Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's Sonya Blaky, It's Inspiration thirteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's relationship Talk Thursday. Man, relationships are what we're talking
about today. We've been doing it all month.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We kicked off the first week of February with the Glens.
We're gonna finish with the Glens. We might have to
take this on the road. I don't know, but it's
been great. Pastor Jimone Glenn, Pastor Erica Glenn of New Life.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, what's up New Life? What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Pastor hand I'm gonna have to start bringing in breakfast,
especially for Lady Erica.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You know, she loves me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Some snacks amount to bring you a mom's down of some.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
But we are in store for a great conversation and
just we just want to help marriages.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We want to help relationships. That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We're not trying to beat nobody up, but we're trying
to give you the wisdom and the keys and the tools.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
To have a successful marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
So today we want to talk about, let me make
sure I get my notes here, rebuilding connection after disconnection.
Now it's about restoring trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Who is this topic?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Four? Would you in this process called marriage right on
this journey right, Sometimes things get broken, things break, people
don't apply, don't do it right, they mess up, but
they realize we got stake in the game, and just
because we made some mess ups. I don't want to
get rid of you. I want to work it out.
I want to figure out how to work it out.
(01:21):
But as we always say, you know, I don't want
this version of our marriage. You know I want a
better version. I don't I want the two point. Oh,
I want the upgraded version of our marriage, not an
upgraded version of another relationship. And so that requires once
you made that decision to stick it out and get
into it, it requires rebuilding and fixing some broken places.
(01:44):
So trust is broken. Sometimes intimacy has broken, so emotional
closeness is broken. And so we always say that to
combat those things, you got to build with trust, you
got to leave with forgiveness, and you got to have intimacy. Right,
So those are three ways that we deal with trust, forgive,
and intimacy. So trust is simply the foundation is not
really something. I don't know. Can you earn trust? I don't.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I don't know if you can earn trust or if
it's just something that you have to just be intentional.
You have to be intentional about it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And I think, you.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Know, when I think about trust, I always think about
being a child and when you do something that is
against your parents and they don't trust you and they
tell you they don't trust you and you lost it,
and how you try to regain their trust.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
So like you clean up the house and you.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Do all you do all of these things, you know,
all of the stuff that you would just first, Yeah,
you just didn't didn't care about it. And you're like, no,
because I really want them to put me back in
that place and I want them to see me that way.
And I feel that way in your marriage, if there
has trust has been broken, you want your spouse to
look at you in a certain kind of way and
you know that they're going to look at you through
the lenses of forgiveness. But that's what you're that's to me,
(02:58):
that's what you're aiming for.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
And trust is rebuilt if there is a rebuilding through consistency,
through transparency, through vulnerability. So if that ever is a breach,
you know, you gotta do the work. You gotta be
willing to do the work and the work goes on
both sides because the person that is been violated feel
like they're the task master, like they holding something around head. Now, no,
(03:22):
you gotta earn my trust. You got to earn it again.
But that's not the way God does you, right, So
if you allow somebody to rebuild and regain trust, then
don't keep repeating the offense. Don't keep holding it against them,
don't keep reminding them of the past while you're trying
to move in the future. So you broke the trust,
you gotta rebuild by consistent actions. The trust was broken
(03:45):
towards you. You gotta reveal by consistent actions for forgiving
and loving and not rehearsing the past so that you
can move on to the future. It's hard to move
on in the future when you keep bringing up my past.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Have you all worked for couples that have been able
to rebuild trust and their marriage relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You've seen victories, right, yes, And.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You see victories because people they have hope, they have
great expectation. They're realizing that we have too much in
this to just walk away. And it's like, you know,
this person could be in a different state of mind.
It's like I feel like when trust is broken, the
other person is discovering something about themselves that they didn't
(04:24):
know was broken. And because of that, I think that
the other partners should have compassion that they are learning
more about themselves. Like marriage is a mirror and marriage
is showing you who you are, and they're showing you
some places that you didn't necessarily want to look at.
And so I think that when trust is broken, it's
more to me. It's deeper than just I broke trust
(04:45):
with you. It's more up. There's something that's dysfunctional inside
of me, and me being a relationship with you highlighted
that dysfunction. And now as an individual, I have to
do the work of why was that there and why.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Did I do that to somebody that I love.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
People are so funny and contradictory. It's like you want,
you want it, but you don't want to give it.
We teach in our marriage conferences, give what you want,
don't just take what you want. Give what you want.
You want trust you want to be forgiven, So give it.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That's good, all right, we're gonna come back. We're talking
good today. Rebuilding connection after disconnection.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
If you've gone through a divorce, have you gone through
any type of breakup anything. We want to make sure
that we tap in and help you where you're hurting.
