understand her completely and fully, I
would hate for her to have these dark thoughts about
herself or something that's going on and I can't see
it for you?
Speaker 2 (20:40):
Who am I to you?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
Then?
Speaker 4 (20:41):
Is there another friend that's doing this? Is there a
place I can't meet?
Speaker 1 (20:44):
Like?
Speaker 4 (20:45):
How is it possible that you're hurting this bad if
I'm the closest person to you and I can't help you?
And we talked a lot about that, because when no
Hole's Barred, I was writing it the depression chapter set
in and he's like, have you ever been depressed? With
Obay said his name. I was like a little bit,
and he's like he couldn't see it or read it,
And how is it that you thought you were in
(21:06):
love with someone and you couldn't open up to them,
like I'm hurting I feel like this He's like, you're
telling me you ran in the car to get on
the phone with a therapist and had a man with
you that loves you, and you didn't say it out loud,
And you know what's crazy?
Speaker 2 (21:20):
That showed me.
Speaker 3 (21:21):
I may not have been that in love because I
could tell a.
Speaker 2 (21:26):
Friend easy when I need some help.
Speaker 3 (21:28):
But for some reason, in romantic relationships, that vulnerability looks different.
Speaker 2 (21:32):
It's weird.
Speaker 3 (21:33):
I even on the opposite sense of that, had the conversation.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
I think we actually had this conversation on the podcast.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Like I would go to Crystal or Ish or Carla
or my therapist with things. I have zero expectations of
my partner being somebody to see, feel.
Speaker 2 (21:54):
Hear everything that I'm going through.
Speaker 3 (21:57):
I don't put that emphasis on a romantic partner to
be someone to be able to receive or take in
all of my feelings of everything that I'm doing. I
think literally, I'll text my therapist and be like, oh shit,
something's bothered me, and it's something that I may never
even tell my partner because he's not a podcaster. We
(22:18):
even talk about how we're in completely different industries. I
think that where I'm at and maybe I'm leaning more
towards this polly like way of thinking. I have zero
desire for my partner to feel or have the expect
or the expectations of taking me on fully with every feeling,
(22:42):
every issue in my life, every element of my life,
because again, he's my romantic partner. How we exist is
so different than my than my relationship with my therapist,
than my relationship with my mom, than my relationship with
Crystal and all of my other best friends.
Speaker 4 (22:54):
I think we do need to obviously still keep your
friendships and shit. I think in this particular conversation I'm having,
it's more so the vulnerability. It's not like, tell me everything,
but I need to know when you're going through it
and when there's pain there, because I haven't done that before.
Like I did not like to show my worse self
(23:17):
in a relationship because I never felt like it would
be conducive to.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
How they view me.
Speaker 4 (23:22):
Kind of like me looking raggedy, Like I don't want
you to see me looking raggedy, but maybe you know
what exists without making whatever it might be. I think
like that was a very interesting turning point in learning
that I'm with someone that wants to be with me
for the long haul because you're carrying in a different way.
I also understand because if I found out my partner
(23:43):
was able to come to other people about things that
they couldn't come to with me, not work issues, like
a podcast thing, something that was deep and serious to them,
that would hurt.
Speaker 3 (23:53):
I don't know if that would hurt me. I think
that's the crazy thing. Me and him are having these
conversations a lot about what it looks like like he
has a female best friend. We actually just had this
conversation recently and he was like, I kind of feel
like you're not as invested or don't care like I'm
having to try to see what would you not allow,
(24:14):
like because just with with anything like what she looked
like his best friend is gorgeous doesn't bother me.
Speaker 2 (24:24):
I have I have a lot of I have a
lot of male best friends.
Speaker 3 (24:28):
And what I'm realizing is he has the confusion with
my response to a lot of things. And he's like,
oh my god, Like I went to my best friend's play,
then dropped her best friend off at home and met
her family and we all hung out and ate dinner
before the play, and he was like, you asked me
how the play was you asked me how the dinner.
Speaker 2 (24:49):
Was, and that's it.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
He's like, I counted, if I shared that same story
with any of my exes, I would have, oh hell,
would have broke loose because what do you mean you
dropped off another woman home? What do you mean you
met your female best friends? He was like, I actually
wasn't allowed to have my best friend around in my
last relationship, wow, because she was a woman. And so
he's like, I had this conversation with my mom trying
(25:13):
to figure out what the line is, because you don't
show up with jealousy and rage and arguments over things
that in my past relationships.
Speaker 2 (25:22):
Same too. Well, but that's the thing.
Speaker 3 (25:24):
And I told him, I said, there's no way I
would show up that way because when I'm out with Keith,
or I'm on the phone with Ish, or I'm like
literally my homeboy side came over my house the other
day for game night.
Speaker 2 (25:35):
I said, Babe, I'm around a lot of men.
