March 28, 2025 • 36 mins
Kelly and Chip dive into the buzzy world of “trauma”—what it really means, how to tell the difference between an actual trauma response and just a bad day, and why our culture has a habit of taking meaningful words and running them into the ground. From “boundaries” and “healing journeys” to being in your “main character era,” nothing is off limits. It’s part thoughtful, part ridiculous, and fully relatable.
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HOSTS:
Kelly Henderson // @velvetsedge // velvetsedge.com
Chip Dorsch // @chipdorsch
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Helloacha, Hi, we had a little bit of a technical difficulty.
It was the kind of one of the first mercury
retrograde situations I have felt, No, that's not true. I
lost my wallet. So there have been a couple.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
But have you walid mechanical Like, is mercury retrogade supposed
to be more technology issues or just can be?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I mean, really, what mercury retrograde is is it's asking
us to slow down and review. So it's not really
what it's been made out to be in pop culture.
But with that, sometimes situations can happen where things don't
go exactly as planned, and the ultimate guide there is
to be like, oh, how could I do this differently?
(00:45):
What is this asking of me? Is this trying to
teach me patients like looking at kind of maybe some
of our reactions, responses, why this might be coming up,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Right, but people go, oh,
you know, we kind of demonize astrology often, and in
pop culture it gets made in to be like, oh god,
it's murcury retrograde. Everything's gonna get shipped. Yeah, yeah, but
(01:07):
really it's like it's the time for a review. But
it does come with some technical glitches sometimes or just
things not going exactly as planned. Right, Okay, I got it,
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Definitely one of those people that would just be like, oh,
I kind of car accident.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Mr retrograde.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Someone warned me I got the metal glasses, the ones
that like can take pictures and video, and they're like yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Our friend Mary was like, you better be careful with
those glasses. It's murky retrograde.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You're gonna end up filming something or recording a conversation accidentally.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, And I was like, there's.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
A light on there, so you would know if I
was recording and I would see it too, So.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank god for you. Yeah, this is actually a little
bit of a funny segue into what we were going
to talk about today. It kind of goes hand in hand.
But I told you that I did a podcast on
Wednesday with a practitioner named Brittany Piper, and all of
her background is in somatic therapy. She's written a book
about it. I've obviously talked about that a ton on
this podcast, and with that comes kind of the trauma conversation.
(02:06):
And you and I were discussing, like what are we
going to talk about from this because a lot of times,
first of all, we're trying to look at the lighter
things of life on this Edge podcast, and also like
we've just covered it a lot, Like we talk about
how to do healing work a lot on this podcast.
I mean, it's what this podcast is about. And so
(02:27):
when I was telling you about it, we were just
kind of going back through what I talked about with Brittany.
And one of the things that I talked about is
where we landed. And I think we have an interesting
take on this, but I think a lot of you
guys will probably relate. I asked her what is the
difference between something traumatic and then just going through a
hard time? Like how do we know how do we
(02:49):
differentiate between what is what in our society? And I
was telling you Chip, she gave me a really great
example of like two kids going through a very similar
bullying experience, but the way that they were able to
talk about that experience at home or their home life
in general, how they were supported where there was security yeah,
or not supported, they weren't given any sort of tools
(03:13):
or were heard or anything like that, and how that
can make the situation either a hard situation to go
through or something actually traumatic that will stay with us
throughout the rest of our lives, maybe even you know.
And so she really gave a lot of good examples
about that kind of stuff. So if you're kind of
grappling with what's happening in your life, or if there's
(03:33):
something chaotic, hard making you emotional situation, you're wanting more information,
that's a great podcast to go listen to because she
talks a lot about how all of that lives in
our body, how to release it, how to differentiate between
the two. She was just a really great conversationalist as well,
so I really enjoyed talking to her. But you and
I were talking about how it's interesting because the reason
(03:57):
I was even asking that question is because is online
or social media. I feel like the word trauma is
just used in everything now. It's like, right, everything has
become trauma based or there's trauma based therapy. Trauma. I
can't even think of all the examples because it just
feels like it's everywhere, And it's often when things like
(04:19):
that are overused or overconsumed or just over anything over discussed. Yeah,
it loses its power in my world, like in my brain,
I start to be like, like, I can't.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It starts to feel like it starts to feel like
a trend.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah, and then it becomes like what can I actually
give weight to anymore? Because it's just talked about all
the time, and you and I just kind of starting
to laugh about all of the things that that happens
with these days, specifically because I think we have such
access to each other at all times via social.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Media, right, we all think what we have to say
is important. As you know, I'm talking to a microph
on the podcast. You know, I can point it, I
can point my finger at myself. I come to this
from a non expert point of view anyway, and I
recognize that, so I can laugh at myself in that situation.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
But I do think that, like, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I feel like there are people that like, go to
one fucking therapy session and next thing, you know, they're
a therapists and that's how they present online. And I
think that's a little bit of what we're going to
talk about today, is like how these trends take hold
and like how they just sort of become ridiculous and
then they're the punchline.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right, you know. It is also kind of.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Have to say that it's not real, because it's very
real for a lot of people for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And that was the big thing I said to you
is I never want to diminish anyone's feelings, emotions, true
trauma or anything like that. So that's not what this
is about. We're just asking the questions like when things
get so extreme, and we're going to talk about a
lot of a lot of other examples besides just the
use of the word trauma, but how they change in
(05:58):
their impact because has they've become so extreme.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Right, they become a buzzy word. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Yeah, it was interesting because I think we were talking
about this completely separately until we got to this topic,
like two different times during the week. You've been talking
a lot about mel Robbins. Obviously this is chips she is, okay, sure, Yeah,
(06:23):
but we were talking about the let them theory, and
I mean, unless you live under a rock, you definitely
have heard of this now because it's everywhere and everyone.
Everyone is saying it all of the time, and it's
now become somewhat of a parody because it's so much
everywhere and giving it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I mean, she talks about it even in the book
because her use of the let them theory. She know
she's been talking about on the podcast and leading up
to the release of the book and everything. And I
mean a friend of mine from high school got let
them tattooed on her arm, and I want to like
reach through Instagram and shake.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Her and be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
That's so interesting coming from you because you have so
many random.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I get weird little tatoos, but like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I don't think I would get that because it's just
I don't know. I feel like I would if I
had gotten that, I would look back at that in
probably a month and be like, I need to make
that spell something different.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Well, you're you're saying it because it's trendy. She probably
was using it as a reminder to herself to actually.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Practice that till true true.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
But I'm going to play the clip for the listeners
that I sent you because it made me laugh out loud.
I thought it was so funny.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
If your ex takes a steaming hot ship on your
front lawn, let them. I'm gonna hold your hand when
I say this. Your coochie smells bad, change your underwear.
You don't have daddy issues. You don't have abandonment issues.
You have something called stupid bitch. So you wake up
(07:54):
in a bathtub full of ice, with an incision mark
on your aptimen and a note that says, thanks for
the kidney. Let them. Let them take your kidney. If
you just wash your ass properly, watch how your entire
life changes. I came up with this method, and it's foolproof.
It's called drinking ice water out of a cup. So
(08:14):
your husband of eighteen years met a woman on a
work trip and got her pregnant. Let them. Let the
baby be ugly. You need to be getting sunlight, you
need to be watered with a watering can, and you
need to be photosynthesizing. Get out of bed, pick your
wedgie out of your ass, and go floss your teeth.
Three words, take a vitamin. Motherfucker. That's four. Some bitch
(08:39):
put on a wig and pretended to be you on
the internet. Let them. She makes way less money than me, way.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Way way that.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
It's so good. There's this thing drink ice cold water.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah yeah, but that kind of what it's become.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
One hundred percent like, And look I can laugh at it.
