Ron gets a Hobby

Ron begins to watch the Law and Order series.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Wrong b and sing. Welcome to another exciting episode of
the Run Burgundy Podcast with me as always is my
co host, Manhattan Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Great to

(00:24):
be here with you, as always, Casey, it's Carolina, not
a d a Casey Novak. I think that's a fictional
character from Law and Order Special Victims Unit. You know what,
You're right. I'm sorry about the picks up. Yeah, I'm
not sure how I made that mistake. I actually know
exactly how you made that mistake, and it's because you've

(00:48):
been falling asleep to old s VU reruns again. I
know your schedule. Yes, okay, fine, you got me. It
was a slip of the tongue, Carolina. I like s you.
I keep it on in the background while I build
my shipwrecks in bottles. You mean ships and bottles. No, No,
I put a ship in a bottle and then I

(01:10):
smashed it against the wall. Oh. Um, So this is
actually one of the things we'll be talking about today. Um.
This episode is centered on hobbies. We're going to explore
different kinds of hobbies. Will share some of ours, and
we'll hear about the hobbies of some of our listeners. Yes,
that's right, our listeners. Hobbies like, for instance, talking to

(01:30):
a beautiful woman online until eventually realizing you've been catfished.
That's not really a hobby. Why why did you say that?
Did that happen to you? Um? Ron? No? Um? Sorry, Ron,
that's that's terrible. You know what, I want to get
this off my chest. It will make me feel better,

(01:52):
it might warn others out there, and it will also
explain why I goofed up and introduced you as Manhattan
Assistant District Attorney Casey Novak. Yeah, what happened there? Okay,
here's what happened. I was talking to a woman online
who I thought was actress Diane Neil, who I'm sure
you all know played the role of A d A.

(02:13):
Casey Novak on Law and Order s VU from two
thousand three to two thousand eight. Wow, this is very formal.
She returned for a few episodes in the two thousand
eleven two thousand twelve season, but that's not really important. No,
we can just move on. She also appeared in a
season three episode as a murderer named Amelia Chase before
joining the main cast as an A d A. But

(02:34):
that's really beside the point and we can't get into it. Yeah,
we don't need a breakdown of all of this. I,
like so many of you out there, watch all of
the law and Order shows and was excited to be
chatting online with the actress who played Casey Novak. Turns
out it wasn't her. That's generally what happened. It was
it was a catfish situation and terribly embarrassing. Did you

(02:56):
send her any money? Like, how did you find out
that she was a cat ish? No, it didn't get
to that. And this is where I need to thank
the folks at I Heart Radio. I had them run
the I P address of everyone who listens to this podcast,
and then with the help of law enforcement, I subpoena
the records attached to every IP address and matched it

(03:17):
with a name. That's insane. There are so many people
listening to this show, yes, hundreds of thousands, maybe a
million or so. But I caught the catfish. So let
me just say this, Jim Carlson, you are not actress
Diane Neil. He knows that you are nothing but a
nineteen year old punk from Scottsdale, Arizona. And how dare

(03:37):
you take advantage of my heart the way you did.
Shame on you, young man. So that's one of your
hobbies or something that happened to you getting catfished? Yeah,
I guess. I'm so sorry that happened, Ron. And and
who knows, maybe the real Diane Neil will hear this
if she's one of our listeners that you have I
p information on. No. I checked. Diane Neil doesn't listen

(04:01):
to the show ever, But in going through the names
of all the people who do, you'd be surprised who
does tune in? Okay, anyone interesting? I was genuinely surprised
at some of these names. Let's see here, Tom Selleck listens.
That's pretty cool. Oh, and one of the Menendez brothers.
The Menendez brothers are the two brothers? Okay, okay, Ron,

(04:26):
I wonder if there's any data privacy issues with us
having the names of all the people who listen to
this podcast. It just feels weird. Okay, Carolina, here we
go with the conspiracy theories. Who are you? Detective John
Munch from Law and Order s VU and also homicide
Life on the Streets. I'm talking, of course about the

