April 12, 2025 • 27 mins
Join The Daily Show in celebrating America's favorite day of the year: Tax Day!
Jon Stewart reports on the tax anger origins of the Tea Party. Resident Expert John Hodgman breaks down the benefits of tax cuts for the rich. Lewis Black reacts to a tax rebate for Americans. Ed Helms explores the benefits of offshoring to the Cayman Islands for tax purposes. Michael Kosta explains re-investing your tax breaks into yachts and Trevor Noah discusses billionaires' tax dodges. Finally, Ronny Chieng explains to Americans why their taxes are weird.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Stow Happy April fifteenth. It's tax Day, or, as Wesley
Snipes calls it, Huh what what was I supposed to? Oh? Oh,
(00:24):
I have to make a call.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Of course.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
It's a mad rush.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Everybody scrambling and get the returns done by the deadline.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
It is a mess.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I have a solution, ladies and gentlemen. Everybody is always
scrambling at the last minute on April fifteenth to get
their taxes done. So let's make tax Day the sixteenth.
That way, everybody can just relax. Problem solved unless I
have fundamentally misunderstood human nature, and I don't think I have.
(00:55):
But this year tax Day has some other kind of
big surprises in store.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Tax Tea party day today so called tea parties or
tea parties, tea party, tea parties.
Speaker 6 (01:05):
Hundreds of tea parties.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Did you hear that, mister buff Oliver? A tea party.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I hope we're invited. I'll bring my signature cucumber sandwiches.
The secret is I use rear cucumbers. It is that
kind of tea party.
Speaker 7 (01:31):
Right TA.
Speaker 8 (01:32):
In this case, tea stands for tax enough already folks
cross country organizing all these tea parties today to sort
of some volid protests of high taxes and excess government spinning.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh, protesting high taxes, Good luck selling that one. I mean,
if there's one thing I know about the American people,
they love baseball, kicking ass, and paying taxes to the
government and discreetly build hotel porn.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
So.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Four things. This is like the Boston tea Party for
people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and
a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay
taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor.
Speaker 9 (02:14):
Look, this truck right here, as you can see, has
one million tea bags. That's what a million bags of
tea looks like.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Let me get this straight to protest wasteful spending. You
bought a million tea bags? Are you protesting taxes or irony?
But clearly the tea parties are a big story. Hundreds
of tax protests all over the country, thousands of disgruntled
(02:42):
people of non color taking to the streets, and it
wouldn't be as possible without the sponsors. Like discontent, the
emotion you feel when you don't get what you want,
and tea the drink you order when they don't have
what you want, and corporate sponsorship provided by Fox News.
The news you watch news isn't what you want.
Speaker 10 (03:03):
Don't forget our big Tax Day tea party.
Speaker 8 (03:05):
I will be in Atlanta April fifteen.
Speaker 11 (03:07):
Foxnews dot Com Slash America's newsroom.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
We have an entire section devote to the growing tea
party movement.
Speaker 12 (03:13):
It's a movement that is sweeping the nation.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It is a grassroots movement.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
This is an organic, grassroots movement.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
This is a nationwide phenomenon. It's free and open to
the public.
Speaker 13 (03:23):
Nobody I'm inviting everybody right now.
Speaker 14 (03:25):
Is just get out and let your face be seen.
Should I start begging for people to come, I.
Speaker 13 (03:29):
Invite you to be a part of one of them.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
Bring your kids, experience history.
Speaker 9 (03:33):
Kids.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Don't get in that guys, man, don't do it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
So I may look to the untrained eye that a
news organization is sponsoring a grassroots partisan tax revault. It
would be a very narrow reading.
Speaker 10 (03:52):
Fox is not sponsoring any of them, but we have
been covering them.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I don't know if you understand what sponsorship means. You
may not be paying for the honor. But when you
put your network's initials in front of the words tea party,
as in FNC Tax Day tea Parties, it implies, if
not direct sponsorship, a certain amount of ownership. For instance,
Toast deto'st Fiesta Bowl, or the Buick Invitational, or Larry
(04:21):
Flint's Hustler Club. By the way, Great Neighbors one block
down to the right. This afternoon, President Bush shined into
law the extension of his tax cut package, a seventy
billion dollar give back, despite a deficit that stands around
(04:41):
three hundred trillion dollars. Here to provide some insight is
our resident expert John Hodgman, John, thank you so much.
I guess the issue is a lot of people are upset,
not so much of the tax cut, but who the
tax cut appears to be aimed at.
Speaker 13 (04:58):
Well, it's true that the the reductions in capital gains
and dividend taxes tend to favor those people who already
have money to invest. You can see here how the
money will be apportioned. If this pie chart represents the
seventy billion in tax cuts, then the majority of that
will go to people making over two hundred thousand dollars
a year, or as the government refers to them, citizens,
(05:20):
But most working Americans fall at the other end of
the income spectrum. So your audience, for example, college students, bloggers, panhandlers, deadbeats,
that sort of thing. We'll call them the morlocks. They
will receive less of the pie, which is fine as
the morlocks are loaths of underground dwellers. We eat human
flesh and don't really like pie.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
The way you explained the tax cuts, it really doesn't
seem very fair.
Speaker 13 (05:48):
Well, fairness isn't the point. They don't call economics the
dismal science because it's fair.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Well, I suppose not.
Speaker 13 (05:55):
No, no, they call it that after Sir Eustace Dismal,
the eighteenth century English economists who proposed making smoke stacks
out of children.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I actually I never know.
Speaker 13 (06:15):
Yeah, it was a very interesting proposal, but ultimately flawed.
I mean, if you make the smoke stacks out of children,
who are you forced to clean them? It's referred to
as Dismal's paradox.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
John, what is the economic What is the economic justification
for extending the tax cuts?
Speaker 13 (06:35):
Well, the idea is that tax cuts stimulate the overall
economy by encouraging investment at the top and creating thus
jobs at every level of society, be they Butler's diamond
tip cane polishers, or monocle Smith's.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It may be true in theory, but it does seem
in recent years at the gap between rich and.
