March 26, 2025 • 23 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the
third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions,
Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and
B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine. You got the
Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts. We got
(00:22):
Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with
her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with
more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts.
We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses
plus the food truck court to keep you fed while
you visit us. All right, listen, you.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Don't want to miss this.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tap in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect
dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got, Decisions, You've.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Got Decision baby again. I just love to moan, Hey a.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Moan.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
All right, boom, it's another You Got Decisions episode where
we are giving our advice to your questions. If you
want to send us in a question, make sure you
send it on over to Decisions Pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
We may read it aloud.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
You are always anonymous, so you don't have to keep
putting keep me anonymous, y'all. I swear they think they
were want their work job. No, they still say keep
me anonymous.
Speaker 5 (01:39):
Please.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We will not say your name.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
We are just hoping to help people find answers in
very similar situations. And this week a listener wants to
know if they are a cheater now.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Before we get there. If you got to ask, you
probably are.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's one of those things where it's really black and white.
Like I know, there's like gray areas of things, But
am I a cheater?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Actually?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
That is a great area. Let's your partner decide. My
partner will tell you if you're a cheater. But today
you're asking myself. I have tempest X, who is the
writer of No Holds Bart, the book with Weezy and
I that you need to go ahead and get today
if you haven't, ye help us make New York Times bestseller.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And then, of course Eden, are you miked up over there? Wolf?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (02:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And Wolf?
Speaker 3 (02:30):
By the way, the ladies have been loving the both
of you, are y'all being on the comments, they'd be like.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Who I know Eden was licking this way.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
We're gonna get match at tattoo soon.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah, y'all gotta listen to that episode.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
If you haven't go to the You've Got Decisions that
asks if a tattoo is a deal breaker, It's somewhere
on this goddamn feed.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Y'all will laugh if you haven't listened to it yet.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
All right, so let's get into it, Hey, ladies and gentlemen.
I love this show and have been listening since I
was sixteen. Now I'm nineteen, in college and in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I need some advice.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
This is my first official relationship, but not the first
guy I've entertained. The situation I need advice on is this.
My boyfriend and I have been officially together for four months,
but before that, we were in a talking stage and
situationship for about seven months before he actually asked me
(03:25):
to be his girlfriend. During that time, I did talk
to and entertain other guys here and there to keep
my options open.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yes, I asked if we were exclusive and he said no.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
However, I never had physical relations with anyone other than him.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Oh oh, so entertaining is probably dating. She's young, y'all know.
I know. Look at y'all looking lost. I know.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Seven months is a long time to wait for someone
to commit, But I gave him grace because he was
still healing from past relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Right, all right, God, both of all outreas.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
A month before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend,
I tested the waters one last time with someone new,
but quickly realized I didn't like anyone as much as
I liked him. That's when I decided to put all
my eggs in his basket. Okay, a little while into
our relationship, he went through my messages and saw that
I had talked to other people during our seven months
(04:21):
of talking and dating. Now he says I cheated on
him and keeps throwing it in my face. What But
I don't believe I did, because he never officially asked
me to be his girlfriend. We were in a situationship,
which isn't an official relationship with clear rules.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
What do you guys think? Am I a cheater?
Speaker 5 (04:42):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
So I have two parts that I want to take
from this.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Oh, first off, let's start with the question, and then
there's another tidbit that I want to get into that
is new for me with my relationship. But the do
you guys think I'm a cheater? And his reaction, I'm
gonna tell you something, you're not gonna want to hear
(05:07):
him making it seem like you're cheating because he went
through messages of you entertaining men.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
While you weren't really with him.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I agree, is a clear indication that, bitch, he's cheating
on you.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Oh, I don't know about all that.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Let me tell you why. In my last relationship, I
actually agree.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
In my last relationship, damn, he was convinced that every
time I was on a trip, every time I hopped
on a plane on a dick, when the reality was
he was actually entertaining women every time I was out
of town. And so he projected what he knew his
actions to actually be to you to making it seem
(05:51):
like and making it like literally wanting to argue with
me about something I was not doing, almost to where
a little piece of me was like well, he's gonna
think I'm doing it anyways, I may as well just
fucking cheat because the nigga think I'm cheating and I'm not.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I'm not entertaining anyone. I'm busy.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
And so what I ended up realizing in hindsight was
literally when he traveled, he was actually fucking another bitch.
I thought he went to Panama for suits. He was
in Panama would have been big yea, literally, you know
what I mean. So he projected his own actions onto
me a lot. And so he literally said, y'all weren't exclusive.
(06:32):
And so for him to be making this big fuss
about messages that he knows predated the relationship is guilt
seeping through his fucking pores that he's doing that same
thing right now.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And so in his mind, this is this is making it.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
It's validating his actions because now he's saying, well, you
cheated on me.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
Or even if not, he's being very controlling.
Speaker 7 (06:56):
That is also a red flag, like why why is
he getting on you when you weren't together. He was
the one who made the decision. Didn't he need the time?
He didn't he was healing, He was healing.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh I don't like Edam's.
Speaker 6 (07:10):
Faith as the other man in this uh in this panel.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
As the only man in this panel.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's fact over there.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
See.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
When I first started to hear all this, right, I
was like, this is some bullshit they say right now, right,
but as man talking right, I started getting a little
bit mad. But then I started getting mad realizing something.
She just realized. No, not me.
