March 6, 2025 • 32 mins
This week Dr. Jaz, Corrina Crade, and I talk about conflict resolution. It's tough growing up and experiencing peer pressure, bullying, and other factors that play into our kiddos lives. We share our own experiences growing up and how we dealt with it. In this episode we give helpful tips in each of these categories and they also role play how to react to someone that might be a bully. We actually have a lot of fun and laughter when it comes to trying to be the "mean" kid and lets be honest this type of behavior happens in our adult lives as well. Get ready for this really fun episode with a lot of #ladyboss power to not only instill into our children, but us as women!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Madtown Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now, sit back, relax,
and get ready to talk mom life with Christa and
her Squad.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
All right, ladies, So you know what, I have a
teenage daughter, Gia. She is what is she in now?
She's in high school and she's going to be going
in ninth grade. I cannot tell you the amount of
stress she's under right now.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
You know, not only is she.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Getting you know, her grades, getting all the homework, and
she was sick for.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Like two weeks. She's in her very first musical.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So her practices are going like to seven o'clock every night,
eight o'clock, nine o'clock. So it's a lot, you know,
especially during this time when you're a teenager, you're going
through a lot of change, physical change, social change, emotional change,
developmental change, and it can be extremely overwhelming. And sometimes,
you know, conflict resolution not only happens within themselves, it
(00:58):
can happen with their peers and even with us. So
I thought today we could just kind of touch on,
you know, conflict resolution and how we can help parents,
especially talk with their kids, you know, because we don't
always know that our children are overwhelmed unless they come
to us. But we can definitely see it on their faces.
We can see it in their grades when they're going down.
(01:19):
I mean, I don't know about you, but I mean
I can see that, you know, especially being a parent
of a you know, a daughter is a teenager.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I mean I'm not a parent of a teenager. Yeah,
but I recognize even some of the things you're saying
from friends of mine. Growing up and being a teenager.
I mean, it's like the first time, right right, it's
acting out, it's great, it's all that, and you know,
being overwhelmed. But doctor jazz Man, you probably you've been
around with that stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You got a couple of teenagers.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Oh yeah, I'm like this is a great topic. I'm
just dealing with this this morning.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh okay, share share.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Yeah, my kiddos are. My son's about to be sixteen.
Oh my, I can't believe that he's taller than me.
He has a mustache. Oh, he's taking driving lessons, so oh,
I can't handle it. And then my daughter is fourteen
and a half. Okay, I'm a seven year old and
a one year old, so I have two teens. So
I am still figuring it out, but I am really
(02:15):
excited about this topic today. So we can just dig
into conflict resolution.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Absolutely, something that we can all identify are the common
causes of conflict and adolescences.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
And that first off is peer pressure.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's nothing worse as a kid when you would go
through something and all your friends are saying.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Do it, do it, do it?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Because I remember I decided not to be a leader
but a follower and go and try to steal, and
then you know the story, and then I got caught.
Then my mom sent me to jail, and I learned
my lesson after thirty hours of community service. But I
wanted to be accepted and it wasn't the right thing
to do well.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
And then also we don't have the brains to really understand,
you know, letting go of acceptance and consequences like someone
looking back, like our behaviors, you know, as an adult.
And I think that's something to really recognize. Even I mean,
I have a seven year old, that's my oldest child,
and I'm seeing just you know, just patterns where I'm like,
oh my gosh, you are a seven year old.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
You are a teenager, right, right?
Speaker 4 (03:16):
And so when we're talking about talking to kids about this,
it's really getting to that level of like where is
their brain development? Right again, doctor Jazz Q you qu
you are doctor Jazz, doctor doctor.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Yeah, it's so interesting looking at their brain development, and
then especially when you go into the teenage years, they
move from and the goal as a parent is to
move from them just testing the limits and being able
to follow direction to be able to actually process and
make their own positive choices.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Right.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
But brain development is not done until adolescents are actually
like into their early twenties. I believe that it's not
even done. And the part of the brain that really
continuing to develop is the frontal cortex, like right in
that part right behind your big forehead, that part of
the brain, your frontal cortex. That's the part of the
(04:10):
brain that helps with higher level decision making where you
kind of process the things that are happening and make
higher meaning of them. And that part of the brain
is not all the way developed until your early twenties.
But at the same time, you're having all these emotions
in the teenage years, hormones like peer pressure, and your
(04:30):
brain's not all the way developed. So who it's just
a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Right, It's like you're not ready to be able to
stand up for yourself yet, you know, it's hard to
learn how to do that.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
And they also say don't don't they say boys in particular,
like what three years later than girls? I need not
like you need facts for that one.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Bless all the moments, bless all the moms who have signs.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Well that brings us to the next thing when it
comes to conflict, And I know this is.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
A huge issue, and especially.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
With how our world works today, social media bullying is outrageous,
you know, and being able to I don't know mentally
be able to cope with that, Like how do we
get through especially we're talking to our kiddos. I know,
if if someone was bullying my child, believe me, I'm
(05:21):
going to go to that person's house and I'm going
to remaha someone out in a respectful way. But I'm
not going to just allow that to happen because I'm protecting.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
You know, to see what adolescents now are dealing with first,
like even what we did right, you know. But I
don't have any I don't have any advice on that,
Doctor Jazz.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Yeah, I would say one thing that has been helping
as I've been navigating this, because we did have to
deal with some situations related to this. One thing that
has helped, and I encourage others to do with your kids,
and you can even start young, is role playing Because
a lot of times when you're in a bullying situation
and you're on the spot and it's kind of like
what should I do? Should I punch the person in
(06:04):
the face? Should I say something back? Like what should
you do? And so role playing is really a fun
game you can actually do at home. So how we
did it was I had my kids and we would
take turns, like saying something that a bully might say
or someone might say, and then you had to respond,
And then we talked through the different actions that they
(06:26):
would hear. So if they said, oh, I would go
and punch them in the face, We're like, okay, maybe
that might not be that. Okay, let's think about that. Okay,
if they come and punch you first, like push them off,
you could defend yourself. But even talking about that, what
if they say something to you, what's something that you
can say back, not to tear them down, but just
to like let them know that You're not just someone
(06:47):
who's gonna shrivel up and cry. You can't let the
bullies have power over you and let them see that
they're bothering you, because then they're gonna keep going. And
then also, like when to the importance of involving adult
So when you role play when that situation actually happens
in real life, they'll be prepared for what to do
rather than having to just be there in that moment alone.
