February 20, 2024 • 23 mins
I'm not sure exactly what happened on Saturday... but I do know that it made me realize a thing or two...
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
To borrow a phrase from one ofthe great philosophers of our time. It's
me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. This is a podcast,
just a bit up the contrasts fromwhat I'm used to. I usually
have to talk fast because there's peoplesharing the mic, but this is just
(00:22):
me, so I say whatever i'dlike. It might be serious, sometimes
it might be funny. Sometimes toscratch your hand and say, Bryan is
such a dummy, But it justme. I ain't got no help.
This is Prie Crimes, and I'mtalking to myself. It is a Brian
Grimes. It is my podcast,and I am talking to myself. This
(00:44):
one is gonna be a little weird. I've been thinking about this for like
two days now, so this one'sgonna be kind of like a I mean,
I've told you guys in the past, I don't necessarily do therapy.
It's not that I don't believe intherapy. I just have never done it
myself. I don't know that itis for me, But this is going
to be one of those I thinktherapeutic for me type situations where I'm gonna
(01:07):
sit out on the couch and ifI were going to spill my guts to
a therapist. This is probably whatI would say. I think it might
be an insight into whatever jacked upstuff I got going on. It might
actually help somebody who's listening who feelslike they have the same jacked up stuff
going on. And on a selfishlevel, it's going to be a way
(01:29):
for me to say some of thethings that I've been thinking about for the
last couple of days, get themout of my head, and that way
hopefully move on from it. SoI'll start with the Taylor Swift quote.
It is me. I am theproblem. It's me, so out of
the gate. Obviously. I knowthat I'm not an easy person to deal
(01:53):
with, let alone to live with, but to deal with in general.
I've never claimed to be that.I think sometimes I come across as if
I feel like I am everyone's cupof tea, and I am everyone's like
you know thing, and I don'tmake life harder than it has to be
in general, But I do.After the last couple of days, I
(02:16):
want to put out there that Ido recognize that being around me sometimes in
general is not the easiest thing todo. I know that I may not
admit that I know that I maynot say that out loud to people,
but I do know that, like, I feel like I need to at
(02:38):
least let people know that I havethe self awareness to know that I am
not easy all the time to dealwith. Go ahead and start with that.
And I told this to my friendJohn, who owns Teak yesterday.
Actually, he was asking me aboutdoing some stuff and I was like,
(02:58):
yeah, no, it's been it'sbeen a pretty rough weekend for me.
And it all started on Saturday morning, super early Saturday morning. But I'll
get to that. But I toldhim, you know, I realized I
don't have a drinking problem. Ibecome a problem when I drink. So
(03:22):
I don't have a drinking problem inthe sense that I don't have to drink.
I mean I go weeks and weeksat a time without drinking. I
don't drink at home ever, LikeI don't sit around the house and watch
TV and have drinks. I justdon't do that. So I don't have
a drinking problem. I become aproblem when I drink. And I've kind
of known that if I'm gonna behonest with you, Since I'm gonna be
(03:43):
honest on this, I've kind ofknown that for a minute, but it's
gotten progressively worse, and so Ifeel like, A, Now I need
to recognize it, and then BI need to make a conscious effort and
decision to become less of a problemwhen I drink. So we'll go back
to Saturday Morning Big event. Wealways do it every year, and last
(04:05):
year we did get sideways out ofpocket. Now for the last two years,
I don't know what made us thinkit was going to be a good
idea to meet at nine am inthe morning and get a head start on
the party, but we have donethat for the last two years. Now.
Last year it did end up prettypretty sideways, and so the goal
this year was for it to notend up sideways. But we did meet
(04:30):
early nine am, started drinking,pregaming, if you will, and I
admittedly had a few drinks before weeven got to where we were going,
but I wasn't like, you know, super sideways, wild or anything like
that. I just had a coupleof drinks and then you know, I'm
always trying to be the life ofthe party. I'm always trying to be
(04:51):
fun. I'm always trying to beon the mic, entertaining all that stuff.
Well, it magnifies when I starteddrinking, because I just I you
know, if I I see oneperson laugh at something, I say,
I'm like, oh now, yeah, look at me. I'm the court
jester, Jojo, the idiot circusboy. So that's what happened on Saturday.
(05:11):
We have a few drinks, everybody'sfeeling pretty good. We go to
our event, we get the eventstarted, and everything's going fine. I
think everything's good. I now atthis point, no, I'm a little
hazy. I didn't eat anything,and I know that's always everyone's go to
excuse, but honestly, because I'vebeen losing weight, I've been kind of
on a more restrictive diet, Ijust haven't been eaten as much and I
(05:34):
didn't need anything before we got startedon Saturday. Stupid bad decision. One
hundred percent my fault. Not placingblame on anybody but myself. That's what
this is gonna be about. Bythe way, I'm in this podcast,
not placing blame on anyone for anythingthat happened or I said, or anything
like that. I'm one hundred percenttaking ownership for it, because, like
(05:56):
I said, I realized it's meHi the problem. It's me, so
had a few drinks get there.I think everything's cool, everything's going fine,
we're laughing, we're joking. Nowsomething happened, and I don't want
to get too far into details becauseI don't want to talk about other people
that aren't here to talk about themselves. But something did happen with the DJ,
(06:17):
and I don't know what happened there. I wasn't anything to do with
me. I will say, Ihave no idea what started the snowball effect,
but there was a slight altercation thatI wasn't involved in. But then
somebody came over to me and said, hey, can you make an announcement?
