February 20, 2025 • 30 mins
Conversation about caring for aging parents with Pamela Wilson is a well-renowned caregiving expert, involved in the aging, caregiving, and health fields for more than 2-decades. Her website is: pameladwilson.com
Proven tips for combatting loneliness with Army Staff Sergeant Cody MacKall a Master Resilience Trainer
Proven tips for combatting loneliness with Army Staff Sergeant Cody MacKall a Master Resilience Trainer
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to iHeartRadio Communities, a public affairs special focusing on
the biggest issues impacting you this week.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Here's many Munyos and welcome to another edition of Iheartradios Communities.
As you heard, I am Manny Muno's. It's a difficult
situation many of us have dealt with, many of us
are dealing with, or many of us will deal with
caring for our aging parents, grandparents, other loved ones and
(00:29):
all the questions and difficulties that come with them. Let's
bring in an expert to discuss some of those issues.
Pamela Wilson is a well renowned caregiving expert involved in
aging caregiving in the health fields for more than two decades.
Her website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. Pamela, I appreciate the.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Time, my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Let me start off with this because it's often one
of these two key issues where we first find ourselves
confronting our aging parents, either having to have that talk
with a loved one about taking away their car keys
or having that even more difficult conversation about the fact
that they are no longer able to live on their own.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It's so difficult, you know, A lot of parents may
see this coming, and a lot of times what they
worry is, you know, people telling them that they're failing right,
you can't drive anymore, you can't live alone. And so
when kids approach it, it's really approaching it from a
position of Hey, mom and dad, I'm noticing these things
are happening. Do you think you need any help? Or
(01:35):
start asking questions before you start telling, because once you
start telling, they can shut down and then really become
in a place where they're refusing and they're digging in
their heels and they're saying, you know, I'm not leaving
this house, you know, unless I'm on my two feet.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, you know, So what are the best ways to
approach that conversation so it isn't confrontational.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
For example, so it would be hey, mom or dad,
I'm noticing that you need a little help around the house.
Can I help? What what might we be able to
do together? So you kind of make it a you know,
we're doing this and I'm noticing it, but are you
noticing the same thing? You know, I want to make
sure that you know you have the help that you need.
You also could start with a story, say hey mom
(02:15):
or dad. You know my friend, Oh my gosh, you
know this happened with their mom and dad, and oh
what a nightmare. You know, I'd like to know what
you want to do about your your health or about
this issue. Can you tell me?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It's one of the difficult things because not only are
you having to all of a sudden kind of switch
roles right, all of a sudden, you're the caregiver to
the parent that has always been your caregiver, but you
almost have to one up them in terms of saying, no,
this is the way we're going to go with they refuse.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Well, you know, one up being sometimes works, sometimes doesn't work,
I always. So here's what we don't see. So it's
a caregiver. We're stressed out right, we're saying, oh my gosh,
our parents need all this, it's going to take time.
But what we don't see is what our parents are
going through right there, losing their health. They can't you know,
they can't stand up out of a chair. They're worried
about all these things. They're stressed and anxious. They don't
(03:07):
want to tell the kids because they think the kids
are going to take over. So it's really both sides
coming in heavy handed as a child usually does not work.
You've got to have some degree of empathy and some
compassion and say, well, what's going on with you? How
do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Gosh, it must be really hard to be old and
not be able to do all the things you used
to be able to do. Tell me about that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
And I guess There's two different approaches, also depending on
if a parent is beginning to fail mentally or if
a parent is beginning to fail physically, Because if it's physical,
then they probably are starting to understand they need more help.
If it's mental, they might not realize it at that point.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
The mental is really really hard because parents and sometimes
kids don't even catch it right. Parents can hide a
lot of things if the kids don't see them very often.
But if you are a child and you are noticing
that your parent is forgetful, what you want to just
say is, hey, let's go to the doctor because maybe
could be you know, maybe a medication you're taking is
causing this forgetfulness. You know, until we really know, we
(04:06):
don't know how to help you. So you don't say, hey,
you've got Alzheimer's or demensions, right, you say, let's go
figure out what's going on. Let's go see the doctor.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Approaching it from the caregivers standpoint, which I know is
part of your expertise getting to that point where you're
realizing that you need to have that conversation. The amount
of stress that that has to set off on people
realizing what they're probably about to undergo in terms of
beginning to take care of their parents, how do you
(04:38):
prepare yourself mentally to become a caregiver.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
So for that, and let's just assume it's a family situation.
Hopefully you have siblings right that you're talking to about this, saying, hey,
you know your dads seem to like, you know, be
starting to need help. Talk amongst your siblings and say, okay,
what can we all do? So if I can, you know,
stop over on Saturdays and you live in town, can
you come over on Monday? So you kind of talk
(05:05):
amongst the siblings to even see if you have any support,
because if you don't, that's going to raise your stress level.
You know, if the siblings are saying, hey, we can help,
then you go to your parents and you present it.
But if it really is only you to manage your stress,
you've got to have a plan to talk to your parents,
and not just like a conversation, but mom or dad,
let's create a plan. Where do you want to live,
(05:27):
who do you want to be your caregiver? How much
money do you have? So you got to look at
this as a kind of almost as like a business
plan if you work, a lot of people at work
have a business plan and you have goals. So what
are the goals for your parents? How are they going
to pay for it? Are they going to stay home?
Are they going to have caregivers? You've got to kind
of approach it from a bigger picture, more factual place
that can lower your emotions and your anxiety.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It almost feels like that's a conversation we need to
have long before we get to the point where we
need to implement it though, kind of like having a
living will or something like that, which would show many
of us don't even have until it's too late.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
In a perfect world, these conversations would happen today before
anything happens, so there's no emotion attached to it. But
the problem is we're so busy we don't have time.
Something happens and then we react to it, right, Yeah,
then we're emotional.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
We're speaking with Pamela Wilson, well renowned caregiving expert involved
in the aging, caregiving and health fields for more than
two decades. Her website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. What
about preparing, for example, for you know, we have all
sorts of different transportation options these days. People could take
you know of service vans to visit their doctors, they
(06:37):
could take ubers, things like that. But when you're talking
about putting your parent in long term care, for example,
somewhere where there are going to have maybe they're living independently,
but surrounded by the care they need, that's a completely
different conversation. And especially when you look at it from
a financial standpoint, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Well it is. I mean most people can even afford
assisted living, you know, I mean assisted living depending on
where you are, could be three to five to seven
thousand dollars a month. Which is why you've got to
have these conversations. I say, at least five years before
the need, because if you have to plan for state medicaid,
there's a five year look back period. You have to
make sure money is being spent appropriately. Places that take
(07:17):
Medicaid have long waiting lists. You may have a two
year wait to get in, and they may want you
to pay for two years privately before they accept you.
