July 14, 2022 • 48 mins
Ron and Carolina are terrorized by Gilly The Clown, who teaches us about death.
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Speaker 1 (00:07):
He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
ain't no stuck us looking so funny. You try like
a drucker, clean like a plank, you the solid jucker
fool wheel, try so we never get a guy right
so far to get up a lot of band wins.
And he's a god y he ain't no stand and
he doesn't have chs on a nighttime stand, which because
(00:29):
everybody knows he's the Fergens. He banded The Ron Burgundy
Podcast Live from Lago and Holley Rod, California. Put your
hat chuck out of a round fag. Thank you, thank you. Wait,
(00:57):
oh my god, wow that is ah. That is like
rocket fuel for me. I haven't been around people for
a long time. Thank you for coming out. It's just
(01:23):
amazing to be here and you're all masked up and
we really appreciate it. I can still see your beautiful eyes.
I mentioned this the other night. I prefer it. I
don't need to know what's below here. All I need
just give me those peoples. Carolina, you look so lovely tonight.
(01:46):
You really do. I notice you really up your game
once we're get in front of people. No, no, no, no, no,
I don't mean it that. I mean yeah, I'm I
just put makeup because we're doing a show. That's okay? Yes,
is that a new week? No? This is my hand,
(02:08):
that's your real hair. Yeah. We've known each other for
how long now? And I always thought you were a wig.
You learned something new every day, don't you. I just
want to thank everyone for coming out. The ticket sales
um are raising money for International Rescue Committee, which is
(02:30):
helping families in the Ukraine. So don't worry. I'll get
my take somehow. No, it's old Ronnie always needs to
dip his beak, and uh it will get dipped. Some
of the proceeds are going over to the Gentleman's Club
(02:51):
Sin across the street. Um, let's let's not leave that out.
How often you got to send? Um? Well, I'll be
there right after the show tonight, and I'm only there
four days a week, and I take a lot of
lunch meetings, so ours probably out of we'll have multiple
(03:13):
lunche meetings. Yes, three hour block. Have my table right
over in the corner, and uh order the prime rib
h horshish, dream spinach. You gotta have dream spinach. Um, Oh,
what are what are the puffy potatoes? Um, yes, thank you.
(03:39):
That's why she always looks at me so weird. I'm like,
give me a puffy potato with chives and sour cream.
It's a fake baked potato. And it's called that because
they put it in the oven. They bake it right,
baked potato. I might do a baked potato at home
(04:00):
one of these days. You you should, so you just
jam your oven full of potatoes. No, no, it doesn't
have to like, don't. Probably should pack as many potatoes
as you can get in there, because then you're done
for like a month. Or would that be considered a
fire ahead Arson? Yeah? Maybe we don't know. That's you
(04:21):
know what, that's what's fascinating. I'm I'm I was about
to say, I'm really intrigued by people who can study Arson.
You know, Arson is is where where it came. No, no, no,
I'm not in favor of. But when there is a
fire somewhere in the fire department shows up and they
have like the friends like Specialist who are like, oh,
someone made this fire. Nine times out of ten, it's
(04:44):
an oven jammed with baked potatoes. Arsonist signature. That's a
signature move they open up oven. But Arson, it was Arson.
It is good to be It's really great to be
(05:04):
here in a theater in front of people, and I'm just, uh,
does it feel all right to be in a group? Yeah?
I was thinking maybe we could do some icebreakers, just
in case. You know, you're you're feeling strange sitting next
(05:26):
to each other. So raise your hand if you've okay,
it doesn't really matter. Most of you are shrouded in darkness,
so it's not just just have fun. Play a look, okay, okay,
raise your hand if you've if you've ever cheated on
(05:47):
a test, yeah, great school. Whoa a bunch of dirty cheaters?
And raise your hand. If you've ever played hooky? Yeah,
of course, little blue flue for some of the cops
in here, right, we usually have of our audience are
(06:07):
our officers of the LAWE Okay, here's a here's a
spicy one. Rais ahead. I have you ever made out
in a movie theater? Okay, you're gissing your hand. Oh
that's okay. Now raise your hand. If you've ever given uh,
(06:30):
some clean urine to your friend for a drug test? Anyone,
raise us show of hands. A couple over there. Okay, um, okay,
well look, just a suggestion. I'm gonna leave the Scotch
classed right here on the end of my table here,
(06:52):
And if anyone is full of urine in the next hour,
and it happens to be clean and you're feels so inspired,
just wander up onto the stage, grab the glass and
have at it. Uh if you if you feel like
it for no reason, well, I'm so sorry. What I'm
(07:13):
gonna do when they pee in your glass, well they'll
just leave it with Flann again, the owner of this stag, Flann,
Are you good with that? And and and and I'm
so say, why do you need clean urine so badly?
Aren't you drug tested? I am, but I I'm not
(07:35):
doing any illegal drugs. Are you doing any illegal drugs?
I'm not. No, I'm not doing. Don't you This feels weird,
It feels awkward, but you're making it all because it was.
It was so fine. And all I did. We were
playing a fun game. It was called Icebreakers, and I
(07:58):
just happened to land on my last one. They're all
randomly selected randomly, and I just said, here's a fun
one off the top of my head. That I wrote
down on a card. Uh, does anyone want a peanut
glass and call her today and we'll just keep it
up by the bar and we'll just you know, we'll market.
But the Scotch tape this says clean urine. Please save
(08:22):
for someone who was involved in tonight's show initials r B.
There's nothing going on. You just don't know when you
might need a small supply of clean urine. Case closed.
I'm you know what, we don't have to worry about it.
(08:43):
By the way, with the new travel regulations, they're they're
checking you have to wear a mask to fly a
prison vaccination and you have to have a small amount
of clean earine. So I'm just I'm going to Bermuda
next week and I just want to have enough clean eurine.
Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Well. We actually, before
(09:05):
we get on the their show, we have some listeners
who wrote in these beautiful letters. And actually one of
them comes from this young sweet boy named Nathaniel, and
he wrote in the cutest letter about how he looked
(09:41):
you're joining yourself. Yeah, okay, right, you don't have to,
don't have to. Don't put it close to if I
get doesn't sound good, okay enough, And I've been so sorry.
(10:04):
I'm so sorry. This is beautiful, this is incredible. Who
booked the mariachi band? I think you guys are in
the wrong place. I'm so sorry because that was amazing.
That was amazing. Who booked a mariachi That's so weird
(10:29):
because we had a breakdown of the show that was
time to the minute, and I said, I know who
booked a mariachi band? Who would have done that? I
don't know. I don't know either. I didn't, did you know?
I didn't. It was so week. Maybe you ran up
(10:53):
there grabbed at trump Well, no, I was kind of
panicked because I've always heard if you're ever in this
same public space with a mariachi band and there is
a trumpet or some sort of woodwind instrument close by,
grab it and start playing, just to be a part
(11:14):
of the group. Contain. Contain who saw that flugel horn
over there right beautiful? That centuries horn, antique, Civil War gorgeous?
And I tried to I tried. You played your heart out.
I played my heart out. Not a lot of sound
(11:37):
came out of the horn. A lot of sound came
out like right here, and was like air and I've
never played it before. Sorry, I don't know. I assumed
you would. You guys, we have phrases of the day
here and if anything else like that happens, I just
hope you guys can join me and just saying we've
(11:58):
spent three hours on what did you just say? What? Oh?
Cool it, bro? Maybe a little more like confrontational cool bro?
