Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:04):
Let me know when you're ready.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I bet that's a good start.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
This is Tanner, Drew and Laura's Donkey Show, Donkey Show.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
What's Happening in Kids?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Thanks for checking out Tanner to and Laura's Donkey Show
podcast oh heard online at one of five nine in
the brew dot Com, the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you
listen to podcasts. Happy Thursday to you and yours. Saint
Patrick's Day coming up on Monday. Excited about that? Just
you know, any excuse you can get to drink on
a weekday, I think you should take it. Yeah, and
(00:36):
so I will probably I'm not gonna get hammred because
I don't want to come in here on Tuesday, all hung.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I mean I probably. I don't even know if I'll
drink on Monday because I'm going to be drinking this
weekend and I don't know how much I'm going to
be wanting to continue that.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
Right, So I'm sixty forty I'd say sixty percent English,
forty percent Irish. I have an Irish grandma. Anyone else
in here have any of the the actual blood in them?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I have Irish?
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Or it's yeah, a red headed mom, don't.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
You know, she's not, but I do. I don't know exactly, Strawberry,
I got a very small percentage, Yeah, I got, I got. No.
I think it's more than that, but I don't know
where I get it from talking about me.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Because you've got a red headed grandma. She seems like
she's got a little irish.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I think there's a very small amount. I don't know
how much, but very I feel like I hear my
I remember hearing my mom say that.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
But but we can all be irish for a day
one day.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, and yeah, people Americans are going to spend billions
of dollars. We found out that Americans spend billions on
Saint Patrick's Day, which is kind of cray.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yeah, it is crazy because I feel like you talk
to a lot of people who don't quote unquote celebrate,
So it's kind of surprising to me that we're just
spending like.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
There's looking for an excuse to drink in public.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, are there a lot of do the Kells Party
and the Pattie Party?
Speaker 6 (01:46):
Oh yeah those are Yeah, those are still and there's
the Shamrock Run. Yeah, there's a few things going on. Uh,
back in the day, I guess there used to be
an organization in town called the it was called the
Cacophony Society, and they go and mess with people. They
had all these little things, and one of the things
they did was during the Shamrock Run they would hand
out they'd hand up beers instead instead of cups of water.
(02:08):
They'd be alongside the road and people be running by
and they'd hand out cups and they think they were
grabbing water and it was beer. They'd hand out donuts
mid race, little things like that.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
I take both. I mean, when you're running a marathon
or a ten k or whatever, you're burning off so
much stuff anyway that you could have that donut. Yeah,
probably the best it's ever been for you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
They have to stop because one time they handed a
beer to like a fourteen year old or no.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
I think they just I think people just got tired
of doing the cacophony societies, where like the.
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Name is tired.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
It is the sand of con that's that kind of
started from cacophony society. Kind it's hard to say.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
Said it so many times correctly, I'm impressed.
Speaker 6 (02:46):
In coffony society.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
If you smumble it, just keep going.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
But they'll go through it. Said it right, But yeah,
if you there's a book written by Chuck Polinik, who
wrote Fight Club. He talked about Portland back in the
day and all of the things that happened, and he
talked a lot about the cacophony society because he was
part of it. And he talked about Santa Con back
in the day. They they would they got in a
(03:11):
fight with the cops, like Santa's versus cops on Max
because the Santas were just getting hammered. They got they
took Windex bottles, emptied out the wind back the Windex,
cleaned it and filled it with booze, and so they're
just like shooting windocks into their mouths and they got
into a fight with the cops. It just it sounded amazing.
I wish it was that.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I feel I feel like the should be a movie
versus Baton, Like you just got a big old sack
versus a wooden club.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Yeah. The book is called His Refugees and Something.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
I mean, honestly, would you fight someone who is squirting
wind decks in their mouth?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
I don't care if it's real or not. I'm like,
I's crazy.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
There's a crazy sand of foaming at the mouth, drinking
wind decks. I don't want to see how this ends.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Well.
Speaker 7 (03:52):
To celebrate some stories, go ahead, Oh sorry, but I
just di's stories like this that do make me have
sympathy for cops sometimes because they're you know, there was
a bunch of cops that night that were like, god
damn it, Like we were off work and we just
got called in because a bunch of drunk Santas are
brawling with us on the bus. Like that would suck
to get that phone call. I don't care what you do,
if you like your job or not, like that was
(04:14):
a shitty night for the cops.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, you're a little rougher with the Santas and if
you get woken up from bed, For for sure, it was.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
It was the best night ever for those cops, you
kidd me. They got to whip out their buttons and
just start cracking skulls on seting.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
They actually asked the Santa, say, what can we do
this again?
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Yeah? For sure, and tell your kids sees a picture
of you beating Santa's ass at Pioneer School, Yeah that.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Would be Yeah, that's problematic, you can see. So.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day on Monday, we're gonna
have a guy come in here and teach us how
to play the bagpipes.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I'm pretty excited about that.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I've heard the bagpipes are really hard to play.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Yeah, they look like it because you have to like
squeeze and you.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Don't you have to like fill that wind bag.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I think it takes like fifteen minutes to get the
bag all filled up, so he's gonna have to do
that beforehand, right.
Speaker 6 (04:54):
Yeah, and it's it's kind of making sounds the whole time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it's so annoying, but we're gonna try it out.
So you've tried it.
Speaker 7 (05:03):
I've actually yeah, it was a school assembly and I
think I could probably inflate that bag now, But when
I was a kid, it was like you were trying to,
you know, inflate.
Speaker 8 (05:15):
A blown into it.
Speaker 7 (05:17):
It was unbelievable how hard it was to feel any
air go into it. And it was this small lady
that was doing it, and I was amazed at the
lung capacity that she had. But I think it's cool
when you watch people play them, how they're breathing into
that bag and it has nothing to do with the
rhythm of the music. That alone breaks my mind as
a drummer, like doing something that has no rhyme or
(05:41):
reason to any count or anything like that, and just
being able to make yourself do that. It's a wild skill.
I think it's a really cool instrument.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It's like the hot air balloon of instruments. It just
just goes where it goes, right wherever the wind takes it.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
So, yeah, we'll find out how that goes on on
Monday morning at nine am. Yeah, and I'm gonna look
at a couple of video this weekend just to see
if I can get the hang of it just by
watching it, you know, like I'm hoping what am I
walking into?
Speaker 5 (06:04):
And hopefully he can load the bag and I don't
know the first thing what the proper terminology is, but
maybe loadloaded. So then when he hands it to you
or to any one of us that are going to
try that, we aren't starting like Marcus where they're just
watching red Face try and fill said bag.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
And what if one of us just passes out into
the wall trying to fill that bag up.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
I think that would be full circle.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Either of you are going to wear a kilt, I
feel like you should, like maybe.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
You're so you know, you're you're getting your country's backwards.
They don't wear kilts in Ireland. They wear them in Scotland.
I'm sure somebody does, but they also wear them. I
don't care.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
When you have a bagpipe, you should have a kilt. Also,
I feel like they get the holiday they go together.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
She just wants to see us an address.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
Yeah, if I exactly a leprechaun outfit with a you
know some penny loafers find one.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, I mean I find if we had a killed,
I guess, but yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
You know they do.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
They do wear kilts on Because I just talked in
traditional Irish Irish clothing and one of the first things
that come up with vanguard tartan.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
You learned something new and I wouldn't be surprised. It
would not shock me of court had one kilts.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
No, I don't have a kill.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
I mean you have flannel all over your top half
and you don't ever throw later what do you call him?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
But he doesn't I did.
Speaker 6 (07:22):
When I was a kid, I had There was a
pair that my parents squeezed me into. At one point
there hand me downs from my brother.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I thought you actually bought a really nice pair for
the part of October.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
No, no, I wouldn't wish ahead, you.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
Know, I would us to do a bacon and beer
where it's october Fest and we all wear leader hos.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Awesome.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
We're actually talking about a.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Colt of thighs, but I think you could all do it.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We were talking about doing Uh, that one's good. What
was the one we came up with yesterday?
Speaker 5 (07:49):
And medieval.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Renaissance fair? Bacon and beer. Sure could be dressed as
the old winch.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Of course, what else would I be? Dressed as a
goblet full of something? Yeah, right right, and turkey leg
in one hand and a big glass of wine in
the other.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
She checked both of those boxes. I like that.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
Be careful calling yourself the winch. I've heard that some
of these Renaissance fairs get a little bit wild, Like
you think that it's a bunch of nerdy people dressing
up and clothes, but they're going there to touch each
other in like weird ways.
Speaker 6 (08:21):
Oh yeah, they get down. They definitely get down.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
We might need Marcus there in a suit of armor
just to protect said Wench.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah, well, I got a couple of clips to play
for you. In today's Donkey show podcast. Oh okay, it
depends on which clip you'd like to hear first. There's
a clip where there's a guy who's he claims he's
figured out a more efficient way to.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Pee the than the classic Americana.
Speaker 6 (08:46):
But I mean you.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
At the right consistency that is also productive.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
He says, he's got a more efficient way to pee.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Or this this guy who just walks up to his
grandma and says, like one little thing to her and
it sets her off and she just rants it him
from twenty seconds?
Speaker 5 (09:01):
Can we start with grandma and then down the absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
So this guy just goes up to grandma and says, O,
I'll put grandma on time out. That's all he says.
