April 20, 2025 • 33 mins
You can put this podcast in your ears, but be careful not to inhale. It's The Daily Show's coverage of marijuana through the years and the legal system.
Jon Stewart discusses the road to legalization, and research monkeys that know how to party. Steve Carell and Stephen Colbert go head to head over legalization and wife swapping. John Oliver digs into the health benefits of marijuana. Jessica Williams educates Jon on the updates to weed culture. Trevor Noah interviews musician and enthusiast Wiz Khalifa. Jordan Klepper holds it down as the rest of the news team gets distracted. Sarah Silverman talks to the people about newly legal weed. Finally, Michael Kosta reports on the eternal battle between weed and alcohol.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Don't bogart that prescription man. The groovous Federal Advisory Panel ever,
has just released a report that claims patient suffering from
serious diseases should be allowed to smoke medical marijuana.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
While critics all right, while.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Critics contend marijuana is dangerous and often leads to much
more addictive substances like laughter and sex.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Here's the drugs are, where the drugs are.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
What I will absolutely support, though, is the notion that
I think this report readmirably made that there are other
cannabinoids besides thhc ah.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yes, the itching and swelling of cannabinoids and the embarrassment
of eating your donut pillow. Doctors are worried about the
respiratory effects of smoking marijuana, but there's some good news
and some good news talk to me, dude.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
We recommend development of a rapid onset but non smoked
delivery system, such as.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
An inhaler, perhaps similar to nasthma and haler.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, and inhaler will likely be lauded by fourteen year
old shop students, but drastically change the image of the
high school burnout. I'm gonna kick your ass after Jim Dorth.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Research.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Monkeys become addicted to marijuana. They're desperate parents plea for
them to just say, if you go to the zoo
and see a gibbon in a beret reciting Ginsburg's howl
over the whale of a Coltrane seventy eight, don't worry,
You're not high the monkey is. A new study released
(01:55):
earlier in the week reports that monkeys will repeatedly dose
themselves with THCHC, the active ingredient of marijuana, if given
the chance. Researchers found that squirrel monkeys repeatedly pushed a
lever to self administer THHC through injection, though in all fairness,
an earlier study had given all of the monkeys glaucoma.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
According to the.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Scientists, the monkeys didn't show any sign of being sedated
by the drug, though they did show signs of paranoia,
claiming they felt like they were in cages while being
watched by men in lab coats.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Our next hell story.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Should be of particular interest to our teen viewers who
suffer from crippling glaucoma.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
For centuries, marijuana.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Has been used as a self prescribed remedy for the
terminal disease. Known as being alive. But last week, the
Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting
the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law. It's
a case that figures to settle once and for all
the legality of medical marijuana and thereby effect the lives
(03:06):
of no fewer than point zero zero zero one percent
of American marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana,
or as it's known on the street, funny pot cigarettes,
is illegal period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug
(03:31):
to those free wheeling, long haired hippie aids and cancer
patients just trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam.
Those people are sick now, seriously, they're sick and they
need help. Robert McGinnis of the Family Research Council has
come out strongly against medical marijuana.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I don't deny that, you know sick people who have
been using it for a long time feel better after
using this because they get high, and when you get high,
you feel better.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Robert McGinnis speaking out strongly and poorly against marijuana, medical marijuana,
which is a miracle. Now the upcoming Supreme Court debate
could even be a hotter button issue than Americans not
(04:21):
sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of tonight's even Stephen,
you've just made.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like
up your own acts?
Speaker 6 (04:35):
Tonight's topic should medical marijuana be legalized?
Speaker 7 (04:38):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
No?
Speaker 8 (04:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patience,
for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of respite.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
From her tortured existence.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
But I suppose there are a few individuals out.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
There who get off.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Aren't other people suffering?
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Steven far out, Steve.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind. Face it, You
and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's oxygen tent.
The real reason you're pushing pro pot legislation is so
you can suck on a tie stick and watch the
walls bring in to pulse and bread. And now that
you've duped a few misguided state legislators, I'm sure we
(05:28):
can all look forward to you coming down with the
convenient case of glaucoma real soon.
Speaker 5 (05:34):
This marijuana is medicine, Stephen. I'm pro people, not pro poto.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you,
Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, so let
me in on the dirty little secret, Steve.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Where do you get your pot? Stephen?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Just because I support medical marijuana, it's ludicrous to imply
that I'm a dope fiend. That's like saying because I
support the repeal of the marriage tax penalty that I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Into wife swapping. Don't change the subject, Steve.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
You know exactly where I can get my hands on
some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor. Fine, let's
what you're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk
weed is just as ridiculous as if I said, Hey,
Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife come over
some night this week and we can exchange partners. Would
that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I don't know, Steve. Would we be high. I don't know.
Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Steve, You're not listening to my argument. My argument is that,
if for instance, I tried to buy pot, I couldn't
get any, but I think you could get me some.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
You're not listening, Steven. You're in a fantasy world where
I smoke pot and could get my hands on some
very kind butt. But we would be wife swapping this Friday.
Have I made myself clear?
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Clear? Is crystal, Steve.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
But let me see if I can just recap your
really twisted argument. You're saying that if we were to
enter into some bizarre love quadrangle, you'd be supplying the weed.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
Yes, okay, that sounds perfect.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Great.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I'm Stephen Colbert and I'm Steve Carell and this has
been even Steven.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Should we bring anything?
Speaker 5 (07:54):
Yeah, bottle wine would be nice.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 9 (08:02):
One of the challenges of this job is to engage
the audience in stories they have no inherent interest in.
And that's that's gonna be tough again tonight, because sadly,
we're about to talk about marijuana.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Now grow up.
Speaker 9 (08:17):
Now, not everybody in the medical community is a big
fan of it, but last Thursday that may have changed
thanks to America's favorite doctor. No, not him, I'm talking
about the real McDreamy.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Doctor Sanjay Gupta changes his mind on weed.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Sanja, you were very critical of medical marijuana for a
long time.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
You've changed your mind?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Tell us why?
Speaker 9 (08:38):
Whoa oh Sanjay Gupta getting on the Mary Jane train,
chief medical correspondent of the Cannabis News Network talking some
weed with Aaron Burnout and Wolf spliffser So, Sange, what
changed your mind about the gange?
Speaker 8 (08:58):
I think you know we've been terribly and systematically misled
in this country for some time. I took the DEA
at their word when they said as a schedule on
substance and has no medical applications.
Speaker 9 (09:08):
Wait, you took the Drug Enforcement Agency at their word?
Is there any other other medical misinformation that you may
still believe just because someone told you? You do know
that you won't actually go blind from jacking it, right,
because I just found that out two weeks ago and
it's turned my life around anyway, Doctor g please continue
(09:30):
your report on we.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
What's next?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
An exclusive report on tasty mon cheese huh.
Speaker 10 (09:37):
Very early studies on mice are now showing the potential
of marijuana to kill cancer cells. Amache is using marijuana
to help him with the pain in nausea from chemo therapy.
Residents here are using marijuana for pain, loss of appetite,
Parkinson's disease, and dementia.
Speaker 9 (09:59):
Right, because, of course, marijuana actually has real medical benefits
and can be prescribed by doctors. In fact, dispensaries sell
different strains to treat different problems. And on that note,
if you want this drug with serious medical benefits to
be taken seriously, how about adulting up the names a
little bit. That way, a sick old man doesn't have
(10:20):
to ask for a quarter ounce of Rainbow Diesel Funkadelic
Cheddar Harmony. It's just a suggestion, but I have to
give see an end credit where it's due. So ange
Gubda copped to his error. Their Weed special answered the
most pressing questions about the legitimate medical uses of marijuana,
and they also answered the question that absolutely no one
has been asking, what's Piers Morgan like when he's high.