Speaker 13 (06:57):
Poor, between the citizens and more lfe.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The gap between citizens and morlocks has widened under these programs.
Speaker 13 (07:06):
Yes, if you define rich and poor in traditional ways,
this administration wants Americans to understand that wealth is not
the only measure of riches. Look at Dick Cheney. Financially,
he's obscenely wealthy, but he's clearly unhappy. I wouldn't be
surprised if he's visited by no less than three ghosts
a night.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Who I know, I.
Speaker 10 (07:28):
Know the you're saying that he could be visited by
more than three ghosts, Well, you know, a ghost of
Christmas pass present future, plu perfect, ghost of Christmas subjunctive.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Now, no, those are not ghosts. I believe those are tenses.
Speaker 13 (07:45):
Whatever my point is. Rather than wasting time bemoaning these
tax cuts, John Q used to be middle class and
now eat salt and pepper sandwiches should rejoice. He'll never
have the problems of say, a wealthy man who sits
embittered and henpecked trapped in a deluxe apartment in the sky. Rather,
the average American can now enjoy the far richer life,
(08:07):
yet led by a carefree young man surrounded by a
loving religious family, with lots of leisure time to pursue
his painting.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Good times, John, for your examples, you've actually cited fictional characters,
and in fact the people who play them are quite wealthy.
Speaker 13 (08:25):
Not Jimmy JJ Walker.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't know. I don't think so, all right, John Hodgman, everybody,
I'll be.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Right back off of this.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Wait a news story bou for the cracks.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back
in Black.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Whether you say our economies in a recession or a slowdown,
or a war on money, one thing's for sure, the
American people are literally losing the shirts off their back.
Speaker 4 (09:01):
Just look at this.
Speaker 8 (09:01):
Poor young orphan.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
At least I.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
At least I assume she's an orphan. What kind of
parents would let that happen? Fortunately, the President is ready
to bail us out with an economic stimulus package.
Speaker 15 (09:17):
There's two aspects of that package. I want to spend
some time talking about. One of them is is that
you're gonna get some money.
Speaker 8 (09:25):
Finally, a waste of the taxpayer's money I can get behind.
But I'm sorry you said there were two aspects to
the package.
Speaker 15 (09:33):
Secondly, we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged
to be consumers. Thirdly, it turns out that this money
is going to be very helpful. And fourthly, and it's
big enough.
Speaker 8 (09:46):
Fourthly, Fourthly, who wouldn't trust an economic plan from that guy?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
So how does it work? Well?
Speaker 8 (09:59):
Right now, the IRS sending out rebate checks of six
hundred dollars per person and twelve hundred dollars per couple.
But that's not all.
Speaker 16 (10:07):
If you got a kid, you can get up to
three hundred dollars per child.
Speaker 8 (10:11):
Three hundred dollars per child. I can get twice that
on the black market. Naturally, the administration thinks the rebate
is the best things in slice taxes. And I hope
you're pleased that, rather than dreaming up some new programs,
your government has decided to give you money.
Speaker 17 (10:31):
Give you cash, you can decide how best to use it.
Speaker 8 (10:35):
Finally, I get to use my tax money the way
I want to I wonder who I can invade for
six hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
But how are.
Speaker 8 (10:46):
John and Jane Q Public gonna spend their windfall?
Speaker 13 (10:50):
I'll use it to pay bills. What I don't use
to pay a bill? Or probably I just put in
the bank and say.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
You're gonna pay your bills. Maybe I believe you more
if you weren't standing in a Best Buy unless your
bank is inside one of those iPod docking stations. At
least he wasn't standing in a fireworks and porn store.
That's where I'd be. But there's also a dark side
(11:18):
to the stimulus package.
Speaker 18 (11:19):
Con Men are impersonating the IRS, pretending to give you
your tax refund or one of those rebate checks mean
to kickstart the economy.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
The scam email short look legit, grabbing your attention with
headers like IRS notification Please read this and to collect
your money, all you have to do is just click here.
Speaker 8 (11:38):
Maybe I can help, don't click there. At the end
of the day, this stimulus plan is about Americans buying
crap to save in his economy destroyed by America's love
of buying crap. Will it work? Well, I've got six
hundred lottery ticket that say, I don't.
Speaker 19 (12:01):
Care John, who is a little about.
Speaker 20 (12:14):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
A week before Earth Day was, of course, Tax Day,
April fifteenth. As the economy continues to ride a wave
of instability, many are looking for new and innovative ways
to cheat, I'm sorry, save on their taxes. Our own
Ed Helms investigates one very interesting option.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
For most Americans. Paying taxes costs money, but it doesn't
have to. Quick reading of the US tax code will
tell you need to hire an accounting firm. And what
they'll tell you is what they've told thousands of American corporations.
Taxes are for douchebags.
Speaker 21 (12:51):
That's why smart companies have moved offshore where they don't
have to pay taxes. You may be saying, but I
live in America, Well that doesn't mean your money has.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
To come on. There's no better place to turn to
your income and offshore right here in the beautiful Cayman Islands.
(13:27):
It's a tropical tax haven. Sheltering your money here couldn't
be easier. After choosing which SBF to use, the next
stuffest decision is which of the Caymans six hundred banks
to go with? See if you can figure out why
I chose this one. Well, helloo, how hard would it
(13:53):
be for me to move my company offshore?
Speaker 16 (13:55):
There are a lot of legality things that you do
have to go through, right, of.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Course, there are laws.
Speaker 16 (14:00):
There are no laws. There are legitimate laws. We have
stringent legislation. People can't just bring their money here in
suitcases anymore.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Right, But apparently that explanation isn't good enough for tax
lovers like CPA John Lieberman.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
According to the US Treasury, billions upon billions of dollars
are lost by the use of these offshore tax havens
by US corporations.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
These corporations are just trying to maximize profits.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, there's a difference between maximizing profits and not paying taxes.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
God, that's good.
