April 22, 2025 • 20 mins
Humanity and Earth have been locked in an eternal struggle to see which can destroy the other first. But today is the one day we give it up for ol' roundy. It's Earth Day!
Jon Stewart reports on Al Gore and Leonardo DiCaprio's efforts to get the word out for Earth Day. Sam Bee talks to environmentalists to see if she can get them on her side. Lewis Black chokes on celebrity environmentalism. Matt Walsh learns about a corporate alternative to The Lorax. Jon breaks down President George W. Bush's Earth Day address, and finally decides to declare F*ck the Earth Day after all.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to comedy.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Central America celebrates Earth Day, only three hundred.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
And sixty three shopping days until next Earth Day. Al
Gored and Leonardo DiCaprio joined forces in Washington Saturday celebrating
the thirtieth anniversary.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Of Earth Day.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
The celebration was held amidst a rock festival atmosphere, except
there was no rock, no festival, and as we all
learned from the speakers, no atmosphere.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
We have to make the next ten years the environment
decade in America and around the world. We have to
stand against the apologists for pollution, those who believe in
the old politics of environmental irresponsibility.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Inspiring words from a man who's nineteen ninety two bestseller
Earth in the Balance now sits in landfills across the country.
The crowd was also treated to the music of David Crosby,
who was then treated to the sound of people heading
over to the Smithsonian too see Archie Bunker's Chair. Leonardo
DiCaprio's much debated Bill Clinton interview also aired this weekend.
(01:10):
The President took Leo on a tour of the dimly
lit and romantic White House.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
We started a project here at the White House called
the greening of the White House.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Just by changing the lighting in this whole building, we
lowered our electric bills by one hundred thousand.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Dollars a year.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
After blowing his wow wod, early, DiCaprio scoured his journalist's
handbook further stinging retorts like geez and awesome and can
a play? I get a table dance? The day after
(01:50):
Thanksgiving you feel stuffed, The day after Valentine's Day loved
or angry, And the day after Earth Day you feel
mildly embarrassed that you forgot yesterday was Earth Day. Our
sambe has another.
Speaker 6 (02:02):
Take Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it.
We celebrate it, clean it. We even featured Leo in
an issue of Vanity Fair about it and for all
we do? How does Mother Earth treat us with a
human kill rate of one hundred percent? Mother Nature is
(02:26):
one ungrateful horror. Clearly the Earth hates our freedom. But
try telling that to the blame human's first crowd. All right,
So here I am at Earth Day talking to some
(02:47):
stupid hippie about some stupid too.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
The Earth isn't doing anything bad. We're doing the bad
things to the earth.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Okay, isn't a little.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Childish to talk about who's started what when and who's doing.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
What to whom.
Speaker 6 (02:59):
The point is in this war, we have to win it.
Speaker 8 (03:02):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
We're really psyched about this product.
Speaker 9 (03:04):
It's new from Stonyfield, comes in several different flavors or
strawberry banana.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
Should it taste like feet?
Speaker 10 (03:11):
Oh? Really?
Speaker 8 (03:13):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Well, when you suckled at your mother's taint, did molten
hot lava pour out into your mouth?
Speaker 9 (03:18):
We've got five percent of the population using twenty five
percent of the natural resources, louting thirty percent of the earth,
and so that's a failed system.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Do you do pushups?
Speaker 8 (03:31):
I know I got people come out and.
Speaker 10 (03:34):
We raise awareness and were being safe.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
To win this war, we may need science. So I
met with an essacalematologist, Gavin Schmidt, to find out how
we can learn from our past mistakes. I'm just an
average person without access to an earthquake, ray or a
death star. How can I join the fight against Earth?
I really couldn't tell you. Statistically, aren't Americans more likely
(04:05):
to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?
Speaker 7 (04:09):
I think that's true?
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Then can we afford not to have a war en lightning.
It'd be difficult to do. That's what they said about
destroying the ozone layer. But score one for humans.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Actually, the ozone layre is well on its way to recovery.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
Damn it.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Fortunately there is a way out.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Today I announced a new plan to extend a human
presence across our solar system with human missions to Mars
and to worlds beyond.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Until we can leave this box behind, Americans will need
to make sacrifices, even if that means touring around the
country in a private jet, giving energy guzzling PowerPoint presentations
on some stupid crap and releasing a movie about it.