Speaker 11 (10:43):
I'm going to make a shocking revelation here. I've tried
cannabis when I was a young, younger lad, and I've
also had to have Vikerdom when I broke some ribs,
falling off embarrassingly a segue in Santa Monica, and I
can tell you that it was the Vikerdom, which I
was prescribed by my doctor, which gave me a massively
higher high than the cannabis ever did.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Okay, this is important.
Speaker 9 (11:08):
I would like to personally offer ten thousand dollars in
rewards to anyone who can bring me footage of Piers
Morgan falling off that segue. I'm mean, it's neither vicarin,
nor marijuana nor the purest ecstasy could bring anyone as
much joy as that videotape could.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Today is what is today?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
April twentieth, And that date, when written in numeric forum,
indicates that it's time for Uncle Johnny's super cush totally chillacs,
sticky icky informative marijuana news report.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
What's What's up? I didn't have time to do the
whole thing, and the.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I honestly look like a rainbow haired Larry Fine from
the Three Stages. Right now for twenty man best day
of the year, Let's tune in and drop out and
get totally baked on news. And there's one network that
gets the groove that I'm grooving.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
It's four twenty bra times are a changeing. I just
legally purchased marijuana. A new movement is growing. One network,
one groundbreaking event.
Speaker 12 (12:35):
It's four twenty, So grab your favorite Monchi's and get
ready for a night you wouldn't expect on CNN.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Like I always say, CNN is coolest and I'm way
ahead of you guys. I got the munchies all set.
I got my Ben and Jerry's Vanilla. Whoa, but I
got my Ben and Jerry's vanilla afy Cooman crunch. It's Uh.
It's basically lack tight ice cream with a girl bits
of matsa hidden right inside there. The good news is
(13:13):
the more you eat it, the less matsa you have
to deal with. Uh?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
All right?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
First up Weed three, take it away, Sanjay, feel good,
pah hope he ties up all the loose ends from
weeds one and two.
Speaker 8 (13:26):
Could marijuana help save veterans? It seems to be helping
her PTSD using marijuana to treat the symptoms of Alzheimer's.
She says marijuana makes her nearly pain free. He was
once suicidal, but Sean now has hope. Hope that comes
from this plant.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Well you hear me, san n I'm ready for weed, stock,
the whole thing, and you're giving me this.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
This is an actual news report.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
What are you gonna bore me with an economics lesson?
Speaker 12 (14:01):
Now?
Speaker 13 (14:01):
It has been over a year now since Colorado legalized
recreational marijuana. In February, the state reported a fifty three
million dollar tax revenue increase.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
This pot story isn't fun at all.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
It's all about disease and taxes and what about free
love hot boxing and free love hot boxing?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Come on, guys, hot raging dudes.
Speaker 14 (14:26):
Okay, lose the wig wavy gravy, which is a reference.
I don't even understand. Nobody knows what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Es happy four twenty you chilling ew ew Okay, stop
enough enough.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I'm just grooving to the hash Bama.
Speaker 14 (14:46):
No, no, you're not. You're making everyone look bad. Pot
isn't just for shirless old dudes with bongos. It's a
non addictive, proven effective medical treatment that is now raising
much set a tax revenue for like schools, libraries, and roads.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Ooh, look at the square what.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Four twenty? What can't we just sit back, hit the
dube and use a pink.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Floyd gatefold album to sift out the seeds in our
lid of skunk weed?
Speaker 7 (15:18):
What what?
Speaker 14 (15:21):
I literally don't know what any of those words need.
Nobody uses record albums to sift their pot. Nobody owns
record albums. I mean like I do because I'm cool.
But what the hell is skunk weed?
Speaker 4 (15:36):
You know?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Skunk weed?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Twag twag?
Speaker 14 (15:38):
What like free t shirts?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Like bad weed? There's a such thing as bad weed?
You know what? Never mind?
Speaker 14 (15:45):
Look, this is now, John, and we don't smoke. We, babe,
are scientifically cultivated, medical grade buds that we had hand
delivered using a phone app called Dankstagram, which signs of
delivery to show up precisely five minutes before our typhood.
It's right.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
I got a vape?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I vape?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Oh really?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Which one you got?
Speaker 14 (16:04):
Jeepin?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
You got a pax?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I believe it's a vix it's a vaporizer.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
It's not a I add some albuterol sometimes if my
allergies are kicking, an idea.
Speaker 14 (16:13):
You know, pollen in amazing, John, you make me so sad.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (16:26):
She's awesome.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
But even with all marijuana's proven benefits, there's always one
guy's got.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
To be a total nark.
Speaker 14 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
Chris Christie says if he becomes president, he will.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Crack down on states that allow the sale of marijuana.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Marijuana is a gateway drug. We have an enormous addiction
problem in this country. Marijuana is an illegal drug under
federal law, and the states should not be permitted to
sell it and profit from it.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You heard the man, Hey, Let the man be ideologically consistent,
or at least appear that way. No Christian administration will tolerate,
let alone raise revenue from anything addictive or that federal
law disapproves of. Roll the tape.
Speaker 13 (17:11):
Chris Christie is the guy that signed into lawby to
legalize internet gambling.
Speaker 5 (17:16):
He claims legalizing sports gambling would add a new source
of cash for his stake.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Well, there is a difference, though, to be fair, if
you smoke too much pot, no one comes to break
it in knees.
Speaker 15 (17:31):
My guest tonight is a multi platinum selling recording authors
whose new album is called Rolling Papers Chew.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Please welcome, Where's Kalifah?
Speaker 15 (17:54):
Welcome to the show, up, dude, this is the second
time so you I met you backstage now and I
got high just meeting you.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
That's awesome.
Speaker 15 (18:05):
And I'm not joking. This is the second time. There
was one time I was flying out of LA and
you were ahead of me in the TSA line and
you had to like take everything off. You had like
hoodies and all that, and you were like taking it
all off and I'm standing behind you and it smelled
like every Snoop Dogg album. And I remember on that
I was like, oh, I'm high, And this is like
the second time is just like you do this everywhere
(18:26):
you go.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
You inspired way I want people to get. I want
you to get stoned free. You know what I'm saying, Zach,
I'm the homie, you know what humanitarians.
Speaker 15 (18:41):
Before we get into the week, let's talk about the
album though. Rolling papers to twenty five songs on the album.
That's that's a lot of songs. Is that something you
always planned this? Why did you want to have twenty
five songs on the album.
Speaker 7 (18:53):
I've been working on this album for like three close
to four years, and early in the process I asked
my fans, like should I make it a double album
or not? And they all told me that I should
make it a double album. So it was always my
intention to release a lot of music. I just had
to figure out a way to make it flow in
a way to you know, put it all together. But yeah,
I definitely wanted to give people a full course meal.
Speaker 15 (19:14):
Right and when like when you it's just like we
talk now, is.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
That what we're doing?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Why did they hy a turkey burgers?
Speaker 15 (19:24):
It's been seven years since your your first studio album,
Ruining Papers. Why's it taking so long?
Speaker 7 (19:29):
Well, I've just been growing, growing pot but for real, real,
like I have a really extensive catalog. It's really really long.
So I've been just you know, satisfying everybody on everything,
you know what I mean. And now I'm back with
another album where it's like, Okay, let's let's get back
(19:51):
to and then create another ten fifteen years a legacy.