You cool it all right? I said to me, Mark,
you love a tuss all. I still have long haul.
(12:19):
Um very forgetful. I literally forget moments like that. I
didn't remember in that split second that you would already
instructed the audience to say cool it, bro, And then
when you did it again, I thought they were they
were coming at me. Well we you said you had
some headlines. But you know what's cured long haul clean urine.
(12:45):
It's not real quick. I just want to circle. Um.
I found this great little gourmet restaurant. You're a big foodie,
aren't you. Do you have any foodies here? People love?
I mean, l A has become such a food scene, right.
I don't know if you've heard of this place called
House of Pies. Oh you have, I didn't know. Oh,
(13:10):
it's a little hole in the wall place. I just
stumbled across it, and they've got all these pies fresh
strawberry cream seasonal. It is, yes, sweet ripe strawberry covering
a creamy vanilla custard filling, topped with glaze and whipped cream.
(13:34):
You said that you were going to read the news
headlines key lime, a burst of flavor and every bite
in everybody, give me a break. How are you gonna get?
That makes me want to get key lime and just
have a bite and go. First bite, burst of flavor,
second bite, burst of flavor. Third not so much. Yeah,
not now. Southern peakcam uh large toasted peacons blended into
(14:05):
our signature peacampo filing a lemon leg o, your southern
Give me a little sweet tea. Went to house of pies.
You know, I started in a community theater. Tennessee, Williams.
Is your That was my Stanley Ducci? Is he here tonight?
(14:33):
If by any chance Stanley stand Kowalski, Yes, yes, I
was Stanley Kowalski's brother Dave. Very experimental version of Tennessee, Williams.
What do you do with your your shoulders? Again? Looks
(15:00):
because it's sultry. It's a soultial night. The whole play
takes place during a sultry night. It's too hot to sleep.
So Dave would always come in with a piece of
peak campie and I would say, anyone can have a
peak CAMPI and they'd say not now, Uncle David. How
(15:26):
many lines that you have in the play? I had
two lines, the same line, two full first act, second act.
Brother kept on coming in. Yeah, people would just say no,
they say no, They just say not now, Uncle Dave.
(15:47):
Because then I was like, God, let me, let me
deliver the peak can't die. Oh my god. Cream pies,
banana chocolate, German chocolate, Bavarian chocolate, Bavaria chocolate. But what
what's going on? Wait? So you went into the House
of Pies and and had such a good time you
took two pages from their menu and just left. That's
(16:10):
exactly what. Well. I went to House of Pies, uh,
looking for a good piece of fried chicken, And I said,
what else have you got? And You're like, well, mostly
we have pies. Well as much as we There were
also a lot of people working on math equations. Do
(16:41):
you know what the numeric value of pies? Let's go Malibu, Hi, right, here.
I'm I. I stumble off at three point one four
three point one four nine seven six eight four three
nine to zero zero one for seven asterisk. That was
(17:03):
pretty good. That has not left my brain. But what
left your brain was me telling the audience blackout. That
shook me to my core. We do have a fun gas,
(17:33):
We do have a great fun. I can't wait for
you guys to be fun. We bring out our fun guess. Okay,
don't don't do it. Don't do it, hey, guys, guys please, Yeah,
(18:04):
I'm so sorry. That was I don't know why you
keep coming out here. No one called you to come here.
Thank you so much. Yees again. That will be a
mystery as to how they showed up here. We'll never
(18:26):
know who called them ever, because the documents were burned.
The document there was a document was that what that
small trash fire was outside the small That was a
small trash fire which was a combination of documents and
(18:47):
baked potatoes. Um, heck, let's do it. Let's bring out
our guest. I am so excited for this guest. How
many of you have ever been to the circus? Who? Yeah?
Like three people? Oh that was a double fist pump
(19:10):
right there. You're like Circus is in town. Yes, I
love the circus. That's my man right there. Well we
have and I am a fan of this art form.
(19:30):
I I gotta tell you it is. It is pure
as it's just. Oh, I get I get giddy what
I think about it. You didn't call me yesterday say
oh my god and hung up the phone. Yes, and
I thought I couldn't even finish my thoughts. It was,
oh my god. What I was saying is Carolina, guess
(19:53):
what I booked as our first guest. Please welcome Gilly
the clown. You can't sorry for those of you listening
at home, Gilly just tripped him sound really hard. I
(20:14):
thought it had coffee all over that. Now we just
threw a Starbucks cup looking fetty all over this lady.
And she's not happy. My bad. So I may make
you balloon real quick. He's doing balloon animals. Here you go.
This is what I do. You know by the ancient Greeks,
(20:36):
they're so sorry about that. That stuff will wash off
the blue one. Now he's doing a Greek He's combining
the two. Guess like a caterpillar floor. I want you
to have one too, Okay, here you go. Now it's
(20:57):
a sword, but I want you to have some two
since you're sitting right next to him. Okay, here you go.
This is another sword for you. Okay, had another sword? Yeah? Um,
would you come over here, sir, real quick? I know
someone else did like a sword. Keep doing your act,
Keep doing your acts. Okay, look, would you here you go?
(21:19):
This right here? Hold out your hand please, it's an earthworm.
Okay for you those listening at home, he didn't blow
it up any ended, he called, so without further ado,
I would like to hold a race. Is that? Okay?
What are you gonna do? Well, I'm just gonna have
a race real quick. Okay, did no one moves? Okay,
(21:41):
it's like you're on break. Okay, here we go. So
here we go. I'm gonna go ahead and roll up
this sin and once I roll up this in, I'm
gonna roll up to the other end and both ends
we rolled up. Oh sorry, what are you manipulating? Right?
Sorry about this? Yeah, you can't see. N roll up
this in like this so you can see. And then okay,
oh I gotta hold it. Kevin rolled this thing like this,
(22:01):
and we're roll up the smoll like this. So raise
your hand. If you think the big end is gonna
win the race, raise your hand. I think the big one. Okay,
raise your hand. If you think the little one's gonna Oh,
I changed my mind. I think one like the little
Raise your hand. If you don't care at all, completely apathetic,
(22:22):
that's cool. I like apathetic people fans. Ok, here we go.
I'm a cat to have three down to two down
in one cat with me? When more time raising for
the big end? Raine, you don't give you heay counting down?
Here we go, count with me, three two one. It's
a tie. It's a time classic play onwards. It always
(22:53):
was a tie, always works. I'm gonna steal that from you,
my friend. I hope you do. I hope you did.
Mr Burgundy, Oh, hold about this whole thing, Sorry about everybody, hopeful.
Excuse me, Oh you've suffered so much already. I apologize.
That's been the good thing about the mask. And sneeze
(23:15):
right into him, you know, no one ever knows. Just
sneeze into hank. Sneeze right in here, just kind of
make you pay with your books. Torting the handkerchief in
a certain way. Do you ever feel like, Oh, the
handkerchief is coming to life. The books are attacking him.
(23:39):
He's getting emotional. As for those listening at home, you're
missing one of the most beautiful things I've seen in
my life. Now, I was just gonna kip him. He's
(24:00):
owing sweet nothings. Oh it just smacked the bookers. Just
smacked you in the face. Yeah, it happens. I would
like to do a final sort of thing if that's okay, Well, sure,
but you're not leaving us, are you know. I'm gonna
(24:20):
juggle two chickens and a club who As far as
I know, it has never been done before. This is good.
