OUTWEIGH: Two years after our case study from last week, Suzanne came back to share what’s happened since her Stressless Eating journey—and the transformation goes far beyond food and body image. In this powerful follow-up, she reveals how healing her self-image not only gave her peace with food but also opened the door to calling in true love. What once held her back—her deep-rooted struggles with self-worth—became the very thing that helped her step into the healthiest, most fulfilling relationship of her life. Suzanne and Leanne reflect on the full-circle moment of her journey and the ripple effect of true self-acceptance. Tune in for an episode filled with wisdom, inspiration, and a reminder that lasting change is possible.
Leanne Ellington // StresslessEating.com // @leanneellington
To learn more about re-wiring your brain to heal from the all-or-nothing diet mentality for good....but WITHOUT restricting yourself, punishing your body, (and definitely WITHOUT ever having to use words like macros, low-carb, or calorie burn) check out Leanne's FREE Stressless Eating Webinar @ www.StresslessEating.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
fail free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it,
but yours.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
And there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
There, say good day and did you and die out way,
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side. And so these are the raw, unfiltered journeys
(00:51):
of women just like you, who once felt trapped in
their own mental prisons, caught in that endless cycle of
food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure in all
of that shame. And I'm sharing these with you because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out. So if you're feeling broken or crazy,
(01:13):
or like you're the only one who struggles with this,
you are not. You are not alone, and you are
definitely not beyond hope or healing. These stories are proof
that true transformation is possible, and I hope they inspire
you to see what's possible for yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Well, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to the Stressless Eating Podcast.
Super excited for today's episode because it's kind of another
full circle journey. We have Suzanne back on the podcast.
She shared her her testimony and case study man probably
a year or so ago. You know, she graduated from
Stressless Eating probably like over two years ago, and now
(01:54):
she's you know, I'm grateful that she's an ambassador for
the program. She's helping me behind the scenes. She's a
support system for the gals that are going through the
program currently, and it's just a big full circle journey.
But I wanted to just kind of bring her back
on the podcast share you know, some things behind the
scenes of what's causing her to show up in her
life differently now even two years later. You know, how
(02:16):
it's affecting not food in her body necessarily, but we're
going to talk about non related because everybody thinks like, oh,
it's a food problem, Oh it's a body problem. It's like, no,
there's all these other areas of our lives where we
are not showing up, we're shrinking ourselves, we're diminishing our worth.
And so yes, it's a food and body and health
conversation and that's always going.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
To be part of our lives as women.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
We're learning how to take care of ourselves, right, But
we're going to talk about some of the auxiliary stuff
like relationships, like owning your worth, like stepping into work stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So we're gonna dive into all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
So, first off, hello Susanna, and welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
AI Leanne, thank you so much for the invitation to
join you today.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Absolutely well, I know that you know, everybody in our
in the program gets so much better value out of
your shares, and I wanted to just kind of let
other people share in the in the wealth of your
of your knowledge and wisdom and just life experiences that
you've that have been really you know, shaping this path
for you. And I'll link I'll link your original episode
in the show notes for anybody who hasn't met Susanne yet.
(03:16):
She shared her whole journey from you know, just being
in the food and body and shame.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Prison and so we're going to kind of pick up
a little bit where we left off on that episode.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
You know, one of the things that we talked about
for you and when you shared your story is that
it wasn't just about food and body. The whole image
that you had of yourself was keeping you from stepping
into lots of areas of your life, but one of
them was love and inviting love into your life. And
I know when we very first met, the first time
we talked, you know, you were very clear that like, hey,
(03:45):
I'm not putting out what I want to come back,
but you also were clear like I have to love
myself first before I can go receive that from somebody else.
So kind of picking up from that, can you just
share a little bit about what that process was like
for you? And then obviously now you're in a relationship
with the love of your life, but kind of before
we ever met, where were you in your dating and
(04:07):
relationship life and what were some of the beliefs that
you had that were keeping you from putting yourself out there?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You know, rewinding a couple of years, I was definitely
in a place that not only was I rejecting myself,
I was rejecting others around me, and I wasn't believing
if somebody was interested in me, and I really had
kind of taken myself out of the dating pool, which
was frustrating because one of the key ways that I
(04:34):
was defining myself, like if I met you during that
time period and somebody said, tell me five words about yourself, single,
would have been the very first thing I would have
said to define myself. And I was really mentally stuck
on the fact that I had not found my partner,
and I personally was interpreting that as rejection from society,
(04:57):
rejection by men, and there by rejecting all of the
qualities about me. They're great, and I could say, no,
I'm confident, and I was perceived as being this very confident,
self assured person. But sometimes that was true, and sometimes
it was you know, fake it till you make it feelings,
and I felt fraudulent at times when people would comment
(05:22):
to me, you're so self assured, and you prove that
perfection isn't necessary to be happy. I think all of
that is true, but at the time, how I was
defining myself was so hung up on being single that
I couldn't get past how I was rejecting myself over
and over again.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
By that definition, what you're really hitting on is like, ladies,
we don't even realize that our identity and our beliefs
shape our behaviors, right, And so alongside that identity of
being single were a lot of beliefs, and you know,
Suzanne had her own version of them. And for a
lot of my gals that identify as single, a lot
of the beliefs that come up when I'm talking to
(06:00):
them are like, who's going to want me? Or what
if I'm just destined to stay this way forever? Or
what if my person's not out there? Or what if
I'm just not what if love isn't in the cards
for me? And then whatever food or body shame we
have alongside it, and that self rejection just becomes part
of it. And our behaviors are a reflection of our beliefs.
So because you had that belief, you weren't taking actions
(06:22):
to change your dating life, let alone your self image,
you know before we met, or you were trying to
but didn't have the tools, and we just get stuck.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
We get so Simla, and I was stuck, And for me,
I would say, really, all of it was rooted. I
might say I'm single and what does that mean? And
rejected and what does that mean? But the reality is
digging underneath all of that was a mantra that was
going in my head of I'm not worthy. When I
dug down underneath what does all of this mean for me?
(06:53):
That's what it meant, and that was where I needed
to start.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, and that's the thing where people get hung up
because a lot of people can really resonate with what
you're saying. Is they realize like this deep seated unworthiness.
But telling yourself looking in the mirror and saying you
are worthy and you deserve everything that you want doesn't
work because if your self image deep done inside is
saying no, you're not worthy. And maybe you're not using
those words specifically, ladies, if you're hearing this, maybe you're
not using the words I'm not worthy. Maybe you're using
(07:19):
the words like I'm not enough, or you'll you're not
skinny enough, or successful enough, or pretty enough, or any
of those things, even though like who's gonna want me? Thoughts,
even calling yourself fat right, those are symptoms of a
deep down unworthiness. And that's why positive thinking and fake
it till you make it, and motivational raw rab doesn't
work because if you have that wiring in your brain
(07:42):
like Suzanne was sharing, it becomes an identity. And one
of the things I want to touch on too that
you said that was so powerful is you know a
lot of women think like, oh my gosh, I have
to hit like my rock bottom in order to go
shift things. No, most of the women that come through
stressless seating ladies are just like Suzanne, outwardly projecting confidence,
successful in.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Every area of their lives. This is the elephant in
the room.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So don't think for a minute that you have to
be at some deep, dark rock bottom or in some
black hole to get yourself out of it.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's so true. And I remember the pivotal moment for
me was one day when I looked in the mirror
and I didn't say, oh, you look pretty, or you
look good or bad in this outfit, you look this
or that. I looked at myself and said, you look lovable.
I remember, like that was just such. It brings tears
to my eyes because it was such a big moment
(08:35):
for me in then defining my own worth. Yeah, I
am lovable and it had nothing to do with my size,
It had nothing to do with accomplishments, It had nothing
to do with relationship status or any of the other
things that I was using to define my own worth.
It was just like, no, I breathe, I'm a human being.
(08:58):
For me, I'm a child of God and all of
that means I am lovable. And that lovable statement I
redefined my own worth.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Oh my gosh, I remember that happening.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I remember you sharing that with me, And like, ladies,
all of you have that one pivotal moment in you
that's coming right, and I want, I would love for
you to speak about the age factor. For example. So
a lot of us have limiting beliefs. But one of
the things that comes up when it comes to food
struggles and body struggles is like, leanne, I've been like
this for so many long. I'm forty fifty sixty years
(09:31):
old and I've been struggling with this since I was
a kid. Can this ever change for me? But also
on the love conversation, a lot of women think like, oh,
if I'm you know now, it's happening earlier. I hear
people in their mid twenties saying this, But you know, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties,
I've never found love?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Is it too late for me? Can you just kind
of speak to.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Some of the thoughts that you had about that and
what you now see is true about that?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I was the perpetually single gal. I, you know, had
some dating relationship in my adult life and just hadn't
found that air quotes the one, and I was at
times depressed about it, feeling dejected. But I ultimately recognized
that every step you take on the path of your
(10:16):
life is leading you to where you're meant to be.
And part of my work with Ulienne has been about like,
who do I want to be in a relationship? So
that helped me to really think through how do I
want to show up every day for myself, for a partner,
for the other people in my life, for the world.
(10:37):
And that was the part that I knew that I
had influence over. I don't have influence over what's the
timing of meeting somebody and who that somebody is going
to be and what are the circumstances around that. I
couldn't influence all of those pieces, but I could influence
who I am on a daily basis and how I
(10:58):
show up in the world. I don't think it's a
surprise that. And I was also using the journal to
be grateful in advance for all of the qualities that
were going to show up in my life in a partner.
