July 1, 2021 • 33 mins
What the hell is this thing?
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Who's that man talking in my e He's Rong Burgundy
Me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking
me talking. Hello, you're listening to the Me Talking Show
(00:23):
where I talk and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes
I'm interrupted by a young woman named Carolina. Her talking
doesn't sound like my talking. Say something, Carolina, right, Hello,
this is Carolina. You see her voice sounds different than mine.
Mine sounds like this our ah we and her sounds
(00:50):
like this. Do it? Ah, you you can you tell
a difference. Here's what it sounds like when we both
do it together. Ah oh ah. So you can see
(01:19):
that when I'm talking, which will undoubtedly be a lot,
my voice will sound one way and Carolina's will sound another.
Now on with the Me Talking Show, the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Then, oh,
is that what we are calling it? We've we've always
called it that. We've called it that for years, always
(01:43):
since the beginning. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope nope.
I called it the Jeremy hold Quist Show for a
few weeks before we went on the air, and that
was when Vanessa la Scha was my co host. What why?
I've always just loved the name Jeremy Holquist. And if
there's someone out there with that name, I say, lucky you.
(02:05):
Wouldn't it be great to go through your day with
the name Jeremy Holquist. What a pleasure that would be.
Can you imagine such a lucky fate? Carolina? Ah, I cannot,
I can I imagine? Jeremy Holquist is a man of distinction.
He holds his head high when entering a conference room
or the lobby of an international hotel. He's got some
(02:26):
facial hair, and his nails are trimmed very neatly, with
the lightest of gloss applied to them, not so much
to attract attention, but just enough to say I'm here
and I drink champagne for lunch. His attache case is
made from the soft hides of webbed duck feet, but
only after they have died of natural causes and are
given a proper duck burial for Jeremy Holquist is an
(02:49):
amateur naturalist and an animal lover. He resides in several homes,
a beach house off the coast of Maine, an expensive
condo atop knob Hill in San Francisco, and a lookout
station on Mount Rainier in Washington State. He has written
several best selling suspense novels under the pseudonym Carl Klaus. Anyway,
(03:10):
that's just how I imagine Jeremy Holquist. What do you
think he's like? I just can't believe you've spent so
much time thinking about the personality for a fake name.
I mean, do you think maybe you're imagining him a
little bit how you see yourself? What? No, No, not
at all. Holduist is six ft two and I am
six ft three. Fold. Uist is also two months older
(03:33):
than me. So no, you're so stupid for saying that
he's That's not needed. He's an entirely different person. Why
why did you even suggest that? Yes? I have written novels,
of course, but I go by the name Daniel Steele,
not Carl Klaus. You write under the name Dan You
know what, I'm not going to bite um? Okay, well
for now, can we just stick to calling the show
(03:56):
the Ron Burgundy Podcast for today? Yeah, that's fine with me.
You know my name is Ron Burgundy. Is there a
bump there? I'm sorry. Well, if we call the show
the Ron Burgundy Podcast, people will think I named it
after me. That's not a problem. For you. You are
Ron Burgundy and this is your podcast. We've been doing
this for three years. What is right? Of course I
(04:17):
get confused inside my brain from time to time, thoughts
splash around in there like Piranha's attacking a water buffalo.
Hello everyone, let's start over. Yeah, my name is Ron
Burgundy and you are listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
I'm joined as always by the lovely under sext and
over educated Carolina. Hello Carolina, Hello Ron. What have we
(04:43):
got on the docket for our show today? It's a
little controversial. Um, you wanted to talk about Q and On? Yes,
I wanted to talk about the mysterious and dark world
of q ah. So tell me, Carolina, what do you
(05:03):
know about so? Q and On is a conspiracy theory
that there is a group of Satan worshiping elites run
a child sex ring and are also trying to control
our politics and media. Um. Something like sevent of adults
in this country believe in Q and On. Okay, not
(05:25):
a bad start first, because this has always been a
fair and balanced, news based podcast. Let's not start off
by calling it a conspiracy. It's a belief held by
many good Americans and even some members of Congress unfortunately. Yeah,
are there Satan worshippers in this world? Yes? There are,
are there people trying to control our media. Probably. Are
(05:48):
there sickos out there? Yes, So when we look at
it objectively, Carolina, you can see the common sense here.
Run Are you seriously going to try and defend Q
and on? We know we can't do this. Hold the
boat there. I'm a journalist, I'm not a politician. I
work in hard facts, not spin. Let's consider the first elements.
(06:10):
Satanic cults. Do they exist? Who runs them? Well, here's
where my vast knowledge of the world comes in handy.
They do exist, And I confess I was once in
such a cult for a short while. This was back
in the seventies, of course, and I had gotten ahold
of an experimental new root plant that, if prepared correctly,
(06:31):
could transport me to a new dimension. Yes, I was
always one to explore my boundaries. So I prepared the
meat of the route in a cyboreum or what you
refer to as a sacramental cup, and I drank. Nothing
seemed to happen except that I grew very tired. However,
when I awoke, I was in an adobe hut in
(06:52):
New Mexico, surrounded by naked adult people people. Yes, I
hadn't a clue as to how I had gotten there
or who these people were. I noticed right away that
I had what surgeons and anyone in the medical profession
would call a boner. My head felt like cotton candy
wrapped in velvet. It was a marvelous sensation. A man
(07:15):
introduced himself to me as Lord Voltrix and said that
I had arrived at my final destination. Final destination, I asked.
I was still a young man full of vim and vigor,
and I I doubted this dirt hut was to be
my final destination in life. But this fella Voltrax yes,
assured me this was as far as I was meant
(07:36):
to go. Well, I went with it. It was fun.
My head felt great, I had that boner and wasn't
going anywhere, so I went with the flow, as they say.
Pretty soon the room filled with more naked people, all
adults and mainly women. Do you know what it feels like, Caroline,
to have sex with sixteen people? I am so glad,
I don't. I mean, like most people. I tried like
(07:59):
a way in college, free way smee way, buddy, that's
Thursday night in the Burgundy household. I'm talking about sixteen
or twenty people all doing it, different bodies, tall, little, big, small,
making love and the most passionate and oily way possible.
And there was a lot of oil, mink oil, I
(08:20):
believe it. Most of it was being poured on me.
Mink o, Yes, mink oil, the steady supply of mink oil.
So much oil, like a fifty five gallon drum full
of mink oil, poured over my body. Jesus, I already
felt like a marshmallow dipped in warm syrup, but that
oil added to my euphoria. Soon I was being transported
by the naked women to the outside hut. It was
(08:43):
night and I could see people carrying torches everywhere. We
were were in a great clearing and a large crowd
of maybe a hundred people had gathered. The naked women
laid me down in a soft but prickly mound of sticks.