Oh grandma loses her shit.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
My grandma and time out.
Speaker 9 (09:13):
You put me on no motherfucking time You're gonna go
sit your age down. So you put me on some
fucking time out, time your aside. Just motherfucking do that's
what you do. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm trying
to watch fucking t not on. Nobody fucking time out.
Put you in your fucking kid, I might knuckle stuck
on your fucking eggy from me.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
By wow?
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Is that the twenty twenty five version of your great
depression grandma who was actually partying in the eighties.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I think, yeah, that grandma. Grandma's seen some things, she
spends some stuff.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Yeah, but she's just like with it.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
She's done done with those kids.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
Ye damn she's She's like the grandma you'd find in
a Friday movie, like they're they're hardened by the streets.
You don't put me in.
Speaker 8 (09:51):
No time out.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
Put to me no motherfucking time out.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
Did you ever catch your sweet old grandma and in
a moment like that? Because it did happy of me
once and it was the most obscure moment. I was
playing cribbage with my grandma, who I knew, like she
had five sons. There's a story where she threw a
fork one time out of anger and it caught like
a like a metal band on the sink and came
back and knocked her teeth out.
Speaker 8 (10:15):
Like she was like that. She was never like that me.
Speaker 7 (10:19):
She was always so sweet to me. And I was
playing cribbage with her one day, probably ten years old,
and uh, it was my deal. And I just shuffled
the cards and set them down on the table and
cut them just instinctively, and I'm not kidding you guys.
She grabbed my wrist forcefully and I looked up at
her and she was dead on staring at me, and
(10:40):
she said, that's my cut.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (10:43):
And she made me reshuffle the cards and give them
to her to cut. And I, first of all, I
never beat her. She kicked my ass every time, so
I'm not sure she wasn't cheating, but I like it was.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
It was completely out of character for her.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
And I saw the fear that my dad and all
of his others saw when he was a kid. Like
it was, I understood, like, you don't fuck with this woman.
I don't care if she's eighty five.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
That generation didn't mess around with cards like I had
a grandma who is. It doesn't matter if you're playing Uno,
skip Bow, Rummy, standard poker, hold them. It's all business.
It took a very serious all business.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah, because they're playing for money, you're not gonna well.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
And for them it was that was their pastime. So
like when when a kid walks in the room and
wants to be as smart ass and try and play cards,
this is their chance to.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Fla the same rage that I feel when somebody beats
me on call of duty and yeah, I've.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Been practicing for twenty years. You don't do that to me.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Well, that's uh.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
My grandma was only like forty years older or younger
than when people used to get shot during card games,
like pretty commonly so and.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Just like casually walk away from it. Yeah, they write
a song, I believe it. Usually it goes well, that's crazy.
I'm glad your grandmother didn't didn't shoot you in the
chest while playing card Yeah, that would have been a
terribly good thing.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Mine never broke the character though, like that. I never
got to see my grandparents in anything other than grandparent mode.
Like a couple of times I saw my grandma get mad,
like we put rubber dogshit on her white carpet. She
threw into a forest I never found. But I never
saw them lose it in public. I never they were
very old school.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Did you ever see them like get mouthy with an
employee at a store.
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Never.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
So.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
The only time I can remember seeing my momo, I
never saw upset, never saw aggravated, like. I don't think
it was in her blood, but Mimi, one time, my
grandmother's still alive. When I was a little kid, I
don't know. It was before I moved up here, so
I must have been like seven or six something like that.
But I remember her going off on somebody behind a
counter at like Montgomery Ward or something like that.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
She gave him the business.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I don't remember what it was for. I think it
was like the layaway stand where we were at. I
don't remember what we were there for, but I just
remember like my grandmother giving her the business.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Oh Man, and me just being totally embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
But I'd never seen I had never seen Mimi do
that before or since, So whatever it was, I'm assuming
it was legit because she was pissed.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Montgomery Ward. That's time machine moment.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
I don't know where we had. We probably had seared yourself, yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Next to the vasilean on display.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I could have easily been at Montgomery Ward.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
But it was just that one time that I saw
her kind of tweak. Every other time, she was always
sweet and really gentle.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I never really saw my grandmothers, either of them get angry.
But Tanner, you always joke about how you know where
I get my standoffishness from my mother and how we
just like don't really show emotions. I think My mom
probably got that from her mom, because my grandma was
just always like that, always just kind of like unimpressed
but never lost her shit.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The history of abuse in that family, yea, you just
shut it down Now's mom's great? But yeah, no, I definitely,
I would think is their parents did it to them.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
And they definitely rolls downhill, never angry though, it's.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Never Yeah what about your grandparents' court or you just
told us about it?
Speaker 6 (13:49):
No, No, I didn't know three of my grandparents. They
were all dead before I grew up.
Speaker 8 (13:55):
I brought it up.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (13:56):
Sure, one little old German grandma who she She didn't
say anything. She was quietly manipulative. That was her deal, isai.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, that's great. Wow she'd seen some things.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah she's all right.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So this this clip's gone viral too. I saw this
on TikTok the other day, and this guy claims to
have found a more efficient way to pee. He's really
excited about it.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So not standing up, not sitting down something.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I think he's standing up.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
I'd lay on my side, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sure, yeah it works for you.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
But how does he do it?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Like when I was thinking about that like you know,
when I saw the headline, I go, how do you
have a more efficient way to pee?
Speaker 5 (14:32):
I mean I got two ways? And Laura named him.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
Yeah, I mean efficient and well like peeing in bed.
You could get that way sleeping and peeing at the
same time. That's seems pretty efficient.
Speaker 8 (14:42):
Alright. I think it's lay it all out there.
Speaker 10 (14:45):
I'll flush mid piss. You guys listening, I want you
to hear me loud and clear. I'll flush before I'm
done pissing, just to sync up the flush action with
the end of my stream. And you're probably asking, Ethan
Zalik a silly little game you play? Oh, this ship
is a fucking game to me. Being one step ahead
of my own body is not fucking game to me. Dude,
(15:07):
tell me this. How are your ops gonna sneak up
on you if you're already one step ahead of yourself?
Speaker 8 (15:13):
Good point.
Speaker 10 (15:13):
Wise man once told me Ethan, how you do anything
is how you do everything. So that's when I realized
I need to start flushing mid pisce Parantha and now.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Dude, just in tune with my body.
Speaker 10 (15:25):
Ten seconds of stream left, I go, and that's the
speed of this toilet.
Speaker 8 (15:29):
This is a slow flusher or fast flusher?
Speaker 4 (15:31):
What model is this?
Speaker 10 (15:32):
I look on there's a label says it was made
in two thousand and six. That's an eight second flush
press it string finishes, flush finishes.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Oh rab bitch.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Don't play with my ship.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
There it goes.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
How does he know when he's got ten seconds left?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah, some people like I guess Ron Jeremy knew like
he could count it down from ten seconds when he
would bust a nuts that morning.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
It's all maybe he could just tell he.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Just was the thought of Ron Jeremy, Oh daddy and
tartaking in any of those types of activities.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Man, it's got to peel like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
I'm not sure it's all that not pee.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm not sure it's all that efficient because, like I
feel like, if you do that, there's still gonna be
some of your pee left in the toilet after it's done. Right,
Maybe most of it's gone, but there's gonna be like
five percent in there, and it's gonna have like the
water will have like a slight tenta too.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
You've still got to dribble at the end.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
So I think we all know that you can tell
from the other bowel movement like when you use the
bat when you go number two in a toilet. Sometimes,
even if you flush at the end, because the way
the water spins or you just might get something going
the wrong way, it doesn't necessarily clean the whole bowl.
So I'm with Tanner. I think you're constantly leaving residual
urine in your toilet, and.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
That's gonna be to you cleaning it more. You're gonna
create a ring.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
Yeah, and do you want that ring faster than you
already get it because most of us guys do spend
a little time with the ring, but you know it's
gonna show up in days rather than weeks or months.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
I'm just listening to that guy thinking he sounds like
the embodiment of cocaine. There's something about him that it's
just a lot of cocaine, heir.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And also he's a he's a toilet expert. He knew
he's like, ah, two thousand and six making model that
to an eight second flush.
Speaker 6 (17:08):
I don't have to get down on my hands and
knees and look at the serial number to figure out
how long it's gonna take for the thing to flush.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
We're all good at different things.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Marcus, Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
Can you explain this to me because I didn't have
any audio from the video, so I'm just trying to
put it together from what you guys are saying. And
I haven't found anything more efficient yet.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
What is he doing?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So he's Marcus, couldn't hear the clip, but I guess he's.
He says he's got a more efficient way to pee.
So ten seconds before he's done peeing, he hits the flusher,
so he times it out. As soon as he's done peeing,
the flush stops, so he just walked away right then,
So which really makes no sense because if you flush
and then walk away from the toilet, you're not still
standing there, so you're still spending the exact same amount
(17:48):
of time.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
Yeah, truly, there is no because no one. No one
sits and escorts the water down. Once you hit the flesh,
you move to the sink. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
When I was a kid and I used to watch
my duty go down, maybe when I was four.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, but I know I still do that.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
What a duty do is what I like to say
to it.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
But like I feel like it's the same amount of time.