And I really was putting that out there to the universe, like,
this is exactly what I'm looking for. Here are the
(11:18):
qualities that I want, Here are the things. And they
were also you know, what are the qualities that I
wanted to develop in myself and how do I show
up better? And I didn't meet my Jose until I
was fifty, and I think my family had kind of
decided she's just going to be single, Aunt Susie. And
(11:39):
in a lot of ways in my life, I had
resigned myself to the fact that I probably am going
to be, you know, single, and I was I was
coming to a different place of acceptance about that on
the work that I was doing for myself. But I
know that part of why I met Jose at the
(11:59):
time that I did had to do about my openness
about what I was looking for. And I can say
with all honesty, it's the first relationship that I showed
up exactly as who I am, not for who I
thought they wanted or what they would be attracted to
(12:20):
or be looking for. That's a no win situation when
you're looking at a relationship wondering do I measure up
to their expectations. I walked into this fully knowing this
is who I am. I have no apologies about it.
I'm not perfect. Here are my flaws, but here are
my strengths. And he did the same, And that was
(12:43):
a completely different way for me to show up in
a romantic relationship than I ever had in my whole life.
And it felt freeing. It felt really validating that this
person liked me exactly as I am, and not only
liked me, but loves me exactly as I am. And
I had to come to a point of loving myself
(13:04):
exactly as I am before I could appreciate being able
to show somebody exactly who I am and give them
an opportunity to love me that way.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's so interesting too, because a lot of women think, like, oh,
when I lose the weight, then I'll invite love in
or or not even like the waiting for the weight conversation.
But then also, just like you said, almost resigning to
the fact of like, well, just maybe this is my life,
you know. And the reality is we're not resigning to
the fact that we.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Don't want love. Our hearts want love. It's like one
of the strongest desires as women.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Right What we were resigning to is the fact that
we don't think it's possible or we don't think we're
worthy of it. And also it becomes a conversation of like,
I have to be a certain way for somebody to
like me.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And then we posture, we please, we mold ourselves, we perform,
we try to perfect ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And what happens is we grow less and less in
love with ourselves, or we fall more and more out
of love with who we are because we're so focused
on somebody accepting us. And that's the thing nobody tells us.
Wait a minute, When you accept yourself, you're going to
be able to receive acceptance.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
When you love yourself, you're going to be able to
receive love.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
When you feel beautiful, you're going to be able to
receive somebody else seeing you through the.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Eyes of beauty. And again, nobody talks about that.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You know, we see there's a billion, multi billion dollar
industry telling you to just go on keno and lose
weight and then you'll be happy.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it's like, wait, what about this other stuff? You know?
And one of the things that.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You know, it's it's manifested beautiful things in my life
that you know specific And here's the thing. I'm as
we're recording this, I'm thirty eight years old, you know,
and in today's society, some like I wrote a post
about it, I remember a few years ago, like to
some people.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I'm behind and I'm not on the timeline of everyone else.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
But what I know now is like if I had
married somebody when I was thirty, I would have brought
all of my food stuff and body stuff and shame stuff,
and I probably would be divorced by now, because not
because somebody couldn't love me, but because I couldn't love me.
And it's about running your own race. There's no timelines,
there's no deadlines, there's no storylines.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
You have to.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Decide, are you willing and ready and able to receive
love right now? Than If so, it is your duty,
in my opinion, to remove all of the obstacles, which
are really just beliefs that are keeping you from feeling
worthy of receiving it and I had it too, Like,
you know, all these beliefs that are like, maybe love
isn't in the cards for you and all that, and
I'm like, no, I am not going to settle and
(15:26):
receive those lies. They are just lies in their beliefs
that I do not have to believe in. And when
I started believing that not only is my man out
there and he's looking for me too, but when he
meets me, he's going to love me just as I am.
He's going to love all the parts of me that
took me forever to love, and he's gonna make me
a better version of myself. He's gonna make me even
(15:47):
more me because I'm going to be more me and
authentic and a line around him. And it's not a
coincidence you had. You know, we parallel belief systems along
the way, and both of us are now in relationships
with love, with the love of our life's This is
not a love a Love podcast episode, but of just
saying it's not a coincidence that when your beliefs are
aligned for loneliness and rejection and not being able to.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Receive love and not feeling beautiful and.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Worthy, you are not going to find that or you'll
settle for a relationship with an avoidant or somebody who's
not emotionally available.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Becoming emotionally available to yourself is when you can then
attract emotionally available men or women, whichever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And so I hear this time and time again.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Actually that is the other side of it, Like not
women that are just not only like sitting on the
sidelines of their life, but maybe they are playing full
out in their dating world and wondering why they're getting
like emotionally abusive or gaslighting men or some in some
cases like narcissistic sociopathic avoidance.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
You know, it's true.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And I have conversations with you know, there's a couple
of people in my life that are still navigating their
romantic life. And I hear when I hear things saying
like oh my gosh, like in they're my age, like Leanne,
I'm thirty eight years old, and like what if I
want to get married and I want to have kids,
And I'm.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Like yeah, but like you can't look at it like that.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You've got to just part of it is that faith,
like positive expectation, positive anticipation, you know, conversation of like, hey,
I just have to believe, because ladies listening to this,
you're either positively anticipating your future or you're negatively anticipating
your creature.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
It's really one or the other. It's not simple. And
so you I.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Invite you all to like, not in a delusional optimism
kind of way, you know, but in a very practical,
faith based version of like, hey, I am not willing
to settle for the fact that I'm going to be
alone the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I'm not going to believe that lie.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And I am open to the possibility that my man
is or woman, whichever the case may be, is out
there looking for me, and I just have to be
available emotionally to myself to receive that person when they
show up.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
What if that was the conversation for you, It's.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
The conversation that Suzanne started entertaining after what forty eight years.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Of not and so can you speak to.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
That for a second about like, yeah, you had a
lot of momentum the other direction, but when you have
the brain and the and the beliefs and a system
of thinking to actually take you in the in the
other direction, it doesn't matter how long you've been a
certain way, can you kind of speak to the speed
so to speak for you and how quickly things shift
when you when you started the brain and the nervous
system and the belief.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
You know. Before I say that, I would also say,
you know, stressless eating, in my mind is all a
love conversation. It's not a love conversation, but it is
a love conversation about yourself in yourself and how do
you define that and what does that mean? And how
can you accept yourself differently with love and push yourself
(18:48):
differently with love to redefine how you look at yourself
and define yourself and the role that food plays or
stress plays, because they have focused on this stressless part
of this just as much as the eating part of
this love and I would say the timeline. I remember
(19:09):
in my thirties having somebody say to me it was
really helpful that they said, I didn't get married until
I was forty five, and if I had known at
thirty five how good my life would be at forty five,
I would never spend a minute worrying. And it helped
me at that time to be reminded to look for
(19:31):
what is the advantage of whatever stage of life I'm in.
So as a single person, that meant like, I'm going
to go travel with my friends, I'm going to embrace
the freedom of being single, and I'm going to sleep
in the middle of the bed and know that one
of the advantages is that I look super arrested compared
(19:51):
to my friends who were married enough kids and embrace
getting a full night sleep when others are struggling because
they're taking care of it. Is so I really kind
of I tried to adopt that philosophy of the grass
is not greener on the other side, how do I
make the grass that I'm in as green as I
want it to be whatever situation I'm in. That definitely
(20:13):
helped me during some low times thinking about that definition
of being single. And I would say, you know, part
of the timing for me because it's similar to you.
If I had been serious or married any of the
man I had dated when I was younger, I certainly
would have been divorced. There's no doubt about it, and
(20:34):
not because there's anything wrong with them, but I wasn't
showing up as me fully. And you know, at some
point in a relationship you start to show up as
yourself fully and sometimes that's when you're a little more
honest with yourself that maybe this person doesn't have the
qualities or characteristics you're looking for, and maybe they're not
bringing out the very best in you either. So I
(20:57):
would say that the age related to love is almost irrelevant.
It is about are you loving yourself first? And are
you fully accepting yourself first? And then you will be
able to open that full self up to somebody else.
And it's not about what your gene size is or
(21:17):
the number on your scale, or what your hair looks like.
Is it pray or is it, you know, a natural color.
Are you wrinkled or smooth skinned? I mean, the ultimate
connection of love is heart to heart and it's not
about the outward appearance.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know when people say to me, hey, Lienne, but
you know, I was just talking to a woman actually
this week, you know, and she's in her sixties and
she wants love, but there's things that are keeping her
from it, and I totally get it.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's not an age. Is not a discrimination like.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
This happens to women that are in their twenties that
are like Leanne, I'm you know, I'm twenty eight and
I haven't found love, like am I doomed? And it's like, again,
this problem doesn't discriminate. It happens to every woman because
it's a belief struggle, right. But one of my mentors
used to say, it's true, but it's also irrelevant. So
your age, whatever your age is, whatever your weight is,
like the fact that you are a certain age and
(22:11):
a certain weight and single, it's true, but it's also irrelevant.