Speaker 6 (07:35):
I realized, I, look, he probably got cheated during COVID.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Oh my god, because I'm realizing this shorty was projecting
a lot when I was out doing nothing, and I'm like,
and it was a it was a complicated situation too, yes,
And I just realized I might have been getting cheated.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
You might have been getting gas lit, Purdue into a
porsonary getting tired because they're doing the wrong thing. And
so that's what that's what happens lot, right, Like, when
you're doing something you don't you don't want, or you
shouldn't be doing while you're in a relationship, either you
start projecting and pointing fingers because the only thing to
(08:12):
validate you doing or you being in the wrong is
if they're.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Also in the wrong and you going through a phone
any mind that through and then it.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Cancels each other out right, You're right.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Not only is it the red flag that he's making
this argument prior to you, it's a red flag that
he feels the need, four months into your relationship to
be going through your phone why you've.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Been together find I'm gonna say this every single time.
Anytime you go through a phone, you won't find something,
So it don't matter. It won't even be the context.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Cause yeah, it ain't even gotta be me texting another nigga.
It could be me and my group chat talking about time.
When you know what I mean, It's like you're you're
gonna find something that makes you angry.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Let's not even get into it.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
If you're looking for that, you you might be mad
that a nigga in my d I can't control that,
this nigga slid.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
Y'all still use Facebook?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
No?
Speaker 6 (09:04):
I want to. I want to. I want to tell
you that Facebook is for the cheaters.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Let me tell you what Facebook is for the cheater.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
So let's say if you log in or you logged
out of Facebook on one device or let's say your computer. Now,
Facebook will let you log in, right, They'll they'll be
like cool, you could just say yes on this device,
you long in cool. Now you need an extra code
to get into the chat history.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Oh yeah, damn it's given Snapchat.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Yeah, I mean kind of yeah. So like now that's
definitely for the cheatings. I'm gonna say, if a man
is going to go through your phone he wants to
find something, yes, or he got something. He's high, he's
he's got something, or a woman whoever. I love your
face was like I was tight, this.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Big dounds nuts. And then as I kept explaining myself,
you were like it changed.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Oh shit, I'm the victim. I realized I was the
victim the whole time in this story.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Well before we get to the next part of this
letter that I want to get into, where do you
stand with do you believe that she is a cheater?
It's oh you wait, you say you said yes, she's cheating.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh she was cheating because she was entertaining other men
while they were in a situation. She's not cheating.
Speaker 6 (10:13):
She's she's not cheating. Okay, yeah, happened before you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
By all, I mean, I ain't gonna hold you and
y'all don't heard it. It's why the fuck I got
a boyfriend. Now, he literally heard I was entertaining another
nigga and he said, oh, she's slipping away. I gotta
make this official.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So he did, Oh no, no, no. So I shared the
story on Patreon. Oh this is alone Patreon.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Basically while we were in while we were in Vegas together,
mind you, after breakfast club happened, I had to tell
him I had sex in Saint Croix.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I fucking shared it on the breakfast club. However.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
You ready, We're at our last dinner in Vegas thereing
av and ords, and this nigga facetimes me mind you
with an Island emoji. So I'm like, man, don't know
why this nigga calling me, but my phone is straight up.
So he sees this nigga calling yeah, and I'm like, man,
I dinner, I ain't gonna answer.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Whole energy shifted. Hell yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
He literally he literally asked me at dinner, Damn, since
you've been here with me, have you talked to him?
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Ooh?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
I said, well yeah, I showed him my outfit and
everything for the av A Awards, and it hit him
like a ton of breaks.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
If y'all want to hear the full story, it's on Patreon.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
But basically I looked at him and was like, what
the fuck you jealous about? Red down all the ways
he ain't show up for me, nigga. Of course I
got other niggasa, And I said, so, if you want
to change that, go sit with yourself. First off, get
out this jealousy you got right now, because I don't
know why you're jealous. Please go sit with yourself and
figure out how you see this looking, because as of
(11:55):
right now, I'm talking to other nigga. Yeah, and literally
took him a day, three hours on the phone with
his dad. Next week, hours on the phone with his
dad through the things. If y'all want to hear how
that conversation went also on Patreon, and.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
He booked his flight, came to Atlanta, and we're together.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Okay again, he asked, I'm gonna say it. That's the
thing that you gotta do now. It's like as important
as asking a woman to be your valentine.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
You have to ask to be your boyfriend girl from whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Oh it has to be.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
That's the real shit. It's not we've been together for someone, no,
because if they don't ask, it ain't even if it's.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Not like like and That's what girls do a lot,
right boy my man, my man, my man to the
home girls. That's the boyfriend that nigga don't think he
in a relationship right, Like it has to be intentional
and then once you're in that, then which is the
faith I'm in right now? Now we start talking about
what our boundaries look like, what we can and cannot do.
I love how we keep respect for each other while
(12:56):
we know that we are together and claiming each other
to the world, and that's when that comes. I do
want to bring up another element of this because I
found it to be interesting and also what I'm going
through now in my relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
She says they were in a talking stage.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
And situationship quote unquote for seven months before he officially
asked her to be his girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Now.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
She literally also says that I know seven months is
a long time to wait for someone to commit, but
I gave him grace quote unquote, and he was still
healing from past relationships. I want to remove that as
a thing.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I will say.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
It's been beating me up that me and Actorvey went
about this relationship different than I've ever gone about Like
I'm just a fucking on the first night, I end
up liking.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You because the dick is so good.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Then now I want it again, and now they start
hanging out, Now I want you around. I'm used to
starting relationships or situationships or feeling like I love a
nigga based on the sex and me and connection bed
me and actor Bay complete opposite.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
We was when you were sober.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
It was when I was sober. Well, no, when we
first met. I was dating that couple and he thought
I was fucking nuts.
