April 16, 2025 • 18 mins
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of
Charlamagne of God and guess what. I can't wait to
see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.
That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April
twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none
other than Decisions, Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we
got the R and B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine.
You got the Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts.
(00:22):
We got Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be
there with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds
podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's
bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with
black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep
you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you
don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your
tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend,
or a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Decisions it's another you've got this cessions and it's your
girl man dyv and I'm joined this week with Eden.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
That boy, what happened to that boy?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Sorry? You know I was. I just saw girl man
at Dreamville. You already know. I was like, although I
love juvenile more than anything, am I good?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Oh yeah, oh my god, that makes more sense to
be honest, Like Juvie had this aura that made me
just like, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was, and I was a little high, but I
saw Juvie up there on that stage and I was like,
I just know he was getting pussy between slow motion
rodeo and at that ass up. Yeah, I don't even
he had Wilt Chamberlain numbers. I'm convinced like his aura
right now and he ain't got like no, I already
know them bitches in the nineties was throwing up throwing
(01:54):
that thing at June absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
By the way, shout out to everyone all the whoreor
Hive members that attended Dreamville Fest fifth and final.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Even though they come back now.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
They try to do the horrible decisions rebrand, like I
know it's the final, but no, if we're coming back,
you know we're out here, you know, giving people idea,
set trends. Before we start this week's You've Got Decisions,
I want to let you know that we have our
pre order book available.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Our book available for pre order.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
There we go, No holds barred available wherever you get
your books. Make sure you pre order on Amazon, Barnes
and Nobles, or any of your local bookstores. Help us
become New York Times best sellers. And I wanted to
do just this little thing this month where maybe we
didn't lean fully into sex all the time.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Sure, And I.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Love that you guys continue to send us all of these.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Questions.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
You guys have seen us grow here on this pod,
so I love that we're getting these types of questions.
If you have a question that you want us to
answer on You Got Decisions, make sure you send it
on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com. That's
Decisions p O. D at gmail dot com. Now this
one is a cool one. Figured you could sit in
(03:19):
and help me answer this one. The subject matter is
am I a bad friend?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Now?
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Probably don't do that. If you got to write in,
then yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Don't do that.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
I'm judging out the gate.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yes, okay, Let's see if you still hold that when
we get to reading it. Okay, Hey, Weezi and Mandy
and Eda. My question is am I asking too much?
Am I a bad friend? Or should they do more?
I'm divorced for a few years now, and team fuck
them kids Like Mandy, I have two friends that I
(03:55):
consider my best friends. They both live in different states
and are married slash partnered with children. In the last
few years, they have not made any effort to see
me or show up for me. The times I have
seen them, I've either gone to their city or they
happen to be in my city for other reasons their
wedding anniversary or to visit family, and I feel like
(04:18):
seeing me was a matter of convenience.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
Slash afterthought, not the coffee.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Am I being a bad friend for pulling away? For
feeling like they don't make an effort to show up
for me. I understand partners and kids are a priority,
but not once have they even said like, Hey, why
don't you come visit and I'll make time to spend
this weekend with you. I'm also graduating with my master's
degree in a few months, and neither of them have
(04:48):
mentioned doing anything to celebrate this. Yeah, of course I
have met in my dms who are asking me, who
are asking me what we can plan to celebrate? Girl, Girl,
don't be very about these niggas. I always hear how
you guys talk about the love you give friends and
how it is reciprocated, But I feel that it's lacking
in my situation. Am I expecting too much? Am I
(05:14):
a bad friend? Or should they do more from a
friendless hope?
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Stop?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
See now that's interesting. I mean, all right, maybe those
are three great questions though.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Okay, so let's start with is she asking for too much?
And the asking of too much is for her friends
to seemingly at least show up and make her some story.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
Yeah, exactly, help her feel more of a priority and
help her celebrate you know, good wishes.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Right, I don't think so. I don't think she's asking
for too much.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Me neither.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I don't think she's asking for too much.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I think you have to show up for a friend,
you know, through the best and the worst times. Uh,
it's all. It's just there's a gauge in the spectrum
for something like this.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Well, here's the to She mentioned that both of them
live in different states.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
That's one.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So not only do they live in different states, they
have partners and they have children. So if we're talking
about the economy, economy again.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
The terrorists, which.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Has got a bring terrorists, you know, it could be
a lot for someone to fit that into their budget.
