Adult Dating, the Desire to Be Wanted & Leaning Into Fear

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.

Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.

Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin likecking?

Speaker 2 (00:10):
No, brother, Ladies and folks.

Speaker 1 (00:13):
Do you just follow an the spirit where it's all
of the front over real stuff to the chill stuff
and the m But Swayne, sometimes the best thing you
can do it just.

Speaker 2 (00:24):
You feel things.

Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with Amy and Kat.

Speaker 2 (00:29):
Happy Tuesday. Welcome to Feeling Things. I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
And what are we We're finally getting into fear and glad,
a core feeling we've been waiting on for quite a bit.
What core feelings have we covered so far? Lonely, sad, sad, angry, shame, guilt.

Speaker 1 (00:48):
You're counting and I'm counting.

Speaker 2 (00:49):
Where are we at? I know we've covered lonely, hurt, sad, angry, shame, guilt, boom,
and now we have two more. Yeah. So if you
missed those episodes, they're the past three Tuesday episodes on
the Feeling Things feed. So look at a calendar, match
up the dates and catch up on those because we
are going through all the core feelings, which are very

(01:09):
important when it comes to understanding well your feelings in
yourself and yourself and others. And today we're finally getting
to fear. And the reason why Kat and I are like,
we're finally to fear is because we were actually going
to do this as the second Feeling Things Core Feelings episode,
but I knew I wanted to talk about my boyfriend

(01:30):
and I just wanted to wait, and I'm glad we did.
There was just some things we were already now on
his side, my side. We had therapy in between, and
I think the therapy gave me a lot of clarity
around my fear.

Speaker 1 (01:42):
And the cool thing about that is the lawnmower ruined
that episode, that's right, the weed whacker or whatever. So
it was what does that make possible? And this it's
going to be so much better because I've had all
those conversations. You can talk about it more freely, You've
learned more things, you understand your fear more now.

Speaker 2 (01:59):
Oh my gosh, therapy is such a game changer. And
that's what most important me that you're here, because this
is a therapy podcast. We're all about that. So before
we get into the core feelings that we do have
our feeling of the day, and I actually asked my
boyfriend what he was feeling around us, and because I thought, well,
you can be a part of the episode and we'll

(02:20):
make your feeling our feeling of the day, I said, so,
what are you feeling today and he said, I'm feeling
excited because we have our trip to Charleston coming up.
That's what he gave me for my birthday. And we
don't get a lot of one on one time together
because I've got two kids, he has three kids, and
we're both working professionals and we have lives outside of

(02:43):
each other, so sometimes we can go a minute without
getting some real quality time. So we're excited for Charleston.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
And I and you've never been.

Speaker 2 (02:55):
I've never been, so I also am excited, so we'll
get into the game. An impairment around that word. And
then just as we were about to hang up, because
another thing that I'm feeling though, and I said, oh,
tell me more, is encouraged. And I was like, well,
that's a really good feeling too. That is different, but
both excited and encouraged fall under glad. Yeah, and the

(03:17):
two core feelings we're talking about today are fear and glad.

Speaker 1 (03:22):
Glad.

Speaker 2 (03:23):
Yeah, you nailed it well.

Speaker 1 (03:25):
I also am feeling excited today, so I'm on the
same page because last today's Yeah, last night, I had
this idea, and I think I'm talking about this because
I think, well, I want other people to do this
with me, because I'm having fun with it. I had
this idea come to me. I've always want to be
in a book club, but I don't want to read

(03:46):
the book because I want to read the book that
I want to read and not the one that like
the club's reading. So I decided, why don't I start
a movie club where I don't have to spend as
much time reading the book. And I imagine a movie
club is in my eyes, more fun than a book club.
But I guess a lot of book clubs the don't
actually talk about the book you'll do one.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I was in a book club in two thousand and
two thousand and nine, I think.

Speaker 1 (04:15):
Why do you remember the year?

Speaker 2 (04:16):
Because I lived in North Carolina and I really didn't
have them any friends, and book club was not at
the top of my list of things to do. However,
because I was in a city or a town where
I didn't have a lot of friends. I only moved
there because my husband at the time was in the
Air Force, and we were in Southern Pines, North Carolina,
and there was a group that started a book club,
and I'm like, I need friends. I'll read how did

(04:37):
you We'll read We'll read for friends. So I went
and it actually was a lot of fun and they
would definitely talk about the book.

Speaker 1 (04:44):
Did you make friends?

Speaker 2 (04:45):
Yeah, I mean we were closer, and of course we
got together and then we would, you know, have that
in common. And it was a small town so sometimes
if I run into them, I'd be like, what chapter
are you on? And it kind of gives you something
to talk about, you know. But it was fun. I mean,
but you also talked about other things in Up On Live.
So to your point, it's not solely focused on the book.
I mean there's drinks and snacks and hang time and
it definitely nurtured the relationships.

Speaker 1 (05:09):
Yeah. Well, so I have a friend that is in
a book club and she'll post them and they the
like snacks and decor and stuff every time they meet
is the theme of the book, which I thought was
really cute. So I said, I'm not going to do that.
I will start a movie club. So myself, my husband
and two other couples are doing this movie club where
once a month or whenever we can make it work,

(05:31):
one person picks a movie, they don't tell us what
it is, and then you have to cook dinner for
us themed of out of that movie. It doesn't have
to be like food that's in the movie. If you
had a movie that was in Italy, you could have
Italian food. And then I really wanted there to be
like decor involved, and then like maybe you dress up
like the characters. And then like I said, well, you

(05:52):
don't know if somebody is gonna like like the movie
and it might be one of those things where they
don't pay attention. So we should like have a quiz
at the end. Whoever gets the most questions right wins
a prize themed out of the movie. And they are
all were like, so we'll just do the dinner and
the movie so you.

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Don't have to watch it and then show up and
talk about it. Y'all are all watching it together. Yeah,
OK night, But I mean leave it to you to
like try to form some sort of a way for
you to be best in class. You're like, I get
an a.

Speaker 1 (06:22):
I think I was more concerned of like they might
not want to watch my movie. So I'm going to
force them, like in school when your teacher would make
you watch a movie and it would be about I
don't know the environment, and you would have to write
down like four facts you learned. So I wanted to
make sure people were paying attention to my movie.

Speaker 2 (06:39):
Yeah, but not everybody has this deep desire to get
an a so it'd be like, okay, whatever, I'll take
your quiz and they're not going to care. Okay, So
this is fun. You're inviting other people though, or are we?
Are we and aresus to watch the same movie y'all
are doing? Or they? You just want them to do
this sort of thing with their friends.

Speaker 1 (06:56):
So I didn't think that through because I can't really
invite them to do it because it's a surprise. Like
last night, we went to one of their houses and
we walk in and he served us milkshakes and then
they had smash burgers and fries and the special sauce
and stuff. Do you know what movie?

Speaker 2 (07:12):
And I guess the movie? Yes, okay, Friday Night Lights.

Speaker 1 (07:15):
No, oh, let me give you more clues. Okay, I
think I gave you all the milkshakes. And the milkshake
was vanilla okay, smash burgers, mayonnaise with fries, okay. When
Harry met Sally. No, oh, I don't know if you've
seen this. It's number eight on IMDb of best movies

(07:36):
of all time.

Speaker 2 (07:36):
Oh okay, well, just what is it?

Speaker 1 (07:38):
Pulp fiction? Oh?

Speaker 2 (07:39):
I haven't seen that.

Speaker 1 (07:40):
Okay, so well, then so you have the meal and
then people are like thinking, oh, I know what the
movie is. I know what the movie is, but we
still didn't know. And then he gave us like facts.
He read off facts about the movie right before he
watched it to see, kind of like on SmartLess how
they read facts about their guests and they shout out
if they know it as the facts.

Speaker 2 (07:59):
Go on, Yeah, this is fun. Yeah, yeah, I want
to do this.

Speaker 1 (08:03):
And then they were like pulp fiction, and I was like,
dang it, well, so did you like it? It was
two hours and about forty minutes, so that was hard
for me. I'll give you my review. The night was great,
the food was great, top notch vanilla milkshake so good.
The movie was long. I can appreciate the writing, and

(08:25):
I can appreciate how they filmed it because it's not
in chronological order. So like the beginning and the end
are like the end is the beginning, the middle is
the end, so.

Speaker 2 (08:36):
You really have to pay attention, you.

Speaker 1 (08:37):
Really well, Yeah, but there was because of that. There
didn't seem like there's like a climax of the movie
where you're like, oh, I'm really in it. It just
felt like you were trying to figure out when it's.

Speaker 2 (08:46):
Gonna get Yeah, I gotta I'd be annoyed if I
got there, I'd be like, oh, yeah, smash Burger's Horizon
vanilla milkshake, and then I would be like, oh, I
don't want to watch Pultflic.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
Yeah, but it is one of those movies that I
think it's like a piece of art film history. I
don't know.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Well, yeah it's number eight on the best movies ever
according to who.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
I don't know. But yeah, I know, I'm glad I
watched it. I probably won't watch it again.

Speaker 2 (09:10):
But the idea behind this movie club thing is really good.
I like it, especially the surprise factor of showing up
and getting bits and pieces of the movie through food.
So far, I mean, people could go as far with
this as they wanted, Like I might dress up clothing,
oh like if you host yeah, like you might get
into full blown character. Yeah, do you know what move? Well,

(09:32):
don't say because in case your friends listen, because it's
supposed to be a surprise.

Speaker 1 (09:35):
I haven't picked, but I think because they picked a
movie that was way out of my wheelhouse, I don't
feel as bad picking a movie that they might not like.

Speaker 2 (09:42):
Okay, you know, well, I get why you're excited. That's fun. Okay, excited,
which we'll get to the gifts and impairments of excitement
and a little bit ago because the impairment of excitement.
I was already laughing a little bit when I was
reading about that, since my boyfriend is excited, and I
was like, oh, but he feel though he is feeling excited. Well, okay,

(10:02):
I'll give you a little hint into an impairment of
feeling excited. Could be you ignore red flags? Oh and
I'm like, am I a red flag waving?

Speaker 1 (10:13):
Say that?

Speaker 2 (10:14):
Well? No, I don't think I am. Both some things
I might do, like if he's feeling so excited, he
might overlook some stuff that I do. They could be like, er,
what's red flag?