Speaker 6 (14:18):
Oh that don't count.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
We amassed it.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
The first day was when.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
The first the first date we went on, I was sober.
The first date, he didn't come up to my room,
not even you know, they didn't the forehead. You know,
they didn't kids, they don't do that. We already did
that on a headache. We already did that on an
episode and the verdict came in most people agreed with me,
thank you very much.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
But we went through it took a long time to
get anything.
Speaker 6 (14:42):
Oh I want to hear that. But oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
So we started the relationship off though, with learning each other,
with becoming friends, with learning our traumas, our triggers, where
we are in our mental health, where we are in
our financial journeys, where we are in our careers, who
our friends were, who our family members are completely opposite
from what I ever thought would happen for me getting
into a relationship your life.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, I fucking like that, nigga.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
Why is that completely opposite of what you ever thought?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Because most of us lean into physical attraction first, then
sexual attraction. It especially like if it's not a friend, say,
you even start dating first. Me and this nigga didn't
go on our first date until four months after we
had been talking on the phone for hours every day.
And I guess, yes, that kind of is what happens
(15:30):
if you meet a nigga on a dating app or
you decide to go to inmates dot com and date
a prisoner. But no, in the normal rum of things,
you're meeting quickly.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
You're hanging out, you're attracted, you're.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Attracted, you're spending a lot of time together and you
fucking and then you fall into a relationship. We fell
into really caring for each other before sex was even introduced,
which was not and day so I just wanted to
where you said, I know, it's weird, and she said,
I know, it's weird that we just talk. You know,
we were in this way for seven months before a commitment.
(16:05):
I find it beautiful to actually get to know somebody
before commitment.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yah. I mean she's a teenager, she's a hall teen,
very young.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
Nineteen and like everything moves fast and slow at the
same time. Yes, yeah, seven months prob Yeah, and it.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Ain't and it ain't. So what you said, it took
a while for your husband to show up for you.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Oh, I didn't let him kiss me for three months.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I made it's a kiss.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
I made him take me on dates. He's like, I
never spent so much for dinners in my life.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
How many dates before a kiss like that?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
So many? Like so many?
Speaker 7 (16:38):
And he finally we were at a show watching a
band and he was like, he finally just grabbed me
and kissed me.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
He's like, I can't take this anymore. This shit is crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Well, let's say, and there was consent. Yeah, you wanted
to consent how you described? Yeah, there was consent. Why
why did you take so long to kiss him?
Speaker 7 (16:54):
Because I really wanted to know I had been through
I've already been divorced, Okay, I've been through several relationships
with Ben at this age and I wanted to know
that this person was going to really be.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
My best friend.
Speaker 7 (17:10):
That's cool, oh wow, And if we couldn't vibe and
have things in common without being sexual then But then
when I decided after the kiss, then I literally called
him and I was like, oh, we have to have
sex now.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
And I never had someone show up so fast pick
me up. I was like, wait, what's all the way?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
This time?
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Called off work and then he came to get me.
The sex was a bomb. There you go, boo. And
we've been together for almost fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Damn god.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I love it. I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
I in my maturity, y'all aren't gonna get probably the
same sex stories. Weezy tried to get it out of
me on Patreon and I said, she's like, so tell
us how was the sex.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I said, well, bitch for together, that doesn't tell you.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yeah, like, oh yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
That's the depth getting.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
He's a public person, so I'm being Yes, I'm being
very particular and very sensitive with what details I share.
The last nigga was an old hit like I was like,
I think I don't nobody know your old heads. You
cain't even got to Instagram nigga, fuck got it, I'm
gonna tell everybody that you like yours e. No, it was,
it was, it was. It was insensitive in me to
(18:18):
do so, and I learned from my last relationship those mistakes.
I will say to our listener, to anyone listening, beware
of red flags with your partners. Yes, and also if
you know that you're not doing something wrong and you
were being accused of doing something wrong, nine times out
(18:40):
of ten, it's a projection and your partner is probably
living foul.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Yeah, yeah, I agreed.
Speaker 6 (18:47):
No, I agree. I'm just thinking about it that you're
a victim.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I know ed.
Speaker 6 (18:54):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
As you were explaining more and more, I was like, damn,
I definitegot God, but I was gonna say is that.
