August 5, 2021 • 26 mins
A love story as old as time.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Who's that man in my he's roun Hey. This is
Carolina welcoming you to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
So Ron is here, Um, but he's been on hold
(00:21):
with customer support with his phone company for got a
few hours now and he's actually finally got someone on
the line, but we had to start recording. We only
have so much studio time and um okay. Ron doesn't
want to hang up and start the process all over again,
which I'm sure you all understand how frustrating that can
be to be stuck on a customer service call. So um,
(00:46):
let's be patient, you and I and I'm sure Ron
will be right with us whenever he can. No, no,
we already added the unlimited data plan. Ah no, ma'am.
I'm not frustrated with you. I'm frustrated with the situation. Please.
I understand you have a tough job. You need the
(01:06):
serial number again, you're kidding? Okay, Well, now I have
the tough job because I'm talking to an idiot. I
take it back, man, Please please don't hang out, Okay.
In the meantime, today's episode is on animal sanctuaries and
how they've dealt with the pandemic. We've got some very
uplifting and heart unlimited five l data plan. No, I
(01:31):
don't need the Platinum plan for an additional five run run.
How much longer do you think I've already got unlimited data.
I'm not interested in adding a streaming service. I mean
there's too many options to watch. Oh really, they have
all the episodes of the Love Boat. Hold on, Carolina,
this streaming service that comes with my phone has all
(01:54):
the episodes of the Love Boat. Did you ever watch
the Love Boat? Sure? Yeah? Have you seen every episode?
I haven't. No, I watched it pretty regularly, but I
I might have missed some episodes. Plus I haven't seen
it in years. Carolina, this is urgent, so pause the recording.
And I mean it when I say this is life
or death. I don't let me ask you this question.
(02:17):
Should I spend the extra five dollars for a streaming
service that has all the episodes of the Love Boat?
I don't know. Let's record our episode. This is it's
really up to you. Wait wait, hold on, yes, yes, yes, yes,
I'm still here. Okay, look lady, I just want a
phone that works. Okay, I've been on hold for literally
four hours and fifty seven minutes. Now you're throwing this
(02:37):
every episode of the Love Boat thing at me, and
I wanted to consult my friend Carolina on what to
do here, like like it's it's nice to know they're available,
but am I really going to watch every episode? No,
let's move on. The priority is having a working phone. Yes,
thank you for understanding. I'm sorry, what did you say
your name was? Again? Thank you, Brita. Okay, Um, Hopefully
(03:01):
Ron will make a decision. It seems like it's a
really difficult one. I don't know why. But in the meantime,
we have an uplifting story about a koala named Joe
Joe who missed his human friends during Before we finalize this,
do any other streaming services come for an additional five dollars?
Can you keep your voice down? Look, you sold me
on the one with the Love Boat episodes. I've thought
(03:22):
it over and that's an absolute must. I already feel
more comfortable knowing I'll have access to every episode of
the Love Boat. Yes, it was a fun show. I
do remember that. One. What I'm asking is, in terms
of streaming service, are there any how do I put
(03:43):
this of an adult nature? Because if there are, I
will pay for that. What Okay, So no on adult
themed Okay, just to be clear, you know I'm talking
about ladies and fellows doing what comes naturally. I'm sure
she knows what you mean. Aline, I'm talking to her.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but so you don't offer that, no,
(04:03):
no problem. Just give me the unlimited five G Gold
data plan and the service that gives me. Carolina, I
am almost done. I got the channel with the love boat.
Heard great. Let's celebrate after we record today's show. Um,
you ready, I'm gonna kick you at yeah, yeah, just
just one more second. I'm sorry, I just want to
(04:24):
close this while I still have this person on the phone.
You get the wrong customer service person and you have
to start all over. So thanks, Carolina, You're a champ.
You know. I was actually really excited about this episode
because Ron and I were talking and I brought up
the question, Hey, I wonder if the animals at the
zoo were happy because there were less people around during
the pandemic, or if they missed the company of daily
(04:45):
zoo visitors, And he actually got teary eyed thinking about
the animals missing quote unquote an audience to perform for
and I actually thought that was very sensitive and adorable.
So Carolina, I'm almost done here. You could just quiet down.
We're almost done. Go hide in the bathroom if you must.
You called me a champ just like five seconds ago.
(05:07):
That was the love boat talking. I forgot. I still
had to activate my phone. I I swear I did
not think I'd be on the phone this long. But
I'm getting a much better plan. I totally get it, honestly,
it's just we really do have a limited Sabrina. I'm here.
Sorry for the disturbance. Now we're settled on the unlimited
data five G Gold plan. As you know, guys, there
(05:28):
are a lot of podcasts and Ron has a very
busy schedule and I'm actually, you don't believe it or not,
I'm busy sometimes so finding time for us to really
sit down. What else do you need from me, Sabrina,
I can't remember my authorization pin code. No, I don't
think my mother had a maiden name. Hold on one second, Carolina,
(05:49):
do you know my authorization pin code? Um? I think
it's Ron one to three four. And I know this
isn't the time, but you really need to change it.
It should be something more complicated, Brina. Try Ron. That's
not it, Carolina, it's not Ron. Yeah. Do you have
(06:09):
any idea what my authorization pin code could be? I
know sometimes you've used eight zero zero eight five because
it's spells boobs on a calculator, good memory, Carolina, Hey, Sabrina,
try eight zero zero eight five it's spells. Oh you
know that joke too, Yes, I see right, Okay, well,
(06:35):
I'm truly lost on what my authorization pin code could be. Then,
just to try to sneak in some of our planned episode, UM,
I'm going to tell a story about a zoologist named
Gary who works at a giraffe sanctuary and um, he
really stuck his neck out for his giraffe friends. I Um,
I wrote that, Sabrina, I'm in a real bind here.
