Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
It's time to do it. Hey, everybody, I am stormy
(00:02):
with you. Listen. Thank you for joining us for the pulse.
It is the pulse. We keep our fingertips on the
pulse of our community. And today we're talking about some
things I think you really need to know about. Bring
the family, the kids, everybody around radio, Okay, so we
can talk. I got a special guest on the show.
I know I say that every week, but yes, I
do have another special guest on the show. So tell
(00:24):
everybody who you are and what it is that you do.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Absolutely well. First of all, thanks for having me here today.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
My name is Mike Arnold and I serve with a
wonderful organization known as Families Matter. We've been around here
and they do they do, they do, and we've been
around for about twenty years. And our great director executive
director is Ms Carol Jackson. Her and her family have
had a tremendous impact in our city working with families.
(00:51):
We are faith based organization, okay, so we believe faith
is critical in the family network and we're excited about
what we're doing now. We've worked with young fathers, we've
worked with older fathers, seasoned fathers and new fathers. But
now this new initiative is called a firm, which is
an acronym that stands for a father's involvement really matters,
(01:11):
And in that we get an opportunity to work with
fathers who may be challenged as it relates to child support,
being able to help them reconnect with their kids.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Okay, okay, well let's back up a little bit because
you said family matters. You guys deal with a lot
of family and family issues. So tell me is that
just you are you helping just men? How does that
work the people that you serve? Right?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
So, we work with the entire family. We can work
with children, We work in the schools. We have a
program called Dynamic Dads twenty four to seven fathers as
well where we go into the schools where we mentor
kids as well. Also too, we do work some with
mothers in terms of co parenting and giving them an
opportunity to learn the importance of co parenting. But we
do have an emphasis and focus on fathers because we
(01:57):
believe if we can get fathers to turn that helps
with a lot of the issues that we have in
our community.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I saw, where did you guys have a you know,
like a program where men came and they were able
to graduate from it. Yes, yes, I think my girlfriend's son,
she said, her son graduated from that program. But tell
me a little bit about that. Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
So that's the affirmed side of the programming.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So what we do.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
We have eight sessions in which men eighteen and up
can be a part of our program and they have
an opportunity to learn different things about manhood. So it
could be manhood, fatherhood, communication, relationships, the importance of that.
And of course I know a little bit we'll talk
about today, this idea of conflict resolution and anger management.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah, conflict resolution is something that everybody in the city
seems like, seems like any about Anita, And I'm telling
you it's not. I mean that when I say everybody,
because you never know the situation you're going to be in.
You could be driving on the highway. I thought about
that today when I was driving in and I thought,
you know, well, if it wasn't for the grace of God,
(03:05):
I could have been I was a story waiting to
happen because I was angry on the highway. And why right,
you know what I'm saying exactly, You know. And so
you see that so many times where people get angry
for of a nothing. You know, maybe in the grocery store,
maybe somebody accidentally went in front of you. You know
what I'm saying. Instead of handling it the right kind
(03:27):
of way, you over react absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
And one of the things Stormy is that anger is
a natural thing that happens to all.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
It sure is.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's a natural thing. It's an emotion that we all have.
If you have blood coming through your veins, going through
your veins, you're dealing with anger. And so what we
have to understand is is that anger should not equate
to violence.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And that's what we're running into now in our city.
Whether it be younger, oh and it really doesn't matter
what zip code you live in, come on, right. And
so we've got to understand it's a natural thing that
when it's not controlled, that's where the issue comes. And
so we're we've got to understand the importance of moving
from anger as an emotion and not allowing it to
become violent behavior. We're seeing in our city right now
(04:10):
all kinds of stories, young people, seasoned people who are
making poor decisions simply based on an emotion.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yeah, And we've seen the movie, many of us, especially
baby boomers generation X, we've seen the movie Anger Management.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We back then probably thought, oh, we don't have that
big of it. And some people have had anger issues
and they've probably gone to court and had to take
anger management classes. So they do exist. But I think
right now, because of the environment or the temperature of
what's happening in the world right now, we could all
(04:50):
stand to be, you know, in some classes. Absolutely. So
if I were to come to you right now and
ask you about or tell you, hey, I got some
anger issues this and that, whatever happened, what would you
tell me the first step with you know, that I
would need to do to kind of calm myself down.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Well, first of all, we have to identify that we
do get angry. Yeah, and what we would call we
have an anger scale. And so starting from one to ten,
one being the lowest, you know, you stub your toe,
you might be a little irritated, something like that, But
going all the way up to ten, when you are
on the express where somebody does something to you and
(05:29):
your temperature begins to literally ride out.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
You don't go up there, Well, we're going.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
To stay one to ten right now, but one to ten,
but ten saying this is really messed up, agitated, I
want to do something destructive, and that's what we're seeing
in our city. But the challenge is is that sometimes
we're going to be at one, sometimes we're going to
be at a ten, but we need to be somewhere
in between and being able to manage that. And I
think that's the thing, as we were talking earlier, that
(05:54):
we're not seeing. And so with our anger management, we
get an opportunity to first, let's identify that we do
get angry, that we identify that that, let's measure it.
And then now we've got to understand what anger really
looks like in my body. So what that means is
that I need to take a look at myself. What
are some things that happen when I get angry? I know,
(06:15):
for me, if I get really angry, I'm a chill guy.
But if I get angry, I know my heart begins
to beat really fast, I get really quiet, I start
walking really fast, and I have like just this focus, right,
and I can remember times I felt like a steam
was literally coming out of my ears, right, Like the cartoons.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I used to cry, yeah, when I get angry when
I was younger. Yeah, I don't do it as much now.
I think maybe at some point you learn to control it.
Maybe I don't know, is that but some people cry
instead of.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Right, And so in that once I understand that and
understand what my signals are happening in my body or triggers,
then I've got to understand So what is the behavior
that is connected to that? So in my behavior, am
I how do I feel? What's going on with me?
Do I punch a wall? You know?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Do I go.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
And and and and do something that that's not legal?
Whatever it is. You've got to be able to identify
those things. So you've got to look introspectively inward first.
