EPISODE 59 - Child safety tips from Attorney Gary Martin Hays with 94.9 The Bull's Angie Ward

Angie Ward talks with Attorney Gary Martin Hays, a nationally recognized safety advocate and author of the best-selling book "The Authority On Child Safety", about how we can teach our children to be aware and safe this Summer. Gary Martin Hays founded Keep Georgia Safe in 2008, a non-profit whose mission is to provide safety education and crime prevention training in Georgia. The organization has trained over 80 state and police officers on how to respond in the event a child is abducted. He works tirelessly to educate families on issues ranging from abduction prevention to bullying to internet safety.

Episode Transcript

(00:00):
Hello, it's Angie Ward. I'mreally excited I'm here today with my friend,
attorney Gary Martin Hayes. Hello.Gary, Hey, Angie. Great
to see you, you too,and to hear from you now. Not
only is my friend Gary here anaward winning lawyer in Georgia, having settlements
and verdicts of more than one billiondollars for his clients, he is also

(00:22):
a nationally known safety advocate and he'sappeared on CNN a ton of times discussing
safety. He co wrote a numberone best selling book, The Authority on
Child Safety, How to talk withyour kids about their personal safety without scaring
them. Gary, I'm so gladyou're here, and I'm glad you're willing
to share your knowledge about safety withall of our listeners. Well, I'm

(00:43):
glad to do it. I appreciateiHeart stepping out there the bull wanting to
proactively educate parents on how to besafe and how to keep their kids safe.
So thank you for the opportunity.Yes, all right, So tell
me more about some of the thingsthat have sparked the interest in safety for
you. Yeah. One thing isa personal injury attorney. I often see
people after bad things have happened,they've been involved in reg suffered serious injuries,

(01:08):
and a lot of these wrecks couldhave been prevented if people have just
been paying attention, if they werebeing proactive about their safety. And so
I hate seeing people after bad thingshave happened. So I want to do
something to try and prevent the badthings from happening. And another reason,
I don't know if you remember.Back in two thousand and eight, there
were three women from Georgia with tiesto Georgia. They were abducted and murdered.

(01:30):
The first was in January, marriedAth Emerson. She was walking her
dog in the mountains. She wasabducted and murdered. Then in March of
that same year, Lauren Burke,she was a college student at Auburn.
She was walking through the school parkinglot. She was abducted and ultimately lost
her life. And then Eve Carson, she was a student at the University
of North Carolina. She was takenactually from her home and murdered. So

(01:52):
these are three special young women withties to Georgia, from Georgia whose lives
were cut short. Now, mywife and I have three daughters, and
these events really affected us. Wewanted to do all we could to make
sure that they were safe out therein the world, and we talked about
enrolling our daughters in karate classes otherself defense courses, but I felt like

(02:12):
this was not really addressing the issue. I mean, I'd love for them
to know how to defend themselves,but I think it's more important for them
to know how to avoid ever puttingthemselves in dangerous situations. So I wanted
to teach our kids how to beproactive instead of reactive. Awareness is a
key, Education is a key.I want to know how you educated yourself
on these safety issues. Yeah.I'm a voracious reader and I read every

(02:37):
book that I could get my handson about personal safety. Enough spent time
with Ed and Elizabeth Smart and otherparents from the National Center for Missing and
Exploited Kids. I became an instructorin the rag Kids program, which is
the nation's leading child safety programs.So this has really become a passion for
you. It has, and asyou said, it's really not enough for

(02:58):
parents to just know how to keepthemselves safe. It's more important that our
kids learn it as well. AndI know as a mom that is one
of my biggest fears. It's like, you know, when they go out
the door, you're like, ohmy gosh, you want to put them
in bubble wrap, protective helmet.You want to make sure that they're close
so you can protect them. Butthat isn't reality, right. Kids grow

(03:19):
up, they learn to walk andtalk, and they want to seek independence
from us. And as they growup, as they pull away from us,
we want them to be aware ofthe dangers in the world without them
being so terrified that they never leavethe house, I know. And that
is such a fine line too,right, You as a parent, you
know you need to teach your kidsabout safety, but you don't want to
scare the daylights out of them atthe same time. And if we aren't