Here we go, give me drummer on your legs please,
he's juggling. Yes, thank you very much. Thank you. I
(24:47):
really appreciate that. You guys are too much. Thank you,
Thank you so much. He squeeze my chicken. No, don't
you can squeeze it though. There you go. It's mournful
gilly there. Yes, sir, there's a lot of law enforcement
in the audience, so just let's thank you for joining us.
(25:13):
That was fantastic. Oh wait, what's happening? What did you do?
I'm just gonna sit on the edge are you comfortable?
There we go slide into it. I wish Micey did that.
(25:38):
Oh I have something for you, Carolina. Oh, thank you.
I'm a little scared. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
Welcome Those aren't real, just gilly. Where do you hail from? Originally? Uh? Texas?
Originally like the state. Yeah, it's okay, you'll wake the others.
(26:04):
Have you? Let me ask you this question? Have you
ever killed a person with laughter? Because you almost killed me?
Great question? No, I don't think I have. Thank you.
Did you always want to be a clown or did
(26:25):
your mother make you do it? Well? It was bad grades. Yeah,
and then uh my mother did play a part in it,
but she she bore me. Yeah yeah, no, yeah, you
would without not really. If my mom hears that, she'd
be really upset if I said that my mom is
actually very fun. No, I'm sure. I mean, well, do
(26:48):
you want to meet my mom? Don't look at me.
I don't never met her. I wouldn't know if she's
fun or not. But she'd assume she is. I mean,
you're you're I think she is. You're a great fun
I mean you mean fun fun? Like what do you
mean fun? Fun? They went, No, I'm not suggesting anything.
I'm just saying, I'm sure like you seem like a
lot of fun. I'm sure your mom is is a
barrel of laughs. And uh, you know, I'm sure you
(27:11):
guys just sit around making a balloon swords with each
other now. But that's great. This is a personal opinion
of mine and I feel very strongly. But people who
do stand up they seem like third rate clouds. It's
(27:37):
like the lower echelon of clowning. Have you ever seen
a funny stand up comedian. That's a trick question, right, No, no, no,
I'm just saying, if you have, I'd love to I'd
love to know who they are. Uh. The Encyclopedia Britannic
(27:58):
a guy. That guy was pretty good. I'm not familiar,
not familiar. I don't follow The guy did the commercials
back in the eighties. Is he a stand up comedian?
He was fine. So you've answered my question. There's no
funny stand up comedians. Do you do you have a
(28:19):
big makeup deal with maybe Lene or fenty Beauty by Rihanna?
I mean you should. I mean you're out there all
the time with makeup and you're doing your thing and
has anyone ever approached you. I would be open to
that because I think that would be like Rihanna's fenty
(28:41):
line of clown makeup or just regular makeup. I'm I'm
open to whatever. So you're open to that partnership? Yeah? Absolutely,
I'm sad he is great. That's good to know. Let
me write that down. Open to the Rihanna partner ship.
(29:02):
Carolina has nightmares about clowns. What if you sat peacefully
in the corner of her room while she slept? Don't
you think that would help? Right? She'd have to pay me, Well,
I would pay for it. Sure, I'm game. And how
would do you think that would take a week, a month,
(29:24):
a year. Well, if you worked really hard at it,
we could probably get it done in a couple of weeks.
Are you up for that? I couldn't. I couldn't have
Gilly just he's just sitting staring at you. He's not
blinking the entire night. Yes, okay, thank you, that right there. No,
(29:48):
try to sleep right now, Okay, just relax and sleep
drifting off all right, okay, I'm almost so I keep
a distance, like, yeah, I think I think we'd have
to rope off an area where you're not allowed to
(30:09):
step into. Make sense. Um, I can play far, I
can play far. I think that I think that as
a form of therapy would work. Um are rodeo clowns,
real clowns. Don't get me started with rodeo clowns, okay,
because they're not really they're not doing they don't bring
(30:30):
the act the way you do. They're just running around
trying to not kill be killed by a bull. Right. Well,
that's all clowns, oh, metaphorically speaking, Yeah, you're just avoiding death.
You know. It's not a little kid punching in the balls.
You know, you're just trying to avoid getting hit. You're
running from death every day. That's basically what a clown is.
(30:54):
That's what we all are though, if you think about it,
keep going, just running along, running from death, just trying
not to die, you know. And some of us have
our faces painted right, yeah, with sponsorships. If you're listening,
(31:14):
I've I've heard of clown schools, right and I'm not
talking about Arizona State University. Uh uh, I need that
just eventuate my jokes when people don't know that it's
(31:35):
a joke. Did you did you go to clown school. Uh,
to work on your training or is it? Are you
all self taught? It's all been on the job training. Yeah,
you say stuff like well I should have said that,
or there's a lot of suit or they tell you know, Yeah, yeah,
(31:59):
you learned the hard way. You learned the hard way
while you're perpetually running from the grim reaper. It's pretty
much it. Hospitals can be rough crowds. What do you
do if you're bombing? That's a tough one, you know,
I mean, you just I just I guess you you
just clock out, you know, you try again the next day.
(32:20):
Oh so you just leave the hospital. Yeah, it's like,
hey see you later, try better tomorrow. You're only human, right, Yeah, No,
we're not. We're flawed all over the place, and each
day moving closer to death. Squeeze. No, I can't jog
(32:41):
that from my memory. I wish I had long haul
COVID right now, because all I keep thinking about is
every day is a race against death. Thanks to Gilly
over here, you're right, the insane clown Posse was insane.
(33:19):
The joker was insane. Yeah, you don't seem insane. You're
quite funny. I mean, what do you think of media
representations of clowns? Thank you? How do you? Well? I mean,
if I can be a little serial for a minute,
you know, um, I do think that right now. Clowns
(33:40):
get a bit of a bad rap, you know, I think,
you know, Mime's kind of got it in the eighties
and the nineties, I got it bad. I was good
friends with I'm the godfather of shields and yardnails to child,
so you know, you know I do. Yeah. They were
reduced to tears many occasions. What a baby like? Their
(34:01):
baby doesn't speak because they never spoke to it. So
I had to read bedtime stories to the baby and
how would it react? The baby was horrified because that
was the only voice that ever heard because the rest
of the time that was dinner time at their house.
(34:25):
That was what that was like. For those of you
listening on the podcast, we just a sandwich. We mind
eating a sandwich, and we shared it sharing and sharing
is caring. I'm not familiar with it. Long Hal, Long Hal,
How do you feel about the movie It? What is it? Well,
(34:49):
it's a very it's a it's a but it's called
what It's What is it? It is a horrifying clown
that lives in a neighborhoo it and lives underneath the
street sewer change and chase his children and drags them
into the sewer. It's in a new movie. It's relatively new,
(35:10):
I would say, in the last fifteen years. It's scarier
that you haven't heard of it. But what is it called?
It's called it. That's is news to me. I haven't
do you worry that you scared too many people. Let's
say you were standing alone in the woods at night.
(35:34):
What about them? What about them? Is that? Is that
something you would do? Just scare the ship out of
people in the woods. It's possible. It's possible, but no,
but it's But it's possible for our listeners, Gilly just
mouth maybe to rock, but no, I wouldn't do it
(35:54):
in like, you know, for real, real right for our listeners.
That's like it? That was it? Really? That did seem
like it? Oh you're talking about Pennywise. Yeah, that's my cousin.
