March 11, 2025 • 42 mins
This week, Amy shares her experience at a therapy retreat she attended over the weekend—with her kids and ex-husband, Ben—including a powerful moment when something she said may have been exactly what someone needed to hear. She and Kat also dive into a listener email about childhood bullying, sparking a conversation about the importance of close friendships—not just in school, but throughout life. Plus, Amy gives an update on her face fitness journey and reveals the surprising connection between the pelvic floor and so much more!
QUOTE: "I have an excellent memory, just not for things that actually happened."
BONUS QUOTE: "I don't believe in miracles, I rely on them."
HAVE THE TUESDAY YOU NEED TO HAVE!
Email: 4ThingsWithAmyBrown@gmail.com
HOSTS:
Amy Brown // RadioAmy.com // @RadioAmy
Kat Vanburen // @KatVanburen // @YouNeedTherapyPodcast // YouNeedTherapyPodcast.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat and I got a couple of quotes for
us today. One of them is unknown, just thought some
people might relate to it. I have an excellent memory,
just not for things that actually happened. We just remember
things that we make up in our head and loop
over and over and over that are.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Not one real like what somebody thought about you.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yeah, are certain scenarios the look you gave me, yes,
or if you make up an entire story around something
that never happened, but yet you've convince yourself that that's
exactly what went on, and then that's how you remember it,
and it's like, that's not actually what happened. I was
at on site this last weekend, which is what do
(00:48):
you call it? A therapy retreat center? Yeah, for people
that need help.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
They do intensives and beyond you let you help and beyond. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
So Ben had gone there four or five years ago,
maybe five on the dot. Actually he was thinking when
we were there this last weekend, I think it was
five years ago, like exactly, because it was before COVID.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And he went by himself.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
He went by himself and then Shortly after he got back,
COVID happened, which was around twenty March ish twenty twelve. Yeah,
So he went back to celebrate his five year anniversary,
and the kids and I went with him, just moral
support because he's messed up. Just kidding, we all are.
It was a family thing. He's not the messed up one.
(01:32):
We all are in our own way, right, but as
adopted parents, we were trying to figure out a way
to connect with our kids more and some of the
avoidant stuff that happens, which is very normal and kids
that have been.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Attachment was adopted. Yeah, good word. Yeah, got's therapist.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So we went to go over some of the attachment
wounds and get guidance. They don't call that there the therapist,
they're guides. So I loved our guide. She was a
fellow adoptive mom had also been through a divorce. So
we are there the first night and I'm gonna get
to the second quote because it's from on site, and
(02:15):
we're all trying to find a seat because we were
in our own private sessions with our guides for part
of it. But then there are group things. You can
opt out of the group if you want, but I'm like,
why why wouldn't we take advantage of this extra care
and extra fun stuff. So we would go to the
group things. In the first night, the group was meeting
and we were trying to find four chairs in a
(02:36):
row because me, Ben, Stevenson, Seeshia and there was like
only three. And this one guy was like, oh, I'll
get up. I'll get up, man, so you can sit
with your wife. And Ben's like, oh, that's not my wife.
And I was like, yeah, we're not married. And then
so I just sort of I don't even know why
I did this, but I just to the whole room.
I was like, so I'm just gonna go ahead and
(02:56):
throw this out there. We're divorced and we're here with
our kids, because I just wanted to it cleared the.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Air because were you interacting with all those other people we.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Would be and if people still would refer to us
as husband and wife, and just kind of.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You're almost either let it go.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
But then others came up and they're like, this is
amazing that y'all are here, and I said, yeah, it is,
but more so that it's a miracle because there was
a point in Ben and I's relationship where even though
we're amicable, something like that would have never been on
the table. Even though we could co parent well and
yes we have our moments where it's not going so well,
(03:34):
but we rebound pretty quickly, something like this still would
have never be cause I think last summer I even
threw out just maybe one therapy session like one. I
remember that, just one, and it was like no, and
I don't blame him. So we have come a long way.
And I didn't even push this, but I think because
this wasn't about me and Ben in our relationship. It
was about the kids. Yeah, and he obviously is willing
(03:57):
to do whatever for them. And we even made a
joke about that in front of the kids. And we
were eating lunch because they have this cafeteria like space
where everybody sits and eats at the same time, and
we would sit as a family every meal, so that
was awesome, and we would talk and we normally would
have just come out of it intensive so we felt
a little closer and it would lead to better conversation,
(04:21):
and we were talking about what brought it up. I
made a salad at the salad bar, and I put
raw red onions on my salad. And that's something I
never used to eat because I told you, yeah, the
raw garlic and the red onions. I just the smell.
I couldn't so our entire marriage, which we were married
(04:41):
seventeen years, he also could not have them because then
that's all I would smell. And I was making out
with him, so I'd be like, oh, did you have
raw onions on your salad? And so he quit eating them,
and he's sitting there watching me eat those, and he's like,
I cannot believe I'm watching you eat raw red onions
(05:02):
right now. And so I just looked up while seeing
myself and I said, I cannot believe you're sitting here
with us at this table at on site. And then
they all laughed and he's like, yeah, yeah, you're not wrong.
And I love that we were able to sort of
poke fun at each other.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But and it wasn't passive aggressive, it was it was actually,
you've worked through it so you can laugh about it
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yes, which is one of our goals as a family,
which our guide took us through, what are your goals
as a family, And one of it was that we
are able to be playful and fun and have sarcasm,
but to your point, not from a place of passive aggressiveness,
because oftentimes in families when they're a sarcasm, there is
a truth that is trying to be told that you
don't have the guts I guess to say and a
(05:43):
just direct this is how I feel way, So you
use the sarcasm, which ends up potentially wounding the other person,
and then a resentment builds up and you don't deal
with it. We went through this whole hula hoop thing
where you have different circles and you're in the hula hoop,
and passive aggressive can show up in one of the
hula hoops. I made sure we want to be the
fun sarcastic. We can poke fun of each other family,
(06:04):
but just make sure it's coming from a good place.
Which that was a moment of that happening, and I
share a part of that too, to just give hope
that if you're not in the place you thought you
were going to be in any relationship, time and patience.
I was shocked that we were able to do what
we did this last weekend, even with the growth that
(06:26):
I've seen in our kids, and you just were at
my house and saw me interact with Toashira, and you
said you could feel a different energy from her.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
One hundred percent. The whole room felt different. So something
worked while you were there.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Well, we've also only been home for day to day,
so we still have that. You know when you get
home from church camp and you're all.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, high high on God, you're high on site, you're
high off therapy. Right.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And one of the guides there, she wasn't our intensive guide,
but she was the group leader, and she was awesome.
She was in her sixties, a lot of life experience.
I mean, she had been through a lot. She didn't
even finish college until she was forty, so went back
to school, got her degree. Is a therapist now. But
(07:15):
it's not like she's been a therapist since she was
you know, early twenties or mid whenever you got your license.
Like she had a complete life disruption because of alcohol
and drugs and marriages and all living on the streets. Wow,
and then got her life together and got sober. And
(07:35):
so she was our guide. So many great stories, great personality.
And one thing she said to the group at one
point that I'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Wait, is this the quote?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
This is the quote?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Did we miss the quote or we're getting to.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
It and this is a quote finally getting to it.
I know you've been waiting. You've been waiting now. The
quote was the red onions. What a let down?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
The quote was you saying we're not married? Wanh wah wah.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
She said, I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
And if that doesn't hit you in that one time,
I'm saying, I'm gonna say it again. And her name
was Kat.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Two it was like me being there with you, right.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I thought of you all the time because she'd be
like she would talk to herself, I'm Kat, but she
would talk about her fourteen year old self too, and
her fourteen year old self. If she has named that person,
that's Felicia. Because when Felicia comes out, because she's from
the Bronx, Okay, New York, like Cat, and then Kat
went to University of Texas and Austin and now she
lives in Santa Monica on the beach.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Different.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Cat's very different than Felicia. But sometimes, as you know
as a therapist, when we are triggered, we go back
to our younger selves, and she can go back to Felicia,
real quick, and she has to keep awareness, so she knows, Okay,
Felicia's here, and I'm gonna go ahead and like type
this nasty email to whomever, and then we'll step in
(09:00):
and I'm likely not going to press sin because Felicia
will end up having to apologize for everything. But we
all have that that younger self, and I thought it
was cute that she gave it a name, and so
I shared that too to encourage you, if you know
you go back to some behavior that is younger, you
just screaming to get a word in edge wise because
(09:22):
you've been triggered. Give that in her child, that part
of you a name. That way you can have a
conversation with her and be like, okay, Tina, is that yours?
I don't know. I haven't named mine yet. What would
you name yours?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
So I'm trying to think of because when I was younger,
I have a name that I wanted my name to be,
but I don't know if that fits the vibe. So
when I was younger, with the age, I'm thinking that
comes out a lot. Well, Actually I would have one
for like elementary school me, and that would be like
a sweet name. I don't know why Susie came to mind.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Oh because that is a sweet name, or like Mary.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Or something like very sweet and innocent. And then my
middle school high school name. I wanted my name to
be Teresa Nicole or Stacy, but I feel like Teresa
works Nicole. Teresa Nicole works. Yeah, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And also when you're triggered, you're not going back to Susie.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Well, when I get my feelings hurt, sometimes oh yeah, da,
there are some like I'm thinking about if you said
something that hurt me, it could hurt me as it's
not me now that's getting hurt. It's this girl when
I was in elementary school. So it would be like, oh,
you just hurt Mary's feelings. But Mary needs to hear
da da da da and be told this and all that.
