March 14, 2025 • 9 mins
On this episode of The Thought Shower, Intern John recaps his week and talks about how to know if you have real chemistry with someone!
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
Intern John's debut comedy album "The Album" is available right NOW! InternJohnComedy.com proceeds benefitting the Fisher House Foundation
Every week Intern John discusses adulting, dating, radio life, and more! You can follow Intern John on social media: @InternJohnRadio. You can listen to past episodes at TheThoughtShower.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
And a happy Friday friend. Welcome to the Thought Shower
intern John is my name.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It has been a week.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
It has been a week, and got a lot done
this week, had a lot going on this week certainly
a big long weekend. Not long in the sense of
a lot of extra days, It's not like that, but
long in that Saint Patti's Day weekend. I not stupidly,
(00:30):
but just kind of forgot now that I have financial
stake in a bar, we'd have a party for Saint
Patty's Day. That never really clicked until Thursday Wednesday maybe,
so I'm excited for that. Hopefully it's some time to rest,
hopefully due taxes. That's not fun. Not looking forward to that,
(00:51):
although I guess like I don't really do it myself.
I have a tax person, so it's more so just
getting everything to them. But I'm still dres you know
what I mean. It's just like it's not a fun thing.
I know, like there's tax refunds. It's very exciting, but
it's like, hmm, do I want to go through everything
and do it now? I don't, even though it couldn't
(01:13):
be easier. I think of my parents used to do it.
My dad used to have like a trash bag full
of re seats.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'm like, Godlee, arrest me, put me in jail.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'd almost rather go to jail than have to go
through a whole trash bag full of re seats. There
is no amount of money worth that for me. Nope, Nope,
I think the anxiety be too high. I mean, that's
like finding a needle in a haystack. It's also like, I'm
glad I grew up in the era where I don't
have to balance a checkbook, because that also would be
(01:43):
not great. I don't have the patience, I don't have
the attention span to do that. I was born in
the right era, Like we're organization and keeping tabs on
things is the easiest.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I was born the right era.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So that's the plan this weekend eventually too, Like I'm
trying to plan a weekend and get away. You know,
April's gonna be fun. My brother, my dad, and I
go into New Orleans for a cigar event. Then May,
my dad and I go into Europe for some soccer.
That's me a lot of fun. But I've been trying
to get way sometime before them. I've mentioned this on
(02:21):
the show. I think here as well that I love
going to the woods obviously, but I want to go.
I haven't been back to Louisville in such a long
time that I think like, that's the place I want
to go, mainly because they have like the bourbon distilleries.
I want to go and do more of those. So
I might be doing that next couple of weeks. Haven't
planned it, been doing a lot of procrastination. I'm really
(02:45):
good that recently. I think it's also just because I
have so much going on mentally that it's like, yeah,
you just need to get away, dude, near rest, let
me get to this for your Friday. How we confuse
chemistry for compatibility and end up in the wrong relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
This is tough.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
This is tough because it's like you think they fit everything.
You think it's chemistry, but it's like, no, you're just
kind of compatible, you know. Starting with, you mistake trauma
for deep connection. You meet somebody and with an hour
to share your deepest wounds, then instantly understood because they've
experienced similar pain. According to psychology, that's trauma bonding and
(03:23):
creates an immediate connection that feels profound and meaningful. You
mistake the relief of being understood for genuine connection, if
use an emotional intensity with intimacy, I think that's fair.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
You see them the Bachelor all the time, Like that's
kind of it.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Like they instantly jump or dumpond the emotional stuff, and
it is tough because I guess like you feel like
you're seen, you know, you feel like you're seen, and
like that's kind of why you're drawn to them.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Originally.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
You consistently choose good on paper. You got your checklists,
good jobs, similar background, kids, YadA, YadA, YadA. You convince
yourself this must be right. You focus on the measurable
qualities while ignoring the intangible elements that actually termine happiness.