He's gone Hollywood. No, that guys are really Oh you
(36:16):
guys don't speak huh oh he said, well, man, I speak.
He's a big shot now, he's a big shots of tesla.
That is the current sign of opulence, and your dodge
run and you're at a red light. The person next
to you is in a nice blue tesla turns to you.
(36:42):
What do you do? Clean urine all down on the
front of my pants. I wet myself and then I
just throat and reverse because that's the move. Don't speed ahead.
They'll follow you anywise, we'll be following. Throw it into
reverse and ram your way out. We had a president
(37:11):
who was a clown. Um did all the clowns just
love that the representation in the White House? He obviously
did his own makeup to one shade, I believe it
or not. I I was one of the clowns against it,
against him. Yeah, in the minity, Yeah yeah, I guess so.
(37:34):
I guess so I started my own group clowns against Trump.
Didn't go to U right, small but vocal group, very vocal.
Laughter is the best medicine. I don't know if you've
ever heard that phrase. Do you think you're more qualified
to do open heart surgery than say, a surgeon on
(37:57):
the doctrine that laughter is no, no, but good question.
What about a witch doctor? What about Dr oz Well?
I think anybody could do what he does right that
it's so funny. I went in for I went in
(38:20):
for a small, uh minimally invasive procedure, caffeine plants. And
how much were those? By the way, Oh, way too much,
way too much? Well less than you would think, but
still a lot. So I would say, But guess who
(38:44):
my surgeon was, doctor Oz? Really? Yeah, I think so
where did you meet him? Huh? Where did you find
your surgeon? Doctor Oz? I looked him up in the
Yellow Pages. I still get the Yellow Pages delivered to
me because I don't trust uh technology, that's not great.
(39:07):
Oh what's happening? Gilly skin all thirsty gillies, the biggest
straw world and it keeps growing and it keeps growing,
and and now he's do you want some? That's okay,
(39:28):
it's okay. Do you need this for your urine sample? Uh? Well,
it could come in handy. You never know. Um, once
you hold onto it, I'll put it right here. I
don't I know that. I did not wake up today
thinking I would receive a giant straw. There's no way
(39:50):
that I could have predicted this. But it's delight delightful.
It's hard to be casual. With a giant straw. I'm
not gonna lie to Okay, you're doing it? Hey, how
you doing? It's a giant straw. Take it with me
wherever I go. No, I can't share it. It's good
(40:15):
for the environment. I don't want to straw. Can you
place that Yeah? Can you place that latte about twenty
ft away from things? That's good. Yeah, let's get on you. Ryan.
You said you wanted to do something from your favorite show. Yes,
I did, if you would indulge us. Thinking we could
(40:37):
do a little stage reading from an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
I love that show. Um, you'll play Derek, of course,
I'm gonna play the part of Meredith. Um Interior Grace
Sloan Memorial Hospital night, Derek is in the scrub room
(40:59):
after surgery, way sushing his hands. Meredith storms in. I lied,
I'm not out of of this relationship. I'm in. I'm
so in. It's humiliating because here I am begging Meredith.
Shut up, you say, Meredith, and I yell. Remember yeah.
(41:22):
Derek leans against the sink, listening. Okay, here, it is
your choice. It's simple. Meredith starts getting teary and emotional.
Her or me, and I'm sure she's really great. But Derek,
I love you in a really really big pretend to
like your taste in music. Let you eat the last
(41:43):
piece of cheesecake. Hold of radio over my head, outside
your window. I don't follow that, do you anyway? Classic show,
unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you? No,
pick me, choose me, love me. Derek looks at her lovingly.
(42:04):
He moves in to touch her. I'll be at Joe's tonite.
I'll be at Joe's tonite. You got it, So if
you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there.
Meredith ready to scrub in. I'm a nurse. Meredith walks out.
Derek looks distressed in size. Wow, you can't beat that, Gilly.
(42:37):
I'm gonna hand you that back. Um. We can't thank
you enough for coming on. Thank you so much. You
are wonderfully jelly the cloud everyone well, no, no, no,
(43:04):
they're not supposed to be here. Mcketh coming back. Thank you.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm
so sorry to do that again. Weird. I don't know
who invited. I don't stop coming out here. Thank you.
That was beautiful. Yet again and thank you, thank you
(43:26):
so much, thank you, Mr Burg And we appreciate all
the work you do in the clowning community. You do
a great job. I appreciate it. Thank you, sir. Wonderful
Gilly the clown over, thank you. And now it's time
we've come to a close. Here, it's time for a
(43:49):
little episode. I like to call my take. Let me
ask you a simple question. How many of you are
dog lovers out there? Um? Can we actually just for
I get a bunch of you doing fair enough? Sometimes
(44:12):
you do run into a random group of people on
a Wednesday night who happened to collectively hate dogs. It's
no secret that I love dogs, especially my very own Baxter. Heck,
(44:34):
I'm not ashamed to say he's my best friend. The
love and respect I have for Baxter is the cornerstone
of what is the greatest relationship I have ever known,
human or otherwise. And yet I do have to say
I think I might have a notion as to what's
contributing to people's hatred towards our canine friends. If you
(44:58):
happen to visit a dog park in the excoming days, weeks,
or months, and I really suggest you do, you'll notice
a very strange phenomenon. Dog names are getting out of control.
I mean it. I come from an era when there
were only about five acceptable dog names Sparky, Skipper, Spot, Pepper,
(45:24):
and lady. I mean, and that's all you really needed.
People were fine with it, in fact, that we happen
to lose your dog, all you had to do was
yell spark A, Skipper, Spot, Pepper, lady, and said dog
would come running home. But somewhere down the line, I
(45:44):
don't know when or where, but this would make a
fascinating research paper. People started playing around with different names,
pushing the limits with an occasional shadow or bingo or hello,
chats such a good boy. Heck, I remember getting a
(46:08):
few odd looks the first time I called out Baxter's name.
But now something is wrong with the matrix. I don't
know if it's the pandemic or the state of the
world right now, but trust me, next time you go
to a dog park, you will lose your mind. Nacho,
come here, Nacho, Cooper Ferrari Jazz. That's a good jazz.
(46:36):
Who's the best jazz? Surfer Boy, pork chop, pumpkin sugar sushi, Chase,
Adella flapjack, cutting board, Boeing seven four seven. What the
hell going on? I often scream at my fellow dog owners.
(47:02):
The other day, I kid you not, there was a
dog named power Aid and another named Direct TV. And
I know what you're thinking. They're dogs. It's just noises
to them. But I disagree. Show them some dignity and
some grace and they will pay it back tenfold. How
(47:27):
I don't know. What I do know is that you
don't want to be lying on your deathbed staring up
at the big cheeseburger in the sky, thinking to yourself,
why did I name my dog? Jacob and ronni attorney
at law. Well, I'm Ron Burgundy and that's my take.
(47:56):
Thank you everyone, You've been a wonderful audience. We appreciate it.
Thank you for coming up, wonderful marrianties, big surprise. I
hired him. It was my idea of the whole God.
(48:27):
He's a sexy sexy man with a sexy sexy plan
because he ain't no sucker looking so flight. You could
drive like a trucker, clean like a plant. You can
solim younger, fool wheel dry, so we never get a duck.
He brace so much tacking up a lot of bandwids
and he's a god. Yeah, he ain't no standing, he
doesn't have He's on a nighttime Standwich because everybody knows
(48:50):
he's the surge he banded Ron Burgundy podcast
He's a sexy sexy man, sexy sexy plan because he
ain't no stuck us looking so funny. You try like
a drucker, clean like a plank, you the solid jucker
fool wheel, try so we never get a guy right
so far to get up a lot of band wins.