I literally just finished the book three days ago. And
I think it's a I highly recommend it, Like, yeah,
I think there's a lot of really important lessons in it,
but because it's just the catchphrase of let them, And
I think what this video points out is it's not
(09:24):
that simple. But if you don't read the book and
you just read the headline and you're like, oh, I
get it, you know, just let them, that's when it
becomes really ridiculous because the part that gets left out
of even the title of the book is the let me.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Part of it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
So it's not just about letting someone do something. The
premise of the book is stop trying to control things
that you can't control. What you can control is the
let me part and how you react to things.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
So I highly recommend the book.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It walks through like different areas of your life where
you this can apply, and it's like, you know, some
is like raising children and how it applies there, or
relationships and how that applies, relationships with your family, how
that applies. But I just I think it's really funny that, like,
there are probably more people out there saying let them
right now that have not read the book than that have.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Oh sure, because it's just become such a buzzword. I
told you though. Mel commented on that post and she
loved it. She was dying laughing, and she invited the
girl to one of her shows coming.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Up, Oh my God, to meet you.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, so I do think there is something to be
said about someone who can laugh at themselves. And also,
someone taught me along the way, like if you don't
have people hating on you or saying anything negative, then
you're not actually making that big of.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
An impact, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
If you're gonna do something that is like device over
bold or whatever, like, you're gonna have some people who disagree.
So anyway, I thought Mel's reaction was really great, but
it just spoke to the fact that you can even
have these really great tools that are very purposeful that
are helping a ton of people, but our culture just
takes everything and it goes so extreme, Like it can
(11:08):
go both ways, you know. I think the thing with
the trauma piece right now is there's this one side
of the coin that's really leaning into trauma work, shadow work,
like you're hearing about it all the time. I think
those things are so important. That's what I've been doing
for over a decade. It's literally why I want to
talk about all the stuff I talk about on this podcast,
And there's this whole other side of it, though, where
(11:31):
people are like, well, everything's trauma and like this is ridiculous.
When do why do we have no backbone anymore? Like
why can no one stand up for themselves? Or why
has everyone taking everything so personally?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Everyone's such a pussy.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And I can see that. I can see what they're saying, like, well.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
The information that we get is now so controlled by
algorithms that like, I can see that this I forget
the woman's the person's name who made the the Mel
Robins like joke video, But if you click on one
Mel Robins video, you're gonna get served a bunch in
your Discover pages.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
And so I can see.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How it's like this slippery slope where you're like, oh,
I've heard about this new book, the Let Them Theory,
and you like google it once and the next thing
you know, yes, all you're getting is shit about the
let Them theory. So that's what I imagine sort of
prompted something like this. But it's also like, if you
google one thing about trauma, you.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Know what is going to happen the next thing?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know you're just gonna have your inbox and all
of your discover pages are going to be geared toward that.
And I think that's how things just get played out
because the algorithm is smart, but it's not smart enough
to not to slow down, you know what I mean,
It just does.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
It just floods you, yeah with things.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Yeah. And I think the interesting thing is we've never
before this social media explosion, had so much access to
so many different thoughts, mindsets, communication and just everything influences
ever before, and so one of the interesting things to
(13:06):
analyze about that is just the oversaturation. I talk about
this all the time because I feel it like it
is hard even to have a podcast and not feel like,
what are we even doing anymore? Like does anyone? Does
anyone care? Because everyone has a podcast now?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
How do you make an impact on things that you
really care about when it's so oversaturated and so everything
seemed so overused because we have access to so many
different voices now that it doesn't feel like anything's impactful anymore,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I mean when you think about uh, you know, I'm
almost fifty. So when I was growing up, like we
had MTV was a massive sort of influence in the
music space, right and you could literally become a star,
a superstar overnight if MTV decided to add your video
to their bigger playlists. It only took that one outlet
(14:02):
because there weren't so many outlets for people to discover things.
And now it's just all over the play You go
on Spotify or Apple and there's a gajillion playlist, so
you can be on lots of playlists and really not
have much of an impact. I mean, when you think
about how big star Michael Jackson and Madonna and Cindy
Lauper and Lionel Ritchie and Springsteen at the height of it,
(14:25):
like how massive they were because everyone was learning about
it from the same place.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
And now it's like Taylor.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Swift is huge, but it's she's still not hitting everyone
in the same way that those stars were hitting every
Whitney Houston, like everyone listened to Whitney right, Well, there's.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Only a couple artists if we're taking it to the
music conversation that are living at that level. Because even
from my career as doing hair and makeup and styling,
like album rollouts are completely different. It used to be
a huge deal when an artist would drop when their
next album was coming out, and now everyone's coming you
have to really come up with a good marketing plan,
(15:05):
or the music has to be so great, like every
single song, like everything about the whole packaging has to
be so next level to get people's attention because our
attention spans are so short because we're so oversaturated.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Well yeah, we're.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Getting everything else is saturating our spaces, and then when
stuff does blow up, it goes so extreme like what
we're talking about, that it's like then everyone starts to
hate it.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Almost. The example I gave to you in my life
that I see happening is I'm obviously very into astrology,
but it's become so talked about and so commercialized in
(15:48):
so pop culture that so many people roll their eyes
at me about it. And you see all those memes
all the time where you know, it's saying something like
if she asks, like it's from a mom, if she
asked for your birth time run or whatever, like you know,
like that should make you sound crazy, and it's it's
not at all. I say this all the time to y'all,
(16:10):
but astrology is truly just a map of your life.
So you can drive through life without it. That's totally fine.
You know, take what you like, leave the rest, like
I always say, or if you want to learn more
and you want to like actually be walking through with
some sort of intention, or That's what it's done for
me is it's made things make sense. Like even the
hard times I've been through, it makes them make sense
(16:32):
because I know they were for my growth in this
certain place, or you know, like it just makes everything
so much more clear about why I'm here, what my
purpose is, all of that. And so I love that
it's become popular on one hand because people actually know
what I'm talking about a little bit more when I
talk about it. But then on the flip side, I
(16:54):
was telling you, like I was at a bar with
a friend of ours who recently went through a really
bad breakup, and she was talking to me about like
the emotions of it, and she just basically was saying,
like she wants to be through it. She's ready to
be done, you know, And I go, I know it's
really hard for you. This is verbatim what I said.
I know, I know this is really hard for you
(17:15):
because you're a Capricorn moon and so being this emotional
and out of control of your situation and emotions is
going to feel terrible to you, because that is not
what a Capricorn moon wants. They want to be efficient,
they want things to be done quickly. They don't want
to feel vulnerable, like all the things that basically a
super bad breakup that takes you to your knees makes
(17:37):
you feel is the opposite of how a Capricorn moon
would feel comfortable. So I'm saying this to my friend,
consoling her, and she was actually like very receptive to it.
But the bartender is eavesdropping on us, and I look
over and he starts rolling his eyes at me, and
I was like, first of all, excuse me, were you
in this conversation? Yeah, I remember inviting you into this,
(17:58):
but I said, oh, you think that's funny. I was
like the astrology talk, and he was like, it's just
everyone's whatever, and so I go, oh, what's your signing?