All right, you can call us eight five, five, nine, nine,
thirteen nine. A're gonna come back and talk about forgiveness, giveness.
It's relationship talk Thursday with the Glenn's Pastor Dermone and
Pastor Erica Glenn.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
New Life is their church.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
They serve as executive past us and they have put
the work in twenty years into this. They've written books,
they're book writers, and they are annointed to talk about relationships.
So who would you say this conversation is for, because
the topic is rebuilding connection after this connection? Is this
somebody that's been heard, been divorced or what was this
(06:03):
for everybody?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
But it's all the things that you said at the
top of the segment and the end of the last one.
It is if there's brokenness there, there's been an impast
there's been a disconnection. This is for you and in
moments in marriage, it happens for everybody. This is a
big one. It's forgiveness, forgiveness, God to forgive. We talked
about this at the marriage prayer at the end of
January on the other side of your prayer requests. What's
(06:26):
in between you and God answering your prayers is forgiving
your spouse. You cannot receive from God unless you release them.
God simply says, if you want forgiveness, you've got to forgive.
And if you have an issue with your spouse and
you don't take it to them, God says, lay that
on the altar, go get that right, and then come
back to me. So I think forgiveness is something that
(06:48):
we that we struggle with, right, and it's not a feeling.
It's a decision choose to forgive forgive on the premise
that God wants you to be able to forgive. And
you can't love without forgiving. So if you're going to love,
you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna have to practice forgive me.
So let go to hurt, like go to pain, Let
go to past, make space for healing, talk about more
(07:09):
about what you want than what they did, and just
learn and forgive.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It's an easier said than done, right, it can be.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Yeah, I think I think our human nature feeling like
we gotta get somebody, I gotta get you back, I
gotta take care of you, nobody's gonna nobody's gonna do
that to me, Like I feel that the whole thing. Yeah,
it triggers you. But if you sit in a posture
of forgiveness, and I know people feel like it's easier
(07:39):
said than done. But I guess for me, I just
be like, listen, I have jacked up so much and
God forgives me and he acts like it never even happened.
So it's like, how dare I hold something against someone
when God forgives me so freely. So for me, yes,
has there been some times where it was difficult to forgive?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yes, but because that.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
But at the end of the day, I'm like, hey,
I got too much that I need God to do
and you are not about to be in the way
of me getting what God has for me. So it's
like I don't want that in my heart. And to me,
it's a lot of work to be unforgiving. It's just
so much work. It's just so much work. It's so
much work to be mad, it's so much work to
have resentment. It's so much work to exactly, it's so
(08:20):
much work not to talk to you. It's so much
work to avoid you, and all of that is just
so it's so much work, and you should know that.
If it's work like that, then it's not supposed to
be something that you have in your heart. So the
easier the quicker you are to forgive, the easier you
are to move on. It doesn't mean that I really forget,
but I just don't hold it. Yeah, I don't hold
(08:43):
it because I want to be healed. I don't want
to love from that place. I don't want to love
from that seat. I want to love from the seat
of forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
That's really you're going to come back. We had a
question you guys.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
You can think about it a little bit, talking about
how to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
A question come in, so think about it, take a break.
Be back with the Glens here on Relationship Talk Thursday.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Thank you so much for listening and calling Inspiration thirteen
ninety Relationship Talk.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Thursday, Here with the Glens. You got a question for
our team, Yes, I do.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
I just want to know how do you build your
relationships after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Did you guys get that?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
How to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
That was your question, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
How to how to rebuild I would say, after physical
distance is to get back, just get back to the physics. Physics, okay, sorry,
And I think that I think that it doesn't have
to It doesn't have to initially or automatically be sex.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
But it could be hand holding.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
It could be sitting when you're sitting on the couch
or whatever, or if there's telling, if you're watching TV,
that you make sure that you're close to each other
when you're in the car, grabbing the person's hand, like
it's just small simple steps before you get to the
big bang that you want to have, so the you
can have some kind of connection, because we'll be surprised
how many couples do not.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Touch each other.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
My husband always he always lets me know, do you
realize you have not touched me today?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I'm like, dang, I didn't even realize that. I
don't get mad.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I just go to touch him quickly, especially if that's
their love language. Then for the emotional part, how to
rebuild that, I would definitely say, you have to get
to a place of vulnerability and you have to be
okay with being vulnerable, you know. And Genesis it says
that they were naked and unashamed, right, they were not
(10:35):
ashamed being naked in front of their spouse. And that's
just not physically, but that's also emotionally. So allowing your
spouse to come in and be able to handle your emotions,
handle what is going on inside of you, handle what happened.
