Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the we Don podcast starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half
Chelsea on this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Coming up on this episode of the Weed podcast. You've
heard of couples that aren't sleeping in the same room. Well,
now the new thing to keep your marriage together is
not even to be sleeping in the same house. We'll
talk about that and whether or not Chelsea will be
moving out of our house right now coming up here
on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Back to the podcast in a second. But you can.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Get everything that you need to start off your new
year for just fifteen dollars a month when you get
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fifteen dollars a month.
Speaker 3 (00:56):
Get into Planet Fitness today.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Well all right, all right, all, without further delay, here
are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Okay, another podcast, another chance for us to sit there
and talk about how our relationship is what we thought
was dysfunctional until people will contact us and tell us,
oh my god, I do the same exact thing. Isn't
it kind of funny to sit there and think to yourself,
how when you discuss something that we do in our
(01:26):
relationship and you're kind of nervous about bringing it up.
That all it takes is like one person to go,
oh yeah, I relate with that, and then another person
and it's almost kind of like people then spur on.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Well.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
I just think it just goes to show that we
all have so much more in common than we understand.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
You know.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
There it's two individual people raised from separate families coming
together who decide, you know, they lose their mind for
a second, decide.
Speaker 6 (01:54):
To get married.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
And then you come together and you bring all of
your passion.
Speaker 6 (02:00):
You both have a bunch.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
You are who you are because of how you were
raised and who you were raised by, and then you
come together because you know you're in love and love
conquers all side note no it doesn't, and you then
live in this fantasy for a little bit and then
(02:22):
reality hits and it hits us all. It hits us
at different times, and it hits us different ways. But
you know, it's funny there. I don't I don't think
that there is a unique situation. I think we all
have the same. It's just different because we have our
own spin to it because we're you know, unique people,
(02:44):
but very similar similar situation.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
The only thing is that I think that you know,
majority of us aren't honest enough with ourselves to be
able to be honest enough with others because we don't
trust that they're going.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
To well, you're afraid because you think exactly, you're afraid
you're going to be judged. You're like, Okay, how fucked up?
Do I really want them to know that I am,
you know, on a scale of one to ten. And
I think it's a good thing, Like for moms. You know,
I get DMS from the moms and they and I
will say to them, it's really important that even like
(03:22):
when you go through life with young kids and you'll
find in the same stages that.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
You know your marriage can be.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
It's very rare that you find that couple that really
knows that they should be, that they should be focused
on each other. Typically it's you know, you end up
being focused on the kids. And like, you know, you
and I were saying the other day, you when we
were talking that when you are in the throes of
(03:50):
raising your kids and everyone tells you it's so important
to focus on your relationship, well guess what. Like for
our situation, I was a state home and I was
home with the boys all day, and even as they
got older, you're still wrapped up in everything that they do.
Literally until they go off to college. You are immersed
(04:12):
fully into their schedule, taking care of their things, making
sure everything is good. You know, it goes from when
they're little to you know, birth, when they're basically hanging
on you and if you're breastfeeding and sucking on you
like literally, and then up until when you move them away.
And so you're so exhausted at the end of the
(04:34):
day when you finally fall into bed and you should
have some kind of physical intimacy with your partner, but
you don't want to because you're fucking exhausted and you're spent.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
And it's not just physically, it's emotional.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
As they get older, listen, bigger kids, bigger problems, and
it turns into not so much a physical task because
they are gone majority of the day with school, but
it's emotion at all.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
Like you worry, I still worry.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
And Joe is twenty nine, I worry about him, I
worry about Jacob, I worry about Luke. Like it's a mental,
mental taxing game, and so you kind of forget that
this person next to you does need attention, and I
think it's easier for men. I could be wrong, but
I think it's easier for majority of men to turn
(05:23):
that off and to want the physical, where a woman
you're just like, I can't, I can't turn it off
and I'm exhausted.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, you know, I think the hardest part, and this
is something for guys. I think the hardest part is
not taking it personal, sure, because I think your instantly,
your instincts are to tell you this is personal. This
is not you know, she doesn't love me, or she
doesn't care about me, or she cares about the kids more.
And I think that we don't think even if you
(05:52):
know you were a stay at home mom, but there's
so many working moms too. Well, yeah that I think
that you know, now you got people hanging on you
at work, and people hanging on you at.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Because they work outside of the home and then they
have to come home and take care of the house.
It's not like there's a fairy in their home running
their whole households for them, and then so they have.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
To take it and trying to make up for lost
time to because they feel guilty, guilty.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
So you you know, you're you're trying to kill it
at work and then trying to kill it at home,
and then literally you fall in bed.
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Listen.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
I'm I know there were times when the boys were little.
I probably thought during the day, oh, it would be
nice to have sex tonight, but really tell me, probably twice.
But then when you came home, gone, yeah, thought gone,
moment gone, no desire, so exhausted, and I just it's
(06:43):
it's so, it's so hard.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
It's a really hard juggling game.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I think that it is very interesting, and we're going
to get into this discussion here right now. I think
it's very interesting. We hear so many people talk about
living in uh, separate rooms, sleeping in separate rooms, and
we're going to get into that, and then we're going
to get into like the new thing. There's a new
thing now, even more than just separate rooms. And we'll
(07:09):
talk about that in a second. But I all of
this together in us kind of starting off this podcast,
you know, discussing about being a parent and what the
stresses and all that stuff and how it brings Imagine
you get all those stresses and imagine that when your
kids are little, because it seems like later relationships are
the ones that go to separate rooms, not earlier relationships.
(07:32):
Imagine you went to separate rooms. I almost wonder if
that would have helped your relationship more because the time
you did spend together would be more quality time talking
and intentional talking or intentional sexual So let's go into
the living in separate rooms thing. This has become like
obviously a big thing over the last I would say,
(07:53):
five to ten years, where you were not ashamed over
the fact that you were living in separate rooms, or
you're staying in separate rooms.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Actually you're separate rooms without problems.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
It's a choice.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, it's a choice to be in separate rooms. I
find it so interesting. I heard this analogy one time
from a therapist and it was a therapist that Jordan Peterson,
who was talking about He was talking about how the
idea of us being and he was a pro stay
in the same room. He said, it's so interesting that
(08:25):
as a child, majority of us maybe shared a room
with a sibling, if you had multiple siblings of the
same sex, and if you did, you hated it because
you guys got into each other's shit, or somebody didn't
want to go to bed at a certain time. Or
somebody you know was just being obnoxious and you would fight,
(08:46):
your parents would have to say go to bed, like
the scream at you. Then marriage is to bring you
together and stay in the same room, and he said
that the thing that becomes of that is it's sometimes
it's tough because you guys probably came from a house
that you had separate rooms, right you or you were
not sharing a bed with somebody, and now here you are,
(09:08):
And once the novelty wears off of we're newlyweds, then
it's who the fuck is that person laying next to me?