Gets Sagittarius and I was like, oh, that makes total sense.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I love a good astrology bird.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
But then of course he rolls his eyes more. But
basically what I said to him is like, if you
are rolling your eyes at what I'm saying, that just
shows me you don't actually know anything about astrology, but
you're probably getting served it all the time on social
media through people like you said, who are not experts,
who don't know, not saying I'm an expert expert, but
like people talking about it from this place that's like
(18:36):
very much what the media does, like fear based or
let me tell you about this mercury retrograde and how
you're gonna survive and blah blah blah blah blah. But anyway,
it's almost become like I don't even want to read
about astrology anymore because it's everywhere and it's like ruining
it to some level.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Well yeah, I mean, and honestly, for the people that
don't understand it, like I fall into that category, it's, yeah,
if you don't know that it's a good sore, then
it's kind of dangerous to read it in anyway, so
you don't.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I don't know. I just sort of like tune.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It all out because I don't know if these people
know what they're talking about anyway, And it sounds like
gobbledygook to me, Like it's just like like this isn't
a complete sentence.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
That, which is why. Yeah, but you and I have actually,
I feel like found a really good rhythm with this
astrology stuff, and I've had a lot of listeners email
me saying like this is really helpful because there where
you are, you know, Like on every the first Wednesday
of every month, I'm talking to Marv, who is a
master astrologer and doing astrology forever, and he's a lot
(19:38):
like he would say that, he's very intense and he
lives up in the clouds almost with astrology all the time,
you know, and so I try to bring him back down,
but I still think a lot of that conversation is
hard for people to fully understand. And so on the
Friday episodes of that week, you and I have been going, Okay,
here's how we put that into tangible practice in our life,
(20:00):
and this is why this is helpful to you, or
this is why this might hinder you, And I think
that's the point of astrology. But it's just it's the
perfect example to me of things getting so overused and
like commercialized, like the let them thing to where they
then start to lose their power or impact that they
may have. You actually came up with a really funny
(20:22):
list of examples of this. Do you want to read
the listeners with you?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Well, I mean the first thing I thought of was
the word literally. It just became such like a buzzword
that you know, people would be like, oh my god,
I literally had the worst day ever, or I'm literally
going to kill somebody if I get asked what my
middle name is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Again.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I'm dying laughing because I know how much this pisses
you off, because you're like, this is not even the
right use such a wordsmith over here.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Well, and then remember when it like it like became
sort of the British version, you'd be like, literally literally
it was just like one of those words. It just
like became really popular.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Violated because I.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Do that literally? How about triggered? The word trigger? Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And now it's funny because like people have used it
so much, like I'll think like, oh my god, is
this going to trigger them? Like is this a really
triggering comment? Oh my god, they're acting weird? Are they triggered?
And I'm just like, I don't think I knew the
word triggered two years ago.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'm just dying because this is like literally calling me out.
Literally I did it.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, but I have.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Been saying triggered for so long too, because I started
doing Deep Dive into therapy before any of our friends did.
Riggers there that even remember, yes, And that's also when
the other voices get so loud about oh god, because
it's like everything triggers you or like we have to
(21:55):
think about it triggering other people, and it does become exhausting.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It really it really, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
It does not to think about.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Another thing that I feel like got really popular as
a phrase is spirit animal, which I think is like
a cancelable offense because I think you have to like be.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
A Native America not a real spirit animal.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But like it's just like everyone's like, oh my god,
she is my spirit animal.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
It's my spirit animal.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Like though, I mean, if I had to pick one,
I guess it would have been Betty White.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Such as a good one, right, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
So good and I can see it for you so clearly.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I mean, do you have one.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
There's no one that's coming to mind, like top of mind,
but I definitely there have been people through the years
that I think that is me, Like there I am
in someone else. Carrie Bradshaw's always one too that I
feel very in line with.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Another thing that I feel like has gotten you know,
Taylor Swift named for tour the Era's Tour, and I
feel like everywhere I turn now someone's like, I'm in
my whatever era. And I mean even today I got
an email that the BBC is launching a podcast called
Eras and it's about big uh sort of musicians, you know,
like they have to be sort of iconic musicians, and
(23:15):
it's I guess.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
We're talking about the era of those musicians.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, I mean it's smart. I want to know if
Taylor's getting a cut of that, Like did she tm
the word era, because she's.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
I mean, I'm she probably did, Like she's probably the
smartest business woman on earth. So but yeah, that kind
of concludes my list. There's the word boundaries too, like
that I almost forgot that boundaries is really funny because
I didn't. I mean, I guess I grew up not
being allowed or even knowing about boundaries, and now I
(23:45):
feel like everyone's got these boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
And it boundaries get so misused. It's like it's the
same thing we were kind of talking about with any
of this stuff, where I think there's so many voices
it's hard to even know, who's the expert telling you
the proper meaning or terminology or usage of these things.
But like boundaries, when I was first even deciding on
(24:09):
this topic, that was one of the things that came
to mind for me too, And like thinking back through
how a lot of times therapy speak can kind of
just become like and it's so it's almost like if
you have certain people going to therapy, if they don't
actually want to like do the work but also do
the work is another one to do the work. But
(24:29):
like if they don't want to, it's like they can
go learn enough of the words in therapy to then
kind of utilize them in life or relationships as if.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
They're they're actually doing work that's not.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Think boundaries is one of those like it almost becomes
this thing where someone's like, well, that's crossing a boundary,
when really it's like asking them to be held accountable
for something or whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
You Also, like, I feel like, isn't a boundary something
that actually needs to be set, Like you can't just
like have boundaries that you don't make people aware of,
you know.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
What I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I think my understanding of boundaries, first of all is
they're done for you it's the things that you set
in place with yourself or with what you allow into
your life that works for you or not. And the
reason I set boundaries ever, is because only because I
would know there's certain situations that if I don't hold
(25:21):
those boundaries, I will not be able to show up
as the best version of myself or a good version
of myself or something like that. So those are my boundaries,
like the places where I can see that if I
continue walking into that situation without any boundaries, I'm going
to show up as this like terrible version of myself.
And I know that because I've done it, you know.
(25:43):
And so those are where I like feel.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
That those are your personal boundaries.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yea, but you can have I mean, there's also the
term healthy boundaries. Like I'm like, what's the difference for
the boundary and a healthy boundaries?
Speaker 5 (25:53):
That would be a healthy boundary, right, But you can
you can set boundaries like within a relationship with like
you're like I don't want you on your phone when
we're together, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Like that is no, Like there's a fine line with
That's why I said the thing about actors are really
for you, because if you start to try to tell
other people what to do. That's controlling, not a boundary. Yeah,
so like the situation would more so be in that, Like, hey, babe,
when we're together at dinner, it makes me feel really
good when we can connect without our phones.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Your phone triggers me if your phone is not.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But like there is a way to say, hey, like
this means a lot to me, or could we do
this like ask a question, not set some parameter in
place for your partner that isn't exactly what they want
to do or what you know what I mean? Like
that is more controlling to me. That's my interpretation. Take
what you like and leave the rest. Makes so much
(26:53):
fun of that now he always when he does like
impersonations of me, that's the thing said, take you and
leave the us. Yeah, in my own world, that's the
thing that's happened. Yeah, I think boundaries is a good one.
We talked about toxic positivity a little bit read book, yeah,
(27:14):
or things like diet and wellness culture like the cell
rey rous trend, like just all the trends that go
it's like this is the way that you get skinny
if you do this.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And then it's over and I'm like, like the whole thirty
was it for a minute?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I still live by that one a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah, I mean I think a lot of people do
like that. The truth is is, like.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
All of them work, they don't all work for everyone,
you know.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
So the fact that it becomes a trend is what
I'm making fun of, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, and trying to do all the trends all the
time is what I'm also making fun of with myself sometimes,
like we can pick up I'll think, oh, I want
that result, and so I mean I've tried pretty much everything.
I think there's a positive side to that in that
it helps you figure out what work for you, Like
what's in your wheelhouse I told you before, Like I
(28:03):
can go access different modalities because I've tried so many.
I know in different seasons I need different things, or
like for me, even in different times of the month
when my hormones are different, like I need different tools,
and like meditation doesn't always work for me. Sometimes I
just need to soak in the bathtub or go for
a walk or you know things like that.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
But right, right, you actually.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Sent me a really funny clips. Should I play that
one for the listeners? You actually sent me a really
funny clips. Should I play that one for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Yeah, I woul give it a little backstory.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I sent it to our friend Mary about and I
called myself out on it because I have been trying
to make small changes in my life that can become habits,
and one of them is like my morning, Like I've
got this a routine checklist that I'm trying to like
have really consistent mornings. And it's like at the point
where I'm like, I have to wait up two and
a half hours earlier than I used to just to
(29:02):
try and get all these things in. And a lot
of it is because it is not habit yet, you know.
It's like brushing my teeth is on it, but like,
of course I brush my teeth in the moment I'm
used to do that. I don't have to, I don't
have to think about that, but like I put it
on there now because I have so many things that
I have to check off that like I might actually
forget to brush my teeth now.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
You don't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
I do not want to forget to do that. But yeah,
so I sent it to Mary being like this is
me now, and she wrote back you and Kelly.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, so I feel.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
About all the wellness trends. I'm just gonna play for
you guys here.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's so funny.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
Oh yeah, just wanted to confirm that everyone else was
doing like like no screen time before a bed, sleeping
in a cold room, in a coffee before eleven am.
