December 3, 2024 • 16 mins
On today's episode Graham finally tells us the story about the secret that he has kept since college... his darkest secret.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Wild Thoughts. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
When I say wild, you say thoughts, Wild thoughts, Wild Thoughts.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Is this the one where you tell the story?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Graham, No, it's not that.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is what happened hanging this story over our head.
He won't even tell us the full thing.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I haven't been hanging the story over your kid.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
One day it's going to be on a Wild Thoughts podcast,
So why why not today?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I just don't know if I'm ready, because this story
has been bottled up inside me for like a lot
a lot of years, and like, I don't know if
I'm ready to hear it out loud.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
You know, be said just yet, Grams. It's kind of embarrassing.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
But everybody was waiting on this Wild Thoughts episode kind
of knew that something was and it's just.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Us, your buddies, justin Selena.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Fine, fuckers, I'll tell the story.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
God, you know, I wasn't expecting you to cave that easily.
I had other subt You already agreed, you already agreed.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Yeah, I'll tell the story story time, all right.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
If I had a TikTok, this would be like that, okay,
story time, and then I would tell this story and
edit together so to make it talk like the sentences
just like go together and then and then and then
and then.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
No, get the phone out of here. I don't need
this on the internet. Is this podcast going the internet?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, good, Okay, So this was in college. I've never
told this story before, so maybe I don't want to
overhype it.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
But it's embarrassing. It's a story. It's embarrassing. Okay. So
in college there was this girl and you know, we
hooked up. Pause.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, So not even your wife knows about this story. No,
your brother.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I've never told her this story. My brother, No I've
told any of you. No, I don't think I've told
him the story. So you guys are the first ones
to hear that.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
You're in college.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So I'm in college. There's this girl hooked up with
a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Not really interested. You know, it's like, here's one of
those you need a beat her at the end of
the night. Sure, but I'm kidding.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, But just like I didn't really I wasn't that
into her. She's in a sorority, and I think you know,
she was into me. She was into me more than
I was into her.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
That way.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So she invited me on these have these like date
they'd have date parties. I wasn't in a fraternity, because
like what the fuck, I don't need to be in
a fraternity.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And then they'd have like date parties where you needed
a date, and I'd get invited to those, and I'd
say no to every single one because like, I don't
want to go to some wow and.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
We heard the wrong idea that you guys were like
a couple or daity, you're heading towards that.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, that, And then I got invited to other ones
by other girls, but like just hanging out with a
bunch of frat dudes and this sorty thing just wasn't
for me, so I'd say no to that. I would
turn these things down. But then one time she invited
me on a date party trip and it was a
trip to Mexico and it's paid for. I don't have
to pay for anything, dude, I'm I'm in college and
(03:01):
it's like free trip to Mexico. Plus one of my
buddies got invited by another girl, so we're like, let's
go and we'll just me and him. Were just like
we'll just party the whole time, even though because neither
of us were into very interested in the girls that
were taking.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Us sound it seemed like a great.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Plan, right, I'm gonna just take advantage of this situation.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So I said yes to the date party, and I
think it was like in Rosa Rito or something. It
wasn't enough. We didn't fly, we drove like hop on
the bus whatever. But the hotel and everything taken care of.
And it's like a two or three night trip whatever.
I'm like, oh, I'll go get drunk, have fun, we'll party.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
So we go on this trip.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
We're staying in it's like a sweet type thing.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
It's right on the ocean.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It was awesome, and there's probably like four bedrooms in
this thing, so there's like four couples. I'm using air
quotes around this, and of course there's only one bed
in each thing, so I have.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
To share a bed with Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And I'm like, again not into her, not into wow,
And then like she was one of those girls that
like drunk stage five clinger, and it's just like I just,
oh my god, I just want to party in Mexico
with my buddies, yea, and yeah, like whatever, I'm going
on the free I'm going on the trip. So you know,
when you travel and you're eating a lot of burritos,
(04:19):
like your stomach, you know, is going through a lot,
and it's taken out of its normal routine.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
More importantly, there's.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
A lot of people that like, because of it, it's
a weird vacation thing, like they can't go on vacation.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It's part of it. You're getting taken out of.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Your rhythm, right, yeah, it has to be.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And like at your normal shit time, you know, you're
doing off, doing something else and whatever, then your body's
just like, no, it ain't happening today. It's rolled out
over till tomorrow. Anyways. So this might be day two
of the trip.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Maybe it's day three. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
We're out at this club at night and you know,
a lot of drinking and I got stage five clinger,
and I'm just my stomach is like, this is a
problem we got. You got to get out of here.
