October 3, 2024 • 18 mins
Alabama found an article about things men should change if they want to be with the RIGHT woman and Steak Daddy confirms or denies.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:06):
Hey, im Alabama, the girl that drives my boyfriend crazy and.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm almost crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's not that bad. That's my boyfriend's sake.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Dad, also known as Blake.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
If you like real conversations with a not so perfect couple, get.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Ready for a fun ride.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Buckle up, It's the She Drives Me Crazy Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
You hate the topic?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I brought up last episode about the guy who is
disabled telling his wife to somebody.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Tried to pass and then I get blindsided with the
this is a test. Well, you know see if you pass.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
It wasn't a test, it was a topic. But here's
the thing. If you want to find an article, you
can bring an article to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
This is your gig.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Me either it's ours.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I think this is every couple's argument with every aspect.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Of their life.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Like, no, it's not my turn, it's your turn today.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Welcome to the She Drives Me Crazy Podcast. I'm Alabama
with my boyfriend's steak Daddy.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi, I have.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Another article today.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Here's the article, and it's an article I picked obviously,
so you're gonna hate this one too. Here are the
five big things men must give up to be with
the right woman.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh yeah, let's see if the right woman's worth it.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
To get through the list.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Let's go through there. Let's see how bad I'm going
to be in the doghouse after this one.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I talked about it on my show, producer Blake. He passed.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I only gave him two of them. The first one
bad habits. If maybe you're terrible at saving money, or
if you're a poor communicator, but the point is to
be with the right woman, you have to work to
become the right man.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Well, I mean, bad habits are bad habits, so you
should be working to get rid of bad habits regardless
of whether you're in a relationship or not.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I like, that's a pass.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay, I agree, Okay, next one.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
And it all depends on who determines what the bad
habit is though. I mean, if it's a just an
in general, that's a bad habit. You know you shouldn't
be doing that, then you should fix it. If it's
a bad habit, because whoever is with you says, well,
I don't like that you have a hobby that I'm
not a part of.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Well, see that's not a bad habit.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That's a controlling partner. Well, no, it's a habit.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
No like that, but that's not a habit like your hobby,
Like you play pooler on Tuesday nights. I let you
play pool and I love it, and I play pool
with you sometimes and sometimes I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
For the record, i'd play whether you let me or not.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, I would never tell you not to. But that's
the thing.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
But also, like if I decided I wanted to do something,
I could do it and you could tell me not to.
Here's one that we both struggle with, the need to
be right.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Well, I don't struggle with this because I'm always right.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah, there you go. You need to no relationship with
sunshine and rainbows all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Despite the vision you may get, there's gonna be arguments
and above all, compromise.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
So flexibility is key.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
You cannot always have things your way and expect a
relationship to operate smoothly.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
That's not the same thing as being right, because you
can be right and still compromise because the other person
is absolutely dead set that they want is what they want,
and then you have to be like, all right, I'm right,
but I'm going to give in on this.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Right is all that subjective?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
That's why I do on the show Ask Alabama because
right half of the time is subjective. Right just depends
on your upbringing, in your life, experiences that got you
to where you are that make you think you're right
if it's something that there is no black and white,
but there's some gray.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Area, and then you choose to be right.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Like, for example, like one of our arguments that we
have at home a lot is like splitting the chores
or doing whatever. And you'll be like, I'm working or
I'm busy or whatever, but I also work and have
a demanding job, and so like.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
There will be some people that are very.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Set in old school ways that say it's always the
woman's duty to always clean and do this stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
But there'll be other people.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
That's like, has the time to be able to do it,
should should do it, because there's there's time in their
schedule to be able to get those things done.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I think, well, our agreement.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Now I'm saying that because I work from like six
to you know, five or six.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I work eleven twelve hour days.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
You think I only have four hour days. But that's
not the truth. That's not the truth. Yes, but I'm
doing meetings.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I mean, you've got all the things that you do
after you leave the studio.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I know I'm doing I'm doing meetings, I'm planning the
show for the next day, I'm doing social media when
I get to Just because I work from home doesn't
mean that I'm not working.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I work just as long as you do. I know
so that.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But here see here's and but actually that's I'm just
giving an example. Are are I like the compromise we made,
even though we don't stick to and we need to
get back on it.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
The compromise we made is you.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Do the outside because there's some stuff I physically cannot do.