War more to with lemona s injo open you rise
but no ferone for the first two hours and light
in your third eye, first thing ready for half an hour,
ten thousand steps a day in automathon in no social media,
twelve eggs, raw goat's milk with three avocados, two raw
steaks and a full plant based diet. Down in magnesium
(29:57):
spray with ashagen the zinc vitman b to have son
gym cold therapy, but only before the gym because it
affect the gains electrolytes. Tet your protein goals. Two liters
of water, but please God knocks up water. No gellum
gorm suclose sugar sweetness, no porn meditation for half an
hour a day, also whilst completing high rocks and microdocim.
Whilst we applying to th four WhatsApp six of which
are three minute long voice notes, checking in your friends
(30:17):
and family, maintaining a relationship, writing in your gratitude journal
whilst going to therapy, and not to mention a job
and kids, just checking everyone else is doing it.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I love it is just checking that everyone else is
doing that. It's got it all of the list of things,
and it's so funny because it's that is me. I mean,
that is this podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I mean, and honestly it is also kind of my checklist,
Like I'm just like, oh shit, I forgot to go
out and there's no sun.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
What am I going to do? I can't get it
on my third eye.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I think the point being of all of this, like, Okay,
first of all, when I watch that video, it is
overwhelming all the different things we can try. So it's
all about doing the best you can, doing what feels good.
Like I always try to go by the eighty twenty rule.
You're not going to do everything perfect all the time.
Sometimes it's even gonna be seventy thirty, you know, like
(31:12):
just doing the best we can and doing what you
can with each given day. Like I can't do all
of it every day, but if I have a day
where I'm like feeling super low. Maybe I will throw
in some extra vitamin D or things like that, but
I don't. I think we can stress ourselves out even
more trying to do all of the things to make
(31:33):
ourselves the best version of ourselves as well. And I've
learned that from experience, Like you can almost get addicted
to that and way to you know, like perpetually being
this project. And I think I'm always going to be
person that like operates from a growth mindset and wants
to be better myself or you know, evolve in some capacity.
(31:55):
But I do try to take it all with a
grain of salt, stay in reality, enjoy the present moment.
Here I go again on the checklist, but being a
little lighter about it than I have been in some
versions of myself or points in my life. And again
that ebbs and flows too, like some days you might
(32:16):
need more things than others, and some day, in some
periods of time, you might be in a deep soul
searching place. It's just kind of nice to know that
you can evolve or grow out of it, and like
it doesn't have to be so black and white. Life
really does happen in the gray, Like we don't need
to be perfect in any of this stuff. That's not
the point of it. But if it becomes a trend,
(32:38):
it's obviously going to be everywhere. So if it starts
to bother you and doesn't resonate anymore, maybe find a new.
Speaker 5 (32:43):
Thing, maybe start a new trend, or take it back
to your own practice.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Like that was a lot of what I took with this,
Like even what I was saying with astrology, I'm kind
of tired of watching astrology astrologers do astrology videos. Like
I have enough knowledge and enough tools and different ways
that I learn about it that are resonating with me
a little more in this current moment than just constantly
getting fed these videos on social media. I just get
(33:10):
overwhelmed and my brain starts to be like, okay, we're done,
Like hey, lady, like take a break.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I think the problem isn't necessarily that these things are
becoming trends. It's the problem is that we have just
we spend way too much time on social media.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Again, We're going back to social media.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Yeah, I mean I think that's just what it is.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Is, Like everyone wants to have some sort of thing
to talk about and like be known for whatever it is,
and that's where you go build platforms is on social media.
So it's like, if you can stick to one thing,
it's maybe it's gonna break through. I mean, mel Robbinson
has been writing books for fucking years and yes, it's
it's like, I mean, she's had some hit books, but
nothing has felt like the let them theory. And I
(33:51):
think it's just sort of a perfect storm because she
started podcast. She's got literally one of the biggest podcasts
in the world, and it you know, media and all
of the things. It's just all sort of came to
a head right now with the let them theory. And
also it's like a really easy thing to let latch
onto and sure, yeah, I'm sure we'll end up a
skit on SNL very soon as.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yes, for sure this video, Yeah for sure. I think
it's just important to to kind of remember the lighter
things in life, which is why we do this. This
version of The Velvet's Edge podcast, like the Wednesday episodes
are the Velvet this is supposed to be the Edge,
just meaning it doesn't have to be so serious. There
are ways to even talk about hard topics like trauma
(34:34):
in a lighter way and to laugh about it because
if we're not laughing, life gets really heavy, and we
talk about that a lot. Like the last couple of
years especially have just felt so overwhelming and heavy in
our society and in our world in general, and so
like it's really important to find the light aspect of
all these hard topics that we're looking into, and to
(34:55):
know you don't have to do it perfectly. You don't
have to learn everything in a day. This is an
ever changing, evolving world that we live in, and so
is your soul. So all of these things are great tools,
and like you don't have to take it so goddamn seriously.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Me right, you can always just let.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Them, Yeah, let them take what you like and leather
of us. You know, I did want to mention to
you guys before we go. We have started putting these
podcasts up on YouTube on my YouTube channel, and I'll
put the just the link to that in the description
this podcast. So far, we're putting our best episodes up
(35:36):
just to see if that's something you guys are interested in.
I didn't realize how many people want to just watch
us have these conversations. I find it so fascinating.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
People like facial techs.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Because recover well I think it's like, I'm such a
I just used to listen and so it's interesting to me.
I didn't quite get the things have shifted a little
more to video. So we're going to try that out
for a little bit. I'll put the link in the
description of the podcast and let me know if that's
something that you guys want more of, if you're liking it,
if you want something different. You know, I'm ever evolving
(36:09):
and ever changing and growing, so let us know it.
As always, you can email us at the Edge at
velvet edge dot com. You can also hit me up
on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
I'm at Chip Doors. It's h I P D O
R S C H.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Now, as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember to a.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Extra that was a good one. Yeah. I was like
like climbed. It's like it was a ghost.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
I'm so impress on himself right now, all right for
American Idol.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
Bye,
Helloacha, Hi, we had a little bit of a technical difficulty.
It was the kind of one of the first mercury
retrograde situations I have felt, No, that's not true. I
lost my wallet. So there have been a couple.
Speaker 2 (00:16):
But have you walid mechanical Like, is mercury retrogade supposed
to be more technology issues or just can be?
Speaker 1 (00:23):
I mean, really, what mercury retrograde is is it's asking
us to slow down and review. So it's not really
what it's been made out to be in pop culture.
But with that, sometimes situations can happen where things don't
go exactly as planned, and the ultimate guide there is
to be like, oh, how could I do this differently?
(00:45):
What is this asking of me? Is this trying to
teach me patients like looking at kind of maybe some
of our reactions, responses, why this might be coming up,
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. Right, but people go, oh,
you know, we kind of demonize astrology often, and in
pop culture it gets made in to be like, oh god,
it's murcury retrograde. Everything's gonna get shipped. Yeah, yeah, but
(01:07):
really it's like it's the time for a review. But
it does come with some technical glitches sometimes or just
things not going exactly as planned. Right, Okay, I got it,
So there you go.
Speaker 2 (01:19):
Definitely one of those people that would just be like, oh,
I kind of car accident.
Speaker 3 (01:22):
Mr retrograde.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
Someone warned me I got the metal glasses, the ones
that like can take pictures and video, and they're like yeah.
Speaker 3 (01:29):
Our friend Mary was like, you better be careful with
those glasses. It's murky retrograde.
Speaker 2 (01:33):
You're gonna end up filming something or recording a conversation accidentally.
Speaker 3 (01:37):
Yeah, And I was like, there's.
Speaker 2 (01:38):
A light on there, so you would know if I
was recording and I would see it too, So.
Speaker 1 (01:42):
Thank god for you. Yeah, this is actually a little
bit of a funny segue into what we were going
to talk about today. It kind of goes hand in hand.