Speaker 3 (25:37):
I said, there's no way I could show up that
way because I in no way would expect your behavior
to be that way with me.
Speaker 2 (25:49):
Wolf just because you're home Teppye.
Speaker 4 (25:52):
So my partner has told me this is the first
time he's ever been around a woman that's had so
many men around. And now you know my homeboys are
his andre whatever, even my gay male friends.
Speaker 2 (26:02):
Right.
Speaker 4 (26:05):
I'm bringing this up because when Bree found out my
male friends were hanging or maybe one needed to stay
over because I have a two bedterman New York, She's like,
there should be no male female friendship, Like the fuck
that's way too close. Do you think a woman having
close male friends is something you could deal with or
something that's respectful to a long term relationship?
Speaker 1 (26:28):
Not?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Hey, Ed, and you're on camera? Are you not on
camera because you laughing? Oh? You ain't no camera, That's
why you're laughing.
Speaker 4 (26:33):
Okay, because we have different male friendships and pretty much
running our shit the same.
Speaker 2 (26:38):
I want to know what you.
Speaker 6 (26:39):
Think it got to be, like absolutely no chance humanly
possible that there's like some intimacy or like thoughts about
each other. It got to be one hundred percent.
Speaker 2 (26:49):
How do you ever know that though?
Speaker 4 (26:50):
And I see this is the conversation Eddon's pointed at
me because my man is.
Speaker 2 (26:53):
Like all of them niggas want to fuck you. I believe.
I don't believe, no man, it wouldn't take it.
Speaker 3 (26:58):
If you want to suck they dick, if you one
to fuck him, it would They're not your brother.
Speaker 7 (27:03):
It's gonna take some interrogation, you know what I mean.
It's gonna take the terrogation you would terrogate in the
male front, interrogating everything, asking her, what have y'all been through?
What type of have y'all sleep in the same bed?
Like certain things are like good q's and be like
it's something going on right here, Like y'all sleeping in
the same bed once before.
Speaker 2 (27:18):
That's a red flag.
Speaker 3 (27:19):
For me sleeping in the same bed together. But if
there was no sex, nigga, maybe.
Speaker 7 (27:25):
We had to keep bed Thigg's cuddled before some shit liked.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Is different than just laying in.
Speaker 4 (27:30):
Alex and I had to share a bed and it
was awful. We were in Soho house in Israel. They
had no two beds, and he was like, I'm gonna
get the pillow. Good bitch, ain't no what you want
me to do. But I remember it being weird, and
I was single at the time, and I remember when he.
Speaker 2 (27:44):
Called his girl.
Speaker 4 (27:44):
I was like, I can't believe this bitch knows I'm
right here, Like is he insane, and she's very secure
because it wouldn't be me.
Speaker 2 (27:51):
I don't like that.
Speaker 4 (27:52):
You ain't about to sit up in the motherfucking bed
with your female rest friend.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
You Hi, Nigga's interesting? What a contrast?
Speaker 2 (27:59):
No, I think there needs to be boundaries.
Speaker 5 (28:01):
Number one, Oh for sure.
Speaker 4 (28:03):
My partner told me when we first met, like, what
the fuck are you going to dinner with niggas?
Speaker 3 (28:07):
For what I go to dinners? I was like, I'm
so confused. I thought this was normal.
Speaker 4 (28:12):
Now I see now, I think what's happened now is
He's just like maybe because he has a relationship with
these men, but also I'm bouncing around different cities. I'm
catching my homeboys wherever, Like we're talking about work whatever.
Speaker 2 (28:25):
I get it. But he's like, how the fuck would
you feel about me taking a bit?
Speaker 3 (28:28):
My boyfriend facetimed me he went over his best friend's
house and she was cooking. She was cooking a lot
of food, and he went over and her homegirls was
there and I'm.
Speaker 2 (28:37):
On face side, it was just them. He's gone, that's
his best.
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Friend, right, I have. I have male best friends, so
I like to do it for people. I used to
cook for Alex when we were both single. I'm gonna
be honest. This is someone I own a business with
and I've been friends with a long time.
Speaker 4 (28:54):
I can understand if I was making a meal for Alex,
how that would make my part.
Speaker 5 (29:00):
Few right now?
Speaker 4 (29:01):
Yes, now, in his mind, Alex and I are always
gonna talk about work when we're around each other. Now
it's just turned into that. But I'm trying to think
what if it was Andre?
Speaker 5 (29:11):
Now I feel like hypocritical because I'm like, because I
do think it's kind of creepy.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
Why are if Andre?
Speaker 4 (29:15):
Because and Andre is the close meal front I have
that I don't have networking or work relationships, right, Andre
comes over just for me to cook for him?
Speaker 5 (29:24):
Now, But y'all closed though, I know, see that's different.
