April 18, 2025 • 42 mins
What if the biggest thing holding us back from living our most joyful, embodied, juicy lives… is fear? In this episode, Kelly and Chip explore our strange addiction to fear—why we’re drawn to scary movies, clickbait headlines, worst-case scenarios, and that constant low-level anxiety so many of us live with.
They break down what’s happening in the nervous system, how dopamine and fear keep us in loops we don’t even realize we’re in, and how to start shifting toward more presence, courage, and clarity.
Inspired by Kelly’s interview with Stephanie James (Your Big Fat Juicy Life), the convo turns into a real talk about trust, media noise, and how to choose joy even when the world feels chaotic. And yes—Chip had some reservations about doing this episode in the first place, which led to some surprising insights on how differently we all process fear.
This one’s about coming home to yourself, getting clear, and living life in full color—because fear may sell, but joy is what we came here for.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Well, we'll see how this goes. I mean, it's always
interesting when I don't sleep. You never know what's going
to come out of my mouth. Oh look at you,
just well rested, bragger. Well we have actually we have
an interesting little debate happening here today about the topic,
and I'll bring you guys in on the conversation if
(00:23):
you listen to the Wednesday podcast. I talked to Stephanie James.
She's an author in spite psychotherapist insomnia, and she just
wrote a book called My Big, Fat, Juicy Life and
Everything After. And so the whole podcast was really interesting
because the book is about obviously building your best life,
living in the moment, all of that kind of stuff.
(00:44):
But she says, you know, a lot of what drives
us in this life is fear. And one of the
biggest fears that we all have is dying, you know,
and it's kind of just that unknown. It's the thing
we try to pretend like won't ever happen, even though
we see it all the time. It's like part of
a human process. We talked a lot about that, and
she said, you know, a lot of what happens when
(01:06):
you do address that and you do kind of start
looking at death differently, as if it's not the ending,
but your energy lives on in all these different ways
and things like that. How it can then help you
almost live a bigger, fatter, juicier life because it's almost
that theory of like live like you were dying, you know,
like you start thinking about, Okay, this is going to happen.
(01:28):
I don't want to waste any of the time that
I have here, and what kind of mark do I
want to leave on this world?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You know?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Yeah, I mean it's I used to have a really
horrible fear of dying, is to dream about it all
the time as a kid. Yeah, as a kid, and
it's something that I've had to work I had to
work through in my life. But I also, you know,
I it became really apparent to me that the more
time that I spent worrying about dying was I wasn't
(01:55):
like enjoying the moments that I was right in and
once that click, and I'm like, if I die, I die,
you know, Like, yeah, I truly believe it's out of
my control. I mean is that you can yeah, you know,
you can choose not to do fentanyl, you know, like
the things that I can choose to not take care.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Of your body, exercise, eat. Right.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah, but now it's weird because it feels like a
different person. The idea of being scared of dying is
so foreign to me now.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, well I think that's good though.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yeah, I mean it certainly helped I travel a lot
and I used to hate being on a plane.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, because the point being it's out of our control ultimately, right,
Like you said, you can do the certain things in
your life to take care of yourself, to show up
in the best way you can, for your body, for
your health, for your mind, all the things, and we
don't really know what the cards hold, so you may
as well accept that, stop trying to control it, and
(02:54):
make sure to leave the biggest mark you can on
this lifetime energetically or however, whatever your purpose is. And
so we talked a lot about that, but it kind
of sparked this interesting thought within me of oh, that's
such interesting timing that she's releasing this book, because I
feel like we are living in a time and maybe
(03:16):
this has happened before and it just wasn't in my lifetime,
but feels like we're living in this time that is
so guided by fear, and it's everywhere. It's on social media.
We talk about it a lot. Actually on this podcast.
I feel like we've addressed all the things that can
come up from the different shades of social media. I
even posted I think I posted a question. I think
(03:38):
it was this week because I started thinking about this
as I was talking to Stephanie, but asking people what
their relationship with the media was, and just I keep
having these conversations where people are like, Oh, I don't
believe the media. I don't believe anything this in the news.
And I was like, well, why, Like what's happening that's
making people feel that way.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
So I've put a.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Poll up on my Instagram and I told you ninety
five percent of their responses and this was from both
sides politically, Like it wasn't one side politically saying this
or not, but it was both sides. We're saying, I
don't believe in the news anymore because all they are
is they're using fear to get us to click. Like
(04:18):
fear mongering is just taken over and they're trying to
drive their sales. They're trying to drive their clicks, and
so they try to tap into our fear, and so
I thought it was interesting because we are living in
this time driven by fear, but it seems like in
this weird way too, it's almost pushing us to have
to like be more awake and alert, which is ultimately
(04:39):
what Stephanie was saying, like to be present in your life.
But so when I brought this topic up to you,
you were very hesitant. So tell the listeners, kind of,
let's tell them what we were talking about before.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Well, I mean there were a couple of reasons. Obviously.
One of the things is we don't want and we
do sometimes. We don't want to make this podcast political.
It's supposed to be light and fun, but we live
in a world where politics is so front and center
now that it really creeps into everything. So it's hard
not to. So I didn't want this conversation to get
(05:09):
super political. Number two, I actually, in my heart of hearts,
want to believe that good journalism still exists and that
there are outlets that are doing the work and telling
the truth, whether it's what we want to hear or not.
And I also recognize that places make mistakes, and I
see retractions and corrections all the time. But I'm also
(05:32):
you know, very hyper aware that we live in an
add world where everyone's giving everything three seconds of attention
and it's a lot easier to read a headline than
it is to read the whole story. And you know,
I recognize that these are these are for profit companies,
like they feed off of us coming back to them
over and over and over again. And so I just don't, like,
(05:55):
I want to be careful to not perpetuate the politicization.
Is that politicalization?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Why would you ask me?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I can't the of the like fake news because there
is real news.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
You were saying, Yeah, like movement.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Is a movement that was created to so distrust and so,
and now distrust is being weaponized. And so I just
like I wanted to, I don't want us to perpetuate that.
That's sad. I get where you're coming from. And you know,
I think there's a million reasons why it feels so
(06:36):
prevalent now, and it's and it is like you know,
when we were kids, you know, back in the dark ages,
you know, you had three television stations and the news
came on from five to six during dinner and again
from ten to eleven. We now live in a world
where the news is on twenty four hours. You know,
there's news. There's not just one news station. There are
(06:59):
multiple news stations that are pumping out news twenty four
hours a day. You know, we have our phones in
our hands twenty four hours a day. We're on Instagram
where people think that their journalists twenty four hours a day.
So it's just it is just so much more prevalent.
Like when we were talking earlier, like I said, I
can remember, they've always used fear on the news. They'd
be like, what's in your tap water? Tune in at
(07:21):
six to find out how you can avoid it, And
it was just like relacious stuff. And even still, like
I go home and my parents watch the local news,
which I kind of love to do when I'm home,
but it's always like that kind of shit. Murder, all
the murders that have happened.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
It's all the love that you giggled when you said
that I know all the murders.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
It's just so funny because like that's not news, you
know what I mean, Like the murder, well, it is
just something that happened, Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like there's plenty of other things that you can report
on that are far more interesting than another person got murdered,
Like it just sucks, but that's not news. But that's
what they know. Like they can be like shooting, you know,
(08:05):
talking about shooting at the Walmart coming up at five,
you know, and then yeah, yeah, we love to look
at you know, they call it a rubber necking when
you want to look at a car accident. Like there's
something innate in us that like loves drama and and
(08:27):
and the fear plays into that, like it creates like
and I think I've said this, you know, on here before,
and I know I've said it to a lot of friends,
but like fear and excitement kind of feel the same.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
It's so true.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And so it's they both are dopamine, create a dopamine
response and get your body. Like I was researching today
and this is really interesting, Like you know the term
scared to death, like you literally can. It's very rare,
but you can be scared to death. And it's because
when when your body has a fear response, the unnecessary
(09:06):
things in that moment, like digestion and certain processes that
our bodies are just doing all the time because it's
just this working organism. Some of those things shut down,
So that makes sense. The fight or flight can take over,
and if you get so scared, you might shut down
parts of your body that can't recovery that kill you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Wow, I mean, And that was kind of one of
the big things we talked about. I do you think
it's really interesting because I'm usually the one trying to
stay more even keel, and You're like, oh, you're worked
up about something, and I'm sitting over here and I'm like,
I am the biggest skeptic now, like I truly am.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I trust me, I.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Could go there. Yeah, I just don't want to.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I get that.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I think for me, it was a healthy I needed
a little healthy dose of skepticism to come into my
life because for a while I was living my nature
is to just trust, like that's just my nature distrust
or just to trust, like I just trust until I'm
given reason not to. And that's really hindered me in
(10:09):
the past in multiple places. You know, friendships, relationships work,
all of these different areas. I started to see this
pattern where I was like, wait, why did I give
that person my trust? They hadn't earned it necessarily, But
it's just a part of my programming. And so I've
had to really adopt a new mentality because I thought, well,
if a news outlet of some sort that I considered news,
(10:31):
you know, was posting something, it had to be true.