It really comes down to like, and it's not that
it doesn't matter that you're sad about it, right, It's
just like it doesn't make a difference in how your
future has to manifest. Right. Part of it is like,
if you choose to believe the lie that you are
X and therefore your single or your why and therefore
(22:32):
your single, you are going to be a victim to
your circumstances.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
What you have to do is you have to take radical.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Ownership of your belief system and you have to change
it and create the life that you want. And it
really is that simple, right, simple, not easy, but you've
got to draw a line in the sand where you
say no, I'm done believing this lie because this doing
more of the same is the cycle of insanity, the
definition of insanity.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
You know, I met up with a good girlfriend yesterday
who we haven't seen each other.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
We've texted and talked in to keep in touch, but
we got together for a walk yesterday because we hadn't
really seen much of each other in the pandemic, and
you know, we were talking, catching each other up, and
of course she wanted to hear about my relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And one of the things.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
That I said to her because she's been you know,
on the sidelines of the different men that I've dated,
you know, in the last five years since I moved
to Tennessee, and I said to her, I was like, yeah,
like this one he makes every other person that I've
dated like makes sense, and I see why they.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Were all a really important role.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
In becoming who I needed to become to attract Charles,
you know. And it really is like we can look
back at our past air quotes failures as failures, or
we can look back at them of evidence of like, oh,
this is where I learned what I didn't like and
what I didn't want, and who I don't want to
be and who I do want to be and all
these things.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Like again, it's a choice, absolutely and you know, one
of the definitions that I had struggled with at the time,
one of my and I mean this is a very
limiting belief was I felt like God was somehow like, so,
I'm a faith filled person. Why hasn't God put this
person in my life? I'm being left behind for some reason.
(24:10):
I feel persecuted for some reason. And I remember the
day that there was there was some research study done
the happiest people on earth are single women without kids.
When I read that, there was a part of me
that shifted that day. I was like, huh, so, what
if all along God has been actually protecting me, saying
(24:33):
you're a super happy person and you may never be
any happier than this. Here's the reality. God was not
persecuting me or rewarding me. There's nothing I could do
to make him love me more or less. But that
was the story that was going in my mind. And
I remember how everything shifted when I read that research study,
and it made me say, huh, what if what if
(24:57):
I've been looking at this all wrong? What if story
was completely fabricated in my head? And I've been feeling
crappy because I've been telling myself this.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Story absolutely absolutely. You know.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
One of the things that came in my head when
you said that is, I'm like, you know who the
happiest people in the world are the people who learn
what it takes for them to be happy, you know,
and like.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
People who accept themselves and.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
To sign it, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
And happiness is like, it's not this like all encompassing thing,
Like happy people aren't necessarily happy all the time. It's
it is a state of being, you know, like they're
seeing the ebbs and flows in life. But like, as
you were saying that, like when you embraced this idea
of you know, hey, what if I embrace my singleness
right now while I'm single, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Found happiness now.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
And it's it's such a similar pattern for women that
are like, again, when I lose the weight, then I'll
be happy. When i'm a certain you know, side dress
size or gene number, then I'll be happy. And it's
the same thing. When I'm with a person, then I'll
be happy. It's like, no, what if you started at
happy and brought that with you into your relationship or
create trying to create relationships and brought that with you
(26:07):
into your weight loss journey and brought that with you
into your health journey again. Start at healthy, start it happy,
and bring it with you because I'm telling you, ladies,
I have been in relationships and I was miserable and
I have been at my most dreamy so to speak,
weight and I was miserable, right, And you go, what
(26:27):
do they say everywhere you go?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
There you are, so you're.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Going to bring whatever internal Like I was just about
to say, baggage, but it really is just your internal
narrative with you. And sometimes it feels heavy, and it
feels like a lot of extra baggage, right, And.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
It seems like such an easy concept to just change
your mind, lay that weight down. It is a process,
is what I found. And you have definitely helped me
in that process to identify the areas where I have
a narrative that is not helping me, or that is
limiting me or is hurting me, and how to rewrite
(27:04):
that narrative and doesn't take long. And it is amazing
when that shift happens simply from letting go of a
belief that is hurting you absolutely. And one of those beliefs,
you know, was how I was defining myself as single.
And you know, I dated Jose almost fully during the pandemic.
(27:28):
There are lots of people in my life who've not
met him yet or who have no idea that I
have been dating him for nearly two years. And what's
interesting is they don't treat me any differently now that
I'm in a couple with Jose than they did when
I was single. The only person who was treating me
(27:50):
differently being single or being in a relationship was me.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, and kind of stacking on what you said a
minute ago, like, yeah, changing your beliefs and your mindset
about it. It's simple, not easy, but like once you
have a plan, it absolutely is, but it's also not
it's not logical. Like I live in the beautiful world
that everybody lives in where if you post something on
social media, like there might be people that you've never
met from the Peanut gallery giving their opinion. So I
(28:17):
had a post about like emotional eating and the firing
and wiring that happens alongside food and how it's different
in the female brain, and I had this woman who
I don't know, but she's a psychotherapist comment on my post,
being like, I think a lot of emotional eating is
just macro depletion, like if you just eat more good carbs,
spats and protein, emotional eating goes away.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I appreciate your response, and maybe that might be part
of the solution. But first of all, that's such a
logical solution to an emotional problem when most of these
people are women, are not eating because they're hungry and
they need carbs, spats and protein.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It's not logical.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
It's not that you can't logic your way through an
emotional problem. And I was, you know, a little flustered.
I'll just use that word because I'm like, you're a psychotherapist,
like you should know. This is not just logical, it's emotional.
And you're trying to talk about like fats and carbs,
you know. So part of it is like, yeah, it
sounds all fine and dandy about like, oh, just changing
your mindset.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
But that's why, ladies, you can't just read.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
You can't like follow a motivational speaker on Instagram and
think that by through osmosis you're going to transform.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
These are deep seat of beliefs.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Now, we do not need to go dig up in
the emotional graveyard and expose old traumas and psychoanalyze your past.
In fact, like I invite you to stop doing that.
You've done that enough. But what you do need to
do is take a very right now approach to your
current beliefs in paradigm that are keeping you in the mindset.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
That you're in.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Whether it is in your mindset around your relationships, food,
your body, it's all interconnected.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
As Susanne is really modeling.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
To you, right she thought she was coming to me
for a food struggle and it ended up being so
much more, you know, And so I just wanted to
say that too, Ladi Z, Like, you can't keep trying
to logic and reason your way through an emotional problem.
Diets won't fix it, you know, dating apps won't fix it.
Making more money or you know, accelerating your career will
not fix the emotional availability.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Struggle that you have with yourself or self rejection.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You know, a big part of your journey kind of
after you found your voice.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
We talked about your your relationships, but a big part.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Of it was like finding your voice and finding your
work and your professional life totally switching gears on you, Like, yeah,
a little bit about how that aligned with this journey too,
and how it all kind of intermingled in the mix.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
You know.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
One of the things that I found interesting is as
I would fix I'm air quoting fix one area in
my self worth, it would pop up in another area
and I would realize, oh, there's still you know, I
still have lingering issues for limiting beliefs in another area
that is tied to this. And it definitely happened in
(31:02):
the workplace where how I was showing up. I was
feeling disrespected frequently, but I wasn't modeling how do I
respect myself as clearly defining what are my boundaries and
how do I reclaim what needs to be my time
(31:23):
versus work time, versus what I do for others, what
I do for myself, and what I do for the
organization I work for. And as I started to redefine
what that was, it was not comfortable for everybody and
it's not going to be. But what I learned was
how to stand for myself, how to be a stand
(31:44):
for me, what it is that I need, what I
know to be true for me, and what's true for
me might be completely different than what's true for somebody else,
but what was true for me was I was in
a pattern of always being the fixer, always being the
person to take care of all the problems that others
didn't want to have to deal with. And you know,
(32:05):
that pattern had shown up in my family role. It
showed up on a regular basis that, oh, Suzanne's ultimately
so capable, we'll just let her fix all of this stuff.
And as a result, I was resentful. I felt like
the dumping brown. I frequently, you know, felt like, well,
how am I the pack mule of this whole, big
group and I'm the leader? Why am I getting dumped
(32:28):
on this way? And part of it was I was
allowing it on, And part of it was also I
hadn't drawn my own firm boundaries. And when you draw
those boundaries, it can feel at times confrontational, even though
it's not. And it's because you're at war with yourself
(32:48):
a little bit in those boundaries, more than other people
are at or about those boundaries. And it's so fascinating
to me that when you respect yourself and are clear
of about how you want that respectful behavior to be
shown to you, you then have the tools to be
(33:09):
able to calmly. And I want to say unemotionally, you know,
not charged motion to be able to say it's not
okay to talk to me that way. What is it
that I can help you. I'm happy to help you,
but not when you speak to me that way is
not confrontational, it's actually quite calm, and it very clearly
defines the boundary that this is not about me not
(33:31):
being willing to do X, y Z, but I'm not
willing to be talked to this way or treated this way.
