This week a community favorite joins our show in honor of "Mental Health Awareness Month" Mark ShaH Evans. ShaH has become one of Krista's dearest friends when it comes to ridding the stigma of mental health. These two go back 10 years in making a pathway for those in our community struggling to find their voice and heal. ShaH has an extensive background when it comes to mentoring our youth in the Madison and surrounding areas. ShaH is the owner of "Blast Muay Thai Kickboxing Gym," VP of UCAN, & Host of "You Control You" podcast. ShaH not only inspires men and women everyday to be their BEST, but he also inspires them to heal from the inside out. ShaH is an inspiration to so many, but especially to young men. Unfortunately, we live in a world where men do not feel accepted when sharing their own hidden dark struggles. We congratulate ShaH for not only sharing his traumas with us, but for standing up against the stigma that men feel when it comes to opening up about mental health. One thing is for sure, ShaH reminds his students and those he mentors that they are not alone. We welcome you to sit back and to learn about our tremendous friend, father, husband, entrepreneur, fighter, mentor, teacher, and inspiration.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, So, I'm very very excited at miss Krina
Cray to have one of our dearest friends in this
community on the show, especially because this month is Mental
Health Awareness month. Is it's an important month, right, especially
for our kiddos. And there is a strong mail that
we are having on our show today that knows all
too well what this is. And he's a true advocate
(00:35):
of ridding the stigma. Say hello to one of my
dearest friends, Mark shaw Evans. He is the owner of
Blast Samo Thai Kickboxing. He's also the founder and vice
president of you Can and the podcast host of You
Control You Shaw, How are you good?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I love the height difference and it was so little
here I am, and then here he is, like, I
feel like I need.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
One of those Apple boxes.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I know a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It's not about your size.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
No, it's not about your side.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
It's not about well, it might be in this situation,
but it's sure.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Shaw is a big dude. So Seaw I'm so excited
to have you back on the mom Squad. You were
here like many years ago, I want to say, like
five years ago, and you have transitioned in our community
doing so many other things now than what you started
with the last Yes you know what I mean with
the kickboxing. So now you and I have come across
(01:30):
each other's shows again with the podcasting. I'm so thrilled
that you have now started your.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Own Yes You Control You podcast. It was a long
journey here, but I'm happy I decided to do it,
and happy I just I took the plunge into it
and said, look, there's people that there's people that need
to share their voice, and there's messages that aren't being
talked about. And especially as a guy, there's certain messages
(01:56):
that I don't believe were being shared that can help
the community and help people out. So I decided to
make the dive into the pool.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay, Sean, what can we expect with this podcast? Tell
me a topic or something that we would be hearing
in it.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
So right off the jump, one of the things that
I tackled was my upbringing. I was I was I'd
lived in a household that dealt with a lot of
abuse mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, and for growing up. I'm
going to be forty five now. So when I was born,
(02:30):
there wasn't you see so many biracial children. Now, that
was like it was still a new thing sort of.
When I was born, it was like I didn't see
many mixed kids. And my not having my father around,
and then being raised by a man who was white,
who was beating me, sexually, abusive and calling me the
(02:54):
N word. It really warped my mind and really messed
me up. So talk talking about those things, combating those
things and letting people know that there are times in
your life where you actually may be a victim, but
you still have the power within you to take control
of your life. And that was something that always hit
me hard, something I preach at my gym. You are
(03:16):
in control of you. You decide what you want to do,
You decide how mentally strong you want to be, and
that you might fall down or you might go through something.
Get up, take control of your life, take control of
your brain, take control of what you're doing. You control
you always, always, twenty four to seven. You're in control.
(03:36):
So it's the only thing you can't control. So even
if you when I have this talk with people and
I even when religion's brought into it, I'm like, well,
you're given the choice. You have options. You could choose
this path, or you could choose this path. You decide,
so you're still in control. It's the only thing that
we can control in our life is ourselves, So take
control of that.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Did that just hit even the heart? Christa, did you
just feel that, like it's just like that, I said, okay,
so this is my first time really being in your presence,
you know, and hearing you, and that just like kind
of went right into my soul. I'd love the idea
because I think kids are constantly being told what to
do and do this, do that, and they feel that
(04:18):
lack of control, and so giving them that option, you know,
is a beautiful thing and that's a gift. I mean,
I mean, I'm not talking about my three year old though.
Let's just eliminate him from the equation, because he just
like rammed a little toy into my shin this morning.