In the end, we all have to do what we
can to make the planet more livable. Four three days.
Speaker 8 (05:11):
You have to be a liver your back, Oh right.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
A news story falls through the cracks on Lewis Black
catches it for a segment we call Back and Black.
Speaker 10 (05:30):
You can always tell it's Earth Day when the co
two emissions from the world smokestacks start piling in comparison
to celebrity emissions, telling us we can save the Earth
if we start acting a little more like them. Just
to ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oproot
(05:51):
Winfrey's Earth Day special.
Speaker 11 (05:53):
I've got a great one for you. If your house
is anything like mine, stop it's not.
Speaker 10 (06:04):
It's a lot smaller and it doesn't have an affleck
shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her
Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally watched
with her money had giving away earth friendly products to
her audience.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
We're gonna bring out the bulb.
Speaker 9 (06:25):
So you can have a light.
Speaker 10 (06:29):
That's bob ooh, a light bulb giveaway. Huh do you
really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this?
(06:51):
Over On ABC twenty twenty, both documented and lived out
Mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from
six of the seven.
Speaker 8 (07:01):
Continents every second of every single day, thousands of trees.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Are being cut down.
Speaker 8 (07:08):
In fact, in just the one minute that I've been talking,
an area of the size of sixty football fields has
been wiped out.
Speaker 10 (07:15):
That for God's sakes, stop talking your name, Blacker is
raping the Earth. Host Diane Sawyer talked to a scientist
from Antarctica and found out it's calling.
Speaker 11 (07:32):
You can step outside for a few seconds, but you
certainly don't want to stand around for a minute or two.
You get frost fitting very quickly at these temperatures.
Speaker 8 (07:40):
So is your pole thinning?
Speaker 10 (07:45):
I'll tell you right now, if I go through the
trouble of placing a satellite call just to hear Diane
Sawyer's voice, she better not thin my pole. Still, my
favorite Earth Day is speciel had to be this. If
my Ride, a show devoted to creating the least efficient
(08:06):
vehicles in human history, have the nerve to throw its
own Earth Day celebration on Sunday, you.
Speaker 11 (08:13):
Probably want to add that, Mike, are there really any
benefits of using bio diesels?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Hell?
Speaker 8 (08:17):
Yeah, this stuff produces nazy diesel emissions by almost eighty percent.
Speaker 7 (08:22):
It ends as it rain, which I personally love because
I hate it.
Speaker 10 (08:27):
Be ash, get some shame. Cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
Any other final thoughts.
Speaker 9 (08:36):
If everybody used recycled tissue, even you would have millions
of trees.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Still on the ground.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I just want you to go now, move to a
cloth bag, use less gasoline.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
There are kind of little things that you can do
and do.
Speaker 11 (08:47):
Something wonderful for your life and get rid of this
young com So there you have it, advice on saving
planet Earth from a bunch of people who couldn't even
save planet Hollywood.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Now we saw President Bush in the Great Outdoors. He
talked about how he loves owning his branch in Texas.
Clearly he's a friend of the environment. But who else is?
As Matt Wallash recently found out, the Earth's best friend
may well be the logging industry.
Speaker 8 (09:19):
For decades, children have been enchanted by Doctor Seuss's silly
tales from the Cat in the Hat and Horton hears
a who to later stories like the Lorax.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I'll never forget the grim look on his face La
when he hoisted himself and took leave of this month.
Speaker 8 (09:34):
He's holding his butt.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
He's hoisting his himself by the seat of the case.
Speaker 10 (09:39):
He's holding his butt.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
But Terry Burke Att, a concerned mother of two, says
there's more to the lorax than meets the eye.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
The lorax is being used to present a very preservationist
point of view that we were running out of trees.
I had no idea.
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Could the warm and fuzzy lorax actually be a radical
tree hu bugger held bent on destroying the wood products industry.