You're just you're just leaving a little bit of pe
in the to when you walk away.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now it's not.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
I yelled things like drowned turd.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Still, I watched my still to this day, I watch
my duties go down just to make sure I don't
have to flush it again, to make sure there's nothing,
you know, hanging out in there.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
I take a glance for a health check at least.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, I'll glance at it and then make sure I'm
not bleeding or anything like that. Yeah, And I can
usually tell if I put too much toilet paper and all,
you know, because sometimes I'm like, oh, this one's gonna clog.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
So I'll watch it just to make sure.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But I I listen. If I'm worried about cloggage, I
just listen. And I afraid to go all the way down.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
Then, yeah, be careful when that water line starts going down,
it's a.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
Whole different day.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Get on your knees and tore.
Speaker 9 (18:49):
The water off.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
It does make a weird sound that my toilet was
clogged the other day and I had hit the plunger
and and it just went up like I could hear
it in the walls.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
I get like the house far exactly.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
The house's bouts are like owe related the house.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Have you ever gotten have you ever gotten a splashback
from your plunger?
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Oh? Oh yeah, yeah, because especially when it's it's violent
and like you you're having to do like micro plunges.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Gloom. Just got a little bit of pressure down there,
that's a bloom.
Speaker 7 (19:25):
This is I don't know Court and Drew if you've
dealt with this with your wife. But my wife has
this thing where she will not admit to herself that
the toilet's clogged until she's gone to ninety nine percent
death gone.
Speaker 8 (19:36):
Like it's by the time I hear about like.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I could still fix it, yeah, the top super thing.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Wow, by the time you hear about it, your whole
house is barely is almost compromised.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It's water coming out from under the door.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Suit.
Speaker 6 (19:55):
Shoot water.
Speaker 7 (19:56):
It's like, do you like to tell her, like if
you get this feeling that it's star to rise, if
you see it go past the normal line, shut the
goddamn water off. The toilet is clogged. There's no coming
back for it. When you're in here. I can come
back from it sometimes, but you can't.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I can just see her panicking in the bathroom, like
I don't have to get my husband. You see it
was the water all shitty.
Speaker 7 (20:18):
No, she's it wasn't like, you know, terrible, like it
took down the main solid part. There was some toilet
paper and clearly ready and yeah, just floating around and
it's like you try to dodge that with the plunger,
but when you're worried about surface tension, you don't care
about anything.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
You're just trying to get.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
In there clean and dude, Yeah, it's a worst.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Just our plunger doesn't exactly fit the toilet that I
installed in that bathroom, and that's been another problem. I
haven't been able to find one that's like a good seal,
so with that particular one, I'm constantly having to pump it,
like I'm I'm up and.
Speaker 8 (20:55):
Down a lot, a lot of slashing and it's terrible
and I hate it.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Dude, toys are clogged so easily right now, I think
I gotta have a plumber come out because I'm not
putting that much toilet paper in there, and I feel
like they get clogged kind of easily, and it makes
me nervous, like they could be a bigger issue.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
You know, it could be somewhere back behind the wall.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Is my ship. Yeah, now I'm not stop eating that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Now.
Speaker 5 (21:16):
I'm not the biggest guy, and so I don't take
very many King Kong dumps, so I really rarely have
to deal with it. But if I clog, I treat
that room like I've killed a man in it, Like you,
Nobody else is coming in here, Nobody else is even
to be in the jurisdiction until I've cleared the scene
and washed the DNA from every square in place, because
(21:39):
the like, I don't care how long I'm married, I
don't want to stand over what. Now it's been stirred
into diarrhea. It was a nice dump, and now it's
stirred into it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's like poop poop CONFETI Yeah, it's like minestrone soup.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I'm not Me and her are not going to cross
our arms up and discuss when and what to plunge.
I'm in here, and as far as you concerned, I'm
dragging a hooker out the skylight and that is it
until it is back to normal.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
That is good to keep those things safe.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
Yeah, I won't even answer the door you're knocking and
you think I'm dead, Not until that thing's clear about.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
You're like you're like, stop plunging real quick and just like.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Home.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You know what's the worst to just toilet related is
when you're like, it's even worse when you're in your
own restroom, but a public ustume, especially when you give
yourself a courtesy flesh and you get a little splash
back in the bottom, a little the wrong bedet.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Lift though, when you do the flesh you like flush
and then back down.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
It depends on the make and model of that toylet.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Sometimes those toilets are pretty low, you know what I mean,
Like you almost feel like you're squatting.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
Whoever picked them out when they made the building wasn't like, oh,
I'm gonna dump on that. So it's like it's really
a Russian roulette on size, shape, trajectory of bounce back
and your diet and exactly if you even if you
eat things. Sometimes it just takes to the squeaky land.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Go ahead, Marcus.
Speaker 7 (23:04):
I was at the UH Denver Airport and uh, I
don't know what they've done to those bathrooms in there,
but they've they've taken like optimum technology for flushing, and
then they've paired it with three dollars and ninety nine
cent automatic eye technology. Because I was just booping, just
mine in my business, scrolling on my phone, and that
thing launched like a fifty horse power flush that like
(23:26):
blew my feet forward.
Speaker 8 (23:29):
How violent this flush was? And I was still sitting
right in front of the sense.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, I don't know, it's just decided that you've taken you.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
I've been on those. I've been on those.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
You're gonna you're gonna get hemorrhoids if you keep sitting here.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
I've been on those before, Marcus. What they do is
it gets locked in on your body and then as
soon as you move.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I'm talking about the second you just moved to like
scratch your back, Yeah, it will flush on you. And
it's it's the one that looks just like it looks
like an eyeball, but it's black. It's like not an eyeball,
but like a like a camera lens.
Speaker 6 (23:57):
Yo, huh.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
I wish it said something like enough already, like.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
You know what you hear about those public bathrooms in
other countries. I want to say, like Japan or something
where if you're on a timer and the door will
swing open if you're not done.
Speaker 5 (24:10):
By that is frightening.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
You're having like an event because I think I think
you put in just a couple of bucks and it
gives you like five minutes.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Or something like that.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
I would be overpaying the met.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
But you know what's cool is that when it's done,
at least the bathroom that I saw in Japan, when
it's done, it cleans after you. Yeah, cleaning, so like
it like these automatic sprayers come down and just.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Wash the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Yeah, there's there's some of those in Europe that we
saw that like the second you walk out and you
can't you make sure you get out of there because
you will be completely hosed down and it just drenches
the entire place.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
What happens to the next person. They have to sit
on a moist toilet.
Speaker 6 (24:43):
See, I think I think it must have like a
dryer or something so that when you go in there
you can you know, you're not you're soaking your butt.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Or it could be like Mexico where you're sitting on
the toilet, like at the pool they have special toilets
with your own doors and stuff, and like the lady
will mop under your star like your feet are and
like excuse me.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
I bet a little of that is like, you know,
kind of a death check, Like enough people dye in
these toilets were get a double check and make sure.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
And if you go, hey, what's up, Oh we're good.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Sorry, I saw you have thirty one pina coladas. Just
proof of life over here.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
It's good.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
It makes you want to bring in like a like
a rubber glove and just grab them mop one time
and just try to violently how much of a night
she puts up.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
There's strong hands on es morel though.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
I'll tell you what here in this building, for a
while we had this the cleaning crew, like a Romanian
woman or something like that. She had an accent of
some kind, and she would walk straight into the men's room.
Whether or not. She wouldn't give you a head There
was no heads up like I coming in or anything
like that. It was just like you'd be standing there
pee and all of a sudden a woman would be
standing right next to you, like, hey, how's it going.
(25:48):
I'm like dudetas at least a little you know, heads up,
like a hello, anybody in there? No, she's walked straight in.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
This is probably like I have seen it all.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, that story you just told reminded me of a
story when I was a kid. I don't know how
I was, but it's before I moved to Oregon. So
I was living in Dallas. I went to the bathroom.
We were at the mall with my grandmother, I think,
and I went to the bathroom to do my thing,
and I had the poops. So I go to the
very far stall, which is usually like the handicaps stall
or whatever. I go in there roomy, yeah, it's usually
more roomy. So as I'm in there, i'm doing my business,
I hear someone else come in and they sit down
(26:17):
and I see the feet next to me, but they're
wearing high heels, and so I panic. I think I'm
in the ladies room, and so like, I still have
some like some poops to push out. So I'm trying
to do it like super quietly because there's a lady
right next to me. And then I'm trying to get
the hell out of there because I feel like, also
I'm a kid, I feel like I'm breaking the law.
Speaker 8 (26:33):
Right.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Oh yeah, definitely feels that way.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
But I get out, and like she gets out and
does her thing at the same time I do, and
she you know, she just we stare at each other
for a second, and then I realized we are in
the men's room because there's a yurnal there. Yeah, and
she just she runs out of but she was blowing
it up like she had a fucking sour meat loaf
the night.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Oh and I heard everything. And that's the thing. She
sits down. I see high heels, and it just starts
blasting it off, blasting off.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
You're both panic. She's looking at your belcrows, You're looking
at her high heels. It's like, oh God.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
And when she's which one's wrong. When she saw me,
she just put her hands over her face and she goes,
oh my god. And she's stormed out.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
Of that bar.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It sounds like maybe she was having an emergency, so
she probably wasn't paying attention to her bathroom.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
She ran inspiration dumbo dropping.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, at the end of the day,
it wasn't me in the wrong room, you know, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
You won the you won the stare.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Off, and I heard you.