And so I think that's the key because a lot
of times, and particularly with men, young men, if I
don't know how to identify those things, then the expressions
that I do show emotion, then it becomes a challenge
(07:31):
or issue for me. And that's what we're finding. So
that's the first step.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, and you end up popping off like the young folks,
say what you want to call it, you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, And this that's an issue. And if
you can't control it, that's an issue. Yes. And I'm
seeing so many stories and just like you were talking about,
so many stories where you know that person had to
be angry.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
To do what they did.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Absolutely, absolutely, and and and that's the thing. When you
get angry, angry, and when we get angry, what we
don't want to do is become a news story. Yes,
I think the best way to handle anger is before
you get angry. Yes, because once you're at the boiling point,
I mean, come on, you know what I'm saying. Thank
(08:17):
you guys for joining the show. I'm stormy talking to
Mike Arnold with family matters. And you know when I
met you, I was real rude, y'all because he was
on the phone. I was ear hustling, and we were
in the store and I said, now, who are you?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, yeah, you did, but I'm glad you did.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And the reason I said it was because I heard
you telling whoever it was you were on the phone with.
You were telling them that you had just did you
just on a class with some young men and you
were talking to them about anger. Manager. Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And so with our program, we have our sessions and
so Meangelo Taylor, I got to give him a shout out.
That's one of our facilitators for the program, and we
were just kind of recapping, but we were talking about,
you know, help to change the trajectory of our young
men by understanding the importance of how to keep your
cool and how important that is. That's something that we
can't assume people know how to do it. It's an
(09:11):
art to it, it's a science to it. And so
in that, you know, some things that we can do
is first of all, we've got to recognize when things
are starting to escalate, right, if they're going to escalate,
then I need to take a look at the situation.
If I do this, what's causing this to escalate? Am
I going to take it up another level?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
You mentioned about being on the expressway and I've been there,
you know, and somebody cuts you off and you want
to give them a finger. That's not number one. You
might want to do that, but whatever it is, But
what is that going to escalate to?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Right?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And we have to consider that. And one of the
things also too, we talk about this idea of being
able to express how you are feeling directly. How important
that is to say how you feel and say what
you want. I think the problem with many of our
young people right now they don't know how to express
themselves a in a constructive manner.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And they don't know that emotion whill. Yes, we need
to pull up that absolutely need to be everywhere we're going.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Absolutely absolutely, because when you look at any any emotion,
will I'm gonna tell you will see emotions that you
the words rather that you wouldn't necessarily pull out of
your vocabulary when you talk about being angry, that really
better describe what you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, And I think one of the things
is important is that it's about evaluating the situation. You know,
when you're talking about verbally, if I'm if I'm if
I'm expressing myself in a negative way, is this the
time or place to do that?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Wow, that's the That's the big.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Thing that we have to understand. And you know, being
able to take time out, that's the thing. You know
when we're growing up as kids, you know you have
to take time out, go to it. Yeah, take the
time out. We don't do that anymore, No.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Some parents. I think some parents still do that, but
I think a lot of us, And I think maybe
I feel like we're in a society now where people
really don't know what to do when it comes to
parenting their kids. Oh yes, because you got the you know,
certain parts of well, the laws saying what you can't
do right and the potential of this or that happening, right,
(11:21):
and kids knowing the law. Yes, you know what I'm saying. Absolutely,
And I think sometimes that for some parents is challenging.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Without a doubt, parenting is a challenge when we're talking
about in twenty twenty five. There's no blueprint, there's no playbook.
And one of the things that I feel privileged to
be a part of Families Matter, is that we help
you in those areas, right, particularly as it relates to
parents and being able for them to understand the importance
(11:51):
of relationships right.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Communication right.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
A lot of times in our community we haven't been
taught the art of communication right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, And I think since COVID it's gotten even worse. Yes,
because so many of us were isolated, right, and we
didn't have to communicate right, well, we couldn't communicate, you know,
and I think that affected us as well. You know,
maybe some of what we're seeing as a result of
the lack of that and then being able to communicate
(12:20):
during that time. But it doesn't give us an excuse
to just pop off.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Absolutely, absolutely, and so I think one of them an.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Excuse and I'm sorry to cut you off, but I'm
an excuse to say, I'm just like like this, this
is how I am. I can't change, but you.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Can, absolutely, And I think that's selling ourselves short when
we do that. But I think part of that is
is that we have to model that. We have to
model that to the next generation. In terms of that
as we get older those I'm talking to our age group,
We've got to be the example. We've got to set
the example. We can't allow other people or other things
(12:56):
to set the example.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
That goes for the millennials too.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yes, yes, that's true, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Because they're the parents. Now, well that's true.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
That is true.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You know, you're pretty much there are grandkids.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
That's true, those.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Are their kids.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely absolutely, And so you know, just kind
of piggybacking back and coming back about anger management, I
think is this idea of having a strategy right of
taking time out. You know, I think one of the
things that's important is that you got to have an
exit plan. How are you going to go about taking
a time out? And so some things that I would
(13:30):
suggest to our audience is that we've got to understand
that we have to start making eye statements. What I
mean by that is is that I'm expressing to you
that I have a challenge, I have a problem. I'm
not blaming you, don't play the blame game. But I'm
expressing how I feel right now. I'm feeling angry, for example,
and can I cannot stay in this situation, so I
(13:53):
need to leave. Now. You notice I didn't say anything
about you. I'm only referring to myself so that I
can again, I need to leave, I can exit the situation.
So our language is very important when we're talking about
cooling off as opposed to Sam, well, Stormy, you did
this and you did that. It helps to de escalate
the situation, right exactly. So we're talking about exit strategy.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Not that I should. Some people don't. So sometimes not
saying anything is a good thing, right right right.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And one of the things, of course, is that I
need to take some time to get away, right, whether
that's to walk away, to get in your car, to
do whatever you need to do again, what's your exit strategy?
How am I getting away from the situation? Oftentimes, and
particularly as well as we're relating to young men, that
cheesemo kicks in, that ego kicks in because we don't
(14:46):
want anybody to think there were weak or soft. And
unfortunately because of that, we're seeing some of the situations
that we're seeing tragically right now.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
But not with young men. Now, we're seeing it with
young women.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Do for sure, for sure, for sure, And so I
think it's import to be able to do that. And
then you know, leaving time to get away to collect
our thoughts, which is very important. You know, I always say,
you know, count to five, count to ten, whatever that number,
count to one hundred, right, whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We remember doing that from sessing right now. Our kids
were watching it, but we were watching it too, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
And then also, you know, just this idea, finds something
else to replace that time.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Maybe go for a walk, go exercise.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Do something left, whatever it is, we go watch a movie,
but whatever it is is to bring that emotion down,
which I think it's important. And then you know, finally
that I would suggest is that once you've kind of
assessed and you've walked away and you're coming back, then
let's come back calmly and see how we can discuss
this if it's possible. And I think those steps are
(15:48):
important and helping people to understand that I don't have
to go down that road and we have to have
the exit strategy. And so that's kind of in a nutshell,
what we try to do and when we're sharing with
our clients about anger management, Yeah, cooling off.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, those are some really good tips though, because like
I said, it's not just your clients that need. Yes,
I think the world needs a whole lot of anger
management class because it's it's a whole lot of stuff
going on all over the place, and you can find
yourself angry. You could be angry and you're thinking, how
did I get so angry?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That's right, that's right, that's right, And it's a build up.