I'm getting the alarm bells, like, you got to get
out of there.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
There's no way you're going to use the nightclub bathroom, Like, no,
not a chance.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So I'm in a panic because well, one, I'm like, Okay,
I'm gonna bail out of here. But I'm in a
panic because do you know those toilets that can barely
flush a pee? Like it doesn't even like the water
just it doesn't do anything. Yeah, the water just rises.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
And falls and like nothing happens.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's what the toilets were like at this place that
we were staying.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So if you knew that, why didn't you just use
the club the club?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I don't because it's.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
A nightclub bathroom. You just can't anyway, So I bail out.
I go back to the by myself. I get back
to the hotel, and I'm like, I gotta take a ship.
I gotta get and I now you're gonna think I'm
exaggerating when I tell you I took the biggest ship
that's ever been.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Taken, Like like how big.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Like this thing wouldn't have flushed by I in a
normal toilet, It just wouldn't. The just sheer physics of it,
like you look at it, like this thing both this
thing has no shot for even regular plumbing, like even
regular plumbing. Now this is in Mexico, where you're not
even supposed to flush toilet paper, and there's not a chance.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
In the world that this thing.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I'm looking at this and knowing this toilet's flush like
I flushed, and the water.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Just gently lapped against the side of it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It was like a whale on a beach, you know,
And there's like there's like forty people out there trying
to roll the whale back into the ocean, like it
ain't happening because of the whale weighs so much.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
This is what this looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
And now I'm starting to panic because this is a
shared bathroom amongst the four couples, and I know that
any minute now, everyone's gonna start showing back up from
the nightclub, particularly the stage five clingers. She's gonna come back,
and I will have been the only person that's been.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Back to the room first.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
So there's no way that this thing, that this fucking
brown monster can get p and on somebody else.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I know. I'm in the crosstairs, right.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
You told her to for her to actually let you
go by yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I think I just like drunkenly stumbled out and left.
I think I just like, oh, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Even tell her anything. She's probably like worried sick about you.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Yeah, I just irish goodbye. I was just like I'm
out looking for you. Probably. So I'm now in a panic,
like what am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Because there's again, there's just logistically, this ship ain't going down.
It's not even I don't you sit there flush one
hundred times. This big fucker is not going to move.
It's just there. So I did what any what I
think any sane logical person would do.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I picked it up.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
My god, we're disgusting.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Stop you said, we're not judging you.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I'm a safe space.
Speaker 6 (07:51):
We're not judgment not judging space. I have done it
with my mouth and I've never no judgment ever told
anyone this story.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out of sheer embarrassment, I would have ate it. No
trace is left, so smart.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
That would be smart until the next day when you
had to ship it out again, and then it would
have grown.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Yeah, it would have gotten even bigger. It would have
collected some more ship friends.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Okay, so I didn't grab it bear handed, But the
only thing that was around was like a regular like
plastic grocery bag, like one of those grocery bags.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
It was bag.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Was it like what if somebody needed that for something.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It was probably the way one of these dudes on
the trip packed there like toilet trees, like empty that
thing out. I'm taking this grocery bag and I had
to reach in like you know, it's almost like you're
picking up a dog shit, except no dog is big
enough to take a ship this big.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
This thing was a monster.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So you used the grocery bag. Can I say, I've
had to do this, not pick up ships, but my
kids will like put toys or toilet paper rolls like
in our toilet and like pack it down. I had
to use a grocery bag to try to like fish
it out and clear the toilet. And water always seeps in.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Oh yeah it doesn't. It's not a it's not a
tight thing, right.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So you got your hand in there and water shit,
water is coming in the bag.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
There.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
You do whatever it takes in this situation. Whatever it
took in this situation was me removing the turd, the
brown monster from this situation, because what would have happened
to me when everyone came home and we're shocked at
the size of this turd laying there in the toilet
like people would have it would have been social suicide
for me. I never would have been able to hang
(09:28):
out with anybody ever.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Again, I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I wouldn't have been able to show my face around
college that I would have gotten laughed right off the campus.