I was like, that was not a choice, all right,
you don't have a choice, not a choice.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I was real mad, you know, even as a parent,
So I have a daughter who's just turned twenty one,
and I have a son who's going to be fifteen
pretty soon here, and so it's of course when they're young,
you're you're teaching them certain venues, you're helping them out.
And one thing I learned, especially with my daughter, is
you sort of also have to let go trust that
(05:00):
you're teaching them the values that you believe are important,
and then just sort of let them go and figure
it out because that's how they learn. And then they
come back to you and then they have questions, they
fall down, they have questions, and so it makes it
easier to help them out because you're not dictating their life.
It was a lesson for me to learn with my daughter.
(05:22):
Luckily I learned it by the time she was sixteen,
so we had plenty of time for her to fall
down and make her own mistakes. And then just applied
that with my son and they've gotten these. They make
fun of me, they get long lectures. I'm the lectured dad.
I'm the one that like, how could you take control
of that? Why are you reacting this way? What is
(05:44):
going on? How can you look past this and takeing, like.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Dad, what a good Dad, But Shaw, where you're at
today was not where you were at while you were
a young child going through these things. And that's what
I see really really powerful well about you. And that's
why I think it's so important that you are here
as a man talking about mental health because we've talked
about this before, going through things when we were younger,
(06:11):
and you know, with the mental health issues and the
sexual assaults and things like that, we kept that to ourselves, yes,
and this wasn't something that a lot of kids would
share with their parents because that's just how we were
brought up exactly. And so now with you healing and
the things that you've been through with is not an
(06:32):
easy path to where you are today has completely i'm sure,
molded the kind of father you are.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yes, So I remember the day pretty clear. It was
during COVID and when everything was shut down and I
run a gym, so having a gym shut down to
the public is rough. I was just training my fighters
and I remember it was like six am in the
gym and I have this beautiful view outside of my
(07:02):
gym and you can it's by Mars, so it's beautiful.
And I don't know what did it, but I just
got on I just picked up my phone and I
started talking and it was the first time that I
actually shared to the world what happened. And it was
crazy because then some of my students came back to
(07:23):
me and said that happened to me too, and now
they're sharing their story and they didn't think and it
was men yeah, and they didn't know how big it was.
And so it let me know that, wow, I should
be sharing this more. And it's really how you control
you came about because I ended up fighting back when
(07:43):
I was fifteen. By the time I was fifteen, I
was six feet tall, two hundred and twenty pounds wrestling football,
and I fought back and then I felt free. But
there's a price when you have freedom, then you don't
and at that age, you don't know what to do
with it. And so a lot of the decisions I
(08:04):
made were not the greatest decisions that you know that
I can lean on. And so all those lessons helped
me with raising my kids, learning that okay, with freedom
comes comes with the responsibility of you taking control of
your life. So make sure that you're making the right
decisions and do what's best, not just for you today,
but also for you tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
What did you learn as a child than yourself going
through what you did to try to protect who you
are today versus what you teach your kids, because and
again being a guy, it's not talked about. Guys don't
talk about their mental health. So when you went through
your type of things as a kid, is that what
(08:48):
you're saying. You got into the gym like you wanted
to be strong, You wanted not to be pushed around,
so you used your strength to try to protect yourself.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Yeah. From in that situation, Yes, I finally got to
a point where I felt out strong enough, I was
big enough, and I could fight back. The lessons that
I actually learned were bad lessons that helped me with
my kids, meaning I learned not to show pain, I
learned not to show any emotion. I learned how to
(09:16):
dive into the darkest realms of my own brain and
my own emotions to shut it all off. So it
helps in football, it helps in fighting, but it doesn't
help in the home life. And what I wanted to
make sure is I gave my kids the space, especially
my daughter, because I knew in my mind I didn't
(09:36):
want to be my stepfather, and I didn't want to
be my father who wasn't around. So I need to
let her. I need to teach her what kind of
man she should be around, what kind of men she
should be around her life. So it was a matter
of teaching her, Okay, having these long conversations if she
did something wrong and I lose it for five minutes
(10:02):
and just maybe not yell at her, but raise my
voice or just lecture her for too long. Calm down,
come back to the table. Hey, you know what, I'm sorry. No, Dad,
I understand it, like I understand why you're meant no, no, no, No,
you don't understand. I shouldn't have raised my voice. I
(10:22):
shouldn't have spoken to you this way. I don't want
another man ever to do this. I am saying, I
am sorry for that. Now, let's have a great conversation
about why you did what you did so we can
avoid this going forward, because this isn't the correct behavior.