And I realized that yesterday when I was walking around
the property getting ready for this these storms that are
coming through, and I like, there's under the car port,
there's a piece of wood that needs to be nailed
back up that's loose. I've pointed this out to you,
and I'm like, man, that's been for a few months
(05:27):
and I can't climb up there and get it. And
That'll be like that's a you thing.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, I just got it. You have to remind me
when I'm at home and it's not after dark and.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I'm gonna make it and I'm doing this. I thought
about this yesterday, and this is in.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
No way chalkboard right by the door. Just start writing
things down that need to be done.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I was gonna say, I'm going to do a list
because even I forget of things that need to be
done around the house because oh my god, owning a
home and home maintenance.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Is so much work.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like we got to get a good pest control guy,
we got a freaking the tiles that have been broken,
we got to fix the shower that's leaking. I'm so
over it. I'm so over homeowners. If you own a
business that works on homes and you want to endorse
the podcast, I would love for you to come work.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
On our house.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Plug.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Okay, number three ego.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
When we're in our early twenties, we are invincible and
think we don't need anyone, But with maturity comes to the
realization that nobody's perfect and we have a lot to learn.
So you have to let go of ego and open
up to being vulnerable if you want the right woman.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I mean, I don't know if opening up to being
vulnerable it's the same thing as not having an ego,
But you do have to put your ego in check
to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You are very humble, but you hate being vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like if I try to talk to you about feelings,
you like if it's.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Because nobody cares. Nobody wants. No woman for a long
term relationship wants to have.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Mister emotionally open and cry on your shoulder.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Guy.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Know they want the guy who's going to you don't
know that I'll take care of it.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You don't know what women want.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
But there have been so many studies psychologists.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Just where did you find these?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
All over the place.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Also, you don't have Harvard Yale.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I would like you to find these studies and bring
them to the next podcast.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
To talk about your emotions, you don't have to cry
on my shoulder. Like if I ask you how you're
feeling about a certain thing, that doesn't mean start crying.
It's just, hey, how do you feel about this? What's
going on in your world? Like, emotions are not always sad.
Emotions can be happy, they can be hopeful. They can
be angry, which you do. Have you tell me when
(07:47):
you're angry, for sure, I tell you what I'm angry to. Like,
if you're sad, you can talk about being sad, But
emotions does not always equal sadness equal weakness, No.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
They don't. We all have emotions make survival.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
We have emotions built in to survive things like fear
is a survival mechanism.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Emotionally weak, then if you let things be able to get.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
To you and.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Dictate how you progress through your day or your life
because you're that's subjected or angry or whatever, then z
that equished to being for a man, and just a
generalization here, emotionally weak because you can't handle the things
(08:33):
that are going on in your life. So that's only
if you're to deal with that guy if you're emotionally
constantly complaining about how they're feeling and they can't do.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
This, or I'm upset or I'm sad.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
But again you think so that is one portion of
the whole picture of emotions. Like a psychologist would argue
with you that being emotionally intelligent is being in tune
with your emotions and knowing what you're feeling and being
able in the moment to assess what's going on.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
And deal with it in a healthy way.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
If you are emotionally reactive, then that is not a
good thing. But also it's not just because you have
emotions doesn't mean you have to complain all the time
or say I'm sad or I'm upset, right.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
But you can't have emotions is a guide to talk
to them about their emotions when they're feeling all of
those things, and we don't do that.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
No, if I say, hey, babe, how are you feeling,
I like, oh God, one time I asked you about
your ex and I'm like, how do you feel about this?
You completely shut the conversation down.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
You're like, I don't even want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There are no feelings about it that didn't necessarily have
to be as sad or whatever. Like if I talk
about one of my ex is like, it's like, well
it didn't work out, but I hope that they have
a good life or life moves.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
On or whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, talk about it exactly, all right, let'll move on.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
That's just that is my two cents of how that goes.
Putting number four mediocre effort, Like maybe if your avoidance
of commitment or a version to romance served you well
when your weekends were full of bars and clubs, but
when you were building a found I'm reading this so,
but if you're building a foundation for a future with
a mature, established woman, you have to change your approach.