(07:10):
That's what we do in the medical field, like we
role play for certain emergency situations, so when that happens,
it's just kind of a muscle memory of like what
to do, same thing with in bullying situations. So that's
a fun game you could play with your kids, and
they it was hilarious to them to like see me
be a pretend bully. The stuff they would say to me,
(07:32):
it was just so fun.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
In all seriousness.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
So there was a time in Gia's life in school
where she was being bullied, Like she was on volleyball
and the girls were making you know, they were making
comments nude. She thought these were her friends, and I
had to sit her down because I grew up being
bullied because again I have a glass eye. So I
constantly heard, oh my god, there goes the one eye girl,
there goes the one eye girl, and I would go
home crying. And what my mom instilled in me is
(07:57):
that Christa, they're just jealous of you because they have
to see.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out of two eyes. You just have to see out
of one.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I instilled in Jia that these young ladies are
doing this, it's not because of her. It's because they're
insecure about themselves always always, and to stay positive, to
stay kind, stay true to yourself, don't go low like
they are.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
But it's not because of you, it's because of them.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And another thing is it's like mice on seven.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
And he probably faced this first little bit where someone
had mentioned he was as small as a first grader
and he's a second grader, and really bummed him out,
like he actually wanted to sit at the counter and
talk to me about it. And so he so, this
is my not so great parenting technique, and I'm a little.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Embarrassed about this one, so please do not judge me.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
So we're talking about it and he's like, yeah, I
just wish I was a little bit taller.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So he said, honey, I'm gonna teach you a song.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Bye Iceculo called I wish and I lost advice.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
I just settle. Are you talking about it? I wish
it was I wish.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Girl.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
And my son looked.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
At me like I was insane, and then he goes, mom,
can I go upstairs and go to bed? And I said, yeah,
well what ayays? Prior to this, please Chris, please don't
judge me.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
No, I think that's actually hilarious.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
So then prior to this, I did tell him one thing,
and I love what you said about like, yeah, man,
they're just jealous because they are because it's about them, right,
it's putting it back on them.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
But then also like it sucks.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I feel like parents, And I catch myself doing this
all the time, like I don't I try to fix it, right,
I try and say, oh, just don't let it go
blah blah blah, like I said to Juju. You know
my son, I said, man, it sucks. That's painful and
that is unfair to hear and you know, and it's
just almost a felt good for me as my my
(10:00):
own therapy of being bullied too.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Because I'm bullied too.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
I kind of wish someone was just like because my
mom was just like, you know, someday this won't matter,
you know, but I love that, like saying it's it's
about them, but you know it sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It is, and I tell you it continues out throughout
your adult life because two summers ago, my girlfriend told
me she goes Christa. I don't know why it is,
but people love to gossip about you.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
You about me.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
That's because you're pretty whatever, and you look like a princess.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Oh you're adorable, that's what.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
But but I took that because and I know who
what she's talking about. People love They get off on
trying to see other people I don't know go through
painful things. Yes, and I just it's the saddest thing
that people would wish that another person and find pleasure
in seeing someone go through something personal in their life.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Like why right, it's because you're a celebrity. And that's
what you can tell your teens too, Like, so think
about it, what do we do? A lot of people
watch TV scroll and they talk about celebrities everything that
happens in their life. They talk about all the news
of celebrities. So if people are talking about you, Christa,
it's because you're a celebrity, you are the nightly news.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Well, I love especially for women when they say, you know,
I'm in women empowerment and you're like, no, you're not,
because you would not be saying what you're saying right
now in this community. So I'm just throwing that out there.
I'm just digressing. You know, it goes on for other conflicts.
You know, we've got conflicts in our families. We personally
take the time to talk to our children. I know
(11:43):
we've talked a lot about how we deal with our
children in you know, in those times in prior podcasting
as well. So let's talk about key complex resolution skills, Jazz.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I know you came across a lot of great ones.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah. One that I wanted to mention it's related to
when people are talking negatively about you. A point one
thing that I remind my kids of is just to
remember what they're saying is not true, so don't let
it get to you. So, for example, your name is Christa.
But what if I was like, ha, Sarah, that's your
(12:19):
name Sarah, and I started telling people that and I'm like,
your name is Sarah. Would you get upset.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That you were calling me someone else's name, right.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Would it internally bother you if I called you Sarah,
but you're like, no, my.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Name iss no because I've actually called people by the
wrong names.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
So but if it was intentional, I mean, like, why
are you doing that?
Speaker 5 (12:40):
Why are you doing it? But it wouldn't like change
who you were as a person. You would be annoyed,
but it wouldn't like change the core of your being.
So in the same way, because you know it's not true.
No matter how much they look at you and say,
ha ha, Sarah's your name, You're Sarah, Hi Sarah. You're
just like, oh, you're so annoying. But it's not going
to cause you to go home and cry it and say,
like what it is my name really Sarah Sarah? So
(13:04):
in this what the purpose of that is When people
say things about you like oh, you're stupid or you're dumb,
or they say gossip about you or something, it's not true,
just like your name is your name. Like if that
stuff is not true, don't let don't internalize that. Yeah,
don't let it get to you. So that's like one
(13:24):
conflict resolution as far as like change that you can
do inside of yourself. Don't internalize it. Don't let it
get to you because what they're saying is absolutely not true.
Just look at them like they're stupid, Like my name
is not Sarah.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Like your great advice for kids, great advice. Okay, I
just got like shivers.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Yeah, like I think that's advice for anybody, yeah, not
just teenagers. I mean that was just like a really
beautiful way of putting it, because I think that that
like you're going back to my son, like, well, you
know you're not as short as a first grader, you're
an average site.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
In fact, you're above average. So like that is so similar.
But it got into him.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
But if if they called you Derek, your name's not Derek,
they look real dumb, right right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Don't call them dumb, but they look real dumb. I
love that, doctor Jass. I have like a list of
you know what I would say. I would be like,
when did you realize you're so dumb? That's what my
comeback would be to that. God, girl, you're gonna get punched.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
I don't well in our role playing game, but we
were doing comebacks. Yeah, and that was fun. Yeah, doing
that game with your kids, Like you say something smart
and then like they have to do a comeback. But
when we did comebacks, we were trying to say, like,
try not to tear the other person down, but make
your comeback be like something to uplift yourself, Like if
(14:40):
they're like, why are you wearing those same shoes? Like, oh,
I didn't know you were watching me so closely. I
must be a celebrity, or something like, oh, thank you.
I love the way I look like yeah, but practicing
those comebacks in the moment, it's really cool.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
So gosh, we should practice those game.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Wouldn't it be nice to duplicate her and just put
her in our pocket whenever we need doctors advice.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
I am still figuring this out current.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
I would love more than anybody. I'm taking notes. Yes,
I would love for you to play role with each other.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
All right.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
I want you to say yes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I want you to say something to Karina, and I
want Karina to do a come back.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
Okay, why are you always trying to dress like that?
Do you think you're too good for everybody else?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Wow, you're really paying attention to me. You must really
like me, and you know what, I like you too?
Speaker 5 (15:34):
Oh my gosh. Yeah, he said that to a bully.
They would be like, what.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Taking back? Okay, I want to try. I want to okay, okay,
do you want to hurt?
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Because I'm terrible? So why do you? Why do you do?
Why do you brush your hair so much? That's all
I got.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
The eyebroll she did? She did?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I love that's powerful?
Speaker 5 (16:12):
All right? I want one? I want one. I want one,
I wrote, our poor podcast listeners couldn't see. Did I
just like kind of looked at you stupid, rolled my
eyes and I just looked away and kept mine in
my business because I don't have the time of Kay
do you even respond? It's not even worth me formulating
A responds.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Love that love that. This is not just for your teenagers.
This is for all hmans. This is for us. Okay,
I want one.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
I want one?
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Okay, Okay, people, I want you to be a bully
because you can't.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
You're just the nicest. Say something mean to us. Oh
my god, I don't do it, Krista, do it. You
don't like my pants? I know, I saw you look
at my pants.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
No, I like your pants. I like your pants. So
she's sweating you guys be mean.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Why is it that every time I go on your
Facebook page, Corina, that your house is like immaculate and
it looks like it was out of like Creighton Barrel.
I mean, who do you think you are? Like a designer?
I am, damn it. I work in such a designer.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
It's part of my job.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
It's my skill.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
What's your skill?