And for me, that was everything, and that was me
choosing to be vulnerable with my daughter. And I do
(10:45):
that with my son because I locked everything away for
so long, because when I felt embarrassed, like I'm as
a guy, it's you don't want to feel weak. I
felt I felt weak for a very long time, and
it didn't matter how much I could bench, and it didn't
(11:05):
matter what I could do. I felt weak. And it's
because I didn't know how to share my emotions. I
didn't know how to talk about what happened. And I
did not want that for my kids. So that's why
I do that. I did that with them, and even
with the kids that I mentor, it's like, hey, what's
going on, what's going on? Nothing, I'm fine, Great, I'm glad,
(11:26):
you're fine. Let's talk, like, let's get it out, because
then once it out, once it's out, now your brain
has space to try to solve it if it can,
or work through it, and then we can hit some
pads and then we can work a bag or then
then you could do this workout and that'll give you
your brain and your emotions the space to actually do
(11:46):
what it needs to do, because if you hang onto it,
you can't do anything else with it. You're just hanging
onto it and it's drawing energy from you and it's
dragging you down.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I mean that's very true. And I think especially
with you know, boys, what they go through trying to
avoid like, Hey, I'm going through something, I'm in pain. Yeah,
what am I going to do? Try to not think
about that. I'm gonna I'm gonna get in fights. I'm
going to go, you know, I'm gonna go hustle. I'm
gonna go. You know, all the things you all the
(12:18):
things you don't want to do, you get into.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
And that's what I and that's what I spent the
majority of my life doing. I have cuts on my
body from a fight where I thought someone that had
a knife and I knew they had weapons. I've been
shot at, I've been I've put myself in the worst
positions growing up as a teenager because I was so
mad and didn't know what to do with my emotions
(12:42):
and didn't know what to do with those feelings, And
the place where I should have felt the safest was
the most dangerous place for me. So anywhere else wasn't
as dangerous to me than my own home, because at home,
I'm being called the N word, or I'm being beaten,
or I'm being sexually assaulted. I'm literally being like held down,
(13:06):
and it was like, this isn't safe. Everywhere else is
safer than at home. And I had to realize that, Okay,
just because it's safer than home doesn't mean it's actually safe.
It's still a dangerous thing that I'm doing. And it
just took me looking in the mirror and I'm that
front and growing up because I couldn't blame anybody else
(13:29):
for those decisions. I was making those decisions. I was
a victim at home. I wasn't the victim when I
was out here messing up. I was choosing those decisions.
I was making those choices.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So yeah, and that's a point that you don't hear
a lot. You know that the safest place should be home,
and so many kids don't have that. You know, that's
not something we say out loud very often. I think
that's what's really cool is you're saying the things that
are really hard to say, and you're saying it very loud.
And I think that's a huge, huge gift.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Thank you. I appreciate that. It's it's it's how I've
made my home, it's how I've made my gym, and
I get a I've I've ran into some interesting critiques
because I treat men and women the same under the gym.
It's like I'm gonna work you the same as I
(14:20):
do the men. I'm going to work the men like
and I'm going to end on the flip side. I
tell the men it's okay for you to cry, just
like the women, because I put if I put some
of my female fighters through a hard training session, for sure,
tears are coming out, so for sure, and then I
encourage that with the men. It's like, you've just went
through something that pushed you past every single limit that
(14:43):
you've ever had in your life. Now you're you want
to be emotional, be that.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So is that what the experience is like?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
What what what really is it like to train?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
To train? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Can I do it?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Can I do it?
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
You can. So glasses aren't necessarily like that. I push
that through my fighters a little bit more because what
they're about to go do is basically call it create
a car accident. And a lot of the people that
come in there, some of them have never been in fights,
and some of them have, and it's my job to
(15:19):
make sure that when they walk into that ring, when
they walk into that cage, that they are one prepared
and nothing is going to surprise them from a mental
and emotional aspect. So I tell them all the time,
I'm creating trauma here because what you're about to do
is full of trauma. You're about to walk into this ring,
(15:41):
this place, and someone wants to hit you, kick you,
beat you. I have to mentally and emotionally get you ready.
They might beat you, they might technically beat you, but
they're not going to mentally break you. And then I
tell them take this and apply it to everything else
you want to do. Now with my students, I don't,
(16:01):
I do the same thing. I just it takes longer
to do because I can't train everybody to be a
fighter every single day. That would that would be rough
on everybody. But it's I push everybody to their limits.