They'd been like, this guy's disgusting. So I picked the
thing up in the bag, in the bag. I pick
it up in the bag to do it.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
In one like did you yeah, you didn't need two
hands for this monster.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Maybe it might have a two hand. It was real heavy.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Really, I've never picked up a ship before. Is it's heavy.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
This was my first turd I've ever picked up in
that bag. Because when you just that's the least of
my worries. Right now, that's the least of my worry.
You picked I got to remove this thing from the
hotel room. Now luckily it was right there, right, we
were right there on the beach. So I just I
just went up to the balcony and just I just
(10:15):
threw it straight off right in the bag.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Or did you hang on to the bag and put
your your friend's stuff back in it?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
No, No, I threw it through with the bag, threw
it with the bag and did it land in the water.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Kind of like doing the shot put.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
I did want to spin around, and then I just
let it and I just flung that big turn right
off and it landed into the sand, dusty sand nugget,
and and then obviously did some extensive hand washing and
then laid down and passed out.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So was it still visible, like if you stood on
the balcony, could you see like a random bag on
the beach?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I saw some kids building a sand castle with it
the next day. I think they thought it was a
piece of drift.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
No, okay, wait, I have more questions.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Jet, okay, okay, talk to me.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
You obviously, like there was obviously still some cleaning up
that had to be done to the toilet.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Right, probably, I mean, but at least like a skin
in the toilet is different than seeing this.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Thing in there?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, did you check? Did you get the skids out?
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't remember that I've blocked out that. I think
I blacked out after I threw this shit onto the beach.
I think I totally blacked out at that moment, and
then I would I wouldn't best out.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
But don't, okay, let me ask you.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Don't you think I did the right thing, because like,
what would you have done in that scenario and somewhere
else not the hotel.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, if I knew the toilets were like that wasn't
gonna handle my shit. I'm not going back to the hotel.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
But you don't know what's about, like you know, like
your stomach hurts or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You don't know, Like when you look down at this thing,
you were like, oh my god, I gave birth to
a brown hippo.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Like you don't know that that's what it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Like if you could predict your shits, like you'd be
like a ship fortune teller to make.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yeah, I think I think anyone would probably do the
same thing.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
What you would have had to do is like split
it up into like okay, like you're gonna.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Go You're gonna get a fork it.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
You're gonna get a fork and a knife and start
to jump dicing up your turd.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
No, maybe it would flush like that if you cut
it up into.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Pieces, and but what if it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Now people walk into the room and there I am
dicing up a turd.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Like think about this, like you're in it. It's fight
or flight. You're in a in a panic.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
I'm running on sheer adrenaline at this point, drunken adrenaline,
because but.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Like, what else are you gonna do?
Speaker 4 (12:28):
Because if you try to flush too much, then you
run the risk of then.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Clocking water going everywhere. And again, this thing is gonna.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Get about finally shredding it.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Finally shredding it.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, sit there and slice the dice and grate this thing.
Maybe do a little ship zesting. No, I think I
did what any person would do in this scenario, and
I've never told anybody that before because I was so embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Did you feel bad throwing the bag out too, though,
because I mean, you know that probably got caught around
sometimes sea turtle or something.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
You know, let's just trying to swim away. It's got
a ship.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Touched to it.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
At least if it was just a ship that's like biodegradable.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Well, this thing probably is still. It's like a petrified
log still probably on that beach.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Beach the locals have gone to take selfies, right, it
makes a great bench.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
It's a monument.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, I mean I just don't, like I couldn't. I've
run this, I've played back this scenario so many times
in my mind, and like what else could I have
done because again, there was no the chance of it
not getting blamed on me. It was one thousand percent
going to get blamed on me, So like I couldn't
run that risk. And again you're in panic because you're
on borrowed time, right like this this girl one is
(13:46):
going to come back and try to find me, like.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Where do he left the club? Where do you go?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And the rest of the people staying there, like half
the sorority staying there. I can't remember how many rooms
were in this thing, and I feel like it was
a shared one bathroom.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Probably was, okay.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Was there a smell?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Of course there was a smell, I mean lingering smell,
though I don't think I opened up I remember opening
up the slang glass door and like, you know, after
out of it on the beach, of course, But I
just I feel like I stand by my decision. I'man
you know, I was embarrassed by it. It's been a
long enough time has passed. I think the statute of
limitations for me to face actual charges that just like.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Haunting you the rest of the trip because you.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Knew what you did, yoh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I was waiting for someone to be like, hey, let's
walk down to the beach, because like I mean, it
was literally just right out that it was just steps
out the.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
That's what I was terrified about it right here.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
What if a hotel worker was like, hey, sir, we
noticed on the security cameras you threw this out. Do
you want to back?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You must have d you must have dropped this by mistake.