And I saw massive shifts in my work relationships that
had brought me great angst. And for those that could
not accept those shifts, they left, you know, because I
(33:52):
was standing firm and who I am and how I
was redefining my own worth in my life. And as
I said, several relationships improved because of it, including the
relationship with my supervisor, and that was I mean, that
was a really angst filled relationship. And being able to
(34:13):
be at a place where we're calm and you can
disagree on things, but there is a level of respect
that was not there previously has made all the difference
in how I approached my work and enjoy my work.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yeah, oh my gosh, it's so cool. So many different
things that you're saying.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
But part of it is, like, ladies, if you have
lived in a certain identity your whole life, where you're
the one that always listens, or you're the one that
you know, people walk over like some people say, come
to my calls, and they're like, leanne, I'm a carpet
like I just I have a hard time finding my
voice and people just walk all over me. Maybe you're
the pleaser, the perfectionist, whatever it is, and then you
build relationships within that identity and people like get used
(34:52):
to you being that version of yourself. Maybe you're the
quiet one, Maybe you're the one who always listens but
never speaks right.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Maybe you are the ragey one. You know.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
But when people get used to you being a certain
way and then you shift, if they're not able to
receive that shift, it can create a little bit of tension.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
But the flip side of it too is.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Like this happens a lot of time with my clients
on a couple different levels. One is if my clients
build relationships with people that are always like obsessing over
food or their weight and all that, and then they
get around these women and they're no longer playing that
game anymore.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
But the women that they're around are still.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Like, Oh, I can't eat that it has too many cars,
or oh, I'm so fat. My clients like they feel
that internal resistance and it's almost like a trigger to them,
and we have to deal with that right and.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Have moved towards compassion and all these things.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
But the other side of it is you might understand
or come to realize and it's not always fun and.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Pretty, as kind of Suzanne was referencing.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
When you grow and evolve and become brighter and better
and more amazing and like shine, brighter and all those things,
there's going to be people that are threatened by that,
and they're going to try and knock you down.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And then you're going to.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Really see who the best people in your life are,
because they're the ones that want you to win. They
want everyone to win. They love that you're growing, they
love that you're happy, they love that you're succeeding, and
it kind of becomes binary. You're going to see, unfortunately,
some of your friends are not for you. Maybe some
of your family members are threatened.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
By your success.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
And what a lot of us do is if we're
not resilient enough we shrink back down into our previous identity,
and Suzanne had to do a lot of I was
just about to say shrinking up, but you know what
I mean, an opposite direction, pushing not pushing back in
a defensive way.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
And here's a big distinction that we talk about. You know,
you and I have talked about before, but the difference
between standing up for.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yourself, because that puts you in the defense, You're in
fight mode. It's kind of puts you in this resistance
versus no, just being a stand for who you are
and being unshakable in who you are and just being
not really saying, not fighting back, not on the defense,
just being just standing, being a stand. And then again,
(36:59):
the people that are for you will be for you,
and the people that aren't they will disappear themselves from
your life.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah, and it's really incredible. I have watched some of
those people just kind of out of my life, and
you're right. I love the distinction between being a stand
for yourself and taking a stand, because taking a stand
is about like I'm picking up arms, I'm going to fight,
and being a stand is just I'm going to be
truthful to who I am and I'm just going to
(37:25):
stand here and who I know myself to be, and
I'm going to make my decisions based on that which
I know about myself. And when I'm doing that, regardless
of the outcome, I know that the person that I'm
ultimately answering to is myself and not to somebody else's expectations,
not to somebody else's rules, not to somebody else's definition
(37:47):
of what should be. I'm responding and I'm authentically living
in who I want to be, how I want to be,
and how I want to show up in the world.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Such difference, and it comes back to what you were
saying about dating, you know how It's like instead of
being like, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Showing up like I hope this person likes me, you're oh,
my gosh, like how can I get my how can
I change so that they do?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's like, No, I'm just going to show up as
myself and the.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Person for me is going to just receive me as
me and love me for being me and accept me
just as I am.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Yes, And you know, one of the things I had
realized in my dating life that I'll share in case
it's helpful for somebody else, said this, But this truly.
This relationship, I think is the first time I really
lived these words completely. Is My job in dating was
not to become who they wanted me to be. My
job and dating was to bring who I am and
(38:41):
let them decide if they like that. My job was
to get to know the other person to decide if
I liked them.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It's an interview, you're you're like qualifying them and you
realize how flipping amazing you are.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Finally you know.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, And that's not about finding their faults or their flaws,
but about can you get to know who they really
really are? And does that match what you really really
want for your life?
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Absolutely, And it's about alignment Instead of trying to fit
into somebody's box of what you think you should be
or who you think you're supposed to be. It's just
you get to be this aligned, integrity driven person that
just shows up in all of your brightness and amazingness
and eccentricities and in my case, dorkiness, all of it.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I think all of us have some dorkiness, totally totally
embracing it everywhere.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I love it. Well, thank you so much. We've got
to get you back on here.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
These conversations are always just so powerful with you anything
for anybody listening, whether it's like maybe they're shrinking themselves
in their relationships, maybe they're shrinking themselves in their work life,
maybe they still haven't found the courage to say, hey,
I need help with my food and body struggles.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Like anything that you would.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Just kind of harding words to impress upon anybody listen
into this that just needs some sort of of you know,
maybe it's hope, maybe it's inspiration, maybe it's belief, maybe
it's a new way of thinking.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Anything that you would wish upon or impart upon our listeners.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I would say, if you're listening, then you're already identifying
that you want something different in your life. Don't be
afraid to pursue what that different is. If it is
about food, definitely consider going through the whole stressless Eating program.
And if it's not about food, or you don't think
(40:33):
it's about food, if you think it's about stress less,
this program still helps. That has been one of the
most amazing parts of being involved in stressless eating. Part
of it is about the food for me, as somebody
who you know, definitely ate based on my emotions. But
what has been fascinating to me is how this approach
(40:55):
of stressing less in my life has applied to all
of these and areas of my life. And I am
a more peaceful person. I am a much happier person,
and I am much more in touch with who I
really am and who I really want to be and
how to be the very best version of me. And
if that is what you're searching for, then I strongly,
(41:20):
strongly encourage you to consider going through this program. It
will help you to define who you are, what you
stand for in your own life, and how to continue
to bring out the very best version of yourself. And
the very best version of yourself is the self that's
going to love yourself and open yourself for love from others.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Wow, oh my gosh, what a beautiful testament to who
you've become and who you're becoming. And thank you for
those those beautiful words. Grateful to have you here sharing
your truth.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
We definitely have to have you back anytime you like.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
I love having these conversations with you, and I love
just the idea that this could be helpful for somebody
else to find their own truth and their own value
and to pursue how to make those shifts in their
life to be happier and wholer I guess it's more
whole and how they show up in their life and
their own value.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well, thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Yeah, your wisdom is definitely an inspiration and I guarantee
you helping anybody who's listening to this right now.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
So thank you for being here, ladies, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
We are going to sign out for today's episode, but
we will catch you on the next one. Bye. Thank
you so much for listening today, and I hope this
story gave you a little more hope and maybe even
some inspiration to see what's possible for you to remember
you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely not
alone in this. And if you want to learn more
(42:53):
about how I teach my clients to turn off the
part of their brain that's obsessed with food or obsessed
with their weight. Why are their own brain for peace
and freedom, then head on over to Stressless Eating dot
com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview,
where I've literally peeled back the curtain and walked you
through the exact strategy I teach my clients to heal
(43:15):
themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality for good,
but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without
ever having to use words like macros, low carb, or
calorie burn. It's there for you to access over at
Stressless Eating dot com and if you like out Weigh,
I actually have another podcast here on iHeart where I
(43:36):
talk about all of this self image and body image stuff,
but from the perspective of where brain science intersects faith.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
It's called What's.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
God Got to Do With It? And you can access
it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
So that's it for today. I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll
be back for more Outweigh, So talk to you then Bye.
I won't let my body out be outwait everything that
I'm made, don't won't spend my life trying to change.
Speaker 2 (00:08):
I'm learning love who I am, I get, I'm strong,
fail free, I know everybody of me. It's beautiful.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
And that will always out way if you feel it,
but yours.
Speaker 2 (00:25):
And there she'll some love to the food.
Speaker 1 (00:28):
There, say good day and did you and die out way,
Happy Saturday, outweigh It's leanne here and what you're about
to hear are real stories from real women who have
faced some of their deepest struggles with food and their
bodies and face their demons and come out on the
other side. And so these are the raw, unfiltered journeys
(00:51):
of women just like you, who once felt trapped in
their own mental prisons, caught in that endless cycle of
food obsession, you know, feeling like a failure in all
of that shame. And I'm sharing these with you because
I want you to know that no matter how stuck
or out of control you feel right now, there is
a way out. So if you're feeling broken or crazy,
(01:13):
or like you're the only one who struggles with this,
you are not. You are not alone, and you are
definitely not beyond hope or healing. These stories are proof
that true transformation is possible, and I hope they inspire
you to see what's possible for yourself.
Speaker 2 (01:30):
So let's dive on in.
Speaker 1 (01:33):
Well, Hello, Hello, and welcome back to the Stressless Eating Podcast.
Super excited for today's episode because it's kind of another
full circle journey. We have Suzanne back on the podcast.
She shared her her testimony and case study man probably
a year or so ago. You know, she graduated from
Stressless Eating probably like over two years ago, and now
(01:54):
she's you know, I'm grateful that she's an ambassador for
the program. She's helping me behind the scenes. She's a
support system for the gals that are going through the
program currently, and it's just a big full circle journey.
But I wanted to just kind of bring her back
on the podcast share you know, some things behind the
scenes of what's causing her to show up in her
life differently now even two years later. You know, how
(02:16):
it's affecting not food in her body necessarily, but we're
going to talk about non related because everybody thinks like, oh,
it's a food problem, Oh it's a body problem. It's like, no,
there's all these other areas of our lives where we
are not showing up, we're shrinking ourselves, we're diminishing our worth.