But if I get sassy or snappy or triggered in
(10:40):
some way, that's high school and that's the protector of Mary,
whose name is Teresa n Cole.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Now Teresa Nicole, which that reminds me. We have an
email from a listener talking about her younger days, and
I'll read that in a minute, but it's pretty powerful.
I read it to my daughter before we came into
record because I wanted her to hear it. But I
am going to say cats quote one more time if
it didn't hit you the first time. And I don't
(11:06):
believe in miracles, I rely on them. This is coming
from a woman who quite literally it's a miracle she
was standing before us. And I think that's a beautiful
way to look at life, is to just rely on
miracles and ask for things. If you don't ask, you
can't receive. And I was in a room full of
(11:26):
people that were at their lowest of lows, most of
them because they were desperate. There was a desperation there
and they were googling like where to go to get help,
and on site came up. It was interesting Ben and
I being there when we're in a better place and
such a healing even personally, not just together like we
(11:47):
were there for our kids. So it felt very different.
But there was this one woman the first night where
she was so full of emotion just even walking in
the room and knowing she was about to embark on
this journey, she could not hold back the tears. And
I was looking at her recross room and I was like,
after this, I've got to get up and go give
her a hug, and I would say, because I don't
(12:09):
know her experience and I don't want to compare mine.
So I had planned out of my head like I'm
going to say, I don't know you, I don't know
your story, and I know our stories are likely very
very very different. However, your emotion and what you're experiencing
and if there's she she even voiced something, so I
knew she was experiencing some fear and just feeling so low.
(12:32):
I was like, you are me in twenty twenty one,
you are me. I couldn't walk barely anywhere. I even
remember going on my birthday in my lowest lows two
get a massage because I don't know if somebody gifted
it to me or something. And I walked in and
laid down on the table and she started bawling, crying
in front of the therapists because I knew I was
about to get a release, and she was like, what
(12:54):
is happening? But I feel like that's what this woman
was like, no matter where she goes. And I remember
being so desperate back in twenty twenty one and my
therapist saying, you need to go somewhere, which I did.
I went away and Linda helped me. Linda in Virginia
picked me up from an airport and never even met her,
but I got help. But I felt that from her
(13:16):
well the end of the night, I never went up
to her, and every time I saw her after that
the next few days, I was like, dang, I should
have gone up to her, like I hope she's doing okay.
But then I was like, I guess it wasn't the
right time because I don't know, silly to think that
my words could have mattered anyway, like I had that thought.
And then we were leaving. We left a day earlier
than everybody else because our program was different, and we
(13:40):
ate our last meal, and we were walking to our cars.
They valet your cars and hide them from you. That
way you can't leave. Oh my gosh, which is hilarious.
I think. At first I thought, oh, how cool they
take our cars and park them for us. That's so
nice and here wow. And then Kat made a joke
one night when she was talking to all of us.
(14:00):
She's like, I mean, think about it, guys, We've made
it pretty difficult for y'all to get away.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
If you wanted to, you'd have to run away and
it's like in the woods.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yeah, you're in the middle of nowhere. So and I
was like, oh, dang, they're not valeying our cars. They're
straight up trying to get our keys.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
That's some healthy manipulation. Though.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yes, I was like, hmm clever because like I didn't
even notice. I just thought, oh, why sure, you can
take my car and all my things. You take my
you have to turn in your phone, your computer, they have.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
All your most expensive items. That's so nice of you
to protect them.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
They're like, they're definitely gonna have to come back. So
we finished our last meal and we're walking to our
cars because we got our keys back and our phones
back for our last meal, and I kept telling the
kids they want to like pull out their phones. I
was like, put your phones away, because nobody else here
has their phones.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
That's interesting. They gave you your phone back.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
It's because our guide gives them back to us, and
you were leaving. She thought we were going to leave after,
but the kids loved the food, and dinner was like
one more meal of thirty thirty minutes after we were
done with our last session, and so I asked the
we were doing outtake. I was like, are we allowed
to stay for dinner? I don't know if that was
included in our feet, but it should be. I didn't
(15:10):
say this should be part, but I thought it. I
thought it, and she said, oh yeah, yeah, y'all stay
for dinner, but then after that you'll go because there's
night time activities and we didn't get to produce it
in that. So anyway, we ate, and then we are
walking up the hill to our cars, and everybody else
is in the dining hall, and who's walking down the
hill by herself?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Lady that lady.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
And I thought, Okay, now's the time. This is what
I'm supposed to do. So I go over and I said, hey,
you know, I haven't really got to talk to you
the last few days. You don't know me. I was like, bet,
I'm Amy, and I remember the first night. I was
just connected to you and your tears and watching you,
and when you spoke I could relate so much to
(15:53):
what you were saying. And I don't know your full story.
I kind of said what I originally was going to say,
I said, but you were me in twenty twenty one,
So I said, I'm looking at you right now stronger
than I've ever been, and I am hope that you
will get past this. This is just the beginning, I said.
I actually don't think it's going to get easier for
you for a little bit, because you're putting in the
(16:16):
hard work and that will continue and it will get overwhelming,
I said, But the fact that I'm able to stand
before you right now and I'm like, I can get
through this sort of stuff. Like I didn't really cry
all weekend. We had a touching moment with the kids
that where we got emotional, but I wasn't in a
broken place. I was more in an excited place to
(16:36):
become a better mom for them, so it wasn't about
my brokenness. And she looked at me and her eyes
filled up with water and she just said, you were
sent at the perfect time, because I told her I
wanted to say that the first night and I didn't,
And she said, I just left my guide saying this
(16:58):
feels like so much, almost hopeless, And then she walked
out to go meet her group for dinner, and she
was walking by herself and then I appear saying there's hope,
and so I was like, well, this is a god
moment that lord right, I was like, because I almost didn't.
I didn't say to you the first night, and I thought, oh, well,
(17:20):
that'd be so stupid. Who am I to think like
I'm going to go over there and tell her this
is hope.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But also reframing that now hearing the full story is
maybe that was your intuition. It wasn't you being like
chickening out or whatever. It's like your intuition being like, wait,
but you're used to talking to yourself in a different
way when really you had a feeling that this wasn't
the right time, and then when it was the right
time you did it. You had like the current, like
(17:46):
whoever or whatever gave you the courage to finally go
up and do that when the time was right. I
might feel really small to somebody, but hearing you tell
the story feels like a crazy all the things that
had to line up for that to happen the way
it needed to happen. And I'm sure that woman got
so many amazing tools and experiences and things from on site,
but that might be the most Oh wow, I'm not
(18:08):
trying to like pump you up. I'm thinking like the
moments of my life where I have been. At my lowest,
all I wanted was somebody that I could look at
and say, they are where I was and they're not
there anymore. It's all I needed, and I would search
high and low for those things. That's why I listen
to so much sad music when I am sad, because
(18:31):
I find people who I don't see that way anymore, like, oh,
they wrote this sad song, but look at them now
kind of thing. And that would have changed my life
if somebody came up to me and said, like, look
at where my life was and I'm not there anymore.
This feels hopeless, but things do change. It's so hard
to see that in yourself when you're in those I mean, you.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Know, oh, I know, I know, and I know that
there's people that impacted my journey and all of that
and will in the future. There's highs and lows in life.
I happen to be in a good place now, but
I know hard times will come. I feel better equipped now,
though I hope I pray, but don't have to experience
(19:10):
the lows that I did at that time because of
the work that I've done. It will still be pain
kind of low.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, probably won't.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Hit me different if I really think through like how
I'm trying to say this, it's just that maybe I'll
bounce back in a different way, like just I mean,
there's no time to healing because it's going to look
different for everybody. But I just think, yeah, if you can.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Do, you know, things don't stay there in the same way,
Like you have more experience of understanding that things get
better and it won't always be this way.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
One thing she shared in Feeling Hopeless is that like
her desire to even do all this work because of
how she feels, she's so tired, and she's like, I
don't want to hurt myself, but I'm okay if I
get hurt. I don't want to share exactly what she said,
so I'll share my story, which is very similar, And
so I was able to say to her, I know
(20:13):
exactly what you're talking about, and I never wanted to
hurt myself, but I was okay if I was driving
down the highway and an eighteen wheeler smashed into me,
and I would be okay with dying, I said. And
I stand before you right now telling you I would
not be okay with dying right now, and you will
get here, and so yeah, it's just thankful to be
(20:33):
able to use that moment, which is another example of
how you're yes, your pain is not lost because what
I went through, it's like if it was for that
one moment to help a stranger. I mean, she is
a stranger. I don't know her, like walking down the
hill to dinner, and she's going to be able to
(20:54):
do that for somebody one day. I know she's ready,
like you can tell when someone's just ready to through
the work and wants a better life. Which that's something
that Stashira brought up. We had to come up with questions,
and our guide was actually going to go a different
direction with our family, but Stashira shared the question she
(21:14):
had for herself. We all just did it silently, like
come up with the question for yourself, and so we
got back to the room with our guide. Our guide said, oh, so,
ster Shia, what was your question? She said, I want
to I want to know how to live a more
fulfilling life. And then that set the tone for what
we're going to do, and our therapist even said, Okay,
this is going to look a little different, but I
(21:35):
think this is great. We should stick with this. And
it was exactly what our family needed. And so I
credited to Shira, to the course of the work, to
the course of the weekend. Yeah, and everything we learned.