(03:43):
careful and how we teach them,they're gonna think the Boogeyman is hiding in
the bushes around every corner, jumpingout, you know, into their window
at night or whatever. Yeah,And we don't want them having nightmares are
thinking that everyone out there wants tohurt them, because that also is not
reality. And you can only paralyzeyourself with fear, with worry. And
one of the problems with preparing forthe worst is you have to imagine what

(04:06):
the worst can be. And ifyou can't imagine something, you also can't
predict it, and more importantly,you can't protect against it. So what
can we do to protect our childrenfrom the dangers of the world out there?
Yeah? I think we have twooptions. We could ignore that the
dangers exist. We could stick ourhead in the sand and hope and pray
that nothing happens. Or we canlearn what the dangers are and then empower

(04:29):
our children with realistic training that canhelp them deal with these real world threats.
And there are ways that we canteach our children about safety without scaring
them. And that's what I'd lovefor us to talk about today. All
Right. So I have an eightyear old girl and almost sixteen year old
boy. All right, so prettybig gap there. What is the age
that we can start working with ourkids on safety issues. Yeah, by

(04:51):
the age of three, you canstart teaching your kids some simple safety Okay,
but remember a child's ability to comprehendpractice safety. It's going to be
affected by their age, by theirmaturity, their developmental level. And please
understand that this is a gradual process. It doesn't happen overnight, and it's
something that's going to require constant reinforcementfrom the parent. Right, So,

(05:15):
what are some of the tips thatyou can give us on teaching safety for
children? Because I'm lost, Iunderstand. The first tip I'd like to
stress is when you give your childa safety rule, also give them a
reason for the rule. And Idon't mean the standard parental response because I
said so. You have to convinceyour child that these rules are not meant
to spoil their fun, but tokeep them safe. Right. And if

(05:36):
the rule and the reason for itseem fair and it makes sense to your
child, they're more likely to understandit and implement it. All right,
So give me an example of arule and a reason. Sure, we
tell our kids I don't want youclimbing to the top of a jungle gym.
When they ask why, I don'tsay because I said so, And
don't tell them because you can falldown, break your neck, crack your

(05:56):
skull open, and die. Yeah. Now, you simply tell them if
you fall from a height, youcould get hurt. Okay, So why
that approach? Yeah, there area couple of reasons for that. One.
You don't want them to think youare over exaggerating the possible dangers because
you'll lose credibility with your child.Your child will dismiss the rule because he
recognizes the unlikelihood of what you're saying. You two, your child will accept
what you say. But we'll neverwant to go on the jungle gym again.

(06:19):
You'll grow up believing the world isso dangerous it's a scary place.
He doesn't want to go out anyright, So give them the rule,
but toned down the reason on alevel that they can understand but not be
frightened. That makes so much sense. And if you give them the rule
and the reason, there need tobe consequences though in the event they violate
the rule. All right, Soyour child runs out into the street to

(06:40):
grab a ball that rolled away withoutstopping to look for cards coming first.
What does a parent need to do? Yeah, great scenario. Get him
back to the sidewalk. Repeat therule, head, I want you running
out in the street unless you lookboth ways. Give him the reason for
it, and then give him onewarning. If he repeats the same unsafe
behavior, you'll need enforce strict consequencesnever possible. Try to make the consequences

(07:01):
relate to the unsafe behavior. Soif he runs out into the street to
get a ball that rolled away andhe didn't look both ways, make him
come back inside and tell him,Bobby, I tell you you cannot run
out to the street without looking bothways because it's not safe yet. You
could get hit by a car truckand get hurt. So if you can't
play outside safely, you're going toplay inside, Okay. So what else

(07:23):
can we do to educate our kidsabout safety, especially in more frightening scenarios
like you know, I mean,this is something no parent ever wants to
think about. But you gave examplesearlier that it happens like an attempted abduction.
Yeah, and that is scary andAltee. I've been on CNN so
many times talking about what happened afterthe child was abducted, what kind of

(07:46):
measures they employed to try and getthe child back safely. So I appreciate
the idea that we can get inthere to teach parents how to ever have
their kid in that dangerous situation.So remember, our goal is to empower
the child so they can recognize dangeroussituations to know how to deal with them,
especially when we're not around to protectthem. So a great way for
you to work on your child's selfprotective instincts is to rehearse safety situations and

(08:11):
I like to do that through thewhat would you do? Game? Okay,
Well, like my kids today,they have to be entertained all the
time, and I think most kidsare going to go into that I'm not
listening mode if they think that you'relecturing them. Yeah, they're going to
go into that shell. They're notgoing to listen. And you can play
this game, the what would youdo game, while you're driving to school,

(08:33):
going to soccer practice, or evenat the dinner table. All right,
so how do you play the whatwould you do? Game? Yeah?
Getting back to an abduction scenario,say you create a scenario it's a
real life situation for your child.Here's an example. You can ask your
child this, what would you doif you're walking down the street in our
neighborhood and a car makes you feeluncomfortable or the driver made you feel uneasy?

