April 24, 2025 • 27 mins
Amy and Kat respond to an email from a listener navigating a tough post-divorce situation. Her ex-husband’s behavior (especially around their daughter’s upcoming wedding) is testing her patience. He hasn’t offered a dime to help, and their adult kids are pulling away from him for a long list of reasons. Now she’s asking: Do I stay in my lane… or finally say something? Amy and Kat talk through boundaries, money, and how to support your kids without taking responsibility for what someone else refuses to do. Plus, something fun: They play a voicemail from a listener who called in with advice about her own breast augmentation — a nice follow-up to last week’s listener question. We love when listeners help each other out!
Email: heythere@feelingthingspodcast.com
Call and leave a voicemail: 877-207-2077
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Van Buren // @KatVanburen
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking, No, brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Follow on the spirit where it's all the.
Speaker 4 (00:16):
Front over real stuff to the chill stuff and the
m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 5 (00:29):
Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks. This is the listener
Q and a episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's episode. Although
we're answering questions from you guys, this does not serve
as a replacement or a substitute for actual therapy.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
Even though Kat's a legit therapist. Yeah, it's not your therapist.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
It's just to help you on your journey. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
And our listener email today is about divorce and money.
I can relate.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
But before we get into.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
That, we do have a voicemail from a listener.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Is this your dream? No, your dream is a live call.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
My dream is a live call. So we'll build up
to that. We'll take the voice mail or no, is
that what's called yeah, choicemails. That felt weird when it
came out of my mouth. I was like, voicemail, voicemail.
We were ordering an Uber the other night, my boyfriend
and I because we were in Charleston, you know, And
I have no idea why he was saying this. He
(01:25):
doesn't even know he was saying it, So now I'm
worried about his brain a little bit. We met his
best man from his wedding he's known since his childhood
and his wife out for dinner in Charleston and he
needed to order an Uber. But he said, Okay, I
think it's time for us to order the Uber. And
(01:45):
we were like, we have multiple times like that, what
did you just say? And He's like, we need to
get the Uber? And I was like, okay, are you
all right? And I was like, am I the only
one hearing this? And then his friend's wife was like,
oh no, he's saying youber and he was like, I
feel like I'm saying Uber and I'm like, well, you
just said uber.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
He thought he was saying Uber.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
That's sort of how he just felt with voicemail, because
it felt weird when it came out, like I felt
like I was saying it wrong, and he thought he
was saying it right, but he was saying it wrong.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Can I clarify this?
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Our brains play tricks on us.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So he knows it's Uber.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
He knows it's Uber, and he was saying uber, but
in his brain he heard uber right.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
I know. I was like, we might need to get
a scan.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
But that's the only word he does like that so far.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
This is the only time he's ever done it.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Oh yeah, have you been an uber with him before?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yes, we have ubered, we have lifted. I've never made conserch.
But you know, this also makes me think of another
funny story that I didn't get to tell you about.
And I know we need to get to the email.
But we were in an Uber in Charleston, same trip,
and we get in and it's really cold, and my
boyfriend says, oh, hey, can we turn down the air?
(02:59):
And the guy says no English and just being from
Texas maybe where I'm from. Typically when I hear no English,
I instantly go, oh, they must speak Spanish. Well, lucky
for him, I took eight years of Spanish in school
and my dad was fluent, and I can basically say
four things, so I say, oh, moucho frio, is that correct? Yeah?
(03:26):
Like a lot cold? And so I was like, haser calliente.
I was trying to just remember how to say it.
It's like make to make something, and so I was
trying to get him to say to make warmer. And
then he's like not understanding, nor is he impressed with
my Frio or my colliente, And so I just get louder,
(03:46):
thinking that will solve it. And he hands an app
back to us and he's like, entered in the app
and we're like, oh, this is handy, So we enter
in like it's freezing cold? Can you please make it warmer?
And then we give it back to him and the
translation looks like a language I don't know anything about,
and so Alex goes, what what language? And then he
(04:08):
looks back at us he goes Russian, and I was like,
how did I.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
He makes up a Russian accent?
Speaker 5 (04:16):
And I know I swear when I when he said
no English, I felt like there was a Spanish twang
to it. But I was sitting there speaking my best
Spanish to him and got no reaction. And now I
know because he was Russian or maybe he's like Russian.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
You were just bad at your Spanish. No, he was
just Russian. Nothing. That's also interesting. How far was your ride?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
Probably the three minutes?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I never would have even asked to turn the air down. Oh,
one of the old well one, I like to be cold,
but I'm one of those people. If I'm gonna uber
and I'm sweating, I'll suck it up till the end
of the ride, especially it's three minutes.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I don't like to talk to them, you don't. I
don't want to speak to them at all.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
But it's not like you're trying to just not be annoying.
You just don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, I just like don't want because then it opens
up communication and then they might continue to ask you questions,
you know.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
And then they might kidnap you.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
That's not what I was thinking. Okay, Okay, let's get
for Let's.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Get to our voicemail. So we've got it here and
we're going to play it. And this is in response
to our couch talks last week before we get into
the question today about divorce and money and it's the
whole thing coming up. So here is our voicemail.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Hi, Amy Kat, I'm calling to give some advice to M,
who had written in about a possible breast augmentation at
age thirty one. I had a breast reduction last summer
at age fifty seven and have never had one regret,
never been happier. So M, if this is what you
(05:54):
want to do and it's going to make you feel
good or confident, bettering your happier in the mirror, prettier
in your clothes, go ahead, make all the appointments, start
with your consult Go ahead and schedule everything, and then
check in with how you feel as the days get closer.
Are you excited? Are you scared? Are you cautious? Are
(06:17):
you thinking you made a mistake? Well, then back out.
It's your call right up until the day. So I
hope you make the decision that works for you and
enjoy the results for years to come. Have a good day.
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Isn't that so encouraging? Like one listener to another, I
just thought it was really sweet. And she is older
and wiser than us, and she made a decision for
her body, and I love that she was passing along
that encouragement. And we didn't really touch on this when
we did that couch talks last week. I think we've
touched on it maybe in the past, but did we
(06:51):
talk about like what we do with braces and highlighting
our hair and brace is probably the one that stuck
out to me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I don't know, what do you mean?