So these are really conversations that cannot wait. If you
want to have choices, what are.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
The good rules of thumb? Then if you're looking for
these kinds of places for your parent, and ideally if
you're doing it together with your parent for the future.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
So rule of thumb is can you pay or not pay?
That's the first question. If you cannot pay, then you're
looking at state medicaid. You better investigate the Medicaid program,
what the application process is like, what the time is.
Then you're looking at places that accept Medicaid, which are
even fewer. Then you may have to get your parent
on the weightlift. Now, if there's money, that's a whole
different issue, because then you start saying, Okay, what part
(08:00):
of town do you want to live in, what services
do you need? Let's go look at these places, Let's
have lunch, let's see what they offer, let's look at
their charges, and then let's make a decision about what's
the best place that you know you want to go
live at.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Are these options and for example, medicare would cover Is
it only when you don't, when you can't afford it
at all and you have to turn to medicaid.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Medicare does not cover it. Now if you have long
term care interns, which is an optional benefit, that can
cover it, but no. Basically, if you're going to live
in a care community, you pay for it privately or
you spend down to a Medicaid level.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What about preparing your parent for those financial commitments that
may have to come that you, as a caregiver, may
have to take over for them, whether or not they're
living in an assisted living facility or still independently on
their own.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
That's why you want to have the conversations early. You know,
sometimes parents don't want to tell kids if they have
money or not, or what they have. So that's the
case where you engage some independent person like me, who's
you know your parents will talk to because it's confidential,
But you really have to find out, mom and dad,
how much money do you have? This is what care costs.
You know, in home care is fifty dollars an hour,
a care community's five thousand dollars a month. We need
(09:08):
to know what money you have so we can make
a plan and so we know if we have to
help you or not. Now kids always think, well, I've
got it, you know, I've got to pay for my
parents care. No, you don't. You can investigate medicaid and
put your parents on medicaid, but you need the time
to plan. So again it goes back to have the
conversations today before you need to have the conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Uh, if it is preemptive, as you're suggesting, obviously makes
the most sense. How do you go about doing that because,
for example, like death planning, it's not some it's not
a conversation many of us want to have, and the
parents might not want to even consider that two years,
five years down the line they're going to have to
turn to assistance or not be independent anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Well, it's a realistic conversation because mom and dad, we're
all going to get there. You know, you're just going
to get there sooner than I am. And by the way,
I'm making my plan. So doesn't it makes sense that
we all plan at the same time. Take it off
your parents and put it on yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
What about one of the issues that we're seeing so
often more and more of these days and younger people
because of social media, but in older Americans as well,
and the loneliness epidemic it's called.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yes, isolation and loneliness actually contribute to dementia and more anxiety.
So there's benefits to you know, having family nearby. There's
benefits too if your parents can still drive and socialize.
But again it depends on were they social throughout their life.
So I mean, you may have a parent who didn't
want to be with anybody right and they're alone and
(10:40):
they're happy. Or you have parents who used to go
out and socialize and now they can't drive. So in
those situations, can you, you know, send them an uber
to go to the senior center or take them out
for dinner or get them together with their friends. So
in a sense, you kind of, as a child, become
their social director.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I kind of realize as a parent, we have a
lot more information now than we did when I was
a kid when my parents were raising me, more information
then than we had when my grandparents were raising my parents.
But the older we get, the more stuck in our
ways we are. How do you have those conversations with
your parents? They're said in their ways, but we now
(11:19):
have more information to be able to take care of them,
the need for a healthier lifestyle as you age to
protect you from needing these different things. That's another difficult
conversation as well.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Well. They're all difficult conversations, and it's because we in
the United States are not a preventive society and insurance
companies don't get paid for people being healthy, right, so
there are no conversations. So if you're talking about prevention
with your parents, the question is were they preventative all
their life? You're probably not going to change a habit
if they weren't. But if you talk about the consequences, well,
(11:53):
marm and dad, if you continue to do this, what
happens if you fall and you break a hip and
you end up in a nursing home. Sometimes they are
just going to dig in their heels and they're not
going to listen. And that's when you wait for the
train wreck, and then unfortunately, you react to the train wreck,
which happens a lot. They broke their hip, they have
to go to a nursing home, there's no choice. How
do we look at these things and on their habits?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Right when we're looking at either a nursing home and
assistant living facility, or even I think more importantly, at
home care, you go, I imagine through an interview process,
see your needs, your wants, things like that. What are
the most important things to look for? Let's start with
at home care when you're looking for somebody who's going
to either come visit or be living with a parent.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
So with at home care, it's important to know what
your parent needs, right because you basically are directing these
people just because they you know, they could be an
independent party or they could work for an agency. Right
just because they work for somebody doesn't mean they know
what you need them to do. But basically you make
a TASKLIX and say, hey, I need you to do
these ten things? What is that going to cost me?
And then you look at if you've been doing this
(12:59):
as caregiver? Am I spending ten hours a week? Over there?
Am I spending twenty hours a week? How many hours
do I need a caregiver? So you basically come up
with a plan. You go to the carriage and see
you're the independent person, say this is what I want
this and how much time I need? Who do you have?
How much is it going to cost? And then you
really want to look at consistency you want. If you
can get the same person all the time, that's a
(13:19):
huge benefit versus having somebody different show up every day
who has to start from scratch to learn about your parents.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
From the caregivers perspective, we talked about a few minutes
ago about how overwhelming it could be in terms of
the stress taking on this new responsibility of all of
a sudden taking care of the person who's taken care
of you for the majority of her life. What about
the idea where you need your you time to keep
your sanity, for example, And it's a thin line. A
(13:48):
lot of people don't know where to draw that line.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
People have to make you time. Caregivers have to set boundaries.
Carerivers are probably the worst at setting boundaries because they
want to be helpful and the like, well, I have
to do this for mom or dad, or I have
to do that. First of all, if you don't take
care of yourself, you can't take care of them. And second,
find somebody who can shortcut your learning curve, like a
care manager or a caregiving expert that you can call.