Burkett says this is yet another example of moneyed special
interests gone too far.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
There's a lot of money in the hands of environmental organizations,
and the wood products industry is basically busy going to
work every day, and they have not had the money
to get their story out.
Speaker 8 (10:21):
Yes, with only billions in revenue to work with, mom
and pop companies like Warehouser and International Paper have been
backed into a corner. So Burkett drew on her experience
as a mother and as an assistant plant manager for
wood flooring manufacturer to write a book that teachers children
cutting down trees makes the forest happy. She called it
(10:42):
true Ax.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
People in the wood products industry are environmentalists, and that's
what I try to get across in TRUEX.
Speaker 8 (10:48):
Her book got picked up by a boutique indie publisher
called the National Old Flooring Manufacturers Association, and with nearly
half a million copies in print, True Ax is fast
replacing lower axe classrooms across America.
Speaker 6 (11:02):
I'm true X the loger.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
I harvest these trees for ball bats and houses and
things such as these, and.
Speaker 8 (11:11):
The kids love it.
Speaker 6 (11:13):
Bo diversity. Will this still be there when the trees
have been flung.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
But in any good wood products curriculum, reading materials must
be supplemented with hands on learning. Everything I'm showing you
today is waterproof. Okay, it's gonna last your lifetime. It's
an investment, but it last your lifetime. Now, when you
get Venetian blinds, you're gonna want to match the blinds
to the floor, and.
Speaker 10 (11:34):
You don't want them to contrast.
Speaker 8 (11:35):
Okay, and remember the blinds match the floor. Say that
the blinds match the floor. Kids seem to really appreciate
the wood products industry. So why didn't doctor seuss I
put that question to a sous spokesman. So you speak
for the trees, correct?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I am the lure actual for the trees.
Speaker 8 (11:56):
Well, I have a copy of your most recent tax return,
and it's seems to me you do more than just
speak for the trees.
Speaker 10 (12:02):
I'm also in charge of the brown Barbeluch who played
in the shade in that Barbelouch shoots.
Speaker 8 (12:08):
How do you respond to allegations that you're just a
hired gun who will work for any organization that will
pay you. You're nothing more than a two bitch shill.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Listen to me, I am the lort I don't have.
Speaker 10 (12:27):
To answer questions, list interviews.
Speaker 8 (12:30):
Over where are you going?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Bosh?
Speaker 8 (12:33):
Who else do you work for?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
You're away from me, newsman. Friday, April twenty second was
Earth Day, not, of course oddly enough, April twenty second
is the day in twenty twelve on which the Earth
will end.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
You heard of?
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Your first President Bush marked the event by riding his
airborne suv to Tennessee to visit the Great Smoking Mountains,
ironically our nation's most looted national park, but he wound
up stuck on the tarmac due to a sudden burst
of hail and thunderstorms. Because the Earth hates him so much,
(13:12):
so long, but the President soldiered on with a speech,
making a slight adjustment intense in the park.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
Had I been there, how to remind of people today's
Earth Day?
Speaker 3 (13:26):
But since since I'm not there, let me let me
skip right ahead to talking about our good friend, the
high sulfur coal plant.
Speaker 5 (13:37):
We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation
to to protect it. One of the interesting things about
our nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is
cleaner and the water's more pure, and we used our
land better and our economy has grown a lie.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
And then and then, and then, and then I showed
up the whole thing. The whole thing went to Ida.
The whole thing went went Now, if you didn't notice
Majority Leader Bill Frist, the company, the President on the trip. Now,
I'm going to replace some of the tape, keep your
eye on Senator Bill Frist as the President speaks.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation
to protect it. One of the interesting things about our
nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is cleaner
and the water is more pure, and we're using our land.
Better help me, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Was not there. Obviously, I wasn't there, and I was
only watching this on videotape, so I am not really
qualified to give a diagnosis. But it seems to me
that Bill Frist was in a persistent vegetative state.
