Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Weeded podcast starring husband and wife Mojo
from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea
on this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
On this episode of the Weedned podcast, imagine this, Chelsea
and I are going to disagree on how much you should.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Love your spouse, not how much are.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
The kind of love that you should get your spouse?
You know, the kind of love I like. Oh god,
oh boy, Hold on a second, let's play a commercial.
Why don't we your favorite part of this podcast. You
know what I say all the time? Man, You sure
get a lot for fifteen dollars a month at Planet Fitness,
a workout for everybody, whether it be you want to
work out with weights or you want to do cardio.
(00:54):
They've got every bit of the equipment that you need.
Get to Planet fitness dot Com today so that you
can and then hang out with all of us on
the Mojo in the Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Well all right, all right, all right, without further delay,
here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
All right, Seriously, I want to personally apologize for the
way that the commercials cut us off. We have no
control over that, and it's so annoying. I don't even
know why we have commercials on our podcast. We're not sponsored,
we're not even making we're not getting paid. Yeah, this
is supposed to be something, and apparently iHeart is getting
making money off of our little.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
They have just like in everything in life, they have commercialized.
They've commercialized our marriage brought to you.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
By Well they will be hearing from my agent.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Who is your agent?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Don't have one yet, but.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You find one?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I actually find it funny that they kind of
slipped them in there too, like they did it. They
started doing it towards the last season's podcast, like the
middle of the last season's podcast, And I had no
idea because I know it sounds weird to say this.
I don't really listen back to the podcast because we
just did it.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Yeah, I every once in a while will listen, but
I hadn't been listening. And then you'll send me the
unedited or the original version. Yeah, you can email it
to me in full, So I don't. I don't listen
to the one on the app. But then some one
of my friends sent me a note saying, or she
(02:36):
actually called me.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
There's why are there commercials?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
And to cut you off right in the middle of
a sentence and so yeah, they.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Don't know who they're fucking with. I'm telling you they thought.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
That I gets a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yes, but it is flattering to know that, you know,
people like Planet Fitness like to advertise Ryan Reef and
everybody the planet.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Of everyone that owes me money, you at.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Least can get a free membership maybe out of the deal.
What are your thoughts? Huh, something for free out of
the deal?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Perfect?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
If we can get Somerset Collection to sponsor this thing,
would it be a total full circle for you? All right?
Or Amazon? Probably even better yet. Okay, so this podcast,
we're going to talk about something that was a conversation
that you and I have had. It's funny all our
conversations tend to be you and I either eating dinner
together or out with other people, and then all of
(03:26):
a sudden, you'll go or in the car, or in
the car that's another one, and that will or me
trying to you know, you know, but and then we'll go,
that's a good podcast. That would probably be a good
for a podcast. Should you love your spouse unconditionally? Is
the question? Which is funny because it reminds me there's
(03:47):
a Tupac song called unconditional love, but we get Yeah,
not a Tupac fan. Who are you a fan of?
By the way, who musically are you a fan of?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
I loved George Michael growing I love all the eighties
and nineties. Yeah, yeah, because that was my growing up,
is it?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Because it just it brings back memories of Yeah, and.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
It's when you didn't realize that you were being told
to do sexual things. It was, you know, you just
didn't realize that. You look back and you look at
the songs that you're singing as a kid, and because
you're so like now, he listened to the songs and
you know Wop for instance, and it's just so in
your face where you know Madonna when I was growing up.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
But can you hear we're talking about second? George Michael's
most famous song was I Want Your Sex.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I know, but he was just so hot. I just
didn't care like I wham.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
I loved him and when he was that that was
my childhood wham.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
It is true though, over the years of doing radio
that the music has become more blatant. Oh yeah, like
it used to be. Maybe it's because the songs are
so much shorter now. It like songs back when we
grew up were like four and a half to five
minutes long.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Two.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
I can't remember where I put my keys, but I
can tell you the song the you know lyrics to
a random John thicata like crazy. You played one the
other day and I knew all the words, like how,
but I don't know what I did yesterday?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Like it's frightening.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It's actually kind of cool to think though. That's good.
They say that that's actually good for your brain to
still have that memory. But all right, unconditional love. You
and I sit differently on.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
This unconditional versus conditions.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, I actually think that you. I think when you
go into your marriage vows, and I've read marriage vows
for other couples. I've seen the words unconditional love in
some vows that I've done, and I think that unconditional
love is a great thing. You actually say that there
(05:57):
should be.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Well, I think there are conditions to love, okay, to
love it. Like I told you that there are conditions
for my love for you.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
There is.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
There are only three people that I love unconditionally, and
that are the boys, so meaning they can do whatever
and I will love them.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No questions asked. You know, even if they did something.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Horrible, horrible, horrible, it doesn't affect my love for them.
I'm their mother. Now there are things that you do
or could do that could make me stop loving you.
So therefore it is conditional.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And I get that, like because there's some bad things
obviously that could happen. But there are times where we
all go through bad times, like the boys go through
a bad time, and like you said, they could do
something very, very horrible. Our boys, thank god, have not
hit that level. But I mean, look at like these.
I hate to bring this kid up with like that
Oxford shooter kid. I mean that actually shooter kid. You
(07:03):
know his he had a fucked up mom and dad.
But I can only imagine.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
That that's way, But you can still love him. As
a parent, you don't stop loving your child as awful
and horrible it is. You don't have to love what
they did, but as a parent, you still love them.
The loving there is no beginning, there is no end,
in my opinion, with the love for your child. You
(07:29):
it starts either from conception when you find out that
you are pregnant with them or you know. For me,
there was this I knew I love them when I
was pregnant with them, but there's nothing like looking into
their eyes when you hold them when they're first born,
and you just there is this immense For me, there
(07:50):
was this immense love that overtook me and I still
have it to this day, like there's nothing that they
can do. But again, that is a parent child love, yeah,
which is so different than a partner love because again
there are conditions there for whatever that condition is. For
(08:14):
some people, some people can overlook and get through betrayal
or you know whatever. But I think there are some
things and I don't know what they are for you,
and I I'm just saying that it is.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Go ahead, be honest with me.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
This is I said, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
Don't you're holding No, there hasn't been something where I
have said to myself, I don't love you anymore. There
have been things where I have been annoyed with you,
or you know, I haven't had a feeling towards you.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Talk about the levels of love that you have had.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
For me, Well that's I mean, I don't even know
how to like.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
What I mean. Well, no, and I'd love to know
that the actual time if you recall it, but I
would like to know, like two years really, I don't Okay,
we met each other, you know, very very young. At
what level? What level do you think that the love
that you've had for me is a ten? Or has
it ever been a ten? Have we've reached ten yet?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well?