Speaker 7 (27:27):
I I always thought that women must have taken their
high heels off the poop. I've never had the mental
image of high heels in the I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yeah, we don't take their shoes off when we go
to the path.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
Yeah, I prefer you leave a mall. Yeah, but guys don't.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You're right then, when you're in a public reshroom, you
never see high heels down there. But so that's what
was so weird to me, see high heels on the
in the on the shitter.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Next to me.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
See, the ladies are one step ahead of us. Long
before a squatty potty, they had a pair of pumps, yep,
and it was just making it all flow. I mean,
you heard that lady, she was clapping the high heels.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I mean she clear, she cleared. She evacuated your bowls
very well.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Yeah, I mean I've been in plenty of men's rooms
where the guys, I mean it sounds like a freaking
chainsaw when they're just dropping deuce.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
But the ladies do they do that too, Yeah, I
mean I mean we do, but not like not as
not as just like openly, because like I can count
on one hand how many times I've been in a restroom,
a woman's restroom and heard somebody like audibly taking a
(28:30):
massive ship.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Really, I'm about to play some clips this is from
These are ladies inside their own stalls, hearing what they're
hearing the stars.
Speaker 11 (28:38):
I'm sure it happens, all right, I'm just hitting these randomly, Okay, somebody,
they turn on the music so you don't hear that.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Maybe we're just more courteous about it. Turn on the faucets.
Speaker 6 (29:02):
That's fake. That's fake. That sounds like somebody on their arm.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
If not, someone's in pain.
Speaker 5 (29:17):
If it was the relief they came, I think you'd float,
You would break, your back would be against the ceiling.
You'd be floating.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
More like jelion impact injury.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
Here's it says me. Shooting loudest fuck in the school bathroom.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
Don't.
Speaker 8 (29:39):
I don't want the.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
You can't even find videos of us making noise pooping
because we don't.
Speaker 6 (29:45):
I mean, I've been the men's room before where like
some dude just ripped ass and like the guy who
stole over, it's like nice.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I've always wanted.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
To do that.
Speaker 8 (29:55):
I was headed into it.
Speaker 7 (29:57):
I was headed into a public bathroom in cancuon and
it sounded like bricktop from Dick Tracy was in there
shooting a Tommy gun. I'll just leave, like I I
can't do my I can't focus on what I mean.
I'm so terrified the public bathrooms to begin with that
if I hear it in there and I haven't already started,
it's pretty much game over for me.
Speaker 8 (30:14):
I hate it the way it is.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I went upstairs earlier this week to go to use
the restroom, and I usually go to the top floor,
you know top.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Because nobody goes up there that much.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Every once in a while, some people from the first
and second floor who aren't even our company go up there, but.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
It's pretty it's probably the easiest one to get into
the open bathroom.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Well, I walked in there and I don't know who
was but someone who's already doing their business, and I
just took a bow face and walked around right.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, especially if I can smell the wall of stink.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Honestly, I feel like they've been using our bathrooms less,
maybe because well we have. We've started making so many
comments to them. Yes, anytime I see a second floor
person coming up to the third floor, I will be like,
enjoy your poop, or like I'll just say something. They
just look at me. So I think maybe they've started
going to the floor instead.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
I hope.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
So I've got a forty plus your public bathroom anxiety
issue that I've always dealt with. And if I'm at
a urinal and somebody walks in that room especially well,
I don't think even people who work you do this
as often, but they just walk right behind your back
to those stalls. I don't know if it's panic, but
it's anxiety sets in that I am trying so hard
(31:22):
to just push with everything I have to finish peeing
and to finish at the sink before I hear the
first fart. I don't know why I want to hear
zero farts that bad, but that's how clinical it's become
over time. I see people with their hand washing. That's
how I am with the sounds of the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Is it because you don't want to hear it?
Speaker 5 (31:41):
Or is it because I don't want your ass gas
in the air while I'm in there?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
That's fair. I was because I'm thinking I want to
save them the embarrassment, you know, because I'm sure they
don't want to just like let one rip while I'm
standing there's I'm like, I'm going to try to get
out so that they're not.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
And I think it's partially you know, I grew up
with a brother who liked to lock the windows and rip.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
My older brother used to do that.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
It's always the one who like has a hospital problem,
like yeah, yea.
Speaker 6 (32:14):
My best friend's older brother would he would pin us
down like sit on her chest like and with knees
on arms. So you're getting your pin down and you
start ripping ass on your chest.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
That was the old who.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
No, no, no, it's a fetish yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Like you know what.
Speaker 7 (32:32):
My very first sleepover as a kid, I went to
my buddy Wayne's house and he had a younger brother
and we we were farting in the room and locked
him in.
Speaker 8 (32:39):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (32:39):
And they had like this crawl space between their closets
where they could get between each other's rooms by going
through a little that Andrew ran out through the crawl
space and barfed in his closet and not keeping.
Speaker 8 (32:54):
U seared memory for sure.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well, we will see you tomorrow for the live show.
We got one repair of pantare tickets for you. Lots
of stuff planned, so that's gonna happen tomorrow at six.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
Anything else, and then make sure you're around on Monday
when we get the bagpipes in here and celebrate Saint
Patty's Day.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
It's right, so you then buy me Transportation terminated.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
You've been listening to Tanner, Drew and Laura's Donkey Show,
heard daily at one oh five nine, that brew dot com.
Speaker 5 (33:24):
May God have mercy on all of our souls.
Let me know when you're ready.
Speaker 2 (00:05):
I bet that's a good start.
Speaker 3 (00:07):
This is Tanner, Drew and Laura's Donkey Show, Donkey Show.
Speaker 4 (00:14):
What's Happening in Kids?
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Thanks for checking out Tanner to and Laura's Donkey Show
podcast oh heard online at one of five nine in
the brew dot Com, the iHeartRadio app, or wherever you
listen to podcasts. Happy Thursday to you and yours. Saint
Patrick's Day coming up on Monday. Excited about that? Just
you know, any excuse you can get to drink on
a weekday, I think you should take it. Yeah, and
(00:36):
so I will probably I'm not gonna get hammred because
I don't want to come in here on Tuesday, all hung.
Speaker 2 (00:40):
I mean I probably. I don't even know if I'll
drink on Monday because I'm going to be drinking this
weekend and I don't know how much I'm going to
be wanting to continue that.
Speaker 5 (00:48):
Right, So I'm sixty forty I'd say sixty percent English,
forty percent Irish. I have an Irish grandma. Anyone else
in here have any of the the actual blood in them?
Speaker 2 (00:58):
I have Irish?
Speaker 5 (00:59):
Or it's yeah, a red headed mom, don't.
Speaker 2 (01:02):
You know, she's not, but I do. I don't know exactly, Strawberry,
I got a very small percentage, Yeah, I got, I got. No.
I think it's more than that, but I don't know
where I get it from talking about me.
Speaker 5 (01:13):
Because you've got a red headed grandma. She seems like
she's got a little irish.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
I think there's a very small amount. I don't know
how much, but very I feel like I hear my
I remember hearing my mom say that.
Speaker 5 (01:20):
But but we can all be irish for a day
one day.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
Yeah, and yeah, people Americans are going to spend billions
of dollars. We found out that Americans spend billions on
Saint Patrick's Day, which is kind of cray.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
Yeah, it is crazy because I feel like you talk
to a lot of people who don't quote unquote celebrate,
So it's kind of surprising to me that we're just
spending like.
Speaker 6 (01:40):
There's looking for an excuse to drink in public.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Yeah, are there a lot of do the Kells Party
and the Pattie Party?
Speaker 6 (01:46):
Oh yeah those are Yeah, those are still and there's
the Shamrock Run. Yeah, there's a few things going on. Uh,
back in the day, I guess there used to be
an organization in town called the it was called the
Cacophony Society, and they go and mess with people. They
had all these little things, and one of the things
they did was during the Shamrock Run they would hand
out they'd hand up beers instead instead of cups of water.
(02:08):
They'd be alongside the road and people be running by
and they'd hand out cups and they think they were
grabbing water and it was beer. They'd hand out donuts
mid race, little things like that.
Speaker 5 (02:17):
I take both. I mean, when you're running a marathon
or a ten k or whatever, you're burning off so
much stuff anyway that you could have that donut. Yeah,
probably the best it's ever been for you.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
They have to stop because one time they handed a
beer to like a fourteen year old or no.
Speaker 6 (02:30):
I think they just I think people just got tired
of doing the cacophony societies, where like the.
Speaker 5 (02:36):
Name is tired.
Speaker 6 (02:37):
It is the sand of con that's that kind of
started from cacophony society. Kind it's hard to say.
Speaker 5 (02:44):
Said it so many times correctly, I'm impressed.
Speaker 6 (02:46):
In coffony society.
Speaker 4 (02:47):
If you smumble it, just keep going.
Speaker 6 (02:50):
But they'll go through it. Said it right, But yeah,
if you there's a book written by Chuck Polinik, who
wrote Fight Club. He talked about Portland back in the
day and all of the things that happened, and he
talked a lot about the cacophony society because he was
part of it. And he talked about Santa Con back
in the day. They they would they got in a
(03:11):
fight with the cops, like Santa's versus cops on Max
because the Santas were just getting hammered. They got they
took Windex bottles, emptied out the wind back the Windex,
cleaned it and filled it with booze, and so they're
just like shooting windocks into their mouths and they got
into a fight with the cops. It just it sounded amazing.