I was like, mind you, I'm thirty right, So it's like, yeah,
I was in a situationship not that long ago. But
there was this form of communication amongst the fact that
it's like if we do interact with other people, we
have to let each other know. Yeah, I'm saying, and
it wasn't an official thing. I did not ask her
(19:16):
to be my girlfriend nothing. In fact, that's actually faded
away now. But my thing is that we had that
communication and if you are going to do a situationship,
protect yourself, communicate and like that's really what.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I will say.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
I deal with free code niggas, so they actually want
me to FaceTime am all on with other niggas. Strange
And this was in the past before my relationship. And
then for me, I never cared about when any of
my sexual partners had other partners because.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I was always protected. So I think that if you
are having casual, unprotected.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Sex, right that is where fucker relationship and boundaries, you
absolutely need to be transparent about testing and what other
partners you're having and if you're not using condoms. But
for me, I wasn't a asking like a nigga probably
fucked a bitch before he came and fucked me. We
was in a condom, so I didn't really you know,
And I'm someone who gets tested every three months now
like regardless, and so yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
I wasn't letting letting all your other hose down. What
you mean, like, when you got into this relationship, did
you let them know?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
No, I haven't know.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
I had a friend who had to do that too
recently who had to like let people down.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I'm like, you know what's crazy. I only had one
hole this whole time.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
I've been healing, like after the couple and you know
the one and and he's flot he got his own
situation happened anyways, Like I said, he showed up for
me for my birthday, which he knows who that guy is.
And he was like, yeah, I knew you told me
about that that bag to rub it in my face.
I said, yeah, cuz, nigga, you have been talking to
me four months before my birthday and you ain't get
(20:52):
me a gift. So he actually admitted that he knew
me sharing about that birthday gift was to.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Was was on purpose?
Speaker 6 (21:00):
Oh yeah, he was like.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Oh a nigga got you a four thousand dollars bag
and oldest nigg don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
We ain't nothing right, So yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
He admitted that he knew that was done to hurt him,
and it wasn't not to hurt you.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I just wanted to let you.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
Know you knew it was gonna hurt.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
And didn't care. I ain't got what I wanted and
didn't care. I'm gonna let you know. If you don't
show up, the next nigga will.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
But yeah, no, we're in a place now where I
didn't really have to let no hose down. That was
my only person that was really in the picture, and
to be fair, it's the same person that every time
me and my ex broke up, I went and entertained.
So he's been in the picture for three years just
as someone there. I think I've been intentional on wanting
to date this year, so I don't have hoes. He
(21:48):
was an easy hole to have shout out to him,
but I don't really but I'm in a relationship now
with someone that I value. He's aware, and so that's
been cut off off up.
Speaker 6 (22:00):
Yeah, and that's how it should be.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And that's it. He know I'm good.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Don't talk to me again until I'm all broken and
min will come back, Oh my god, until I'm crying.
But yeah, no, I didn't have to cut off any
holes luckily. Like mind you y'all know, if y'all listen
to a wild I've looked through my I was fucking porn
stars and workers last year, not anyone like and yeah,
they was cut off by the summertime So anyways, guys again,
(22:27):
if you want us to give you advice on your questions,
on your dilemmas, if you need us to help you
make a decision, make sure you email us at decisions
Pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
We will read yours here and give you all.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
The best advice and pretty much tell your nigga cheating
on you again. This is tempest x here or look,
please buy our book, No Holes Barred. You get the
book minus the dimples and the thighs showing all on camera.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Goddamn uh.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Maybe these sighs gonna thigh. It don't matter how much
weight I lose. Anyways, make sure you get our book, please, please, please,
No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and
power or the co host of Decisions Decisions again, purchase
it wherever you get books.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Help us become New York Times bestseller. We will not
do it without you, guys.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Let us show the world how strong the whore hype
really is.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yes, you've got decisions, and the decision is to get
our motherfucking book. That's right, all right, and we out
of here, see you, honestly,
Speaks to the planet.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
I'll go by the name of Charlamagne of God and
guess what, I can't wait to see y'all at the
third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival. That's right, We're coming
back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April twenty six at Poeman
Yards and it's hosted by none other than Decisions, Decisions,
Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we got the R and
B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine. You got the
Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts. We got
(00:22):
Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be there with
her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds podcast with
more to be announced. And of course it's bigger than podcasts.
We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with black owned businesses
plus the food truck court to keep you fed while
you visit us. All right, listen, you.
Speaker 1 (00:38):
Don't want to miss this.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
Tap in and grab your tickets now at Black Effect
dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
And you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, or
a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got, Decisions, You've.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Got Decision baby again. I just love to moan, Hey a.
Speaker 4 (01:09):
Moan.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
All right, boom, it's another You Got Decisions episode where
we are giving our advice to your questions. If you
want to send us in a question, make sure you
send it on over to Decisions Pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (01:27):
We may read it aloud.
Speaker 3 (01:28):
You are always anonymous, so you don't have to keep
putting keep me anonymous, y'all. I swear they think they
were want their work job. No, they still say keep
me anonymous.
Speaker 5 (01:39):
Please.
Speaker 1 (01:40):
We will not say your name.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
We are just hoping to help people find answers in
very similar situations. And this week a listener wants to
know if they are a cheater now.
Speaker 1 (01:53):
Before we get there. If you got to ask, you
probably are.
Speaker 3 (01:55):
That's one of those things where it's really black and white.
Like I know, there's like gray areas of things, But
am I a cheater?
Speaker 1 (02:04):
Actually?
Speaker 3 (02:05):
That is a great area. Let's your partner decide. My
partner will tell you if you're a cheater. But today
you're asking myself. I have tempest X, who is the
writer of No Holds Bart, the book with Weezy and
I that you need to go ahead and get today
if you haven't, ye help us make New York Times bestseller.
Speaker 1 (02:24):
And then, of course Eden, are you miked up over there? Wolf?
Speaker 5 (02:28):
Oh?
Speaker 6 (02:28):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (02:29):
And Wolf?