Speaker 2 (29:27):
That's what I'm okay.
Speaker 5 (29:28):
See, this is the thing if a stranger cooked, if
my girl cooked the cook cooked the meal for another dude,
I don't really know like that, I'm like, what the
fuck it is like one of her bestest friends. I'd
be like, okay, cool, it's not a big deal.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
Now my girl.
Speaker 5 (29:40):
I can only imagine if she someone cooked the meal
for me in either sense, I could see that, but.
Speaker 2 (29:46):
Can you see your girl? Can you have an old man?
Speaker 3 (29:51):
Man did, and I was like, okay, babe, good because
you're cooking looks like dog food.
Speaker 2 (29:56):
So I hope you get that.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
Well, let me tell you, like, I think it's the thing,
the only thing, and this is fucked up.
Speaker 2 (30:01):
I really believe this, and I'm lucky that in these.
Speaker 4 (30:03):
Two male relationships it's not the case. However it was
the case in other ones. It's it never happened to
me with al or Andre. But there's always one that
if something was a little different, they would do it.
Speaker 5 (30:16):
So the question is, are you allowed to cook for
another person?
Speaker 7 (30:19):
No?
Speaker 4 (30:19):
No, no, do y' all believe that in a male and
female dynamic there's always one who feels like.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
I mean, I'm not gonna lie that me and him
just it's funny because where I don't exhibit jealousy at all,
he kind of does. I was telling him a story
about I'm not gonna say which person, but someone in
a sex club has made me squirt before, right, And
I was just at a sex club in Atlanta and
(30:44):
they were there, and my homegirl got to experience the
magical fingers, and so.
Speaker 5 (30:50):
I'm feeling so you can't say magical fings, magical fingers
if I was your man hearing this and I just
heard my girl talk about magical fingers sperm.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
Anyway, Anyway, what's crazy is so I'm telling him that,
you know, I h and he was like, we're gonna
put a pin in this because I fell away. What
do you mean you were just in the room with
someone who had fingered you before And I was like yeah,
and I said, and when he fingered me, nigga, it
(31:21):
was with and with the permission of my ex boyfriend
in a sex club.
Speaker 4 (31:26):
I'm your relationship today as it stands. Can you get
could you have gotten fingered by him?
Speaker 5 (31:31):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (31:31):
I'm not gonna lie, and maybe y'all hear more of
it on Patreon. I literally went out the other night
and literally text him sub drunk, babe, what's our boundaries again?
Because I want to eat pussy tonight and I literally
fucked someone like the girl and well, no, no, no, right now,
it's just women. He's even said, Babe, if we have
so much time apart and you have the urge, I
(31:54):
would want you to share with me that urge to
see a man, because I'll probably try.
Speaker 2 (31:58):
To book the next flight out.
Speaker 3 (32:00):
But if we're in a space where like he's looking
at a role right now, that might take him to
Europe for months, and I.
Speaker 2 (32:08):
Can't get to Europe because maybe we're on tour.
Speaker 3 (32:11):
I let him know, we'll have that conversation, but you
could have sex, and maybe if.
Speaker 2 (32:16):
I'm in the need, I'm gonna need some too.
Speaker 4 (32:18):
Do you think he has the same sexual appetite of
like wanting to fuck other people.
Speaker 2 (32:22):
No, he's told me he doesn't. Okay, that's on him.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
I like, I mean, I like women, which is why,
like I did, I hit him up and was like, babe,
I really want to like be with a woman today.
Speaker 2 (32:36):
But right now he doesn't want you to sex with
other men.
Speaker 3 (32:38):
No, no, no, no, no no, But I don't need to,
like even the way he's like the flowers.
Speaker 5 (32:45):
You don't need to have sex with other women.
Speaker 3 (32:46):
I just want to say that, Well, no, he ain't
got a pussy, so I'm completely different. Like sex and
intimacy with a woman is way different than a man,
which is why I've said we are non monogamous. And
an element of that is because when and if I
have the desire to be with a woman, I don't
want that cage.
Speaker 2 (33:05):
The way I just love that shit though, yeah, I
think the real.
Speaker 3 (33:10):
No, they also love it when it's when they could
be a part of it, mind you. I also so
he asked me about the like, so, baby, did you
get pussy last night? I said yeah. He was like, oh,
tell me about her. I said, it was my friend
and me and her just went and got food.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
The other night. And so even him, he's like, oh,
she was really touchy on you.
Speaker 3 (33:31):
But I'm like, nigga, you know, we funk. So that's
my friend. He's having to get used.
Speaker 2 (33:35):
To the fact that, well, I've fucked quite a bit
of my friends. Like he's about to meet one in La.
Speaker 3 (33:40):
Baby, we've had sex before, like and so now he's like,
I want to know who you've had sex with before,
even if I meet them.