Speaker 21 (14:38):
Excuse her, No, I mean what you just said was
really good.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
At the end of the day, all they're doing is
moving paper around.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
It's legal.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
No, it's not legal. The registration and the incorporation.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Did you get me a receipt for that, Pina Colada?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
No, sorry, what the registration and the reen corporation is,
but the actual interpretation. Most people do not follow the
real regulations.
Speaker 16 (15:11):
The regulations in the came rounds of financial regulations are
very stringent.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Gee, who should I listen to?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That's better?
Speaker 14 (15:21):
Oh yeah, there we go a little more.
Speaker 16 (15:25):
Yeah, you just can't drop money in for no reason
without us asking lots of questions. We have to do
our due diligence on you.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
You can do your due diligence on me anytime. But
how do over thirty thousand corporations manage to squeeze onto
such a small island. One visit to Tycho's headquarters showed
us the answer is smart use of space.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Mister Charon, Hello, mister Charon, Thank you. A few questions?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Is this a value pop? Despite all the advantages of
setting up shop here, some people just don't get it.
What's the BfV If a corporation wants to put its
headquarters in the Cayman Island?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
What I really believe is that if you're going to
do this, then you can end up in Hawaii and
just being just as nice location.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Why why is for losers who like taking it up
the irs?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I've oh God, as I said, by not having the corporation.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Say that again, you cut out John, they are not
John get a really bad reception.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Could you speak up please?
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I can't hear you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I can hear you now, can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Damn Maxim, that's some kind of loud homing guys.
Speaker 14 (17:06):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I just can't near you in I'm sorry, buddy, you're
breaking out. They're breaking out.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Of course, life in the Caymans isn't all business.
Speaker 16 (17:16):
At about seven o'clock, the shoes are off, the jackets off,
and we know how to have fun.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That's a relief, because if I had to do any
more banking, I'd have to put my balls on ice.
Speaker 9 (17:31):
At helms Well, we're all about.
Speaker 20 (17:37):
From one.
Speaker 17 (17:38):
On the proposed tax cuts, we turned to a man
who's watched Wolf of Wall Street three times, Michael Costa.
Speaker 22 (17:42):
Everybody, bonjour, trev that's rich for hello, okay A Costa.
Speaker 17 (17:56):
Hopefully you can explain. Trump already gave wealthy people a
huge text cut lost here, why give them another one?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Cool it with the.
Speaker 9 (18:02):
Class warfare, Cassio Cortez. Okay, it just so happens that
anyone can take advantage of these tax cuts. For example,
let's say you made a cool mill last year off
a ten million dollar hedge fund investment. Now you can
reindex that baseline two percent to account for inflation, which
means you just got an extra thirty k I mean
that'll cover my penis reduction surgery?
Speaker 22 (18:23):
Am I right?
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Trevor.
Speaker 9 (18:26):
I could even loan you a couple of inches.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 9 (18:28):
I know you got a hog.
Speaker 14 (18:35):
Custom.
Speaker 17 (18:37):
Most people don't have ten million dollars. We're talking about
the middle.
Speaker 9 (18:41):
Class middle class.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
That's fine.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
Let's say you're a middle class yacht owner like thirty
five feet Max. Couldn't land a helicopter on that thing.
You can just use these cuts as a tax shelter.
Borrow five hundred thousand to invest in your buddy dinos
revenge porn business. Then you can deduct that interest and
only pay tax on the inflation adjusted gains.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Trevor, I say chat, You say chin chow chop.
Speaker 22 (19:06):
Do you want to say chap costa?
Speaker 17 (19:08):
I feel like there's no way you actually understand what
you just said.
Speaker 9 (19:12):
Of course I don't, Trevor.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
That's why I have a broker. He'll clear this up.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Hey, Chandler, what's up, you bitch? Yeah, I'm trying to
I'm trying to explain moneys to my boss. How does
this tax thing work?
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Again? What?
Speaker 8 (19:24):
Right?
Speaker 23 (19:25):
Now?
Speaker 9 (19:25):
You are right? Go go, I'll see it, Polo. I
got his voicemail.
Speaker 17 (19:33):
Costa, why do you have a broker man? I know
for a fact that you're.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Not rich, not yet?
Speaker 9 (19:37):
But Donald Trump promised Americans that we're all gonna be rich,
and he's never lied before. So call me poor, Trevor.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Don't call me poor Trevor, call.
Speaker 14 (19:45):
Me pre rich.
Speaker 17 (19:46):
So okay, wait, wait then how much is your net
worth right now?
Speaker 9 (19:51):
How much is an iPhone worth?
Speaker 17 (19:52):
About nine hundred dollars?
Speaker 9 (19:54):
Well, then I'm worth nine hundred dollars, baby, Michael.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Cost everyone w.
Speaker 14 (20:08):
If you hate paying taxes, first of all, congratulations on
being basic and also congratulations on being a billionaire.
Speaker 18 (20:17):
A bombshell report by Pro Publica reveals just how little
the wealthiest Americans have been paying in taxes. ProPublica obtained
more than fifteen years of never before seen irs information
about the twenty five richest Americans and found that sometimes
they paid little or no federal income taxes.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
In twenty eighteen, for example, pro Publica found Elon Musk
paid no federal income tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in
two thousand and seven or twenty eleven, the same year
he claimed a four thousand dollars Chrild tax credit, and
renowned investor Warren Buffett avoided the most tax of any
of the billionaire's Pro publica looked at, according to the report.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
As shocking as it is. Nothing that they did is illegal.
Everything that they did is in keeping with their tax code.
And the basic reason is we tax income not well.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate,
or companies, so they don't have to pay taxes until
they sell, and they can offset their income in other
ways too, meaning it's legal to be worth a lot
and pay a little.