But I told you that I did a podcast on
Wednesday with a practitioner named Brittany Piper, and all of
her background is in somatic therapy. She's written a book
about it. I've obviously talked about that a ton on
this podcast, and with that comes kind of the trauma conversation.
(02:06):
And you and I were discussing, like what are we
going to talk about from this because a lot of times,
first of all, we're trying to look at the lighter
things of life on this Edge podcast, and also like
we've just covered it a lot, Like we talk about
how to do healing work a lot on this podcast.
I mean, it's what this podcast is about. And so
(02:27):
when I was telling you about it, we were just
kind of going back through what I talked about with Brittany.
And one of the things that I talked about is
where we landed. And I think we have an interesting
take on this, but I think a lot of you
guys will probably relate. I asked her what is the
difference between something traumatic and then just going through a
hard time? Like how do we know how do we
(02:49):
differentiate between what is what in our society? And I
was telling you Chip, she gave me a really great
example of like two kids going through a very similar
bullying experience, but the way that they were able to
talk about that experience at home or their home life
in general, how they were supported where there was security yeah,
or not supported, they weren't given any sort of tools
(03:13):
or were heard or anything like that, and how that
can make the situation either a hard situation to go
through or something actually traumatic that will stay with us
throughout the rest of our lives, maybe even you know.
And so she really gave a lot of good examples
about that kind of stuff. So if you're kind of
grappling with what's happening in your life, or if there's
(03:33):
something chaotic, hard making you emotional situation, you're wanting more information,
that's a great podcast to go listen to because she
talks a lot about how all of that lives in
our body, how to release it, how to differentiate between
the two. She was just a really great conversationalist as well,
so I really enjoyed talking to her. But you and
I were talking about how it's interesting because the reason
(03:57):
I was even asking that question is because is online
or social media. I feel like the word trauma is
just used in everything now. It's like, right, everything has
become trauma based or there's trauma based therapy. Trauma. I
can't even think of all the examples because it just
feels like it's everywhere, And it's often when things like
(04:19):
that are overused or overconsumed or just over anything over discussed. Yeah,
it loses its power in my world, like in my brain,
I start to be like, like, I can't.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
It starts to feel like it starts to feel like
a trend.
Speaker 1 (04:39):
Yeah, and then it becomes like what can I actually
give weight to anymore? Because it's just talked about all
the time, and you and I just kind of starting
to laugh about all of the things that that happens
with these days, specifically because I think we have such
access to each other at all times via social.
Speaker 2 (04:55):
Media, right, we all think what we have to say
is important. As you know, I'm talking to a microph
on the podcast. You know, I can point it, I
can point my finger at myself. I come to this
from a non expert point of view anyway, and I
recognize that, so I can laugh at myself in that situation.
Speaker 3 (05:11):
But I do think that, like, you know.
Speaker 2 (05:13):
I feel like there are people that like, go to
one fucking therapy session and next thing, you know, they're
a therapists and that's how they present online. And I
think that's a little bit of what we're going to
talk about today, is like how these trends take hold
and like how they just sort of become ridiculous and
then they're the punchline.
Speaker 1 (05:31):
Right, you know. It is also kind of.
Speaker 3 (05:33):
Have to say that it's not real, because it's very
real for a lot of people for sure.
Speaker 1 (05:37):
And that was the big thing I said to you
is I never want to diminish anyone's feelings, emotions, true
trauma or anything like that. So that's not what this
is about. We're just asking the questions like when things
get so extreme, and we're going to talk about a
lot of a lot of other examples besides just the
use of the word trauma, but how they change in
(05:58):
their impact because has they've become so extreme.
Speaker 3 (06:01):
Right, they become a buzzy word. Yeah.
Speaker 1 (06:03):
Yeah, it was interesting because I think we were talking
about this completely separately until we got to this topic,
like two different times during the week. You've been talking
a lot about mel Robbins. Obviously this is chips she is, okay, sure, Yeah,
(06:23):
but we were talking about the let them theory, and
I mean, unless you live under a rock, you definitely
have heard of this now because it's everywhere and everyone.
Everyone is saying it all of the time, and it's
now become somewhat of a parody because it's so much
everywhere and giving it.
Speaker 2 (06:40):
I mean, she talks about it even in the book
because her use of the let them theory. She know
she's been talking about on the podcast and leading up
to the release of the book and everything. And I
mean a friend of mine from high school got let
them tattooed on her arm, and I want to like
reach through Instagram and shake.
Speaker 3 (06:58):
Her and be like, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (07:01):
That's so interesting coming from you because you have so
many random.
Speaker 3 (07:04):
I get weird little tatoos, but like, I don't.
Speaker 2 (07:06):
I don't think I would get that because it's just
I don't know. I feel like I would if I
had gotten that, I would look back at that in
probably a month and be like, I need to make
that spell something different.
Speaker 1 (07:18):
Well, you're you're saying it because it's trendy. She probably
was using it as a reminder to herself to actually.
Speaker 3 (07:24):
Practice that till true true.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
But I'm going to play the clip for the listeners
that I sent you because it made me laugh out loud.
I thought it was so funny.
Speaker 4 (07:30):
If your ex takes a steaming hot ship on your
front lawn, let them. I'm gonna hold your hand when
I say this. Your coochie smells bad, change your underwear.
You don't have daddy issues. You don't have abandonment issues.
You have something called stupid bitch. So you wake up
(07:54):
in a bathtub full of ice, with an incision mark
on your aptimen and a note that says, thanks for
the kidney. Let them. Let them take your kidney. If
you just wash your ass properly, watch how your entire
life changes. I came up with this method, and it's foolproof.
It's called drinking ice water out of a cup. So
(08:14):
your husband of eighteen years met a woman on a
work trip and got her pregnant. Let them. Let the
baby be ugly. You need to be getting sunlight, you
need to be watered with a watering can, and you
need to be photosynthesizing. Get out of bed, pick your
wedgie out of your ass, and go floss your teeth.
Three words, take a vitamin. Motherfucker. That's four. Some bitch
(08:39):
put on a wig and pretended to be you on
the internet. Let them. She makes way less money than me, way.
Speaker 1 (08:46):
Way way that.
Speaker 3 (08:51):
It's so good. There's this thing drink ice cold water.
Speaker 1 (08:59):
Yeah yeah, but that kind of what it's become.
Speaker 2 (09:03):
One hundred percent like, And look I can laugh at it.
I literally just finished the book three days ago. And
I think it's a I highly recommend it, Like, yeah,
I think there's a lot of really important lessons in it,
but because it's just the catchphrase of let them, And
I think what this video points out is it's not
(09:24):
that simple. But if you don't read the book and
you just read the headline and you're like, oh, I
get it, you know, just let them, that's when it
becomes really ridiculous because the part that gets left out
of even the title of the book is the let me.
Speaker 3 (09:38):
Part of it.
Speaker 2 (09:39):
So it's not just about letting someone do something. The
premise of the book is stop trying to control things
that you can't control. What you can control is the
let me part and how you react to things.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
So I highly recommend the book.
Speaker 2 (09:54):
It walks through like different areas of your life where
you this can apply, and it's like, you know, some
is like raising children and how it applies there, or
relationships and how that applies, relationships with your family, how
that applies. But I just I think it's really funny that, like,
there are probably more people out there saying let them
right now that have not read the book than that have.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
Oh sure, because it's just become such a buzzword. I
told you though. Mel commented on that post and she
loved it. She was dying laughing, and she invited the
girl to one of her shows coming.
Speaker 3 (10:27):
Up, Oh my God, to meet you.
Speaker 1 (10:29):
Yeah, so I do think there is something to be
said about someone who can laugh at themselves. And also,
someone taught me along the way, like if you don't
have people hating on you or saying anything negative, then
you're not actually making that big of.
Speaker 3 (10:43):
An impact, right, Yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:45):
If you're gonna do something that is like device over
bold or whatever, like, you're gonna have some people who disagree.