And what I'm realizing now is a lot of times
it's gossip, like you said, and there's so many things
that aren't necessarily true journalistic news sources. It's just sensationalized news.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
And so we need is one person, one source to
say that it's true.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Trust me, Yeah they can.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Then they can say, oh, well, we were given that
by a source, which they don't have to reveal.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They don't and they don't have to fact check it.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
A news place can pick up that story and reference
it as news.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Which is terrible because it's just not the truth. And
I mean, I'm I said, I wasn't going to talk
about this, but this is the experience that I lived,
and so I thought it didn't register to me that
this would happen. But this happened to me six years ago,
where it was like one statement was said in an
interview that actually didn't even say what the headlines were running,
(11:27):
but like a statement was made, a story was told,
a fake narrative was made, on a reality show, and
then the headlines ran this whole other version of this story,
and like you said, then it was like a snowball
effect where one thing ran it and it just all
of a sudden became this storyline that was run across
the board, even like on things like Good Morning America,
(11:48):
and they were saying it as if it was fact.
And so there will always be people out in the
world that believe this about me because it was on
things like that, Like I would have thought, if something's
on Good Morning America, it's true. But do you think
they ever called.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Me a fact check?
Speaker 3 (12:00):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Do you think that they even researched into the story?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Like I told you, the only person that.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Actually the links that you would have to go to
get a retraction from them would be really costly and timely.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Everything that I would they.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Would do it. You would eventually win.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
But who wants to say the energy and costs well,
and like going up, that's the problem. It's like a
single girl living in the world going up against Good
Morning America. Like they have endless resources that I don't have.
You know, Yeah, the only person that called to check
anything with me was TMZ. But I actually didn't trust
them to answer it, you know, like because I know
(12:37):
they always are wanting the most gossip. But I actually
now look back and I'm like, well, should I respect
TMZ the most because they're the only people who actually
called me to be like, we're going to give you
a chance to tell your side of the story. And
I was like, I don't want to be a part
of this story.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
It's actually could be something about the fact that how
how often they break stories and that they're actually probably
doing some real journalism.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Real yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, But but that is like a digression because I
think this is happening on many different late levels, and
even if you want to take politics out, it's just
over and over and over. I think there's so many
things that are coming out or being said, or you know,
people trying to do cancel culture and all of that
kind of stuff. Like you really do have to go
(13:23):
do your research to get the real story, and like
you still might not get the real story because a
lot of times there's other factors playing into it of
like why that narrative wouldn't be out there, or why
that person didn't speak out or anything like that. And
I just think that it's really I don't know, it's
just really changed the way that I view things. But
I needed to have a little bit, like I said,
a healthy dose of skepticism to know that, Okay, if
(13:46):
I read something, I need to go research. I need
to decide what I feel is true for me. And
then I need to also know when to just lay
this stuff down and not be reading it all the time, right, and.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Then there you know, Look, there are some things that
are black and white, and there's a lot of things
that are black and white, you.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Know, Like I feel like everything in adult life is gray,
Like I truly do.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Like even when you think about like diet crazes, for example,
Like there are people that will be like I did
keto and I lost one hundred and fifty pounds and
I'm in the best shape of my life. And there
are plenty of people who have tried it and it
doesn't work for their body type.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Right, So it is true for.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
One person, but it is not true for another. Yeah, nothing,
But that doesn't mean that keto is real or not real,
you know. Yeah, yeah, you have to and that's what
I know. It's a weird example because we were talking
about news stuff. But I think it's really important that
we have to like figure out what works for us.
I mean, you'll you'll read a study like Harvard researchers
(14:50):
find that salt is you know, essential blah blah blah,
and then you might see some other university that's like,
salt is the worst thing you can put in your body.
And both of those things are true based on the
research that they did, but it's probably also like there's
points in there. It's like, well, if you're not just
pumping your body full assault, it's probably fine, you know,
(15:12):
but if you're pouring a pound of salts on everything
you eat, yeah, it's probably bad for you.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But point being, you need to go see who did
they study for that, what was the actual research they
were doing all of that stuff. The interesting thing though, is,
if you really think about it, and I think this
is kind of what we wanted to talk about mostly today,
If they are using fear tactics to get us to
click through on things, it has to be working. So
(15:36):
what is our abdiction or obsession or desire to have
fear like or why are we so hooked to fear?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Yeah, I mean, look there's even outside of the media,
there's there's big business in fear. There's Halloween is a
massive business, haunted houses, roller coasters, guy diving, like you know,
bungee jumping, shit that I would never do. It's all
fear based, and it's because it's they're all They all
(16:08):
cause a dopamine hit in some way and it feels
really good. I mean, it's a physiological, psychological sort of
thing that's happening with us. But I also think to
most of those things that I listed, I mean, I'm
not I can't get into the bungee jumping and skydiving.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Because I think those both are afraid of hip.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
But like most of those things, watching a scary movie
or going house or whatever, you know that you are safe.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
So ultimately, yeah, you're able.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It's like, I think the reason why that stuff can
be addictive is because you know that you're safe and
you're looking for that. It is a dopamine rush. It's
very similar to I would imagine as like if you're
taking a drug, it's you know that you like And
I'm not saying drugs are safe here, but you just
know that you're safe so you can go do it.
Several times and just get that hit it yeah, and
(17:01):
walk out of it alive. And there's also the sort
of group mentality of it all too, like you feel
safer because.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
You're with others in the herd.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And I think in the end, outside of the dopamine,
there is some reward and you come out on the
other side and you're like, see, I could do scary
things like right, you get that too.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Well, you get the end result, which is the reward
to your body and your nervous system and all that stuff.
I think what I see happening now reminds me more
of when I was in a really toxic relationship and
I could not get out of that relationship, even though
it was terrible for me. We kept breaking up, we
(17:44):
kept getting back together. I knew I was in a
toxic cycle, but I couldn't stop. And my therapist finally
explained it to me of like, this is a chemical
addiction that your body has now created all these like
fight or flight responses that it gets hooked to, and
you're searching for the thing to calm your anxiety. But
what you're doing is just activating it every time you
(18:06):
go back, you know. But the person I was in
a relationship with subconsciously or whatever must have known that too,
because he would you know, it was a typical trauma
bond if anyone knows about those, and if not, if
you just Google search it, it's basically just exactly what
I just described, where you're in this dynamic with a
person where you're each being activated with your nervous systems
(18:26):
into your fight or flight, and then you get hooked
to those intense ups and downs of the chemicals in
your body. Obviously, no one wants to be in a
toxic relationship and no one wants to be doing that dance.
It's exhausting. I mean I always say and like, it
almost fucking killed me. It was so terrible. It definitely
like put had a big impact on my life. But
that's kind of more of what I see happening now,
(18:48):
Like what you're talking about, I feel like could be Okay,
this is like an exciting, maybe thriller way to embrace fear,
and then this is now we've taken it too far,
and we're on social media so often or we're seeing
all these news alerts so often that we're like almost
subconsciously hooked to the intense fight or flight that that's creating,
(19:12):
and so we go back looking for more, even if
we're sitting here bitching about it.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
It's so interesting, Like I.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Wonder if there're any psychology into the like seeing bad
things happen to other people like you feeling like, thank God,
it's not that didn't happen to me, you know, even
though it's.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Like it's almost but it's almost creating fear of but look,
it happened to them, it could happen to me, It
happened to Like I saw this interesting post recently, and
I wish I had the reference to give you guys,
but he basically was talking about I think he was
maybe a part of Stoicism, And don't quote me on
that because I don't fully know, but it was very
It was something very like Buddhist like or Stoicism, which
(19:52):
are very different, but leaning into the thing of being present,
not digesting all of the things that we're digesting all
the time, because our brains truly weren't made for that.
Like I think, go back to Cavean days, you only
knew what was happening in your small little community, and
now we know what's happening in every part of the
world and even space, and our brains have not adapted
(20:15):
to that yet, so our nervous systems are living in
this insane place, and I think that is part of
what they're tapping into with more fear. And it's again,
like we said, news has always done that, but like
they're not doing something because it's not working, Like we're
participating in the problem every time we click or every
time we do something. So there is this interesting thing
(20:38):
of responsibility that I think we have to take on too,
of how we start navigating this fear based culture and
truly taking the time to be present in our own
lives and facing that fear saying like it's happening anyway
in a way, you know, like some of this stuff
is like out of my control. I can't go stop
certain wars or anything like that. What I can do
(21:01):
is show up in my life in this day, in
this moment in a way that.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I would feel a response to it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, like that I would feel like I'm helping something
versus hurting it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Well, I also think it's important to point out that
this is normal, you know, like you are not crazy
if you feel like you were locked in this fear response,
like oh for sure about the bodies that we're in
and how evolution works. You know, there wasn't it wasn't
that long ago that we didn't have technology, and like.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
It was in our lifetime and yeah, you're saying I
didn't have Like we lived in caves and we had
to hunt, you know, like with rocks and stones and
sticks and shit, you know, and our whole existence was
predicated on fear.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It was like we had to sort of survival mode.
The male was generally out hunting and was doing everything
he could not do to become prey, and the mother
was like taking care of the kids and make sure
that they didn't become prayer. And the second you let
your guard down, you became prey. You did something stupid. So,
(22:07):
you know, not a lot of time has passed when
you compare it to how quickly the computer has gone
from something that was like the size of a house
to you know, a little phone that you can carry around.