Speaker 15 (19:55):
And people think you're joking about growing part but you
you are really big into the legalization of weed. You
have a business Khalifa Cushion. Yes, sir, right, how how
is the weed business going? Isn't as booming as people
say that?
Speaker 7 (20:09):
Absolutely, it's really good and it's it's super cool because
people are not as afraid of pot as they used
to be, So it's like they ingested in different ways.
They eat it.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
It's cream.
Speaker 7 (20:21):
It's like CBD where they've taken the THHC which got
you stoned.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
They took that, they took that out.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
And now you can just enjoy the medicinal effects of
it as well.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
So you have a choice as.
Speaker 15 (20:34):
A dad, would you let your kids smoke weed.
Speaker 7 (20:36):
When he gets to the legal age?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Absolutely? Oh does he know you smoke weed?
Speaker 7 (20:40):
Absolutely?
Speaker 9 (20:42):
How do you know?
Speaker 7 (20:43):
It's hard not to know. Oh.
Speaker 15 (20:50):
Before I let you go, I wanted to talk to
you about your body. The no this this became a
big thing online, you know, which was always known for
being like this scraggly dude, like you were really told
six foot four? I think you started working out?
Speaker 9 (21:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 15 (21:07):
Put on what thirty pounds?
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Thirty pounds? Absolutely, you look like you work out too, man.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
No, I just eat.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Kind of like this suit.
Speaker 15 (21:15):
But how did you get thirty pounds on you?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
What did you like? What did you do? And how
did you just get into working?
Speaker 7 (21:19):
I joined the gym in LA It's called Unbreakable, right.
They put me on a meal plan and diet and
all of that stuff, and it's a lifestyle thing. So
something that I'm gonna do like for the rest of
my life.
Speaker 15 (21:29):
So the new album is out, are we going to
wait another seven years for the next one we know?
Is it like, is it going to be Khalifa Kush
all the way and then an album? Or do you
see yourself on the road writing some of you?
Speaker 7 (21:39):
I see myself making a whole lot of music. I
have a label, Taylor Gang, and I have a lot
of artists that I focus on as well. Chevy Woods
just put out a project called eighty one. We just
signed Skate. We got a bunch of other people who's
been working on music, Burner TOOKI, We got producers like
TM and things like that. So just as long as
the music is getting out there, it doesn't even matter
if it's one of my albums, Like, just as long
(22:01):
as people getting stone.
Speaker 12 (22:11):
I want to dig into all these angles with the
greatest news team in the world.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Let's go to the airport right now with Roy Wood Junior.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Roy Right, well, you you interviewed.
Speaker 12 (22:28):
The flight attendants. What did the flight attendants say?
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Oh this is so good?
Speaker 16 (22:36):
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Right, Roy, you you interviewed the flight attendants?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Right, yeah, yeah, I was was I was gonna interview him.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
But damn, Mars is so good. It's so small, but
it's so good. Right, I'm sorry. What's going on, right, Jordan?
I just wanted to relax a little bit. Is full
torning spots one is so so? I on a four twenty.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
I just smoked and smoked a little bit of weed,
and I smoked a whole lot more.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
You're high during the show?
Speaker 15 (23:15):
Come man, the news.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Is so depressing. Up then, I just needed a break. Plus,
it's Black History month, man, Back up, off.
Speaker 16 (23:24):
Roy.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
You literally just told me it's four twenty that is April.
Is that what the fall stands for me?
Speaker 12 (23:33):
Dead right, David, I'm disappointed. Sorry, folks, it's very unprofessional.
Let's just let's go to Southwest headquarters to get the
corporate reaction from our own Desi lighting, Desisi, Desi is
Southwest policy on baby attendance going to change?
Speaker 13 (23:52):
There's an even bigger question here, Jordan, which is how
did planes even fly?
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Like they have wings? But the wings don't flap. I've
never seen a plane take off like this. God, David, Desi,
are you I what?
Speaker 10 (24:13):
No?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
I mean yes, but on weed, I'm not like high
in a plane?
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Is that what?
Speaker 9 (24:19):
You meant.
Speaker 12 (24:19):
No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, folks, look, I'm sorry.
There's a total lack of professionalism. You deserve better. It's unbelievable.
Let's let's try this one more time. Michael Costa, are
you there with us?
Speaker 10 (24:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah, yeah, of course I am Jordans. I'm Michael Castla,
Yeah yeah yeah. And don't you worry because I'm not
high on weed. I'm high on a cocaine.
Speaker 12 (24:39):
Okay, I'm very illegal, and.
Speaker 16 (24:42):
Well, don't you worry it it's medicinal. I bought it
behind a Walgreens, So we're good.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Did you at least interview anyone?
Speaker 16 (24:48):
Oh, buddy? I interviewed everyone. I interviewed the guy, I
interviewed the baby. I interviewed every piece of luggage. I
interviewed myself. That was interesting. And I'm gonna interview the
plane once the lands on this run right, WHOA.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Well, how did you get on an active runway? It
was there was a door, it was unlocked. It was
basically unlocked. You just walked through a punch of security
guard and then you're here. You're there. Got to get
out of there. It's not safe. Don't worry dude, I
can't physically die.
Speaker 16 (25:12):
Okay, I see the plane coming, but bring it out,
bring it out.
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Let's go ender the cinepon.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
A rock.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
What are you doing? There's a plane coming right right?
But how did they get in the bunch? How did
you even get that? You weren't even at the airport.
Speaker 12 (25:29):
Oh, I flew this does work?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
You said, start an airlocks. I was telling about the
time that we could get the plane. You can leave
the man, don't get hit by a plane. I can't
believe you all got a high of work without me.
Speaker 12 (25:41):
Deisi Roy and Michael everyone.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Hey, yea, you're old.
Speaker 17 (25:49):
Call Sarah Silverman and I'm back in New York City
where now weed is so legal they have stores stores
with weed.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I mean, what is this? Twenty three other states?
Speaker 8 (26:04):
Great?
Speaker 17 (26:04):
But could I find someone to smoke this fancy new
legal lead with. Do you guys smoke pot?
Speaker 8 (26:11):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 17 (26:12):
You buy it from the store now? Or do you
guys still are you loyal to your old dealers?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yoused to have to go all around? I'm like, hey,
I gotta text you a menu.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
So now you just go down.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
The corner and then there's like.
Speaker 16 (26:24):
A store right there.
Speaker 17 (26:25):
I noticed a couple of you have walkie talkies? Is
it for work?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (26:29):
Hey, you know this is Sarah Silverman.
Speaker 17 (26:31):
I just want to let you know that Curtis has diarrhea.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
And he might be a little bit late.
Speaker 17 (26:37):
Okay, well these guys didn't get Stoner comedy. But maybe
i'd find some bud buddies at one of the new
license dispensaries like the Union Square Travel agency, where buying
drugs feels like, well, a little bit like making an
appointment at the not so genius part.
Speaker 9 (26:53):
So when you'll legalize, they granted the first licenses, so
people being fully incostrated.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I love it.
Speaker 17 (26:59):
When I first up to New York City, the way
I got weed was call my dealer or get into
his Toyota Yaris and have to sit in a smelly
car while I listen to his band's demo and here
I mean, are you in a band?
Speaker 14 (27:13):
Not in a band?
Speaker 17 (27:14):
It's refreshing. Instead of dealers without professional boundaries, these new
dispensaries have weed baristas aka bud tenders. I want the
giggles and the creativity of a sativa with the feeling
like I'm being held by like a sixteen foot man
cradled like a baby.
Speaker 15 (27:34):
We have something for that, really, So what's your preferred
method of consumption?