Speaker 5 (09:12):
I've always said to you, the first twenty four hours
after I give birth has been the most that I
have felt close to you and in love with you
as husband and wife, because I feel like that, you know,
we have just created something and here it is and
this is because of our love. And those first twenty
(09:33):
four hours for me has always been like a magical
I don't know it's it probably is a little bit
more than twenty four hours, but I'm just saying it's
I feel like this magic. Luke's first year of life,
I felt like our family was so like it just
felt complete and it was so good and it was
so even though there was a lot of hard times
(09:54):
in there, but it just seems so quote unquote perfect
for me. If there was a perfect time, and I
I did feel so connected to you. I'm sure when
we first started dating, of course, I was there's that
term limerence where you're obsessed with that person and they
can do no wrong. That of course ends.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
But so when has it been the lowest then I
honestly I really would love the knowlest.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
The lowest.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
See, the lowest isn't isn't bad, The lowest isn't like
a bad time for me. It's when I'm indifferent with you.
So it's where I don't like, I don't have this
intense love or love, or I don't have this you
freaking disgust me, don't come home, I don't want to
be around you. So it's more of the indifference because
(10:50):
there is no feeling there. So that's what scares me
more when I feel indifferent to you versus I'm so
in love or ugh, I can't even stand you, because
it's a feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What was your level when I remember when we first
moved to Detroit and we were going back and forth,
you were going back and forth Arizona, and there was
the that was one of the first.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Time I didn't go back and forth. I was there
for six months.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, you stayed there for six months. When when you
when the conversation was of us getting divorced, what was
the level of at that point right there? Did you
just were you just? There was nothing, There.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Was nothing I did. And it wasn't indifference, but it
was just exhaustion because it had been such a very
heavy six months for me. Yeah, and I felt I
was doing everything emotionally with the boys and they were
very young, and it was the first time I had
been away from my family and that was so it
(11:50):
wasn't indifferent at all. It was more so just like,
were your balls be a man? I need help with this.
I need a leader. I can't always be the leader
of this family.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
And for those two that don't know what it was,
you know, we talked about this before in previous podcasts,
but and this is for any guy that is listening
to this, you know that the maybe one or two
that's wives make them. We moved to Arizona, or from
Arizona to Detroit, and I was starting the radio show,
starting Mojo in the Morning, and I was really going
(12:25):
through a bad depression time, like I was. I was.
I was not happy. I didn't I didn't think the
move was a good move for me personally, but for
our family. I thought Detroit was, you know, not going
to be a great place for us to be and
every day, every day I came home and my day
was how miserable I was. I mean literally because I
(12:47):
would come and I didn't go home till late too,
So it was like I'd come home at two three
o'clock in the afternoon and going to work at you know,
four thirty five o'clock in the morning. And you had
a house, two young sons are sons, Joey and Jake,
and you knew nobody. I moved you away from your family,
and all you got to hear was me just telling
(13:10):
you and I was you were my therapist, you were
my I looked at you as I looked at you
as two things. I looked at you as my therapist,
my spouse, my god. Basically like I was literally wanting
you to like change my world for me, and the
biggest thing that I wasn't doing was changing my own world. Sure, yeah, so,
and it was really a lot of pressure that I
(13:31):
put on you and I and I want to apologize
for that. I know I have said before, but seriously,
because if that was you, I don't know what I
would have done. Yeah, yeah, hard, Okay, So it's funny
you're talking about the levels of like love like an indifference.
And I think that you and I have gone through
(13:54):
a couple of times where we've been indifferent at the
same time and then the funny not funny, but I
remember when I said to you, I think we should
get a divorce or whatever. I think that that was
almost like jumper cables on a car battery, where I
said that to you and at that moment you use
(14:14):
your reaction to it. I still remember the reaction to it.
We were down in our guest room where you were
staying and like, I'm like, she still wants to fucking
do this, Like I couldn't believe it. I thought you'd
be like, okay, let's go.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
And well, I think here's the thing you can in
a marriage. There's someone Sometimes there's someone who continues to say,
let's if there's a fight or whatever, let's they throw
the divorce word out there, which is a very powerful word,
and you have to be careful you know when and
how you use it, because you can say it so
many times and then the other person's just going to
(14:49):
become numb to it, or they're going to call your
bluff and say, then file, let's do it, or they'll
go and file so you know, that's one instance I
think for us it I'm I don't know if when
I could be wrong in this, but I don't think
that I really threw that word around a lot. I
would never really say no, I.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Just knew that you wanted it, right, but.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
I didn't say it. It's what I'm saying. I would
never say it in an argument. I would never And
maybe it's because I didn't want to be the one
to file or I didn't want to be the quote
unquote bad guy in the picture. I could always say, well,
you the one that filed for divorce, you know, if
it was something that ever came up. I don't know
why i'd never use that word. Maybe it's because my
(15:32):
parents are divorced. I don't know, but I did not
like that word divorce and it was just so.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Final.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
But I think, but of course, yes, did I want
to divorce many times, many many times.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
So but what was your when you say you wanted
a divorce? What was it that you Because a lot
of times you want a divorce because you just want
something that you think is going to either be better
or you don't want to have to put up, Like,
what was your reasoning of.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
Well, the times that I've really wanted a divorce, it's
because being outside of that seems so much more peaceful
and better than what's going on in our marriage. Okay,
And it was I can finally have peace because this
is too much for me, way too much for me,
and it's tearing me up internally sometimes when we have
(16:25):
problems that affects my health, Like it's just for me,
it's something that is better. The alternative is better because
being alone is going to be so much better than
fighting with someone all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, so yeah, I get that, and for me it was.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
But I was also very afraid to be alone because
I never have been.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You and I talked about it the other night.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Oh my god, Yeah, can you talk about that.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Well.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
I went from I was seventeen when we met, turning eighteen,
and I literally went from my house when we got
married to our apartment. And so it was I've never
lived on my own. I've never quote unquote taken care
(17:13):
of myself.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I've never You've always taken care of That was the
other part of that piece that you and I talked
about was what you've always been taking care of somebody
because when you were younger, you took care of your brother, right.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
My parents adopted.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
My cousin, my biological cousin, and so both my parents
worked and so I helped raise not a raise, but
I was there a lot with him, you know, because
they that was just how it was. So he came
to live with us when I was thirteen. So from
(17:50):
thirteen on, I feel like I've always taken care of
other people. And I went from you know, my house
taking care of to taking care of me, to taking
care of you. And then I got pregnant with Joe,
you know, within a couple of months of us being married.