(10:18):
Commitment is the number one thing couples both need to
put effort in for a relationship to work. According to
research published in the National Library of Medicine, successful couples
learn and grow together.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh, this is going to turn into our marriage argument
all over a good Oh, this is funny.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Defined commitment.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
They mature as individuals and as a team. And to
be a part of this team, you need to understand
that growing up, women did not dream of men who
gave them mediocre efforts. I mean, that is true. They've
had this argument before where I'm like, I'm being your
house wife, but I'm not your wife. Like that is
a I mean, and I've had this conversation with my grandmother.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Commitment.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I think marriage not right off the bat. No, you
need to wait, make sure it's the right person. Absolutely
mad wait though, I mean, it depends on the couple.
I think you just have to know, like, you need
to know that your morals are the same and that
you can live the rest of your life together and
that y'all can function together. But my grandmother, I was
talking to her about this last week because you and
(11:16):
I did have a whole debate about marriage, and so
I called her and me. Ma has been married for
like fifty sixty years and my granddad died and she's
by herself now, and sometimes she's like it's almost like
she's loving life being able to do whatever she wants
to do, but she misses my granddad every day.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
And I said, what's the difference in being married and
being by yourself? And she said, well, she goes.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I do think that if you're married, you work harder
to fix your problems because you can't just walk away
from each other. And I found a real from Jordan
Peterson that said the same thing, like, once you get married,
you are committing yourself to that person for the rest
of your life.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So you're forcing.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yourself to we have to work on this together and
stay together because we made this commitment to each other
in front of all the people we love versus screw you.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I don't want to be in this anymore. Which is
my go to with me?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And you fight like I know I am not perfect?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
That is my go to with me?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And for a runner, because we're not married and you
don't want it. You say you are afraid of marriage, and.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
It's just been a great I'm afraid of marriage. I
said there is no benefit for a man in the
institution of marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
You said you don't want to get married. You've said that.
We've had well, we've gone back and forth. But I
think my fight or flight response also has a lot
to do with my trauma as a kid, because I've
always watched my mom.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
My dad was really abusive.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
My dad beat the hell out of my mom, and
I've told you this before, and my mom after that
was always with really abusive boyfriends. And that's why I
went to my grandparents, and my grandparents raised me. I
grew up watching her in all of these situations, and
I remember as a kid thinking, why is she still
say why doesn't she just leave? Why doesn't she leave?
And probably some of that is ingrained to me, and
(13:06):
that's why that's my go to when things start going
bad with us. I'm like, well, I just want to leave,
because I think I would my whole life. I grew
up wanting my mother to leave the guys she was with.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
That's I just did you just psychoanalyze yourself?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I did, because that's a light bulb but just went off.
I've never thought of that. Holy crap, I just figured
out why.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I'm trying not to tear up at that realization right now,
but I really think that's why. One of the reasons
I do that there's probably more a bit, there's definitely more,
but that's one of those.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So there you go, take a deep breath. We can finish.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
You got one more, I know there is one more
short term thinking.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So when you're younger, it's natural to think less about
the future and more about the present. The right woman
will understand that it's difficult to plan a future with
someone who has no plan for themselves. So when you
plan the future and you're thinking more ahead of time,
you're gaining wisdom, maturity, and the potential for more fulfilling
(14:04):
happiness than you would find if you are just short term.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
You're limiting yourself if you only think short term.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I agree that is absolutely true.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
You can't be in a long term relationship with somebody
that doesn't think long term.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
What are your thoughts long term? Like, what do you
think about You don't have to tell me what your
thoughts for me long term are, But like when you
start dating somebody new, Like when you started dating me,
what are some of the questions.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
You think about? Okay, I think this could be a
long term thing or not.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Is this someone that is going to be supportive of
the decisions that I am currently making for my future?
Or is this someone that's going to be more I
me as far as the things that I'm willing to
(14:57):
give up or wait for, Like you know, I want this, this, this,
and this, and like, well, I'm doing this to build
something for my future.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
So we're not going to have all of that.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Then where do y'all both come in and say what
we want for our future together?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Cause I think it's very It is in.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
The beginning you have that you have a conversation, like
you know, after a couple of months and you start
trying to figure out like, well, is this a fun
thing that's going to be over in the next couple
of the next month or something, or is this something
that you know after what about a month to two months?
Is when you start trying to figure that out?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Really, you know what our problem is.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I just realized and you're telling me this, this is
our mind and your problem when we argue is you
I am very guilty.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'm not blaming this on you. This is like I
do this is we both very much like.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
When we are trying to explain ourselves to each other
in an argument, we're like, I feel this, I feel this,
MEI me. We both do this of like our perspective,
and we're not moving as a WEI and as a we.