My wrists were tied to some posts, as well as
my ankles. Now we're getting someplace, I thought, B D
S M for sure, although no one had asked me
(09:05):
for my safety word, which, by the way, is simply
a mix up of my name bond Urgandy. I don't
need to know your safe word. Safety words are very important,
and bondage situation Scarelina. Well, to be honest, that one
seems kind of easy to mess up. Hmm yeah, let's
return to that later. We don't have to Anyway. Somewhere
a fire was lit and it was getting hotter. This
(09:27):
Lord Voltrex guy, was now dressed in a ridiculous wizard costume,
started yelling about satan and worthy sacrifices blah blah blah.
While I was thinking to myself, I shouldn't get too
close to one of them torches with all that oil
all over my body. Then the fire erupted and it
finally dawned on me. These naked mofos were trying to
(09:48):
burn me at the stake. I quickly unloosened their pitiful knots.
I mean ship, If you're going to stake a man
to the ground so you can burn them, learn a
simple knot. These idio it didn't know what hit the
Still high on the juice of that South American root plant,
I jumped to my feet, grabbed a large branch, and
began beating everyone in sight. Oh my god, it was
(10:10):
a night to remember. But to be honest, I don't
remember much. I can only tell the tale because years
later I ran into Lord Voltra, Yes, listen to this,
who was now going by the name Doug Jenkins. Now
Jenkins told me he was the leader of a sex
cult out of Frisco that was starting to fall apart.
He rebranded it a Satanic cult to keep people on
(10:32):
board so there would be more sex parties. Genius, I thought,
But then inevitably he had to up the anti first
with animal sacrifices, and then I was to be the
first human sacer. He found me wandering in the desert
and nothing but a cut off football jersey and brought
me back to this cult where they were going to
burn me. I shook his hand and we parted ways,
(10:55):
no hard feelings. I went back to my news desk,
and he started a little company called l Computers. And that,
my friends, is where the story really begins. No, the
story began a long time ago. I just I don't
get it. So you're trying to say there are satanic cults,
and Q and On is right to believe it. Precisely,
(11:16):
there are satanic cults. However, do they really control anything
other than hippies and runaways? Hardly likely. The Satanic cults
I have encountered have all formed because one guy wants
to get laid. That was true of manson nexium cults
and most cults. It's actually pretty apt. I mean, heck,
I would form a cult, except I can get laid
(11:37):
any day of the week. Oh yeah, that's true. You
should form a coult, Carolina. What's that supposed to mean?
You know you? No, I don't nothing, nothing at all.
Just just maybe you'd find a date. You don't have
many options, and this is an option, That's all I'm
saying I can do. Just find dating without joining a call.
(12:00):
Oh no, no, never join a cold. Then you're stuck
sleeping with some greasy loser. You have to start your
own and pile up naked men like Jenga pieces. I'm
not going to do that, Ron, I mean, honestly, this
is the most normal dating advice you've ever given me.
But I don't need to start or join a cold
to find a boyfriend or find a partner or whatever. Okay,
(12:21):
fair enough, moving on, I want to talk about the
whole child abduction part of Q and On right. So,
one of the main beliefs of the Q and On
(12:42):
followers is that this cabal of elites, mainly Hollywood actors
and Hillary Clinton, kidnap children, slaughter and eat them to
gain power from their blood. Those are some serious charges, yes,
but you can't take them seriously. It's like the most
ridiculous claim ever. It's like what Nazis used to say
about Jews. There's a real correlation here with Nazis and
(13:05):
Q and On. But but that's for another day. Let's
consider the fact. I don't know if we should do
that episode, but I want to make it abundantly clear.
I have never ever eaten a baby. No one thinks
that that needs to be on the record. Ron has
never eaten a baby, Are we clear? Yes? We always
assumed that. I know some pretty powerful people. Randy Quaid
(13:27):
comes to mind, Neil de grass Tyson, another TikTok celebrity,
Charlie Damilo. So yeah, I'm a big deal, and as
far as I know, none of them have engaged in
baby eating. That said, let's discuss the science. I think
there's some idea that would eating a baby make you
appear younger. That's the question. Yes, once again, I've never
(13:49):
eaten a baby. However, my old work associate and drinking
buddy Champ kind once took me on an adventure into
one of the darkest corners of human depravity. Champ, as
you know, could be a little reckless in his associations.
That he introduced me to a suspicious man named Larry Choi,
who claimed he could rejuvenate the human body with a
(14:09):
dren of chrome harvesting. If you haven't heard of a
dren of chrome harvesting, then you're lucky. I was to
learn all too much about this very real and dangerous subject.
Champ introduced me to Mr Choi one night in a
Denny's dinner, where I munched carelessly on a three egg
Grand Slam breakfast with bacon and sausage patties and home fries,
(14:31):
along with two silver dollar pancakes and a side of
ham slices with French toes, and another omelet with feta
cheese and ham, which came with a side dish of
sausage links and a wavers grand cheros and biscuits and gravy,
all washed down with hot cups of coffee and a
malted milkshake. All in between bites. I got to know
(14:53):
Larry Choi, and he invited me to a private island
off the coast of South America where certain celebrities, liberal elites,
and high powered athletes were also present. Not wanting to
damage anyone's reputation, I can't divulge who was there. I
could drop clues. If you want to really work out it,
you can try. For instance, a recent Super Bowl winning
(15:14):
quarterback who used to play for the New England Patriots
was there, A handsome Hollywood leading man known for his
work in Titanic, and Peter Thield. So you just outed
Tom Brady, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Peter Field. You're a super sleuth. No,
I made that. I made that super easy. I couldn't
help it. It was kind of cool that I was
(15:35):
on a secluded island with these celebrities and others. I
can't mention Eva Longoria, Ashton cut you're Lebron James. I
can't help it to be in the company of these people.
It speaks to my vanity. Hillary Clinton, George so Stephen
King enough, I'm revealing too much. Kira Knightley halle Berry,
Brian Williams, They're all done good, Andy Sandberg, Michael Strahan,
(15:57):
Dame Judy Dench, so many more. Anyway, suffice it to
say I was in good company. Now, for my listeners
who are a little squeamish, the details of what I'm
about to tell you are horrific, beyond the pale. If
you cannot handle blood, or torture or murder, please stop listening.
Oh wait, Cameron Diaz was there too. I just had
(16:20):
to throw that in. All the events that followed did
in fact happen, and by recounting them, I know I'll
give great support to the que and on followers, but
I cannot deny the facts of the night. Are you ready, Carolina?
I really I don't know if I am Carolina. This
is real life I'm talking about. Are you ready? I'm ready,
I'm ready. There we were, this majestic group of elite people,
(16:43):
seated along too beautifully appointed dining tables in an outdoor
patio that overlooked the ocean. The atmosphere was electric. Over
in the corner, popular singer and musician Sting played gently
on his guitar for our amusement. The conversation was intoxic,
and the wine was selected by the finest Somalia from
the private bolts of Peter Theo. From out of the lodge,
(17:06):
a group of masked waiters appeared, holding individual serving platters
covered on top, so we could not as of yet
see the delicious meal that was to come. Each person there,
Rachel Maddow was there, had their own covered silver platter.