Speaker 1 (10:23):
Yeah? Well, hopefully that doesn't happen. Hopefully not.

Speaker 2 (10:25):
I just thought it was kind of funny. So when
you're excited, you got to be on guard.

Speaker 1 (10:30):
Am I am I excited and I'm ignoring reality? Or
am I excited and I'm still paying attention to the
things that aren't maybe so exciting exactly.

Speaker 2 (10:40):
So we'll touch on that when we get to glad,
we're gonna we're gonna get to fear because that is, well,
I think, something a lot of us experience in a
lot of different ways. And the core need behind fear,
which when I tell some of my story with my boyfriend,
it's protection.

Speaker 1 (10:57):
Yeah. And again with all all of these feelings, the
protection could be showing up a million different ways. So
it doesn't just mean physical safety. It doesn't just mean
a certain type of I need to guard myself. The
protection can come through being vulnerable with somebody and feeling
connected to them.

Speaker 2 (11:17):
And I was vulnerable with him in therapy the other day.

Speaker 1 (11:19):
Yeah, okay, so I want to get to that story.
But before we get into it, the if you're feeling fear,
like you said, need something around protection, if you are
trying to suppress it. One, I love fear because it
shows us what we're what we care about the most,
So it can lead us to things that we don't
want to miss out on, and what happens I think

(11:40):
a lot of times is because we don't like fear
and it feels so scary, we end up misinterpreting it,
and then we do miss out on things versus it
just being a signal of hey, this is important to you,
this is something that you care about. This is something
that you're passionate about, which if we think about the
things we get afraid of I'm thinking about I mean

(12:01):
even this, like when we started feeling fear around like,
I hope it's good. That is showing us.

Speaker 2 (12:06):
That we rebranding the podcast.

Speaker 1 (12:08):
Yeah, ye yeah in that first episode I inter redo
with the first one. But if we didn't have that
fear around it, we wouldn't put as much energy into it,
we wouldn't put as much care into it. And rather
than saying that this is scary, I shouldn't do it,
it's this is scary. It's important to me. I want
to pay attention to it, and a lot of I

(12:28):
think a lot of times people too think that in
those spaces if I feel fear, something really bad is
going to happen and I'm not going to be able
to handle it, and that's not always true. We can
be disappointed through if something happened in the worst case
scenario happen, we can be disappointed and have all those
other feelings show up, but it doesn't mean we're going

(12:49):
to collapse or we're not going to make it through.

Speaker 2 (12:52):
And for yeah, again, I know sometimes we speak to
our our two men listening to the podcast, which actually
I got to note the other day from Oh yeah
a friend, did I share it with you? We are?

Speaker 1 (13:04):
Email from a male listener, Oh we did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (13:06):
Oh I haven't read that one yet, but I did
get a note from a male friend of ours, Chase,
who sent our episode to two other guys because it
related to a topic they were talking about at dinner
like a week before. And so I was like, wow, okay,
Chase plus two other guys, that's three guys plus I
know there's like two other ones.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
Let's start emailer.

Speaker 2 (13:25):
Well, oh six, now I have for sure six.

Speaker 1 (13:29):
Men listening, and Patrick listened, okay, okay, Alex might listen
to this one since they're gonna be talking about.

Speaker 2 (13:36):
Eight wow and climbing. So oh, I feel like my
sister's usband might listen to this one because we're going
to talk about primal questions. O loves primal questions. Nine.

Speaker 1 (13:46):
We're almost a double digits, we're almost a ten. So okay,
before we get into your store, I do want to
say too, if we ignore the fear, if we're like,
I'm not going to touch that, what happens a lot
of times is anxiety shows up like the not helpful anxiety,
or we don't know where it comes from, or it
shifts to rage. And the example I used to explain
that is road rage. So when I'm driving in my

(14:09):
car and somebody cuts me off and I, you know,
honk at them, maybe I do a hand gesture towards them,
or I throw my hands up in there like that,
and it looks like I'm really angry. If I really
was honest with myself. Often I'm feeling scared because you
cut me off. I almost hit you. But because I

(14:30):
don't want to feel that fear, because a lot of
times fear is very vulnerable, I just go straight to
anger and that turns into this like big rageye looking
thing versus. And I was really scary that you did that.
I didn't like it.

Speaker 2 (14:43):
Yeah, and fear isn't weakness that's sort of I want
to speak to too with the men, and most men are
the road ragey ones versus there are women that have
road rage, but I know it for mostly men in
my life.

Speaker 1 (14:53):
Yeah, I saw I experienced road rage from a woman
last week.

Speaker 2 (14:58):
Okay, well, yeah, I'm not. It's not a blanket statement,
but it happens a lot. Two are eight, nine, maybe
ten male listeners. Fear is not weakness. It's awareness.

Speaker 1 (15:11):
Yeah that's a T shirt.

Speaker 2 (15:14):
Yeah, that's or a hat, yeah, or a sweatshirt, or
a candle or a pillow, a fellow, a post, but
that is important to say. A button, a sticker, a pin,
you put on anything, anything, A poster.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
Did you say that? I think you' said a saying it.

Speaker 2 (15:34):
I'm running out of things. We're gonna be on abuveer, sticker,
a banner, yeah, a flag one of that, an airplane
with a little message flying around, a blimp. If you
listen to last week's episode, you know about the blimp situation.
But yeah, fear isn't weakness, it's awareness. A tattoo, uh,

(15:56):
temporary tattoo, a brett. I don't know if you put
that one on a barett? What else could we put
this on m I really want to put it on more.

Speaker 1 (16:08):
A journal, a bracket, a bracelet, a bracelet, a candle,
I said, candle, another candle, A bigger candle.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Okay, let's a good one. Cryocat from from the back.
We're breaking the fourth wall here. Cryo Cat and Santons
are also in the room with us, so sometimes you
might hear them chime in. But let's just get into fear.
I'm still a little nervous.

Speaker 1 (16:38):
But yeah, an email signature.

Speaker 2 (16:41):
Oh, that's a good one, sincerely Cat. Fear. It's awareness.
That's a good one.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
That's good.

Speaker 2 (16:50):
Okay, Yeah, a sign off.

Speaker 1 (16:51):
But seriously, that is that's a good point you make.
So it's not weakness. It's just showing us what we
care about.

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Because for me, that's what was happening. Awareness. And I
don't know why I'm so nervous to talk about the story,
but maybe because we're just going to talk about things
that some stuff you maybe have heard me mention, whether
here on the podcast before more vaguely, other stuff I've
said on the Bobby Bone Show kind of recently, if
you're a listener over there. But I've been thinking a

(17:20):
lot about fear even since we recorded the episode that
had to get deleted because of the weed whacker. Do
you know I have a speech impediment with ours and
w's and like real world is really hard for me
to say, and so it's well, we'd walker. I think
you told me that, but you also I used to

(17:41):
do endorsements for west Rock Coffee, West Rock, West Rock,
West Rock, but I had to, like I have to
warm up, so.

Speaker 1 (17:50):
Anyway, good at I always thought you're good at denunciating thing, so.

Speaker 2 (17:55):
Not if it's an R and a W situation, which
we blacker two w's in a row difficult for me.
But luckily we had to delete that because now I
better understand my fear. And I think that when you're
talking about emotions and things that you've been through, the
best place to do it from is a place of understanding.

(18:16):
And I finally understand it better, and I'm still in
a place of fear. I will say I thought I
was out of the fear because I finally dated him.
Because the reason why I didn't want to date him
is because my boyfriend is a widower. And we'll get
more into that in a little bit. But we had
a recent therapy session and I realized, like, oh, I
still have so much fear, and this all makes sense,

(18:39):
But I'm going to look at this fear as awareness, yeah,
not weakness, And yeah, the widower apart, it's important side
note here because it's really the whole reason why there
is fear, although I did have other fears that popped
up when he was first presented to me as a suitor.

Speaker 1 (18:56):
Well, can I say something really quick before you go
into this, just for people who are listening and applying
this to themselves, I'm glad that you said what you
just said, because when we're thinking about feelings, I think
a lot of times we think about the biggest one
that we have at the moment, and fear can be
just there in the background. And it would be okay

(19:16):
to walk around or be in your relationship that is
secure and also have fear right alongside of it, because
fear shows us what is important to us, and because
fear lets us know I care about this, You're gonna
have fear a version of it and might not be
the biggest, loudest version of it within anything that matters

(19:37):
to you. So we don't need to get rid of it.
We just need to acknowledge it and feel it.

Speaker 2 (19:42):
Yeah, which is what I'm trying to do. And I
have a lot of notes, so I may refer to
them just because this is important to me and I
want to get it right. But what came up for
me in therapy the other day, which I had not
thought of at all in my relationship, is my primal question.

(20:10):
But what came up for me in therapy the other day,
which I had not thought of at all in my
relationship is my primal question, which is am I wanted?
Which I got my primal question from Mike Foster's book
Seven Primal Questions, which I know you've interviewed Mike, and
I'll just quickly run through this seven questions and then

(20:31):
if you want to do more research on that for yourself,
we'll link his book in the show notes. But the
seven questions are am I safe? Am I secure? Am
I loved? Am I wanted? Am I successful? Am I
good enough? Do I have a purpose? What's yours?

Speaker 1 (20:46):
A mixture between am I loved? Am I wanted?

Speaker 2 (20:49):
My sister is am I wanted? She's the one that
turned me on to this book originally. And then I
did the whole test quiz thingy and I'm am I
wanted to and I think that's from some stuff from
our childhood, so it makes sense. But it's not about
just being liked or accepted, because I want that, but
it's about being pursued and bted, desired, welcomed, and chosen.

(21:12):
And for me, the chosen stands out to me because
I said that in therapy just the other day, and
I felt childish saying it, so it was almost like
little me was showing up. And I almost didn't even
want to say it out loud because I'm like, this
just feels so selfish and childish. I didn't know how
else to put it, and I won't get into the

(21:34):
details around it because that's more personal, but what I
can say is that I decided to just say it
out loud. I was like, I just want to say
this so that it's out there and so that y'all
can know, and then hopefully my therapist could help have
more information to guide us. But I was like, it's like,
you know what I felt like if I was a
little child, I would kind of be putting my fist
down and my foot down kind of like like I

(21:56):
just want to be chosen, Like what about me? And
I didn't like it, but then after I said it,
it felt better.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Well, what did you feel before you said it?