I wish it was that.
Speaker 5 (03:28):
I feel I feel like the should be a movie
versus Baton, Like you just got a big old sack
versus a wooden club.
Speaker 6 (03:36):
Yeah. The book is called His Refugees and Something.
Speaker 5 (03:40):
I mean, honestly, would you fight someone who is squirting
wind decks in their mouth?
Speaker 4 (03:44):
I don't care if it's real or not. I'm like,
I's crazy.
Speaker 5 (03:47):
There's a crazy sand of foaming at the mouth, drinking
wind decks. I don't want to see how this ends.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
Well.
Speaker 7 (03:52):
To celebrate some stories, go ahead, Oh sorry, but I
just di's stories like this that do make me have
sympathy for cops sometimes because they're you know, there was
a bunch of cops that night that were like, god
damn it, Like we were off work and we just
got called in because a bunch of drunk Santas are
brawling with us on the bus. Like that would suck
to get that phone call. I don't care what you do,
if you like your job or not, like that was
(04:14):
a shitty night for the cops.
Speaker 1 (04:15):
Yeah, you're a little rougher with the Santas and if
you get woken up from bed, For for sure, it was.
Speaker 6 (04:19):
It was the best night ever for those cops, you
kidd me. They got to whip out their buttons and
just start cracking skulls on seting.
Speaker 4 (04:24):
They actually asked the Santa, say, what can we do
this again?
Speaker 5 (04:27):
Yeah? For sure, and tell your kids sees a picture
of you beating Santa's ass at Pioneer School, Yeah that.
Speaker 2 (04:32):
Would be Yeah, that's problematic, you can see. So.
Speaker 1 (04:35):
Yeah, to celebrate Saint Patrick's Day on Monday, we're gonna
have a guy come in here and teach us how
to play the bagpipes.
Speaker 2 (04:41):
I'm pretty excited about that.
Speaker 4 (04:43):
I've heard the bagpipes are really hard to play.
Speaker 6 (04:45):
Yeah, they look like it because you have to like
squeeze and you.
Speaker 5 (04:48):
Don't you have to like fill that wind bag.
Speaker 1 (04:50):
I think it takes like fifteen minutes to get the
bag all filled up, so he's gonna have to do
that beforehand, right.
Speaker 6 (04:54):
Yeah, and it's it's kind of making sounds the whole time.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
Yeah, it's so annoying, but we're gonna try it out.
So you've tried it.
Speaker 7 (05:03):
I've actually yeah, it was a school assembly and I
think I could probably inflate that bag now, But when
I was a kid, it was like you were trying to,
you know, inflate.
Speaker 8 (05:15):
A blown into it.
Speaker 7 (05:17):
It was unbelievable how hard it was to feel any
air go into it. And it was this small lady
that was doing it, and I was amazed at the
lung capacity that she had. But I think it's cool
when you watch people play them, how they're breathing into
that bag and it has nothing to do with the
rhythm of the music. That alone breaks my mind as
a drummer, like doing something that has no rhyme or
(05:41):
reason to any count or anything like that, and just
being able to make yourself do that. It's a wild skill.
I think it's a really cool instrument.
Speaker 2 (05:48):
It's like the hot air balloon of instruments. It just
just goes where it goes, right wherever the wind takes it.
Speaker 1 (05:53):
So, yeah, we'll find out how that goes on on
Monday morning at nine am. Yeah, and I'm gonna look
at a couple of video this weekend just to see
if I can get the hang of it just by
watching it, you know, like I'm hoping what am I
walking into?
Speaker 5 (06:04):
And hopefully he can load the bag and I don't
know the first thing what the proper terminology is, but
maybe loadloaded. So then when he hands it to you
or to any one of us that are going to
try that, we aren't starting like Marcus where they're just
watching red Face try and fill said bag.
Speaker 4 (06:21):
And what if one of us just passes out into
the wall trying to fill that bag up.
Speaker 5 (06:26):
I think that would be full circle.
Speaker 2 (06:28):
Either of you are going to wear a kilt, I
feel like you should, like maybe.
Speaker 5 (06:31):
You're so you know, you're you're getting your country's backwards.
They don't wear kilts in Ireland. They wear them in Scotland.
I'm sure somebody does, but they also wear them. I
don't care.
Speaker 2 (06:41):
When you have a bagpipe, you should have a kilt. Also,
I feel like they get the holiday they go together.
Speaker 4 (06:48):
She just wants to see us an address.
Speaker 5 (06:49):
Yeah, if I exactly a leprechaun outfit with a you
know some penny loafers find one.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, I mean I find if we had a killed,
I guess, but yeah, it doesn't make any sense.
Speaker 4 (07:01):
You know they do.
Speaker 6 (07:02):
They do wear kilts on Because I just talked in
traditional Irish Irish clothing and one of the first things
that come up with vanguard tartan.
Speaker 5 (07:09):
You learned something new and I wouldn't be surprised. It
would not shock me of court had one kilts.
Speaker 6 (07:15):
No, I don't have a kill.
Speaker 5 (07:16):
I mean you have flannel all over your top half
and you don't ever throw later what do you call him?
Speaker 4 (07:22):
But he doesn't I did.
Speaker 6 (07:22):
When I was a kid, I had There was a
pair that my parents squeezed me into. At one point
there hand me downs from my brother.
Speaker 4 (07:29):
I thought you actually bought a really nice pair for
the part of October.
Speaker 6 (07:34):
No, no, I wouldn't wish ahead, you.
Speaker 5 (07:36):
Know, I would us to do a bacon and beer
where it's october Fest and we all wear leader hos.
Speaker 2 (07:41):
Awesome.
Speaker 4 (07:42):
We're actually talking about a.
Speaker 5 (07:43):
Colt of thighs, but I think you could all do it.
Speaker 1 (07:45):
We were talking about doing Uh, that one's good. What
was the one we came up with yesterday?
Speaker 5 (07:49):
And medieval.
Speaker 4 (07:52):
Renaissance fair? Bacon and beer. Sure could be dressed as
the old winch.
Speaker 2 (07:57):
Of course, what else would I be? Dressed as a
goblet full of something? Yeah, right right, and turkey leg
in one hand and a big glass of wine in
the other.
Speaker 5 (08:06):
She checked both of those boxes. I like that.
Speaker 7 (08:09):
Be careful calling yourself the winch. I've heard that some
of these Renaissance fairs get a little bit wild, Like
you think that it's a bunch of nerdy people dressing
up and clothes, but they're going there to touch each
other in like weird ways.
Speaker 6 (08:21):
Oh yeah, they get down. They definitely get down.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
We might need Marcus there in a suit of armor
just to protect said Wench.
Speaker 1 (08:29):
Yeah, well, I got a couple of clips to play
for you. In today's Donkey show podcast. Oh okay, it
depends on which clip you'd like to hear first. There's
a clip where there's a guy who's he claims he's
figured out a more efficient way to.
Speaker 5 (08:41):
Pee the than the classic Americana.
Speaker 6 (08:46):
But I mean you.
Speaker 5 (08:49):
At the right consistency that is also productive.
Speaker 4 (08:51):
He says, he's got a more efficient way to pee.
Speaker 1 (08:53):
Or this this guy who just walks up to his
grandma and says, like one little thing to her and
it sets her off and she just rants it him
from twenty seconds?
Speaker 5 (09:01):
Can we start with grandma and then down the absolutely.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
So this guy just goes up to grandma and says, O,
I'll put grandma on time out. That's all he says.
Oh grandma loses her shit.
Speaker 8 (09:12):
My grandma and time out.
Speaker 9 (09:13):
You put me on no motherfucking time You're gonna go
sit your age down. So you put me on some
fucking time out, time your aside. Just motherfucking do that's
what you do. Leave me the fuck alone. I'm trying
to watch fucking t not on. Nobody fucking time out.
Put you in your fucking kid, I might knuckle stuck
on your fucking eggy from me.
Speaker 4 (09:28):
By wow?
Speaker 5 (09:30):
Is that the twenty twenty five version of your great
depression grandma who was actually partying in the eighties.
Speaker 4 (09:37):
I think, yeah, that grandma. Grandma's seen some things, she
spends some stuff.
Speaker 5 (09:41):
Yeah, but she's just like with it.
Speaker 4 (09:42):
She's done done with those kids.
Speaker 5 (09:44):
Ye damn she's She's like the grandma you'd find in
a Friday movie, like they're they're hardened by the streets.
You don't put me in.
Speaker 8 (09:51):
No time out.
Speaker 4 (09:53):
Put to me no motherfucking time out.
Speaker 5 (09:54):
Ever.
Speaker 7 (09:56):
Did you ever catch your sweet old grandma and in
a moment like that? Because it did happy of me
once and it was the most obscure moment. I was
playing cribbage with my grandma, who I knew, like she
had five sons. There's a story where she threw a
fork one time out of anger and it caught like
a like a metal band on the sink and came
back and knocked her teeth out.
Speaker 8 (10:15):
Like she was like that. She was never like that me.
Speaker 7 (10:19):
She was always so sweet to me. And I was
playing cribbage with her one day, probably ten years old,
and uh, it was my deal. And I just shuffled
the cards and set them down on the table and
cut them just instinctively, and I'm not kidding you guys.