Speaker 5 (06:59):
I thought of this in my where I was like,
why didn't we talk about braces? Because she was saying
she's not feeling as confident and she also wants to
just be happy with the body that she was given.
And I think that sometimes we have this like ugh,
breast augmentation, which does involve a lot more than braces
because it's your undergoing surgery. But we don't bat an
(07:22):
eye if someone's like, oh, my teeth are crooked and
I would like to get braces, and now that can
help with a lot of different pain or stuff you
have in your mouth, But a lot of time it
is just a vanity thing so that you can have
straight teeth. We don't bat an eye at that. But
do you think anybody that's like, oh, I was born
with crooked teeth, and shouldn't I just be happy with
(07:45):
the way that my teeth are. I don't well, and
some people are and they can be like if there's
like my good friend in college had a gap between
her first two metal teeth, and so many people would
comment like, why haven't you fixed that her? They would
say things to her, and she loved it and she
owned it and she rocked it, and I loved that
for her, and that was really great to see her
(08:05):
confidence in that. And she was really beautiful and that
was her unique thing, Like that's what set her apart
from everybody else. But she wasn't gonna fix it just
because somebody else said it. But had she gotten braces
for that? People to be like, oh, yeah, duh.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But for some.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Reason, if you want to go up a cup size
with boobs, it's like this, yeah, oh, why don't I
love myself?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I think there's like you said, there's a couple different
reasons that that is a little different. But I do
think you get more of that you should do that,
like if you have a gap, fix it, versus if
you have a smaller chest, like just accept it.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That is very interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I will say, I think a lot more times the
bracest is like you're the structure of your mouth and
making things fit and right. There might be more to
it versus that is probably more of a confidence around.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
What you look like. But that is good.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Did you wake up in the middle of the night with
that thought think you have epipanies in your sleep a lot?
Speaker 5 (09:02):
I don't know that I would title that epiphany, but
like it was a thought of like, oh shoot, I
know we've touched on something similar before, and sometimes that
can just help give a little perspective of yeah, like
if we want to fix a crooked tooth, we maybe
get some invisiline and now you don't have to go
under anesthesia for that. There, that's something you need to
consider when you're going under for surgery, obviously, and it's
(09:24):
a big decision. But shout out to our voicemail. I
don't have a name. Do we have a name? I didn't.
I'm not sure if you want to call us? Eight
seven seven two oh seven two o seven seven is
where you can leave us a voicemail.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's an easy name. Did you pick that that?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I did? Okay?
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Eight seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Also, I love this listener's voice. That was such a calming, soothing, kind.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Old or wiser like I wonder where she's from, where
her accent. I love that accent. That's just a side note.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
And now I do know callers anonymous, Yes, okay, and
so was our emailer. That's why she was calling her.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
M Yeah, that she got that from you.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
And then our emailer today also wants to be anonymous.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Which I appreciate and I like because I think having
that option is allowing people to feel more safe for
sending in their questions.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, safe with us, guys, our.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Right identity is safe with us.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You ready, I'm going to read it. Amy and Kat.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
I'm enjoying listening to you both on the new podcast format.
Your on air chemistry is great. Kat is the perfect
compliment to Amy and vice versa. After a thirty year
plus marriage, my husband and I divorced two and a
half years ago. While the divorce began as pleasant as
divorces can be, his behavior post divorce has hurt his
relationship with not only me, but his kids as well.
(10:54):
He began dating someone we both knew personally less than
a month after we filed. They were engaged a few
months later and married just under one year mark of
our official divorce. He didn't involve our three adult daughters
at all in the process. He told them they were
engaged by sending a picture of holding her hand with
the ring in a group text. One of our daughters
(11:16):
just metter for the first time a couple of months ago.
They've been married for a couple of years now, and
needless to say, the whole thing just nobody was thrilled
by it. There have been other incidents circumstances, mostly involving money,
with each of our daughters. As a result, they have
each decided, in varying degrees, they won't try to maintain
a close relationship with him. One doesn't speak to him
(11:39):
at all, one only speaks to him when necessary. And
our daughter, who has three kids herself, is less distant
because our grandkids are young and won't understand why they
don't see Grandpa as often as they used to. Our
youngest is getting married soon. I'm not able to contribute
towards the wedding as much as I would like, but
(11:59):
I have held helped as much as I can without
putting a financial strain on myself. Her future mother in
law kindly volunteered to help with some of the big,
big ticket items. Other family members on each side have
also contributed. Her dad has not given them any money
towards their wedding, not one dollar. When she asked if
(12:19):
he would help with an expensive thing that came up
last minute, which was less than five hundred dollars, he
told her he wanted to discuss it in person. I
think because she has avoided talking to him as much
as she can, do you think it's appropriate for me
to step in and talk to my ex husband. I
try to stay away from issues that do not directly
involve me. I'm fairly certain he's a narcissist, or at
(12:43):
least he has many of the characteristics, and I know
he doesn't realize why his kids are all pulling away
from him. I've stayed out of it so far, but
I strongly believe he should be helping as much as
he can. He earns good money, at least twenty five
thousand a year more than I do. Okay, where do
(13:04):
we start?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
So I have some thoughts, but I want to hear
from you as somebody who does have a relationship with
your ex husband.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, so you have.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
I've been divorced for almost a couple of years, and
we have kids, and while we're not planning a wedding
or anything, and he's involved, so the scenario is just
different because my kids still talk to their dad. He
wants to be involved, and we both share a financial
responsibility for the kids. I can say with confidence though
(13:37):
in a lot of my co parenting therapy and work
that we've done, you cannot control your ex partner. You
can even control your partner partner. You can probably have
more healthy dialogue and communication because they're more willing. But
an ex, especially that is remarried, may not be as
willing to entertain this type of conversation. And so my
(13:59):
advice to be like, I wouldn't have a conversation with him.