And by the way, this phone does a lot more
than that house sized computer did.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
God, yeah, think about everything.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yes, you know, our bodies have not evolved as quickly,
so it is a very natural thing for us to
like sort of live in the state.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, no, I agree. I just think it's good that
we're talking about it. And that's why I wanted to
talk about it on the podcast because and that's why
I wanted to ask that question on my social media too.
I wanted to gauge if everyone across the board was
feeling that, if it was one side or another was
more feeling that, if it was my more artistic, crunchy
granola friends that were feeling it, or if it was
(22:56):
the same as for the business people that were living
out in the financial world, you know, like and it
was it was just across the board the same thing.
And all I think we can do then is just
bring that awareness and talk to each other about it,
Like that's what we always say we want to do
on this podcast. And I have to say, like, I
do find some hope in that that we're talking about it,
that people are having this healthy dose of skepticism and
(23:18):
going Okay, I can't just blindly trust even the FDA anymore.
I can't just blindly trust the Heart Association, like I
can't blindly trust the government the news, Like I need
to go and know myself. What that sounds like to
me is a mature adult. Yeah, but we just tried
to not do that because we all all have so
(23:39):
much else on our plate.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I had an interesting experience this weekend because this was unintentional.
But I am trying to get back into my gardening.
And this has always been this thing that I've really
desired to make gardening my hobby. But then I'll get
busy and everything dies, you know, or I kill it
or something. But this this is my year, I feel it,
(24:03):
and so I was really trying to just get my
yard in shape.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
And yeah, you did well. You came over.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You were powerwashing for me like a true friend. It
was amazing. We had like a party of your My
mom was like helping me pick out plants. Another friend
of ours came over. It was just like an outside day,
you know, like we were all doing work around the
house kind of thing. And the thing you left my
house and did it at your house, and like it
just it was this thing of like, oh, yeah, these
(24:31):
are the activities that I can do to like make
my life better in this moment. But I did it
for two days. And while I did get a finger
injury from a old rose bush, which is another interesting
story for another time I realized I would go hours
without looking at my phone and I did have music playing,
but like that was it. It was like my phone
(24:52):
was in the house, even plugged in. I forgot about
it because I was so I know that's why you
love powerwashing, but like I was just off in my
own world, really focused on planting these gardens. And not
only was I in the best mood. I mean it
was beautiful outside, so that helped, but then I came inside.
I was like, Oh, I'm gonna make this recipe I've
(25:12):
been wanting to do.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
I was like chatty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
I was in just like bringing joy to my boyfriend,
you know, like there was all these things that I
showed up in this way where I thought to myself,
why am I so happy right now? And it was
just like being outside, grounded, doing an activity, being present
in that activity, accomplishment, the sense of accomplishment, but also
(25:37):
not giving so much energy to what's happening on my phone.
Like I missed some text messages, but life went on.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
It was fine. And then it was like, I don't remember.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
When I opened Instagram that weekend, and it just dawned
on me, Wow, this has really impacting me more than
I really want to give attention to because you know,
I'll make up this story that I have to be
so locked in to stay current and up to date
with what's happening. But the reality is is the best
I have felt in life in probably a couple of months,
(26:07):
was the moment I just actually went and lived my life.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah, you know, it's funny because it's bringing politics back,
but you know there's the whole like we need to
feel like the good old days again, and and yeah, A,
it's impossible to go back in time, and B the
approach that they're taking is so wrong rather than making
it pointing out what really truly is making us feel
(26:31):
like we're like sort of lost in this world, and
it is. It's the fact that we're just not connected
to ourselves anymore. And I think there is a way
a path back to the good old days in the
sense that it's like if we can teach each other
to have a healthier relationship with the news, with our phone,
with social media, and it's it's true. I mean, I
(26:55):
joke about the power watching thing, but it's it is
one of the few times that I feel pure joy
because A there is the sense of accomplishment. I watch it,
I'm like, it's immediate too. You see the cleaning, I'm
completely undistracted. I finish exhausted, so like I sleep well
that night. I also like time stands still a little
(27:20):
bit when you're that focused on something that you're enjoying,
because it's like you like, I'll come home and I'll
be like, now I need a food prep and it's
just yeah saying where it's like when one domino falls, yep,
it just makes you feel happier and healthier.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It's the thing you said though about your we've lost
connection with ourselves, and I keep saying, oh, I love
to connect with others, and I do, and I think
that's equally as important. But I think you're hitting the
nail on the head by saying that it starts with
our relationships with ourselves. And I know for me, when
I'm finding myself constantly picking up my phone to check something,
(27:57):
it's because I'm having a hard time sitting in the
quiet by myself with myself. Right, there's a reason that
I'm like looking for the distraction. And I think I
told you I had a somatic therapist once. Tell me
that movement, that scrolling movement we do on the phone
is an attempt to calm our nervous system. And so
you know, I'm not I don't do this perfectly at all,
but like when I do notice it, sometimes I start
(28:18):
to ask myself, Okay, what's going on? Or why are
you not wanting to be present with yourself right now?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
And it was wild.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
It was like the more that I did outside, the
more I wanted the inside of my house to match
that and just be comfortable and like clean and organized. Yeah,
I mean you asked me what I was cooking. I
had been mule prepping some some shretted chicken in my
croc pod and then I made another recipe. So I
had food all week this week already planned and prepped,
(28:47):
and I ate healthier because of it.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
I felt good.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
It was just interesting to me to observe. Wow, Like
that's how I used to live life all the time,
especially as a kid. And here we are kind of
going why, my some is, why do I need to
be on antidepression drugs? Why don't you know like all
of these things that we talk about.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
It's funny. I'm reading the book called Atomic Habits, but
clear right now? Yeah, And so many of the points
that he brings up apply to this, and the one
that keeps coming up as you're talking is the idea
that we want instant We want to feel an instant
change in instant gratification some things, you know, whether it's
(29:27):
wiping your phone or taking an antidepressant drug or whatever.
And one of the things that he stresses when you're
trying to break an old habit. An example that he
gives is quitting smoking. It's really hard to quit smoking
(29:48):
because you feel so good when you smoke that cigarette, right,
and we as human beings have a really hard time
seeing the benefits of long term change versus short change.
So we're more we're more inclined to pick that cigarette
up to make our stress go away, and we're less
worried about the fact that the cigarette's going to kill
us in thirty years or you know, or if it's
(30:12):
like you know, your your thing is to eat ice cream,
that's mine. I stress eat and I would much rather
beat myself up and feel better with the ice cream
in my belly then be mad at myself for being
fat in thirty years. And so we have to start
to train ourselves to be more worried about the long
(30:32):
term thing, the long term goal than the immediate gratification,
and that is you know, and I'm like, depression is
a real thing. Like so I don't, Oh, sure, I'm flippant,
but part of the depress, like getting working with depression
and living with depression, is figuring out the source of
the depression so that you can attack that versus just
(30:53):
taking the pill because the pill is a band aid.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Well, that's that's always my argument, you know, I say
that all this timeless podcast.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I'm on steroids right now for my finger issue, but
I and I was on an antibiotic this week because
of it too, because I got an infection. But I
hated it. I hated every minute of it. I think
that's probably why I didn't sleep last night. The steroid
makes me feel fucking crazy. I don't do well on them.
They're so intense.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
But I knew I needed to do that exactly.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Like there are times that I really am grateful for
Western medicine, for sure, and I don't think that should
be the only thing we do ever, And so like
in the same vein, it's if we're keeping it on
my finger, I'm doing things like putting casserole in my
belly button to suck out any toxins. I'm like trying
(31:43):
to call my nervous system so my body isn't stressed
and can fight off infection. Like doing both is always
to me the best option. And so like we had
that lady, the Ozimpic revolution person, and she was saying, like, right,
like just taking ozimpic shouldn't be your solution. Taking a
zimp and making lifestyle changes should like it should be
the both. And I think, yeah, I think all of
(32:05):
that works here. And I think when you're really trying
to live a big, fat, juicy life, it should kind
of cover all the bases and think about ways that
you're not just doing the instant gratification, what truly makes
you happy.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Like if I asked you what what.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Would be ways that you're trying to live your biggest, fattest,
juiciest life, what would it be. I'm kind of putting
you on the spot here, but well, if.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
It's short if it's short term, it would be like
going out on a boat doing the things that make
me have the most fun out of the gate, you know, powerwashing.
I haven't told you.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
He loves it.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
This is this is breaking news. The old man across
the street if I have powerwashes his walkway And he
told me no, he liked it how it looked.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
He told me no.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
He was like I saw him because I never see
him and he was outspraying his weeds the other day
and I had gone to on my trash canon and
I was like, here's my opportunity and this.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
First of all, you need to tell the listeners that
you brought this up to me last weekend and asked
if it was creepy if you went over to his
house and asked if you could powerwash drive away.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
And she said no, it's notice.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I said no. I thought it would be a nice offer.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
It's like a nice gesture. But in hindsight, I think
he thought I insulted his sidewalk.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
But well, and also I think people will probably be like,
why is this person being so nice to me and generous,
Like what's the motive?