For one, with you not having children or a partner,
you do have more leeway to kind of get up
and go. And so I would start off first because
(06:37):
me and my friends talk to each other a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I would start off first with having the conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
With them exactly like you wrote into so you got decisions,
But have you spoken to each of them and been like, yo,
like since my divorce, you know, it's been two years.
I really feel like you haven't made an effort to.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Link with me, to show up. We haven't made plans
on a you know, to take a trip.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Also, you wouldn't do that. I'd be like, hey, I
would love to see y'all more like in general, you know,
ease it into like that, do you do you feel
like you have to go and be like you guys
aren't doing you?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
This is this is where this is, This is where
listening skills.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Help and hopefully your friends have comprehension skills.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Okay, it's not that you're you're demeaning them or telling
them they're wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
You're first starting with your feelings.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And boy, have I been working in therapy with trying
to find ways, because unfortunately, I too feel like when
I share how my feelings are or how someone's actions
make me feel, they immediately get into defense. That's that's
so fucking immature.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
I be feeling the same.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Way, and and so it actually becomes difficult, so to
me her expressing, she's writing us feeling like she's friendless.
You have two friends, You're not friendless, right, So I
think to come and say, hey, A part of me
feels abandoned in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It hurts me. I feel lonely.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Like coming and expressing her feelings is not saying you
are fucked up as bitch as hope. No, Hey, I
really look at you as my close friend. Since my divorce,
I feel as though we haven't got to see each other,
and it really hurts me because I miss you like
I miss you as a woman. Like we I think
(08:37):
that that's received, It's it's received easier to come out
of front. In that way than it is sometimes met
agree so to say, I really miss you, I want
to see you, but also dang, bitch, you ain't come
and seeing me, Like, how can we make that happen?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Let's plan a trip.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
So you could always lead with your emotions about how
lonely abandoned, and even if you're angry or mad about it,
you can express those things tell your friend and then
see what their response is, because the response may be like, bitch,
I haven't really told you, but I got you know,
we're not doing well financially, so that's something that I
(09:16):
can't do. Or girl, my kid is being bad as
fuck and I gotta do this, or you know, they might.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Have their own problems that they're trying to settle first
before everyone has thinking about anybody else, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
And that's just the reality, right.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I mean the reality of kids. Well, bruh, the reality
of it.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Is too and I'm experiencing it right now where I'm
thirty four. Majority now of my friends are partnered and
or with kid, majority of them single months. I am
actually also feeling like, damn, I don't relate the same
(09:55):
to all my friends as they're now getting where their
children are older, and they're having to the more things
I'm realizing in myself. I don't care to see their
stories as much anymore because their lives are so different,
and so the fact that you're also team fuck them
kids and they have kids. I would suggest that you
still maintain those friendships, but maybe you start seeking out
(10:18):
friends that align more with you.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
You don't have a partner, you don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
As adults, we're allowed to find new friends and we're not.
We don't have to shun our old friends because our
lives start to look different. So I don't think you
need to look at yourself as a bad friend, but
I think you need to do the inner work to realize. Okay,
(10:45):
I don't have a partner, I don't have kids, these
girls live in a different state. Let me let me
think of what type of what type of circle or people.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I want around?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Find your community?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Find your community?
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Are the three questions she asked, because I did like
how she broke it down like that. It was is
she a bad friend?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Is she asking for too much? Is she a bad friend?
Or should they do more?
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Okay, so should they do more? As an interesting piece
as well? Right, because of again, I'm gonna keep going
back to the whole child thing. I think they should
do more at the same time, because if if you're
feeling kind of abandoned like that, you know, at the
same time, it's also them like being transparent, like, hey,
like I don't have the time for this stuff, right,
(11:28):
you know, I can't make that happen again. You mentioned
the whole fact that they're in two different states. You
gotta accept the reality that you both now live different
lifestyles and that you gotta go find new friends.
Speaker 5 (11:41):
That's that's it.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
And I know that when we get older, like it
seems like it's so difficult to make new friends, and
it's really not like I know a lot of people
that everybody you girls all about to say.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I got eleven best friends.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
My boyfriend is like, I do not understand how you
juggle so much any best friends.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And all of my best friends live in different states.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I mean, now that I'm back in Atlanta, like, I'm
surrounded more by like three to four of my core
core best friends, from which I love.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I love being oh and me and my.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Best friend we go to the belt Line all the time,
but like there have been years where we lived so
far from each other, Like she she lived with a
partner in Europe and I saw her only during the
summer while she was in that relationship, and we just
we facetimed.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
War we spoke more on the phone.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Like that's another thing, Like there's ways to maintain and
be fulfilled in relationships without seeing people.