You're essentially dating a resume, not a person. I do
think this goes to we're dating them for who we
(04:14):
think they are in our mind, and that's a dangerous
thing to do. Like we build up our ideas of
these people and we think about them that way, and
that is setting yourself up for failure. You cheat, You
chase short term excitement over long term sustainability. You live
those butterfly moments, the unexpected text, spontaneous adventure, the passion arguments,
(04:38):
FOLLO about even more passionate reconciliation. The emotional roller coaster
feels alive and real compared to being boring and stable.
I do think that we've talked about this on the show.
People mistake butterflies or anxiety for butterflies, and it's really
just anxiety. I've seen this with friends where it's like, oh,
(04:59):
but they're still boring. It's like, no, you're just so
used to having to be in fight or flight. You're
not used to just calm, and like that's okay. Having
calm is okay. You ignore red flags that contradict your fantasy.
You notice the inconsistencies. They're concerning comments, the moments that
make you pause then rationalize them away. They're just trustom work.
(05:22):
They don't really mean that, YadA YadA. Yeah again. I
think it's because we're so focused on the finish line sometimes,
and I'm guilty too.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I've used the analogy.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
It's like you're running with a sprained ankle, but you're
so focused on the finish line that eventually that sprained
ankle could break and cause permanent damage. If you fall
in love with their potential, I have been there before.
You get glimpses of how they who they could be
in vulnerable moments, and the occasional insights in the person
(05:55):
they describe wanting to become. You're dating a future possibility
rather than a present person. Hold for a sneees and Rebeck.
Oh man, it's a good one too. I've heard that
psychologists has said that women tend to date for potential men,
date for who you are right now. I do think
that's true. And it's tough because it's like with some people,
(06:16):
it's like, oh man, you just want the best for them.
You know they have it in them, they just can't
find it. You confuse intensity for intimacy. You mistake the
frequency communication, the depth of early disclosures, and the rushing
of relationship milestones for a genuine connection, a genuine connection
(06:36):
when someone comes on strong, all that stuff. You interpret
this intensity as evidence of a special bond. You believe
the relationship must be exceptional, the progress so quickly. I
do think going back to the Bachelor, and they've done
studies on this, the people on the show do believe
they're in love.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
They do.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
However, it's because of the set of circumstance where they
don't have their phone, they don't have work. They don't
really have bills. I mean they still do have bills,
they just don't have access to pay for the bills.
So in their mind, it's all intense, it's all good
to go, it's all like because there's no distractions. Your
(07:16):
whole life, as you know it, is surrounded by this
person on the show. And then you get to reality
and it's like, ooh, don't like that. You mistake their
attention for a genuine, genuine interests.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You feel special.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
The text, you remember, small details and conversations seem deeply
investing in day day life. This focus attention feels like
evidence they must genuinely care about you in a meaningful way.
You interpret the curiosity as confirmation of compability. They say,
what you're missing is the crucial distinction between attention and intention.
Someone can be fascinated by you without having any desire
(07:52):
for building something lasting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I think that's true. They say.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Some people are collectors of connections, gather interesting people in
stories that emotional follow through. Oh god, youw but I
think we've all seen this though, right where it's like
they don't really want to know you. They just like
want to say they've met you and say they've hung
with you. I've dealt with that before. It's a very
(08:18):
odd thing. It's a very odd thing where it's like
we hung out once, everything was great, they keep texting,
so when you hang out again, nothing, but then they'll
come back around again. I'm like, no, we're not going
to do this. No, No, You rush intimacy to secure attachment.
That's the last one I'll get to. You accelerate the
(08:39):
natural pace of connection, becoming physically intimate, quickly saying I
love you early, or making commitments before truly knowing each other.
They say the rush feels romantic, but it's often driven
by anxiety rather than authentic connection. You're trying to lock
down certainty before the relationship has proven itself worthy of
such an investment. I think I've seen people do this,
and I'm probably guilty too. Where it's like athleas skip
(09:00):
to the commitment parts, we'll be okay, especially with how
bad dating is now. If we can skip by the
getting to know you phase and just get to the
important details, we'll be good to go. Sadly does not
work that way. I hope you have a great weekend.