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I sorted the conversation. Hey, I was like across the street,
I was like, hey, sir, I have a crazy question
for you, and it's like I've probably got a crazy
answer for you. And I was like, and my I
hadn't showered. My hair looked insane, and I was like,
oh boy, I was barefoot. Oh wow, Like I have
an unhealthy obsession with powerwashing. I was like, I find
(33:47):
it really therapeutic. I love it. And I was curious
if you would let me powerwash your walkway.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Did you think you wanted to be charged?
Speaker 3 (33:56):
That wouldn't cost you anything. I just loved doing it,
and he was like, well, you know the problem with
power washing is once you do one thing, you gotta
do it all. He's like, I have a power washer
in my garage. I don't use it. I like how
it looks, and all right, well, the offer stands. If
you feel like you want it done, I'm.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Happy to do it, take what you like and leave
the rest walk away.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Feeling like that's an asshole. But I bring it up
for two reasons when I was talking about power washing,
and two, sometimes you have to face your fears. And
I was like, worried about like feeling like a weirdo. Yeah,
and I also really want to power washes walk away
and he might have said yes, so like I could
have gotten some gratification from this, and now I can
(34:37):
move on, like I can get rid of the idea
power washing that and I don't have to think about it.
It's not gonna like be one of those things that's
like a monkey on my shoulder, if that's a term.
Every time I walk by his house.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, now you're like he likes it that way him
live his life to each.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Their own, you Bill, I'm gonna have clean stalking.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
From him.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
My house is going.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I mean, I think overall, when I think about what
I've noticed recently that is making me the happiest. Again
when I think about too, when I go to Charleston
to see my boyfriend and I'm realizing, like, obviously I'm
so excited to be with him and we don't get
to see each other all the time, and so that
is a big part of my peace and like happiness
(35:22):
happening in those moments. And also before I go there,
I really try to knock out as much work as
I can so that when I'm there, I can just
be present and not so focused, like having my focus
kind of in a million different places. So that's another
thing for me, is like I don't want to work
my life away the way that I used to and
not be able to enjoy it because I'm realizing how
(35:45):
much slowing down, how much not having to be on
all the time, how much just being present with whatever
is around me makes me happier. And if it doesn't
make me happier, then I need to build a better life.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Well, you know what's funny is take your boyfriend out
of the equation. Yeah, And what it is is you're
taking time to do what you want to do for yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
That's exactly right. I'm not like you focusing on a
client all the time.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
You're doing what you want to do. And I think
it's a really important lesson to like notice that, Like,
and if you weren't doing willing to do that, you
probably wouldn't have a boyfriend because you would be working
too much to make the time in your life to
have that relationship.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Right, So I think it's really important to.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Point out that it is like taking time for yourself
because it's you know, I know myself. I know a
lot of people that sit around and like think, like,
well why am I single? You know what I mean,
it's not because of no one out there is going
to like.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Me, but like how much space do you actually have
for it?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Like, how much space do you actually have?
Speaker 3 (36:51):
For giving it. You know, I have to if that's
really important to me. I have to evaluate my life
and be brave enough to get to the things that
aren't serving me.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Yeah, it's kind of dawning on me too. This goes
back to the facing death piece, because I think as
I'm getting older, I'm realizing, like the thing about work
for me. Obviously, when COVID happened and I had some
other big things happen at that same time, that changed
the name of the game for work for me for
a moment, and I think when you feel like you've
(37:23):
lost a lot of stuff, it does make you go, wait,
was this serving me the way that I was convincing
myself that it was, like.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Was I actually happy?
Speaker 1 (37:31):
You know, like I asked myself a lot of those questions.
I'm also I went through like the forty whatever you
want to call midlife. It's not midlife crisis, but it's
it's that moment where you're I do think when people
hit forty, they look at their life and they go, Okay,
am I happy? And that's a lot of times what
sends people into their crisis is if they realize they're not.
I didn't go into a crisis, but I very much
(37:52):
was like, Okay, as I rebuild life and as life
comes back after COVID and stuff, I want to put
energy into the things that are geting giving me energy back.
Or I want to like make sure that I love
the parts of my work that I am still doing
and putting so much time into and so much energy.
And if I'm not, like, I want to be brave
enough to walk away, or I want to not live
(38:14):
in the fear of, well, what's going to happen if
I let stuff go or things like that. And so
in this weird way though, it's because I'm on the
other side of like death, it seems closer, I guess
than it was then. And I don't want to be
laying all my death out of life. Yeah, Like I
don't want to be laying on my deathbed going God,
I wish I would have just enjoyed time in my
(38:36):
garden more, you know, Like I wish I would have
spent more time with this person and been really present,
because if that's what they always say on people's deathbeds,
there's never a person that's like, God, I wish I
would have worked more, you know, right, So I don't know,
it's just trying to maybe shift priorities, facing the fears
of the realities of these bodies that we live in,
(38:56):
and also just looking at in your life, what is
bringing you all the fear and is it necessary?
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Is it real for you?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Is it something you're signing up for to keep your
nervous system in this spider flight place that we've all
kind of gotten hooked into, or like, are we being
conscious and really doing the work to build the life
we want, the big, fat, juicy life. I don't know,
it's just a really interesting concept.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
You have to think, like, fear is a really good
tool to keep you down.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Well, yeah, and and control you.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Yeah, if you're evaluating your life and you're like, wait,
this person makes me scared of things, like you know,
then you're out of their way for them to achieve
what they want to achieve, you know. And I think
obviously fear is a very healthy response because evolutionarily we
need it so we're on our a game and we're
(39:45):
standing guard and keeping ourselves safe. But I also think too,
you know, you can look at those fears and reframe
them and try it.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Sometimes they're just perceived threats, like they're not actually real. Like,
that's the thing I asked my a lot too, Is
this real? A lot of times things like you know,
I'm friends with so many people I work with, and
there could be certain things said that I would go, oh,
and it scares me, or like if my relationship gets
kind of weird or something for a minute, I can go, oh,
(40:14):
my god, like what's going to happen if this falls apart?
And I realize, Oh, it's because it's threatening my security
because then I get nervous that like the job will
go away or something will happen too, And I'm like, wait,
that's not a real that's not real, Like I'm making
that up. I'm attaching to that in my head. But
it's a perceived threat. And yes, I can give my
nervous system the love and be like, I see why
(40:36):
that's happening, But this is not That's not what's really
happening here, Like this is a totally separate thing. Just
not letting yourself go far eight hundred miles down the
road of a fear story and asking yourself is it
real or not? And sometimes it is?
Speaker 2 (40:51):
But is it?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah? That's all And I think it's important to recognize
that sooner than later, because you can carry that with
you so long just to find out that it wasn't real.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Well we kind of digress here at the end. But
I think it's really interesting to think about, and I
think it's really great that as kind of a collective
we're starting to just ask the questions and pay attention,
have a little more skepticism. I think we try to
keep the healthy dose is the way to do it,
and not just write off everything, but do your research,
(41:26):
like do your due diligence, ask yourself if something is
true for you, and then ask yourself also like are
you living in fear all the time? Or is this
like is the fear happening or is this perceived? Like
all of those things. If you have thoughts on it,
you can always email us at the Edge at velvetedge
dot com. We are open to different mindsets on this.
(41:46):
I mean, I know we touched on a couple of
different things that we were trying to stay away from.
But if we triggered something in you or hit a nerve,
let us know in a nice way please and we'll respond.
That's the Edge at velvetedge dot com. You can also
hit me up on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge, Chip I'm.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
At Chip Doors. It's c H I P d O
R S c H.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
As you guys go into the weekend, when you're living
on the edge, I hope you are as remember.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Too by casual bye h
Well, we'll see how this goes. I mean, it's always
interesting when I don't sleep. You never know what's going
to come out of my mouth. Oh look at you,
just well rested, bragger. Well we have actually we have
an interesting little debate happening here today about the topic,
and I'll bring you guys in on the conversation if
(00:23):
you listen to the Wednesday podcast. I talked to Stephanie James.
She's an author in spite psychotherapist insomnia, and she just
wrote a book called My Big, Fat, Juicy Life and
Everything After. And so the whole podcast was really interesting
because the book is about obviously building your best life,
living in the moment, all of that kind of stuff.
(00:44):
But she says, you know, a lot of what drives
us in this life is fear. And one of the
biggest fears that we all have is dying, you know,
and it's kind of just that unknown. It's the thing
we try to pretend like won't ever happen, even though
we see it all the time. It's like part of
a human process. We talked a lot about that, and
she said, you know, a lot of what happens when
(01:06):
you do address that and you do kind of start
looking at death differently, as if it's not the ending,
but your energy lives on in all these different ways
and things like that. How it can then help you
almost live a bigger, fatter, juicier life because it's almost
that theory of like live like you were dying, you know,
like you start thinking about, Okay, this is going to happen.
(01:28):
I don't want to waste any of the time that
I have here, and what kind of mark do I
want to leave on this world?
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You know?