Speaker 5 (12:39):
True, you know what I mean? You feel me?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Also like it's interesting that she mentioned the whole her
getting her master's and was again congratulations. It's like, does
that stuff come up in conversation? What are we waiting
for to make that commo happen? You know what I'm saying.
But also like, are they supposed to know that? Offerends Well,
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
That they know that she's in a master's program. If
these are her best friends, they know that she's in school.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
However, I agree.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
With you, like what are the expectations, what are the
expectations of what does a celebration look like?
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Is it because three different states?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Because you want to know what's crazy, My my really
really really good friend she got. I mean, in terms
of celebration, I would say she got a master's. I
could talk about the last few things, baby showers, gender reveals,
graduating from nursing school.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Nice, there's been.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
A few things, and you know what a celebration looked
like for them, me being an attendant.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Yeah, so that's really I mean, I mean, I'm not
gonna lie. Then to the Shorty's point, that's really what
she wants.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
But no, she's like niggas is in my DMS, asking
how we celebrate.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
That's different. They trying to fuck but.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I like what you said, are what what do your
expectations in your mind look like of a celebration? Like
are they saying they're not even going to attend your graduation?
Or are they saying they're not taking you on a
trip or you a gift, or or taking you out
to the club to pop bottles? What does celebrating you
in this moment look like? Because for a lot of
my friends, it was me just showing up and being
(14:10):
present that they felt celebrated.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
So also, are they in neighboring states? Are they coast
to coast? Because if I'm a.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Six hundred dollars, that's.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Where I'm a and plus it ain't just the two
hundred dollars plus is let's say, it's every kid plus mom.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
No, no, no. Hopefully if they got good partners, they
could lead to kids at home or get But then
that's the thing. There's babysitters, there's childcare, There's just so
many things that I do think if anyone's listening to this,
including the reader, I do think that now that you
are divorced with no kids, you, because you have more time,
(14:51):
you may not be considering. You're literally not considering the
livelihoods or lifestyles and what your friends are dealing with
on a day to day in their lives.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Because now you a little bit.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
More free, girl, go find new friends.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Go find new friends, but don't mold dearly to your friends.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Thank you then, and also make sure you do the
approach not well it's confrontational quote unquote, right, Go talk
to them, tell them how you're feeling, because that matters.
And I bet you will matter to them too. I
bet you didn't even know that. That's how I feel
like that happens often.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's why I said my first thing was to have
a conversation.
Speaker 5 (15:29):
To have that combo and then go.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I think when it comes to to friendships, best friends,
it's really important to share how they make you feel
in certain instances, on whether either their actions of doing
something or their actions of not doing something. And in
this instance it's clearly how they're not showing up express it,
continue writing in so we can you know spirit friends?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Now you know?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
But I would say definitely it's important to have those conversations.
And the older we get, the I think, the more
important it is to cherish these long standing friendships.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Do you not have friends that you haven't spoken to
in a long time, but they're like you hold them
dear your arts though.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, but it's weird too.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I don't know how I navigate keeping up with my
eleven best friends, and to be fair, some of them
sometimes we some of them sometimes we only talk like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Once a month.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
But that's what I'm saying, right.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
And sometimes I'm able to see one more than the other.
But no, like a lot of my friendships, ten plus years, easy, easy,
and we respect each other, We love each other, and
we know that life be lifing. Yep, we know that
life literally be lifing. So hopefully we were able to
help you a little bit on it. Hopefully anyone else
(16:45):
out there struggling with maintaining friendships, you.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Know it was a new friend that she can get.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Here we go, Here we go, no hold, there you.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Go, reorder our books, no holds fired.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Or if you want new friends, if you listen to
this show and you not a pay get your ass
over there on the Patreon Pyreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions,
because if y'all are listening to this Horrible Decisions, then
I go anywhere. We are just over on Patreon, so
you can get all the sex, all the kink, all
the things over on the Patreon as well as a
fucking community our discord channel. You can meet new friends
(17:21):
over there and it's really really really really really really
a dope.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Community that we built.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
So shout out to the whore Hive per usual, and
again make sure you pre order your book.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Make sure.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
You stay tuned in every week here to Decisions Decisions
every Monday, and you've got Decisions every Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Anyways, guys, thank you all for tuning in.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
If you have a question, make sure you send it
over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And we are
Speaker 3 (18:00):
The hill in between the dep
Speaks to the planet. I'll go by the name of
Charlamagne of God and guess what. I can't wait to
see y'all at the third annual Black Effect Podcast Festival.