It's got to be a tame unit. We do this
when every other time, I think it's when we are
in the middle of the heted argument, and I think
that's a lot of couples in arguments.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Well, yeah, that's because when you're dealing with heightened emotions,
you're like, I'm feeling this way, this is why I'm upset.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
So that is an I want.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
You to do this.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I want you to do it. Well, not so much
that no, I do that.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Well, yeah, absolutely, I mean why don't you do this?
We both have said that in different arguments.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Yeah, but talk that's talking about a heightened emotional state
in an argument where you're upset with that that other
person that's in a relationship and you're you are the
I me because you don't want to project you you
you in an argument, right, but do kind of bore
(16:48):
I feel like this, here's why, And it's more of
the ime statements as opposed to the you or we statement.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
But I think what we could do is we when
we're arguing, I think, and I need to get better
at this too, is like we say our piece of
like how I feel, but then how do we move forward?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Because my go to after that is like, here's how
I feel. I'm mad.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I'm going to decide how I move forward and screw you.
I don't give a shit what you do moving forward.
That's accurate, that's very and I do that like I
am totally not perfect. I'm not like never will I ever.
And I say, because me and you also have this
conversation at home. You're like, you quit listening to my
radio show because you're like, I'm sticky. You're talking about
me and making fun of me. You think I make
fun of you, but literally on the air, I always
(17:33):
say like I am the crazy one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I know this.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I talk you up all the time. I'm like stick dad,
he's hot, I love him, he's great.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, well there's more to me than just my good looks.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Oh I know, but no, the.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
We stuff and trying to decide if it's a long
term thing. You start after the first initial you know,
a little bit of dating. You start having a conversation like,
so those are the things that I'm wanting to do
with my life. And then that's when you start moving
from the eye to the wei and see if that
is something that is compatible.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Okay, then when do you start looking at life material
I'm sorry, I can't. I just sent me up for it.
I love you. We'll go. I know you got things
to do.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Lifelong partners, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Oh okay, we're not Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, although
they did get divorced right out.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
They stay together for so.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Long not getting married and then they got married and
we're divorced.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Like boop, just like that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
There you go. Oh okay, we're does nothing but lead
to divorce. Divorced if you're not married.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh my god, go follow she drives me crazy on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Bye,
Hey, im Alabama, the girl that drives my boyfriend crazy and.
Speaker 2 (00:11):
I'm almost crazy.
Speaker 3 (00:13):
It's not that bad. That's my boyfriend's sake.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
Dad, also known as Blake.
Speaker 1 (00:18):
If you like real conversations with a not so perfect couple, get.
Speaker 3 (00:22):
Ready for a fun ride.
Speaker 1 (00:24):
Buckle up, It's the She Drives Me Crazy Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
You hate the topic?
Speaker 1 (00:29):
I brought up last episode about the guy who is
disabled telling his wife to somebody.
Speaker 4 (00:36):
Tried to pass and then I get blindsided with the
this is a test. Well, you know see if you pass.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
It wasn't a test, it was a topic. But here's
the thing. If you want to find an article, you
can bring an article to the podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
This is your gig.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Me either it's ours.
Speaker 1 (00:54):
I think this is every couple's argument with every aspect.
Speaker 3 (00:57):
Of their life.
Speaker 2 (00:58):
Like, no, it's not my turn, it's your turn today.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Welcome to the She Drives Me Crazy Podcast. I'm Alabama
with my boyfriend's steak Daddy.
Speaker 2 (01:05):
Hi, I have.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Another article today.
Speaker 1 (01:09):
Here's the article, and it's an article I picked obviously,
so you're gonna hate this one too. Here are the
five big things men must give up to be with
the right woman.
Speaker 2 (01:22):
Oh yeah, let's see if the right woman's worth it.
Speaker 3 (01:27):
To get through the list.
Speaker 4 (01:28):
Let's go through there. Let's see how bad I'm going
to be in the doghouse after this one.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I talked about it on my show, producer Blake. He passed.
Speaker 1 (01:35):
I only gave him two of them. The first one
bad habits. If maybe you're terrible at saving money, or
if you're a poor communicator, but the point is to
be with the right woman, you have to work to
become the right man.
Speaker 4 (01:49):
Well, I mean, bad habits are bad habits, so you
should be working to get rid of bad habits regardless
of whether you're in a relationship or not.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
I like, that's a pass.