Speaker 17 (27:39):
Do you have anything that I can put up anally,
like as a full story of some kind, not with
weed in it, just anything.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Not here?
Speaker 11 (27:51):
Are you high right now?
Speaker 13 (27:52):
No?
Speaker 3 (27:53):
I'd like to speak to a manager.
Speaker 17 (27:54):
Please, non high weed dealers. What a strange new world.
At least the custom were just like in the old days.
What are you guys going to do when you're high?
Speaker 10 (28:04):
We giggle?
Speaker 17 (28:05):
Yeah, lah laugh and do we get intimate?
Speaker 7 (28:08):
We get intimate and we get brownies.
Speaker 16 (28:11):
What's brownie is?
Speaker 17 (28:12):
Is that kind of some kind of sexy feminism? Oh,
it's just an actual brownie.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
We're old fashioned, just brownies.
Speaker 16 (28:18):
Well that sounds good.
Speaker 17 (28:19):
That's right up my alley. Can I get high with you?
Speaker 8 (28:21):
Sure?
Speaker 17 (28:22):
When it's time to get intimate, you know, one of you.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Guys will have to leave. Can we choose extraws?
Speaker 17 (28:30):
H And people aren't just using weed to enhance their
eating and love making.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
It helps with a lot.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Of anxiety or just like bet.
Speaker 9 (28:39):
Nerve pushing button where you're just like I don't want
to talk to you anymore.
Speaker 17 (28:42):
It's like I feel like you smoke pot, and you
realize that nothing you're worried about matters. I mean, basically,
we're already dead. These users were so stoked on their
legal weed it seems like anyone could sell it to
them notes of hick or like anyone at all. What
(29:02):
ills are you trying to solve with drugs?
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I'm just looking to get higher than I've ever been. Yeah,
just ultimate high.
Speaker 17 (29:09):
We can do that with this st That's going to
be seven hundred and thirty eight dollars. It is expensive,
but it is cheaper than therapy. That's perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
All in all.
Speaker 17 (29:21):
It's crazy to think that something you can buy now
for a lot of money in a fancy store used
to get people sent to prison, and many are still there.
There are people here that were put in prison for
weed crimes. Yeah, it would be great if there was
a radical exchange of wealth with people who have served
(29:41):
time for something that politicians are making millions from now.
Speaker 16 (29:45):
Absolutely, I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 9 (29:48):
I'm I'm stoned.
Speaker 17 (29:50):
I still hadn't found anyone to smoke with besides the
horny brownie lovers, But as usual, New York City didn't
let me down.
Speaker 9 (29:58):
This is crazy.
Speaker 17 (29:58):
We're actually doing story about people smoking weed in New York.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
No, I'm smoking weed in New York right now. That's
crazy and you're doing it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
What kind of weed is this?
Speaker 14 (30:08):
So this is like sativa as a cookies blend, you know, classic.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
But I get it from a smoke shop.
Speaker 17 (30:13):
You get it illegally from a deli, Well.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
From a smoke shop. You gotta be careful with what
you give.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 12 (30:19):
Yeah, my guy showed me photos of where he grows
and stuff, so I trust him.
Speaker 17 (30:23):
Yeah, he is a picture of it.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Hee, It's definitely true.
Speaker 17 (30:27):
Which led me to address the most serious question that
this issue had raised. I've got a dog at home, Like,
do you think she loves me? Or do you think
it's just like I'm the person that feeds her, so
she just plays ball.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Your dog is love, and that might be what you need.
Speaker 14 (30:43):
And even if it's not directed to you, that's the
love you got, Like, that's you, your dog. So does
it matter?
Speaker 17 (30:51):
I guess it doesn't really matter whether you get your
weed from a fancy dispensary or as part of some
tragically misguided drug war, as long as you smoke it
with a friend. My dog is love.
Speaker 11 (31:04):
I could cry.
Speaker 14 (31:05):
That's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Love.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
My dog is love.
Speaker 17 (31:08):
Love made a mess on the carpet, and.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Love clean that mess up. It's all love.
Speaker 16 (31:25):
You start tonight with the fundamental battle of the ages,
not the one between good and evil evil one that
immediately I'm talking about the fight between marijuana and alcohol.
Alcohol has had the upper hand for decades, but now
it appears that marijuana is pulling ahead well.
Speaker 12 (31:44):
For the first time ever, daily marijuana use is now
pacing daily alcohol use.
Speaker 13 (31:48):
This is according to a new national study. Millions of
people in the US report using marijuana daily or nearly
every day. According to the National Survey on Drug Use
and Health, those people now outnumber those who say they
are daily or near daily drinkers of alcohol.
Speaker 16 (32:03):
That's right, daily pot smokers are beating daily alcohol drinkers
in the race to see who can escape their sad
lives more quickly.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
But in some ways it makes sense. You know, edibles
are just much.
Speaker 16 (32:16):
More efficient than booze. I mean, have you ever tried
to get a trick or treater drunk? It's almost impossible.
Of course, the rising popularity of weed is a good
reminder to the beer.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Industry that they got lazy.
Speaker 16 (32:29):
They thought they could just sit back and relax while
Tommy Chong bought every goddamn ad on Twitter. You know, congrats,
beer companies, you lost to that well known super ambitious type,
a hardworking go getter Tommy Chong now weed an alcohol aside.
The larger issue is that maybe, just maybe we shouldn't
(32:51):
be depending on all these substances in the first place.
You know, life is much better when you're sober and
we can really feel everything authentic. Please, That's an epiphany
I had on my weekly ayahuasca voyage.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
So explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe
by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 14 (33:27):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
Don't bogart that prescription man. The groovous Federal Advisory Panel ever,
has just released a report that claims patient suffering from
serious diseases should be allowed to smoke medical marijuana.
Speaker 3 (00:20):
While critics all right, while.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Critics contend marijuana is dangerous and often leads to much
more addictive substances like laughter and sex.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Here's the drugs are, where the drugs are.
Speaker 4 (00:34):
What I will absolutely support, though, is the notion that
I think this report readmirably made that there are other
cannabinoids besides thhc ah.
Speaker 2 (00:45):
Yes, the itching and swelling of cannabinoids and the embarrassment
of eating your donut pillow. Doctors are worried about the
respiratory effects of smoking marijuana, but there's some good news
and some good news talk to me, dude.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
We recommend development of a rapid onset but non smoked
delivery system, such as.
Speaker 5 (01:07):
An inhaler, perhaps similar to nasthma and haler.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Yeah, and inhaler will likely be lauded by fourteen year
old shop students, but drastically change the image of the
high school burnout. I'm gonna kick your ass after Jim Dorth.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
Research.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
Monkeys become addicted to marijuana. They're desperate parents plea for
them to just say, if you go to the zoo
and see a gibbon in a beret reciting Ginsburg's howl
over the whale of a Coltrane seventy eight, don't worry,
You're not high the monkey is. A new study released
(01:55):
earlier in the week reports that monkeys will repeatedly dose
themselves with THCHC, the active ingredient of marijuana, if given
the chance. Researchers found that squirrel monkeys repeatedly pushed a
lever to self administer THHC through injection, though in all fairness,
an earlier study had given all of the monkeys glaucoma.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
According to the.
Speaker 2 (02:18):
Scientists, the monkeys didn't show any sign of being sedated
by the drug, though they did show signs of paranoia,
claiming they felt like they were in cages while being
watched by men in lab coats.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Our next hell story.
Speaker 5 (02:33):
Should be of particular interest to our teen viewers who
suffer from crippling glaucoma.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
For centuries, marijuana.