And I don't I make you face. I make you
face yourself. Is the best way to describe that. I
(16:23):
you come in, you're having a bad day, Let's work
it out and don't hold it in. And like I
have doctors who are dealing with patience that might not
be making it much longer, and that's stressful for them.
I have people that work at EPIC that are bombarded
with one hundred hour weeks and on and on it,
or college students that are dealing with different things. So
(16:44):
I'm just working through all the stresses.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, stress and anxiety and all that, you know, And
it's a thing that we talk about, especially for mental health,
and that's why you're on the show, especially this month
raising that awareness. Is that when you are someone, especially
a child, dealing with the anxiety and depression, then you
start thinking, Okay, how am I going to deal with
this mental health. I'm gonna start drinking, I'm gonna start
(17:09):
doing opioids. I mean, it's just a cluster that just
blows up. And the great thing about you, Shaw is
that you again are giving outlets to our kids in
our community on how they can take their emotions and
use it in a positive way that also heals them. Yes,
and that's what I think keeps you set apart from
(17:30):
a lot of you know, others that do these phenomenal things,
but you're more passionate outside of just like teaching a
person how to fight, it's really about helping them move
through this journey of what they've been through in life.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah. My wife makes fun of me because she's like,
you heal people and they don't want to fight anymore.
They just want to train. They don't want to fight anymore. Yeah,
So sometimes if my goal is to coach in the UFC,
never get there. I may not reach that goal because
my number one priority, my biggest goal is to help
(18:07):
these people out overall in their life. When I have
somebody that whether they're an adult that is an alcoholic
and now they haven't drank in three years because they
found something else, they put that energy into something else
that actually fulfills them. When I have young adults, kids
that come in there that I know are suffering, able
(18:30):
to find that confidence and build them symples up. For me,
that's everything. Watching an eighth grader come in as an
eighth grader and then they graduate high school and they're
a completely different person. Their confidence levels are through the roof,
and now they're going to college, or a girl that
maybe walked had to deal with the same things that
(18:52):
we've had to deal with, and help them learn how
to gain their power back, to make them feel like, hey,
you're you're still strong, you can still do this, you
control you keep working and watching the light come on,
that's what I tell people. It's it's I love seeing
(19:13):
the light come on when they've when they've navigated through
darkness and the light comes out. Just like keep that,
don't ever lose that again. Keep that and build from it.
That's that means more to me than anything else. I
If I never if you never see me on a
pay per view card, I'm okay with that as long
(19:35):
as I know that's what I'm building on a consistent basis,
and that is different from other gyms, and that's okay.
I'm different from other people. I focus on that. That's
that's me. Me winning is watching light a light come
on within you, that's me winning well.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
And I think it's very very important that you know,
we give our kids these outlets to express themselves and
to feel good and to have, you know, a mentor
which you are to speak to. So I want you
to let Madison and surrounding areas know where their kids
can sign up for a class with you. And of course, Sew,
(20:13):
I want you to promote your podcast because you have
tremendous guests that are on your show. There are adults there,
kids that have gone through you know, hell and back,
and they're definitely people that we inspire to become as well.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Thank you for all that. I appreciate you so much.
You can find me at the Blast m a dot com.
So that's the Blast m a dot com. Or just
google the blast Honestly, anything with the Blast of Madison,
I'll come up. And everything You Control You ig, Facebook, Spotify, now, YouTube,
(20:51):
just everywhere. The You Control You podcast is up there.
And yeah, I've been very blessed. I've had great, great guests,
including yourself, Chris. It was that was That was an
amazing episode. I'm like that one. That one will be
dropping that one. I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Well, I love you, Thank you for having them on.
It was an honor. And I know you have Michael
Johnson and so many great people, but we just want
to say, as moms ourselves, thank you for being you know,
a man who is open, a father is open to
talk about mental health because we need to make sure
as parents out we let our kids know it's okay.
And as a male to be an advocate, I'm reading
(21:32):
the stigma of mental health. Thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
It's really powerful.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
And maybe someday again we're going to get in the gym.
I would love to see you.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
My gosh, do anything, no please, I would love that
for my arms at least, but I'm not a very
strong person physically.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
We'll see you soon. We'll see you soon. I love you.
