Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to Sunstein Sessions on iHeartRadio, Conversations about issues that matter.
Here's your host, three time Grasie Award winner, Shelley Sunstein.
Speaker 2 (00:10):
I want to reintroduce you to a dear friend of mine,
Nancy Carbone, who founded Friends of Firefighters. She founded the
group in the days after September eleventh. Actually, and what
Friends of Firefighters does, which is unlike any other organization
I've ever come across. They provide free mental health therapy
(00:35):
for New York City firefighters, whether they are currently employed
or retired, and their families. And also joining me Kia Carbone,
who is one of the counselors, and Mike Schreiber, who
is a firefighter and is with the Health and Safety
(00:58):
for the Uniform fire Fighters Association. And the reason Nancy
asked to come back on right now is because Friends
of Firefighters, for all the good they do, there is
such an incredible need that they are in need of help.
So let's start with the witless situation in terms of
(01:19):
there is a wait list for those who need help. Now.
Speaker 3 (01:26):
Thank you, Shelly, thanks for letting us come back on,
and Mike, thanks so much to you for joining us.
Speaker 4 (01:32):
And of course Kia. I never would have imagined.
Speaker 3 (01:36):
I know years ago I would be very upset if
one person was on the wait list. We are now
at sixty people on a wait list to get counseling,
and I believe it's twenty of them, and Kia can
get into this. That are children, the children of first
responders have been having a very tough time. I believe
it's connected to COVID. They're not reconnecting once they get
(01:57):
back into school. They've taken at least a year way,
which is critical time for socializing and learning. So Keiya
can get into that a little bit. But what I
see when I look at the wait list, that's a
very frustrating place to be in. Where we offer the
help for the firefighters, our first responders, the ones that
jump and run and help us the second we call
(02:18):
for it, to have to wait for days, weeks, or
even months to be able to be seen is unacceptable.
And so the reason why we can't see these people
is because we don't have the funds to hire additional counselors.
So Mike, maybe you could speak to the needs of
the firefighters. I do want to address that. We did
recently have unfortunately, another suicide, and these are things that
(02:43):
keep me awake at night. You know, someone calling for
help and they're not being an answer. Lest you think
we leave them alone, we don't. We follow up with them.
We offer them peer counseling, we offer them groups, but
that individual counseling is something we cannot do at the moment.
Speaker 4 (02:59):
Mike, just handed to you about the needs.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
Before Mike, you draw you jump in. I wanted to
mention that it's not only free mental health therapy for
firefighters who are current or retired, it's for their families too,
thus the need for the children.
Speaker 5 (03:18):
Okay, Mike, thanks for having me so.
Speaker 6 (03:22):
New York City firefighters are not immune from the plague
of suicide and mental health problems and issues. You know,
the nature of the work that we do, we're subjected
to seeing and being involved in things that most people
aren't and that takes a toll on my members. Friends
of Firefighters is an amazing job. And assisting our members
(03:44):
being outside of the department and being a source of
counseling and mental health support. You know, my members they
go through a lot and just having.
Speaker 5 (03:57):
That ability to go there. So just back up a
little bit.
Speaker 6 (04:01):
The department has a counseling services unit and that's that
that department. They do an amazing job and Nancy can
attest to that, but that's within the department and they
are also at their at their max.
Speaker 5 (04:13):
So my members like to go.
Speaker 6 (04:15):
To friends of firefighters because it is outside of the department.
They feel that there is a level of installation I
guess away from the department. They can go there and
they can express themselves and they can they can get
the services they need that is not going to change
their duty status. So we really appreciate what the what
the Nancy and Kia do for for for firefighters. I
(04:38):
just want to touch on real quick the signs. You know,
there's always regarding suicide. There's there's eighty to ninety percent
of the time they will tell you the signs will
be there if you know what to look for. You know,
the work that we do, a member will tell you
that they're talking about suicide, that they're there, the signs
(04:59):
are there, they're given their stuff away, they're they're they're depressed, Uh,
they have dangerous behavior. So anytime that these things happen,
it's it's if you don't know.
Speaker 5 (05:10):
What to look for. The signs we're there, so we
try to get the word out to our members.
Speaker 6 (05:15):
You know, speak to someone and if you know, if
someone confronts you and it tell us you you know,
or maybe you think they are, ask them blunt questions.