Speaker 3 (02:30):
By the way, the ladies have been loving the both
of you, are y'all being on the comments, they'd be like.
Speaker 1 (02:36):
Who I know Eden was licking this way.
Speaker 6 (02:38):
We're gonna get match at tattoo soon.
Speaker 1 (02:40):
Yeah, y'all gotta listen to that episode.
Speaker 3 (02:41):
If you haven't go to the You've Got Decisions that
asks if a tattoo is a deal breaker, It's somewhere
on this goddamn feed.
Speaker 1 (02:49):
Y'all will laugh if you haven't listened to it yet.
Speaker 3 (02:52):
All right, so let's get into it, Hey, ladies and gentlemen.
I love this show and have been listening since I
was sixteen. Now I'm nineteen, in college and in a relationship.
Speaker 1 (03:04):
I need some advice.
Speaker 3 (03:05):
This is my first official relationship, but not the first
guy I've entertained. The situation I need advice on is this.
My boyfriend and I have been officially together for four months,
but before that, we were in a talking stage and
situationship for about seven months before he actually asked me
(03:25):
to be his girlfriend. During that time, I did talk
to and entertain other guys here and there to keep
my options open.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
Yes, I asked if we were exclusive and he said no.
Speaker 3 (03:36):
However, I never had physical relations with anyone other than him.
Speaker 1 (03:40):
Oh oh, so entertaining is probably dating. She's young, y'all know.
I know. Look at y'all looking lost. I know.
Speaker 3 (03:48):
Seven months is a long time to wait for someone
to commit, But I gave him grace because he was
still healing from past relationships.
Speaker 1 (03:56):
Right, all right, God, both of all outreas.
Speaker 3 (04:00):
A month before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend,
I tested the waters one last time with someone new,
but quickly realized I didn't like anyone as much as
I liked him. That's when I decided to put all
my eggs in his basket. Okay, a little while into
our relationship, he went through my messages and saw that
I had talked to other people during our seven months
(04:21):
of talking and dating. Now he says I cheated on
him and keeps throwing it in my face. What But
I don't believe I did, because he never officially asked
me to be his girlfriend. We were in a situationship,
which isn't an official relationship with clear rules.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
What do you guys think? Am I a cheater?
Speaker 5 (04:42):
No?
Speaker 1 (04:43):
So I have two parts that I want to take
from this.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Oh, first off, let's start with the question, and then
there's another tidbit that I want to get into that
is new for me with my relationship. But the do
you guys think I'm a cheater? And his reaction, I'm
gonna tell you something, you're not gonna want to hear
(05:07):
him making it seem like you're cheating because he went
through messages of you entertaining men.
Speaker 1 (05:16):
While you weren't really with him.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
I agree, is a clear indication that, bitch, he's cheating
on you.
Speaker 6 (05:22):
Oh, I don't know about all that.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
Let me tell you why. In my last relationship, I
actually agree.
Speaker 3 (05:29):
In my last relationship, damn, he was convinced that every
time I was on a trip, every time I hopped
on a plane on a dick, when the reality was
he was actually entertaining women every time I was out
of town. And so he projected what he knew his
actions to actually be to you to making it seem
(05:51):
like and making it like literally wanting to argue with
me about something I was not doing, almost to where
a little piece of me was like well, he's gonna
think I'm doing it anyways, I may as well just
fucking cheat because the nigga think I'm cheating and I'm not.
Speaker 1 (06:06):
I'm not entertaining anyone. I'm busy.
Speaker 3 (06:08):
And so what I ended up realizing in hindsight was
literally when he traveled, he was actually fucking another bitch.
I thought he went to Panama for suits. He was
in Panama would have been big yea, literally, you know
what I mean. So he projected his own actions onto
me a lot. And so he literally said, y'all weren't exclusive.
(06:32):
And so for him to be making this big fuss
about messages that he knows predated the relationship is guilt
seeping through his fucking pores that he's doing that same
thing right now.
Speaker 1 (06:43):
And so in his mind, this is this is making it.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
It's validating his actions because now he's saying, well, you
cheated on me.
Speaker 5 (06:53):
Or even if not, he's being very controlling.
Speaker 7 (06:56):
That is also a red flag, like why why is
he getting on you when you weren't together. He was
the one who made the decision. Didn't he need the time?
He didn't he was healing, He was healing.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
Oh I don't like Edam's.
Speaker 6 (07:10):
Faith as the other man in this uh in this panel.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
As the only man in this panel.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's fact over there.
Speaker 1 (07:19):
See.
Speaker 4 (07:19):
When I first started to hear all this, right, I
was like, this is some bullshit they say right now, right,
but as man talking right, I started getting a little
bit mad. But then I started getting mad realizing something.
She just realized. No, not me.
Speaker 6 (07:35):
I realized, I, look, he probably got cheated during COVID.
Speaker 4 (07:38):
Oh my god, because I'm realizing this shorty was projecting
a lot when I was out doing nothing, and I'm like,
and it was a it was a complicated situation too, yes,
And I just realized I might have been getting cheated.
Speaker 3 (07:51):
You might have been getting gas lit, Purdue into a
porsonary getting tired because they're doing the wrong thing. And
so that's what that's what happens lot, right, Like, when
you're doing something you don't you don't want, or you
shouldn't be doing while you're in a relationship, either you
start projecting and pointing fingers because the only thing to
(08:12):
validate you doing or you being in the wrong is
if they're.