Speaker 20 (21:21):
Oh wait, it's good to be a billionaire. I mean,
imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who
make you look poor. Think about it. Jeff Bezos is
so good at hiding his wealth that he qualified for
a child tax credit. This dude built his own rocket
(21:41):
to take him to space, and the US government is like, hey, brother,
here's something for the kids until you can get back
on your feet. Hard times Jeff, And.
Speaker 14 (21:51):
Yeah, this is something that everyone already suspected, but it's
still shocking to see proof right in front of you.
Speaker 20 (21:58):
It's the difference between knowing.
Speaker 23 (22:00):
How hot dogs are made and watching them put the
puppies in the machines. Oh that's crazy, Well then what
was I eating? And the thing is much like wearing
cargo shorts to the Pride Parade. These tax loopholes are
both messed up and completely legal. So if you want
to change the system, then you need to take action
and write to your congress person. Then your congress person
(22:22):
can hold your letter in one hand and the campaign
check from the billionaire in the other hand and decide
which one they want to wipe their ass with.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
I love America.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
It's the only country where you can get a burger
and a life or suction at the same drive through.
But as someone who's also lived all around the world,
I feel a responsibility to let America know that a
lot of the things it does are super weird to
the rest of us. And one of those things is
how America does money. It's tax season, which right off
(23:06):
the bat is a signed that something is wrong. Okay,
because taxes shouldn't have a whole season. Seasons are supposed
to be for exciting stuff like baseball season, or wedding
season or season two of Bridgeston. I can't wait to
see which British person is jeesusing on who this time?
But America decided that filing taxes should be as quick
and painless as getting a root canal at the DMB.
(23:29):
I mean, you got your ten ninety nine, you got
your Form ten forties, you got your schedule seas, you
got your R two D twos, you got your Blink
one eighty twos. You spend days trying to figure out
what you owe the government, and then the government tells
you if you're right, because apparently they knew the whole
freaking time. It's like the world's most pointless game show,
aside from the price is right obviously, because nobody should
(23:52):
get a new car for knowing how much catch up costs. Look,
I hate to break it to you, guys, but in
a lot of other countries, the government does all that
filing for you.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yeah, they do the.
Speaker 7 (24:03):
Math, they send you a statement, and if it looks good,
you click okay, and then you're done.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
It's so easy a baby could do it.
Speaker 7 (24:10):
But they don't have to because they're lazy freeloaders who
don't pay taxes.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
It's not just your income taxes. All taxes in America
are weird.
Speaker 7 (24:18):
In a lot of other countries, you see a price
on something and that's how much it costs, because that's
the whole point of a goddamn price.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
But no, not in America.
Speaker 7 (24:28):
When you pay for something in America, they hit you
with the surprise sales tax. They're basically cap fishing you.
I know that six hundred dollar TV looks good, but
it's lying. It's six fifty and it has a secret family.
But don't get me wrong. Taxes are filed from America's
only insane money issue. Okay, I know you guys are
used to it, but I need you to realize that
(24:49):
the way you tip in this country is not normal
everywhere else. A tip is a show of appreciation, not
a GoFundMe for someone who doesn't earn a living wage.
A waiter's ability to pay rents shouldn't depend on how
generous Becky feels after three martinis. And the real issue
is how arbitrary you're tipping. Is you tip the guy
who delivers your food, but not the guy who delivers
(25:10):
your packages. And you tip the person who made your
coffee but not the person who made your big mac.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
And don't even get me started on tip jaws.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
Okay, you don't have to put money in, but if
you do, you gotta make a big show of it.
I like to shoot my cash into the job like
a basketball or shouting. He tips, he scores. If you
bank it off the cashier, they usually notice. But as
weird as taxes and tipping are in America, let's not
forget about the actual money itself, because American physical currency sucks.
(25:41):
I don't know if you know this, but in other countries,
every denomination is a different size because it makes it
easier to tell them apart, especially if you're blind. But
apparently blind people don't need to use money in America
because look at this shit, sim exact size all of it.
You gotta look over each individual, build a figure out
which slave owner the handover. And while we're talking about
(26:03):
your strange money, who decided a pyramid? If a freaking
eye was a normal thing to put on the dollar,
hey rule a thumb, America. If Nick Cage can make
a movie about your money, you're doing it wrong. Not
to mention the pennies, like why do these still exist
when everyone's just trying to get rid of them? Even
convenience stores have that take a penny, leave a penny dish.
It's like an animal shelter for unwanted money. Did you
(26:26):
know that America actually loses money making pennies. If you're
gonna have a hobby that loses you money, get a
gambling addiction like a normal person. Okay, listen, Your whole
financial system is stupid and I hate it all right,
the money, the tipping, the taxes. That's why I found
a way to avoid dealing with it all together, all right.
(26:47):
The secret is they can't tax you if they don't
know you have it.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Oh, listen, so much easier robbing a bank in.
Speaker 11 (26:58):
Your Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe
by searching The Daily Show wherever you get your podcasts.
Watch The Daily Show weeknights at eleven ten Central on
Comedy Central, and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Paramount Podcasts
You're listening to Comedy Central.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Stow Happy April fifteenth. It's tax Day, or, as Wesley
Snipes calls it, Huh what what was I supposed to? Oh? Oh,
(00:24):
I have to make a call.
Speaker 3 (00:26):
Of course.
Speaker 4 (00:26):
It's a mad rush.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Everybody scrambling and get the returns done by the deadline.
Speaker 4 (00:30):
It is a mess.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
I have a solution, ladies and gentlemen. Everybody is always
scrambling at the last minute on April fifteenth to get
their taxes done. So let's make tax Day the sixteenth.
That way, everybody can just relax. Problem solved unless I
have fundamentally misunderstood human nature, and I don't think I have.
(00:55):
But this year tax Day has some other kind of
big surprises in store.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Tax Tea party day today so called tea parties or
tea parties, tea party, tea parties.
Speaker 6 (01:05):
Hundreds of tea parties.
Speaker 4 (01:06):
Did you hear that, mister buff Oliver? A tea party.
Speaker 2 (01:14):
I hope we're invited. I'll bring my signature cucumber sandwiches.