It's not your place. Everybody's an adult here. Your daughter's
an adult, now, you're an adult. He's an adult, and
everyone needs to just stay on their side of the street. Yeah,
I think yeah in my opinion, because it's I don't
think anything good may come from this, right right? You
(14:23):
might be creating a whole other you know, can of worms.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, that isn't probably necessary, and it's going to add
more stress than financial help would even be. I can
definitely empathize with this is so frustrating like that.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Oh, don't get me wrong, I think he's a total loser.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
But yeah, like for you, Yeah, I'm trying to say
this in the kindest way possible. I totally get I
would be probably just raging a bit, and I would
want to march over there and say something. And at
the same time, the best thing that you can do
is probably set up your daughter to one help her.
(15:04):
This is what you can do to help her, help
her understand like expectations, accept who and where her dad is,
and where that relationship leads them. It doesn't sound like
they have much of a relationship, right, which is so
that might be he's holding that as leverage for her
and so well.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I would think so based on like she's saying, hey,
I want this, he's like, well, you might get that
if you meet me in person and we can talk
about this, which okay, maybe he's seeing that as a
way to get his foot in the door and have
a conversation, but I think he should probably create an
opportunity himself, like and show like consistent consistency in trying
to communicate. If she keeps rejecting, then okay, well he
(15:44):
can still be persistent in a loving kind way. Yeah,
I mean, you could cross the line, So you have
to be careful with that. But I think if your
dad that really wants to have a relationship with your kids,
you're gonna continue to show up in a loving and
I don't know that he's quite there. I don't know him.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah, he loves his kids.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
We don't have all those details, but I can say
with my own confidence that we need to stay out
of it. I wouldn't talk to him, and I'd figure
out another way to pay for it. Is it annoying
and frustrating that he makes more? And should he be
helping out? Sure? Is everybody else pitching in? Yeah, but
thankfully there are other people that are willing to to
(16:28):
support and help out to make this day super special.
But just probably best to to not have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
If he was in a space where no strings attached,
he wanted to be there and support her and was
able to put his stuff aside, he would probably be
doing that. I would imagine this is one of the
biggest things your daughter will ever go through, And so
rather than asking how do I fix this for her?
How do I support her? Because this is really tough
(16:56):
and weddings are already stressful enough planning, So how do
I support my daughter? And maybe ask her what she
needs versus going ahead and going like around the corner
to fix things.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
So let me throw a wrinkle. What if you say, daughter,
I don't want to fix this. I want to support you.
How can I do that? And she's like, if you
want to support me, you could talk to dad.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
That's fixing though, So that's how it's okay? And then
I want to support you, And so you want me
to talk to dad. Okay, well if you how about
we talk about how.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
You might want to talk to dad about this, if
that's important to you. I want to help.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Elevate you and what you can do to empower herself.
Speaker 5 (17:34):
Yeah, and I think too, something that the daughter could
take a look at, which I get it. I mean
we as kids, you're like, oh, well, we'd be really
great to my parents could just pay for this. But
I would assess, like why do I not want a
relationship with my dad but I want his five hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Also, we have a comment that I want to add
in from Shannon.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
This was so good.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, we don't have any basis for this, but this
could be part of it. She said, maybe he's hurt
that she didn't ask him to walk he down the aisle,
I could see that it sounds like she's probably not
going to.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
Yeah, they don't have a relationship, but it yeah, I
think that.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
So I could get the dad is hurt too, and
I think that's what is probably really we don't have
all the pieces to the stuff up right, But I
think that also is what's hard about. I actually just
came from a lunch where I reached out to a
friend who we didn't have a falling out or anything,
but we just lost She's my oldest friend. We just
(18:30):
stopped talking to each other, and I made up a
story of why, and sounds like she made up a
story of why, and so I asked her to lunch
so we could talk about it because I want a
relationship with her, and we both were hurt by each other,
but we weren't saying that to each other. So then
we were making up all these stories and kind of
I don't know that we were really like demonizing each other,
(18:51):
but we told a story of like, oh, they must
not care.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
About me that much, So this could be one of
those similar things.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It's really easy to think the worst about well somebody
when we're not getting what we need or what we want.
The reality is there could just be unresolved her on
both sides, And I get it because a parent's supposed
to be the one that we're supposed to care for
the child. Sounds like there's a little flip flopping of
(19:17):
that going on.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Yeah, my sister and I were talking to about my parents' divorce.
Actually just this last Christmas, so four or five months ago.
We were talking about our high school selves and stuff
we never got to really talk about because we were
four years apart. So by the time I was in
high school, my sister was at college, So there were
some interactions we had with our parents we just didn't discuss.
(19:39):
So when my sister was in high school, sometimes she
would be responsible for collecting the check from my dad
for my mom, and then when she graduated to college,
then suddenly I was the one being asked, Hey, if
you see your dad today, can you ask him for
the check? And it was so awkward. So sometimes when
we're put in the middle of like our own parents stuff,
(19:59):
that's a case in which my mom should have been
doing the communication, but I was the kid. And in
this case, your kid has grown up and they need
to be responsible for having that conversation. But I think
sometimes as kids, even though that daughter is grown up now,
there's still probably some wounds from childhood and different things
that she's carrying and pain and hurt from that divorce
(20:22):
that might need to be looked at and resolved. So
this could be an opportunity to just like look at
any healing that maybe needs to take place, and see
that is an opportunity for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I love a good redemption story.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah, and take the money out of this if there
is an opportunity for any kind of healing. Does your
daughter want a relationship with her dad? You might not
want her to, or you might not want to have
anything to do with him, But if your daughter wants that,
that's where that's so pork comes in. We're like, if this,
if there's no money involved, do you want and would
you want your dad? Would you want to have the
(21:06):
opportunity to have your dad there and be excited that
he's there. Well, then let's go a different angle and
not just go and ask for money, but let's have
a conversation about some of the unresolved stuff that you're
holding onto.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
Yeah, And I wonder if like thinking back to when
she was younger, like when she was in high school.
I don't know at what point they got divorced. So
I have all these different scenarios in my head right
now and some of my own experience. But in thinking
how I was in high school and how my mom
was asking me to do certain things, or maybe my
mom came in and rescued other things in my life,
did she ever have to go to her dad for
(21:38):
anything when she didn't want to, or did you step in?