So you and I have both done the whole separate
room thing, but we did it because our relationships were
not great and it was not a great situation for me. Like,
I know you loved it. I know they or maybe
(09:30):
I'm wrong, I did you ever not love it?
Speaker 5 (09:32):
Well, the only thing I didn't love is the fact
that I let you have the master bedroom and I
went down into the f bedroom. If we're being perfectly honest,
you did.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
By the way, I was shocked that you gave me that.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Well, because I was so angry.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Well, you made the choice to leave.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Yeah, I made the choice to leave, and I was
so mad at you, so and it was better for
me to be physically separated from you. But and it
was for years, Like if you could guess how many
years we did that.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It was three years.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
I think it was more than that, was it?
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (09:59):
I think it was more than that.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But it was like, am I getting right on this
saying this twenty seven or twenty sixteen to like twenty
twenty almost.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Basically, yeah, maybe even before twenty sixteen.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, But it was funny because for those that don't
know our house, our house is a first floor master
with the kids rooms on the second floor, but we
have a basement that we put a bedroom in for
like if Chelsea's parents came to visit. And the way
that I knew that this was going to be more
permanent was when she started making that bedroom nicer than
our master bedroom. Like you started decorating.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
You got new new mattress, yeah, yeah, new bedding.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
Yeah. I did love it.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Well, I'll tell you what I did coming up for
a second.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
But oh, that is why I went downstairs. Do you
know why I went downstairs?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You can't explain so well.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
It was just it was a theory behind it that
really pissed me off. I was in Arizona with my grandfather.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
You you were in Arizona with your grandfather, but also
hanging friends and doing all kinds of fun.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
Stuff, because that's me, missus fun.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
No you were doing I could get that.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
Yeah, I did see my friends when I was there,
for sure. But anyway, so I you were in Chicago
when to go visit your sister, and decided that you
did not like the mattress that we had on the
bed side. Note I have to sleep on a Firmer mattress,
(11:25):
and he is like the Princess and the pee and
needs a really soft soft mattress. I my back is
not the greatest. So you said, hey, I think I'm
going to order a new mattress. I'm like, well, can
we just see what it's like. I don't you know
I need to have a Firmer mattress. Blah blah blah.
And you just went ahead, ordered a new mattress, had
(11:47):
it delivered, and threw away our temper pedick hard as
a rock, loved my bed mattress and while I was gone,
and it just set me off, triggered me because you've
done things like that before without like talking to me
about it or even us agreeing on it.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
You just do it.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
And so I was so angry and we were again
having major problems anyway, So I just went downstairs and
slept downstairs for years until you had your open heart surgery.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Just so you know, I think you have the timing
wrong a little bit. You had gone downstairs, but maybe
not permanently. You had gone downstairs prior.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
To that, and you were you were left on that mattress.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
And you had gone No, you had gone downstairs before
I bought the new mattress, So you had gone downstairs.
And I was up in the room for a good
period of time. And might I say a good period
of time, It was less than a less than six
months or something like that or a year, but I
I was, but you were kind of like trying to
come back into the bed and doing this stuff, and
you were in I did it when you were still
(12:57):
because I remember doing this, going to do this, and
I did it spitefully. I did it because I'm like, well, fuck,
she's going and sleeping in the basement and she's downstairs
and I'm the one that's stuck on this bed. And
then you would go back to Arizona to see your grandfather,
to be with your grandfather and.
Speaker 6 (13:15):
My friends and party with my friends, no but yours.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
It was part.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
No.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
There was a time that when your friend who was
a lesbian and not a lesbian and then became a
lesbian again and all that stuff was getting married or whatever. Shannon,
and I remember going. I saw some pictures of you
and you know, Jenny and those guys hanging out with you,
and I was like at her wedding and I thought
to myself, I'm like, fuck this, I'm going to do
(13:41):
something for myself. And it was kind of like me
not doing it for myself. It was me like doing
it to basically spiked.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Side note, don't go to a friend's wedding because your
husband will change your mattress.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Well what I what I did was and I did
buy it like a really nice mattress, and it turned
out to be a shitty mattress. It was a horrible mattress.
But with that said, we ended up staying. And this
is really interesting. We stayed in separate rooms for four
years or so. And I will tell you guys this,
(14:12):
it was horribly embarrassing for me. I wouldn't even talk
about it on the radio. I don't even think I
told my coworkers, and I think that in a lot
of cases, I would even talk about older stories of
us being in bed together. Like when I would tell
a topic on the air, I would make it seem
like you were there in bed with me because I
was embarrassed. I didn't want the listeners to know. But
(14:33):
it was also at a time when, quite honest with you,
if I would have come out and said, hey, you know,
Chelsea and I are in separate room, so that I
probably would have gotten more listeners saying, oh my god,
we are too kind of like we're doing on this podcast.
But it was at a time that I wasn't just
comfortable with sharing this on the Really, you know, and
I really there.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
Are other reasons that people don't sleep in the same room.
One person could be snoring and keeping them up all night.
There could be medical reasons. There's so many different.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Guys, got different shifts, you work different ships.
Speaker 6 (15:02):
Yeah, or you just sleep better alone.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
So that is out, And I will be quite honest
with you, I do think that you should never be,
you know, ashamed of whatever you're going through in your relationships,
because if you're going through it in your relationship, and
you're going through it in a way where either A
you're just trying to figure it out or B hopefully
(15:27):
if things are good, you guys are going to try
to work it out. I don't think I would be
ashamed to talk to people about it, because you'll never
believe the people that will come forward. I mean, well,
it shocked me that came forward that I thought had
the most solid relationships that came up to me afterwards
and said, man, I love that you and Chelsea will
(15:49):
talk about things because we are going through this, And
I'm like, are you kidding me? Like people that I'm
like looking at, Yeah, that they were. You know, they're
like the Stepford family. You know, it's the perfect The
separate rooms thing is interesting because we never did it
just because we wanted to, although we're kind of doing
something kind of now, and this is the thing that
(16:09):
is the next level of this. Families and spouses are
doing something that's interesting. They're living in separate homes and
they're staying in total separate homes. And you and I
have two friends of ours that years ago got married.
