Makings of a Father with Dr. Dorothy Jeffries

The Makings of a Father with Behavioral and Relationship Consultant Dr. Dorothy Jeffries on The Bev Johnson Show on WDIA Radio.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:03):
Memphis probably presents the Ben Johnson Show.

Speaker 2 (00:07):
Let me say.

Speaker 3 (00:08):
Bethno me first, let me you say bath. She's gone
emphistop game.

Speaker 4 (00:28):
No matter of the problem, she can have me.

Speaker 3 (00:31):
So all the phone and a normas your mind.

Speaker 5 (00:38):
She Jimmy in the hair by telling you to just keep.

Speaker 6 (00:44):
The man went arid picking out Ben Johnson's show.

Speaker 5 (00:52):
Goes bell got something heavy fuck you can hear every day.

Speaker 7 (00:59):
Let me you need yea.

Speaker 5 (01:02):
My bell got me a miss talking yah. Good morning,

(01:48):
good morning, good morning, and welcome in to do w
D I A the Bev Johnson Show.

Speaker 8 (01:54):
I'm Bev. It is indeed a pleasure.

Speaker 5 (01:57):
I have you with us once again on this fro day,
June thirteenth, twenty twenty five.

Speaker 8 (02:04):
Enjoyed this fabulous day to day.

Speaker 5 (02:07):
It is relationship Day where we talk about relationships to
help make yours healthy, happy, to wholesome, wonderful. I'm most
of all loving between consenting adults. We'll do that today
with our behavioral relationship consultant, doctor Dorothy Jeffries will be

(02:28):
in the house. Topic of conversation the makings of a father, understanding, forgiveness, celebration.
We'll talk about that and other stuff. With doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 8 (02:43):
When it's your turn to talk, you can here are.

Speaker 5 (02:45):
The numbers nine zero one, five, three five nine three
four to two eight hundred five zero three nine three
four two eight three three five three five nine three
four two will get you in to us.

Speaker 8 (03:09):
And if this day, this.

Speaker 5 (03:14):
Day, Friday, June thirteenth, twenty twenty five, is your birthday.

Speaker 8 (03:22):
Happy birthday to each.

Speaker 5 (03:23):
And every one of y'all out there who may be
celebrating a birthday on this day, we say, go out
long celebrate your life this Friday, June thirteenth, Saturday, June fourteenth,
Sunday June fifteenth as well, Happy.

Speaker 8 (03:39):
Birthday, y'all, go out and celebrate your life. You better,
You're better.

Speaker 5 (03:47):
When we come back, we'll share some double DA goodwill
announcements and then we'll talk to doctor Dorothy Jeffries.

Speaker 8 (03:57):
All coming up on the BEV Johnson Show on do
W D I A.

Speaker 4 (04:06):
M h.

Speaker 3 (04:57):
N, where an apparent now fift loving So you got.

Speaker 8 (05:03):
Here, Good morning and welcome back to WD I A.

Speaker 5 (05:14):
I'm bed good to have you here on this Friday,
June thirteenth, twenty twenty five, Relationship Day, where we talk
about relationships, all kind of relationships to help make yours healthy, happy, wholesome, wonderful,
and most of all loving between considering adults.

Speaker 8 (05:30):
We will do that with our behavioral.

Speaker 5 (05:34):
Relationship consultant, Doctor Dorothy Jeffries. And let me say good
morning to you, Doctor Jeffries. How are your sister?

Speaker 9 (05:43):
And good morning to you. I am okay today. That's
all I'm gonna say is okay. That's bad as good
as I can reach.

Speaker 4 (05:52):
I love it.

Speaker 6 (05:52):
I love it.

Speaker 5 (05:53):
Before we get into our topic, doctor Jeffers, I gotta
say happy birthday to my sweetheart Detroit, Michigan. Happy birthday, Yeah,
Happy birthday, Pitts Pittsburgh.

Speaker 8 (06:08):
Well, mister L.

Speaker 9 (06:09):
Nichols, Happy birthday Pittsburgh.

Speaker 8 (06:14):
He's known as Pittsburgh. But that that's my sweetheart. His
birthday is tomorrow.

Speaker 5 (06:19):
Y'all y'all say happy birthday to pitt when y'all see
him tomorrow in Detroit, Michigan.

Speaker 8 (06:25):
Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Speaker 5 (06:26):
I hope you have many many, many many more. You
always on my mind. Yeah you're at that, Kim.

Speaker 9 (06:35):
Yeah, Pittsburgh, you always on her mind.

Speaker 8 (06:41):
Thank you, doctor J. Doctor J.

Speaker 5 (06:44):
Before we get started, doctor J, I know you wanted
to give out some condolences.

Speaker 10 (06:49):
I do.

Speaker 9 (06:49):
Uh. Sadly, I want to acknowledge, you know, one of
our Heart Collaboration staff people, Angela William, who was with
us from the very beginning. Sadly, Angela's mom passed.

Speaker 11 (07:06):
On June third, Miss Derah Pickens Dea.

Speaker 9 (07:10):
Was ninety years old, and she lived a very fruitful
and long and loving life. And we just wanted to
acknowledge the family and to let Angela know we're thinking
about her and praying for her and her family as
she goes through this difficult time. Losing your mom is

(07:30):
the only thing worse than that, may be is losing
your father. But losing a parent is a terrible thing.
So we want you to know you're in our hearts
and we're thinking and praying for you.

Speaker 5 (07:39):
Yes we are, Yes we are. Yeah, Yeah, Angela, she
was with us at the very beginning.

Speaker 9 (07:45):
That's right, till we shut the doors.

Speaker 8 (07:48):
Till we shut the doors.

Speaker 9 (07:49):
I know it.

Speaker 8 (07:51):
Well, Doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 5 (07:53):
I love this topic for Sunday is Father's Day and
a lot of the guys they say, we.

Speaker 8 (07:59):
Don't get out just we know you don't.

Speaker 5 (08:01):
So today we want to talk about the makings of
a father understanding forgiveness. Woo, that's a good one forgiveness
and celebration, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
And and I know you are not.

Speaker 9 (08:16):
We told that, you said absolutely. At the beginning of
that was when you were saying, you know, fathers do
not get their just deserts, you know, when you're thinking
in terms of all of the celebrations and the celebratory
acts and the gifts and their attentions and things that
are given to mothers. And it's true, you know, mothers

(08:39):
do bring you into the world, but it's the father
who plans to see decides you on the journey. So
I think that they both deserve some consideration. But in honesty,
when you think about it, fathers are only given credit
for planning the sea. After that, everything that is done

(09:04):
or expected to be done for the child, in terms
of carrying the child, delivering the child and all of
that and being primarily socializing the child is left up
to the mother. Even in intact families, moms are the
ones who are blamed if things go amiss. Where she working?

(09:24):
Was she distracted? Was she not giving them the attention?

Speaker 11 (09:28):
Is she a good mother?

Speaker 9 (09:29):
Does she keep a clean house? She there for the children.
But I think that and we see with so much
research that's out here and being statistics of looking at
what young people today are experiences, we know little too much,
too little too late, that fathers are very important to

(09:51):
the growth and the health and the maintainance of healthy family.
And so today I want to give caller is an
opportunity to acknowledge their dads, their fathers. You know their
experiences with them. And I know that some is good,
some is dad, and some is ugly. But at some

(10:11):
point there is that one bottom thing that we always
go back to with our parents, the ones who gave
us life. Yes, and the older we get, I think
that we can become a little more I want to say,
mature or understanding in that as we grow. We're all humans,

(10:35):
and we know that all humans have flaws, we're all
frail in some area. There are no perfect human beings.
But the most difficult part is trying to do the
best that you can with what you have. Where you
are with no prior knowledge, no training, no experience. Until

(11:00):
when you have that first child, you have no knowledge
about what parenting should be about. The only default education
you get on how to be a good parent is
based on what you experienced as a child, being a
product of your parents' parenting. And so we find that

(11:22):
in many instances we tend to repeat what we receive,
even if it's not if it wasn't in our best interests,
and we're still struggling with trying to come to terms
with that. That's what we repeat, we do to our children,
what we receive, and wonder why things kind of run

(11:43):
the same course. So that's why I'm seeing that at
some point we have to come to terms with we
will never know everything about our parents' stories, what was
in their hearts, what was in theirs, what fully shape them?
We will never know all of that. But what we

(12:05):
do know, looking honestly within ourselves, with the things that
we hope we got right and the things we know
that we never came close to getting right, that we
can form some level of compassion. You know, Forgiveness is
not something that we give to other people for them.

(12:27):
Some people benefit or if you truly do forgive them,
but forgiveness is for you. It's for the person who
is offering the forgiveness, because that's one less rock that
you have to carry in your heart. So we want
to give you an opportunity to say, to think about that,
to listen to some of the collegess who call in,

(12:49):
and then I'll share comments, and I know Bell's going
to have those wonderful questions. But to have a dialogue
about fathers, you know, where we can gain understand and
then we can come to a point of releasing and
offering forgiveness and then be able to celebrate.

Speaker 11 (13:08):
Yay, I am here because of my father and my mother.