And then I'll say this to a lot of times.
You mentioned about being silent. Sometimes that's good, but sometimes
that can be detrimental. And what I mean by that
is is because we begin to implode ah and to
build up, and all we.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Need is that trigger. And I'm saying that on the
for the person that's on the opposite side.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, I see where
you're going.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Off of the person who's angry.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yes, yes, I got you.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Sometimes, yes, if you If that person is expressing themselves,
sometimes we need to let them right and hush. Right.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
That's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That's to listen. Mm hmm. Absolutely, and sometimes we don't.
We're not always good, especially women. We yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
And and one of the things for us, and especially.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I'm not and women, don't be mad. I'm not picking
on us.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Oh no, no, I'm a woman.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So I'm saying yes about not at all. Let me
let me okay, especially me. Okay. Sometimes when I'm in
an argument, I want to have a last word, right,
And sometimes having the last word is not always the
best thing, right.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Right, right, and and and so we see the rise
of DV and all types of things violence and again
not having a strategy as it relates to dealing with
our anger. And that's one of the things that we
try to do with our clients and again with with
the people here that are listening to you.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, okay, So again, you guys, I'm stormy. It is
the pulse. Thank you. For being here with us. I'm
talking to Mike Arnold with family matters. Now, with family matters,
do you guys get to go into the court system
with domestic violence situations and and help people in those.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
So not to the degree as you would think with
the mestic violence, but we are involved with the juvenile
court systems, so in terms of child supports specifically, so
we advocate for fathers who are willing to change and
willing and show some potential in that. And so we
have a person, a representative that's there and to kind
(18:22):
of walk with them to be able to help them
get involved in our program.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Okay, okay, yeah, So should you leading them to a
better solution? Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And I think that's the thing that's so important and
particularly in our community. Right there's so many things that
we see in our community, but we don't have enough
people saying what's the solution? What do we need to do?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
And maybe not enough people saying how can I help? Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that's one of the things that I
enjoy about what I do. We are faith based organization,
as I told you, and I personally believe and we
believe that faith is critical to the family growing up
you know, that was a part that the church played
and community played and really trying to help get the
(19:06):
community back together, get the village back together. We know
it takes a village to raise a child, but right
now the village is on fire.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I'm telling you, and everybody's in panic mode. Yes, And
a lot of people are angry.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
A lot of people are angry, and a lot of
people are hurting too. You know, it's the old adage
that hurt people hurt people.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And so when we don't deal with those things like
the fathers, for example, I deal with eighteen and up,
but I'm helping them to try to deal with some
of those childhood traumas that they were dealing right right
And when I look at their lives and that maybe
they didn't have a strong parental background foundation and now
(19:46):
they're trying to navigate through that same situation. We're seeing,
you know, history kind of repeat itself. And so we're
blessed where we can help to change the trajectory of
their relationship with their children, not having to do the
same thing that was done to them.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, and you know the interesting thing is with a
lot of us parents, you know, we said to our children,
do as I say, not as I do. And that
may work when the child is a child, you know, young,
but when they get older, they will do what you did. Absolutely, Absolutely,
it's a cycle. Absolutely, and they do it because they
saw you do it. So if if we don't want
(20:24):
our children to do certain things, then maybe we don't
need to do them in front of the kids. And
I think that it's become sort of like an age
old thing where parents don't do certain things in front
of their kids, or they say, go into the other room.
Kids don't do that. Like in our day we were
made to go outside and play or whatever. There were
a lot of conversations that we did not hear about
(20:47):
exactly you know what I'm saying, or didn't hear our
little ears were not privy to those conversations. But now
these children hear everything and there is nothing wrong. Would say,
unto your child, go to the other room.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Absolutely, And I think again that goes back to the
power and the importance of parenting. Again. Having that, and
I tell our fathers and our parents, you set the pace.
You're the thermostat. You're not the thermometer. You set the environment.
And so again getting back to that, you know, place
(21:23):
where we're empowering parents and particularly fathers to connect with
their children and to be parents to them and not
to be their best friend or buddies or kicking it
with them out hanging out. You know, there's a place
later on. I've got adult children, I understand that we
can hang out a little bit. But when they were
growing up, they knew that Hey, Daddy didn't play or
(21:43):
dad said this, or mom said this, and you know,
we just were seeing some of the same things that
you said.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Cycle that's happening. Yeah, and Mike, you know what I
realized as an adult, and that has adult children, my children,
And hopefully this will speak to somebody that's listening. Your
children want you to be on a pedestal. They really
do want you to be the best thing that they
(22:11):
can talk about when they go to different places. When
they grow up and get on the mic and speak,
they want to say something about their parents. They want
to be able to They got you on a pedestal.
And for me, I had to learn, even with my
children being adult, that there are certain conversations I cannot
have with them because your kids want you, they want
(22:34):
to they want you up there They don't ever want
to take you down there. You know, you ever told
your child something or and you and they said, that's mama,
you're telling me too much. They really mean that, They
don't really want to know. They want to keep you
up there as a father, as a mother, and we
have to learn how to navigate that. I hate that.
I learned that when my kids were adults. I wish
(22:56):
I knew that when they were young, you know what
I'm saying, because I was the kind of parent who
didn't say, go to the other room enough, you know
what I'm saying, and all those kinds of things. So
we all been there, y'all, you and alone if you're
going through that right now, we've all been there, all
of us without that, all made mistakes, that's right, and
learning from those mistakes is really what matters. Matters.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And one of the things I want to add and
encourage the parents that are listening, They're not looking for
you to be perfect, right, They're looking for you just
to be present, yes, And I think that's the thing
that's really important.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Now.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
We always talk about this as far as legacy is concerned,
and how important that is. And I ask our fathers
and parents too, just in general. One day we're going
to die, and the question is when you die, and
when we die, will your children be delighted that you're
gone or will they be devastated? Want to let that
(23:52):
sit for a moment, and so in that we want
to do what we can. My father passed away about
seven years I don't mind sharing this with the audience,
and I was devastated. He was my hero, not Michael Jordan,
not Lebron. But he was a hard worker. Yeah, he
took care of his family. We never missed the meal,
(24:12):
Our lights were never cut off.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
See that's what I'm talking about right there when I
say your kids, one of those of the guys, you
know what I'm saying that he was.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Perfect, not at all, but he was pressed to you
he's up there, he's up there, he's up there. Greatest
man I ever got a chance to know.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
And we get the opportunity every year now he's been
gone for seven years, to provide a scholarship in his honor.