And maybe you have to pay right, but you get
(14:14):
all the answers you're looking for in a thirty minute
phone call or in an hour phone call, you're not
having to spend time searching on the internet. That gives
you more you time, right, gives you more me time.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
For a lot of people, it's either the first option
or the last option would be to take a parent
into their own homes because that creates entirely new stressors
the older they get, or if they have health issues
in your own relationship with your spouse, talk to me
about that and the things to consider when making that decision.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
You're going to make that decision, make a contract and
put it in writing. And the reason I say that
is it's almost like a pre marital contract because you
don't know how it's going to work out. If may
work out great, you may have no worries, it may
be your worst nightmare. So mom or dad, we're going
to agree to this. We're going to agree on a
trial of one month or two months. We're going to
see how it works out. If it works out great,
(15:08):
If it doesn't work out, then we have to look
at other options. And these are the other options, and
then you can put specifications, like you know, our kids
have their friends over, is that going to be a
problem for you or you know, we know that you
like to eat certain things. How are we going to
accommodate that. You really have to look at it like
you're marrying your parents and what are all the day
to day issues that could come up, and be proactive
(15:29):
about talking about those so that they don't become a problem.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Boundaries and barriers, I imagine are a key part of
that negotiation. Are they not very much?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
So? Yeah, If you had to.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Give one piece of advice to somebody who is probably
preparing to have that conversation with their parent because they
know the moment is coming, what would that one piece
of advice be.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Try to be very compassionate and do your research up front,
so you don't want to go in and tell your
parents you know all these things are going wrong and
they have to make changes. You want to go in
and say, hey, you know what, I did some research.
I see you're having these problems. Let's talk about all
these options and see what you think. You've got to
be prepared for the worst and have information to present
(16:09):
so that the conversation can continue. If if you don't
get word you want in the first conversation, and you
probably won't, it's probably going to be a series of conversations.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
And I think the most important part of all of
this is do with that do this? Have these conversations
preemptively so when you need to implement them, you're ready
and both sides know what they can expect.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Yes, and you're not scrambling and you're not making decisions
under pressure.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Pamela Wilson well renowned caregiving expert involved in aging, caregiving,
and the health fields for more than two decades. Her
website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. That's Pamela d Wilson
dot com. Pam really appreciate your time. Thanks so much
for joining us.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Thank you, Manny, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Time now for our second conversation this week. There are
headlines on a regular basis. Public health officials, like the
Surgeon General has called attention to what he refers to
as the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in our country.
If you're constantly surrounded by family and friends, I salute you. Sadly,
there are millions of Americans who don't have that support system.
The question is how do we deal with it? How
(17:09):
do we combat it? Let's bring in an expert to
discuss it. Staff Sergeant Cody McCall is an Army soldier
a Master Resilience trainer. Staff Sergeant, thank you for your time.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh thank you for having me this morning.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Let me start off by asking you what is a
master resilience trainer.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Master resiliency training is just one of the many programs
we have here in the Army. So it teaches us
how to be more resilient. So there's a many, many
different steps that you kind of learn. The one that
most people know is how to hunt the good stuff. It's,
you know, if you have a bad situation, how can
you take that situation and see the brighter which is
(17:45):
one thing that many many people don't really have a
very good grasp on. Normally, when something bad happens, they
do another one of the skills called catastrophizing and they
just keep spiraling or like thinking of all those worst
case scenarios. So it's always, you know, it's in intriguing.
Sometimes it get you know, teaching people how to use
these skills as a resiliency trainer to you know, make
(18:06):
them better for the future and in their lives.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I think for some people, staph Sergeant, it might be
hard to understand that you could be surrounded by people
and still be lonely or feel alone, or you could
be alone and not necessarily feel lonely. Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Speaking personally, it is one percent right. You know, technology
is absolutely amazing in this world. There's so many ways
to connect with people. But I first hand know what
it's like to be alone. You know, I live alone there.
You know there there was points where I didn't even
want to live on the world anymore. Like I one
(18:41):
hundred percent know what it's like to be alone.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Tell me about that journey. Then, how do you get
from that point where you didn't even want to be
on the world alone to now that you're doing what
you do when helping others who've been who were in
that place.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
So kind of to paint the picture, I guess to
really put it in. So a few years ago, I
lost my god daughter and they lived with me for
three of the five years of her life, and it
was just one of those things like I didn't know
how to cover. I called my boss and I told her.
I was like, I'm not I'm not coming to work today,
and I hung up the phone. About forty five minutes later,
(19:16):
she was banging on my door, and at the time
I told her everything was okay, and in small site,
it really was not. So it was at that time
I kind of like took two days where I really grieved.
I mean, we all have to take that time. But
then I kind of like looked back on all of
(19:37):
the things that I had learned, whether it's from that
mass resiliency training, whether it's through my you know, the
religious side of my life, and I kind of tried
to piece everything back together. So I used a lot
of those skills that I learned in that mass of
resiliency training, but I also hear some of the other
amazing programs we have here in the Army. I went
over to, you know, my friends over at the BOSS program,
(19:58):
did some stuff with them, kind of started to do
those little pieces, one little step at a time, to
pull myself out of that not so great area.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I want to talk about the BOSS program and some
of the other things that you do and that you
implement there in the military. We're speaking with Staff Sergeant
Cody McCauley's an Army Soldier Master Resilience trainer. But what
you just told me brings up something interesting that I
discussed quite often, and it is mental health issues not
only within law enforcement, but also among members of our military.
(20:29):
And you are in this macho atmosphere, right, Men aren't
supposed to talk about their feelings, much less say something
like you're sad or lonely. How do you combat that?
Because I think that may be even the greater issue
in dealing with this problem.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, So, you know, you bring up a really good point.
And a lot of my friends are law enforcement. You know,
obviously I'm a military guy. I'm around military people all
day long, and I hid that I was hurting for
the longest time. You know, like you just said, as men,
it's not something that we're comfortable doing. It's vulnerable. Sometimes
(21:04):
it is not in a man's vocabulary. So I remember
when I reached out for help that first time. It
was super inspiring because when I reached out for help,
then my phone just started flooding with all of the
you know, my other male friends saying, Hey, I'm feeling
the same thing. You know, one of the greatest things
as being a man is accepting the fact that it's
(21:27):
okay to not be okay sometimes. You know, I know
a lot of very influential people that are very honest
and open about it is one hundred percent okay to
not be okay sometimes.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
The United States Army is dedicated to tackling this problem
of loneliness in our country. Look, technology has made us
more connected than ever before, but according to the CDC,
as many as one in three Americans still experience symptoms
of loneliness. And how how big a problem do you
find that that people are so attached to their technology
(21:59):
that we we don't have that human to human contact
like we might have forty years ago when I was
a kid.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You know, you made a great point, and it's one
of the things I like to harp on. So don't
take this as me bashing social media. I'm on it.
I love it, you know, it's part of, you know,
my everyday life. But you also set a very good
point that I one hundred percent agree with. You know,
when I was growing up, you know, I'm early thirties,
so you know, right on that cusp of technology coming out.