Speaker 9 (13:15):
So that's the topic.

Speaker 5 (13:16):
Yeah, and I want to go back. Oh I love
that because it's almost well. We always say, doctor Jeffrey's
children live what they learn, and when you said I'm
going to keep this, we repeat.

Speaker 8 (13:29):
What we received.

Speaker 11 (13:32):
Exactly.

Speaker 12 (13:33):
Oh.

Speaker 5 (13:33):
I mean that's powerful because I'm thinking about we repeat
what we receive, and especially as as children, what we receive,
and then we become adults we do.

Speaker 8 (13:45):
The same thing.

Speaker 11 (13:47):
We do even in spite of ourselves. Okay, in spite
of ourselves. You will see it.

Speaker 9 (13:53):
You see some legacies within children where maybe mom was
cold and I'm yielding. You know how you feel and
how it has impacted you and your adult relationships, But
there is that part of you that you're holding onto
because that is what mom or dad gave to us.

(14:16):
Then we hold on to that, and that's the very
same thing that we pass on to the children, because
it's more famillion and more comfortable in the pain and
the hurt that we have grown to internalize than it
is to go into that place and look at it

(14:38):
and decide to let it go, to remove it. So
we would rather carry those burdens, those rocks, those heavy thoughts,
those hurt feelings, those bad memories and stuff, and hold
onto those types because that's the closest thing that we
may have to a connection to a parent. But at

(14:59):
the end the day, what will save us both is
to be able to acknowledge, well, maybe Dad wasn't there,
maybe he worked too much, maybe he was not present
at all, Maybe he was not a good provider. Maybe
he was you know, he didn't treat my mom right,

(15:20):
or maybe there were too many of us it was,
or just maybe he was too immature or wasn't ready.
All of those things happened, but at some point to
hold on to the thought that you know, he never
did that to for me, and blah blah blah, you're

(15:41):
holding on to bitterness and pain, and we know that
you know, to punish Dad, you're taking a two dose
of pauson every day. Let me take my dose of bitterness,
let me take their dosa anger. Let me take this
this shot of pain today, so that I don't ever
forget what never happened. I didn't get what he didn't do,

(16:01):
where he wasn't there. You're keeping yourself upset and raw
and hostage to that when if you could just say,
and I tell a lot of my clients that who
are stuck in those dual relationships with their parents who
are older now, and what have you? What are you

(16:23):
gaining by holding onto that?

Speaker 13 (16:26):
What do you gain?

Speaker 11 (16:27):
What do you get from that that benefits you?

Speaker 9 (16:30):
And if you could free yourself for it and have
that space that you're clearing out, you know you're cultivating
where you could put something healthy in that place. You know,
I'm not saying that you'll ever forget the worst that
happened to you, but I am saying that if you
can find it in your heart to allow forgiveness and

(16:54):
acknowledge men that maybe somebody did the best that they could,
especially when you can stand that I can look at
what was keeping them from doing were they were they
benefits of the same types of painful isolation or alienation
or abuse or neglect or absenteism, then that's what they knew,

(17:16):
you know, and that's what they passed on. Were they
victims of some sort of abuse or mental illness or
inconserration and what have you, Something happened that put them
on that path, you know. So when we can offer
compassion to that pen, the one that you're struggling with,

(17:39):
you know.

Speaker 4 (17:40):
But the truth of the.

Speaker 9 (17:41):
Matter, and this very rarely happens when you get people
to dig deep into that connection through all that pain,
through all of the profanity and the negativity, and I
can't stand him the blah blah blah. It's that hurts,
and that little child saying, I just want my daddy.

(18:01):
I just want my daddy to see me. I just
want my daddy to say he's proud of me. I
just want my daddy to love me. And young girls
go out trying to get that daddy love from usually
some knucklehead who's not ready to even take care of

(18:22):
a pet. Let's don't try to love you and heal
you or bring a baby into it. So healing and
offering forgiveness is therapeutic to the person who's in the pain,
who's being health hostage. And that's what I'm saying for yourself,
so you can love, you be open to love and

(18:44):
accept where people are. Because I do believe, and I
get scrunched up faces, I do believe that in the
heart of part of any two people who create a
living being, deep down inside, they want what's best for
that child, even if they're not able to assist in

(19:04):
providing there or even having some sense of what that
might be. I do believe that they want was best,
but they tend to do the best with what they
have and what they've received.

Speaker 5 (19:18):
M So, so when we were talking about the makings
of a father, and I started off with understanding, that's
the first understanding.

Speaker 8 (19:28):
And a lot of times as children the child of.

Speaker 5 (19:33):
That parent, of that dad, you know, and I think,
and I can use me, you know, I think about
why did my father do this or why they didn't
do this? Though trying to understand, but I have to remember,
doctor Jefferson, help me out that I was a child,
or we're the children, they're the adults, and they made
those choices and decisions.

Speaker 9 (19:56):
And you couldn't question, right are you you questioning me?

Speaker 11 (20:01):
Yes, you know, are you grown?

Speaker 9 (20:04):
Who's the adult?

Speaker 14 (20:05):
You know?

Speaker 9 (20:05):
They was shut that down quick.

Speaker 13 (20:07):
It wasn't even a.

Speaker 7 (20:07):
Down, you know.

Speaker 5 (20:09):
You know what doct different? My daddy would tell me,
your mouth gonna get you in trouble. Yes, your mouth
gonna get you in trouble. So I need to shut
up and stop talking what I was saying. Yeah, that's
but but now as an adult, doctor Jeffrey's me understanding
what I think. I understand what he was doing because

(20:31):
he was the adult and I and I and I
love what you said. Maybe I don't know what his parents,
his his his father, my grandfather, what what what? What
happened in their lives and stuff. You know, my dad's
mother died when he was a little boy, so he
was raised by his grandmother, my aunt and my dad.

Speaker 8 (20:52):
But they were raised by their grandmother, their father's mother.

Speaker 5 (20:56):
So when you think and I look about those things,
I have to I have to try to understand.

Speaker 9 (21:02):
What happened exactly, because you're taking a man during that
time who's assuming a maternal role and a paternal role, right,
and he never had his mother provide a paternal role
for him, and there may have been his grandmother, But

(21:22):
you always know that's not my mother, that's my grandmother.
And as much as grandmother loved you as much as
the mother probably could, who else to love you more?
But it was mama. And we find that with kids
who arranged by other people, kids who grow up in
foster care, of kids who grow up adopted, that's the

(21:44):
original wound that they can't let go. Two things they
want to know, why did you give me up? Why
didn't you take care of me? Why didn't you take
me with you? Why didn't you look out for me?
Why didn't you protect me? Why didn't you like me?
Why did you hurt me? Why didn't you love me?

(22:07):
Those are the things that adults carry with them, and
some of them carry with them until the day that
they leave this earth. And that's why it made sense
to me to start encouraging clients to some things you
have to give up. There are some parents, no matter

(22:28):
what they did that's in your eyesight, was crude, rude, wrong, dangerous,
whatever it was, they are never going to share their
emotional feelings with you. They are never going to share
what they're you know, the monsters that they had to
deal with, the isolation, they're abandoned. They're never going to

(22:50):
share that no matter what. And some of them are
just totally incapable of doing that because they shut down
any verse verbal ability or interest in sharing what it
is they were going through a feeling because they learned
very early on nobody was coming. I can cry, I

(23:13):
can do all this, I can tell somebody, but I'm
gonna still have to deal with this. So what's the
point of me telling this. I just need to shut down,
look out for myself, toughing up so that I can
do the best I can.

Speaker 11 (23:27):
To protect myself.

Speaker 9 (23:28):
And so even though you may attempt to have conversations
about why did you do this, why did you leave us,
why didn't you call, why didn't you ever come for
our birthday? Those are things that sound like traps to
them where you're going to take advantage, get them to
say I didn't do it, or make an excuse and whatever,

(23:51):
so that you can make them feel worse. And they
made a promise to themselves for Covenant, nobody's ever going
to put me in that spot again, so they won't talk,
and then you feel like they're shutting you out. But
what they're doing is they're shutting themselves in. They're still
self protecting. So even though it is about you, a

(24:13):
lot of the answers are not about you. And unfortunately,
unless you have a parent that has done some work
and had some experience in counseling or therapy or spiritual
work or whatever where they are able to make amends
or to acknowledge their wrongdoings, that's not something they may

(24:36):
even be capable of doing. So you have to decide
how do I save myself? And you can take and
rewrite your script so that you can say, all right,
you can't tell me why you can do it. I
don't know why. I may never know why, but I'm
going to say I'm grateful to you for this giving

(24:58):
me life, for being a parent, you know, for being
there whenever you could, or being there if you never came.
I knew somewhere that you were there and what you
had done for me. I'm going to give you offer
you forgiveness for this. I don't know why and what
have you, but I can't carry this any longer. And

(25:18):
when you do that, like I said, you're feeling both
of you, but mostly your friend yourself because you don't
have to you don't have to weep over this anymore.
You don't have to pray over it anymore. You don't
have to cry over it anymore.