And I did feel bad because you guys know I
I you know, I like to take care of the
earth and I don't like to litter. But in that instance,
I had to do what I had to do, and
it was a split second decision and I did it.
I mean, I don't think I'm the only one that's
ever done that before, though, I.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Mean I doubt it. There was that one viral story
about the girl that took a shit at a date's house.
Memory if she said she fished it out and put
it in like the litter box that he had in
the bathroom, and then he came in and was like,
my cat' had been dead, Like where did a shit
come from?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
It was a real story, but that's how that's how
it went on social.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Media and the history of human beings and shits.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
This has had something happened retrieved one before, and I
think plastic grocery bag, Like, you're lucky.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
If you got one of those.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Okay, now, if there were no grocery bags in sight,
what would you have used?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Would you have used your bare hand?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Was it?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Were you that desperate?
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 6 (15:45):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I would have picked that thing up like a fucking
Wilson football and I would have chucked that thing fifty
yards of year. I bet I could have thrown a
tight spiral with that thing. It was about the size
of a football.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Oh my god, My, that just reminded me another story.
Say that one for next time, Yes, next Tuesday story Time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah. I need to start my own ship talk account
where I just sit there and tell stories about ship talk.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Oh my god, that's a good podcast name story time.
That's a good TikTok hashtag shit talk, like the crime
Talk and mom talks shit talk.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
It's probably already a thing, but I will join the
community of survivors.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Graham, Well, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
You're welcome. I still feel weird about it.
Wild Thoughts. Here we go.
Speaker 2 (00:01):
When I say wild, you say thoughts, Wild thoughts, Wild Thoughts.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Is this the one where you tell the story?
Speaker 3 (00:09):
Graham, No, it's not that.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
This is what happened hanging this story over our head.
He won't even tell us the full thing.
Speaker 3 (00:19):
I haven't been hanging the story over your kid.
Speaker 1 (00:22):
One day it's going to be on a Wild Thoughts podcast,
So why why not today?
Speaker 2 (00:25):
I just don't know if I'm ready, because this story
has been bottled up inside me for like a lot
a lot of years, and like, I don't know if
I'm ready to hear it out loud.
Speaker 3 (00:34):
You know, be said just yet, Grams. It's kind of embarrassing.
Speaker 4 (00:38):
But everybody was waiting on this Wild Thoughts episode kind
of knew that something was and it's just.
Speaker 1 (00:44):
Us, your buddies, justin Selena.
Speaker 3 (00:46):
Fine, fuckers, I'll tell the story.
Speaker 1 (00:48):
God, you know, I wasn't expecting you to cave that easily.
I had other subt You already agreed, you already agreed.
Speaker 3 (00:54):
Yeah, I'll tell the story story time, all right.
Speaker 2 (00:59):
If I had a TikTok, this would be like that, okay,
story time, and then I would tell this story and
edit together so to make it talk like the sentences
just like go together and then and then and then
and then.
Speaker 3 (01:11):
No, get the phone out of here. I don't need
this on the internet. Is this podcast going the internet?
Speaker 1 (01:15):
No?
Speaker 2 (01:16):
Okay, good, Okay, So this was in college. I've never
told this story before, so maybe I don't want to
overhype it.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
But it's embarrassing. It's a story. It's embarrassing. Okay. So
in college there was this girl and you know, we
hooked up. Pause.
Speaker 1 (01:36):
Okay, So not even your wife knows about this story. No,
your brother.
Speaker 2 (01:41):
I've never told her this story. My brother, No I've
told any of you. No, I don't think I've told
him the story. So you guys are the first ones
to hear that.
Speaker 1 (01:51):
You're in college.
Speaker 3 (01:51):
So I'm in college. There's this girl hooked up with
a couple of times.