Speaker 11 (14:55):
I don't know that to feel about.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Of course, the biggest never give an audience candy. The
biggest environmental battle these days is over the proposal to
drill in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and those opposed
to it are mobilized, and by mobilized, I mean armed
with meringue. This weekend in front of the capital. Ice
cream moguls Ben and Jerry created the world's largest baked Alaska,
(15:19):
presumably to weigh's awareness about the on war legislation now
moving through Congress. There you have it, the state of
liberal opposition in this country. We're very angry. Would anyone
care for ice cream? Saturday was the thirty sixth annual
Earth Day, and who better to celebrate the Earth than
(15:41):
the man who owns it. President George W. Bush visited
a clean energy research consortium in Sacramento with a message
of hope.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
This nation does not have to choose between a strong
economy and a clean environment.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
You'll get neither.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
In like it.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Now mean U beget out. Of course, no Earthday speech
would be complete without mentioning the administration's favorite environmental pipe dream.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I believe that today's shown will one day take your
driver's test and a hydrogen powered pollution free car.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
And I believe teenagers from Barlow's hydrogen cars from their
future parents without permission and stay out past space curfew
robonecking with their cyborg boar friends. Thought of that when
I was on a bicycle, and aside from the President,
(16:40):
well as best we can tell. Only one other place
acknowledged Earth Day, the Cartoon Network's Boomerang channel, which aired
thirteen lost episodes of the early nineties pro environment cartoon
Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
Speaker 8 (16:54):
How many things in your home are made from trees, furniture, bullets,
baseball vats, even your houses floor in framing?
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Gee?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Why didn't that ever take off? Mommy? I want to
be the superhero that tells us what our house is
made of. Don't taunt me? And what was Earth doing
in the run up to Earth Day? Well over the
(17:23):
last week it gave us volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes
in Tibet, Indonesian, Japan, freak tornadoes in America in the Philippines,
floods in Hungary, Romanian, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado,
and a Category five super cyclone about to destroy Darwin, Australia.
You know, Earth, could you meet me over at camera three? Please? Hey,
(17:51):
Earth has it going so? I guess kissing your ass
doesn't work. We call you, beautiful, precious Mother your own day,
just like veterans and groundhogs. Even named your planet of
the Year in nineteen eighty eight, even though by any
objective estimation. That was Neptune's year. We tried to make nice.
(18:15):
And what do you do? Not only do you kill
us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise
your temperature.
Speaker 7 (18:20):
Just a degree, one little degree, it's so hot over
ice caps are naughty, they're pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I got news for you, Earth, You ain't the only
rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying. We
got pictures. You seen the moon, very nice. We've been
there several times. You know, they've already got a golf course.
Then there's Mars, a little red, a little rocky. It's
a perfect fixer upper. We got a titan out by Saturn,
very similar atmosphere to you, other than it's two undred
ninety degrees fahrenheit below zero. But we're working on space jackets.
(18:58):
We're through sucking up to you home planet. You want
to fight, bring it on, bitch, because at this moment,
I am declaring April twenty fifth the Earth Day. That's right.
Speaker 10 (19:10):
What are you gonna do about that?
Speaker 3 (19:13):
That's going to be a day to drive your half
mile per hour gallon humskalade while spraying aquanetic baby seals.
You know why, because We're not going out, baby, We're
not going out like the Dinosaur's my brother. Without us,
you're nothing but a billion year old, self sustaining, self regulating,
(19:35):
organic eden and complete harmony with itself, So fuck you.
Speaker 10 (19:41):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 8 (19:47):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on
Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to comedy.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Central America celebrates Earth Day, only three hundred.
Speaker 3 (00:12):
And sixty three shopping days until next Earth Day. Al
Gored and Leonardo DiCaprio joined forces in Washington Saturday celebrating
the thirtieth anniversary.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
Of Earth Day.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
The celebration was held amidst a rock festival atmosphere, except
there was no rock, no festival, and as we all
learned from the speakers, no atmosphere.
Speaker 4 (00:31):
We have to make the next ten years the environment
decade in America and around the world. We have to
stand against the apologists for pollution, those who believe in
the old politics of environmental irresponsibility.
Speaker 3 (00:47):
Inspiring words from a man who's nineteen ninety two bestseller
Earth in the Balance now sits in landfills across the country.