Speaker 11 (25:32):
You're letting it go.

Speaker 9 (25:34):
You know, in life, there are a lot of things
that you're gonna come and counter with that you will
never know the answer to, or why or why me
or why not me? Or whatever you're never going to
get to end.

Speaker 4 (25:46):
This may be one of those.

Speaker 9 (25:47):
And as adults, but growing towards health, we have to
learn to accept that, so understanding, understanding what you need
and figuring out how to get that from somebody else.
First you being able to acknowledge what you need for
yourself and begin to try to heal yourself by doing

(26:10):
things that are nurturing, that are comforting, and all of
that for yourself, but allowing people in your life who
can also serve in those roles. You know, there are
people out there who have so much love to give.
Where you find the right people, then you can begin
to get and embrace what it is that you want.

(26:34):
But you gotta first know what you need to fix
before you go and try to find somebody who's a fixer.

Speaker 11 (26:40):
You know, Oh, I like that.

Speaker 2 (26:42):
That's the key.

Speaker 5 (26:43):
And I think, why are you saying that, doctor Jeffers.
A lot of times that's how we get in trouble,
going out and find the fixer instead of looking within ourself.

Speaker 8 (26:53):
What do I need to fix exactly?

Speaker 9 (26:56):
Because the example.

Speaker 5 (26:57):
Okay, okay, because the fixer may have have other thoughts
and feelings and that may not you know, it may
not work.

Speaker 9 (27:05):
You need an electrician, you don't hire a plumber exact, okay,
but they're both fix it. Yeah, yeah, And that's what
people do when they say I just want I need
a wife. You need a wife, but you need a
wife who is able to deal with you, right, you know,
who understands you, who's willing to accept you. You need

(27:26):
a husband who understands that you. You are not capable
emotionally of going through somebody abandoning you, rejecting you, achieved
on you again. So you've got the first acknowledge what
you don't need, so that somebody who's going to give
you exactly what you're used to getting is not the person.

(27:49):
And more than more than often we're attracted to what
we don't need than rather than being patient to figure out.

Speaker 13 (27:56):
Who and what it is we do need.

Speaker 9 (27:59):
So you want to be fixed, but you need the
right expert.

Speaker 8 (28:04):
Got it. I love that. That's understanding.

Speaker 11 (28:09):
That's to understand.

Speaker 8 (28:12):
If you've just yeah, it's understanding. It's understanding. Do I
love it?

Speaker 11 (28:16):
I love it?

Speaker 8 (28:17):
I love it. We repeat what we receive. I will
never forget that we are talking this day.

Speaker 5 (28:22):
We are talking the makings of a father, understanding, forgiveness
and celebration. And we'll also answer some other questions you
may have for doctor Jeffers and doctor Jeffers. When I
came in, I had this email and I'm gonna email
her since you you were so kind to email me,
We're gonna I'm gonna get this email to doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 8 (28:41):
It's not on father's but but it's about dating doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 5 (28:44):
But we're gonna get her. We're gonna get her thoughts in.
And let me give you all the numbers to dial.
You have a question or two for doctor Jeffries. Nine
zero one five three five nine three four two eight
one hundred five zero three nine three four two eight

(29:08):
three three five three five nine three four two will
get you in to me. And if you cannot call,
you can email me. Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com,
Bev Johnson at iHeartMedia dot com. We're talking relationships all

(29:31):
kinds right here with me, Bev Johnson and doctor Dorothy
Jeffries on w.

Speaker 4 (29:39):
D i A.

Speaker 8 (29:41):
Hi, this is David Porter, and you are listening to
the Queen of talk, Bev Johnson. She is the one
and only. No one can tapa, no one can stop her,
and I'm in love with her.

Speaker 15 (29:52):
You're listening to Bev Johnson at w d IA, the
Bev Johnson Show. You know, over the time working hard

(30:31):
to bring you nowadays, now saying for.

Speaker 8 (30:44):
Monday people, and welcome back to w d i A.

Speaker 5 (30:57):
We are talking the makings of a father, understanding and
forgiveness and celebration and other relationship topics. Doctor Jeffries, I'm
going to our phone lines to talk to Prince of
the Jures, the catfitch Catcher, the dear Slayer, the Crappie killer.

Speaker 16 (31:21):
That would definitely be all of me. Be tell you, Beverly,
I'm done, Johnson.

Speaker 8 (31:26):
I'm doing well. I'm doing well, Prince YEA.

Speaker 16 (31:30):
I can't complain.

Speaker 7 (31:31):
Thank you.

Speaker 16 (31:32):
Let me firstase before I get started. Theb I heard
you doing on your beginning money and long your.

Speaker 4 (31:37):
Friend in Detroit.

Speaker 16 (31:38):
I will say also, happy birthday to Pittsburgh as well.
So Pittsburgh, I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful birthday.
And I know when knowing Beth get together, y'all, I'm
really gonna celebrate. Doctor Jeffries, how are you doing. I
hope you're doing wonderful as well, and bev good afternoon
to your call us and listeners. I'll try to make
a very quick and simple then. I don't know if

(32:01):
he had a chance, and I want to pig it
back on something that doctor jeffers Will mentioned at the
beginning of her monologue as well. Fathers do not get
the credit that mother's kid. And I get it to
a certain degree because most most children are going to
be more attached to that mother, you know, the hand
and watch the cradles, So I get that in the

(32:23):
father's job is pretty much to go out and bring
home the bacon. Doctor Jefferson, I don't know if he
had an opportunity. This is going into your statement that
there's a movie out on Nethlix called Stroll and Tarrosity
Hands to play them a single mother who pretty much
snapped and loses her mind. The question that I post

(32:46):
this point, doctor and Bell Johnson.

Speaker 4 (32:49):
When a woman goes.

Speaker 16 (32:50):
Down here and they decide to have a have a child,
well not have a child, but we know a lot
of women and not all we just just want to
use this particular groups lay down and all of a
sudden they get pregnant and the man is gone and
left her to defend for that child. And many times
those women are unable, many of them are unable to

(33:16):
find the father from that point. For forward, I have
a friend right now, she got pregnant and a son
is twelve thirteen years old. The son has never seen
his father never, He don't know what his father looks like.
So doctor Jeffery's dealing with Father's Day is coming up
this Sunday, a happy Father's day out there through all

(33:36):
the legitimate father for a daughter. Right then, I know, Beldamp,
you got to you got to test to that. There
are some women who don't want their children to know
where their father is because for the bad relationship or
came out of it. So they put that statement in
that child's mind saying that their father bits that in

(33:57):
the other So I want you and doctor there are Jeffrey,
as you would call it, doctor days to expound on
that dealing with women who go out here, I have
children and the next thing you know, they're left follow
us with that child. So I'll hang up and listen
to them.

Speaker 5 (34:14):
All right, Okay, thank you, Prince. I'll get that question
to doctor Jeffries. And and and the question, doctor Jeffery,
I know you heard, Prince. You know women who may
not want and I know some women who did not,
who never told their child who their father was for
whatever reason. And as again, you know some women don't

(34:37):
want their children to be involved with their fathers, and
the fathers have not seen the children. So I don't
know what and I did never well, I do understand
for some women who never told their child who their
father is.

Speaker 8 (34:51):
It could be all kinds of reasons, Doctor Jeffries, what
do you say.

Speaker 9 (34:55):
Well, you know they are one of the things that
and everybody knows, this is going to of my soapbox things. Yes,
grown people should make babies, and grown people need to
understand biology. Do not have unprotected sex with somebody that
you could not see yourself being a co parent with

(35:20):
or carrying a child, or impregnating somebody with that, you know,
is just the one nice stand if you're into swinging.
Do everything that you possibly can to avoid pregnancies. Many
of the pregnancies people do either of just being careless

(35:41):
or irresponsible. They use drugs, they use alcohol, they use ferminiscurity.
They just use lust to say I wanted to do it,
so I did it. I think about it afterwards, or
the consequences of it. They don't think in terms of
that every time you have sex there is a potential

(36:03):
you could foster a baby. And so what people then
do is that they just take human life and try
to fix it where it's convenient not to think about
the person who's left or didn't want to be around
or not, or pretend that they make up somebody's imaginary

(36:27):
person to be the father of this child because the
other person rejected them or wasn't interesting. It's just madness
to do that, or putting your child in some kind
of box that like, he just came from nowhere and
you don't want to discuss who his father might be.
Who else tell him really, And then you have children

(36:50):
who grow up their whole life with a warped identity,
because that's one of the things that's predominant in their head.
I could be passing by my daddy right now. You know,
nobody talks about him. It's a bad word. Mama goes
places when you ask about him, and that's a normal
thing to ask, you know. And then the other part,

(37:11):
if you don't know who your daddy might be, you
also don't know who your potential siblings might be right
out there. So it's just irresponsible. And you can't cancel
people out of your life because you did not behave
in a responsible means when you engaged in unprotected sex.