(22:29):
But some of my greatest childhood memories growing up in
a small town in northern Ohio was going outside and
you knew you had to be home by the time
the streetlights come on. If you weren't home by the
time the street lights come on, there was a pillow
and a blanket sitting on the porch. Mom would see
you in the morning. But the other thing that I
loved about growing on up in that timeframe was, you know,
(22:49):
technology was growing. I remember on Saturday mornings, we go,
you know, over to my neighbor's house and we would
grab two extension cords. We would grab you know, a
little you know at the time box TV, and we
grab the GameCube and we literally run the extension cord
out to the treehouse and we would play Mario Kart
with our you know, little circle of friends out in
(23:09):
the treehouse. You know, that was just something that was
normal to us. Now I can send a message to
those same exact friends and we can all sit from
the comforts of our couch, some of us five to
seven states apart, and do the same thing, but not
say one word to each other.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Yeah, I'm much older than you are. I was growing
up in the seventies, so we didn't even have those
things to turn to. But you do bring up an
excellent point, and it seems like it's the younger generations
that are experiencing these these incredibly increased levels of loneliness isolation.
We saw it really kind of blow up during the pandemic.
So what can be done about it? What are you
(23:46):
able to do about it?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So personally, I always reach out to friends. There's a
lot of things that you can do. You know, all
of these communities have social events, activities going on. One
of the amazing things we have about being in the
Army is there's many things that you can turn to.
You know, we have the frgs, we have the amazing
programs that you know, like the Boss program that I
(24:10):
mentioned earlier that can kind of help get you in
and Taylor to you know, if you're an outdoorsman, you
can go to your outdoor recks do stuff with them.
There's all of these programs that can get you out
from you know, not just sitting in your house all
day long.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Explain these things, and for listeners that want to find
out more about this and how the Army supports it, soldiers,
you could go to go Army dot com. That is
the website. We've got a few more minutes here with
Staff Sergeant Cody McCall. How do Army programs like the
Master Resilience Training that you've been through and explain what
the BOSS programs as well. How do how do those
(24:46):
impact the well being of soldiers?
Speaker 1 (24:49):
So Master Resiliency training, it really teaches, you know, us
to teach our peers a wide variety of skills, you know,
whether it's introducing that self awareness, that swell self regular optimism,
you know, all of that stuff to help us build
a more resilient force. Then the BOSS program it holds
a very dear place in my heart. But what we
do is, you know, tailor to that eighteen to twenty
(25:12):
five year old first time away from home, and helped
introduce them to a lot of the you know, local
activities where they are, but also teach them a lot
of the things that just really aren't taught anymore home.
It's not a thing from what I'm hearing, So you know,
its main target is to enhance their morale and their
welfare for their first duty stations.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Going back to what we originally talked about. And again,
you grew up and are living through a different time
than I did. I remember when I first went away
for army training back in the late eighties. Very different
world than we live in today. But I remember those
first I don't know. The first month or two, even
though I was surrounded by other guys my age who
were going through the same thing, I felt incredibly lonely,
(25:54):
and your mind does crazy things to you when you're
in that moment. It wasn't until I made a personal
connection with a couple of the other guys in my company,
in my platoon, that I started kind of feeling like
myself again. Is that Is that a normal experience for people?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
It is?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
You know, personally, I've been a drill Starn't, so like
I've seen just about every aspect of army life, whether
it's you know, those the soldiers getting introduced to you know,
at the time, the shark attacks. I've been, you know,
a drill pre and post shark attack. But seeing them
go from I'm so excited to be here until the
(26:35):
first word comes out of the drill Sart't mouth and
then they're for their life. Yeah, I've seen all of it. So,
you know, the biggest thing that they can do is
just get out there, just talk to somebody. You know,
you don't need a little mobile device to get to
know somebody. You can actually go up and use this
thing that you're given it's called a mouth and actually
(26:57):
talk to people.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, and that applies whether you're in the military or not.
Many people obviously were at the beginning of the new year.
What are some techniques that can apply to anybody, no
matter what situation they're in, to kind of encourage belonging, right,
so to help people feel like they're not alone.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
You know, I think about that all the all the time,
and you know, coming up to prepping to sitting here
with you, one of the things that I would honestly
encourage to everybody is just prioritize those authentic connections. You know,
we mentioned it earlier. You and I kind of grew
up in that era where there wasn't really technology. So
(27:38):
you know, call a friend and say, hey, you want
to meet up for coffee? Hey, do you want to
meet up? And you know, go for a walk, Hey
do you want to meet up and really just sit
there awkwardly because none of us know how to have
social conversations. Prioritize those authentic conversations because you know, emotions
are real and they're really hard to detect through technologies. Talking.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Last thing for you, what can a parent a grandparent
do if they kind of sense that kind of loneliness
in their child or grandchild.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So that is going to be a very difficult one.
Speaking personally, my mom asked me if I was all
right because she sensed that something wasn't right, And it's
just one of those things you're not going to feel
comfortable telling your parent. So if you know, if I
was a parent, I would encourage them to try and
(28:34):
get them to open up. It is going to be hard.
It took me almost a whole year to open up
about why I was down. But you just have to
kind of take those small steps. If you feel that
there's an urgent crisis, there's places to go for that.
Sometimes that person child, whether you know they're a child,
young adult, post adult, they're not going to feel comfortable
(28:55):
in that first time. Give it a second time. I
wasn't comfortable my first time going in, right, Give them
that second opportunity, because that first opportunity talking to someone
is going to be awkward.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
And don't just drop it either, right, Yes, you have.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
To keep with it. You can't just go that once
be like Nope, it was awkward, I'm not going back.
You had to have that mental fortitude to go back
that second time. And then keep going.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Our listeners can go to go army dot com to
find out more about how the Army supports its soldiers
and we can find a lot of information. They're a
staff sergeant. That doesn't just apply to the military. Correct.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
That is very correct.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
All right, Staff Sergeant Cody McCall, thank you very much
for your time. Thank you very much for your.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Service as well, sir, thank you you too.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Sorry for calling you sir. It's habit. It's just a
respect thing. I appreciate the time, bro it. And that'll
do it for another edition of Iheartradios Communities. I'm Manny
wun Yo's until next time, MM
Welcome to iHeartRadio Communities, a public affairs special focusing on
the biggest issues impacting you this week.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
Here's many Munyos and welcome to another edition of Iheartradios Communities.
As you heard, I am Manny Muno's. It's a difficult
situation many of us have dealt with, many of us
are dealing with, or many of us will deal with
caring for our aging parents, grandparents, other loved ones and
(00:29):
all the questions and difficulties that come with them. Let's
bring in an expert to discuss some of those issues.
Pamela Wilson is a well renowned caregiving expert involved in
aging caregiving in the health fields for more than two decades.
Her website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. Pamela, I appreciate the.
Speaker 3 (00:49):
Time, my pleasure.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Let me start off with this because it's often one
of these two key issues where we first find ourselves
confronting our aging parents, either having to have that talk
with a loved one about taking away their car keys
or having that even more difficult conversation about the fact
that they are no longer able to live on their own.