So I've always been taking care of someone else.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
It feels like in my lifetime.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Which I love, that is just part of my personality.
Had I to do it all over again, I would
do it exactly the same way. But sometimes I take
a step back, especially now that I'm fifty, and it's like,
you know, okay, now it's about me too, you know, well, and.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You've you actually, over the course of the last year
and a half or so, have had opportunity to kind
of be by yourself a little bit more, and.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
It's nice I join it. I am.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I was scared at first, because you just don't because
it is different, and it's and I'm with I'm married
to someone who doesn't like to be alone.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah, so you don't like.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
To be alone in the car, you don't like to
be alone. So quote unquote alone time with you is
hard because you don't want to feel. But for me,
and plus, by the way, it could be a birth
order too. I'm the oldest, you're the youngest, so that
might play an interesting role in that. Not sure, but
(19:12):
maybe men women, who knows. But I finally, I do
love it. I love love my alone time. It's whether
it's during the middle of the day or a couple
days whatever, I just I love it. It's a good
recharging for me.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
It's funny because I don't like to be alone, but
I've never been alone, so I don't know what it's
like to be alone. I know it's weird to say that,
but there are times when you are you and I
are separated from each other, but I'm really never like
I've never had it where I'm not working or not
having to do stuff like I always built. My schedule
gets really busy and I make it busy.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Yeah, when if I'm out of town, while you're still
in town. You will call me and say, oh, I'm
going to dinner with so and so tonight and then
tomorrow and I'm doing this, and then I'm going to
the game, and then I'm doing this. And I'm like, Okay,
you truly don't have any downtime. And I think for me,
and by the way, maybe you just don't need that
to recharge, but I do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I think I'm afraid of it. I don't know what
it is. Maybe I maybe I had something to do
with my.
Speaker 5 (20:18):
Childhood though, you know what, you should even go on
a trip by yourself somewhere, huh like, And yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I did once.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Remember oh that's right, you did.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
But I hurt myself.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I thought you cut your hand or something.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah, I went on a trip. And that was when
our marriage was to me was not great.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Like I was so go and learn a different mindset.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I was so unhappy. I knew you were so unhappy.
And I was just like, I'm going away, and to me,
can I be on that's with it. It was a
fantasy of I'm gonna go away. I'm gonna love this
so much. I might meet somebody at the hotel like
this might be the greatest thing ever. And I thought
this was it. I was in the fucking room with
a and it was God's way of punishing me for
(21:02):
the thought of even thinking of that.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And I'll be quite honest with you, I never got
a chance to do it. But you're right, maybe I
should do that. Maybe it'd be kind of something to do.
I'd like to actually do the if it wasn't that
going down to Florida to go, you know, down to
towards Tampa, because I become so Joe would be with
me all the time.
Speaker 5 (21:21):
But then again, so that's something that you have to
make sure that you just schedule or go somewhere where
you don't know anyone. And now you don't like to
do this, but take a book or take a book
on tape and just whether I don't know, just or something.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
It sounds like Heaven to.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Me, all right, So I want to say something. I
want to tell you about it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Back we're completely of that condition, conditional and unconditional.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I wonder if and I'm saying this because I think
sometimes I feel like one of the problems I feel
like sometimes with relationships is that it's too easy to
it's relationships and marriages are like New Year's restless. You
say that you're going into it, man, this is the
(22:04):
best thing ever. We're going to go into this saying
I'm gonna I'm going to do it, you know, our
wedding day on, We're going to be in love with
each other. And then what happens the twelve day quit
or the you know, the so much month itch? You know.
And I think, well, and I think it like just
(22:25):
like New Year's resolutions, You start your resolution, you do great,
you go to the gym, and then you fucking end
up not going anymore. And I think marriages are kind
of like that too. You go into it going I
love this person unconditionally, and then what ends up happening
is you realize, no, there is conditions, and they're not
exactly who I thought that they were, or I'm not
exactly who I am thought I was with them. And
(22:47):
I think that sometimes, and this is just a thought,
and I don't one hundred percent believe this, but I
wish it was the case. I think if we unconditionally
did love somebody, I don't think we would have as
many divorces as we do. And I'm going to tell
you why I believe that. I think that it's too
easy to be conditional, and I think sometimes you have
(23:08):
to say it's like your faith. I feel like your
belief in God and your faith in God has to
be constant, and when it waivers a little bit, God
does a great job of really making you get.
Speaker 5 (23:20):
On the condition though, like you let them be human
and let them well.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
What I'm saying is that if you looked at your
relationship as you do like you do your kids because
you gave birth to them, and if you say, this
is the person who I want to be, this is
my person or be with, and if there's no you know, infidelity,
(23:47):
or there's no abuse or anything like that, I mean,
take all that shit aside. If it's just that the
guy's sitting on the couch all day being a lump,
or the woman is you know, not who you thought
you were marrying. Maybe she's different once she got married. Like,
if you look at it that way and say this
is the person, this is my person, this is just
(24:08):
like my children, I wonder if you would have less divorces.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
I think also, though you're putting a lot of pressure
and expect false expectations into that relationship because you have
to understand you are married to a human, so that
person is going to hurt you, and that person is
(24:32):
going to and you have to decide to what your
line is.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Well, your kids are going to hurt you too, Yeah,
but not like.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
The person that you're with in a relationship. But it's
just totally different. I think it's totally different. And I
think that there is you have to figure out what
that line is of And maybe that is an quote
unquote unconditional because you still go back and forth. But
I think the condition and that is also I have
boundaries and what I will and won't accept in a relationship.