So anyway, I thought Mel's reaction was really great, but
it just spoke to the fact that you can even
have these really great tools that are very purposeful that
are helping a ton of people, but our culture just
takes everything and it goes so extreme, Like it can
(11:08):
go both ways, you know. I think the thing with
the trauma piece right now is there's this one side
of the coin that's really leaning into trauma work, shadow work,
like you're hearing about it all the time. I think
those things are so important. That's what I've been doing
for over a decade. It's literally why I want to
talk about all the stuff I talk about on this podcast,
And there's this whole other side of it, though, where
(11:31):
people are like, well, everything's trauma and like this is ridiculous.
When do why do we have no backbone anymore? Like
why can no one stand up for themselves? Or why
has everyone taking everything so personally?
Speaker 3 (11:42):
Everyone's such a pussy.
Speaker 1 (11:43):
And I can see that. I can see what they're saying, like, well.
Speaker 2 (11:47):
The information that we get is now so controlled by
algorithms that like, I can see that this I forget
the woman's the person's name who made the the Mel
Robins like joke video, But if you click on one
Mel Robins video, you're gonna get served a bunch in
your Discover pages.
Speaker 3 (12:06):
And so I can see.
Speaker 2 (12:07):
How it's like this slippery slope where you're like, oh,
I've heard about this new book, the Let Them Theory,
and you like google it once and the next thing
you know, yes, all you're getting is shit about the
let Them theory. So that's what I imagine sort of
prompted something like this. But it's also like, if you
google one thing about trauma, you.
Speaker 3 (12:23):
Know what is going to happen the next thing?
Speaker 2 (12:25):
You know you're just gonna have your inbox and all
of your discover pages are going to be geared toward that.
And I think that's how things just get played out
because the algorithm is smart, but it's not smart enough
to not to slow down, you know what I mean,
It just does.
Speaker 3 (12:43):
It just floods you, yeah with things.
Speaker 1 (12:45):
Yeah. And I think the interesting thing is we've never
before this social media explosion, had so much access to
so many different thoughts, mindsets, communication and just everything influences
ever before, and so one of the interesting things to
(13:06):
analyze about that is just the oversaturation. I talk about
this all the time because I feel it like it
is hard even to have a podcast and not feel like,
what are we even doing anymore? Like does anyone? Does
anyone care? Because everyone has a podcast now?
Speaker 4 (13:21):
You know?
Speaker 1 (13:22):
How do you make an impact on things that you
really care about when it's so oversaturated and so everything
seemed so overused because we have access to so many
different voices now that it doesn't feel like anything's impactful anymore,
you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (13:40):
I mean when you think about uh, you know, I'm
almost fifty. So when I was growing up, like we
had MTV was a massive sort of influence in the
music space, right and you could literally become a star,
a superstar overnight if MTV decided to add your video
to their bigger playlists. It only took that one outlet
(14:02):
because there weren't so many outlets for people to discover things.
And now it's just all over the play You go
on Spotify or Apple and there's a gajillion playlist, so
you can be on lots of playlists and really not
have much of an impact. I mean, when you think
about how big star Michael Jackson and Madonna and Cindy
Lauper and Lionel Ritchie and Springsteen at the height of it,
(14:25):
like how massive they were because everyone was learning about
it from the same place.
Speaker 3 (14:30):
And now it's like Taylor.
Speaker 2 (14:32):
Swift is huge, but it's she's still not hitting everyone
in the same way that those stars were hitting every
Whitney Houston, like everyone listened to Whitney right, Well, there's.
Speaker 1 (14:42):
Only a couple artists if we're taking it to the
music conversation that are living at that level. Because even
from my career as doing hair and makeup and styling,
like album rollouts are completely different. It used to be
a huge deal when an artist would drop when their
next album was coming out, and now everyone's coming you
have to really come up with a good marketing plan,
(15:05):
or the music has to be so great, like every
single song, like everything about the whole packaging has to
be so next level to get people's attention because our
attention spans are so short because we're so oversaturated.
Speaker 3 (15:18):
Well yeah, we're.
Speaker 5 (15:18):
Getting everything else is saturating our spaces, and then when
stuff does blow up, it goes so extreme like what
we're talking about, that it's like then everyone starts to
hate it.
Speaker 1 (15:28):
Almost. The example I gave to you in my life
that I see happening is I'm obviously very into astrology,
but it's become so talked about and so commercialized in
(15:48):
so pop culture that so many people roll their eyes
at me about it. And you see all those memes
all the time where you know, it's saying something like
if she asks, like it's from a mom, if she
asked for your birth time run or whatever, like you know,
like that should make you sound crazy, and it's it's
not at all. I say this all the time to y'all,
(16:10):
but astrology is truly just a map of your life.
So you can drive through life without it. That's totally fine.
You know, take what you like, leave the rest, like
I always say, or if you want to learn more
and you want to like actually be walking through with
some sort of intention, or That's what it's done for
me is it's made things make sense. Like even the
hard times I've been through, it makes them make sense
(16:32):
because I know they were for my growth in this
certain place, or you know, like it just makes everything
so much more clear about why I'm here, what my
purpose is, all of that. And so I love that
it's become popular on one hand because people actually know
what I'm talking about a little bit more when I
talk about it. But then on the flip side, I
(16:54):
was telling you, like I was at a bar with
a friend of ours who recently went through a really
bad breakup, and she was talking to me about like
the emotions of it, and she just basically was saying,
like she wants to be through it. She's ready to
be done, you know, And I go, I know it's
really hard for you. This is verbatim what I said.
I know, I know this is really hard for you
(17:15):
because you're a Capricorn moon and so being this emotional
and out of control of your situation and emotions is
going to feel terrible to you, because that is not
what a Capricorn moon wants. They want to be efficient,
they want things to be done quickly. They don't want
to feel vulnerable, like all the things that basically a
super bad breakup that takes you to your knees makes
(17:37):
you feel is the opposite of how a Capricorn moon
would feel comfortable. So I'm saying this to my friend,
consoling her, and she was actually like very receptive to it.
But the bartender is eavesdropping on us, and I look
over and he starts rolling his eyes at me, and
I was like, first of all, excuse me, were you
in this conversation? Yeah, I remember inviting you into this,
(17:58):
but I said, oh, you think that's funny. I was
like the astrology talk, and he was like, it's just
everyone's whatever, and so I go, oh, what's your signing?
Gets Sagittarius and I was like, oh, that makes total sense.
Speaker 3 (18:10):
I love a good astrology bird.
Speaker 1 (18:12):
But then of course he rolls his eyes more. But
basically what I said to him is like, if you
are rolling your eyes at what I'm saying, that just
shows me you don't actually know anything about astrology, but
you're probably getting served it all the time on social
media through people like you said, who are not experts,
who don't know, not saying I'm an expert expert, but
like people talking about it from this place that's like
(18:36):
very much what the media does, like fear based or
let me tell you about this mercury retrograde and how
you're gonna survive and blah blah blah blah blah. But anyway,
it's almost become like I don't even want to read
about astrology anymore because it's everywhere and it's like ruining
it to some level.
Speaker 2 (18:52):
Well yeah, I mean, and honestly, for the people that
don't understand it, like I fall into that category, it's, yeah,
if you don't know that it's a good sore, then
it's kind of dangerous to read it in anyway, so
you don't.
Speaker 3 (19:04):
I don't know. I just sort of like tune.
Speaker 2 (19:06):
It all out because I don't know if these people
know what they're talking about anyway, And it sounds like
gobbledygook to me, Like it's just like like this isn't
a complete sentence.
Speaker 3 (19:16):
I don't understand.
Speaker 1 (19:17):
That, which is why. Yeah, but you and I have actually,
I feel like found a really good rhythm with this
astrology stuff, and I've had a lot of listeners email
me saying like this is really helpful because there where
you are, you know, Like on every the first Wednesday
of every month, I'm talking to Marv, who is a
master astrologer and doing astrology forever, and he's a lot
(19:38):
like he would say that, he's very intense and he
lives up in the clouds almost with astrology all the time,
you know, and so I try to bring him back down,
but I still think a lot of that conversation is
hard for people to fully understand. And so on the
Friday episodes of that week, you and I have been going, Okay,
here's how we put that into tangible practice in our life,
(20:00):
and this is why this is helpful to you, or
this is why this might hinder you, And I think
that's the point of astrology. But it's just it's the
perfect example to me of things getting so overused and
like commercialized, like the let them thing to where they
then start to lose their power or impact that they
may have. You actually came up with a really funny
(20:22):
list of examples of this. Do you want to read
the listeners with you?
