Dr. Jaz and Krista continue wrting Krista's self-help book when it comes to ovecoming trauma! Today we're discussung Chapter 3 "Protect Your Peace." Krista shares the first time & only time she has ever felt stigmatized for the trauma that she has gone through. And having experienced the toxic enviroment that she walked back into after treatment. Again, NEVER feel ashamed and sometimes we need to rid toxic people out our lives to protect our peace....Krista stated. So sit back, grab your cup of coffee, and let's begin taking back control of our lives!!
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mama's having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Well, Christa, we are back. Are you excited?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (00:19):
I am.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes. So for all of our listeners who maybe this
is just your first episode, I gotta catch you up.
Miss Christa is getting ready to release her first book
about getting your Power Back. And it kind of started
like a little dare on air.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Yes it did.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I was like, Christa, don't play with me. We'll write
your whole book on air. She was like, let's do it.
And guess what we're on. We're going to talk about
chapter three today. How do you feel though, Christa? Like,
just this whole process so far.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'm so stinking excited by the way.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
My boyfriend he listened to our podcast and he just says,
you just sound like the most beautiful woman, and you're
very talented, and he's very very supportive of me going
on this journey. And I just got done speaking at
a mental health convention gala, and you know, it was
my first time actually going more in depth with sexual
(01:14):
assault and so, and I had so many like you know,
women and men coming up to me and saying thank
you for sharing that, and then you know, just saying
this is what we need, we need to put it
out there. And then of course other women going through
traumas like this. So yeah, it's it's very very important
to me. It's time. It's time. You know, it's scary,
(01:37):
but I feel like it's time for me.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah, And look at how much of an impact you've had.
The book's not even out one day it comes out.
Imagine being able to put in someone's hands that comes
up to you in tears after you speak, like your
message just resonated with me, and you're able to be like,
you know what, I just want to gift you my
book and they're able to have that. I'm just so
proud of you because it's not easy to speak up
(02:02):
about this, but you're going to impact so many lives.
I'm just so proud of you.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Thank you. Yes, well, I have the best here from
multiple author.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Oh man, but we gotta get your story out. And
so the title that we said was your book's going
to be called Gain Your Power Back. Seven strategies for
women who have experienced trauma to heal, have success and
live a prosperous life or something like that. And your
first chapter was called Activate your Healing Tools, second chapter
(02:33):
Forgive Yourself. Now, this third one that we decided and
you told me was protect your Peace. Is it okay
if I just asked you a couple questions about that topic? Yeah, okay.
So Christo, when you say protect your peace, especially as
you are healing from an assault, what do you mean
(02:54):
by that? What is your definition of peace? What do
you even mean when you say protect your peace?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I think it's really important that, uh, that you put
up kind of like a protective wall when something like
that occurs. This is just a mental vision that you
can give yourself to saying that no one else is
going to hurt me. I'm not going to allow someone
else to put their hands on me. That is something
(03:24):
that I actually learned in ED M R Drama therapy
was that was part of the process. So whenever I
felt like I was in fear or something was going
to trigger me, because that will happen if I have
somebody sitting right next to me, a stranger, I instantly
get anxiety.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
I don't know why because it's again, it's in, it's in.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
It's like you're invading my space, and it just it
just triggers me to go back to that feeling of
someone is close to me and they're gonna they're gonna
harm me. It's just a it's just something that my
body just you know, naturally reacts too.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
So that would be one thing. Another would be get
rid of.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The toxicity out of your life, and that could be
the individual get away from them, which I think is
really important. But again, the sharing is so important, the
sharing of what you went through. It's got to be
(04:25):
the first the first step to protect yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I love that. So I hear you saying that piece
is like putting up a protective wall, telling yourself no
one will hurt you, and actually like removing toxicity out
of your life. And you learn that in your therapy sessions. Yeah,
how to protect your piece? Can you tell me a
little bit more about that for people, especially for people
who aren't as familiar with that specific type of therapy.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Sure, so, edmar trauma therapy. Again, it's the hardest therapy
but ever went through because it was the most painful,
But it's a therapy that actually brings you to that
moment as if you are reliving it detailed by detail
and you're envisioning yourself in that moment. And then you know,
(05:14):
you take the time then to address that person that
you were unswore and how can you talk to them?
And what we're you know, what would be the things
that you would tell them today would be EDMR. And
then also there's eye movement that goes along with that,
and there's a hand movement that goes along with you
(05:35):
speaking to There's a lot behind EDMR trauma therapy. So
if anyone is ever wondering what that is, I highly
recommend that you look into it because it's a different
type of therapy than just talking.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I love that. Yeah, yeah, because a lot of times
people just say therapy and then they don't. They just
put it all in one box. But there's different types
of therapy that you use. So thanks for explaining the difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And is it okay if I ask you a personal question?