Speaker 3 (01:34):
Yeah, I mean it's I used to have a really
horrible fear of dying, is to dream about it all
the time as a kid. Yeah, as a kid, and
it's something that I've had to work I had to
work through in my life. But I also, you know,
I it became really apparent to me that the more
time that I spent worrying about dying was I wasn't
(01:55):
like enjoying the moments that I was right in and
once that click, and I'm like, if I die, I die,
you know, Like, yeah, I truly believe it's out of
my control. I mean is that you can yeah, you know,
you can choose not to do fentanyl, you know, like
the things that I can choose to not take care.
Speaker 2 (02:13):
Of your body, exercise, eat. Right.
Speaker 3 (02:16):
Yeah, but now it's weird because it feels like a
different person. The idea of being scared of dying is
so foreign to me now.
Speaker 2 (02:26):
Yeah, well I think that's good though.
Speaker 3 (02:28):
Yeah, I mean it certainly helped I travel a lot
and I used to hate being on a plane.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Yeah, because the point being it's out of our control ultimately, right,
Like you said, you can do the certain things in
your life to take care of yourself, to show up
in the best way you can, for your body, for
your health, for your mind, all the things, and we
don't really know what the cards hold, so you may
as well accept that, stop trying to control it, and
(02:54):
make sure to leave the biggest mark you can on
this lifetime energetically or however, whatever your purpose is. And
so we talked a lot about that, but it kind
of sparked this interesting thought within me of oh, that's
such interesting timing that she's releasing this book, because I
feel like we are living in a time and maybe
(03:16):
this has happened before and it just wasn't in my lifetime,
but feels like we're living in this time that is
so guided by fear, and it's everywhere. It's on social media.
We talk about it a lot. Actually on this podcast.
I feel like we've addressed all the things that can
come up from the different shades of social media. I
even posted I think I posted a question. I think
(03:38):
it was this week because I started thinking about this
as I was talking to Stephanie, but asking people what
their relationship with the media was, and just I keep
having these conversations where people are like, Oh, I don't
believe the media. I don't believe anything this in the news.
And I was like, well, why, Like what's happening that's
making people feel that way.
Speaker 2 (03:58):
So I've put a.
Speaker 1 (03:58):
Poll up on my Instagram and I told you ninety
five percent of their responses and this was from both
sides politically, Like it wasn't one side politically saying this
or not, but it was both sides. We're saying, I
don't believe in the news anymore because all they are
is they're using fear to get us to click. Like
(04:18):
fear mongering is just taken over and they're trying to
drive their sales. They're trying to drive their clicks, and
so they try to tap into our fear, and so
I thought it was interesting because we are living in
this time driven by fear, but it seems like in
this weird way too, it's almost pushing us to have
to like be more awake and alert, which is ultimately
(04:39):
what Stephanie was saying, like to be present in your life.
But so when I brought this topic up to you,
you were very hesitant. So tell the listeners, kind of,
let's tell them what we were talking about before.
Speaker 3 (04:48):
Well, I mean there were a couple of reasons. Obviously.
One of the things is we don't want and we
do sometimes. We don't want to make this podcast political.
It's supposed to be light and fun, but we live
in a world where politics is so front and center
now that it really creeps into everything. So it's hard
not to. So I didn't want this conversation to get
(05:09):
super political. Number two, I actually, in my heart of hearts,
want to believe that good journalism still exists and that
there are outlets that are doing the work and telling
the truth, whether it's what we want to hear or not.
And I also recognize that places make mistakes, and I
see retractions and corrections all the time. But I'm also
(05:32):
you know, very hyper aware that we live in an
add world where everyone's giving everything three seconds of attention
and it's a lot easier to read a headline than
it is to read the whole story. And you know,
I recognize that these are these are for profit companies,
like they feed off of us coming back to them
over and over and over again. And so I just don't, like,
(05:55):
I want to be careful to not perpetuate the politicization.
Is that politicalization?
Speaker 2 (06:01):
Why would you ask me?
Speaker 3 (06:03):
I can't the of the like fake news because there
is real news.
Speaker 2 (06:10):
You were saying, Yeah, like movement.
Speaker 3 (06:14):
Is a movement that was created to so distrust and so,
and now distrust is being weaponized. And so I just
like I wanted to, I don't want us to perpetuate that.
That's sad. I get where you're coming from. And you know,
I think there's a million reasons why it feels so
(06:36):
prevalent now, and it's and it is like you know,
when we were kids, you know, back in the dark ages,
you know, you had three television stations and the news
came on from five to six during dinner and again
from ten to eleven. We now live in a world
where the news is on twenty four hours. You know,
there's news. There's not just one news station. There are
(06:59):
multiple news stations that are pumping out news twenty four
hours a day. You know, we have our phones in
our hands twenty four hours a day. We're on Instagram
where people think that their journalists twenty four hours a day.
So it's just it is just so much more prevalent.
Like when we were talking earlier, like I said, I
can remember, they've always used fear on the news. They'd
be like, what's in your tap water? Tune in at
(07:21):
six to find out how you can avoid it, And
it was just like relacious stuff. And even still, like
I go home and my parents watch the local news,
which I kind of love to do when I'm home,
but it's always like that kind of shit. Murder, all
the murders that have happened.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
It's all the love that you giggled when you said
that I know all the murders.
Speaker 3 (07:44):
It's just so funny because like that's not news, you
know what I mean, Like the murder, well, it is
just something that happened, Yeah, you know what I mean.
Like there's plenty of other things that you can report
on that are far more interesting than another person got murdered,
Like it just sucks, but that's not news. But that's
what they know. Like they can be like shooting, you know,
(08:05):
talking about shooting at the Walmart coming up at five,
you know, and then yeah, yeah, we love to look
at you know, they call it a rubber necking when
you want to look at a car accident. Like there's
something innate in us that like loves drama and and
(08:27):
and the fear plays into that, like it creates like
and I think I've said this, you know, on here before,
and I know I've said it to a lot of friends,
but like fear and excitement kind of feel the same.
Speaker 2 (08:39):
It's so true.
Speaker 3 (08:40):
And so it's they both are dopamine, create a dopamine
response and get your body. Like I was researching today
and this is really interesting, Like you know the term
scared to death, like you literally can. It's very rare,
but you can be scared to death. And it's because
when when your body has a fear response, the unnecessary
(09:06):
things in that moment, like digestion and certain processes that
our bodies are just doing all the time because it's
just this working organism. Some of those things shut down,
So that makes sense. The fight or flight can take over,
and if you get so scared, you might shut down
parts of your body that can't recovery that kill you. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (09:27):
Wow, I mean, And that was kind of one of
the big things we talked about. I do you think
it's really interesting because I'm usually the one trying to
stay more even keel, and You're like, oh, you're worked
up about something, and I'm sitting over here and I'm like,
I am the biggest skeptic now, like I truly am.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
I trust me, I.
Speaker 3 (09:43):
Could go there. Yeah, I just don't want to.
Speaker 2 (09:46):
I get that.
Speaker 1 (09:47):
I think for me, it was a healthy I needed
a little healthy dose of skepticism to come into my
life because for a while I was living my nature
is to just trust, like that's just my nature distrust
or just to trust, like I just trust until I'm
given reason not to. And that's really hindered me in
(10:09):
the past in multiple places. You know, friendships, relationships work,
all of these different areas. I started to see this
pattern where I was like, wait, why did I give
that person my trust? They hadn't earned it necessarily, But
it's just a part of my programming. And so I've
had to really adopt a new mentality because I thought, well,
if a news outlet of some sort that I considered news,
(10:31):
you know, was posting something, it had to be true.
And what I'm realizing now is a lot of times
it's gossip, like you said, and there's so many things
that aren't necessarily true journalistic news sources. It's just sensationalized news.
Speaker 3 (10:47):
And so we need is one person, one source to
say that it's true.
Speaker 2 (10:52):
Trust me, Yeah they can.
Speaker 3 (10:54):
Then they can say, oh, well, we were given that
by a source, which they don't have to reveal.
Speaker 2 (10:59):
They don't and they don't have to fact check it.
Speaker 3 (11:01):
A news place can pick up that story and reference
it as news.
Speaker 1 (11:06):
Which is terrible because it's just not the truth. And
I mean, I'm I said, I wasn't going to talk
about this, but this is the experience that I lived,
and so I thought it didn't register to me that
this would happen. But this happened to me six years ago,
where it was like one statement was said in an
interview that actually didn't even say what the headlines were running,
(11:27):
but like a statement was made, a story was told,
a fake narrative was made, on a reality show, and
then the headlines ran this whole other version of this story,
and like you said, then it was like a snowball
effect where one thing ran it and it just all
of a sudden became this storyline that was run across
the board, even like on things like Good Morning America,
(11:48):
and they were saying it as if it was fact.
And so there will always be people out in the
world that believe this about me because it was on
things like that, Like I would have thought, if something's
on Good Morning America, it's true. But do you think
they ever called.
Speaker 2 (11:59):
Me a fact check?
Speaker 3 (12:00):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:01):
Do you think that they even researched into the story?
Speaker 3 (12:04):
No?
Speaker 2 (12:05):
Like I told you, the only person that.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
Actually the links that you would have to go to
get a retraction from them would be really costly and timely.
Speaker 2 (12:13):
Everything that I would they.