And he's a god y he ain't no stand and
he doesn't have chs on a nighttime stand, which because
(00:29):
everybody knows he's the Fergens. He banded The Ron Burgundy
Podcast Live from Lago and Holley Rod, California. Put your
hat chuck out of a round fag. Thank you, thank you. Wait,
(00:57):
oh my god, wow that is ah. That is like
rocket fuel for me. I haven't been around people for
a long time. Thank you for coming out. It's just
(01:23):
amazing to be here and you're all masked up and
we really appreciate it. I can still see your beautiful eyes.
I mentioned this the other night. I prefer it. I
don't need to know what's below here. All I need
just give me those peoples. Carolina, you look so lovely tonight.
(01:46):
You really do. I notice you really up your game
once we're get in front of people. No, no, no, no, no,
I don't mean it that. I mean yeah, I'm I
just put makeup because we're doing a show. That's okay? Yes,
is that a new week? No? This is my hand,
(02:08):
that's your real hair. Yeah. We've known each other for
how long now? And I always thought you were a wig.
You learned something new every day, don't you. I just
want to thank everyone for coming out. The ticket sales
um are raising money for International Rescue Committee, which is
(02:30):
helping families in the Ukraine. So don't worry. I'll get
my take somehow. No, it's old Ronnie always needs to
dip his beak, and uh it will get dipped. Some
of the proceeds are going over to the Gentleman's Club
(02:51):
Sin across the street. Um, let's let's not leave that out.
How often you got to send? Um? Well, I'll be
there right after the show tonight, and I'm only there
four days a week, and I take a lot of
lunch meetings, so ours probably out of we'll have multiple
(03:13):
lunche meetings. Yes, three hour block. Have my table right
over in the corner, and uh order the prime rib
h horshish, dream spinach. You gotta have dream spinach. Um, Oh,
what are what are the puffy potatoes? Um, yes, thank you.
(03:39):
That's why she always looks at me so weird. I'm like,
give me a puffy potato with chives and sour cream.
It's a fake baked potato. And it's called that because
they put it in the oven. They bake it right,
baked potato. I might do a baked potato at home
(04:00):
one of these days. You you should, so you just
jam your oven full of potatoes. No, no, it doesn't
have to like, don't. Probably should pack as many potatoes
as you can get in there, because then you're done
for like a month. Or would that be considered a
fire ahead Arson? Yeah? Maybe we don't know. That's you
(04:21):
know what, that's what's fascinating. I'm I'm I was about
to say, I'm really intrigued by people who can study Arson.
You know, Arson is is where where it came. No, no, no,
I'm not in favor of. But when there is a
fire somewhere in the fire department shows up and they
have like the friends like Specialist who are like, oh,
someone made this fire. Nine times out of ten, it's
(04:44):
an oven jammed with baked potatoes. Arsonist signature. That's a
signature move they open up oven. But Arson, it was Arson.
It is good to be It's really great to be
(05:04):
here in a theater in front of people, and I'm just, uh,
does it feel all right to be in a group? Yeah?
I was thinking maybe we could do some icebreakers, just
in case. You know, you're you're feeling strange sitting next
(05:26):
to each other. So raise your hand if you've okay,
it doesn't really matter. Most of you are shrouded in darkness,
so it's not just just have fun. Play a look, okay, okay,
raise your hand if you've if you've ever cheated on
(05:47):
a test, yeah, great school. Whoa a bunch of dirty cheaters?
And raise your hand. If you've ever played hooky? Yeah,
of course, little blue flue for some of the cops
in here, right, we usually have of our audience are
(06:07):
our officers of the LAWE Okay, here's a here's a
spicy one. Rais ahead. I have you ever made out
in a movie theater? Okay, you're gissing your hand. Oh
that's okay. Now raise your hand. If you've ever given uh,
(06:30):
some clean urine to your friend for a drug test? Anyone,
raise us show of hands. A couple over there. Okay, um, okay,
well look, just a suggestion. I'm gonna leave the Scotch
classed right here on the end of my table here,
(06:52):
And if anyone is full of urine in the next hour,
and it happens to be clean and you're feels so inspired,
just wander up onto the stage, grab the glass and
have at it. Uh if you if you feel like
it for no reason, well, I'm so sorry. What I'm
(07:13):
gonna do when they pee in your glass, well they'll
just leave it with Flann again, the owner of this stag, Flann,
Are you good with that? And and and and I'm
so say, why do you need clean urine so badly?
Aren't you drug tested? I am, but I I'm not
(07:35):
doing any illegal drugs. Are you doing any illegal drugs?
I'm not. No, I'm not doing. Don't you This feels weird,
It feels awkward, but you're making it all because it was.
It was so fine. And all I did. We were
playing a fun game. It was called Icebreakers, and I
(07:58):
just happened to land on my last one. They're all
randomly selected randomly, and I just said, here's a fun
one off the top of my head. That I wrote
down on a card. Uh, does anyone want a peanut
glass and call her today and we'll just keep it
up by the bar and we'll just you know, we'll market.
But the Scotch tape this says clean urine. Please save
(08:22):
for someone who was involved in tonight's show initials r B.
There's nothing going on. You just don't know when you
might need a small supply of clean urine. Case closed.
I'm you know what, we don't have to worry about it.
(08:43):
By the way, with the new travel regulations, they're they're
checking you have to wear a mask to fly a
prison vaccination and you have to have a small amount
of clean earine. So I'm just I'm going to Bermuda
next week and I just want to have enough clean eurine.
Nothing wrong with that, I guess. Well. We actually, before
(09:05):
we get on the their show, we have some listeners
who wrote in these beautiful letters. And actually one of
them comes from this young sweet boy named Nathaniel, and
he wrote in the cutest letter about how he looked
(09:41):
you're joining yourself. Yeah, okay, right, you don't have to,
don't have to. Don't put it close to if I
get doesn't sound good, okay enough, And I've been so sorry.
(10:04):
I'm so sorry. This is beautiful, this is incredible. Who
booked the mariachi band? I think you guys are in
the wrong place. I'm so sorry because that was amazing.
That was amazing. Who booked a mariachi That's so weird
(10:29):
because we had a breakdown of the show that was
time to the minute, and I said, I know who
booked a mariachi band? Who would have done that? I
don't know. I don't know either. I didn't, did you know?
I didn't. It was so week. Maybe you ran up
(10:53):
there grabbed at trump Well, no, I was kind of
panicked because I've always heard if you're ever in this
same public space with a mariachi band and there is
a trumpet or some sort of woodwind instrument close by,
grab it and start playing, just to be a part
(11:14):
of the group. Contain. Contain who saw that flugel horn
over there right beautiful? That centuries horn, antique, Civil War gorgeous?
And I tried to I tried. You played your heart out.
I played my heart out. Not a lot of sound
(11:37):
came out of the horn. A lot of sound came
out like right here, and was like air and I've
never played it before. Sorry, I don't know. I assumed
you would. You guys, we have phrases of the day
here and if anything else like that happens, I just
hope you guys can join me and just saying we've
(11:58):
spent three hours on what did you just say? What? Oh?
Cool it, bro? Maybe a little more like confrontational cool bro?
You cool it all right? I said to me, Mark,
you love a tuss all. I still have long haul.