(06:58):
Is there is there another way for me to prove
my identity? Hold on, this is going to sound crazy,
but you see my name on the account is Ronald Burgundy.
Maybe this will help you verify who I am. This
is ron Burgundy, you stay classy, Yes, exactly, Sabrina, this
(07:18):
is the real ron Burgundy. Well, thank you, Sabrina. I
am a fan of yours as well, because you're helping
me to get my new phone set up, not to
mention the love Boat episodes on that streaming, Sir, can
we move on from the love Boat? Yes, yes, yes,
I see what you're saying. This could be someone doing
a very good impression of Ron Burgundy. I appreciate you
(07:41):
wanting to protect my security. I'll be honest with you.
I can't, for the life of me remember my authorization Pincoat.
Carolina over here doesn't remember it either. Wait, wait, hold on,
what about this? Hey, Carolina, can you do me a
favor and talk to Sabrina here from Customer Care and
tell her that I am in act the real round Brignady.
(08:01):
I mean, I don't know if that's going to even
help the situation. I've been five hours. I've been dealing
with this for five hours. Okay, Okay, I know how
frustrating this can be. I mean, I've said that I
just had to deal with my cable company, So thank you.
I really just want to wrap this up and do
the episode about dog fights that we had. You know,
we're not doing your episode about exposing dog fighting rings.
(08:23):
We're doing heartwarming stories about zoologist. Just talk to Sabrina
and vouch for who I am. Thank you, hand this
over to you. Hi, Sabrina, my name is Carolina. I
can assure you this is really round Burgundy calling. I
know it. Yeah, I understand. No, I understand. Okay, Ron,
she needs to speak with you, Sabrina. How we doing?
(08:47):
What do you mean, Sabrina, she vouched for me. Isn't
that good enough? I see? Yeah? Yes, uh huh right,
Oh that's a good Wait. The authorization code is for
my protections. So Ron did want to do an episode
on dog fighting, and as a dog lover, I think
(09:07):
he was quite upset about it and wanted, in his words,
to quote rescue some bitches, and he seemed adamant about
taking down some guy named Bleacher. I hear what you're saying.
It is entirely possible someone could call the phone company,
do a convincing Round Burgundy impression and then get access
(09:28):
to sensitive information. No, I've read all about it. It's
called social engineering. Oh, you've been trained in how to
deal with it, Sabrina. As frustrating as this situation is,
I can tell that you do know a thing or doing,
and I like that You're a no bologne, no nonsense,
real life working lady making a cool seventy five to
(09:50):
my dollar. Can I just interject, I'm so sorry, but again,
limited studio time, Ron, Carolina, give me a second. Sabrina
from Customer Care has been an angel. Yes, you, Sabrina.
It took me five hours of being transferred from different departments. Carolina.
Do you remember when I was talking to Brad? Yeah,
(10:11):
you guys missed that. Actually earlier Ron was on the
phone with Brad from Customer Service and he wasn't great.
He wasn't if so, And if we hang up now,
there's a chance I'll end up back on the phone
with a Brad. And with all due respect to Brad,
he's a horror show. What's what's that? Sabrina? Ha ha ha
ha really wow, oh my god. Let me tell Carolina. Carolina,
(10:36):
get this. Sabrina knows the Brad we're talking about. Oh,
they work in the same call center. Yeah, and he
brings a thermis with him to work every day, labeled
Brad's thermist. That's kind of normal, right, Sabrina. Have you
ever tried to look in the thermis to see what's
in it? Really, Carolina, in Brad's thermis every day, guess
(10:58):
what it is? I don't. It's corn chowder. That's fascinating, Ron,
But we have an episode. Wait, so, Sabrina, he never
changes it up. I mean, I like corn chowder, but
I don't think I could eat it every day. All right,
that's what I mean. He is a horror show, like
one of my favorite horror movies, The Thing or the Blah. Okay, um,
(11:20):
Sometimes there are security questions they can ask you so
you can reset your pen. Hold on, I can't deal
with two people talking at once, Sabrina. Oh please, I
want to know more about Brad. My god, I'm collapsing
under the pressure. Just see if they have any more
security questions to reset your pen. I know you don't
(11:42):
think your mom had a maiden name, but maybe there are. Okay,
got it, Sabrina. Hey, this is she knows it's you. Sabrina.
Do you have security questions? You can ask me to
reset my pen? You do? She does? Great? Why didn't
you just tell me that you guys are talking about
(12:03):
corn showder and Brad. Hey does Brad smell like corn jowder?
Of course he does. Anyway, if you give me those
security questions, I might be able to answer them. Okay,
when Ron wraps us up. Let's just skip the draft
and the quality. We can actually, you know, there's a
cute story about a spider monkey named Phillis who is
a dead ringer for the comedian Phyllis Diller. It's a
(12:26):
human interest story and we have pictures will linked to
you on our website. Okay, what city did I have
my first kissing? We don't need to hear this. That's
a security question and I answered it. No, I do
know it. It's just awfully personally, I can't believe you
even ask that as a company, Carolina. They're asking me
(12:47):
to kiss and tell here, and I'm not sure what
the gentlemanly thing to do is. They just need to
know the city, not the intimate details of the kiss. Okay,
well that seems on the up and up, then, Sabrina,
are we talking about a friendly kiss on the lips
or like full on french ing? We don't need to know.
