Gratitude is Habit Forming

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Thank you for joining me. I'm Rabbi David Lyon from
Congregation Both Israel in Houston. In the cycle of tour
reading this week, we come to a portion in the
Book of Leviticus called a More and more means say,
And what it's meant to mean to us is that
the portion says about all of the orders that we

(00:23):
should observe, not orders like commands, but rather the orders
that place things in a structure for us so that
we can follow them on a regular basis, daily, weekly,
and monthly, even annually. Such holidays, ritual matters all manner
of rights and rituals that order our lives and also

(00:47):
provide structures so that we can do it individually and
communally and in company with God. The goal, the reward
would be that if everybody walked in the same way
and observed as they should, then God's blessings would be
present for them and be enjoyed by the community. But

(01:07):
a mistake can err a wrong step might jeopardize a
good life and life's blessings were an individual, a family,
or an entire community. Such were the high ideals and
expectations of a Torah text, because they too were not
necessarily observed as much as they were written for a
time when all sorts of criteria would come together to

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enable the community to live just so. But the lesson
is not lost on us, for sure, because in a
world that is complex, a world that is ever changing
all around us, and that sense of insecurity can help
and make us feel insecure, unstable, and uncertain. It is
actually a portion like this in the Torah that reminds

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us not about religious ritual amendments per se, but about
the importance of holding fast to a ritual organizational scheme
that enables us to order our lives for the good,
to be sure that the routines that we establish for

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ourselves contribute to our own well being, a sense of
structure and commitment and peace that we provide that for
our family, and we participate in that similar way with
the larger community around us. For example, there is a
structure to worship, not just the worship service itself, but

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the opportunity we have to participate in it. How many
of you go to church every week? How many of
you go to synagogue each week? How many of you
attend the mosque or the temple as you could? Some
people pay pray three times a day or even five.
Some people go to church every day. Many of my

(03:00):
congregants come to synagogue every week and especially on special holidays.
But even if they're not in attendance, the question can
still be asked if they're participating in an organized, consistent,
and expected way on a daily and weekly basis, Is
there a form of routine that enables them to feel secure,

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that they're in control of something that provides meaning for
them and those who participate with them. It might be
ritual matters, but the truth is we all have habits
and routines. How many of you get up in the
morning and take your walk, have your yogurt, a cup
of coffee, go to the gym. The list is almost endless,
but it's your list, it's your routine, and it gives

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you a sense of control and happiness and a sense
of preparation for what the day will be. And perhaps,
even though there's never much proof, that you're also contributing
to your physical, mental, and emotional well being that might
carry you into the future to live a long and
good life. But those habits begin with us, and our

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commitment to them is only ours. No one can truly
command us to do it, and sometimes we're oppositional. In
any case, someone tells you relax, someone says go to
the gym, and our first reaction is to do the
complete opposite. Routines have its ritual structure, are part of

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our need to feel that we're accommodating our own sense
of well being and contributing to the well being of
those who depend on us. So dearly in the past
we call them midst of votes. We still use the
word today. But in the Torah portion that I mentioned
called at Moore, such a commandment was a means of

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getting it so right that God's blessings would certainly come.
That was the ancient perspective, and today I do know
people who pray with as much fervor because they too
anticipate that if they get it right, they would enjoy
God's blessings as well. Look, I'm a rabbi. I pray
on a regular basis too. I pray not only for

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something to happen, but I also pray that I find
within myself the patience, the wisdom, the strength to do
what I do, to help people the way that I can,
and to make a difference where I should and even
when we are triggered or when we have a knee
jerk reaction to something, to be sure that we find

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within ourselves what God has given us, the ability to
be wise about our reaction, to contribute to peace and
not to more strife, and to be sure that we've
made a positive impact in the places where we are
given privilege to have power and control, and to make
that difference. Some of us are more religious than others,

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and there is a difference between holy routines and customs
and secular ones. But I believe that if we can
make space in our life for all the secular things
that we enjoy. So go on your walk and go
to the gym and do other things that are part
of your routine. They give you pleasure, They awaken you

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to the friendships and the sense of community that you
continue to enjoy. And even business routines are helpful too,
because they provide a steady income or a steady sense
of accomplishment and achievement that contributes to your sense of
well being. But at the end of the day, I
believe that in that pie chart of possibilities and the

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way you cut up all of your time to spend
well there should be some sliver of holy time, some
sliver where out of religious sensibility religious well being, you
find yourself saying thank you, an expression of gratitude in

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Hebrew hakarat dot toad. Recognizing the good allows you to
enlarge your sense of self and awareness of the world
around you. Just because you are more fortunate or less
fortunate doesn't mean it's consistent with an equivalent reaction from God.
Did you get it right or did you not? I

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know people who have a sense of hawkarat a toad,
recognizing the good and living with a sense of gratitude,
whether they're rich or poor, where they have a lot
or a little. Somebody who has a little, it might
not be easy for everybody to recognize that that person
too has a sense of gratitude for what he or
she has and what they do. Somebody who lives a