(25:00):
I think that because you and I got married so young,
I didn't know what my boundaries were in a relationship.
You know, you learn as you go, and maybe had
we waited, you know, years, we could both learn what
our boundaries were in a relationship and what we would
and wouldn't expect. I of course wasn't perfect in our
(25:23):
marriage either, and there were things that I had done
and still will do that will hurt you. And if
it crosses your boundary of self respect or whatever, then
that is something I think it's okay for a person
to say it is not healthy for me to say, really,
I don't think not self respect, but definitely there are
(25:48):
things that you kept from me that have hurt, really
really hurt, you know. So that rocked my world, you know.
But so I I think. And at that point when
that happened, it wasn't that I thought to myself, oh
(26:10):
my god, I'm going to get a divorce, like he really,
this is not even we don't have what I thought
we have. We don't. It was more so like I
have to look within myself and figure out who I am,
because at that point I felt like I was giving
(26:30):
a lot in our relationship and used to you know,
this still happened. So it was like, Okay, I thought
we were one thing that we were not. So for me,
I had to look inside and but a lot of
that is also maturity and trying to figure.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
A lot of that out.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
And I think that, oh, I know that we grew
up in this marriage. Literally I grew up with my kids,
you know. So I just think as far as the
unconditional and conditional goes, I still stick to my thing
like I love my kids unconditionally and I love you,
but there are conditions I will not lose myself ever
(27:14):
again with you, I will not, and by the way,
you shouldn't either. We should not lose You can't because
you just should not lose yourself to someone else, because
it's not fair. And you know I will not. I
(27:35):
will not let myself be someone else again. That's part
of losing myself. But I guess at fifty, I realize
that there are things that just like you know, you
and I've been having these really intense discussions lately on
what we want our marriage to be and what we
want our relationship to be, and I think that it
(27:57):
takes a lot that you look into because you want
to stand your ground and you don't want to lose
who you are, but you realize that you have to
give a little bit up for that not up, but
a little bit into that person. And it's so hard
when you've been in a relationship for so long and
you feel that you've given so much and you still
get hurt and which, again, that's relationships and that's just
(28:21):
how life is. So you have to I guess you
have to really internally and then maybe vocally stay to
you your partner. This is a strong boundary for me
and if this happens, I just it either really changes me.
It may not end in divorce, but it will really
alter who I am in this relationship or this and
(28:43):
this is what I need from you. I which those
are conditions.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And I love, by the way, looking at you and
hearing you say that, because I do think that that's
something that we have been discussing. Yeah, off of the
pot which we should discuss. I think that's actually a
good one to talk about and talk about because because
it's interesting, because it's almost like if you kept a
scoreboard in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
But unfortunately you do do that.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Yeah, but I always wonder. I mean, listen, you would
they would have called the game already right now with
all the long time for us the shit, but it
would be one of those NBA All Star games where
it's like two hundred to two hundred. Well, no, it'd
be two hundred to like sixty. But but no, listen,
(29:30):
I look, I learned more about our marriage doing this podcast.
Like when we do this podcast, you and I have
conversations a lot that we don't think and I don't
or you know, or I don't think that we would
we would have otherwise because one of the things that
I think that our relationship and this is where for
everybody in the relationship, I think sometimes you can either
(29:52):
over communicate or undercommunicate. Sure, and I think sometimes actions
communicate more for you than the words that you I.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Say, that's yeah, yeah, actions speak louder than words.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Yeah. All right, so this is the we don't podcast.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
You must be at thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
No, no, we're not. But we do have to fit
more commercials in, Chelsea, and I want to make sure
that we get those. We got to get the sponsors
in right now. Yeah, what if they gave you the
ability just to read the sponsors? Would you like to
just read them your What.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
I wish they would do is just try to put
the first of all, just put them at the beginning
and then at the end or one time in the middle,
but try to do it not mid sentence.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Do you want it to be where I do like
our radio show and I sit there and go, let's
take a break right now, we'll be back. Would you
like that?
Speaker 5 (30:39):
I would like that if they said to us, we're
going to put so many commercials in and they need
to go and this this, then we could do a
break naturally. But when I listened to the one last week.
I went ahead and listened to it on the app,
and I was getting so annoyed, so annoy I always
(30:59):
get cut off, but which is fine.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
But it's literally mid sentence.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
So you conditionally love our sales department seriously
Welcome to the Weeded podcast starring husband and wife Mojo
from Mojo in the Morning and his better half Chelsea
on this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:21):
On this episode of the Weedned podcast, imagine this, Chelsea
and I are going to disagree on how much you should.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Love your spouse, not how much are.
Speaker 2 (00:32):
The kind of love that you should get your spouse?
You know, the kind of love I like. Oh god,
oh boy, Hold on a second, let's play a commercial.
Why don't we your favorite part of this podcast. You
know what I say all the time? Man, You sure
get a lot for fifteen dollars a month at Planet Fitness,
a workout for everybody, whether it be you want to
work out with weights or you want to do cardio.
(00:54):
They've got every bit of the equipment that you need.
Get to Planet fitness dot Com today so that you
can and then hang out with all of us on
the Mojo in the Morning Show.
Speaker 4 (01:03):
Well all right, all right, all right, without further delay,
here are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
All right, Seriously, I want to personally apologize for the
way that the commercials cut us off. We have no
control over that, and it's so annoying. I don't even
know why we have commercials on our podcast. We're not sponsored,
we're not even making we're not getting paid. Yeah, this
is supposed to be something, and apparently iHeart is getting
making money off of our little.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
They have just like in everything in life, they have commercialized.
They've commercialized our marriage brought to you.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
By Well they will be hearing from my agent.
Speaker 2 (01:53):
Who is your agent?
Speaker 3 (01:54):
Don't have one yet, but.
Speaker 2 (01:56):
You find one?