(37:32):
And it's just there's just no excuse for it. And
I know that it's something that is fixable that we
can manage because we didn't always do this. We didn't
always do this. You know, there was some hesitancy, there
was some type of relationship at hand or what have you,
where you at least knew the person liked the person

(37:55):
loved the person, knew they respect, that you cared about you,
or something that was more of the majority then just
having willing nilly children until you find somebody who may
want to be with you. But again, just economically, just practically,
the more times you gamble, and this is men and women.

(38:17):
The more times you gamble and produce babies, the least
likely your perfect person is going to be willing or
available or interested in being with you. So you're canceling
out your potential happiness every time you do that, because
most people do not want to go into because they

(38:38):
look at you and try to judge your character. Then
about why the world do you have all these children
by all these different people. So you're doing it to
yourself as well, not just to the children, and to.

Speaker 13 (38:53):
The other people.

Speaker 4 (38:54):
And that's men and women.

Speaker 5 (38:57):
Okay, doctor Jay, I'm going back to our phone line.
Told on w D I a high caller.

Speaker 9 (39:05):
Hi day is this I'm on air?

Speaker 8 (39:07):
You on the ass, sister. Oooh, thank you God.

Speaker 14 (39:11):
You know I was just getting it.

Speaker 9 (39:12):
You know when people talk so long on song, I
get so mad.

Speaker 14 (39:15):
But I ain't gonna hold you up.

Speaker 9 (39:16):
I just want to call and say this here.

Speaker 4 (39:18):
God is so good.

Speaker 9 (39:19):
I weard Walmart, you know, come out.

Speaker 10 (39:22):
Light had went out, and I got me some more food.

Speaker 6 (39:26):
Went out for a week.

Speaker 10 (39:27):
I got into more food. But I was in the store.

Speaker 6 (39:29):
I told this man, it was a man behind me.
I said, so you weren't getting from to me I
got all this food. You got one one thing? He
be like, yes, ma'am, I'm letting it from I turned around.
He risking bfo and gave me a flat hundred thous Lord, jeez,
I cannot forget this.

Speaker 14 (39:45):
Oh my goodness.

Speaker 11 (39:47):
You know God is so good, yes, yes, one of
so good.

Speaker 6 (39:50):
This man didn't know me. I didn't know him, but God.

Speaker 10 (39:52):
Send him to me.

Speaker 8 (39:53):
Okay.

Speaker 6 (39:53):
You know when he's good to a person, you know
you'll get blessed.

Speaker 9 (39:56):
But you don't know how, but you get blessed.

Speaker 7 (39:58):
Right.

Speaker 10 (39:59):
But I I just want to say that to you.

Speaker 9 (40:01):
I ain't gonna hold the phone up and thank you
so much.

Speaker 8 (40:04):
Okay, call it, thank you for calling.

Speaker 5 (40:07):
Bye bye, bye bye. Unforgetful bev John, I'm so happy.

Speaker 4 (40:14):
I just want to tell that young lady that's the
way to do it. And when you get to that
point in your life, do the same thing, because I
do it every day. I'm telling you blessed people out here.
I'm telling you Bill, it's all about that bes justin.
You get to you, doctor Jeffery dot just best. What
is that on this Thursday? Is it a federal holidays?

Speaker 9 (40:36):
John King?

Speaker 8 (40:38):
Yeah, it's a holiday.

Speaker 11 (40:39):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 (40:41):
If things calls like the banks and all the people.

Speaker 8 (40:44):
People make their choices whether they want to do that
or not.

Speaker 4 (40:48):
Oh okay, when it comes to us, is making a choice.

Speaker 5 (40:52):
No no, no no no no no no no no
no that any holiday that that it's up to the people,
the businesses whether they want to or not.

Speaker 8 (41:00):
Some businesses.

Speaker 11 (41:01):
Don't you know something, Johnson.

Speaker 4 (41:03):
I know that you be biting your tongue a lot
of baby, girl, But I'm just saying that this is
a national holiday.

Speaker 5 (41:12):
Okay, are you talking about juneteeth? You were talking about
fathers and something else.

Speaker 4 (41:16):
Oh, I can get on that, big girl, because you
don't have told Okay, Okay, I get on the suthing bed.

Speaker 8 (41:25):
Thank you.

Speaker 4 (41:27):
To me, bed Johnson. It's all about Old Bay teaching
and you know, and protecting their child and the family.
That's what it's about. But unforgive Okay, I don't have
a father there. I don't know who he is. My
mother had me.

Speaker 10 (41:49):
Know who he is.

Speaker 8 (41:50):
But but there was a father, there's a father.

Speaker 5 (41:52):
There was.

Speaker 8 (41:56):
A biological follow you got a biological finn. Just say
I never met him. I don't know him.

Speaker 4 (42:04):
You're gonna argue with me about you you know, I
can't do it anymore because I haven't got in my
sepent decades of life. But I'm the case the young
I stayed on my knees a lot growing up, even
when I was five years old. But the point that
I'm trying to say, my father is Christ, Jesus Christ God,

(42:30):
that is my father. He solved all my problems. I
don't have any animosity to a man that you know,
very bank or whatever they got me here and all that.
I don't have any animal, but my mother told me
a lot of things. You know, I just accept that
as it is. I just want to let people know

(42:50):
that there I don't have any hatred and forgiveness and
all that. I don't even understand that by forgiveness. Well,
well I.

Speaker 8 (43:00):
Want you to listen because doctor Jefferies and I we're
gonna talk about okay, well we're gonna talk.

Speaker 5 (43:06):
We're gonna talk about forgiveness and maybe make maybe that
you will understand that.

Speaker 4 (43:11):
In this seven decad life I understand so much is ridiculous.
You know, when it comes to the mumbles, it's ridiculous too,
because seem like most of y'all are just lyings.

Speaker 8 (43:23):
Now who you're saying women are mothers.

Speaker 4 (43:29):
When as we as man, it's gonna be man are
our words.

Speaker 5 (43:34):
Just let y'all be unforgetful, be yourself, forget, thank you,
and forgive.

Speaker 8 (43:40):
You have a fabulous you have a fabulous week ind And.

Speaker 5 (43:44):
I want you to listen to about forgiveness. Okay, have
a fabulous weekend. I want you to listen to forgiveness.
We're gonna talk about forgiveness in just a minute.

Speaker 8 (43:56):
W D I a high caller.

Speaker 14 (44:00):
Queen and Queen Cougar and Queen j Hey King, Harry, Oh,
very nice subject. I wanted to come in on what
doctor J was saying about. You know, you go and
sleep with somebody you barely know them, but you ain't
gonna use no protection. And then here's another thing. I
don't get what you go and have another baby, two

(44:22):
and three baby by the same person that ain't took
care of the first baby. And then when somebody, some
man look at you and say no, you don't want
to do it, then you want to curse that person out.
I mean, I knew my father, but my father was
never in my life. My father in his whole life
in the pen. You know, I had a stepfather that
was a real father to me. So it don't have
to be your real father to be your father, right,

(44:43):
And so, uh, that's a good subject. And I think
that people really women need to be careful and men
need to be careful. There was something the other day
in Minnesota. This girls from Mississippi nineteen and she met
this white dude thirty seven in a bar, got drunk,
went to house and he was looking at some movies
about uh, telling people bodies apart end up cutting up

(45:06):
killing them. Yeah, so be careful. Don't just think that
it's you just got to go out there and sleep
with somebody, because sometimes women have low self esteem and
men have low self esteem, and you just want to
go do anything. But when you do it, be cautious
about it because at the end of the day you're
gonna be stuck with it. And with orange man in there,
he's gonna start cutting them food staffs. So these women

(45:27):
ain't going to get no job. So be careful women,
And happy follows all the fathers up there.

Speaker 5 (45:34):
And happy Fathers Day to you King Harry, Oh, thank you, brother,
thank you, Bye bye, Doctor Jeffries. You know, Harry O
says something I wanted us talking, and I guess that
will get us into the forgiveness part. He said his
father was locked up in a penitentiary, but his stepfather
raised him. And a lot of people were reared by
their stepfathers and maybe they didn't even know the other.

Speaker 8 (45:55):
The biological father was not in their life.

Speaker 5 (45:59):
But you had that that stepfather, or you may have
that uncle, or you may have mister Joe next door
who was more father to you than your biological father.

Speaker 9 (46:10):
Help you know, that is an excellent point there, because
when kids experience the need, they look for loving, caring,
connected adults to address that need, and they, you know,
they pick and choose who seems to be authentic, who's

(46:31):
accepting of them, who's willing to show care, kindness and
respect for them, and they will accept that substitute. The
key is for many of children that there are substitutes
from biological fathers who have stepped in everybody from grandfathers, uncles, cousins, neighbors,

(46:51):
people in the church, professional mentors, all of that. Teachers
who have substituted and provide that same type of orientation
that boys and girls needed so that they have an
image of what a good father is a protector, a provider,

(47:16):
a loving person, somebody who understands boys and girls, somebody
who respects women, somebody who is productive and an attribute
to the community, one of us, all of those things
at the same time. But children are kind enough to
love us even as we stumble and fall towards trying to.

Speaker 13 (47:39):
Hit the boat.

Speaker 11 (47:43):
If you just look like you're doing.