Speaker 4 (08:16):
Also in the wrong and you going through a phone
any mind that through and then it.
Speaker 1 (08:20):
Cancels each other out right, You're right.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
Not only is it the red flag that he's making
this argument prior to you, it's a red flag that
he feels the need, four months into your relationship to
be going through your phone why you've.
Speaker 4 (08:33):
Been together find I'm gonna say this every single time.
Anytime you go through a phone, you won't find something,
So it don't matter. It won't even be the context.
Speaker 3 (08:41):
Cause yeah, it ain't even gotta be me texting another nigga.
It could be me and my group chat talking about time.
When you know what I mean, It's like you're you're
gonna find something that makes you angry.
Speaker 1 (08:56):
Let's not even get into it.
Speaker 3 (08:57):
If you're looking for that, you you might be mad
that a nigga in my d I can't control that,
this nigga slid.
Speaker 6 (09:02):
Y'all still use Facebook?
Speaker 4 (09:03):
No?
Speaker 6 (09:04):
I want to. I want to. I want to tell
you that Facebook is for the cheaters.
Speaker 1 (09:07):
Let me tell you what Facebook is for the cheater.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
So let's say if you log in or you logged
out of Facebook on one device or let's say your computer. Now,
Facebook will let you log in, right, They'll they'll be
like cool, you could just say yes on this device,
you long in cool. Now you need an extra code
to get into the chat history.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
Oh yeah, damn it's given Snapchat.
Speaker 4 (09:27):
Yeah, I mean kind of yeah. So like now that's
definitely for the cheatings. I'm gonna say, if a man
is going to go through your phone he wants to
find something, yes, or he got something. He's high, he's
he's got something, or a woman whoever. I love your
face was like I was tight, this.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
Big dounds nuts. And then as I kept explaining myself,
you were like it changed.
Speaker 4 (09:47):
Oh shit, I'm the victim. I realized I was the
victim the whole time in this story.
Speaker 3 (09:53):
Well before we get to the next part of this
letter that I want to get into, where do you
stand with do you believe that she is a cheater?
It's oh you wait, you say you said yes, she's cheating.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Oh she was cheating because she was entertaining other men
while they were in a situation. She's not cheating.
Speaker 6 (10:13):
She's she's not cheating. Okay, yeah, happened before you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
By all, I mean, I ain't gonna hold you and
y'all don't heard it. It's why the fuck I got
a boyfriend. Now, he literally heard I was entertaining another
nigga and he said, oh, she's slipping away. I gotta
make this official.
Speaker 1 (10:31):
So he did, Oh no, no, no. So I shared the
story on Patreon. Oh this is alone Patreon.
Speaker 3 (10:37):
Basically while we were in while we were in Vegas together,
mind you, after breakfast club happened, I had to tell
him I had sex in Saint Croix.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
I fucking shared it on the breakfast club. However.
Speaker 3 (10:49):
You ready, We're at our last dinner in Vegas thereing
av and ords, and this nigga facetimes me mind you
with an Island emoji. So I'm like, man, don't know
why this nigga calling me, but my phone is straight up.
So he sees this nigga calling yeah, and I'm like, man,
I dinner, I ain't gonna answer.
Speaker 1 (11:07):
Whole energy shifted. Hell yeah.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
He literally he literally asked me at dinner, Damn, since
you've been here with me, have you talked to him?
Speaker 6 (11:18):
Ooh?
Speaker 3 (11:20):
I said, well yeah, I showed him my outfit and
everything for the av A Awards, and it hit him
like a ton of breaks.
Speaker 1 (11:31):
If y'all want to hear the full story, it's on Patreon.
Speaker 3 (11:33):
But basically I looked at him and was like, what
the fuck you jealous about? Red down all the ways
he ain't show up for me, nigga. Of course I
got other niggasa, And I said, so, if you want
to change that, go sit with yourself. First off, get
out this jealousy you got right now, because I don't
know why you're jealous. Please go sit with yourself and
figure out how you see this looking, because as of
(11:55):
right now, I'm talking to other nigga. Yeah, and literally
took him a day, three hours on the phone with
his dad. Next week, hours on the phone with his
dad through the things. If y'all want to hear how
that conversation went also on Patreon, and.
Speaker 1 (12:12):
He booked his flight, came to Atlanta, and we're together.
Speaker 4 (12:16):
Okay again, he asked, I'm gonna say it. That's the
thing that you gotta do now. It's like as important
as asking a woman to be your valentine.
Speaker 6 (12:24):
You have to ask to be your boyfriend girl from whatever.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Oh it has to be.
Speaker 4 (12:29):
That's the real shit. It's not we've been together for someone, no,
because if they don't ask, it ain't even if it's.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
Not like like and That's what girls do a lot,
right boy my man, my man, my man to the
home girls. That's the boyfriend that nigga don't think he
in a relationship right, Like it has to be intentional
and then once you're in that, then which is the
faith I'm in right now? Now we start talking about
what our boundaries look like, what we can and cannot do.
I love how we keep respect for each other while
(12:56):
we know that we are together and claiming each other
to the world, and that's when that comes. I do
want to bring up another element of this because I
found it to be interesting and also what I'm going
through now in my relationship.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
She says they were in a talking stage.
Speaker 3 (13:17):
And situationship quote unquote for seven months before he officially
asked her to be his girlfriend.