Speaker 5 (01:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:58):
Yeah, I actually find it funny that they kind of
slipped them in there too, like they did it. They
started doing it towards the last season's podcast, like the
middle of the last season's podcast, And I had no
idea because I know it sounds weird to say this.
I don't really listen back to the podcast because we
just did it.
Speaker 5 (02:14):
Yeah, I every once in a while will listen, but
I hadn't been listening. And then you'll send me the
unedited or the original version. Yeah, you can email it
to me in full, So I don't. I don't listen
to the one on the app. But then some one
of my friends sent me a note saying, or she
(02:36):
actually called me.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
There's why are there commercials?
Speaker 5 (02:38):
And to cut you off right in the middle of
a sentence and so yeah, they.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
Don't know who they're fucking with. I'm telling you they thought.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
That I gets a lot of money.
Speaker 2 (02:49):
Yes, but it is flattering to know that, you know,
people like Planet Fitness like to advertise Ryan Reef and
everybody the planet.
Speaker 3 (02:58):
Of everyone that owes me money, you at.
Speaker 2 (03:00):
Least can get a free membership maybe out of the deal.
What are your thoughts? Huh, something for free out of
the deal?
Speaker 3 (03:05):
Perfect?
Speaker 2 (03:06):
If we can get Somerset Collection to sponsor this thing,
would it be a total full circle for you? All right?
Or Amazon? Probably even better yet. Okay, so this podcast,
we're going to talk about something that was a conversation
that you and I have had. It's funny all our
conversations tend to be you and I either eating dinner
together or out with other people, and then all of
(03:26):
a sudden, you'll go or in the car, or in
the car that's another one, and that will or me
trying to you know, you know, but and then we'll go,
that's a good podcast. That would probably be a good
for a podcast. Should you love your spouse unconditionally? Is
the question? Which is funny because it reminds me there's
(03:47):
a Tupac song called unconditional love, but we get Yeah,
not a Tupac fan. Who are you a fan of?
By the way, who musically are you a fan of?
Speaker 3 (03:58):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (03:58):
I loved George Michael growing I love all the eighties
and nineties. Yeah, yeah, because that was my growing up,
is it?
Speaker 2 (04:06):
Because it just it brings back memories of Yeah, and.
Speaker 5 (04:10):
It's when you didn't realize that you were being told
to do sexual things. It was, you know, you just
didn't realize that. You look back and you look at
the songs that you're singing as a kid, and because
you're so like now, he listened to the songs and
you know Wop for instance, and it's just so in
your face where you know Madonna when I was growing up.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
But can you hear we're talking about second? George Michael's
most famous song was I Want Your Sex.
Speaker 3 (04:40):
I know, but he was just so hot. I just
didn't care like I wham.
Speaker 5 (04:45):
I loved him and when he was that that was
my childhood wham.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (04:49):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (04:50):
It is true though, over the years of doing radio
that the music has become more blatant. Oh yeah, like
it used to be. Maybe it's because the songs are
so much shorter now. It like songs back when we
grew up were like four and a half to five
minutes long.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Two.
Speaker 5 (05:05):
I can't remember where I put my keys, but I
can tell you the song the you know lyrics to
a random John thicata like crazy. You played one the
other day and I knew all the words, like how,
but I don't know what I did yesterday?
Speaker 3 (05:22):
Like it's frightening.
Speaker 2 (05:23):
It's actually kind of cool to think though. That's good.
They say that that's actually good for your brain to
still have that memory. But all right, unconditional love. You
and I sit differently on.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
This unconditional versus conditions.
Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, I actually think that you. I think when you
go into your marriage vows, and I've read marriage vows
for other couples. I've seen the words unconditional love in
some vows that I've done, and I think that unconditional
love is a great thing. You actually say that there
(05:57):
should be.
Speaker 5 (05:58):
Well, I think there are conditions to love, okay, to
love it. Like I told you that there are conditions
for my love for you.
Speaker 3 (06:06):
There is.
Speaker 5 (06:06):
There are only three people that I love unconditionally, and
that are the boys, so meaning they can do whatever
and I will love them.
Speaker 3 (06:19):
No questions asked. You know, even if they did something.
Speaker 5 (06:23):
Horrible, horrible, horrible, it doesn't affect my love for them.
I'm their mother. Now there are things that you do
or could do that could make me stop loving you.
So therefore it is conditional.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
And I get that, like because there's some bad things
obviously that could happen. But there are times where we
all go through bad times, like the boys go through
a bad time, and like you said, they could do
something very, very horrible. Our boys, thank god, have not
hit that level. But I mean, look at like these.
I hate to bring this kid up with like that
Oxford shooter kid. I mean that actually shooter kid. You
(07:03):
know his he had a fucked up mom and dad.
But I can only imagine.
Speaker 5 (07:08):
That that's way, But you can still love him. As
a parent, you don't stop loving your child as awful
and horrible it is. You don't have to love what
they did, but as a parent, you still love them.
The loving there is no beginning, there is no end,
in my opinion, with the love for your child. You
(07:29):
it starts either from conception when you find out that
you are pregnant with them or you know. For me,
there was this I knew I love them when I
was pregnant with them, but there's nothing like looking into
their eyes when you hold them when they're first born,
and you just there is this immense For me, there
(07:50):
was this immense love that overtook me and I still
have it to this day, like there's nothing that they
can do. But again, that is a parent child love, yeah,
which is so different than a partner love because again
there are conditions there for whatever that condition is. For
(08:14):
some people, some people can overlook and get through betrayal
or you know whatever. But I think there are some
things and I don't know what they are for you,
and I I'm just saying that it is.
Speaker 2 (08:29):
Go ahead, be honest with me.
Speaker 3 (08:31):
This is I said, I don't know what it is.
Speaker 5 (08:33):
Don't you're holding No, there hasn't been something where I
have said to myself, I don't love you anymore. There
have been things where I have been annoyed with you,
or you know, I haven't had a feeling towards you.
Speaker 2 (08:46):
Talk about the levels of love that you have had.
Speaker 3 (08:48):
For me, Well that's I mean, I don't even know
how to like.