(12:19):
Um very forgetful. I literally forget moments like that. I
didn't remember in that split second that you would already
instructed the audience to say cool it, bro, And then
when you did it again, I thought they were they
were coming at me. Well we you said you had
some headlines. But you know what's cured long haul clean urine.
(12:45):
It's not real quick. I just want to circle. Um.
I found this great little gourmet restaurant. You're a big foodie,
aren't you. Do you have any foodies here? People love?
I mean, l A has become such a food scene, right.
I don't know if you've heard of this place called
House of Pies. Oh you have, I didn't know. Oh,
(13:10):
it's a little hole in the wall place. I just
stumbled across it, and they've got all these pies fresh
strawberry cream seasonal. It is, yes, sweet ripe strawberry covering
a creamy vanilla custard filling, topped with glaze and whipped cream.
(13:34):
You said that you were going to read the news
headlines key lime, a burst of flavor and every bite
in everybody, give me a break. How are you gonna get?
That makes me want to get key lime and just
have a bite and go. First bite, burst of flavor,
second bite, burst of flavor. Third not so much. Yeah,
not now. Southern peakcam uh large toasted peacons blended into
(14:05):
our signature peacampo filing a lemon leg o, your southern
Give me a little sweet tea. Went to house of pies.
You know, I started in a community theater. Tennessee, Williams.
Is your That was my Stanley Ducci? Is he here tonight?
(14:33):
If by any chance Stanley stand Kowalski, Yes, yes, I
was Stanley Kowalski's brother Dave. Very experimental version of Tennessee, Williams.
What do you do with your your shoulders? Again? Looks
(15:00):
because it's sultry. It's a soultial night. The whole play
takes place during a sultry night. It's too hot to sleep.
So Dave would always come in with a piece of
peak campie and I would say, anyone can have a
peak CAMPI and they'd say not now, Uncle David. How
(15:26):
many lines that you have in the play? I had
two lines, the same line, two full first act, second act.
Brother kept on coming in. Yeah, people would just say no,
they say no, They just say not now, Uncle Dave.
(15:47):
Because then I was like, God, let me, let me
deliver the peak can't die. Oh my god. Cream pies,
banana chocolate, German chocolate, Bavarian chocolate, Bavaria chocolate. But what
what's going on? Wait? So you went into the House
of Pies and and had such a good time you
took two pages from their menu and just left. That's
(16:10):
exactly what. Well. I went to House of Pies, uh,
looking for a good piece of fried chicken, And I said,
what else have you got? And You're like, well, mostly
we have pies. Well as much as we There were
also a lot of people working on math equations. Do
(16:41):
you know what the numeric value of pies? Let's go Malibu, Hi, right, here.
I'm I. I stumble off at three point one four
three point one four nine seven six eight four three
nine to zero zero one for seven asterisk. That was
(17:03):
pretty good. That has not left my brain. But what
left your brain was me telling the audience blackout. That
shook me to my core. We do have a fun gas,
(17:33):
We do have a great fun. I can't wait for
you guys to be fun. We bring out our fun guess. Okay,
don't don't do it. Don't do it, hey, guys, guys please, Yeah,
(18:04):
I'm so sorry. That was I don't know why you
keep coming out here. No one called you to come here.
Thank you so much. Yees again. That will be a
mystery as to how they showed up here. We'll never
(18:26):
know who called them ever, because the documents were burned.
The document there was a document was that what that
small trash fire was outside the small That was a
small trash fire which was a combination of documents and
(18:47):
baked potatoes. Um, heck, let's do it. Let's bring out
our guest. I am so excited for this guest. How
many of you have ever been to the circus? Who? Yeah?
Like three people? Oh that was a double fist pump
(19:10):
right there. You're like Circus is in town. Yes, I
love the circus. That's my man right there. Well we
have and I am a fan of this art form.
(19:30):
I I gotta tell you it is. It is pure
as it's just. Oh, I get I get giddy what
I think about it. You didn't call me yesterday say
oh my god and hung up the phone. Yes, and
I thought I couldn't even finish my thoughts. It was,
oh my god. What I was saying is Carolina, guess
(19:53):
what I booked as our first guest. Please welcome Gilly
the clown. You can't sorry for those of you listening
at home, Gilly just tripped him sound really hard. I
(20:14):
thought it had coffee all over that. Now we just
threw a Starbucks cup looking fetty all over this lady.
And she's not happy. My bad. So I may make
you balloon real quick. He's doing balloon animals. Here you go.
This is what I do. You know by the ancient Greeks,
(20:36):
they're so sorry about that. That stuff will wash off
the blue one. Now he's doing a Greek He's combining
the two. Guess like a caterpillar floor. I want you
to have one too, Okay, here you go. Now it's
(20:57):
a sword, but I want you to have some two
since you're sitting right next to him. Okay, here you go.
This is another sword for you. Okay, had another sword? Yeah? Um,
would you come over here, sir, real quick? I know
someone else did like a sword. Keep doing your act,
Keep doing your acts. Okay, look, would you here you go?
(21:19):
This right here? Hold out your hand please, it's an earthworm.
Okay for you those listening at home, he didn't blow
it up any ended, he called, so without further ado,
I would like to hold a race. Is that? Okay?
What are you gonna do? Well, I'm just gonna have
a race real quick. Okay, did no one moves? Okay,
(21:41):
it's like you're on break. Okay, here we go. So
here we go. I'm gonna go ahead and roll up
this sin and once I roll up this in, I'm
gonna roll up to the other end and both ends
we rolled up. Oh sorry, what are you manipulating? Right?
Sorry about this? Yeah, you can't see. N roll up
this in like this so you can see. And then okay,
oh I gotta hold it. Kevin rolled this thing like this,
(22:01):
and we're roll up the smoll like this. So raise
your hand. If you think the big end is gonna
win the race, raise your hand. I think the big one. Okay,
raise your hand. If you think the little one's gonna Oh,
I changed my mind. I think one like the little
Raise your hand. If you don't care at all, completely apathetic,
(22:22):
that's cool. I like apathetic people fans. Ok, here we go.
I'm a cat to have three down to two down
in one cat with me? When more time raising for
the big end? Raine, you don't give you heay counting down?
Here we go, count with me, three two one. It's
a tie. It's a time classic play onwards. It always
(22:53):
was a tie, always works. I'm gonna steal that from you,
my friend. I hope you do. I hope you did.
Mr Burgundy, Oh, hold about this whole thing, Sorry about everybody, hopeful.
Excuse me, Oh you've suffered so much already. I apologize.
That's been the good thing about the mask. And sneeze
(23:15):
right into him, you know, no one ever knows. Just
sneeze into hank. Sneeze right in here, just kind of
make you pay with your books. Torting the handkerchief in
a certain way. Do you ever feel like, Oh, the
handkerchief is coming to life. The books are attacking him.
(23:39):
He's getting emotional. As for those listening at home, you're
missing one of the most beautiful things I've seen in
my life. Now, I was just gonna kip him. He's
(24:00):
owing sweet nothings. Oh it just smacked the bookers. Just
smacked you in the face. Yeah, it happens. I would
like to do a final sort of thing if that's okay, Well, sure,
but you're not leaving us, are you know. I'm gonna
(24:20):
juggle two chickens and a club who As far as
I know, it has never been done before. This is good.