And so yes, it's a food and body and health
conversation and that's always going.
Speaker 2 (02:32):
To be part of our lives as women.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
We're learning how to take care of ourselves, right, But
we're going to talk about some of the auxiliary stuff
like relationships, like owning your worth, like stepping into work stuff.
Speaker 2 (02:44):
So we're gonna dive into all of that.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
So, first off, hello Susanna, and welcome back to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:51):
AI Leanne, thank you so much for the invitation to
join you today.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Absolutely well, I know that you know, everybody in our
in the program gets so much better value out of
your shares, and I wanted to just kind of let
other people share in the in the wealth of your
of your knowledge and wisdom and just life experiences that
you've that have been really you know, shaping this path
for you. And I'll link I'll link your original episode
in the show notes for anybody who hasn't met Susanne yet.
(03:16):
She shared her whole journey from you know, just being
in the food and body and shame.
Speaker 2 (03:20):
Prison and so we're going to kind of pick up
a little bit where we left off on that episode.
Speaker 1 (03:24):
You know, one of the things that we talked about
for you and when you shared your story is that
it wasn't just about food and body. The whole image
that you had of yourself was keeping you from stepping
into lots of areas of your life, but one of
them was love and inviting love into your life. And
I know when we very first met, the first time
we talked, you know, you were very clear that like, hey,
(03:45):
I'm not putting out what I want to come back,
but you also were clear like I have to love
myself first before I can go receive that from somebody else.
So kind of picking up from that, can you just
share a little bit about what that process was like
for you? And then obviously now you're in a relationship
with the love of your life, but kind of before
we ever met, where were you in your dating and
(04:07):
relationship life and what were some of the beliefs that
you had that were keeping you from putting yourself out there?
Speaker 3 (04:13):
You know, rewinding a couple of years, I was definitely
in a place that not only was I rejecting myself,
I was rejecting others around me, and I wasn't believing
if somebody was interested in me, and I really had
kind of taken myself out of the dating pool, which
was frustrating because one of the key ways that I
(04:34):
was defining myself, like if I met you during that
time period and somebody said, tell me five words about yourself, single,
would have been the very first thing I would have
said to define myself. And I was really mentally stuck
on the fact that I had not found my partner,
and I personally was interpreting that as rejection from society,
(04:57):
rejection by men, and there by rejecting all of the
qualities about me. They're great, and I could say, no,
I'm confident, and I was perceived as being this very confident,
self assured person. But sometimes that was true, and sometimes
it was you know, fake it till you make it feelings,
and I felt fraudulent at times when people would comment
(05:22):
to me, you're so self assured, and you prove that
perfection isn't necessary to be happy. I think all of
that is true, but at the time, how I was
defining myself was so hung up on being single that
I couldn't get past how I was rejecting myself over
and over again.
Speaker 1 (05:39):
By that definition, what you're really hitting on is like, ladies,
we don't even realize that our identity and our beliefs
shape our behaviors, right, And so alongside that identity of
being single were a lot of beliefs, and you know,
Suzanne had her own version of them. And for a
lot of my gals that identify as single, a lot
of the beliefs that come up when I'm talking to
(06:00):
them are like, who's going to want me? Or what
if I'm just destined to stay this way forever? Or
what if my person's not out there? Or what if
I'm just not what if love isn't in the cards
for me? And then whatever food or body shame we
have alongside it, and that self rejection just becomes part
of it. And our behaviors are a reflection of our beliefs.
So because you had that belief, you weren't taking actions
(06:22):
to change your dating life, let alone your self image,
you know before we met, or you were trying to
but didn't have the tools, and we just get stuck.
Speaker 3 (06:29):
We get so Simla, and I was stuck, And for me,
I would say, really, all of it was rooted. I
might say I'm single and what does that mean? And
rejected and what does that mean? But the reality is
digging underneath all of that was a mantra that was
going in my head of I'm not worthy. When I
dug down underneath what does all of this mean for me?
(06:53):
That's what it meant, and that was where I needed
to start.
Speaker 1 (06:56):
Yeah, and that's the thing where people get hung up
because a lot of people can really resonate with what
you're saying. Is they realize like this deep seated unworthiness.
But telling yourself looking in the mirror and saying you
are worthy and you deserve everything that you want doesn't
work because if your self image deep done inside is
saying no, you're not worthy. And maybe you're not using
those words specifically, ladies, if you're hearing this, maybe you're
not using the words I'm not worthy. Maybe you're using
(07:19):
the words like I'm not enough, or you'll you're not
skinny enough, or successful enough, or pretty enough, or any
of those things, even though like who's gonna want me? Thoughts,
even calling yourself fat right, those are symptoms of a
deep down unworthiness. And that's why positive thinking and fake
it till you make it, and motivational raw rab doesn't
work because if you have that wiring in your brain
(07:42):
like Suzanne was sharing, it becomes an identity. And one
of the things I want to touch on too that
you said that was so powerful is you know a
lot of women think like, oh my gosh, I have
to hit like my rock bottom in order to go
shift things. No, most of the women that come through
stressless seating ladies are just like Suzanne, outwardly projecting confidence,
successful in.
Speaker 2 (08:01):
Every area of their lives. This is the elephant in
the room.
Speaker 1 (08:05):
So don't think for a minute that you have to
be at some deep, dark rock bottom or in some
black hole to get yourself out of it.
Speaker 3 (08:12):
It's so true. And I remember the pivotal moment for
me was one day when I looked in the mirror
and I didn't say, oh, you look pretty, or you
look good or bad in this outfit, you look this
or that. I looked at myself and said, you look lovable.
I remember, like that was just such. It brings tears
to my eyes because it was such a big moment
(08:35):
for me in then defining my own worth. Yeah, I
am lovable and it had nothing to do with my size,
It had nothing to do with accomplishments, It had nothing
to do with relationship status or any of the other
things that I was using to define my own worth.
It was just like, no, I breathe, I'm a human being.
(08:58):
For me, I'm a child of God and all of
that means I am lovable. And that lovable statement I
redefined my own worth.
Speaker 2 (09:08):
Oh my gosh, I remember that happening.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
I remember you sharing that with me, And like, ladies,
all of you have that one pivotal moment in you
that's coming right, and I want, I would love for
you to speak about the age factor. For example. So
a lot of us have limiting beliefs. But one of
the things that comes up when it comes to food
struggles and body struggles is like, leanne, I've been like
this for so many long. I'm forty fifty sixty years
(09:31):
old and I've been struggling with this since I was
a kid. Can this ever change for me? But also
on the love conversation, a lot of women think like, oh,
if I'm you know now, it's happening earlier. I hear
people in their mid twenties saying this, But you know, thirties, forties, fifties, sixties,
I've never found love?
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Is it too late for me? Can you just kind
of speak to.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Some of the thoughts that you had about that and
what you now see is true about that?
Speaker 3 (09:55):
I was the perpetually single gal. I, you know, had
some dating relationship in my adult life and just hadn't
found that air quotes the one, and I was at
times depressed about it, feeling dejected. But I ultimately recognized
that every step you take on the path of your
(10:16):
life is leading you to where you're meant to be.
And part of my work with Ulienne has been about like,
who do I want to be in a relationship? So
that helped me to really think through how do I
want to show up every day for myself, for a partner,
for the other people in my life, for the world.
(10:37):
And that was the part that I knew that I
had influence over. I don't have influence over what's the
timing of meeting somebody and who that somebody is going
to be and what are the circumstances around that. I
couldn't influence all of those pieces, but I could influence
who I am on a daily basis and how I
(10:58):
show up in the world. I don't think it's a
surprise that. And I was also using the journal to
be grateful in advance for all of the qualities that
were going to show up in my life in a partner.
And I really was putting that out there to the universe, like,
this is exactly what I'm looking for. Here are the
(11:18):
qualities that I want, Here are the things. And they
were also you know, what are the qualities that I
wanted to develop in myself and how do I show
up better? And I didn't meet my Jose until I
was fifty, and I think my family had kind of
decided she's just going to be single, Aunt Susie. And
(11:39):
in a lot of ways in my life, I had
resigned myself to the fact that I probably am going
to be, you know, single, and I was I was
coming to a different place of acceptance about that on
the work that I was doing for myself. But I
know that part of why I met Jose at the
(11:59):
time that I did had to do about my openness
about what I was looking for. And I can say
with all honesty, it's the first relationship that I showed
up exactly as who I am, not for who I
thought they wanted or what they would be attracted to
(12:20):
or be looking for. That's a no win situation when
you're looking at a relationship wondering do I measure up
to their expectations. I walked into this fully knowing this
is who I am. I have no apologies about it.
I'm not perfect. Here are my flaws, but here are
my strengths. And he did the same, And that was
(12:43):
a completely different way for me to show up in
a romantic relationship than I ever had in my whole life.
And it felt freeing. It felt really validating that this
person liked me exactly as I am, and not only
liked me, but loves me exactly as I am. And
I had to come to a point of loving myself
(13:04):
exactly as I am before I could appreciate being able
to show somebody exactly who I am and give them
an opportunity to love me that way.
Speaker 1 (13:14):
It's so interesting too, because a lot of women think, like, oh,
when I lose the weight, then I'll invite love in
or or not even like the waiting for the weight conversation.