And I said sure. So Iwalk over, grabbed the mic,
(06:39):
and I start to make an announcement, but at the time I didn't know
something had gone sideways. The DJbasically said, hey, look they told
me to stop djaying and so theMIC's not going to work. He didn't
say it kind of as nice asthat, but he said it, and
I was like, well, Ineed to make an announcement, and he
reiterated what had happened, and Isaid, oh, I didn't have anything
to do with that. I don'tknow, and make an announcement, and
(07:00):
I could hear myself in the Qspeaker, so I thought, well,
give it a shot. And thenI started to make the announcement and at
that point the DJ had called mestupid. Let the first one go.
But stupid is my trigger, likethat's my hot button. I don't like
people to call me stupid. Idon't like people to think that I'm not
intelligent, even though sometimes I actlike I'm not intelligent. Like I said,
(07:24):
I'm a court jester. I'm Jojothe Idiot's circus boyd so didn't say
anything, tried to do the thingagain. He said it's not gonna work.
I said, make it work,and he says, not gonna work,
and then he called me stupid again. At that point I did jump
to dude, I will beat yourass, which is totally out of character
for me. Again, I dobelieve that was the Crown Apple talking because
(07:47):
anyone who knows me knows I'm notgonna beat anybody's ass. And I didn't
beat his ass because I mean,I probably couldn't have beat his ass,
but I did say that because Iwas pissed, because like, I don't
like to be called stupid that's mytrigger. At that point, I put
down the mic, stepped away,everything got resolved. Whatever. I'm gonna
be honest with you, everything fromthat point forward is a little hazy,
(08:11):
like it's a little bit fuzzy.I know I didn't drink a whole lot
at the event. I know Ididn't even have like a tab or anything.
I know that people did hand mea drink or two, but I
didn't drink a whole lot at theevent. But everything got a little hazy.
I'm not one of those somebody putsomething in my drink guys, but
I wouldn't be shocked if it hadhappened, because I really, honestly,
from that point, I mean,there was a lot going on. I
(08:33):
know I did announce some of theraffle stuff. I know I did curse
once or twice and I had toreel that back in, but it wasn't
anything major. But if I'm beingone hundred percent honest, it's all hazy
after that. So I and everyoneI've talked to said, you seemed like
you were good, and I'm like, well, I mean I was running
(08:54):
and I was, you know,making announcements and making jokes and taking photos
with people. So I probably lookedlike I was good. But I'm gonna
be honest. Man. As faras memory goes, it's a little hazy.
That's not a good thing. Likethat's a bad thing. Again.
I don't have a drinking problem.I'd become a problem when I drink.
And that was a problem that Idon't remember exactly without piecing it together,
(09:18):
what happened. I do know.I grab my bag. I do know.
I requested an Uber. I doknow it was a Red Tesla.
I do know I said by toJohnny. I went outside and got into
the Uber. I do know.I text my wife and said I'm on
my way home. And all ofthis was, you know, around the
time that I said, all ofit was gonna happen. So it wasn't
like I was like dr but Iwas kind of like nerd because I don't
really fully remember it. Now.I will fall asleep in a car in
(09:41):
a second. That's got nothing todo with drinks. I'm like a baby
when it comes to that. I'ma small child. I will fall asleep
in a car literally in two seconds. So I did fall asleep in my
Uber ride home. That's not ashock. I feel like They probably the
Uber drivers have that note about mein there, like little notes. I
don't know if that's how it works, because I'm not an Uber driver,
But if they have like little notesthat they see about passengers, it probably
(10:03):
says in there, oh, thisdude's going fall asleep. Because I do
fall asleep in every Uber that I'min. I don't know if they downgrade
my rating for that or not.I have a nine point six. I
think that's pretty decent. But anyway, I did fall asleep a little bit
newer. I do remember waking upthough, because I told them, oh,
yeah, you get to turn here. That's my house right there with
the white truck. Everything was good. I remember going in the house.
I remember grabbing a package off thefront porch, sticking it on the counter,
(10:26):
changing because we were going over tohard rock in Tampa to see my
friend's band play. So I rememberchanging. I remember getting in the car
with my wife, brushing my teeth, all that business. Now again,
I sleep in cars. So Ifell asleep on the way to Tampa.
It's getting dark, it was raining. It's just the way it works.
I'm sure the alcohol didn't hurt.So I did fall asleep. Now here's
(10:50):
where I really don't know what happened, but it went super duper sideways.
My wife and I got into anargument, and Okay, I get a
little self conscious when I know I'vebeen drinking a little bit, because I
do tend to repeat the same storyover and over again, and my wife
does tend to get very annoyed whenI do that. So in my head,
I was thinking to myself literally allday, don't do that, don't
(11:11):
do that, don't do that.But I brought up something that I had
brought up before. Now here's whereour accounts of things differ a little bit.