Because I know in my divorce with my kids sometimes
my daughter will always come to me stuff first, maybe
because it's like daughter to mom and there are things
where she should specifically be going to her dad about it,
and we're really working on it, but I try to
step out as much as I can, and I'm like, hey,
thank you for asking me. You need to go ask
(22:00):
your dad about this, or why don't you ask your
dad to take you? And this is just a small
example of I had done a lot of stuff for
her prom and then she was wanting to get her
nails done and I was like, hmm, how about you
ask your dad to go? And oh, I don't want
to go ask him to get my nails done, and
I'm like, well, to share, I've done a lot to
help you get ready for prom which I want to do.
(22:22):
And it's not even really about just money, but like,
I've put a lot of time and energy and expense
into helping you get it ready. And I'm sure he
would love to be a part of it, So why
don't you invite him into part of the process. And also, yeah,
if he wants to pay for that part, great, but
then you get that time with him. And I know
that this is a tiny example, but I made her
(22:44):
do it, and she did it, and sure enough, they
have a nail appointment booked.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
And they're going to go, and I think that that
has done too.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
I don't know, but I thought maybe he'd get a
pedicure and you know, y'all can have that time together.
And I talked to him later and he was like.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Yeah, he's like, so sure asked me to go get
her nails done, and he's like I was pretty excited
about it. And I'm like, oh, okay, good now y'all
have that opportunity. But if I had stepped in and
been like, okay, hold on, you know, hey, Ben, can
you like take her to do something regarding prom because
I think you should be involved in this, you know.
And the last thing on the list is a nail appointment.
(23:19):
But then she didn't practice asking her dad for what
she needs or what she would like. Now, does she
need to get her nails one, No, but she wants
to get them done for prom. But that's one example
of her just coming to me about something. But she's
done it before, and I have to say, Okay, well,
you're you got to ask your dad.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
You're actually with your dad that week, like she was
wanting to go tour Alabama with a friend. Her friend
is going to tour Alabama for college and she wanted
to hop in on that. Now we want to take
her on college visits. But if she wants to go
with her friend that's already going in a company, that's fine.
She's not staying with me the week that that happened.
She's staying with her dad. But she's asking me over
and over, and I'm like, you need to ask your dad.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Ask your dad.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
But I don't want to say I'm okay with it,
because what if he's suddenly not like Ben? And I
try to really stay neutral and get a feeling of
what the other person is going to do so that way,
it's not like, well mom said yes and now you're
saying no. We try to have a united front behind
the scenes, and I just hadn't had a chance to
talk to him, But I'm trying to get her to
practice just asking her dad because for whatever reason, it's
(24:23):
not about him. I think it's just like a male
female thing, or maybe even how she was raised because
we adopted from Haiti, and all of her nannies were women,
and the guy that ran the orphanage was a man,
Papa Pierre, So all the nannies were women and that's
who she was interacting with the most. But then Papa
Pierre would come in and lay it on the loss.
(24:43):
So there was like a thing with men to where
it was like, oh, the man is here. And I
think that some of that is still deeply rooted in her,
and so Ben knows not to take it personally, but
in order for her to outgrow that, we have to
do repetition in her asking. So I do wonder if
sometimes she was put in positions where she had to
as a child ask her dad, hey I need this,
(25:07):
or if like the mom would swoop in.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Well, yeah, and even if that doesn't exist for her,
if it's hard now, that's still the same thing as
if her having practice, and eventually it will get easier
to approach or confront or ask or lean into things
involving her dad. But she has to take that first awkward, uncomfortable,
scary step, just like SI shea asking I had to
(25:33):
go get her nails.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And I love that story. That's such a good Yeah,
thanks for sharing that well.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
And thank you for the email. This is a tough
one though, and without knowing that's that's why there's so
much nuance. We're trying to give the best advice that
we can, but sometimes, you know, you could take it
or leave it, and then you may just get a
story about you burs well and.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Also too, I think I think we said this in
the beginning, but you know, there's always new people listening
that take everything we say with the grain of salt.
Because we're really talking about the information that we have.
We're not necessarily answering verbatim every question that we get,
so you might just take bits of this and process
that with what you know and then come to a conclusion.
Because we could have made assumptions that have nothing to
(26:19):
do with your situation and you can just throw all
this out. But maybe we did hit something and you
can take a piece of that. You don't have to
take all of it or nothing.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
Perfect, love it all right, y'all can email us hey
there at out Hey, there at Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I wanted to say, you need therapy.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I was gonna say out way, Hey, they're at feelingthingspodcast
dot com. And then yeah, you can also leave us
that voicemail if you want. The email and the phone number,
they're in the show notes and we would love.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
To hear from you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, we hope that you are having the day you
need to have.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Bye,
Good.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
All right, break it down.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
If you ever have feelings that you just won'ts home,
Amy and Cat gotcha covin locking, No, brother, Ladies and folks,
do you just.
Speaker 3 (00:14):
Follow on the spirit where it's all the.
Speaker 4 (00:16):
Front over real stuff to the chill stuff and the
m but Swayne, sometimes the best thing you can do
it just stop you feel things.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
This is Feeling Things with.
Speaker 3 (00:28):
Amy and Kat.
Speaker 5 (00:29):
Happy Thursday. Welcome to Couch Talks. This is the listener
Q and a episode to our Feeling Things podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
I'm Amy and I'm Kat.
Speaker 2 (00:37):
And quick disclaimer before we get into today's episode. Although
we're answering questions from you guys, this does not serve
as a replacement or a substitute for actual therapy.
Speaker 5 (00:46):
Even though Kat's a legit therapist. Yeah, it's not your therapist.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
It's just to help you on your journey. Yeah.
Speaker 5 (00:52):
And our listener email today is about divorce and money.
I can relate.
Speaker 3 (00:58):
But before we get into.
Speaker 5 (00:59):
That, we do have a voicemail from a listener.
Speaker 3 (01:02):
Is this your dream? No, your dream is a live call.
Speaker 5 (01:04):
My dream is a live call. So we'll build up
to that. We'll take the voice mail or no, is
that what's called yeah, choicemails. That felt weird when it
came out of my mouth. I was like, voicemail, voicemail.