(08:54):
What would you do? All right? So, now why don't you
use more details in the what wouldyou do? Question? For example,
like, what would you do ifyou were walking down the street in our
neighborhood and this older man wearing abaseball cap and a black van pulled over
and told you to get into thevan. Yeah. The problem with that
scenario it may teach your child tofear older men in baseball caps, or
they're going to be afraid every timethey see a black van. All right,

(09:15):
So what other tips do you havefor the what would you do?
Game? Yeah, be patient andlet your child respond to the question.
Give them time to answer. Thegoal is to allow them the opportunity to
provide their thoughts to you without yougiving them the answer. And it's better
that you wait let them respond sothey can give you the wrong answer in
this safe scenario, versus them makingthat mistake in the real world. Okay,

(09:39):
so how do you correct them whenthey give you what you know is
the wrong answer? Again, listento the response that they're giving to you.
Ask him why do you think that? Why? Is always a great
safe question to ask them, becausethe goal is to get into their head,
find out why they're telling you thethings that they are because they may
have other fears of the concerns thatyou are not aware of. Right,

(10:03):
So that open dialogue, that constantdialogue, is a great way for you
to learn So do you have otherquestions and answers available for parents? Yeah,
we do, and I'll make iteasy for the parents that are listening
here to get the help they need. I co wrote the best selling book,
The Authority on Child Safety. It'son Amazon. Co wrote it with
Adam Wurtt and Mary Ellen Hayde.It's available for purchase on Amazon, but

(10:24):
I'm going to make a free copyavailable for download for all of our listeners.
It's packed with all kinds of whatwould you do scenarios for parents to
go over with their child. Imean it's everything from internet safety to out
and about safety, playground safety,you name it. There are so many
different scenarios, but it's a startingpoint, right and it's a start.

(10:46):
We can't give every example of dangeroussituations out there. Everybody knows their circumstances
better than I do. So Iwould suggest people go get this free book
uses as a resource. And wherecan they get it? Yeah, go
to Gary Martin Hayes dot com andHayes is h y S. Scroll down
to the bottom and you'll click ona link that says get your free book.

(11:07):
So this is a attorney, GaryMartin Hayes and like I said in
the beginning, an expert on childsafety, Gary, I just appreciate you
so much taking the time to explainsome of these tips, because I think
with all the parents who are listeningright now, it's a struggle, you
know. They they do tune usout. They do think that they already

(11:28):
know how to run the whole world, even when they're like seven or eight
years old. And as a parent, it is really scary because the times
have changed. I mean, Idon't know about you, but I remember
when we were kids, like myparents would just turn me loose in the
neighborhood and I'd come back eight hourslater in the summer. You know,
nobody ever thought I never had tocheck in or yeah, no cell phones.
You didn't have to be home untilthe street lights came on or you

(11:50):
heard you mom ringing the bell,are yelling dinner time. That's not our
real world today, sadly, butagain, parents, please don't go into
the shell and say I just don'twant to imagine that ever happening to my
child. Good Lord willing it neverwill, but let's do how we can
to prevent it from happening. AndI can't thank you guys enough for that's
forumed it to be proactive in educatingparents. Well, I'm glad to talk

(12:13):
to you and I want you guysto go get this free book. This
it's such a nice thing for Garyto do. Gary Martin Hayes dot com.
That's Gary Martin h a ys dotcom. Scroll down to the bottom,
click on the link that's labeled thereand get your free copy of his
incredible best selling book, The Authorityon Child's Safety. Gary Martin Hayes,
Thank you so much, my friend, and thanks for being the awesome guy

(12:35):
that you are. Thank you foryour time. Great Senior is always Angie