Speaker 2 (22:07):
Well, when it first came up for me, I felt like, oh,
I shouldn't feel this way, so I'm not going to
say it. This feels wrong, like it felt unfair for
me to say I want you to choose me in
this moment. But once I said it, I felt some
relief and then that our therapist was able to kind
of talk through some of what I was feeling. And

(22:31):
then at one point Alex started like fidgeting more and
she was like, what's coming up for you? Because she's
very intuitive and kind of looks at body language and
figuring stuff out. And he's like, I'm good, you know it,
just like kept clearing.

Speaker 1 (22:44):
His throat and wanted She's like having stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (22:47):
I was like in my mind, I was like, I'm
probably gonna need another session.

Speaker 1 (22:51):
Wait, but did you notice I just asked you what
you were feeling before you said that, and you gave
me a thought. I did, Yeah, so you said I
felt like I shouldn't say I shouldn't feel this way.

Speaker 2 (23:03):
Okay, So what did I feel in my body? I
had tightness in my throat. What about emotionally, but my
throat indicates emotion, Like I felt like I was going
to start crying once I finally said it. So I
felt like it was something that I needed to get out,
and I felt I might needed to walk me through.

Speaker 1 (23:25):
You're asking lonely, fear, guilt, shame what I was feeling.

Speaker 2 (23:30):
There was fear there that I was going to say
that and I wasn't going to be chosen.

Speaker 1 (23:35):
Okay, is that better? Well, I mean all of that's
good information, but yeah, acknowledging that I was afraid because
this relationship is important to me, yes, and so I
don't want to go there, and as I don't want
to lose this And the reality what I think you're
getting to is that was very helpful for you to
share that.

Speaker 2 (23:54):
Yeah, it was really helpful for me to get it out.
And I realized, like, Okay, I have this wound from
my childhood, some emotional abandonment stuff that went on, and
that is what that primal question. It stems from emotional abandonment, neglect,

(24:15):
or not being invited in whether as a child or
it can happen in friendships or in other romantic relationships.
I think I've dialed mine back to some stuff in
my childhood and then even in my marriage some and
so now entering exiting that relationship and then entering into
a new one, it's almost like I want to do
this right. So there's a lot of fear around that.

(24:38):
And when you're dating someone who married the love of
their life and then lost them and to something like cancer,
and I know it was devastating. In fact, when I
met his wife has a twin sister, So when I

(24:58):
met her for the first time, she was very sweet
and kind and welcoming and so excited because before his
wife passed away, she said to her people like, I
want Alex to meet somebody. Make sure that happens. Shouldn't
want him to be alone, because some people who knows
when they're on their deathbed, they're like, you better know me.
Anybody don't know it's me, or you're dead, you know,

(25:21):
something like that. So she did want that for him,
and she sent me a note after I met her,
and she was like, look, Alex has been through hell,
I mean hell, and I've walked alongside people with cancer
and my mom and his wife had something very similar
and even their their journey was about two years long.

(25:44):
There's a lot of similarities there, and even with his kids,
like they've lost their mom, I've lost my mom. I
know what it's like to be in their shoes. While
it looks different, but I've never dated anybody that has
lost their wife like some and they loved and they
still love. And so I think when he first was

(26:07):
brought into the picture or brought up, which we can
get more into that and a little bit and how
that happened, but I think I was scared because I'm like, oh, well,
he belongs to somebody else, like they're still in love,
but she's no longer here.

Speaker 1 (26:23):
And is that like I'm still not going to be
if I'm chosen, I'm still not even really chosen, I
guess so.

Speaker 2 (26:28):
But I hadn't really worked through all of that until
this last therapy session. So even though things are great,
there is a part of me deep down that wonders,
is there really room for me here? And like that
that's a question that the lens. Now I see everything
through that lens, through that filter, and that messes with
my mind because my deepest fear is not being wanted.

(26:51):
So then it's like, oh, Okay, now I'm going to
filter everything through that. Like I was thinking through some
stuff that really bothers me at time or makes me
wonder at times does he need me or does he
want me? And I know we've talked about that because
in ways that I show up sometimes and I'm like, well,
this is convenient if you're listening, Alex, Sorry, but you

(27:14):
already know some of this. Am I loved fully or
just conveniently? And then I tell myself stories like this
will be very difficult with his kids and they'll never
be close to me, But yeah, you make that up.
There may not be space there for me. But here's
what I'm learning, So thank you therapy. Love is not
a limited resource. Put that on a mug.

Speaker 1 (27:37):
Yeah, there's enough. There's enough for it to go around
more than one time.

Speaker 2 (27:42):
Grief and love can live side by side, and Alex's
past doesn't erase my worth and we get to build
a new chapter, like what he's been through doesn't change
my value to the relationship.

Speaker 1 (28:02):
Which one of those things is the hardest.

Speaker 2 (28:04):
You think, probably his past with my current value, because
that's where I'm like, I'm wondering where do I fit
in and how do I belong. But what I have
to look at it as is they can be side
by side and we're writing a new chapter, so and
with all of our parts.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
Yeah, well, now that he even knows that that is
coming up for you, you guys can approach things differently
and with the seven Primal Questions. One of the things
that I found most fascinating about it when I did
talk to Mike about when he was coming out with
a book, is well, everybody has the same questions. Everybody
is asking those same questions. Your primal question is really

(28:45):
the one that didn't You didn't get a yes answered
to the most and so you have to find a
way to get a yes. And there's all these things
that we can do to make that happen that sometimes
don't allow us to be our actual true selves. But
what happens in relationships a lot of times, which might
be some of what you guys are going through, is

(29:07):
you walk through the world trying to answer because of
the lens you have, everybody around you is going to
feel wanted, which I will say you're really good at that,
Like you are very good at making sure people feel
wanted around you, but not everybody is asking themselves out question.
They could be asking am I safe? They could be
asking am I love? They could be any of those
other questions. And so Alex at the same time, he

(29:30):
is walking around the world with his filter making sure
everybody gets a yes answer to the question that he
struggles with the most. And so if his is like
am I safe or am I secure? And you're secure
and you're I wonder what I think he should. I
think he should look into that because that's where like
he's making sure you get a yes to this one question,

(29:51):
but you don't need a yes. You have that one covered,
and so what you really need is a yes to
the wanted. So we just kind of like miss ourselves
in relationships. But if we both knew knew what each
other's question was, then we could show up and help
show up with that question versus the one I struggle with.
Is that yeah making sense the way I explained that.
So he probably feels so wanted by you because that's

(30:14):
this magic skill that you have because you know what
it feels like not to feel that. I'm sure everybody
around your sister always feels wanted because she's making sure
that that doesn't happen to other people. The problem is
a lot of people don't that's not the question they're
struggling with.

Speaker 2 (30:29):
So I got to figure out his question so I
can make sure to meet his mee. I know, I'm
like trying to guess based on all of those what
I think it might be. But it's a really good
book and you don't even you could read the book,
but there's also you could just do the quiz if
you wanted to, but if you want to learn more,
it can be very very helpful. I know it's been
helpful with my sister and her husband and their relationship
and they've been married twenty five years and they just

(30:50):
read the book like a year and a half ago maybe,
and it's been an important tool. Yeah, and so it's
never too late.

Speaker 1 (30:57):
Yeah, it's like a mixture I think of a attachment
theory in the enneagram. It's like a combination of those things.
If you know what those things are. If not, just
take the quiest.

Speaker 2 (31:09):
Make sure you follow this podcast like and subscribe, because
if we will definitely be touching on that. But the
fear that I feel is protecting my heart, and that's
a gift, Like I want to proceed with caution but
not too much, because then it'll turn into an impairment,
because if I don't manage it, then my protection could

(31:30):
turn into avoidance, which we don't want any of that,
and then the discernment I try to be wise about
things could turn into disconnection. So I love alliteration and
I don't want the discernment to turn into connection. And
so instead of asking is this safe? Am I welcome? Here?
Is there room? Then that voice in my head will

(31:51):
get louder and louder and louder, which will be like,
this will never work, which I have said that out
loud to him before on the phone. I can think
of two different times I'm like, well, this is not
gonna work for me.

Speaker 1 (32:03):
It felt very and so in those moments you were
probably feeling fear, But did you know that.

Speaker 2 (32:10):
No, I don't think at the time I had was
more like frustration, frustration and just jump like not wanting
to maybe have to do some of the hard work
that it would take around some of the issues, because
it will take work and patience, work, patience, consistency, dedication,
things that I want. But sometimes in the moment it

(32:30):
just feels like too much. So it's easier to say like,
this probably isn't gonna work, because.

Speaker 1 (32:34):
What happens if it doesn't and we try and then
it doesn't.

Speaker 2 (32:38):
Yeah, it's a big fat wasted time. I'm just kidding.
I knew you're gonna say that, and you didn't say anything,
you just breathed. Now, I knew you're gonna sigh. I
knew you were gonna sigh, like you were gonna get
like a which what happens is I would ask myself, well,

(32:59):
what does this now make possible? And I will learn
from it and I will grow and it will be
a part of my life that I'm still thankful for, Like,
it wouldn't be a waste of time. It doesn't work,
it doesn't work, but at least I gave it a go.

Speaker 1 (33:12):
Well, you're right, And again reminder, if if you were
not scared about this stuff, then that would mean that
you didn't care. And if you didn't care, there would
also be no reward at the end of it. There
would be no reward in the relationship. So that's one
of those things where it's really frustrating because you can't
selectively feel feelings. You either feel them all or you
don't get to feel them, and so if I want
that joy and that connection, then I also have to

(33:34):
put myself in line of fire for something that might
not feel as good.

Speaker 2 (33:38):
Right, which I think we got down to like that
my fear with him is now is there space for
me here? Like because he's a widower, But I had
two other fears that popped up when he was first
put on the radar for me. So this would be
going back to February of twenty twenty four. I'm out

(33:58):
to dinner with actually Chase, who sent our podcast to
other guys, shout out, send our episodes to your friends,
your male friends, or any of my friends, your grandma,
your mom, your dad, your cousin, your neighbor, who else

(34:19):
could we recommend? I feel like some podcasts are really
good about doing that, recommending that you send this to
all your people.