Can you if your life was a movie? Because your
(06:12):
life is a movie, you're a celebrity.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Oh my gosh, your son.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But and like I'm excited because this book could turn
into a documentary Need a Doctor Chris's Life. But I'm
getting ahead of myself. If you could take us back
to a scene in your life where you had to
make the decision, I'm going to protect my piece. What
did that look like? What was the scene? What was
(06:37):
going on? Tell a scenario when you had to make
a decision, I need to protect my piece. Here's what
it looks like, Here's what I have to do. What
was a specific example of you actually putting this in
action protecting your piece.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Actually, the very first time that I felt stigmatized for
my mental health, and that was after my assault, that
how I was treated by this individual and never trust
them in my life again, because you're either a true
supporter of someone who has gone through something and you
(07:09):
don't try to take them down with it.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
So I had to.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Put myself in a different area and I had to
say goodbye to that person and they are no longer
being my life because again, that's that protective wall that
you're putting around yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
How did that feel to have to remove that person?
Speaker 4 (07:32):
It was awful.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
It was awful, you know, it was awful because this
person was my dear friend for five years and I
thought you know, but I guess you find out who
your true friends are when you are down and out right.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And it felt awful to have to remove that person.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
But then ultimately I actually, you know what, you know what,
it actually felt like I was violated all over again,
violated for something that I went through to put myself
finally in a place where I needed to heal.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I felt like I was being reprimanded for that because
you lost the relationship or because of what I had
to go through. They chose to be like, you know what,
we can't wait for you. The world doesn't end because
it doesn't stop because of you.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It was just like really, I was like, really, okay,
that's what you're gonna tell me. Okay, great, well, I'm
going to continue with my process of healing, and this
is it.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
We're done, done.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Right And after that immediate like heartbreak, feeling awful having
to protect your piece and remove that person out of
your life, what were some of the benefits of making
that decision to remove them from your life to protect
your piece?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
That that I realized, You know, I'm more powerful today
than I've ever been, because back in the day, I
would have been just like a people pleaser.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I would have just went with it, right, I would have.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I would let somebody you know, tear me down if
they wanted to, because my self esteem wasn't there, you know,
for probably most of my life, right because I didn't
have the tools yet, I didn't know how to protect
myself as much.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
So now it could care less.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Like that's powerful, Bye bye bye, that's right, by Felicia.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Good luck in your endeavors.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh okay, So it was what I hear you saying
is it was in the moment very painful and emotional.
Protecting your peace sometimes is not a feeling that will
feel good in that moment. It might be hard or painful,
but ultimately, in the long run, it helps you feel
more powerful than ever before. It helps you on your
(09:43):
healing journey. You're glad you got the person out your life.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Yeah, because I was more.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I was finally emotionally healthy to recognize that this is
not good for me?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Right, Okay? Whoa well?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Because no one should ever ever be blamed or made
feel ashamed that they have gone through trauma, right, And
the first person that makes you feel guilty for going
through something, you need to say goodbye to them.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
And this was you had this person that you had
to remove. This was the actual one of the people
who did assault you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
That was a pro This was not the person that
assaulted me, but this was after my physical assault.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
That that's when I had to take that time.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Thought was your friend?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh? And how they responded?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Okay in a business aspect?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Okay, okay, And can I ask you one last question
for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And what I love about this book writing process is
that it doesn't have to end here. It's really hard
when we share these stories. Yeah, going back to those
hard places, but you control the narrative now and the
things that happened to you. You're stronger, but you're going
to be able to use that to help somebody else. Yeah.
(11:01):
Right now, there's somebody listening to this podcast, listen reading
this book who's currently in that same situation where they're
around somebody who is not helping them with their piece
that they're in a toxic situation. They might be currently
experiencing an abusive situation, or they're in it right now.
(11:24):
They're listening to your story about how you were powerful,
you survived, you were able to get through it, you
were able to remove toxicity. And protect your piece, But
they're like, how can I do it? Right now? If
that person reading your book, for that person listening, what
advice Kristal would you give them of how they can
(11:44):
protect their piece? What do they need to do? What's
the first step?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
You're worthy? Your worth is so so important. Anyone that
takes away and tries to chip at the human being
that you are, you say goodbye to them. And it's
very hard too, Like I had I had a girlfriend
that had a fled who fled her country with her
three boys because she had an abusive husband.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
I mean, how awful is that?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
But you know what, this beautiful woman is now a
powerhouse when it comes to being you know, top of
Marcy's law for Wisconsin giving victims more of a right
in the courtroom.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So's she's amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
But it's not always easy to be able to get
away from someone that has done that to you. Like
I remember the first person that sexually assaulted me when
I was in sixth grade. He tried to find me
four different times on Facebook throughout my life, Oh no doubt,
he created fake profiles four different times.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And so when you see.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
The face of half person, oh, it.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Just enrages you.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I'm so sorry about that.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Well, yeah, you know, I blocked him all But a
side note, his brother got for raping a woman and
he got he got nailed and went to jail.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
And I'm like, wow, something wrong there, something wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
There is something family. I was gonna say that deep
in that family, in the family. Mmmmm, So you're you
would tell them you're worthy if they're trying to protect
their piece. What are some actions that they can take?