The anticipation was great. Larry CHOI made a quick toast
(17:27):
and then told everyone to dig in. I lifted the
cover off my plate, and there before me was a
live baby. At first, I thought this must be some
kind of joke. But I turned my head and saw
all of these elites and Hollywood celebrities taking huge forkfuls
of baby meat and stuffing it in their mouths. I
(17:48):
know none of this happened, of course not. I'm bullshitting you.
See how easy it is to make up stories about
people we don't know. I do know Michael Strayan, however,
no eats babies. It's ridiculous, Carolina. But it's fun to
make up mean stories about people who have better lives
than ours. It just is. Are there some elites who
(18:10):
are immoral and criminal? Donald Trump comes to mind, along
with Jeffrey Epstein. But is there a group of elites
that eat babies or drink blood. Give me a break, people.
There are too many Americans who spend too much time
online reading about Hillary Clinton, satanic baby eating cold and
not enough time with hobbies. Do you have hobbies, Carolina? Hobby? I?
(18:33):
I don't know. I like shopping online, I guess, and
then I watched TV like most people. Well that's the
problem with kids these days. What happened to hobbies? We
should we should do a whole show on hobbies. I
have so many hobbies. I only have time for my hobbies.
I like to whittle. Do you like to whittle? Like whittle? Would?
I've never even tried. Give it a try. Whittling is fun.
(18:57):
How about stamp collecting? Do you collect stamps? No? Neither
do I, But stamp collecting would take great perseverance and research.
If you collected stamps, you probably wouldn't have time to
think about a cabal of Satan worshiping elites who are
staying youthful by eating babies. No, you'd be on the
lookout for that rare inverted Jenny, the rarest stamp out there.
(19:19):
What a hobby that would be. You can almost feel
the blood pumping excitement in stamp collecting. Can't you care
that the blood pumping excitement? No, I stamp Clifton kind
of sounds boring as hobbies go. Sure, it's boring if
you're used to sitting around looking at porn all night
and reading about satanic colts. But not all hobbies are boring,
by the way, Well, give me an exciting hobby. Okay, easy,
(19:42):
metal detective. If you want to get the blood pumping
and the heart racing, get yourself a metal detector. It's
a better feeling than you'll ever get in a Nevada horehouse,
if you know what I mean. No, you can't just
say that, and I don't know what you mean. You
never even talked about metal detecting to me before. I can't.
(20:02):
I'm afraid I might reveal my secret spots. Secret spots. Yes,
metal heads as we call ourselves. You know we have
our secret locations where great treasures have been found. So
no need to invite other metal heads to take our plunder.
Over the years, I've found watches, rings, coins of plenty.
I even found Spanish doubloons where thousands of dollars. However,
(20:26):
I don't do it to make money or bragg I'm sorry.
If you don't do it to make money or brag,
why do you do it? It's good fun and here's
the bonus. Because I'm out there looking for old metal,
I don't spend my time thinking there's a satanic cult
stealing babies and eating them does make sense, of course,
it makes sense. If people had hobbies, they wouldn't care
(20:48):
about demographic changes in the country. They wouldn't care about
gay people getting married or who's using a bathroom. Remember
that guy who drove forward miles to comment Ping Pong
pizza because thought Hillary and John Podesta were operating a
pedophile ring in the back. Um. Yeah, they called pizza Gate.
He actually shot the place up. Well, if he collected
(21:08):
bottles or painted rocks, he wouldn't have done that. He
wouldn't be in jail. He'd be at home cleaning his
bottle collection or painting a rock to look like a ladybug.
People need to get hobbies. It's that simple, okay, But
what about the news media. Is there a caball of
elites who run our news outlets that I'm afraid is true.
I worked in the news game for most of my
(21:30):
life as you know. In fact, not to brag, but
I was one of the most important news anchors in
the history of evening news. For much of my career,
I was with k vw N on Channel four down
in San Diego, a town kissed by the sun gods
and blessed by the what people don't know too well
as I did a stint out of Little Rock on
(21:51):
the news desk for their evening news. The station was
w r O P. You can look it up. This
is a true story, and it was owned and operated
by Clem Hawkins, the am King they called him. Clim
was married to a very beautiful, large, very large, extremely
large world named Patricia Anne Hawkins. Everyone included Clem called
(22:14):
her Patty Cakes. And when I got to Little Rock
there was there was a lot of unrest brewing over
civil rights, the Vietnam War, and women's lib I was
eager to get stories about these earth shattering events out
to my viewers. My first day, Clem sat me down
and explained the rules. I quickly learned I wasn't going
to have a lot of say about the kinds of
(22:34):
stories I was reporting on. He and Patty Cakes had
approved everything we reported on in our half hour patty
cakes didn't mind a little pizzaz. She tolerated some feel
good stories from Vietnams and an occasional story about a
woman with her own business. She apparently spent a semester
(22:54):
in an East Coast school getting a liberal education, but
she didn't want to dip her large pink round toes
and any of the boiling waters of that civil rights stuff.
The ham King had a business, and he couldn't take
sides too much on any issue. His business was to
provide the juiciest and most tender honey baked hams the
Little Rock and the surrounding areas. He reasoned, if he
(23:17):
ran a story that anger had divided his viewers, he
could lose out on a ham sale. Stories that were
too political were out of the question. Our job, besides
reporting on the amazing charitable work of petticakes, of which
truth be told, there were none, was to keep everyone
happy and sell hams. Hams built the empire. Clem Hawkins
(23:38):
sat at top, and he'd be damned if his own
TV station wasn't going to keep it that way. So
you avoided news stories that might make people sad or
angry because the owner didn't want a drop in ham sales.
Is that? Am I getting that right? Essentially? Yes? Well,
I can imagine as a newsman that must have been oppressive.
(23:59):
I mean, I bet you were glad to get out
of there. Are you kidding me? I love Little Rock.
I had a house overlooking the Arkansas River with an
eight person capacity hot tub. My face was on billboards
all over town. I hosted the annual Easter egg hunt.
But you're a news anchor. You didn't get to tell
the news didn't matter to me. I was young and
having a ball. So why did you leave Little Rock? Well?
(24:22):
You know me. I I got into the old trouble
I always get into. I had patty cakes in my
hot tub almost every night, and we weren't playing patty
cakes if you know what I mean. You don't have
to tell me that. Almost everyone in town knew I
was rolling around with Clem's wife except the ham king himself.
And let me tell you something. She was a real expert,
professional grin. I don't need to I'm sure you don't
(24:44):
have any idea what I'm talking about. I'm not really interested. No,
of course not. Do you like a plump guy? Um?