Speaker 3 (12:14):
Would do it. You would eventually win.
Speaker 1 (12:16):
But who wants to say the energy and costs well,
and like going up, that's the problem. It's like a
single girl living in the world going up against Good
Morning America. Like they have endless resources that I don't have.
You know, Yeah, the only person that called to check
anything with me was TMZ. But I actually didn't trust
them to answer it, you know, like because I know
(12:37):
they always are wanting the most gossip. But I actually
now look back and I'm like, well, should I respect
TMZ the most because they're the only people who actually
called me to be like, we're going to give you
a chance to tell your side of the story. And
I was like, I don't want to be a part
of this story.
Speaker 3 (12:51):
It's actually could be something about the fact that how
how often they break stories and that they're actually probably
doing some real journalism.
Speaker 2 (13:00):
Real yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah, But but that is like a digression because I
think this is happening on many different late levels, and
even if you want to take politics out, it's just
over and over and over. I think there's so many
things that are coming out or being said, or you know,
people trying to do cancel culture and all of that
kind of stuff. Like you really do have to go
(13:23):
do your research to get the real story, and like
you still might not get the real story because a
lot of times there's other factors playing into it of
like why that narrative wouldn't be out there, or why
that person didn't speak out or anything like that. And
I just think that it's really I don't know, it's
just really changed the way that I view things. But
I needed to have a little bit, like I said,
a healthy dose of skepticism to know that, Okay, if
(13:46):
I read something, I need to go research. I need
to decide what I feel is true for me. And
then I need to also know when to just lay
this stuff down and not be reading it all the time, right, and.
Speaker 3 (13:57):
Then there you know, Look, there are some things that
are black and white, and there's a lot of things
that are black and white, you.
Speaker 1 (14:03):
Know, Like I feel like everything in adult life is gray,
Like I truly do.
Speaker 3 (14:08):
Like even when you think about like diet crazes, for example,
Like there are people that will be like I did
keto and I lost one hundred and fifty pounds and
I'm in the best shape of my life. And there
are plenty of people who have tried it and it
doesn't work for their body type.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
Right, So it is true for.
Speaker 3 (14:26):
One person, but it is not true for another. Yeah, nothing,
But that doesn't mean that keto is real or not real,
you know. Yeah, yeah, you have to and that's what
I know. It's a weird example because we were talking
about news stuff. But I think it's really important that
we have to like figure out what works for us.
I mean, you'll you'll read a study like Harvard researchers
(14:50):
find that salt is you know, essential blah blah blah,
and then you might see some other university that's like,
salt is the worst thing you can put in your body.
And both of those things are true based on the
research that they did, but it's probably also like there's
points in there. It's like, well, if you're not just
pumping your body full assault, it's probably fine, you know,
(15:12):
but if you're pouring a pound of salts on everything
you eat, yeah, it's probably bad for you.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
But point being, you need to go see who did
they study for that, what was the actual research they
were doing all of that stuff. The interesting thing though, is,
if you really think about it, and I think this
is kind of what we wanted to talk about mostly today,
If they are using fear tactics to get us to
click through on things, it has to be working. So
(15:36):
what is our abdiction or obsession or desire to have
fear like or why are we so hooked to fear?
Speaker 2 (15:45):
You know what I mean?
Speaker 3 (15:46):
Yeah, I mean, look there's even outside of the media,
there's there's big business in fear. There's Halloween is a
massive business, haunted houses, roller coasters, guy diving, like you know,
bungee jumping, shit that I would never do. It's all
fear based, and it's because it's they're all They all
(16:08):
cause a dopamine hit in some way and it feels
really good. I mean, it's a physiological, psychological sort of
thing that's happening with us. But I also think to
most of those things that I listed, I mean, I'm
not I can't get into the bungee jumping and skydiving.
Speaker 2 (16:26):
Because I think those both are afraid of hip.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
But like most of those things, watching a scary movie
or going house or whatever, you know that you are safe.
Speaker 2 (16:37):
So ultimately, yeah, you're able.
Speaker 3 (16:39):
It's like, I think the reason why that stuff can
be addictive is because you know that you're safe and
you're looking for that. It is a dopamine rush. It's
very similar to I would imagine as like if you're
taking a drug, it's you know that you like And
I'm not saying drugs are safe here, but you just
know that you're safe so you can go do it.
Several times and just get that hit it yeah, and
(17:01):
walk out of it alive. And there's also the sort
of group mentality of it all too, like you feel
safer because.
Speaker 2 (17:07):
You're with others in the herd.
Speaker 3 (17:09):
And I think in the end, outside of the dopamine,
there is some reward and you come out on the
other side and you're like, see, I could do scary
things like right, you get that too.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
Well, you get the end result, which is the reward
to your body and your nervous system and all that stuff.
I think what I see happening now reminds me more
of when I was in a really toxic relationship and
I could not get out of that relationship, even though
it was terrible for me. We kept breaking up, we
(17:44):
kept getting back together. I knew I was in a
toxic cycle, but I couldn't stop. And my therapist finally
explained it to me of like, this is a chemical
addiction that your body has now created all these like
fight or flight responses that it gets hooked to, and
you're searching for the thing to calm your anxiety. But
what you're doing is just activating it every time you
(18:06):
go back, you know. But the person I was in
a relationship with subconsciously or whatever must have known that too,
because he would you know, it was a typical trauma
bond if anyone knows about those, and if not, if
you just Google search it, it's basically just exactly what
I just described, where you're in this dynamic with a
person where you're each being activated with your nervous systems
(18:26):
into your fight or flight, and then you get hooked
to those intense ups and downs of the chemicals in
your body. Obviously, no one wants to be in a
toxic relationship and no one wants to be doing that dance.
It's exhausting. I mean I always say and like, it
almost fucking killed me. It was so terrible. It definitely
like put had a big impact on my life. But
that's kind of more of what I see happening now,
(18:48):
Like what you're talking about, I feel like could be Okay,
this is like an exciting, maybe thriller way to embrace fear,
and then this is now we've taken it too far,
and we're on social media so often or we're seeing
all these news alerts so often that we're like almost
subconsciously hooked to the intense fight or flight that that's creating,
(19:12):
and so we go back looking for more, even if
we're sitting here bitching about it.
Speaker 2 (19:16):
It's so interesting, Like I.
Speaker 3 (19:18):
Wonder if there're any psychology into the like seeing bad
things happen to other people like you feeling like, thank God,
it's not that didn't happen to me, you know, even
though it's.
Speaker 1 (19:30):
Like it's almost but it's almost creating fear of but look,
it happened to them, it could happen to me, It
happened to Like I saw this interesting post recently, and
I wish I had the reference to give you guys,
but he basically was talking about I think he was
maybe a part of Stoicism, And don't quote me on
that because I don't fully know, but it was very
It was something very like Buddhist like or Stoicism, which
(19:52):
are very different, but leaning into the thing of being present,
not digesting all of the things that we're digesting all
the time, because our brains truly weren't made for that.
Like I think, go back to Cavean days, you only
knew what was happening in your small little community, and
now we know what's happening in every part of the
world and even space, and our brains have not adapted
(20:15):
to that yet, so our nervous systems are living in
this insane place, and I think that is part of
what they're tapping into with more fear. And it's again,
like we said, news has always done that, but like
they're not doing something because it's not working, Like we're
participating in the problem every time we click or every
time we do something. So there is this interesting thing
(20:38):
of responsibility that I think we have to take on too,
of how we start navigating this fear based culture and
truly taking the time to be present in our own
lives and facing that fear saying like it's happening anyway
in a way, you know, like some of this stuff
is like out of my control. I can't go stop
certain wars or anything like that. What I can do
(21:01):
is show up in my life in this day, in
this moment in a way that.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
I would feel a response to it.
Speaker 1 (21:07):
Yeah, like that I would feel like I'm helping something
versus hurting it.
Speaker 3 (21:13):
Well, I also think it's important to point out that
this is normal, you know, like you are not crazy
if you feel like you were locked in this fear response,
like oh for sure about the bodies that we're in
and how evolution works. You know, there wasn't it wasn't
that long ago that we didn't have technology, and like.
Speaker 4 (21:31):
It was in our lifetime and yeah, you're saying I
didn't have Like we lived in caves and we had
to hunt, you know, like with rocks and stones and
sticks and shit, you know, and our whole existence was
predicated on fear.
Speaker 3 (21:47):
It was like we had to sort of survival mode.
The male was generally out hunting and was doing everything
he could not do to become prey, and the mother
was like taking care of the kids and make sure
that they didn't become prayer. And the second you let
your guard down, you became prey. You did something stupid. So,
(22:07):
you know, not a lot of time has passed when
you compare it to how quickly the computer has gone
from something that was like the size of a house
to you know, a little phone that you can carry around.
And by the way, this phone does a lot more
than that house sized computer did.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
God, yeah, think about everything.
Speaker 3 (22:25):
Yes, you know, our bodies have not evolved as quickly,
so it is a very natural thing for us to
like sort of live in the state.
Speaker 1 (22:33):
Yeah, no, I agree. I just think it's good that
we're talking about it. And that's why I wanted to
talk about it on the podcast because and that's why
I wanted to ask that question on my social media too.