Speaker 2 (33:47):
And I said, okay, oh I think that's a good rule. Yeah,
I think that's fine. Girl.
Speaker 4 (33:50):
We just went out to some I'm a piano party
of love little house, and I'm like it was so funny.
I was like, Damn, that girl looks so cute and familiar.
I thought she was like and certain. So he's looking
at very and I'm like what's wrong? Oh is that
the bitch fucking in the parking lot that one time?
And then a second later I'm like, oh, I went
out with that n again. He's like, who the fuck
are we?
Speaker 2 (34:10):
Bro? We just thinkas we can't.
Speaker 4 (34:12):
Go nowhere, And I love having that, but I will
say I like knowing I don't want to be around
no bitch. I'm saying, what's up to because I'm a
cool ass bitch. Bro, you told me you was fucking
a bitch last week when I was out of town.
As long as I know, I'm okay, I'm very very comfortable.
The sneakiness is what I can't do knowing that I
could be around somebody that you are keep You're holding
(34:35):
this from so you I don't know.
Speaker 5 (34:38):
Man, what it's a good time to tell your said
partner about this. By the way, what do you mean.
Speaker 3 (34:43):
If we're in a space, Let's just say we go
out to a restaurant, bar.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Do I tell them?
Speaker 5 (34:47):
Because I've had scenarios like this before where you got
it before too. Oh yeah, okay, yeah, So I've had
a partner and then she was around on the girl
that yeah, you don't let me with and then so okay,
so okay, so I got to do it there. Yes, ah,
oh you should.
Speaker 3 (35:02):
Have seen the way me and me and my boyfriend
just been telling stories and I brought up somebody and
he was like.
Speaker 2 (35:09):
Ah, that's relationship with that person. So then he brings
someone else up and.
Speaker 3 (35:14):
I had to be like, you remember how you were
weird about me because they were celebrities. So I was like, ah,
you want to know how it was weird? I brought
up that girl. Oh I'm adjacent tip.
Speaker 2 (35:26):
Oh yeah, that guy that you just mentioned. We kind
of fucked. And it's so funny because he was like,
I'm actually kind of shocked. I mean we kind of fucked.
I kind of kind of let him put it in.
Speaker 3 (35:36):
Yeah, we kind of it was only like a two
time thing. And here he goes because you know, he
was like, would you really have space?
Speaker 4 (35:43):
You said, what would you want to know if you
were in the same space or would you want to
know later?
Speaker 2 (35:47):
Do you mean in the same space or one of
his work events.
Speaker 4 (35:51):
Let's say there's a colleague he slept with, or a
woman that's in the field, whatever, would you want to
know if you guys are around her all night? Or
would you want to know later. Do you have a
boundary that you know yet let me know and changes anything. No,
I'm saying, Mandy, but when would you feel weird if
he told you the next day, next week?
Speaker 2 (36:08):
I was there three to three. I mean, it depends
if we are talking to each other.
Speaker 3 (36:11):
If it's a woman who's just in the room that
I don't have a connection with, that she comes up
and you know, I'm introduced to her at that moment.
When she leaves us, maybe tell me because now I've been.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
You want to know in the place. Yeah, that's the point.
Speaker 3 (36:26):
If she's just in the room, So MACI, you point
out everybody that you've fucked in the room.
Speaker 2 (36:32):
If I like, I might not have.
Speaker 4 (36:33):
Even seen there shouldn't be that many people in the room.
But I will say I've never seen him ignore someone
he slept with. Generally speaking, he'll tell me, oh that
girl over there, and he'll always say hello.
Speaker 3 (36:43):
Oh, I ain't gonna hold you whole niggas. Hey, if
you see me with a nigga, do not come up
and speak to me. Do not disrespect We are not together.
If I am with another nigga, I'm not gonna lie.
I think it's petty and disrespectful. What if we fucked
before and I'm outside with another nigga.
Speaker 2 (37:00):
Do not text me, d M me or I mean,
that's weird, text me say you saw me in the room. Okay,
that's kind of why I have the funk out of here.
That's weird.
Speaker 5 (37:08):
It's weird like the dude texting her job.
Speaker 2 (37:11):
You know, I saw you, but i've seen you which
happened and say hello?
Speaker 1 (37:14):
No?
Speaker 5 (37:14):
No, no, even I was in Nobu.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
I was in Nobu before I got with my boyfriend. Nope,
you're saying, don't say hello hello, I say hello fu. No,
Why why you want to know?
Speaker 3 (37:26):
If across the room and you see me on a
dat or with somebody and all we did was fun.
Speaker 2 (37:31):
Let's be very clear, y'all know a bitch only got walk.