Speaker 9 (47:45):
The right thing, if you just look like you're correcting
them about being a good person, or doing the right thing,
or making the best choice, or listening to them, seeing
them and hearing them when they talk, they will accept
you and love you and appreciate.

Speaker 11 (48:03):
It for all of their lives.

Speaker 9 (48:05):
So you're right, it does not take biology to make
a father well father and substitutes out there generous men
who provide and they just see kids and some of
them parent many kids, many and at the same time
because they have their generosity of spirit. So the more

(48:31):
those types of people, men who step up and step
out and connect with these kids, a better chance will
be had by all about giving them a different way
of doing things, because we're feeding too many people into
the pipeline, you know, into incarceration, into unemployment, povertyhearance and trusts.

(48:52):
We've got to we've got to stop that. We got
to do better about that.

Speaker 5 (48:56):
So doctor Jeffries, when we talk about forgiveness, I mean
and a lot of people say, I'm not gonna forgive
him or her my mother. You know, as we always say,
the forgiveness is not for them, it's for you.

Speaker 8 (49:15):
Why is that?

Speaker 9 (49:17):
Because the only way that you can hold on to contempt,
to bitterness, to hatred, to anger and what have you,
you have to feed it. You have to feed it
with memories. You have to feed it with emotions. You
have to feed it with comparisons. And kids grow up
deciding their angry being heard, being misused, being abandoned, and

(49:41):
they fixate on an image of a person or a
situation or a feeling, and they feed that. Anything can
add to that fuel that makes them unhappy, that makes
them feel left in, that makes them feel unloved, unwelcome, unwanted,
They add.

Speaker 11 (49:57):
That to the fuel.

Speaker 9 (49:58):
So they keep that, they bank that and keep it
going on a slow brail even when things are going right.
What we're suggesting to people is come to terms with that.
The older you get. And for some, for many, they
don't even have access to trying to find out who

(50:18):
their father is or where their father is, and maybe
the father's deceased now. So there's no point that's going
to benefit anyone by continuing to feed that negativity within you.
So piece is always something that offers comfort and solve

(50:41):
us to us as opposed to be remaining angry and
bitter and upset, because that's an action type of thing.
You've got to really always be on point. You see
the person, something reminds you of it. You will watch
television show and all of a sudden you go into
a mental rage because you see the script playing out

(51:01):
similar to wards or a word is anything can trigger it.
So that means you're not in control of your own
well being. So making peace, and I suggest, let's say
your father is not available, let's say he's unknown. Let's
say he doesn't.

Speaker 11 (51:21):
Want to participate with you.

Speaker 9 (51:23):
Write a letter. Nobody can tell you what to put
into the letter. Put all your feelings down there, the
good ones, the bad ones, the mean ones, the upset ones,
the ones you feed, and the ones that you're seeking,
and put that all in paper in a letter to
your father, whoever or however you imagine him. Some people

(51:46):
may know who he is, but never have an image
of him. You don't have no image or idea of
who he is. Put it down on paper and then
write right until you get it all out and seal
it up. Some people hold onto the letter for a
while until they're finally feeling that.

Speaker 11 (52:06):
They can let it go.

Speaker 9 (52:08):
Let that person go, let the idea of that go,
and then consider what and who they have in their lives.
If they have children, I suggested them, give your children
what it is that you want it and loan for
all these years from your father. Give that to your children.

(52:30):
If it's time, make time to them. If it's memories,
create memories with them. It's this conversation. Talk to your
children and encourage them to talk to you about any
and everything.

Speaker 6 (52:43):
Could be that.

Speaker 9 (52:44):
Father, that the child and you created in your mind
and in your heart was who you wanted and needed.
Be that to your children, and you will have come
full circle because you're making yourself able and you're feeding
yourself to the point that you can feed your children

(53:05):
with the things that you would deny, and that will
add to your peace and your willingness to forgive. Because
we can't hold people responsible if they can't do any better.
They don't know any better, they don't want any more.

Speaker 11 (53:19):
You can't hold them responsible.

Speaker 9 (53:21):
We can't make people do, but we can do for
ourselves what we need to do to make us hold.
And that's what we're talking about now.

Speaker 6 (53:31):
You know.

Speaker 9 (53:31):
On the other hand of this, there are a lot
of wonderful fathers out there, and they are five waf
there who has created hold some happy, healthy adult children
and they can have two Nichols from week to week
to rub together, but they made they made the children
and the family the center of their lives. And when

(53:54):
children feel valued and sing and heard, they were, you know,
and understand what family needs to this family, you know,
like the walks and types of people. They were broke
off down, you know, and there are a lot of
people who grew up without. But when they see how

(54:15):
their parents are forsaking and pulling together and working on
behalf of the children and trying to create a family
and a home for them, that's what they hold on too.
That's what they picture and try to embody as the
kinds of parents that they want to be, and that's

(54:36):
who they try to seek and find in a relationship.
Somebody like their mom or their dad who can be
that as a partner for them, and they can create
and give their children what they miss. So they're all
kinds of resources available to us. The universe wants us
to be healthy and happy and hold So we have

(54:58):
to decide of the anger and the bitterness that we
hold on has finally turned so sweet in our mouth
that we cannot let it go. We cannot live a
day with our person that person or damning them or
wishing them dead or wishing them ill. And every time

(55:20):
that colors you, every time you spew that, every time
you put that out, that's just more fuel to the
poison that's taking you under. I think if you saying
and healthy, and we talked about in sanity last week,
I would do for me, you know something in peace
and resolution to that. And if the person is available,

(55:44):
if you do know where they are, reach out to them.
You can't. If you reach out to them and you
find out there the same old person that you grew
up with, then you know nothing has changed. They've lived
all this time. They're worse off than you because they're
still in that position and they have no instinct to

(56:04):
do anything different. At least you're recognizing that I've been
holding on this stuff for too long. Let me see
how what I can do to help myself that takes
you to higher ground. Then you're on the pathway to
doing better and getting better and living better.

Speaker 8 (56:23):
I agree.

Speaker 5 (56:24):
Hold on, doctor j we are going to take a break.
We are talking this day. We are talking about fathers.
We're getting the understanding forgiveness and celebration. Also, when we
come back, I will go to our phone lines, doctor Jeffries.
And also I'm gonna read this email. I'm gonna get

(56:45):
it in emailer.

Speaker 8 (56:46):
Yeah, I will.

Speaker 5 (56:47):
I will so five three five nine three four two
eight hundred five zero three nine three four two eight
three three five three five nine three four two will
get you in to us. We're going to the other
side of the Bev Johnson Show right here on Double

(57:08):
d i A.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
Whether you're in Arkansas, Tennessee, or Mississippi. On Facebook, Twitter,
or Instagram, thank you for listening to The Bev Johnson
Show on Double d i A. Memphis, The Bev.

Speaker 17 (57:22):
Joon Show, be Justin, Show, Bell Jomps, Memphis Talkie, and

(57:47):
Home Away, How You Go You Go Son't getting ready?

Speaker 8 (57:56):
Show, Show Let's.

Speaker 3 (58:00):
Go doesn't make your day by here a d.

Speaker 8 (58:10):
Listen to one today.

Speaker 6 (58:12):
You know we're time about of fish, amount of lucky.

Speaker 9 (58:19):
Let's go.

Speaker 8 (58:20):
We are rocking.

Speaker 5 (58:21):
We're rolling on this Friday, June thirteenth, twenty twenty five.
Welcome back to WDI. A Sunday is Father's Day. We're
talking this day the makings of a father, understanding, forgiveness
and the celebration.

Speaker 8 (58:38):
We're going to our phone lines. Doctor jeffries to talk
to some.

Speaker 5 (58:41):
Of these fellas, the fellows on the line. Good afternoon
to you, wise men.

Speaker 7 (58:49):
Hey Bell, how you and Doc doing today?

Speaker 8 (58:51):
We're doing well in yourself.

Speaker 7 (58:53):
We're good. Thank you. I just want to say one
kan sover one don't know And a lot of times
I'm just saying, black men, a lot of times we
don't have that father figuring in a home like Johnny
White guy doing so a lot of times we have
to learn as we grow. But each time we should
tell our kid, the one that's in our home moorn

(59:14):
we're with each and every day that you love them,
because you never know it could be the last time
you ever said in eyes on them when they said
it's on you. And that generation occurs has to be broken.
If we you know, have a father that wasn't in
our life. We shouldn't do the same thing, and we do.
We'll be repeating the cycle over and over again and
a lot of times as me and we should want

(59:35):
our kids to be better than us at all times,
you know, not having them settle for less for anything.
And this is what was going on today, you know.
And a lot of black fathers, I'm gonna just say
black fathers that they're not in the home. A lot
of black fathers don't do what we're supposed to be doing,
you know, and.

Speaker 11 (59:53):
We have that opportunity.

Speaker 7 (59:55):
Is because my dad wasn't there, don't mean that I'm
gonna be there for my kids. So again, that's a
generation of curse that we have to break. And if
we don't, it's just gonna be a revolving door, you know,
and then we get upset or we'll wait until the
kids get thirty or forty years old and then we'll
come chest tise them. It's too late for that. It's
just like another thing.