Speaker 2 (01:55):
Not really interested. You know, it's like, here's one of
those you need a beat her at the end of
the night. Sure, but I'm kidding.
Speaker 1 (02:04):
That's fine.
Speaker 2 (02:05):
Yeah, But just like I didn't really I wasn't that
into her. She's in a sorority, and I think you know,
she was into me. She was into me more than
I was into her.
Speaker 5 (02:16):
That way.
Speaker 2 (02:16):
So she invited me on these have these like date
they'd have date parties. I wasn't in a fraternity, because
like what the fuck, I don't need to be in
a fraternity.
Speaker 3 (02:25):
I don't care.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
And then they'd have like date parties where you needed
a date, and I'd get invited to those, and I'd
say no to every single one because like, I don't
want to go to some wow and.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
We heard the wrong idea that you guys were like
a couple or daity, you're heading towards that.
Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yeah, that, And then I got invited to other ones
by other girls, but like just hanging out with a
bunch of frat dudes and this sorty thing just wasn't
for me, so I'd say no to that. I would
turn these things down. But then one time she invited
me on a date party trip and it was a
trip to Mexico and it's paid for. I don't have
to pay for anything, dude, I'm I'm in college and
(03:01):
it's like free trip to Mexico. Plus one of my
buddies got invited by another girl, so we're like, let's
go and we'll just me and him. Were just like
we'll just party the whole time, even though because neither
of us were into very interested in the girls that
were taking.
Speaker 1 (03:15):
Us sound it seemed like a great.
Speaker 3 (03:17):
Plan, right, I'm gonna just take advantage of this situation.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
So I said yes to the date party, and I
think it was like in Rosa Rito or something. It
wasn't enough. We didn't fly, we drove like hop on
the bus whatever. But the hotel and everything taken care of.
And it's like a two or three night trip whatever.
I'm like, oh, I'll go get drunk, have fun, we'll party.
Speaker 1 (03:38):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (03:39):
So we go on this trip.
Speaker 2 (03:40):
We're staying in it's like a sweet type thing.
Speaker 3 (03:45):
It's right on the ocean.
Speaker 2 (03:46):
It was awesome, and there's probably like four bedrooms in
this thing, so there's like four couples. I'm using air
quotes around this, and of course there's only one bed
in each thing, so I have.
Speaker 3 (03:56):
To share a bed with Oh my god.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
And I'm like, again not into her, not into wow,
And then like she was one of those girls that
like drunk stage five clinger, and it's just like I just,
oh my god, I just want to party in Mexico
with my buddies, yea, and yeah, like whatever, I'm going
on the free I'm going on the trip. So you know,
when you travel and you're eating a lot of burritos,
(04:19):
like your stomach, you know, is going through a lot,
and it's taken out of its normal routine.
Speaker 1 (04:23):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
More importantly, there's.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
A lot of people that like, because of it, it's
a weird vacation thing, like they can't go on vacation.
Speaker 3 (04:29):
Yeah.
Speaker 4 (04:30):
Yeah, I think.
Speaker 3 (04:31):
It's part of it. You're getting taken out of.
Speaker 1 (04:33):
Your rhythm, right, yeah, it has to be.
Speaker 2 (04:35):
And like at your normal shit time, you know, you're
doing off, doing something else and whatever, then your body's
just like, no, it ain't happening today. It's rolled out
over till tomorrow. Anyways. So this might be day two
of the trip.
Speaker 3 (04:46):
Maybe it's day three. I don't know.
Speaker 2 (04:48):
We're out at this club at night and you know,
a lot of drinking and I got stage five clinger,
and I'm just my stomach is like, this is a
problem we got. You got to get out of here.
I'm getting the alarm bells, like, you got to get
out of there.
Speaker 3 (05:02):
There's no way you're going to use the nightclub bathroom, Like, no,
not a chance.
Speaker 2 (05:07):
So I'm in a panic because well, one, I'm like, Okay,
I'm gonna bail out of here. But I'm in a
panic because do you know those toilets that can barely
flush a pee? Like it doesn't even like the water
just it doesn't do anything. Yeah, the water just rises.
Speaker 3 (05:24):
And falls and like nothing happens.
Speaker 2 (05:27):
That's what the toilets were like at this place that
we were staying.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
So if you knew that, why didn't you just use
the club the club?