The crowd was also treated to the music of David Crosby,
who was then treated to the sound of people heading
over to the Smithsonian too see Archie Bunker's Chair. Leonardo
DiCaprio's much debated Bill Clinton interview also aired this weekend.
(01:10):
The President took Leo on a tour of the dimly
lit and romantic White House.
Speaker 4 (01:14):
We started a project here at the White House called
the greening of the White House.
Speaker 5 (01:18):
Just by changing the lighting in this whole building, we
lowered our electric bills by one hundred thousand.
Speaker 4 (01:23):
Dollars a year.
Speaker 5 (01:24):
Wow.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
After blowing his wow wod, early, DiCaprio scoured his journalist's
handbook further stinging retorts like geez and awesome and can
a play? I get a table dance? The day after
(01:50):
Thanksgiving you feel stuffed, The day after Valentine's Day loved
or angry, And the day after Earth Day you feel
mildly embarrassed that you forgot yesterday was Earth Day. Our
sambe has another.
Speaker 6 (02:02):
Take Planet Earth. We can't seem to do enough for it.
We celebrate it, clean it. We even featured Leo in
an issue of Vanity Fair about it and for all
we do? How does Mother Earth treat us with a
human kill rate of one hundred percent? Mother Nature is
(02:26):
one ungrateful horror. Clearly the Earth hates our freedom. But
try telling that to the blame human's first crowd. All right,
So here I am at Earth Day talking to some
(02:47):
stupid hippie about some stupid too.
Speaker 7 (02:51):
The Earth isn't doing anything bad. We're doing the bad
things to the earth.
Speaker 3 (02:54):
Okay, isn't a little.
Speaker 7 (02:55):
Childish to talk about who's started what when and who's doing.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
What to whom.
Speaker 6 (02:59):
The point is in this war, we have to win it.
Speaker 8 (03:02):
You know what.
Speaker 3 (03:02):
We're really psyched about this product.
Speaker 9 (03:04):
It's new from Stonyfield, comes in several different flavors or
strawberry banana.
Speaker 6 (03:09):
Should it taste like feet?
Speaker 10 (03:11):
Oh? Really?
Speaker 8 (03:13):
Okay?
Speaker 6 (03:13):
Well, when you suckled at your mother's taint, did molten
hot lava pour out into your mouth?
Speaker 9 (03:18):
We've got five percent of the population using twenty five
percent of the natural resources, louting thirty percent of the earth,
and so that's a failed system.
Speaker 3 (03:30):
Do you do pushups?
Speaker 8 (03:31):
I know I got people come out and.
Speaker 10 (03:34):
We raise awareness and were being safe.
Speaker 6 (03:40):
To win this war, we may need science. So I
met with an essacalematologist, Gavin Schmidt, to find out how
we can learn from our past mistakes. I'm just an
average person without access to an earthquake, ray or a
death star. How can I join the fight against Earth?
I really couldn't tell you. Statistically, aren't Americans more likely
(04:05):
to get hit by lightning than attacked by terrorists?
Speaker 7 (04:09):
I think that's true?
Speaker 6 (04:12):
Then can we afford not to have a war en lightning.
It'd be difficult to do. That's what they said about
destroying the ozone layer. But score one for humans.
Speaker 3 (04:25):
Actually, the ozone layre is well on its way to recovery.
Speaker 5 (04:30):
Damn it.
Speaker 6 (04:31):
Fortunately there is a way out.
Speaker 5 (04:34):
Today I announced a new plan to extend a human
presence across our solar system with human missions to Mars
and to worlds beyond.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Until we can leave this box behind, Americans will need
to make sacrifices, even if that means touring around the
country in a private jet, giving energy guzzling PowerPoint presentations
on some stupid crap and releasing a movie about it.
In the end, we all have to do what we
can to make the planet more livable. Four three days.
Speaker 8 (05:11):
You have to be a liver your back, Oh right.
Speaker 3 (05:18):
A news story falls through the cracks on Lewis Black
catches it for a segment we call Back and Black.
Speaker 10 (05:30):
You can always tell it's Earth Day when the co
two emissions from the world smokestacks start piling in comparison
to celebrity emissions, telling us we can save the Earth
if we start acting a little more like them. Just
to ask Matt Damon, who contributed this tip to Oproot
(05:51):
Winfrey's Earth Day special.