Speaker 6 (01:00:15):
I know.

Speaker 7 (01:00:16):
There's a lot of African American males do they don't
want to hit they you know, they don't want to
tell their sons they love them put their arm around them.
They want to hit them in the chest, thinking that's gonna,
you know, do something. All that you know that's gonna
do is leave a bruise in the kids chest. They
thinking if you tell your son that you love them,
it's gonna make them solved or something else, you know.
And I disagree with.

Speaker 5 (01:00:36):
That, you know.

Speaker 7 (01:00:37):
And the Bible always tell us to train up a
child and the way he should go, you know, and
this and this is something that we have to do,
and a lot of times we're not there doing that.

Speaker 5 (01:00:47):
You know.

Speaker 7 (01:00:48):
You'll topic that there is a beautiful topic. I love
everything over here.

Speaker 5 (01:00:51):
Well, thank you, doctor, I mean wise man, thank you
so much. We appreciate you listening.

Speaker 7 (01:00:56):
And I want to just tell all the fathers down
there in Memphis and I under my voice, happy Father's Day.
And again to take a real man to be a father.
Anybody could be a dad, but to take somebody's specially
bill father.

Speaker 8 (01:01:08):
All right, man, have a good day, brother Bernard.

Speaker 18 (01:01:13):
How you doing, miss Johnson.

Speaker 8 (01:01:14):
I'm doing well, brother Bernard.

Speaker 18 (01:01:17):
All right, Miss doctor Jeffreys. You know what that brother
says something that made a whole lot of sense, because
I refer to my father as as father and not dad,
and oftentimes people have it sort of backwards. You see,
the role of the father is to further uh those places, people,

(01:01:40):
places and things that are around them. And we often
get in misconstrued where we say, you know, that's that's
a daddy.

Speaker 19 (01:01:47):
That's not a dad.

Speaker 18 (01:01:48):
A father is one that furthers that's that it's built
in the words. But of course you have to be
educated on the code to understand it.

Speaker 9 (01:01:58):
Uh.

Speaker 18 (01:01:58):
And I agree with uh doctor Jeffers when she talked
about people holding on the bitterness and and uh these
different types of resentment and and if they fail to
let it go at some point, it ends up becoming
their tool. You know. It's it's like that's their special weapons, uh,

(01:02:20):
to inflict pain upon others. And they become they become
entrenched in some sense of pride by by using that
tool of anger or that tool of of intemperance. And
so if they I agree, if they get deep enough
into it and refuse to be open to change and
touch and what's within them, then they'll that will become

(01:02:43):
that will become their new identity, and uh they'll start
to you know, be seeking praise from mistreating others. But
thank you for taking on coffee.

Speaker 8 (01:02:53):
You are so welcome. Brother bren I, thank you, w
d I a Hi Eric.

Speaker 2 (01:02:59):
Hello, Hello, my precious Johnson.

Speaker 19 (01:03:02):
Thank you each and every time to get an opportunity
to speak and blessings and peace be Pardon you, doctor Jefferson.

Speaker 2 (01:03:09):
Now let me say this.

Speaker 19 (01:03:10):
Uh, the other two people that call it made a
lot of sense. We do carry generational curses down. Yeah,
I was abused. I was abused kid. Just over the
abuse when I was a kid. Okay, Sometimes my parents
and daddy don't love us and we still sometimes. That's
why something you see at all social media, some people
are going no contact because we do have toxic mom
or toxic daddy. Most of the time the mom can

(01:03:32):
be toxic and something and the rest of your children
going to carry the generation curses. Because I see my sister,
she carried the generation cris because she grew up and
still be her kids and custom out like they asked
to be here. It's not that bat gave me to you.
It's just because you your parents had intimacy, didn't got them.
But you can love them if you got to love them,

(01:03:52):
but love them, but love them from a farm. You know,
sometimes they're generational curses. But like I said, know you
know a tree by us good if a treat for
his bathroot, you know, bass fruit, if you're so good
seeds and hortice, time you get good fruit and so
bad seeds, and how it's time to get bathrooms. Blessings
in peace to you, baith, thank you for this.

Speaker 4 (01:04:10):
Exten you love you.

Speaker 8 (01:04:12):
To doctor Jefferson, all right, thank you Eric. Hi Bootsy,
Hi Bootsy.

Speaker 4 (01:04:21):
Well, good morning to everybody.

Speaker 2 (01:04:23):
And doctor Jeffery, well, I can say that much. I
am very blessed that I had the greatest father in
the world, and I had the greatest grandfather in the world,
and they in heaven, and so I'm celebrating toward them
of them being the greatest father and the greatest grandfather

(01:04:45):
to me, because I was. My father raised me right.
He taught me right and wrong. He taught me in
the Golden Rule. He taught me how to go out
and survive by getting jobs and all of that. And
he taught me how to treat a woman like a lady,
because he treated my mother like a lady and like

(01:05:05):
a queen. And they had been living, they would have
been married thirty or seventy one years my mother and
my father. So I take my hat off to my
birth father for being a great father and also a
great role model. And he raised three siblings on the
first born right, and so I thank my father every

(01:05:29):
day for that all that he had done. And I'll
say this merchan about. His name was Johnny James Harris,
and he was born and raised in Kyve, Marshall County,
hollid Sprang back in the day. And my grandfather had
a k gen. He taught me, my father to go

(01:05:51):
on the rules. My father had brothers, five six brothers.
But the thing is, I want to say to you all,
I take my hat off to my father. My birth
father was being a good great father. All the above,
I can say, well, well, good job to my father,

(01:06:13):
missus Johnny James Harris. All right, great mister Johnny James Harris.

Speaker 8 (01:06:17):
Thank you, Bootsy. I appreciate you. W d I a
high captain.

Speaker 4 (01:06:23):
Good morning you all everybody. Boy, I'm appreciating Boosey. You
remind me of pipe Face telling his life story.

Speaker 9 (01:06:31):
There.

Speaker 4 (01:06:32):
I know he's not lying because I knew him during
the days he was doing all that. When he tell
you something. He's telling me truth because.

Speaker 20 (01:06:38):
I knew him back then and I know what he
does now, and I thank God that he's telling true.
But right now, moving right along, have Father did all
the men, women, children, everybody. I'm still saying that, y'all
getting mad, But I tell you there's nobody here because
Jesus was here. He the only one didn't have an
earthly father having. But all the rest of us came
through a test too. I threw Mama and daddy something

(01:07:00):
down of way. So the women telling me I ain't
no father. When I tell them happy mother's dad, happy father?

Speaker 4 (01:07:04):
Dare I mean? And they said I'm the mama and
the dad. I said, no, you're not. I said, you
still a mama. But their argue left right I was
in quot the trying to arguy yesterday.

Speaker 20 (01:07:12):
Only one God, one father, so uncle vect woever, they
said that that is true, that is Father God.

Speaker 4 (01:07:19):
So all of us look up and thank God for
having us anyway, and uh.

Speaker 20 (01:07:23):
Doctor J is saying everything I could have said when
she said about the mentors, the sisters.

Speaker 4 (01:07:28):
All that I'm telling everybody came up under somebody.

Speaker 20 (01:07:31):
If you didn't have a daddy at all, she I
was blessed where I had a daddy, raised six children,
where as my mother passed away at the early age
in the twenty.

Speaker 4 (01:07:39):
But then he took on the neighborhood.

Speaker 2 (01:07:41):
I do the same thing.

Speaker 4 (01:07:42):
I got over one hundred. God killed that. I'm cures,
but you would think they are. They talk to me,
treat me well.

Speaker 8 (01:07:47):
I appreciate that, Captain.

Speaker 20 (01:07:52):
No reason to be jealous because I'm big daddy, even
though I'm not they real biological father.

Speaker 4 (01:07:57):
I talked to them about anything I told them earlier early.

Speaker 20 (01:08:00):
I'm here for you and I'm living just to see
you grow up and be something, make something out yourself,
go to the.

Speaker 4 (01:08:05):
Military, go to training, do whatever you guy do. So
when doctor j hit that on a note, I say,
you know what, that's what I do.

Speaker 20 (01:08:12):
And continue to do it all summer long. Get the
children into thinking and feeling good about theirselfs. Let them
grow up to and they will respect you more than
their real father. I said, regardless, be good to everybody.
So thank you guys for a great subject and everybody
staying on point, like doctor thank you bell.

Speaker 4 (01:08:32):
All right, captain, so get to the forgiveness part. Y'all
go ahead, y'all doing good.

Speaker 8 (01:08:36):
Thank you, captain, You're welcome. Yeah, we want to stay
on point w D.

Speaker 9 (01:08:40):
I a hi caller, Hey bell, Hey doctor, uh Jeffrey,
I just need too minutes now.

Speaker 10 (01:08:47):
This is to help a child, my grandson. Okay, I'm
raising him be sixteen years old. I have cancer. I'm
trying to do all I can while I can. Okay,
his dad there right there on homes in Tulane, and
he was married.