I based my romantic attachments on character. Usually I don't
think about that stuff me too. Do you like the
character of a plump, very hefty gentleman. You know we've
talked about this with Hr in the room, but I
(25:06):
don't really want to talk about my love life. I'm
not going to start a cult to get laid, and
I'm not going to talk about professional lovers. Fair enough, yes,
HR says, I can't push it. Well, you're pushing it
right now, push it, push it real good. Bump bum bump,
bump bump. But no, no, no no, no, I'll forgive me.
(25:28):
I'll just say this, Patty Cakes. If you're still out
there and you're listening, you're always welcome in the Burgundy
at dub. Do not bring your husband. Do bring one
of his hams. They were beyond delicious, the ham Kings hams.
His hams were mouth wateringly good. You tried to shoot
my own butt off, But I see this, Christ, Yeah,
(25:49):
I slipped out of down on a stolen Stingray bicycle.
Those were desperate days. They were heavy days, and days
filled with wonder and love. I'm sorry, I'm just I'm
still a little confused. Swept story. You say you didn't
mind the station owner controlling the news. But you're a
news anchor, so you're there to tell people what's going
on in the world. Right, Carolina, What that did they
(26:12):
teach you at Mount Holyoke College. Let me tell you
something about the news game, young lady. There's never been
a news show that isn't controlled by a business interest
the end, whether it's keeping your margins, selling hands, or
selling ad space, news is not truth. When some station
owner weighs the cost of financial damage against truthful news,
(26:33):
the scale never tips to the truth. I was the
top anchorman in the San Diego region because I kept
the ratings up, way up. I'm handsome, have the best voice,
and I have a great deal of sex appeal. If
I didn't have the trifecta, as it's known in the
news game, then ratings would have dropped and I would
have been out. Pure business decision. There isn't a news
(26:56):
station out there that can afford to tell Americans the truth. Okay,
what about PBS though it stands for a pure bullshit.
They've got their own pressures to stay afloat, and they
have to suck a lot of metaphorical and literal boners
to do it. You can quote me on that. So
(27:27):
there is, in fact that cabal of elites running our
news and information services. Is that what you're saying precisely?
And the cabal is called capitalism. It's the fifth greatest
ideology invented since the beginning of man. It's messy and
silly and unfair, and it leads to a lot of
slanted and untruthful news that makes life very confusing for
(27:48):
people who don't have hobbies. Wow, so you're saying truth
is impossible under a capitalist system. I'm not a professor
at Spellman College, where you went to school. But the
answer is no, they is truth. People have to be
smart and use their noggins and sometimes, if they're very lucky,
they will find it. Can can the news help you? Bet?
(28:09):
Did I try every night from my news desk to
tell the truth? I sure did? Did I also lie
straight to people's faces? I did that too, I'm not
even sorry about it. Lying is fun. It just is
you must lie all the time. You're young and smart.
I bet you're a good liar. Um, I honestly try
not to lie. It just makes me feel way too guilty.
(28:29):
Is that a lie? No? I call bs really give
me a break. You are a foul mouth, dirty liar
and you know it. You know it. You you filthy,
dirty lying machine. Everywhere out of your mouth is a lie,
a bold face lie. You never said a truthful thing
to me ever, ever? Do you hear me? Liar? You're
(28:50):
the biggest liar in the world. Jennifer Bagley, Run, run, run,
look at me. It's me Carolina. Which happened? Where did
that come from? Oh? I have some anger issues with
an old girlfriend and you to work through. Jennifer Bagley. Yes,
Jennifer Bagley, she dumped me in a I took it
pretty well, did you. I remember I was calm and
(29:11):
collected and didn't bother me one bit. We set our goodbyes,
and then I remember I went to a Macy's department
store and bought a new pair of leather gloves. Holy hell,
that resurface in a very unexpected way, didn't it. Yeah,
it feels like maybe you carried a lot of anger
around that rejection. It's normal. I mean, we all carry
anger around from past trauma. At the time, we push
(29:34):
it away so we don't have to feel the pain,
but it always comes back one way or another to
hurt us, which it sounds like it's happening to you,
and it literally always will until you can sit down
and honestly deal with the pain. I believe you're right, Carolina.
Is it possible these Q non believers are carrying around
a lot of rejection and trauma, as you say that,
(29:55):
they just haven't dealt with it in an honest way. Instead,
maybe they find comfort in ridiculous conspiracy theories about Hillary Clinton,
the way I might find comfort in gladiator films and long,
barefoot walks along the freeway. I guess we all have
our ways of dealing with internal pain. I suppose there's
nothing wrong with believing an elite cabal of Satan worshippers
(30:18):
eats babies. I I guess it's only wrong when they
storm the Capitol Building. So basically you're saying NAN is harmless. Well,
except that most of them are racist too, So in
that sense, we're talking about some pretty gullible dumps who
are mad they've been rejected in the world and can't
deal with it. It would be great if they all
got hobbies and mellowed out, but in the meantime, all
(30:41):
we can do is laugh at them. The world keeps
moving on their their kind will lose out A new
conspiracy theories will take the place of the old. There
is one conspiracy theory I shall never let go of,
and I will believe till the day I die. Um, Yeah,
which one is that? You could probably guess when I'm
to say, no, I can't. I can never do that.
(31:02):
I think about one of the things I like to
talk about a lot um the patty cakes. Uh. The
conspiracy of love? All right, right, yes, I guess that
makes sense. Love controls the world despite what it looks
like in our our newspapers and on TV. Love has
held us together throughout the history of man. For if
(31:24):
it were not for love, we would have finished ourselves
off long ago. There there's no need to look any
deeper than that. A great power we don't understand does
control everything. It is a conspiracy, a conspiracy born within
the human heart. The conspiracy is love. For what is love?
(31:57):
H gosh, darn it. That was very ill time, But
I just couldn't hold that in what a corker, A
real room clear. It's so awful it brought tears to
your eyes. Excuse me, I mean, I certainly didn't mean
(32:20):
to put on a Broadway musical, so to speak. I'll
tell you what happened. I had a lobster sandwich for lunch,
and for the life of me, I don't remember buying it,
so it could have been months old. Jesus, that won't
take a toll on the digestive system for sure. And
for those of you not in the studio, the sound,
(32:40):
although grandiose and forceful, I can't even compare to the
damage it's doing to the air quality here in this
small Carolina Wait, what's going on? Why? Why are you
packing up? I'm going to throw up Byron. No, don't
you know what. I don't blame her. This one feels different,
(33:03):
perhaps dangerous. I hope you learned something about Q and
On today. I know I did. It's not going away,
much like the smell in this studio right now. I
assume if you're smart enough to be listening to this podcast,
then you're not stupid enough to fall for this Q
and On bullshit. If you are, though, get a hobby.