Speaker 3 (05:34):
I don't because it's.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
A nightclub bathroom. You just can't anyway, So I bail out.
I go back to the by myself. I get back
to the hotel, and I'm like, I gotta take a ship.
I gotta get and I now you're gonna think I'm
exaggerating when I tell you I took the biggest ship
that's ever been.
Speaker 3 (05:54):
Taken, Like like how big.
Speaker 2 (05:57):
Like this thing wouldn't have flushed by I in a
normal toilet, It just wouldn't. The just sheer physics of it,
like you look at it, like this thing both this
thing has no shot for even regular plumbing, like even
regular plumbing. Now this is in Mexico, where you're not
even supposed to flush toilet paper, and there's not a chance.
Speaker 3 (06:18):
In the world that this thing.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
I'm looking at this and knowing this toilet's flush like
I flushed, and the water.
Speaker 3 (06:23):
Just gently lapped against the side of it.
Speaker 2 (06:25):
It was like a whale on a beach, you know,
And there's like there's like forty people out there trying
to roll the whale back into the ocean, like it
ain't happening because of the whale weighs so much.
Speaker 3 (06:35):
This is what this looked like.
Speaker 2 (06:37):
And now I'm starting to panic because this is a
shared bathroom amongst the four couples, and I know that
any minute now, everyone's gonna start showing back up from
the nightclub, particularly the stage five clingers. She's gonna come back,
and I will have been the only person that's been.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
Back to the room first.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
So there's no way that this thing, that this fucking
brown monster can get p and on somebody else.
Speaker 3 (07:01):
I know. I'm in the crosstairs, right.
Speaker 4 (07:04):
You told her to for her to actually let you
go by yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:07):
I think I just like drunkenly stumbled out and left.
I think I just like, oh, I didn't.
Speaker 1 (07:10):
Even tell her anything. She's probably like worried sick about you.
Speaker 3 (07:13):
Yeah, I just irish goodbye. I was just like I'm
out looking for you. Probably. So I'm now in a panic,
like what am I going to do?
Speaker 2 (07:21):
Because there's again, there's just logistically, this ship ain't going down.
It's not even I don't you sit there flush one
hundred times. This big fucker is not going to move.
It's just there. So I did what any what I
think any sane logical person would do.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
I picked it up.
Speaker 4 (07:40):
My god, we're disgusting.
Speaker 1 (07:44):
Stop you said, we're not judging you.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
I'm a safe space.
Speaker 6 (07:51):
We're not judgment not judging space. I have done it
with my mouth and I've never no judgment ever told
anyone this story.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out of sheer embarrassment, I would have ate it. No
trace is left, so smart.
Speaker 2 (08:06):
That would be smart until the next day when you
had to ship it out again, and then it would
have grown.
Speaker 3 (08:13):
Yeah, it would have gotten even bigger. It would have
collected some more ship friends.
Speaker 2 (08:18):
Okay, so I didn't grab it bear handed, But the
only thing that was around was like a regular like
plastic grocery bag, like one of those grocery bags.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
It was bag.
Speaker 1 (08:28):
Was it like what if somebody needed that for something.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
It was probably the way one of these dudes on
the trip packed there like toilet trees, like empty that
thing out. I'm taking this grocery bag and I had
to reach in like you know, it's almost like you're
picking up a dog shit, except no dog is big
enough to take a ship this big.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
This thing was a monster.
Speaker 1 (08:45):
So you used the grocery bag. Can I say, I've
had to do this, not pick up ships, but my
kids will like put toys or toilet paper rolls like
in our toilet and like pack it down. I had
to use a grocery bag to try to like fish
it out and clear the toilet. And water always seeps in.
Speaker 3 (09:01):
Oh yeah it doesn't. It's not a it's not a
tight thing, right.
Speaker 1 (09:03):
So you got your hand in there and water shit,
water is coming in the bag.
Speaker 4 (09:07):
There.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
You do whatever it takes in this situation. Whatever it
took in this situation was me removing the turd, the
brown monster from this situation, because what would have happened
to me when everyone came home and we're shocked at
the size of this turd laying there in the toilet
like people would have it would have been social suicide
for me. I never would have been able to hang
(09:28):
out with anybody ever.