Speaker 2 (08:52):
What I mean. Well, no, and I'd love to know
that the actual time if you recall it, but I
would like to know, like two years really, I don't Okay,
we met each other, you know, very very young. At
what level? What level do you think that the love
that you've had for me is a ten? Or has
it ever been a ten? Have we've reached ten yet?
Speaker 1 (09:12):
Well?
Speaker 5 (09:12):
I've always said to you, the first twenty four hours
after I give birth has been the most that I
have felt close to you and in love with you
as husband and wife, because I feel like that, you know,
we have just created something and here it is and
this is because of our love. And those first twenty
(09:33):
four hours for me has always been like a magical
I don't know it's it probably is a little bit
more than twenty four hours, but I'm just saying it's
I feel like this magic. Luke's first year of life,
I felt like our family was so like it just
felt complete and it was so good and it was
so even though there was a lot of hard times
(09:54):
in there, but it just seems so quote unquote perfect
for me. If there was a perfect time, and I
I did feel so connected to you. I'm sure when
we first started dating, of course, I was there's that
term limerence where you're obsessed with that person and they
can do no wrong. That of course ends.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
But so when has it been the lowest then I
honestly I really would love the knowlest.
Speaker 3 (10:25):
The lowest.
Speaker 5 (10:26):
See, the lowest isn't isn't bad, The lowest isn't like
a bad time for me. It's when I'm indifferent with you.
So it's where I don't like, I don't have this
intense love or love, or I don't have this you
freaking disgust me, don't come home, I don't want to
be around you. So it's more of the indifference because
(10:50):
there is no feeling there. So that's what scares me
more when I feel indifferent to you versus I'm so
in love or ugh, I can't even stand you, because
it's a feeling.
Speaker 2 (11:00):
What was your level when I remember when we first
moved to Detroit and we were going back and forth,
you were going back and forth Arizona, and there was
the that was one of the first.
Speaker 3 (11:09):
Time I didn't go back and forth. I was there
for six months.
Speaker 2 (11:12):
Yeah, you stayed there for six months. When when you
when the conversation was of us getting divorced, what was
the level of at that point right there? Did you
just were you just? There was nothing, There.
Speaker 5 (11:25):
Was nothing I did. And it wasn't indifference, but it
was just exhaustion because it had been such a very
heavy six months for me. Yeah, and I felt I
was doing everything emotionally with the boys and they were
very young, and it was the first time I had
been away from my family and that was so it
(11:50):
wasn't indifferent at all. It was more so just like,
were your balls be a man? I need help with this.
I need a leader. I can't always be the leader
of this family.
Speaker 2 (12:02):
And for those two that don't know what it was,
you know, we talked about this before in previous podcasts,
but and this is for any guy that is listening
to this, you know that the maybe one or two
that's wives make them. We moved to Arizona, or from
Arizona to Detroit, and I was starting the radio show,
starting Mojo in the Morning, and I was really going
(12:25):
through a bad depression time, like I was. I was.
I was not happy. I didn't I didn't think the
move was a good move for me personally, but for
our family. I thought Detroit was, you know, not going
to be a great place for us to be and
every day, every day I came home and my day
was how miserable I was. I mean literally because I
(12:47):
would come and I didn't go home till late too,
So it was like I'd come home at two three
o'clock in the afternoon and going to work at you know,
four thirty five o'clock in the morning. And you had
a house, two young sons are sons, Joey and Jake,
and you knew nobody. I moved you away from your family,
and all you got to hear was me just telling
(13:10):
you and I was you were my therapist, you were
my I looked at you as I looked at you
as two things. I looked at you as my therapist,
my spouse, my god. Basically like I was literally wanting
you to like change my world for me, and the
biggest thing that I wasn't doing was changing my own world. Sure, yeah, so,
and it was really a lot of pressure that I
(13:31):
put on you and I and I want to apologize
for that. I know I have said before, but seriously,
because if that was you, I don't know what I
would have done. Yeah, yeah, hard, Okay, So it's funny
you're talking about the levels of like love like an indifference.
And I think that you and I have gone through
(13:54):
a couple of times where we've been indifferent at the
same time and then the funny not funny, but I
remember when I said to you, I think we should
get a divorce or whatever. I think that that was
almost like jumper cables on a car battery, where I
said that to you and at that moment you use
(14:14):
your reaction to it. I still remember the reaction to it.
We were down in our guest room where you were
staying and like, I'm like, she still wants to fucking
do this, Like I couldn't believe it. I thought you'd
be like, okay, let's go.
Speaker 5 (14:28):
And well, I think here's the thing you can in
a marriage. There's someone Sometimes there's someone who continues to say,
let's if there's a fight or whatever, let's they throw
the divorce word out there, which is a very powerful word,
and you have to be careful you know when and
how you use it, because you can say it so
many times and then the other person's just going to
(14:49):
become numb to it, or they're going to call your
bluff and say, then file, let's do it, or they'll
go and file so you know, that's one instance I
think for us it I'm I don't know if when
I could be wrong in this, but I don't think
that I really threw that word around a lot. I
would never really say no, I.
Speaker 2 (15:09):
Just knew that you wanted it, right, but.
Speaker 5 (15:11):
I didn't say it. It's what I'm saying. I would
never say it in an argument. I would never And
maybe it's because I didn't want to be the one
to file or I didn't want to be the quote
unquote bad guy in the picture. I could always say, well,
you the one that filed for divorce, you know, if
it was something that ever came up. I don't know
why i'd never use that word. Maybe it's because my
(15:32):
parents are divorced. I don't know, but I did not
like that word divorce and it was just so.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Final.
Speaker 5 (15:41):
But I think, but of course, yes, did I want
to divorce many times, many many times.
Speaker 2 (15:46):
So but what was your when you say you wanted
a divorce? What was it that you Because a lot
of times you want a divorce because you just want
something that you think is going to either be better
or you don't want to have to put up, Like,
what was your reasoning of.
Speaker 5 (16:04):
Well, the times that I've really wanted a divorce, it's
because being outside of that seems so much more peaceful
and better than what's going on in our marriage. Okay,
And it was I can finally have peace because this
is too much for me, way too much for me,
and it's tearing me up internally sometimes when we have
(16:25):
problems that affects my health, Like it's just for me,
it's something that is better. The alternative is better because
being alone is going to be so much better than
fighting with someone all the time.