Speaker 3 (01:14):
It's so difficult, you know, A lot of parents may
see this coming, and a lot of times what they
worry is, you know, people telling them that they're failing right,
you can't drive anymore, you can't live alone. And so
when kids approach it, it's really approaching it from a
position of Hey, mom and dad, I'm noticing these things
are happening. Do you think you need any help? Or
(01:35):
start asking questions before you start telling, because once you
start telling, they can shut down and then really become
in a place where they're refusing and they're digging in
their heels and they're saying, you know, I'm not leaving
this house, you know, unless I'm on my two feet.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yeah, you know, So what are the best ways to
approach that conversation so it isn't confrontational.
Speaker 3 (01:53):
For example, so it would be hey, mom or dad,
I'm noticing that you need a little help around the house.
Can I help? What what might we be able to
do together? So you kind of make it a you know,
we're doing this and I'm noticing it, but are you
noticing the same thing? You know, I want to make
sure that you know you have the help that you need.
You also could start with a story, say hey mom
(02:15):
or dad. You know my friend, Oh my gosh, you
know this happened with their mom and dad, and oh
what a nightmare. You know, I'd like to know what
you want to do about your your health or about
this issue. Can you tell me?
Speaker 2 (02:26):
It's one of the difficult things because not only are
you having to all of a sudden kind of switch
roles right, all of a sudden, you're the caregiver to
the parent that has always been your caregiver, but you
almost have to one up them in terms of saying, no,
this is the way we're going to go with they refuse.
Speaker 3 (02:45):
Well, you know, one up being sometimes works, sometimes doesn't work,
I always. So here's what we don't see. So it's
a caregiver. We're stressed out right, we're saying, oh my gosh,
our parents need all this, it's going to take time.
But what we don't see is what our parents are
going through right there, losing their health. They can't you know,
they can't stand up out of a chair. They're worried
about all these things. They're stressed and anxious. They don't
(03:07):
want to tell the kids because they think the kids
are going to take over. So it's really both sides
coming in heavy handed as a child usually does not work.
You've got to have some degree of empathy and some
compassion and say, well, what's going on with you? How
do you feel about this?
Speaker 2 (03:21):
Right?
Speaker 3 (03:21):
Gosh, it must be really hard to be old and
not be able to do all the things you used
to be able to do. Tell me about that.
Speaker 2 (03:27):
And I guess There's two different approaches, also depending on
if a parent is beginning to fail mentally or if
a parent is beginning to fail physically, Because if it's physical,
then they probably are starting to understand they need more help.
If it's mental, they might not realize it at that point.
Speaker 3 (03:44):
The mental is really really hard because parents and sometimes
kids don't even catch it right. Parents can hide a
lot of things if the kids don't see them very often.
But if you are a child and you are noticing
that your parent is forgetful, what you want to just
say is, hey, let's go to the doctor because maybe
could be you know, maybe a medication you're taking is
causing this forgetfulness. You know, until we really know, we
(04:06):
don't know how to help you. So you don't say, hey,
you've got Alzheimer's or demensions, right, you say, let's go
figure out what's going on. Let's go see the doctor.
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Approaching it from the caregivers standpoint, which I know is
part of your expertise getting to that point where you're
realizing that you need to have that conversation. The amount
of stress that that has to set off on people
realizing what they're probably about to undergo in terms of
beginning to take care of their parents, how do you
(04:38):
prepare yourself mentally to become a caregiver.
Speaker 3 (04:45):
So for that, and let's just assume it's a family situation.
Hopefully you have siblings right that you're talking to about this, saying, hey,
you know your dads seem to like, you know, be
starting to need help. Talk amongst your siblings and say, okay,
what can we all do? So if I can, you know,
stop over on Saturdays and you live in town, can
you come over on Monday? So you kind of talk
(05:05):
amongst the siblings to even see if you have any support,
because if you don't, that's going to raise your stress level.
You know, if the siblings are saying, hey, we can help,
then you go to your parents and you present it.
But if it really is only you to manage your stress,
you've got to have a plan to talk to your parents,
and not just like a conversation, but mom or dad,
let's create a plan. Where do you want to live,
(05:27):
who do you want to be your caregiver? How much
money do you have? So you got to look at
this as a kind of almost as like a business
plan if you work, a lot of people at work
have a business plan and you have goals. So what
are the goals for your parents? How are they going
to pay for it? Are they going to stay home?
Are they going to have caregivers? You've got to kind
of approach it from a bigger picture, more factual place
that can lower your emotions and your anxiety.
Speaker 2 (05:49):
It almost feels like that's a conversation we need to
have long before we get to the point where we
need to implement it though, kind of like having a
living will or something like that, which would show many
of us don't even have until it's too late.
Speaker 3 (06:04):
In a perfect world, these conversations would happen today before
anything happens, so there's no emotion attached to it. But
the problem is we're so busy we don't have time.
Something happens and then we react to it, right, Yeah,
then we're emotional.
Speaker 2 (06:15):
We're speaking with Pamela Wilson, well renowned caregiving expert involved
in the aging, caregiving and health fields for more than
two decades. Her website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. What
about preparing, for example, for you know, we have all
sorts of different transportation options these days. People could take
you know of service vans to visit their doctors, they
(06:37):
could take ubers, things like that. But when you're talking
about putting your parent in long term care, for example,
somewhere where there are going to have maybe they're living independently,
but surrounded by the care they need, that's a completely
different conversation. And especially when you look at it from
a financial standpoint, isn't it.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
Well it is. I mean most people can even afford
assisted living, you know, I mean assisted living depending on
where you are, could be three to five to seven
thousand dollars a month. Which is why you've got to
have these conversations. I say, at least five years before
the need, because if you have to plan for state medicaid,
there's a five year look back period. You have to
make sure money is being spent appropriately. Places that take
(07:17):
Medicaid have long waiting lists. You may have a two
year wait to get in, and they may want you
to pay for two years privately before they accept you.
So these are really conversations that cannot wait. If you
want to have choices, what are.
Speaker 2 (07:28):
The good rules of thumb? Then if you're looking for
these kinds of places for your parent, and ideally if
you're doing it together with your parent for the future.
Speaker 3 (07:39):
So rule of thumb is can you pay or not pay?
That's the first question. If you cannot pay, then you're
looking at state medicaid. You better investigate the Medicaid program,
what the application process is like, what the time is.
Then you're looking at places that accept Medicaid, which are
even fewer. Then you may have to get your parent
on the weightlift. Now, if there's money, that's a whole
different issue, because then you start saying, Okay, what part
(08:00):
of town do you want to live in, what services
do you need? Let's go look at these places, Let's
have lunch, let's see what they offer, let's look at
their charges, and then let's make a decision about what's
the best place that you know you want to go
live at.