I'm asking because they happened in different cities, so the
(13:07):
answers would be different, right, So full on French ng
and twerp Belgium A N T W E r P. Okay, great,
So just one final question in the meantime back to
the spider monkey named phyllis right. Final security question? Oh, Sabrina,
(13:30):
that's an easy one. Carolina C A R O L
I N A. What was the security question? I was
the answer to Carolina, Please, this is almost done. Okay,
I hope it is? What No, no, no, not you, Sabrina.
I was talking to the aforementioned Carolina. Yes, that's why
(13:50):
I said it as a security question to ask. It's
something I could never forget. What is it? So? Are
you convinced finally the this is the real ron Burger
you're speaking to terrific? Okay, so let's set up the
unlimited five G GOL data plan. Oh and don't forget
I do want the love Boat episodes on that streaming.
(14:13):
No one will ever forget that. I'm sorry, I really
want to get back to what my security question was, Sabrina.
Of course I have a major credit card. I have
many of them. What are you looking for? A master
charge diners club? Okay, Well, here's the thing. I'm recording
a podcast right now, so I'm gonna have to ask
you to hold on before I give you the number.
(14:33):
You're barely recording a podcast. One second, Hey, Carolina, can
you do me a favorite. What favorite you mean? Well,
I'm about to give Sabrina my credit card number, and
I want you to make sure they bleep out my
credit card number from this podcast. Yeah, they can edit
it out, Ron, It's no problem, I swear. Okay, Sabrina,
my card number is I'm sorry, let me let me
(15:01):
give that to you again. These numbers are a little
hard to read, okay, expiration data is okay. What's a
CVV code? Oh? Yeah, there it is. I never noticed
that before. Hey, Carolina, did you know about the three
(15:24):
digit code on the back of the Yeah, it's it's
for extra protection. Oh I never noticed it. How have
you ever bought anything without using the three digit code
on you know what? I don't want to know. I've
never noticed it and it's ever been an issue. Yeah,
the number is. Thank you, Sabrina. Carolina. Make sure they
(15:47):
beat out all of my sensitive credit card information, of course,
And if I noticed any suspicious charges from and Taylor
Loft on my car, I'm not going to steal your
card and go to Ann Taylor. I don't only shop
at Anne Taylor. No sensible black pants, no machine washable cardigans,
no fun mom shirt that says sunshine on it. No wedges,
(16:10):
I'm serious. Wait wait, hold on, hold on, Sabrina. Yeah,
I'm still here. What do you mean the car didn't
go through? Oh you know what, that one's on ron
I forgot I max that card out buying an air
hockey table run okay to our listeners, we are running
out of time. I don't have the chance to cover
any of them, the spider story, but we do have
(16:33):
one last terrific story coming up about some penguins who
only waddle while listening to music by Edge Shearing. How
many children's stories did you write down nice animal stories?
Because here's the deal. Our audience isn't a bunch of
toddlers who are going down for a nap after snack dime.
Their men and women with passions, their presidents and dignitaries
(16:54):
who respect journalism and they need important Yes, still here, Sabrina. No,
it's a really cool air hockey table. Do you play
air hockey? Really? I'm guessing that Sabrina plays air hockey. Yes,
yes she does. I had no idea they had championship
air hockey competitions. That's fascinating. Hold on, I want to
(17:18):
I want to hear more about this, but let me
give you another card first, Carolina, make sure they bleep
out my card info. Please, what do you think I'm
gonna do? Also, did you know there was Championship air Hockey? No,
we should do an episode about that, you know what, Ron,
I would be thrilled to do any episode as soon
as you're off the phone. Okay, Sabrina, it's a home
Shop network card, but I think it will work right.
(17:40):
The number is Okay, We're going to take a break
and when we get back, hopefully Ron will be finished
with the phone company and we can do the actual podcast,
which would be really really exciting. Bear with us, folks,
Please welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I'm Ron Burgundy,
(18:16):
and with me as always is my co host Carolina. Yeah.
We're mid episode. Yes, that's that's typically what i'd say
while opening a segment on my podcast, Sabrina. But I
want to finish up with this transaction with you and
get my new phone up and ready. So Ron is
still on the phone with Sabrina from Customer Care. Okay,
(18:36):
so let me ask you, Sabrina. Can I choose my
phone number? Can you make it spell out something fun
like area code and then the corresponding numbers to spell
out cool ron. Oh that that number is already taken.
Can you tell me by who? Oh? It's an unlisted number.
(18:58):
It's just kind of frustrating because there's no way for
me to know if that ron is cool or not.
I just think the numbers should go to the coolest ron,
and I have a gut feeling I'm cooler than the
ron who has it, Sabrina, I go with my gut.
You should go with my gun. I'm sorry. It's not
like a license plate. You can't get like a customized
cool phone number. And I thought we were going to
(19:18):
be finished soon so we could do the show. Hold
on just a second, Sabrina. Remember the answer to my
third security question? Yeah, guess what she's doing right now. Okay,
that's why I chose her to be my security questions Carolina.
I'm almost done. I promise, thank you for your patients.
I'm not patient right now. I just want to see
(19:39):
if I can get my phone number to spell out
cool ron. I'm so sorry. I need to know what
is your security question that i'm the answer for. It
doesn't have to do with body hair, so it does
and it doesn't have to do with your arms, back,
legs or mustachio. No, that's very rude, Sabrina. If I
have the chance to get a fun phone number that
(20:00):
spells out cool Ron, then this is a one in
a million opportunity to really submit my reputation. I think,
Sabrina already told you the number cool run is unavailable.