And we might think that it's small and they don't
really want to hear it, but that's a point of connection,
(10:56):
and it could just be the smallest thing that allows
for connection. They may not even thought that you looked
at something that way or whatever, or just you told
the world or you told everybody at your job, but
you didn't tell your spouse what happened. So other people
have information that your spouse doesn't happen. They're the person
that's supposed to have all of the information. So you
(11:17):
just want to make sure that you don't have that
disconnect emotionally nor physically.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And those are some ways to make sure that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Feeling that one. Yeah, yeah, I mean I would just
agree with everything she said and just kind of summarize
it with a word of intention. Right, So with intention,
sometimes you're waiting to feel like being intimate before we
are intimate, but don't wait till you feel like it,
and if you got to wait to feel like it,
didn't make the other person feel like or make yourself
(11:43):
feel like it because it is a part of your intention,
or intently have a conversation. Intently do it. So I
agree with everything you said and just do it with intent.
And my wife says that, hey, a lot of times
with guys, is not where you is that you plan
to take her somewhere. So just just remind some intention.
(12:04):
And when you invite pretention intention, it will it will
help you increase and decrease your distance.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
They give you the whole answer.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You go with that.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yes, that good? All right, thank you for calling and listening.
Bye bye, Hey, thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
You're right on time. It's relationship Talk Thursday. It's Preston
thirteen ninety with the Glenns. I know you got a
good question for us this morning.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Hi, Yeah, I do. How you going? God?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
My question for the how do you reconnect with your
partner and the relationship after hurt or betrayal?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Okay, thank you a great, great question.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I mean, to love is to forgive. You cannot say
you want to love if you cannot forgive. So I
think first you make a decision, because forgiveness is a
choice and love is a choice. Love is a decision,
forgiveness is a decision. So first you start by making
the decision to love and to forge give, and then
(13:01):
you do the work of rekindling or reconnecting after the
betrayal by acknowledging. I mean, I don't think forgiveness is
ignoring the betrayal or the hurt, but right you acknowledge
this hurt me, this is how it made me feel,
this is what I heard, This is how I felt
when you did X, Y Z, or when this happened.
(13:23):
And you deal with it through truth and honesty and love.
But you don't make that contingent upon if they asks
or if you feel like they worthy. In order to
forgive or to love love. You cannot love without forgiveness,
and forgiveness and love are both a choice. And so
once you do that, you put in parameters in place,
you be honest, You put things in place, and then
you start to rebuild what was torn down on what
(13:46):
was broken.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Yeah, I think another thing, like you said, the accountability
based upon whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
So the person.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Who offended, the person who hurt you're the person you
know that hurt your partner. You have to be okay
for a while with them just being on you. And
you gotta be okay with that, right, you gotta be
okay with that, Like if it's infidelity, you gotta be
okay with them having your location and you gotta be
okay with them call and be like, hey, you you
(14:15):
at Mario's.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Make sure that you bring me some such and such.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
You can't be like, oh, they trying to figure out, Like, no,
you put yourself in this position, and if you want
to make sure that you can regain that intimacy and
regain that trust, then there's some things that you have
to do now the person that is the person who's
who has to on the other side of it. You
can't be crazy with this. You there are some parameters
(14:38):
that they're gonna have to do. Yes, but you can't
be crazy with this, and you can't be on them
with all of this kind of stuff. But you do
need your trust to be built back, and you do
need to be honest with them that that made me,
that triggered a little bit when you did such and such.
And I think that open communication is what helps the
reconnection of how I'm feeling, how is how is how
(14:58):
it's handling me?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
What is doing to me?
Speaker 4 (15:01):
And that's all going to be wrapped in your recommitment
and your emotional connection.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Once again, that's good, do the work.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think that answered your question right more than enough. Right,
Thank you so much for sure, sciate you Inspiration thirteen ninety.
I cannot believe we almost wrap this thing up. Relationship
Talk Thursday.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
It's Sonya with Faster to Vote and the Fast of Erica.
And it's been a great conversation, a deep conversation. We're
talking about rebuilding connection after disconnection. I was asking off air,
is intimacy Is that the hardest part when it comes
to rebuilding after disconnection?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
I think so, because I think it's the hardest part
to build because there's a lot of couples that have
intensity but don't have intimacy. Because intimacy is into me,
you see, it's vulnderability, it's I can give you. We
always say it's easier for people to get naked than
it is to be naked, right, So people can take
(15:59):
off theirs and never really be naked. They can never
really be naked in the sense of naked and not
a shame, strip down Vonderbolt intimacy, mirror transparent, Vanderbolt weak,
show you my week, show you my pain points. I
can give you my body, my physical connection. Sex doesn't
necessarily intimate enter translate into intimacy. And so I think
(16:23):
it's the hardest to rebuild because it's the hardest to
build because there's a lot of couples that we find
that have no intimacy, sex but no intimacy, children but
no intimacy, same bills, no intimacy, share last name, no intimacy,
years in the game, no intimacy, own a house, no intimacy.