Thanks Shaw.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
This is the madt Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. You're Every episode of matt On Mom Squad
podcasts available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever
you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
M
This is the Mad's Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mamas having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:14):
All right, So, I'm very very excited at miss Krina
Cray to have one of our dearest friends in this
community on the show, especially because this month is Mental
Health Awareness month. Is it's an important month, right, especially
for our kiddos. And there is a strong mail that
we are having on our show today that knows all
too well what this is. And he's a true advocate
(00:35):
of ridding the stigma. Say hello to one of my
dearest friends, Mark shaw Evans. He is the owner of
Blast Samo Thai Kickboxing. He's also the founder and vice
president of you Can and the podcast host of You
Control You Shaw, How are you good?
Speaker 3 (00:53):
I love the height difference and it was so little
here I am, and then here he is, like, I
feel like I need.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
One of those Apple boxes.
Speaker 4 (01:02):
I know a little bit.
Speaker 3 (01:03):
It's not about your size.
Speaker 2 (01:04):
No, it's not about your side.
Speaker 3 (01:06):
It's not about well, it might be in this situation,
but it's sure.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
Shaw is a big dude. So Seaw I'm so excited
to have you back on the mom Squad. You were
here like many years ago, I want to say, like
five years ago, and you have transitioned in our community
doing so many other things now than what you started
with the last Yes you know what I mean with
the kickboxing. So now you and I have come across
(01:30):
each other's shows again with the podcasting. I'm so thrilled
that you have now started your.
Speaker 4 (01:35):
Own Yes You Control You podcast. It was a long
journey here, but I'm happy I decided to do it,
and happy I just I took the plunge into it
and said, look, there's people that there's people that need
to share their voice, and there's messages that aren't being
talked about. And especially as a guy, there's certain messages
(01:56):
that I don't believe were being shared that can help
the community and help people out. So I decided to
make the dive into the pool.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Okay, Sean, what can we expect with this podcast? Tell
me a topic or something that we would be hearing
in it.
Speaker 4 (02:09):
So right off the jump, one of the things that
I tackled was my upbringing. I was I was I'd
lived in a household that dealt with a lot of
abuse mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, and for growing up. I'm
going to be forty five now. So when I was born,
(02:30):
there wasn't you see so many biracial children. Now, that
was like it was still a new thing sort of.
When I was born, it was like I didn't see
many mixed kids. And my not having my father around,
and then being raised by a man who was white,
who was beating me, sexually, abusive and calling me the
(02:54):
N word. It really warped my mind and really messed
me up. So talk talking about those things, combating those
things and letting people know that there are times in
your life where you actually may be a victim, but
you still have the power within you to take control
of your life. And that was something that always hit
me hard, something I preach at my gym. You are
(03:16):
in control of you. You decide what you want to do,
You decide how mentally strong you want to be, and
that you might fall down or you might go through something.
Get up, take control of your life, take control of
your brain, take control of what you're doing. You control
you always, always, twenty four to seven. You're in control.
(03:36):
So it's the only thing you can't control. So even
if you when I have this talk with people and
I even when religion's brought into it, I'm like, well,
you're given the choice. You have options. You could choose
this path, or you could choose this path. You decide,
so you're still in control. It's the only thing that
we can control in our life is ourselves, So take
control of that.
Speaker 3 (03:57):
Did that just hit even the heart? Christa, did you
just feel that, like it's just like that, I said, okay,
so this is my first time really being in your presence,
you know, and hearing you, and that just like kind
of went right into my soul. I'd love the idea
because I think kids are constantly being told what to
do and do this, do that, and they feel that
(04:18):
lack of control, and so giving them that option, you know,
is a beautiful thing and that's a gift. I mean,
I mean, I'm not talking about my three year old though.
Let's just eliminate him from the equation, because he just
like rammed a little toy into my shin this morning.
I was like, that was not a choice, all right,
you don't have a choice, not a choice.
Speaker 4 (04:38):
I was real mad, you know, even as a parent,
So I have a daughter who's just turned twenty one,
and I have a son who's going to be fifteen
pretty soon here, and so it's of course when they're young,
you're you're teaching them certain venues, you're helping them out.
And one thing I learned, especially with my daughter, is
you sort of also have to let go trust that
(05:00):
you're teaching them the values that you believe are important,
and then just sort of let them go and figure
it out because that's how they learn. And then they
come back to you and then they have questions, they
fall down, they have questions, and so it makes it
easier to help them out because you're not dictating their life.
It was a lesson for me to learn with my daughter.
(05:22):
Luckily I learned it by the time she was sixteen,
so we had plenty of time for her to fall
down and make her own mistakes. And then just applied
that with my son and they've gotten these. They make
fun of me, they get long lectures. I'm the lectured dad.