Speaker 3 (01:56):
Okay, I agree, Okay, next one.
Speaker 4 (02:00):
And it all depends on who determines what the bad
habit is though. I mean, if it's a just an
in general, that's a bad habit. You know you shouldn't
be doing that, then you should fix it. If it's
a bad habit, because whoever is with you says, well,
I don't like that you have a hobby that I'm
not a part of.
Speaker 2 (02:14):
Well, see that's not a bad habit.
Speaker 3 (02:17):
That's a controlling partner. Well, no, it's a habit.
Speaker 1 (02:20):
No like that, but that's not a habit like your hobby,
Like you play pooler on Tuesday nights. I let you
play pool and I love it, and I play pool
with you sometimes and sometimes I don't.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
For the record, i'd play whether you let me or not.
Speaker 3 (02:32):
Well, I would never tell you not to. But that's
the thing.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
But also, like if I decided I wanted to do something,
I could do it and you could tell me not to.
Here's one that we both struggle with, the need to
be right.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Well, I don't struggle with this because I'm always right.
Speaker 3 (02:50):
Yeah, there you go. You need to no relationship with
sunshine and rainbows all the time.
Speaker 1 (02:56):
Despite the vision you may get, there's gonna be arguments
and above all, compromise.
Speaker 3 (03:01):
So flexibility is key.
Speaker 1 (03:03):
You cannot always have things your way and expect a
relationship to operate smoothly.
Speaker 4 (03:10):
That's not the same thing as being right, because you
can be right and still compromise because the other person
is absolutely dead set that they want is what they want,
and then you have to be like, all right, I'm right,
but I'm going to give in on this.
Speaker 3 (03:23):
Right is all that subjective?
Speaker 1 (03:25):
That's why I do on the show Ask Alabama because
right half of the time is subjective. Right just depends
on your upbringing, in your life, experiences that got you
to where you are that make you think you're right
if it's something that there is no black and white,
but there's some gray.
Speaker 3 (03:38):
Area, and then you choose to be right.
Speaker 1 (03:41):
Like, for example, like one of our arguments that we
have at home a lot is like splitting the chores
or doing whatever. And you'll be like, I'm working or
I'm busy or whatever, but I also work and have
a demanding job, and so like.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
There will be some people that are very.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Set in old school ways that say it's always the
woman's duty to always clean and do this stuff.
Speaker 3 (04:06):
But there'll be other people.
Speaker 4 (04:07):
That's like, has the time to be able to do it,
should should do it, because there's there's time in their
schedule to be able to get those things done.
Speaker 3 (04:18):
I think, well, our agreement.
Speaker 4 (04:19):
Now I'm saying that because I work from like six
to you know, five or six.
Speaker 2 (04:26):
I work eleven twelve hour days.
Speaker 3 (04:28):
You think I only have four hour days. But that's
not the truth. That's not the truth. Yes, but I'm
doing meetings.
Speaker 4 (04:35):
I mean, you've got all the things that you do
after you leave the studio.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
I know I'm doing I'm doing meetings, I'm planning the
show for the next day, I'm doing social media when
I get to Just because I work from home doesn't
mean that I'm not working.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
I work just as long as you do. I know
so that.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
But here see here's and but actually that's I'm just
giving an example. Are are I like the compromise we made,
even though we don't stick to and we need to
get back on it.
Speaker 3 (05:01):
The compromise we made is you.
Speaker 1 (05:05):
Do the outside because there's some stuff I physically cannot do.
And I realized that yesterday when I was walking around
the property getting ready for this these storms that are
coming through, and I like, there's under the car port,
there's a piece of wood that needs to be nailed
back up that's loose. I've pointed this out to you,
and I'm like, man, that's been for a few months
(05:27):
and I can't climb up there and get it. And
That'll be like that's a you thing.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, I just got it. You have to remind me
when I'm at home and it's not after dark and.
Speaker 1 (05:36):
I'm gonna make it and I'm doing this. I thought
about this yesterday, and this is in.
Speaker 4 (05:39):
No way chalkboard right by the door. Just start writing
things down that need to be done.
Speaker 1 (05:43):
I was gonna say, I'm going to do a list
because even I forget of things that need to be
done around the house because oh my god, owning a
home and home maintenance.