But then also, just like you said, almost resigning to
the fact of like, well, just maybe this is my life,
you know. And the reality is we're not resigning to
the fact that we.
Speaker 2 (13:31):
Don't want love. Our hearts want love. It's like one
of the strongest desires as women.
Speaker 1 (13:36):
Right What we were resigning to is the fact that
we don't think it's possible or we don't think we're
worthy of it. And also it becomes a conversation of like,
I have to be a certain way for somebody to
like me.
Speaker 2 (13:46):
And then we posture, we please, we mold ourselves, we perform,
we try to perfect ourselves.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
And what happens is we grow less and less in
love with ourselves, or we fall more and more out
of love with who we are because we're so focused
on somebody accepting us. And that's the thing nobody tells us.
Wait a minute, When you accept yourself, you're going to
be able to receive acceptance.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
When you love yourself, you're going to be able to
receive love.
Speaker 1 (14:08):
When you feel beautiful, you're going to be able to
receive somebody else seeing you through the.
Speaker 2 (14:12):
Eyes of beauty. And again, nobody talks about that.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
You know, we see there's a billion, multi billion dollar
industry telling you to just go on keno and lose
weight and then you'll be happy.
Speaker 2 (14:21):
And it's like, wait, what about this other stuff? You know?
And one of the things that.
Speaker 1 (14:26):
You know, it's it's manifested beautiful things in my life
that you know specific And here's the thing. I'm as
we're recording this, I'm thirty eight years old, you know,
and in today's society, some like I wrote a post
about it, I remember a few years ago, like to
some people.
Speaker 2 (14:40):
I'm behind and I'm not on the timeline of everyone else.
Speaker 1 (14:44):
But what I know now is like if I had
married somebody when I was thirty, I would have brought
all of my food stuff and body stuff and shame stuff,
and I probably would be divorced by now, because not
because somebody couldn't love me, but because I couldn't love me.
And it's about running your own race. There's no timelines,
there's no deadlines, there's no storylines.
Speaker 2 (15:05):
You have to.
Speaker 1 (15:05):
Decide, are you willing and ready and able to receive
love right now? Than If so, it is your duty,
in my opinion, to remove all of the obstacles, which
are really just beliefs that are keeping you from feeling
worthy of receiving it and I had it too, Like,
you know, all these beliefs that are like, maybe love
isn't in the cards for you and all that, and
I'm like, no, I am not going to settle and
(15:26):
receive those lies. They are just lies in their beliefs
that I do not have to believe in. And when
I started believing that not only is my man out
there and he's looking for me too, but when he
meets me, he's going to love me just as I am.
He's going to love all the parts of me that
took me forever to love, and he's gonna make me
a better version of myself. He's gonna make me even
(15:47):
more me because I'm going to be more me and
authentic and a line around him. And it's not a
coincidence you had. You know, we parallel belief systems along
the way, and both of us are now in relationships
with love, with the love of our life's This is
not a love a Love podcast episode, but of just
saying it's not a coincidence that when your beliefs are
aligned for loneliness and rejection and not being able to.
Speaker 2 (16:11):
Receive love and not feeling beautiful and.
Speaker 1 (16:13):
Worthy, you are not going to find that or you'll
settle for a relationship with an avoidant or somebody who's
not emotionally available.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's the other thing.
Speaker 1 (16:22):
Becoming emotionally available to yourself is when you can then
attract emotionally available men or women, whichever the case may be.
Speaker 2 (16:29):
And so I hear this time and time again.
Speaker 1 (16:32):
Actually that is the other side of it, Like not
women that are just not only like sitting on the
sidelines of their life, but maybe they are playing full
out in their dating world and wondering why they're getting
like emotionally abusive or gaslighting men or some in some
cases like narcissistic sociopathic avoidance.
Speaker 2 (16:49):
You know, it's true.
Speaker 1 (16:51):
And I have conversations with you know, there's a couple
of people in my life that are still navigating their
romantic life. And I hear when I hear things saying
like oh my gosh, like in they're my age, like Leanne,
I'm thirty eight years old, and like what if I
want to get married and I want to have kids,
And I'm.
Speaker 2 (17:06):
Like yeah, but like you can't look at it like that.
Speaker 1 (17:09):
You've got to just part of it is that faith,
like positive expectation, positive anticipation, you know, conversation of like, hey,
I just have to believe, because ladies listening to this,
you're either positively anticipating your future or you're negatively anticipating
your creature.
Speaker 2 (17:23):
It's really one or the other. It's not simple. And
so you I.
Speaker 1 (17:26):
Invite you all to like, not in a delusional optimism
kind of way, you know, but in a very practical,
faith based version of like, hey, I am not willing
to settle for the fact that I'm going to be
alone the rest of my life.
Speaker 2 (17:38):
I'm not going to believe that lie.
Speaker 1 (17:40):
And I am open to the possibility that my man
is or woman, whichever the case may be, is out
there looking for me, and I just have to be
available emotionally to myself to receive that person when they
show up.
Speaker 2 (17:51):
What if that was the conversation for you, It's.
Speaker 1 (17:53):
The conversation that Suzanne started entertaining after what forty eight years.
Speaker 2 (17:57):
Of not and so can you speak to.
Speaker 1 (18:00):
That for a second about like, yeah, you had a
lot of momentum the other direction, but when you have
the brain and the and the beliefs and a system
of thinking to actually take you in the in the
other direction, it doesn't matter how long you've been a
certain way, can you kind of speak to the speed
so to speak for you and how quickly things shift
when you when you started the brain and the nervous
system and the belief.
Speaker 3 (18:25):
You know. Before I say that, I would also say,
you know, stressless eating, in my mind is all a
love conversation. It's not a love conversation, but it is
a love conversation about yourself in yourself and how do
you define that and what does that mean? And how
can you accept yourself differently with love and push yourself
(18:48):
differently with love to redefine how you look at yourself
and define yourself and the role that food plays or
stress plays, because they have focused on this stressless part
of this just as much as the eating part of
this love and I would say the timeline. I remember
(19:09):
in my thirties having somebody say to me it was
really helpful that they said, I didn't get married until
I was forty five, and if I had known at
thirty five how good my life would be at forty five,
I would never spend a minute worrying. And it helped
me at that time to be reminded to look for
(19:31):
what is the advantage of whatever stage of life I'm in.
So as a single person, that meant like, I'm going
to go travel with my friends, I'm going to embrace
the freedom of being single, and I'm going to sleep
in the middle of the bed and know that one
of the advantages is that I look super arrested compared
(19:51):
to my friends who were married enough kids and embrace
getting a full night sleep when others are struggling because
they're taking care of it. Is so I really kind
of I tried to adopt that philosophy of the grass
is not greener on the other side, how do I
make the grass that I'm in as green as I
want it to be whatever situation I'm in. That definitely
(20:13):
helped me during some low times thinking about that definition
of being single. And I would say, you know, part
of the timing for me because it's similar to you.
If I had been serious or married any of the
man I had dated when I was younger, I certainly
would have been divorced. There's no doubt about it, and
(20:34):
not because there's anything wrong with them, but I wasn't
showing up as me fully. And you know, at some
point in a relationship you start to show up as
yourself fully and sometimes that's when you're a little more
honest with yourself that maybe this person doesn't have the
qualities or characteristics you're looking for, and maybe they're not
bringing out the very best in you either. So I
(20:57):
would say that the age related to love is almost irrelevant.
It is about are you loving yourself first? And are
you fully accepting yourself first? And then you will be
able to open that full self up to somebody else.
And it's not about what your gene size is or
(21:17):
the number on your scale, or what your hair looks like.
Is it pray or is it, you know, a natural color.
Are you wrinkled or smooth skinned? I mean, the ultimate
connection of love is heart to heart and it's not
about the outward appearance.
Speaker 1 (21:35):
You know when people say to me, hey, Lienne, but
you know, I was just talking to a woman actually
this week, you know, and she's in her sixties and
she wants love, but there's things that are keeping her
from it, and I totally get it.
Speaker 2 (21:46):
It's not an age. Is not a discrimination like.
Speaker 1 (21:49):
This happens to women that are in their twenties that
are like Leanne, I'm you know, I'm twenty eight and
I haven't found love, like am I doomed? And it's like, again,
this problem doesn't discriminate. It happens to every woman because
it's a belief struggle, right. But one of my mentors
used to say, it's true, but it's also irrelevant. So
your age, whatever your age is, whatever your weight is,
like the fact that you are a certain age and
(22:11):
a certain weight and single, it's true, but it's also irrelevant.
It really comes down to like, and it's not that
it doesn't matter that you're sad about it, right, It's
just like it doesn't make a difference in how your
future has to manifest. Right. Part of it is like,
if you choose to believe the lie that you are
X and therefore your single or your why and therefore
(22:32):
your single, you are going to be a victim to
your circumstances.
Speaker 2 (22:35):
What you have to do is you have to take radical.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
Ownership of your belief system and you have to change
it and create the life that you want. And it
really is that simple, right, simple, not easy, but you've
got to draw a line in the sand where you
say no, I'm done believing this lie because this doing
more of the same is the cycle of insanity, the
definition of insanity.
Speaker 2 (22:53):
You know, I met up with a good girlfriend yesterday
who we haven't seen each other.