Speaker 3 (37:35):
I fucked and you see me out with another nigga,
do not make yourself be known. Do not come and
say hi. Keep your ass across the room. I mean,
if I don't want to be here, you got me
fucked up. There's no reason if all we did was fuck,
which again, y'all know I got one x everybody else
situationships fuck boys, do not come.
Speaker 2 (37:54):
And speak to me another saying nothing.
Speaker 3 (37:57):
So no, if I see a man from across the
room that I slept with, who is clearly out with
another woman, I'm making my way to go over there
to say hi.
Speaker 2 (38:06):
I mean, I say hi. I'm not gonna. I'm saying,
don't get a close proximity like at the bar. I'm
not gonna not like no, no, no.
Speaker 3 (38:17):
That's why I just think that I distinctively said, if
we are across the room, there's no reason for you
to make your way to come say hi.
Speaker 2 (38:23):
So I guess I wouldn't do this.
Speaker 4 (38:25):
I have a thing of I'm pretty okay with coexisting
with people are fucked.
Speaker 3 (38:29):
Oh me too, We can coexist if I am there
with another man, do not come in and introduce yourself.
Speaker 5 (38:36):
So you guys are too completely different personalities, clearly, what
would be the how do I say it to you?
Right and we're in the I'm in the vicinity of
a woman that I've comunicated with, and I'm with you
right now.
Speaker 2 (38:48):
I fucked her.
Speaker 5 (38:50):
That sounds a little too easy, and I don't want
to fall into that.
Speaker 2 (38:52):
Tib I don't well to me.
Speaker 3 (38:54):
To me, it depends your expectations. If you've already had
the previous conversation. Literally bring up baby. You know you
remember how we said if we were in a space,
you would want to know if I had sex with
anyone in the room. Well, the girl over there, it
was years ago. You don't have to worry about it.
We don't even talk any I just want to tell you.
But I mean, even if it was, well, it wouldn't
have been last week. This is you're in a relationship.
You've discussed these boundaries right then it becomes that. But again,
(39:19):
you've had the conversation, so you preface it with the
same way I did.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Babe, what was our boundary again? About women? You want
to know before or after?
Speaker 3 (39:27):
That's literally what I text them while I was out
and he was like, Babe, you about to and I said, yeah,
I really want some tonight And I told.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Him about it the next day.
Speaker 5 (39:34):
This is my son high school ish. But now, what
if you didn't fuck her, what if you made out
with her before made out date?
Speaker 2 (39:40):
You could say we dated. I mean that's a loose turn.
Speaker 7 (39:42):
Now.
Speaker 2 (39:43):
I still had those warnings.
Speaker 4 (39:44):
There was a DJ that I really wanted to go see,
and he was like, just letting you know, my finger
popping and some shit, and I was like, oh, so
then I'm not buying tickets.
Speaker 2 (39:52):
You get them.
Speaker 5 (39:53):
Oh that's great, get a bitch aspire.
Speaker 2 (39:56):
I don't give a fuck. We still go.
Speaker 4 (40:03):
I don't know, I feel it's like this, right, I'm
speaking from a slight place of privilege in this moment
because of the status of my relationship. However, I've definitely
been in scenarios where I wasn't in a committed relationship.
Speaker 2 (40:18):
I was just dating and I felt like not as secure.
Speaker 4 (40:21):
When someone makes you feel secure, it's easy to feel easy,
breezy about other women. Men make women feel invalidated a
lot of the time about their place in their life
or whatever, or just feeling like their eyes are on
other women, whatever the case may be. So it does
take a lot of confidence to get there. So I
don't know if everyone can feel that in this particular moment.
(40:43):
Who's listening if it happens, But what I would say
definitely talking about respect and how you'll be treated in
those spaces. That's happened to me a lot. I've always
thought to myself, Oh my god, what if we're at
a show in this Nikka fucked one of the people
in the audience, right, How would that make me feel?
Speaker 2 (40:58):
What do we do?
Speaker 4 (40:58):
How do we carry it on? Especially being that he's
fucked women I'm fans of. That's kind of weird. But
also at the same time, it's not you guys are
hot people. Of course you fuck some model bitches out here, duh.
So I think it's really just like, how will we
conduct ourselves in these spaces?
Speaker 2 (41:13):
What will we do?
Speaker 3 (41:15):
It's also not the conducting in space. I think what
I'm realizing with my partner now is the unhealthy level
of toxicity that exists in relationships in terms of, oh,
you only think I care if I showcase jealousy, You
only think I care if I'm arguing with you about this,
(41:35):
and that like the fact that he's like, baby, you
don't get mad at me when I'm doing things that
other women have got mad about, and I'm like, babe,
you have to realize like that those were women who
led with their insecurity or brought their traumas into a relationship.
That just because I'm not getting upset doesn't mean I
(41:58):
care less for you.
Speaker 2 (41:59):
That's not true.