Speaker 5 (02:45):
Has been used as a self prescribed remedy for the
terminal disease. Known as being alive. But last week, the
Supreme Court heard arguments as to whether state initiatives permitting
the drug to be used medicinally violate federal law. It's
a case that figures to settle once and for all
the legality of medical marijuana and thereby effect the lives
(03:06):
of no fewer than point zero zero zero one percent
of American marijuana smokers. The federal government maintains, however, that marijuana,
or as it's known on the street, funny pot cigarettes,
is illegal period, and has severely criticized prescribing the drug
(03:31):
to those free wheeling, long haired hippie aids and cancer
patients just trying to score a free high off Uncle Sam.
Those people are sick now, seriously, they're sick and they
need help. Robert McGinnis of the Family Research Council has
come out strongly against medical marijuana.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
I don't deny that, you know sick people who have
been using it for a long time feel better after
using this because they get high, and when you get high,
you feel better.
Speaker 5 (04:00):
Robert McGinnis speaking out strongly and poorly against marijuana, medical marijuana,
which is a miracle. Now the upcoming Supreme Court debate
could even be a hotter button issue than Americans not
(04:21):
sleeping enough. That's why it's the subject of tonight's even Stephen,
you've just made.
Speaker 3 (04:26):
Me vomit in my own mouth. What's the weather like
up your own acts?
Speaker 6 (04:35):
Tonight's topic should medical marijuana be legalized?
Speaker 7 (04:38):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (04:38):
No?
Speaker 8 (04:39):
Yeah.
Speaker 5 (04:42):
The medical marijuana initiatives in California and New Mexico were
approved by the voters solely to help seriously ill patience,
for whom marijuana offers the only relief from pain. Who
could deny an eighty year old woman a moment of respite.
Speaker 3 (04:57):
From her tortured existence.
Speaker 5 (04:58):
But I suppose there are a few individuals out.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
There who get off.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
Aren't other people suffering?
Speaker 3 (05:03):
Steven far out, Steve.
Speaker 6 (05:06):
Groovy point man, you're blowing my mind. Face it, You
and your doctor dopes are just hiding behind Grandma's oxygen tent.
The real reason you're pushing pro pot legislation is so
you can suck on a tie stick and watch the
walls bring in to pulse and bread. And now that
you've duped a few misguided state legislators, I'm sure we
(05:28):
can all look forward to you coming down with the
convenient case of glaucoma real soon.
Speaker 5 (05:34):
This marijuana is medicine, Stephen. I'm pro people, not pro poto.
Speaker 6 (05:39):
Come on, Steve, you love ganja and the exhilarating rush
of freedom and the heightened textural sensations it gives you,
Whereas I wouldn't know where to start looking for a
dime bag, I'm sure you've got great connections, so let
me in on the dirty little secret, Steve.
Speaker 3 (05:55):
Where do you get your pot? Stephen?
Speaker 5 (06:01):
Just because I support medical marijuana, it's ludicrous to imply
that I'm a dope fiend. That's like saying because I
support the repeal of the marriage tax penalty that I'm.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
Into wife swapping. Don't change the subject, Steve.
Speaker 6 (06:14):
You know exactly where I can get my hands on
some really deep chronic don't you.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
Let's get back to my wife swapping metaphor. Fine, let's
what you're suggesting about my access to sweet Malaysian skunk
weed is just as ridiculous as if I said, Hey,
Stephen Colbert, why don't you and your wife come over
some night this week and we can exchange partners. Would
that idea appeal to you?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
I don't know, Steve. Would we be high. I don't know.
Would you bring the dope?
Speaker 6 (06:52):
Steve, You're not listening to my argument. My argument is that,
if for instance, I tried to buy pot, I couldn't
get any, but I think you could get me some.
Speaker 5 (07:10):
You're not listening, Steven. You're in a fantasy world where
I smoke pot and could get my hands on some
very kind butt. But we would be wife swapping this Friday.
Have I made myself clear?
Speaker 3 (07:31):
Clear? Is crystal, Steve.
Speaker 6 (07:33):
But let me see if I can just recap your
really twisted argument. You're saying that if we were to
enter into some bizarre love quadrangle, you'd be supplying the weed.
Speaker 5 (07:44):
Yes, okay, that sounds perfect.
Speaker 4 (07:49):
Great.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
I'm Stephen Colbert and I'm Steve Carell and this has
been even Steven.
Speaker 3 (07:54):
Should we bring anything?
Speaker 5 (07:54):
Yeah, bottle wine would be nice.
Speaker 3 (07:56):
We'll be right back.
Speaker 9 (08:02):
One of the challenges of this job is to engage
the audience in stories they have no inherent interest in.
And that's that's gonna be tough again tonight, because sadly,
we're about to talk about marijuana.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Now grow up.
Speaker 9 (08:17):
Now, not everybody in the medical community is a big
fan of it, but last Thursday that may have changed
thanks to America's favorite doctor. No, not him, I'm talking
about the real McDreamy.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Doctor Sanjay Gupta changes his mind on weed.
Speaker 5 (08:32):
Sanja, you were very critical of medical marijuana for a
long time.
Speaker 3 (08:36):
You've changed your mind?
Speaker 1 (08:37):
Tell us why?
Speaker 9 (08:38):
Whoa oh Sanjay Gupta getting on the Mary Jane train,
chief medical correspondent of the Cannabis News Network talking some
weed with Aaron Burnout and Wolf spliffser So, Sange, what
changed your mind about the gange?
Speaker 8 (08:58):
I think you know we've been terribly and systematically misled
in this country for some time. I took the DEA
at their word when they said as a schedule on
substance and has no medical applications.
Speaker 9 (09:08):
Wait, you took the Drug Enforcement Agency at their word?
Is there any other other medical misinformation that you may
still believe just because someone told you? You do know
that you won't actually go blind from jacking it, right,
because I just found that out two weeks ago and
it's turned my life around anyway, Doctor g please continue
(09:30):
your report on we.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
What's next?
Speaker 9 (09:33):
An exclusive report on tasty mon cheese huh.
Speaker 10 (09:37):
Very early studies on mice are now showing the potential
of marijuana to kill cancer cells. Amache is using marijuana
to help him with the pain in nausea from chemo therapy.
Residents here are using marijuana for pain, loss of appetite,
Parkinson's disease, and dementia.
Speaker 9 (09:59):
Right, because, of course, marijuana actually has real medical benefits
and can be prescribed by doctors. In fact, dispensaries sell
different strains to treat different problems. And on that note,
if you want this drug with serious medical benefits to
be taken seriously, how about adulting up the names a
little bit. That way, a sick old man doesn't have
(10:20):
to ask for a quarter ounce of Rainbow Diesel Funkadelic
Cheddar Harmony. It's just a suggestion, but I have to
give see an end credit where it's due. So ange
Gubda copped to his error. Their Weed special answered the
most pressing questions about the legitimate medical uses of marijuana,
and they also answered the question that absolutely no one
has been asking, what's Piers Morgan like when he's high.
Speaker 11 (10:43):
I'm going to make a shocking revelation here. I've tried
cannabis when I was a young, younger lad, and I've
also had to have Vikerdom when I broke some ribs,
falling off embarrassingly a segue in Santa Monica, and I
can tell you that it was the Vikerdom, which I
was prescribed by my doctor, which gave me a massively
higher high than the cannabis ever did.
Speaker 3 (11:06):
Okay, this is important.
Speaker 9 (11:08):
I would like to personally offer ten thousand dollars in
rewards to anyone who can bring me footage of Piers
Morgan falling off that segue. I'm mean, it's neither vicarin,
nor marijuana nor the purest ecstasy could bring anyone as
much joy as that videotape could.