Speaker 3 (09:30):
Again, I get it.
Speaker 2 (09:31):
I wouldn't have been able to show my face around
college that I would have gotten laughed right off the campus.
They'd been like, this guy's disgusting. So I picked the
thing up in the bag, in the bag. I pick
it up in the bag to do it.
Speaker 1 (09:43):
In one like did you yeah, you didn't need two
hands for this monster.
Speaker 3 (09:46):
Maybe it might have a two hand. It was real heavy.
Speaker 1 (09:49):
Really, I've never picked up a ship before. Is it's heavy.
Speaker 5 (09:53):
This was my first turd I've ever picked up in
that bag. Because when you just that's the least of
my worries. Right now, that's the least of my worry.
You picked I got to remove this thing from the
hotel room. Now luckily it was right there, right, we
were right there on the beach. So I just I
just went up to the balcony and just I just
(10:15):
threw it straight off right in the bag.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Or did you hang on to the bag and put
your your friend's stuff back in it?
Speaker 4 (10:20):
No?
Speaker 1 (10:20):
No, No, I threw it through with the bag, threw
it with the bag and did it land in the water.
Speaker 3 (10:24):
Kind of like doing the shot put.
Speaker 2 (10:25):
I did want to spin around, and then I just
let it and I just flung that big turn right
off and it landed into the sand, dusty sand nugget,
and and then obviously did some extensive hand washing and
then laid down and passed out.
Speaker 1 (10:40):
So was it still visible, like if you stood on
the balcony, could you see like a random bag on
the beach?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
I saw some kids building a sand castle with it
the next day. I think they thought it was a
piece of drift.
Speaker 4 (10:52):
No, okay, wait, I have more questions.
Speaker 3 (10:55):
Jet, okay, okay, talk to me.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
You obviously, like there was obviously still some cleaning up
that had to be done to the toilet.
Speaker 2 (11:01):
Right, probably, I mean, but at least like a skin
in the toilet is different than seeing this.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Thing in there?
Speaker 1 (11:10):
Yeah, did you check? Did you get the skids out?
Speaker 3 (11:13):
I don't know that.
Speaker 2 (11:14):
I don't remember that I've blocked out that. I think
I blacked out after I threw this shit onto the beach.
I think I totally blacked out at that moment, and
then I would I wouldn't best out.
Speaker 3 (11:26):
But don't, okay, let me ask you.
Speaker 2 (11:28):
Don't you think I did the right thing, because like,
what would you have done in that scenario and somewhere
else not the hotel.
Speaker 1 (11:35):
Yeah, if I knew the toilets were like that wasn't
gonna handle my shit. I'm not going back to the hotel.
Speaker 3 (11:39):
But you don't know what's about, like you know, like
your stomach hurts or whatever.
Speaker 2 (11:42):
You don't know, Like when you look down at this thing,
you were like, oh my god, I gave birth to
a brown hippo.
Speaker 3 (11:48):
Like you don't know that that's what it's going to be.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
Like if you could predict your shits, like you'd be
like a ship fortune teller to make.
Speaker 1 (11:55):
Yeah, I think I think anyone would probably do the
same thing.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
What you would have had to do is like split
it up into like okay, like you're gonna.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Go You're gonna get a fork it.
Speaker 2 (12:05):
You're gonna get a fork and a knife and start
to jump dicing up your turd.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
No, maybe it would flush like that if you cut
it up into.
Speaker 3 (12:12):
Pieces, and but what if it doesn't.
Speaker 2 (12:15):
Now people walk into the room and there I am
dicing up a turd.
Speaker 3 (12:18):
Like think about this, like you're in it. It's fight
or flight. You're in a in a panic.
Speaker 2 (12:22):
I'm running on sheer adrenaline at this point, drunken adrenaline,
because but.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
Like, what else are you gonna do?
Speaker 4 (12:28):
Because if you try to flush too much, then you
run the risk of then.
Speaker 3 (12:31):
Clocking water going everywhere. And again, this thing is gonna.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
Get about finally shredding it.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
Finally shredding it.
Speaker 2 (12:40):
Yeah, sit there and slice the dice and grate this thing.
Maybe do a little ship zesting. No, I think I
did what any person would do in this scenario, and
I've never told anybody that before because I was so embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (12:55):
Did you feel bad throwing the bag out too, though,
because I mean, you know that probably got caught around
sometimes sea turtle or something.