My wife and I. I'm gonnagive you some insights. She might
get mad at me when she hearsthis letter. I don't think so,
though, because I'm being honest.I apparently said something one way, but
(11:31):
I thought I said it another way. She was telling me I had said
it this other way. I wasarguing back that that's not what I said.
She was arguing, yes, itwas. Then she was yelling at
me, and I had just wokeup, which, again not an excuse.
But what I again, I don'thave a drinking problem. I've become
(11:52):
a problem when I drink once.I'm super tired and I've been drinking game
over, like I'm half away,groggy, just saying whatever. And that's
what I did. I didn't likeher yelling at me, so I said,
you're yelling at me, you're beatup, You're like yeah, And
we started going back and forth.Ruined her night. I didn't think it
was as big a deal as itwas. So we go on and we,
(12:15):
you know, see the band thatwe're gonna see, and we actible.
We eat and everything's cool. Onthe ride home, pretty quiet,
you know, was on my phonemost of the time. I didn't think
she was keen on speaking with meyet. So and we've we've you know,
when when something blows up in thepast, you know, it just
kind of let it go whatever.So that's what we did, and I
(12:37):
went to bed and everything was cool. But then the next day, middle
of the night, not kidding,I woke up with like an anxiety attack,
thinking to myself, all right,I need to recount what happened yesterday
because I don't fully remember all ofit, which again a little bit frightening
one hundred percent of my fault,but I'm like, I don't remember,
like parts of what happened yesterday,which is wild because I I don't usually
(13:00):
get that way, and I cancount the number of drinks I thought I
had, and I'm like, youknow, I mean, I went a
pretty long stretch with no drinks,I thought, And so I'm trying to
remember everything. I'm having a panicattack. I'm thinking to myself, and
this is like three in the morning, after getting home at like eleven at
night, Like I just couldn't sleepbecause I thought to myself, well,
hell, I'm gonna get fired tomorrow. Like I didn't because I don't recall
what happened. I did remember,you know, the DJA altercation, but
(13:24):
I also remember that that wasn't methat started that. All I did was,
you know, get triggered by thebeing called stupid. And if I
could find him, I don't evenknow his name, but if I could
find him, I'd apologize to himfor my reaction because again, beating anybody
up out of my character. Ijust didn't like to be called stupid,
and especially in front of everybody.But anyway, if I could find him,
(13:45):
I'd apologize to him because I Ihad nothing to do with the whole
what started that altercation. But anyway, so I'm thinking to myself, what
did I do? What did Ido? What I do? And I
wanted to text everybody on the showat like three in the morning on Sunday
morning and be like, hey,guys, can someone please give me a
rundown? Tell me what happened,because I'll be honest with you. I
don't know what happened, but Icouldn't because it was three in the morning.
(14:07):
So I stayed up all night justtrying to like run through my head
and figure out what's going on.And I had a panic attack. I
had like I had to get upand walk around and like do breathing and
stuff to relax because I was like, what did I do? What did
I do? What did I saythat I said, I don't think I
said anything. Nobody was mad atme. When I left. I said
by to Johnny and when he left, when I left, he said,
(14:30):
you know, I can't believe you'regoing to hard rock, and I yelled,
I'm a soldier, and you know, I mean I did all these
things. I remember that, sonobody was mad at me. When I
left. I saw photos at thestep and repeat for the event, and
I don't think anyone was mad atme. Then no one pulled me aside.
I think I'm good, but atthe same time, I had this
anxiety that I couldn't shake that someonewas pissed at me and I did something
(14:54):
wrong and this is not going toend well. On top of that,
my wife was mad at me,but I didn't know to the extent what
she was mad at me until thenext morning. Finally, I fall back
to sleep after laying there from likethree in the morning to like almost seven
in the morning, and then Iwake up at like nine point thirty and
I, you know, walk throughthe house and see my wife was up
and so she wasn't talking to meyet, and I didn't know it was
(15:16):
such a big deal yet. Thisis Sunday, it's still rainy outside and
everything, and I said, soare we, you know, still not
talking to me or what? Notgood? Because that's when she let me
know just how much of an assI was the night before. But again
I don't fully remember it. AndI do know that I was arguing back
(15:39):
because I don't like to be wrongabout stuff, and that's that's something that
I do know I have to workon, Like I know a lot of
people say that, you know,you think you're always right, And here's
the thing. I've got to rememberto draw the distinction between being always right
when it comes to factual information,whether you like it or not. Generally
(16:00):
speaking, I am always right whenit comes to factual information. You can
dislike that if you want, butit doesn't change facts. I mean,
And the reason I am is becauseusually I look things up before I say
them. So I've got to remember, though, to draw the distinction between
always being right when it comes tofactual information and always being right when it
(16:22):
comes to the way people feel.Like. I can't always be right about
the way you feel. It's notpossible because it's the way you feel.