The secret is I use rear cucumbers. It is that
kind of tea party.
Speaker 7 (01:31):
Right TA.
Speaker 8 (01:32):
In this case, tea stands for tax enough already folks
cross country organizing all these tea parties today to sort
of some volid protests of high taxes and excess government spinning.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Oh, protesting high taxes, Good luck selling that one. I mean,
if there's one thing I know about the American people,
they love baseball, kicking ass, and paying taxes to the
government and discreetly build hotel porn.
Speaker 5 (01:59):
So.
Speaker 2 (02:02):
Four things. This is like the Boston tea Party for
people that decided, let's say, I don't know, two and
a half months ago, that they didn't want to pay
taxes anymore. The tea part is just a metaphor.
Speaker 9 (02:14):
Look, this truck right here, as you can see, has
one million tea bags. That's what a million bags of
tea looks like.
Speaker 2 (02:22):
Let me get this straight to protest wasteful spending. You
bought a million tea bags? Are you protesting taxes or irony?
But clearly the tea parties are a big story. Hundreds
of tax protests all over the country, thousands of disgruntled
(02:42):
people of non color taking to the streets, and it
wouldn't be as possible without the sponsors. Like discontent, the
emotion you feel when you don't get what you want,
and tea the drink you order when they don't have
what you want, and corporate sponsorship provided by Fox News.
The news you watch news isn't what you want.
Speaker 10 (03:03):
Don't forget our big Tax Day tea party.
Speaker 8 (03:05):
I will be in Atlanta April fifteen.
Speaker 11 (03:07):
Foxnews dot Com Slash America's newsroom.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
We have an entire section devote to the growing tea
party movement.
Speaker 12 (03:13):
It's a movement that is sweeping the nation.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
It is a grassroots movement.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
This is an organic, grassroots movement.
Speaker 4 (03:20):
This is a nationwide phenomenon. It's free and open to
the public.
Speaker 13 (03:23):
Nobody I'm inviting everybody right now.
Speaker 14 (03:25):
Is just get out and let your face be seen.
Should I start begging for people to come, I.
Speaker 13 (03:29):
Invite you to be a part of one of them.
Speaker 5 (03:31):
Bring your kids, experience history.
Speaker 9 (03:33):
Kids.
Speaker 4 (03:34):
Don't get in that guys, man, don't do it.
Speaker 2 (03:42):
So I may look to the untrained eye that a
news organization is sponsoring a grassroots partisan tax revault. It
would be a very narrow reading.
Speaker 10 (03:52):
Fox is not sponsoring any of them, but we have
been covering them.
Speaker 2 (03:57):
I don't know if you understand what sponsorship means. You
may not be paying for the honor. But when you
put your network's initials in front of the words tea party,
as in FNC Tax Day tea Parties, it implies, if
not direct sponsorship, a certain amount of ownership. For instance,
Toast deto'st Fiesta Bowl, or the Buick Invitational, or Larry
(04:21):
Flint's Hustler Club. By the way, Great Neighbors one block
down to the right. This afternoon, President Bush shined into
law the extension of his tax cut package, a seventy
billion dollar give back, despite a deficit that stands around
(04:41):
three hundred trillion dollars. Here to provide some insight is
our resident expert John Hodgman, John, thank you so much.
I guess the issue is a lot of people are upset,
not so much of the tax cut, but who the
tax cut appears to be aimed at.
Speaker 13 (04:58):
Well, it's true that the the reductions in capital gains
and dividend taxes tend to favor those people who already
have money to invest. You can see here how the
money will be apportioned. If this pie chart represents the
seventy billion in tax cuts, then the majority of that
will go to people making over two hundred thousand dollars
a year, or as the government refers to them, citizens,
(05:20):
But most working Americans fall at the other end of
the income spectrum. So your audience, for example, college students, bloggers, panhandlers, deadbeats,
that sort of thing. We'll call them the morlocks. They
will receive less of the pie, which is fine as
the morlocks are loaths of underground dwellers. We eat human
flesh and don't really like pie.
Speaker 2 (05:44):
The way you explained the tax cuts, it really doesn't
seem very fair.
Speaker 13 (05:48):
Well, fairness isn't the point. They don't call economics the
dismal science because it's fair.
Speaker 2 (05:54):
Well, I suppose not.
Speaker 13 (05:55):
No, no, they call it that after Sir Eustace Dismal,
the eighteenth century English economists who proposed making smoke stacks
out of children.
Speaker 4 (06:11):
I actually I never know.
Speaker 13 (06:15):
Yeah, it was a very interesting proposal, but ultimately flawed.
I mean, if you make the smoke stacks out of children,
who are you forced to clean them? It's referred to
as Dismal's paradox.
Speaker 2 (06:30):
John, what is the economic What is the economic justification
for extending the tax cuts?
Speaker 13 (06:35):
Well, the idea is that tax cuts stimulate the overall
economy by encouraging investment at the top and creating thus
jobs at every level of society, be they Butler's diamond
tip cane polishers, or monocle Smith's.
Speaker 2 (06:51):
It may be true in theory, but it does seem
in recent years at the gap between rich and.
Speaker 13 (06:57):
Poor, between the citizens and more lfe.
Speaker 2 (07:02):
The gap between citizens and morlocks has widened under these programs.
Speaker 13 (07:06):
Yes, if you define rich and poor in traditional ways,
this administration wants Americans to understand that wealth is not
the only measure of riches. Look at Dick Cheney. Financially,
he's obscenely wealthy, but he's clearly unhappy. I wouldn't be
surprised if he's visited by no less than three ghosts
a night.
Speaker 1 (07:25):
Who I know, I.
Speaker 10 (07:28):
Know the you're saying that he could be visited by
more than three ghosts, Well, you know, a ghost of
Christmas pass present future, plu perfect, ghost of Christmas subjunctive.
Speaker 2 (07:40):
Now, no, those are not ghosts. I believe those are tenses.