That's right, We're coming back to Atlanta, Georgia, Saturday, April
twenty six at Poeman Yards and it's hosted by none
other than Decisions, Decisions, Mandy B and Weezy. Okay, we
got the R and B Money Podcast with taking Jay Valentine.
You got the Woman of All Podcasts with Sarah Jake Roberts.
(00:22):
We got Good Mom's Bad Choices. Carrie Champion will be
there with her next sports podcast and the Trap Nerds
podcast with more to be announced. And of course it's
bigger than podcasts. We're bringing the Black Effect Marketplace with
black owned businesses, plus the food truck court to keep
you fed while you visit us. All right, listen, you
don't want to miss this. Tap in and grab your
tickets now at Black Effect dot Com Flash Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
If you would like to have us answer your questions.
If you have a terrible job, a terrible boyfriend, friend,
or a terrible throuffle, guess what you've got?
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Decisions it's another you've got this cessions and it's your
girl man dyv and I'm joined this week with Eden.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
That boy, what happened to that boy?
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Sorry? You know I was. I just saw girl man
at Dreamville. You already know. I was like, although I
love juvenile more than anything, am I good?
Speaker 4 (01:22):
Oh yeah, oh my god, that makes more sense to
be honest, Like Juvie had this aura that made me
just like, I ain't gonna hold you.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I was, and I was a little high, but I
saw Juvie up there on that stage and I was like,
I just know he was getting pussy between slow motion
rodeo and at that ass up. Yeah, I don't even
he had Wilt Chamberlain numbers. I'm convinced like his aura
right now and he ain't got like no, I already
know them bitches in the nineties was throwing up throwing
(01:54):
that thing at June absolutely.
Speaker 2 (01:57):
Like, oh my god.
Speaker 3 (01:58):
By the way, shout out to everyone all the whoreor
Hive members that attended Dreamville Fest fifth and final.
Speaker 2 (02:03):
Even though they come back now.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
They try to do the horrible decisions rebrand, like I
know it's the final, but no, if we're coming back,
you know we're out here, you know, giving people idea,
set trends. Before we start this week's You've Got Decisions,
I want to let you know that we have our
pre order book available.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Our book available for pre order.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
There we go, No holds barred available wherever you get
your books. Make sure you pre order on Amazon, Barnes
and Nobles, or any of your local bookstores. Help us
become New York Times best sellers. And I wanted to
do just this little thing this month where maybe we
didn't lean fully into sex all the time.
Speaker 2 (02:50):
Sure, And I.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
Love that you guys continue to send us all of these.
Speaker 2 (02:56):
Questions.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
You guys have seen us grow here on this pod,
so I love that we're getting these types of questions.
If you have a question that you want us to
answer on You Got Decisions, make sure you send it
on over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com. That's
Decisions p O. D at gmail dot com. Now this
one is a cool one. Figured you could sit in
(03:19):
and help me answer this one. The subject matter is
am I a bad friend?
Speaker 2 (03:25):
Now?
Speaker 5 (03:26):
Probably don't do that. If you got to write in,
then yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
Don't do that.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
I'm judging out the gate.
Speaker 3 (03:32):
Yes, okay, Let's see if you still hold that when
we get to reading it. Okay, Hey, Weezi and Mandy
and Eda. My question is am I asking too much?
Am I a bad friend? Or should they do more?
I'm divorced for a few years now, and team fuck
them kids Like Mandy, I have two friends that I
(03:55):
consider my best friends. They both live in different states
and are married slash partnered with children. In the last
few years, they have not made any effort to see
me or show up for me. The times I have
seen them, I've either gone to their city or they
happen to be in my city for other reasons their
wedding anniversary or to visit family, and I feel like
(04:18):
seeing me was a matter of convenience.