(33:25):
My name is Ron Burgundy, and it could be weeks
before I can step into the studio again. So in
the meantime, brush your teeth and try and stay Glassie
Who's that man talking in my e He's Rong Burgundy
Me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking, me talking
me talking. Hello, you're listening to the Me Talking Show
(00:23):
where I talk and talk and talk and talk. Sometimes
I'm interrupted by a young woman named Carolina. Her talking
doesn't sound like my talking. Say something, Carolina, right, Hello,
this is Carolina. You see her voice sounds different than mine.
Mine sounds like this our ah we and her sounds
(00:50):
like this. Do it? Ah, you you can you tell
a difference. Here's what it sounds like when we both
do it together. Ah oh ah. So you can see
(01:19):
that when I'm talking, which will undoubtedly be a lot,
my voice will sound one way and Carolina's will sound another.
Now on with the Me Talking Show, the Ron Burgundy Podcast. Then, oh,
is that what we are calling it? We've we've always
called it that. We've called it that for years, always
(01:43):
since the beginning. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope nope.
I called it the Jeremy hold Quist Show for a
few weeks before we went on the air, and that
was when Vanessa la Scha was my co host. What why?
I've always just loved the name Jeremy Holquist. And if
there's someone out there with that name, I say, lucky you.
(02:05):
Wouldn't it be great to go through your day with
the name Jeremy Holquist. What a pleasure that would be.
Can you imagine such a lucky fate? Carolina? Ah, I cannot,
I can I imagine? Jeremy Holquist is a man of distinction.
He holds his head high when entering a conference room
or the lobby of an international hotel. He's got some
(02:26):
facial hair, and his nails are trimmed very neatly, with
the lightest of gloss applied to them, not so much
to attract attention, but just enough to say I'm here
and I drink champagne for lunch. His attache case is
made from the soft hides of webbed duck feet, but
only after they have died of natural causes and are
given a proper duck burial for Jeremy Holquist is an
(02:49):
amateur naturalist and an animal lover. He resides in several homes,
a beach house off the coast of Maine, an expensive
condo atop knob Hill in San Francisco, and a lookout
station on Mount Rainier in Washington State. He has written
several best selling suspense novels under the pseudonym Carl Klaus. Anyway,
(03:10):
that's just how I imagine Jeremy Holquist. What do you
think he's like? I just can't believe you've spent so
much time thinking about the personality for a fake name.
I mean, do you think maybe you're imagining him a
little bit how you see yourself? What? No, No, not
at all. Holduist is six ft two and I am
six ft three. Fold. Uist is also two months older
(03:33):
than me. So no, you're so stupid for saying that
he's That's not needed. He's an entirely different person. Why
why did you even suggest that? Yes? I have written novels,
of course, but I go by the name Daniel Steele,
not Carl Klaus. You write under the name Dan You
know what, I'm not going to bite um? Okay, well
for now, can we just stick to calling the show
(03:56):
the Ron Burgundy Podcast for today? Yeah, that's fine with me.
You know my name is Ron Burgundy. Is there a
bump there? I'm sorry. Well, if we call the show
the Ron Burgundy Podcast, people will think I named it
after me. That's not a problem. For you. You are
Ron Burgundy and this is your podcast. We've been doing
this for three years. What is right? Of course I
(04:17):
get confused inside my brain from time to time, thoughts
splash around in there like Piranha's attacking a water buffalo.
Hello everyone, let's start over. Yeah, my name is Ron
Burgundy and you are listening to the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
I'm joined as always by the lovely under sext and
over educated Carolina. Hello Carolina, Hello Ron. What have we
(04:43):
got on the docket for our show today? It's a
little controversial. Um, you wanted to talk about Q and On? Yes,
I wanted to talk about the mysterious and dark world
of q ah. So tell me, Carolina, what do you
(05:03):
know about so? Q and On is a conspiracy theory
that there is a group of Satan worshiping elites run
a child sex ring and are also trying to control
our politics and media. Um. Something like sevent of adults
in this country believe in Q and On. Okay, not
(05:25):
a bad start first, because this has always been a
fair and balanced, news based podcast. Let's not start off
by calling it a conspiracy. It's a belief held by
many good Americans and even some members of Congress unfortunately. Yeah,
are there Satan worshippers in this world? Yes? There are,
are there people trying to control our media. Probably. Are
(05:48):
there sickos out there? Yes, So when we look at
it objectively, Carolina, you can see the common sense here.
Run Are you seriously going to try and defend Q
and on? We know we can't do this. Hold the
boat there. I'm a journalist, I'm not a politician. I
work in hard facts, not spin. Let's consider the first elements.
(06:10):
Satanic cults. Do they exist? Who runs them? Well, here's
where my vast knowledge of the world comes in handy.
They do exist, And I confess I was once in
such a cult for a short while. This was back
in the seventies, of course, and I had gotten ahold
of an experimental new root plant that, if prepared correctly,
(06:31):
could transport me to a new dimension. Yes, I was
always one to explore my boundaries. So I prepared the
meat of the route in a cyboreum or what you
refer to as a sacramental cup, and I drank. Nothing
seemed to happen except that I grew very tired. However,
when I awoke, I was in an adobe hut in
(06:52):
New Mexico, surrounded by naked adult people people. Yes, I
hadn't a clue as to how I had gotten there
or who these people were. I noticed right away that
I had what surgeons and anyone in the medical profession
would call a boner. My head felt like cotton candy
wrapped in velvet. It was a marvelous sensation. A man
(07:15):
introduced himself to me as Lord Voltrix and said that
I had arrived at my final destination. Final destination, I asked.
I was still a young man full of vim and vigor,
and I I doubted this dirt hut was to be
my final destination in life. But this fella Voltrax yes,
assured me this was as far as I was meant
(07:36):
to go. Well, I went with it. It was fun.
My head felt great, I had that boner and wasn't
going anywhere, so I went with the flow, as they say.
Pretty soon the room filled with more naked people, all
adults and mainly women. Do you know what it feels like, Caroline,
to have sex with sixteen people? I am so glad,
I don't. I mean, like most people. I tried like
(07:59):
a way in college, free way smee way, buddy, that's
Thursday night in the Burgundy household. I'm talking about sixteen
or twenty people all doing it, different bodies, tall, little, big, small,
making love and the most passionate and oily way possible.
And there was a lot of oil, mink oil, I
(08:20):
believe it. Most of it was being poured on me.
Mink o, Yes, mink oil, the steady supply of mink oil.
So much oil, like a fifty five gallon drum full
of mink oil, poured over my body. Jesus, I already
felt like a marshmallow dipped in warm syrup, but that
oil added to my euphoria. Soon I was being transported
by the naked women to the outside hut. It was
(08:43):
night and I could see people carrying torches everywhere. We
were were in a great clearing and a large crowd
of maybe a hundred people had gathered. The naked women
laid me down in a soft but prickly mound of sticks.