We were ordering an Uber the other night, my boyfriend
and I because we were in Charleston, you know, And
I have no idea why he was saying this. He
(01:25):
doesn't even know he was saying it, So now I'm
worried about his brain a little bit. We met his
best man from his wedding he's known since his childhood
and his wife out for dinner in Charleston and he
needed to order an Uber. But he said, Okay, I
think it's time for us to order the Uber. And
(01:45):
we were like, we have multiple times like that, what
did you just say? And He's like, we need to
get the Uber? And I was like, okay, are you
all right? And I was like, am I the only
one hearing this? And then his friend's wife was like,
oh no, he's saying youber and he was like, I
feel like I'm saying Uber and I'm like, well, you
just said uber.
Speaker 3 (02:05):
He thought he was saying Uber.
Speaker 5 (02:08):
That's sort of how he just felt with voicemail, because
it felt weird when it came out, like I felt
like I was saying it wrong, and he thought he
was saying it right, but he was saying it wrong.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Can I clarify this?
Speaker 5 (02:18):
Our brains play tricks on us.
Speaker 3 (02:19):
So he knows it's Uber.
Speaker 2 (02:21):
He knows it's Uber, and he was saying uber, but
in his brain he heard uber right.
Speaker 5 (02:28):
I know. I was like, we might need to get
a scan.
Speaker 3 (02:30):
But that's the only word he does like that so far.
Speaker 5 (02:32):
This is the only time he's ever done it.
Speaker 3 (02:35):
Oh yeah, have you been an uber with him before?
Speaker 5 (02:37):
Yes, we have ubered, we have lifted. I've never made conserch.
But you know, this also makes me think of another
funny story that I didn't get to tell you about.
And I know we need to get to the email.
But we were in an Uber in Charleston, same trip,
and we get in and it's really cold, and my
boyfriend says, oh, hey, can we turn down the air?
(02:59):
And the guy says no English and just being from
Texas maybe where I'm from. Typically when I hear no English,
I instantly go, oh, they must speak Spanish. Well, lucky
for him, I took eight years of Spanish in school
and my dad was fluent, and I can basically say
four things, so I say, oh, moucho frio, is that correct? Yeah?
(03:26):
Like a lot cold? And so I was like, haser calliente.
I was trying to just remember how to say it.
It's like make to make something, and so I was
trying to get him to say to make warmer. And
then he's like not understanding, nor is he impressed with
my Frio or my colliente, And so I just get louder,
(03:46):
thinking that will solve it. And he hands an app
back to us and he's like, entered in the app
and we're like, oh, this is handy, So we enter
in like it's freezing cold? Can you please make it warmer?
And then we give it back to him and the
translation looks like a language I don't know anything about,
and so Alex goes, what what language? And then he
(04:08):
looks back at us he goes Russian, and I was like,
how did I.
Speaker 3 (04:14):
He makes up a Russian accent?
Speaker 5 (04:16):
And I know I swear when I when he said
no English, I felt like there was a Spanish twang
to it. But I was sitting there speaking my best
Spanish to him and got no reaction. And now I
know because he was Russian or maybe he's like Russian.
Speaker 3 (04:33):
You were just bad at your Spanish. No, he was
just Russian. Nothing. That's also interesting. How far was your ride?
Speaker 5 (04:40):
Probably the three minutes?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (04:42):
I never would have even asked to turn the air down. Oh,
one of the old well one, I like to be cold,
but I'm one of those people. If I'm gonna uber
and I'm sweating, I'll suck it up till the end
of the ride, especially it's three minutes.
Speaker 3 (04:55):
I don't like to talk to them, you don't. I
don't want to speak to them at all.
Speaker 5 (05:00):
But it's not like you're trying to just not be annoying.
You just don't want to talk.
Speaker 2 (05:05):
Yeah, I just like don't want because then it opens
up communication and then they might continue to ask you questions,
you know.
Speaker 5 (05:11):
And then they might kidnap you.
Speaker 3 (05:12):
That's not what I was thinking. Okay, Okay, let's get
for Let's.
Speaker 5 (05:16):
Get to our voicemail. So we've got it here and
we're going to play it. And this is in response
to our couch talks last week before we get into
the question today about divorce and money and it's the
whole thing coming up. So here is our voicemail.
Speaker 4 (05:31):
Hi, Amy Kat, I'm calling to give some advice to M,
who had written in about a possible breast augmentation at
age thirty one. I had a breast reduction last summer
at age fifty seven and have never had one regret,
never been happier. So M, if this is what you
(05:54):
want to do and it's going to make you feel
good or confident, bettering your happier in the mirror, prettier
in your clothes, go ahead, make all the appointments, start
with your consult Go ahead and schedule everything, and then
check in with how you feel as the days get closer.
Are you excited? Are you scared? Are you cautious? Are
(06:17):
you thinking you made a mistake? Well, then back out.
It's your call right up until the day. So I
hope you make the decision that works for you and
enjoy the results for years to come. Have a good day.
Speaker 5 (06:30):
Isn't that so encouraging? Like one listener to another, I
just thought it was really sweet. And she is older
and wiser than us, and she made a decision for
her body, and I love that she was passing along
that encouragement. And we didn't really touch on this when
we did that couch talks last week. I think we've
touched on it maybe in the past, but did we
(06:51):
talk about like what we do with braces and highlighting
our hair and brace is probably the one that stuck
out to me.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
I don't know, what do you mean?
Speaker 5 (06:59):
I thought of this in my where I was like,
why didn't we talk about braces? Because she was saying
she's not feeling as confident and she also wants to
just be happy with the body that she was given.
And I think that sometimes we have this like ugh,
breast augmentation, which does involve a lot more than braces
because it's your undergoing surgery. But we don't bat an
(07:22):
eye if someone's like, oh, my teeth are crooked and
I would like to get braces, and now that can
help with a lot of different pain or stuff you
have in your mouth, But a lot of time it
is just a vanity thing so that you can have
straight teeth. We don't bat an eye at that. But
do you think anybody that's like, oh, I was born
with crooked teeth, and shouldn't I just be happy with
(07:45):
the way that my teeth are. I don't well, and
some people are and they can be like if there's
like my good friend in college had a gap between
her first two metal teeth, and so many people would
comment like, why haven't you fixed that her? They would
say things to her, and she loved it and she
owned it and she rocked it, and I loved that
for her, and that was really great to see her
(08:05):
confidence in that. And she was really beautiful and that
was her unique thing, Like that's what set her apart
from everybody else. But she wasn't gonna fix it just
because somebody else said it. But had she gotten braces
for that? People to be like, oh, yeah, duh.