Are you thinking about suicide? Is there something that you
need to talk about? Is there some can we get
you help?
Speaker 5 (05:28):
Never? Never. It's one of those things if I tell you.
Speaker 6 (05:31):
This, you're a promise not to telling you well that
that that's not going to happen. If you tell me
that you're you're thinking of hurting yourself, I'm telling someone,
I'm telling everyone, and we're going to get somebody some help.
Speaker 5 (05:41):
So it's one of those promises that you can't keep.
Speaker 2 (05:45):
Kia, what what are you saying with the children? Because
I think people might have a hard time understanding this,
this growing need with the children of firefighters.
Speaker 7 (05:57):
I think the best way to summarize it is that
the children that I'm seeing are coming in anxiety that
adults are experiencing. So the anxiety is bigger than them,
and a lot of that has to do with the
technology and being on a screen all the time and
kind of being isolated from actual physical contact and socializing.
I think a lot of that stems from COVID, and
(06:18):
you know, the first responders were out of the house
and sometimes we're not able to come back home. But
the nine year olds that are coming in, especially nine
to twelve years old, they were five at the beginning
of COVID or around there, so they're in kindergarten. You're
supposed to learn how to share toys and experience lunch together,
and they're in their homes and then suddenly they're back
in second grade and they're supposed to be second grader.
(06:40):
So I think that the pressure of trying to catch
up is really falling on the children and the Going
back to the topic of suicide, one of the greatest
things is that people are talking about it now. It's
always been an issue for as long as humans have
been alive, but we're actually talking about it. The data
is not always accurate because people don't always report when
they're is a suicide. There's a lot of shame around
(07:01):
it and embarrassment, and I wish there wasn't because I
think that we can all help each other. The more
open we are about it, the easier it will be
for somebody to say that they need help and children included.
There are there is a nothing that we've seen or
experienced within our community, but nationwide, there is a higher
suicide rate in children because of anxiety.
Speaker 2 (07:22):
And there is a higher anxiety rate among the children
of first responders because you don't know if your parent
is coming home. So what are you seeing with that?
Speaker 7 (07:36):
A lot of defiant behavior and frustration and inability to
vocalize these feelings that they're having. I think that children
are experiencing a lot of sleeplessness. You know, it's important
to sleep for everybody, but especially for children, and just
I think that as adults, we think that we're protecting
everybody else by suppressing our own feelings. But if you
(07:57):
have a stress as firstspner, you're going home, you want
to protect your family from it. Kids pick up on that,
so they can feel that there's a disconnect in the stress,
and then they bottle it up. So I think that
that's you know, I don't think anybody's doing anything wrong,
but the more we can get things out there and
support them as a whole, the better we can do.
Speaker 2 (08:13):
I am speaking with Friends of Firefighters this morning. Nancy Carbone,
who founded Friends of Firefighters twenty four years ago, and
also Kia Carbone, who is a therapist, and Michael Schreiber,
who is an officer for the Uniform Firefighters Association. Friends
(08:37):
of Firefighters provides free mental health therapy for all New
York City firefighters who need it, whether they're retired or
they are currently employed as firefighters, and also for their families. So, Nancy,
you're saying there is a wait list, which is something
you cannot tolerate and really or is you need more therapists,
(09:02):
thus you need more money? How can people help? I
mean to me, it would seem like a no brainer
that some of the biggest companies in New York City
should be providing this funding because we depend on firefighters
to save our lives.
Speaker 3 (09:19):
Absolutely, absolutely, and we're looking to the larger companies. And
of course you know that I've been meeting with people
left and right. I want to clarisfy something before we
end the conversation on suicide. When someone calls us and
they present with any ideology that any words that sound
like they're in trouble, when we do the intake, and
(09:40):
we do intakes on everybody that calls, if they are
showing those signs, we jump.
Speaker 4 (09:45):
We do not say you're on a wait list. I
want to make that clear.
Speaker 3 (09:48):
We take them immediately to the hospital and take care,
and then we do notify CSU if they are an
active member, but they're told that in advance. They're calling
for help. They want help. If they didn't want help,
they wouldn't make the call. So that's one thing.