I don't know you. I don't know you, but I'm
(16:47):
with you. And so intimacy is something that both people
have to be willing to give and let down their
guards and understand not only who I am, but how
I got Like right.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
That part, That's what I was going to say, it's
the part. It's the part of me that you were
not a part.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Of, the part of me.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
It's a part of me that you were not a
part of. It's the stuff that makes me who I am.
It's the stuff that makes me think the way that
I do and look at certain things. The way that
I do, and you weren't there for that. And so
because you weren't there for that, it's my and I
showed up this. I've showed up as all of me,
as my adult self for wherever I am in this relationship.
(17:32):
But you don't know the stuff that got me here.
You don't know what that was. And I think some
people don't even want the time that it called that
is needed for it. And I think some people don't
want you to give it because they don't want to
give that. Because if I'm telling you about my childhood traumas,
and I'm telling you about my teenage years, and I'm
telling you about my deepest tarket, yeah, who I loved
(17:55):
before I met you? Can you handle that conversation? And
it's like all of the stuff that makes me who
I am that you only see a glimpse of. Do
you really want to know that person? Do you really
want to know the stuff that maybe my mama and
my daddy don't know? But if I'm married to you
and we're in covenant and we're making we're building lives together,
(18:16):
can you handle all of me? Can you handle everything
that I have been through? Because I believe every human
being on this earth wants to be known in a way,
to be known in a way that only really one
person really knows you, and it's you might have given
glimpses to other people, but no one houses everything about you.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
And I think that is true and intimacy.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
So then if you do the work to build that
and then lose that, right, rebuilding it is work on
top of work. So if you do the work to
create intimacy, it'll make you think about not losing it
before you lose. That's like, this took a lot of
work get here.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I am wow.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
I don't even know if I want to try to.
I don't even know if I have it in me
to rebuild it, because it took so much to build it.
So that's a safeguard. It'll protect you by itself. It's
not you know. I don't even want to violate my
covenant in that way. I don't want anything to happen
in that manner because it took so much to have.
What we have is so special. There's nobody else on
earth that know me the way you know me. Nobody
(19:23):
know what I think before I think. Nobody can look
across the room and see it and already know where
I'm leading with that. So therefore that's a sacredness that
I'm protecting that I don't want to lose it. And
if I lose it, oh God, please let me rebuild it,
because I don't have the energy at a time to
get at to somebody else.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I'm so glad we're getting both prospectives. Here is cost
per healthy conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
We just gonna keep coming back here, just keep coming
back to thirteen ninety Musical Power and Praise Inspiration thirteen
ninety with you know Sonya Blake and you will find
us on yourmown Glenn dot com. Come see It's a
New Life seven thirty nine thirty twelve thirty on Sunday, sundaytime.
It's on Marriage Monday. We got Marriage Monday podcasts on
all our platforms. Get a book. We're just out here
(20:07):
trying to give information an impartation for healthy relationships, healthy marriages.
Check me out on the YouTube. You can see this
episode again and again. Send us some questions. Hey, we're
not out here hiing. We're trying to make sure that
you can get to us so we can get to you.
So Chicago, Yeah, that's us healthy healthy marriages, and healthy
relationships
It's Sonya Blaky, It's Inspiration thirteen ninety.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
It's relationship Talk Thursday. Man, relationships are what we're talking
about today. We've been doing it all month.
Speaker 1 (00:09):
We kicked off the first week of February with the Glens.
We're gonna finish with the Glens. We might have to
take this on the road. I don't know, but it's
been great. Pastor Jimone Glenn, Pastor Erica Glenn of New Life.
Speaker 2 (00:23):
Yeah, what's up New Life? What's up?
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Pastor hand I'm gonna have to start bringing in breakfast,
especially for Lady Erica.
Speaker 3 (00:29):
You know, she loves me.
Speaker 2 (00:31):
Some snacks amount to bring you a mom's down of some.
Speaker 1 (00:35):
But we are in store for a great conversation and
just we just want to help marriages.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
We want to help relationships. That's what it's all about.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
We're not trying to beat nobody up, but we're trying
to give you the wisdom and the keys and the tools.