And you know, my kids are on spring break this week,
so they're with their dad, but they were at my
house today mostly because they were out trying to get
their their dopamine.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
She was like, we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
We're doing it because our barrafist or our guide gave
us a list of dopamine activities and maybe next week
we can go over the full list, because I think
that's something good to talk about because you and i've
talked about dopamine before. I know things that give us
a dopamine hit and then drop us real quick, and
I didn't know there's stuff like in the this our
(22:19):
guide called it like crash out, which means you don't
really even get any dopamine from it. You're just like
you're flatlined, like good luck getting any feeling, really, And
then there are more sustainable things where you get a
dopamine hit, but it lasts a lot longer. And that's
what we want the kids to focus on, because if
you want happiness as a feeling, so that's fleeting, you're
(22:40):
not always going to be happy, but if you can
keep your dopamain levels more steady, and if she said,
if you've got a checklist at home and kids can
look at it and be like, oh, that's an activity
I can go do right now, that's going to serve
me in the long run better. And so that's the
kids were doing their their dopamine activity, which they were
(23:01):
out in a walk getting sunshine at the park. And
then she came back and she was having some Macha tea,
which I think also will bring her a little bit
of joy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I think there's some things and we can again talk
about this another episode that we think are releasing that
dopamine or we think are doing that getting that same
effect that we want, But it's just helping you dissociate.
And that's where you just like hit a dead end.
And then sometimes there's things that we need to do
that we just need leg zone out. But then that's
very different than what you're talking about, which is increasing
(23:34):
the good feelings and the motivation and all that that
we have to live our lives and do the things
we want.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
To do right. And that's probably why when she walked in,
you saw it differentelt different energy because all weekend we
weren't on phones, we weren't on screens. We did equine therapy,
We worked with horses. Both the kids loved it. And
you know, I how a horse on my vision board. Yeah,
and I think Whylan the therapy horse at on site.
I was like, this could have been there on my
(24:00):
vision board and now and the ein therapist there gave
us a place to reach out to that works with
kids that have trauma, and we can keep doing that,
keep doing that. And maybe because the kids loved it
and so they both want to ride, and now I'm like, okay, cool,
another hobby that's not in front of the TV. And
(24:21):
the list of places he gave too, which I know
equestrian type stuff. In my mind, it seems expensive. So
I don't really know that we're going like we're not
going to be like professionally riding and jumping or anything.
What I'm talking about is just working with horses and
riding them in a therapeutic way. And there's so many,
at least according to our therapist, places that offer that,
(24:46):
so it may not cost that much. So if you
don't have the resources, you likely can go for free,
which is good to know. And I mean, I'm sure
that's all around the country. There's different places. You just
have to ask and know where to ask. I do
have that email that I want to read. I'm and
to just use initials because I haven't heard back yet
if we have full blown permission. This is from JV
(25:11):
listening in Nebraska. Wow, I'm listening to protecting your energy boundaries,
work maturity, and the power of a good shower. When
you brought up the dolphin story from middle school, it
immediately sent me to eighth grade. One day, my best
friend gave me a letter tearing me apart by addressing
all my insecurities in front of all the girls in
the locker room. After Jim, then one of my best
(25:33):
guy friends turned on me too and nicknamed me Scooby
and would bark at me all over school whenever he
would see me, recruiting more of our friends to do
it as well. The tipping point was when we were
all in Jim during our pe hour. It was before Christmas,
and he had one of the guys bring me over
(25:54):
a gift wrapped doggie treat bowl in front of everyone,
and they all proceeded to me across the gym. It
was a rough year, to say the least. I was
able to move past it and build stronger bonds with
different friends that have actually lasted to this day. That
was twenty nine years ago. Now I have bonus kids
and one of my own, and I don't stand for
(26:15):
any Bowlly activity. I've told the kids my story and
made sure they know this house doesn't stand for it.
Not sure why I'm sharing this with you other than
your dolphin story made me relate to you a little more.
Thanks for all that you guys addressed and the casual
way you go about it. I love getting to laugh
with you two when you go off on your tangents
and you're a genuine with your thoughts. Ps. There's a
(26:38):
screenshot folder in your albums on your phone, which we'll
address that in a second, but that's from JB from Nebraska.
So the screenshot thing is because I was talking about
I Believe my ADHD and having like tons and tons
of screenshots, so I knew there was a folder, but
you didn't know there was no folder.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I didn't know that, and that makes it one easier
to find things, but also either to delete all the
screen shots that I don't need anymore because there's so
so many So thank you for that tip.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I did not know that shout out JB. I'm very
sorry that that was your experience, and I do know
why you were emailing it to me so that I
could read your email to my daughter, because I think
it's cool to see that you had a really horrible experience,
but you didn't be like, Okay, well there's no other
friend groups and you were able to find other quality
(27:28):
friends that you are friends with to this day, because
I think sometimes the teenage brain just thinks, oh my gosh, like,
who will I be friends with if it's not these people,
And when you're not having a great friend experience, it's
good to know that other people had are really bad.
I mean, your best friend completely turned on you, and
you were able to find another friend group that has
(27:51):
lasted twenty nine years, which is great, And I just
I want my daughter to know that because even I
can say, look, I know how hard it is I
was your age, but to hear it from somebody else
and who had such a horrible experience but still came
out on the other side with friends, it's just with friends,
it's hope. Yeah, with friends, because I know that's not
the case always. It's not always easy that you find
(28:12):
that friend group. But this is just a story of hope.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I think this shows up in pockets as adults too,
but more so it's saturated. When we're in that stage
of development as teenagers. Your friend group is like survival,
Like to survive high school, you have to have somebody
to sit with that lunch, You have to have people
to hang out on the weekends. You have to like
it is survival, and so sometimes it feels like you
(28:36):
have to and I know I felt this, I have
to make this work or this is what it's supposed
to be like, or so you just settle yeah, or
it's like yeah, it's the fear of the unknown is
scarier than like what I have now, and like, yes,
these friends aren't great, but it's better than not having
anybody to sit with that lunch. So I think we
accept things out of that kind of fear or out
(28:59):
of that survival, and we do that again like as
as adults too, but it is helpful I think for
people that are in that stage to hear people who
are not in that stage anymore say like, hey, it
actually wasn't better to just withstand that. I was able
to find other people. It was. Yeah, probably scary at
(29:21):
first when you're branching out or you're declining that party
to go hang out with this other friend. But in
the end, look, I think this is a good example
of it can work out for you. And I know
that fear an.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Eighth grade story, but honestly, these words could be for
a forty to fifty.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah right now, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It transcends you to friend group or you got to
switch things up or switch jobs or switch you're hanging
out with at work.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Like that should be nobody's group of friends. Like somebody
that would do that now, nobody should have to sit
through that or withstand that or accept it.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Speaking of sitting through things, I gotta get a different
position because my tailbone's bothering me.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
No, do you want to move?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Have you ever felt my tailbone?
Speaker 2 (30:06):
You have a tail Yeah? Yeah, your tailbone tail?
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Well, it's my bone just protrudes from my tailbone region
extra than yours. No, I think it's tilted. I don't
think I have extra bone. I mean, maybe it's a
little bigger, but I think it's just the way Mine tilts.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Can you fix that with a chiropractor?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I did get a DM from a listener saying that,
like your hamstrings could play a role in that, because
I think I was talking on the Bobby Bone Show
about how I had really tight hamstrings. And I'm just
recalling this DM from memory, but I feel like she
said something about her daughter having tight hamstrings and she
took her to a doctor and the physical therapist like
(30:49):
worked on her hamstrings and it kind of reset the
issues with the tailbone.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I wonder if it's could be related to pelvic floor
stuff too, because all of that's connected.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
You gonna think I'm crazy, what huh? Because I don't
even know if I believe this because I haven't even
googled it yet. Obviously if I google it, then it's
gonna be true. Just kidding, because it's not. Everything you
find on the internet is real.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
But get this.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Do you know I'm doing facefitness? Of course you're relating
this back to facemitness well, because you're bringing up the
pelic floor and I hadn't even put any.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Of this together. Is your face fitness connected to your
public floor? Well?
Speaker 1 (31:34):
The chin area? Apparently there's this one exercise where you
stick your thumb under your chin and you put your
fingers like on top of your chin area below your lip,
like you pinched that part of your chin, and you
slowly massage the muscle that's right here. And she said,
be careful. This doesn't happen to everybody, but you're gonna
(31:55):
have to learn your tolerance because this will leave a bruise,
even though you don't even feel like you're pressing that
hard on your chin, on your chin, the tip of
the chin. And I thought, I'm probably not gonna get
a bruise, so I go ahead and give it a
good massage. Again, it's not painful, nothing should hurt. I'm
what results, so I give I make sure that I'm
doing it hard. Well, well, guess what, you got a bruise.
(32:16):
I teens any bruise on the tip of my chin.