Speaker 4 (17:26):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (17:26):
I don't have one.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That's why I gotta go on Facebook and copy other people.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
I'm gonna walk away and buy something from Pottery bar
That's what I do. That was great, Jay, Really, don't
I go to a tg manx Okay, Jazz.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Jazz.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't know if you're like superwoman or if you're
like the women of all women, because you can do
basically everything that all of us want to be, but
we can't fee you. So what is it like to
be someone that everyone wants to be? I mean, seriously,
(18:09):
are you you think you are?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Who do you think you are?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
Are you that good? It seems like you're having a
hard day today. You want to hug Yes, idea, that's amazing. Yeah,
but you you are so nice.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I think I have a great comeback, though, I can
be the snotty one back yeah, okay, so say something,
say something mean to me, you do.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
It because okay, I will. I will because like in
middle school and high school, but I feel like middle
school's words, it's really really mean, and so like, I
know we're joking about this, but sometimes they're mean. So
let's give an example, because you really had to go
through this. So let's see a comeback. What are you?
(18:57):
Why are you over there looking at the board. You
only have one eye.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I don't know who the h double L hockey six
you think you are, but I will take this eye
and I will whip it at your eye and take
out yours like that.
Speaker 5 (19:13):
Oh that's a good one. You stood up for yourself. Now,
they may or may not get the teacher involved for
threatening violence, but I love how you stood up for yourself.
I would rather my kids stand up for themselves and
maybe go to the principal's office. Then you know, let
the bully handle them. But I love that. I love
that confidence because when the bully sees weakness, that's what
(19:35):
they pray on. So once you tell them off that
one time, they're like, okay, we're gonna leave Crystal alone.
Speaker 7 (19:40):
I would just pull it back a little nervous Chris
bringing the energy get a little Okay, it was, it was.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
A little far, but I do love that. Like if
this is middle school now, if we're adults, say that,
but if you are middle schoolers or teenage yeah, the
schools do not like violent, No, they don't. So I
like that energy. Yeah, but I would just you know,
take out the violence, pull.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
It back, pull it back well real quickly.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
When I was in New York to go to Bravo KHN,
I did a Facebook live, I kid you not. When
I was on Facebook Live, there was an adult man
who commented on my Facebook live and said, what's up
with her? Jinky I, and I kid you not. Everybody
that I knew came to my rescue and said, who
the hell do you think you are? Do you know
(20:30):
that she lost it? Like blah blah blah, Like they
stood up for me. I was like, Wow, that meant
a lot.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
And then that's it too.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
You gotta also decide who matters and who doesn't, right, Yeah,
And it's like if you have two best friends and
they're just like whatever, like that that person made fun
of you and like that that helps too. So like
for noting other children, if you see someone being bullied
and either your friends or not friends with them, stick
up for them, because that can be a game changer too.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Oh yeah, you could have gone down that.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Road of feeling really bad, but you saw how many
people loved you. Yeah, and that's that overturns the one
meany weenie.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And again I knew that was his problem. That's his problem,
and I always kept that with me. That's your problem,
now mine, that's your problem. And so again, these are
just things you know that we as adults have all
been through. So we need to instill this into our
children to let them know, you know, you don't have
to go low. So one thing that I know that Karina,
(21:27):
you especially practiced, and you actually wrote a book about
this that I think would be really helpful because it
isn't always easy to let things go.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Sure. Yeah, I mean mindfulness is great.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
I mean there's proving everywhere that this is so important
for children, and to start at like a younger age.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It's a square breathing.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Do you know this?
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Where you breathe, you basically picture a square.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
Okay, right, and then the lines of the four sides, okay,
they're part of your breathing okay. And you can teach
like a six year old this and it's really about
just kind of coming to the present and so like
if we're feeling heated or mad or someone wrote something
on your Instagram, it's really good to just stop square,
stop square, and then.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Do this breathing.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
So you just breathe up, breathe over and hold the top,
breathe out on the side, and then you breathe in again,
and you kind of keep repeating this until you feel
and then to go a little bit further, you know,
depending on how old the child is, four seconds for
each side. So breathe in, breathe out, I mean sorry,
(22:34):
hold breathe out, breathe in, and continue that until you kind.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Of like, okay, I'm relaxed. Like those are great techniques
to start it.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
Like I've already started teaching my six and seven year
old this and they do it like if we even
get an argument, I see my son being like okay,
and he'll kind of breathe through it, and it just
regulates mindfulness. I mean, you can look all this stuff up.
I have a book called Moga Mind on Amazon. It's
like a pamphlet so kids can read it, and it's
really about letting, letting that that energy part of the
(23:04):
pain not be something you can't control.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
So it's really about controlling the emotions. So important. Yeah,
and then it's a muscle though. Okay that if you.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Don't learn that in early age, it takes practice upon practice,
So go start getting it to the kids at six
and seven. If you have really young kids, you can
watch Povideogi.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Talks a lot about that. That's the show I produce
with my husband. It's moving the body.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
They're also showing like, uh, you know, sports and weightlifting,
which you know is a little on the controversial side
right now, about like young kids lifting weights.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
But there you can look it up.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
There's more articles about lifting, really pushing yourself, but not
in a sport competitive Sure, my son who's seven will
actually lift two pounds.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Oh my god, how adorable.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yeah. Yeah, although I want to say really quick, I
have one quick story. I was walking up to my
eighth grade graduation and being East Indian.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Yeah you know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Eighth grade.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Yes, it was eighth grade.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
You know I have a lot of hair on my arms.
Now I don't because pregnancy is somehow burned off all
my hair. We we'll go there another I don't know,
it just kind of went away interesting. Yeah, But anyways,
this little boy, he was a neighbor boy.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
He was real punk. He came up to me and
he goes, you.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Know, you're hairy as a polar bear. And it was
something I was really insecure about, the little hair on
my arms, you know, it was dark and whatever. And
my a friend of mine, honestly, it was so funny.
Not even a friend of mine, just a classmate of mine.
She's turned and she goes, well, polar bears are cute.
So going along with that, it was a game changer.
And I was literally walking up the steps to grab my,
(24:43):
like whatever certificate of my eighth grade graduation. My parents
were there, and this kid just wanted to knock me right.
And then someone who I really wasn't friends with, it
was just a classmate, just turned to me and said, well,
polar bears are cute.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
And I thought she was a game changer for him.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
Yeah, and that's so awesome because umber one, you're helping
someone else when there's conflict. It's great to help other
people you see that are in conflict. But also that
comment de escalated the situation, and that goes back to
conflict resolution skills when you're doing comebacks or even when
you're having conflict resolution activities within your own household. Anything
(25:20):
to de escalate the situation, giving a joke or saying
bears are cute rather than like lashing back out at
the person, and then that gives them a reason to
lash back out at you. Whatever you do, do something
to de escalate the situation. Give space, just don't keep escalating.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, Doctor Jazz, I quickly want to
have you share your Beyond Beautiful book because again, this
is a powerful book when it comes to young ladies
being confident.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
Yeah. So when the root cause of a lot of
conflict A lot of times, especially when we talk about bullying,
you always have to think about what's the root cause
of why that bully is doing what they're doing. They
don't just come to school and say I just want
to be mean and get in trouble and ruin people's lives.
There's something deeper going within. It could be something within
(26:12):
the household, within the home adverse childhood experience. So it's
really important for the individual who's receiving the bully and
to build up their confidence, but also building up your
confidence and self esteem can prevent bullying in the first place.