Speaker 3 (11:31):
Today is what is today?
Speaker 2 (11:35):
April twentieth, And that date, when written in numeric forum,
indicates that it's time for Uncle Johnny's super cush totally chillacs,
sticky icky informative marijuana news report.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
What's What's up? I didn't have time to do the
whole thing, and the.
Speaker 2 (12:06):
I honestly look like a rainbow haired Larry Fine from
the Three Stages. Right now for twenty man best day
of the year, Let's tune in and drop out and
get totally baked on news. And there's one network that
gets the groove that I'm grooving.
Speaker 3 (12:24):
It's four twenty bra times are a changeing. I just
legally purchased marijuana. A new movement is growing. One network,
one groundbreaking event.
Speaker 12 (12:35):
It's four twenty, So grab your favorite Monchi's and get
ready for a night you wouldn't expect on CNN.
Speaker 5 (12:48):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:49):
Like I always say, CNN is coolest and I'm way
ahead of you guys. I got the munchies all set.
I got my Ben and Jerry's Vanilla. Whoa, but I
got my Ben and Jerry's vanilla afy Cooman crunch. It's Uh.
It's basically lack tight ice cream with a girl bits
of matsa hidden right inside there. The good news is
(13:13):
the more you eat it, the less matsa you have
to deal with. Uh?
Speaker 3 (13:16):
All right?
Speaker 2 (13:17):
First up Weed three, take it away, Sanjay, feel good,
pah hope he ties up all the loose ends from
weeds one and two.
Speaker 8 (13:26):
Could marijuana help save veterans? It seems to be helping
her PTSD using marijuana to treat the symptoms of Alzheimer's.
She says marijuana makes her nearly pain free. He was
once suicidal, but Sean now has hope. Hope that comes
from this plant.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Well you hear me, san n I'm ready for weed, stock,
the whole thing, and you're giving me this.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
This is an actual news report.
Speaker 2 (13:59):
What are you gonna bore me with an economics lesson?
Speaker 12 (14:01):
Now?
Speaker 13 (14:01):
It has been over a year now since Colorado legalized
recreational marijuana. In February, the state reported a fifty three
million dollar tax revenue increase.
Speaker 3 (14:13):
This pot story isn't fun at all.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
It's all about disease and taxes and what about free
love hot boxing and free love hot boxing?
Speaker 3 (14:22):
Come on, guys, hot raging dudes.
Speaker 14 (14:26):
Okay, lose the wig wavy gravy, which is a reference.
I don't even understand. Nobody knows what you're talking about.
Speaker 2 (14:39):
Es happy four twenty you chilling ew ew Okay, stop
enough enough.
Speaker 3 (14:44):
I'm just grooving to the hash Bama.
Speaker 14 (14:46):
No, no, you're not. You're making everyone look bad. Pot
isn't just for shirless old dudes with bongos. It's a
non addictive, proven effective medical treatment that is now raising
much set a tax revenue for like schools, libraries, and roads.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
Ooh, look at the square what.
Speaker 3 (15:10):
Four twenty? What can't we just sit back, hit the
dube and use a pink.
Speaker 2 (15:14):
Floyd gatefold album to sift out the seeds in our
lid of skunk weed?
Speaker 7 (15:18):
What what?
Speaker 14 (15:21):
I literally don't know what any of those words need.
Nobody uses record albums to sift their pot. Nobody owns
record albums. I mean like I do because I'm cool.
But what the hell is skunk weed?
Speaker 4 (15:36):
You know?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
Skunk weed?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
Twag twag?
Speaker 14 (15:38):
What like free t shirts?
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Like bad weed? There's a such thing as bad weed?
You know what? Never mind?
Speaker 14 (15:45):
Look, this is now, John, and we don't smoke. We, babe,
are scientifically cultivated, medical grade buds that we had hand
delivered using a phone app called Dankstagram, which signs of
delivery to show up precisely five minutes before our typhood.
It's right.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
I got a vape?
Speaker 2 (16:02):
I vape?
Speaker 1 (16:02):
Oh really?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Which one you got?
Speaker 14 (16:04):
Jeepin?
Speaker 4 (16:04):
You got a pax?
Speaker 3 (16:06):
I believe it's a vix it's a vaporizer.
Speaker 2 (16:08):
It's not a I add some albuterol sometimes if my
allergies are kicking, an idea.
Speaker 14 (16:13):
You know, pollen in amazing, John, you make me so sad.
Speaker 3 (16:22):
I love you.
Speaker 9 (16:26):
She's awesome.
Speaker 2 (16:28):
But even with all marijuana's proven benefits, there's always one
guy's got.
Speaker 3 (16:31):
To be a total nark.
Speaker 14 (16:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 7 (16:33):
Chris Christie says if he becomes president, he will.
Speaker 3 (16:35):
Crack down on states that allow the sale of marijuana.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Marijuana is a gateway drug. We have an enormous addiction
problem in this country. Marijuana is an illegal drug under
federal law, and the states should not be permitted to
sell it and profit from it.
Speaker 2 (16:52):
You heard the man, Hey, Let the man be ideologically consistent,
or at least appear that way. No Christian administration will tolerate,
let alone raise revenue from anything addictive or that federal
law disapproves of. Roll the tape.
Speaker 13 (17:11):
Chris Christie is the guy that signed into lawby to
legalize internet gambling.
Speaker 5 (17:16):
He claims legalizing sports gambling would add a new source
of cash for his stake.
Speaker 2 (17:21):
Well, there is a difference, though, to be fair, if
you smoke too much pot, no one comes to break
it in knees.
Speaker 15 (17:31):
My guest tonight is a multi platinum selling recording authors
whose new album is called Rolling Papers Chew.
Speaker 3 (17:37):
Please welcome, Where's Kalifah?
Speaker 15 (17:54):
Welcome to the show, up, dude, this is the second
time so you I met you backstage now and I
got high just meeting you.
Speaker 3 (18:04):
That's awesome.
Speaker 15 (18:05):
And I'm not joking. This is the second time. There
was one time I was flying out of LA and
you were ahead of me in the TSA line and
you had to like take everything off. You had like
hoodies and all that, and you were like taking it
all off and I'm standing behind you and it smelled
like every Snoop Dogg album. And I remember on that
I was like, oh, I'm high, And this is like
the second time is just like you do this everywhere
(18:26):
you go.
Speaker 7 (18:27):
You inspired way I want people to get. I want
you to get stoned free. You know what I'm saying, Zach,
I'm the homie, you know what humanitarians.
Speaker 15 (18:41):
Before we get into the week, let's talk about the
album though. Rolling papers to twenty five songs on the album.
That's that's a lot of songs. Is that something you
always planned this? Why did you want to have twenty
five songs on the album.
Speaker 7 (18:53):
I've been working on this album for like three close
to four years, and early in the process I asked
my fans, like should I make it a double album
or not? And they all told me that I should
make it a double album. So it was always my
intention to release a lot of music. I just had
to figure out a way to make it flow in
a way to you know, put it all together. But yeah,
I definitely wanted to give people a full course meal.
Speaker 15 (19:14):
Right and when like when you it's just like we
talk now, is.
Speaker 3 (19:17):
That what we're doing?
Speaker 7 (19:19):
Why did they hy a turkey burgers?
Speaker 15 (19:24):
It's been seven years since your your first studio album,
Ruining Papers. Why's it taking so long?
Speaker 7 (19:29):
Well, I've just been growing, growing pot but for real, real,
like I have a really extensive catalog. It's really really long.