Speaker 4 (42:00):
Woman is upset about him eating at his best friend's house,
that doesn't mean she's insecure.
Speaker 3 (42:03):
Well to me, if it's if it's a woman, it
could be a trauma because maybe an ex fucked their
last you know, his last one.
Speaker 2 (42:11):
But you can have a boundary without being insecure.
Speaker 3 (42:13):
To me, though, the element of platonic friendships being a
quote unquote boundary for people, I do think that that
is a toxic, insecure tit.
Speaker 2 (42:24):
People should people are allowed to have.
Speaker 4 (42:27):
We are so far on the non ethical, non monogamy scale.
I think we forget normal, possible, regular boundaries for some.
Speaker 2 (42:36):
But I think a lot of but normally maybe no,
they don't.
Speaker 4 (42:40):
People can have boundaries and they're not labeled as insecure.
For example, you know your person has a platonic friend cool.
Maybe the boundaries being in the home. Maybe you just
don't want your man going to that woman's home and
her coming into his. That's totally fine as a boundary.
Speaker 2 (42:57):
I don't have that one. It needed to you.
Speaker 4 (42:59):
But that doesn't make some insecure because they have that boundary.
The levels of respect that people have for each other
or want for themselves doesn't make them insecure. Because I
want my man and I to talk openly about sex
or right now we're monogamish.
Speaker 2 (43:12):
That doesn't make me insecure.
Speaker 3 (43:13):
I think insecure is one of the words that have
such a negative connotation, that there's insecurities we all hold.
If the insecurity is because this person is of the
opposite sex, where is that stemming from that? You have
no problem with him going over his boy's house. I
think when I bring up the insecurity, it is the
lack of trust and the inability to view. Let me finish,
(43:36):
because if the only difference is this person can't do
this with a female friend but he could do it
with a male friend, there's an insecurity or lack of trust.
I'll use that since there's such a stigma around the
word insecure.
Speaker 2 (43:50):
But I think that when we act as though.
Speaker 3 (43:53):
People of opposite genders can't hold these platonic relationships, or
you don't trust your partner to not slide, or the
woman's a slide if they can do something with their
male friends that they're not allowed to do with their
female friends. I say, and this is my opinion alone. Again,
everyone has one an opinion and an asshole. You could
disagree with me here, but I'm not wrong.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
You're not wrong.
Speaker 3 (44:14):
I believe and I perceive it to be an insecurity
if the boundaries are only associated to friends of the opposite.
Speaker 4 (44:20):
So then since you consider it a lack of trust,
can he sleep over?
Speaker 3 (44:24):
Then?
Speaker 2 (44:24):
Can he go on vacation with her? No?
Speaker 4 (44:26):
No, no, Because to your point, if going in the
home is the insecurity boundary, then where do you draw
a line? Because if you have none, then you have none.
But I actually think that's really unfair to say, because yes,
there needs to be boundaries.
Speaker 3 (44:43):
I agree with boundaries in a relationship. I agree with that,
So I'm not disagreeing with that.
Speaker 4 (44:47):
Or how come a boundary for what I want within
a platonic friendship is lacked? Is me lacking trust in you?
Or being insecure? That's a boundary. A boundary is not
an insecurity No.
Speaker 2 (44:57):
There's not.
Speaker 3 (44:58):
But again, when you're in a romantic relationship, you also
and everything is customizable, so boundaries don't necessarily aren't necessarily
an umbrella over a.
Speaker 2 (45:09):
Friendship or relationship.
Speaker 4 (45:10):
Should your line be what is he not allowed to
do with his platonic friend?
Speaker 3 (45:13):
Oh, go on an international trip with just him Andre
and we're friends?
Speaker 2 (45:20):
So did you do that? Did you do that while
you were in a relationship? I went to South Africa
with him and his own boy. So that's a group setting.
Speaker 3 (45:25):
We literally just a group setting to me, is fine
if someone else will be there.
Speaker 2 (45:30):
We literally just had this conversation.
Speaker 3 (45:32):
He's like, Babe, if if my best friend I won't
say her name, wanted me to join her an Antiga
because you're going to Dreamville, could I do it?
Speaker 2 (45:41):
I said, Well, who else is going to be there?
Speaker 3 (45:43):
I said, if it's a group thing, if it's a
birthday trip, if her, if her friends are going to
be there, go so they can go to Miami, but
they can't go to Antigua. Like no, it's literally an
international trip, That's what I'm saying.
Speaker 2 (45:52):
So they can go to Miami together.
Speaker 3 (45:53):
Like we're all walking the carpet together with him, and
like a boundary would be like no, she can't walk
the carpet with you because I'm there, and I don't
why actually that we're going to be there together.