My wrists were tied to some posts, as well as
my ankles. Now we're getting someplace, I thought, B D
S M for sure, although no one had asked me
(09:05):
for my safety word, which, by the way, is simply
a mix up of my name bond Urgandy. I don't
need to know your safe word. Safety words are very important,
and bondage situation Scarelina. Well, to be honest, that one
seems kind of easy to mess up. Hmm yeah, let's
return to that later. We don't have to Anyway. Somewhere
a fire was lit and it was getting hotter. This
(09:27):
Lord Voltrex guy, was now dressed in a ridiculous wizard costume,
started yelling about satan and worthy sacrifices blah blah blah.
While I was thinking to myself, I shouldn't get too
close to one of them torches with all that oil
all over my body. Then the fire erupted and it
finally dawned on me. These naked mofos were trying to
(09:48):
burn me at the stake. I quickly unloosened their pitiful knots.
I mean ship, If you're going to stake a man
to the ground so you can burn them, learn a
simple knot. These idio it didn't know what hit the
Still high on the juice of that South American root plant,
I jumped to my feet, grabbed a large branch, and
began beating everyone in sight. Oh my god, it was
(10:10):
a night to remember. But to be honest, I don't
remember much. I can only tell the tale because years
later I ran into Lord Voltra, Yes, listen to this,
who was now going by the name Doug Jenkins. Now
Jenkins told me he was the leader of a sex
cult out of Frisco that was starting to fall apart.
He rebranded it a Satanic cult to keep people on
(10:32):
board so there would be more sex parties. Genius, I thought,
But then inevitably he had to up the anti first
with animal sacrifices, and then I was to be the
first human sacer. He found me wandering in the desert
and nothing but a cut off football jersey and brought
me back to this cult where they were going to
burn me. I shook his hand and we parted ways,
(10:55):
no hard feelings. I went back to my news desk,
and he started a little company called l Computers. And that,
my friends, is where the story really begins. No, the
story began a long time ago. I just I don't
get it. So you're trying to say there are satanic cults,
and Q and On is right to believe it. Precisely,
(11:16):
there are satanic cults. However, do they really control anything
other than hippies and runaways? Hardly likely. The Satanic cults
I have encountered have all formed because one guy wants
to get laid. That was true of manson nexium cults
and most cults. It's actually pretty apt. I mean, heck,
I would form a cult, except I can get laid
(11:37):
any day of the week. Oh yeah, that's true. You
should form a coult, Carolina. What's that supposed to mean?
You know you? No, I don't nothing, nothing at all.
Just just maybe you'd find a date. You don't have
many options, and this is an option, That's all I'm
saying I can do. Just find dating without joining a call.
(12:00):
Oh no, no, never join a cold. Then you're stuck
sleeping with some greasy loser. You have to start your
own and pile up naked men like Jenga pieces. I'm
not going to do that, Ron, I mean, honestly, this
is the most normal dating advice you've ever given me.
But I don't need to start or join a cold
to find a boyfriend or find a partner or whatever. Okay,
(12:21):
fair enough, moving on, I want to talk about the
whole child abduction part of Q and On right. So,
one of the main beliefs of the Q and On
(12:42):
followers is that this cabal of elites, mainly Hollywood actors
and Hillary Clinton, kidnap children, slaughter and eat them to
gain power from their blood. Those are some serious charges, yes,
but you can't take them seriously. It's like the most
ridiculous claim ever. It's like what Nazis used to say
about Jews. There's a real correlation here with Nazis and
(13:05):
Q and On. But but that's for another day. Let's
consider the fact. I don't know if we should do
that episode, but I want to make it abundantly clear.
I have never ever eaten a baby. No one thinks
that that needs to be on the record. Ron has
never eaten a baby, Are we clear? Yes? We always
assumed that. I know some pretty powerful people. Randy Quaid
(13:27):
comes to mind, Neil de grass Tyson, another TikTok celebrity,
Charlie Damilo. So yeah, I'm a big deal, and as
far as I know, none of them have engaged in
baby eating. That said, let's discuss the science. I think
there's some idea that would eating a baby make you
appear younger. That's the question. Yes, once again, I've never
(13:49):
eaten a baby. However, my old work associate and drinking
buddy Champ kind once took me on an adventure into
one of the darkest corners of human depravity. Champ, as
you know, could be a little reckless in his associations.
That he introduced me to a suspicious man named Larry Choi,
who claimed he could rejuvenate the human body with a
(14:09):
dren of chrome harvesting. If you haven't heard of a
dren of chrome harvesting, then you're lucky. I was to
learn all too much about this very real and dangerous subject.
Champ introduced me to Mr Choi one night in a
Denny's dinner, where I munched carelessly on a three egg
Grand Slam breakfast with bacon and sausage patties and home fries,
(14:31):
along with two silver dollar pancakes and a side of
ham slices with French toes, and another omelet with feta
cheese and ham, which came with a side dish of
sausage links and a wavers grand cheros and biscuits and gravy,
all washed down with hot cups of coffee and a
malted milkshake. All in between bites. I got to know
(14:53):
Larry Choi, and he invited me to a private island
off the coast of South America where certain celebrities, liberal elites,
and high powered athletes were also present. Not wanting to
damage anyone's reputation, I can't divulge who was there. I
could drop clues. If you want to really work out it,
you can try. For instance, a recent Super Bowl winning
(15:14):
quarterback who used to play for the New England Patriots
was there, A handsome Hollywood leading man known for his
work in Titanic, and Peter Thield. So you just outed
Tom Brady, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Peter Field. You're a super sleuth. No,
I made that. I made that super easy. I couldn't
help it. It was kind of cool that I was
(15:35):
on a secluded island with these celebrities and others. I
can't mention Eva Longoria, Ashton cut you're Lebron James. I
can't help it to be in the company of these people.
It speaks to my vanity. Hillary Clinton, George so Stephen
King enough, I'm revealing too much. Kira Knightley halle Berry,
Brian Williams, They're all done good, Andy Sandberg, Michael Strahan,
(15:57):
Dame Judy Dench, so many more. Anyway, suffice it to
say I was in good company. Now, for my listeners
who are a little squeamish, the details of what I'm
about to tell you are horrific, beyond the pale. If
you cannot handle blood, or torture or murder, please stop listening.
Oh wait, Cameron Diaz was there too. I just had
(16:20):
to throw that in. All the events that followed did
in fact happen, and by recounting them, I know I'll
give great support to the que and on followers, but
I cannot deny the facts of the night. Are you ready, Carolina?
I really I don't know if I am Carolina. This
is real life I'm talking about. Are you ready? I'm ready,
I'm ready. There we were, this majestic group of elite people,
(16:43):
seated along too beautifully appointed dining tables in an outdoor
patio that overlooked the ocean. The atmosphere was electric. Over
in the corner, popular singer and musician Sting played gently
on his guitar for our amusement. The conversation was intoxic,
and the wine was selected by the finest Somalia from
the private bolts of Peter Theo. From out of the lodge,
(17:06):
a group of masked waiters appeared, holding individual serving platters
covered on top, so we could not as of yet
see the delicious meal that was to come. Each person there,
Rachel Maddow was there, had their own covered silver platter.