Where that way we're honoring his memory, and so we
do that. And so it was the little things. He
wasn't this person who was very vocal. He just took
care of business. He loved my mama for fifty years
(24:48):
and he took care of us. And so that's the
type of memories that we want to have as parents, right,
and our children to feel that way and have that legacy.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Wow, that's good. Thanks for tying that in. Yeah, that's
exactly what I'm talking about. I mean, your kids want
to have you up on a you know what I'm saying. Absolutely,
they know you went through something, they know you're not perfect,
but one day, just like you just talked about your father,
that's where they That's how kids want to talk about us. Yes,
our kids want to talk about us, you know what
I'm saying. And it's not too late to fix those relationships, right,
(25:19):
And it's not too late to deal with the anger
you got going on, whether it's from trauma or your
past or wherever it is. Yes, y'all. And that's another
thing in our communities we don't we got the stigma
on getting some help. And you guys are offering family matters.
Is offering help to families, to children, to mothers to fathers. Yes,
(25:40):
even with your affirm program. I think this is amazing.
So I want you to tell me before you go
and before we run out of time. How can men
or whoever it is that you're calling to be a
part of these programs. How can they reach out to
you for help because they are crying out for help,
you know what I'm saying. But they don't always reach
out for but maybe right now, because they're listening, they'll
(26:03):
reach out. Sure, well, you get it.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
You can google Families Matter and are you can get
the information there. The AFFIRM program which is under Families Matter,
where we're working with fathers who are being challenged with fatherhood.
You can go to Affirm. That's one F Affirm Memphis
dot com. Again, that's Affirm with one F Memphis dot com.
(26:25):
Or you can call nine oh one four four five
O one one five and so you can connect with
us on that level. I just want to encourage us
to again, as you mentioned, Stormy, as I gave out
that information a lot of times. The greatest thing that
we can do, and it doesn't make us a weak
person to realize that we have some things that need
to be worked on.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Its courageous.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
It's being courageous. And I don't know how much time
we have, but I wanted to tell a quick story
if I could. So we had a guy who was
involved in our program, the AFFIRM part, and he was
a biochemist and is a bio chemist, but went through
a divorce, downward trajectory in his life. He was coming
(27:08):
to our session. First time he came, he was homeless.
He was in his car waiting for us to open
up that day, got a chance to meet him a
little bit. He ended up he was at a place,
a really dark place where he wanted to end his life.
And because for us, because of the grace of God
(27:28):
and us being there, we were able to get the services.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That he needed.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
He went from being homeless now to working for a
fortune five hundred company. He's reconnecting with his family and
those are things that are happening in real time in Memphis,
Tennessee that people just need help. And he just said, hey,
he's got a PhD. He's a biochemist, but he was
deficient as related to his personal life. And we were
(27:54):
able to give him the resources that he needed. And
so he's actually working with us as a volunteer to
tell other fathers how they can get involved with families
matter AFFIRM.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I love that And you know what, if you're listening
to this show and you know somebody that needs this,
please share that information with us. Yes, yes, our kids
need all the help that they can get, and our
fathers definitely need all the help that they can get.
Share this information because you might be saving somebody's life,
without a doubt, without a doubt. Wow, Thank you, mister Arnold.
(28:26):
The work that you do in our community, this is
God's work.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
It's God's work. It's God's work, and it's it's a
it's a privilege to be a part of this team
and we're hoping to again make some real changes to
correct some of the things that are happening in our community.
I love it, and we believe the family starts. It
starts with the family.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, because families matter. Yeah. Tell them again where they
can find you, where they can reach you and share
more information about the program.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Www a firm with one f Memphis dot com or
they can call nine oh one four four five one one.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
All Right, you got some good information today. That's right,
that's right. Thank you for being here, mister Arnold. I'm
telling you I think this. Yeah, I'm y'all. I just
get so full when I have conversations like this because
it just it not just helps y' all, but it
helps me too. So again, thank you guys, thank you
for the work that you're doing, and God bless you,
(29:21):
thank you for coming in. Appreciate you. Yeah, get that
information nine O one four four five zero one one
five and a firm Memphis dot com a f I
R M Memphis dot com and check them out, especially
if you need the help, and if you know somebody
that needs the help, pass that information along to them
(29:42):
as well. Thank you again, mister Arnold, Thank you all right.
God bless y'all. Everybody that's checking in checking out the
show today, thank you for being here. We'll see you
next week, same time, same station. It's the pulse. I
am Stormy, keeping our fingertips on the pulse of our community.
We'll see you next week, same time, same station. God
bless you have a great week.
It's time to do it. Hey, everybody, I am stormy
(00:02):
with you. Listen. Thank you for joining us for the pulse.
It is the pulse. We keep our fingertips on the
pulse of our community. And today we're talking about some
things I think you really need to know about. Bring
the family, the kids, everybody around radio, Okay, so we
can talk. I got a special guest on the show.
I know I say that every week, but yes, I
do have another special guest on the show. So tell
(00:24):
everybody who you are and what it is that you do.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
Absolutely well. First of all, thanks for having me here today.
Speaker 1 (00:30):
Welcome.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
My name is Mike Arnold and I serve with a
wonderful organization known as Families Matter. We've been around here
and they do they do, they do, and we've been
around for about twenty years. And our great director executive
director is Ms Carol Jackson. Her and her family have
had a tremendous impact in our city working with families.
(00:51):
We are faith based organization, okay, so we believe faith
is critical in the family network and we're excited about
what we're doing now. We've worked with young fathers, we've
worked with older fathers, seasoned fathers and new fathers. But
now this new initiative is called a firm, which is
an acronym that stands for a father's involvement really matters,
(01:11):
And in that we get an opportunity to work with
fathers who may be challenged as it relates to child support,
being able to help them reconnect with their kids.
Speaker 1 (01:19):
Okay, okay, well let's back up a little bit because
you said family matters. You guys deal with a lot
of family and family issues. So tell me is that
just you are you helping just men? How does that
work the people that you serve? Right?