She grabbed my wrist forcefully and I looked up at
her and she was dead on staring at me, and
(10:40):
she said, that's my cut.
Speaker 8 (10:43):
Wow.
Speaker 7 (10:43):
And she made me reshuffle the cards and give them
to her to cut. And I, first of all, I
never beat her. She kicked my ass every time, so
I'm not sure she wasn't cheating, but I like it was.
Speaker 8 (10:54):
It was completely out of character for her.
Speaker 7 (10:56):
And I saw the fear that my dad and all
of his others saw when he was a kid. Like
it was, I understood, like, you don't fuck with this woman.
I don't care if she's eighty five.
Speaker 5 (11:06):
That generation didn't mess around with cards like I had
a grandma who is. It doesn't matter if you're playing Uno,
skip Bow, Rummy, standard poker, hold them. It's all business.
It took a very serious all business.
Speaker 4 (11:18):
Yeah, because they're playing for money, you're not gonna well.
Speaker 5 (11:20):
And for them it was that was their pastime. So
like when when a kid walks in the room and
wants to be as smart ass and try and play cards,
this is their chance to.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
Fla the same rage that I feel when somebody beats
me on call of duty and yeah, I've.
Speaker 5 (11:31):
Been practicing for twenty years. You don't do that to me.
Speaker 4 (11:34):
Well, that's uh.
Speaker 7 (11:36):
My grandma was only like forty years older or younger
than when people used to get shot during card games,
like pretty commonly so and.
Speaker 1 (11:44):
Just like casually walk away from it. Yeah, they write
a song, I believe it. Usually it goes well, that's crazy.
I'm glad your grandmother didn't didn't shoot you in the
chest while playing card Yeah, that would have been a
terribly good thing.
Speaker 5 (11:54):
Mine never broke the character though, like that. I never
got to see my grandparents in anything other than grandparent mode.
Like a couple of times I saw my grandma get mad,
like we put rubber dogshit on her white carpet. She
threw into a forest I never found. But I never
saw them lose it in public. I never they were
very old school.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
Did you ever see them like get mouthy with an
employee at a store.
Speaker 5 (12:17):
Never.
Speaker 2 (12:18):
So.
Speaker 1 (12:18):
The only time I can remember seeing my momo, I
never saw upset, never saw aggravated, like. I don't think
it was in her blood, but Mimi, one time, my
grandmother's still alive. When I was a little kid, I
don't know. It was before I moved up here, so
I must have been like seven or six something like that.
But I remember her going off on somebody behind a
counter at like Montgomery Ward or something like that.
Speaker 5 (12:38):
She gave him the business.
Speaker 1 (12:39):
I don't remember what it was for. I think it
was like the layaway stand where we were at. I
don't remember what we were there for, but I just
remember like my grandmother giving her the business.
Speaker 4 (12:46):
Oh Man, and me just being totally embarrassed.
Speaker 1 (12:48):
But I'd never seen I had never seen Mimi do
that before or since, So whatever it was, I'm assuming
it was legit because she was pissed.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Montgomery Ward. That's time machine moment.
Speaker 4 (12:58):
I don't know where we had. We probably had seared yourself, yeah.
Speaker 5 (13:01):
Next to the vasilean on display.
Speaker 2 (13:03):
I could have easily been at Montgomery Ward.
Speaker 1 (13:05):
But it was just that one time that I saw
her kind of tweak. Every other time, she was always
sweet and really gentle.
Speaker 2 (13:10):
I never really saw my grandmothers, either of them get angry.
But Tanner, you always joke about how you know where
I get my standoffishness from my mother and how we
just like don't really show emotions. I think My mom
probably got that from her mom, because my grandma was
just always like that, always just kind of like unimpressed
but never lost her shit.
Speaker 1 (13:31):
The history of abuse in that family, yea, you just
shut it down Now's mom's great? But yeah, no, I definitely,
I would think is their parents did it to them.
Speaker 5 (13:42):
And they definitely rolls downhill, never angry though, it's.
Speaker 4 (13:46):
Never Yeah what about your grandparents' court or you just
told us about it?
Speaker 6 (13:49):
No, No, I didn't know three of my grandparents. They
were all dead before I grew up.
Speaker 8 (13:55):
I brought it up.
Speaker 5 (13:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 6 (13:56):
Sure, one little old German grandma who she She didn't
say anything. She was quietly manipulative. That was her deal, isai.
Speaker 2 (14:03):
Yeah, that's great. Wow she'd seen some things.
Speaker 6 (14:06):
Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah she's all right.
Speaker 1 (14:10):
So this this clip's gone viral too. I saw this
on TikTok the other day, and this guy claims to
have found a more efficient way to pee. He's really
excited about it.
Speaker 2 (14:18):
So not standing up, not sitting down something.
Speaker 4 (14:20):
I think he's standing up.
Speaker 5 (14:21):
I'd lay on my side, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2 (14:23):
Sure, yeah it works for you.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
But how does he do it?
Speaker 1 (14:27):
Like when I was thinking about that like you know,
when I saw the headline, I go, how do you
have a more efficient way to pee?
Speaker 5 (14:32):
I mean I got two ways? And Laura named him.
Speaker 6 (14:34):
Yeah, I mean efficient and well like peeing in bed.
You could get that way sleeping and peeing at the
same time. That's seems pretty efficient.
Speaker 8 (14:42):
Alright. I think it's lay it all out there.
Speaker 10 (14:45):
I'll flush mid piss. You guys listening, I want you
to hear me loud and clear. I'll flush before I'm
done pissing, just to sync up the flush action with
the end of my stream. And you're probably asking, Ethan
Zalik a silly little game you play? Oh, this ship
is a fucking game to me. Being one step ahead
of my own body is not fucking game to me. Dude,
(15:07):
tell me this. How are your ops gonna sneak up
on you if you're already one step ahead of yourself?
Speaker 8 (15:13):
Good point.
Speaker 10 (15:13):
Wise man once told me Ethan, how you do anything
is how you do everything. So that's when I realized
I need to start flushing mid pisce Parantha and now.
Speaker 5 (15:23):
Dude, just in tune with my body.
Speaker 10 (15:25):
Ten seconds of stream left, I go, and that's the
speed of this toilet.
Speaker 8 (15:29):
This is a slow flusher or fast flusher?
Speaker 4 (15:31):
What model is this?
Speaker 10 (15:32):
I look on there's a label says it was made
in two thousand and six. That's an eight second flush
press it string finishes, flush finishes.
Speaker 4 (15:39):
Oh rab bitch.
Speaker 5 (15:42):
Don't play with my ship.
Speaker 4 (15:43):
There it goes.
Speaker 2 (15:45):
How does he know when he's got ten seconds left?
Speaker 1 (15:47):
Yeah, some people like I guess Ron Jeremy knew like
he could count it down from ten seconds when he
would bust a nuts that morning.
Speaker 4 (15:54):
It's all maybe he could just tell he.
Speaker 2 (15:56):
Just was the thought of Ron Jeremy, Oh daddy and
tartaking in any of those types of activities.
Speaker 5 (16:02):
Man, it's got to peel like everybody else.
Speaker 2 (16:04):
I'm not sure it's all that not pee.
Speaker 1 (16:06):
I'm not sure it's all that efficient because, like I
feel like, if you do that, there's still gonna be
some of your pee left in the toilet after it's done. Right,
Maybe most of it's gone, but there's gonna be like
five percent in there, and it's gonna have like the
water will have like a slight tenta too.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
You've still got to dribble at the end.
Speaker 5 (16:21):
So I think we all know that you can tell
from the other bowel movement like when you use the
bat when you go number two in a toilet. Sometimes,
even if you flush at the end, because the way
the water spins or you just might get something going
the wrong way, it doesn't necessarily clean the whole bowl.
So I'm with Tanner. I think you're constantly leaving residual
urine in your toilet, and.
Speaker 4 (16:42):
That's gonna be to you cleaning it more. You're gonna
create a ring.
Speaker 5 (16:45):
Yeah, and do you want that ring faster than you
already get it because most of us guys do spend
a little time with the ring, but you know it's
gonna show up in days rather than weeks or months.
Speaker 6 (16:54):
I'm just listening to that guy thinking he sounds like
the embodiment of cocaine. There's something about him that it's
just a lot of cocaine, heir.
Speaker 2 (17:04):
And also he's a he's a toilet expert. He knew
he's like, ah, two thousand and six making model that
to an eight second flush.
Speaker 6 (17:08):
I don't have to get down on my hands and
knees and look at the serial number to figure out
how long it's gonna take for the thing to flush.
Speaker 5 (17:13):
We're all good at different things.
Speaker 4 (17:16):
Marcus, Yes, go ahead.
Speaker 7 (17:16):
Can you explain this to me because I didn't have
any audio from the video, so I'm just trying to
put it together from what you guys are saying. And
I haven't found anything more efficient yet.
Speaker 8 (17:26):
What is he doing?
Speaker 1 (17:27):
So he's Marcus, couldn't hear the clip, but I guess he's.
He says he's got a more efficient way to pee.
So ten seconds before he's done peeing, he hits the flusher,
so he times it out. As soon as he's done peeing,
the flush stops, so he just walked away right then,
So which really makes no sense because if you flush
and then walk away from the toilet, you're not still
standing there, so you're still spending the exact same amount
(17:48):
of time.