So I've been just you know, satisfying everybody on everything,
you know what I mean. And now I'm back with
another album where it's like, Okay, let's let's get back
(19:51):
to and then create another ten fifteen years a legacy.
Speaker 15 (19:55):
And people think you're joking about growing part but you
you are really big into the legalization of weed. You
have a business Khalifa Cushion. Yes, sir, right, how how
is the weed business going? Isn't as booming as people
say that?
Speaker 7 (20:09):
Absolutely, it's really good and it's it's super cool because
people are not as afraid of pot as they used
to be, So it's like they ingested in different ways.
They eat it.
Speaker 1 (20:21):
It's cream.
Speaker 7 (20:21):
It's like CBD where they've taken the THHC which got
you stoned.
Speaker 3 (20:27):
They took that, they took that out.
Speaker 7 (20:30):
And now you can just enjoy the medicinal effects of
it as well.
Speaker 3 (20:33):
So you have a choice as.
Speaker 15 (20:34):
A dad, would you let your kids smoke weed.
Speaker 7 (20:36):
When he gets to the legal age?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Absolutely? Oh does he know you smoke weed?
Speaker 7 (20:40):
Absolutely?
Speaker 9 (20:42):
How do you know?
Speaker 7 (20:43):
It's hard not to know. Oh.
Speaker 15 (20:50):
Before I let you go, I wanted to talk to
you about your body. The no this this became a
big thing online, you know, which was always known for
being like this scraggly dude, like you were really told
six foot four? I think you started working out?
Speaker 9 (21:06):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.
Speaker 15 (21:07):
Put on what thirty pounds?
Speaker 7 (21:08):
Thirty pounds? Absolutely, you look like you work out too, man.
Speaker 3 (21:11):
No, I just eat.
Speaker 2 (21:13):
Kind of like this suit.
Speaker 15 (21:15):
But how did you get thirty pounds on you?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
What did you like? What did you do? And how
did you just get into working?
Speaker 7 (21:19):
I joined the gym in LA It's called Unbreakable, right.
They put me on a meal plan and diet and
all of that stuff, and it's a lifestyle thing. So
something that I'm gonna do like for the rest of
my life.
Speaker 15 (21:29):
So the new album is out, are we going to
wait another seven years for the next one we know?
Is it like, is it going to be Khalifa Kush
all the way and then an album? Or do you
see yourself on the road writing some of you?
Speaker 7 (21:39):
I see myself making a whole lot of music. I
have a label, Taylor Gang, and I have a lot
of artists that I focus on as well. Chevy Woods
just put out a project called eighty one. We just
signed Skate. We got a bunch of other people who's
been working on music, Burner TOOKI, We got producers like
TM and things like that. So just as long as
the music is getting out there, it doesn't even matter
if it's one of my albums, Like, just as long
(22:01):
as people getting stone.
Speaker 12 (22:11):
I want to dig into all these angles with the
greatest news team in the world.
Speaker 3 (22:16):
Let's go to the airport right now with Roy Wood Junior.
Speaker 4 (22:19):
Roy Right, well, you you interviewed.
Speaker 12 (22:28):
The flight attendants. What did the flight attendants say?
Speaker 3 (22:32):
Oh this is so good?
Speaker 16 (22:36):
Oh my god?
Speaker 3 (22:36):
Right, Roy, you you interviewed the flight attendants?
Speaker 2 (22:40):
Right, yeah, yeah, I was was I was gonna interview him.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
But damn, Mars is so good. It's so small, but
it's so good. Right, I'm sorry. What's going on, right, Jordan?
I just wanted to relax a little bit. Is full
torning spots one is so so? I on a four twenty.
Speaker 5 (23:08):
I just smoked and smoked a little bit of weed,
and I smoked a whole lot more.
Speaker 3 (23:13):
You're high during the show?
Speaker 15 (23:15):
Come man, the news.
Speaker 3 (23:17):
Is so depressing. Up then, I just needed a break. Plus,
it's Black History month, man, Back up, off.
Speaker 16 (23:24):
Roy.
Speaker 3 (23:24):
You literally just told me it's four twenty that is April.
Is that what the fall stands for me?
Speaker 12 (23:33):
Dead right, David, I'm disappointed. Sorry, folks, it's very unprofessional.
Let's just let's go to Southwest headquarters to get the
corporate reaction from our own Desi lighting, Desisi, Desi is
Southwest policy on baby attendance going to change?
Speaker 13 (23:52):
There's an even bigger question here, Jordan, which is how
did planes even fly?
Speaker 3 (24:00):
Like they have wings? But the wings don't flap. I've
never seen a plane take off like this. God, David, Desi,
are you I what?
Speaker 10 (24:13):
No?
Speaker 3 (24:14):
I mean yes, but on weed, I'm not like high
in a plane?
Speaker 4 (24:19):
Is that what?
Speaker 9 (24:19):
You meant.
Speaker 12 (24:19):
No, that's not what I meant. Honestly, folks, look, I'm sorry.
There's a total lack of professionalism. You deserve better. It's unbelievable.
Let's let's try this one more time. Michael Costa, are
you there with us?
Speaker 10 (24:30):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (24:30):
Yeah, yeah, of course I am Jordans. I'm Michael Castla,
Yeah yeah yeah. And don't you worry because I'm not
high on weed. I'm high on a cocaine.
Speaker 12 (24:39):
Okay, I'm very illegal, and.
Speaker 16 (24:42):
Well, don't you worry it it's medicinal. I bought it
behind a Walgreens, So we're good.
Speaker 3 (24:47):
Did you at least interview anyone?
Speaker 16 (24:48):
Oh, buddy? I interviewed everyone. I interviewed the guy, I
interviewed the baby. I interviewed every piece of luggage. I
interviewed myself. That was interesting. And I'm gonna interview the
plane once the lands on this run right, WHOA.
Speaker 3 (24:58):
Well, how did you get on an active runway? It
was there was a door, it was unlocked. It was
basically unlocked. You just walked through a punch of security
guard and then you're here. You're there. Got to get
out of there. It's not safe. Don't worry dude, I
can't physically die.
Speaker 16 (25:12):
Okay, I see the plane coming, but bring it out,
bring it out.
Speaker 7 (25:15):
Let's go ender the cinepon.
Speaker 6 (25:18):
A rock.
Speaker 3 (25:19):
What are you doing? There's a plane coming right right?
But how did they get in the bunch? How did
you even get that? You weren't even at the airport.
Speaker 12 (25:29):
Oh, I flew this does work?
Speaker 3 (25:33):
You said, start an airlocks. I was telling about the
time that we could get the plane. You can leave
the man, don't get hit by a plane. I can't
believe you all got a high of work without me.
Speaker 12 (25:41):
Deisi Roy and Michael everyone.
Speaker 3 (25:48):
Hey, yea, you're old.
Speaker 17 (25:49):
Call Sarah Silverman and I'm back in New York City
where now weed is so legal they have stores stores
with weed.
Speaker 3 (25:59):
I mean, what is this? Twenty three other states?
Speaker 8 (26:04):
Great?
Speaker 17 (26:04):
But could I find someone to smoke this fancy new
legal lead with. Do you guys smoke pot?
Speaker 8 (26:11):
Yeah? Yeah, yeah?
Speaker 17 (26:12):
You buy it from the store now? Or do you
guys still are you loyal to your old dealers?
Speaker 3 (26:17):
Yoused to have to go all around? I'm like, hey,
I gotta text you a menu.
Speaker 7 (26:21):
So now you just go down.
Speaker 1 (26:22):
The corner and then there's like.
Speaker 16 (26:24):
A store right there.