Speaker 2 (01:35):
So, we work with the entire family. We can work
with children, We work in the schools. We have a
program called Dynamic Dads twenty four to seven fathers as
well where we go into the schools where we mentor
kids as well. Also too, we do work some with
mothers in terms of co parenting and giving them an
opportunity to learn the importance of co parenting. But we
do have an emphasis and focus on fathers because we
(01:57):
believe if we can get fathers to turn that helps
with a lot of the issues that we have in
our community.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
I saw, where did you guys have a you know,
like a program where men came and they were able
to graduate from it. Yes, yes, I think my girlfriend's son,
she said, her son graduated from that program. But tell
me a little bit about that. Okay.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
So that's the affirmed side of the programming.
Speaker 1 (02:21):
So what we do.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
We have eight sessions in which men eighteen and up
can be a part of our program and they have
an opportunity to learn different things about manhood. So it
could be manhood, fatherhood, communication, relationships, the importance of that.
And of course I know a little bit we'll talk
about today, this idea of conflict resolution and anger management.
Speaker 1 (02:43):
Yeah, conflict resolution is something that everybody in the city
seems like, seems like any about Anita, And I'm telling
you it's not. I mean that when I say everybody,
because you never know the situation you're going to be in.
You could be driving on the highway. I thought about
that today when I was driving in and I thought,
you know, well, if it wasn't for the grace of God,
(03:05):
I could have been I was a story waiting to
happen because I was angry on the highway. And why right,
you know what I'm saying exactly, You know. And so
you see that so many times where people get angry
for of a nothing. You know, maybe in the grocery store,
maybe somebody accidentally went in front of you. You know
what I'm saying. Instead of handling it the right kind
(03:27):
of way, you over react absolutely.
Speaker 2 (03:29):
And one of the things Stormy is that anger is
a natural thing that happens to all.
Speaker 1 (03:33):
It sure is.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
It's a natural thing. It's an emotion that we all have.
If you have blood coming through your veins, going through
your veins, you're dealing with anger. And so what we
have to understand is is that anger should not equate
to violence.
Speaker 1 (03:47):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (03:47):
And that's what we're running into now in our city.
Whether it be younger, oh and it really doesn't matter
what zip code you live in, come on, right. And
so we've got to understand it's a natural thing that
when it's not controlled, that's where the issue comes. And
so we're we've got to understand the importance of moving
from anger as an emotion and not allowing it to
become violent behavior. We're seeing in our city right now
(04:10):
all kinds of stories, young people, seasoned people who are
making poor decisions simply based on an emotion.
Speaker 1 (04:19):
Yeah, And we've seen the movie, many of us, especially
baby boomers generation X, we've seen the movie Anger Management.
Speaker 2 (04:27):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and.
Speaker 1 (04:28):
We back then probably thought, oh, we don't have that
big of it. And some people have had anger issues
and they've probably gone to court and had to take
anger management classes. So they do exist. But I think
right now, because of the environment or the temperature of
what's happening in the world right now, we could all
(04:50):
stand to be, you know, in some classes. Absolutely. So
if I were to come to you right now and
ask you about or tell you, hey, I got some
anger issues this and that, whatever happened, what would you
tell me the first step with you know, that I
would need to do to kind of calm myself down.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
Well, first of all, we have to identify that we
do get angry. Yeah, and what we would call we
have an anger scale. And so starting from one to ten,
one being the lowest, you know, you stub your toe,
you might be a little irritated, something like that, But
going all the way up to ten, when you are
on the express where somebody does something to you and
(05:29):
your temperature begins to literally ride out.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
You don't go up there, Well, we're going.
Speaker 2 (05:33):
To stay one to ten right now, but one to ten,
but ten saying this is really messed up, agitated, I
want to do something destructive, and that's what we're seeing
in our city. But the challenge is is that sometimes
we're going to be at one, sometimes we're going to
be at a ten, but we need to be somewhere
in between and being able to manage that. And I
think that's the thing, as we were talking earlier, that
(05:54):
we're not seeing. And so with our anger management, we
get an opportunity to first, let's identify that we do
get angry, that we identify that that, let's measure it.
And then now we've got to understand what anger really
looks like in my body. So what that means is
that I need to take a look at myself. What
are some things that happen when I get angry? I know,
(06:15):
for me, if I get really angry, I'm a chill guy.
But if I get angry, I know my heart begins
to beat really fast, I get really quiet, I start
walking really fast, and I have like just this focus, right,
and I can remember times I felt like a steam
was literally coming out of my ears, right, Like the cartoons.
Speaker 1 (06:37):
I used to cry, yeah, when I get angry when
I was younger. Yeah, I don't do it as much now.
I think maybe at some point you learn to control it.
Maybe I don't know, is that but some people cry
instead of.
Speaker 2 (06:49):
Right, And so in that once I understand that and
understand what my signals are happening in my body or triggers,
then I've got to understand So what is the behavior
that is connected to that? So in my behavior, am
I how do I feel? What's going on with me?
Do I punch a wall? You know?
Speaker 1 (07:07):
Do I go.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
And and and and do something that that's not legal?
Whatever it is. You've got to be able to identify
those things. So you've got to look introspectively inward first.
And so I think that's the key because a lot
of times, and particularly with men, young men, if I
don't know how to identify those things, then the expressions
that I do show emotion, then it becomes a challenge
(07:31):
or issue for me. And that's what we're finding. So
that's the first step.
Speaker 1 (07:35):
Yeah, and you end up popping off like the young folks,
say what you want to call it, you know what
I'm saying. Yeah, And this that's an issue. And if
you can't control it, that's an issue. Yes. And I'm
seeing so many stories and just like you were talking about,
so many stories where you know that person had to
be angry.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
To do what they did.
Speaker 1 (07:55):
Absolutely, absolutely, and and and that's the thing. When you
get angry, angry, and when we get angry, what we
don't want to do is become a news story. Yes,
I think the best way to handle anger is before
you get angry. Yes, because once you're at the boiling point,
I mean, come on, you know what I'm saying. Thank
(08:17):
you guys for joining the show. I'm stormy talking to
Mike Arnold with family matters. And you know when I
met you, I was real rude, y'all because he was
on the phone. I was ear hustling, and we were
in the store and I said, now, who are you?
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Yeah, yeah, you did, but I'm glad you did.
Speaker 1 (08:34):
And the reason I said it was because I heard
you telling whoever it was you were on the phone with.
You were telling them that you had just did you
just on a class with some young men and you
were talking to them about anger. Manager. Absolutely, absolutely.