What are some more things? Tell themselves they're worthy? What
else should they do in the next seven days?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah, I you know, the best thing that I did.
But I think there it's your healing process. After the
two and a half months of my EDMR trauma therapy,
I wrote down each each trauma right in detail, and
I shared that. But at the end, I did a
ceremony when I was finally done, and I was you know,
(13:48):
I'm so excited to finally get back to life, get
back to work, that I did a celebration with my
dearest friends that were there for me, and I burned
every single piece of that paper and I said goodbye
to them and that they don't hold me anymore, they
don't own me. Anymore, and I'm not the same person anymore.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Yes, or stronger person?
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yes? Okay, Well, anything else you would want to add
people about the topic of protecting your piece, this was
so great. Any anything else you would say or want
to add This is so good.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I mean just in general, I mean, you don't have
to go through a trauma.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
You know, it is so important for you to protect
yourself and know that you're worthy and know uh, you
know a lot of us carry self blame and and
it's not good. It's not good. And and know that
there are awful people out there. Uh, and don't lose
yourself because of them.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Ah, that's it again, Christy, you're just dropping us quotes
and gyms. Don't lose yourself because of them.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I love that. Well, thank you so much much for
just giving us a little sneak peak about this chapter
Protect your Peace. Now, Christa, I want to ask, is
it okay if I just give our listeners a sneak
peek of your chapter? Can I read it back to
you using my secret formula?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That's the formula.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yes. By the way, my daughter Jia is so stinking
proud that I'm doing this.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
With you. So my daughter, she's just like okay.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Okay, And I love that too, because as you stand
in your truth, as you write your book, you are
teaching your daughter a lesson. She's watching you that you
didn't let those situations in life knock you down. You yeah,
you got knocked down, but you got up. And then
you are empowering other women. You're writing a book about it.
(15:47):
When you start speaking and touring, that is going to
be like the most amazing gift to you as she
grows up. I'll never forget bringing my daughters along on
tour prior books that I've written. And then my daughter
was like, well, mom, I want to write a book now,
she wrote, so, and my little seven year old's planning
(16:08):
her book and I'm just so excited for you. And
so when you say your daughter, what she said, like
she's watching and even if nobody even reads it, even
if nobody even purchases one book, which they are, you're
gonna be a bestseller. Girl, everybody's gonna get her book.
But even outside of like the monetary benefits helping other people,
(16:29):
doing this, if anything, but for your daughter is going
to be so powerful, like something she'll never forget think
that her mom is a warrior, a survivor and wrote
a book about it and it's helping other people. So
guess what when your daughter grows up and goes through
hard things in life. I pray she never has to
go get what you need. But she's people. Our daughters
are going to go through hard times. They're going to
(16:51):
be like, wow, I can make it through because my
mom did.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So I just want to tell thank you for that powerful.
This is on many levels. Okay. So when you're writing
out your books, you can either type it out or
you can talk it out. So I'm gonna talk it out.
So our listeners could just get a sneak peek of this,
but we got what we needed. This is just a
sneak peek. Everybody, make sure to go get her book.
It's is gonna be available soon. This is a sneak peak,
(17:19):
a protect your piece. She's taking orders, cash, check, money, order,
whatever you want to get. Okay, So this chapter is
protect your Piece. Thank you so much for taking the
time to read my book. I am so proud of
(17:39):
you for making it to chapter three. Despite all that
you are going through, you have made the decision to
invest in yourself by reading this book, and I'm so
proud of you for making it to this chapter on
your journey of healing after assault. One of the most
(18:01):
critical tasks that you must do is to protect your peace.
What do I mean by that? When I say protect
your peace, I mean that you need to put up
a protective wall around yourself. Almost if you're standing somewhere
(18:23):
and there's a literal wall around you, go ahead and
make a mental vision of that. Right now, you standing
in the middle of a strong protective wall. Protecting your
peace is protecting yourself so that no one else can
hurt you. One of the first ways that I learned
(18:46):
to do this was going through my EDMR trauma therapy.
In that therapy, I had to actually go back detail
by detail to address the different assault and situations that
happened to me and talk to myself. I also learned
(19:06):
during that trauma therapy the importance of protecting my peace.