Speaker 2 (08:12):
Are these options and for example, medicare would cover Is
it only when you don't, when you can't afford it
at all and you have to turn to medicaid.
Speaker 3 (08:19):
Medicare does not cover it. Now if you have long
term care interns, which is an optional benefit, that can
cover it, but no. Basically, if you're going to live
in a care community, you pay for it privately or
you spend down to a Medicaid level.
Speaker 2 (08:32):
What about preparing your parent for those financial commitments that
may have to come that you, as a caregiver, may
have to take over for them, whether or not they're
living in an assisted living facility or still independently on
their own.
Speaker 3 (08:46):
That's why you want to have the conversations early. You know,
sometimes parents don't want to tell kids if they have
money or not, or what they have. So that's the
case where you engage some independent person like me, who's
you know your parents will talk to because it's confidential,
But you really have to find out, mom and dad,
how much money do you have? This is what care costs.
You know, in home care is fifty dollars an hour,
a care community's five thousand dollars a month. We need
(09:08):
to know what money you have so we can make
a plan and so we know if we have to
help you or not. Now kids always think, well, I've
got it, you know, I've got to pay for my
parents care. No, you don't. You can investigate medicaid and
put your parents on medicaid, but you need the time
to plan. So again it goes back to have the
conversations today before you need to have the conversation.
Speaker 2 (09:28):
Uh, if it is preemptive, as you're suggesting, obviously makes
the most sense. How do you go about doing that because,
for example, like death planning, it's not some it's not
a conversation many of us want to have, and the
parents might not want to even consider that two years,
five years down the line they're going to have to
turn to assistance or not be independent anymore.
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Well, it's a realistic conversation because mom and dad, we're
all going to get there. You know, you're just going
to get there sooner than I am. And by the way,
I'm making my plan. So doesn't it makes sense that
we all plan at the same time. Take it off
your parents and put it on yourself.
Speaker 2 (10:05):
What about one of the issues that we're seeing so
often more and more of these days and younger people
because of social media, but in older Americans as well,
and the loneliness epidemic it's called.
Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yes, isolation and loneliness actually contribute to dementia and more anxiety.
So there's benefits to you know, having family nearby. There's
benefits too if your parents can still drive and socialize.
But again it depends on were they social throughout their life.
So I mean, you may have a parent who didn't
want to be with anybody right and they're alone and
(10:40):
they're happy. Or you have parents who used to go
out and socialize and now they can't drive. So in
those situations, can you, you know, send them an uber
to go to the senior center or take them out
for dinner or get them together with their friends. So
in a sense, you kind of, as a child, become
their social director.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
I kind of realize as a parent, we have a
lot more information now than we did when I was
a kid when my parents were raising me, more information
then than we had when my grandparents were raising my parents.
But the older we get, the more stuck in our
ways we are. How do you have those conversations with
your parents? They're said in their ways, but we now
(11:19):
have more information to be able to take care of them,
the need for a healthier lifestyle as you age to
protect you from needing these different things. That's another difficult
conversation as well.
Speaker 3 (11:30):
Well. They're all difficult conversations, and it's because we in
the United States are not a preventive society and insurance
companies don't get paid for people being healthy, right, so
there are no conversations. So if you're talking about prevention
with your parents, the question is were they preventative all
their life? You're probably not going to change a habit
if they weren't. But if you talk about the consequences, well,
(11:53):
marm and dad, if you continue to do this, what
happens if you fall and you break a hip and
you end up in a nursing home. Sometimes they are
just going to dig in their heels and they're not
going to listen. And that's when you wait for the
train wreck, and then unfortunately, you react to the train wreck,
which happens a lot. They broke their hip, they have
to go to a nursing home, there's no choice. How
do we look at these things and on their habits?
Speaker 2 (12:14):
Right when we're looking at either a nursing home and
assistant living facility, or even I think more importantly, at
home care, you go, I imagine through an interview process,
see your needs, your wants, things like that. What are
the most important things to look for? Let's start with
at home care when you're looking for somebody who's going
to either come visit or be living with a parent.
Speaker 3 (12:38):
So with at home care, it's important to know what
your parent needs, right because you basically are directing these
people just because they you know, they could be an
independent party or they could work for an agency. Right
just because they work for somebody doesn't mean they know
what you need them to do. But basically you make
a TASKLIX and say, hey, I need you to do
these ten things? What is that going to cost me?
And then you look at if you've been doing this
(12:59):
as caregiver? Am I spending ten hours a week? Over there?
Am I spending twenty hours a week? How many hours
do I need a caregiver? So you basically come up
with a plan. You go to the carriage and see
you're the independent person, say this is what I want
this and how much time I need? Who do you have?
How much is it going to cost? And then you
really want to look at consistency you want. If you
can get the same person all the time, that's a
(13:19):
huge benefit versus having somebody different show up every day
who has to start from scratch to learn about your parents.
Speaker 2 (13:25):
From the caregivers perspective, we talked about a few minutes
ago about how overwhelming it could be in terms of
the stress taking on this new responsibility of all of
a sudden taking care of the person who's taken care
of you for the majority of her life. What about
the idea where you need your you time to keep
your sanity, for example, And it's a thin line. A
(13:48):
lot of people don't know where to draw that line.
Speaker 3 (13:53):
People have to make you time. Caregivers have to set boundaries.
Carerivers are probably the worst at setting boundaries because they
want to be helpful and the like, well, I have
to do this for mom or dad, or I have
to do that. First of all, if you don't take
care of yourself, you can't take care of them. And second,
find somebody who can shortcut your learning curve, like a
care manager or a caregiving expert that you can call.
And maybe you have to pay right, but you get
(14:14):
all the answers you're looking for in a thirty minute
phone call or in an hour phone call, you're not
having to spend time searching on the internet. That gives
you more you time, right, gives you more me time.
Speaker 2 (14:25):
For a lot of people, it's either the first option
or the last option would be to take a parent
into their own homes because that creates entirely new stressors
the older they get, or if they have health issues
in your own relationship with your spouse, talk to me
about that and the things to consider when making that decision.
Speaker 3 (14:46):
You're going to make that decision, make a contract and
put it in writing. And the reason I say that
is it's almost like a pre marital contract because you
don't know how it's going to work out. If may
work out great, you may have no worries, it may
be your worst nightmare. So mom or dad, we're going
to agree to this. We're going to agree on a
trial of one month or two months. We're going to
see how it works out. If it works out great,
(15:08):
If it doesn't work out, then we have to look
at other options. And these are the other options, and
then you can put specifications, like you know, our kids
have their friends over, is that going to be a
problem for you or you know, we know that you
like to eat certain things. How are we going to
accommodate that. You really have to look at it like
you're marrying your parents and what are all the day
to day issues that could come up, and be proactive
(15:29):
about talking about those so that they don't become a problem.