Speaker 2 (08:49):
And so with our program, we have our sessions and
so Meangelo Taylor, I got to give him a shout out.
That's one of our facilitators for the program, and we
were just kind of recapping, but we were talking about,
you know, help to change the trajectory of our young
men by understanding the importance of how to keep your
cool and how important that is. That's something that we
can't assume people know how to do it. It's an
(09:11):
art to it, it's a science to it. And so
in that, you know, some things that we can do
is first of all, we've got to recognize when things
are starting to escalate, right, if they're going to escalate,
then I need to take a look at the situation.
If I do this, what's causing this to escalate? Am
I going to take it up another level?
Speaker 1 (09:28):
You know?
Speaker 2 (09:28):
You mentioned about being on the expressway and I've been there,
you know, and somebody cuts you off and you want
to give them a finger. That's not number one. You
might want to do that, but whatever it is, But
what is that going to escalate to?
Speaker 1 (09:40):
Right?
Speaker 2 (09:40):
And we have to consider that. And one of the
things also too, we talk about this idea of being
able to express how you are feeling directly. How important
that is to say how you feel and say what
you want. I think the problem with many of our
young people right now they don't know how to express
themselves a in a constructive manner.
Speaker 1 (10:02):
And they don't know that emotion whill. Yes, we need
to pull up that absolutely need to be everywhere we're going.
Speaker 3 (10:08):
Absolutely absolutely, because when you look at any any emotion,
will I'm gonna tell you will see emotions that you
the words rather that you wouldn't necessarily pull out of
your vocabulary when you talk about being angry, that really
better describe what you're feeling.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Absolutely, absolutely, absolutely, And I think one of the things
is important is that it's about evaluating the situation. You know,
when you're talking about verbally, if I'm if I'm if
I'm expressing myself in a negative way, is this the
time or place to do that?
Speaker 1 (10:42):
Wow, that's the That's the big.
Speaker 2 (10:44):
Thing that we have to understand. And you know, being
able to take time out, that's the thing. You know
when we're growing up as kids, you know you have
to take time out, go to it. Yeah, take the
time out. We don't do that anymore, No.
Speaker 1 (10:59):
Some parents. I think some parents still do that, but
I think a lot of us, And I think maybe
I feel like we're in a society now where people
really don't know what to do when it comes to
parenting their kids. Oh yes, because you got the you know,
certain parts of well, the laws saying what you can't
do right and the potential of this or that happening, right,
(11:21):
and kids knowing the law. Yes, you know what I'm saying. Absolutely,
And I think sometimes that for some parents is challenging.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
Without a doubt, parenting is a challenge when we're talking
about in twenty twenty five. There's no blueprint, there's no playbook.
And one of the things that I feel privileged to
be a part of Families Matter, is that we help
you in those areas, right, particularly as it relates to
parents and being able for them to understand the importance
(11:51):
of relationships right.
Speaker 1 (11:52):
Communication right.
Speaker 2 (11:54):
A lot of times in our community we haven't been
taught the art of communication right.
Speaker 1 (12:00):
Yeah, And I think since COVID it's gotten even worse. Yes,
because so many of us were isolated, right, and we
didn't have to communicate right, well, we couldn't communicate, you know,
and I think that affected us as well. You know,
maybe some of what we're seeing as a result of
the lack of that and then being able to communicate
(12:20):
during that time. But it doesn't give us an excuse
to just pop off.
Speaker 2 (12:25):
Absolutely, absolutely, and so I think one of them an.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
Excuse and I'm sorry to cut you off, but I'm
an excuse to say, I'm just like like this, this
is how I am. I can't change, but you.
Speaker 2 (12:35):
Can, absolutely, And I think that's selling ourselves short when
we do that. But I think part of that is
is that we have to model that. We have to
model that to the next generation. In terms of that
as we get older those I'm talking to our age group,
We've got to be the example. We've got to set
the example. We can't allow other people or other things
(12:56):
to set the example.
Speaker 1 (12:57):
That goes for the millennials too.
Speaker 2 (12:58):
Yes, yes, that's true, absolutely.
Speaker 1 (13:00):
Because they're the parents. Now, well that's true.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
That is true.
Speaker 1 (13:03):
You know, you're pretty much there are grandkids.
Speaker 2 (13:07):
That's true, those.
Speaker 1 (13:08):
Are their kids.
Speaker 2 (13:08):
Yeah, yeah, absolutely absolutely, And so you know, just kind
of piggybacking back and coming back about anger management, I
think is this idea of having a strategy right of
taking time out. You know, I think one of the
things that's important is that you got to have an
exit plan. How are you going to go about taking
a time out? And so some things that I would
(13:30):
suggest to our audience is that we've got to understand
that we have to start making eye statements. What I
mean by that is is that I'm expressing to you
that I have a challenge, I have a problem. I'm
not blaming you, don't play the blame game. But I'm
expressing how I feel right now. I'm feeling angry, for example,
and can I cannot stay in this situation, so I
(13:53):
need to leave. Now. You notice I didn't say anything
about you. I'm only referring to myself so that I
can again, I need to leave, I can exit the situation.
So our language is very important when we're talking about
cooling off as opposed to Sam, well, Stormy, you did
this and you did that. It helps to de escalate
the situation, right exactly. So we're talking about exit strategy.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
Not that I should. Some people don't. So sometimes not
saying anything is a good thing, right right right.
Speaker 2 (14:24):
And one of the things, of course, is that I
need to take some time to get away, right, whether
that's to walk away, to get in your car, to
do whatever you need to do again, what's your exit strategy?
How am I getting away from the situation? Oftentimes, and
particularly as well as we're relating to young men, that
cheesemo kicks in, that ego kicks in because we don't
(14:46):
want anybody to think there were weak or soft. And
unfortunately because of that, we're seeing some of the situations
that we're seeing tragically right now.
Speaker 1 (14:53):
But not with young men. Now, we're seeing it with
young women.
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Do for sure, for sure, for sure, And so I
think it's import to be able to do that. And
then you know, leaving time to get away to collect
our thoughts, which is very important. You know, I always say,
you know, count to five, count to ten, whatever that number,
count to one hundred, right, whatever it is.
Speaker 1 (15:14):
We remember doing that from sessing right now. Our kids
were watching it, but we were watching it too, exactly.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
And then also, you know, just this idea, finds something
else to replace that time.