Sometimes that means getting rid of toxic people from your life.
It means doing whatever you need to do to protect
yourself from future harm, both mentally and physically. I'll never
(19:29):
forget a time in my life that I had to
protect my peace. It was after my assault when dealing
with a friend of five years who actually didn't respond
well when I told her about the assault that I
had been through. This individual made me feel violated all
(19:50):
over again and did not treat me the way that
I should have been treated. After my assault, I realized
quickly that this that I thought I had truly wasn't
my friend at all. At this time, I had to
make a decision and put me first. I had to
(20:11):
make the hard decision to remove this friend out of
my life. At the time, I felt awful in the
process of this friend not being in my life anymore.
But over time and now that I look back on this,
I feel more powerful today than ever. By Felicia, It's
(20:36):
so important to protect your peace, and I'm so glad
in that situation as I was healing from my assault,
that I was able to remove toxic people from my
life so that I could heal properly and continue to
walk in my power. And so now, in closing, for
(20:57):
anyone out there reading this book who is wondering how
can you protect your peace, I want to end with
a few words of wisdom for you and action steps
that you can take right away. Number one, remember that
you are worthy. Go ahead, tell yourself out loud, I
(21:20):
am worthy. You have to know that you are worthy
of being protected. You are worthy of being safe. Anyone
who takes that away from you you must say goodbye.
The first critical step in protecting your piece is telling
yourself that you are worthy. I grew up being a
(21:45):
people pleaser, so it was really hard for me to
get rid of toxic people. But once you realize that
you are worthy, then it makes it easy. The next
thing that you must do is get in therapy to
protect your piece. Going to Edmr Trauma therapy was one
of the best decisions that I've made for myself, and
(22:05):
it helped me gain the tools to protect my piece.
Another final thing that you can do is to do
a physical reminder of protecting your piece. When I was
in therapy, I had to write down a lot of
the things that I was going through, a lot of
the situations, and I wrote that physically down on paper.
(22:28):
At the end of my healing and at the end
of my therapy, I had a little ceremony where I
actually burned all of that paper, and that represented for
me protecting my piece and removing all toxicity out of
my life. These are things that you can do to
remember that you are worthy. Physically remove toxic people out
(22:53):
of your life. And always know that there are bad
people in this world, but don't lose yourself because of them.
Remember that you are worthy, and always protect your piece.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Gosh, girl, how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah? Well, y'all need to get this book.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
Isn't everyone's like lood z.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
That's it, that's your chapter three. This is so good.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
This is so good. That was just a sneak peek.
Y'all better be watching out when she drops that link
for you to get your pre order copies. She's going
to be having signed autograph copies for you. You better
watch out for that link. But christ I'm so well
as we wrap the episode, I'm so proud of you.
This book is going to be great and this is
just blessing even me as I read this. This is
(23:52):
just a reminder for all of us to protect your piece.
Don't let anybody hurt you.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, very true.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
You learn you can learn that skill, believe me, and
then you can be like na, hilarious.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
You're trying to violate this. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Bye bye felisiha Alicia, bye Felicia. All right, well you
only got four more chuff howe?
Speaker 3 (24:15):
No girl?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
All right, well that half like time.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Oh my gosh, Chad, you're the best. I love you.
I can't wait till the next time that we sit
down and talk. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
This is the Matton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
You're Every episode of Matton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
This is the Mad Town Mom Squad podcast, a production
of iHeartRadio. Hard working real mama's having real conversations. Now,
sit back, relax, and get ready to talk mom life
with Christa and her squad.
Speaker 2 (00:15):
Well, Christa, we are back. Are you excited?
Speaker 3 (00:19):
Yes?
Speaker 4 (00:19):
I am.
Speaker 2 (00:20):
Yes. So for all of our listeners who maybe this
is just your first episode, I gotta catch you up.
Miss Christa is getting ready to release her first book
about getting your Power Back. And it kind of started
like a little dare on air.
Speaker 4 (00:37):
Yes it did.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I was like, Christa, don't play with me. We'll write
your whole book on air. She was like, let's do it.
And guess what we're on. We're going to talk about
chapter three today. How do you feel though, Christa? Like,
just this whole process so far.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
You know what.
Speaker 4 (00:50):
I'm so stinking excited by the way.
Speaker 3 (00:53):
My boyfriend he listened to our podcast and he just says,
you just sound like the most beautiful woman, and you're
very talented, and he's very very supportive of me going
on this journey. And I just got done speaking at
a mental health convention gala, and you know, it was
my first time actually going more in depth with sexual
(01:14):
assault and so, and I had so many like you know,
women and men coming up to me and saying thank
you for sharing that, and then you know, just saying
this is what we need, we need to put it
out there. And then of course other women going through
traumas like this. So yeah, it's it's very very important
to me. It's time. It's time. You know, it's scary,
(01:37):
but I feel like it's time for me.