Speaker 13 (07:45):
Whatever my point is. Rather than wasting time bemoaning these
tax cuts, John Q used to be middle class and
now eat salt and pepper sandwiches should rejoice. He'll never
have the problems of say, a wealthy man who sits
embittered and henpecked trapped in a deluxe apartment in the sky. Rather,
the average American can now enjoy the far richer life,
(08:07):
yet led by a carefree young man surrounded by a
loving religious family, with lots of leisure time to pursue
his painting.
Speaker 2 (08:15):
Good times, John, for your examples, you've actually cited fictional characters,
and in fact the people who play them are quite wealthy.
Speaker 13 (08:25):
Not Jimmy JJ Walker.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
I don't know. I don't think so, all right, John Hodgman, everybody,
I'll be.
Speaker 6 (08:30):
Right back off of this.
Speaker 4 (08:36):
Wait a news story bou for the cracks.
Speaker 2 (08:38):
Lewis Black catches it for a segment we call back
in Black.
Speaker 8 (08:49):
Whether you say our economies in a recession or a slowdown,
or a war on money, one thing's for sure, the
American people are literally losing the shirts off their back.
Speaker 4 (09:01):
Just look at this.
Speaker 8 (09:01):
Poor young orphan.
Speaker 4 (09:04):
At least I.
Speaker 8 (09:06):
At least I assume she's an orphan. What kind of
parents would let that happen? Fortunately, the President is ready
to bail us out with an economic stimulus package.
Speaker 15 (09:17):
There's two aspects of that package. I want to spend
some time talking about. One of them is is that
you're gonna get some money.
Speaker 8 (09:25):
Finally, a waste of the taxpayer's money I can get behind.
But I'm sorry you said there were two aspects to
the package.
Speaker 15 (09:33):
Secondly, we wanted to make sure that people were encouraged
to be consumers. Thirdly, it turns out that this money
is going to be very helpful. And fourthly, and it's
big enough.
Speaker 8 (09:46):
Fourthly, Fourthly, who wouldn't trust an economic plan from that guy?
Speaker 4 (09:57):
So how does it work? Well?
Speaker 8 (09:59):
Right now, the IRS sending out rebate checks of six
hundred dollars per person and twelve hundred dollars per couple.
But that's not all.
Speaker 16 (10:07):
If you got a kid, you can get up to
three hundred dollars per child.
Speaker 8 (10:11):
Three hundred dollars per child. I can get twice that
on the black market. Naturally, the administration thinks the rebate
is the best things in slice taxes. And I hope
you're pleased that, rather than dreaming up some new programs,
your government has decided to give you money.
Speaker 17 (10:31):
Give you cash, you can decide how best to use it.
Speaker 8 (10:35):
Finally, I get to use my tax money the way
I want to I wonder who I can invade for
six hundred dollars.
Speaker 4 (10:45):
But how are.
Speaker 8 (10:46):
John and Jane Q Public gonna spend their windfall?
Speaker 13 (10:50):
I'll use it to pay bills. What I don't use
to pay a bill? Or probably I just put in
the bank and say.
Speaker 8 (10:57):
You're gonna pay your bills. Maybe I believe you more
if you weren't standing in a Best Buy unless your
bank is inside one of those iPod docking stations. At
least he wasn't standing in a fireworks and porn store.
That's where I'd be. But there's also a dark side
(11:18):
to the stimulus package.
Speaker 18 (11:19):
Con Men are impersonating the IRS, pretending to give you
your tax refund or one of those rebate checks mean
to kickstart the economy.
Speaker 12 (11:26):
The scam email short look legit, grabbing your attention with
headers like IRS notification Please read this and to collect
your money, all you have to do is just click here.
Speaker 8 (11:38):
Maybe I can help, don't click there. At the end
of the day, this stimulus plan is about Americans buying
crap to save in his economy destroyed by America's love
of buying crap. Will it work? Well, I've got six
hundred lottery ticket that say, I don't.
Speaker 19 (12:01):
Care John, who is a little about.
Speaker 20 (12:14):
Now?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
A week before Earth Day was, of course, Tax Day,
April fifteenth. As the economy continues to ride a wave
of instability, many are looking for new and innovative ways
to cheat, I'm sorry, save on their taxes. Our own
Ed Helms investigates one very interesting option.
Speaker 3 (12:33):
For most Americans. Paying taxes costs money, but it doesn't
have to. Quick reading of the US tax code will
tell you need to hire an accounting firm. And what
they'll tell you is what they've told thousands of American corporations.
Taxes are for douchebags.
Speaker 21 (12:51):
That's why smart companies have moved offshore where they don't
have to pay taxes. You may be saying, but I
live in America, Well that doesn't mean your money has.
Speaker 3 (13:03):
To come on. There's no better place to turn to
your income and offshore right here in the beautiful Cayman Islands.
(13:27):
It's a tropical tax haven. Sheltering your money here couldn't
be easier. After choosing which SBF to use, the next
stuffest decision is which of the Caymans six hundred banks
to go with? See if you can figure out why
I chose this one. Well, helloo, how hard would it
(13:53):
be for me to move my company offshore?
Speaker 16 (13:55):
There are a lot of legality things that you do
have to go through, right, of.
Speaker 3 (13:58):
Course, there are laws.
Speaker 16 (14:00):
There are no laws. There are legitimate laws. We have
stringent legislation. People can't just bring their money here in
suitcases anymore.
Speaker 3 (14:11):
Right, But apparently that explanation isn't good enough for tax
lovers like CPA John Lieberman.
Speaker 1 (14:20):
According to the US Treasury, billions upon billions of dollars
are lost by the use of these offshore tax havens
by US corporations.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
These corporations are just trying to maximize profits.
Speaker 1 (14:32):
Well, there's a difference between maximizing profits and not paying taxes.
Speaker 3 (14:36):
God, that's good.
Speaker 21 (14:38):
Excuse her, No, I mean what you just said was
really good.