Speaker 2 (00:46):
To have a successful marriage.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
So today we want to talk about, let me make
sure I get my notes here, rebuilding connection after disconnection.
Now it's about restoring trust, intimacy, and emotional closeness.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Who is this topic?
Speaker 3 (00:59):
Four? Would you in this process called marriage right on
this journey right, Sometimes things get broken, things break, people
don't apply, don't do it right, they mess up, but
they realize we got stake in the game, and just
because we made some mess ups. I don't want to
get rid of you. I want to work it out.
I want to figure out how to work it out.
(01:21):
But as we always say, you know, I don't want
this version of our marriage. You know I want a
better version. I don't I want the two point. Oh,
I want the upgraded version of our marriage, not an
upgraded version of another relationship. And so that requires once
you made that decision to stick it out and get
into it, it requires rebuilding and fixing some broken places.
(01:44):
So trust is broken. Sometimes intimacy has broken, so emotional
closeness is broken. And so we always say that to
combat those things, you got to build with trust, you
got to leave with forgiveness, and you got to have intimacy. Right,
So those are three ways that we deal with trust, forgive,
and intimacy. So trust is simply the foundation is not
really something. I don't know. Can you earn trust? I don't.
Speaker 4 (02:07):
I don't know if you can earn trust or if
it's just something that you have to just be intentional.
You have to be intentional about it.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
And I think, you.
Speaker 4 (02:17):
Know, when I think about trust, I always think about
being a child and when you do something that is
against your parents and they don't trust you and they
tell you they don't trust you and you lost it,
and how you try to regain their trust.
Speaker 2 (02:33):
So like you clean up the house and you.
Speaker 4 (02:35):
Do all you do all of these things, you know,
all of the stuff that you would just first, Yeah,
you just didn't didn't care about it. And you're like, no,
because I really want them to put me back in
that place and I want them to see me that way.
And I feel that way in your marriage, if there
has trust has been broken, you want your spouse to
look at you in a certain kind of way and
you know that they're going to look at you through
the lenses of forgiveness. But that's what you're that's to me,
(02:58):
that's what you're aiming for.
Speaker 3 (03:00):
And trust is rebuilt if there is a rebuilding through consistency,
through transparency, through vulnerability. So if that ever is a breach,
you know, you gotta do the work. You gotta be
willing to do the work and the work goes on
both sides because the person that is been violated feel
like they're the task master, like they holding something around head. Now, no,
(03:22):
you gotta earn my trust. You got to earn it again.
But that's not the way God does you, right, So
if you allow somebody to rebuild and regain trust, then
don't keep repeating the offense. Don't keep holding it against them,
don't keep reminding them of the past while you're trying
to move in the future. So you broke the trust,
you gotta rebuild by consistent actions. The trust was broken
(03:45):
towards you. You gotta reveal by consistent actions for forgiving
and loving and not rehearsing the past so that you
can move on to the future. It's hard to move
on in the future when you keep bringing up my past.
Speaker 1 (03:55):
Have you all worked for couples that have been able
to rebuild trust and their marriage relationships.
Speaker 2 (04:01):
You've seen victories, right, yes, And.
Speaker 4 (04:03):
You see victories because people they have hope, they have
great expectation. They're realizing that we have too much in
this to just walk away. And it's like, you know,
this person could be in a different state of mind.
It's like I feel like when trust is broken, the
other person is discovering something about themselves that they didn't
(04:24):
know was broken. And because of that, I think that
the other partners should have compassion that they are learning
more about themselves. Like marriage is a mirror and marriage
is showing you who you are, and they're showing you
some places that you didn't necessarily want to look at.
And so I think that when trust is broken, it's
more to me. It's deeper than just I broke trust
(04:45):
with you. It's more up. There's something that's dysfunctional inside
of me, and me being a relationship with you highlighted
that dysfunction. And now as an individual, I have to
do the work of why was that there and why.
Speaker 2 (04:57):
Did I do that to somebody that I love.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
People are so funny and contradictory. It's like you want,
you want it, but you don't want to give it.
We teach in our marriage conferences, give what you want,
don't just take what you want. Give what you want.
You want trust you want to be forgiven, So give it.
Speaker 2 (05:14):
That's good, all right, we're gonna come back. We're talking
good today. Rebuilding connection after disconnection.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
If you've gone through a divorce, have you gone through
any type of breakup anything. We want to make sure
that we tap in and help you where you're hurting.
All right, you can call us eight five, five, nine, nine,
thirteen nine. A're gonna come back and talk about forgiveness, giveness.
It's relationship talk Thursday with the Glenn's Pastor Dermone and
Pastor Erica Glenn.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
New Life is their church.