Speaker 4 (01:39):
I'm ready.
Speaker 3 (01:40):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Yeah, And look at how much of an impact you've had.
The book's not even out one day it comes out.
Imagine being able to put in someone's hands that comes
up to you in tears after you speak, like your
message just resonated with me, and you're able to be like,
you know what, I just want to gift you my
book and they're able to have that. I'm just so
proud of you because it's not easy to speak up
(02:02):
about this, but you're going to impact so many lives.
I'm just so proud of you.
Speaker 4 (02:06):
Thank you. Yes, well, I have the best here from
multiple author.
Speaker 2 (02:11):
Oh man, but we gotta get your story out. And
so the title that we said was your book's going
to be called Gain Your Power Back. Seven strategies for
women who have experienced trauma to heal, have success and
live a prosperous life or something like that. And your
first chapter was called Activate your Healing Tools, second chapter
(02:33):
Forgive Yourself. Now, this third one that we decided and
you told me was protect your Peace. Is it okay
if I just asked you a couple questions about that topic? Yeah, okay.
So Christo, when you say protect your peace, especially as
you are healing from an assault, what do you mean
(02:54):
by that? What is your definition of peace? What do
you even mean when you say protect your peace?
Speaker 3 (03:01):
I think it's really important that, uh, that you put
up kind of like a protective wall when something like
that occurs. This is just a mental vision that you
can give yourself to saying that no one else is
going to hurt me. I'm not going to allow someone
else to put their hands on me. That is something
(03:24):
that I actually learned in ED M R Drama therapy
was that was part of the process. So whenever I
felt like I was in fear or something was going
to trigger me, because that will happen if I have
somebody sitting right next to me, a stranger, I instantly
get anxiety.
Speaker 4 (03:41):
I don't know why because it's again, it's in, it's in.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
It's like you're invading my space, and it just it
just triggers me to go back to that feeling of
someone is close to me and they're gonna they're gonna
harm me. It's just a it's just something that my
body just you know, naturally reacts too.
Speaker 4 (04:00):
So that would be one thing. Another would be get
rid of.
Speaker 3 (04:05):
The toxicity out of your life, and that could be
the individual get away from them, which I think is
really important. But again, the sharing is so important, the
sharing of what you went through. It's got to be
(04:25):
the first the first step to protect yourself.
Speaker 2 (04:28):
I love that. So I hear you saying that piece
is like putting up a protective wall, telling yourself no
one will hurt you, and actually like removing toxicity out
of your life. And you learn that in your therapy sessions. Yeah,
how to protect your piece? Can you tell me a
little bit more about that for people, especially for people
who aren't as familiar with that specific type of therapy.
Speaker 3 (04:50):
Sure, so, edmar trauma therapy. Again, it's the hardest therapy
but ever went through because it was the most painful,
But it's a therapy that actually brings you to that
moment as if you are reliving it detailed by detail
and you're envisioning yourself in that moment. And then you know,
(05:14):
you take the time then to address that person that
you were unswore and how can you talk to them?
And what we're you know, what would be the things
that you would tell them today would be EDMR. And
then also there's eye movement that goes along with that,
and there's a hand movement that goes along with you
(05:35):
speaking to There's a lot behind EDMR trauma therapy. So
if anyone is ever wondering what that is, I highly
recommend that you look into it because it's a different
type of therapy than just talking.
Speaker 2 (05:50):
I love that. Yeah, yeah, because a lot of times
people just say therapy and then they don't. They just
put it all in one box. But there's different types
of therapy that you use. So thanks for explaining the difference. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
And is it okay if I ask you a personal question?
Can you if your life was a movie? Because your
(06:12):
life is a movie, you're a celebrity.
Speaker 4 (06:13):
Oh my gosh, your son.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
But and like I'm excited because this book could turn
into a documentary Need a Doctor Chris's Life. But I'm
getting ahead of myself. If you could take us back
to a scene in your life where you had to
make the decision, I'm going to protect my piece. What
did that look like? What was the scene? What was
(06:37):
going on? Tell a scenario when you had to make
a decision, I need to protect my piece. Here's what
it looks like, Here's what I have to do. What
was a specific example of you actually putting this in
action protecting your piece.
Speaker 3 (06:49):
Actually, the very first time that I felt stigmatized for
my mental health, and that was after my assault, that
how I was treated by this individual and never trust
them in my life again, because you're either a true
supporter of someone who has gone through something and you
(07:09):
don't try to take them down with it.
Speaker 4 (07:12):
So I had to.
Speaker 3 (07:14):
Put myself in a different area and I had to
say goodbye to that person and they are no longer
being my life because again, that's that protective wall that
you're putting around yourself.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
How did that feel to have to remove that person?