Speaker 4 (13:23):
Now.
Speaker 3 (13:25):
She literally also says that I know seven months is
a long time to wait for someone to commit, but
I gave him grace quote unquote, and he was still
healing from past relationships. I want to remove that as
a thing.
Speaker 1 (13:41):
I will say.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
It's been beating me up that me and Actorvey went
about this relationship different than I've ever gone about Like
I'm just a fucking on the first night, I end
up liking.
Speaker 1 (13:54):
You because the dick is so good.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
Then now I want it again, and now they start
hanging out, Now I want you around. I'm used to
starting relationships or situationships or feeling like I love a
nigga based on the sex and me and connection bed
me and actor Bay complete opposite.
Speaker 6 (14:12):
We was when you were sober.
Speaker 3 (14:14):
It was when I was sober. Well, no, when we
first met. I was dating that couple and he thought
I was fucking nuts.
Speaker 6 (14:18):
Oh that don't count.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
We amassed it.
Speaker 6 (14:20):
The first day was when.
Speaker 3 (14:21):
The first the first date we went on, I was sober.
The first date, he didn't come up to my room,
not even you know, they didn't the forehead. You know,
they didn't kids, they don't do that. We already did
that on a headache. We already did that on an
episode and the verdict came in most people agreed with me,
thank you very much.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
But we went through it took a long time to
get anything.
Speaker 6 (14:42):
Oh I want to hear that. But oh yeah.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
So we started the relationship off though, with learning each other,
with becoming friends, with learning our traumas, our triggers, where
we are in our mental health, where we are in
our financial journeys, where we are in our careers, who
our friends were, who our family members are completely opposite
from what I ever thought would happen for me getting
into a relationship your life.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Yeah, I fucking like that, nigga.
Speaker 6 (15:07):
Why is that completely opposite of what you ever thought?
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Because most of us lean into physical attraction first, then
sexual attraction. It especially like if it's not a friend, say,
you even start dating first. Me and this nigga didn't
go on our first date until four months after we
had been talking on the phone for hours every day.
And I guess, yes, that kind of is what happens
(15:30):
if you meet a nigga on a dating app or
you decide to go to inmates dot com and date
a prisoner. But no, in the normal rum of things,
you're meeting quickly.
Speaker 5 (15:39):
You're hanging out, you're attracted, you're.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Attracted, you're spending a lot of time together and you
fucking and then you fall into a relationship. We fell
into really caring for each other before sex was even introduced,
which was not and day so I just wanted to
where you said, I know, it's weird, and she said,
I know, it's weird that we just talk. You know,
we were in this way for seven months before a commitment.
(16:05):
I find it beautiful to actually get to know somebody
before commitment.
Speaker 1 (16:08):
Yah. I mean she's a teenager, she's a hall teen,
very young.
Speaker 4 (16:12):
Nineteen and like everything moves fast and slow at the
same time. Yes, yeah, seven months prob Yeah, and it.
Speaker 1 (16:19):
Ain't and it ain't. So what you said, it took
a while for your husband to show up for you.
Speaker 5 (16:24):
Oh, I didn't let him kiss me for three months.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
I made it's a kiss.
Speaker 5 (16:29):
I made him take me on dates. He's like, I
never spent so much for dinners in my life.
Speaker 1 (16:33):
How many dates before a kiss like that?
Speaker 5 (16:36):
So many? Like so many?
Speaker 7 (16:38):
And he finally we were at a show watching a
band and he was like, he finally just grabbed me
and kissed me.
Speaker 5 (16:44):
He's like, I can't take this anymore. This shit is crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
Well, let's say, and there was consent. Yeah, you wanted
to consent how you described? Yeah, there was consent. Why
why did you take so long to kiss him?
Speaker 7 (16:54):
Because I really wanted to know I had been through
I've already been divorced, Okay, I've been through several relationships
with Ben at this age and I wanted to know
that this person was going to really be.
Speaker 5 (17:09):
My best friend.
Speaker 7 (17:10):
That's cool, oh wow, And if we couldn't vibe and
have things in common without being sexual then But then
when I decided after the kiss, then I literally called
him and I was like, oh, we have to have
sex now.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
And I never had someone show up so fast pick
me up. I was like, wait, what's all the way?
Speaker 1 (17:30):
This time?
Speaker 5 (17:31):
Called off work and then he came to get me.
The sex was a bomb. There you go, boo. And
we've been together for almost fifteen years.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
Damn god.
Speaker 6 (17:41):
I love that.
Speaker 1 (17:41):
I love it. I mean, I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
I in my maturity, y'all aren't gonna get probably the
same sex stories. Weezy tried to get it out of
me on Patreon and I said, she's like, so tell
us how was the sex.
Speaker 1 (17:52):
I said, well, bitch for together, that doesn't tell you.
Speaker 5 (17:54):
Yeah, like, oh yeah, that's.
Speaker 1 (17:56):
That's the depth getting.
Speaker 3 (17:58):
He's a public person, so I'm being Yes, I'm being
very particular and very sensitive with what details I share.
The last nigga was an old hit like I was like,
I think I don't nobody know your old heads. You
cain't even got to Instagram nigga, fuck got it, I'm
gonna tell everybody that you like yours e. No, it was,
it was, it was. It was insensitive in me to
(18:18):
do so, and I learned from my last relationship those mistakes.