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Oh, specifically your person, Yeah, or.

Speaker 2 (34:26):
Just send it to anybody you know. This could change
their life. Definitely, send us to your grandfather, Definitely. Sometimes
they are.

Speaker 1 (34:35):
They're like, if you're listening and you have a grandfather,
send this to them, now, this will change their life.

Speaker 2 (34:41):
Okay, yeah, I know, but I do think that if
you know anybody that is maybe going to date a
widow or send in this episode. That actually is true.
It is true because there are people we have listeners
that have that are younger, that have lost spouses, they
are a witto er trying to date, or somebody might
be listening where they are potentially being set up with

(35:03):
a widower, or they're on hinge or wherever and they
see widower and they're like, h well, don't run away.
Well I'm here to say, well, first you did, so
let's go at the first I did. Okay, So I
go back to February. I'm at a restaurant. I'm at
dinner with Chase, and somebody else in our group comes
up and it's like Amy, Karen Fairchild is over there

(35:26):
at a booth. And I know Karen. She is from
Little Big Town and I know her from my work
on the Bobby Bone Show, so I've known her for
over a decade now, and I'm like, oh, I would
love to go say hi to Karen. Didn't know why
she was calling me over, but I go over to
her booths and she's with her friends. I sit down
at the booths and she said, Hey, I don't know
if you're dating, but I have a guy in my
dad group. He would like to take you out. I

(35:48):
guess their kids are friends.

Speaker 1 (35:49):
What's her dad group?

Speaker 2 (35:50):
Well, she just means like he's a dad in their group,
Like if there's kids, you know, when you've got kids
that are in junior higher high school, they're at sporting events. Okay,
group of parents that she's She was trying to say,
I'm not super close to him, but I know, okay,
and we have mutual friends, so I see him at
things and I guess he had run into me at

(36:11):
Whole Foods. But I did not know this until after
our first date, which is kind of weird. But he
didn't mention this our entire first date. I wouldn't either,
probably try get it, but it's weird. It was weird,
and then we went out again. I think our second
date was technically a hike. He goes, well, you know
we've met before, and I'm like, nah, tell me more

(36:31):
because I did not know that, And now I need
you to hurry up and tell me that story because
I'm scared. We're in the wilderness together, and now, why
why did you brings you into the woods?

Speaker 1 (36:45):
And then he's like, you, no, I've met you before. Yeah,
this isn't our first time and you're like, and.

Speaker 2 (36:51):
I'm like, I started feel service this would have good
information on our first day at a restaurant with other
humans around. But okay, so in was it last week's
episode or no, it was two weeks ago. In one
of our Tuesday episodes, we mentioned another guy and I
was at Whole Foods with him, and he's the one

(37:11):
that called you, and he's on alluded to them maybe
I was a sociopath. But I'm at Whole Foods with him,
and I guess Alex sees me, but I'm with somebody else.
So he's like, I'm not going to go up to her,
and he knew what it looked like because he listened
to the Bobby Bone Show with skits and he's from
Nashville and whatever. So he waited until the other guy

(37:34):
went to a different aisle and I was by myself
and he came up and he just said, y'all do
a really great job with the show. And he said that.
I was like, oh, you mean me the the Bobby
Bone Show. Like I wasn't like right away, like oh,
like assuming I knew exactly what he was talking about.

(37:54):
But I think I was so caught off guard with
how he did it.

Speaker 1 (37:56):
That.

Speaker 2 (37:57):
I mean, I was like in the freezer section. I
remember exactly what happened now, I just don't know the
words that were exchanged or that it was him. But
once he told me about it, I was like, I
do remember a man coming up to me and saying,
my kids and I listened to the show. But he
said that he said, specifically, you do a good job
with the show. My kids and I listen and that
I responded with some like, oh, were you talking about

(38:20):
the Bobby Bone Show or I'm just making sure you
know who I am. Like he liked that I wasn't
overly confident that obviously you're talking about the Bobby Bone Show,
because I really wasn't so interesting that you didn't know. Well,
I just felt like the whole thing was just a
little weird, but it's obviously good. Whatever I did was
good because then he was intrigued. That's what made him

(38:42):
want to meet me, like for a date. So that's
why when he saw Karen, so let me give you
a timeline. He told me he thinks that that happened
around December of twenty twenty three, and then he ran
into Karen at a super Bowl party like two months
later twenty twenty four. Yeah, super Bowl's early February, and said, hey,

(39:04):
do you know Amy Bround? Well, guess what. I ran
into Karen at dinner like the day after the super Bowl.
Do you know how many times I've run into Karen
the entire decade or longer that I've.

Speaker 1 (39:12):
Known her too?

Speaker 2 (39:13):
No, never one. I've never run into her at dinner
so once exactly. But I happen to run into it
the day after she saw him and he asked about me,
isn't that weird?

Speaker 1 (39:24):
That's that is weird?

Speaker 2 (39:25):
Right? So I was like, Okay, So we're sitting there
and we're talking at the booth, and she is telling
me all these things about him. Let me see she
said I wrote down. I think she said. She's like,
he's a really nice guy. He's a businessman, fifty years
old or so, has three kids. He's an athlete. I'm like,

(39:46):
what what does that mean? Well, later I learned that
he is like a track star. So he ran track
at UVA and he still has a hurdle record nobody's
broken in from high school.

Speaker 1 (40:01):
So the first thing he brings up on he has.

Speaker 2 (40:03):
That then we look at his picture and I'm like, Okay, yeah,
he's cute, but he seems a little professional and buttoned up.
And then I see like later this is later on
when I'm about to go out with them. He'd been
promoted to like CEO, and I'm like, what I cannot
his company's based in New York, Like I play easy

(40:25):
trivia at work. It just felt like that it would
be off.

Speaker 1 (40:30):
Like he's not gonna You're not gonna be on the
same page, Like what will we have in common. He's
a businessman and you do easy at trivia. That doesn't
we don't match. And so my first fear was he
has three kids. So I had a lot of fear
around that.

Speaker 2 (40:41):
And I was like, oh, little three kids. That was
a little flat red flag because I've got two and
they're older. They're like my daughter's about to be eighteen.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
And so then oh, you were hot on not dating
Sony with kids, yeah, or.

Speaker 2 (40:53):
They need to be grown Yeah, no, kids are grown kids.
That was hot on that. My next sphere was I'm
not smart enough for him or athletic enough.

Speaker 1 (41:05):
Oh you took that high school track star thing to hurt. Well,
he's very he's still very athletic. An athletic, okay, yeah,
he does some of these core interesting. That's interesting that,
like what do you what did you assume he wanted
in somebody? Not me? Yeah?

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Not me, because I was like why what, Like I
someone totally different, and you know, other things about him
too where I'm like, I do not fit that mold. Yeah,
Like there's parts of his lifestyle where I'm like, okay,
and sometimes we go do some of those things, and
I his friends they're very welcoming. So that's probably me
being judgy. I'm not trying to be judging, but like

(41:44):
that's just not my anxiety. It's intimidating, like this is
a different crowd, but they've been very welcoming. Yeah, so
that's shame on me for thinking that. But I just
didn't think I fit that mold. But then I was like,
oh no, he's very silly and playful and he's not
that what's the word I would use, pretentious? Pretentious is

(42:06):
the word, and so he's not that. And I was like,
oh great, Like I judged him, but.

Speaker 1 (42:13):
Yeah, you almost didn't go out with him because of
a lot of that stuff.

Speaker 2 (42:17):
Yeah, well, some of that I didn't know yet, because
that's what I got to know. But the two main
fears when she's talking to me is she's like three kids.
I'm like and then she's like his job and I'm like, yeah,
I'm not smart enough for that. And then she says, also,
there's one more thing, and I said what she said,
he's a widower, And instantly I said okay, Like in

(42:42):
my mind I was like, I'm out, not happening. I
don't have the bandwidth for that. I don't even understand.
I don't want to take the time to understand. Like
that sounds like scary, too scary for me right now.
I just started dating. This is like a wild ride.
So yeah, thank you, but no thank you. It's sort
of I think. I was like, well, let's circle back.

Speaker 1 (43:03):
Is that what you said.

Speaker 2 (43:04):
Something like that, were like, oh, let's just see where
this goes. I just started dating, like I don't know,
like we'll touch base.

Speaker 1 (43:10):
Which is a really kind way to say like not
gonna probably happen.

Speaker 2 (43:14):
Yeah. So that was February and then come July she
circled back. Well something had happened between No, that wasn't
until October. Yeah, huh yeah, huh the person that you know,
I hadn't started dating him yet. No, I know what
you're gonna say, and I'll tell you why, because it's
not until October. So July she circled back to me

(43:36):
because he reached back out to Karen, like, hey, any
luck from February to July? Any luck with that Amy
Brown yet? And I guess he went through Karen because
we both are in country music, and he thought after
he met me at Whole Food, it's like, oh, Karen
might no Amy, and She's like, well, let me see y'all.

Speaker 1 (43:53):
So she did.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
She messaged me and she was like, Hey, that guy
is dying to take you to coffee your lunch. And
then I thought, well, dying is an interesting word. I
remember thinking that right when I read it. Of course
I didn't say that back to her. So then fast
forward to July, and Karen is circling back because I
guess Alex circled back with her, like, hey, it's been

(44:16):
a minute since February, just anything from Amy and I
had just moved and life was hectic, and I was
still terrified of all the things, the three kids. I'm
not smart enough, and he's a widower.

Speaker 1 (44:30):
And don't you know that we'll circle back means don't
ever bring it up again.

Speaker 2 (44:35):
Well, no, I really do think I was. I do
think part of me was still curious, and it just
it's all about timing, like I had to be the
right time. So what happened was, though whenever I said
let me circle back, I did start dating somebody else,
and then that was kind of, you know, a thing

(44:57):
for a minute, and I thought it was involved evolving
into more of a thing more than he thought, of course,
because come October timeframe, I'm getting ready to go on
a date with him, and I get a call from
a friend that's like, hey, are you still dating so?
And Sasa's a and I said, yeah, he's actually about
to come pick me up right now. And she said, well,

(45:19):
I'm at dinner right now with somebody that is going
out with him tomorrow for lunch. And I'm like, oh,
lunch date. And they met on an app and I
was like, he's on an app because I knew we
weren't exclusive because we hadn't had that conversation, but you know,
I just felt like it was an unspoken you exclusive.