Speaker 5 (04:20):
Slash afterthought, not the coffee.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
Am I being a bad friend for pulling away? For
feeling like they don't make an effort to show up
for me. I understand partners and kids are a priority,
but not once have they even said like, Hey, why
don't you come visit and I'll make time to spend
this weekend with you. I'm also graduating with my master's
degree in a few months, and neither of them have
(04:48):
mentioned doing anything to celebrate this. Yeah, of course I
have met in my dms who are asking me, who
are asking me what we can plan to celebrate? Girl, Girl,
don't be very about these niggas. I always hear how
you guys talk about the love you give friends and
how it is reciprocated, But I feel that it's lacking
in my situation. Am I expecting too much? Am I
(05:14):
a bad friend? Or should they do more from a
friendless hope?
Speaker 5 (05:19):
Stop?
Speaker 4 (05:19):
See now that's interesting. I mean, all right, maybe those
are three great questions though.
Speaker 3 (05:25):
Okay, so let's start with is she asking for too much?
And the asking of too much is for her friends
to seemingly at least show up and make her some story.
Speaker 4 (05:38):
Yeah, exactly, help her feel more of a priority and
help her celebrate you know, good wishes.
Speaker 5 (05:44):
Right, I don't think so. I don't think she's asking
for too much.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
Me neither.
Speaker 5 (05:48):
I don't think she's asking for too much.
Speaker 4 (05:49):
I think you have to show up for a friend,
you know, through the best and the worst times. Uh,
it's all. It's just there's a gauge in the spectrum
for something like this.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
Well, here's the to She mentioned that both of them
live in different states.
Speaker 5 (06:02):
That's one.
Speaker 3 (06:02):
So not only do they live in different states, they
have partners and they have children. So if we're talking
about the economy, economy again.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
The terrorists, which.
Speaker 3 (06:16):
Has got a bring terrorists, you know, it could be
a lot for someone to fit that into their budget.
For one, with you not having children or a partner,
you do have more leeway to kind of get up
and go. And so I would start off first because
(06:37):
me and my friends talk to each other a lot.
Speaker 2 (06:39):
I would start off first with having the conversation.
Speaker 3 (06:41):
With them exactly like you wrote into so you got decisions,
But have you spoken to each of them and been like, yo,
like since my divorce, you know, it's been two years.
I really feel like you haven't made an effort to.
Speaker 2 (07:00):
Link with me, to show up. We haven't made plans
on a you know, to take a trip.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
Also, you wouldn't do that. I'd be like, hey, I
would love to see y'all more like in general, you know,
ease it into like that, do you do you feel
like you have to go and be like you guys
aren't doing you?
Speaker 2 (07:18):
Hear me out, hear me out.
Speaker 3 (07:21):
This is this is where this is, This is where
listening skills.
Speaker 2 (07:25):
Help and hopefully your friends have comprehension skills.
Speaker 3 (07:28):
Okay, it's not that you're you're demeaning them or telling
them they're wrong.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
You're first starting with your feelings.
Speaker 3 (07:36):
And boy, have I been working in therapy with trying
to find ways, because unfortunately, I too feel like when
I share how my feelings are or how someone's actions
make me feel, they immediately get into defense. That's that's
so fucking immature.
Speaker 5 (07:55):
I be feeling the same.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
Way, and and so it actually becomes difficult, so to
me her expressing, she's writing us feeling like she's friendless.
You have two friends, You're not friendless, right, So I
think to come and say, hey, A part of me
feels abandoned in this relationship.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
It hurts me. I feel lonely.
Speaker 3 (08:17):
Like coming and expressing her feelings is not saying you
are fucked up as bitch as hope. No, Hey, I
really look at you as my close friend. Since my divorce,
I feel as though we haven't got to see each other,
and it really hurts me because I miss you like
I miss you as a woman. Like we I think
(08:37):
that that's received, It's it's received easier to come out
of front. In that way than it is sometimes met
agree so to say, I really miss you, I want
to see you, but also dang, bitch, you ain't come
and seeing me, Like, how can we make that happen?
Speaker 2 (08:53):
Let's plan a trip.
Speaker 3 (08:54):
So you could always lead with your emotions about how
lonely abandoned, and even if you're angry or mad about it,
you can express those things tell your friend and then
see what their response is, because the response may be like, bitch,
I haven't really told you, but I got you know,
we're not doing well financially, so that's something that I
(09:16):
can't do. Or girl, my kid is being bad as
fuck and I gotta do this, or you know, they might.