I wanted to gauge if everyone across the board was
feeling that, if it was one side or another was
more feeling that, if it was my more artistic, crunchy
granola friends that were feeling it, or if it was
(22:56):
the same as for the business people that were living
out in the financial world, you know, like and it
was it was just across the board the same thing.
And all I think we can do then is just
bring that awareness and talk to each other about it,
Like that's what we always say we want to do
on this podcast. And I have to say, like, I
do find some hope in that that we're talking about it,
that people are having this healthy dose of skepticism and
(23:18):
going Okay, I can't just blindly trust even the FDA anymore.
I can't just blindly trust the Heart Association, like I
can't blindly trust the government the news, Like I need
to go and know myself. What that sounds like to
me is a mature adult. Yeah, but we just tried
to not do that because we all all have so
(23:39):
much else on our plate.
Speaker 2 (23:41):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (23:42):
I had an interesting experience this weekend because this was unintentional.
But I am trying to get back into my gardening.
And this has always been this thing that I've really
desired to make gardening my hobby. But then I'll get
busy and everything dies, you know, or I kill it
or something. But this this is my year, I feel it,
(24:03):
and so I was really trying to just get my
yard in shape.
Speaker 2 (24:06):
And yeah, you did well. You came over.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You were powerwashing for me like a true friend. It
was amazing. We had like a party of your My
mom was like helping me pick out plants. Another friend
of ours came over. It was just like an outside day,
you know, like we were all doing work around the
house kind of thing. And the thing you left my
house and did it at your house, and like it
just it was this thing of like, oh, yeah, these
(24:31):
are the activities that I can do to like make
my life better in this moment. But I did it
for two days. And while I did get a finger
injury from a old rose bush, which is another interesting
story for another time I realized I would go hours
without looking at my phone and I did have music playing,
but like that was it. It was like my phone
(24:52):
was in the house, even plugged in. I forgot about
it because I was so I know that's why you
love powerwashing, but like I was just off in my
own world, really focused on planting these gardens. And not
only was I in the best mood. I mean it
was beautiful outside, so that helped, but then I came inside.
I was like, Oh, I'm gonna make this recipe I've
(25:12):
been wanting to do.
Speaker 2 (25:13):
I was like chatty.
Speaker 1 (25:15):
I was in just like bringing joy to my boyfriend,
you know, like there was all these things that I
showed up in this way where I thought to myself,
why am I so happy right now? And it was
just like being outside, grounded, doing an activity, being present
in that activity, accomplishment, the sense of accomplishment, but also
(25:37):
not giving so much energy to what's happening on my phone.
Like I missed some text messages, but life went on.
Speaker 2 (25:44):
It was fine. And then it was like, I don't remember.
Speaker 1 (25:46):
When I opened Instagram that weekend, and it just dawned
on me, Wow, this has really impacting me more than
I really want to give attention to because you know,
I'll make up this story that I have to be
so locked in to stay current and up to date
with what's happening. But the reality is is the best
I have felt in life in probably a couple of months,
(26:07):
was the moment I just actually went and lived my life.
Speaker 3 (26:09):
Yeah, you know, it's funny because it's bringing politics back,
but you know there's the whole like we need to
feel like the good old days again, and and yeah, A,
it's impossible to go back in time, and B the
approach that they're taking is so wrong rather than making
it pointing out what really truly is making us feel
(26:31):
like we're like sort of lost in this world, and
it is. It's the fact that we're just not connected
to ourselves anymore. And I think there is a way
a path back to the good old days in the
sense that it's like if we can teach each other
to have a healthier relationship with the news, with our phone,
with social media, and it's it's true. I mean, I
(26:55):
joke about the power watching thing, but it's it is
one of the few times that I feel pure joy
because A there is the sense of accomplishment. I watch it,
I'm like, it's immediate too. You see the cleaning, I'm
completely undistracted. I finish exhausted, so like I sleep well
that night. I also like time stands still a little
(27:20):
bit when you're that focused on something that you're enjoying,
because it's like you like, I'll come home and I'll
be like, now I need a food prep and it's
just yeah saying where it's like when one domino falls, yep,
it just makes you feel happier and healthier.
Speaker 1 (27:36):
It's the thing you said though about your we've lost
connection with ourselves, and I keep saying, oh, I love
to connect with others, and I do, and I think
that's equally as important. But I think you're hitting the
nail on the head by saying that it starts with
our relationships with ourselves. And I know for me, when
I'm finding myself constantly picking up my phone to check something,
(27:57):
it's because I'm having a hard time sitting in the
quiet by myself with myself. Right, there's a reason that
I'm like looking for the distraction. And I think I
told you I had a somatic therapist once. Tell me
that movement, that scrolling movement we do on the phone
is an attempt to calm our nervous system. And so
you know, I'm not I don't do this perfectly at all,
but like when I do notice it, sometimes I start
(28:18):
to ask myself, Okay, what's going on? Or why are
you not wanting to be present with yourself right now?
Speaker 2 (28:24):
And it was wild.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
It was like the more that I did outside, the
more I wanted the inside of my house to match
that and just be comfortable and like clean and organized. Yeah,
I mean you asked me what I was cooking. I
had been mule prepping some some shretted chicken in my
croc pod and then I made another recipe. So I
had food all week this week already planned and prepped,
(28:47):
and I ate healthier because of it.
Speaker 2 (28:49):
I felt good.
Speaker 1 (28:50):
It was just interesting to me to observe. Wow, Like
that's how I used to live life all the time,
especially as a kid. And here we are kind of
going why, my some is, why do I need to
be on antidepression drugs? Why don't you know like all
of these things that we talk about.
Speaker 3 (29:06):
It's funny. I'm reading the book called Atomic Habits, but
clear right now? Yeah, And so many of the points
that he brings up apply to this, and the one
that keeps coming up as you're talking is the idea
that we want instant We want to feel an instant
change in instant gratification some things, you know, whether it's
(29:27):
wiping your phone or taking an antidepressant drug or whatever.
And one of the things that he stresses when you're
trying to break an old habit. An example that he
gives is quitting smoking. It's really hard to quit smoking
(29:48):
because you feel so good when you smoke that cigarette, right,
and we as human beings have a really hard time
seeing the benefits of long term change versus short change.
So we're more we're more inclined to pick that cigarette
up to make our stress go away, and we're less
worried about the fact that the cigarette's going to kill
us in thirty years or you know, or if it's
(30:12):
like you know, your your thing is to eat ice cream,
that's mine. I stress eat and I would much rather
beat myself up and feel better with the ice cream
in my belly then be mad at myself for being
fat in thirty years. And so we have to start
to train ourselves to be more worried about the long
(30:32):
term thing, the long term goal than the immediate gratification,
and that is you know, and I'm like, depression is
a real thing. Like so I don't, Oh, sure, I'm flippant,
but part of the depress, like getting working with depression
and living with depression, is figuring out the source of
the depression so that you can attack that versus just
(30:53):
taking the pill because the pill is a band aid.
Speaker 1 (30:56):
Well, that's that's always my argument, you know, I say
that all this timeless podcast.
Speaker 2 (31:00):
I don't.
Speaker 1 (31:01):
I'm on steroids right now for my finger issue, but
I and I was on an antibiotic this week because
of it too, because I got an infection. But I
hated it. I hated every minute of it. I think
that's probably why I didn't sleep last night. The steroid
makes me feel fucking crazy. I don't do well on them.
They're so intense.
Speaker 2 (31:20):
But I knew I needed to do that exactly.
Speaker 1 (31:23):
Like there are times that I really am grateful for
Western medicine, for sure, and I don't think that should
be the only thing we do ever, And so like
in the same vein, it's if we're keeping it on
my finger, I'm doing things like putting casserole in my
belly button to suck out any toxins. I'm like trying
(31:43):
to call my nervous system so my body isn't stressed
and can fight off infection. Like doing both is always
to me the best option. And so like we had
that lady, the Ozimpic revolution person, and she was saying, like, right,
like just taking ozimpic shouldn't be your solution. Taking a
zimp and making lifestyle changes should like it should be
the both. And I think, yeah, I think all of
(32:05):
that works here. And I think when you're really trying
to live a big, fat, juicy life, it should kind
of cover all the bases and think about ways that
you're not just doing the instant gratification, what truly makes
you happy.
Speaker 2 (32:19):
Like if I asked you what what.
Speaker 1 (32:21):
Would be ways that you're trying to live your biggest, fattest,
juiciest life, what would it be. I'm kind of putting
you on the spot here, but well, if.
Speaker 3 (32:29):
It's short if it's short term, it would be like
going out on a boat doing the things that make
me have the most fun out of the gate, you know, powerwashing.
I haven't told you.
Speaker 2 (32:40):
He loves it.
Speaker 3 (32:41):
This is this is breaking news. The old man across
the street if I have powerwashes his walkway And he
told me no, he liked it how it looked.
Speaker 2 (32:51):
He told me no.
Speaker 3 (32:53):
He was like I saw him because I never see
him and he was outspraying his weeds the other day
and I had gone to on my trash canon and
I was like, here's my opportunity and this.