Speaker 1 (14:43):
At the end of the day, all they're doing is
moving paper around.
Speaker 4 (14:47):
It's legal.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
No, it's not legal. The registration and the incorporation.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
Did you get me a receipt for that, Pina Colada?
Speaker 1 (14:56):
No, sorry, what the registration and the reen corporation is,
but the actual interpretation. Most people do not follow the
real regulations.
Speaker 16 (15:11):
The regulations in the came rounds of financial regulations are
very stringent.
Speaker 4 (15:17):
Gee, who should I listen to?
Speaker 3 (15:20):
That's better?
Speaker 14 (15:21):
Oh yeah, there we go a little more.
Speaker 16 (15:25):
Yeah, you just can't drop money in for no reason
without us asking lots of questions. We have to do
our due diligence on you.
Speaker 3 (15:32):
You can do your due diligence on me anytime. But
how do over thirty thousand corporations manage to squeeze onto
such a small island. One visit to Tycho's headquarters showed
us the answer is smart use of space.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
Mister Charon, Hello, mister Charon, Thank you. A few questions?
Speaker 3 (16:03):
Is this a value pop? Despite all the advantages of
setting up shop here, some people just don't get it.
What's the BfV If a corporation wants to put its
headquarters in the Cayman Island?
Speaker 1 (16:16):
What I really believe is that if you're going to
do this, then you can end up in Hawaii and
just being just as nice location.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
Why why is for losers who like taking it up
the irs?
Speaker 1 (16:30):
I've oh God, as I said, by not having the corporation.
Speaker 3 (16:42):
Say that again, you cut out John, they are not
John get a really bad reception.
Speaker 1 (16:53):
Could you speak up please?
Speaker 3 (16:55):
I can't hear you.
Speaker 1 (16:56):
I can hear you now, can you hear me?
Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yes?
Speaker 1 (17:00):
Damn Maxim, that's some kind of loud homing guys.
Speaker 14 (17:06):
I can't.
Speaker 4 (17:06):
I just can't near you in I'm sorry, buddy, you're
breaking out. They're breaking out.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Of course, life in the Caymans isn't all business.
Speaker 16 (17:16):
At about seven o'clock, the shoes are off, the jackets off,
and we know how to have fun.
Speaker 3 (17:23):
That's a relief, because if I had to do any
more banking, I'd have to put my balls on ice.
Speaker 9 (17:31):
At helms Well, we're all about.
Speaker 20 (17:37):
From one.
Speaker 17 (17:38):
On the proposed tax cuts, we turned to a man
who's watched Wolf of Wall Street three times, Michael Costa.
Speaker 22 (17:42):
Everybody, bonjour, trev that's rich for hello, okay A Costa.
Speaker 17 (17:56):
Hopefully you can explain. Trump already gave wealthy people a
huge text cut lost here, why give them another one?
Speaker 4 (18:02):
Cool it with the.
Speaker 9 (18:02):
Class warfare, Cassio Cortez. Okay, it just so happens that
anyone can take advantage of these tax cuts. For example,
let's say you made a cool mill last year off
a ten million dollar hedge fund investment. Now you can
reindex that baseline two percent to account for inflation, which
means you just got an extra thirty k I mean
that'll cover my penis reduction surgery?
Speaker 22 (18:23):
Am I right?
Speaker 4 (18:24):
Trevor.
Speaker 9 (18:26):
I could even loan you a couple of inches.
Speaker 4 (18:27):
I'm just kidding.
Speaker 9 (18:28):
I know you got a hog.
Speaker 14 (18:35):
Custom.
Speaker 17 (18:37):
Most people don't have ten million dollars. We're talking about
the middle.
Speaker 9 (18:41):
Class middle class.
Speaker 4 (18:42):
That's fine.
Speaker 9 (18:43):
Let's say you're a middle class yacht owner like thirty
five feet Max. Couldn't land a helicopter on that thing.
You can just use these cuts as a tax shelter.
Borrow five hundred thousand to invest in your buddy dinos
revenge porn business. Then you can deduct that interest and
only pay tax on the inflation adjusted gains.
Speaker 4 (19:01):
Trevor, I say chat, You say chin chow chop.
Speaker 22 (19:06):
Do you want to say chap costa?
Speaker 17 (19:08):
I feel like there's no way you actually understand what
you just said.
Speaker 9 (19:12):
Of course I don't, Trevor.
Speaker 4 (19:13):
That's why I have a broker. He'll clear this up.
Speaker 9 (19:17):
Hey, Chandler, what's up, you bitch? Yeah, I'm trying to
I'm trying to explain moneys to my boss. How does
this tax thing work?
Speaker 4 (19:24):
Again? What?
Speaker 8 (19:24):
Right?
Speaker 23 (19:25):
Now?
Speaker 9 (19:25):
You are right? Go go, I'll see it, Polo. I
got his voicemail.
Speaker 17 (19:33):
Costa, why do you have a broker man? I know
for a fact that you're.
Speaker 4 (19:35):
Not rich, not yet?
Speaker 9 (19:37):
But Donald Trump promised Americans that we're all gonna be rich,
and he's never lied before. So call me poor, Trevor.
Speaker 4 (19:43):
Don't call me poor Trevor, call.
Speaker 14 (19:45):
Me pre rich.
Speaker 17 (19:46):
So okay, wait, wait then how much is your net
worth right now?
Speaker 9 (19:51):
How much is an iPhone worth?
Speaker 17 (19:52):
About nine hundred dollars?
Speaker 9 (19:54):
Well, then I'm worth nine hundred dollars, baby, Michael.
Speaker 4 (19:58):
Cost everyone w.
Speaker 14 (20:08):
If you hate paying taxes, first of all, congratulations on
being basic and also congratulations on being a billionaire.
Speaker 18 (20:17):
A bombshell report by Pro Publica reveals just how little
the wealthiest Americans have been paying in taxes. ProPublica obtained
more than fifteen years of never before seen irs information
about the twenty five richest Americans and found that sometimes
they paid little or no federal income taxes.