Speaker 4 (46:02):
I think you haven't been put into place yet to
feel uncomfortable. But you are really expressing boundaries like no,
but I think it's surmisable but right, But what you're
saying could be an insecurity then to your point, your insecurity,
you have a lack of trust international. No, it's just
something you don't like because you can feel disrespected, whereas
other people can feel that alone in a home with someone.
(46:24):
The way that you can feel respected in your relationship
doesn't necessarily mean it's an insecurity. And you're saying that
there's a buzzword on the insecurity, But if.
Speaker 3 (46:33):
There's also a buzzword on lack of trust, again, that's
not good.
Speaker 2 (46:37):
But both things can exist both.
Speaker 3 (46:39):
Like I'm fine with saying, as a human being we
have insecurities, I'm fine with as a human being saying
when we're in relationships there may be elements of lack
of trust because in different scenarios you may be tested differently.
Speaker 2 (46:52):
I don't have a problem with her cooking for you.
Speaker 3 (46:54):
Do I want y'all to be five days getting drunk
together on an island together.
Speaker 2 (46:59):
No, And I as a human being can.
Speaker 3 (47:01):
Express and admit that maybe that comes from my mind
working and feeling like this whole trip may not be innocent.
Speaker 2 (47:09):
So no, that would be a boundary of an insecurity.
Always got a meal to make it a trip to
go on?
Speaker 5 (47:15):
Hell?
Speaker 2 (47:15):
No, now, Wolf, I'm a gonna throw it to you.
Speaker 4 (47:19):
What do you think would be a boundary or something
you may have within platonic friendships, just to hear from
a man's perspective, because again, Mandy and I are, I
feel like really loose with our boundaries, nigga.
Speaker 6 (47:34):
Lunch a boundary that I would have for platonic friends
in the relationship.
Speaker 2 (47:42):
Your girl has a guy best friend, what are they
allowed to do or not do? He's got tickets to
a game?
Speaker 5 (47:47):
Okay, I got one for you. I got one for
you right now.
Speaker 6 (47:50):
If y'all hanging out, I would feel most comfortable if
you let me know before I would feel you know,
I don't want to put too much your tape around
this one, but like I don't want to hear like
oh me and Joseph when it had drinks, you know
what I mean? Like I would prefer you let me know.
I just feel more included, you know what I mean?
Something like that. But I've dealt with that in a relationship.
I've dealt with that in a relationship before, where the
(48:13):
nigga came and told me like, hey, yo, like we're
gonna all get drinks later today, And I was like,
what you're talking about, Oh, what you're talking about? And
I felt dumb, you know what I mean. And I
didn't have a problem with him, but it was just
like in the way I like to run my relationships,
like come and make sure I'm comfortable with that first,
because I would absolutely do the same thing to you.
Speaker 3 (48:28):
What's crazy about that is, though it's the simple thing
of I mean, communication is key. We've been saying that
since probably the beginning of time on this podcast, but
people have in telling sometimes their partner what they're gonna do,
a lot of times we perceive that it's going to
be an argument before we even do it, so we
(48:50):
don't feel the need to communicate it because we don't
want the argument or we don't want the conflict, when
in reality, so much can be resolved if you just
communicate that this is what you're about to do.
Speaker 4 (49:00):
I also think like a lot of people don't. Yeah,
they're not leaving a space for you to communicate that.
Speaker 2 (49:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (49:06):
I remember the first time my partner told me about
sex with someone else, so I was I told him
I want to know before and it was a I
think I was away and he sent me a message
about it. I said, Okay, maybe i'll talk to you later,
and he called me later that night and we started
talking normal and he's like, Okay, no, and you're gonna
(49:26):
ask me like when a we gonna do this?
Speaker 2 (49:29):
Like it was it was weird. It was it was like.
Speaker 4 (49:31):
Kind of uncomfortable because it's such a new thing, Like
how do you learn each other's boundaries? How do you
learn what to do? How do you learn how to
tell someone you're gonna fuck someone else?
Speaker 2 (49:40):
Like?
Speaker 3 (49:41):
And I honestly think the uncomfortability for him was probably
why you an't really doing it, because it's.
Speaker 4 (49:46):
Just like, damn, this is something that maybe I don't enjoy,
Like maybe I can't really handle how this feels. Maybe
it does feel like a cheat, because that is one
of my rules. I want to know before, just like
a platonic friend hangout right. I think being the open
space for wanting to be told about news is what
all of us need to do. Ladies, if you have
(50:07):
a friend, if you have a guy who wants to
hang with his homegirl but ends up telling you later,
I totally agreeab Wolf, I agree, let me know before, Like,
but then when he tells you, you're like, oh.
Speaker 2 (50:17):
You gonna be an average again?
Speaker 3 (50:18):
I mean, ob, he's not even I don't normally tell
him everything before, but if he calls me, I'd pick
up like, hey, babe, this is who I'm with, and
I introduce and I'd be like, this is my boyfriend,
like like my boyfriend has met almost from there, everyone
on FaceTime gets so annoyed with that.