Speaker 9 (01:09:05):
And he took my daughter, I have a daughter, house
fresh and niece.

Speaker 10 (01:09:09):
He took her to his house. Pretty head made the baby.
And then when I came back to his house, the
man moved. And so my baby sixteen years old.

Speaker 4 (01:09:22):
I'm just I'm trying to be the mama and dad.

Speaker 10 (01:09:24):
He do have a brother, and I wish if someone
that over there in two lane on the on the bottom,
I can't I think it was seven.

Speaker 4 (01:09:33):
Twelve on the bottom.

Speaker 10 (01:09:36):
Of the apartments right there on the corner.

Speaker 4 (01:09:39):
That's where he lived.

Speaker 10 (01:09:40):
And he drove to my motorcycle and he worked at
Family Dollar at night. Okay, So my daughter, who has
fresh and he's a pretty girl, he thought he would
take He took her all around the city before he
brought to her house. But what he didn't know she
had dyslexia. She can't read, but she remember everything.

Speaker 4 (01:09:59):
She took me all about third three hour round.

Speaker 8 (01:10:02):
So let me ask you, let me ask you call
it your your sixteen year old grandchild. How how is
he doing?

Speaker 18 (01:10:08):
You going?

Speaker 4 (01:10:09):
Okay?

Speaker 10 (01:10:09):
But I just you know, I just know he need
a man.

Speaker 5 (01:10:12):
Okay, So let me let me suggest Okay, I know,
let me let me suggest some things to you that
there are a lot of mentor groups out there, caller,
especially fraternities and.

Speaker 8 (01:10:27):
Groups who work with young men.

Speaker 5 (01:10:31):
Let me suggest, you know Commissioner Charlie Caswell, you've heard
that name. If you can with that, yeah, yeah, he
was on the show. If you can reach out to
Commissioner cas Well, he works with young men and and
reach out to him, and I'll try to find some

(01:10:52):
numbers of some groups that work with young men. You know,
even though that father may not be in his life,
but there are some men that will be willing to
work with him. Matter of fact, I had the Americas
was on here. They have a program that they work
with with young men teenagers.

Speaker 10 (01:11:08):
Okay, I just I just want I just I just
know one day because my baby. You don't forget the faith. Yeah, okay,
I can just see us walking in the malls. He'll say, Mom,
that's jeremy dad. I've seen him. I talked to him there.

Speaker 5 (01:11:19):
Okay, well he may not want to be this, but
what but listen to what I'm saying to you. So
we you know, we gonna we'll get you something. We'll
get you some some men's groups who will work with
this young man and help him out.

Speaker 12 (01:11:32):
Okay, yeah.

Speaker 10 (01:11:34):
And Bill, yes, ma'am.

Speaker 14 (01:11:35):
He he's a a m B student.

Speaker 10 (01:11:38):
Well, good, well, I go to children right and look,
so they said the class was stilled. So I walked
up to the prince where and I say sure, I said,
I've seen my my, my grandbaby take a computer. Damn
Bell's true and put it back together.

Speaker 8 (01:11:53):
Okay, good well.

Speaker 5 (01:11:55):
And also Norman red Wing he works with young men.
So there are a lot of people out they can
work with your your grandchild.

Speaker 8 (01:12:02):
Okay, thank you, thank you.

Speaker 14 (01:12:04):
Caller.

Speaker 10 (01:12:05):
Huh. I just want to say one thing. You don't
have no hook with Kroger. My baby trying to get
on that Kroger. They won't call him anohing not feel
so bad Kroger. I praise your blulah blah.

Speaker 5 (01:12:16):
You know, Dan, no, I don't, but tell them to
keep trying because they be looking for people to hire.

Speaker 10 (01:12:22):
Have you filled out their application and he did?

Speaker 5 (01:12:27):
Okay, Well tell him don't give up, keep going to
Croker because they will they will hire young people like that.

Speaker 8 (01:12:32):
They look for young people.

Speaker 4 (01:12:33):
Okay, oh yeah, now okay, I'm.

Speaker 8 (01:12:37):
Yeah, please do yeah over there there, get what get it?
Call him now? Okay, you're welcome, Thank you. Let me
go back to doctor J. Doctor J. I want to
ask you.

Speaker 5 (01:12:48):
I hope I hope I told her right, because just
because he doesn't know it, there are a lot of
groups men group I know that.

Speaker 9 (01:12:56):
Work with young men, and it's always better to go
through groups where people have been trained. Yes, especially if
she's the primary you know, I figured for him and
going through uh everything that she's gonna he needs somebody
who's understanding and who has some training in mentorship.

Speaker 11 (01:13:17):
But so that was excellent advice.

Speaker 5 (01:13:19):
Okay, And I want to ask you before we go
to break, doctor Jefferys. We heard we heard two calls,
three callers talk about this generational curse.

Speaker 8 (01:13:26):
Fathers have a generational curse.

Speaker 18 (01:13:30):
Men.

Speaker 9 (01:13:32):
I guess that's that they explain in it. You know,
there's a lot of environmental things that have happened that
they've been almost like an uh an assault on the
black family and the black community. But here here's where
my heart lies with that, just because people have all

(01:13:55):
weare ever since we've been here and and as now
comes see the Plymouth rock landed on us, we had
the resilience and the fortitude to make a way out
and to survive and even thrive in certain situations. This
generation has probably been I think at the lowest point

(01:14:20):
of being able to survive because there's so much within
group animosity and damage that's being done Black on black homicide,
you know, FATA side and matricide, everybody. I mean, it's
just almost overwhelming. And until again, until you can recognize

(01:14:43):
that the problem, a lot of the problems are within
and that we use whatever resources are available to us
to address there, then it's only going to get worse.
People can't just grow up and know what they're supposed
to do, and and we have gotten to the point
where a lot of these young people have no real roots.

(01:15:05):
So we have to come as a community. The ones
who have have had some opportunities who've had some trainings
and stuff and come and try to work as a
community to try to save the young people so they
don't even know they need savings. Yes, you know, and

(01:15:25):
we're the ones who have to be able to do it.

Speaker 8 (01:15:28):
All right, Hold on, doctor Jefferies.

Speaker 5 (01:15:30):
When I come back, Doctor Jeffries, I'm going to read
you that email and just hold on and hold on, callers,
Hold on, listeners as we continue our conversation right here
on Double D.

Speaker 1 (01:15:44):
I A don't go away. The Bev Johnson still returns
after these messages.

Speaker 8 (01:15:50):
The Bev ju just show.

Speaker 1 (01:16:36):
You're listening to the Bev Johnson Show. Here's Bev Johnson.

Speaker 5 (01:16:40):
And we're going to continue our conversation. Just hold on, callers.
I have to get this email in for doctor Jeffries.
Doctor Jeffries. I promise I email, So here's the email.
Doctor Jeffries says, good morning to you, Bev and doctor Jeffries.
Doctor Jeffries, what are your thoughts on single mailores and dating.

(01:17:02):
I have a close friend who is currently dating a
pastor and tells me that although they have great conversation
and enjoy each other's company, she tends to feel convicted
when they are sexually intimate. How intimate, however, it doesn't
seem to bother him. He tends to flip back and
forward from biblical conversation to freaky conversation.

Speaker 8 (01:17:25):
With no problem.

Speaker 5 (01:17:27):
She stated that he does state that on Saturday night
he has to have his mind focus on Sunday for
his sermon. So the conversation and time spent on that
night our mile. We know he's a man and he's human.
We are just curious about your thoughts. Help me out,
Doctor Jeffries from.

Speaker 9 (01:17:47):
B I'm curious. You know, it sounds like she has
expectations of this person because he is a minister, and
so she has an image of what she believes that
a minister is supposed to say or.

Speaker 7 (01:18:05):
Do or not.

Speaker 10 (01:18:06):
Do.

Speaker 9 (01:18:07):
You know, if she feels conflicted about having intimate relationships
with him, why are they having intimate relationships? And so,
if he's not having conflicted feelings about it, and she's
dating a pastor and her expectations from the pastor seems

(01:18:29):
to be higher than what he is showing her.

Speaker 11 (01:18:34):
Why is she dating this pastor? Right, you have to
come to terms with what you see is what you're
going to get.

Speaker 9 (01:18:46):
And because your perceptions and expectations, and it sounds like
you expect him to be celibates. I don't know if
that's what he preaches, and if he preaches that to
the congregation doing that, then he's not living by the
words that he's asking the church.

Speaker 11 (01:19:04):
To live about.

Speaker 9 (01:19:06):
So there's a problem there, these potential red flags, or
maybe they're not. You first have to come to terms
with how you really feel about him, how you really
feel about his role as being a pastor. How do
you feel about being involved in an intimate relationship sex

(01:19:27):
or no sex with somebody who is a pastor? You know,
so that that would be the first thing. If you
come to terms with that, then we can talk about
how you see him. But it doesn't sound like he's
living up to your perception of how you would expect
him to be as a man.

Speaker 5 (01:19:46):
Of golb mm hmm, okay, all right with the free
So you tell the friend, So you you the questions,
doctor Jeffries asked, Do you ask your friend those questions?