That's just what I'm gathering. So someone else has it.
I know that, But do they deserve it? Maybe if
I contact that person, they'll go, whoa Ron Burgerty, You're
a cooler than me and you deserve to have that
(20:21):
phone number. With my apologies, we have to at least try.
We have a podcast to do. Sorry, Caroline, I'm going
for it. This is a once in a lifetime shot.
This is life of Days. No, I don't know why
you keep saying that. You said that about getting the
love Boat stream or subscription. Yes, today has been intense,
all right, Well, just please we have very limited studio time.
I know I keep saying that, but it's I don't
(20:43):
know what this episode is, Sabrina, are you there? Would
you mind if I called the person who has the
phone number cool ron and explain the situation and see
if maybe I can work this out. Really. Thank you, Sabrina.
Listen after this, because I know you're gonna ask. I
would be happy to take a brief survey about my
(21:03):
customer service experience with you. It's been fantastic. It hasn't
been great. You're a true jem. Also, I want to
hear more about you being a championship air hockey player.
We don't have the time, Carolina. Can I use your
phone for a second? Okay, but I don't have a
hairy back and I don't have a mustache or Look,
I'm just gonna make a quick call to cool Run
and see if I can broke her a deal. Here,
(21:25):
I'm bringing this home, Carolina. I'm this close. I know
it's been five hours, but we're making this happen. Whatever here,
just make your dumb call. Hello. Hey, this is Ron Burgerdy. Yes,
the broadcasting legend. I understand. I'm speaking to another cool Run.
(21:50):
May I ask what your last name is? Really? Okay?
I see, Well, I was gonna ask you if I
could of the number cool Ron, but obviously that is
not going to happen. Sorry to bother you. Huge fan
by the way, take care. So who answered the phone?
Who's the other Ron? Hey, Sabrina, Yeah, can you talk
(22:13):
to me too? It turns out the phone number that
spells out cool Ron belongs to Ronnie Wood from the
Rolling Stone. Oh my god, I know. Can you believe it?
I'm gonna take the high road here. There's there's no
way I can beat a member of the Rolling Stones
for the phone number that spells out cool Ron. So
technically he goes by Ronnie Wood. But that's that's splitting hairs. No, Sabrina,
(22:38):
he gets the phone number cool Ron, fair and square.
That's very generous of you. Okay, So I believe Ron
is finished with Sabrina and the cool Ron phone number
didn't work out. But that's okay because what did work
out for some bunnies in Florida is going to melt
your heart. I don't why am I still even trying
to do this. We're not going to get to the bunny.
(23:00):
We didn't get to see any of the other animals.
I'm going crazy. I don't, Sabrina. Are we set up
with my unlimited five g GOL data plan plus love
boat channel thing? Great? Okay, we're all set? Then there
we go. Oh my god, Ron is all set we
are going to recall me more about this professional air
(23:20):
hockey league. How good do you have to be to
get in? All right, We're going to be right back
after this. I'm so sorry, Sabrina. You are something else.
(23:42):
Let me tell you, Carolina, get this. I am talking
to the Numbers seven air hockey champion in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
You know I think about this. I was just calling
to set up my cell phone. But Sabrina here is
amazing great. I'm so happy for you. What's that, Sabrina?
To be honest, I don't get out to Scratton very much,
but talking to you today, it sounds like maybe I
(24:04):
should make a special trip. Would you be up for that?
Are you asking your customer care representative to go on
a date with you? Carolina? Be cool? I am, Sabrina
and I are just good friends. You are, yeah? I mean,
who knows what it might turn into, But don't put
pressure on the situation anyway. I'll be done in a second.
(24:24):
Then we can do our dog fighting expose. We're going
to talk about the bunnies. No, wait, tell you what.
We should get Sabrina on a plane and interview her.
Better yet, I'll fly out to Scratton and I'll do
the show with her. Sabrina, are you are you there still?
Would you be up for that? You want to be
a guest on the Ron Burgundy podcast? Perfect? I think?
(24:49):
Talk about that? Well, do me a favor and check
if there's any direct flights to Scratton or if I
need to change planes in Philadelphia. Also, how long a
drive it is? I just I want to co ho
this podcast right now, not be your travel agent. And no,
you're a team player. Listen to Sabrina, I gotta run.
You have my number, text me yours right now and
we'll work out the details. Yep, got it. Hey, Sabrina,
(25:16):
you're you're not going to call up cool Ron and
bail on me, are you? No? No? I was just kidding.
Well again, this has been a pleasure. Not really. I'm
gonna go do the podcast, but thanks so much for
your help today. Very excited about the unlimited five G
gold plan and we'll talk soon. Okay, bye, Sabrina. Hey,
(25:38):
you can't spell best without Sabrina. Remember that? Okay, you
take care. No, you can spell best without Sabrina. Actually
it's only the letter B that is similar. All set?
Are you good? Sorry about that. It's it's just once
you get someone on the phone after going through all
those automated customer service menus, you don't want to lose them.
(26:01):
And so I apologize and hey, I feel energized. Let's
do the show. Um really okay, I think we have
like fifteen minutes left. Um, here we go. So it's
not just humans who went through a roller coaster of
emotions in so have many animals at the zoo who
(26:21):
used to be visited by millions across the country. But sorry,
let me let me just grab that I have to
leave a five star review for Sabrina. Oh hi Brad,
Oh my god.