(04:48):
legendary Richard Belzer who listened to a few episodes but
didn't finish the season. That's okay, Dick Belzer. We're here
when you want to return, Our arms are wide open.
My dear friend, come back to Papa. Look, I'm sorry
you were catfished, but going through everyone's IP addresses is
really extreme. I don't want to know all of this. Okay,

(05:08):
here's the thing. If you're listening right now, yes, I
have some personal info on you, but it's honestly all good.
Unlike the Jim Carlson's out there, I won't trick you
into sending tacky photos. Now let's get to our topic today.
Tacky photos? All right, Yes, again, today's episode is about hobbies.

(05:29):
We were curious about hobbies. Yes, hobbies, not hobos, which
when we went through the show notes at first I
thought it was gonna be about hoboes. But it's hobbies.
We were curious about what some of our listeners do
for fun and to relax. Obviously, we all had a
lot of downtime last year, and people probably picked up
some interesting hobbies or now that things are changing, they're

(05:51):
looking forward to trying some hobbies they didn't have access
to before. Yes, and as I previously explained. Yes, earlier
this year, I accidently stormed the Capital. I'm going to
put a capital a at accidental. Accidentally. I'll remind you
that I was only in d C. To have a
lively debate with the statue of Lincoln. But in any case, yes,
I was there, and I was sucked into an ugly

(06:13):
mob full of bigots and racists. I saw a crowd
and proceeded to experience what my defense attorney calls heard mentality.
I mean, it was very similar to the time I
got stuck at a jam Quois concert because I saw
Mayhem and I jumped right in the center of the
storm without knowing why. But as I took a look
around that January afternoon, at these grimlins and Viking costumes,

(06:36):
waving traitorous flags and wearing some of the most poorly
groomed mustaches I've ever seen, I thought, we are not
alike these fools, and I my next thought came just
as suddenly when I realized, these people need some serious hobbies,
and here we are today. I think we should be
really clear about what makes a hobby, because, as people know,

(06:58):
I'm a man of many talents. Broadcast journalism, commercial and
voice over acting professional jazz musician. Yeah, I mean i'd
say semi professional. Come on, Carolina, give credit where credit
is due. Well, music is more of a hobby for
you than it is your actual job. Excuse me. Have
you been asked to sit in with many great musicians,

(07:20):
Buddy Guy, Yanni, a lot of the dudes from Total Okay?
But were you paid for your work as a musician.
It's really not polite to ask people about money, Carolina. However, yes,
sometimes I was paid quite well. In fact, recently when
I was called in to play flute on a record
with Nick Jonas. Really, why would Nick Jonas call you

(07:40):
to play flute? Is he doing that because I am
good and a total pro? Those might be two of
the reasons. As soon as we both got the v
I P vaccine. We've talked about this before, I was
asked over to Nick's house beautiful home by the way,
Prianka is lovely. Anyway, I played my flute and then
put it in his computer and did something with it,

(08:02):
turned it into a beat or some kind of sample.
It's a song about being sad and hot, and I
don't think it has a title yet, but I will
be credited as playing on the next Nick Jonas record. Wow, Okay,
I was I was wrong, Make no mistake. Music is
not a hobby for me. Well, playing backup flute for
Nick Jonas is a hobby and one of my mini professions. Well,

(08:24):
I had no idea you were that close with Nick Jonas. Well,
now you do. And I'll let you know when the
track drops. By the way, that's what a professional musician says.
I'll let you know when my track drops. But look,
we're not here to talk about my multifaceted career. We're
here to talk about hobbies. Right back on track. Hobbies
and one of the hobbies I've taken up in the

(08:45):
last year. And you can thank Law and Order reruns
for this. I have been a hobbyist, detective and sometimes
medical examiner. I don't think anyone is going to thank
Law and Order reruns for that. Those aren't things you
can do as hobbies. Is this? It's very real, Carolina.
Let me ask you this. Do you have any hobbies? Yes? Okay?