Speaker 2 (15:32):
Boundaries and barriers, I imagine are a key part of
that negotiation. Are they not very much?
Speaker 3 (15:37):
So? Yeah, If you had to.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
Give one piece of advice to somebody who is probably
preparing to have that conversation with their parent because they
know the moment is coming, what would that one piece
of advice be.
Speaker 3 (15:48):
Try to be very compassionate and do your research up front,
so you don't want to go in and tell your
parents you know all these things are going wrong and
they have to make changes. You want to go in
and say, hey, you know what, I did some research.
I see you're having these problems. Let's talk about all
these options and see what you think. You've got to
be prepared for the worst and have information to present
(16:09):
so that the conversation can continue. If if you don't
get word you want in the first conversation, and you
probably won't, it's probably going to be a series of conversations.
Speaker 2 (16:18):
And I think the most important part of all of
this is do with that do this? Have these conversations
preemptively so when you need to implement them, you're ready
and both sides know what they can expect.
Speaker 3 (16:27):
Yes, and you're not scrambling and you're not making decisions
under pressure.
Speaker 2 (16:30):
Pamela Wilson well renowned caregiving expert involved in aging, caregiving,
and the health fields for more than two decades. Her
website is Pamela Dwilson dot com. That's Pamela d Wilson
dot com. Pam really appreciate your time. Thanks so much
for joining us.
Speaker 3 (16:45):
Thank you, Manny, I appreciate it.
Speaker 2 (16:47):
Time now for our second conversation this week. There are
headlines on a regular basis. Public health officials, like the
Surgeon General has called attention to what he refers to
as the epidemic of loneliness and isolation in our country.
If you're constantly surrounded by family and friends, I salute you. Sadly,
there are millions of Americans who don't have that support system.
The question is how do we deal with it? How
(17:09):
do we combat it? Let's bring in an expert to
discuss it. Staff Sergeant Cody McCall is an Army soldier
a Master Resilience trainer. Staff Sergeant, thank you for your time.
Speaker 1 (17:17):
Oh thank you for having me this morning.
Speaker 2 (17:19):
Let me start off by asking you what is a
master resilience trainer.
Speaker 1 (17:23):
Master resiliency training is just one of the many programs
we have here in the Army. So it teaches us
how to be more resilient. So there's a many, many
different steps that you kind of learn. The one that
most people know is how to hunt the good stuff. It's,
you know, if you have a bad situation, how can
you take that situation and see the brighter which is
(17:45):
one thing that many many people don't really have a
very good grasp on. Normally, when something bad happens, they
do another one of the skills called catastrophizing and they
just keep spiraling or like thinking of all those worst
case scenarios. So it's always, you know, it's in intriguing.
Sometimes it get you know, teaching people how to use
these skills as a resiliency trainer to you know, make
(18:06):
them better for the future and in their lives.
Speaker 2 (18:08):
I think for some people, staph Sergeant, it might be
hard to understand that you could be surrounded by people
and still be lonely or feel alone, or you could
be alone and not necessarily feel lonely. Is that right?
Speaker 1 (18:20):
Speaking personally, it is one percent right. You know, technology
is absolutely amazing in this world. There's so many ways
to connect with people. But I first hand know what
it's like to be alone. You know, I live alone there.
You know there there was points where I didn't even
want to live on the world anymore. Like I one
(18:41):
hundred percent know what it's like to be alone.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
Tell me about that journey. Then, how do you get
from that point where you didn't even want to be
on the world alone to now that you're doing what
you do when helping others who've been who were in
that place.
Speaker 1 (18:54):
So kind of to paint the picture, I guess to
really put it in. So a few years ago, I
lost my god daughter and they lived with me for
three of the five years of her life, and it
was just one of those things like I didn't know
how to cover. I called my boss and I told her.
I was like, I'm not I'm not coming to work today,
and I hung up the phone. About forty five minutes later,
(19:16):
she was banging on my door, and at the time
I told her everything was okay, and in small site,
it really was not. So it was at that time
I kind of like took two days where I really grieved.
I mean, we all have to take that time. But
then I kind of like looked back on all of
(19:37):
the things that I had learned, whether it's from that
mass resiliency training, whether it's through my you know, the
religious side of my life, and I kind of tried
to piece everything back together. So I used a lot
of those skills that I learned in that mass of
resiliency training, but I also hear some of the other
amazing programs we have here in the Army. I went
over to, you know, my friends over at the BOSS program,
(19:58):
did some stuff with them, kind of started to do
those little pieces, one little step at a time, to
pull myself out of that not so great area.
Speaker 2 (20:07):
I want to talk about the BOSS program and some
of the other things that you do and that you
implement there in the military. We're speaking with Staff Sergeant
Cody McCauley's an Army Soldier Master Resilience trainer. But what
you just told me brings up something interesting that I
discussed quite often, and it is mental health issues not
only within law enforcement, but also among members of our military.
(20:29):
And you are in this macho atmosphere, right, Men aren't
supposed to talk about their feelings, much less say something
like you're sad or lonely. How do you combat that?
Because I think that may be even the greater issue
in dealing with this problem.
Speaker 1 (20:42):
No, So, you know, you bring up a really good point.
And a lot of my friends are law enforcement. You know,
obviously I'm a military guy. I'm around military people all
day long, and I hid that I was hurting for
the longest time. You know, like you just said, as men,
it's not something that we're comfortable doing. It's vulnerable. Sometimes
(21:04):
it is not in a man's vocabulary. So I remember
when I reached out for help that first time. It
was super inspiring because when I reached out for help,
then my phone just started flooding with all of the
you know, my other male friends saying, Hey, I'm feeling
the same thing. You know, one of the greatest things
as being a man is accepting the fact that it's
(21:27):
okay to not be okay sometimes. You know, I know
a lot of very influential people that are very honest
and open about it is one hundred percent okay to
not be okay sometimes.
Speaker 2 (21:39):
The United States Army is dedicated to tackling this problem
of loneliness in our country. Look, technology has made us
more connected than ever before, but according to the CDC,
as many as one in three Americans still experience symptoms
of loneliness. And how how big a problem do you
find that that people are so attached to their technology
(21:59):
that we we don't have that human to human contact
like we might have forty years ago when I was
a kid.
Speaker 1 (22:06):
You know, you made a great point, and it's one
of the things I like to harp on. So don't
take this as me bashing social media. I'm on it.
I love it, you know, it's part of, you know,
my everyday life. But you also set a very good
point that I one hundred percent agree with. You know,
when I was growing up, you know, I'm early thirties,
so you know, right on that cusp of technology coming out.