Speaker 3 (05:51):
Is so much work.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
Like we got to get a good pest control guy,
we got a freaking the tiles that have been broken,
we got to fix the shower that's leaking. I'm so
over it. I'm so over homeowners. If you own a
business that works on homes and you want to endorse
the podcast, I would love for you to come work.
Speaker 3 (06:11):
On our house.
Speaker 2 (06:13):
Plug.
Speaker 3 (06:13):
Okay, number three ego.
Speaker 1 (06:16):
When we're in our early twenties, we are invincible and
think we don't need anyone, But with maturity comes to the
realization that nobody's perfect and we have a lot to learn.
So you have to let go of ego and open
up to being vulnerable if you want the right woman.
Speaker 4 (06:30):
I mean, I don't know if opening up to being
vulnerable it's the same thing as not having an ego,
But you do have to put your ego in check
to be in a relationship.
Speaker 2 (06:38):
I agree with that.
Speaker 3 (06:39):
You are very humble, but you hate being vulnerable.
Speaker 1 (06:42):
Like if I try to talk to you about feelings,
you like if it's.
Speaker 2 (06:46):
Because nobody cares. Nobody wants. No woman for a long
term relationship wants to have.
Speaker 4 (06:55):
Mister emotionally open and cry on your shoulder.
Speaker 2 (06:59):
Guy.
Speaker 4 (07:00):
Know they want the guy who's going to you don't
know that I'll take care of it.
Speaker 3 (07:06):
You don't know what women want.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
But there have been so many studies psychologists.
Speaker 3 (07:12):
Just where did you find these?
Speaker 2 (07:14):
All over the place.
Speaker 3 (07:15):
Here's the thing.
Speaker 2 (07:16):
Also, you don't have Harvard Yale.
Speaker 1 (07:20):
I would like you to find these studies and bring
them to the next podcast.
Speaker 3 (07:23):
But here's the thing.
Speaker 1 (07:24):
To talk about your emotions, you don't have to cry
on my shoulder. Like if I ask you how you're
feeling about a certain thing, that doesn't mean start crying.
It's just, hey, how do you feel about this? What's
going on in your world? Like, emotions are not always sad.
Emotions can be happy, they can be hopeful. They can
be angry, which you do. Have you tell me when
(07:47):
you're angry, for sure, I tell you what I'm angry to. Like,
if you're sad, you can talk about being sad, But
emotions does not always equal sadness equal weakness, No.
Speaker 3 (07:57):
They don't. We all have emotions make survival.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
We have emotions built in to survive things like fear
is a survival mechanism.
Speaker 4 (08:05):
Emotionally weak, then if you let things be able to get.
Speaker 2 (08:10):
To you and.
Speaker 4 (08:12):
Dictate how you progress through your day or your life
because you're that's subjected or angry or whatever, then z
that equished to being for a man, and just a
generalization here, emotionally weak because you can't handle the things
(08:33):
that are going on in your life. So that's only
if you're to deal with that guy if you're emotionally
constantly complaining about how they're feeling and they can't do.
Speaker 2 (08:43):
This, or I'm upset or I'm sad.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
But again you think so that is one portion of
the whole picture of emotions. Like a psychologist would argue
with you that being emotionally intelligent is being in tune
with your emotions and knowing what you're feeling and being
able in the moment to assess what's going on.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
And deal with it in a healthy way.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
If you are emotionally reactive, then that is not a
good thing. But also it's not just because you have
emotions doesn't mean you have to complain all the time
or say I'm sad or I'm upset, right.
Speaker 4 (09:14):
But you can't have emotions is a guide to talk
to them about their emotions when they're feeling all of
those things, and we don't do that.
Speaker 1 (09:22):
No, if I say, hey, babe, how are you feeling,
I like, oh God, one time I asked you about
your ex and I'm like, how do you feel about this?
You completely shut the conversation down.
Speaker 3 (09:33):
You're like, I don't even want to talk about it.
Speaker 1 (09:35):
There are no feelings about it that didn't necessarily have
to be as sad or whatever. Like if I talk
about one of my ex is like, it's like, well
it didn't work out, but I hope that they have
a good life or life moves.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
On or whatever.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, talk about it exactly, all right, let'll move on.
Speaker 3 (09:55):
You know.
Speaker 1 (09:55):
That's just that is my two cents of how that goes.
Putting number four mediocre effort, Like maybe if your avoidance
of commitment or a version to romance served you well
when your weekends were full of bars and clubs, but
when you were building a found I'm reading this so,
but if you're building a foundation for a future with
a mature, established woman, you have to change your approach.