Here we go, give me drummer on your legs please,
he's juggling. Yes, thank you very much. Thank you. I
(24:47):
really appreciate that. You guys are too much. Thank you,
Thank you so much. He squeeze my chicken. No, don't
you can squeeze it though. There you go. It's mournful
gilly there. Yes, sir, there's a lot of law enforcement
in the audience, so just let's thank you for joining us.
(25:13):
That was fantastic. Oh wait, what's happening? What did you do?
I'm just gonna sit on the edge are you comfortable?
There we go slide into it. I wish Micey did that.
(25:38):
Oh I have something for you, Carolina. Oh, thank you.
I'm a little scared. Oh my gosh, thank you so much.
Welcome Those aren't real, just gilly. Where do you hail from? Originally? Uh? Texas?
Originally like the state. Yeah, it's okay, you'll wake the others.
(26:04):
Have you? Let me ask you this question? Have you
ever killed a person with laughter? Because you almost killed me?
Great question? No, I don't think I have. Thank you.
Did you always want to be a clown or did
(26:25):
your mother make you do it? Well? It was bad grades. Yeah,
and then uh my mother did play a part in it,
but she she bore me. Yeah yeah, no, yeah, you
would without not really. If my mom hears that, she'd
be really upset if I said that my mom is
actually very fun. No, I'm sure. I mean, well, do
(26:48):
you want to meet my mom? Don't look at me.
I don't never met her. I wouldn't know if she's
fun or not. But she'd assume she is. I mean,
you're you're I think she is. You're a great fun
I mean you mean fun fun? Like what do you
mean fun? Fun? They went, No, I'm not suggesting anything.
I'm just saying, I'm sure like you seem like a
lot of fun. I'm sure your mom is is a
barrel of laughs. And uh, you know, I'm sure you
(27:11):
guys just sit around making a balloon swords with each
other now. But that's great. This is a personal opinion
of mine and I feel very strongly. But people who
do stand up they seem like third rate clouds. It's
(27:37):
like the lower echelon of clowning. Have you ever seen
a funny stand up comedian. That's a trick question, right, No, no, no,
I'm just saying, if you have, I'd love to I'd
love to know who they are. Uh. The Encyclopedia Britannic
(27:58):
a guy. That guy was pretty good. I'm not familiar,
not familiar. I don't follow The guy did the commercials
back in the eighties. Is he a stand up comedian?
He was fine. So you've answered my question. There's no
funny stand up comedians. Do you do you have a
(28:19):
big makeup deal with maybe Lene or fenty Beauty by Rihanna?
I mean you should. I mean you're out there all
the time with makeup and you're doing your thing and
has anyone ever approached you. I would be open to
that because I think that would be like Rihanna's fenty
(28:41):
line of clown makeup or just regular makeup. I'm I'm
open to whatever. So you're open to that partnership? Yeah? Absolutely,
I'm sad he is great. That's good to know. Let
me write that down. Open to the Rihanna partner ship.
(29:02):
Carolina has nightmares about clowns. What if you sat peacefully
in the corner of her room while she slept? Don't
you think that would help? Right? She'd have to pay me, Well,
I would pay for it. Sure, I'm game. And how
would do you think that would take a week, a month,
(29:24):
a year. Well, if you worked really hard at it,
we could probably get it done in a couple of weeks.
Are you up for that? I couldn't. I couldn't have
Gilly just he's just sitting staring at you. He's not
blinking the entire night. Yes, okay, thank you, that right there. No,
(29:48):
try to sleep right now, Okay, just relax and sleep
drifting off all right, okay, I'm almost so I keep
a distance, like, yeah, I think I think we'd have
to rope off an area where you're not allowed to
(30:09):
step into. Make sense. Um, I can play far, I
can play far. I think that I think that as
a form of therapy would work. Um are rodeo clowns,
real clowns. Don't get me started with rodeo clowns, okay,
because they're not really they're not doing they don't bring
(30:30):
the act the way you do. They're just running around
trying to not kill be killed by a bull. Right. Well,
that's all clowns, oh, metaphorically speaking, Yeah, you're just avoiding death.
You know. It's not a little kid punching in the balls.
You know, you're just trying to avoid getting hit. You're
running from death every day. That's basically what a clown is.
(30:54):
That's what we all are though, if you think about it,
keep going, just running along, running from death, just trying
not to die, you know. And some of us have
our faces painted right, yeah, with sponsorships. If you're listening,
(31:14):
I've I've heard of clown schools, right and I'm not
talking about Arizona State University. Uh uh, I need that
just eventuate my jokes when people don't know that it's
(31:35):
a joke. Did you did you go to clown school. Uh,
to work on your training or is it? Are you
all self taught? It's all been on the job training. Yeah,
you say stuff like well I should have said that,
or there's a lot of suit or they tell you know, Yeah, yeah,
(31:59):
you learned the hard way. You learned the hard way
while you're perpetually running from the grim reaper. It's pretty
much it. Hospitals can be rough crowds. What do you
do if you're bombing? That's a tough one, you know,
I mean, you just I just I guess you you
just clock out, you know, you try again the next day.
(32:20):
Oh so you just leave the hospital. Yeah, it's like,
hey see you later, try better tomorrow. You're only human, right, Yeah, No,
we're not. We're flawed all over the place, and each
day moving closer to death. Squeeze. No, I can't jog
(32:41):
that from my memory. I wish I had long haul
COVID right now, because all I keep thinking about is
every day is a race against death. Thanks to Gilly
over here, you're right, the insane clown Posse was insane.
(33:19):
The joker was insane. Yeah, you don't seem insane. You're
quite funny. I mean, what do you think of media
representations of clowns? Thank you? How do you? Well? I mean,
if I can be a little serial for a minute,
you know, um, I do think that right now. Clowns
(33:40):
get a bit of a bad rap, you know, I think,
you know, Mime's kind of got it in the eighties
and the nineties, I got it bad. I was good
friends with I'm the godfather of shields and yardnails to child,
so you know, you know I do. Yeah. They were
reduced to tears many occasions. What a baby like? Their
(34:01):
baby doesn't speak because they never spoke to it. So
I had to read bedtime stories to the baby and
how would it react? The baby was horrified because that
was the only voice that ever heard because the rest
of the time that was dinner time at their house.
(34:25):
That was what that was like. For those of you
listening on the podcast, we just a sandwich. We mind
eating a sandwich, and we shared it sharing and sharing
is caring. I'm not familiar with it. Long Hal, Long Hal,
How do you feel about the movie It? What is it? Well,
(34:49):
it's a very it's a it's a but it's called
what It's What is it? It is a horrifying clown
that lives in a neighborhoo it and lives underneath the
street sewer change and chase his children and drags them
into the sewer. It's in a new movie. It's relatively new,
(35:10):
I would say, in the last fifteen years. It's scarier
that you haven't heard of it. But what is it called?
It's called it. That's is news to me. I haven't
do you worry that you scared too many people. Let's
say you were standing alone in the woods at night.
(35:34):
What about them? What about them? Is that? Is that
something you would do? Just scare the ship out of
people in the woods. It's possible. It's possible, but no,
but it's But it's possible for our listeners, Gilly just
mouth maybe to rock, but no, I wouldn't do it
(35:54):
in like, you know, for real, real right for our listeners.
That's like it? That was it? Really? That did seem
like it? Oh you're talking about Pennywise. Yeah, that's my cousin.
He's gone Hollywood. No, that guys are really Oh you
(36:16):
guys don't speak huh oh he said, well, man, I speak.