So Beyond Beautiful is a book that I wrote for
young girls in particular that teaches them they're more than
(26:34):
what people see on the outside. Your true beauty and
confidence and self esteem is on the inside. Can I
just say the poem real quick? Oh my gosh, because
I think we all need this, even us as adults,
because we've been bringing up childhood. Yes, we all need this,
and everybody listening.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
And by the way, can I just throw it out there.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
This was a part of the reason why we won
a Gracie Award, a national award when I submitted us
for a demo.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
And yeah, so please do.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
So okay, so you repeat after me. Today will be
a great day.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Today will be a great day.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
I'll achieve all I set my mind to.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I'll achieve all I set my mind too.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
I cannot be stopped.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
I cannot be stopped.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I can do anything I want to.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
I can do anything I want to.
Speaker 5 (27:19):
Because I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Because I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 5 (27:25):
I'm courageous, I'm courageous, I'm resilient.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I'm resilient.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
I'm confident.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I'm confident.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
I'm creative.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I'm creative.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
I am talented.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I am talented, intelligent, intelligent, unique, unique, and.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Innovative and innovative. I'm worth it.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I'm worth it.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
I deserve it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
I deserve it.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
I am treasured, I am treasured, I am loved. I
am love, and I deserve and I deserve every blessing,
every blessing that is coming from above, that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Is coming from above.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Yes to beyond. Beautiful. Declaration and affirmations are so important
because actually, when you speak things out loud, it goes
into your subconscious. When you speak things, it's actually going
into your ears, into your brain and you start to
believe those things. So if you say that to yourself
every day in the mirror on your way to work,
(28:15):
going into a negative situation, when people come and they
say like, oh, look at you today, you aren't typed
yourself up, You're like, what do you mean? I'm ugly?
Do you know who I am? I'm courageous, I'm resilient.
It's in your subconscious because you say those positive affirmations.
So I encourage all listeners all of us. We need
to get our kids to say positive affirmations about themselves,
(28:36):
even if they are like rolling their eyes. I make
my little first grader before she goes into school, I say,
tell me two positive things about yourself. And she's walking in.
She's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna win an award today,
I'm gonna have a good day. I'm really smart. She
knows to do it, and I don't let her get
off the car until she does. But that stuff goes
into your subconscious. So let's have our teams do that.
(28:59):
And we need to remind ourselves of that as a
day as well, like hype yourself up.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
But where can we get your book?
Speaker 5 (29:05):
Yes, okay, you can get it on Amazon. It is
on Amazon, and if you want to order in bulk,
you can email me at Hello at doctor Jasmineesepot of
dot com. Hell, I'm doing speaking and touring. We're going
back on tour again. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I love that. I'm going to do that. I'm saying
that I'm a kid.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
And also just to piggyback off what you were saying
about how it goes into your system, like there's actually
scientific like we're made up of the energy, like most
of us what ninety five percent, we're actually energy. The
cells are all energy, and when you say words like that,
they actually change.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Like the chemical you've done that experiment where you with
your kids.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
It's great where you take two plants put them in
two separate rooms, and this is a kind of awful experiment.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
But like one plant you say, you're ugly, I don't.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Like you, You're mean.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
You're you know, your your leaves suck.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
And then the other one you say, like, you're beautiful,
I respect you.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Grow baby. You say all these things and I'm not
even joking. One dies and.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
One survives, and you can feed them and have the
same amount of sunlight.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Wow, because the energy I.
Speaker 5 (30:11):
Read about that, I have not done it personally, but
I did read that to that. Yeah, there's there's real
things that happen with the power of our words. And
then like on a chemical standpoint and individuals, when you
say positive things like that, it releases endorphins. So it's
actually like chemicals in your body that are released that
(30:32):
go and activate your pleasure centers and also help reduce pain.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
So like she got very excited. What is a pleasure?
Speaker 5 (30:41):
Okay, let's keep this.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Let's go to the pleasure never mind. Okay, sorry, we
all want to be happy today.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Pleasure far away from conflict resolution.
Speaker 5 (30:54):
But yeah, that's hilarious. This is good.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Our next episode will be about pleasure centers.
Speaker 5 (31:02):
Craze. She is exactly that I have. I know, girls,
the words. I know.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
I heard it and it sounded interesting. Listen, I'm sweating,
look at me.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I know you are.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I know it's because you had to be a bully,
because I'm hot and heated and I'm a bully. Okay,
let's go back to your jazz.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
All the same chemicals released during orgasm. Oh yeah, okay,
you eat chocolate candy even when people are on drugs. Listen. Positive. Yeah,
like we're like a way off conflict. I know, but
positive affirmations do impact your pleasure centers and have positive
impacts on your body.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Well, I'm glad last night I decided to eat five
dark chocolate assaulted caramels that I got from all these so.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Pleasure on, ladies.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Thank you so much, conflic for.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
The conflict resolution. You are all beyond beautiful. Absolutely love
your girls, love you, love y'all.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Love you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
This is the matown mom, Squad podcast a production of iHeartRadio.
Here every episode of matt on Mom Squad podcasts available
on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen
to your favorite podcasts.
This is the Madtown Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now, sit back, relax,
and get ready to talk mom life with Christa and
her Squad.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
All right, ladies, So you know what, I have a
teenage daughter, Gia. She is what is she in now?
She's in high school and she's going to be going
in ninth grade. I cannot tell you the amount of
stress she's under right now.
Speaker 3 (00:27):
You know, not only is she.
Speaker 2 (00:28):
Getting you know, her grades, getting all the homework, and
she was sick for.
Speaker 3 (00:31):
Like two weeks. She's in her very first musical.
Speaker 2 (00:34):
So her practices are going like to seven o'clock every night,
eight o'clock, nine o'clock. So it's a lot, you know,
especially during this time when you're a teenager, you're going
through a lot of change, physical change, social change, emotional change,
developmental change, and it can be extremely overwhelming. And sometimes,
you know, conflict resolution not only happens within themselves, it
(00:58):
can happen with their peers and even with us. So
I thought today we could just kind of touch on,
you know, conflict resolution and how we can help parents,
especially talk with their kids, you know, because we don't
always know that our children are overwhelmed unless they come
to us. But we can definitely see it on their faces.
We can see it in their grades when they're going down.
(01:19):
I mean, I don't know about you, but I mean
I can see that, you know, especially being a parent
of a you know, a daughter is a teenager.
Speaker 4 (01:26):
I mean I'm not a parent of a teenager. Yeah,
but I recognize even some of the things you're saying
from friends of mine. Growing up and being a teenager.
I mean, it's like the first time, right right, it's
acting out, it's great, it's all that, and you know,
being overwhelmed. But doctor jazz Man, you probably you've been
around with that stuff.
Speaker 3 (01:42):
You got a couple of teenagers.
Speaker 5 (01:44):
Oh yeah, I'm like this is a great topic. I'm
just dealing with this this morning.
Speaker 3 (01:49):
Oh okay, share share.
Speaker 5 (01:52):
Yeah, my kiddos are. My son's about to be sixteen.
Oh my, I can't believe that he's taller than me.
He has a mustache. Oh, he's taking driving lessons, so oh,
I can't handle it. And then my daughter is fourteen
and a half. Okay, I'm a seven year old and
a one year old, so I have two teens. So
I am still figuring it out, but I am really
(02:15):
excited about this topic today. So we can just dig
into conflict resolution.
Speaker 2 (02:19):
Absolutely, something that we can all identify are the common
causes of conflict and adolescences.
Speaker 3 (02:26):
And that first off is peer pressure.
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's nothing worse as a kid when you would go
through something and all your friends are saying.
Speaker 3 (02:34):
Do it, do it, do it?