Speaker 1 (33:02):
First of all, you need to tell the listeners that
you brought this up to me last weekend and asked
if it was creepy if you went over to his
house and asked if you could powerwash drive away.
Speaker 3 (33:11):
And she said no, it's notice.
Speaker 2 (33:13):
I said no. I thought it would be a nice offer.
Speaker 3 (33:15):
It's like a nice gesture. But in hindsight, I think
he thought I insulted his sidewalk.
Speaker 1 (33:19):
But well, and also I think people will probably be like,
why is this person being so nice to me and generous,
Like what's the motive?
Speaker 3 (33:25):
I sorted the conversation. Hey, I was like across the street,
I was like, hey, sir, I have a crazy question
for you, and it's like I've probably got a crazy
answer for you. And I was like, and my I
hadn't showered. My hair looked insane, and I was like,
oh boy, I was barefoot. Oh wow, Like I have
an unhealthy obsession with powerwashing. I was like, I find
(33:47):
it really therapeutic. I love it. And I was curious
if you would let me powerwash your walkway.
Speaker 2 (33:54):
Did you think you wanted to be charged?
Speaker 3 (33:56):
That wouldn't cost you anything. I just loved doing it,
and he was like, well, you know the problem with
power washing is once you do one thing, you gotta
do it all. He's like, I have a power washer
in my garage. I don't use it. I like how
it looks, and all right, well, the offer stands. If
you feel like you want it done, I'm.
Speaker 2 (34:13):
Happy to do it, take what you like and leave
the rest walk away.
Speaker 3 (34:17):
Feeling like that's an asshole. But I bring it up
for two reasons when I was talking about power washing,
and two, sometimes you have to face your fears. And
I was like, worried about like feeling like a weirdo. Yeah,
and I also really want to power washes walk away
and he might have said yes, so like I could
have gotten some gratification from this, and now I can
(34:37):
move on, like I can get rid of the idea
power washing that and I don't have to think about it.
It's not gonna like be one of those things that's
like a monkey on my shoulder, if that's a term.
Every time I walk by his house.
Speaker 2 (34:49):
Yeah, now you're like he likes it that way him
live his life to each.
Speaker 3 (34:53):
Their own, you Bill, I'm gonna have clean stalking.
Speaker 2 (34:55):
From him.
Speaker 3 (34:59):
My house is going.
Speaker 2 (35:02):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (35:02):
I mean, I think overall, when I think about what
I've noticed recently that is making me the happiest. Again
when I think about too, when I go to Charleston
to see my boyfriend and I'm realizing, like, obviously I'm
so excited to be with him and we don't get
to see each other all the time, and so that
is a big part of my peace and like happiness
(35:22):
happening in those moments. And also before I go there,
I really try to knock out as much work as
I can so that when I'm there, I can just
be present and not so focused, like having my focus
kind of in a million different places. So that's another
thing for me, is like I don't want to work
my life away the way that I used to and
not be able to enjoy it because I'm realizing how
(35:45):
much slowing down, how much not having to be on
all the time, how much just being present with whatever
is around me makes me happier. And if it doesn't
make me happier, then I need to build a better life.
Speaker 3 (35:58):
Well, you know what's funny is take your boyfriend out
of the equation. Yeah, And what it is is you're
taking time to do what you want to do for yourself.
Speaker 1 (36:06):
That's exactly right. I'm not like you focusing on a
client all the time.
Speaker 3 (36:10):
You're doing what you want to do. And I think
it's a really important lesson to like notice that, Like,
and if you weren't doing willing to do that, you
probably wouldn't have a boyfriend because you would be working
too much to make the time in your life to
have that relationship.
Speaker 2 (36:27):
Right, So I think it's really important to.
Speaker 3 (36:30):
Point out that it is like taking time for yourself
because it's you know, I know myself. I know a
lot of people that sit around and like think, like,
well why am I single? You know what I mean,
it's not because of no one out there is going
to like.
Speaker 2 (36:45):
Me, but like how much space do you actually have
for it?
Speaker 1 (36:48):
Yeah?
Speaker 2 (36:49):
Like, how much space do you actually have?
Speaker 3 (36:51):
For giving it. You know, I have to if that's
really important to me. I have to evaluate my life
and be brave enough to get to the things that
aren't serving me.
Speaker 1 (37:02):
Yeah, it's kind of dawning on me too. This goes
back to the facing death piece, because I think as
I'm getting older, I'm realizing, like the thing about work
for me. Obviously, when COVID happened and I had some
other big things happen at that same time, that changed
the name of the game for work for me for
a moment, and I think when you feel like you've
(37:23):
lost a lot of stuff, it does make you go, wait,
was this serving me the way that I was convincing
myself that it was, like.
Speaker 2 (37:30):
Was I actually happy?
Speaker 1 (37:31):
You know, like I asked myself a lot of those questions.
I'm also I went through like the forty whatever you
want to call midlife. It's not midlife crisis, but it's
it's that moment where you're I do think when people
hit forty, they look at their life and they go, Okay,
am I happy? And that's a lot of times what
sends people into their crisis is if they realize they're not.
I didn't go into a crisis, but I very much
(37:52):
was like, Okay, as I rebuild life and as life
comes back after COVID and stuff, I want to put
energy into the things that are geting giving me energy back.
Or I want to like make sure that I love
the parts of my work that I am still doing
and putting so much time into and so much energy.
And if I'm not, like, I want to be brave
enough to walk away, or I want to not live
(38:14):
in the fear of, well, what's going to happen if
I let stuff go or things like that. And so
in this weird way though, it's because I'm on the
other side of like death, it seems closer, I guess
than it was then. And I don't want to be
laying all my death out of life. Yeah, Like I
don't want to be laying on my deathbed going God,
I wish I would have just enjoyed time in my
(38:36):
garden more, you know, Like I wish I would have
spent more time with this person and been really present,
because if that's what they always say on people's deathbeds,
there's never a person that's like, God, I wish I
would have worked more, you know, right, So I don't know,
it's just trying to maybe shift priorities, facing the fears
of the realities of these bodies that we live in,
(38:56):
and also just looking at in your life, what is
bringing you all the fear and is it necessary?
Speaker 2 (39:01):
Is it real for you?
Speaker 1 (39:02):
Is it something you're signing up for to keep your
nervous system in this spider flight place that we've all
kind of gotten hooked into, or like, are we being
conscious and really doing the work to build the life
we want, the big, fat, juicy life. I don't know,
it's just a really interesting concept.
Speaker 3 (39:17):
You have to think, like, fear is a really good
tool to keep you down.
Speaker 2 (39:23):
Well, yeah, and and control you.
Speaker 3 (39:25):
Yeah, if you're evaluating your life and you're like, wait,
this person makes me scared of things, like you know,
then you're out of their way for them to achieve
what they want to achieve, you know. And I think
obviously fear is a very healthy response because evolutionarily we
need it so we're on our a game and we're
(39:45):
standing guard and keeping ourselves safe. But I also think too,
you know, you can look at those fears and reframe
them and try it.
Speaker 1 (39:54):
Sometimes they're just perceived threats, like they're not actually real. Like,
that's the thing I asked my a lot too, Is
this real? A lot of times things like you know,
I'm friends with so many people I work with, and
there could be certain things said that I would go, oh,
and it scares me, or like if my relationship gets
kind of weird or something for a minute, I can go, oh,
(40:14):
my god, like what's going to happen if this falls apart?
And I realize, Oh, it's because it's threatening my security
because then I get nervous that like the job will
go away or something will happen too, And I'm like, wait,
that's not a real that's not real, Like I'm making
that up. I'm attaching to that in my head. But
it's a perceived threat. And yes, I can give my
nervous system the love and be like, I see why
(40:36):
that's happening, But this is not That's not what's really
happening here, Like this is a totally separate thing. Just
not letting yourself go far eight hundred miles down the
road of a fear story and asking yourself is it
real or not? And sometimes it is?
Speaker 2 (40:51):
But is it?
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah? That's all And I think it's important to recognize
that sooner than later, because you can carry that with
you so long just to find out that it wasn't real.
Speaker 2 (41:03):
Yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1 (41:05):
Well we kind of digress here at the end. But
I think it's really interesting to think about, and I
think it's really great that as kind of a collective
we're starting to just ask the questions and pay attention,
have a little more skepticism. I think we try to
keep the healthy dose is the way to do it,
and not just write off everything, but do your research,
(41:26):
like do your due diligence, ask yourself if something is
true for you, and then ask yourself also like are
you living in fear all the time? Or is this
like is the fear happening or is this perceived? Like
all of those things. If you have thoughts on it,
you can always email us at the Edge at velvetedge
dot com. We are open to different mindsets on this.
(41:46):
I mean, I know we touched on a couple of
different things that we were trying to stay away from.
But if we triggered something in you or hit a nerve,
let us know in a nice way please and we'll respond.
That's the Edge at velvetedge dot com. You can also
hit me up on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge, Chip I'm.
Speaker 3 (42:02):
At Chip Doors. It's c H I P d O
R S c H.
Speaker 1 (42:07):
As you guys go into the weekend, when you're living
on the edge, I hope you are as remember.
Speaker 3 (42:11):
Too by casual bye h
Host
Kelly Henderson
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