Speaker 5 (17:48):
Yeah, truly, there is no because no one. No one
sits and escorts the water down. Once you hit the flesh,
you move to the sink. Yeah.
Speaker 4 (17:55):
When I was a kid and I used to watch
my duty go down, maybe when I was four.
Speaker 2 (17:58):
Yeah, but I know I still do that.
Speaker 5 (18:00):
What a duty do is what I like to say
to it.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
But like I feel like it's the same amount of time.
You're just you're just leaving a little bit of pe
in the to when you walk away.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
Now it's not.
Speaker 5 (18:08):
I yelled things like drowned turd.
Speaker 6 (18:12):
Still, I watched my still to this day, I watch
my duties go down just to make sure I don't
have to flush it again, to make sure there's nothing,
you know, hanging out in there.
Speaker 5 (18:18):
I take a glance for a health check at least.
Speaker 1 (18:21):
Yeah, I'll glance at it and then make sure I'm
not bleeding or anything like that. Yeah, And I can
usually tell if I put too much toilet paper and all,
you know, because sometimes I'm like, oh, this one's gonna clog.
Speaker 4 (18:31):
So I'll watch it just to make sure.
Speaker 2 (18:32):
But I I listen. If I'm worried about cloggage, I
just listen. And I afraid to go all the way down.
Speaker 5 (18:39):
Then, yeah, be careful when that water line starts going down,
it's a.
Speaker 8 (18:46):
Whole different day.
Speaker 4 (18:47):
Get on your knees and tore.
Speaker 9 (18:49):
The water off.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
It does make a weird sound that my toilet was
clogged the other day and I had hit the plunger
and and it just went up like I could hear
it in the walls.
Speaker 4 (19:00):
I get like the house far exactly.
Speaker 5 (19:02):
The house's bouts are like owe related the house.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
Have you ever gotten have you ever gotten a splashback
from your plunger?
Speaker 5 (19:11):
Oh? Oh yeah, yeah, because especially when it's it's violent
and like you you're having to do like micro plunges.
Speaker 4 (19:19):
Gloom. Just got a little bit of pressure down there,
that's a bloom.
Speaker 7 (19:25):
This is I don't know Court and Drew if you've
dealt with this with your wife. But my wife has
this thing where she will not admit to herself that
the toilet's clogged until she's gone to ninety nine percent
death gone.
Speaker 8 (19:36):
Like it's by the time I hear about like.
Speaker 2 (19:38):
I could still fix it, yeah, the top super thing.
Speaker 1 (19:46):
Wow, by the time you hear about it, your whole
house is barely is almost compromised.
Speaker 2 (19:50):
It's water coming out from under the door.
Speaker 3 (19:53):
Suit.
Speaker 6 (19:55):
Shoot water.
Speaker 7 (19:56):
It's like, do you like to tell her, like if
you get this feeling that it's star to rise, if
you see it go past the normal line, shut the
goddamn water off. The toilet is clogged. There's no coming
back for it. When you're in here. I can come
back from it sometimes, but you can't.
Speaker 1 (20:11):
I can just see her panicking in the bathroom, like
I don't have to get my husband. You see it
was the water all shitty.
Speaker 7 (20:18):
No, she's it wasn't like, you know, terrible, like it
took down the main solid part. There was some toilet
paper and clearly ready and yeah, just floating around and
it's like you try to dodge that with the plunger,
but when you're worried about surface tension, you don't care
about anything.
Speaker 8 (20:36):
You're just trying to get.
Speaker 5 (20:37):
In there clean and dude, Yeah, it's a worst.
Speaker 7 (20:42):
Just our plunger doesn't exactly fit the toilet that I
installed in that bathroom, and that's been another problem. I
haven't been able to find one that's like a good seal,
so with that particular one, I'm constantly having to pump it,
like I'm I'm up and.
Speaker 8 (20:55):
Down a lot, a lot of slashing and it's terrible
and I hate it.
Speaker 1 (20:58):
Dude, toys are clogged so easily right now, I think
I gotta have a plumber come out because I'm not
putting that much toilet paper in there, and I feel
like they get clogged kind of easily, and it makes
me nervous, like they could be a bigger issue.
Speaker 5 (21:08):
You know, it could be somewhere back behind the wall.
Speaker 4 (21:12):
Is my ship. Yeah, now I'm not stop eating that.
Speaker 2 (21:16):
Now.
Speaker 5 (21:16):
I'm not the biggest guy, and so I don't take
very many King Kong dumps, so I really rarely have
to deal with it. But if I clog, I treat
that room like I've killed a man in it, Like you,
Nobody else is coming in here, Nobody else is even
to be in the jurisdiction until I've cleared the scene
and washed the DNA from every square in place, because
(21:39):
the like, I don't care how long I'm married, I
don't want to stand over what. Now it's been stirred
into diarrhea. It was a nice dump, and now it's
stirred into it.
Speaker 2 (21:48):
It's like poop poop CONFETI Yeah, it's like minestrone soup.
Speaker 5 (21:52):
I'm not Me and her are not going to cross
our arms up and discuss when and what to plunge.
I'm in here, and as far as you concerned, I'm
dragging a hooker out the skylight and that is it
until it is back to normal.
Speaker 2 (22:05):
That is good to keep those things safe.
Speaker 5 (22:07):
Yeah, I won't even answer the door you're knocking and
you think I'm dead, Not until that thing's clear about.
Speaker 2 (22:13):
You're like you're like, stop plunging real quick and just like.
Speaker 3 (22:17):
Home.
Speaker 2 (22:18):
Sorry.
Speaker 1 (22:19):
You know what's the worst to just toilet related is
when you're like, it's even worse when you're in your
own restroom, but a public ustume, especially when you give
yourself a courtesy flesh and you get a little splash
back in the bottom, a little the wrong bedet.
Speaker 4 (22:30):
It's the worst.
Speaker 2 (22:34):
Lift though, when you do the flesh you like flush
and then back down.
Speaker 5 (22:38):
It depends on the make and model of that toylet.
Speaker 1 (22:41):
Sometimes those toilets are pretty low, you know what I mean,
Like you almost feel like you're squatting.
Speaker 5 (22:45):
Whoever picked them out when they made the building wasn't like, oh,
I'm gonna dump on that. So it's like it's really
a Russian roulette on size, shape, trajectory of bounce back
and your diet and exactly if you even if you
eat things. Sometimes it just takes to the squeaky land.
Speaker 4 (23:02):
Go ahead, Marcus.
Speaker 7 (23:04):
I was at the UH Denver Airport and uh, I
don't know what they've done to those bathrooms in there,
but they've they've taken like optimum technology for flushing, and
then they've paired it with three dollars and ninety nine
cent automatic eye technology. Because I was just booping, just
mine in my business, scrolling on my phone, and that
thing launched like a fifty horse power flush that like
(23:26):
blew my feet forward.
Speaker 8 (23:29):
How violent this flush was? And I was still sitting
right in front of the sense.
Speaker 2 (23:33):
Yeah, I don't know, it's just decided that you've taken you.
Speaker 4 (23:38):
I've been on those. I've been on those.
Speaker 2 (23:39):
You're gonna you're gonna get hemorrhoids if you keep sitting here.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
I've been on those before, Marcus. What they do is
it gets locked in on your body and then as
soon as you move.
Speaker 1 (23:46):
I'm talking about the second you just moved to like
scratch your back, Yeah, it will flush on you. And
it's it's the one that looks just like it looks
like an eyeball, but it's black. It's like not an eyeball,
but like a like a camera lens.
Speaker 6 (23:57):
Yo, huh.
Speaker 5 (23:58):
I wish it said something like enough already, like.
Speaker 2 (24:02):
You know what you hear about those public bathrooms in
other countries. I want to say, like Japan or something
where if you're on a timer and the door will
swing open if you're not done.
Speaker 5 (24:10):
By that is frightening.
Speaker 1 (24:12):
You're having like an event because I think I think
you put in just a couple of bucks and it
gives you like five minutes.
Speaker 4 (24:18):
Or something like that.
Speaker 5 (24:19):
I would be overpaying the met.
Speaker 1 (24:21):
But you know what's cool is that when it's done,
at least the bathroom that I saw in Japan, when
it's done, it cleans after you. Yeah, cleaning, so like
it like these automatic sprayers come down and just.
Speaker 4 (24:30):
Wash the whole thing.
Speaker 6 (24:31):
Yeah, there's there's some of those in Europe that we
saw that like the second you walk out and you
can't you make sure you get out of there because
you will be completely hosed down and it just drenches
the entire place.
Speaker 4 (24:41):
What happens to the next person. They have to sit
on a moist toilet.
Speaker 6 (24:43):
See, I think I think it must have like a
dryer or something so that when you go in there
you can you know, you're not you're soaking your butt.
Speaker 4 (24:50):
Yeah, it's interesting.
Speaker 5 (24:51):
Or it could be like Mexico where you're sitting on
the toilet, like at the pool they have special toilets
with your own doors and stuff, and like the lady
will mop under your star like your feet are and
like excuse me.
Speaker 6 (25:03):
I bet a little of that is like, you know,
kind of a death check, Like enough people dye in
these toilets were get a double check and make sure.
Speaker 4 (25:10):
And if you go, hey, what's up, Oh we're good.
Speaker 5 (25:12):
Sorry, I saw you have thirty one pina coladas. Just
proof of life over here.