I will say to our listener, to anyone listening, beware
of red flags with your partners. Yes, and also if
you know that you're not doing something wrong and you
were being accused of doing something wrong, nine times out
(18:40):
of ten, it's a projection and your partner is probably
living foul.
Speaker 5 (18:44):
Yeah, yeah, I agreed.
Speaker 6 (18:47):
No, I agree. I'm just thinking about it that you're
a victim.
Speaker 2 (18:50):
I know ed.
Speaker 6 (18:54):
I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 4 (18:55):
As you were explaining more and more, I was like, damn,
I definitegot God, but I was gonna say is that.
I was like, mind you, I'm thirty right, So it's like, yeah,
I was in a situationship not that long ago. But
there was this form of communication amongst the fact that
it's like if we do interact with other people, we
have to let each other know. Yeah, I'm saying, and
it wasn't an official thing. I did not ask her
(19:16):
to be my girlfriend nothing. In fact, that's actually faded
away now. But my thing is that we had that
communication and if you are going to do a situationship,
protect yourself, communicate and like that's really what.
Speaker 1 (19:29):
I will say.
Speaker 3 (19:29):
I deal with free code niggas, so they actually want
me to FaceTime am all on with other niggas. Strange
And this was in the past before my relationship. And
then for me, I never cared about when any of
my sexual partners had other partners because.
Speaker 1 (19:43):
I was always protected. So I think that if you
are having casual, unprotected.
Speaker 3 (19:48):
Sex, right that is where fucker relationship and boundaries, you
absolutely need to be transparent about testing and what other
partners you're having and if you're not using condoms. But
for me, I wasn't a asking like a nigga probably
fucked a bitch before he came and fucked me. We
was in a condom, so I didn't really you know,
And I'm someone who gets tested every three months now
like regardless, and so yeah, that's funny.
Speaker 6 (20:12):
I wasn't letting letting all your other hose down. What
you mean, like, when you got into this relationship, did
you let them know?
Speaker 1 (20:21):
No, I haven't know.
Speaker 4 (20:21):
I had a friend who had to do that too
recently who had to like let people down.
Speaker 1 (20:25):
I'm like, you know what's crazy. I only had one
hole this whole time.
Speaker 3 (20:30):
I've been healing, like after the couple and you know
the one and and he's flot he got his own
situation happened anyways, Like I said, he showed up for
me for my birthday, which he knows who that guy is.
And he was like, yeah, I knew you told me
about that that bag to rub it in my face.
I said, yeah, cuz, nigga, you have been talking to
me four months before my birthday and you ain't get
(20:52):
me a gift. So he actually admitted that he knew
me sharing about that birthday gift was to.
Speaker 1 (20:59):
Was was on purpose?
Speaker 6 (21:00):
Oh yeah, he was like.
Speaker 3 (21:01):
Oh a nigga got you a four thousand dollars bag
and oldest nigg don't worry about it.
Speaker 1 (21:06):
We ain't nothing right, So yeah, it's funny.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
He admitted that he knew that was done to hurt him,
and it wasn't not to hurt you.
Speaker 1 (21:13):
I just wanted to let you.
Speaker 6 (21:15):
Know you knew it was gonna hurt.
Speaker 1 (21:18):
And didn't care. I ain't got what I wanted and
didn't care. I'm gonna let you know. If you don't
show up, the next nigga will.
Speaker 3 (21:26):
But yeah, no, we're in a place now where I
didn't really have to let no hose down. That was
my only person that was really in the picture, and
to be fair, it's the same person that every time
me and my ex broke up, I went and entertained.
So he's been in the picture for three years just
as someone there. I think I've been intentional on wanting
to date this year, so I don't have hoes. He
(21:48):
was an easy hole to have shout out to him,
but I don't really but I'm in a relationship now
with someone that I value. He's aware, and so that's
been cut off off up.
Speaker 6 (22:00):
Yeah, and that's how it should be.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
And that's it. He know I'm good.
Speaker 3 (22:04):
Don't talk to me again until I'm all broken and
min will come back, Oh my god, until I'm crying.
But yeah, no, I didn't have to cut off any
holes luckily. Like mind you y'all know, if y'all listen
to a wild I've looked through my I was fucking porn
stars and workers last year, not anyone like and yeah,
they was cut off by the summertime So anyways, guys again,
(22:27):
if you want us to give you advice on your questions,
on your dilemmas, if you need us to help you
make a decision, make sure you email us at decisions
Pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 1 (22:40):
We will read yours here and give you all.
Speaker 3 (22:44):
The best advice and pretty much tell your nigga cheating
on you again. This is tempest x here or look,
please buy our book, No Holes Barred. You get the
book minus the dimples and the thighs showing all on camera.
Speaker 1 (22:59):
Goddamn uh.
Speaker 3 (23:02):
Maybe these sighs gonna thigh. It don't matter how much
weight I lose. Anyways, make sure you get our book, please, please, please,
No Holds Barred, a dual manifesto of sexual exploration and
power or the co host of Decisions Decisions again, purchase
it wherever you get books.
Speaker 1 (23:20):
Help us become New York Times bestseller. We will not
do it without you, guys.
Speaker 3 (23:25):
Let us show the world how strong the whore hype
really is.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Yes, you've got decisions, and the decision is to get
our motherfucking book. That's right, all right, and we out
of here, see you, honestly,
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