I'm the one that like, how could you take control
of that? Why are you reacting this way? What is
(05:44):
going on? How can you look past this and takeing, like.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
Dad, what a good Dad, But Shaw, where you're at
today was not where you were at while you were
a young child going through these things. And that's what
I see really really powerful well about you. And that's
why I think it's so important that you are here
as a man talking about mental health because we've talked
about this before, going through things when we were younger,
(06:11):
and you know, with the mental health issues and the
sexual assaults and things like that, we kept that to ourselves, yes,
and this wasn't something that a lot of kids would
share with their parents because that's just how we were
brought up exactly. And so now with you healing and
the things that you've been through with is not an
(06:32):
easy path to where you are today has completely i'm sure,
molded the kind of father you are.
Speaker 4 (06:39):
Yes, So I remember the day pretty clear. It was
during COVID and when everything was shut down and I
run a gym, so having a gym shut down to
the public is rough. I was just training my fighters
and I remember it was like six am in the
gym and I have this beautiful view outside of my
(07:02):
gym and you can it's by Mars, so it's beautiful.
And I don't know what did it, but I just
got on I just picked up my phone and I
started talking and it was the first time that I
actually shared to the world what happened. And it was
crazy because then some of my students came back to
(07:23):
me and said that happened to me too, and now
they're sharing their story and they didn't think and it
was men yeah, and they didn't know how big it was.
And so it let me know that, wow, I should
be sharing this more. And it's really how you control
you came about because I ended up fighting back when
(07:43):
I was fifteen. By the time I was fifteen, I
was six feet tall, two hundred and twenty pounds wrestling football,
and I fought back and then I felt free. But
there's a price when you have freedom, then you don't
and at that age, you don't know what to do
with it. And so a lot of the decisions I
(08:04):
made were not the greatest decisions that you know that
I can lean on. And so all those lessons helped
me with raising my kids, learning that okay, with freedom
comes comes with the responsibility of you taking control of
your life. So make sure that you're making the right
decisions and do what's best, not just for you today,
but also for you tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (08:28):
What did you learn as a child than yourself going
through what you did to try to protect who you
are today versus what you teach your kids, because and
again being a guy, it's not talked about. Guys don't
talk about their mental health. So when you went through
your type of things as a kid, is that what
(08:48):
you're saying. You got into the gym like you wanted
to be strong, You wanted not to be pushed around,
so you used your strength to try to protect yourself.
Speaker 4 (08:56):
Yeah. From in that situation, Yes, I finally got to
a point where I felt out strong enough, I was
big enough, and I could fight back. The lessons that
I actually learned were bad lessons that helped me with
my kids, meaning I learned not to show pain, I
learned not to show any emotion. I learned how to
(09:16):
dive into the darkest realms of my own brain and
my own emotions to shut it all off. So it
helps in football, it helps in fighting, but it doesn't
help in the home life. And what I wanted to
make sure is I gave my kids the space, especially
my daughter, because I knew in my mind I didn't
(09:36):
want to be my stepfather, and I didn't want to
be my father who wasn't around. So I need to
let her. I need to teach her what kind of
man she should be around, what kind of men she
should be around her life. So it was a matter
of teaching her, Okay, having these long conversations if she
did something wrong and I lose it for five minutes
(10:02):
and just maybe not yell at her, but raise my
voice or just lecture her for too long. Calm down,
come back to the table. Hey, you know what, I'm sorry. No, Dad,
I understand it, like I understand why you're meant no, no, no, No,
you don't understand. I shouldn't have raised my voice. I
(10:22):
shouldn't have spoken to you this way. I don't want
another man ever to do this. I am saying, I
am sorry for that. Now, let's have a great conversation
about why you did what you did so we can
avoid this going forward, because this isn't the correct behavior.
And for me, that was everything, and that was me
choosing to be vulnerable with my daughter. And I do
(10:45):
that with my son because I locked everything away for
so long, because when I felt embarrassed, like I'm as
a guy, it's you don't want to feel weak. I
felt I felt weak for a very long time, and
it didn't matter how much I could bench, and it didn't
(11:05):
matter what I could do. I felt weak. And it's
because I didn't know how to share my emotions. I
didn't know how to talk about what happened. And I
did not want that for my kids. So that's why
I do that. I did that with them, and even
with the kids that I mentor, it's like, hey, what's
going on, what's going on? Nothing, I'm fine, Great, I'm glad,
(11:26):
you're fine. Let's talk, like, let's get it out, because
then once it out, once it's out, now your brain
has space to try to solve it if it can,
or work through it, and then we can hit some
pads and then we can work a bag or then
then you could do this workout and that'll give you
your brain and your emotions the space to actually do
(11:46):
what it needs to do, because if you hang onto it,
you can't do anything else with it. You're just hanging
onto it and it's drawing energy from you and it's
dragging you down.