Who's that man in my he's roun Hey. This is
Carolina welcoming you to another episode of the Ron Burgundy Podcast.
So Ron is here, Um, but he's been on hold
(00:21):
with customer support with his phone company for got a
few hours now and he's actually finally got someone on
the line, but we had to start recording. We only
have so much studio time and um okay. Ron doesn't
want to hang up and start the process all over again,
which I'm sure you all understand how frustrating that can
be to be stuck on a customer service call. So um,
(00:46):
let's be patient, you and I and I'm sure Ron
will be right with us whenever he can. No, no,
we already added the unlimited data plan. Ah no, ma'am.
I'm not frustrated with you. I'm frustrated with the situation. Please.
I understand you have a tough job. You need the
(01:06):
serial number again, you're kidding? Okay, Well, now I have
the tough job because I'm talking to an idiot. I
take it back, man, Please please don't hang out, Okay.
In the meantime, today's episode is on animal sanctuaries and
how they've dealt with the pandemic. We've got some very
uplifting and heart unlimited five l data plan. No, I
(01:31):
don't need the Platinum plan for an additional five run run.
How much longer do you think I've already got unlimited data.
I'm not interested in adding a streaming service. I mean
there's too many options to watch. Oh really, they have
all the episodes of the Love Boat. Hold on, Carolina,
this streaming service that comes with my phone has all
(01:54):
the episodes of the Love Boat. Did you ever watch
the Love Boat? Sure? Yeah? Have you seen every episode?
I haven't. No, I watched it pretty regularly, but I
I might have missed some episodes. Plus I haven't seen
it in years. Carolina, this is urgent, so pause the recording.
And I mean it when I say this is life
or death. I don't let me ask you this question.
(02:17):
Should I spend the extra five dollars for a streaming
service that has all the episodes of the Love Boat?
I don't know. Let's record our episode. This is it's
really up to you. Wait wait, hold on, yes, yes, yes, yes,
I'm still here. Okay, look lady, I just want a
phone that works. Okay, I've been on hold for literally
four hours and fifty seven minutes. Now you're throwing this
(02:37):
every episode of the Love Boat thing at me, and
I wanted to consult my friend Carolina on what to
do here, like like it's it's nice to know they're available,
but am I really going to watch every episode? No,
let's move on. The priority is having a working phone. Yes,
thank you for understanding. I'm sorry, what did you say
your name was? Again? Thank you, Brita. Okay, Um, Hopefully
(03:01):
Ron will make a decision. It seems like it's a
really difficult one. I don't know why. But in the meantime,
we have an uplifting story about a koala named Joe
Joe who missed his human friends during Before we finalize this,
do any other streaming services come for an additional five dollars?
Can you keep your voice down? Look, you sold me
on the one with the Love Boat episodes. I've thought
(03:22):
it over and that's an absolute must. I already feel
more comfortable knowing I'll have access to every episode of
the Love Boat. Yes, it was a fun show. I
do remember that. One. What I'm asking is, in terms
of streaming service, are there any how do I put
(03:43):
this of an adult nature? Because if there are, I
will pay for that. What Okay, So no on adult
themed Okay, just to be clear, you know I'm talking
about ladies and fellows doing what comes naturally. I'm sure
she knows what you mean. Aline, I'm talking to her.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but so you don't offer that, no,
(04:03):
no problem. Just give me the unlimited five G Gold
data plan and the service that gives me. Carolina, I
am almost done. I got the channel with the love boat.
Heard great. Let's celebrate after we record today's show. Um,
you ready, I'm gonna kick you at yeah, yeah, just
just one more second. I'm sorry, I just want to
(04:24):
close this while I still have this person on the phone.
You get the wrong customer service person and you have
to start all over. So thanks, Carolina, You're a champ.
You know. I was actually really excited about this episode
because Ron and I were talking and I brought up
the question, Hey, I wonder if the animals at the
zoo were happy because there were less people around during
the pandemic, or if they missed the company of daily
(04:45):
zoo visitors, And he actually got teary eyed thinking about
the animals missing quote unquote an audience to perform for
and I actually thought that was very sensitive and adorable.
So Carolina, I'm almost done here. You could just quiet down.
We're almost done. Go hide in the bathroom if you must.
You called me a champ just like five seconds ago.
(05:07):
That was the love boat talking. I forgot. I still
had to activate my phone. I I swear I did
not think I'd be on the phone this long. But
I'm getting a much better plan. I totally get it, honestly,
it's just we really do have a limited Sabrina. I'm here.
Sorry for the disturbance. Now we're settled on the unlimited
data five G Gold plan. As you know, guys, there
(05:28):
are a lot of podcasts and Ron has a very
busy schedule and I'm actually, you don't believe it or not,
I'm busy sometimes so finding time for us to really
sit down. What else do you need from me, Sabrina,
I can't remember my authorization pin code. No, I don't
think my mother had a maiden name. Hold on one second, Carolina,
(05:49):
do you know my authorization pin code? Um? I think
it's Ron one to three four. And I know this
isn't the time, but you really need to change it.
It should be something more complicated, Brina. Try Ron. That's
not it, Carolina, it's not Ron. Yeah. Do you have
(06:09):
any idea what my authorization pin code could be? I
know sometimes you've used eight zero zero eight five because
it's spells boobs on a calculator, good memory, Carolina, Hey, Sabrina,
try eight zero zero eight five it's spells. Oh you
know that joke too, Yes, I see right, Okay, well,
(06:35):
I'm truly lost on what my authorization pin code could be. Then,
just to try to sneak in some of our planned episode, UM,
I'm going to tell a story about a zoologist named
Gary who works at a giraffe sanctuary and um, he
really stuck his neck out for his giraffe friends. I Um,
I wrote that, Sabrina, I'm in a real bind here.