(09:07):
Last year, while not storming the Capital, I took up knitting.
Oh wow, knitting. I never once held a pair of
knitting needles in my life. Actually, and next thing, I know.
I made a beautiful blanket for my couch, and then
I bought a small sewing machine, and now I'm designing
my own dresses. Good for you, Carolina, I mean that

(09:28):
sounds really on brand, don't. Well. See now we're talking hobbies.
You've taken up knitting and sewing, and I've been practicing
being a detective and medical examiner using cadavers at a
morgue after hours that a buddy of mine works out. Okay,
a buddy of yours is letting you into the morgue.
Are you this isn't legal? This is there's no way.

(09:49):
It's really fascinating stuff. My hobby of being an amateur
m E. That's short for medical examiner is pretty cool,
and there's a vibrant online community to engage with. There's
an online community for amateur medical examiner running. You're you're
sure you're not breaking any laws with these hobbies of yours.
You're calling them Okay, that's insulting because everything is by

(10:13):
the book. I would never break the law, Carolina. Okay,
that's good to know, unless I was really mad about something,
or there was a jewel heist I could be involved with.
In a hands off way. But that's just guy stuff.
Every man fantasizes about being a jewel thief. No, it's
more like dreaming of being an astronaut. I think I

(10:35):
am goofing around firefighter. Yes. The one thing that is
no joke, and this is this is wild Carolina. Do
you have any idea how easy it is to make
crystal myth? Sorry, this is a hobby for some people
and they learn online. Instructions are right there. I found
it on an internet website. Run please tell me you're

(10:56):
not making crystal methods? Of course not, of course not.
That's illegal, immoral and dangerous. Okay, that's good. Plus, you
know what a butter fingers I am. Yeah, i'd probably
blow my house up. No, not for me though. On
the same website I found the crystal meth recipe. I
did find a way to make your own fireworks, and

(11:16):
I'm sorry. That's just cool and fun. And also I've
been throwing a lot of gender reveal parties in the
backyard as well. You mean those weird explosive devices that
shoot out pink or blue. Yes, it's really led to
a lot of forest fires in California. It's also led
to a lot of smiles. I'm sorry. What website taught

(11:38):
you how to make explosives and make crystal meth? Ask jeeves? Okay,
why don't we talk more about how I've taken up
knitting as a hobby. I've been making fireworks, Carolina, let
me tell you, And they are spectacular. I have some
private property that's isolated and safe, and I just drive
out there and take a bunch of random chemicals and wammo,

(11:58):
my own private fire works display. Where is this property
is like a farm somewhere. It's in Culver City, nice
part of Los Angeles. But I have a big backyard
that's like right in the middle of the city. There's
houses and schools nearby. I thought you were talking about
driving out into the desert or something. No. What No,
the air is too dry out there, and it gets
really hot. It's already hot enough lighting off the fireworks. Sure,

(12:21):
I've gotten a couple of noise complaints. But that's city
living for you. It's not called Culver Country, it's Culver City. Okay,
let's talk about some safer hobbies. I think. Listen, if
a man can't take a bunch of old TV sets
and blow them up in his own backyard. What's the
point of living in America? Okay, how about I share

(12:41):
another one of my hobbies. I'm a little nervous. Um,
Please promise not to laugh at me. What would I
laugh at one of your hobbies? As long as you're
being true to yourself, you should do what makes you happy. Carolina. Okay,
just promise you won't laugh. You have my word. Okay,
it's actually kind of sweet. Um. This year, I taught

(13:02):
myself how to play the ukulele. I asked you, No,
I I asked you nicely not to laugh. I'm sorry, Carolina.
Please tell me you weren't thinking of uploading videos of
you singing cover songs on your ukulele to YouTube. No, no, no,

(13:24):
that idea has never even crossed my mind. Well, I'm
gonna check on my No, don't do that laptop here. No,
let's just move on and yep, there they are. Wow, Carolina,
you got quite the active YouTube channel of you playing
ukulele videos. Okay, I get it. Whoa wait, hold on,
You've got fourteen views on this one. Impressive. I'm sorry.