Speaker 2 (02:36):
Because I remember I decided not to be a leader
but a follower and go and try to steal, and
then you know the story, and then I got caught.
Then my mom sent me to jail, and I learned
my lesson after thirty hours of community service. But I
wanted to be accepted and it wasn't the right thing
to do well.
Speaker 4 (02:52):
And then also we don't have the brains to really understand,
you know, letting go of acceptance and consequences like someone
looking back, like our behaviors, you know, as an adult.
And I think that's something to really recognize. Even I mean,
I have a seven year old, that's my oldest child,
and I'm seeing just you know, just patterns where I'm like,
oh my gosh, you are a seven year old.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
You are a teenager, right, right?
Speaker 4 (03:16):
And so when we're talking about talking to kids about this,
it's really getting to that level of like where is
their brain development? Right again, doctor Jazz Q you qu
you are doctor Jazz, doctor doctor.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Yeah, it's so interesting looking at their brain development, and
then especially when you go into the teenage years, they
move from and the goal as a parent is to
move from them just testing the limits and being able
to follow direction to be able to actually process and
make their own positive choices.
Speaker 4 (03:48):
Right.
Speaker 5 (03:48):
But brain development is not done until adolescents are actually
like into their early twenties. I believe that it's not
even done. And the part of the brain that really
continuing to develop is the frontal cortex, like right in
that part right behind your big forehead, that part of
the brain, your frontal cortex. That's the part of the
(04:10):
brain that helps with higher level decision making where you
kind of process the things that are happening and make
higher meaning of them. And that part of the brain
is not all the way developed until your early twenties.
But at the same time, you're having all these emotions
in the teenage years, hormones like peer pressure, and your
(04:30):
brain's not all the way developed. So who it's just
a lot going on.
Speaker 2 (04:34):
Right, It's like you're not ready to be able to
stand up for yourself yet, you know, it's hard to
learn how to do that.
Speaker 4 (04:40):
And they also say don't don't they say boys in particular,
like what three years later than girls? I need not
like you need facts for that one.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Bless all the moments, bless all the moms who have signs.
Speaker 2 (04:54):
Well that brings us to the next thing when it
comes to conflict, And I know this is.
Speaker 3 (04:58):
A huge issue, and especially.
Speaker 2 (05:01):
With how our world works today, social media bullying is outrageous,
you know, and being able to I don't know mentally
be able to cope with that, Like how do we
get through especially we're talking to our kiddos. I know,
if if someone was bullying my child, believe me, I'm
(05:21):
going to go to that person's house and I'm going
to remaha someone out in a respectful way. But I'm
not going to just allow that to happen because I'm protecting.
Speaker 4 (05:32):
You know, to see what adolescents now are dealing with first,
like even what we did right, you know. But I
don't have any I don't have any advice on that,
Doctor Jazz.
Speaker 5 (05:43):
Yeah, I would say one thing that has been helping
as I've been navigating this, because we did have to
deal with some situations related to this. One thing that
has helped, and I encourage others to do with your kids,
and you can even start young, is role playing Because
a lot of times when you're in a bullying situation
and you're on the spot and it's kind of like
what should I do? Should I punch the person in
(06:04):
the face? Should I say something back? Like what should
you do? And so role playing is really a fun
game you can actually do at home. So how we
did it was I had my kids and we would
take turns, like saying something that a bully might say
or someone might say, and then you had to respond,
And then we talked through the different actions that they
(06:26):
would hear. So if they said, oh, I would go
and punch them in the face, We're like, okay, maybe
that might not be that. Okay, let's think about that. Okay,
if they come and punch you first, like push them off,
you could defend yourself. But even talking about that, what
if they say something to you, what's something that you
can say back, not to tear them down, but just
to like let them know that You're not just someone
(06:47):
who's gonna shrivel up and cry. You can't let the
bullies have power over you and let them see that
they're bothering you, because then they're gonna keep going. And
then also, like when to the importance of involving adult
So when you role play when that situation actually happens
in real life, they'll be prepared for what to do
rather than having to just be there in that moment alone.
(07:10):
That's what we do in the medical field, like we
role play for certain emergency situations, so when that happens,
it's just kind of a muscle memory of like what
to do, same thing with in bullying situations. So that's
a fun game you could play with your kids, and
they it was hilarious to them to like see me
be a pretend bully. The stuff they would say to me,
(07:32):
it was just so fun.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
In all seriousness.
Speaker 2 (07:34):
So there was a time in Gia's life in school
where she was being bullied, Like she was on volleyball
and the girls were making you know, they were making
comments nude. She thought these were her friends, and I
had to sit her down because I grew up being
bullied because again I have a glass eye. So I
constantly heard, oh my god, there goes the one eye girl,
there goes the one eye girl, and I would go
home crying. And what my mom instilled in me is
(07:57):
that Christa, they're just jealous of you because they have
to see.
Speaker 3 (08:01):
Out of two eyes. You just have to see out
of one.
Speaker 2 (08:04):
So I instilled in Jia that these young ladies are
doing this, it's not because of her. It's because they're
insecure about themselves always always, and to stay positive, to
stay kind, stay true to yourself, don't go low like
they are.
Speaker 3 (08:20):
But it's not because of you, it's because of them.
Speaker 5 (08:23):
Right.
Speaker 3 (08:23):
And another thing is it's like mice on seven.
Speaker 4 (08:27):
And he probably faced this first little bit where someone
had mentioned he was as small as a first grader
and he's a second grader, and really bummed him out,
like he actually wanted to sit at the counter and
talk to me about it. And so he so, this
is my not so great parenting technique, and I'm a little.
Speaker 3 (08:44):
Embarrassed about this one, so please do not judge me.
Speaker 4 (08:47):
So we're talking about it and he's like, yeah, I
just wish I was a little bit taller.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
So he said, honey, I'm gonna teach you a song.
Speaker 4 (08:55):
Bye Iceculo called I wish and I lost advice.
Speaker 3 (09:02):
I just settle. Are you talking about it? I wish
it was I wish.
Speaker 4 (09:09):
Girl.
Speaker 3 (09:11):
And my son looked.
Speaker 4 (09:12):
At me like I was insane, and then he goes, mom,
can I go upstairs and go to bed? And I said, yeah,
well what ayays? Prior to this, please Chris, please don't
judge me.
Speaker 3 (09:24):
No, I think that's actually hilarious.
Speaker 4 (09:26):
So then prior to this, I did tell him one thing,
and I love what you said about like, yeah, man,
they're just jealous because they are because it's about them, right,
it's putting it back on them.
Speaker 3 (09:35):
But then also like it sucks.
Speaker 4 (09:38):
I feel like parents, And I catch myself doing this
all the time, like I don't I try to fix it, right,
I try and say, oh, just don't let it go
blah blah blah, like I said to Juju. You know
my son, I said, man, it sucks. That's painful and
that is unfair to hear and you know, and it's
just almost a felt good for me as my my
(10:00):
own therapy of being bullied too.
Speaker 3 (10:01):
Because I'm bullied too.
Speaker 4 (10:03):
I kind of wish someone was just like because my
mom was just like, you know, someday this won't matter,
you know, but I love that, like saying it's it's
about them, but you know it sucks.
Speaker 2 (10:15):
It is, and I tell you it continues out throughout
your adult life because two summers ago, my girlfriend told
me she goes Christa. I don't know why it is,
but people love to gossip about you.
Speaker 5 (10:31):
You about me.