I actually married them. We were at their wedding. It
(16:31):
was spectacular. These guys had an unbelievably great sexual relationship
and you know, then got married to each other. They
knew they were. To me, were just an awesome couple,
and they are an awesome couple. And then they told us, yeah,
we're going to live in separate homes, like a block
or two from each other. And I remember going over
(16:53):
and talking to him and saying, you're crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
This is nuts.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And they were doing it because of a dog or dogs. Yes,
and he had kids, he had older kids. He didn't
want to displace them out of the home that they
lived in.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Yeah, and she had a lot of dogs and he
just was not into that.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And yeah, and so they would they would, you know,
sleep in separate places, but come together for meals or
hang out with each other sometimes probably spend the night
with each other, like you do if you are just dating.
And they're married to this day. And at the time,
I thought it was the weirdest thing. And you and
(17:32):
I are kind of doing that a little bit now
where it's not separate in our same town. We're not
doing it at home, but you go down to Tampa
and we'll spend time down there for periods of time
and I will be, you know, in Michigan and braving
the cold and the snow and all the horrible traffic
(17:54):
on the lodge. And how do you think that affects
our relationship.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
Well, I think that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I think that, like I said on the previous podcast,
I have never been alone. I've never had alone time,
and I am really beginning to love my alone time.
I'm not fully alone because we have a son that
(18:21):
lives here, but I do have a lot of downtime
where I don't feel that I have to pick up
after everybody or be constantly doing things with the house
and doing this and doing that and doing this. I
do feel bad that you're in Michigan with the cold
weather and I miss the dogs. But then also it's like,
(18:44):
you know what, life is so.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Fleeting, and.
Speaker 5 (18:48):
It is okay for me to take some time for
me now, and so sometimes I feel guilty, but other
times I think this is great.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
You know, I think it's funny.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I agree one hundred percent with everything that you just said,
like I actually more than agree. A year ago was
kind of the first of us doing it. I was
so scared. I literally was I'm not gonna hold anything
back and saying this, I really was like so scared
that it was going to be the demise of us,
(19:22):
only because I thought she's gonna never come back, you
know what I mean, Like I you know, I was like,
but I thought that this is no way you know, well,
I'm not even talking about that.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I thought, never come back to me, get away from me.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, And I thought it was awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
A year ago went great.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
This year doing it was tough because I was in
a bad place and I think that we were kind
of struggling. We have been kind of struggling a little
bit lately. Yeah, And I think that it made me
feel insecure at first, But then I realized to myself, hey,
remember what it felt like last year, and just try
(20:03):
to understand that you guys are in an insecure place.
Maybe if you can kind of just get more secure
with who you are, not who you are, but who
are no right, Yeah, yeah, that it would be better.
And everything was great until we had one day a
couple of weeks ago where we had a bunch of
issues and I guess we talked to each other too
much and you actually said to me, if you want
(20:24):
to say what you said.
Speaker 6 (20:25):
I can't.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Probably I don't know what I said. And hopefully it
was nice.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
No, it was nice. It was we can't keep talking
to each other like this. This is just too many
times a day.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Generally, I think it was fourteen times that day. And
you know, it's like I'm spending more time on the
phone with you, which there was some issues going on
that we both had, and not personal.
Speaker 6 (20:46):
Issues but stuff, you know, we had house issues.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Yeah, house issues, so it was important that we were talking,
but literally it was a lot and it was just
too much. And I just felt like, okay, I feel like.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
You excuse me.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
You also because you are alone, And it was the
beginning of when I left and I said, Okay, I'm
gonna come home. I'll take care of everything because I
felt bad that you had to take care of it,
and you're like, nope, I've got it, which made me
feel really good because typically you'd be like, Okay, i'll
see you, you know, tomorrow, and I thought, oh my gosh,
(21:25):
he's really going to take care of it, Like that
is amazing, Thank you so much. But then also it's like,
but do we have to talk.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
A million times?
Speaker 5 (21:38):
Like if you're going to take care of it, take
care of it, and then let me know you took
care of it later. But it was like I was
getting the blow by blow, step by step, which again
I get, but it was just like, Okay, I have
to go pee and I'm not going to go pee
with you on the phone, so let's just talk later.
I want to say. Literally, it was like I said,
(22:00):
I'm going to send you my call log because I don't.
I talked to you and Joe, you know, and it's like,
I'm here to be alone.
Speaker 6 (22:10):
Let me be alone.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
To be fair, I did a count oh and we
actually equally called each other. You called me a lot.
I called early, and I did call you a lot.
Speaker 6 (22:23):
I felt guilty about you having to deal.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
With it and I was, and I was calling you
a lot later and I think that and you were
right totally. By the way, just so you know this,
you're right. I'm saying it again. We talk to each
other way too much. And it's funny people will go,
you talk to each other way too much. The problem
is it's not conversation of how are you, what's going on,
what's happening, and like getting it was I'm going to
(22:46):
do the back.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
You know, I'm going to do this. I'm going to
go do this now. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And it was and I think in some cases, and
for those that don't know this, Chelsea is the man
of the house. So if something breaks, she fixes it
or she gets somebody too. And honestly, I'll say this
to you, I feel guilty that you wanted to come
home or wanted to be back home before.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I think I wanted to come home well because.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
You didn't want me to have to be stressed out
with doing this and having to go to work and
all the rest of this stuff. And I said to you,
and I meant this, I said to you because it
happened on a Sunday, And I said, if I had
to take a day off from work tomorrow, I don't
take sick days or personal days. I take vacation time.
And I will do it, you know what I mean, Like,
(23:33):
my job will survive. The team that I have is great,
they'll do fine, and so so. And then also the
part of me also was kind of like, hey, shit happens.
You know what I mean, This goes on. There's nothing
you can do about it. But I will say this
about the whole living separately thing. Absence does make the
(23:53):
heart grow fonder. And one of the things that I
miss you if you and I never really felt like
this before. Think I might be going through menopause right now.
It's testosterone, you think, yeah, No, because it happened last
year before I started even doing that.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
No, You've been doing tests therapy for a long time.
I think you upped it recently. You upped the days
that you do it because you used to do it
two times a week and now you do it three
times a week. And I am telling you it is
affecting you in more ways than you realize.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Okay, so I think it's been great for me physically,
like it's oh, I.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Agree with you.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
But emotionally well well, one of the things that I
do feel is I definitely miss you, which is good.