Speaker 1 (22:58):
We've texted and talked in to keep in touch, but
we got together for a walk yesterday because we hadn't
really seen much of each other in the pandemic, and
you know, we were talking, catching each other up, and
of course she wanted to hear about my relationship.
Speaker 2 (23:09):
And one of the things.
Speaker 1 (23:10):
That I said to her because she's been you know,
on the sidelines of the different men that I've dated,
you know, in the last five years since I moved
to Tennessee, and I said to her, I was like, yeah,
like this one he makes every other person that I've
dated like makes sense, and I see why they.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Were all a really important role.
Speaker 1 (23:29):
In becoming who I needed to become to attract Charles,
you know. And it really is like we can look
back at our past air quotes failures as failures, or
we can look back at them of evidence of like, oh,
this is where I learned what I didn't like and
what I didn't want, and who I don't want to
be and who I do want to be and all
these things.
Speaker 3 (23:46):
Like again, it's a choice, absolutely and you know, one
of the definitions that I had struggled with at the time,
one of my and I mean this is a very
limiting belief was I felt like God was somehow like, so,
I'm a faith filled person. Why hasn't God put this
person in my life? I'm being left behind for some reason.
(24:10):
I feel persecuted for some reason. And I remember the
day that there was there was some research study done
the happiest people on earth are single women without kids.
When I read that, there was a part of me
that shifted that day. I was like, huh, so, what
if all along God has been actually protecting me, saying
(24:33):
you're a super happy person and you may never be
any happier than this. Here's the reality. God was not
persecuting me or rewarding me. There's nothing I could do
to make him love me more or less. But that
was the story that was going in my mind. And
I remember how everything shifted when I read that research study,
and it made me say, huh, what if what if
(24:57):
I've been looking at this all wrong? What if story
was completely fabricated in my head? And I've been feeling
crappy because I've been telling myself this.
Speaker 2 (25:07):
Story absolutely absolutely. You know.
Speaker 1 (25:10):
One of the things that came in my head when
you said that is, I'm like, you know who the
happiest people in the world are the people who learn
what it takes for them to be happy, you know,
and like.
Speaker 3 (25:20):
People who accept themselves and.
Speaker 2 (25:24):
To sign it, you know.
Speaker 1 (25:25):
And happiness is like, it's not this like all encompassing thing,
Like happy people aren't necessarily happy all the time. It's
it is a state of being, you know, like they're
seeing the ebbs and flows in life. But like, as
you were saying that, like when you embraced this idea
of you know, hey, what if I embrace my singleness
right now while I'm single, you know, and.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
Found happiness now.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
And it's it's such a similar pattern for women that
are like, again, when I lose the weight, then I'll
be happy. When i'm a certain you know, side dress
size or gene number, then I'll be happy. And it's
the same thing. When I'm with a person, then I'll
be happy. It's like, no, what if you started at
happy and brought that with you into your relationship or
create trying to create relationships and brought that with you
(26:07):
into your weight loss journey and brought that with you
into your health journey again. Start at healthy, start it happy,
and bring it with you because I'm telling you, ladies,
I have been in relationships and I was miserable and
I have been at my most dreamy so to speak,
weight and I was miserable, right, And you go, what
(26:27):
do they say everywhere you go?
Speaker 2 (26:28):
There you are, so you're.
Speaker 1 (26:30):
Going to bring whatever internal Like I was just about
to say, baggage, but it really is just your internal
narrative with you. And sometimes it feels heavy, and it
feels like a lot of extra baggage, right, And.
Speaker 3 (26:40):
It seems like such an easy concept to just change
your mind, lay that weight down. It is a process,
is what I found. And you have definitely helped me
in that process to identify the areas where I have
a narrative that is not helping me, or that is
limiting me or is hurting me, and how to rewrite
(27:04):
that narrative and doesn't take long. And it is amazing
when that shift happens simply from letting go of a
belief that is hurting you absolutely. And one of those beliefs,
you know, was how I was defining myself as single.
And you know, I dated Jose almost fully during the pandemic.
(27:28):
There are lots of people in my life who've not
met him yet or who have no idea that I
have been dating him for nearly two years. And what's
interesting is they don't treat me any differently now that
I'm in a couple with Jose than they did when
I was single. The only person who was treating me
(27:50):
differently being single or being in a relationship was me.
Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, and kind of stacking on what you said a
minute ago, like, yeah, changing your beliefs and your mindset
about it. It's simple, not easy, but like once you
have a plan, it absolutely is, but it's also not
it's not logical. Like I live in the beautiful world
that everybody lives in where if you post something on
social media, like there might be people that you've never
met from the Peanut gallery giving their opinion. So I
(28:17):
had a post about like emotional eating and the firing
and wiring that happens alongside food and how it's different
in the female brain, and I had this woman who
I don't know, but she's a psychotherapist comment on my post,
being like, I think a lot of emotional eating is
just macro depletion, like if you just eat more good carbs,
spats and protein, emotional eating goes away.
Speaker 2 (28:38):
And I'm like, okay, cool.
Speaker 1 (28:38):
I appreciate your response, and maybe that might be part
of the solution. But first of all, that's such a
logical solution to an emotional problem when most of these
people are women, are not eating because they're hungry and
they need carbs, spats and protein.
Speaker 2 (28:52):
It's not logical.
Speaker 1 (28:54):
It's not that you can't logic your way through an
emotional problem. And I was, you know, a little flustered.
I'll just use that word because I'm like, you're a psychotherapist,
like you should know. This is not just logical, it's emotional.
And you're trying to talk about like fats and carbs,
you know. So part of it is like, yeah, it
sounds all fine and dandy about like, oh, just changing
your mindset.
Speaker 2 (29:14):
But that's why, ladies, you can't just read.
Speaker 1 (29:17):
You can't like follow a motivational speaker on Instagram and
think that by through osmosis you're going to transform.
Speaker 2 (29:23):
These are deep seat of beliefs.
Speaker 1 (29:24):
Now, we do not need to go dig up in
the emotional graveyard and expose old traumas and psychoanalyze your past.
In fact, like I invite you to stop doing that.
You've done that enough. But what you do need to
do is take a very right now approach to your
current beliefs in paradigm that are keeping you in the mindset.
Speaker 2 (29:42):
That you're in.
Speaker 1 (29:43):
Whether it is in your mindset around your relationships, food,
your body, it's all interconnected.
Speaker 2 (29:49):
As Susanne is really modeling.
Speaker 1 (29:51):
To you, right she thought she was coming to me
for a food struggle and it ended up being so
much more, you know, And so I just wanted to
say that too, Ladi Z, Like, you can't keep trying
to logic and reason your way through an emotional problem.
Diets won't fix it, you know, dating apps won't fix it.
Making more money or you know, accelerating your career will
not fix the emotional availability.
Speaker 2 (30:14):
Struggle that you have with yourself or self rejection.
Speaker 1 (30:22):
You know, a big part of your journey kind of
after you found your voice.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
We talked about your your relationships, but a big part.
Speaker 1 (30:28):
Of it was like finding your voice and finding your
work and your professional life totally switching gears on you, Like, yeah,
a little bit about how that aligned with this journey too,
and how it all kind of intermingled in the mix.
Speaker 2 (30:40):
You know.
Speaker 3 (30:40):
One of the things that I found interesting is as
I would fix I'm air quoting fix one area in
my self worth, it would pop up in another area
and I would realize, oh, there's still you know, I
still have lingering issues for limiting beliefs in another area
that is tied to this. And it definitely happened in
(31:02):
the workplace where how I was showing up. I was
feeling disrespected frequently, but I wasn't modeling how do I
respect myself as clearly defining what are my boundaries and
how do I reclaim what needs to be my time
(31:23):
versus work time, versus what I do for others, what
I do for myself, and what I do for the
organization I work for. And as I started to redefine
what that was, it was not comfortable for everybody and
it's not going to be. But what I learned was
how to stand for myself, how to be a stand
(31:44):
for me, what it is that I need, what I
know to be true for me, and what's true for
me might be completely different than what's true for somebody else,
but what was true for me was I was in
a pattern of always being the fixer, always being the
person to take care of all the problems that others
didn't want to have to deal with. And you know,
(32:05):
that pattern had shown up in my family role. It
showed up on a regular basis that, oh, Suzanne's ultimately
so capable, we'll just let her fix all of this stuff.
And as a result, I was resentful. I felt like
the dumping brown. I frequently, you know, felt like, well,
how am I the pack mule of this whole, big
group and I'm the leader? Why am I getting dumped
(32:28):
on this way? And part of it was I was
allowing it on, And part of it was also I
hadn't drawn my own firm boundaries. And when you draw
those boundaries, it can feel at times confrontational, even though
it's not. And it's because you're at war with yourself
(32:48):
a little bit in those boundaries, more than other people
are at or about those boundaries. And it's so fascinating
to me that when you respect yourself and are clear
of about how you want that respectful behavior to be
shown to you, you then have the tools to be
(33:09):
able to calmly. And I want to say unemotionally, you know,
not charged motion to be able to say it's not
okay to talk to me that way. What is it
that I can help you. I'm happy to help you,
but not when you speak to me that way is
not confrontational, it's actually quite calm, and it very clearly
defines the boundary that this is not about me not
(33:31):
being willing to do X, y Z, but I'm not
willing to be talked to this way or treated this way.