Speaker 4 (10:32):
That's because you're pretty whatever, and you look like a princess.
Speaker 3 (10:36):
Oh you're adorable, that's what.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
But but I took that because and I know who
what she's talking about. People love They get off on
trying to see other people I don't know go through
painful things. Yes, and I just it's the saddest thing
that people would wish that another person and find pleasure
in seeing someone go through something personal in their life.
Speaker 5 (11:00):
Like why right, it's because you're a celebrity. And that's
what you can tell your teens too, Like, so think
about it, what do we do? A lot of people
watch TV scroll and they talk about celebrities everything that
happens in their life. They talk about all the news
of celebrities. So if people are talking about you, Christa,
it's because you're a celebrity, you are the nightly news.
Speaker 2 (11:22):
Well, I love especially for women when they say, you know,
I'm in women empowerment and you're like, no, you're not,
because you would not be saying what you're saying right
now in this community. So I'm just throwing that out there.
I'm just digressing. You know, it goes on for other conflicts.
You know, we've got conflicts in our families. We personally
take the time to talk to our children. I know
(11:43):
we've talked a lot about how we deal with our
children in you know, in those times in prior podcasting
as well. So let's talk about key complex resolution skills, Jazz.
Speaker 3 (11:55):
I know you came across a lot of great ones.
Speaker 5 (11:57):
Yeah. One that I wanted to mention it's related to
when people are talking negatively about you. A point one
thing that I remind my kids of is just to
remember what they're saying is not true, so don't let
it get to you. So, for example, your name is Christa.
But what if I was like, ha, Sarah, that's your
(12:19):
name Sarah, and I started telling people that and I'm like,
your name is Sarah. Would you get upset.
Speaker 3 (12:26):
That you were calling me someone else's name, right.
Speaker 5 (12:28):
Would it internally bother you if I called you Sarah,
but you're like, no, my.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Name iss no because I've actually called people by the
wrong names.
Speaker 3 (12:37):
So but if it was intentional, I mean, like, why
are you doing that?
Speaker 5 (12:40):
Why are you doing it? But it wouldn't like change
who you were as a person. You would be annoyed,
but it wouldn't like change the core of your being.
So in the same way, because you know it's not true.
No matter how much they look at you and say,
ha ha, Sarah's your name, You're Sarah, Hi Sarah. You're
just like, oh, you're so annoying. But it's not going
to cause you to go home and cry it and say,
like what it is my name really Sarah Sarah? So
(13:04):
in this what the purpose of that is When people
say things about you like oh, you're stupid or you're dumb,
or they say gossip about you or something, it's not true,
just like your name is your name. Like if that
stuff is not true, don't let don't internalize that. Yeah,
don't let it get to you. So that's like one
(13:24):
conflict resolution as far as like change that you can
do inside of yourself. Don't internalize it. Don't let it
get to you because what they're saying is absolutely not true.
Just look at them like they're stupid, Like my name
is not Sarah.
Speaker 3 (13:37):
Like your great advice for kids, great advice. Okay, I
just got like shivers.
Speaker 4 (13:42):
Yeah, like I think that's advice for anybody, yeah, not
just teenagers. I mean that was just like a really
beautiful way of putting it, because I think that that
like you're going back to my son, like, well, you
know you're not as short as a first grader, you're
an average site.
Speaker 3 (13:55):
In fact, you're above average. So like that is so similar.
But it got into him.
Speaker 4 (13:59):
But if if they called you Derek, your name's not Derek,
they look real dumb, right right, I mean.
Speaker 3 (14:05):
Don't call them dumb, but they look real dumb. I
love that, doctor Jass. I have like a list of
you know what I would say. I would be like,
when did you realize you're so dumb? That's what my
comeback would be to that. God, girl, you're gonna get punched.
Speaker 5 (14:19):
I don't well in our role playing game, but we
were doing comebacks. Yeah, and that was fun. Yeah, doing
that game with your kids, Like you say something smart
and then like they have to do a comeback. But
when we did comebacks, we were trying to say, like,
try not to tear the other person down, but make
your comeback be like something to uplift yourself, Like if
(14:40):
they're like, why are you wearing those same shoes? Like, oh,
I didn't know you were watching me so closely. I
must be a celebrity, or something like, oh, thank you.
I love the way I look like yeah, but practicing
those comebacks in the moment, it's really cool.
Speaker 3 (14:53):
So gosh, we should practice those game.
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Wouldn't it be nice to duplicate her and just put
her in our pocket whenever we need doctors advice.
Speaker 5 (15:03):
I am still figuring this out current.
Speaker 3 (15:06):
I would love more than anybody. I'm taking notes. Yes,
I would love for you to play role with each other.
Speaker 4 (15:13):
All right.
Speaker 3 (15:14):
I want you to say yes.
Speaker 2 (15:15):
I want you to say something to Karina, and I
want Karina to do a come back.
Speaker 5 (15:19):
Okay, why are you always trying to dress like that?
Do you think you're too good for everybody else?
Speaker 4 (15:28):
Wow, you're really paying attention to me. You must really
like me, and you know what, I like you too?
Speaker 5 (15:34):
Oh my gosh. Yeah, he said that to a bully.
They would be like, what.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Taking back? Okay, I want to try. I want to okay, okay,
do you want to hurt?
Speaker 5 (15:46):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Because I'm terrible? So why do you? Why do you do?
Why do you brush your hair so much? That's all
I got.
Speaker 5 (16:00):
I don't know.
Speaker 3 (16:05):
The eyebroll she did? She did?
Speaker 4 (16:10):
Oh?
Speaker 3 (16:11):
I love that's powerful?
Speaker 5 (16:12):
All right? I want one? I want one. I want one,
I wrote, our poor podcast listeners couldn't see. Did I
just like kind of looked at you stupid, rolled my
eyes and I just looked away and kept mine in
my business because I don't have the time of Kay
do you even respond? It's not even worth me formulating
A responds.
Speaker 3 (16:32):
Love that love that. This is not just for your teenagers.
This is for all hmans. This is for us. Okay,
I want one.
Speaker 5 (16:40):
I want one?
Speaker 4 (16:41):
Okay, Okay, people, I want you to be a bully
because you can't.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
You can't.
Speaker 4 (16:45):
You're just the nicest. Say something mean to us. Oh
my god, I don't do it, Krista, do it. You
don't like my pants? I know, I saw you look
at my pants.
Speaker 3 (16:56):
No, I like your pants. I like your pants. So
she's sweating you guys be mean.
Speaker 2 (17:03):
Why is it that every time I go on your
Facebook page, Corina, that your house is like immaculate and
it looks like it was out of like Creighton Barrel.
I mean, who do you think you are? Like a designer?
I am, damn it. I work in such a designer.
Speaker 5 (17:21):
It's part of my job.
Speaker 3 (17:24):
It's my skill.
Speaker 5 (17:25):
What's your skill?
Speaker 4 (17:26):
Oh?
Speaker 5 (17:26):
I don't have one.
Speaker 3 (17:28):
That's why I gotta go on Facebook and copy other people.
Speaker 6 (17:31):
I'm gonna walk away and buy something from Pottery bar
That's what I do. That was great, Jay, Really, don't
I go to a tg manx Okay, Jazz.
Speaker 3 (17:47):
Jazz.
Speaker 2 (17:49):
I don't know if you're like superwoman or if you're
like the women of all women, because you can do
basically everything that all of us want to be, but
we can't fee you. So what is it like to
be someone that everyone wants to be? I mean, seriously,
(18:09):
are you you think you are?