But what she said was if you do notice that,
you get a bruise. But again, I'm not going to
get a bruise. So I wasn't really paying attention. She
said it could mean you have pelvic floor issues.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Shut up. I swear, okay, I would look into that.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
But I was like, oh, I should go once the
bruise popped up, I'm like, well, I guess I gotta
look into my pelvic floor issues.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Wait you should, Okay, public floor in general, I think
is a newer It's not newer because it's been part
of our bodies forever, but prominent. Also, yes, yes, yes, yes,
I don't know why I didn't bring this up when
that happened.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Well, I don't know why either. I just thought, as
you get older, and then I never had a baby,
so then I was like, why am I doing this,
because you know that's a public floor trampoline. But I
was going to the bathroom and I thought I had
plenty of time, and then I didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
So okay. I went to pelvic floor therapy for over
a year and I'll probably go back again. And I
learned so much just in my first session about how
connected everything is in the body, and thinking like the
things that I think are problematic are and the things
that reverse that. But I, you know, have told you
that I also hold my pee, and she's like, that's
so one of the worst things you can do. She
(33:30):
also told me, because they see people for all kinds
of things, things that you wouldn't think are connected to that,
and she was telling me all the things that she
does and the type of people she works with, and
I go, oh, my gosh, So like all the stories
we hear about people who have given birth and then
now they pee every time they jump or a run
or whatever. She's like, you mean those people don't have
to live like that, and she said absolutely not. That
(33:52):
can be healed. But nobody is talking about it. And
this isn't like a prominent thing that people do, and
so they don't think there's a solution to it. But
there is a hundred percent a solution. So if you
guys are listening out there and you're like I can't
run anymore, I can't jump on a trampling with my
kids or you know, jump rope anything, you can go
to public four therapy and they can work on that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Well, my friend Tiffany who's magic I do a lot
of work with in Haiti, she is a public floor therapist.
She lives in San Marcos, Texas. So if you live there,
look up Tiffany Lee. But I need to text her
and be like, do I need to go to a
public floor therapist here in Nashville because I have it here.
So what happened to my chin my face fitness and
(34:35):
also my tailbone. Yea, it is weird and I apparently
my hamstrings are tied and an a pee.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I wonder what would happen if you call, If you
called somewhere and they're like, so, what brings you in?
You're like, well, I got a bruise on my chin,
like wait what?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And I'd be like, you know, I'm doing face fitness
and like a broken record, so you know I'm doing
f fitness.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Wait. I think you should look into that. And I
also think that would be a really good conversation to
have an expert come in and talk about that with us.
It's fascinating to me.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
My friend Tiffany can Yeah, that would be perfect to
come to Nashville. Be like, Tiffany, give us the breakdown.
She's funny, too perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I do want to circle back to something though. This
is a little off topic now, but I was thinking,
as you were talking about on site and sharing some
of that, this is a little on the other side
of that for you. But I'm curious how your boyfriend
felt or what that was like, even the conversation of
telling him you're going, Because doing it's intensive with your
not husband.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And we had no phones. Oh yeah, that's the longest
we've ever gone without talking.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Well, so how how he felt and how that conversation went,
and then also how you felt doing that.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh he right away said you have to go, Like
that's so great, you'll have to do it. And he's like,
I wouldn't be with you if I didn't trust you,
So go, this is awesome.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Sounds healthy. Yeah, and then so was that for you
not getting to talk to him, because I'm sure there's
things that you wanted to text him and share with him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
And then now he's on spring break, Like I got
back and he's on spring break with his kids and
they're on this big family trip with like his dad
and his sister and their kids. Like there's the whole
family is there, and they're in totally different time zones. Like,
this is the longest I've been without talking to him
and seeing him because I'm not going to see him
till Sunday.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
So you're writing him letters, letters. I don't know if
you're like journaling every night like things like I wanted
to tell you this.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No I haven't done that, but I did, Like when
I turned my back my phone back on. I didn't
know if I had notes from him because he knew
I didn't have my phone, So why would he send
me notes? Yeah, and then he was leaving the country, so.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Notes you mean tex text that I called it notes,
you know, like a little you're writing notes.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
No on text. I just thought, why would he text
me because you know I'm not going to be able
to see it. And then when I turned my phone
back on and I got anxiety from the flood of text.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It's the first.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
You know, I don't have text anxiety. I don't care
about that my number says five hundred and sixty four
or whatever. That doesn't stress me out. But it stressed
me out to see that I had now even more
that I'm going to not catch up on. But I
did go to his and I opened it and he
sent notes. He's like, I know you're not able to
see this right now, but just wanted to let you know.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Da da da da.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And then whenever he was boarding his flight, he's like,
we're about to board here, and I know you can't
check your phone right now, but just wanted to tell
you da da da da. And he's like, I hope
it's really going well. And so that was cute to
see and sweet to read. Yeah, you're right, sweet.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I didn't text you at all because of that thought,
and I'm so sorry. But my thought was more along
the lines of because there was a couple things that
I wanted to say, but then I thought, she's going
to have so many texts when she opens her phone. One,
this is going to get lost, but two that's like
just adding anxiety. I can just like try to remember
to tell you later. I have no idea what they were. Now.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
I think you ended up telling me, and I think
some of it was too Oh yeah, I don't want
to do it down via w downner Yeah, because you're like, oh,
she just not put all this therapy, and then I
don't want to because oh it wasn't good per se.
But it was little low vibes but not gossip. But
I will say gossip falls under the dopamine hit where
you get a spike and then you crash hard.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Lowest form of connection connection. Yep. So I kept my
low vibes until you were done with theatre.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
And then you said them to me today and I
was like, okay, yeah, all right, cat, where can people
find you on Instagram at cat Vaanburen.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And I am at Radio Amy and coming soon. I
know we've been teasing this for a little bit. If
you listen this long, then you're a loyal listener, unless
this is your first episode and you're like, why did
I listen to this whole thing? Well, lucky you, you're
here to know that we have our announcement date, right,
don't we. Yeah, we do, March twenty fifth. So on
(38:54):
March twenty fifth, which is two weeks from the day
that you're listening to this, we will be sharing what
we have been working on. And I'm super giddy about it,
and we've we've already been working on it this whole time.
We just can't tell you what it is. And when
I say working on, not just like us just teasing
and typing some things up, like we're actually doing things
(39:17):
and creating content and creating things that hopefully will just
be a better way to connect with y'all and more
ways you can find us.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
You said that in like a Aimy after dark kind.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Of tone, which, speaking of did you like the morning
Corny I sent you? Because I sent you the morning
Corny I did on the Bobby Bone show. Yeah today
it's what do you call an angry counselor what therapist?
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Eadie pissed instead of therapists, they're pissed. Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Did I not put enough emphasis on this? Is?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Well that's hard. It's the same. So I was trying
to they're a pissed Yeah, there you go. I was
trying to make sure the listeners the I S S
D the pissed Yeah, the space pissed but no space.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
You just spell it they're pissed.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Okay, Oh, because it's the name.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I guess you would hyphenate it if you want.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I was just making sure people could understand.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Dang. I wisould have had that joke it on site
because I get a told cat she'd been like, am
I get me off angry vibes? I got to raise
my hands from that passive aggressive and been like, hey,
what do you call it? Angry counselor her graduating from
college at forty though, like it did make me. You know,
I've been wanting to go back to school, but now
(40:32):
I don't know if I would go back for face
fitness or I.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Think you could take a course for face fitness, but
I will say, when I went to grad school, I
really liked that there were people of all ages in
my program. It wasn't just all people that came right
out of undergrad. We had people in their late twenties,
people in their thirties. We had a person in their
forties and a person in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
But if I went to grad school for say, therapy
type stuff, do I have to get some undergrad stuff
that will not ako me for that.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
No, certain schools you do. But at our program, you
could like have majored in math, you could major in
anything agriculture development. Yes, yeah, okay, because it's everything how
they how they talked about it is everything that you
need to know to be a therapist. They're going to
teach you in that program. Did I have a little
bit of extra background to some things that already.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Made psychology and my undergrad Wow, however much psychology one? O?
Speaker 2 (41:25):
One, I don't. I don't think. Also think about it.
If I hadn't gone to grad school and I'm going
back after what fifteen years of graduating college, most of
that stuff I wouldn't remember anyway.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Yeah, because we only remember like things that didn't need
that didn't.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Happen so you could go to that program. It just
is more do they see you as somebody who could
be a good fit for that professionist?
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Really obviously, like we've listened to your podcast, and yes,
except for Kat and I are working on something. You
want y'all to know, we don't always want to lean
to super therapy ish in what we're working on. So
we're just letting y'all know it's a blend. It's going
to be a blend like this leaned a little more therapy,
but this was your only because I just got back
(42:09):
from a therapy retreat. If our podcast was about just
our lives, we'd be talking about right this weekend. So
you know, just stick with us because it's not always
going to be about there.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I don't think you have to tell the people at
the end of this episode to stick with us, because
I think they're here.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Now, why are you still here? That's weird, Like we've
been rambling. We gotta go, bye, okay, Bye,
Happy Tuesday, Welcome to the Fifth Thing. I'm Amy and
I'm Cat and I got a couple of quotes for
us today. One of them is unknown, just thought some
people might relate to it. I have an excellent memory,
just not for things that actually happened. We just remember
things that we make up in our head and loop
over and over and over that are.
Speaker 2 (00:24):
Not one real like what somebody thought about you.
Speaker 1 (00:27):
Yeah, are certain scenarios the look you gave me, yes,
or if you make up an entire story around something
that never happened, but yet you've convince yourself that that's
exactly what went on, and then that's how you remember it,
and it's like, that's not actually what happened. I was
at on site this last weekend, which is what do
(00:48):
you call it? A therapy retreat center? Yeah, for people
that need help.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
They do intensives and beyond you let you help and beyond. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
So Ben had gone there four or five years ago,
maybe five on the dot. Actually he was thinking when
we were there this last weekend, I think it was
five years ago, like exactly, because it was before COVID.
Speaker 2 (01:10):
And he went by himself.
Speaker 1 (01:11):
He went by himself and then Shortly after he got back,
COVID happened, which was around twenty March ish twenty twelve. Yeah,
So he went back to celebrate his five year anniversary,
and the kids and I went with him, just moral
support because he's messed up. Just kidding, we all are.