The anticipation was great. Larry CHOI made a quick toast
(17:27):
and then told everyone to dig in. I lifted the
cover off my plate, and there before me was a
live baby. At first, I thought this must be some
kind of joke. But I turned my head and saw
all of these elites and Hollywood celebrities taking huge forkfuls
of baby meat and stuffing it in their mouths. I
(17:48):
know none of this happened, of course not. I'm bullshitting you.
See how easy it is to make up stories about
people we don't know. I do know Michael Strayan, however,
no eats babies. It's ridiculous, Carolina. But it's fun to
make up mean stories about people who have better lives
than ours. It just is. Are there some elites who
(18:10):
are immoral and criminal? Donald Trump comes to mind, along
with Jeffrey Epstein. But is there a group of elites
that eat babies or drink blood. Give me a break, people.
There are too many Americans who spend too much time
online reading about Hillary Clinton, satanic baby eating cold and
not enough time with hobbies. Do you have hobbies, Carolina? Hobby? I?
(18:33):
I don't know. I like shopping online, I guess, and
then I watched TV like most people. Well that's the
problem with kids these days. What happened to hobbies? We
should we should do a whole show on hobbies. I
have so many hobbies. I only have time for my hobbies.
I like to whittle. Do you like to whittle? Like whittle? Would?
I've never even tried. Give it a try. Whittling is fun.
(18:57):
How about stamp collecting? Do you collect stamps? No? Neither
do I, But stamp collecting would take great perseverance and research.
If you collected stamps, you probably wouldn't have time to
think about a cabal of Satan worshiping elites who are
staying youthful by eating babies. No, you'd be on the
lookout for that rare inverted Jenny, the rarest stamp out there.
(19:19):
What a hobby that would be. You can almost feel
the blood pumping excitement in stamp collecting. Can't you care
that the blood pumping excitement? No, I stamp Clifton kind
of sounds boring as hobbies go. Sure, it's boring if
you're used to sitting around looking at porn all night
and reading about satanic colts. But not all hobbies are boring,
by the way, Well, give me an exciting hobby. Okay, easy,
(19:42):
metal detective. If you want to get the blood pumping
and the heart racing, get yourself a metal detector. It's
a better feeling than you'll ever get in a Nevada horehouse,
if you know what I mean. No, you can't just
say that, and I don't know what you mean. You
never even talked about metal detecting to me before. I can't.
(20:02):
I'm afraid I might reveal my secret spots. Secret spots. Yes,
metal heads as we call ourselves. You know we have
our secret locations where great treasures have been found. So
no need to invite other metal heads to take our plunder.
Over the years, I've found watches, rings, coins of plenty.
I even found Spanish doubloons where thousands of dollars. However,
(20:26):
I don't do it to make money or bragg I'm sorry.
If you don't do it to make money or brag,
why do you do it? It's good fun and here's
the bonus. Because I'm out there looking for old metal,
I don't spend my time thinking there's a satanic cult
stealing babies and eating them does make sense, of course,
it makes sense. If people had hobbies, they wouldn't care
(20:48):
about demographic changes in the country. They wouldn't care about
gay people getting married or who's using a bathroom. Remember
that guy who drove forward miles to comment Ping Pong
pizza because thought Hillary and John Podesta were operating a
pedophile ring in the back. Um. Yeah, they called pizza Gate.
He actually shot the place up. Well, if he collected
(21:08):
bottles or painted rocks, he wouldn't have done that. He
wouldn't be in jail. He'd be at home cleaning his
bottle collection or painting a rock to look like a ladybug.
People need to get hobbies. It's that simple, okay, But
what about the news media. Is there a caball of
elites who run our news outlets that I'm afraid is true.
I worked in the news game for most of my
(21:30):
life as you know. In fact, not to brag, but
I was one of the most important news anchors in
the history of evening news. For much of my career,
I was with k vw N on Channel four down
in San Diego, a town kissed by the sun gods
and blessed by the what people don't know too well
as I did a stint out of Little Rock on
(21:51):
the news desk for their evening news. The station was
w r O P. You can look it up. This
is a true story, and it was owned and operated
by Clem Hawkins, the am King they called him. Clim
was married to a very beautiful, large, very large, extremely
large world named Patricia Anne Hawkins. Everyone included Clem called
(22:14):
her Patty Cakes. And when I got to Little Rock
there was there was a lot of unrest brewing over
civil rights, the Vietnam War, and women's lib I was
eager to get stories about these earth shattering events out
to my viewers. My first day, Clem sat me down
and explained the rules. I quickly learned I wasn't going
to have a lot of say about the kinds of
(22:34):
stories I was reporting on. He and Patty Cakes had
approved everything we reported on in our half hour patty
cakes didn't mind a little pizzaz. She tolerated some feel
good stories from Vietnams and an occasional story about a
woman with her own business. She apparently spent a semester
(22:54):
in an East Coast school getting a liberal education, but
she didn't want to dip her large pink round toes
and any of the boiling waters of that civil rights stuff.
The ham King had a business, and he couldn't take
sides too much on any issue. His business was to
provide the juiciest and most tender honey baked hams the
Little Rock and the surrounding areas. He reasoned, if he
(23:17):
ran a story that anger had divided his viewers, he
could lose out on a ham sale. Stories that were
too political were out of the question. Our job, besides
reporting on the amazing charitable work of petticakes, of which
truth be told, there were none, was to keep everyone
happy and sell hams. Hams built the empire. Clem Hawkins
(23:38):
sat at top, and he'd be damned if his own
TV station wasn't going to keep it that way. So
you avoided news stories that might make people sad or
angry because the owner didn't want a drop in ham sales.
Is that? Am I getting that right? Essentially? Yes? Well,
I can imagine as a newsman that must have been oppressive.
(23:59):
I mean, I bet you were glad to get out
of there. Are you kidding me? I love Little Rock.
I had a house overlooking the Arkansas River with an
eight person capacity hot tub. My face was on billboards
all over town. I hosted the annual Easter egg hunt.
But you're a news anchor. You didn't get to tell
the news didn't matter to me. I was young and
having a ball. So why did you leave Little Rock? Well?
(24:22):
You know me. I I got into the old trouble
I always get into. I had patty cakes in my
hot tub almost every night, and we weren't playing patty
cakes if you know what I mean. You don't have
to tell me that. Almost everyone in town knew I
was rolling around with Clem's wife except the ham king himself.
And let me tell you something. She was a real expert,
professional grin. I don't need to I'm sure you don't
(24:44):
have any idea what I'm talking about. I'm not really interested. No,
of course not. Do you like a plump guy? Um?