So I've got to remember to drawthat distinction, because I have now found
myself in a situation where I assoon as you say you think you're always
right, I instantly jump to defensebecause I do feel like I'm always right
when it comes to factual information.But I apply that to people's feelings as
(16:45):
well, and I've got to getbetter at that. And I know that
I know that one hundred percent ofthat, so but that's something I've got
to work on. But I realizethat Sunday morning, it's probably been go
went on for a while. Ijust again, I didn't realize that a
lot of times you ignore your yourimperfections weird not physical imperfections, you see
(17:07):
those right away, but like yourpersonality imperfections, A lot of times you
ignore those. And I do thata lot, and I'm running a lot,
and you know I'm in a weirdkind of profession anyway. So yeah,
so I've got to get better aboutthat. But that's what I did
Saturday night with my wife. Idid the I'm always right thing, but
(17:30):
about the way she was feeling aboutsomething and the way that a conversation went,
that's not something I could be rightabout because again it's her feelings,
not my feelings. And you know, if I said something incorrect and that
triggered everything, then that's on me. So I've let her yell at me,
(17:51):
and she blew up at me,and she was very very upset,
very very rarely does she get veryvery upset, I'll be honest, Especially
these days. Back in the day, we used to have these, you
know, drag out type fights.I mean, way way way back in
the day. We haven't really hadthose since we got back together from being
separated, and very rarely do weget that way with each other, but
(18:11):
we did on Sunday, well,carry over from Saturday night to Sunday,
and it sucked. I hated it. So I just grabbed my stuff and
went out ate some junk food,got myself a haircut, made myself feel
pretty, and just kind of letit go. It was a rainy day
anyway, went back to the houseon Sunday, just kept everything quiet,
(18:34):
and so you know, everything eventuallywas fine. Monday morning rolls around,
the rain cleared up, the negativitycleared up, and we went to Costco,
which was nice. But I didapologize, and I mean, I'm
bad at apologies too, so Idid apologize, and I do apologize.
(18:56):
And this whole thing made me realizethat I am a problem sometimes and I
have to kind of adjust the waythat I manage the always right thing,
and I've got to find a way. Well, it's not hard to do.
I just got to stop throwing drinksdown, you know, like I
(19:19):
just won a Super Bowl like it'sagain, because I don't have a drinking
problem. It's not like I haveto drink. I don't like again I
go months at a time. IfI don't have a drink, I don't
have a drink. But when Ido drink, I become a problem,
and I've got to solve that.That's that's the next step of growth.
(19:41):
So I could easily say I'm nevergonna drink again, but that's a lie.
You know, my wife and Iown a rum company. I am
gonna drink again. What I've gotto remember is to be like, all
right, like you don't You don'thave to sprint to wild. You can
slow roll your way to wild.And I do have to get better at
this stepping outside of myself and goinghey, jackass, reel it in a
(20:03):
little bit and bring it, bringit back myself. Usually I got people
around me that will do that.And that was another issue. You know,
my wife wasn't around. Usually I'mon my best behavior just by default
because I don't want to be ajackass and embarrass her. But she wasn't
around, so it's like game on, let's go and look at me everybody,
(20:25):
and yeah, well whatever. Soto reiterate, apologize to my wife,
Apologize to really anybody who has comein contact with the Frank the Tank
version of me and the DJ guy. If I could find him, I'd
apologize to him, not forgetting upsetwith him, but for the way it
(20:45):
went down. Obviously, I'm notgonna beat no one's ass. He probably
laughed when I said that. Iwould think, probably be like, okay,
yeah, right, like you're gonnabeat my ass. I mean I
was wearing pajamas when I said it, for God's sake. But anyway,
Yeah, So there's my therapy session. That's my new phrase. I don't
(21:06):
have a drinking problem. I've becomea problem when I drink. So the
goal moving forward is to reel thatin a little bit. The paranoia that
comes with it the next day isnot worth it. Like it's funny.
I was watching Yellowstone Marathon yesterday andthere was a part where Rip said life
(21:26):
is hard enough without you making itharder. You know what I mean,
And it's true, Like your dayto day is hard enough. You don't
need that extra. And I swearmy entire day on Sunday was just destroyed
because of the paranoia of what Isaid and what might get me in trouble,
(21:47):
what I might have done, becauseI couldn't piece it all together on
Saturday and the fact that I hadpissed off my wife, the one person
who's like home team, like onmy side no matter what. So no
matter how much fun you have leadingup to that, nothing is worth the
paranoia and the stress that comes alongwith that. So I'm adopting the new
(22:10):
I can always be right when itcomes to factual stuff, but I have
to draw that line when it comesto people's opinions and feelings. And I've
got to stop being a problem whenI drink. And I do blame some
of y'all because y'all didn't need togive me no shots. I mean I
took them. No one held medown and poured them down my throat.
But y'all didn't have to do that. But I appreciate it anyway. You
(22:33):
can check out of course Monday throughFriday six to ten XL one oh six
seven at Johnny's House. It's alwaysfree on the iHeartRadio app. If you
miss it, I'm on afternoons twoto seven Magic When I was seven seven
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(22:55):
the iHeartRadio app and in various cities. Make sure you're following me at the
Brian gro Times on all social media, and hopefully this very special edition of
Talking to Myself helps you. Ifeel better, m
To borrow a phrase from one ofthe great philosophers of our time. It's
me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me. This is a podcast,
just a bit up the contrasts fromwhat I'm used to. I usually
have to talk fast because there's peoplesharing the mic, but this is just
(00:22):
me, so I say whatever i'dlike. It might be serious, sometimes
it might be funny. Sometimes toscratch your hand and say, Bryan is
such a dummy, But it justme. I ain't got no help.