Speaker 8 (01:20:01):
Right, doctor Jeffrey, Right.

Speaker 9 (01:20:03):
If she's brought it to you, then she's very uncomfortable
with it. So sometimes regardless of who comes before us
and come to give the word. You have to live
by the words that you've perceived and you believe in,
because yes, they're pastors. But you also can read your

(01:20:28):
Bible or whatever religion that you're in. Read that text,
pray and talk to your God about how you want
to live your life without conflicting values or what have you. So,
if it's vible, your conscience is bothering you, it may
not be him, it may be you, because you always

(01:20:51):
have to live with yourself. And I know sometimes we
get excited. It's like he appears to be an available
man and he's in a nice profession. But you get
to live with yourself. And if you're talking to your
friend about this situation, you have some concerns, right, that's
your stink.

Speaker 5 (01:21:09):
All right, hold on, doctor Jefferyes, we're gonna go at
these last two callers.

Speaker 8 (01:21:14):
Hold on, w D I a high caller, John Hey Clyde.

Speaker 21 (01:21:22):
Another big sister, doctor jeff Now, I just want my
big sister answer me one question. Okay, Now, the treat
said that we all talked about our kids are grown.
He asked us, why don't we come volunteer to men
the other kids? I told him, I don't remember the
other funk cheers. I said, I took care of my child,

(01:21:45):
and I'm still on calling that whenever he needs.

Speaker 13 (01:21:48):
I said, so this is my time, my free time.

Speaker 11 (01:21:51):
Now, I don't had all.

Speaker 13 (01:21:52):
I don't have so many times with my son. I
ain't have free time back then.

Speaker 4 (01:21:55):
I just want to know he's own sounding selfish or
not until.

Speaker 13 (01:21:59):
My mix and she can gonna lead the law down
on this.

Speaker 8 (01:22:03):
She's gonna lay the law down.

Speaker 5 (01:22:04):
Okay, cly all right, doctor Jeffers, your little brother said
laid the law down?

Speaker 8 (01:22:11):
Is he being selfish?

Speaker 9 (01:22:13):
He already knows he If he, you know, being a
wonderful dad to his son and he's still available to him,
then he understands the demands of parenting a male chiw
And what better way to continue to model good behavior

(01:22:34):
for your son? Let him see that you're generous enough
to share some of that wisdom with some other kids.

Speaker 11 (01:22:40):
Who are not as fortunate as my nephew.

Speaker 5 (01:22:45):
Mmmm yeah, so uh I must I must say this,
doctor Clyde. He's the right thing.

Speaker 8 (01:22:53):
Some young men may need your help.

Speaker 9 (01:22:56):
Yeah, yeah, he knows that. That's why he said, Am
I being selfish? Right?

Speaker 8 (01:23:02):
He knows it?

Speaker 9 (01:23:06):
Yo, I just want to do the right thing.

Speaker 8 (01:23:08):
That's right, doctor Jeffers. You that's right, Oh, doctor Jefferies.
I'm going to our next call. W D I a
high caller.

Speaker 13 (01:23:20):
Hey, how you doing?

Speaker 8 (01:23:21):
Hey, common man?

Speaker 13 (01:23:24):
All right, Hello to doctor Jeffers. On the other side,
I was listening to a little of the conversation today
and I think I heard, uh, some conversation separating father
from from dad and uh, in my opinion, a biological father,
there's no reason on the exception would be if he's

(01:23:48):
maybe mentally disable or physically disabled, but not being a father,
you know.

Speaker 2 (01:23:54):
Uh.

Speaker 13 (01:23:56):
I like, like I heard somebody say the father, and
I think even doctor jefferspore about, you know, the one
that that cares and loves and maybe supports and all
those kinds of things. But I think the biological father
should be the first father for his biological child. No,
no acceptance, I said, have some form of disability that
won't allow him to be. Another thing I want to

(01:24:17):
say is there have been cases that I know of
and have heard of of mothers sometime after that relationship
or break apart from that biological father, they do things
to obstruct the relationship between the father and the child.
That needs to stop. We need to stop tearing our
own families apart. And even if the mother goes on

(01:24:38):
in life, or even if the father goes on in
life and be with somebody else or have another wife,
or she have another husband or whatever, and that child
has a father with that person, still allows a biological
father to be a father, and biological father be a father,
you know, because there's no excuse if she's gone on,
that don't stop me from being the father to my

(01:25:00):
child and loving my child and him provide for my
child and all those type of things. And it really
makes me feel good, you know. So I don't, you know,
I just don't. I don't understand it. I know sometimes
people don't get along, but you got to put that mess.
That's as sad because it's about the child. So you know,
that's just what I want to say. You have Father's

(01:25:20):
Day to everybody too.

Speaker 8 (01:25:22):
You Happy Father's Day coming, man, I hear.

Speaker 13 (01:25:24):
You, Okay, okay, appreciate you, Bill.

Speaker 8 (01:25:27):
Bye bye. Doctor Jeffery's common man says, some things we
have to move aside.

Speaker 1 (01:25:31):
What do you say?

Speaker 12 (01:25:34):
I think that, you know, it'd be nice if every
biological father would behave as a responsible father and do
everything that's supposed to that is, that's just not the
way life is.

Speaker 9 (01:25:45):
Never has been, probably never will be. And so uh,
we still have to do what we have to do,
and there are other people, good people who can step
in and provide support because all the children out there
are our children, and they can impact our lives.

Speaker 13 (01:26:04):
One way or the other.

Speaker 9 (01:26:05):
Whether they live near us, go to school with our children,
or whatever, they all have an impact on the world
at which we live within. So we're not really doing
that just for them. We're also doing it for us
that the best people out there, the best opportunities and
resources that we can share and generously provide for them

(01:26:28):
will help them to become the most productive people in society.
That is what we all need and want. So it's
as much a citizenship as it is anything else.

Speaker 5 (01:26:40):
Right as we get get ready to wrap up, doctor Jeffers,
when we talk about fathers, and we've talked about understanding forgiveness,
now celebration.

Speaker 8 (01:26:52):
How do we celebrate?

Speaker 9 (01:26:55):
I think that you know, just the fact that you're here,
there is a father, whether he's unknown here or long gone,
who brought you into this world, who conceived you, and
that in itself is a gift of life. And when
we have the gifts of life, our responsibility is to

(01:27:16):
get the most out of life that we can.

Speaker 11 (01:27:19):
To enjoy being here, to enjoy being.

Speaker 9 (01:27:22):
With siblings and other relatives, and growing up, and just
doing those things that help us move forward for all
of those who are not as fortunate as there. Then,
as we talked about find ways to bring comfort to yourself,
you know, life is too short to waste it on

(01:27:44):
things that you have no power to change or control,
because at the end, the only thing that you can
do is change yourself the way you look at things,
the way you respond to things, and the way you
choose to move forward. That is what I wish for
everybody who's struggling with parental issues. On behalf of all

(01:28:07):
the fathers out there, long gone here and what have you,
thank you so much for the generational life of giving
action as a protector, providing wisdom and guiding, discipline, care, concern,
and loving as a whole. We have all benefited from that,

(01:28:30):
whether it was from the ancestors to our immediate families
and what have you. And we want to recognize Father's
Day as equal to that of others days. Because we
have two parents. It takes two parents, and once we
began to honor both parents, then maybe we can increase

(01:28:51):
the expectations, particularly for the forgotten parents, and offer both
parents the type of the acceptance, the type of understanding,
the type of forgiveness, and the celebration that they so
greatly deserve.

Speaker 5 (01:29:10):
I love it, Doctor Jeffries. A very positive note to
end on. Thank you doctor.

Speaker 8 (01:29:18):
Looking forward to next week, sister, same.

Speaker 9 (01:29:22):
Time, same station, SA see you on studio.

Speaker 8 (01:29:26):
That's right, Thank you, doctor Jeffries.

Speaker 9 (01:29:28):
Be safe, sister, all right, you too, take care of
you too.

Speaker 8 (01:29:32):
Bye bye, bye bye.

Speaker 5 (01:29:34):
Doctor Dorothy Jeffries, who is our behavioral relationship consultant, always
gives us the good news.

Speaker 8 (01:29:52):
I want to thank you callers.

Speaker 5 (01:29:54):
I want to thank you listeners for joining us this
day on the BEV Johnson Show.

Speaker 8 (01:30:00):
We do, we really do appreciate you. Once again.

Speaker 5 (01:30:05):
I want to say a happy Father's Day to all
the fathers out there and to my god brothers who
are fathers.

Speaker 8 (01:30:14):
And sweetheart who father be Father's Day y'all.

Speaker 5 (01:30:20):
Yeah, have a good Sunday, so until tomorrow, please be safe.
Keep a cool head, y'all. Don't let anyone steal your
joy until tomorrow. I'm BEB Johnson and y'all Keith the faith.

Speaker 8 (01:30:41):
Mark Baker, take me Home, boyfriend, profuse. Some opinions discussed
on The Beb Johnson Show are

Speaker 21 (01:30:54):
That of the hosts and callers and not those of
the staff and sponsors of w d IAT