(06:58):
Is there is there another way for me to prove
my identity? Hold on, this is going to sound crazy,
but you see my name on the account is Ronald Burgundy.
Maybe this will help you verify who I am. This
is ron Burgundy, you stay classy, Yes, exactly, Sabrina, this
(07:18):
is the real ron Burgundy. Well, thank you, Sabrina. I
am a fan of yours as well, because you're helping
me to get my new phone set up, not to
mention the love Boat episodes on that streaming, Sir, can
we move on from the love Boat? Yes, yes, yes,
I see what you're saying. This could be someone doing
a very good impression of Ron Burgundy. I appreciate you
(07:41):
wanting to protect my security. I'll be honest with you.
I can't, for the life of me remember my authorization Pincoat.
Carolina over here doesn't remember it either. Wait, wait, hold on,
what about this? Hey, Carolina, can you do me a
favor and talk to Sabrina here from Customer Care and
tell her that I am in act the real round Brignady.
(08:01):
I mean, I don't know if that's going to even
help the situation. I've been five hours. I've been dealing
with this for five hours. Okay, Okay, I know how
frustrating this can be. I mean, I've said that I
just had to deal with my cable company, So thank you.
I really just want to wrap this up and do
the episode about dog fights that we had. You know,
we're not doing your episode about exposing dog fighting rings.
(08:23):
We're doing heartwarming stories about zoologist. Just talk to Sabrina
and vouch for who I am. Thank you, hand this
over to you. Hi, Sabrina, my name is Carolina. I
can assure you this is really round Burgundy calling. I
know it. Yeah, I understand. No, I understand. Okay, Ron,
she needs to speak with you, Sabrina. How we doing?
(08:47):
What do you mean, Sabrina, she vouched for me. Isn't
that good enough? I see? Yeah? Yes, uh huh right,
Oh that's a good Wait. The authorization code is for
my protections. So Ron did want to do an episode
on dog fighting, and as a dog lover, I think
(09:07):
he was quite upset about it and wanted, in his words,
to quote rescue some bitches, and he seemed adamant about
taking down some guy named Bleacher. I hear what you're saying.
It is entirely possible someone could call the phone company,
do a convincing Round Burgundy impression and then get access
(09:28):
to sensitive information. No, I've read all about it. It's
called social engineering. Oh, you've been trained in how to
deal with it, Sabrina. As frustrating as this situation is,
I can tell that you do know a thing or doing,
and I like that You're a no bologne, no nonsense,
real life working lady making a cool seventy five to
(09:50):
my dollar. Can I just interject, I'm so sorry, but again,
limited studio time, Ron, Carolina, give me a second. Sabrina
from Customer Care has been an angel. Yes, you, Sabrina.
It took me five hours of being transferred from different departments. Carolina.
Do you remember when I was talking to Brad? Yeah,
(10:11):
you guys missed that. Actually earlier Ron was on the
phone with Brad from Customer Service and he wasn't great.
He wasn't if so, And if we hang up now,
there's a chance I'll end up back on the phone
with a Brad. And with all due respect to Brad,
he's a horror show. What's what's that? Sabrina? Ha ha ha
ha really wow, oh my god. Let me tell Carolina. Carolina,
(10:36):
get this. Sabrina knows the Brad we're talking about. Oh,
they work in the same call center. Yeah, and he
brings a thermis with him to work every day, labeled
Brad's thermist. That's kind of normal, right, Sabrina. Have you
ever tried to look in the thermis to see what's
in it? Really, Carolina, in Brad's thermis every day, guess
(10:58):
what it is? I don't. It's corn chowder. That's fascinating, Ron,
But we have an episode. Wait, so, Sabrina, he never
changes it up. I mean, I like corn chowder, but
I don't think I could eat it every day. All right,
that's what I mean. He is a horror show, like
one of my favorite horror movies, The Thing or the Blah. Okay, um,
(11:20):
Sometimes there are security questions they can ask you so
you can reset your pen. Hold on, I can't deal
with two people talking at once, Sabrina. Oh please, I
want to know more about Brad. My god, I'm collapsing
under the pressure. Just see if they have any more
security questions to reset your pen. I know you don't
(11:42):
think your mom had a maiden name, but maybe there are. Okay,
got it, Sabrina. Hey, this is she knows it's you. Sabrina.
Do you have security questions? You can ask me to
reset my pen? You do? She does? Great? Why didn't
you just tell me that you guys are talking about
(12:03):
corn showder and Brad. Hey does Brad smell like corn jowder?
Of course he does. Anyway, if you give me those
security questions, I might be able to answer them. Okay,
when Ron wraps us up. Let's just skip the draft
and the quality. We can actually, you know, there's a
cute story about a spider monkey named Phillis who is
a dead ringer for the comedian Phyllis Diller. It's a
(12:26):
human interest story and we have pictures will linked to
you on our website. Okay, what city did I have
my first kissing? We don't need to hear this. That's
a security question and I answered it. No, I do
know it. It's just awfully personally, I can't believe you
even ask that as a company, Carolina. They're asking me
(12:47):
to kiss and tell here, and I'm not sure what
the gentlemanly thing to do is. They just need to
know the city, not the intimate details of the kiss. Okay,
well that seems on the up and up, then, Sabrina,
are we talking about a friendly kiss on the lips
or like full on french ing? We don't need to know.