Speaker 4 (10:01):
I want to say. The other is we are I'm
all over, you know, Shelley.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
I talk to everyone, and I go out there and
I'm telling everyone how much we need the help. And
I would think that the real estate companies, certainly, the
World Trade Center area, the financial district, they certainly know
firsthand how much firefighters contribute and the first responders do
for us all.
Speaker 4 (10:25):
So now they need help.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
And so we're asking for partners in helping this community.
And so the best way to give is to go
to friendsofirefighters dot org and donate.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
But if somebody is listening and you're connected, you are connected.
I know a lot of our listeners. I know you're connected,
So we need you to step up if you know
someone who can help. Again, these are the people we
rely on to save our lives. These are the firefighters
(10:59):
who've ran into the World Trade Center, you know, twenty
four years ago, and a lot of the people who
are still I mean they're still falling ill, all of them,
all of them who were there who survived, have PTSD.
And the children, the children of those firefighters who survived
(11:24):
nine to eleven, they're messed up and in a way
that only each of them can. You know, they understand
because I've seen some of the children meet other children
and there is an immediate bond because there's an immediate
understanding of what it's like for your father or mother
(11:45):
to survive nine to eleven, and then you're waiting for
them to fall ill, and then they are ill. So
all you have lived some of these children is nine
to eleven. Their whole lives. This is what they're living
every single day.
Speaker 4 (11:58):
Why it's very important. There are firefighters that.
Speaker 3 (12:03):
Were not on on nine to eleven, and there were
many tragedies since then.
Speaker 4 (12:07):
This is a dangerous job, so that in and.
Speaker 3 (12:10):
Of itself, it could be a firefighter that's on for
three years but went to a horrible fire, perhaps lost
somebody close to them, perhaps came close to losing his
or her life. This also resonates within the family. It's
a dangerous job.
Speaker 5 (12:23):
Mike, Yes, Nancy's absolutely correct.
Speaker 6 (12:26):
You don't have to have been on for nine to
eleven to experience the kind of traumas and devastation that
occurs to my members on a regular basis. You know,
you're going to meet people at the worst time of
their life, in the biggest need that they've ever experienced,
and you're the one that is looked upon to assist them,
and sometimes you're not successful.
Speaker 5 (12:45):
That's the reality of the situation. You can't.
Speaker 6 (12:47):
We don't save everyone, and there is guilt in that,
reasonable or unreasonably.
Speaker 5 (12:55):
Felt. But regarding a real trade.
Speaker 6 (12:58):
Center, we need the federal government and to reauthorize the
funding for the World Trade In three years, the World
Trads and Health Program is going to run out of
money unless the President does something about it. And these
are the heroes that responded on that day for this country. Now,
I believe it will happen. I believe they will get
it done because they have gotten it done, and I
believe the President will get behind it. But we need
(13:20):
a sooner than later. The World Trade Citor, the program
needs to know that that funding is coming today, not
in three years when it actually runs out, because what
happens today affects three years.
Speaker 5 (13:31):
They need to know if that money is coming.
Speaker 6 (13:33):
If it's not, they need to dial everything back and
stop accepting new participants, new sick people.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
So I think that we only have a minute and
a half left. If somebody who's listening now, who is
a therapist, can they contact you to offer their services?
How does this work? We only have likely when.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
We have the funding in Yes, when we have the
funding available, yes, and we would love to hire more therapists,
and yes, absolutely call us. But we have found that
a volunteer therapist doesn't last long because they the need
is just so great. I want to just refer back
to Michael. This funding is critical. It's critical, so as
it's critical for friends of firefighters to continue our services,
(14:16):
which are much needed. It's critical that the firefighters who
ran in and have that coverage, that they know that
they're safe. They want to know their families are taken
care of. It's a tremendous thing. I can't imagine sacrificing
my life on a daily basis. You're going out the
door knowing you may not make it back, and the
families know this as well. So yes, Michael's correct that
(14:36):
needs to continue.
Speaker 5 (14:38):
I don't live in this hotel room. I'm in DC
right now for that purpose.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
Amen, and bless you for that, and again, if you
can help, now's the time to step up. Friendsoffirefighters dot org.
Speaker 1 (14:51):
You've been listening to Sunstein sessions on iHeartRadio, a production
of New York's classic rock Q one O four point
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