Speaker 2 (11:57):
Yeah, I mean that's very true. And I think especially
with you know, boys, what they go through trying to
avoid like, Hey, I'm going through something, I'm in pain. Yeah,
what am I going to do? Try to not think
about that. I'm gonna I'm gonna get in fights. I'm
going to go, you know, I'm gonna go hustle. I'm
gonna go. You know, all the things you all the
(12:18):
things you don't want to do, you get into.
Speaker 4 (12:21):
And that's what I and that's what I spent the
majority of my life doing. I have cuts on my
body from a fight where I thought someone that had
a knife and I knew they had weapons. I've been
shot at, I've been I've put myself in the worst
positions growing up as a teenager because I was so
mad and didn't know what to do with my emotions
(12:42):
and didn't know what to do with those feelings, And
the place where I should have felt the safest was
the most dangerous place for me. So anywhere else wasn't
as dangerous to me than my own home, because at home,
I'm being called the N word, or I'm being beaten,
or I'm being sexually assaulted. I'm literally being like held down,
(13:06):
and it was like, this isn't safe. Everywhere else is
safer than at home. And I had to realize that, Okay,
just because it's safer than home doesn't mean it's actually safe.
It's still a dangerous thing that I'm doing. And it
just took me looking in the mirror and I'm that
front and growing up because I couldn't blame anybody else
(13:29):
for those decisions. I was making those decisions. I was
a victim at home. I wasn't the victim when I
was out here messing up. I was choosing those decisions.
I was making those choices.
Speaker 3 (13:41):
So yeah, and that's a point that you don't hear
a lot. You know that the safest place should be home,
and so many kids don't have that. You know, that's
not something we say out loud very often. I think
that's what's really cool is you're saying the things that
are really hard to say, and you're saying it very loud.
And I think that's a huge, huge gift.
Speaker 4 (14:00):
Thank you. I appreciate that. It's it's it's how I've
made my home, it's how I've made my gym, and
I get a I've I've ran into some interesting critiques
because I treat men and women the same under the gym.
It's like I'm gonna work you the same as I
(14:20):
do the men. I'm going to work the men like
and I'm going to end on the flip side. I
tell the men it's okay for you to cry, just
like the women, because I put if I put some
of my female fighters through a hard training session, for sure,
tears are coming out, so for sure, and then I
encourage that with the men. It's like, you've just went
through something that pushed you past every single limit that
(14:43):
you've ever had in your life. Now you're you want
to be emotional, be that.
Speaker 3 (14:49):
So is that what the experience is like?
Speaker 1 (14:51):
So?
Speaker 3 (14:51):
What what what really is it like to train?
Speaker 2 (14:54):
To train? Yeah?
Speaker 4 (14:56):
Can I do it?
Speaker 2 (14:56):
Can I do it?
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (14:57):
You can. So glasses aren't necessarily like that. I push
that through my fighters a little bit more because what
they're about to go do is basically call it create
a car accident. And a lot of the people that
come in there, some of them have never been in fights,
and some of them have, and it's my job to
(15:19):
make sure that when they walk into that ring, when
they walk into that cage, that they are one prepared
and nothing is going to surprise them from a mental
and emotional aspect. So I tell them all the time,
I'm creating trauma here because what you're about to do
is full of trauma. You're about to walk into this ring,
(15:41):
this place, and someone wants to hit you, kick you,
beat you. I have to mentally and emotionally get you ready.
They might beat you, they might technically beat you, but
they're not going to mentally break you. And then I
tell them take this and apply it to everything else
you want to do. Now with my students, I don't,
(16:01):
I do the same thing. I just it takes longer
to do because I can't train everybody to be a
fighter every single day. That would that would be rough
on everybody. But it's I push everybody to their limits.
And I don't I make you face. I make you
face yourself. Is the best way to describe that. I
(16:23):
you come in, you're having a bad day, Let's work
it out and don't hold it in. And like I
have doctors who are dealing with patience that might not
be making it much longer, and that's stressful for them.