And I saw massive shifts in my work relationships that
had brought me great angst. And for those that could
not accept those shifts, they left, you know, because I
(33:52):
was standing firm and who I am and how I
was redefining my own worth in my life. And as
I said, several relationships improved because of it, including the
relationship with my supervisor, and that was I mean, that
was a really angst filled relationship. And being able to
(34:13):
be at a place where we're calm and you can
disagree on things, but there is a level of respect
that was not there previously has made all the difference
in how I approached my work and enjoy my work.
Speaker 2 (34:26):
Yeah, oh my gosh, it's so cool. So many different
things that you're saying.
Speaker 1 (34:30):
But part of it is, like, ladies, if you have
lived in a certain identity your whole life, where you're
the one that always listens, or you're the one that
you know, people walk over like some people say, come
to my calls, and they're like, leanne, I'm a carpet
like I just I have a hard time finding my
voice and people just walk all over me. Maybe you're
the pleaser, the perfectionist, whatever it is, and then you
build relationships within that identity and people like get used
(34:52):
to you being that version of yourself. Maybe you're the
quiet one, Maybe you're the one who always listens but
never speaks right.
Speaker 2 (34:57):
Maybe you are the ragey one. You know.
Speaker 1 (35:01):
But when people get used to you being a certain
way and then you shift, if they're not able to
receive that shift, it can create a little bit of tension.
Speaker 2 (35:08):
But the flip side of it too is.
Speaker 1 (35:09):
Like this happens a lot of time with my clients
on a couple different levels. One is if my clients
build relationships with people that are always like obsessing over
food or their weight and all that, and then they
get around these women and they're no longer playing that
game anymore.
Speaker 2 (35:22):
But the women that they're around are still.
Speaker 1 (35:24):
Like, Oh, I can't eat that it has too many cars,
or oh, I'm so fat. My clients like they feel
that internal resistance and it's almost like a trigger to them,
and we have to deal with that right and.
Speaker 2 (35:33):
Have moved towards compassion and all these things.
Speaker 1 (35:35):
But the other side of it is you might understand
or come to realize and it's not always fun and.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Pretty, as kind of Suzanne was referencing.
Speaker 1 (35:44):
When you grow and evolve and become brighter and better
and more amazing and like shine, brighter and all those things,
there's going to be people that are threatened by that,
and they're going to try and knock you down.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
And then you're going to.
Speaker 1 (35:57):
Really see who the best people in your life are,
because they're the ones that want you to win. They
want everyone to win. They love that you're growing, they
love that you're happy, they love that you're succeeding, and
it kind of becomes binary. You're going to see, unfortunately,
some of your friends are not for you. Maybe some
of your family members are threatened.
Speaker 2 (36:14):
By your success.
Speaker 1 (36:15):
And what a lot of us do is if we're
not resilient enough we shrink back down into our previous identity,
and Suzanne had to do a lot of I was
just about to say shrinking up, but you know what
I mean, an opposite direction, pushing not pushing back in
a defensive way.
Speaker 2 (36:30):
And here's a big distinction that we talk about. You know,
you and I have talked about before, but the difference
between standing up for.
Speaker 1 (36:37):
Yourself, because that puts you in the defense, You're in
fight mode. It's kind of puts you in this resistance
versus no, just being a stand for who you are
and being unshakable in who you are and just being
not really saying, not fighting back, not on the defense,
just being just standing, being a stand. And then again,
(36:59):
the people that are for you will be for you,
and the people that aren't they will disappear themselves from
your life.
Speaker 3 (37:04):
Yeah, and it's really incredible. I have watched some of
those people just kind of out of my life, and
you're right. I love the distinction between being a stand
for yourself and taking a stand, because taking a stand
is about like I'm picking up arms, I'm going to fight,
and being a stand is just I'm going to be
truthful to who I am and I'm just going to
(37:25):
stand here and who I know myself to be, and
I'm going to make my decisions based on that which
I know about myself. And when I'm doing that, regardless
of the outcome, I know that the person that I'm
ultimately answering to is myself and not to somebody else's expectations,
not to somebody else's rules, not to somebody else's definition
(37:47):
of what should be. I'm responding and I'm authentically living
in who I want to be, how I want to be,
and how I want to show up in the world.
Speaker 2 (38:00):
Such difference, and it comes back to what you were
saying about dating, you know how It's like instead of
being like, you know.
Speaker 1 (38:05):
Showing up like I hope this person likes me, you're oh,
my gosh, like how can I get my how can
I change so that they do?
Speaker 2 (38:10):
It's like, No, I'm just going to show up as
myself and the.
Speaker 1 (38:12):
Person for me is going to just receive me as
me and love me for being me and accept me
just as I am.
Speaker 3 (38:19):
Yes, And you know, one of the things I had
realized in my dating life that I'll share in case
it's helpful for somebody else, said this, But this truly.
This relationship, I think is the first time I really
lived these words completely. Is My job in dating was
not to become who they wanted me to be. My
job and dating was to bring who I am and
(38:41):
let them decide if they like that. My job was
to get to know the other person to decide if
I liked them.
Speaker 1 (38:48):
It's an interview, you're you're like qualifying them and you
realize how flipping amazing you are.
Speaker 2 (38:54):
Finally you know.
Speaker 3 (38:56):
Yeah, And that's not about finding their faults or their flaws,
but about can you get to know who they really
really are? And does that match what you really really
want for your life?
Speaker 1 (39:08):
Absolutely, And it's about alignment Instead of trying to fit
into somebody's box of what you think you should be
or who you think you're supposed to be. It's just
you get to be this aligned, integrity driven person that
just shows up in all of your brightness and amazingness
and eccentricities and in my case, dorkiness, all of it.
Speaker 3 (39:30):
I think all of us have some dorkiness, totally totally
embracing it everywhere.
Speaker 2 (39:35):
I love it. Well, thank you so much. We've got
to get you back on here.
Speaker 1 (39:39):
These conversations are always just so powerful with you anything
for anybody listening, whether it's like maybe they're shrinking themselves
in their relationships, maybe they're shrinking themselves in their work life,
maybe they still haven't found the courage to say, hey,
I need help with my food and body struggles.
Speaker 2 (39:55):
Like anything that you would.
Speaker 1 (39:56):
Just kind of harding words to impress upon anybody listen
into this that just needs some sort of of you know,
maybe it's hope, maybe it's inspiration, maybe it's belief, maybe
it's a new way of thinking.
Speaker 2 (40:08):
Anything that you would wish upon or impart upon our listeners.
Speaker 3 (40:12):
I would say, if you're listening, then you're already identifying
that you want something different in your life. Don't be
afraid to pursue what that different is. If it is
about food, definitely consider going through the whole stressless Eating program.
And if it's not about food, or you don't think
(40:33):
it's about food, if you think it's about stress less,
this program still helps. That has been one of the
most amazing parts of being involved in stressless eating. Part
of it is about the food for me, as somebody
who you know, definitely ate based on my emotions. But
what has been fascinating to me is how this approach
(40:55):
of stressing less in my life has applied to all
of these and areas of my life. And I am
a more peaceful person. I am a much happier person,
and I am much more in touch with who I
really am and who I really want to be and
how to be the very best version of me. And
if that is what you're searching for, then I strongly,
(41:20):
strongly encourage you to consider going through this program. It
will help you to define who you are, what you
stand for in your own life, and how to continue
to bring out the very best version of yourself. And
the very best version of yourself is the self that's
going to love yourself and open yourself for love from others.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
Wow, oh my gosh, what a beautiful testament to who
you've become and who you're becoming. And thank you for
those those beautiful words. Grateful to have you here sharing
your truth.
Speaker 2 (41:56):
We definitely have to have you back anytime you like.
Speaker 3 (42:00):
I love having these conversations with you, and I love
just the idea that this could be helpful for somebody
else to find their own truth and their own value
and to pursue how to make those shifts in their
life to be happier and wholer I guess it's more
whole and how they show up in their life and
their own value.
Speaker 2 (42:20):
Well, thank you so much for that.
Speaker 1 (42:22):
Yeah, your wisdom is definitely an inspiration and I guarantee
you helping anybody who's listening to this right now.
Speaker 2 (42:28):
So thank you for being here, ladies, Thank you for listening.
Speaker 1 (42:32):
We are going to sign out for today's episode, but
we will catch you on the next one. Bye. Thank
you so much for listening today, and I hope this
story gave you a little more hope and maybe even
some inspiration to see what's possible for you to remember
you're not broken, you're not crazy, and you're definitely not
alone in this. And if you want to learn more
(42:53):
about how I teach my clients to turn off the
part of their brain that's obsessed with food or obsessed
with their weight. Why are their own brain for peace
and freedom, then head on over to Stressless Eating dot
com and sign up to watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview,
where I've literally peeled back the curtain and walked you
through the exact strategy I teach my clients to heal
(43:15):
themselves from the all or nothing diet mentality for good,
but without restricting themselves, punishing their bodies, and definitely without
ever having to use words like macros, low carb, or
calorie burn. It's there for you to access over at
Stressless Eating dot com and if you like out Weigh,
I actually have another podcast here on iHeart where I
(43:36):
talk about all of this self image and body image stuff,
but from the perspective of where brain science intersects faith.
Speaker 2 (43:43):
It's called What's.
Speaker 1 (43:44):
God Got to Do With It? And you can access
it here on iHeart or wherever you get your podcasts.
So that's it for today. I'm Leanne Ellington and we'll
be back for more Outweigh, So talk to you then Bye.
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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