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simple life doesn't mean that they're poor. They might not
have as much money in the bank, or it's a
fancy car in the driveway, but their love of family
and friendship, the routine that they keep, and their commitment
to God and the way that they pray gives them
all that they need. And I've certainly heard many people
say to me who do not live a rich life

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that they are happy, grateful, and feel very blessed each day.
What gives them blessing, Well, you'd have to ask. But
when I've asked, I've learned friendship, family, good health, and
a new day. Just waking up in the morning can
be an opportunity to express gratitude for the possibilities that

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still lie ahead. But I've known rich people who have
so much and who never worry about where their next
dime will come from, who have a sense of hakarata tove,
a sense of gratitude and well being. They're generous with
their funds, they lift other people up. They do it
publicly or even privately. But I've also known that such

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richness can cause havoc and strife and pain, because money
doesn't buy happiness. It's an old adage, we know, but
there's also truth to it when money doesn't contribute to
a sense of a person's gratitude, Because sometimes that money
comes from hard work, and maybe that contributes to a

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sense of gratitude. Sometimes that money, that richness, is inherited
or given, and it does not necessarily contribute to a
sense of hard work, sweat equity, so that we have
to learn and be conscious of the privilege to feel gratitude,
because when we do, we remind ourselves as well that

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it isn't only about us, not just me, not just you.
We're not living a good life because we did something
great or we were so blessed. It's because we've appreciated
with enormous gratitude what that privilege is, what that power is,
what the opportunity is to use it for something good

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and therefore something holy as well. Because I've said before,
even a person who isn't terribly religious might say thank God,
or oh my God, even dear God God. That is
in itself a way of expressing that there's something larger
than ourselves that is responsible for this, has a pardon this,

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or even a small role in it. When we acknowledge,
even at the beginning that there's something larger than ourselves,
it's an enormous contribution to our sense of modesty, humility,
and as we say in Hebrews, seems soon it's a
Hebrew word, even by the sound of it, suggests that
we have an ego contraction to leave room in the

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space that we create for other people, for other accommodations
and for gratitude. So in the way that we assemble
our own thoughts, our own processes, we appreciate that we
have much to contribute. We can be proud of what
we do. But if pride is at the expense of
humility and gratitude, then it consumes us and leaves us

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no room to see the good in others and the
contributions that they make, or that someone who has less
than we do is unhappy because of it. It's not true.
When we see that we're all children of God, that
we all have a role to play, a place to
play it, and the things we need to do it,
then we find the happiness, the gratitude with all that

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we've been given, and the combination that we create across communities,
in houses of worship, even in families is simply a
piece that we can all celebrate and share. I have
four siblings. I also have four children, and when sometimes
children experienced sibling rivalry, I've taught my own children not

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to compare themselves to the others. Who has more, who
is brighter, who's moving faster along the way, who's accomplished
more than the others. It's a false test. The only
question to ask is where are they finding happiness? We
are the expressing gratitude, and every one of them is

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simply different. It's not who is better, it's what's different.
Every person is created as an individual, and I myself,
if I haven't told you before, I'm an identical twin.
By twin and I are identical and mirror image by
genetics and by nature. We are bound to be almost

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diametrically different because of that mirror image tendency. It means
the egg in creation separated late, and there are many
mirror image twins around, and so we are close as twins.
We compared each other over the ears, but we also
recognize our differences and we celebrate the differences because we

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are individuals. So much so that even when I do
a baby naming for twins, rather than bless them together,
I give two blessings, one for each child. Yes, they
might look alike, they might share the same DNA, and
their parents call them the twins, but they are different
and should receive a new blessing, a separate blessing for

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the path that they will take wherever it brings them
and us should always include a sense of structure and
routine that gives us happiness and joy, but also leave room,
whether in the synagogue or the church, or the mosque
or a holy place, or even just at home, to
say thank you for what I have. I'm Rabbi David

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Lyon from Congregation Beth Israel in Houston. To listen again
or to share this message, please find it My podcast
called Heart to Heart with Rabbi David Lyon are the
hot iHeartRadio app. You can also find it at Sunny
ninety nine dot com. It's something to share and something
to know, because when all of us have a combination

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of knowing what is our routine in our structure that
provides as a sense of control and an uncontrollable world,
we also have the opportunity at the end of the
day or just at the beginning, to say thank you
for what I have. I appreciate what I've been given,
and here's what I hope to accomplish with it. But
let's not look at our neighbor and see rich or poor,

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or smart or simple. Let's simply see what people are
doing with what they've been given. If it's positive and
makes a contribution, if it's wholesome and legal and sacred.
Let's appreciate them for what they have been given and
what they can do with it. We all die as equals.
We can't take it with us. We take only with

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us our love and faith. And I hope as long
as we live on this earth, then the blessings we've
been given and the ways that we can use them
contribute to the kind of peace that all of us
seek for ourselves and our families and the large world
around us. Soon, I hope one day thank you for
joining me. I look forward to being with you again

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next time.