Speaker 4 (09:23):
Have their own problems that they're trying to settle first
before everyone has thinking about anybody else, you know.
Speaker 5 (09:27):
And that's just the reality, right.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I mean the reality of kids. Well, bruh, the reality
of it.
Speaker 3 (09:32):
Is too and I'm experiencing it right now where I'm
thirty four. Majority now of my friends are partnered and
or with kid, majority of them single months. I am
actually also feeling like, damn, I don't relate the same
(09:55):
to all my friends as they're now getting where their
children are older, and they're having to the more things
I'm realizing in myself. I don't care to see their
stories as much anymore because their lives are so different,
and so the fact that you're also team fuck them
kids and they have kids. I would suggest that you
still maintain those friendships, but maybe you start seeking out
(10:18):
friends that align more with you.
Speaker 5 (10:20):
You don't have a partner, you don't have kids.
Speaker 3 (10:23):
As adults, we're allowed to find new friends and we're not.
We don't have to shun our old friends because our
lives start to look different. So I don't think you
need to look at yourself as a bad friend, but
I think you need to do the inner work to realize. Okay,
(10:45):
I don't have a partner, I don't have kids, these
girls live in a different state. Let me let me
think of what type of what type of circle or people.
Speaker 2 (10:55):
I want around?
Speaker 5 (10:56):
Find your community?
Speaker 2 (10:59):
Find your community?
Speaker 4 (11:00):
Are the three questions she asked, because I did like
how she broke it down like that. It was is
she a bad friend?
Speaker 2 (11:05):
Is she asking for too much? Is she a bad friend?
Or should they do more?
Speaker 4 (11:08):
Okay, so should they do more? As an interesting piece
as well? Right, because of again, I'm gonna keep going
back to the whole child thing. I think they should
do more at the same time, because if if you're
feeling kind of abandoned like that, you know, at the
same time, it's also them like being transparent, like, hey,
like I don't have the time for this stuff, right,
(11:28):
you know, I can't make that happen again. You mentioned
the whole fact that they're in two different states. You
gotta accept the reality that you both now live different
lifestyles and that you gotta go find new friends.
Speaker 5 (11:41):
That's that's it.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
And I know that when we get older, like it
seems like it's so difficult to make new friends, and
it's really not like I know a lot of people
that everybody you girls all about to say.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
I got eleven best friends.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
My boyfriend is like, I do not understand how you
juggle so much any best friends.
Speaker 2 (12:01):
And all of my best friends live in different states.
Speaker 3 (12:02):
I mean, now that I'm back in Atlanta, like, I'm
surrounded more by like three to four of my core
core best friends, from which I love.
Speaker 2 (12:12):
I love being oh and me and my.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Best friend we go to the belt Line all the time,
but like there have been years where we lived so
far from each other, Like she she lived with a
partner in Europe and I saw her only during the
summer while she was in that relationship, and we just
we facetimed.
Speaker 2 (12:30):
War we spoke more on the phone.
Speaker 3 (12:32):
Like that's another thing, Like there's ways to maintain and
be fulfilled in relationships without seeing people.
Speaker 5 (12:39):
True, you know what I mean? You feel me?
Speaker 4 (12:41):
Also like it's interesting that she mentioned the whole her
getting her master's and was again congratulations. It's like, does
that stuff come up in conversation? What are we waiting
for to make that commo happen? You know what I'm saying.
But also like, are they supposed to know that? Offerends Well,
I'm sure.
Speaker 3 (12:57):
That they know that she's in a master's program. If
these are her best friends, they know that she's in school.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Right.
Speaker 2 (13:02):
However, I agree.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
With you, like what are the expectations, what are the
expectations of what does a celebration look like?
Speaker 5 (13:08):
Is it because three different states?
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Because you want to know what's crazy, My my really
really really good friend she got. I mean, in terms
of celebration, I would say she got a master's. I
could talk about the last few things, baby showers, gender reveals,
graduating from nursing school.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
Nice, there's been.
Speaker 3 (13:31):
A few things, and you know what a celebration looked
like for them, me being an attendant.
Speaker 4 (13:36):
Yeah, so that's really I mean, I mean, I'm not
gonna lie. Then to the Shorty's point, that's really what
she wants.
Speaker 3 (13:42):
But no, she's like niggas is in my DMS, asking
how we celebrate.