Speaker 1 (15:24):
Maybe go for a walk, go exercise.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
Do something left, whatever it is, we go watch a movie,
but whatever it is is to bring that emotion down,
which I think it's important. And then you know, finally
that I would suggest is that once you've kind of
assessed and you've walked away and you're coming back, then
let's come back calmly and see how we can discuss
this if it's possible. And I think those steps are
(15:48):
important and helping people to understand that I don't have
to go down that road and we have to have
the exit strategy. And so that's kind of in a nutshell,
what we try to do and when we're sharing with
our clients about anger management, Yeah, cooling off.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
Yeah, those are some really good tips though, because like
I said, it's not just your clients that need. Yes,
I think the world needs a whole lot of anger
management class because it's it's a whole lot of stuff
going on all over the place, and you can find
yourself angry. You could be angry and you're thinking, how
did I get so angry?
Speaker 2 (16:24):
That's right, that's right, that's right, And it's a build up.
And then I'll say this to a lot of times.
You mentioned about being silent. Sometimes that's good, but sometimes
that can be detrimental. And what I mean by that
is is because we begin to implode ah and to
build up, and all we.
Speaker 1 (16:39):
Need is that trigger. And I'm saying that on the
for the person that's on the opposite side.
Speaker 2 (16:45):
I see what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, I see where
you're going.
Speaker 1 (16:47):
Off of the person who's angry.
Speaker 2 (16:48):
Yes, yes, I got you.
Speaker 1 (16:49):
Sometimes, yes, if you If that person is expressing themselves,
sometimes we need to let them right and hush. Right.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
That's true. That's true.
Speaker 1 (16:58):
That's to listen. Mm hmm. Absolutely, and sometimes we don't.
We're not always good, especially women. We yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
And and one of the things for us, and especially.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
I'm not and women, don't be mad. I'm not picking
on us.
Speaker 2 (17:11):
Oh no, no, I'm a woman.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
So I'm saying yes about not at all. Let me
let me okay, especially me. Okay. Sometimes when I'm in
an argument, I want to have a last word, right,
And sometimes having the last word is not always the
best thing, right.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
Right, right, and and and so we see the rise
of DV and all types of things violence and again
not having a strategy as it relates to dealing with
our anger. And that's one of the things that we
try to do with our clients and again with with
the people here that are listening to you.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Yeah, okay, So again, you guys, I'm stormy. It is
the pulse. Thank you. For being here with us. I'm
talking to Mike Arnold with family matters. Now, with family matters,
do you guys get to go into the court system
with domestic violence situations and and help people in those.
Speaker 2 (18:01):
So not to the degree as you would think with
the mestic violence, but we are involved with the juvenile
court systems, so in terms of child supports specifically, so
we advocate for fathers who are willing to change and
willing and show some potential in that. And so we
have a person, a representative that's there and to kind
(18:22):
of walk with them to be able to help them
get involved in our program.
Speaker 1 (18:26):
Okay, okay, yeah, So should you leading them to a
better solution? Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:32):
And I think that's the thing that's so important and
particularly in our community. Right there's so many things that
we see in our community, but we don't have enough
people saying what's the solution? What do we need to do?
Speaker 1 (18:43):
And maybe not enough people saying how can I help? Yes?
Speaker 2 (18:46):
Absolutely, absolutely, and that's one of the things that I
enjoy about what I do. We are faith based organization,
as I told you, and I personally believe and we
believe that faith is critical to the family growing up
you know, that was a part that the church played
and community played and really trying to help get the
(19:06):
community back together, get the village back together. We know
it takes a village to raise a child, but right
now the village is on fire.
Speaker 1 (19:14):
I'm telling you, and everybody's in panic mode. Yes, And
a lot of people are angry.
Speaker 2 (19:19):
A lot of people are angry, and a lot of
people are hurting too. You know, it's the old adage
that hurt people hurt people.
Speaker 1 (19:25):
There you go.
Speaker 2 (19:25):
And so when we don't deal with those things like
the fathers, for example, I deal with eighteen and up,
but I'm helping them to try to deal with some
of those childhood traumas that they were dealing right right
And when I look at their lives and that maybe
they didn't have a strong parental background foundation and now
(19:46):
they're trying to navigate through that same situation. We're seeing,
you know, history kind of repeat itself. And so we're
blessed where we can help to change the trajectory of
their relationship with their children, not having to do the
same thing that was done to them.
Speaker 1 (20:02):
Yeah, and you know the interesting thing is with a
lot of us parents, you know, we said to our children,
do as I say, not as I do. And that
may work when the child is a child, you know, young,
but when they get older, they will do what you did. Absolutely, Absolutely,
it's a cycle. Absolutely, and they do it because they
saw you do it. So if if we don't want
(20:24):
our children to do certain things, then maybe we don't
need to do them in front of the kids. And
I think that it's become sort of like an age
old thing where parents don't do certain things in front
of their kids, or they say, go into the other room.
Kids don't do that. Like in our day we were
made to go outside and play or whatever. There were
a lot of conversations that we did not hear about
(20:47):
exactly you know what I'm saying, or didn't hear our
little ears were not privy to those conversations. But now
these children hear everything and there is nothing wrong. Would say,
unto your child, go to the other room.
Speaker 2 (21:02):
Absolutely, And I think again that goes back to the
power and the importance of parenting. Again. Having that, and
I tell our fathers and our parents, you set the pace.
You're the thermostat. You're not the thermometer. You set the environment.
And so again getting back to that, you know, place
(21:23):
where we're empowering parents and particularly fathers to connect with
their children and to be parents to them and not
to be their best friend or buddies or kicking it
with them out hanging out. You know, there's a place
later on. I've got adult children, I understand that we
can hang out a little bit. But when they were
growing up, they knew that Hey, Daddy didn't play or
(21:43):
dad said this, or mom said this, and you know,
we just were seeing some of the same things that
you said.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
Cycle that's happening. Yeah, and Mike, you know what I
realized as an adult, and that has adult children, my children,
And hopefully this will speak to somebody that's listening. Your
children want you to be on a pedestal. They really
do want you to be the best thing that they
(22:11):
can talk about when they go to different places. When
they grow up and get on the mic and speak,
they want to say something about their parents. They want
to be able to They got you on a pedestal.
And for me, I had to learn, even with my
children being adult, that there are certain conversations I cannot
have with them because your kids want you, they want
(22:34):
to they want you up there They don't ever want
to take you down there. You know, you ever told
your child something or and you and they said, that's mama,
you're telling me too much. They really mean that, They
don't really want to know. They want to keep you
up there as a father, as a mother, and we
have to learn how to navigate that. I hate that.