Speaker 1 (08:17):
But for some.
Speaker 5 (08:17):
Reason, if you want to go up a cup size
with boobs, it's like this, yeah, oh, why don't I
love myself?
Speaker 1 (08:25):
Right?
Speaker 2 (08:25):
I think there's like you said, there's a couple different
reasons that that is a little different. But I do
think you get more of that you should do that,
like if you have a gap, fix it, versus if
you have a smaller chest, like just accept it.
Speaker 3 (08:39):
That is very interesting.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
I will say, I think a lot more times the
bracest is like you're the structure of your mouth and
making things fit and right. There might be more to
it versus that is probably more of a confidence around.
Speaker 3 (08:55):
What you look like. But that is good.
Speaker 2 (08:58):
Did you wake up in the middle of the night with
that thought think you have epipanies in your sleep a lot?
Speaker 5 (09:02):
I don't know that I would title that epiphany, but
like it was a thought of like, oh shoot, I
know we've touched on something similar before, and sometimes that
can just help give a little perspective of yeah, like
if we want to fix a crooked tooth, we maybe
get some invisiline and now you don't have to go
under anesthesia for that. There, that's something you need to
consider when you're going under for surgery, obviously, and it's
(09:24):
a big decision. But shout out to our voicemail. I
don't have a name. Do we have a name? I didn't.
I'm not sure if you want to call us? Eight
seven seven two oh seven two o seven seven is
where you can leave us a voicemail.
Speaker 3 (09:37):
That's an easy name. Did you pick that that?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
I did? Okay?
Speaker 5 (09:40):
Eight seven seven two o seven two oh seven seven.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
I like it.
Speaker 2 (09:43):
Also, I love this listener's voice. That was such a calming, soothing, kind.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
Old or wiser like I wonder where she's from, where
her accent. I love that accent. That's just a side note.
Speaker 5 (09:58):
And now I do know callers anonymous, Yes, okay, and
so was our emailer. That's why she was calling her.
Speaker 3 (10:02):
M Yeah, that she got that from you.
Speaker 5 (10:05):
And then our emailer today also wants to be anonymous.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Which I appreciate and I like because I think having
that option is allowing people to feel more safe for
sending in their questions.
Speaker 5 (10:14):
Yeah, safe with us, guys, our.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Right identity is safe with us.
Speaker 1 (10:18):
You ready, I'm going to read it. Amy and Kat.
Speaker 5 (10:32):
I'm enjoying listening to you both on the new podcast format.
Your on air chemistry is great. Kat is the perfect
compliment to Amy and vice versa. After a thirty year
plus marriage, my husband and I divorced two and a
half years ago. While the divorce began as pleasant as
divorces can be, his behavior post divorce has hurt his
relationship with not only me, but his kids as well.
(10:54):
He began dating someone we both knew personally less than
a month after we filed. They were engaged a few
months later and married just under one year mark of
our official divorce. He didn't involve our three adult daughters
at all in the process. He told them they were
engaged by sending a picture of holding her hand with
the ring in a group text. One of our daughters
(11:16):
just metter for the first time a couple of months ago.
They've been married for a couple of years now, and
needless to say, the whole thing just nobody was thrilled
by it. There have been other incidents circumstances, mostly involving money,
with each of our daughters. As a result, they have
each decided, in varying degrees, they won't try to maintain
a close relationship with him. One doesn't speak to him
(11:39):
at all, one only speaks to him when necessary. And
our daughter, who has three kids herself, is less distant
because our grandkids are young and won't understand why they
don't see Grandpa as often as they used to. Our
youngest is getting married soon. I'm not able to contribute
towards the wedding as much as I would like, but
(11:59):
I have held helped as much as I can without
putting a financial strain on myself. Her future mother in
law kindly volunteered to help with some of the big,
big ticket items. Other family members on each side have
also contributed. Her dad has not given them any money
towards their wedding, not one dollar. When she asked if
(12:19):
he would help with an expensive thing that came up
last minute, which was less than five hundred dollars, he
told her he wanted to discuss it in person. I
think because she has avoided talking to him as much
as she can, do you think it's appropriate for me
to step in and talk to my ex husband. I
try to stay away from issues that do not directly
involve me. I'm fairly certain he's a narcissist, or at
(12:43):
least he has many of the characteristics, and I know
he doesn't realize why his kids are all pulling away
from him. I've stayed out of it so far, but
I strongly believe he should be helping as much as
he can. He earns good money, at least twenty five
thousand a year more than I do. Okay, where do
(13:04):
we start?
Speaker 2 (13:05):
So I have some thoughts, but I want to hear
from you as somebody who does have a relationship with
your ex husband.
Speaker 3 (13:13):
Yeah, so you have.
Speaker 5 (13:14):
I've been divorced for almost a couple of years, and
we have kids, and while we're not planning a wedding
or anything, and he's involved, so the scenario is just
different because my kids still talk to their dad. He
wants to be involved, and we both share a financial
responsibility for the kids. I can say with confidence though
(13:37):
in a lot of my co parenting therapy and work
that we've done, you cannot control your ex partner. You
can even control your partner partner. You can probably have
more healthy dialogue and communication because they're more willing. But
an ex, especially that is remarried, may not be as
willing to entertain this type of conversation. And so my
(13:59):
advice to be like, I wouldn't have a conversation with him.
It's not your place. Everybody's an adult here. Your daughter's
an adult, now, you're an adult. He's an adult, and
everyone needs to just stay on their side of the street. Yeah,
I think yeah in my opinion, because it's I don't
think anything good may come from this, right right? You
(14:23):
might be creating a whole other you know, can of worms.
Speaker 2 (14:26):
Yeah, that isn't probably necessary, and it's going to add
more stress than financial help would even be. I can
definitely empathize with this is so frustrating like that.
Speaker 5 (14:39):
Oh, don't get me wrong, I think he's a total loser.
Speaker 2 (14:42):
But yeah, like for you, Yeah, I'm trying to say
this in the kindest way possible. I totally get I
would be probably just raging a bit, and I would
want to march over there and say something. And at
the same time, the best thing that you can do
is probably set up your daughter to one help her.