Speaker 11 (05:53):
I've got a great one for you. If your house
is anything like mine, stop it's not.
Speaker 10 (06:04):
It's a lot smaller and it doesn't have an affleck
shaped dent in the couch. Oprah herself showed off her
Earth Day spirit by wearing a sweater she accidentally watched
with her money had giving away earth friendly products to
her audience.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
We're gonna bring out the bulb.
Speaker 9 (06:25):
So you can have a light.
Speaker 10 (06:29):
That's bob ooh, a light bulb giveaway. Huh do you
really think that'll undo the environmental damage caused by this?
(06:51):
Over On ABC twenty twenty, both documented and lived out
Mankind's excess by flying reporters to file live reports from
six of the seven.
Speaker 8 (07:01):
Continents every second of every single day, thousands of trees.
Speaker 3 (07:07):
Are being cut down.
Speaker 8 (07:08):
In fact, in just the one minute that I've been talking,
an area of the size of sixty football fields has
been wiped out.
Speaker 10 (07:15):
That for God's sakes, stop talking your name, Blacker is
raping the Earth. Host Diane Sawyer talked to a scientist
from Antarctica and found out it's calling.
Speaker 11 (07:32):
You can step outside for a few seconds, but you
certainly don't want to stand around for a minute or two.
You get frost fitting very quickly at these temperatures.
Speaker 8 (07:40):
So is your pole thinning?
Speaker 10 (07:45):
I'll tell you right now, if I go through the
trouble of placing a satellite call just to hear Diane
Sawyer's voice, she better not thin my pole. Still, my
favorite Earth Day is speciel had to be this. If
my Ride, a show devoted to creating the least efficient
(08:06):
vehicles in human history, have the nerve to throw its
own Earth Day celebration on Sunday, you.
Speaker 11 (08:13):
Probably want to add that, Mike, are there really any
benefits of using bio diesels?
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Hell?
Speaker 8 (08:17):
Yeah, this stuff produces nazy diesel emissions by almost eighty percent.
Speaker 7 (08:22):
It ends as it rain, which I personally love because
I hate it.
Speaker 10 (08:27):
Be ash, get some shame. Cars don't run on cognitive dissonance.
Any other final thoughts.
Speaker 9 (08:36):
If everybody used recycled tissue, even you would have millions
of trees.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
Still on the ground.
Speaker 1 (08:40):
I just want you to go now, move to a
cloth bag, use less gasoline.
Speaker 4 (08:44):
There are kind of little things that you can do
and do.
Speaker 11 (08:47):
Something wonderful for your life and get rid of this
young com So there you have it, advice on saving
planet Earth from a bunch of people who couldn't even
save planet Hollywood.
Speaker 3 (09:05):
Now we saw President Bush in the Great Outdoors. He
talked about how he loves owning his branch in Texas.
Clearly he's a friend of the environment. But who else is?
As Matt Wallash recently found out, the Earth's best friend
may well be the logging industry.
Speaker 8 (09:19):
For decades, children have been enchanted by Doctor Seuss's silly
tales from the Cat in the Hat and Horton hears
a who to later stories like the Lorax.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
I'll never forget the grim look on his face La
when he hoisted himself and took leave of this month.
Speaker 8 (09:34):
He's holding his butt.
Speaker 1 (09:36):
He's hoisting his himself by the seat of the case.
Speaker 10 (09:39):
He's holding his butt.
Speaker 8 (09:41):
But Terry Burke Att, a concerned mother of two, says
there's more to the lorax than meets the eye.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
The lorax is being used to present a very preservationist
point of view that we were running out of trees.
I had no idea.
Speaker 8 (09:55):
Could the warm and fuzzy lorax actually be a radical
tree hu bugger held bent on destroying the wood products industry.
Burkett says this is yet another example of moneyed special
interests gone too far.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
There's a lot of money in the hands of environmental organizations,
and the wood products industry is basically busy going to
work every day, and they have not had the money
to get their story out.