Speaker 4 (50:35):
I know he would be like, bitch, on the fuck
about that, nigga, get on the god to be a phone.
Speaker 2 (50:38):
I called you.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
It's so crazy because it's different strokes. I could see
if I'm sitting with a dude and I answer my.
Speaker 2 (50:45):
Call, Hey, this is my friend Mark. He works at Netflix.
Speaker 4 (50:47):
We just got to drink together, he'd be like, okay, bitch,
I'm calling you. Get back on this phone. Like I
wouldn't like him introduce me to know bitch either. That
wouldn't make me feel good.
Speaker 3 (50:56):
I mean, but to me, it takes the guard down
of it being something. I mean, you just said you
have to tell him when you're with a platonic friend.
Speaker 2 (51:03):
I'm saying that. I didn't say I have to. I
said I would like that. Oh well, while I'm out.
Speaker 3 (51:07):
I'm not telling anybody my everyday move because sometimes shit
is last minute and I'm not asking for permission, and
I'm not. So if I'm out and you call me, hey, babe,
I'm out. This is my friend right now, this is so,
and so I'll call you when I get home. Muh
like to me, I would appreciate that even from him,
because now, okay, there's nothing to hide.
Speaker 2 (51:26):
You know exactly what I'm doing. I'll hit you when
I leave them. Host don't want to suck that dick.
Let me tell you something.
Speaker 4 (51:31):
I don't give fuck that hole can sit here and
be like, oh man, when you come to LA, I'll
make you fucking curry chicken too, bitch.
Speaker 3 (51:37):
Put it up your asshole. I don't give a fuck.
Them hoes be sneaking, they be lying. Any niggas be lying,
and that is why you need to buy no host barn.
Speaker 4 (51:45):
We're gonna tell you all what what to do and
where we learn from our mistakes. I hope you guys
really enjoyed this episode. I kind of loved talking about
this because.
Speaker 3 (51:55):
Even though we have so much of the same like
cause I'm the same way right, go out with your
homegrowl fuga, we have so much of the same ethical
nominogamy ideals, but very different structures and rules around what
makes us feel safe and comfortable.
Speaker 2 (52:09):
In a relationship.
Speaker 4 (52:09):
Absolutely, it's so interchangeable, like I don't know, I just
I've told you recently and I've said it a few
times on Horrible. I hate the recent E and M
talk because I really don't think people know what they're doing.
I don't think they know how to express what they want,
how they feel comfortable.
Speaker 2 (52:25):
I think that everybody's just kind of seeing what fits.
Speaker 3 (52:27):
I mean, I'm also with someone who has never even
thought to be in it. He's he's very monogamous, and
he's open to figuring out how my mind works and
how to feel safer in expressing things that in previous
relationships he didn't have the autonomy too. And I love
it for us, like I'm excited about us exploring these
(52:50):
things together exploring. But again, I think it's also very
again customizable. He's probably not someone that will feel as
comfortable in a sex club is my previous partner, And
that's fine because I've also been to three sex clubs
since we've been together, and I've got to express and
tell him all the things and he's like, yeah, I
don't know.
Speaker 2 (53:10):
If I would like that, but I like it's very
would enjoy it. Seems like he loves he would hate it. No, no, no.
Speaker 4 (53:15):
I think when you care about someone very much, you
enjoy watching them have a great time. And I think
that when he sees how comfortable you can be.
Speaker 3 (53:22):
It reminds me of the conversation with King Noir. He
said he hated pretty Ricky. If you got a friend
that you want to go enjoy pretty Ricky with go
enjoy it. And I'm gonna try to say, bitch, I
am pretty Ricky. I wouldn't even want to bring my
man into a space where he could ruin it for me,
because I know how even I describe it, he seems
so uninterested.
Speaker 2 (53:44):
You don't have to come back. This is something that
I had don tour. Probably not. Why would they not?
You're not gonna bring in then, I don't know, probably
doubt it. You never bring up baby day.
Speaker 3 (53:55):
I'm surprised because he came to Denver, yep, and you
didn't read him there where it's meet your boyfriend.
Speaker 2 (54:00):
No, but wouldn't Colly wouldn't.
Speaker 3 (54:02):
Meet your boyfriend. I'm keeping him very sunder I did it.
I didn't say you were begging. I'm just saying where
we're at, We're gonna I'm gonna keep him very very
opposite of my business and work outside of this premiere.
Speaker 2 (54:15):
We're agreeing to do the same.
Speaker 4 (54:17):
Well, y'all go ahead and check us out on patreon
dot com, backslash Horrible Decisions, and we will see you
next week.
Speaker 2 (54:24):
That's right. Bye ah,
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