It was a family thing. He's not the messed up one.
(01:32):
We all are in our own way, right, but as
adopted parents, we were trying to figure out a way
to connect with our kids more and some of the
avoidant stuff that happens, which is very normal and kids
that have been.
Speaker 2 (01:47):
Attachment was adopted. Yeah, good word. Yeah, got's therapist.
Speaker 1 (01:52):
So we went to go over some of the attachment
wounds and get guidance. They don't call that there the therapist,
they're guides. So I loved our guide. She was a
fellow adoptive mom had also been through a divorce. So
we are there the first night and I'm gonna get
to the second quote because it's from on site, and
(02:15):
we're all trying to find a seat because we were
in our own private sessions with our guides for part
of it. But then there are group things. You can
opt out of the group if you want, but I'm like,
why why wouldn't we take advantage of this extra care
and extra fun stuff. So we would go to the
group things. In the first night, the group was meeting
and we were trying to find four chairs in a
(02:36):
row because me, Ben, Stevenson, Seeshia and there was like
only three. And this one guy was like, oh, I'll
get up. I'll get up, man, so you can sit
with your wife. And Ben's like, oh, that's not my wife.
And I was like, yeah, we're not married. And then
so I just sort of I don't even know why
I did this, but I just to the whole room.
I was like, so I'm just gonna go ahead and
(02:56):
throw this out there. We're divorced and we're here with
our kids, because I just wanted to it cleared the.
Speaker 2 (03:03):
Air because were you interacting with all those other people we.
Speaker 1 (03:06):
Would be and if people still would refer to us
as husband and wife, and just kind of.
Speaker 2 (03:12):
You're almost either let it go.
Speaker 1 (03:14):
But then others came up and they're like, this is
amazing that y'all are here, and I said, yeah, it is,
but more so that it's a miracle because there was
a point in Ben and I's relationship where even though
we're amicable, something like that would have never been on
the table. Even though we could co parent well and
yes we have our moments where it's not going so well,
(03:34):
but we rebound pretty quickly, something like this still would
have never be cause I think last summer I even
threw out just maybe one therapy session like one. I
remember that, just one, and it was like no, and
I don't blame him. So we have come a long way.
And I didn't even push this, but I think because
this wasn't about me and Ben in our relationship. It
was about the kids. Yeah, and he obviously is willing
(03:57):
to do whatever for them. And we even made a
joke about that in front of the kids. And we
were eating lunch because they have this cafeteria like space
where everybody sits and eats at the same time, and
we would sit as a family every meal, so that
was awesome, and we would talk and we normally would
have just come out of it intensive so we felt
a little closer and it would lead to better conversation,
(04:21):
and we were talking about what brought it up. I
made a salad at the salad bar, and I put
raw red onions on my salad. And that's something I
never used to eat because I told you, yeah, the
raw garlic and the red onions. I just the smell.
I couldn't so our entire marriage, which we were married
(04:41):
seventeen years, he also could not have them because then
that's all I would smell. And I was making out
with him, so I'd be like, oh, did you have
raw onions on your salad? And so he quit eating them,
and he's sitting there watching me eat those, and he's like,
I cannot believe I'm watching you eat raw red onions
(05:02):
right now. And so I just looked up while seeing
myself and I said, I cannot believe you're sitting here
with us at this table at on site. And then
they all laughed and he's like, yeah, yeah, you're not wrong.
And I love that we were able to sort of
poke fun at each other.
Speaker 2 (05:15):
But and it wasn't passive aggressive, it was it was actually,
you've worked through it so you can laugh about it
kind of thing.
Speaker 1 (05:20):
Yes, which is one of our goals as a family,
which our guide took us through, what are your goals
as a family, And one of it was that we
are able to be playful and fun and have sarcasm,
but to your point, not from a place of passive aggressiveness,
because oftentimes in families when they're a sarcasm, there is
a truth that is trying to be told that you
don't have the guts I guess to say and a
(05:43):
just direct this is how I feel way, So you
use the sarcasm, which ends up potentially wounding the other person,
and then a resentment builds up and you don't deal
with it. We went through this whole hula hoop thing
where you have different circles and you're in the hula hoop,
and passive aggressive can show up in one of the
hula hoops. I made sure we want to be the
fun sarcastic. We can poke fun of each other family,
(06:04):
but just make sure it's coming from a good place.
Which that was a moment of that happening, and I
share a part of that too, to just give hope
that if you're not in the place you thought you
were going to be in any relationship, time and patience.
I was shocked that we were able to do what
we did this last weekend, even with the growth that
(06:26):
I've seen in our kids, and you just were at
my house and saw me interact with Toashira, and you
said you could feel a different energy from her.
Speaker 2 (06:33):
One hundred percent. The whole room felt different. So something
worked while you were there.
Speaker 1 (06:38):
Well, we've also only been home for day to day,
so we still have that. You know when you get
home from church camp and you're all.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
Yeah, high high on God, you're high on site, you're
high off therapy. Right.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
And one of the guides there, she wasn't our intensive guide,
but she was the group leader, and she was awesome.
She was in her sixties, a lot of life experience.
I mean, she had been through a lot. She didn't
even finish college until she was forty, so went back
to school, got her degree. Is a therapist now. But
(07:15):
it's not like she's been a therapist since she was
you know, early twenties or mid whenever you got your license.
Like she had a complete life disruption because of alcohol
and drugs and marriages and all living on the streets. Wow,
and then got her life together and got sober. And
(07:35):
so she was our guide. So many great stories, great personality.
And one thing she said to the group at one
point that I'll never forget.
Speaker 2 (07:43):
Wait, is this the quote?
Speaker 1 (07:44):
This is the quote?
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Did we miss the quote or we're getting to.
Speaker 1 (07:48):
It and this is a quote finally getting to it.
I know you've been waiting. You've been waiting now. The
quote was the red onions. What a let down?
Speaker 2 (07:57):
The quote was you saying we're not married? Wanh wah wah.
Speaker 1 (08:00):
She said, I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
And if that doesn't hit you in that one time,
I'm saying, I'm gonna say it again. And her name
was Kat.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Two it was like me being there with you, right.
Speaker 1 (08:15):
I thought of you all the time because she'd be
like she would talk to herself, I'm Kat, but she
would talk about her fourteen year old self too, and
her fourteen year old self. If she has named that person,
that's Felicia. Because when Felicia comes out, because she's from
the Bronx, Okay, New York, like Cat, and then Kat
went to University of Texas and Austin and now she
lives in Santa Monica on the beach.
Speaker 2 (08:36):
Different.
Speaker 1 (08:36):
Cat's very different than Felicia. But sometimes, as you know
as a therapist, when we are triggered, we go back
to our younger selves, and she can go back to Felicia,
real quick, and she has to keep awareness, so she knows, Okay,
Felicia's here, and I'm gonna go ahead and like type
this nasty email to whomever, and then we'll step in
(09:00):
and I'm likely not going to press sin because Felicia
will end up having to apologize for everything. But we
all have that that younger self, and I thought it
was cute that she gave it a name, and so
I shared that too to encourage you, if you know
you go back to some behavior that is younger, you
just screaming to get a word in edge wise because
(09:22):
you've been triggered. Give that in her child, that part
of you a name. That way you can have a
conversation with her and be like, okay, Tina, is that yours?
I don't know. I haven't named mine yet. What would
you name yours?
Speaker 2 (09:39):
So I'm trying to think of because when I was younger,
I have a name that I wanted my name to be,
but I don't know if that fits the vibe. So
when I was younger, with the age, I'm thinking that
comes out a lot. Well, Actually I would have one
for like elementary school me, and that would be like
a sweet name. I don't know why Susie came to mind.
Speaker 1 (09:57):
Oh because that is a sweet name, or like Mary.
Speaker 2 (10:00):
Or something like very sweet and innocent. And then my
middle school high school name. I wanted my name to
be Teresa Nicole or Stacy, but I feel like Teresa
works Nicole. Teresa Nicole works. Yeah, yeah, because.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
And also when you're triggered, you're not going back to Susie.
Speaker 2 (10:18):
Well, when I get my feelings hurt, sometimes oh yeah, da,
there are some like I'm thinking about if you said
something that hurt me, it could hurt me as it's
not me now that's getting hurt. It's this girl when
I was in elementary school. So it would be like, oh,
you just hurt Mary's feelings. But Mary needs to hear
da da da da and be told this and all that.
But if I get sassy or snappy or triggered in
(10:40):
some way, that's high school and that's the protector of Mary,
whose name is Teresa n Cole.
Speaker 1 (10:46):
Now Teresa Nicole, which that reminds me. We have an
email from a listener talking about her younger days, and
I'll read that in a minute, but it's pretty powerful.
I read it to my daughter before we came into
record because I wanted her to hear it. But I
am going to say cats quote one more time if
it didn't hit you the first time. And I don't
(11:06):
believe in miracles, I rely on them. This is coming
from a woman who quite literally it's a miracle she
was standing before us. And I think that's a beautiful
way to look at life, is to just rely on
miracles and ask for things. If you don't ask, you
can't receive. And I was in a room full of
(11:26):
people that were at their lowest of lows, most of
them because they were desperate. There was a desperation there
and they were googling like where to go to get help,
and on site came up. It was interesting Ben and
I being there when we're in a better place and
such a healing even personally, not just together like we
(11:47):
were there for our kids. So it felt very different.
But there was this one woman the first night where
she was so full of emotion just even walking in
the room and knowing she was about to embark on
this journey, she could not hold back the tears. And
I was looking at her recross room and I was like,
after this, I've got to get up and go give
her a hug, and I would say, because I don't
(12:09):
know her experience and I don't want to compare mine.