This is Prie Crimes, and I'mtalking to myself. It is a Brian
Grimes. It is my podcast,and I am talking to myself. This
(00:44):
one is gonna be a little weird. I've been thinking about this for like
two days now, so this one'sgonna be kind of like a I mean,
I've told you guys in the past, I don't necessarily do therapy.
It's not that I don't believe intherapy. I just have never done it
myself. I don't know that itis for me, But this is going
to be one of those I thinktherapeutic for me type situations where I'm gonna
(01:07):
sit out on the couch and ifI were going to spill my guts to
a therapist. This is probably whatI would say. I think it might
be an insight into whatever jacked upstuff I got going on. It might
actually help somebody who's listening who feelslike they have the same jacked up stuff
going on. And on a selfishlevel, it's going to be a way
(01:29):
for me to say some of thethings that I've been thinking about for the
last couple of days, get themout of my head, and that way
hopefully move on from it. SoI'll start with the Taylor Swift quote.
It is me. I am theproblem. It's me, so out of
the gate. Obviously. I knowthat I'm not an easy person to deal
(01:53):
with, let alone to live with, but to deal with in general.
I've never claimed to be that.I think sometimes I come across as if
I feel like I am everyone's cupof tea, and I am everyone's like
you know thing, and I don'tmake life harder than it has to be
in general, But I do.After the last couple of days, I
(02:16):
want to put out there that Ido recognize that being around me sometimes in
general is not the easiest thing todo. I know that I may not
admit that I know that I maynot say that out loud to people,
but I do know that, like, I feel like I need to at
(02:38):
least let people know that I havethe self awareness to know that I am
not easy all the time to dealwith. Go ahead and start with that.
And I told this to my friendJohn, who owns Teak yesterday.
Actually, he was asking me aboutdoing some stuff and I was like,
(02:58):
yeah, no, it's been it'sbeen a pretty rough weekend for me.
And it all started on Saturday morning, super early Saturday morning. But I'll
get to that. But I toldhim, you know, I realized I
don't have a drinking problem. Ibecome a problem when I drink. So
(03:22):
I don't have a drinking problem inthe sense that I don't have to drink.
I mean I go weeks and weeksat a time without drinking. I
don't drink at home ever, LikeI don't sit around the house and watch
TV and have drinks. I justdon't do that. So I don't have
a drinking problem. I become aproblem when I drink. And I've kind
of known that if I'm gonna behonest with you, Since I'm gonna be
(03:43):
honest on this, I've kind ofknown that for a minute, but it's
gotten progressively worse, and so Ifeel like, A, Now I need
to recognize it, and then BI need to make a conscious effort and
decision to become less of a problemwhen I drink. So we'll go back
to Saturday Morning Big event. Wealways do it every year, and last
(04:05):
year we did get sideways out ofpocket. Now for the last two years,
I don't know what made us thinkit was going to be a good
idea to meet at nine am inthe morning and get a head start on
the party, but we have donethat for the last two years. Now.
Last year it did end up prettypretty sideways, and so the goal
this year was for it to notend up sideways. But we did meet
(04:30):
early nine am, started drinking,pregaming, if you will, and I
admittedly had a few drinks before weeven got to where we were going,
but I wasn't like, you know, super sideways, wild or anything like
that. I just had a coupleof drinks and then you know, I'm
always trying to be the life ofthe party. I'm always trying to be
(04:51):
fun. I'm always trying to beon the mic, entertaining all that stuff.
Well, it magnifies when I starteddrinking, because I just I you
know, if I I see oneperson laugh at something, I say,
I'm like, oh now, yeah, look at me. I'm the court
jester, Jojo, the idiot circusboy. So that's what happened on Saturday.
(05:11):
We have a few drinks, everybody'sfeeling pretty good. We go to
our event, we get the eventstarted, and everything's going fine. I
think everything's good. I now atthis point, no, I'm a little
hazy. I didn't eat anything,and I know that's always everyone's go to
excuse, but honestly, because I'vebeen losing weight, I've been kind of
on a more restrictive diet, Ijust haven't been eaten as much and I
(05:34):
didn't need anything before we got startedon Saturday. Stupid bad decision. One
hundred percent my fault. Not placingblame on anybody but myself. That's what
this is gonna be about. Bythe way, I'm in this podcast,
not placing blame on anyone for anythingthat happened or I said, or anything
like that. I'm one hundred percenttaking ownership for it, because, like
(05:56):
I said, I realized it's meHi the problem. It's me, so
had a few drinks get there.I think everything's cool, everything's going fine,
we're laughing, we're joking. Nowsomething happened, and I don't want
to get too far into details becauseI don't want to talk about other people
that aren't here to talk about themselves. But something did happen with the DJ,
(06:17):
and I don't know what happened there. I wasn't anything to do with
me. I will say, Ihave no idea what started the snowball effect,
but there was a slight altercation thatI wasn't involved in. But then
somebody came over to me and said, hey, can you make an announcement?