(13:45):
I'm not a professional musician like you. It's okay, you know,
I've actually been dabbling with YouTube myself. Oh you have.
One of the other hobbies is that I've become a
beauty vlogger. Um coming in, I'm a beauty veloguer. But
damn fine one too. I've got my own makeup palette
coming out soon. It's called Run on the Beach Roun

(14:09):
on the Beach. Yes, it's a sandy palette that has
a fresh for the beach look. And the best part
about it is we keep the cost down by creating
the makeup out of sand that we scooped right off
the beach and add food diets, sustainable skincare So grinding
up sand and selling it as makeup that sounds uncomfortable.

(14:32):
Does makeup need to be f d A approved. Absolutely?
And I just want to give a shout out to
Brick Tamlin, who recently snagged a senior position of the
f d A. Thanks Brick. Okay, let's ignore that before
you get yourself into another criminal investigation, you know, Carolina.
In the criminal justice system, sexually based offenses are considered

(14:53):
especially heinous in New York City. The dedicated detectives who
investigate these vicious falonies are known as a special Victim.
You know. These are their stories I know, Ron, stop
watching old Lawn Order episodes. They're like accepting you and
I'm sorry you were catfish, but wow, you didn't even
make the sound. Come on, you're going to recite that

(15:15):
speech and not give the listeners the satisfaction of making
the dune dune sound. Let's just cruel after everything the
world has been through. Okay, fine, dune done? No do
it like you mean it. Here, I'll show you how
a professional musician does it. Done done. So that's how
a pro does it. New hobby put it down, saying

(15:36):
dun dune is your hobby. Okay, Well, when we come back,
we've got some letters from people who have written us
with their hobbies and that should be fun. Yes, sounds
like it could be fun, or to be fair, could
be horrific. Just a mess back after this with more
on your hobbies. Back here on the Ron Burgundy podcast.

(16:08):
And Carolina has told me she has some letters from
our listeners about their hobbies. Are they actual letters or
did people mostly just email? Oh? They're all emails. Wow,
So people are so lazy these days. We ask for
letters and they dash off an impersonal email. No real letters.
Email is just so much easier yes, it is sitting

(16:29):
in your own mess and wearing khaki shorts as much easier.
I don't think people are doing that easy. Isn't the point?
Do you think it feels good to wear a tiny
lipstick gun and the sock of my loafer? Do you
think it's easy? Wait, you have a lipstick gun. I
do because it's classy and romantic and noir. But please
read the emails. Thanks for emailing, folks. I heard it

(16:52):
was really easy, all right. Our first email comes from
a J in New Mexico, and he said, during the pandemic,
he took up cooking. That's great. AJ. Before the pandemic,
he never had done anything but boiled water. But now
he's making his whole family gourmet dinners. He's also become
quite a baker and is responsible for quote dad's legendary

(17:12):
cinnamon cookies. That's very sweet. Was that supposed to be
a pun, like the cookies are sweet? No, that was unintentional.
I just I think it's sweet as an nice that
he's baking cookies for his family. Okay, because there was
an opening for a pun there, and you're telling me
you didn't go for it. Okay, you know what I
respect your choice. Thank you. I actually really enjoy cooking

(17:37):
as well. I take a steak, season it, let it
cook on the grill at ten thousand degrees, and then
I don't even grab utensils. I just rip into it.
Sometimes I even tie my hands behind my back. I
can down a charred piece of beef in less than
three seconds. You know all about those nerds who can
solve a Rubik's cube really fast? Yeah, I've actually been practiced.