Speaker 6 (20:34):
In twenty eighteen, for example, pro Publica found Elon Musk
paid no federal income tax. Neither did Jeff Bezos in
two thousand and seven or twenty eleven, the same year
he claimed a four thousand dollars Chrild tax credit, and
renowned investor Warren Buffett avoided the most tax of any
of the billionaire's Pro publica looked at, according to the report.
Speaker 5 (20:55):
As shocking as it is. Nothing that they did is illegal.
Everything that they did is in keeping with their tax code.
And the basic reason is we tax income not well.
Speaker 6 (21:06):
Rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate,
or companies, so they don't have to pay taxes until
they sell, and they can offset their income in other
ways too, meaning it's legal to be worth a lot
and pay a little.
Speaker 20 (21:21):
Oh wait, it's good to be a billionaire. I mean,
imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who
make you look poor. Think about it. Jeff Bezos is
so good at hiding his wealth that he qualified for
a child tax credit. This dude built his own rocket
(21:41):
to take him to space, and the US government is like, hey, brother,
here's something for the kids until you can get back
on your feet. Hard times Jeff, And.
Speaker 14 (21:51):
Yeah, this is something that everyone already suspected, but it's
still shocking to see proof right in front of you.
Speaker 20 (21:58):
It's the difference between knowing.
Speaker 23 (22:00):
How hot dogs are made and watching them put the
puppies in the machines. Oh that's crazy, Well then what
was I eating? And the thing is much like wearing
cargo shorts to the Pride Parade. These tax loopholes are
both messed up and completely legal. So if you want
to change the system, then you need to take action
and write to your congress person. Then your congress person
(22:22):
can hold your letter in one hand and the campaign
check from the billionaire in the other hand and decide
which one they want to wipe their ass with.
Speaker 4 (22:44):
I love America.
Speaker 7 (22:45):
It's the only country where you can get a burger
and a life or suction at the same drive through.
But as someone who's also lived all around the world,
I feel a responsibility to let America know that a
lot of the things it does are super weird to
the rest of us. And one of those things is
how America does money. It's tax season, which right off
(23:06):
the bat is a signed that something is wrong. Okay,
because taxes shouldn't have a whole season. Seasons are supposed
to be for exciting stuff like baseball season, or wedding
season or season two of Bridgeston. I can't wait to
see which British person is jeesusing on who this time?
But America decided that filing taxes should be as quick
and painless as getting a root canal at the DMB.
(23:29):
I mean, you got your ten ninety nine, you got
your Form ten forties, you got your schedule seas, you
got your R two D twos, you got your Blink
one eighty twos. You spend days trying to figure out
what you owe the government, and then the government tells
you if you're right, because apparently they knew the whole
freaking time. It's like the world's most pointless game show,
aside from the price is right obviously, because nobody should
(23:52):
get a new car for knowing how much catch up costs. Look,
I hate to break it to you, guys, but in
a lot of other countries, the government does all that
filing for you.
Speaker 4 (24:02):
Yeah, they do the.
Speaker 7 (24:03):
Math, they send you a statement, and if it looks good,
you click okay, and then you're done.
Speaker 4 (24:08):
It's so easy a baby could do it.
Speaker 7 (24:10):
But they don't have to because they're lazy freeloaders who
don't pay taxes.
Speaker 4 (24:14):
It's not just your income taxes. All taxes in America
are weird.
Speaker 7 (24:18):
In a lot of other countries, you see a price
on something and that's how much it costs, because that's
the whole point of a goddamn price.
Speaker 4 (24:25):
But no, not in America.
Speaker 7 (24:28):
When you pay for something in America, they hit you
with the surprise sales tax. They're basically cap fishing you.
I know that six hundred dollar TV looks good, but
it's lying. It's six fifty and it has a secret family.
But don't get me wrong. Taxes are filed from America's
only insane money issue. Okay, I know you guys are
used to it, but I need you to realize that
(24:49):
the way you tip in this country is not normal
everywhere else. A tip is a show of appreciation, not
a GoFundMe for someone who doesn't earn a living wage.
A waiter's ability to pay rents shouldn't depend on how
generous Becky feels after three martinis. And the real issue
is how arbitrary you're tipping. Is you tip the guy
who delivers your food, but not the guy who delivers
(25:10):
your packages. And you tip the person who made your
coffee but not the person who made your big mac.
Speaker 4 (25:15):
And don't even get me started on tip jaws.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
Okay, you don't have to put money in, but if
you do, you gotta make a big show of it.
I like to shoot my cash into the job like
a basketball or shouting. He tips, he scores. If you
bank it off the cashier, they usually notice. But as
weird as taxes and tipping are in America, let's not
forget about the actual money itself, because American physical currency sucks.
(25:41):
I don't know if you know this, but in other countries,
every denomination is a different size because it makes it
easier to tell them apart, especially if you're blind. But
apparently blind people don't need to use money in America
because look at this shit, sim exact size all of it.
You gotta look over each individual, build a figure out
which slave owner the handover. And while we're talking about
(26:03):
your strange money, who decided a pyramid? If a freaking
eye was a normal thing to put on the dollar,
hey rule a thumb, America. If Nick Cage can make
a movie about your money, you're doing it wrong. Not
to mention the pennies, like why do these still exist
when everyone's just trying to get rid of them? Even
convenience stores have that take a penny, leave a penny dish.
It's like an animal shelter for unwanted money. Did you
(26:26):
know that America actually loses money making pennies. If you're
gonna have a hobby that loses you money, get a
gambling addiction like a normal person. Okay, listen, Your whole
financial system is stupid and I hate it all right,
the money, the tipping, the taxes. That's why I found
a way to avoid dealing with it all together, all right.
(26:47):
The secret is they can't tax you if they don't
know you have it.
Speaker 4 (26:56):
Oh, listen, so much easier robbing a bank in.
Speaker 11 (26:58):
Your Explore more shows from the Daily Show podcast universe
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