Speaker 1 (05:42):
They serve as executive past us and they have put
the work in twenty years into this. They've written books,
they're book writers, and they are annointed to talk about relationships.
So who would you say this conversation is for, because
the topic is rebuilding connection after this connection? Is this
somebody that's been heard, been divorced or what was this
(06:03):
for everybody?
Speaker 3 (06:04):
But it's all the things that you said at the
top of the segment and the end of the last one.
It is if there's brokenness there, there's been an impast
there's been a disconnection. This is for you and in
moments in marriage, it happens for everybody. This is a
big one. It's forgiveness, forgiveness, God to forgive. We talked
about this at the marriage prayer at the end of
January on the other side of your prayer requests. What's
(06:26):
in between you and God answering your prayers is forgiving
your spouse. You cannot receive from God unless you release them.
God simply says, if you want forgiveness, you've got to forgive.
And if you have an issue with your spouse and
you don't take it to them, God says, lay that
on the altar, go get that right, and then come
back to me. So I think forgiveness is something that
(06:48):
we that we struggle with, right, and it's not a feeling.
It's a decision choose to forgive forgive on the premise
that God wants you to be able to forgive. And
you can't love without forgiving. So if you're going to love,
you're gonna you're gonna you're gonna have to practice forgive me.
So let go to hurt, like go to pain, Let
go to past, make space for healing, talk about more
(07:09):
about what you want than what they did, and just
learn and forgive.
Speaker 1 (07:13):
It's an easier said than done, right, it can be.
Speaker 4 (07:18):
Yeah, I think I think our human nature feeling like
we gotta get somebody, I gotta get you back, I
gotta take care of you, nobody's gonna nobody's gonna do
that to me, Like I feel that the whole thing. Yeah,
it triggers you. But if you sit in a posture
of forgiveness, and I know people feel like it's easier
(07:39):
said than done. But I guess for me, I just
be like, listen, I have jacked up so much and
God forgives me and he acts like it never even happened.
So it's like, how dare I hold something against someone
when God forgives me so freely. So for me, yes,
has there been some times where it was difficult to forgive?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Yes, but because that.
Speaker 4 (07:58):
But at the end of the day, I'm like, hey,
I got too much that I need God to do
and you are not about to be in the way
of me getting what God has for me. So it's
like I don't want that in my heart. And to me,
it's a lot of work to be unforgiving. It's just
so much work. It's just so much work. It's so
much work to be mad, it's so much work to
have resentment. It's so much work to exactly, it's so
(08:20):
much work not to talk to you. It's so much
work to avoid you, and all of that is just
so it's so much work, and you should know that.
If it's work like that, then it's not supposed to
be something that you have in your heart. So the
easier the quicker you are to forgive, the easier you
are to move on. It doesn't mean that I really forget,
but I just don't hold it. Yeah, I don't hold
(08:43):
it because I want to be healed. I don't want
to love from that place. I don't want to love
from that seat. I want to love from the seat
of forgiveness.
Speaker 2 (08:50):
That's really you're going to come back. We had a
question you guys.
Speaker 1 (08:52):
You can think about it a little bit, talking about
how to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (08:57):
A question come in, so think about it, take a break.
Be back with the Glens here on Relationship Talk Thursday.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
Thank you so much for listening and calling Inspiration thirteen
ninety Relationship Talk.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Thursday, Here with the Glens. You got a question for
our team, Yes, I do.
Speaker 4 (09:13):
I just want to know how do you build your
relationships after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (09:19):
Did you guys get that?
Speaker 1 (09:20):
How to rebuild after emotional or physical distance?
Speaker 2 (09:23):
That was your question, right, Yeah.
Speaker 4 (09:25):
How to how to rebuild I would say, after physical
distance is to get back, just get back to the physics. Physics, okay, sorry,
And I think that I think that it doesn't have
to It doesn't have to initially or automatically be sex.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
But it could be hand holding.
Speaker 4 (09:44):
It could be sitting when you're sitting on the couch
or whatever, or if there's telling, if you're watching TV,
that you make sure that you're close to each other
when you're in the car, grabbing the person's hand, like
it's just small simple steps before you get to the
big bang that you want to have, so the you
can have some kind of connection, because we'll be surprised
how many couples do not.
Speaker 2 (10:04):
Touch each other.
Speaker 4 (10:05):
My husband always he always lets me know, do you
realize you have not touched me today?
Speaker 2 (10:09):
And I'm like, dang, I didn't even realize that. I
don't get mad.