Speaker 4 (07:32):
It was awful.
Speaker 3 (07:33):
It was awful, you know, it was awful because this
person was my dear friend for five years and I
thought you know, but I guess you find out who
your true friends are when you are down and out right.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
And it felt awful to have to remove that person.
Speaker 5 (07:50):
But then ultimately I actually, you know what, you know what,
it actually felt like I was violated all over again,
violated for something that I went through to put myself
finally in a place where I needed to heal.
Speaker 3 (08:03):
I felt like I was being reprimanded for that because
you lost the relationship or because of what I had
to go through. They chose to be like, you know what,
we can't wait for you. The world doesn't end because
it doesn't stop because of you.
Speaker 2 (08:22):
You know.
Speaker 3 (08:22):
It was just like really, I was like, really, okay,
that's what you're gonna tell me. Okay, great, well, I'm
going to continue with my process of healing, and this
is it.
Speaker 4 (08:31):
We're done, done.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
Right And after that immediate like heartbreak, feeling awful having
to protect your piece and remove that person out of
your life, what were some of the benefits of making
that decision to remove them from your life to protect
your piece?
Speaker 3 (08:48):
That that I realized, You know, I'm more powerful today
than I've ever been, because back in the day, I
would have been just like a people pleaser.
Speaker 4 (08:57):
I would have just went with it, right, I would have.
Speaker 3 (08:59):
I would let somebody you know, tear me down if
they wanted to, because my self esteem wasn't there, you know,
for probably most of my life, right because I didn't
have the tools yet, I didn't know how to protect
myself as much.
Speaker 4 (09:11):
So now it could care less.
Speaker 3 (09:14):
Like that's powerful, Bye bye bye, that's right, by Felicia.
Speaker 4 (09:19):
Good luck in your endeavors.
Speaker 2 (09:21):
Oh okay, So it was what I hear you saying
is it was in the moment very painful and emotional.
Protecting your peace sometimes is not a feeling that will
feel good in that moment. It might be hard or painful,
but ultimately, in the long run, it helps you feel
more powerful than ever before. It helps you on your
(09:43):
healing journey. You're glad you got the person out your life.
Speaker 4 (09:46):
Yeah, because I was more.
Speaker 3 (09:47):
I was finally emotionally healthy to recognize that this is
not good for me?
Speaker 2 (09:53):
Right, Okay? Whoa well?
Speaker 3 (09:57):
Because no one should ever ever be blamed or made
feel ashamed that they have gone through trauma, right, And
the first person that makes you feel guilty for going
through something, you need to say goodbye to them.
Speaker 2 (10:12):
And this was you had this person that you had
to remove. This was the actual one of the people
who did assault you.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
That was a pro This was not the person that
assaulted me, but this was after my physical assault.
Speaker 4 (10:24):
That that's when I had to take that time.
Speaker 2 (10:27):
Thought was your friend?
Speaker 4 (10:28):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (10:28):
Oh? And how they responded?
Speaker 4 (10:30):
Okay in a business aspect?
Speaker 2 (10:33):
Okay, okay, And can I ask you one last question
for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (10:38):
Sure?
Speaker 2 (10:39):
And what I love about this book writing process is
that it doesn't have to end here. It's really hard
when we share these stories. Yeah, going back to those
hard places, but you control the narrative now and the
things that happened to you. You're stronger, but you're going
to be able to use that to help somebody else. Yeah.
(11:01):
Right now, there's somebody listening to this podcast, listen reading
this book who's currently in that same situation where they're
around somebody who is not helping them with their piece
that they're in a toxic situation. They might be currently
experiencing an abusive situation, or they're in it right now.
(11:24):
They're listening to your story about how you were powerful,
you survived, you were able to get through it, you
were able to remove toxicity. And protect your piece, But
they're like, how can I do it? Right now? If
that person reading your book, for that person listening, what
advice Kristal would you give them of how they can
(11:44):
protect their piece? What do they need to do? What's
the first step?
Speaker 3 (11:48):
You're worthy? Your worth is so so important. Anyone that
takes away and tries to chip at the human being
that you are, you say goodbye to them. And it's
very hard too, Like I had I had a girlfriend
that had a fled who fled her country with her
three boys because she had an abusive husband.
Speaker 4 (12:09):
I mean, how awful is that?
Speaker 3 (12:11):
But you know what, this beautiful woman is now a
powerhouse when it comes to being you know, top of
Marcy's law for Wisconsin giving victims more of a right
in the courtroom.
Speaker 4 (12:25):
So's she's amazing.