I'm asking because they happened in different cities, so the
(13:07):
answers would be different, right, So full on French ng
and twerp Belgium A N T W E r P. Okay, great,
So just one final question in the meantime back to
the spider monkey named phyllis right. Final security question? Oh, Sabrina,
(13:30):
that's an easy one. Carolina C A R O L
I N A. What was the security question? I was
the answer to Carolina, Please, this is almost done. Okay,
I hope it is? What No, no, no, not you, Sabrina.
I was talking to the aforementioned Carolina. Yes, that's why
(13:50):
I said it as a security question to ask. It's
something I could never forget. What is it? So? Are
you convinced finally the this is the real ron Burger
you're speaking to terrific? Okay, so let's set up the
unlimited five G GOL data plan. Oh and don't forget
I do want the love Boat episodes on that streaming.
(14:13):
No one will ever forget that. I'm sorry, I really
want to get back to what my security question was, Sabrina.
Of course I have a major credit card. I have
many of them. What are you looking for? A master
charge diners club? Okay, Well, here's the thing. I'm recording
a podcast right now, so I'm gonna have to ask
you to hold on before I give you the number.
(14:33):
You're barely recording a podcast. One second, Hey, Carolina, can
you do me a favorite. What favorite you mean? Well,
I'm about to give Sabrina my credit card number, and
I want you to make sure they bleep out my
credit card number from this podcast. Yeah, they can edit
it out, Ron, It's no problem, I swear. Okay, Sabrina,
my card number is I'm sorry, let me let me
(15:01):
give that to you again. These numbers are a little
hard to read, okay, expiration data is okay. What's a
CVV code? Oh? Yeah, there it is. I never noticed
that before. Hey, Carolina, did you know about the three
(15:24):
digit code on the back of the Yeah, it's it's
for extra protection. Oh I never noticed it. How have
you ever bought anything without using the three digit code
on you know what? I don't want to know. I've
never noticed it and it's ever been an issue. Yeah,
the number is. Thank you, Sabrina. Carolina. Make sure they
(15:47):
beat out all of my sensitive credit card information, of course,
And if I noticed any suspicious charges from and Taylor
Loft on my car, I'm not going to steal your
card and go to Ann Taylor. I don't only shop
at Anne Taylor. No sensible black pants, no machine washable cardigans,
no fun mom shirt that says sunshine on it. No wedges,
(16:10):
I'm serious. Wait wait, hold on, hold on, Sabrina. Yeah,
I'm still here. What do you mean the car didn't
go through? Oh you know what, that one's on ron
I forgot I max that card out buying an air
hockey table run okay to our listeners, we are running
out of time. I don't have the chance to cover
any of them, the spider story, but we do have
(16:33):
one last terrific story coming up about some penguins who
only waddle while listening to music by Edge Shearing. How
many children's stories did you write down nice animal stories?
Because here's the deal. Our audience isn't a bunch of
toddlers who are going down for a nap after snack dime.
Their men and women with passions, their presidents and dignitaries
(16:54):
who respect journalism and they need important Yes, still here, Sabrina. No,
it's a really cool air hockey table. Do you play
air hockey? Really? I'm guessing that Sabrina plays air hockey. Yes,
yes she does. I had no idea they had championship
air hockey competitions. That's fascinating. Hold on, I want to
(17:18):
I want to hear more about this, but let me
give you another card first, Carolina, make sure they bleep
out my card info. Please, what do you think I'm
gonna do? Also, did you know there was Championship air Hockey? No,
we should do an episode about that, you know what, Ron,
I would be thrilled to do any episode as soon
as you're off the phone. Okay, Sabrina, it's a home
Shop network card, but I think it will work right.
(17:40):
The number is Okay, We're going to take a break
and when we get back, hopefully Ron will be finished
with the phone company and we can do the actual podcast,
which would be really really exciting. Bear with us, folks,
Please welcome back to the Ron Burgundy Podcast. I'm Ron Burgundy,
(18:16):
and with me as always is my co host Carolina. Yeah.
We're mid episode. Yes, that's that's typically what i'd say
while opening a segment on my podcast, Sabrina. But I
want to finish up with this transaction with you and
get my new phone up and ready. So Ron is
still on the phone with Sabrina from Customer Care. Okay,
(18:36):
so let me ask you, Sabrina. Can I choose my
phone number? Can you make it spell out something fun
like area code and then the corresponding numbers to spell
out cool ron. Oh that that number is already taken.
Can you tell me by who? Oh? It's an unlisted number.
(18:58):
It's just kind of frustrating because there's no way for
me to know if that ron is cool or not.
I just think the numbers should go to the coolest ron,
and I have a gut feeling I'm cooler than the
ron who has it, Sabrina, I go with my gut.
You should go with my gun. I'm sorry. It's not
like a license plate. You can't get like a customized
cool phone number. And I thought we were going to
(19:18):
be finished soon so we could do the show. Hold
on just a second, Sabrina. Remember the answer to my
third security question? Yeah, guess what she's doing right now. Okay,
that's why I chose her to be my security questions Carolina.
I'm almost done. I promise, thank you for your patients.
I'm not patient right now. I just want to see
(19:39):
if I can get my phone number to spell out
cool ron. I'm so sorry. I need to know what
is your security question that i'm the answer for. It
doesn't have to do with body hair, so it does
and it doesn't have to do with your arms, back,
legs or mustachio. No, that's very rude, Sabrina. If I
have the chance to get a fun phone number that
(20:00):
spells out cool Ron, then this is a one in
a million opportunity to really submit my reputation. I think,
Sabrina already told you the number cool run is unavailable.