Speaker 2 (25:16):
It's good.
Speaker 7 (25:17):
It makes you want to bring in like a like
a rubber glove and just grab them mop one time
and just try to violently how much of a night
she puts up.
Speaker 5 (25:26):
There's strong hands on es morel though.
Speaker 6 (25:27):
I'll tell you what here in this building, for a
while we had this the cleaning crew, like a Romanian
woman or something like that. She had an accent of
some kind, and she would walk straight into the men's room.
Whether or not. She wouldn't give you a head There
was no heads up like I coming in or anything
like that. It was just like you'd be standing there
pee and all of a sudden a woman would be
standing right next to you, like, hey, how's it going.
(25:48):
I'm like dudetas at least a little you know, heads up,
like a hello, anybody in there? No, she's walked straight in.
Speaker 5 (25:54):
This is probably like I have seen it all.
Speaker 1 (25:56):
Yeah, that story you just told reminded me of a
story when I was a kid. I don't know how
I was, but it's before I moved to Oregon. So
I was living in Dallas. I went to the bathroom.
We were at the mall with my grandmother, I think,
and I went to the bathroom to do my thing,
and I had the poops. So I go to the
very far stall, which is usually like the handicaps stall
or whatever. I go in there roomy, yeah, it's usually
more roomy. So as I'm in there, i'm doing my business,
I hear someone else come in and they sit down
(26:17):
and I see the feet next to me, but they're
wearing high heels, and so I panic. I think I'm
in the ladies room, and so like, I still have
some like some poops to push out. So I'm trying
to do it like super quietly because there's a lady
right next to me. And then I'm trying to get
the hell out of there because I feel like, also
I'm a kid, I feel like I'm breaking the law.
Speaker 8 (26:33):
Right.
Speaker 5 (26:33):
Oh yeah, definitely feels that way.
Speaker 1 (26:35):
But I get out, and like she gets out and
does her thing at the same time I do, and
she you know, she just we stare at each other
for a second, and then I realized we are in
the men's room because there's a yurnal there. Yeah, and
she just she runs out of but she was blowing
it up like she had a fucking sour meat loaf
the night.
Speaker 4 (26:52):
Oh and I heard everything. And that's the thing. She
sits down. I see high heels, and it just starts
blasting it off, blasting off.
Speaker 5 (27:00):
You're both panic. She's looking at your belcrows, You're looking
at her high heels. It's like, oh God.
Speaker 1 (27:05):
And when she's which one's wrong. When she saw me,
she just put her hands over her face and she goes,
oh my god. And she's stormed out.
Speaker 5 (27:10):
Of that bar.
Speaker 2 (27:11):
It sounds like maybe she was having an emergency, so
she probably wasn't paying attention to her bathroom.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
She ran inspiration dumbo dropping.
Speaker 4 (27:17):
Yeah, yeah, I mean, at the end of the day,
it wasn't me in the wrong room, you know, Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
You won the you won the stare.
Speaker 4 (27:23):
Off, and I heard you.
Speaker 7 (27:27):
I I always thought that women must have taken their
high heels off the poop. I've never had the mental
image of high heels in the I don't know.
Speaker 2 (27:36):
Yeah, we don't take their shoes off when we go
to the path.
Speaker 4 (27:39):
Yeah, I prefer you leave a mall. Yeah, but guys don't.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
You're right then, when you're in a public reshroom, you
never see high heels down there. But so that's what
was so weird to me, see high heels on the
in the on the shitter.
Speaker 4 (27:48):
Next to me.
Speaker 5 (27:48):
See, the ladies are one step ahead of us. Long
before a squatty potty, they had a pair of pumps, yep,
and it was just making it all flow. I mean,
you heard that lady, she was clapping the high heels.
Speaker 4 (27:58):
I mean she clear, she cleared. She evacuated your bowls
very well.
Speaker 6 (28:02):
Yeah, I mean I've been in plenty of men's rooms
where the guys, I mean it sounds like a freaking
chainsaw when they're just dropping deuce.
Speaker 2 (28:09):
But the ladies do they do that too, Yeah, I
mean I mean we do, but not like not as
not as just like openly, because like I can count
on one hand how many times I've been in a restroom,
a woman's restroom and heard somebody like audibly taking a
(28:30):
massive ship.
Speaker 1 (28:31):
Really, I'm about to play some clips this is from
These are ladies inside their own stalls, hearing what they're
hearing the stars.
Speaker 11 (28:38):
I'm sure it happens, all right, I'm just hitting these randomly, Okay, somebody,
they turn on the music so you don't hear that.
Speaker 2 (28:51):
Maybe we're just more courteous about it. Turn on the faucets.
Speaker 6 (29:02):
That's fake. That's fake. That sounds like somebody on their arm.
Speaker 2 (29:12):
If not, someone's in pain.
Speaker 5 (29:17):
If it was the relief they came, I think you'd float,
You would break, your back would be against the ceiling.
You'd be floating.
Speaker 2 (29:25):
More like jelion impact injury.
Speaker 4 (29:29):
Here's it says me. Shooting loudest fuck in the school bathroom.
Speaker 5 (29:35):
Don't.
Speaker 8 (29:39):
I don't want the.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
You can't even find videos of us making noise pooping
because we don't.
Speaker 6 (29:45):
I mean, I've been the men's room before where like
some dude just ripped ass and like the guy who
stole over, it's like nice.
Speaker 4 (29:53):
I've always wanted.
Speaker 2 (29:54):
To do that.
Speaker 8 (29:55):
I was headed into it.
Speaker 7 (29:57):
I was headed into a public bathroom in cancuon and
it sounded like bricktop from Dick Tracy was in there
shooting a Tommy gun. I'll just leave, like I I
can't do my I can't focus on what I mean.
I'm so terrified the public bathrooms to begin with that
if I hear it in there and I haven't already started,
it's pretty much game over for me.
Speaker 8 (30:14):
I hate it the way it is.
Speaker 1 (30:16):
I went upstairs earlier this week to go to use
the restroom, and I usually go to the top floor,
you know top.
Speaker 4 (30:21):
Because nobody goes up there that much.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
Every once in a while, some people from the first
and second floor who aren't even our company go up there, but.
Speaker 5 (30:26):
It's pretty it's probably the easiest one to get into
the open bathroom.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Well, I walked in there and I don't know who
was but someone who's already doing their business, and I
just took a bow face and walked around right.
Speaker 4 (30:35):
Yeah, especially if I can smell the wall of stink.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
Honestly, I feel like they've been using our bathrooms less,
maybe because well we have. We've started making so many
comments to them. Yes, anytime I see a second floor
person coming up to the third floor, I will be like,
enjoy your poop, or like I'll just say something. They
just look at me. So I think maybe they've started
going to the floor instead.
Speaker 4 (31:01):
I hope.
Speaker 5 (31:01):
So I've got a forty plus your public bathroom anxiety
issue that I've always dealt with. And if I'm at
a urinal and somebody walks in that room especially well,
I don't think even people who work you do this
as often, but they just walk right behind your back
to those stalls. I don't know if it's panic, but
it's anxiety sets in that I am trying so hard
(31:22):
to just push with everything I have to finish peeing
and to finish at the sink before I hear the
first fart. I don't know why I want to hear
zero farts that bad, but that's how clinical it's become
over time. I see people with their hand washing. That's
how I am with the sounds of the bathroom.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Is it because you don't want to hear it?
Speaker 5 (31:41):
Or is it because I don't want your ass gas
in the air while I'm in there?
Speaker 2 (31:45):
That's fair. I was because I'm thinking I want to
save them the embarrassment, you know, because I'm sure they
don't want to just like let one rip while I'm
standing there's I'm like, I'm going to try to get
out so that they're not.
Speaker 5 (32:00):
And I think it's partially you know, I grew up
with a brother who liked to lock the windows and rip.
Speaker 2 (32:05):
My older brother used to do that.
Speaker 5 (32:08):
It's always the one who like has a hospital problem,
like yeah, yea.
Speaker 6 (32:14):
My best friend's older brother would he would pin us
down like sit on her chest like and with knees
on arms. So you're getting your pin down and you
start ripping ass on your chest.
Speaker 5 (32:24):
That was the old who.
Speaker 2 (32:27):
No, no, no, it's a fetish yeah.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
Like you know what.
Speaker 7 (32:32):
My very first sleepover as a kid, I went to
my buddy Wayne's house and he had a younger brother
and we we were farting in the room and locked
him in.
Speaker 8 (32:39):
Uh.
Speaker 7 (32:39):
And they had like this crawl space between their closets
where they could get between each other's rooms by going
through a little that Andrew ran out through the crawl
space and barfed in his closet and not keeping.
Speaker 8 (32:54):
U seared memory for sure.
Speaker 1 (32:56):
Well, we will see you tomorrow for the live show.
We got one repair of pantare tickets for you. Lots
of stuff planned, so that's gonna happen tomorrow at six.
Speaker 5 (33:06):
Anything else, and then make sure you're around on Monday
when we get the bagpipes in here and celebrate Saint
Patty's Day.
Speaker 4 (33:13):
It's right, so you then buy me Transportation terminated.
Speaker 3 (33:18):
You've been listening to Tanner, Drew and Laura's Donkey Show,
heard daily at one oh five nine, that brew dot com.
Speaker 5 (33:24):
May God have mercy on all of our souls.
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