But I also love being missed and one of the
things that I feel sometimes and I never appreciated this,
And I remember early in our relationship, you would say
(24:50):
to me, like you would call if I was going
to I went on work trips, like I'd go to
New Orleans or Atlanta for work trips, and you would say,
you know, I miss you like or you'd call me
and stuff, and back then, remembering it, I would be like,
oh fuck, cash hold on a saying let me asker
the call whatever, because would always your call, would your
(25:12):
call would always come when I was going to do
something fun or oh I'm sure, and I would go, okay,
all right here, all right, hey, what's going on? And
I realized I totally took that for granted. And now
the thing that I do like now I.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Get the phone calls and I'm like, Jesus Christ, here
we go, here we go.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
But the thing that is interesting is it does make
me feel good that to be missed. I like, I
like that.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
But there's a little line, m and what is that
line when it turns into someone.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Being uh codependent or medi media where it's just like, okay, sir,
it's not attractive.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
I gret I guess I know not at all.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Listen here you say me taking care of the thing
and the house like that made you feel good. It
makes me go, fuck, I gotta do this more. I'm
just going to start breaking shit, I tell you no.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
But I mean there's so much that goes into that,
you know. It's it's just like there's a lot of
stress with us with that house, and so it's you know,
for you to not be in your tornado of stress
that can happen typically when things like that happen and
I have to sit there, I have learned that now
I've got to let your storm spin. I'm not going
to try to solve your storm. I'm not going to
(26:27):
try to talk you out of it. I'm not going
to try to I And it's something I'm trying to
teach the boys too, Like when dad loses it, let
him lose it. Let him lose it because he has
to lose it. Typically it's not about what's really going on.
It's other stuff that he just has to burn off
and then then when he can be calm and rational,
(26:47):
then you talk. But it's taken me thirty two years,
and honestly, I'm not still the greatest at it. Like
I want to fight back and just be like, you're
missing the point. That is not what's going on, but
it is Okay, I'm going to let your storm spin.
You figure it out, and then when it's calm, then
we can talk.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
No, you you're very smart. You're much way more too
smart for me. But I but you're true, and she is.
She is a thousand percent right that usually the storm
is not the problem, it's what has happened, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
And by the way, the storm.
Speaker 5 (27:23):
The other thing too is like with our house, because
you're always going to have problems in a house always,
and so it's like, okay, well, we're always going to
have problems, like something that is always going to come up,
So how are we going to react to it? Are
we going to just okay, let's figure this out so
this problem doesn't happen again and we will fix it
(27:44):
and move on and realize owning a home, this is
what comes with it. Yeah, you know, nothing is perfect,
but owning, but maybe being in two separates right, double
the problems.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I do say that to you if you are thinking
of in talking about you know, the separate rooms, saying
in the separate houses and all the rest of stuff
which separate houses to me is very drastic compared because
not everybody can do.
Speaker 5 (28:13):
That, No, but if you can, and that's something that
works for you as a couple. Sometimes you have to
do it because you have jobs in different cities or
sometimes for whatever reason.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
But I mean.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Ideally, ideally, as I get older, it's the thought of
it is really really nice. Yeah, you know, because you
and I were talking earlier about you know, if something
ever happened to you, I said, I will never get
married again.
Speaker 6 (28:45):
Never.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
I mean I might date for a companion, but never
that person.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Which is funny to hear you say that, because you
would you before were never.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I'm never going to date.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
I'm never going to be like, well, because I thought
I wanted like a lot of alone time. It is
kind of I used to have someone to go to
dinner with every once in a while.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
I think that and that would be the extent of it,
like let's meet for dinner, you know, or have drinks
and then thank you so much, see you next week,
or into like I think for me that human interaction
you wouldn't need as much as you need.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Oh yeah, mine would be I'd be tender and I'd
be like it would be swiping like a maniac. I've
already told you this. You think I'm going to get
married right away. I really wouldn't. I wouldn't.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
It wouldn't be your choice.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
By the way, I never dated, and I never dated
many I you won't want to.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I dated and fell in love. I fell in love
in this.
Speaker 6 (29:44):
You're not the dating type. You will.
Speaker 5 (29:46):
You will meet someone. Whether they're right or wrong for you,
it doesn't matter. You'll fall hard, fall fast, and then
you will get married. And if I happened to be
alive because we got divorced, because it's not because of death,
I am going to be in the front row, laughing
as you say those vouts.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
And I will be your dinner partner. Oh excuse me,
excuse me, honey, I'm gonna take the X out.
Speaker 6 (30:13):
For dinner as long as you're paying.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Oh no, no, no, I'll probably already be paying for it,
all right. Thank you for listening to this podcast. I
hope that this podcast brought you as much joy as
it just brought us.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
A play more commercials
Welcome to the we Don podcast starring husband and wife
Mojo from Mojo in the Morning and his better half
Chelsea on this episode.
Speaker 2 (00:22):
Coming up on this episode of the Weed podcast. You've
heard of couples that aren't sleeping in the same room. Well,
now the new thing to keep your marriage together is
not even to be sleeping in the same house. We'll
talk about that and whether or not Chelsea will be
moving out of our house right now coming up here
on this podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:42):
Back to the podcast in a second. But you can.
Speaker 4 (00:45):
Get everything that you need to start off your new
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Speaker 3 (00:56):
Get into Planet Fitness today.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Well all right, all right, all, without further delay, here
are Mojo and Chelsea.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
Okay, another podcast, another chance for us to sit there
and talk about how our relationship is what we thought
was dysfunctional until people will contact us and tell us,
oh my god, I do the same exact thing. Isn't
it kind of funny to sit there and think to yourself,
how when you discuss something that we do in our
(01:26):
relationship and you're kind of nervous about bringing it up.
That all it takes is like one person to go,
oh yeah, I relate with that, and then another person
and it's almost kind of like people then spur on.
Speaker 1 (01:37):
Well.
Speaker 5 (01:37):
I just think it just goes to show that we
all have so much more in common than we understand.
Speaker 6 (01:43):
You know.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
There it's two individual people raised from separate families coming
together who decide, you know, they lose their mind for
a second, decide.
Speaker 6 (01:54):
To get married.
Speaker 5 (01:55):
And then you come together and you bring all of
your passion.
Speaker 6 (02:00):
You both have a bunch.