Speaker 8 (10:21):
Yes, with only billions in revenue to work with, mom
and pop companies like Warehouser and International Paper have been
backed into a corner. So Burkett drew on her experience
as a mother and as an assistant plant manager for
wood flooring manufacturer to write a book that teachers children
cutting down trees makes the forest happy. She called it
(10:42):
true Ax.
Speaker 1 (10:43):
People in the wood products industry are environmentalists, and that's
what I try to get across in TRUEX.
Speaker 8 (10:48):
Her book got picked up by a boutique indie publisher
called the National Old Flooring Manufacturers Association, and with nearly
half a million copies in print, True Ax is fast
replacing lower axe classrooms across America.
Speaker 6 (11:02):
I'm true X the loger.
Speaker 5 (11:04):
I harvest these trees for ball bats and houses and
things such as these, and.
Speaker 8 (11:11):
The kids love it.
Speaker 6 (11:13):
Bo diversity. Will this still be there when the trees
have been flung.
Speaker 8 (11:19):
But in any good wood products curriculum, reading materials must
be supplemented with hands on learning. Everything I'm showing you
today is waterproof. Okay, it's gonna last your lifetime. It's
an investment, but it last your lifetime. Now, when you
get Venetian blinds, you're gonna want to match the blinds
to the floor, and.
Speaker 10 (11:34):
You don't want them to contrast.
Speaker 8 (11:35):
Okay, and remember the blinds match the floor. Say that
the blinds match the floor. Kids seem to really appreciate
the wood products industry. So why didn't doctor seuss I
put that question to a sous spokesman. So you speak
for the trees, correct?
Speaker 3 (11:53):
I am the lure actual for the trees.
Speaker 8 (11:56):
Well, I have a copy of your most recent tax return,
and it's seems to me you do more than just
speak for the trees.
Speaker 10 (12:02):
I'm also in charge of the brown Barbeluch who played
in the shade in that Barbelouch shoots.
Speaker 8 (12:08):
How do you respond to allegations that you're just a
hired gun who will work for any organization that will
pay you. You're nothing more than a two bitch shill.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Listen to me, I am the lort I don't have.
Speaker 10 (12:27):
To answer questions, list interviews.
Speaker 8 (12:30):
Over where are you going?
Speaker 1 (12:32):
Bosh?
Speaker 8 (12:33):
Who else do you work for?
Speaker 3 (12:34):
You're away from me, newsman. Friday, April twenty second was
Earth Day, not, of course oddly enough, April twenty second
is the day in twenty twelve on which the Earth
will end.
Speaker 5 (12:49):
You heard of?
Speaker 3 (12:50):
Your first President Bush marked the event by riding his
airborne suv to Tennessee to visit the Great Smoking Mountains,
ironically our nation's most looted national park, but he wound
up stuck on the tarmac due to a sudden burst
of hail and thunderstorms. Because the Earth hates him so much,
(13:12):
so long, but the President soldiered on with a speech,
making a slight adjustment intense in the park.
Speaker 5 (13:23):
Had I been there, how to remind of people today's
Earth Day?
Speaker 3 (13:26):
But since since I'm not there, let me let me
skip right ahead to talking about our good friend, the
high sulfur coal plant.
Speaker 5 (13:37):
We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation
to to protect it. One of the interesting things about
our nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is
cleaner and the water's more pure, and we used our
land better and our economy has grown a lie.
Speaker 3 (13:52):
And then and then, and then, and then I showed
up the whole thing. The whole thing went to Ida.
The whole thing went went Now, if you didn't notice
Majority Leader Bill Frist, the company, the President on the trip. Now,
I'm going to replace some of the tape, keep your
eye on Senator Bill Frist as the President speaks.
Speaker 5 (14:14):
We didn't create this earth, but we have an obligation
to protect it. One of the interesting things about our
nation is that since nineteen seventy the air is cleaner
and the water is more pure, and we're using our land.
Better help me, you know, I.
Speaker 3 (14:42):
Was not there. Obviously, I wasn't there, and I was
only watching this on videotape, so I am not really
qualified to give a diagnosis. But it seems to me
that Bill Frist was in a persistent vegetative state.