I appreciate you listening thought shower
And a happy Friday friend. Welcome to the Thought Shower
intern John is my name.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
It has been a week.
Speaker 1 (00:08):
It has been a week, and got a lot done
this week, had a lot going on this week certainly
a big long weekend. Not long in the sense of
a lot of extra days, It's not like that, but
long in that Saint Patti's Day weekend. I not stupidly,
(00:30):
but just kind of forgot now that I have financial
stake in a bar, we'd have a party for Saint
Patty's Day. That never really clicked until Thursday Wednesday maybe,
so I'm excited for that. Hopefully it's some time to rest,
hopefully due taxes. That's not fun. Not looking forward to that,
(00:51):
although I guess like I don't really do it myself.
I have a tax person, so it's more so just
getting everything to them. But I'm still dres you know
what I mean. It's just like it's not a fun thing.
I know, like there's tax refunds. It's very exciting, but
it's like, hmm, do I want to go through everything
and do it now? I don't, even though it couldn't
(01:13):
be easier. I think of my parents used to do it.
My dad used to have like a trash bag full
of re seats.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
I'm like, Godlee, arrest me, put me in jail.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I'd almost rather go to jail than have to go
through a whole trash bag full of re seats. There
is no amount of money worth that for me. Nope, Nope,
I think the anxiety be too high. I mean, that's
like finding a needle in a haystack. It's also like, I'm
glad I grew up in the era where I don't
have to balance a checkbook, because that also would be
(01:43):
not great. I don't have the patience, I don't have
the attention span to do that. I was born in
the right era, Like we're organization and keeping tabs on
things is the easiest.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
I was born the right era.
Speaker 1 (02:00):
So that's the plan this weekend eventually too, Like I'm
trying to plan a weekend and get away. You know,
April's gonna be fun. My brother, my dad, and I
go into New Orleans for a cigar event. Then May,
my dad and I go into Europe for some soccer.
That's me a lot of fun. But I've been trying
to get way sometime before them. I've mentioned this on
(02:21):
the show. I think here as well that I love
going to the woods obviously, but I want to go.
I haven't been back to Louisville in such a long
time that I think like, that's the place I want
to go, mainly because they have like the bourbon distilleries.
I want to go and do more of those. So
I might be doing that next couple of weeks. Haven't
planned it, been doing a lot of procrastination. I'm really
(02:45):
good that recently. I think it's also just because I
have so much going on mentally that it's like, yeah,
you just need to get away, dude, near rest, let
me get to this for your Friday. How we confuse
chemistry for compatibility and end up in the wrong relationship.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
This is tough.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
This is tough because it's like you think they fit everything.
You think it's chemistry, but it's like, no, you're just
kind of compatible, you know. Starting with, you mistake trauma
for deep connection. You meet somebody and with an hour
to share your deepest wounds, then instantly understood because they've
experienced similar pain. According to psychology, that's trauma bonding and
(03:23):
creates an immediate connection that feels profound and meaningful. You
mistake the relief of being understood for genuine connection, if
use an emotional intensity with intimacy, I think that's fair.
Speaker 2 (03:34):
You see them the Bachelor all the time, Like that's
kind of it.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Like they instantly jump or dumpond the emotional stuff, and
it is tough because I guess like you feel like
you're seen, you know, you feel like you're seen, and
like that's kind of why you're drawn to them.
Speaker 2 (03:50):
Originally.
Speaker 1 (03:51):
You consistently choose good on paper. You got your checklists,
good jobs, similar background, kids, YadA, YadA, YadA. You convince
yourself this must be right. You focus on the measurable
qualities while ignoring the intangible elements that actually termine happiness.
You're essentially dating a resume, not a person. I do
think this goes to we're dating them for who we
(04:14):
think they are in our mind, and that's a dangerous
thing to do. Like we build up our ideas of
these people and we think about them that way, and
that is setting yourself up for failure. You cheat, You
chase short term excitement over long term sustainability. You live
those butterfly moments, the unexpected text, spontaneous adventure, the passion arguments,
(04:38):
FOLLO about even more passionate reconciliation. The emotional roller coaster
feels alive and real compared to being boring and stable.