Speaker 5 (02:02):
You are who you are because of how you were
raised and who you were raised by, and then you
come together because you know you're in love and love
conquers all side note no it doesn't, and you then
live in this fantasy for a little bit and then
(02:22):
reality hits and it hits us all. It hits us
at different times, and it hits us different ways. But
you know, it's funny there. I don't I don't think
that there is a unique situation. I think we all
have the same. It's just different because we have our
own spin to it because we're you know, unique people,
(02:44):
but very similar similar situation.
Speaker 2 (02:48):
The only thing is that I think that you know,
majority of us aren't honest enough with ourselves to be
able to be honest enough with others because we don't
trust that they're going.
Speaker 5 (02:59):
To well, you're afraid because you think exactly, you're afraid
you're going to be judged. You're like, Okay, how fucked up?
Do I really want them to know that I am,
you know, on a scale of one to ten. And
I think it's a good thing, Like for moms. You know,
I get DMS from the moms and they and I
will say to them, it's really important that even like
(03:22):
when you go through life with young kids and you'll
find in the same stages that.
Speaker 6 (03:26):
You know your marriage can be.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
It's very rare that you find that couple that really
knows that they should be, that they should be focused
on each other. Typically it's you know, you end up
being focused on the kids. And like, you know, you
and I were saying the other day, you when we
were talking that when you are in the throes of
(03:50):
raising your kids and everyone tells you it's so important
to focus on your relationship, well guess what. Like for
our situation, I was a state home and I was
home with the boys all day, and even as they
got older, you're still wrapped up in everything that they do.
Literally until they go off to college. You are immersed
(04:12):
fully into their schedule, taking care of their things, making
sure everything is good. You know, it goes from when
they're little to you know, birth, when they're basically hanging
on you and if you're breastfeeding and sucking on you
like literally, and then up until when you move them away.
And so you're so exhausted at the end of the
(04:34):
day when you finally fall into bed and you should
have some kind of physical intimacy with your partner, but
you don't want to because you're fucking exhausted and you're spent.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
And it's not just physically, it's emotional.
Speaker 5 (04:47):
As they get older, listen, bigger kids, bigger problems, and
it turns into not so much a physical task because
they are gone majority of the day with school, but
it's emotion at all.
Speaker 6 (05:00):
Like you worry, I still worry.
Speaker 5 (05:02):
And Joe is twenty nine, I worry about him, I
worry about Jacob, I worry about Luke. Like it's a mental,
mental taxing game, and so you kind of forget that
this person next to you does need attention, and I
think it's easier for men. I could be wrong, but
I think it's easier for majority of men to turn
(05:23):
that off and to want the physical, where a woman
you're just like, I can't, I can't turn it off
and I'm exhausted.
Speaker 2 (05:31):
Yeah, you know, I think the hardest part, and this
is something for guys. I think the hardest part is
not taking it personal, sure, because I think your instantly,
your instincts are to tell you this is personal. This
is not you know, she doesn't love me, or she
doesn't care about me, or she cares about the kids more.
And I think that we don't think even if you
(05:52):
know you were a stay at home mom, but there's
so many working moms too. Well, yeah that I think
that you know, now you got people hanging on you
at work, and people hanging on you at.
Speaker 5 (06:00):
Because they work outside of the home and then they
have to come home and take care of the house.
It's not like there's a fairy in their home running
their whole households for them, and then so they have.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
To take it and trying to make up for lost
time to because they feel guilty, guilty.
Speaker 5 (06:14):
So you you know, you're you're trying to kill it
at work and then trying to kill it at home,
and then literally you fall in bed.
Speaker 6 (06:21):
Listen.
Speaker 5 (06:22):
I'm I know there were times when the boys were little.
I probably thought during the day, oh, it would be
nice to have sex tonight, but really tell me, probably twice.
But then when you came home, gone, yeah, thought gone,
moment gone, no desire, so exhausted, and I just it's
(06:43):
it's so, it's so hard.
Speaker 6 (06:44):
It's a really hard juggling game.
Speaker 3 (06:48):
Uh.
Speaker 2 (06:48):
I think that it is very interesting, and we're going
to get into this discussion here right now. I think
it's very interesting. We hear so many people talk about
living in uh, separate rooms, sleeping in separate rooms, and
we're going to get into that, and then we're going
to get into like the new thing. There's a new
thing now, even more than just separate rooms. And we'll
(07:09):
talk about that in a second. But I all of
this together in us kind of starting off this podcast,
you know, discussing about being a parent and what the
stresses and all that stuff and how it brings Imagine
you get all those stresses and imagine that when your
kids are little, because it seems like later relationships are
the ones that go to separate rooms, not earlier relationships.
(07:32):
Imagine you went to separate rooms. I almost wonder if
that would have helped your relationship more because the time
you did spend together would be more quality time talking
and intentional talking or intentional sexual So let's go into
the living in separate rooms thing. This has become like
obviously a big thing over the last I would say,
(07:53):
five to ten years, where you were not ashamed over
the fact that you were living in separate rooms, or
you're staying in separate rooms.
Speaker 5 (08:00):
Actually you're separate rooms without problems.
Speaker 6 (08:04):
It's a choice.
Speaker 2 (08:05):
Yeah, it's a choice to be in separate rooms. I
find it so interesting. I heard this analogy one time
from a therapist and it was a therapist that Jordan Peterson,
who was talking about He was talking about how the
idea of us being and he was a pro stay
in the same room. He said, it's so interesting that
(08:25):
as a child, majority of us maybe shared a room
with a sibling, if you had multiple siblings of the
same sex, and if you did, you hated it because
you guys got into each other's shit, or somebody didn't
want to go to bed at a certain time. Or
somebody you know was just being obnoxious and you would fight,
(08:46):
your parents would have to say go to bed, like
the scream at you. Then marriage is to bring you
together and stay in the same room, and he said
that the thing that becomes of that is it's sometimes
it's tough because you guys probably came from a house
that you had separate rooms, right you or you were
not sharing a bed with somebody, and now here you are,
(09:08):
And once the novelty wears off of we're newlyweds, then
it's who the fuck is that person laying next to me?
So you and I have both done the whole separate
room thing, but we did it because our relationships were
not great and it was not a great situation for me. Like,
I know you loved it. I know they or maybe
(09:30):
I'm wrong, I did you ever not love it?
Speaker 5 (09:32):
Well, the only thing I didn't love is the fact
that I let you have the master bedroom and I
went down into the f bedroom. If we're being perfectly honest,
you did.