So I had planned out of my head like I'm
going to say, I don't know you, I don't know
your story, and I know our stories are likely very
very very different. However, your emotion and what you're experiencing
and if there's she she even voiced something, so I
knew she was experiencing some fear and just feeling so low.
(12:32):
I was like, you are me in twenty twenty one,
you are me. I couldn't walk barely anywhere. I even
remember going on my birthday in my lowest lows two
get a massage because I don't know if somebody gifted
it to me or something. And I walked in and
laid down on the table and she started bawling, crying
in front of the therapists because I knew I was
about to get a release, and she was like, what
(12:54):
is happening? But I feel like that's what this woman
was like, no matter where she goes. And I remember
being so desperate back in twenty twenty one and my
therapist saying, you need to go somewhere, which I did.
I went away and Linda helped me. Linda in Virginia
picked me up from an airport and never even met her,
but I got help. But I felt that from her
(13:16):
well the end of the night, I never went up
to her, and every time I saw her after that
the next few days, I was like, dang, I should
have gone up to her, like I hope she's doing okay.
But then I was like, I guess it wasn't the
right time because I don't know, silly to think that
my words could have mattered anyway, like I had that thought.
And then we were leaving. We left a day earlier
than everybody else because our program was different, and we
(13:40):
ate our last meal, and we were walking to our cars.
They valet your cars and hide them from you. That
way you can't leave. Oh my gosh, which is hilarious.
I think. At first I thought, oh, how cool they
take our cars and park them for us. That's so
nice and here wow. And then Kat made a joke
one night when she was talking to all of us.
(14:00):
She's like, I mean, think about it, guys, We've made
it pretty difficult for y'all to get away.
Speaker 2 (14:05):
If you wanted to, you'd have to run away and
it's like in the woods.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
Yeah, you're in the middle of nowhere. So and I
was like, oh, dang, they're not valeying our cars. They're
straight up trying to get our keys.
Speaker 2 (14:13):
That's some healthy manipulation. Though.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yes, I was like, hmm clever because like I didn't
even notice. I just thought, oh, why sure, you can
take my car and all my things. You take my
you have to turn in your phone, your computer, they have.
Speaker 2 (14:27):
All your most expensive items. That's so nice of you
to protect them.
Speaker 1 (14:31):
They're like, they're definitely gonna have to come back. So
we finished our last meal and we're walking to our
cars because we got our keys back and our phones
back for our last meal, and I kept telling the
kids they want to like pull out their phones. I
was like, put your phones away, because nobody else here
has their phones.
Speaker 2 (14:46):
That's interesting. They gave you your phone back.
Speaker 1 (14:47):
It's because our guide gives them back to us, and
you were leaving. She thought we were going to leave after,
but the kids loved the food, and dinner was like
one more meal of thirty thirty minutes after we were
done with our last session, and so I asked the
we were doing outtake. I was like, are we allowed
to stay for dinner? I don't know if that was
included in our feet, but it should be. I didn't
(15:10):
say this should be part, but I thought it. I
thought it, and she said, oh yeah, yeah, y'all stay
for dinner, but then after that you'll go because there's
night time activities and we didn't get to produce it
in that. So anyway, we ate, and then we are
walking up the hill to our cars, and everybody else
is in the dining hall, and who's walking down the
hill by herself?
Speaker 2 (15:30):
Lady that lady.
Speaker 1 (15:31):
And I thought, Okay, now's the time. This is what
I'm supposed to do. So I go over and I said, hey,
you know, I haven't really got to talk to you
the last few days. You don't know me. I was like, bet,
I'm Amy, and I remember the first night. I was
just connected to you and your tears and watching you,
and when you spoke I could relate so much to
(15:53):
what you were saying. And I don't know your full story.
I kind of said what I originally was going to say,
I said, but you were me in twenty twenty one,
So I said, I'm looking at you right now stronger
than I've ever been, and I am hope that you
will get past this. This is just the beginning, I said.
I actually don't think it's going to get easier for
you for a little bit, because you're putting in the
(16:16):
hard work and that will continue and it will get overwhelming,
I said, But the fact that I'm able to stand
before you right now and I'm like, I can get
through this sort of stuff. Like I didn't really cry
all weekend. We had a touching moment with the kids
that where we got emotional, but I wasn't in a
broken place. I was more in an excited place to
(16:36):
become a better mom for them, so it wasn't about
my brokenness. And she looked at me and her eyes
filled up with water and she just said, you were
sent at the perfect time, because I told her I
wanted to say that the first night and I didn't,
And she said, I just left my guide saying this
(16:58):
feels like so much, almost hopeless, And then she walked
out to go meet her group for dinner, and she
was walking by herself and then I appear saying there's hope,
and so I was like, well, this is a god
moment that lord right, I was like, because I almost didn't.
I didn't say to you the first night, and I thought, oh, well,
(17:20):
that'd be so stupid. Who am I to think like
I'm going to go over there and tell her this
is hope.
Speaker 2 (17:24):
But also reframing that now hearing the full story is
maybe that was your intuition. It wasn't you being like
chickening out or whatever. It's like your intuition being like, wait,
but you're used to talking to yourself in a different
way when really you had a feeling that this wasn't
the right time, and then when it was the right
time you did it. You had like the current, like
(17:46):
whoever or whatever gave you the courage to finally go
up and do that when the time was right. I
might feel really small to somebody, but hearing you tell
the story feels like a crazy all the things that
had to line up for that to happen the way
it needed to happen. And I'm sure that woman got
so many amazing tools and experiences and things from on site,
but that might be the most Oh wow, I'm not
(18:08):
trying to like pump you up. I'm thinking like the
moments of my life where I have been. At my lowest,
all I wanted was somebody that I could look at
and say, they are where I was and they're not
there anymore. It's all I needed, and I would search
high and low for those things. That's why I listen
to so much sad music when I am sad, because
(18:31):
I find people who I don't see that way anymore, like, oh,
they wrote this sad song, but look at them now
kind of thing. And that would have changed my life
if somebody came up to me and said, like, look
at where my life was and I'm not there anymore.
This feels hopeless, but things do change. It's so hard
to see that in yourself when you're in those I mean, you.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Know, oh, I know, I know, and I know that
there's people that impacted my journey and all of that
and will in the future. There's highs and lows in life.
I happen to be in a good place now, but
I know hard times will come. I feel better equipped now,
though I hope I pray, but don't have to experience
(19:10):
the lows that I did at that time because of
the work that I've done. It will still be pain
kind of low.
Speaker 2 (19:17):
Yeah, probably won't.
Speaker 1 (19:19):
Hit me different if I really think through like how
I'm trying to say this, it's just that maybe I'll
bounce back in a different way, like just I mean,
there's no time to healing because it's going to look
different for everybody. But I just think, yeah, if you can.
Speaker 2 (19:32):
Do, you know, things don't stay there in the same way,
Like you have more experience of understanding that things get
better and it won't always be this way.
Speaker 1 (19:50):
One thing she shared in Feeling Hopeless is that like
her desire to even do all this work because of
how she feels, she's so tired, and she's like, I
don't want to hurt myself, but I'm okay if I
get hurt. I don't want to share exactly what she said,
so I'll share my story, which is very similar, And
so I was able to say to her, I know
(20:13):
exactly what you're talking about, and I never wanted to
hurt myself, but I was okay if I was driving
down the highway and an eighteen wheeler smashed into me,
and I would be okay with dying, I said. And
I stand before you right now telling you I would
not be okay with dying right now, and you will
get here, and so yeah, it's just thankful to be
(20:33):
able to use that moment, which is another example of
how you're yes, your pain is not lost because what
I went through, it's like if it was for that
one moment to help a stranger. I mean, she is
a stranger. I don't know her, like walking down the
hill to dinner, and she's going to be able to
(20:54):
do that for somebody one day. I know she's ready,
like you can tell when someone's just ready to through
the work and wants a better life. Which that's something
that Stashira brought up. We had to come up with questions,
and our guide was actually going to go a different
direction with our family, but Stashira shared the question she
(21:14):
had for herself. We all just did it silently, like
come up with the question for yourself, and so we
got back to the room with our guide. Our guide said, oh, so,
ster Shia, what was your question? She said, I want
to I want to know how to live a more
fulfilling life. And then that set the tone for what
we're going to do, and our therapist even said, Okay,
this is going to look a little different, but I
(21:35):
think this is great. We should stick with this. And
it was exactly what our family needed. And so I
credited to Shira, to the course of the work, to
the course of the weekend. Yeah, and everything we learned.
And you know, my kids are on spring break this week,
so they're with their dad, but they were at my
house today mostly because they were out trying to get
their their dopamine.
Speaker 2 (21:57):
She was like, we're doing it.
Speaker 1 (21:58):
We're doing it because our barrafist or our guide gave
us a list of dopamine activities and maybe next week
we can go over the full list, because I think
that's something good to talk about because you and i've
talked about dopamine before. I know things that give us
a dopamine hit and then drop us real quick, and
I didn't know there's stuff like in the this our
(22:19):
guide called it like crash out, which means you don't
really even get any dopamine from it. You're just like
you're flatlined, like good luck getting any feeling, really, And
then there are more sustainable things where you get a
dopamine hit, but it lasts a lot longer. And that's
what we want the kids to focus on, because if
you want happiness as a feeling, so that's fleeting, you're
(22:40):
not always going to be happy, but if you can
keep your dopamain levels more steady, and if she said,
if you've got a checklist at home and kids can
look at it and be like, oh, that's an activity
I can go do right now, that's going to serve
me in the long run better. And so that's the
kids were doing their their dopamine activity, which they were
(23:01):
out in a walk getting sunshine at the park. And
then she came back and she was having some Macha tea,
which I think also will bring her a little bit
of joy.