Speaker 3 (13:01):
You know, let's just trying to swim away. It's got
a ship.
Speaker 6 (13:06):
Touched to it.
Speaker 1 (13:06):
At least if it was just a ship that's like biodegradable.
Speaker 3 (13:10):
Well, this thing probably is still. It's like a petrified
log still probably on that beach.
Speaker 2 (13:17):
Beach the locals have gone to take selfies, right, it
makes a great bench.
Speaker 4 (13:22):
It's a monument.
Speaker 2 (13:23):
Yeah, I mean I just don't, like I couldn't. I've
run this, I've played back this scenario so many times
in my mind, and like what else could I have
done because again, there was no the chance of it
not getting blamed on me. It was one thousand percent
going to get blamed on me, So like I couldn't
run that risk. And again you're in panic because you're
on borrowed time, right like this this girl one is
(13:46):
going to come back and try to find me, like.
Speaker 3 (13:47):
Where do he left the club? Where do you go?
Speaker 2 (13:49):
And the rest of the people staying there, like half
the sorority staying there. I can't remember how many rooms
were in this thing, and I feel like it was
a shared one bathroom.
Speaker 1 (13:58):
Probably was, okay.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Was there a smell?
Speaker 2 (14:01):
Of course there was a smell, I mean lingering smell,
though I don't think I opened up I remember opening
up the slang glass door and like, you know, after
out of it on the beach, of course, But I
just I feel like I stand by my decision. I'man
you know, I was embarrassed by it. It's been a
long enough time has passed. I think the statute of
limitations for me to face actual charges that just like.
Speaker 1 (14:24):
Haunting you the rest of the trip because you.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
Knew what you did, yoh yeah, oh yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:29):
I was waiting for someone to be like, hey, let's
walk down to the beach, because like I mean, it
was literally just right out that it was just steps
out the.
Speaker 3 (14:38):
That's what I was terrified about it right here.
Speaker 4 (14:40):
What if a hotel worker was like, hey, sir, we
noticed on the security cameras you threw this out. Do
you want to back?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
You must have d you must have dropped this by mistake.
And I did feel bad because you guys know I
I you know, I like to take care of the
earth and I don't like to litter. But in that instance,
I had to do what I had to do, and
it was a split second decision and I did it.
I mean, I don't think I'm the only one that's
ever done that before, though, I.
Speaker 1 (15:07):
Mean I doubt it. There was that one viral story
about the girl that took a shit at a date's house.
Memory if she said she fished it out and put
it in like the litter box that he had in
the bathroom, and then he came in and was like,
my cat' had been dead, Like where did a shit
come from?
Speaker 4 (15:22):
I don't know.
Speaker 1 (15:22):
It was a real story, but that's how that's how
it went on social.
Speaker 3 (15:25):
Media and the history of human beings and shits.
Speaker 2 (15:28):
This has had something happened retrieved one before, and I
think plastic grocery bag, Like, you're lucky.
Speaker 3 (15:35):
If you got one of those.
Speaker 4 (15:36):
Okay, now, if there were no grocery bags in sight,
what would you have used?
Speaker 3 (15:41):
Oh yeah?
Speaker 1 (15:41):
Would you have used your bare hand?
Speaker 2 (15:42):
Was it?
Speaker 1 (15:42):
Were you that desperate?
Speaker 3 (15:44):
Yeah? Oh yeah?
Speaker 6 (15:45):
Wow.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
I would have picked that thing up like a fucking
Wilson football and I would have chucked that thing fifty
yards of year. I bet I could have thrown a
tight spiral with that thing. It was about the size
of a football.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Oh my god, My, that just reminded me another story.
Say that one for next time, Yes, next Tuesday story Time.
Speaker 2 (16:09):
Yeah. I need to start my own ship talk account
where I just sit there and tell stories about ship talk.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
Oh my god, that's a good podcast name story time.
That's a good TikTok hashtag shit talk, like the crime
Talk and mom talks shit talk.
Speaker 3 (16:23):
It's probably already a thing, but I will join the
community of survivors.
Speaker 1 (16:27):
Graham, Well, thank you for sharing.
Speaker 3 (16:28):
You're welcome. I still feel weird about it.
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