(10:18):
Commitment is the number one thing couples both need to
put effort in for a relationship to work. According to
research published in the National Library of Medicine, successful couples
learn and grow together.
Speaker 3 (10:29):
Oh, this is going to turn into our marriage argument
all over a good Oh, this is funny.
Speaker 2 (10:36):
Defined commitment.
Speaker 1 (10:38):
They mature as individuals and as a team. And to
be a part of this team, you need to understand
that growing up, women did not dream of men who
gave them mediocre efforts. I mean, that is true. They've
had this argument before where I'm like, I'm being your
house wife, but I'm not your wife. Like that is
a I mean, and I've had this conversation with my grandmother.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Commitment.
Speaker 1 (10:55):
I think marriage not right off the bat. No, you
need to wait, make sure it's the right person. Absolutely
mad wait though, I mean, it depends on the couple.
I think you just have to know, like, you need
to know that your morals are the same and that
you can live the rest of your life together and
that y'all can function together. But my grandmother, I was
talking to her about this last week because you and
(11:16):
I did have a whole debate about marriage, and so
I called her and me. Ma has been married for
like fifty sixty years and my granddad died and she's
by herself now, and sometimes she's like it's almost like
she's loving life being able to do whatever she wants
to do, but she misses my granddad every day.
Speaker 3 (11:32):
And I said, what's the difference in being married and
being by yourself? And she said, well, she goes.
Speaker 1 (11:39):
I do think that if you're married, you work harder
to fix your problems because you can't just walk away
from each other. And I found a real from Jordan
Peterson that said the same thing, like, once you get married,
you are committing yourself to that person for the rest
of your life.
Speaker 3 (11:56):
So you're forcing.
Speaker 1 (11:57):
Yourself to we have to work on this together and
stay together because we made this commitment to each other
in front of all the people we love versus screw you.
Speaker 3 (12:08):
I don't want to be in this anymore. Which is
my go to with me?
Speaker 1 (12:11):
And you fight like I know I am not perfect?
Speaker 3 (12:13):
That is my go to with me?
Speaker 1 (12:14):
And for a runner, because we're not married and you
don't want it. You say you are afraid of marriage, and.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
It's just been a great I'm afraid of marriage. I
said there is no benefit for a man in the
institution of marriage.
Speaker 1 (12:29):
You said you don't want to get married. You've said that.
We've had well, we've gone back and forth. But I
think my fight or flight response also has a lot
to do with my trauma as a kid, because I've
always watched my mom.
Speaker 3 (12:42):
My dad was really abusive.
Speaker 1 (12:44):
My dad beat the hell out of my mom, and
I've told you this before, and my mom after that
was always with really abusive boyfriends. And that's why I
went to my grandparents, and my grandparents raised me. I
grew up watching her in all of these situations, and
I remember as a kid thinking, why is she still
say why doesn't she just leave? Why doesn't she leave?
And probably some of that is ingrained to me, and
(13:06):
that's why that's my go to when things start going
bad with us. I'm like, well, I just want to leave,
because I think I would my whole life. I grew
up wanting my mother to leave the guys she was with.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
That's I just did you just psychoanalyze yourself?
Speaker 1 (13:20):
I did, because that's a light bulb but just went off.
I've never thought of that. Holy crap, I just figured
out why.
Speaker 2 (13:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:26):
I'm trying not to tear up at that realization right now,
but I really think that's why. One of the reasons
I do that there's probably more a bit, there's definitely more,
but that's one of those.
Speaker 2 (13:35):
So there you go, take a deep breath. We can finish.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
You got one more, I know there is one more
short term thinking.
Speaker 1 (13:44):
So when you're younger, it's natural to think less about
the future and more about the present. The right woman
will understand that it's difficult to plan a future with
someone who has no plan for themselves. So when you
plan the future and you're thinking more ahead of time,
you're gaining wisdom, maturity, and the potential for more fulfilling
(14:04):
happiness than you would find if you are just short term.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
You're limiting yourself if you only think short term.
Speaker 2 (14:11):
I agree that is absolutely true.
Speaker 4 (14:14):
You can't be in a long term relationship with somebody
that doesn't think long term.
Speaker 1 (14:18):
What are your thoughts long term? Like, what do you
think about You don't have to tell me what your
thoughts for me long term are, But like when you
start dating somebody new, Like when you started dating me,
what are some of the questions.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
You think about? Okay, I think this could be a
long term thing or not.