That's just what I'm gathering. So someone else has it.
I know that, But do they deserve it? Maybe if
I contact that person, they'll go, whoa Ron Burgerty, You're
a cooler than me and you deserve to have that
(20:21):
phone number. With my apologies, we have to at least try.
We have a podcast to do. Sorry, Caroline, I'm going
for it. This is a once in a lifetime shot.
This is life of Days. No, I don't know why
you keep saying that. You said that about getting the
love Boat stream or subscription. Yes, today has been intense,
all right, Well, just please we have very limited studio time.
I know I keep saying that, but it's I don't
(20:43):
know what this episode is, Sabrina, are you there? Would
you mind if I called the person who has the
phone number cool ron and explain the situation and see
if maybe I can work this out. Really. Thank you, Sabrina.
Listen after this, because I know you're gonna ask. I
would be happy to take a brief survey about my
(21:03):
customer service experience with you. It's been fantastic. It hasn't
been great. You're a true jem. Also, I want to
hear more about you being a championship air hockey player.
We don't have the time, Carolina. Can I use your
phone for a second? Okay, but I don't have a
hairy back and I don't have a mustache or Look,
I'm just gonna make a quick call to cool Run
and see if I can broke her a deal. Here,
(21:25):
I'm bringing this home, Carolina. I'm this close. I know
it's been five hours, but we're making this happen. Whatever here,
just make your dumb call. Hello. Hey, this is Ron Burgerdy. Yes,
the broadcasting legend. I understand. I'm speaking to another cool Run.
(21:50):
May I ask what your last name is? Really? Okay?
I see, Well, I was gonna ask you if I
could of the number cool Ron, but obviously that is
not going to happen. Sorry to bother you. Huge fan
by the way, take care. So who answered the phone?
Who's the other Ron? Hey, Sabrina, Yeah, can you talk
(22:13):
to me too? It turns out the phone number that
spells out cool Ron belongs to Ronnie Wood from the
Rolling Stone. Oh my god, I know. Can you believe it?
I'm gonna take the high road here. There's there's no
way I can beat a member of the Rolling Stones
for the phone number that spells out cool Ron. So
technically he goes by Ronnie Wood. But that's that's splitting hairs. No, Sabrina,
(22:38):
he gets the phone number cool Ron, fair and square.
That's very generous of you. Okay, So I believe Ron
is finished with Sabrina and the cool Ron phone number
didn't work out. But that's okay because what did work
out for some bunnies in Florida is going to melt
your heart. I don't why am I still even trying
to do this. We're not going to get to the bunny.
(23:00):
We didn't get to see any of the other animals.
I'm going crazy. I don't, Sabrina. Are we set up
with my unlimited five g GOL data plan plus love
boat channel thing? Great? Okay, we're all set? Then there
we go. Oh my god, Ron is all set we
are going to recall me more about this professional air
(23:20):
hockey league. How good do you have to be to
get in? All right, We're going to be right back
after this. I'm so sorry, Sabrina. You are something else.
(23:42):
Let me tell you, Carolina, get this. I am talking
to the Numbers seven air hockey champion in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
You know I think about this. I was just calling
to set up my cell phone. But Sabrina here is
amazing great. I'm so happy for you. What's that, Sabrina?
To be honest, I don't get out to Scratton very much,
but talking to you today, it sounds like maybe I
(24:04):
should make a special trip. Would you be up for that?
Are you asking your customer care representative to go on
a date with you? Carolina? Be cool? I am, Sabrina
and I are just good friends. You are, yeah? I mean,
who knows what it might turn into, But don't put
pressure on the situation anyway. I'll be done in a second.
(24:24):
Then we can do our dog fighting expose. We're going
to talk about the bunnies. No, wait, tell you what.
We should get Sabrina on a plane and interview her.
Better yet, I'll fly out to Scratton and I'll do
the show with her. Sabrina, are you are you there still?
Would you be up for that? You want to be
a guest on the Ron Burgundy podcast? Perfect? I think?
(24:49):
Talk about that? Well, do me a favor and check
if there's any direct flights to Scratton or if I
need to change planes in Philadelphia. Also, how long a
drive it is? I just I want to co ho
this podcast right now, not be your travel agent. And no,
you're a team player. Listen to Sabrina, I gotta run.
You have my number, text me yours right now and
we'll work out the details. Yep, got it. Hey, Sabrina,
(25:16):
you're you're not going to call up cool Ron and
bail on me, are you? No? No? I was just kidding.
Well again, this has been a pleasure. Not really. I'm
gonna go do the podcast, but thanks so much for
your help today. Very excited about the unlimited five G
gold plan and we'll talk soon. Okay, bye, Sabrina. Hey,
(25:38):
you can't spell best without Sabrina. Remember that? Okay, you
take care. No, you can spell best without Sabrina. Actually
it's only the letter B that is similar. All set?
Are you good? Sorry about that. It's it's just once
you get someone on the phone after going through all
those automated customer service menus, you don't want to lose them.
(26:01):
And so I apologize and hey, I feel energized. Let's
do the show. Um really okay, I think we have
like fifteen minutes left. Um, here we go. So it's
not just humans who went through a roller coaster of
emotions in so have many animals at the zoo who
(26:21):
used to be visited by millions across the country. But sorry,
let me let me just grab that I have to
leave a five star review for Sabrina. Oh hi Brad,
Oh my god.
Host
Will Ferrell
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