Speaker 3 (09:39):
By the way, I was shocked that you gave me that.
Speaker 6 (09:41):
Well, because I was so angry.
Speaker 3 (09:42):
Well, you made the choice to leave.
Speaker 5 (09:43):
Yeah, I made the choice to leave, and I was
so mad at you, so and it was better for
me to be physically separated from you. But and it
was for years, Like if you could guess how many
years we did that.
Speaker 3 (09:56):
It was three years.
Speaker 6 (09:57):
I think it was more than that, was it?
Speaker 5 (09:58):
Yeah?
Speaker 6 (09:59):
I think it was more than that.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
But it was like, am I getting right on this
saying this twenty seven or twenty sixteen to like twenty
twenty almost.
Speaker 6 (10:06):
Basically, yeah, maybe even before twenty sixteen.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Yeah, But it was funny because for those that don't
know our house, our house is a first floor master
with the kids rooms on the second floor, but we
have a basement that we put a bedroom in for
like if Chelsea's parents came to visit. And the way
that I knew that this was going to be more
permanent was when she started making that bedroom nicer than
our master bedroom. Like you started decorating.
Speaker 5 (10:29):
You got new new mattress, yeah, yeah, new bedding.
Speaker 6 (10:33):
Yeah. I did love it.
Speaker 3 (10:35):
Well, I'll tell you what I did coming up for
a second.
Speaker 5 (10:37):
But oh, that is why I went downstairs. Do you
know why I went downstairs?
Speaker 3 (10:44):
You can't explain so well.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
It was just it was a theory behind it that
really pissed me off. I was in Arizona with my grandfather.
Speaker 2 (10:56):
You you were in Arizona with your grandfather, but also
hanging friends and doing all kinds of fun.
Speaker 6 (11:00):
Stuff, because that's me, missus fun.
Speaker 3 (11:03):
No you were doing I could get that.
Speaker 5 (11:05):
Yeah, I did see my friends when I was there,
for sure. But anyway, so I you were in Chicago
when to go visit your sister, and decided that you
did not like the mattress that we had on the
bed side. Note I have to sleep on a Firmer mattress,
(11:25):
and he is like the Princess and the pee and
needs a really soft soft mattress. I my back is
not the greatest. So you said, hey, I think I'm
going to order a new mattress. I'm like, well, can
we just see what it's like. I don't you know
I need to have a Firmer mattress. Blah blah blah.
And you just went ahead, ordered a new mattress, had
(11:47):
it delivered, and threw away our temper pedick hard as
a rock, loved my bed mattress and while I was gone,
and it just set me off, triggered me because you've
done things like that before without like talking to me
about it or even us agreeing on it.
Speaker 6 (12:06):
You just do it.
Speaker 5 (12:09):
And so I was so angry and we were again
having major problems anyway, So I just went downstairs and
slept downstairs for years until you had your open heart surgery.
Speaker 2 (12:23):
Just so you know, I think you have the timing
wrong a little bit. You had gone downstairs, but maybe
not permanently. You had gone downstairs prior.
Speaker 6 (12:31):
To that, and you were you were left on that mattress.
Speaker 2 (12:34):
And you had gone No, you had gone downstairs before
I bought the new mattress, So you had gone downstairs.
And I was up in the room for a good
period of time. And might I say a good period
of time, It was less than a less than six
months or something like that or a year, but I
I was, but you were kind of like trying to
come back into the bed and doing this stuff, and
you were in I did it when you were still
(12:57):
because I remember doing this, going to do this, and
I did it spitefully. I did it because I'm like, well, fuck,
she's going and sleeping in the basement and she's downstairs
and I'm the one that's stuck on this bed. And
then you would go back to Arizona to see your grandfather,
to be with your grandfather and.
Speaker 6 (13:15):
My friends and party with my friends, no but yours.
Speaker 3 (13:18):
It was part.
Speaker 1 (13:19):
No.
Speaker 2 (13:19):
There was a time that when your friend who was
a lesbian and not a lesbian and then became a
lesbian again and all that stuff was getting married or whatever. Shannon,
and I remember going. I saw some pictures of you
and you know, Jenny and those guys hanging out with you,
and I was like at her wedding and I thought
to myself, I'm like, fuck this, I'm going to do
(13:41):
something for myself. And it was kind of like me
not doing it for myself. It was me like doing
it to basically spiked.
Speaker 5 (13:47):
Side note, don't go to a friend's wedding because your
husband will change your mattress.
Speaker 2 (13:51):
Well what I what I did was and I did
buy it like a really nice mattress, and it turned
out to be a shitty mattress. It was a horrible mattress.
But with that said, we ended up staying. And this
is really interesting. We stayed in separate rooms for four
years or so. And I will tell you guys this,
(14:12):
it was horribly embarrassing for me. I wouldn't even talk
about it on the radio. I don't even think I
told my coworkers, and I think that in a lot
of cases, I would even talk about older stories of
us being in bed together. Like when I would tell
a topic on the air, I would make it seem
like you were there in bed with me because I
was embarrassed. I didn't want the listeners to know. But
(14:33):
it was also at a time when, quite honest with you,
if I would have come out and said, hey, you know,
Chelsea and I are in separate room, so that I
probably would have gotten more listeners saying, oh my god,
we are too kind of like we're doing on this podcast.
But it was at a time that I wasn't just
comfortable with sharing this on the Really, you know, and
I really there.
Speaker 5 (14:53):
Are other reasons that people don't sleep in the same room.
One person could be snoring and keeping them up all night.
There could be medical reasons. There's so many different.
Speaker 3 (15:01):
Guys, got different shifts, you work different ships.
Speaker 6 (15:02):
Yeah, or you just sleep better alone.
Speaker 2 (15:06):
So that is out, And I will be quite honest
with you, I do think that you should never be,
you know, ashamed of whatever you're going through in your relationships,
because if you're going through it in your relationship, and
you're going through it in a way where either A
you're just trying to figure it out or B hopefully
(15:27):
if things are good, you guys are going to try
to work it out. I don't think I would be
ashamed to talk to people about it, because you'll never
believe the people that will come forward. I mean, well,
it shocked me that came forward that I thought had
the most solid relationships that came up to me afterwards
and said, man, I love that you and Chelsea will
(15:49):
talk about things because we are going through this, And
I'm like, are you kidding me? Like people that I'm
like looking at, Yeah, that they were. You know, they're
like the Stepford family. You know, it's the perfect The
separate rooms thing is interesting because we never did it
just because we wanted to, although we're kind of doing
something kind of now, and this is the thing that
(16:09):
is the next level of this. Families and spouses are
doing something that's interesting. They're living in separate homes and
they're staying in total separate homes. And you and I
have two friends of ours that years ago got married.