Speaker 11 (14:55):
I don't know that to feel about.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Of course, the biggest never give an audience candy. The
biggest environmental battle these days is over the proposal to
drill in Alaska's Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, and those opposed
to it are mobilized, and by mobilized, I mean armed
with meringue. This weekend in front of the capital. Ice
cream moguls Ben and Jerry created the world's largest baked Alaska,
(15:19):
presumably to weigh's awareness about the on war legislation now
moving through Congress. There you have it, the state of
liberal opposition in this country. We're very angry. Would anyone
care for ice cream? Saturday was the thirty sixth annual
Earth Day, and who better to celebrate the Earth than
(15:41):
the man who owns it. President George W. Bush visited
a clean energy research consortium in Sacramento with a message
of hope.
Speaker 5 (15:51):
This nation does not have to choose between a strong
economy and a clean environment.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
You'll get neither.
Speaker 8 (15:57):
In like it.
Speaker 3 (15:59):
Now mean U beget out. Of course, no Earthday speech
would be complete without mentioning the administration's favorite environmental pipe dream.
Speaker 5 (16:07):
I believe that today's shown will one day take your
driver's test and a hydrogen powered pollution free car.
Speaker 3 (16:18):
And I believe teenagers from Barlow's hydrogen cars from their
future parents without permission and stay out past space curfew
robonecking with their cyborg boar friends. Thought of that when
I was on a bicycle, and aside from the President,
(16:40):
well as best we can tell. Only one other place
acknowledged Earth Day, the Cartoon Network's Boomerang channel, which aired
thirteen lost episodes of the early nineties pro environment cartoon
Captain Planet and the Planeteers.
Speaker 8 (16:54):
How many things in your home are made from trees, furniture, bullets,
baseball vats, even your houses floor in framing?
Speaker 5 (17:01):
Gee?
Speaker 3 (17:01):
Why didn't that ever take off? Mommy? I want to
be the superhero that tells us what our house is
made of. Don't taunt me? And what was Earth doing
in the run up to Earth Day? Well over the
(17:23):
last week it gave us volcano erupting in Peru, earthquakes
in Tibet, Indonesian, Japan, freak tornadoes in America in the Philippines,
floods in Hungary, Romanian, Malaysia and Kenya, wildfires in Colorado,
and a Category five super cyclone about to destroy Darwin, Australia.
You know, Earth, could you meet me over at camera three? Please? Hey,
(17:51):
Earth has it going so? I guess kissing your ass
doesn't work. We call you, beautiful, precious Mother your own day,
just like veterans and groundhogs. Even named your planet of
the Year in nineteen eighty eight, even though by any
objective estimation. That was Neptune's year. We tried to make nice.
(18:15):
And what do you do? Not only do you kill
us in a thousand different ways, but when we raise
your temperature.
Speaker 7 (18:20):
Just a degree, one little degree, it's so hot over
ice caps are naughty, they're pussy.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
I got news for you, Earth, You ain't the only
rock in the neighborhood, you know what I'm saying. We
got pictures. You seen the moon, very nice. We've been
there several times. You know, they've already got a golf course.
Then there's Mars, a little red, a little rocky. It's
a perfect fixer upper. We got a titan out by Saturn,
very similar atmosphere to you, other than it's two undred
ninety degrees fahrenheit below zero. But we're working on space jackets.
(18:58):
We're through sucking up to you home planet. You want
to fight, bring it on, bitch, because at this moment,
I am declaring April twenty fifth the Earth Day. That's right.
Speaker 10 (19:10):
What are you gonna do about that?
Speaker 3 (19:13):
That's going to be a day to drive your half
mile per hour gallon humskalade while spraying aquanetic baby seals.
You know why, because We're not going out, baby, We're
not going out like the Dinosaur's my brother. Without us,
you're nothing but a billion year old, self sustaining, self regulating,
(19:35):
organic eden and complete harmony with itself, So fuck you.
Speaker 10 (19:41):
Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe by
searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 8 (19:47):
Watch The Daily Show week nights at eleven ten.
Speaker 10 (19:50):
Central on Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on
Paramount plus Paramount Podcasts
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