Speaker 4 (14:36):
Is this someone that is going to be supportive of
the decisions that I am currently making for my future?
Or is this someone that's going to be more I
me as far as the things that I'm willing to
(14:57):
give up or wait for, Like you know, I want this, this, this,
and this, and like, well, I'm doing this to build
something for my future.
Speaker 2 (15:07):
So we're not going to have all of that.
Speaker 1 (15:09):
Then where do y'all both come in and say what
we want for our future together?
Speaker 3 (15:14):
Cause I think it's very It is in.
Speaker 4 (15:15):
The beginning you have that you have a conversation, like
you know, after a couple of months and you start
trying to figure out like, well, is this a fun
thing that's going to be over in the next couple
of the next month or something, or is this something
that you know after what about a month to two months?
Is when you start trying to figure that out?
Speaker 3 (15:31):
Really, you know what our problem is.
Speaker 1 (15:33):
I just realized and you're telling me this, this is
our mind and your problem when we argue is you
I am very guilty.
Speaker 3 (15:41):
I'm not blaming this on you. This is like I
do this is we both very much like.
Speaker 1 (15:47):
When we are trying to explain ourselves to each other
in an argument, we're like, I feel this, I feel this,
MEI me. We both do this of like our perspective,
and we're not moving as a WEI and as a we.
It's got to be a tame unit. We do this
when every other time, I think it's when we are
in the middle of the heted argument, and I think
that's a lot of couples in arguments.
Speaker 4 (16:08):
Well, yeah, that's because when you're dealing with heightened emotions,
you're like, I'm feeling this way, this is why I'm upset.
Speaker 2 (16:14):
So that is an I want.
Speaker 3 (16:16):
You to do this.
Speaker 2 (16:17):
I want you to do it. Well, not so much
that no, I do that.
Speaker 3 (16:21):
Well, yeah, absolutely, I mean why don't you do this?
We both have said that in different arguments.
Speaker 4 (16:27):
Yeah, but talk that's talking about a heightened emotional state
in an argument where you're upset with that that other
person that's in a relationship and you're you are the
I me because you don't want to project you you
you in an argument, right, but do kind of bore
(16:48):
I feel like this, here's why, And it's more of
the ime statements as opposed to the you or we statement.
Speaker 1 (16:55):
But I think what we could do is we when
we're arguing, I think, and I need to get better
at this too, is like we say our piece of
like how I feel, but then how do we move forward?
Speaker 3 (17:07):
Because my go to after that is like, here's how
I feel. I'm mad.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I'm going to decide how I move forward and screw you.
I don't give a shit what you do moving forward.
That's accurate, that's very and I do that like I
am totally not perfect. I'm not like never will I ever.
And I say, because me and you also have this
conversation at home. You're like, you quit listening to my
radio show because you're like, I'm sticky. You're talking about
me and making fun of me. You think I make
fun of you, but literally on the air, I always
(17:33):
say like I am the crazy one.
Speaker 3 (17:35):
I know this.
Speaker 1 (17:37):
I talk you up all the time. I'm like stick dad,
he's hot, I love him, he's great.
Speaker 2 (17:40):
Yeah, well there's more to me than just my good looks.
Speaker 3 (17:43):
Oh I know, but no, the.
Speaker 4 (17:48):
We stuff and trying to decide if it's a long
term thing. You start after the first initial you know,
a little bit of dating. You start having a conversation like,
so those are the things that I'm wanting to do
with my life. And then that's when you start moving
from the eye to the wei and see if that
is something that is compatible.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
Okay, then when do you start looking at life material
I'm sorry, I can't. I just sent me up for it.
I love you. We'll go. I know you got things
to do.
Speaker 2 (18:20):
Lifelong partners, I know.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
Oh okay, we're not Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, although
they did get divorced right out.
Speaker 3 (18:28):
They stay together for so.
Speaker 1 (18:30):
Long not getting married and then they got married and
we're divorced.
Speaker 3 (18:32):
Like boop, just like that.
Speaker 2 (18:34):
There you go. Oh okay, we're does nothing but lead
to divorce. Divorced if you're not married.
Speaker 1 (18:40):
Oh my god, go follow she drives me crazy on Instagram.
Speaker 3 (18:44):
We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2 (18:45):
Bye,
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