(22:29):
But some of my greatest childhood memories growing up in
a small town in northern Ohio was going outside and
you knew you had to be home by the time
the streetlights come on. If you weren't home by the
time the street lights come on, there was a pillow
and a blanket sitting on the porch. Mom would see
you in the morning. But the other thing that I
loved about growing on up in that timeframe was, you know,
(22:49):
technology was growing. I remember on Saturday mornings, we go,
you know, over to my neighbor's house and we would
grab two extension cords. We would grab you know, a
little you know at the time box TV, and we
grab the GameCube and we literally run the extension cord
out to the treehouse and we would play Mario Kart
with our you know, little circle of friends out in
(23:09):
the treehouse. You know, that was just something that was
normal to us. Now I can send a message to
those same exact friends and we can all sit from
the comforts of our couch, some of us five to
seven states apart, and do the same thing, but not
say one word to each other.
Speaker 2 (23:26):
Yeah, I'm much older than you are. I was growing
up in the seventies, so we didn't even have those
things to turn to. But you do bring up an
excellent point, and it seems like it's the younger generations
that are experiencing these these incredibly increased levels of loneliness isolation.
We saw it really kind of blow up during the pandemic.
So what can be done about it? What are you
(23:46):
able to do about it?
Speaker 1 (23:49):
So personally, I always reach out to friends. There's a
lot of things that you can do. You know, all
of these communities have social events, activities going on. One
of the amazing things we have about being in the
Army is there's many things that you can turn to.
You know, we have the frgs, we have the amazing
programs that you know, like the Boss program that I
(24:10):
mentioned earlier that can kind of help get you in
and Taylor to you know, if you're an outdoorsman, you
can go to your outdoor recks do stuff with them.
There's all of these programs that can get you out
from you know, not just sitting in your house all
day long.
Speaker 2 (24:25):
Explain these things, and for listeners that want to find
out more about this and how the Army supports it, soldiers,
you could go to go Army dot com. That is
the website. We've got a few more minutes here with
Staff Sergeant Cody McCall. How do Army programs like the
Master Resilience Training that you've been through and explain what
the BOSS programs as well. How do how do those
(24:46):
impact the well being of soldiers?
Speaker 1 (24:49):
So Master Resiliency training, it really teaches, you know, us
to teach our peers a wide variety of skills, you know,
whether it's introducing that self awareness, that swell self regular optimism,
you know, all of that stuff to help us build
a more resilient force. Then the BOSS program it holds
a very dear place in my heart. But what we
do is, you know, tailor to that eighteen to twenty
(25:12):
five year old first time away from home, and helped
introduce them to a lot of the you know, local
activities where they are, but also teach them a lot
of the things that just really aren't taught anymore home.
It's not a thing from what I'm hearing, So you know,
its main target is to enhance their morale and their
welfare for their first duty stations.
Speaker 2 (25:32):
Going back to what we originally talked about. And again,
you grew up and are living through a different time
than I did. I remember when I first went away
for army training back in the late eighties. Very different
world than we live in today. But I remember those
first I don't know. The first month or two, even
though I was surrounded by other guys my age who
were going through the same thing, I felt incredibly lonely,
(25:54):
and your mind does crazy things to you when you're
in that moment. It wasn't until I made a personal
connection with a couple of the other guys in my company,
in my platoon, that I started kind of feeling like
myself again. Is that Is that a normal experience for people?
Speaker 1 (26:13):
You know?
Speaker 3 (26:13):
It is?
Speaker 1 (26:14):
You know, personally, I've been a drill Starn't, so like
I've seen just about every aspect of army life, whether
it's you know, those the soldiers getting introduced to you know,
at the time, the shark attacks. I've been, you know,
a drill pre and post shark attack. But seeing them
go from I'm so excited to be here until the
(26:35):
first word comes out of the drill Sart't mouth and
then they're for their life. Yeah, I've seen all of it. So,
you know, the biggest thing that they can do is
just get out there, just talk to somebody. You know,
you don't need a little mobile device to get to
know somebody. You can actually go up and use this
thing that you're given it's called a mouth and actually
(26:57):
talk to people.
Speaker 2 (26:58):
Yeah, and that applies whether you're in the military or not.
Many people obviously were at the beginning of the new year.
What are some techniques that can apply to anybody, no
matter what situation they're in, to kind of encourage belonging, right,
so to help people feel like they're not alone.
Speaker 1 (27:17):
You know, I think about that all the all the time,
and you know, coming up to prepping to sitting here
with you, one of the things that I would honestly
encourage to everybody is just prioritize those authentic connections. You know,
we mentioned it earlier. You and I kind of grew
up in that era where there wasn't really technology. So
(27:38):
you know, call a friend and say, hey, you want
to meet up for coffee? Hey, do you want to
meet up? And you know, go for a walk, Hey
do you want to meet up and really just sit
there awkwardly because none of us know how to have
social conversations. Prioritize those authentic conversations because you know, emotions
are real and they're really hard to detect through technologies. Talking.
Speaker 2 (28:00):
Last thing for you, what can a parent a grandparent
do if they kind of sense that kind of loneliness
in their child or grandchild.
Speaker 1 (28:13):
So that is going to be a very difficult one.
Speaking personally, my mom asked me if I was all
right because she sensed that something wasn't right, And it's
just one of those things you're not going to feel
comfortable telling your parent. So if you know, if I
was a parent, I would encourage them to try and
(28:34):
get them to open up. It is going to be hard.
It took me almost a whole year to open up
about why I was down. But you just have to
kind of take those small steps. If you feel that
there's an urgent crisis, there's places to go for that.
Sometimes that person child, whether you know they're a child,
young adult, post adult, they're not going to feel comfortable
(28:55):
in that first time. Give it a second time. I
wasn't comfortable my first time going in, right, Give them
that second opportunity, because that first opportunity talking to someone
is going to be awkward.
Speaker 2 (29:06):
And don't just drop it either, right, Yes, you have.
Speaker 1 (29:10):
To keep with it. You can't just go that once
be like Nope, it was awkward, I'm not going back.
You had to have that mental fortitude to go back
that second time. And then keep going.
Speaker 2 (29:19):
Our listeners can go to go army dot com to
find out more about how the Army supports its soldiers
and we can find a lot of information. They're a
staff sergeant. That doesn't just apply to the military. Correct.
Speaker 1 (29:31):
That is very correct.
Speaker 2 (29:32):
All right, Staff Sergeant Cody McCall, thank you very much
for your time. Thank you very much for your.
Speaker 1 (29:37):
Service as well, sir, thank you you too.
Speaker 2 (29:40):
Sorry for calling you sir. It's habit. It's just a
respect thing. I appreciate the time, bro it. And that'll
do it for another edition of Iheartradios Communities. I'm Manny
wun Yo's until next time, MM
Host
Manny Munoz
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