I actually married them. We were at their wedding. It
(16:31):
was spectacular. These guys had an unbelievably great sexual relationship
and you know, then got married to each other. They
knew they were. To me, were just an awesome couple,
and they are an awesome couple. And then they told us, yeah,
we're going to live in separate homes, like a block
or two from each other. And I remember going over
(16:53):
and talking to him and saying, you're crazy.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
This is nuts.
Speaker 2 (16:57):
And they were doing it because of a dog or dogs. Yes,
and he had kids, he had older kids. He didn't
want to displace them out of the home that they
lived in.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
Yeah, and she had a lot of dogs and he
just was not into that.
Speaker 2 (17:09):
And yeah, and so they would they would, you know,
sleep in separate places, but come together for meals or
hang out with each other sometimes probably spend the night
with each other, like you do if you are just dating.
And they're married to this day. And at the time,
I thought it was the weirdest thing. And you and
(17:32):
I are kind of doing that a little bit now
where it's not separate in our same town. We're not
doing it at home, but you go down to Tampa
and we'll spend time down there for periods of time
and I will be, you know, in Michigan and braving
the cold and the snow and all the horrible traffic
(17:54):
on the lodge. And how do you think that affects
our relationship.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
Well, I think that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
I think that, like I said on the previous podcast,
I have never been alone. I've never had alone time,
and I am really beginning to love my alone time.
I'm not fully alone because we have a son that
(18:21):
lives here, but I do have a lot of downtime
where I don't feel that I have to pick up
after everybody or be constantly doing things with the house
and doing this and doing that and doing this. I
do feel bad that you're in Michigan with the cold
weather and I miss the dogs. But then also it's like,
(18:44):
you know what, life is so.
Speaker 6 (18:45):
Fleeting, and.
Speaker 5 (18:48):
It is okay for me to take some time for
me now, and so sometimes I feel guilty, but other
times I think this is great.
Speaker 3 (18:58):
You know, I think it's funny.
Speaker 2 (19:01):
I agree one hundred percent with everything that you just said,
like I actually more than agree. A year ago was
kind of the first of us doing it. I was
so scared. I literally was I'm not gonna hold anything
back and saying this, I really was like so scared
that it was going to be the demise of us,
(19:22):
only because I thought she's gonna never come back, you
know what I mean, Like I you know, I was like,
but I thought that this is no way you know, well,
I'm not even talking about that.
Speaker 3 (19:33):
I thought, never come back to me, get away from me.
Speaker 2 (19:36):
Yeah, And I thought it was awesome.
Speaker 3 (19:39):
A year ago went great.
Speaker 2 (19:41):
This year doing it was tough because I was in
a bad place and I think that we were kind
of struggling. We have been kind of struggling a little
bit lately. Yeah, And I think that it made me
feel insecure at first, But then I realized to myself, hey,
remember what it felt like last year, and just try
(20:03):
to understand that you guys are in an insecure place.
Maybe if you can kind of just get more secure
with who you are, not who you are, but who
are no right, Yeah, yeah, that it would be better.
And everything was great until we had one day a
couple of weeks ago where we had a bunch of
issues and I guess we talked to each other too
much and you actually said to me, if you want
(20:24):
to say what you said.
Speaker 6 (20:25):
I can't.
Speaker 5 (20:26):
Probably I don't know what I said. And hopefully it
was nice.
Speaker 2 (20:29):
No, it was nice. It was we can't keep talking
to each other like this. This is just too many
times a day.
Speaker 5 (20:35):
Generally, I think it was fourteen times that day. And
you know, it's like I'm spending more time on the
phone with you, which there was some issues going on
that we both had, and not personal.
Speaker 6 (20:46):
Issues but stuff, you know, we had house issues.
Speaker 5 (20:48):
Yeah, house issues, so it was important that we were talking,
but literally it was a lot and it was just
too much. And I just felt like, okay, I feel like.
Speaker 6 (21:02):
You excuse me.
Speaker 5 (21:05):
You also because you are alone, And it was the
beginning of when I left and I said, Okay, I'm
gonna come home. I'll take care of everything because I
felt bad that you had to take care of it,
and you're like, nope, I've got it, which made me
feel really good because typically you'd be like, Okay, i'll
see you, you know, tomorrow, and I thought, oh my gosh,
(21:25):
he's really going to take care of it, Like that
is amazing, Thank you so much. But then also it's like,
but do we have to talk.
Speaker 6 (21:37):
A million times?
Speaker 5 (21:38):
Like if you're going to take care of it, take
care of it, and then let me know you took
care of it later. But it was like I was
getting the blow by blow, step by step, which again
I get, but it was just like, Okay, I have
to go pee and I'm not going to go pee
with you on the phone, so let's just talk later.
I want to say. Literally, it was like I said,
(22:00):
I'm going to send you my call log because I don't.
I talked to you and Joe, you know, and it's like,
I'm here to be alone.
Speaker 6 (22:10):
Let me be alone.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
To be fair, I did a count oh and we
actually equally called each other. You called me a lot.
I called early, and I did call you a lot.
Speaker 6 (22:23):
I felt guilty about you having to deal.
Speaker 2 (22:25):
With it and I was, and I was calling you
a lot later and I think that and you were
right totally. By the way, just so you know this,
you're right. I'm saying it again. We talk to each
other way too much. And it's funny people will go,
you talk to each other way too much. The problem
is it's not conversation of how are you, what's going on,
what's happening, and like getting it was I'm going to
(22:46):
do the back.
Speaker 3 (22:46):
You know, I'm going to do this. I'm going to
go do this now. I'm going to do it.
Speaker 2 (22:49):
And it was and I think in some cases, and
for those that don't know this, Chelsea is the man
of the house. So if something breaks, she fixes it
or she gets somebody too. And honestly, I'll say this
to you, I feel guilty that you wanted to come
home or wanted to be back home before.
Speaker 6 (23:11):
I think I wanted to come home well because.
Speaker 2 (23:12):
You didn't want me to have to be stressed out
with doing this and having to go to work and
all the rest of this stuff. And I said to you,
and I meant this, I said to you because it
happened on a Sunday, And I said, if I had
to take a day off from work tomorrow, I don't
take sick days or personal days. I take vacation time.