(17:59):
I can down on a pound of meat faster than
they can solve that dumb cube. You know, you can
just peel the stickers off and it's back to the
right order in no time. You were just saying that
people are blazy for sending emails. Don't you think that
this is kind of cheating? I'm sorry, it's just different.
My example is just different. It's plainly different. I think
you wanted to be different. I wanted to be different,

(18:22):
and I know that it's different. Okay, Sorry? Are you
you seem very weirdly aggressive about well? I just hate
that bastard Rubic and this cube. The sticker peel method
is easier. I don't even want to talk about him anymore.
To all, he wants to do is play games and
humiliate people. Carolina, here's the show idea humiliate the Rubics
Cube company. Let's just read our next email. It comes

(18:46):
from Debora formally of South Pasadena. I love South Pasadena,
a beautiful part of California. Oh well, now she just
lives in Pasadena, Pasadena, proper. Good for her and her
hobby has been the video game Animal Crossing. I've heard
of this. It's a video game where you're a person
and your neighbors are a bunch of talking animals. Got

(19:06):
got really big. Yeah, it's really fun, and you get
to design your own island and the animals are your friends.
And can these wild beasts attack you? No, that's it's
a game for kids. They just talked to you and
give you presents. At a situation back in the seventies
where I was living next to a wild boar, come on,
and I'll just say this, he didn't give me any

(19:28):
fun clothing or invite me to go fishing. He just
tore through my house one night. And the woman I
was entwined with, well, let's just say I didn't get
a call back. Great, I guess Animal Crossings not for you.
I got my hands full with my hobbies being an
amateur detective medical examiner at my buddy Kenny's Morgue Backyard Fireworks,

(19:50):
which also is a side business of gender reveal parties
that I host opening my sand makeup line. I cannot
have a boar tear through my life again. There, there's
too much to lose this time, Caroline. Please write that
down as a possible tagline for a bore fighting movie
I could start in. Okay, you wanted to be There's
just too much to lose this time. Yes, but make

(20:12):
the two a number two because it'll be the sequel. Sorry, Sorry,
where were we? We got another email here from Jessica,
who is from Maine, and she says her hobby for
the last thirty years has been writing letters to author
Stephen King and standing outside of his house. Okay, I
should have screened these emails better. This woman is clearly

(20:35):
started Wait a second, hold on here, She's willing to
write letters to Stephen King, but to us we only
get a lazy email. Okay, Well, that's besides the point.
This woman is clearly stalking Stephen King. She's between Jessica
and those horror shows in d C. Just make some
sand art. Come on, people, it's just more rewarding. Okay,
I think we have finished the email portion. We're going

(20:57):
to take a quick commercial break, and then we'll be
right back with more from Ron back here on the
Ron Burgunary podcast. And I thought, hey, why should people

(21:18):
have to go to ask jeeves? Nobody does anymore. Let
me tell you how you can make your own explosives
right here on the podcast. Actually, we are not going
to do that because it could seriously harm someone. Well,
it can't be any more harmful than you play in
the ukulele hat. It Carolina playing a ukulele. It makes

(21:40):
me laugh, Okay, I was just looking for a way
to pass the time. I'm sorry if my hobby is
too warm for you, but I think it's fun. I
think it's nice. People don't want to see you play
the ukulele. I'll just be honest with you. They don't.
I think what happened is during the pandemic, you bought
a ukulele and became I believe the medical term for

(22:00):
it is goofy brain. I'm going to keep up with
the hobbies that make me happy, and I'm going to
do the same. That's our show. This week. If you
need me, I'll be in my backyard in Culver City
lighting up the sky for the Ron Burgundy podcast. This
is Ron Burgundy saying don done. That's the sound effect
from the show Law and Order SVU. I'm really sorry

(22:23):
you got cat fished by a fake Diane Meal. Ron,
you know what, It's okay, and I want to thank you. Carolina.
We we make a great team, professional team that does
not socialize outside of this context. Isn't that wonderful? It's
it's comforting, Carolina. You and I are work associates and
nothing more. Yes,