Speaker 5 (13:46):
That's different. They trying to fuck but.
Speaker 2 (13:48):
But that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3 (13:49):
I like what you said, are what what do your
expectations in your mind look like of a celebration? Like
are they saying they're not even going to attend your graduation?
Or are they saying they're not taking you on a
trip or you a gift, or or taking you out
to the club to pop bottles? What does celebrating you
in this moment look like? Because for a lot of
my friends, it was me just showing up and being
(14:10):
present that they felt celebrated.
Speaker 5 (14:12):
So also, are they in neighboring states? Are they coast
to coast? Because if I'm a.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
Six hundred dollars, that's.
Speaker 4 (14:23):
Where I'm a and plus it ain't just the two
hundred dollars plus is let's say, it's every kid plus mom.
Speaker 3 (14:28):
No, no, no. Hopefully if they got good partners, they
could lead to kids at home or get But then
that's the thing. There's babysitters, there's childcare, There's just so
many things that I do think if anyone's listening to this,
including the reader, I do think that now that you
are divorced with no kids, you, because you have more time,
(14:51):
you may not be considering. You're literally not considering the
livelihoods or lifestyles and what your friends are dealing with
on a day to day in their lives.
Speaker 2 (15:03):
Because now you a little bit.
Speaker 5 (15:05):
More free, girl, go find new friends.
Speaker 3 (15:08):
Go find new friends, but don't mold dearly to your friends.
Speaker 4 (15:12):
Thank you then, and also make sure you do the
approach not well it's confrontational quote unquote, right, Go talk
to them, tell them how you're feeling, because that matters.
And I bet you will matter to them too. I
bet you didn't even know that. That's how I feel
like that happens often.
Speaker 2 (15:27):
That's why I said my first thing was to have
a conversation.
Speaker 5 (15:29):
To have that combo and then go.
Speaker 3 (15:31):
I think when it comes to to friendships, best friends,
it's really important to share how they make you feel
in certain instances, on whether either their actions of doing
something or their actions of not doing something. And in
this instance it's clearly how they're not showing up express it,
continue writing in so we can you know spirit friends?
Speaker 2 (15:53):
Now you know?
Speaker 3 (15:54):
But I would say definitely it's important to have those conversations.
And the older we get, the I think, the more
important it is to cherish these long standing friendships.
Speaker 5 (16:03):
Absolutely.
Speaker 4 (16:05):
Do you not have friends that you haven't spoken to
in a long time, but they're like you hold them
dear your arts though.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah, but it's weird too.
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I don't know how I navigate keeping up with my
eleven best friends, and to be fair, some of them
sometimes we some of them sometimes we only talk like.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
Once a month.
Speaker 5 (16:20):
But that's what I'm saying, right.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
And sometimes I'm able to see one more than the other.
But no, like a lot of my friendships, ten plus years, easy, easy,
and we respect each other, We love each other, and
we know that life be lifing. Yep, we know that
life literally be lifing. So hopefully we were able to
help you a little bit on it. Hopefully anyone else
(16:45):
out there struggling with maintaining friendships, you.
Speaker 5 (16:48):
Know it was a new friend that she can get.
Speaker 3 (16:50):
Here we go, Here we go, no hold, there you.
Speaker 2 (16:54):
Go, reorder our books, no holds fired.
Speaker 3 (16:57):
Or if you want new friends, if you listen to
this show and you not a pay get your ass
over there on the Patreon Pyreon dot com backslash Horrible Decisions,
because if y'all are listening to this Horrible Decisions, then
I go anywhere. We are just over on Patreon, so
you can get all the sex, all the kink, all
the things over on the Patreon as well as a
fucking community our discord channel. You can meet new friends
(17:21):
over there and it's really really really really really really
a dope.
Speaker 2 (17:25):
Community that we built.
Speaker 3 (17:26):
So shout out to the whore Hive per usual, and
again make sure you pre order your book.
Speaker 2 (17:32):
Make sure.
Speaker 3 (17:34):
You stay tuned in every week here to Decisions Decisions
every Monday, and you've got Decisions every Wednesday.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Anyways, guys, thank you all for tuning in.
Speaker 3 (17:46):
If you have a question, make sure you send it
over to Decisions pod at gmail dot com.
Speaker 2 (17:52):
And we are
Speaker 3 (18:00):
The hill in between the dep
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