Speaker 1 (45:36):
Well part of it is, too, you guys had such
trouble finding time to hang.

Speaker 2 (45:40):
Out because you were both so busy with like your
kids and work. Yeah, we were so busy. So it's
like how he was busy with other people, trust me,
So now I know. But we go out and I'm
trying to be cool because I can't really bring this
up because we hadn't had the exclusive conversation, and I
don't want to be crazy, so I'm trying to be

(46:01):
cool and like be cool, be cool, be cool, be cool.
And then all of a sudden, I'm like, hey, I
didn't ask for some information that I now have and
I don't know what to do with it. And he's like, well,
what is it. I didn't ask for some information that

(46:24):
I now have and I don't know what to do
with it. And he's like, well, what is it? And
I said, I know you have a lunch date tomorrow,
and again I didn't ask for it. But I guess
it's just like now it's bringing up the question of
like what are we doing?

Speaker 1 (46:39):
It feels weird holding that information without sharing it with.

Speaker 2 (46:41):
Him, right, And he's just kind of like, oh shoot.
And then the way they met, like I won't say how,
I did say it was an app. But remember it
was do you remember? Oh yeah, I'm like, yeah, we're fine,
we're pro apps. Apps are fine, but this was like.

Speaker 1 (47:00):
Just interesting, Like to be on that app, you have
to be on a lot of apps, I'd imagine, right.

Speaker 2 (47:05):
I feel like this is the lowest of the low Okay,
not that we're there's probably lower. It just was interesting.
It was very curious, especially if you've already met somebody
that you're hanging.

Speaker 1 (47:16):
Out with me, Why am I on that?

Speaker 2 (47:18):
It seems just a little more strange. Shall I say.
I'm not gonna say okay, I'll say it like desperate,
just a little just a little okay, I will say,
but I've been desperate.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
Wait, I get it. But I also will say older. Yeah,
but that's a part of it, like that app might
not be as interesting to other people, Like I think
those apps are probably more marketed to older people and
hinge and bumble and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 (47:50):
It's more marketed towards younger people.

Speaker 2 (47:54):
Let's just say I didn't even know it existed. This existed, yeah,
until it was not.

Speaker 1 (47:59):
Anything dirty either. I don't want people to like be like, yeah,
it was nothing nefarious.

Speaker 2 (48:04):
It was just like I didn't know, Okay, didn't know
that was a thing. That's the thing. So he's like,
oh yeah, okay, yeah, I'm going now, and then I
couldn't help myself and I just said it again and
I was like, yeah, you're having I know about lunch
with Leslie and I just go out and I say
it like the whole thing, and he's like, oh, you

(48:25):
know her name, you know everything. I'm like, yeah, my
friend's literally with her right now, and I'm sure she's
lovely and great and yay. I just need to know, like,
what what is going on with us? Because if you're
going to be dating other people, then I need you
to know that I'm going to date other people too,
because I have people that want to date me.

Speaker 1 (48:44):
I have person.

Speaker 2 (48:46):
I have so many men one man. I have men
had that have been hitting me up for eight months.
I have man who's been hitting me up. I have
the same man he's been trying to date me since February. Okay,
that reminds me of that. I have purse, I have person,

(49:10):
I have hat on head. I am very desired. I'm
wanted by this man right like, I don't even know
at this point now how to get a hold of him,
but I'm going to figure it out, okay, So I'll
be circling back with me soon. At this point, he
could have met somebody else and married her. I don't
because so much time had passed. But I was like,

(49:33):
it's cool, you can date. I'm going to date. And
he goes, well, I would still like to keep getting
to know you, if that's okay, and I said, that's cool.
I'm cool, it's cool. This is adult dating. I can
adult date. You have your lunch with Leslie and I
will talk to you later. So then we finished our date.

(49:55):
He left, and I guess it was like the next
day I sent Karen a message. I was like, is
that guy still available? And so that just really like
lit a fire in me to get out there and
adult date. So I decided, well, that's what my therapist
kept calling it. She's like, Amy, this is adult dating.
I don't want to date multiple people, but she's like,

(50:16):
this is you're getting to know yourself. You just got
out of a long marriage. This is what adults do,
and if you're honest about it, that is the adult
dating part.

Speaker 1 (50:25):
That was the problem, as there was no you had
no idea, but I didn't think he had to tell me,
but I mean I guess he did.

Speaker 2 (50:32):
I didn't have to tell me. I we just never
talked about it.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
At the point you guys were at. I think it personally, Yeah,
you could hung out with him, yeah, yeah, But I
just think it would have been fair for if he
was going to be dating other people to let you
know for many reasons. So you're being understanding of him,
and I think that is very cool, like you said
of you, and I also think it's fair for you

(50:57):
to be like, ah, at that point, it would have
been really fair for you to also let me know
if you're gonna be dating other people.

Speaker 2 (51:04):
Right, So yeah, I decided to hit Karen up and
I'm like, is that widower still?

Speaker 1 (51:10):
Is that the text?

Speaker 2 (51:12):
And the guy said it exactly like that, But I'm like,
you know, that guy, the only guy that you've been
trying to set me up with since February?

Speaker 1 (51:18):
What's eusy?

Speaker 2 (51:19):
Because yeah, I want to go out? And so fast forward,
we went out and then we're pretty much dating ever since.
So we went to dinner and it was great, and
then we went on the hike and that's when he
was like, well, so you know we've met before and
I'm like, nope, He's like I came up to you
a whole Foods and I was like, oh, and that's

(51:41):
what I realized. I do remember that, but I wouldn't
remember exactly what he looked like.

Speaker 1 (51:46):
Yeah, and well, also this is important, I think to
add for your fear and like, also thinking about trusting
the process too, is if that situation with the other
guy never happened.

Speaker 2 (52:00):
And I think part of the motivation was like, oh, I.

Speaker 1 (52:03):
Have person who is interested in me, so I want
to go and date too, like a little bit of
not even like revenge, but like I can do this too.
But another part is you would have never been interested
in that person. I don't think if you hadn't gotten
used to the idea. Because that other guy had kids.

Speaker 2 (52:18):
Oh three three kids, so three kids almost the exact too.
He did warm me up to the whole kid thing
for sure. And yeah, he had his lunch with Leslie
and I had my afternoon with Alex.

Speaker 1 (52:28):
Didn't Leslie cancel lunch or.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
She did cancel lunch, but I think they eventually did
go out, but she did cancel, which that is the
funny part. She did cancel the lunch that day, and
I do think they went out and that guy's great,
by the way, he's a really nice person. It just
wasn't going to work. We were looking for obviously different things.
But even when I first started dating Alex, he said
he was looking for a relationship and I said, well,

(52:51):
I'm adult dating, and so it gets letting, you know.
But then like a weekend of trying to old date,
that's exhausting to me. It's really not my vibe. So
I decided I'm going to give it a go. So
I told the other guy, I'm going to give this
other guy a go. I've started seeing somebody because he's

(53:12):
interested in me, and I'm going to give it a go.
I do think. Yes. I was warmed up to the
three kids and now we have five kids total, which
is so fun in our dating relationship, and the professional thing,
like me not feeling smart enough for him not a concern.
He is. He's very very smart and he's a lawyer.
But he's not weird about it.

Speaker 1 (53:34):
Okay, he is very smart one hundred percent. You are
knowledgeable and intelligent about things that are different like you have.

Speaker 2 (53:43):
What that reminds me. In his first card that he
ever wrote me, he said, like, I've already learned so
much from you in a short period of time. And
I instantly looked at him and I was like, what
have you learned from me?

Speaker 1 (53:56):
Privited?

Speaker 2 (53:57):
I don't believe it.

Speaker 1 (53:59):
What have you learned?

Speaker 2 (54:00):
And he was like a lot. And I'm like like
what it's like almost don't yeah that I'm capable of
teaching him something because I see him as so wise,
like he's academically but also like he's a wise father
and friend. And you know, so what did he say?
I'm just kidding. I don't remember exactly, but I did

(54:22):
challenge him right away. But that was my own insecurity
and I shouldn't have done that. It wasn't you don't
do that someone writes you a nice card, you're not like, oh, yeah,
prove it. I think he was like, next time, you
have to write them out right. But he's so excited
about me. He didn't see that red flag. It's a huge,
huge red flag. But I will say that's not a

(54:42):
concern anymore. He's professional, but he's as buttoned up as
I thought. Apparently I haven't seen this side of him.
But remember how I told you about his wife's which
is part's always weird. I don't know what to say
because it's like, it's his wife's sister, but his wife's
his late wife's sister. She told me so. His last
name is Waddie. She told me the wedding Wattie is

(55:05):
a lot of fun. And I'm like, who's wedding Lottie.
She's like, oh, just wait, I apparently comes out at wedding.

Speaker 1 (55:11):
Any wedding.

Speaker 2 (55:12):
M hm.

Speaker 1 (55:12):
That's a huge like.

Speaker 2 (55:14):
Not his wedding, just any wedding.

Speaker 1 (55:15):
That is a huge bonus. You never want to be
with somebody who had a wedding. He's like, I know,
I don't want to dance. I love dancing a wedding, so,
oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 (55:24):
So have that to look forward to.

Speaker 1 (55:26):
I don't.

Speaker 2 (55:26):
I don't know, well when we're going to go to
a wedding, but only.

Speaker 1 (55:30):
I was getting married again.