I based my romantic attachments on character. Usually I don't
think about that stuff me too. Do you like the
character of a plump, very hefty gentleman. You know we've
talked about this with Hr in the room, but I
(25:06):
don't really want to talk about my love life. I'm
not going to start a cult to get laid, and
I'm not going to talk about professional lovers. Fair enough, yes,
HR says, I can't push it. Well, you're pushing it
right now, push it, push it real good. Bump bum bump,
bump bump. But no, no, no no, no, I'll forgive me.
(25:28):
I'll just say this, Patty Cakes. If you're still out
there and you're listening, you're always welcome in the Burgundy
at dub. Do not bring your husband. Do bring one
of his hams. They were beyond delicious, the ham Kings hams.
His hams were mouth wateringly good. You tried to shoot
my own butt off, But I see this, Christ, Yeah,
(25:49):
I slipped out of down on a stolen Stingray bicycle.
Those were desperate days. They were heavy days, and days
filled with wonder and love. I'm sorry, I'm just I'm
still a little confused. Swept story. You say you didn't
mind the station owner controlling the news. But you're a
news anchor, so you're there to tell people what's going
on in the world. Right, Carolina, What that did they
(26:12):
teach you at Mount Holyoke College. Let me tell you
something about the news game, young lady. There's never been
a news show that isn't controlled by a business interest
the end, whether it's keeping your margins, selling hands, or
selling ad space, news is not truth. When some station
owner weighs the cost of financial damage against truthful news,
(26:33):
the scale never tips to the truth. I was the
top anchorman in the San Diego region because I kept
the ratings up, way up. I'm handsome, have the best voice,
and I have a great deal of sex appeal. If
I didn't have the trifecta, as it's known in the
news game, then ratings would have dropped and I would
have been out. Pure business decision. There isn't a news
(26:56):
station out there that can afford to tell Americans the truth. Okay,
what about PBS though it stands for a pure bullshit.
They've got their own pressures to stay afloat, and they
have to suck a lot of metaphorical and literal boners
to do it. You can quote me on that. So
(27:27):
there is, in fact that cabal of elites running our
news and information services. Is that what you're saying precisely?
And the cabal is called capitalism. It's the fifth greatest
ideology invented since the beginning of man. It's messy and
silly and unfair, and it leads to a lot of
slanted and untruthful news that makes life very confusing for
(27:48):
people who don't have hobbies. Wow, so you're saying truth
is impossible under a capitalist system. I'm not a professor
at Spellman College, where you went to school. But the
answer is no, they is truth. People have to be
smart and use their noggins and sometimes, if they're very lucky,
they will find it. Can can the news help you? Bet?
(28:09):
Did I try every night from my news desk to
tell the truth? I sure did? Did I also lie
straight to people's faces? I did that too, I'm not
even sorry about it. Lying is fun. It just is
you must lie all the time. You're young and smart.
I bet you're a good liar. Um, I honestly try
not to lie. It just makes me feel way too guilty.
(28:29):
Is that a lie? No? I call bs really give
me a break. You are a foul mouth, dirty liar
and you know it. You know it. You you filthy,
dirty lying machine. Everywhere out of your mouth is a lie,
a bold face lie. You never said a truthful thing
to me ever, ever? Do you hear me? Liar? You're
(28:50):
the biggest liar in the world. Jennifer Bagley, Run, run, run,
look at me. It's me Carolina. Which happened? Where did
that come from? Oh? I have some anger issues with
an old girlfriend and you to work through. Jennifer Bagley. Yes,
Jennifer Bagley, she dumped me in a I took it
pretty well, did you. I remember I was calm and
(29:11):
collected and didn't bother me one bit. We set our goodbyes,
and then I remember I went to a Macy's department
store and bought a new pair of leather gloves. Holy hell,
that resurface in a very unexpected way, didn't it. Yeah,
it feels like maybe you carried a lot of anger
around that rejection. It's normal. I mean, we all carry
anger around from past trauma. At the time, we push
(29:34):
it away so we don't have to feel the pain,
but it always comes back one way or another to
hurt us, which it sounds like it's happening to you,
and it literally always will until you can sit down
and honestly deal with the pain. I believe you're right, Carolina.
Is it possible these Q non believers are carrying around
a lot of rejection and trauma, as you say that,
(29:55):
they just haven't dealt with it in an honest way. Instead,
maybe they find comfort in ridiculous conspiracy theories about Hillary Clinton,
the way I might find comfort in gladiator films and long,
barefoot walks along the freeway. I guess we all have
our ways of dealing with internal pain. I suppose there's
nothing wrong with believing an elite cabal of Satan worshippers
(30:18):
eats babies. I I guess it's only wrong when they
storm the Capitol Building. So basically you're saying NAN is harmless. Well,
except that most of them are racist too, So in
that sense, we're talking about some pretty gullible dumps who
are mad they've been rejected in the world and can't
deal with it. It would be great if they all
got hobbies and mellowed out, but in the meantime, all
(30:41):
we can do is laugh at them. The world keeps
moving on their their kind will lose out A new
conspiracy theories will take the place of the old. There
is one conspiracy theory I shall never let go of,
and I will believe till the day I die. Um, Yeah,
which one is that? You could probably guess when I'm
to say, no, I can't. I can never do that.
(31:02):
I think about one of the things I like to
talk about a lot um the patty cakes. Uh. The
conspiracy of love? All right, right, yes, I guess that
makes sense. Love controls the world despite what it looks
like in our our newspapers and on TV. Love has
held us together throughout the history of man. For if
(31:24):
it were not for love, we would have finished ourselves
off long ago. There there's no need to look any
deeper than that. A great power we don't understand does
control everything. It is a conspiracy, a conspiracy born within
the human heart. The conspiracy is love. For what is love?
(31:57):
H gosh, darn it. That was very ill time, But
I just couldn't hold that in what a corker, A
real room clear. It's so awful it brought tears to
your eyes. Excuse me, I mean, I certainly didn't mean
(32:20):
to put on a Broadway musical, so to speak. I'll
tell you what happened. I had a lobster sandwich for lunch,
and for the life of me, I don't remember buying it,
so it could have been months old. Jesus, that won't
take a toll on the digestive system for sure. And
for those of you not in the studio, the sound,
(32:40):
although grandiose and forceful, I can't even compare to the
damage it's doing to the air quality here in this
small Carolina Wait, what's going on? Why? Why are you
packing up? I'm going to throw up Byron. No, don't
you know what. I don't blame her. This one feels different,
(33:03):
perhaps dangerous. I hope you learned something about Q and
On today. I know I did. It's not going away,
much like the smell in this studio right now. I
assume if you're smart enough to be listening to this podcast,
then you're not stupid enough to fall for this Q
and On bullshit. If you are, though, get a hobby.
(33:25):
My name is Ron Burgundy, and it could be weeks
before I can step into the studio again. So in
the meantime, brush your teeth and try and stay Glassie
Host
Will Ferrell
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