And I said sure. So Iwalk over, grabbed the mic,
(06:39):
and I start to make an announcement, but at the time I didn't know
something had gone sideways. The DJbasically said, hey, look they told
me to stop djaying and so theMIC's not going to work. He didn't
say it kind of as nice asthat, but he said it, and
I was like, well, Ineed to make an announcement, and he
reiterated what had happened, and Isaid, oh, I didn't have anything
to do with that. I don'tknow, and make an announcement, and
(07:00):
I could hear myself in the Qspeaker, so I thought, well,
give it a shot. And thenI started to make the announcement and at
that point the DJ had called mestupid. Let the first one go.
But stupid is my trigger, likethat's my hot button. I don't like
people to call me stupid. Idon't like people to think that I'm not
intelligent, even though sometimes I actlike I'm not intelligent. Like I said,
(07:24):
I'm a court jester. I'm Jojothe Idiot's circus boyd so didn't say
anything, tried to do the thingagain. He said it's not gonna work.
I said, make it work,and he says, not gonna work,
and then he called me stupid again. At that point I did jump
to dude, I will beat yourass, which is totally out of character
for me. Again, I dobelieve that was the Crown Apple talking because
(07:47):
anyone who knows me knows I'm notgonna beat anybody's ass. And I didn't
beat his ass because I mean,I probably couldn't have beat his ass,
but I did say that because Iwas pissed, because like, I don't
like to be called stupid that's mytrigger. At that point, I put
down the mic, stepped away,everything got resolved. Whatever. I'm gonna
be honest with you, everything fromthat point forward is a little hazy,
(08:11):
like it's a little bit fuzzy.I know I didn't drink a whole lot
at the event. I know Ididn't even have like a tab or anything.
I know that people did hand mea drink or two, but I
didn't drink a whole lot at theevent. But everything got a little hazy.
I'm not one of those somebody putsomething in my drink guys, but
I wouldn't be shocked if it hadhappened, because I really, honestly,
from that point, I mean,there was a lot going on. I
(08:33):
know I did announce some of theraffle stuff. I know I did curse
once or twice and I had toreel that back in, but it wasn't
anything major. But if I'm beingone hundred percent honest, it's all hazy
after that. So I and everyoneI've talked to said, you seemed like
you were good, and I'm like, well, I mean I was running
(08:54):
and I was, you know,making announcements and making jokes and taking photos
with people. So I probably lookedlike I was good. But I'm gonna
be honest. Man. As faras memory goes, it's a little hazy.
That's not a good thing. Likethat's a bad thing. Again.
I don't have a drinking problem.I'd become a problem when I drink.
And that was a problem that Idon't remember exactly without piecing it together,
(09:18):
what happened. I do know.I grab my bag. I do know.
I requested an Uber. I doknow it was a Red Tesla.
I do know I said by toJohnny. I went outside and got into
the Uber. I do know.I text my wife and said I'm on
my way home. And all ofthis was, you know, around the
time that I said, all ofit was gonna happen. So it wasn't
like I was like dr but Iwas kind of like nerd because I don't
really fully remember it. Now.I will fall asleep in a car in
(09:41):
a second. That's got nothing todo with drinks. I'm like a baby
when it comes to that. I'ma small child. I will fall asleep
in a car literally in two seconds. So I did fall asleep in my
Uber ride home. That's not ashock. I feel like They probably the
Uber drivers have that note about mein there, like little notes. I
don't know if that's how it works, because I'm not an Uber driver,
But if they have like little notesthat they see about passengers, it probably
(10:03):
says in there, oh, thisdude's going fall asleep. Because I do
fall asleep in every Uber that I'min. I don't know if they downgrade
my rating for that or not.I have a nine point six. I
think that's pretty decent. But anyway, I did fall asleep a little bit
newer. I do remember waking upthough, because I told them, oh,
yeah, you get to turn here. That's my house right there with
the white truck. Everything was good. I remember going in the house.
I remember grabbing a package off thefront porch, sticking it on the counter,
(10:26):
changing because we were going over tohard rock in Tampa to see my
friend's band play. So I rememberchanging. I remember getting in the car
with my wife, brushing my teeth, all that business. Now again,
I sleep in cars. So Ifell asleep on the way to Tampa.
It's getting dark, it was raining. It's just the way it works.
I'm sure the alcohol didn't hurt.So I did fall asleep. Now here's
(10:50):
where I really don't know what happened, but it went super duper sideways.
My wife and I got into anargument, and Okay, I get a
little self conscious when I know I'vebeen drinking a little bit, because I
do tend to repeat the same storyover and over again, and my wife
does tend to get very annoyed whenI do that. So in my head,
I was thinking to myself literally allday, don't do that, don't
(11:11):
do that, don't do that.But I brought up something that I had
brought up before. Now here's whereour accounts of things differ a little bit.