Speaker 2 (16:39):
Yeah, so yeah, I get that, and for me it was.
Speaker 5 (16:43):
But I was also very afraid to be alone because
I never have been.
Speaker 3 (16:48):
You and I talked about it the other night.
Speaker 2 (16:50):
Oh my god, Yeah, can you talk about that.
Speaker 3 (16:52):
Well.
Speaker 5 (16:53):
I went from I was seventeen when we met, turning eighteen,
and I literally went from my house when we got
married to our apartment. And so it was I've never
lived on my own. I've never quote unquote taken care
(17:13):
of myself.
Speaker 2 (17:14):
I've never You've always taken care of That was the
other part of that piece that you and I talked
about was what you've always been taking care of somebody
because when you were younger, you took care of your brother, right.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
My parents adopted.
Speaker 5 (17:27):
My cousin, my biological cousin, and so both my parents
worked and so I helped raise not a raise, but
I was there a lot with him, you know, because
they that was just how it was. So he came
to live with us when I was thirteen. So from
(17:50):
thirteen on, I feel like I've always taken care of
other people. And I went from you know, my house
taking care of to taking care of me, to taking
care of you. And then I got pregnant with Joe,
you know, within a couple of months of us being married.
So I've always been taking care of someone else.
Speaker 3 (18:08):
It feels like in my lifetime.
Speaker 5 (18:10):
Which I love, that is just part of my personality.
Had I to do it all over again, I would
do it exactly the same way. But sometimes I take
a step back, especially now that I'm fifty, and it's like,
you know, okay, now it's about me too, you know, well, and.
Speaker 2 (18:28):
You've you actually, over the course of the last year
and a half or so, have had opportunity to kind
of be by yourself a little bit more, and.
Speaker 3 (18:36):
It's nice I join it. I am.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
I was scared at first, because you just don't because
it is different, and it's and I'm with I'm married
to someone who doesn't like to be alone.
Speaker 3 (18:47):
Yeah, so you don't like.
Speaker 5 (18:49):
To be alone in the car, you don't like to
be alone. So quote unquote alone time with you is
hard because you don't want to feel. But for me,
and plus, by the way, it could be a birth
order too. I'm the oldest, you're the youngest, so that
might play an interesting role in that. Not sure, but
(19:12):
maybe men women, who knows. But I finally, I do
love it. I love love my alone time. It's whether
it's during the middle of the day or a couple
days whatever, I just I love it. It's a good
recharging for me.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
It's funny because I don't like to be alone, but
I've never been alone, so I don't know what it's
like to be alone. I know it's weird to say that,
but there are times when you are you and I
are separated from each other, but I'm really never like
I've never had it where I'm not working or not
having to do stuff like I always built. My schedule
gets really busy and I make it busy.
Speaker 5 (19:53):
Yeah, when if I'm out of town, while you're still
in town. You will call me and say, oh, I'm
going to dinner with so and so tonight and then
tomorrow and I'm doing this, and then I'm going to
the game, and then I'm doing this. And I'm like, Okay,
you truly don't have any downtime. And I think for me,
and by the way, maybe you just don't need that
to recharge, but I do.
Speaker 2 (20:14):
I think I'm afraid of it. I don't know what
it is. Maybe I maybe I had something to do
with my.
Speaker 5 (20:18):
Childhood though, you know what, you should even go on
a trip by yourself somewhere, huh like, And yeah, seriously.
Speaker 2 (20:25):
I did once.
Speaker 3 (20:26):
Remember oh that's right, you did.
Speaker 2 (20:28):
But I hurt myself.
Speaker 3 (20:29):
I thought you cut your hand or something.
Speaker 2 (20:32):
Yeah, I went on a trip. And that was when
our marriage was to me was not great.
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Like I was so go and learn a different mindset.
Speaker 2 (20:40):
I was so unhappy. I knew you were so unhappy.
And I was just like, I'm going away, and to me,
can I be on that's with it. It was a
fantasy of I'm gonna go away. I'm gonna love this
so much. I might meet somebody at the hotel like
this might be the greatest thing ever. And I thought
this was it. I was in the fucking room with
a and it was God's way of punishing me for
(21:02):
the thought of even thinking of that.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Whatever.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And I'll be quite honest with you, I never got
a chance to do it. But you're right, maybe I
should do that. Maybe it'd be kind of something to do.
I'd like to actually do the if it wasn't that
going down to Florida to go, you know, down to
towards Tampa, because I become so Joe would be with
me all the time.
Speaker 5 (21:21):
But then again, so that's something that you have to
make sure that you just schedule or go somewhere where
you don't know anyone. And now you don't like to
do this, but take a book or take a book
on tape and just whether I don't know, just or something.
Speaker 3 (21:35):
It sounds like Heaven to.
Speaker 2 (21:36):
Me, all right, So I want to say something. I
want to tell you about it.
Speaker 3 (21:39):
Back we're completely of that condition, conditional and unconditional.
Speaker 2 (21:43):
I wonder if and I'm saying this because I think
sometimes I feel like one of the problems I feel
like sometimes with relationships is that it's too easy to
it's relationships and marriages are like New Year's restless. You
say that you're going into it, man, this is the
(22:04):
best thing ever. We're going to go into this saying
I'm gonna I'm going to do it, you know, our
wedding day on, We're going to be in love with
each other. And then what happens the twelve day quit
or the you know, the so much month itch? You know.
And I think, well, and I think it like just
(22:25):
like New Year's resolutions, You start your resolution, you do great,
you go to the gym, and then you fucking end
up not going anymore. And I think marriages are kind
of like that too. You go into it going I
love this person unconditionally, and then what ends up happening
is you realize, no, there is conditions, and they're not
exactly who I thought that they were, or I'm not
exactly who I am thought I was with them. And
(22:47):
I think that sometimes, and this is just a thought,
and I don't one hundred percent believe this, but I
wish it was the case. I think if we unconditionally
did love somebody, I don't think we would have as
many divorces as we do. And I'm going to tell
you why I believe that. I think that it's too
easy to be conditional, and I think sometimes you have
(23:08):
to say it's like your faith. I feel like your
belief in God and your faith in God has to
be constant, and when it waivers a little bit, God
does a great job of really making you get.