I learned that when my kids were adults. I wish
(22:56):
I knew that when they were young, you know what
I'm saying, because I was the kind of parent who
didn't say, go to the other room enough, you know
what I'm saying, and all those kinds of things. So
we all been there, y'all, you and alone if you're
going through that right now, we've all been there, all
of us without that, all made mistakes, that's right, and
learning from those mistakes is really what matters. Matters.
Speaker 2 (23:18):
And one of the things I want to add and
encourage the parents that are listening, They're not looking for
you to be perfect, right, They're looking for you just
to be present, yes, And I think that's the thing
that's really important.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
Now.
Speaker 2 (23:30):
We always talk about this as far as legacy is concerned,
and how important that is. And I ask our fathers
and parents too, just in general. One day we're going
to die, and the question is when you die, and
when we die, will your children be delighted that you're
gone or will they be devastated? Want to let that
(23:52):
sit for a moment, and so in that we want
to do what we can. My father passed away about
seven years I don't mind sharing this with the audience,
and I was devastated. He was my hero, not Michael Jordan,
not Lebron. But he was a hard worker. Yeah, he
took care of his family. We never missed the meal,
(24:12):
Our lights were never cut off.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
See that's what I'm talking about right there when I
say your kids, one of those of the guys, you
know what I'm saying that he was.
Speaker 2 (24:18):
Perfect, not at all, but he was pressed to you
he's up there, he's up there, he's up there. Greatest
man I ever got a chance to know.
Speaker 3 (24:25):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
And we get the opportunity every year now he's been
gone for seven years, to provide a scholarship in his honor.
Where that way we're honoring his memory, and so we
do that. And so it was the little things. He
wasn't this person who was very vocal. He just took
care of business. He loved my mama for fifty years
(24:48):
and he took care of us. And so that's the
type of memories that we want to have as parents, right,
and our children to feel that way and have that legacy.
Speaker 1 (24:57):
Wow, that's good. Thanks for tying that in. Yeah, that's
exactly what I'm talking about. I mean, your kids want
to have you up on a you know what I'm saying. Absolutely,
they know you went through something, they know you're not perfect,
but one day, just like you just talked about your father,
that's where they That's how kids want to talk about us. Yes,
our kids want to talk about us, you know what
I'm saying. And it's not too late to fix those relationships, right,
(25:19):
And it's not too late to deal with the anger
you got going on, whether it's from trauma or your
past or wherever it is. Yes, y'all. And that's another
thing in our communities we don't we got the stigma
on getting some help. And you guys are offering family matters.
Is offering help to families, to children, to mothers to fathers. Yes,
(25:40):
even with your affirm program. I think this is amazing.
So I want you to tell me before you go
and before we run out of time. How can men
or whoever it is that you're calling to be a
part of these programs. How can they reach out to
you for help because they are crying out for help,
you know what I'm saying. But they don't always reach
out for but maybe right now, because they're listening, they'll
(26:03):
reach out. Sure, well, you get it.
Speaker 2 (26:04):
You can google Families Matter and are you can get
the information there. The AFFIRM program which is under Families Matter,
where we're working with fathers who are being challenged with fatherhood.
You can go to Affirm. That's one F Affirm Memphis
dot com. Again, that's Affirm with one F Memphis dot com.
(26:25):
Or you can call nine oh one four four five
O one one five and so you can connect with
us on that level. I just want to encourage us
to again, as you mentioned, Stormy, as I gave out
that information a lot of times. The greatest thing that
we can do, and it doesn't make us a weak
person to realize that we have some things that need
to be worked on.
Speaker 1 (26:46):
Its courageous.
Speaker 2 (26:47):
It's being courageous. And I don't know how much time
we have, but I wanted to tell a quick story
if I could. So we had a guy who was
involved in our program, the AFFIRM part, and he was
a biochemist and is a bio chemist, but went through
a divorce, downward trajectory in his life. He was coming
(27:08):
to our session. First time he came, he was homeless.
He was in his car waiting for us to open
up that day, got a chance to meet him a
little bit. He ended up he was at a place,
a really dark place where he wanted to end his life.
And because for us, because of the grace of God
(27:28):
and us being there, we were able to get the services.
Speaker 1 (27:31):
That he needed.
Speaker 2 (27:33):
He went from being homeless now to working for a
fortune five hundred company. He's reconnecting with his family and
those are things that are happening in real time in Memphis,
Tennessee that people just need help. And he just said, hey,
he's got a PhD. He's a biochemist, but he was
deficient as related to his personal life. And we were
(27:54):
able to give him the resources that he needed. And
so he's actually working with us as a volunteer to
tell other fathers how they can get involved with families
matter AFFIRM.
Speaker 1 (28:03):
I love that And you know what, if you're listening
to this show and you know somebody that needs this,
please share that information with us. Yes, yes, our kids
need all the help that they can get, and our
fathers definitely need all the help that they can get.
Share this information because you might be saving somebody's life,
without a doubt, without a doubt. Wow, Thank you, mister Arnold.
(28:26):
The work that you do in our community, this is
God's work.
Speaker 2 (28:29):
It's God's work. It's God's work, and it's it's a
it's a privilege to be a part of this team
and we're hoping to again make some real changes to
correct some of the things that are happening in our community.
I love it, and we believe the family starts. It
starts with the family.
Speaker 1 (28:43):
Yeah, because families matter. Yeah. Tell them again where they
can find you, where they can reach you and share
more information about the program.
Speaker 2 (28:50):
Www a firm with one f Memphis dot com or
they can call nine oh one four four five one one.
Speaker 1 (29:00):
All Right, you got some good information today. That's right,
that's right. Thank you for being here, mister Arnold. I'm
telling you I think this. Yeah, I'm y'all. I just
get so full when I have conversations like this because
it just it not just helps y' all, but it
helps me too. So again, thank you guys, thank you
for the work that you're doing, and God bless you,
(29:21):
thank you for coming in. Appreciate you. Yeah, get that
information nine O one four four five zero one one
five and a firm Memphis dot com a f I
R M Memphis dot com and check them out, especially
if you need the help, and if you know somebody
that needs the help, pass that information along to them
(29:42):
as well. Thank you again, mister Arnold, Thank you all right.
God bless y'all. Everybody that's checking in checking out the
show today, thank you for being here. We'll see you
next week, same time, same station. It's the pulse. I
am Stormy, keeping our fingertips on the pulse of our community.
We'll see you next week, same time, same station. God
bless you have a great week.
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