Speaker 3 (12:27):
But it's not always easy to be able to get
away from someone that has done that to you. Like
I remember the first person that sexually assaulted me when
I was in sixth grade. He tried to find me
four different times on Facebook throughout my life, Oh no doubt,
he created fake profiles four different times.
Speaker 4 (12:47):
And so when you see.
Speaker 3 (12:48):
The face of half person, oh, it.
Speaker 4 (12:51):
Just enrages you.
Speaker 2 (12:52):
I'm so sorry about that.
Speaker 3 (12:54):
Well, yeah, you know, I blocked him all But a
side note, his brother got for raping a woman and
he got he got nailed and went to jail.
Speaker 4 (13:03):
And I'm like, wow, something wrong there, something wrong.
Speaker 2 (13:06):
There is something family. I was gonna say that deep
in that family, in the family. Mmmmm, So you're you
would tell them you're worthy if they're trying to protect
their piece. What are some actions that they can take?
What are some more things? Tell themselves they're worthy? What
else should they do in the next seven days?
Speaker 3 (13:27):
Yeah, I you know, the best thing that I did.
But I think there it's your healing process. After the
two and a half months of my EDMR trauma therapy,
I wrote down each each trauma right in detail, and
I shared that. But at the end, I did a
ceremony when I was finally done, and I was you know,
(13:48):
I'm so excited to finally get back to life, get
back to work, that I did a celebration with my
dearest friends that were there for me, and I burned
every single piece of that paper and I said goodbye
to them and that they don't hold me anymore, they
don't own me. Anymore, and I'm not the same person anymore.
Speaker 4 (14:08):
Yes, or stronger person?
Speaker 3 (14:10):
Yes?
Speaker 2 (14:11):
Yes? Okay, Well, anything else you would want to add
people about the topic of protecting your piece, this was
so great. Any anything else you would say or want
to add This is so good.
Speaker 3 (14:22):
I mean just in general, I mean, you don't have
to go through a trauma.
Speaker 4 (14:26):
Uh.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
You know, it is so important for you to protect
yourself and know that you're worthy and know uh, you
know a lot of us carry self blame and and
it's not good. It's not good. And and know that
there are awful people out there. Uh, and don't lose
yourself because of them.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
Right.
Speaker 2 (14:48):
Ah, that's it again, Christy, you're just dropping us quotes
and gyms. Don't lose yourself because of them.
Speaker 4 (14:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:58):
I love that. Well, thank you so much much for
just giving us a little sneak peak about this chapter
Protect your Peace. Now, Christa, I want to ask, is
it okay if I just give our listeners a sneak
peek of your chapter? Can I read it back to
you using my secret formula?
Speaker 3 (15:16):
Right now?
Speaker 2 (15:18):
That's the formula.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Yes. By the way, my daughter Jia is so stinking
proud that I'm doing this.
Speaker 4 (15:23):
With you. So my daughter, she's just like okay.
Speaker 2 (15:26):
Okay, And I love that too, because as you stand
in your truth, as you write your book, you are
teaching your daughter a lesson. She's watching you that you
didn't let those situations in life knock you down. You yeah,
you got knocked down, but you got up. And then
you are empowering other women. You're writing a book about it.
(15:47):
When you start speaking and touring, that is going to
be like the most amazing gift to you as she
grows up. I'll never forget bringing my daughters along on
tour prior books that I've written. And then my daughter
was like, well, mom, I want to write a book now,
she wrote, so, and my little seven year old's planning
(16:08):
her book and I'm just so excited for you. And
so when you say your daughter, what she said, like
she's watching and even if nobody even reads it, even
if nobody even purchases one book, which they are, you're
gonna be a bestseller. Girl, everybody's gonna get her book.
But even outside of like the monetary benefits helping other people,
(16:29):
doing this, if anything, but for your daughter is going
to be so powerful, like something she'll never forget think
that her mom is a warrior, a survivor and wrote
a book about it and it's helping other people. So
guess what when your daughter grows up and goes through
hard things in life. I pray she never has to
go get what you need. But she's people. Our daughters
are going to go through hard times. They're going to
(16:51):
be like, wow, I can make it through because my
mom did.
Speaker 4 (16:55):
Oh, thank you.
Speaker 2 (16:56):
So I just want to tell thank you for that powerful.
This is on many levels. Okay. So when you're writing
out your books, you can either type it out or
you can talk it out. So I'm gonna talk it out.
So our listeners could just get a sneak peek of this,
but we got what we needed. This is just a
sneak peek. Everybody, make sure to go get her book.
It's is gonna be available soon. This is a sneak peak,
(17:19):
a protect your piece. She's taking orders, cash, check, money, order,
whatever you want to get. Okay, So this chapter is
protect your Piece. Thank you so much for taking the
time to read my book. I am so proud of
(17:39):
you for making it to chapter three. Despite all that
you are going through, you have made the decision to
invest in yourself by reading this book, and I'm so
proud of you for making it to this chapter on
your journey of healing after assault. One of the most
(18:01):
critical tasks that you must do is to protect your peace.