Speaker 2 (20:25):
Well, I mean the first thing I thought of was
the word literally. It just became such like a buzzword
that you know, people would be like, oh my god,
I literally had the worst day ever, or I'm literally
going to kill somebody if I get asked what my
middle name is.
Speaker 3 (20:42):
Again.
Speaker 1 (20:43):
I'm dying laughing because I know how much this pisses
you off, because you're like, this is not even the
right use such a wordsmith over here.
Speaker 2 (20:50):
Well, and then remember when it like it like became
sort of the British version, you'd be like, literally literally
it was just like one of those words. It just
like became really popular.
Speaker 1 (21:03):
Violated because I.
Speaker 3 (21:04):
Do that literally? How about triggered? The word trigger? Oh?
Speaker 2 (21:11):
And now it's funny because like people have used it
so much, like I'll think like, oh my god, is
this going to trigger them? Like is this a really
triggering comment? Oh my god, they're acting weird? Are they triggered?
And I'm just like, I don't think I knew the
word triggered two years ago.
Speaker 1 (21:25):
I'm just dying because this is like literally calling me out.
Literally I did it.
Speaker 3 (21:32):
Yeah, but I have.
Speaker 1 (21:34):
Been saying triggered for so long too, because I started
doing Deep Dive into therapy before any of our friends did.
Riggers there that even remember, yes, And that's also when
the other voices get so loud about oh god, because
it's like everything triggers you or like we have to
(21:55):
think about it triggering other people, and it does become exhausting.
Speaker 3 (21:59):
It really it really, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:01):
It does not to think about.
Speaker 2 (22:03):
Another thing that I feel like got really popular as
a phrase is spirit animal, which I think is like
a cancelable offense because I think you have to like be.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
A Native America not a real spirit animal.
Speaker 2 (22:16):
But like it's just like everyone's like, oh my god,
she is my spirit animal.
Speaker 3 (22:20):
It's my spirit animal.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
Like though, I mean, if I had to pick one,
I guess it would have been Betty White.
Speaker 3 (22:29):
Such as a good one, right, it's.
Speaker 1 (22:31):
So good and I can see it for you so clearly.
Speaker 3 (22:35):
I mean, do you have one.
Speaker 1 (22:37):
There's no one that's coming to mind, like top of mind,
but I definitely there have been people through the years
that I think that is me, Like there I am
in someone else. Carrie Bradshaw's always one too that I
feel very in line with.
Speaker 2 (22:52):
Another thing that I feel like has gotten you know,
Taylor Swift named for tour the Era's Tour, and I
feel like everywhere I turn now someone's like, I'm in
my whatever era. And I mean even today I got
an email that the BBC is launching a podcast called
Eras and it's about big uh sort of musicians, you know,
like they have to be sort of iconic musicians, and
(23:15):
it's I guess.
Speaker 3 (23:16):
We're talking about the era of those musicians.
Speaker 1 (23:18):
Yeah, I mean it's smart. I want to know if
Taylor's getting a cut of that, Like did she tm
the word era, because she's.
Speaker 2 (23:25):
I mean, I'm she probably did, Like she's probably the
smartest business woman on earth. So but yeah, that kind
of concludes my list. There's the word boundaries too, like
that I almost forgot that boundaries is really funny because
I didn't. I mean, I guess I grew up not
being allowed or even knowing about boundaries, and now I
(23:45):
feel like everyone's got these boundaries.
Speaker 1 (23:48):
And it boundaries get so misused. It's like it's the
same thing we were kind of talking about with any
of this stuff, where I think there's so many voices
it's hard to even know, who's the expert telling you
the proper meaning or terminology or usage of these things.
But like boundaries, when I was first even deciding on
(24:09):
this topic, that was one of the things that came
to mind for me too, And like thinking back through
how a lot of times therapy speak can kind of
just become like and it's so it's almost like if
you have certain people going to therapy, if they don't
actually want to like do the work but also do
the work is another one to do the work. But
(24:29):
like if they don't want to, it's like they can
go learn enough of the words in therapy to then
kind of utilize them in life or relationships as if.
Speaker 3 (24:38):
They're they're actually doing work that's not.
Speaker 1 (24:40):
Think boundaries is one of those like it almost becomes
this thing where someone's like, well, that's crossing a boundary,
when really it's like asking them to be held accountable
for something or whatever.
Speaker 2 (24:50):
You Also, like, I feel like, isn't a boundary something
that actually needs to be set, Like you can't just
like have boundaries that you don't make people aware of,
you know.
Speaker 3 (25:00):
What I mean.
Speaker 1 (25:01):
I think my understanding of boundaries, first of all is
they're done for you it's the things that you set
in place with yourself or with what you allow into
your life that works for you or not. And the
reason I set boundaries ever, is because only because I
would know there's certain situations that if I don't hold
(25:21):
those boundaries, I will not be able to show up
as the best version of myself or a good version
of myself or something like that. So those are my boundaries,
like the places where I can see that if I
continue walking into that situation without any boundaries, I'm going
to show up as this like terrible version of myself.
And I know that because I've done it, you know.
(25:43):
And so those are where I like feel.
Speaker 3 (25:45):
That those are your personal boundaries.
Speaker 2 (25:47):
Yea, but you can have I mean, there's also the
term healthy boundaries. Like I'm like, what's the difference for
the boundary and a healthy boundaries?
Speaker 5 (25:53):
That would be a healthy boundary, right, But you can
you can set boundaries like within a relationship with like
you're like I don't want you on your phone when
we're together, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1 (26:05):
Like that is no, Like there's a fine line with
That's why I said the thing about actors are really
for you, because if you start to try to tell
other people what to do. That's controlling, not a boundary. Yeah,
so like the situation would more so be in that, Like, hey, babe,
when we're together at dinner, it makes me feel really
good when we can connect without our phones.
Speaker 2 (26:27):
Your phone triggers me if your phone is not.
Speaker 1 (26:32):
But like there is a way to say, hey, like
this means a lot to me, or could we do
this like ask a question, not set some parameter in
place for your partner that isn't exactly what they want
to do or what you know what I mean? Like
that is more controlling to me. That's my interpretation. Take
what you like and leave the rest. Makes so much
(26:53):
fun of that now he always when he does like
impersonations of me, that's the thing said, take you and
leave the us. Yeah, in my own world, that's the
thing that's happened. Yeah, I think boundaries is a good one.
We talked about toxic positivity a little bit read book, yeah,
(27:14):
or things like diet and wellness culture like the cell
rey rous trend, like just all the trends that go
it's like this is the way that you get skinny
if you do this.
Speaker 2 (27:23):
And then it's over and I'm like, like the whole thirty
was it for a minute?
Speaker 1 (27:27):
I still live by that one a little bit.
Speaker 2 (27:29):
Yeah, I mean I think a lot of people do
like that. The truth is is, like.
Speaker 3 (27:33):
All of them work, they don't all work for everyone,
you know.
Speaker 2 (27:37):
So the fact that it becomes a trend is what
I'm making fun of, you know.
Speaker 1 (27:41):
Yeah, and trying to do all the trends all the
time is what I'm also making fun of with myself sometimes,
like we can pick up I'll think, oh, I want
that result, and so I mean I've tried pretty much everything.
I think there's a positive side to that in that
it helps you figure out what work for you, Like
what's in your wheelhouse I told you before, Like I
(28:03):
can go access different modalities because I've tried so many.
I know in different seasons I need different things, or
like for me, even in different times of the month
when my hormones are different, like I need different tools,
and like meditation doesn't always work for me. Sometimes I
just need to soak in the bathtub or go for
a walk or you know things like that.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
But right, right, you actually.
Speaker 1 (28:24):
Sent me a really funny clips. Should I play that
one for the listeners? You actually sent me a really
funny clips. Should I play that one for the listeners?