My wife and I. I'm gonnagive you some insights. She might
get mad at me when she hearsthis letter. I don't think so,
though, because I'm being honest.I apparently said something one way, but
(11:31):
I thought I said it another way. She was telling me I had said
it this other way. I wasarguing back that that's not what I said.
She was arguing, yes, itwas. Then she was yelling at
me, and I had just wokeup, which, again not an excuse.
But what I again, I don'thave a drinking problem. I've become
(11:52):
a problem when I drink once.I'm super tired and I've been drinking game
over, like I'm half away,groggy, just saying whatever. And that's
what I did. I didn't likeher yelling at me, so I said,
you're yelling at me, you're beatup, You're like yeah, And
we started going back and forth.Ruined her night. I didn't think it
was as big a deal as itwas. So we go on and we,
(12:15):
you know, see the band thatwe're gonna see, and we actible.
We eat and everything's cool. Onthe ride home, pretty quiet,
you know, was on my phonemost of the time. I didn't think
she was keen on speaking with meyet. So and we've we've you know,
when when something blows up in thepast, you know, it just
kind of let it go whatever.So that's what we did, and I
(12:37):
went to bed and everything was cool. But then the next day, middle
of the night, not kidding,I woke up with like an anxiety attack,
thinking to myself, all right,I need to recount what happened yesterday
because I don't fully remember all ofit, which again a little bit frightening
one hundred percent of my fault,but I'm like, I don't remember,
like parts of what happened yesterday,which is wild because I I don't usually
(13:00):
get that way, and I cancount the number of drinks I thought I
had, and I'm like, youknow, I mean, I went a
pretty long stretch with no drinks,I thought, And so I'm trying to
remember everything. I'm having a panicattack. I'm thinking to myself, and
this is like three in the morning, after getting home at like eleven at
night, Like I just couldn't sleepbecause I thought to myself, well,
hell, I'm gonna get fired tomorrow. Like I didn't because I don't recall
what happened. I did remember,you know, the DJA altercation, but
(13:24):
I also remember that that wasn't methat started that. All I did was,
you know, get triggered by thebeing called stupid. And if I
could find him, I don't evenknow his name, but if I could
find him, I'd apologize to himfor my reaction because again, beating anybody
up out of my character. Ijust didn't like to be called stupid,
and especially in front of everybody.But anyway, if I could find him,
(13:45):
I'd apologize to him because I Ihad nothing to do with the whole
what started that altercation. But anyway, so I'm thinking to myself, what
did I do? What did Ido? What I do? And I
wanted to text everybody on the showat like three in the morning on Sunday
morning and be like, hey,guys, can someone please give me a
rundown? Tell me what happened,because I'll be honest with you. I
don't know what happened, but Icouldn't because it was three in the morning.
(14:07):
So I stayed up all night justtrying to like run through my head
and figure out what's going on.And I had a panic attack. I
had like I had to get upand walk around and like do breathing and
stuff to relax because I was like, what did I do? What did
I do? What did I saythat I said, I don't think I
said anything. Nobody was mad atme. When I left. I said
by to Johnny and when he left, when I left, he said,
(14:30):
you know, I can't believe you'regoing to hard rock, and I yelled,
I'm a soldier, and you know, I mean I did all these
things. I remember that, sonobody was mad at me. When I
left. I saw photos at thestep and repeat for the event, and
I don't think anyone was mad atme. Then no one pulled me aside.
I think I'm good, but atthe same time, I had this
anxiety that I couldn't shake that someonewas pissed at me and I did something
(14:54):
wrong and this is not going toend well. On top of that,
my wife was mad at me,but I didn't know to the extent what
she was mad at me until thenext morning. Finally, I fall back
to sleep after laying there from likethree in the morning to like almost seven
in the morning, and then Iwake up at like nine point thirty and
I, you know, walk throughthe house and see my wife was up
and so she wasn't talking to meyet, and I didn't know it was
(15:16):
such a big deal yet. Thisis Sunday, it's still rainy outside and
everything, and I said, soare we, you know, still not
talking to me or what? Notgood? Because that's when she let me
know just how much of an assI was the night before. But again
I don't fully remember it. AndI do know that I was arguing back
(15:39):
because I don't like to be wrongabout stuff, and that's that's something that
I do know I have to workon, Like I know a lot of
people say that, you know,you think you're always right, And here's
the thing. I've got to rememberto draw the distinction between being always right
when it comes to factual information,whether you like it or not. Generally
(16:00):
speaking, I am always right whenit comes to factual information. You can
dislike that if you want, butit doesn't change facts. I mean,
And the reason I am is becauseusually I look things up before I say
them. So I've got to remember, though, to draw the distinction between
always being right when it comes tofactual information and always being right when it
(16:22):
comes to the way people feel.Like. I can't always be right about
the way you feel. It's notpossible because it's the way you feel.