Speaker 5 (18:11):
Yeah?
Speaker 3 (18:11):
Who do you think you are?
Speaker 5 (18:12):
Are you that good? It seems like you're having a
hard day today. You want to hug Yes, idea, that's amazing. Yeah,
but you you are so nice.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
I think I have a great comeback, though, I can
be the snotty one back yeah, okay, so say something,
say something mean to me, you do.
Speaker 5 (18:37):
It because okay, I will. I will because like in
middle school and high school, but I feel like middle
school's words, it's really really mean, and so like, I
know we're joking about this, but sometimes they're mean. So
let's give an example, because you really had to go
through this. So let's see a comeback. What are you?
(18:57):
Why are you over there looking at the board. You
only have one eye.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Listen.
Speaker 2 (19:02):
I don't know who the h double L hockey six
you think you are, but I will take this eye
and I will whip it at your eye and take
out yours like that.
Speaker 5 (19:13):
Oh that's a good one. You stood up for yourself. Now,
they may or may not get the teacher involved for
threatening violence, but I love how you stood up for yourself.
I would rather my kids stand up for themselves and
maybe go to the principal's office. Then you know, let
the bully handle them. But I love that. I love
that confidence because when the bully sees weakness, that's what
(19:35):
they pray on. So once you tell them off that
one time, they're like, okay, we're gonna leave Crystal alone.
Speaker 7 (19:40):
I would just pull it back a little nervous Chris
bringing the energy get a little Okay, it was, it was.
Speaker 5 (19:51):
A little far, but I do love that. Like if
this is middle school now, if we're adults, say that,
but if you are middle schoolers or teenage yeah, the
schools do not like violent, No, they don't. So I
like that energy. Yeah, but I would just you know,
take out the violence, pull.
Speaker 3 (20:07):
It back, pull it back well real quickly.
Speaker 2 (20:09):
When I was in New York to go to Bravo KHN,
I did a Facebook live, I kid you not. When
I was on Facebook Live, there was an adult man
who commented on my Facebook live and said, what's up
with her? Jinky I, and I kid you not. Everybody
that I knew came to my rescue and said, who
the hell do you think you are? Do you know
(20:30):
that she lost it? Like blah blah blah, Like they
stood up for me. I was like, Wow, that meant
a lot.
Speaker 3 (20:36):
And then that's it too.
Speaker 4 (20:37):
You gotta also decide who matters and who doesn't, right, Yeah,
And it's like if you have two best friends and
they're just like whatever, like that that person made fun
of you and like that that helps too. So like
for noting other children, if you see someone being bullied
and either your friends or not friends with them, stick
up for them, because that can be a game changer too.
Speaker 5 (20:57):
Right.
Speaker 3 (20:58):
Oh yeah, you could have gone down that.
Speaker 4 (20:59):
Road of feeling really bad, but you saw how many
people loved you. Yeah, and that's that overturns the one
meany weenie.
Speaker 2 (21:05):
And again I knew that was his problem. That's his problem,
and I always kept that with me. That's your problem,
now mine, that's your problem. And so again, these are
just things you know that we as adults have all
been through. So we need to instill this into our
children to let them know, you know, you don't have
to go low. So one thing that I know that Karina,
(21:27):
you especially practiced, and you actually wrote a book about
this that I think would be really helpful because it
isn't always easy to let things go.
Speaker 3 (21:37):
Sure. Yeah, I mean mindfulness is great.
Speaker 4 (21:39):
I mean there's proving everywhere that this is so important
for children, and to start at like a younger age.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It's a square breathing.
Speaker 5 (21:48):
Do you know this?
Speaker 3 (21:49):
Where you breathe, you basically picture a square.
Speaker 4 (21:51):
Okay, right, and then the lines of the four sides, okay,
they're part of your breathing okay. And you can teach
like a six year old this and it's really about
just kind of coming to the present and so like
if we're feeling heated or mad or someone wrote something
on your Instagram, it's really good to just stop square,
stop square, and then.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
Do this breathing.
Speaker 4 (22:13):
So you just breathe up, breathe over and hold the top,
breathe out on the side, and then you breathe in again,
and you kind of keep repeating this until you feel
and then to go a little bit further, you know,
depending on how old the child is, four seconds for
each side. So breathe in, breathe out, I mean sorry,
(22:34):
hold breathe out, breathe in, and continue that until you kind.
Speaker 3 (22:38):
Of like, okay, I'm relaxed. Like those are great techniques
to start it.
Speaker 4 (22:42):
Like I've already started teaching my six and seven year
old this and they do it like if we even
get an argument, I see my son being like okay,
and he'll kind of breathe through it, and it just
regulates mindfulness. I mean, you can look all this stuff up.
I have a book called Moga Mind on Amazon. It's
like a pamphlet so kids can read it, and it's
really about letting, letting that that energy part of the
(23:04):
pain not be something you can't control.
Speaker 3 (23:09):
So it's really about controlling the emotions. So important. Yeah,
and then it's a muscle though. Okay that if you.
Speaker 4 (23:16):
Don't learn that in early age, it takes practice upon practice,
So go start getting it to the kids at six
and seven. If you have really young kids, you can
watch Povideogi.
Speaker 3 (23:26):
Talks a lot about that. That's the show I produce
with my husband. It's moving the body.
Speaker 4 (23:31):
They're also showing like, uh, you know, sports and weightlifting,
which you know is a little on the controversial side
right now, about like young kids lifting weights.
Speaker 3 (23:39):
But there you can look it up.
Speaker 4 (23:42):
There's more articles about lifting, really pushing yourself, but not
in a sport competitive Sure, my son who's seven will
actually lift two pounds.
Speaker 3 (23:51):
Oh my god, how adorable.
Speaker 4 (23:53):
Yeah. Yeah, although I want to say really quick, I
have one quick story. I was walking up to my
eighth grade graduation and being East Indian.
Speaker 3 (24:01):
Yeah you know, I'm sorry.
Speaker 5 (24:03):
Eighth grade.
Speaker 3 (24:03):
Yes, it was eighth grade.
Speaker 4 (24:05):
You know I have a lot of hair on my arms.
Now I don't because pregnancy is somehow burned off all
my hair. We we'll go there another I don't know,
it just kind of went away interesting. Yeah, But anyways,
this little boy, he was a neighbor boy.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
He was real punk. He came up to me and
he goes, you.
Speaker 4 (24:22):
Know, you're hairy as a polar bear. And it was
something I was really insecure about, the little hair on
my arms, you know, it was dark and whatever. And
my a friend of mine, honestly, it was so funny.
Not even a friend of mine, just a classmate of mine.
She's turned and she goes, well, polar bears are cute.
So going along with that, it was a game changer.
And I was literally walking up the steps to grab my,
(24:43):
like whatever certificate of my eighth grade graduation. My parents
were there, and this kid just wanted to knock me right.
And then someone who I really wasn't friends with, it
was just a classmate, just turned to me and said, well,
polar bears are cute.
Speaker 3 (24:55):
And I thought she was a game changer for him.
Speaker 5 (24:57):
Yeah, and that's so awesome because umber one, you're helping
someone else when there's conflict. It's great to help other
people you see that are in conflict. But also that
comment de escalated the situation, and that goes back to
conflict resolution skills when you're doing comebacks or even when
you're having conflict resolution activities within your own household. Anything
(25:20):
to de escalate the situation, giving a joke or saying
bears are cute rather than like lashing back out at
the person, and then that gives them a reason to
lash back out at you. Whatever you do, do something
to de escalate the situation. Give space, just don't keep escalating.