Speaker 3 (28:39):
Yeah, I woul give it a little backstory.
Speaker 2 (28:41):
I sent it to our friend Mary about and I
called myself out on it because I have been trying
to make small changes in my life that can become habits,
and one of them is like my morning, Like I've
got this a routine checklist that I'm trying to like
have really consistent mornings. And it's like at the point
where I'm like, I have to wait up two and
a half hours earlier than I used to just to
(29:02):
try and get all these things in. And a lot
of it is because it is not habit yet, you know.
It's like brushing my teeth is on it, but like,
of course I brush my teeth in the moment I'm
used to do that. I don't have to, I don't
have to think about that, but like I put it
on there now because I have so many things that
I have to check off that like I might actually
forget to brush my teeth now.
Speaker 1 (29:23):
You don't want to do that.
Speaker 2 (29:24):
I do not want to forget to do that. But yeah,
so I sent it to Mary being like this is
me now, and she wrote back you and Kelly.
Speaker 3 (29:31):
Yeah, so I feel.
Speaker 1 (29:32):
About all the wellness trends. I'm just gonna play for
you guys here.
Speaker 3 (29:35):
It's so funny.
Speaker 6 (29:36):
Oh yeah, just wanted to confirm that everyone else was
doing like like no screen time before a bed, sleeping
in a cold room, in a coffee before eleven am.
War more to with lemona s injo open you rise
but no ferone for the first two hours and light
in your third eye, first thing ready for half an hour,
ten thousand steps a day in automathon in no social media,
twelve eggs, raw goat's milk with three avocados, two raw
steaks and a full plant based diet. Down in magnesium
(29:57):
spray with ashagen the zinc vitman b to have son
gym cold therapy, but only before the gym because it
affect the gains electrolytes. Tet your protein goals. Two liters
of water, but please God knocks up water. No gellum
gorm suclose sugar sweetness, no porn meditation for half an
hour a day, also whilst completing high rocks and microdocim.
Whilst we applying to th four WhatsApp six of which
are three minute long voice notes, checking in your friends
(30:17):
and family, maintaining a relationship, writing in your gratitude journal
whilst going to therapy, and not to mention a job
and kids, just checking everyone else is doing it.
Speaker 1 (30:29):
I love it is just checking that everyone else is
doing that. It's got it all of the list of things,
and it's so funny because it's that is me. I mean,
that is this podcast.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
I mean, and honestly it is also kind of my checklist,
Like I'm just like, oh shit, I forgot to go
out and there's no sun.
Speaker 3 (30:46):
What am I going to do? I can't get it
on my third eye.
Speaker 1 (30:50):
I think the point being of all of this, like, Okay,
first of all, when I watch that video, it is
overwhelming all the different things we can try. So it's
all about doing the best you can, doing what feels good.
Like I always try to go by the eighty twenty rule.
You're not going to do everything perfect all the time.
Sometimes it's even gonna be seventy thirty, you know, like
(31:12):
just doing the best we can and doing what you
can with each given day. Like I can't do all
of it every day, but if I have a day
where I'm like feeling super low. Maybe I will throw
in some extra vitamin D or things like that, but
I don't. I think we can stress ourselves out even
more trying to do all of the things to make
(31:33):
ourselves the best version of ourselves as well. And I've
learned that from experience, Like you can almost get addicted
to that and way to you know, like perpetually being
this project. And I think I'm always going to be
person that like operates from a growth mindset and wants
to be better myself or you know, evolve in some capacity.
(31:55):
But I do try to take it all with a
grain of salt, stay in reality, enjoy the present moment.
Here I go again on the checklist, but being a
little lighter about it than I have been in some
versions of myself or points in my life. And again
that ebbs and flows too, like some days you might
(32:16):
need more things than others, and some day, in some
periods of time, you might be in a deep soul
searching place. It's just kind of nice to know that
you can evolve or grow out of it, and like
it doesn't have to be so black and white. Life
really does happen in the gray, Like we don't need
to be perfect in any of this stuff. That's not
the point of it. But if it becomes a trend,
(32:38):
it's obviously going to be everywhere. So if it starts
to bother you and doesn't resonate anymore, maybe find a new.
Speaker 5 (32:43):
Thing, maybe start a new trend, or take it back
to your own practice.
Speaker 1 (32:48):
Like that was a lot of what I took with this,
Like even what I was saying with astrology, I'm kind
of tired of watching astrology astrologers do astrology videos. Like
I have enough knowledge and enough tools and different ways
that I learn about it that are resonating with me
a little more in this current moment than just constantly
getting fed these videos on social media. I just get
(33:10):
overwhelmed and my brain starts to be like, okay, we're done,
Like hey, lady, like take a break.
Speaker 2 (33:15):
I think the problem isn't necessarily that these things are
becoming trends. It's the problem is that we have just
we spend way too much time on social media.
Speaker 1 (33:25):
Again, We're going back to social media.
Speaker 3 (33:27):
Yeah, I mean I think that's just what it is.
Speaker 2 (33:29):
Is, Like everyone wants to have some sort of thing
to talk about and like be known for whatever it is,
and that's where you go build platforms is on social media.
So it's like, if you can stick to one thing,
it's maybe it's gonna break through. I mean, mel Robbinson
has been writing books for fucking years and yes, it's
it's like, I mean, she's had some hit books, but
nothing has felt like the let them theory. And I
(33:51):
think it's just sort of a perfect storm because she
started podcast. She's got literally one of the biggest podcasts
in the world, and it you know, media and all
of the things. It's just all sort of came to
a head right now with the let them theory. And
also it's like a really easy thing to let latch
onto and sure, yeah, I'm sure we'll end up a
skit on SNL very soon as.
Speaker 1 (34:12):
Yes, for sure this video, Yeah for sure. I think
it's just important to to kind of remember the lighter
things in life, which is why we do this. This
version of The Velvet's Edge podcast, like the Wednesday episodes
are the Velvet this is supposed to be the Edge,
just meaning it doesn't have to be so serious. There
are ways to even talk about hard topics like trauma
(34:34):
in a lighter way and to laugh about it because
if we're not laughing, life gets really heavy, and we
talk about that a lot. Like the last couple of
years especially have just felt so overwhelming and heavy in
our society and in our world in general, and so
like it's really important to find the light aspect of
all these hard topics that we're looking into, and to
(34:55):
know you don't have to do it perfectly. You don't
have to learn everything in a day. This is an
ever changing, evolving world that we live in, and so
is your soul. So all of these things are great tools,
and like you don't have to take it so goddamn seriously.
Speaker 3 (35:11):
Me right, you can always just let.
Speaker 1 (35:15):
Them, Yeah, let them take what you like and leather
of us. You know, I did want to mention to
you guys before we go. We have started putting these
podcasts up on YouTube on my YouTube channel, and I'll
put the just the link to that in the description
this podcast. So far, we're putting our best episodes up
(35:36):
just to see if that's something you guys are interested in.
I didn't realize how many people want to just watch
us have these conversations. I find it so fascinating.
Speaker 2 (35:45):
People like facial techs.
Speaker 1 (35:47):
Because recover well I think it's like, I'm such a
I just used to listen and so it's interesting to me.
I didn't quite get the things have shifted a little
more to video. So we're going to try that out
for a little bit. I'll put the link in the
description of the podcast and let me know if that's
something that you guys want more of, if you're liking it,
if you want something different. You know, I'm ever evolving
(36:09):
and ever changing and growing, so let us know it.
As always, you can email us at the Edge at
velvet edge dot com. You can also hit me up
on Instagram. I'm at Velvet's Edge Chip.
Speaker 3 (36:22):
I'm at Chip Doors. It's h I P D O
R S C H.
Speaker 1 (36:27):
Now, as you guys go into the weekend and you're
living on the edge, I hope you always remember to a.
Speaker 3 (36:35):
Extra that was a good one. Yeah. I was like
like climbed. It's like it was a ghost.
Speaker 1 (36:42):
I'm so impress on himself right now, all right for
American Idol.
Speaker 3 (36:47):
Bye,
Host
Kelly Henderson
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