(15:04):
This is what you can do to help her, help
her understand like expectations, accept who and where her dad is,
and where that relationship leads them. It doesn't sound like
they have much of a relationship, right, which is so
that might be he's holding that as leverage for her
and so well.
Speaker 5 (15:21):
I would think so based on like she's saying, hey,
I want this, he's like, well, you might get that
if you meet me in person and we can talk
about this, which okay, maybe he's seeing that as a
way to get his foot in the door and have
a conversation, but I think he should probably create an
opportunity himself, like and show like consistent consistency in trying
to communicate. If she keeps rejecting, then okay, well he
(15:44):
can still be persistent in a loving kind way. Yeah,
I mean, you could cross the line, So you have
to be careful with that. But I think if your
dad that really wants to have a relationship with your kids,
you're gonna continue to show up in a loving and
I don't know that he's quite there. I don't know him.
Speaker 3 (16:02):
Yeah, he loves his kids.
Speaker 5 (16:05):
We don't have all those details, but I can say
with my own confidence that we need to stay out
of it. I wouldn't talk to him, and I'd figure
out another way to pay for it. Is it annoying
and frustrating that he makes more? And should he be
helping out? Sure? Is everybody else pitching in? Yeah, but
thankfully there are other people that are willing to to
(16:28):
support and help out to make this day super special.
But just probably best to to not have a conversation.
Speaker 2 (16:36):
If he was in a space where no strings attached,
he wanted to be there and support her and was
able to put his stuff aside, he would probably be
doing that. I would imagine this is one of the
biggest things your daughter will ever go through, And so
rather than asking how do I fix this for her?
How do I support her? Because this is really tough
(16:56):
and weddings are already stressful enough planning, So how do
I support my daughter? And maybe ask her what she
needs versus going ahead and going like around the corner
to fix things.
Speaker 5 (17:06):
So let me throw a wrinkle. What if you say, daughter,
I don't want to fix this. I want to support you.
How can I do that? And she's like, if you
want to support me, you could talk to dad.
Speaker 2 (17:17):
That's fixing though, So that's how it's okay? And then
I want to support you, And so you want me
to talk to dad. Okay, well if you how about
we talk about how.
Speaker 3 (17:25):
You might want to talk to dad about this, if
that's important to you. I want to help.
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Elevate you and what you can do to empower herself.
Speaker 5 (17:34):
Yeah, and I think too, something that the daughter could
take a look at, which I get it. I mean
we as kids, you're like, oh, well, we'd be really
great to my parents could just pay for this. But
I would assess, like why do I not want a
relationship with my dad but I want his five hundred dollars.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
Also, we have a comment that I want to add
in from Shannon.
Speaker 3 (17:52):
This was so good.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Okay, we don't have any basis for this, but this
could be part of it. She said, maybe he's hurt
that she didn't ask him to walk he down the aisle,
I could see that it sounds like she's probably not
going to.
Speaker 5 (18:06):
Yeah, they don't have a relationship, but it yeah, I
think that.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
So I could get the dad is hurt too, and
I think that's what is probably really we don't have
all the pieces to the stuff up right, But I
think that also is what's hard about. I actually just
came from a lunch where I reached out to a
friend who we didn't have a falling out or anything,
but we just lost She's my oldest friend. We just
(18:30):
stopped talking to each other, and I made up a
story of why, and sounds like she made up a
story of why, and so I asked her to lunch
so we could talk about it because I want a
relationship with her, and we both were hurt by each other,
but we weren't saying that to each other. So then
we were making up all these stories and kind of
I don't know that we were really like demonizing each other,
(18:51):
but we told a story of like, oh, they must
not care.
Speaker 3 (18:53):
About me that much, So this could be one of
those similar things.
Speaker 2 (18:56):
It's really easy to think the worst about well somebody
when we're not getting what we need or what we want.
The reality is there could just be unresolved her on
both sides, And I get it because a parent's supposed
to be the one that we're supposed to care for
the child. Sounds like there's a little flip flopping of
(19:17):
that going on.
Speaker 5 (19:18):
Yeah, my sister and I were talking to about my parents' divorce.
Actually just this last Christmas, so four or five months ago.
We were talking about our high school selves and stuff
we never got to really talk about because we were
four years apart. So by the time I was in
high school, my sister was at college, So there were
some interactions we had with our parents we just didn't discuss.
(19:39):
So when my sister was in high school, sometimes she
would be responsible for collecting the check from my dad
for my mom, and then when she graduated to college,
then suddenly I was the one being asked, Hey, if
you see your dad today, can you ask him for
the check? And it was so awkward. So sometimes when
we're put in the middle of like our own parents stuff,
(19:59):
that's a case in which my mom should have been
doing the communication, but I was the kid. And in
this case, your kid has grown up and they need
to be responsible for having that conversation. But I think
sometimes as kids, even though that daughter is grown up now,
there's still probably some wounds from childhood and different things
that she's carrying and pain and hurt from that divorce
(20:22):
that might need to be looked at and resolved. So
this could be an opportunity to just like look at
any healing that maybe needs to take place, and see
that is an opportunity for that to happen.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I love a good redemption story.
Speaker 2 (20:45):
Yeah, and take the money out of this if there
is an opportunity for any kind of healing. Does your
daughter want a relationship with her dad? You might not
want her to, or you might not want to have
anything to do with him, But if your daughter wants that,
that's where that's so pork comes in. We're like, if this,
if there's no money involved, do you want and would
you want your dad? Would you want to have the
(21:06):
opportunity to have your dad there and be excited that
he's there. Well, then let's go a different angle and
not just go and ask for money, but let's have
a conversation about some of the unresolved stuff that you're
holding onto.
Speaker 5 (21:17):
Yeah, And I wonder if like thinking back to when
she was younger, like when she was in high school.
I don't know at what point they got divorced. So
I have all these different scenarios in my head right
now and some of my own experience. But in thinking
how I was in high school and how my mom
was asking me to do certain things, or maybe my
mom came in and rescued other things in my life,
did she ever have to go to her dad for
(21:38):
anything when she didn't want to, or did you step in?