I do think that we've talked about this on the show.
People mistake butterflies or anxiety for butterflies, and it's really
just anxiety. I've seen this with friends where it's like, oh,
(04:59):
but they're still boring. It's like, no, you're just so
used to having to be in fight or flight. You're
not used to just calm, and like that's okay. Having
calm is okay. You ignore red flags that contradict your fantasy.
You notice the inconsistencies. They're concerning comments, the moments that
make you pause then rationalize them away. They're just trustom work.
(05:22):
They don't really mean that, YadA YadA. Yeah again. I
think it's because we're so focused on the finish line sometimes,
and I'm guilty too.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
I've used the analogy.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
It's like you're running with a sprained ankle, but you're
so focused on the finish line that eventually that sprained
ankle could break and cause permanent damage. If you fall
in love with their potential, I have been there before.
You get glimpses of how they who they could be
in vulnerable moments, and the occasional insights in the person
(05:55):
they describe wanting to become. You're dating a future possibility
rather than a present person. Hold for a sneees and Rebeck.
Oh man, it's a good one too. I've heard that
psychologists has said that women tend to date for potential men,
date for who you are right now. I do think
that's true. And it's tough because it's like with some people,
(06:16):
it's like, oh man, you just want the best for them.
You know they have it in them, they just can't
find it. You confuse intensity for intimacy. You mistake the
frequency communication, the depth of early disclosures, and the rushing
of relationship milestones for a genuine connection, a genuine connection
(06:36):
when someone comes on strong, all that stuff. You interpret
this intensity as evidence of a special bond. You believe
the relationship must be exceptional, the progress so quickly. I
do think going back to the Bachelor, and they've done
studies on this, the people on the show do believe
they're in love.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
They do.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
However, it's because of the set of circumstance where they
don't have their phone, they don't have work. They don't
really have bills. I mean they still do have bills,
they just don't have access to pay for the bills.
So in their mind, it's all intense, it's all good
to go, it's all like because there's no distractions. Your
(07:16):
whole life, as you know it, is surrounded by this
person on the show. And then you get to reality
and it's like, ooh, don't like that. You mistake their
attention for a genuine, genuine interests.
Speaker 2 (07:31):
You feel special.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
The text, you remember, small details and conversations seem deeply
investing in day day life. This focus attention feels like
evidence they must genuinely care about you in a meaningful way.
You interpret the curiosity as confirmation of compability. They say,
what you're missing is the crucial distinction between attention and intention.
Someone can be fascinated by you without having any desire
(07:52):
for building something lasting.
Speaker 2 (07:54):
I think that's true. They say.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
Some people are collectors of connections, gather interesting people in
stories that emotional follow through. Oh god, youw but I
think we've all seen this though, right where it's like
they don't really want to know you. They just like
want to say they've met you and say they've hung
with you. I've dealt with that before. It's a very
(08:18):
odd thing. It's a very odd thing where it's like
we hung out once, everything was great, they keep texting,
so when you hang out again, nothing, but then they'll
come back around again. I'm like, no, we're not going
to do this. No, No, You rush intimacy to secure attachment.
That's the last one I'll get to. You accelerate the
(08:39):
natural pace of connection, becoming physically intimate, quickly saying I
love you early, or making commitments before truly knowing each other.
They say the rush feels romantic, but it's often driven
by anxiety rather than authentic connection. You're trying to lock
down certainty before the relationship has proven itself worthy of
such an investment. I think I've seen people do this,
and I'm probably guilty too. Where it's like athleas skip
(09:00):
to the commitment parts, we'll be okay, especially with how
bad dating is now. If we can skip by the
getting to know you phase and just get to the
important details, we'll be good to go. Sadly does not
work that way. I hope you have a great weekend.
I appreciate you listening thought shower
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