What do I mean by that? When I say protect
your peace, I mean that you need to put up
a protective wall around yourself. Almost if you're standing somewhere
(18:23):
and there's a literal wall around you, go ahead and
make a mental vision of that. Right now, you standing
in the middle of a strong protective wall. Protecting your
peace is protecting yourself so that no one else can
hurt you. One of the first ways that I learned
(18:46):
to do this was going through my EDMR trauma therapy.
In that therapy, I had to actually go back detail
by detail to address the different assault and situations that
happened to me and talk to myself. I also learned
(19:06):
during that trauma therapy the importance of protecting my peace.
Sometimes that means getting rid of toxic people from your life.
It means doing whatever you need to do to protect
yourself from future harm, both mentally and physically. I'll never
(19:29):
forget a time in my life that I had to
protect my peace. It was after my assault when dealing
with a friend of five years who actually didn't respond
well when I told her about the assault that I
had been through. This individual made me feel violated all
(19:50):
over again and did not treat me the way that
I should have been treated. After my assault, I realized
quickly that this that I thought I had truly wasn't
my friend at all. At this time, I had to
make a decision and put me first. I had to
(20:11):
make the hard decision to remove this friend out of
my life. At the time, I felt awful in the
process of this friend not being in my life anymore.
But over time and now that I look back on this,
I feel more powerful today than ever. By Felicia, It's
(20:36):
so important to protect your peace, and I'm so glad
in that situation as I was healing from my assault,
that I was able to remove toxic people from my
life so that I could heal properly and continue to
walk in my power. And so now, in closing, for
(20:57):
anyone out there reading this book who is wondering how
can you protect your peace, I want to end with
a few words of wisdom for you and action steps
that you can take right away. Number one, remember that
you are worthy. Go ahead, tell yourself out loud, I
(21:20):
am worthy. You have to know that you are worthy
of being protected. You are worthy of being safe. Anyone
who takes that away from you you must say goodbye.
The first critical step in protecting your piece is telling
yourself that you are worthy. I grew up being a
(21:45):
people pleaser, so it was really hard for me to
get rid of toxic people. But once you realize that
you are worthy, then it makes it easy. The next
thing that you must do is get in therapy to
protect your piece. Going to Edmr Trauma therapy was one
of the best decisions that I've made for myself, and
(22:05):
it helped me gain the tools to protect my piece.
Another final thing that you can do is to do
a physical reminder of protecting your piece. When I was
in therapy, I had to write down a lot of
the things that I was going through, a lot of
the situations, and I wrote that physically down on paper.
(22:28):
At the end of my healing and at the end
of my therapy, I had a little ceremony where I
actually burned all of that paper, and that represented for
me protecting my piece and removing all toxicity out of
my life. These are things that you can do to
remember that you are worthy. Physically remove toxic people out
(22:53):
of your life. And always know that there are bad
people in this world, but don't lose yourself because of them.
Remember that you are worthy, and always protect your piece.
Speaker 4 (23:13):
Gosh, girl, how do you do that?
Speaker 2 (23:18):
Yeah? Well, y'all need to get this book.
Speaker 4 (23:21):
Isn't everyone's like lood z.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
That's it, that's your chapter three. This is so good.
Speaker 4 (23:30):
I'm excited.
Speaker 2 (23:31):
This is so good. That was just a sneak peek.
Y'all better be watching out when she drops that link
for you to get your pre order copies. She's going
to be having signed autograph copies for you. You better
watch out for that link. But christ I'm so well
as we wrap the episode, I'm so proud of you.
This book is going to be great and this is
just blessing even me as I read this. This is
(23:52):
just a reminder for all of us to protect your piece.
Don't let anybody hurt you.
Speaker 4 (23:57):
Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, very true.
Speaker 3 (24:00):
You learn you can learn that skill, believe me, and
then you can be like na, hilarious.
Speaker 4 (24:07):
You're trying to violate this. No, no, no, no, no, no.
Speaker 2 (24:09):
Bye bye felisiha Alicia, bye Felicia. All right, well you
only got four more chuff howe?
Speaker 3 (24:15):
No girl?
Speaker 2 (24:15):
All right, well that half like time.
Speaker 4 (24:17):
Oh my gosh, Chad, you're the best. I love you.
I can't wait till the next time that we sit
down and talk. Thank you.
Speaker 1 (24:25):
This is the Matton Mom Squad podcast, a production of iHeartRadio.
You're Every episode of Matton Mom Squad podcasts available on
the iHeartRadio app, Apple Music, or wherever you listen to
your favorite podcasts.
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