Speaker 2 (55:34):
Cryocat's in here and she just got on Riyah and
she said that has already promised her all kinds of goodies.
I'm just kidding.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
So she's having a good time.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
Maybe we'll go to Cryocat's wedding or something. But he
is a silly person. He's an amazing dad. I wrote
down things about him. He was in a loving marriage. Sadly,
his wife died way too young from calling cancer. So
I will say this, if you have any some dums
of any kind, urge your doctors to take it one
step further if they even think it's hemorrhoids, because in

(56:07):
her case, they did think that. They're like, well, you've
got three kids, you have a very active lifestyle. Some
of what she was seeing in the blood. They were like,
you're too young. This isn't colon cancer. Like, you're a young,
healthy white woman. And it was colon cancer. And they
got the colonoscopy and found it too late and she

(56:29):
passed away far too young. So that is part of
his mission his kids is colon cancer awareness. He wears
all these rubber bracelets on his wrists and at first
I was like, what is why do you have so many?
And for every year that they've had a colon cancer
awareness walk or fun run, and he's like, well, if

(56:51):
I just wear one, he's kind of added to it.
But he's like, if I wear one, nobody asks anything,
but if I have multiple, they may ask me. And
if they ask me about it, then I get to
talk talk about it. In a way that hey, you
never know, maybe they'll go get tested or share with
somebody else, because it is a growing concern amongst young people.
And his wife passed away, and yes, that makes him

(57:14):
a widower. There's some fear around that. And now that
I'm in it, I'm realizing some fear that still shows
up because of my primal wounds, my primal question and
that's okay. I'm gonna lean into it because I want
the gifts of my fear, not the impairments. Oh, not
my fear.

Speaker 1 (57:33):
Yeah. The fear is a gift. The fear is a
gift if you use it.

Speaker 2 (57:37):
It's helping me move forward with wisdom. Yeah, the fear
I have right now with where we currently are in
our relationship, it allows me to move forward with wisdom,
not just emotion.

Speaker 1 (57:48):
Yeah, because if we were to move forward with.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
My emotion all the time, and let me tell you,
this relationship would be like whack a mole.

Speaker 1 (57:54):
Yeah that's for anybody though. So as you were talking,
I was thinking about times that I maybe wish I
was aware of my fear because it could have stopped
me from saying something in a good way. Because Alex
is a CEO, he was when you met him, right.

Speaker 2 (58:11):
Yeah. By the time I started dating him, he had
just become CEO.

Speaker 1 (58:15):
Which I know what that is, chief executive officer. Yes, yeah,
I had a client one time. This is probably honestly,
this wasn't that long ago. This was maybe three years ago.
I want to say it was six, but it was
like three. Not that would really matter, because I still
should know this, I guess, can I.

Speaker 2 (58:32):
Have ADHD if anybody knew it was listening? We talking
about we love to give details in a story that
don't really matter.

Speaker 1 (58:40):
In my head, they matter.

Speaker 2 (58:42):
They do matter, but to most people they build up
the story.

Speaker 1 (58:44):
I don't know.

Speaker 2 (58:45):
I know, we'll introduce timelines, characters, all kinds of stuff
that doesn't matter. But I was wearing that day.

Speaker 1 (58:51):
It was virtual, I will say that it was, and
a session was virtual and my client was talking about
how she was like, yeah, I am, I don't know.
I might get this promotion and it could lead to
being in the C suite some version of that. And
I said to her, well, what is the c suite?

Speaker 2 (59:10):
Like by the ocean? I was like, where are you going?

Speaker 1 (59:14):
And she was like, you know, the C suite? And
I was like I don't know where that is. And
she said it's like the CMO and the CFO and
the what else is there? COO? Yeah? And I was like,
and my thought was, what are all those things? I know? CEO,
I didn't see m O. Do I say that I
chief marketing officer.

Speaker 2 (59:33):
I think you can have an operations officer finding friends. Yeah,
they're yeah, C suite. So they had a yeah, because
that's so funny you're sharing this because I learned that
through Alex too. And I'll tell you what three years ago. No,
it was like a couple of days indoor dating. In fact,
oh my gosh, it might have been after the hike
the second date. Yeah, or maybe we went hiking again.

(59:55):
I don't know. We went hiking a few things. Let
me tell you. Hiking Alex really won me over because
I think professional Alex more buttoned up Alex. I was like,
oh again, I wasn't able to really see him. But
then hiking Alex, I was like, oh, this is my vibe,
sort of like oh, can you imagine when I meet

(01:00:15):
wedding Wattie, like coming to be like, hey, where have
you been? Which I've seen little pieces of that, but
I am I'm excited. It's like a part of him
that I get to look forward to. But so somebody
get married fast invite us to a wedding. So hiking, Alex,
We've gone on multiple hikes and that's when I was

(01:00:36):
really like, oh, Okay, this energy, this vibe, I really
like it, like a style, everything that's perfect my jam.
So we went hiking one day and decided to go
get a smoothie after and we were trying to look
up which smoothie place to go to, and then we
went to one and it was closed and I was like, shoot,
we're going to go because this was the closest one.
So I picked another location and he rose that was

(01:01:00):
on like it really wasn't that convenient, but we decided
to go anyway because why not. It was a beautiful day.
So we went for a drive and we go there
and then as we're approaching it, he's like, oh, he's
like this building right behind the smoothie place. He goes,
that's where my wife worked. There's actually like a a
plaque there for her, like she won an award and
there's this whole thing. He's like, I haven't been here

(01:01:23):
like since then, and I could tell like, he just
got really quiet and shut down, and I'm thinking, okay,
what do we do? Should we not go get the smoothie?
Like should I just be like, we don't need a
smoothie anyway? Or do we lean in? Do we go
I don't know, we haven't been dating that long. Do
we go visit the plaque? I don't know what to do.
So I just when you don't win in doubt, just

(01:01:45):
say nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:01:47):
So I sat there allowing him to process, and I
was like, oh, wait for it, wait for it.

Speaker 1 (01:01:55):
We get the.

Speaker 2 (01:01:56):
Red light, then it's the green light. We turn in.
I'm like, we're okay, we're going, so we part can
we get the smoothie? And he's like, after we get
our smoothies, would you want to walk over and see
her plaque thing? And I'm like I would love that.
So I'm thinking, okay, this is things are escalating because
now we're really going to be talking about her, like
this is a special thing for them. So we're walking

(01:02:18):
over and he's like, oh, yeah, she worked at this hospital.
She was a C suite executive. And in my mind,
I'm like, I have no idea what that is. Weird,
but I was like, what does that mean? But I
would did you say it?

Speaker 1 (01:02:30):
No?

Speaker 2 (01:02:31):
You you asked your person, but I didn't. I wish
I had some fear and was like, ke, then you
can google it later. Well if he's listening right now,
now he knows that's what I did. I googled it
later because of course I acted. I was like, oh, yeah,
she's sweet, so cool. Oh yeah, I love the suede.

Speaker 1 (01:02:46):
I love going to the Sea Suite.

Speaker 2 (01:02:48):
See, it's my favorite building. Like ida, I don't, I
didn't know. So we go over and we're like looking,
but the building is locked because it's a or a Saturday,
but we can look through and we're looking through the
and it's a big plaque thing. It's not like a
little like I was thinking, Oh, it's gonna be like
a little brick like my mom Judy. Again, they had

(01:03:10):
similar cancers. She has a little brick at Saint Jude.
So I was like, oh, there's lots of bricks, are
gonna be a thing, But it was this whole thing,
like I think she now has like maybe an award
they hand out in her honor or something. And so
I finally peeped through and I see and I'm like, oh,
there it is. And we had that moment and I'm
like thinking, what do we do now? Like how long

(01:03:30):
do we stay here? Do we is it like a
moment of silence, like it's all these different things of
like respectfully, But he was cool. It wasn't anything awkward.
He was proud of her. It opened up conversation for
us to talk about her. And then when we were
walking back to the car and we've got our smoothies,
I'm like, how are you feeling? Like what do you
need right now in this moment? And he said I

(01:03:52):
don't remember exactly how he said it, but in a
nutshell he said something like I feel good like she's
speaking to me and giving him permission too. She just
wanted to say hi, date and like hey, this is good.
I like this or like almost like a stamp of
approval for me that this was happening.

Speaker 1 (01:04:14):
Wait, that is actually so cool that that's where you
ended up going. And then you got to see that,
and that was her being like, hey, guys.

Speaker 2 (01:04:19):
Yeah, because we were not going to go to that
smoothie shop. Hey, it's not even the first one we
went to, the first one we went to was closed.
And then I probably normally would have just been like,
forget it, We'll just make a smoothie at home, because
this is not where the direction we're going. And then
y'all all that unfolded and he said, because I feel
like she's speaking to me. I think that's exactly how
he said it. Like, I don't even know if he

(01:04:40):
said this feels good? I think I said, what are
you feeling right now? And he said, I feel like
she's speaking to me, And so that was very comforting,
and it also gave me peace in a moment that
I needed it. It's almost like she was speaking to
me too, of like I give you permission to be
with him.

Speaker 1 (01:04:57):
So not really cool.

Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
I've had conversations with her, really, but that's what YEAH
felt like. Yeah, you know, my mom's a cardinal and
my dad's a blue jay. They've told me things. I
only moved last summer because my mom came to me
as a bird and told me to move. So is
it that crazy that she could be speaking to me
from her C suite? I think I think not. Yeah.

(01:05:21):
So then of course I get home and I'm like
C suite executive and I was like, oh, well, so
then guess what guess what shows back up because she
obviously was a successful professional.

Speaker 1 (01:05:32):
Wait what, guess what fear of?

Speaker 2 (01:05:35):
Like again, I'm then that story comes in because my
filter of Emma, is there space for me here?

Speaker 1 (01:05:40):
My filter?

Speaker 2 (01:05:42):
Right, I didn't even know what the c sweet was. Wow,
she was this executive. Oh while she has an award
after Oh while people really respected and looked up for her.
Oh her career was amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:05:50):
Again like, I, well, that's too comparing to like measure
up versus. Both of those things can exist at the
same time. Yeah, they don't have to be the same. Hm.

Speaker 2 (01:06:01):
So that is yeah, fear, So there we go, fear.

Speaker 1 (01:06:05):
So now I have all the wisdom.

Speaker 2 (01:06:07):
Now I have all the wisdom, and fear is my gift.
I'm using fear as my gift because I don't want
to have the impairment of fear. I don't want to
miss out on anything.

Speaker 1 (01:06:17):
But also, you've.

Speaker 2 (01:06:18):
Got to be patient, and you've got to listen, and
you've got to ask questions.

Speaker 1 (01:06:22):
Use it as wisdom.

Speaker 2 (01:06:24):
Yeah, okay, it's not a weakness, it's awareness.

Speaker 1 (01:06:28):
Cool.