So I've got to remember to drawthat distinction, because I have now found
myself in a situation where I assoon as you say you think you're always
right, I instantly jump to defensebecause I do feel like I'm always right
when it comes to factual information.But I apply that to people's feelings as
(16:45):
well, and I've got to getbetter at that. And I know that
I know that one hundred percent ofthat, so but that's something I've got
to work on. But I realizethat Sunday morning, it's probably been go
went on for a while. Ijust again, I didn't realize that a
lot of times you ignore your yourimperfections weird not physical imperfections, you see
(17:07):
those right away, but like yourpersonality imperfections, A lot of times you
ignore those. And I do thata lot, and I'm running a lot,
and you know I'm in a weirdkind of profession anyway. So yeah,
so I've got to get better aboutthat. But that's what I did
Saturday night with my wife. Idid the I'm always right thing, but
(17:30):
about the way she was feeling aboutsomething and the way that a conversation went,
that's not something I could be rightabout because again it's her feelings,
not my feelings. And you know, if I said something incorrect and that
triggered everything, then that's on me. So I've let her yell at me,
(17:51):
and she blew up at me,and she was very very upset,
very very rarely does she get veryvery upset, I'll be honest, Especially
these days. Back in the day, we used to have these, you
know, drag out type fights.I mean, way way way back in
the day. We haven't really hadthose since we got back together from being
separated, and very rarely do weget that way with each other, but
(18:11):
we did on Sunday, well,carry over from Saturday night to Sunday,
and it sucked. I hated it. So I just grabbed my stuff and
went out ate some junk food,got myself a haircut, made myself feel
pretty, and just kind of letit go. It was a rainy day
anyway, went back to the houseon Sunday, just kept everything quiet,
(18:34):
and so you know, everything eventuallywas fine. Monday morning rolls around,
the rain cleared up, the negativitycleared up, and we went to Costco,
which was nice. But I didapologize, and I mean, I'm
bad at apologies too, so Idid apologize, and I do apologize.
(18:56):
And this whole thing made me realizethat I am a problem sometimes and I
have to kind of adjust the waythat I manage the always right thing,
and I've got to find a way. Well, it's not hard to do.
I just got to stop throwing drinksdown, you know, like I
(19:19):
just won a Super Bowl like it'sagain, because I don't have a drinking
problem. It's not like I haveto drink. I don't like again I
go months at a time. IfI don't have a drink, I don't
have a drink. But when Ido drink, I become a problem,
and I've got to solve that.That's that's the next step of growth.
(19:41):
So I could easily say I'm nevergonna drink again, but that's a lie.
You know, my wife and Iown a rum company. I am
gonna drink again. What I've gotto remember is to be like, all
right, like you don't You don'thave to sprint to wild. You can
slow roll your way to wild.And I do have to get better at
this stepping outside of myself and goinghey, jackass, reel it in a
(20:03):
little bit and bring it, bringit back myself. Usually I got people
around me that will do that.And that was another issue. You know,
my wife wasn't around. Usually I'mon my best behavior just by default
because I don't want to be ajackass and embarrass her. But she wasn't
around, so it's like game on, let's go and look at me everybody,
(20:25):
and yeah, well whatever. Soto reiterate, apologize to my wife,
Apologize to really anybody who has comein contact with the Frank the Tank
version of me and the DJ guy. If I could find him, I'd
apologize to him, not forgetting upsetwith him, but for the way it
(20:45):
went down. Obviously, I'm notgonna beat no one's ass. He probably
laughed when I said that. Iwould think, probably be like, okay,
yeah, right, like you're gonnabeat my ass. I mean I
was wearing pajamas when I said it, for God's sake. But anyway,
Yeah, So there's my therapy session. That's my new phrase. I don't
(21:06):
have a drinking problem. I've becomea problem when I drink. So the
goal moving forward is to reel thatin a little bit. The paranoia that
comes with it the next day isnot worth it. Like it's funny.
I was watching Yellowstone Marathon yesterday andthere was a part where Rip said life
(21:26):
is hard enough without you making itharder. You know what I mean,
And it's true, Like your dayto day is hard enough. You don't
need that extra. And I swearmy entire day on Sunday was just destroyed
because of the paranoia of what Isaid and what might get me in trouble,
(21:47):
what I might have done, becauseI couldn't piece it all together on
Saturday and the fact that I hadpissed off my wife, the one person
who's like home team, like onmy side no matter what. So no
matter how much fun you have leadingup to that, nothing is worth the
paranoia and the stress that comes alongwith that. So I'm adopting the new
(22:10):
I can always be right when itcomes to factual stuff, but I have
to draw that line when it comesto people's opinions and feelings. And I've
got to stop being a problem whenI drink. And I do blame some
of y'all because y'all didn't need togive me no shots. I mean I
took them. No one held medown and poured them down my throat.
But y'all didn't have to do that. But I appreciate it anyway. You
(22:33):
can check out of course Monday throughFriday six to ten XL one oh six
seven at Johnny's House. It's alwaysfree on the iHeartRadio app. If you
miss it, I'm on afternoons twoto seven Magic When I was seven seven
in Orlando and anywhere. If youlove the eighties, nineties and a little
bit of today's music, got thatfor you and old school hip hop and
RB three to seven six days aweek. You can check it out on
(22:55):
the iHeartRadio app and in various cities. Make sure you're following me at the
Brian gro Times on all social media, and hopefully this very special edition of
Talking to Myself helps you. Ifeel better, m
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