Speaker 4 (10:12):
I just go to touch him quickly, especially if that's
their love language. Then for the emotional part, how to
rebuild that, I would definitely say, you have to get
to a place of vulnerability and you have to be
okay with being vulnerable, you know. And Genesis it says
that they were naked and unashamed, right, they were not
(10:35):
ashamed being naked in front of their spouse. And that's
just not physically, but that's also emotionally. So allowing your
spouse to come in and be able to handle your emotions,
handle what is going on inside of you, handle what happened.
And we might think that it's small and they don't
really want to hear it, but that's a point of connection,
(10:56):
and it could just be the smallest thing that allows
for connection. They may not even thought that you looked
at something that way or whatever, or just you told
the world or you told everybody at your job, but
you didn't tell your spouse what happened. So other people
have information that your spouse doesn't happen. They're the person
that's supposed to have all of the information. So you
(11:17):
just want to make sure that you don't have that
disconnect emotionally nor physically.
Speaker 2 (11:21):
And those are some ways to make sure that's awesome.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
Feeling that one. Yeah, yeah, I mean I would just
agree with everything she said and just kind of summarize
it with a word of intention. Right, So with intention,
sometimes you're waiting to feel like being intimate before we
are intimate, but don't wait till you feel like it,
and if you got to wait to feel like it,
didn't make the other person feel like or make yourself
(11:43):
feel like it because it is a part of your intention,
or intently have a conversation. Intently do it. So I
agree with everything you said and just do it with intent.
And my wife says that, hey, a lot of times
with guys, is not where you is that you plan
to take her somewhere. So just just remind some intention.
(12:04):
And when you invite pretention intention, it will it will
help you increase and decrease your distance.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
They give you the whole answer.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
You go with that.
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Yes, that good? All right, thank you for calling and listening.
Bye bye, Hey, thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (12:19):
You're right on time. It's relationship Talk Thursday. It's Preston
thirteen ninety with the Glenns. I know you got a
good question for us this morning.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
Hi, Yeah, I do. How you going? God?
Speaker 2 (12:29):
Thank you for calling.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
My question for the how do you reconnect with your
partner and the relationship after hurt or betrayal?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Okay, thank you a great, great question.
Speaker 3 (12:39):
I mean, to love is to forgive. You cannot say
you want to love if you cannot forgive. So I
think first you make a decision, because forgiveness is a
choice and love is a choice. Love is a decision,
forgiveness is a decision. So first you start by making
the decision to love and to forge give, and then
(13:01):
you do the work of rekindling or reconnecting after the
betrayal by acknowledging. I mean, I don't think forgiveness is
ignoring the betrayal or the hurt, but right you acknowledge
this hurt me, this is how it made me feel,
this is what I heard, This is how I felt
when you did X, Y Z, or when this happened.
(13:23):
And you deal with it through truth and honesty and love.
But you don't make that contingent upon if they asks
or if you feel like they worthy. In order to
forgive or to love love. You cannot love without forgiveness,
and forgiveness and love are both a choice. And so
once you do that, you put in parameters in place,
you be honest, You put things in place, and then
you start to rebuild what was torn down on what
(13:46):
was broken.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Yeah, I think another thing, like you said, the accountability
based upon whatever it was.
Speaker 2 (13:52):
So the person.
Speaker 4 (13:53):
Who offended, the person who hurt you're the person you
know that hurt your partner. You have to be okay
for a while with them just being on you. And
you gotta be okay with that, right, you gotta be
okay with that, Like if it's infidelity, you gotta be
okay with them having your location and you gotta be
okay with them call and be like, hey, you you
(14:15):
at Mario's.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
Make sure that you bring me some such and such.
Speaker 4 (14:18):
You can't be like, oh, they trying to figure out, Like, no,
you put yourself in this position, and if you want
to make sure that you can regain that intimacy and
regain that trust, then there's some things that you have
to do now the person that is the person who's
who has to on the other side of it. You
can't be crazy with this. You there are some parameters
(14:38):
that they're gonna have to do. Yes, but you can't
be crazy with this, and you can't be on them
with all of this kind of stuff. But you do
need your trust to be built back, and you do
need to be honest with them that that made me,
that triggered a little bit when you did such and such.
And I think that open communication is what helps the
reconnection of how I'm feeling, how is how is how
(14:58):
it's handling me?
Speaker 2 (14:59):
What is doing to me?
Speaker 4 (15:01):
And that's all going to be wrapped in your recommitment
and your emotional connection.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
Once again, that's good, do the work.
Speaker 2 (15:08):
I think that answered your question right more than enough. Right,
Thank you so much for sure, sciate you Inspiration thirteen ninety.