Speaker 5 (23:20):
On the condition though, like you let them be human
and let them well.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
What I'm saying is that if you looked at your
relationship as you do like you do your kids because
you gave birth to them, and if you say, this
is the person who I want to be, this is
my person or be with, and if there's no you know, infidelity,
(23:47):
or there's no abuse or anything like that, I mean,
take all that shit aside. If it's just that the
guy's sitting on the couch all day being a lump,
or the woman is you know, not who you thought
you were marrying. Maybe she's different once she got married. Like,
if you look at it that way and say this
is the person, this is my person, this is just
(24:08):
like my children, I wonder if you would have less divorces.
Speaker 5 (24:12):
I think also, though you're putting a lot of pressure
and expect false expectations into that relationship because you have
to understand you are married to a human, so that
person is going to hurt you, and that person is
(24:32):
going to and you have to decide to what your
line is.
Speaker 3 (24:35):
Well, your kids are going to hurt you too, Yeah,
but not like.
Speaker 5 (24:37):
The person that you're with in a relationship. But it's
just totally different. I think it's totally different. And I
think that there is you have to figure out what
that line is of And maybe that is an quote
unquote unconditional because you still go back and forth. But
I think the condition and that is also I have
boundaries and what I will and won't accept in a relationship.
(25:00):
I think that because you and I got married so young,
I didn't know what my boundaries were in a relationship.
You know, you learn as you go, and maybe had
we waited, you know, years, we could both learn what
our boundaries were in a relationship and what we would
and wouldn't expect. I of course wasn't perfect in our
(25:23):
marriage either, and there were things that I had done
and still will do that will hurt you. And if
it crosses your boundary of self respect or whatever, then
that is something I think it's okay for a person
to say it is not healthy for me to say, really,
I don't think not self respect, but definitely there are
(25:48):
things that you kept from me that have hurt, really
really hurt, you know. So that rocked my world, you know.
But so I I think. And at that point when
that happened, it wasn't that I thought to myself, oh
(26:10):
my god, I'm going to get a divorce, like he really,
this is not even we don't have what I thought
we have. We don't. It was more so like I
have to look within myself and figure out who I am,
because at that point I felt like I was giving
(26:30):
a lot in our relationship and used to you know,
this still happened. So it was like, Okay, I thought
we were one thing that we were not. So for me,
I had to look inside and but a lot of
that is also maturity and trying to figure.
Speaker 3 (26:49):
A lot of that out.
Speaker 5 (26:50):
And I think that, oh, I know that we grew
up in this marriage. Literally I grew up with my kids,
you know. So I just think as far as the
unconditional and conditional goes, I still stick to my thing
like I love my kids unconditionally and I love you,
but there are conditions I will not lose myself ever
(27:14):
again with you, I will not, and by the way,
you shouldn't either. We should not lose You can't because
you just should not lose yourself to someone else, because
it's not fair. And you know I will not. I
(27:35):
will not let myself be someone else again. That's part
of losing myself. But I guess at fifty, I realize
that there are things that just like you know, you
and I've been having these really intense discussions lately on
what we want our marriage to be and what we
want our relationship to be, and I think that it
(27:57):
takes a lot that you look into because you want
to stand your ground and you don't want to lose
who you are, but you realize that you have to
give a little bit up for that not up, but
a little bit into that person. And it's so hard
when you've been in a relationship for so long and
you feel that you've given so much and you still
get hurt and which, again, that's relationships and that's just
(28:21):
how life is. So you have to I guess you
have to really internally and then maybe vocally stay to
you your partner. This is a strong boundary for me
and if this happens, I just it either really changes me.
It may not end in divorce, but it will really
alter who I am in this relationship or this and
(28:43):
this is what I need from you. I which those
are conditions.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
And I love, by the way, looking at you and
hearing you say that, because I do think that that's
something that we have been discussing. Yeah, off of the
pot which we should discuss. I think that's actually a
good one to talk about and talk about because because
it's interesting, because it's almost like if you kept a
scoreboard in your marriage.
Speaker 3 (29:05):
But unfortunately you do do that.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Yeah, but I always wonder. I mean, listen, you would
they would have called the game already right now with
all the long time for us the shit, but it
would be one of those NBA All Star games where
it's like two hundred to two hundred. Well, no, it'd
be two hundred to like sixty. But but no, listen,
(29:30):
I look, I learned more about our marriage doing this podcast.
Like when we do this podcast, you and I have
conversations a lot that we don't think and I don't
or you know, or I don't think that we would
we would have otherwise because one of the things that
I think that our relationship and this is where for
everybody in the relationship, I think sometimes you can either
(29:52):
over communicate or undercommunicate. Sure, and I think sometimes actions
communicate more for you than the words that you I.
Speaker 3 (30:00):
Say, that's yeah, yeah, actions speak louder than words.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
Yeah. All right, so this is the we don't podcast.
Speaker 3 (30:06):
You must be at thirty minutes.
Speaker 2 (30:08):
No, no, we're not. But we do have to fit
more commercials in, Chelsea, and I want to make sure
that we get those. We got to get the sponsors
in right now. Yeah, what if they gave you the
ability just to read the sponsors? Would you like to
just read them your What.
Speaker 5 (30:23):
I wish they would do is just try to put
the first of all, just put them at the beginning
and then at the end or one time in the middle,
but try to do it not mid sentence.
Speaker 2 (30:33):
Do you want it to be where I do like
our radio show and I sit there and go, let's
take a break right now, we'll be back. Would you
like that?
Speaker 5 (30:39):
I would like that if they said to us, we're
going to put so many commercials in and they need
to go and this this, then we could do a
break naturally. But when I listened to the one last week.
I went ahead and listened to it on the app,
and I was getting so annoyed, so annoy I always
(30:59):
get cut off, but which is fine.
Speaker 3 (31:00):
But it's literally mid sentence.
Speaker 2 (31:02):
So you conditionally love our sales department seriously
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