I have people that work at EPIC that are bombarded
with one hundred hour weeks and on and on it,
or college students that are dealing with different things. So
(16:44):
I'm just working through all the stresses.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Yeah, stress and anxiety and all that, you know, And
it's a thing that we talk about, especially for mental health,
and that's why you're on the show, especially this month
raising that awareness. Is that when you are someone, especially
a child, dealing with the anxiety and depression, then you
start thinking, Okay, how am I going to deal with
this mental health. I'm gonna start drinking, I'm gonna start
(17:09):
doing opioids. I mean, it's just a cluster that just
blows up. And the great thing about you, Shaw is
that you again are giving outlets to our kids in
our community on how they can take their emotions and
use it in a positive way that also heals them. Yes,
and that's what I think keeps you set apart from
(17:30):
a lot of you know, others that do these phenomenal things,
but you're more passionate outside of just like teaching a
person how to fight, it's really about helping them move
through this journey of what they've been through in life.
Speaker 4 (17:45):
Yeah. My wife makes fun of me because she's like,
you heal people and they don't want to fight anymore.
They just want to train. They don't want to fight anymore. Yeah,
So sometimes if my goal is to coach in the UFC,
never get there. I may not reach that goal because
my number one priority, my biggest goal is to help
(18:07):
these people out overall in their life. When I have
somebody that whether they're an adult that is an alcoholic
and now they haven't drank in three years because they
found something else, they put that energy into something else
that actually fulfills them. When I have young adults, kids
that come in there that I know are suffering, able
(18:30):
to find that confidence and build them symples up. For me,
that's everything. Watching an eighth grader come in as an
eighth grader and then they graduate high school and they're
a completely different person. Their confidence levels are through the roof,
and now they're going to college, or a girl that
maybe walked had to deal with the same things that
(18:52):
we've had to deal with, and help them learn how
to gain their power back, to make them feel like, hey,
you're you're still strong, you can still do this, you
control you keep working and watching the light come on,
that's what I tell people. It's it's I love seeing
(19:13):
the light come on when they've when they've navigated through
darkness and the light comes out. Just like keep that,
don't ever lose that again. Keep that and build from it.
That's that means more to me than anything else. I
If I never if you never see me on a
pay per view card, I'm okay with that as long
(19:35):
as I know that's what I'm building on a consistent basis,
and that is different from other gyms, and that's okay.
I'm different from other people. I focus on that. That's
that's me. Me winning is watching light a light come
on within you, that's me winning well.
Speaker 2 (19:53):
And I think it's very very important that you know,
we give our kids these outlets to express themselves and
to feel good and to have, you know, a mentor
which you are to speak to. So I want you
to let Madison and surrounding areas know where their kids
can sign up for a class with you. And of course, Sew,
(20:13):
I want you to promote your podcast because you have
tremendous guests that are on your show. There are adults there,
kids that have gone through you know, hell and back,
and they're definitely people that we inspire to become as well.
Speaker 4 (20:28):
Thank you for all that. I appreciate you so much.
You can find me at the Blast m a dot com.
So that's the Blast m a dot com. Or just
google the blast Honestly, anything with the Blast of Madison,
I'll come up. And everything You Control You ig, Facebook, Spotify, now, YouTube,
(20:51):
just everywhere. The You Control You podcast is up there.
And yeah, I've been very blessed. I've had great, great guests,
including yourself, Chris. It was that was That was an
amazing episode. I'm like that one. That one will be
dropping that one. I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (21:10):
Well, I love you, Thank you for having them on.
It was an honor. And I know you have Michael
Johnson and so many great people, but we just want
to say, as moms ourselves, thank you for being you know,
a man who is open, a father is open to
talk about mental health because we need to make sure
as parents out we let our kids know it's okay.
And as a male to be an advocate, I'm reading
(21:32):
the stigma of mental health. Thank you for that.
Speaker 3 (21:34):
It's really powerful.
Speaker 2 (21:35):
Yeah, thank you for having me.
Speaker 4 (21:36):
I appreciate you.
Speaker 2 (21:38):
And maybe someday again we're going to get in the gym.
I would love to see you.
Speaker 3 (21:41):
My gosh, do anything, no please, I would love that
for my arms at least, but I'm not a very
strong person physically.
Speaker 2 (21:51):
We'll see you soon. We'll see you soon. I love you.
Thanks Shaw.
Speaker 1 (21:55):
This is the madt Own Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. You're Every episode of matt On Mom Squad
podcasts available on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever
you listen to your favorite podcasts.
Speaker 2 (22:11):
M
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