He's a big shot now, he's a big shots of tesla.
That is the current sign of opulence, and your dodge
run and you're at a red light. The person next
to you is in a nice blue tesla turns to you.
(36:42):
What do you do? Clean urine all down on the
front of my pants. I wet myself and then I
just throat and reverse because that's the move. Don't speed ahead.
They'll follow you anywise, we'll be following. Throw it into
reverse and ram your way out. We had a president
(37:11):
who was a clown. Um did all the clowns just
love that the representation in the White House? He obviously
did his own makeup to one shade, I believe it
or not. I I was one of the clowns against it,
against him. Yeah, in the minity, Yeah yeah, I guess so.
(37:34):
I guess so I started my own group clowns against Trump.
Didn't go to U right, small but vocal group, very vocal.
Laughter is the best medicine. I don't know if you've
ever heard that phrase. Do you think you're more qualified
to do open heart surgery than say, a surgeon on
(37:57):
the doctrine that laughter is no, no, but good question.
What about a witch doctor? What about Dr oz Well?
I think anybody could do what he does right that
it's so funny. I went in for I went in
(38:20):
for a small, uh minimally invasive procedure, caffeine plants. And
how much were those? By the way, Oh, way too much,
way too much? Well less than you would think, but
still a lot. So I would say, But guess who
(38:44):
my surgeon was, doctor Oz? Really? Yeah, I think so
where did you meet him? Huh? Where did you find
your surgeon? Doctor Oz? I looked him up in the
Yellow Pages. I still get the Yellow Pages delivered to
me because I don't trust uh technology, that's not great.
(39:07):
Oh what's happening? Gilly skin all thirsty gillies, the biggest
straw world and it keeps growing and it keeps growing,
and and now he's do you want some? That's okay,
(39:28):
it's okay. Do you need this for your urine sample? Uh? Well,
it could come in handy. You never know. Um, once
you hold onto it, I'll put it right here. I
don't I know that. I did not wake up today
thinking I would receive a giant straw. There's no way
(39:50):
that I could have predicted this. But it's delight delightful.
It's hard to be casual. With a giant straw. I'm
not gonna lie to Okay, you're doing it? Hey, how
you doing? It's a giant straw. Take it with me
wherever I go. No, I can't share it. It's good
(40:15):
for the environment. I don't want to straw. Can you
place that Yeah? Can you place that latte about twenty
ft away from things? That's good. Yeah, let's get on you. Ryan.
You said you wanted to do something from your favorite show. Yes,
I did, if you would indulge us. Thinking we could
(40:37):
do a little stage reading from an episode of Grey's Anatomy.
I love that show. Um, you'll play Derek, of course,
I'm gonna play the part of Meredith. Um Interior Grace
Sloan Memorial Hospital night, Derek is in the scrub room
(40:59):
after surgery, way sushing his hands. Meredith storms in. I lied,
I'm not out of of this relationship. I'm in. I'm
so in. It's humiliating because here I am begging Meredith.
Shut up, you say, Meredith, and I yell. Remember yeah.
(41:22):
Derek leans against the sink, listening. Okay, here, it is
your choice. It's simple. Meredith starts getting teary and emotional.
Her or me, and I'm sure she's really great. But Derek,
I love you in a really really big pretend to
like your taste in music. Let you eat the last
(41:43):
piece of cheesecake. Hold of radio over my head, outside
your window. I don't follow that, do you anyway? Classic show,
unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you? No,
pick me, choose me, love me. Derek looks at her lovingly.
(42:04):
He moves in to touch her. I'll be at Joe's tonite.
I'll be at Joe's tonite. You got it, So if
you do decide to sign the papers, meet me there.
Meredith ready to scrub in. I'm a nurse. Meredith walks out.
Derek looks distressed in size. Wow, you can't beat that, Gilly.
(42:37):
I'm gonna hand you that back. Um. We can't thank
you enough for coming on. Thank you so much. You
are wonderfully jelly the cloud everyone well, no, no, no,
(43:04):
they're not supposed to be here. Mcketh coming back. Thank you.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm
so sorry to do that again. Weird. I don't know
who invited. I don't stop coming out here. Thank you.
That was beautiful. Yet again and thank you, thank you
(43:26):
so much, thank you, Mr Burg And we appreciate all
the work you do in the clowning community. You do
a great job. I appreciate it. Thank you, sir. Wonderful
Gilly the clown over, thank you. And now it's time
we've come to a close. Here, it's time for a
(43:49):
little episode. I like to call my take. Let me
ask you a simple question. How many of you are
dog lovers out there? Um? Can we actually just for
I get a bunch of you doing fair enough? Sometimes
(44:12):
you do run into a random group of people on
a Wednesday night who happened to collectively hate dogs. It's
no secret that I love dogs, especially my very own Baxter. Heck,
(44:34):
I'm not ashamed to say he's my best friend. The
love and respect I have for Baxter is the cornerstone
of what is the greatest relationship I have ever known,
human or otherwise. And yet I do have to say
I think I might have a notion as to what's
contributing to people's hatred towards our canine friends. If you
(44:58):
happen to visit a dog park in the excoming days, weeks,
or months, and I really suggest you do, you'll notice
a very strange phenomenon. Dog names are getting out of control.
I mean it. I come from an era when there
were only about five acceptable dog names Sparky, Skipper, Spot, Pepper,
(45:24):
and lady. I mean, and that's all you really needed.
People were fine with it, in fact, that we happen
to lose your dog, all you had to do was
yell spark A, Skipper, Spot, Pepper, lady, and said dog
would come running home. But somewhere down the line, I
(45:44):
don't know when or where, but this would make a
fascinating research paper. People started playing around with different names,
pushing the limits with an occasional shadow or bingo or hello,
chats such a good boy. Heck, I remember getting a
(46:08):
few odd looks the first time I called out Baxter's name.
But now something is wrong with the matrix. I don't
know if it's the pandemic or the state of the
world right now, but trust me, next time you go
to a dog park, you will lose your mind. Nacho,
come here, Nacho, Cooper Ferrari Jazz. That's a good jazz.
(46:36):
Who's the best jazz? Surfer Boy, pork chop, pumpkin sugar sushi, Chase,
Adella flapjack, cutting board, Boeing seven four seven. What the
hell going on? I often scream at my fellow dog owners.
(47:02):
The other day, I kid you not, there was a
dog named power Aid and another named Direct TV. And
I know what you're thinking. They're dogs. It's just noises
to them. But I disagree. Show them some dignity and
some grace and they will pay it back tenfold. How
(47:27):
I don't know. What I do know is that you
don't want to be lying on your deathbed staring up
at the big cheeseburger in the sky, thinking to yourself,
why did I name my dog? Jacob and ronni attorney
at law. Well, I'm Ron Burgundy and that's my take.
(47:56):
Thank you everyone, You've been a wonderful audience. We appreciate it.
Thank you for coming up, wonderful marrianties, big surprise. I
hired him. It was my idea of the whole God.
(48:27):
He's a sexy sexy man with a sexy sexy plan
because he ain't no sucker looking so flight. You could
drive like a trucker, clean like a plant. You can
solim younger, fool wheel dry, so we never get a duck.
He brace so much tacking up a lot of bandwids
and he's a god. Yeah, he ain't no standing, he
doesn't have He's on a nighttime Standwich because everybody knows
(48:50):
he's the surge he banded Ron Burgundy podcast
Host
Will Ferrell
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