Speaker 2 (23:10):
I think there's some things and we can again talk
about this another episode that we think are releasing that
dopamine or we think are doing that getting that same
effect that we want, But it's just helping you dissociate.
And that's where you just like hit a dead end.
And then sometimes there's things that we need to do
that we just need leg zone out. But then that's
very different than what you're talking about, which is increasing
(23:34):
the good feelings and the motivation and all that that
we have to live our lives and do the things
we want.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
To do right. And that's probably why when she walked in,
you saw it differentelt different energy because all weekend we
weren't on phones, we weren't on screens. We did equine therapy,
We worked with horses. Both the kids loved it. And
you know, I how a horse on my vision board. Yeah,
and I think Whylan the therapy horse at on site.
I was like, this could have been there on my
(24:00):
vision board and now and the ein therapist there gave
us a place to reach out to that works with
kids that have trauma, and we can keep doing that,
keep doing that. And maybe because the kids loved it
and so they both want to ride, and now I'm like, okay, cool,
another hobby that's not in front of the TV. And
(24:21):
the list of places he gave too, which I know
equestrian type stuff. In my mind, it seems expensive. So
I don't really know that we're going like we're not
going to be like professionally riding and jumping or anything.
What I'm talking about is just working with horses and
riding them in a therapeutic way. And there's so many,
at least according to our therapist, places that offer that,
(24:46):
so it may not cost that much. So if you
don't have the resources, you likely can go for free,
which is good to know. And I mean, I'm sure
that's all around the country. There's different places. You just
have to ask and know where to ask. I do
have that email that I want to read. I'm and
to just use initials because I haven't heard back yet
if we have full blown permission. This is from JV
(25:11):
listening in Nebraska. Wow, I'm listening to protecting your energy boundaries,
work maturity, and the power of a good shower. When
you brought up the dolphin story from middle school, it
immediately sent me to eighth grade. One day, my best
friend gave me a letter tearing me apart by addressing
all my insecurities in front of all the girls in
the locker room. After Jim, then one of my best
(25:33):
guy friends turned on me too and nicknamed me Scooby
and would bark at me all over school whenever he
would see me, recruiting more of our friends to do
it as well. The tipping point was when we were
all in Jim during our pe hour. It was before Christmas,
and he had one of the guys bring me over
(25:54):
a gift wrapped doggie treat bowl in front of everyone,
and they all proceeded to me across the gym. It
was a rough year, to say the least. I was
able to move past it and build stronger bonds with
different friends that have actually lasted to this day. That
was twenty nine years ago. Now I have bonus kids
and one of my own, and I don't stand for
(26:15):
any Bowlly activity. I've told the kids my story and
made sure they know this house doesn't stand for it.
Not sure why I'm sharing this with you other than
your dolphin story made me relate to you a little more.
Thanks for all that you guys addressed and the casual
way you go about it. I love getting to laugh
with you two when you go off on your tangents
and you're a genuine with your thoughts. Ps. There's a
(26:38):
screenshot folder in your albums on your phone, which we'll
address that in a second, but that's from JB from Nebraska.
So the screenshot thing is because I was talking about
I Believe my ADHD and having like tons and tons
of screenshots, so I knew there was a folder, but
you didn't know there was no folder.
Speaker 2 (26:55):
I didn't know that, and that makes it one easier
to find things, but also either to delete all the
screen shots that I don't need anymore because there's so
so many So thank you for that tip.
Speaker 1 (27:04):
I did not know that shout out JB. I'm very
sorry that that was your experience, and I do know
why you were emailing it to me so that I
could read your email to my daughter, because I think
it's cool to see that you had a really horrible experience,
but you didn't be like, Okay, well there's no other
friend groups and you were able to find other quality
(27:28):
friends that you are friends with to this day, because
I think sometimes the teenage brain just thinks, oh my gosh, like,
who will I be friends with if it's not these people,
And when you're not having a great friend experience, it's
good to know that other people had are really bad.
I mean, your best friend completely turned on you, and
you were able to find another friend group that has
(27:51):
lasted twenty nine years, which is great, And I just
I want my daughter to know that because even I
can say, look, I know how hard it is I
was your age, but to hear it from somebody else
and who had such a horrible experience but still came
out on the other side with friends, it's just with friends,
it's hope. Yeah, with friends, because I know that's not
the case always. It's not always easy that you find
(28:12):
that friend group. But this is just a story of hope.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
I think this shows up in pockets as adults too,
but more so it's saturated. When we're in that stage
of development as teenagers. Your friend group is like survival,
Like to survive high school, you have to have somebody
to sit with that lunch, You have to have people
to hang out on the weekends. You have to like
it is survival, and so sometimes it feels like you
(28:36):
have to and I know I felt this, I have
to make this work or this is what it's supposed
to be like, or so you just settle yeah, or
it's like yeah, it's the fear of the unknown is
scarier than like what I have now, and like, yes,
these friends aren't great, but it's better than not having
anybody to sit with that lunch. So I think we
accept things out of that kind of fear or out
(28:59):
of that survival, and we do that again like as
as adults too, but it is helpful I think for
people that are in that stage to hear people who
are not in that stage anymore say like, hey, it
actually wasn't better to just withstand that. I was able
to find other people. It was. Yeah, probably scary at
(29:21):
first when you're branching out or you're declining that party
to go hang out with this other friend. But in
the end, look, I think this is a good example
of it can work out for you. And I know
that fear an.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
Eighth grade story, but honestly, these words could be for
a forty to fifty.
Speaker 2 (29:37):
Yeah right now, that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 1 (29:39):
It transcends you to friend group or you got to
switch things up or switch jobs or switch you're hanging
out with at work.
Speaker 2 (29:48):
Like that should be nobody's group of friends. Like somebody
that would do that now, nobody should have to sit
through that or withstand that or accept it.
Speaker 1 (29:58):
Speaking of sitting through things, I gotta get a different
position because my tailbone's bothering me.
Speaker 2 (30:03):
No, do you want to move?
Speaker 1 (30:04):
Have you ever felt my tailbone?
Speaker 2 (30:06):
You have a tail Yeah? Yeah, your tailbone tail?
Speaker 1 (30:09):
Well, it's my bone just protrudes from my tailbone region
extra than yours. No, I think it's tilted. I don't
think I have extra bone. I mean, maybe it's a
little bigger, but I think it's just the way Mine tilts.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
Can you fix that with a chiropractor?
Speaker 1 (30:28):
I did get a DM from a listener saying that,
like your hamstrings could play a role in that, because
I think I was talking on the Bobby Bone Show
about how I had really tight hamstrings. And I'm just
recalling this DM from memory, but I feel like she
said something about her daughter having tight hamstrings and she
took her to a doctor and the physical therapist like
(30:49):
worked on her hamstrings and it kind of reset the
issues with the tailbone.
Speaker 2 (30:53):
I wonder if it's could be related to pelvic floor
stuff too, because all of that's connected.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
You gonna think I'm crazy, what huh? Because I don't
even know if I believe this because I haven't even
googled it yet. Obviously if I google it, then it's
gonna be true. Just kidding, because it's not. Everything you
find on the internet is real.
Speaker 2 (31:10):
But get this.
Speaker 1 (31:22):
Do you know I'm doing facefitness? Of course you're relating
this back to facemitness well, because you're bringing up the
pelic floor and I hadn't even put any.
Speaker 2 (31:31):
Of this together. Is your face fitness connected to your
public floor? Well?
Speaker 1 (31:34):
The chin area? Apparently there's this one exercise where you
stick your thumb under your chin and you put your
fingers like on top of your chin area below your lip,
like you pinched that part of your chin, and you
slowly massage the muscle that's right here. And she said,
be careful. This doesn't happen to everybody, but you're gonna
(31:55):
have to learn your tolerance because this will leave a bruise,
even though you don't even feel like you're pressing that
hard on your chin, on your chin, the tip of
the chin. And I thought, I'm probably not gonna get
a bruise, so I go ahead and give it a
good massage. Again, it's not painful, nothing should hurt. I'm
what results, so I give I make sure that I'm
doing it hard. Well, well, guess what, you got a bruise.
(32:16):
I teens any bruise on the tip of my chin.
But what she said was if you do notice that,
you get a bruise. But again, I'm not going to
get a bruise. So I wasn't really paying attention. She
said it could mean you have pelvic floor issues.
Speaker 2 (32:30):
Shut up. I swear, okay, I would look into that.
Speaker 1 (32:33):
But I was like, oh, I should go once the
bruise popped up, I'm like, well, I guess I gotta
look into my pelvic floor issues.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
Wait you should, Okay, public floor in general, I think
is a newer It's not newer because it's been part
of our bodies forever, but prominent. Also, yes, yes, yes, yes,
I don't know why I didn't bring this up when
that happened.
Speaker 1 (32:54):
Well, I don't know why either. I just thought, as
you get older, and then I never had a baby,
so then I was like, why am I doing this,
because you know that's a public floor trampoline. But I
was going to the bathroom and I thought I had
plenty of time, and then I didn't.