Speaker 2 (25:37):
Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah, Doctor Jazz, I quickly want to
have you share your Beyond Beautiful book because again, this
is a powerful book when it comes to young ladies
being confident.
Speaker 5 (25:51):
Yeah. So when the root cause of a lot of
conflict A lot of times, especially when we talk about bullying,
you always have to think about what's the root cause
of why that bully is doing what they're doing. They
don't just come to school and say I just want
to be mean and get in trouble and ruin people's lives.
There's something deeper going within. It could be something within
(26:12):
the household, within the home adverse childhood experience. So it's
really important for the individual who's receiving the bully and
to build up their confidence, but also building up your
confidence and self esteem can prevent bullying in the first place.
So Beyond Beautiful is a book that I wrote for
young girls in particular that teaches them they're more than
(26:34):
what people see on the outside. Your true beauty and
confidence and self esteem is on the inside. Can I
just say the poem real quick? Oh my gosh, because
I think we all need this, even us as adults,
because we've been bringing up childhood. Yes, we all need this,
and everybody listening.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
And by the way, can I just throw it out there.
Speaker 2 (26:52):
This was a part of the reason why we won
a Gracie Award, a national award when I submitted us
for a demo.
Speaker 3 (27:01):
And yeah, so please do.
Speaker 5 (27:02):
So okay, so you repeat after me. Today will be
a great day.
Speaker 3 (27:06):
Today will be a great day.
Speaker 5 (27:08):
I'll achieve all I set my mind to.
Speaker 3 (27:10):
I'll achieve all I set my mind too.
Speaker 5 (27:12):
I cannot be stopped.
Speaker 3 (27:13):
I cannot be stopped.
Speaker 5 (27:15):
I can do anything I want to.
Speaker 3 (27:17):
I can do anything I want to.
Speaker 5 (27:19):
Because I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 3 (27:20):
Because I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 5 (27:22):
I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 3 (27:24):
I'm beyond beautiful.
Speaker 5 (27:25):
I'm courageous, I'm courageous, I'm resilient.
Speaker 3 (27:28):
I'm resilient.
Speaker 5 (27:29):
I'm confident.
Speaker 3 (27:30):
I'm confident.
Speaker 5 (27:31):
I'm creative.
Speaker 3 (27:32):
I'm creative.
Speaker 5 (27:33):
I am talented.
Speaker 3 (27:34):
I am talented, intelligent, intelligent, unique, unique, and.
Speaker 5 (27:38):
Innovative and innovative. I'm worth it.
Speaker 3 (27:41):
I'm worth it.
Speaker 5 (27:41):
I deserve it.
Speaker 3 (27:43):
I deserve it.
Speaker 5 (27:43):
I am treasured, I am treasured, I am loved. I
am love, and I deserve and I deserve every blessing,
every blessing that is coming from above, that.
Speaker 3 (27:53):
Is coming from above.
Speaker 5 (27:54):
Yes to beyond. Beautiful. Declaration and affirmations are so important
because actually, when you speak things out loud, it goes
into your subconscious. When you speak things, it's actually going
into your ears, into your brain and you start to
believe those things. So if you say that to yourself
every day in the mirror on your way to work,
(28:15):
going into a negative situation, when people come and they
say like, oh, look at you today, you aren't typed
yourself up, You're like, what do you mean? I'm ugly?
Do you know who I am? I'm courageous, I'm resilient.
It's in your subconscious because you say those positive affirmations.
So I encourage all listeners all of us. We need
to get our kids to say positive affirmations about themselves,
(28:36):
even if they are like rolling their eyes. I make
my little first grader before she goes into school, I say,
tell me two positive things about yourself. And she's walking in.
She's like, I'm gonna I'm gonna win an award today,
I'm gonna have a good day. I'm really smart. She
knows to do it, and I don't let her get
off the car until she does. But that stuff goes
into your subconscious. So let's have our teams do that.
(28:59):
And we need to remind ourselves of that as a
day as well, like hype yourself up.
Speaker 3 (29:04):
But where can we get your book?
Speaker 5 (29:05):
Yes, okay, you can get it on Amazon. It is
on Amazon, and if you want to order in bulk,
you can email me at Hello at doctor Jasmineesepot of
dot com. Hell, I'm doing speaking and touring. We're going
back on tour again. Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (29:20):
I love that. I'm going to do that. I'm saying
that I'm a kid.
Speaker 4 (29:24):
And also just to piggyback off what you were saying
about how it goes into your system, like there's actually
scientific like we're made up of the energy, like most
of us what ninety five percent, we're actually energy. The
cells are all energy, and when you say words like that,
they actually change.
Speaker 3 (29:39):
Like the chemical you've done that experiment where you with
your kids.
Speaker 4 (29:43):
It's great where you take two plants put them in
two separate rooms, and this is a kind of awful experiment.
Speaker 3 (29:48):
But like one plant you say, you're ugly, I don't.
Speaker 2 (29:51):
Like you, You're mean.
Speaker 3 (29:53):
You're you know, your your leaves suck.
Speaker 4 (29:56):
And then the other one you say, like, you're beautiful,
I respect you.
Speaker 3 (30:01):
Grow baby. You say all these things and I'm not
even joking. One dies and.
Speaker 4 (30:05):
One survives, and you can feed them and have the
same amount of sunlight.
Speaker 3 (30:10):
Wow, because the energy I.
Speaker 5 (30:11):
Read about that, I have not done it personally, but
I did read that to that. Yeah, there's there's real
things that happen with the power of our words. And
then like on a chemical standpoint and individuals, when you
say positive things like that, it releases endorphins. So it's
actually like chemicals in your body that are released that
(30:32):
go and activate your pleasure centers and also help reduce pain.
Speaker 3 (30:36):
So like she got very excited. What is a pleasure?
Speaker 5 (30:41):
Okay, let's keep this.
Speaker 3 (30:43):
Let's go to the pleasure never mind. Okay, sorry, we
all want to be happy today.
Speaker 4 (30:49):
Pleasure far away from conflict resolution.
Speaker 5 (30:54):
But yeah, that's hilarious. This is good.
Speaker 4 (30:58):
Our next episode will be about pleasure centers.
Speaker 5 (31:02):
Craze. She is exactly that I have. I know, girls,
the words. I know.
Speaker 3 (31:08):
I heard it and it sounded interesting. Listen, I'm sweating,
look at me.
Speaker 4 (31:12):
I know you are.
Speaker 3 (31:13):
I know it's because you had to be a bully,
because I'm hot and heated and I'm a bully. Okay,
let's go back to your jazz.
Speaker 5 (31:17):
All the same chemicals released during orgasm. Oh yeah, okay,
you eat chocolate candy even when people are on drugs. Listen. Positive. Yeah,
like we're like a way off conflict. I know, but
positive affirmations do impact your pleasure centers and have positive
impacts on your body.
Speaker 2 (31:39):
Well, I'm glad last night I decided to eat five
dark chocolate assaulted caramels that I got from all these so.
Speaker 3 (31:45):
Pleasure on, ladies.
Speaker 5 (31:47):
Thank you so much, conflic for.
Speaker 3 (31:49):
The conflict resolution. You are all beyond beautiful. Absolutely love
your girls, love you, love y'all.
Speaker 4 (31:56):
Love you.
Speaker 1 (31:58):
This is the matown mom, Squad podcast a production of iHeartRadio.
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