Speaker 17 (26:25):
I noticed a couple of you have walkie talkies? Is
it for work?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 16 (26:29):
Hey, you know this is Sarah Silverman.
Speaker 17 (26:31):
I just want to let you know that Curtis has diarrhea.
Speaker 9 (26:34):
And he might be a little bit late.
Speaker 17 (26:37):
Okay, well these guys didn't get Stoner comedy. But maybe
i'd find some bud buddies at one of the new
license dispensaries like the Union Square Travel agency, where buying
drugs feels like, well, a little bit like making an
appointment at the not so genius part.
Speaker 9 (26:53):
So when you'll legalize, they granted the first licenses, so
people being fully incostrated.
Speaker 4 (26:58):
I love it.
Speaker 17 (26:59):
When I first up to New York City, the way
I got weed was call my dealer or get into
his Toyota Yaris and have to sit in a smelly
car while I listen to his band's demo and here
I mean, are you in a band?
Speaker 14 (27:13):
Not in a band?
Speaker 17 (27:14):
It's refreshing. Instead of dealers without professional boundaries, these new
dispensaries have weed baristas aka bud tenders. I want the
giggles and the creativity of a sativa with the feeling
like I'm being held by like a sixteen foot man
cradled like a baby.
Speaker 15 (27:34):
We have something for that, really, So what's your preferred
method of consumption?
Speaker 17 (27:39):
Do you have anything that I can put up anally,
like as a full story of some kind, not with
weed in it, just anything.
Speaker 3 (27:50):
Not here?
Speaker 11 (27:51):
Are you high right now?
Speaker 13 (27:52):
No?
Speaker 3 (27:53):
I'd like to speak to a manager.
Speaker 17 (27:54):
Please, non high weed dealers. What a strange new world.
At least the custom were just like in the old days.
What are you guys going to do when you're high?
Speaker 10 (28:04):
We giggle?
Speaker 17 (28:05):
Yeah, lah laugh and do we get intimate?
Speaker 7 (28:08):
We get intimate and we get brownies.
Speaker 16 (28:11):
What's brownie is?
Speaker 17 (28:12):
Is that kind of some kind of sexy feminism? Oh,
it's just an actual brownie.
Speaker 3 (28:16):
We're old fashioned, just brownies.
Speaker 16 (28:18):
Well that sounds good.
Speaker 17 (28:19):
That's right up my alley. Can I get high with you?
Speaker 8 (28:21):
Sure?
Speaker 17 (28:22):
When it's time to get intimate, you know, one of you.
Speaker 3 (28:25):
Guys will have to leave. Can we choose extraws?
Speaker 17 (28:30):
H And people aren't just using weed to enhance their
eating and love making.
Speaker 2 (28:35):
It helps with a lot.
Speaker 3 (28:36):
Of anxiety or just like bet.
Speaker 9 (28:39):
Nerve pushing button where you're just like I don't want
to talk to you anymore.
Speaker 17 (28:42):
It's like I feel like you smoke pot, and you
realize that nothing you're worried about matters. I mean, basically,
we're already dead. These users were so stoked on their
legal weed it seems like anyone could sell it to
them notes of hick or like anyone at all. What
(29:02):
ills are you trying to solve with drugs?
Speaker 3 (29:05):
I'm just looking to get higher than I've ever been. Yeah,
just ultimate high.
Speaker 17 (29:09):
We can do that with this st That's going to
be seven hundred and thirty eight dollars. It is expensive,
but it is cheaper than therapy. That's perfect.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
All in all.
Speaker 17 (29:21):
It's crazy to think that something you can buy now
for a lot of money in a fancy store used
to get people sent to prison, and many are still there.
There are people here that were put in prison for
weed crimes. Yeah, it would be great if there was
a radical exchange of wealth with people who have served
(29:41):
time for something that politicians are making millions from now.
Speaker 16 (29:45):
Absolutely, I don't know what I'm saying.
Speaker 9 (29:48):
I'm I'm stoned.
Speaker 17 (29:50):
I still hadn't found anyone to smoke with besides the
horny brownie lovers, But as usual, New York City didn't
let me down.
Speaker 9 (29:58):
This is crazy.
Speaker 17 (29:58):
We're actually doing story about people smoking weed in New York.
Speaker 3 (30:03):
No, I'm smoking weed in New York right now. That's
crazy and you're doing it.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
What kind of weed is this?
Speaker 14 (30:08):
So this is like sativa as a cookies blend, you know, classic.
Speaker 3 (30:12):
But I get it from a smoke shop.
Speaker 17 (30:13):
You get it illegally from a deli, Well.
Speaker 3 (30:16):
From a smoke shop. You gotta be careful with what
you give.
Speaker 4 (30:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 12 (30:19):
Yeah, my guy showed me photos of where he grows
and stuff, so I trust him.
Speaker 17 (30:23):
Yeah, he is a picture of it.
Speaker 3 (30:24):
Hee, It's definitely true.
Speaker 17 (30:27):
Which led me to address the most serious question that
this issue had raised. I've got a dog at home, Like,
do you think she loves me? Or do you think
it's just like I'm the person that feeds her, so
she just plays ball.
Speaker 3 (30:39):
Your dog is love, and that might be what you need.
Speaker 14 (30:43):
And even if it's not directed to you, that's the
love you got, Like, that's you, your dog. So does
it matter?
Speaker 17 (30:51):
I guess it doesn't really matter whether you get your
weed from a fancy dispensary or as part of some
tragically misguided drug war, as long as you smoke it
with a friend. My dog is love.
Speaker 11 (31:04):
I could cry.
Speaker 14 (31:05):
That's so beautiful.
Speaker 4 (31:07):
Love.
Speaker 3 (31:07):
My dog is love.
Speaker 17 (31:08):
Love made a mess on the carpet, and.
Speaker 3 (31:11):
Love clean that mess up. It's all love.
Speaker 16 (31:25):
You start tonight with the fundamental battle of the ages,
not the one between good and evil evil one that
immediately I'm talking about the fight between marijuana and alcohol.
Alcohol has had the upper hand for decades, but now
it appears that marijuana is pulling ahead well.
Speaker 12 (31:44):
For the first time ever, daily marijuana use is now
pacing daily alcohol use.
Speaker 13 (31:48):
This is according to a new national study. Millions of
people in the US report using marijuana daily or nearly
every day. According to the National Survey on Drug Use
and Health, those people now outnumber those who say they
are daily or near daily drinkers of alcohol.
Speaker 16 (32:03):
That's right, daily pot smokers are beating daily alcohol drinkers
in the race to see who can escape their sad
lives more quickly.
Speaker 3 (32:13):
But in some ways it makes sense. You know, edibles
are just much.
Speaker 16 (32:16):
More efficient than booze. I mean, have you ever tried
to get a trick or treater drunk? It's almost impossible.
Of course, the rising popularity of weed is a good
reminder to the beer.
Speaker 3 (32:27):
Industry that they got lazy.
Speaker 16 (32:29):
They thought they could just sit back and relax while
Tommy Chong bought every goddamn ad on Twitter. You know, congrats,
beer companies, you lost to that well known super ambitious type,
a hardworking go getter Tommy Chong now weed an alcohol aside.
The larger issue is that maybe, just maybe we shouldn't
(32:51):
be depending on all these substances in the first place.
You know, life is much better when you're sober and
we can really feel everything authentic. Please, That's an epiphany
I had on my weekly ayahuasca voyage.
Speaker 3 (33:05):
So explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe
by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 5 (33:14):
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 14 (33:27):
Paramount Podcasts
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