Because I know in my divorce with my kids sometimes
my daughter will always come to me stuff first, maybe
because it's like daughter to mom and there are things
where she should specifically be going to her dad about it,
and we're really working on it, but I try to
step out as much as I can, and I'm like, hey,
thank you for asking me. You need to go ask
(22:00):
your dad about this, or why don't you ask your
dad to take you? And this is just a small
example of I had done a lot of stuff for
her prom and then she was wanting to get her
nails done and I was like, hmm, how about you
ask your dad to go? And oh, I don't want
to go ask him to get my nails done, and
I'm like, well, to share, I've done a lot to
help you get ready for prom which I want to do.
(22:22):
And it's not even really about just money, but like,
I've put a lot of time and energy and expense
into helping you get it ready. And I'm sure he
would love to be a part of it, So why
don't you invite him into part of the process. And also, yeah,
if he wants to pay for that part, great, but
then you get that time with him. And I know
that this is a tiny example, but I made her
(22:44):
do it, and she did it, and sure enough, they
have a nail appointment booked.
Speaker 3 (22:48):
And they're going to go, and I think that that
has done too.
Speaker 5 (22:51):
I don't know, but I thought maybe he'd get a
pedicure and you know, y'all can have that time together.
And I talked to him later and he was like.
Speaker 6 (22:58):
Yeah, he's like, so sure asked me to go get
her nails done, and he's like I was pretty excited
about it. And I'm like, oh, okay, good now y'all
have that opportunity. But if I had stepped in and
been like, okay, hold on, you know, hey, Ben, can
you like take her to do something regarding prom because
I think you should be involved in this, you know.
And the last thing on the list is a nail appointment.
(23:19):
But then she didn't practice asking her dad for what
she needs or what she would like. Now, does she
need to get her nails one, No, but she wants
to get them done for prom. But that's one example
of her just coming to me about something. But she's
done it before, and I have to say, Okay, well,
you're you got to ask your dad.
Speaker 5 (23:38):
You're actually with your dad that week, like she was
wanting to go tour Alabama with a friend. Her friend
is going to tour Alabama for college and she wanted
to hop in on that. Now we want to take
her on college visits. But if she wants to go
with her friend that's already going in a company, that's fine.
She's not staying with me the week that that happened.
She's staying with her dad. But she's asking me over
and over, and I'm like, you need to ask your dad.
Speaker 3 (23:59):
Ask your dad.
Speaker 5 (24:00):
But I don't want to say I'm okay with it,
because what if he's suddenly not like Ben? And I
try to really stay neutral and get a feeling of
what the other person is going to do so that way,
it's not like, well mom said yes and now you're
saying no. We try to have a united front behind
the scenes, and I just hadn't had a chance to
talk to him, But I'm trying to get her to
practice just asking her dad because for whatever reason, it's
(24:23):
not about him. I think it's just like a male
female thing, or maybe even how she was raised because
we adopted from Haiti, and all of her nannies were women,
and the guy that ran the orphanage was a man,
Papa Pierre, So all the nannies were women and that's
who she was interacting with the most. But then Papa
Pierre would come in and lay it on the loss.
(24:43):
So there was like a thing with men to where
it was like, oh, the man is here. And I
think that some of that is still deeply rooted in her,
and so Ben knows not to take it personally, but
in order for her to outgrow that, we have to
do repetition in her asking. So I do wonder if
sometimes she was put in positions where she had to
as a child ask her dad, hey I need this,
(25:07):
or if like the mom would swoop in.
Speaker 2 (25:09):
Well, yeah, and even if that doesn't exist for her,
if it's hard now, that's still the same thing as
if her having practice, and eventually it will get easier
to approach or confront or ask or lean into things
involving her dad. But she has to take that first awkward, uncomfortable,
scary step, just like SI shea asking I had to
(25:33):
go get her nails.
Speaker 3 (25:34):
And I love that story. That's such a good Yeah,
thanks for sharing that well.
Speaker 5 (25:39):
And thank you for the email. This is a tough
one though, and without knowing that's that's why there's so
much nuance. We're trying to give the best advice that
we can, but sometimes, you know, you could take it
or leave it, and then you may just get a
story about you burs well and.
Speaker 2 (25:57):
Also too, I think I think we said this in
the beginning, but you know, there's always new people listening
that take everything we say with the grain of salt.
Because we're really talking about the information that we have.
We're not necessarily answering verbatim every question that we get,
so you might just take bits of this and process
that with what you know and then come to a conclusion.
Because we could have made assumptions that have nothing to
(26:19):
do with your situation and you can just throw all
this out. But maybe we did hit something and you
can take a piece of that. You don't have to
take all of it or nothing.
Speaker 5 (26:27):
Perfect, love it all right, y'all can email us hey
there at out Hey, there at Feeling Things.
Speaker 3 (26:34):
I wanted to say, you need therapy.
Speaker 5 (26:37):
I was gonna say out way, Hey, they're at feelingthingspodcast
dot com. And then yeah, you can also leave us
that voicemail if you want. The email and the phone number,
they're in the show notes and we would love.
Speaker 1 (26:49):
To hear from you.
Speaker 3 (26:50):
Yeah, we hope that you are having the day you
need to have.
Speaker 1 (26:53):
Bye.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
Popular Podcasts
The Breakfast Club
The World's Most Dangerous Morning Show, The Breakfast Club, With DJ Envy And Charlamagne Tha God!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Decisions, Decisions
Welcome to "Decisions, Decisions," the podcast where boundaries are pushed, and conversations get candid! Join your favorite hosts, Mandii B and WeezyWTF, as they dive deep into the world of non-traditional relationships and explore the often-taboo topics surrounding dating, sex, and love. Every Monday, Mandii and Weezy invite you to unlearn the outdated narratives dictated by traditional patriarchal norms. With a blend of humor, vulnerability, and authenticity, they share their personal journeys navigating their 30s, tackling the complexities of modern relationships, and engaging in thought-provoking discussions that challenge societal expectations. From groundbreaking interviews with diverse guests to relatable stories that resonate with your experiences, "Decisions, Decisions" is your go-to source for open dialogue about what it truly means to love and connect in today's world. Get ready to reshape your understanding of relationships and embrace the freedom of authentic connections—tune in and join the conversation!