Speaker 2 (01:06:29):
Where are we going to put that on everything? I
start naming them? What if we start naming them again?

Speaker 1 (01:06:36):
Turning off.

Speaker 2 (01:06:38):
Someone's like this podcast is glitching. They keep repeating themselves. Okay,
so now we have another feeling to get into. I
feel like fear took a long time, but there was
just a lot to get out there.

Speaker 1 (01:06:47):
Would you still want to go through gladness?

Speaker 2 (01:06:49):
Yeah?

Speaker 1 (01:06:49):
Okay, so gladness corny. Celebration So again, doesn't mean a
party all the time. It could just it could mean acknowledgment,

(01:07:10):
but like some form of celebration of whatever is happening.
It could be very small, it could be a party.
Why are you looking at me like that?

Speaker 2 (01:07:19):
I'm just taking it all? Okay? Was I looking at
you weird?

Speaker 1 (01:07:23):
You were looking at me like celebration?

Speaker 2 (01:07:26):
No, it is. I think I'm just like processing, like
I have a lot of emotion having just told a
lot of that. So I think I'm like, like, I'm
glad that it's now like you did it. I did it,
and I shared some things, especially like the the pick
me the chosen part, and then the so I haven't
really told I haven't told that story about his wife.
In fact, I didn't plan on telling that story about

(01:07:47):
the smoothies and his wife, so that just sort of
came up for me for the first time in a while.

Speaker 1 (01:07:53):
Yeah, well, so maybe you noticing that I feel glad,
you might need to later acknowledge that and celebrate yourself
for being vulnerable, okay, sharing something, because there's a reason
you shared those stories. Yeah, and there also might be
other feelings that we've already talked about popping up too. Okay, Okay,
so deep so and this is why it's important to
acknowledge your gladness, because if you don't acknowledge your gladness,

(01:08:16):
what will happen. I'm trying to avoid all of that
real authentic gladness that I have, I'll end up because
I'm gonna want to feel some form of goodness, manufacturing
it in these inauthentic ways. That can be through shopping,
it can be through drugs and alcohol, it can be
through sex, it can be through I mean, you name
it something that you're just going to go get that

(01:08:38):
feel good, but it just leads you to needing another one.
And it's just like not as fleeting, Yeah fleeting, I
was gonna say, not as deep, an emotional and meaningful.
It's not like meaningful sex with a partner. It's like
just random bang. It's a bang.

Speaker 2 (01:08:59):
It's a bang. I don't know, that's not and just alliteration.

Speaker 1 (01:09:05):
You're hot on those you said adventure Alex earlier too.
I like that. Yeah, I did that on verse because
of Lunchel Buzzy.

Speaker 2 (01:09:09):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:09:11):
Okay. So if you are aware of it, though, it
offers you a space to acknowledge what really matters to you. Again,
it offers you a space to be able to build
hope when you don't have those experiences, and it allows
you to be deeply satisfied. And that is I think
something a lot of people struggle with is like just
being satisfied. And I know I struggle with this because

(01:09:34):
I talked on the fifth thing back in the day
at the beginning of the year of my word of
the year being savor. Because something I struggle with is
I look forward to things more than I actually enjoy
being there. So by the time a trip comes, I'm
already sad versus savoring and really being satisfied in the
experience I'm having. And so that leads me sometimes to

(01:09:56):
just scheduling something else or looking forward to the next
thing versus soaking in the actual experiences that I'm having.
Something I need to work on. I think a lot
of people also struggle with this Brene Brown, which we
all most of us know who that is. She's wonderful.
She's like the fair godmother of feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:10:14):
If I don't know, no judgment, just google it. You
can pretend like you do and then google it later.
But Renee Brown's amazing. She basically should be in a
C suite. If she's not, she she has to be.

Speaker 1 (01:10:25):
She's probably She's.

Speaker 2 (01:10:27):
All Brene Brown incorporated.

Speaker 1 (01:10:33):
She talks about this concept called foreboding joy, and that's
that experience that when something good happens, you don't allow
yourself to really feel it. You're just kind of waiting
for the other shoe to drop. And you a lot
of times can even acknowledge that of like you get
maybe you get good news and you're like, yeah, I mean,
who knows how long this will last? Or you start
dating somebody and you're like, I'm not going to get

(01:10:54):
excited about it because he could like break up with
me tomorrow. And that is us trying to protect ourselves
because you know, we can get that stuff taken away
at any time, but it doesn't be work. Yeah, yeah,
it's those working hand in hand. When I could acknowledge. Yeah,
this is really scary. I could lose this promotion, I
could lose this relationship. I could I don't know. Maybe

(01:11:16):
you just bought a house and you're waiting to close
and you're like it could it could something that could
happen in between that when you're it might be full
of mold. Yeah yeah, or the seller might change their mind,
who knows. But what happens is we remove the ability
and the opportunity for us to actually feel that excitement

(01:11:38):
if something bad is going to happen. Something bad is
going to happen, right, We can't really stop fate from
happening in those spaces. So what is it going to
hurt to allow ourselves to really experience and feel the
excitement or the gladness when it comes.

Speaker 2 (01:11:52):
And celebrate that and be yeah, yeah, I know. Your
calendar thing is like legit real, it's the thing. Yeah,
Greed Like you when your wedding ended, you were like,
what do I have to live for now? Because that
was like the most exciting thing because there was so
much build up to that and it was so much
fun and exciting. There was always like I mean think

(01:12:15):
about it, you had showers, bachelorette trip, different parties, events,
all these things you had to look forward to, and
that's all of a sudden, your calendar it's gone.

Speaker 1 (01:12:25):
Yeah, and I loved planning the wedding. I really actually did.

Speaker 2 (01:12:28):
Well. You like things on your calendar? Yeah, two things too, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:12:33):
And so I had to talk about that a lot.
I think I probably shared it with you a lot
because I didn't want to get to my wedding and
be sad. You know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:42):
Yeah. My sister shared something with my niece because she
is in her later years of college and kind of
already starting to think about the next thing, and my
sister encouraged her recently to live in her seasons because
when my sister was in her final year of college,
she was going to get married, so she instantly started

(01:13:03):
planning her wedding. And she feels like going from one
season to the next, which happens, but it's sort of
like they bled into each other, and she feels like
she missed out on some of her college experience focusing
on the next season that wasn't even there yet. And
so I just that felt relatable at this moment of

(01:13:24):
sometimes to be in the season that you're in and
then move on to the next instead of getting so
excited about the next season because you may miss out
on something that is right there in front of you.

Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
When if that's coming, it's coming. I struggled with that
when I was dating Patrick. In the beginning, I just
wanted to be like, get to the point where we
were more serious, or get to the point where we
were engaged, or get to the point. And I had
to slow my role and be like, if this is
the person I marry, I'm never gonna have a boyfriend again.
So I want to have fun having a boyfriend and

(01:13:59):
also have fun not having all of the stuff, like
the hard stuff, you know, in the beginning, you just
get to it's so fun whatever, I don't have to
consider all the other parts. And that was something added continuously,
and I think a lot of people might be relating
to that because when they are excited about something, they
just want it versus go through the seasons of what

(01:14:21):
that was.

Speaker 2 (01:14:21):
SA savor the seasons, Yeah, put.

Speaker 1 (01:14:25):
That on a savor the seasons will be the next
drop after we already creating our merch that They're like,
we're not buying either of those.

Speaker 2 (01:14:36):
They were like, I don't want that on a banner.
I'm not buying your screen saver. I don't want that
on a pencil.

Speaker 1 (01:14:44):
Mostly because people don't use pencils.

Speaker 2 (01:14:45):
But savor the season. I think that's a good one.
It's a good reminder of not trying because savor the moment,
savor the season. Well like the two s's, but it's like,
savor the small things, savor the the wins that you're
in because yeah, I think a lot of people, especially
career wise, they're like, oh, accomplish that milestone, onto the
next and you don't spend an appropriate amount of time

(01:15:08):
celebrating whatever just happened, big or small. You just kind
of like move on because if you don't, you feel
like you're going to get behind.

Speaker 1 (01:15:16):
And yeah, either because I have to get to the
next thing, I'm going to get behind, or something bad's
going to happen. Those two things, both of them can
get in the way, right. So glad I says a lot.
I know you said when we first brought this up,
not when we're recording, Like that's a weird one. Like
obviously you feel glad, but there is a lot of
stuff behind Gladys that makes it difficult for people to

(01:15:36):
feel well.

Speaker 2 (01:15:38):
I know that excited and encouraged or under glad, and
those are our feelings of the day. Yeah, brought to
circle from wedding body because I asked him, I said,
if you were to, yeah, sum us up or like,
where are you with our relationship? Because oh, my kids
and I were just talking about this the other night
and I said I was excited, and I'm like oh,

(01:16:00):
and then he also said encouraged. And so I looked
up the gifts and the impairments of both, and you
probably know these, but no, we'll so back. Let me
teach the gift of excited energy, motivation, boldness to try
new things.

Speaker 1 (01:16:16):
I want all of those things.

Speaker 2 (01:16:17):
The impairment is impulsiveness like you were saying, over committing
and ignoring red flagsikes. And then for encourage, the gift
is confidence, resilience, willingness to keep going, and the impairment
is overdependence on external validation, inflated sense of progress without

(01:16:39):
follow through.

Speaker 1 (01:16:40):
Well, I think his encouragement feels like he's not encouraged
by somebody being like, good job, buddy, It's encouraged from
the experiences that you guys have had.

Speaker 2 (01:16:49):
Yes, because I think for a long time. He did
not think he was going to meet somebody that could
potentially come into his life in that capacity, especially with
his kids. Yeah, I'll leave names out of it. I
don't even know this person's name, so there's no way
I could say a name. But I know that he
did go out with somebody at one point that I guess.
I don't I prefaced it with that because I don't

(01:17:12):
have permission to tell a story. But why would it
matter if I'm not saying names right right? Legally? Like
he sues me, this is lawyer, my lawyer, boyfriend susan attorney,
Alex attorney Alex. Oh, I haven't met him yet because
he's not a practicing lawyer.

Speaker 1 (01:17:33):
Are you going to role play?

Speaker 2 (01:17:35):
Maybe I've got hiking Alex, wedding waddie and now lawyer.