Speaker 2 (33:08):
So okay. I went to pelvic floor therapy for over
a year and I'll probably go back again. And I
learned so much just in my first session about how
connected everything is in the body, and thinking like the
things that I think are problematic are and the things
that reverse that. But I, you know, have told you
that I also hold my pee, and she's like, that's
so one of the worst things you can do. She
(33:30):
also told me, because they see people for all kinds
of things, things that you wouldn't think are connected to that,
and she was telling me all the things that she
does and the type of people she works with, and
I go, oh, my gosh, So like all the stories
we hear about people who have given birth and then
now they pee every time they jump or a run
or whatever. She's like, you mean those people don't have
to live like that, and she said absolutely not. That
(33:52):
can be healed. But nobody is talking about it. And
this isn't like a prominent thing that people do, and
so they don't think there's a solution to it. But
there is a hundred percent a solution. So if you
guys are listening out there and you're like I can't
run anymore, I can't jump on a trampling with my
kids or you know, jump rope anything, you can go
to public four therapy and they can work on that.
Speaker 1 (34:14):
Well, my friend Tiffany who's magic I do a lot
of work with in Haiti, she is a public floor therapist.
She lives in San Marcos, Texas. So if you live there,
look up Tiffany Lee. But I need to text her
and be like, do I need to go to a
public floor therapist here in Nashville because I have it here.
So what happened to my chin my face fitness and
(34:35):
also my tailbone. Yea, it is weird and I apparently
my hamstrings are tied and an a pee.
Speaker 2 (34:44):
I wonder what would happen if you call, If you
called somewhere and they're like, so, what brings you in?
You're like, well, I got a bruise on my chin,
like wait what?
Speaker 1 (34:53):
And I'd be like, you know, I'm doing face fitness
and like a broken record, so you know I'm doing
f fitness.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Wait. I think you should look into that. And I
also think that would be a really good conversation to
have an expert come in and talk about that with us.
It's fascinating to me.
Speaker 1 (35:10):
My friend Tiffany can Yeah, that would be perfect to
come to Nashville. Be like, Tiffany, give us the breakdown.
She's funny, too perfect.
Speaker 2 (35:17):
I do want to circle back to something though. This
is a little off topic now, but I was thinking,
as you were talking about on site and sharing some
of that, this is a little on the other side
of that for you. But I'm curious how your boyfriend
felt or what that was like, even the conversation of
telling him you're going, Because doing it's intensive with your
not husband.
Speaker 1 (35:37):
And we had no phones. Oh yeah, that's the longest
we've ever gone without talking.
Speaker 2 (35:41):
Well, so how how he felt and how that conversation went,
and then also how you felt doing that.
Speaker 1 (35:46):
Oh he right away said you have to go, Like
that's so great, you'll have to do it. And he's like,
I wouldn't be with you if I didn't trust you,
So go, this is awesome.
Speaker 2 (35:56):
Sounds healthy. Yeah, and then so was that for you
not getting to talk to him, because I'm sure there's
things that you wanted to text him and share with him. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
And then now he's on spring break, Like I got
back and he's on spring break with his kids and
they're on this big family trip with like his dad
and his sister and their kids. Like there's the whole
family is there, and they're in totally different time zones. Like,
this is the longest I've been without talking to him
and seeing him because I'm not going to see him
till Sunday.
Speaker 2 (36:23):
So you're writing him letters, letters. I don't know if
you're like journaling every night like things like I wanted
to tell you this.
Speaker 1 (36:29):
No I haven't done that, but I did, Like when
I turned my back my phone back on. I didn't
know if I had notes from him because he knew
I didn't have my phone, So why would he send
me notes? Yeah, and then he was leaving the country, so.
Speaker 2 (36:42):
Notes you mean tex text that I called it notes,
you know, like a little you're writing notes.
Speaker 1 (36:48):
No on text. I just thought, why would he text
me because you know I'm not going to be able
to see it. And then when I turned my phone
back on and I got anxiety from the flood of text.
Speaker 2 (36:58):
It's the first.
Speaker 1 (36:58):
You know, I don't have text anxiety. I don't care
about that my number says five hundred and sixty four
or whatever. That doesn't stress me out. But it stressed
me out to see that I had now even more
that I'm going to not catch up on. But I
did go to his and I opened it and he
sent notes. He's like, I know you're not able to
see this right now, but just wanted to let you know.
Speaker 2 (37:17):
Da da da da.
Speaker 1 (37:17):
And then whenever he was boarding his flight, he's like,
we're about to board here, and I know you can't
check your phone right now, but just wanted to tell
you da da da da. And he's like, I hope
it's really going well. And so that was cute to
see and sweet to read. Yeah, you're right, sweet.
Speaker 2 (37:33):
I didn't text you at all because of that thought,
and I'm so sorry. But my thought was more along
the lines of because there was a couple things that
I wanted to say, but then I thought, she's going
to have so many texts when she opens her phone. One,
this is going to get lost, but two that's like
just adding anxiety. I can just like try to remember
to tell you later. I have no idea what they were. Now.
Speaker 1 (37:55):
I think you ended up telling me, and I think
some of it was too Oh yeah, I don't want
to do it down via w downner Yeah, because you're like, oh,
she just not put all this therapy, and then I
don't want to because oh it wasn't good per se.
But it was little low vibes but not gossip. But
I will say gossip falls under the dopamine hit where
you get a spike and then you crash hard.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
Lowest form of connection connection. Yep. So I kept my
low vibes until you were done with theatre.
Speaker 3 (38:24):
And then you said them to me today and I
was like, okay, yeah, all right, cat, where can people
find you on Instagram at cat Vaanburen.
Speaker 1 (38:33):
And I am at Radio Amy and coming soon. I
know we've been teasing this for a little bit. If
you listen this long, then you're a loyal listener, unless
this is your first episode and you're like, why did
I listen to this whole thing? Well, lucky you, you're
here to know that we have our announcement date, right,
don't we. Yeah, we do, March twenty fifth. So on
(38:54):
March twenty fifth, which is two weeks from the day
that you're listening to this, we will be sharing what
we have been working on. And I'm super giddy about it,
and we've we've already been working on it this whole time.
We just can't tell you what it is. And when
I say working on, not just like us just teasing
and typing some things up, like we're actually doing things
(39:17):
and creating content and creating things that hopefully will just
be a better way to connect with y'all and more
ways you can find us.
Speaker 2 (39:28):
You said that in like a Aimy after dark kind.
Speaker 1 (39:31):
Of tone, which, speaking of did you like the morning
Corny I sent you? Because I sent you the morning
Corny I did on the Bobby Bone show. Yeah today
it's what do you call an angry counselor what therapist?
Speaker 2 (39:46):
Eadie pissed instead of therapists, they're pissed. Yeah, it's good.
Speaker 1 (39:50):
Did I not put enough emphasis on this? Is?
Speaker 2 (39:52):
Well that's hard. It's the same. So I was trying
to they're a pissed Yeah, there you go. I was
trying to make sure the listeners the I S S
D the pissed Yeah, the space pissed but no space.
Speaker 1 (40:04):
You just spell it they're pissed.
Speaker 2 (40:06):
Okay, Oh, because it's the name.
Speaker 1 (40:08):
I guess you would hyphenate it if you want.
Speaker 2 (40:10):
I was just making sure people could understand.
Speaker 1 (40:12):
Dang. I wisould have had that joke it on site
because I get a told cat she'd been like, am
I get me off angry vibes? I got to raise
my hands from that passive aggressive and been like, hey,
what do you call it? Angry counselor her graduating from
college at forty though, like it did make me. You know,
I've been wanting to go back to school, but now
(40:32):
I don't know if I would go back for face
fitness or I.
Speaker 2 (40:35):
Think you could take a course for face fitness, but
I will say, when I went to grad school, I
really liked that there were people of all ages in
my program. It wasn't just all people that came right
out of undergrad. We had people in their late twenties,
people in their thirties. We had a person in their
forties and a person in the fifties.
Speaker 1 (40:52):
But if I went to grad school for say, therapy
type stuff, do I have to get some undergrad stuff
that will not ako me for that.
Speaker 2 (41:00):
No, certain schools you do. But at our program, you
could like have majored in math, you could major in
anything agriculture development. Yes, yeah, okay, because it's everything how
they how they talked about it is everything that you
need to know to be a therapist. They're going to
teach you in that program. Did I have a little
bit of extra background to some things that already.
Speaker 1 (41:21):
Made psychology and my undergrad Wow, however much psychology one? O?
Speaker 2 (41:25):
One, I don't. I don't think. Also think about it.
If I hadn't gone to grad school and I'm going
back after what fifteen years of graduating college, most of
that stuff I wouldn't remember anyway.
Speaker 1 (41:35):
Yeah, because we only remember like things that didn't need
that didn't.
Speaker 2 (41:39):
Happen so you could go to that program. It just
is more do they see you as somebody who could
be a good fit for that professionist?
Speaker 1 (41:48):
Really obviously, like we've listened to your podcast, and yes,
except for Kat and I are working on something. You
want y'all to know, we don't always want to lean
to super therapy ish in what we're working on. So
we're just letting y'all know it's a blend. It's going
to be a blend like this leaned a little more therapy,
but this was your only because I just got back
(42:09):
from a therapy retreat. If our podcast was about just
our lives, we'd be talking about right this weekend. So
you know, just stick with us because it's not always
going to be about there.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
I don't think you have to tell the people at
the end of this episode to stick with us, because
I think they're here.
Speaker 1 (42:24):
Now, why are you still here? That's weird, Like we've
been rambling. We gotta go, bye, okay, Bye,
Feeling Things with Amy & Kat News
Host
Amy Brown
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