And I will do it, you know what I mean, Like,
(23:33):
my job will survive. The team that I have is great,
they'll do fine, and so so. And then also the
part of me also was kind of like, hey, shit happens.
You know what I mean, This goes on. There's nothing
you can do about it. But I will say this
about the whole living separately thing. Absence does make the
(23:53):
heart grow fonder. And one of the things that I
miss you if you and I never really felt like
this before. Think I might be going through menopause right now.
It's testosterone, you think, yeah, No, because it happened last
year before I started even doing that.
Speaker 5 (24:07):
No, You've been doing tests therapy for a long time.
I think you upped it recently. You upped the days
that you do it because you used to do it
two times a week and now you do it three
times a week. And I am telling you it is
affecting you in more ways than you realize.
Speaker 2 (24:23):
Okay, so I think it's been great for me physically,
like it's oh, I.
Speaker 6 (24:27):
Agree with you.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
But emotionally well well, one of the things that I
do feel is I definitely miss you, which is good.
But I also love being missed and one of the
things that I feel sometimes and I never appreciated this,
And I remember early in our relationship, you would say
(24:50):
to me, like you would call if I was going
to I went on work trips, like I'd go to
New Orleans or Atlanta for work trips, and you would say,
you know, I miss you like or you'd call me
and stuff, and back then, remembering it, I would be like,
oh fuck, cash hold on a saying let me asker
the call whatever, because would always your call, would your
(25:12):
call would always come when I was going to do
something fun or oh I'm sure, and I would go, okay,
all right here, all right, hey, what's going on? And
I realized I totally took that for granted. And now
the thing that I do like now I.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
Get the phone calls and I'm like, Jesus Christ, here
we go, here we go.
Speaker 3 (25:30):
But the thing that is interesting is it does make
me feel good that to be missed. I like, I
like that.
Speaker 5 (25:38):
But there's a little line, m and what is that
line when it turns into someone.
Speaker 2 (25:43):
Being uh codependent or medi media where it's just like, okay, sir,
it's not attractive.
Speaker 6 (25:52):
I gret I guess I know not at all.
Speaker 2 (25:56):
Listen here you say me taking care of the thing
and the house like that made you feel good. It
makes me go, fuck, I gotta do this more. I'm
just going to start breaking shit, I tell you no.
Speaker 5 (26:06):
But I mean there's so much that goes into that,
you know. It's it's just like there's a lot of
stress with us with that house, and so it's you know,
for you to not be in your tornado of stress
that can happen typically when things like that happen and
I have to sit there, I have learned that now
I've got to let your storm spin. I'm not going
to try to solve your storm. I'm not going to
(26:27):
try to talk you out of it. I'm not going
to try to I And it's something I'm trying to
teach the boys too, Like when dad loses it, let
him lose it. Let him lose it because he has
to lose it. Typically it's not about what's really going on.
It's other stuff that he just has to burn off
and then then when he can be calm and rational,
(26:47):
then you talk. But it's taken me thirty two years,
and honestly, I'm not still the greatest at it. Like
I want to fight back and just be like, you're
missing the point. That is not what's going on, but
it is Okay, I'm going to let your storm spin.
You figure it out, and then when it's calm, then
we can talk.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (27:07):
No, you you're very smart. You're much way more too
smart for me. But I but you're true, and she is.
She is a thousand percent right that usually the storm
is not the problem, it's what has happened, you know.
Speaker 3 (27:21):
And by the way, the storm.
Speaker 5 (27:23):
The other thing too is like with our house, because
you're always going to have problems in a house always,
and so it's like, okay, well, we're always going to
have problems, like something that is always going to come up,
So how are we going to react to it? Are
we going to just okay, let's figure this out so
this problem doesn't happen again and we will fix it
(27:44):
and move on and realize owning a home, this is
what comes with it. Yeah, you know, nothing is perfect,
but owning, but maybe being in two separates right, double
the problems.
Speaker 2 (27:57):
I do say that to you if you are thinking
of in talking about you know, the separate rooms, saying
in the separate houses and all the rest of stuff
which separate houses to me is very drastic compared because
not everybody can do.
Speaker 5 (28:13):
That, No, but if you can, and that's something that
works for you as a couple. Sometimes you have to
do it because you have jobs in different cities or
sometimes for whatever reason.
Speaker 6 (28:25):
But I mean.
Speaker 5 (28:26):
Ideally, ideally, as I get older, it's the thought of
it is really really nice. Yeah, you know, because you
and I were talking earlier about you know, if something
ever happened to you, I said, I will never get
married again.
Speaker 6 (28:45):
Never.
Speaker 5 (28:46):
I mean I might date for a companion, but never
that person.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Which is funny to hear you say that, because you
would you before were never.
Speaker 3 (28:55):
I'm never going to date.
Speaker 5 (28:56):
I'm never going to be like, well, because I thought
I wanted like a lot of alone time. It is
kind of I used to have someone to go to
dinner with every once in a while.
Speaker 3 (29:02):
Yeah, but.
Speaker 5 (29:05):
I think that and that would be the extent of it,
like let's meet for dinner, you know, or have drinks
and then thank you so much, see you next week,
or into like I think for me that human interaction
you wouldn't need as much as you need.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
Oh yeah, mine would be I'd be tender and I'd
be like it would be swiping like a maniac. I've
already told you this. You think I'm going to get
married right away. I really wouldn't. I wouldn't.
Speaker 6 (29:35):
It wouldn't be your choice.
Speaker 2 (29:36):
By the way, I never dated, and I never dated
many I you won't want to.
Speaker 3 (29:41):
I dated and fell in love. I fell in love
in this.
Speaker 6 (29:44):
You're not the dating type. You will.
Speaker 5 (29:46):
You will meet someone. Whether they're right or wrong for you,
it doesn't matter. You'll fall hard, fall fast, and then
you will get married. And if I happened to be
alive because we got divorced, because it's not because of death,
I am going to be in the front row, laughing
as you say those vouts.
Speaker 2 (30:07):
And I will be your dinner partner. Oh excuse me,
excuse me, honey, I'm gonna take the X out.
Speaker 6 (30:13):
For dinner as long as you're paying.
Speaker 2 (30:16):
Oh no, no, no, I'll probably already be paying for it,
all right. Thank you for listening to this podcast. I
hope that this podcast brought you as much joy as
it just brought us.
Speaker 3 (30:29):
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