Speaker 1 (01:17:41):
You never know who you're gonna get.

Speaker 2 (01:17:43):
M h okay, So let me just say it and
we'll face the consequences later. But she said something like
she could not, like she would want the kids right
away to start calling her mom and all this stuff.
And I think he was like, yeah, this probably.

Speaker 1 (01:18:01):
Is not gonna work. Yeah, but like it, she wouldn't.

Speaker 2 (01:18:04):
Be able to handle that if they're not. And I'm like,
you have three children who have lost their mom far
too young, and now your main concern is that you
want them to call you mom.

Speaker 1 (01:18:16):
So it didn't work.

Speaker 2 (01:18:17):
I don't think they went out again.

Speaker 1 (01:18:19):
That also, I'm just if they did, I'm playing devil,
playing devil's advocate with that, but that could be her
just saying my insecurity would be that.

Speaker 2 (01:18:29):
Yeah, I can. I can have that compassion car too.
I do think mixed with some other things I got
about her personality, it was more of a which, sure,
the wound there, I have compassion for that. There's probably
some things to work through. Obviously, I think making a
statement like that, like if this were to progress, because
obviously they weren't even serious enough to be at that point.
But somehow the conversation happened and she alluded to that,

(01:18:54):
and I think he was like, okay.

Speaker 1 (01:18:57):
So he wasn't totally blinded the possible flags, which means
maybe he's not blinded by yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:19:05):
And so then I was like, no to self, never
say you want the kids to call you mom. I
don't think you need to make that now. I think
you are smarter. I know I'm not going to say
that because I mean, I don't know, I'm the mom
to two adopted kids that I didn't know how they
would ever feel about me being their mom. We adopted
them older, I mean Ben and I adopted them. They
were seven and eleven, and they didn't call us mom

(01:19:27):
and dad. Read way, I don't think they really knew
what to call us. And then for a little bit
they went through a phase where they would call us
by our first names. I think just to like really
stick it to us. I don't know, but they were young.
They barely knew not cleaning my room age, yeah, but
I mean some kids just do that with their parents.
But we we were secure in the fact that we knew, like, okay,

(01:19:48):
we don't need to like pay much attention to that.
But also it hurt too, because it's like, we so
desperately want to be parents to these two children, and
we want them to love us and we love them,
but you can't. That's a whole other podcast. So there
we go.

Speaker 1 (01:20:05):
We got through the two feelings.

Speaker 2 (01:20:08):
Okay, we did it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:09):
We did it.

Speaker 2 (01:20:10):
We did it.

Speaker 1 (01:20:11):
So now we're through all of the eight feelings. So
you never know what you're gonna get on the next
episode We're done.

Speaker 2 (01:20:17):
Yeah, we did them all. We did them all. We
did we did them all, We did them all. Okay, yeah, lonely, hurt, sad, angry, shame, guilt, fear, glad.

Speaker 1 (01:20:28):
That's eight.

Speaker 2 (01:20:29):
Yeah, so well that was fun.

Speaker 1 (01:20:31):
What are we gonna do?

Speaker 2 (01:20:31):
Podcast is over? Thanks for liking and subscribing to Feeling Things.
We're gonna do another rebrand, just kidding. Feeling Things for Life.

Speaker 1 (01:20:45):
Yeah, I don't think we're gonna run.

Speaker 2 (01:20:47):
That was an awkward laugh, like you're like, yeah, I'll
speak for yourself.

Speaker 1 (01:20:50):
Oh well, I think at first I thought you were saying, like,
I'm Feeling Things for Life.

Speaker 2 (01:20:53):
Like this podcasts. Yeah, like and subscribe. We are on YouTube,
we are on Instagram, we are on TikTok, we'reund everything.

Speaker 1 (01:21:05):
We're on Facebook on Facebook. Oh yeah, so that's an update.
So if you listening and you are not on Instagram,
we now are on Facebook, so you can see all
the stuff that we're posting on Instagram eventually on Facebook,
and then you can sign up for the newsletters through
there too.

Speaker 2 (01:21:18):
At Feeling Things Podcasts should be the handle for everything.
You can email us hey there at Feeling Things podcast
dot com and you can call and leave us a voicemail.

Speaker 1 (01:21:29):
Do you want to give the number?

Speaker 2 (01:21:30):
Eight seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven?

Speaker 1 (01:21:35):
Good?

Speaker 2 (01:21:36):
One more time? Eight seven seven two o seven two
oh seven seven. We'll put it in the We'll put
it in the show noteses. But we are getting some
really great emails, So thank y'all for that. And if
anybody does not mind their voicing a part of it.

Speaker 1 (01:21:50):
I just really Abe really wants a voicemail, something like
the idea.

Speaker 2 (01:21:53):
I no, you know what I really want, but I'm
savoring where we are. But I can't wait till I
want calls live.

Speaker 1 (01:22:00):
Oh, not haveing a voicemail? Okay, Well, I want.

Speaker 2 (01:22:02):
To be like, let's practice it, be like I'll answer
you be somebody else. Okay, bring Oh guys, we have
a call. We have a live call recording, and nobody calls.

Speaker 1 (01:22:13):
We're just sitting here.

Speaker 2 (01:22:15):
Somebody will call Hello Feeling Things.

Speaker 1 (01:22:19):
Hey, it's me.

Speaker 2 (01:22:23):
Wait, I don't know. Okay, you have to say, let
me be your name and where you're calling from. Okay,
hold on, bring Oh Feeling Things Podcast. Thanks for calling.

Speaker 1 (01:22:36):
Hey, it's Sandra from Connecticut. Oh Hey, Sandra from Connecticut,
calling with a question for Amy, Perfect this, Amy, Do
I just say it?

Speaker 2 (01:22:49):
Oh? Yeah, we're live, Okay, Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:22:52):
Well, you know, I've been struggling with picking a hobby,
and you know, I've been and trying all these different
things and I don't like any of them. And I
just wanted to know if you had any ideas of
hobbies I could try. I tried pottery like Cat was doing.
I've tried horseback riding. I've tried sewing, I've tried cooking classes.

(01:23:15):
And I just didn't know if there's any hobbies that
might be out there that I just am not thinking of.

Speaker 2 (01:23:20):
I guess my first question for you, Sandra, Sandra from Connecticut,
from Connecticut, what are you running from?

Speaker 1 (01:23:32):
Have you asked yourself that?

Speaker 2 (01:23:34):
Because it sounds like you're chasing hobbies to avoid something.
You know.

Speaker 1 (01:23:39):
I never thought about that, But I was calling Amy
because I wanted a hobby. I didn't want any of
this therapy stuff.

Speaker 2 (01:23:46):
Well you, Lucky for you, Cat's a therapists. She'll be
on with you in a minute, free of charge, and
we'll work through that. Blah blah blah blah blah.

Speaker 1 (01:23:56):
So I don't get the recommendation, Well, I don't know
what sort you show up with a question, you don't
even know what you really need. Good.

Speaker 2 (01:24:05):
I didn't know how to really role play all of that.
But what I heard from Sandra is that she's tried
all the hobbies out there. So I was thinking there's
something lacking in her life, or there's she's running away
from something, and so then we can live unpack it
with Sandra. But you could also do your disclaimer that's like, Hey,

(01:24:27):
I'm Kat, I'm a therapist with all these letters behind
my name, very licensed, all the licenses. I just have one,
but it has lots of letters. Yeah, say the letters.

Speaker 1 (01:24:36):
LPC, LPC, MHSP, MHSP. Yeah, basically suite and Kat is
not giving therapy.

Speaker 2 (01:24:46):
Yeah, I'm Kat, I'm a therapist. And wow, this is
a therapy podcast. This doesn't replace therapy. This isn't therapy.
And we're not giving you real legit life advice and
don't like go change your life based off what we say.
But kind of.

Speaker 1 (01:25:02):
Something like that, don't you what you're thinking, like a
grain of salt, Well, this is just to add an
addition to the work that you're already doing. It's really
to help get ideas from but this is an actual
therapeutic advice. You hear that, Sandra, Yeah, don't sue us
is what we're trying to.

Speaker 2 (01:25:18):
Say, right, And if you do sue us, if you do,
see us.

Speaker 1 (01:25:22):
If you do sue us, and Tony Alex will come
and shut that down.

Speaker 2 (01:25:26):
Don't worry. We have a legal representation.

Speaker 1 (01:25:30):
Okay, Well, we hope that you have the day you
need to have to have that We're going to do
it together.

Speaker 2 (01:25:37):
Okay, sorry, I'm nervous this episode.

Speaker 1 (01:25:40):
Yeah, okay, don't mean to say it.

Speaker 2 (01:25:42):
And it's over.

Speaker 1 (01:25:42):
But did you have the episode you need to have?

Speaker 2 (01:25:45):
I did, but sometimes I'm like, oh, I feel like
I could have explained certain things better, but I.

Speaker 1 (01:25:49):
Think we do that with everything. The good news is
we have unlimited episodes. So if you ever think of
something that you're like, oh, I want to readdress this
Flora's yours.

Speaker 2 (01:25:58):
No, let me tell you. I will not be able
to be able to listen to this one back if
I've been trying to listen back to some to like
game tape, you know, like athletes.

Speaker 1 (01:26:06):
Do game watch tape.

Speaker 2 (01:26:07):
Game tape, Yeah, game tape you to try to be better? Yeah? Yeah, yeah,
And I feel like if I listen to this one back,
I will cringe.

Speaker 1 (01:26:16):
I'll listen to it for you, and then I take
it out because yeah, because you edit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:26:21):
Oh, someone said, whoever is editing your videos deserves a race.
Yeah that's what she said. And guess who's editing the
videos Me Sandra from Connect So Sandra, you're getting a race,
akakat And yeah they are good. I'm loving them. So yeah,
you'll follow. You don't want to miss out on this content.

(01:26:43):
Oh which, speaking of content, Cat and I are going
to be bringing more content to all those social media platforms.
We just said, like not just our clips from the episodes,
but we have a cooking show and we went shopping
and made a little shopping video, so you never know,
like and subscribe you never know. You don't want to
miss out. Okay, so have the day the day you

(01:27:05):
need to have to have that for today. Peace,

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Amy Brown

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