I cannot believe we almost wrap this thing up. Relationship
Talk Thursday.
Speaker 1 (15:20):
It's Sonya with Faster to Vote and the Fast of Erica.
And it's been a great conversation, a deep conversation. We're
talking about rebuilding connection after disconnection. I was asking off air,
is intimacy Is that the hardest part when it comes
to rebuilding after disconnection?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
I think so, because I think it's the hardest part
to build because there's a lot of couples that have
intensity but don't have intimacy. Because intimacy is into me,
you see, it's vulnderability, it's I can give you. We
always say it's easier for people to get naked than
it is to be naked, right, So people can take
(15:59):
off theirs and never really be naked. They can never
really be naked in the sense of naked and not
a shame, strip down Vonderbolt intimacy, mirror transparent, Vanderbolt weak,
show you my week, show you my pain points. I
can give you my body, my physical connection. Sex doesn't
necessarily intimate enter translate into intimacy. And so I think
(16:23):
it's the hardest to rebuild because it's the hardest to
build because there's a lot of couples that we find
that have no intimacy, sex but no intimacy, children but
no intimacy, same bills, no intimacy, share last name, no intimacy,
years in the game, no intimacy, own a house, no intimacy.
I don't know you. I don't know you, but I'm
(16:47):
with you. And so intimacy is something that both people
have to be willing to give and let down their
guards and understand not only who I am, but how
I got Like right.
Speaker 4 (17:01):
That part, That's what I was going to say, it's
the part. It's the part of me that you were
not a part.
Speaker 3 (17:08):
Of, the part of me.
Speaker 4 (17:10):
It's a part of me that you were not a
part of. It's the stuff that makes me who I am.
It's the stuff that makes me think the way that
I do and look at certain things. The way that
I do, and you weren't there for that. And so
because you weren't there for that, it's my and I
showed up this. I've showed up as all of me,
as my adult self for wherever I am in this relationship.
(17:32):
But you don't know the stuff that got me here.
You don't know what that was. And I think some
people don't even want the time that it called that
is needed for it. And I think some people don't
want you to give it because they don't want to
give that. Because if I'm telling you about my childhood traumas,
and I'm telling you about my teenage years, and I'm
telling you about my deepest tarket, yeah, who I loved
(17:55):
before I met you? Can you handle that conversation? And
it's like all of the stuff that makes me who
I am that you only see a glimpse of. Do
you really want to know that person? Do you really
want to know the stuff that maybe my mama and
my daddy don't know? But if I'm married to you
and we're in covenant and we're making we're building lives together,
(18:16):
can you handle all of me? Can you handle everything
that I have been through? Because I believe every human
being on this earth wants to be known in a way,
to be known in a way that only really one
person really knows you, and it's you might have given
glimpses to other people, but no one houses everything about you.
Speaker 2 (18:40):
And I think that is true and intimacy.
Speaker 3 (18:45):
So then if you do the work to build that
and then lose that, right, rebuilding it is work on
top of work. So if you do the work to
create intimacy, it'll make you think about not losing it
before you lose. That's like, this took a lot of
work get here.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I am wow.
Speaker 3 (19:02):
I don't even know if I want to try to.
I don't even know if I have it in me
to rebuild it, because it took so much to build it.
So that's a safeguard. It'll protect you by itself. It's
not you know. I don't even want to violate my
covenant in that way. I don't want anything to happen
in that manner because it took so much to have.
What we have is so special. There's nobody else on
earth that know me the way you know me. Nobody
(19:23):
know what I think before I think. Nobody can look
across the room and see it and already know where
I'm leading with that. So therefore that's a sacredness that
I'm protecting that I don't want to lose it. And
if I lose it, oh God, please let me rebuild it,
because I don't have the energy at a time to
get at to somebody else.
Speaker 1 (19:41):
I'm so glad we're getting both prospectives. Here is cost
per healthy conversation.
Speaker 3 (19:45):
We just gonna keep coming back here, just keep coming
back to thirteen ninety Musical Power and Praise Inspiration thirteen
ninety with you know Sonya Blake and you will find
us on yourmown Glenn dot com. Come see It's a
New Life seven thirty nine thirty twelve thirty on Sunday, sundaytime.
It's on Marriage Monday. We got Marriage Monday podcasts on
all our platforms. Get a book. We're just out here
(20:07):
trying to give information an impartation for healthy relationships, healthy marriages.
Check me out on the YouTube. You can see this
episode again and again. Send us some questions. Hey, we're
not out here hiing. We're trying to make sure that
you can get to us so we can get to you.
So Chicago, Yeah, that's us healthy healthy marriages, and healthy
relationships
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